#what im trying to say is that the prayer scene is deans confession

[vminvisiblestring]

HOLY. SHIT.

EVERYONE... SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND BUCKLE UP

im going back and watching certain destiel scenes in spanish (because for some sick twisted reason i miss being queerbaited what else is new) and i need to share my findings with the class:

let me start by saying that the word "pray" has multiple translations in spanish, but i'm going to focus on the two i know: orar and rezar

orar/ore/oración - this is a more "stream of consciousness" way to pray

rezar/reze/rezó - means to recite (be it bible verses or prayers or phrases) and are more "preset" prayers

now that we know the difference between orar and rezar, let's look at two destiel in purgatory scenes, specifically the lines:

"i prayed to you, cas, every night", "cas, i need to say something", and "you don't have to say it, i heard your prayer"

8x02 - "i prayed to you, cas, every night"

this scene with the spanish audio translates to

"yo te invoqué, cas, cada noche"

what word is missing? ore and/or reze

the word they use instead of ore or reze is invoqué. for my funky non-spanish speakers/readers/writers

invoque = invoke

and invoke is neither a stream of consciousness nor a recital, but more of a summoning

basically, the line "i prayed to you, cas, every night" when translated to spanish then back to english is "i tried to summon you, cas, every night" which is exactly what dean was trying to do

more than praying to cas so he could hear him, dean was trying to get cas to come to him (hence the search for him in purgatory) and we know dean was trying to summon cas because cas acknowledges deans prayer when dean confronts him, saying, "i know" but follows it up with "ive been trying to stay one step ahead of them to keep them away from you"

so dean was trying his best to summon and find cas while cas was trying his best to stay away from and protect dean...

15x09 - "cas, i have to say something" "you don't have to say it. i heard your prayer"

"cas, i have to say something" translated with the spanish audio is:

"cas, escúchame, tengo que decirte algo importante"

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE DIRECT TRANSLATION BACK TO ENGLISH IS FOR THAT LINE???

"cas, listen to me, i have to tell you something important"

cas. listen to me. i have to tell you something important.

now, we know what dean had to tell cas was important, that it was something beyond what he had said in his prayer, but we just insinuated it. the spanish version acknowledges the subtext and translated it into the actual text! BUT THATS NOT ALL FOLKS because cas's "you don't have to say it, i heard your prayer" response in spanish?

"no tienes que decirlo. oí tu oración."

what word did they use? oración. what did we establish at the beginning was the meaning for orar/oración? stream of consciousness. and what was deans prayer? a stream of consciousness! dean wasn't reciting anything and he wasn't trying to invoke cas, he started pouring his heart out. he let it all out: the fact that he gets angry and he can't control it, the fact that he blamed cas for no reason, the fact that he should have told him to stay. dean let it out in a stream of consciousness prayer to cas because he thought he was never going to see him again and he wanted him to at least hear what dean really wanted to say but couldn't, not until a moment of complete breakdown where he thought he was going to lose him again.

dean didn't pray for his own benefit he prayed for cas's. dean didn't want cas to die knowing dean was angry with him, dean wanted cas to know it was never his fault, he did nothing wrong, he didn't take him for granted, he wanted him to stay, and, most importantly, that he forgave him. in case he never saw him again, dean wanted cas to be sure he was loved.

so those lines translated to spanish then back to english:

"cas, listen to me, i have to tell you something important"

"it's okay, i know you have a hard time pouring your heart out. don't worry, i know what you meant to say"

and for my masochists, the more accurate:

"it's okay, i know you have a hard time pouring your heart out. i know you're going to say you love me. but i'm not ready to say goodbye to you, so i have to stop you from telling me what i've wanted to hear all these years. believe me, i love you too, with my entire being, i love you too. so dont say it. not now. i'm content just being anywhere with you. as long as im near you, as long as you let me be near you, i'm happy"

#destiel #what im trying to say is that the prayer scene is deans confession #he poured his heart out and then nine episodes later cas did the same thing #and if that was a romantic declaration of love then fuck everyone deans purgatory prayer is ALSO a romantic declaration of love #so yes destiel IS reciprocated as far as i'm concerned #and the craziest part about it is that DEAN confessed first which is so unexpected #also want to say i'm separated from religion now but i grew up christian and we used the word oración so i can say from experience that yes #it really is a stream of consciousness pour your heart out way to pray #and my dad is an ex-catholic and he grew up as an altar boy in mexico and when i asked him if there was a difference he said yes because #when he would rezar it was more reciting verses that they had learned so again “preset prayer” #anyways #destiel is canon #deancas #dean winchester #dean #castiel #cas #dean is bi #supernatural #spn #supernatural season 15 #spn 8x02 #spn 15x09 #spn the trap #damn it really is a trap huh? we decided to ship destiel and we fell into the ultimate queerbaiting trap with no way out #arcane spn collection: long post #spn long post

[mittensmorgul]

The thought of Dean stumbling around drunk in the streets (or worse, driving home in that condition) makes me so sad. I mean the whole scenario does; he's 40, so drunk he can't get to the bed, found passed out with a bra wrapped around him and a whiskey bottle. I mean yeesh:-(

Yeah... we know the Clam Diver was “just outside” the town, which implies driving distance and not drunken stumbling distance. If Dean was so drunk that he couldn’t even make himself land on the bed and looked like he was lucky he managed to hit the floor... I mean, he got one shoe off and used it as a pillow.

If he was really that drunk, the bar wouldn’t have let him drive home. They would’ve called him a cab. Not to mention, aside from his tie headband and his shoe pillow, the rest of him looked relatively well put together (buttons buttoned neatly, coat on properly, etc.).

And did he really walk around the rest of the night wearing a pretty pink bra around his neck? Did he wear it to the liquor store where he bought that bottle? Did he wear it walking through the hotel? Because he was too drunk to care about his appearance in a town where he was pretending to be an FBI agent for a case where one boy was missing and another had been rendered mute by his experience?

And if Dean was really so drunk that he didn’t care about any of that, how did he end up in that spot on the floor without waking Sam up? Opening the door in the middle of the night, so drunk that he could barely stand up (and couldn’t even make it to the bed), and yet not so drunk that his stumbling and fumbling woke Sam up? 

(here’s the embiggened version)

He was apparently messing with the TV remote as well? How? I mean... how did none of this apparent fumbling around the room not wake Sam up?

It’s like Dean was just tired of Sam pushing at him to just be “okay” again. Because Sam wasn’t really pushing Dean to be okay, he was pushing Dean to perform a specific version of Dean. Not because it would make Dean feel better, but because it would make Sam feel better about how Dean is coping.

Dean: I'm fine.Sam: Look, you're not, Dean. You said you don't believe in anything, and -- and that's not true, that's not you. You do believe in things, you believe in people. That's who you are, that's what you do. I know you're in a dark place and I just want to help.Dean: Okay. Look, I've been down this road before and I fought my way back, I will fight my way back again.Sam: How?Dean: Same way I always do: bullets, bacon, and booze. A lot of booze.

That’s what Sam needed Dean to be, to perform for him. To believe in something again, because yeah, Dean believes in people. He said it in 12.23:

DEAN: Yeah. You know, Cas has faith in this kid.SAM: Mm.DEAN: I hope he's right. But me? I have faith in us. You, me, Mom, Cas. And Crowley. Sometimes.

But within an hour of that, 3/5 of the people Dean believed in were gone. And Sam’s now insisting that Dean just magically be okay with that, just let that go and just transfer all of that belief over to Jack, who Dean directly blames for the loss of the 3/5 people he believed in... 

And now that giving Dean the “mission” to help teach Jack (with the hope that Jack might eventually be able to open the rift to fetch Mary again) has failed to help snap Dean out of his funk, Sam is desperate to at least get Dean performing the motions that used to signal his unhealthy coping skills.

Heartily pushing a beer on Dean at breakfast when he just wanted a sandwich, tolerating his music instead of complaining about it, ordering him food he’d normally complain about Dean eating, reading online reviews of a strip club to recommend it to Dean when he typically avoids strip clubs himself, buying Dean hair of the dog. It’s annoying to Dean, but after his display in the motel room, when Sam hands him that bottle, he forgives Sam.

What does he forgive him for? For pushing him to just be okay when he just wanted to be left to grieve in his own way.

Notice Sam doesn’t push him again after that.

Notice also that Dean never drank either breakfast beer.

Sam: You okay?Dean: No. Sam I'm not okay, I'm pretty far from okay. You know my whole life, I always believed that what we do was important. No matter what the cost, no matter who we lost. Whether it was Dad or Bobby or... and I would take the hit. But I kept on fighting because I believed that we were making the world a better place. And now Mom and Cas and I -- I don't know. I don't know.Sam: So you don't believe anymore.Dean: I just need a win. I just need a damn win.

Exactly the mental state Dean had diagnosed Cas with in 12.19. In the past, he’d still had Sam to believe in, the two of them against the world. Just fighting for Sam isn’t enough for him anymore. Something is different this time, and Dean doesn’t feel like he should have to perform the emotional labor to keep up a false front of coping for Sam anymore.

Like twig!Tasha told him in 12.20:

TASHA: Yeah. Family's always complicated. Parents always see smart and strong and perfect. It's only when you grow up that you realize that they're just people.

Sam is finally seeing that Dean is just a person. Not that Sam had ever had illusions about Dean being perfect or whatever, but that act of always believing they could push through anything and come out the other side again isn’t the truth, and has never fully been the truth.

Heck, I’m watching 1.09 in the background while I write this up. And it wasn’t even the truth way back then... Dean kept up the “everything will be fine” act in front of Sam, essentially hid out behind a gas station and made his emotionally charged plea to John for help in the scene we’ve been paralleling to his prayer to God in 13.01. 

In 2.04, Sam confronted Dean yet again on how badly he was handling John’s death, after the case they stumbled over while Sam visited Mary’s grave. I mean, THEEEEEMES. Dabb is pulling all of these themes from early seasons, and standing them all on their heads. Because in 2.05, after Dean had spent weeks putting up a front for Sam, the truth is forced out of him by psychic manipulation:

Dean: We hunt demons.Andy: What?Sam: Dean!Dean: Demons and spirits. Things your worst nightmares wouldn't even touch. Sam here, he's my brother...Sam: Dean, shut up!Dean: I'm trying. He's psychic. Kind of like you. Well, not really like you, but see, he thinks you're a murderer, and he's afraid that he's going to become one himself, 'cause you're all part of something that's terrible. And, I hope to hell that he's wrong, but I'm starting to get a little scared that he might be right.

Dean had buried all of this and kept it from Sam, much the same way Sam had buried some things that were pushed out in the open by another psychic manipulation (by a creepy ghost of a psychiatrist at an asylum, conveniently enough)... in 1.10:

Sam: That's the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic, like you.Dean: So what are you gonna do, huh? Are you gonna kill me?Sam: You know what, I am sick of doing what you tell me to do. We're no closer to finding Dad today than we were six months ago.Dean: Well, then here. Let me make it easier for you. Come on. Take it. Real bullets are gonna work a hell of a lot better than rock salt. Take it!! You hate me that much? You think you could kill your own brother? Then go ahead. Pull the trigger. Do it!

Sam did it. But just like Dean brushing off the confessions Andy pulled out of him after the fact because it had been coercion, Sam brushed off what he’d said in that asylum, too.

Now in s13, Sam is asking-- nay, begging-- Dean to just brush this off again, to fake it ‘til he makes it, and Dean is saying no.

It’s honestly the healthiest damn way they’ve ever reacted in a situation like this.

I have no idea how I turned this ask into actual meta, but here you go.

#spn 13.05 #performing dean #sanitized for sammy #the ghost of john winchester #spn 1.09 #spn 1.08 #spn 1.10 #spn 12.19 #spn 12.20 #spn 12.23 #spn 2.05 #spn 13.01 #winchester family dynamics #breaking the codependency #they still have work to do #Anonymous

[vminvisiblestring]

How Robert Berens Made Destiel Canon

or The Beautifully Tragic Road to Destiel

in honor of their one month anniversary, i want to talk about robert berens and how he made it his mission to make destiel canon and the care he took approaching their relationship...

i dont know if this has been pointed out before, but i was looking at the episodes bobo berens wrote when i realized something: he wrote all the significant destiel episodes in s15. i think that means he probably planned to make destiel canon long before s15 started:

he hid a love story inside the monster story. a love story told in five parts:

• initiating event

• rising action

• climax (first twist)

• falling action

• second twist (no resolution)

14x18: absence - “initiating event”

the initiating event introduces the conflict and sets events into motion in a story.

in absence, cas reveals to dean that jack might not have a soul and therefore might not know that hurting his mother was wrong. this angers dean and results in dean telling cas “youre dead to me”. this initiates a chain of events that lead their relationship to experience a tear (or rupture).

15x03: the rupture - “rising action”

the rising action is the result of a character trying to (in this case) solve a problem but a force is at conflict with the character. for every step taken, there is either a successful or failed outcome; this pattern continues all the way to the climax.

complications in dean and cas’s relationship continue to widen the distance between them into the start of season 15 with the deaths of rowena and belphagor (for which dean blames cas) culminating in the infamous “breakup” scene. cas said there was nothing left for him anymore and leaves dean.

15x08: our father who arent in heaven - “rising action”

bobo didnt write this episode but its important to the path because rowena tells dean and cas to fix their relationship in the same episode that michael sends them to purgatory (aka the place dean realized he was in love with cas all those years ago and where they fixed their relationship the first time)

15x09: the trap - ‘climax & first twist”

the climax is the most emotional part of the story and is reached when the character takes the final step to resolve their problem. this is also where the turning point of the story begins and descends to the falling action (and if there is a plot twist, it happens here).

the first twist: dean confesses first. this scene is deans confession disguised as an apology. he might lose cas and needed him to know hes sorry. the prayer scene is so important because, if we read the scene, this is in fact, an apology, but its so much more than that. dean responds to cas’s “i left but you didnt stop me” with “i should have stopped you”. this scene showed just how much dean has grown, how much he’s trying and how much he wants to be free of the anger he feels because he realized it was what separated him from the man he loves on multiple occasions. this is deans way of saying “im sorry. i didnt mean anything i said. you are the most important person in my life and i let you leave. i shouldnt have let you leave. thats my fault. im trying to get better. please tell me you’re gonna be okay. tell me this isnt the last time i’ll ever see you. please. i love you”.

dean and cas reunite near the rift but dean doesnt want to leave before telling cas something. we know it cant be the prayer because its obvious cas heard that; this is something else, but cas stops him. this scene is them making amends with each other the best way they know how: a silent knowing. the conflict has finally been resolved.

15x12: galaxy brain - “falling action”

the falling action consists of the after-effects of the climax and every event from here onward should lead to a logical conclusion.

dean and cas’s relationship is better, they seem at peace. the silent knowing is definitely there, and they both seem comfortable the way they left things. the way things are going, they’ll likely have as much a “happy” ending as a fallen angel and a hunter can have without talking about this silent knowing. we cant forget about the looming empty deal, but knowing cas will never be truly happy, it seems like dean and cas are going to be friends for a long time...

15x18: despair - “second twist”

after the falling action comes the resolution. sometimes in film and television, a surprise second twist will occur after the climax and toss the characters into another fight. the second twist is resolved quicker than the first and leads to a speedy resolution.

the second twist here, however, replaces the resolution because the story of destiel sadly and infuriatingly, never got its resolution.

i feel like bobo was told cas was going to get killed off and thats why he knew there was no way the network would allow dean to reciprocate so he did the best he could to work around the homophobia and make destiel canon as much as possible for us.

this is the most “resolution” we were given by a show we spent years watching and loving. we rooted for the characters, we fought as much for their happiness as they did themselves. and it ended up stabbing jensen, misha, bobo, other cast members, some writers and the fans in the back.

deans face here is all i have left to hold on to and thats not fair. and its not fair that after all these years this is what they did to one of the most complex love stories ever told. not only that, but dean and cas were also some of the complex characters ever put to screen. this is not a good ending for them and it never will be. not until they both get the endings they deserve, as individuals and as one. and im sorry for the pain all this mess has caused and would like nothing more than to squeeze everyone really tight and tell you it’ll be okay.

#destiel #cockles #jensen literally approved of misha and bobos plans for destiel #i mean whenever jensen directed he made sure there were destiel scenes #he WANTED dean and cas to become more intimate #dean and cas deserved to speak their truth and be happy together #not to mention a majority of destiel shippers and dean and cas stans are #lgbtq #so thats just another big fuck you on top of the spits and slaps to our faces with that finale #im sorry to get so negative in a post thats supposed to be positive and bring levity to the darkness we've had this past month #i just cant help but feel so much anger #for robert berens #for jensen #for misha #for us #anyways always remember #destiel is fucking canon #and #homosexual declaration of love #deancas #dean winchester #dean #castiel #cas #supernatural #supernatural final season #spn #bobo berens #jensen ackles #jensen