#what is gender we just don’t know

[aeide-thea]

on the one hand my body is the body i have and good in many ways both safely normative and satisfyingly non-normative

on the other hand i sure did just fall down an internet rabbit hole and find myself on a gay cis guy's instagram looking at pix of his very beautiful boyfriend and having, like, thigh hair envy, in this very inchoate way where like. what do i even want there. do i want my actual personal thighs to be fuzzier. is this another one of those unreasonable 'gender avatar i'm asking us all to collectively imagine for me' things. unclear. why identify a desire when instead i could just. Yearn in a totally unfulfillable bc undefinable way

#hell psyche #like. unfortunately my gender identity IS basically 'alienated' which like. is not serving me well wrt like. positivity #(lotta hole jokes we could all make here though‚ does that count) #like i'm not a boy except in a‚ like‚ keats or hopkins or auden sort of way #and i'm only girl-adjacent in a very gremlin sort of way #and good god am i not a Woman despite aging—really the aging is just making me *more* resistant on that point #anyway like. ultimately of course it's fine to just ~live the question~ or whatever but. idk #just had a moment in the wee hours like 'literally cannot imagine someone being in love with me' and was like. weirdly devastated abt it #even though like. what the fuck would i do with that anyway. input not valid. #but just like. how 2 imagine self as creature worthy of—anything really. #how 2 imagine self at all. #ANYWAY sry not to have gotten my nightblogging in earlier‚ yikes #lately it's just like. you can't pull on any thread without finding yr dredging up a whole clump of slimy sodden drain hair #embodiment (is violence) #what is gender we just don’t know #feelingsblogging #don't want 2 be dead but don't know how 2 be alive either. (nothing new just par 4 the course) #anyway.

[aliosne]

Saw a post about working class butches in physical labour jobs and wanted to make my own, so: I love you butches who do childcare or early education. I love you butch nurses. I love you butch house cleaners and janitorial staff. I love you service industry butches. I love you butches who do sex work. I love you working class butches who do “feminine” jobs you are cool as hell

#butch #lgbtqia #lesbian #its me im butches doing stereotypically feminine work #when I was nannying full time I kind of thought of it as I was doing Nanny Gender #like especially bc I wore mostly dresses then for practicality reasons #which gave me The Dysphorias but yeah. my way of navigating that was to get a little fluid with it. #also even tho they don’t get perceived as such: all of these jobs are as physically demanding as many ‘physical’ jobs #like girly at least when I worked in a warehouse/delivery bay I got to sit down #look I could probably think of a better term than ‘physical labour’ but like. you know what I mean. #anyway. sometimes you have those I am uncomfortable when we are not about me moments #and then you remember that you can just go talk about your experience

[15-lizards]

I'm not the genderswap Robb ask but can you genderswap the rest of the stark children? Fashion or not you're just so good at headcanons

Anon can we kiss

Male Sansa you are so beloved my sweet boy. The heir to winterfell but everyone thinks he’s a little bit ridiculous bc of his adherence to gentlemanly, frivolous southern customs despite being the future warden of the north. However he’s still courteous and charming enough to win over his fathers men. So he’s the odd one out but everyone still enjoys him. All the girls love how much of a sweet gentleman he is, and they love to watch him ride gracefully, dance gracefully, and spar gracefully. However he can be a bit snotty at times, despite his good intentions. So this means he frequently buts heads w/ Arry bc he doesn’t behave properly for his rank. Begging his father to betroth him to the princess (Joffahina? Idfk) so that he can become king consort and live in the south like he wants to, which Ned reluctantly agrees to. And we all know how that turns out…

Arry my bad ass little kid who I raised…also I know he’s aged up but Harry Gilby is so perfect for this idk just imagine him as a child. A true wild Northman, he fits in more than his brother does, but he’s not as physically imposing as others, nor does he respect authority enough (which is very northern behavior in some cases, but also very disrespectful in most others). He’s the classic ASOIAF unruly second son. Everyone’s headache, constantly shrugging off his duties to go riding or sparing or exploring, ignoring social conventions to make friends with every kitchen boy and serving girl. Thinks his brother is a stuffy ass of course. Once his brother gets engaged to the princess, Arry is suddenly the new heir. Goes south to court and avoids every betrothal his father tries to make for him, learning the braavosi style with his dancing teacher instead. Once all hell breaks loose he certainly has A Time trying to get home and eventually going to Braavos to shrug off his identity as heir to winterfell to become Nobody

Baby Branwen my child. Curious and stubborn little girl who isn’t quite at the age where she needs to start acting like a proper lady, leaving her mostly free to climb and explore and generally do whatever she wants. She’s quite taken with the idea of how the queen became a renowned female warrior, and has dreams of becoming one too someday, begging her father for riding and sword lessons, of which he only gives her the first at the moment. Her fall ruins the widely expected idea of ever getting her married, and her own idea of becoming a warrior, thus leading most people to believe she has become a generally useless burden. After her and the Reeds escape from winterfell and beyond the wall, she starts leaning more and more into her greenseer and skin changing abilities with aid from the three eyed raven, but despite this slow loss of morality she’s still just a scared child

Tiny Rina. Not much to say besides the fact that she’s still a feral three year old. No big changes from her male counterpart. However she IS riding back to winterfell on that damn unicorn I am making that canon in my head.

Joanna Snow the most hard headed ambitious stubborn teenage girl in the world with a superiority AND inferiority complex she’s everything to me. Doubly ignored and scorned for not only being a bastard but a female bastard. Useless in Westeros’ eyes. To her she only has one option, and gets shipped off to like an “elite” woman’s fighting force instead of the wall but surprise surprise this place also sucks balls and it’s still as cold. It’s mostly full of other bastards, former prostitutes convicted of crimes, and third and fourth daughters who didn’t want to join the faith. Total asshole at first but is eventually ride or die for most of her girls and the organization they’re in bc she is nothing if not loyal to her word.

#asoiaf #in my new gender bend world I don’t even know what’s going on with woman inheritance #I can’t say matriarchy cause that would imply the dance never happened #so I’m just calling it fem Robert installed royal succession regardless of gender and We Ball from there

[sugarcoatednightshade]

Tired of seeing fic on ao3 claiming to be based off dune the book series when it’s very obvious that the writer has only seen dune the movie(s).

Yes, it matters. Yes, these are very different works. You’re probably doing this for visibility; I don’t care. Archive Of Our Own is a fucking archive, stop labeling your works with a tag you know is factually incorrect. It makes it impossible for me to filter for fics I want to read.

#ao3 #dune #dune books #dune messiah #written because I’ve seen so many fics claiming to be based off the book who have no idea who Alia is #like girl! that’s my girl!!! #if your fic doesn’t contain Alia The Murderous Toddler then I don’t want it in my house in my home in my life #also the fight between feyd and paul went so differently in the books vs the movie. like it’s barely even an obstacle for Paul in the books #the differences are subtle in fic but really obvious if you’re expecting to see one thing and then all of a sudden it’s something else #(did I just describe all of fic? yes. but I hope y’all know what I mean. we are working off of different canon baselines) #seriously Alia is 15 pounds soaking wet three year old child. and she kills the baron . for fun… #also the fremen are not prudes. most people get this. but really neither is the rest of the empire??? I mean the harkonens obviously were. #.like that.. but also I get the feeling that no one else really cared #I’m only on the second book so I could be wrong. but from here it seems like the dune universe has a very fluid understanding of gender and #and sexuality. and polyamory. and drug use. #shout out to face changers gotta be one of my favorite genders btw #anyway. ugh. #long rant is long

[paperconsumption]

i really love how twitter will take a singular issue and turn it into Abstract Concept to Discuss. this tweet about alien stage blew up and the original thing they were mad about was a very blatant example of fandom prioritizing men over women. but it’s led to people arguing about whether it’s okay to write more yaoi than yuri without having the context of Alien Stage Specifically. and it’s shifted the discussion (if you can call it that) in such a new direction i just find it odd

#like i saw this really cool thread discussing gender concepts in fiction. but i had to laugh bc that was so not what the og issue was about #this alwayyyyssss happens on twitter #like someone will post a tiktok of a pregnant street cat and someone will quote retweet like #‘this cat should not be pregnant. here is my 20 tweet thread on why street cats should be better managed’ #and from there people keep quoting some other guy then some other guy 2 the point where we don’t have the og tiktok as context #it’s just Discourse about Animal Rights that has emerged from the ether #and despite not knowing the source everybody just has to weigh in #that’s kinda the issue with the quote function. like w/ reblogs you can always see the original post #vs if you quote it over and over on twitter it’ll get buried

[lesbian-choso]

“AMAB or AFAB?” “TME or TMA?” “Boy non-binary or girl non-binary?” SHUT UP SHUT UP NO ONE OWES YOU ANY PRIVATE INFORMATION. MY GENITALS AND GENDER ARE INCOMPREHENSIBLE. DIE MAD

#we need to go back to basic statements like ‘you don’t need to know what’s in my pants’ #why are there people on this site that genuinely think you owe this information to them online #I’ve literally seen people say that you have to have TME/TMA in your bio 💀 please grow up #you don’t need to advertise your whole life online. also just in general have you forgotten that it’s rude to speculate on peoples gender #transgender #trans

[queer-reader-07]

something about finding the people who sit through your info dumps with joy on their face and enthusiasm for your passions. something about finding the people who info dump right back at you because they know you love hearing about their passions. something about finding the people who manage to sum up your being in one niche, oddly specific sentence that lives in your mind rent free for the rest of time. something about finding the people who not only accept you for who you are but embrace you for who you are. who not only tolerate your quirks and differences but love and cherish them.

#i’m in my feels today if you couldn’t tell #just thinking about one friend in particular who i don’t get to see in person nearly enough but i text all the time #idk it’s the little things #the way we send each other videos of ourselves explaining whatever we’re learning about right now #the way we don’t write it in a long message because the emotion and vibes don’t translate properly #the way he’s told me that the way i dress is so gender nonconforming in his eyes #how even though i’m afab and i wear glittery makeup and crop tops and have pink hair #i still look so queer and so gnc and so Not Girl in his eyes #how that felt so validating #how i could feel the genuine love in his words #how he told me once that i’m ‘not a person with lore but rather a person with a schtick’ #and how he explained to me what my schtick was and how accurate it was #how he told me he can’t wait for me to get my degree(s) and be an openly queer person in stem #how he can’t wait for me to defend my thesis sometime in the future and be wearing the brightest makeup and the biggest earrings #and the tallest boots #how he loves that i go to my chem lab every week with glitter on my eyes #how it’s cool that i don’t care if i stick out like a sore thumb because i’m me #i remember how he dropped the she/her pronouns immediately upon ne saying i didn’t really vibe with them #(even when they were still technically on my list of ‘ok to use pronouns’) #how his boyfriend who i don’t know very well has always they/them-ed me because my friend does #and if my friend is doing it then it must be the right thing #idk i just love my friends #and this friend in particular is someone i’ve gotten really close with over the past 6 months or so #and i’m so glad to have him in my life #platonic love #friendship #tell your friends you love them

[deityofhearts]

I collect a lot of stationary for someone who has no reason to use all this stationary

#deity dialogue #I have recently acquired a pretyy lavender coloured highlighter #and it’s like. I don’t take notes I don’t write in my diary anymore because tbh I lost it and it was just. not a vibe maybe I’ll buy a new #one and try and start keeping entires again #I have no use for a planner because let’s be so for real I do not have a life #all I do is go grocery shopping and sometiems thrifting with lex and kait on a whim #I’ll be starting work soon but I set the hours for that job so it doesn’t really require a planner #I want so much to be a cute notes girlie (gender neutral) because I love cute neat things but like #the unmedicated adhd and lack of anything going on in my life prevents this #maybe I’ll buy a planner anyways and pretend #maybe buying a planner is the first step towards making plans #plus like I do have plans this year that me and kait and lex are gonnna start saving money since we all have jobs now so we can hopefully #move by at least the start of 2025 #so ya know what. I will buy a planner #a cute one.

[aeide-thea]

thinking abt like. the imaginary body/self i like. don’t(?) want to take actual steps to make real but am nonetheless deeply deeply invested in, like, i don’t want to be seen/touched (not that the first part at least is up to me, and the second part maybe not either, entirely, but) by anyone i don’t trust is also keeping that imaginary bodyself very firmly in their mind, even as of course i’m not stupid and do realize it’s contradicted by the material reality of, like, everything about me, so like. weird sort of transness maybe and also maybe deluded but. definitely do not feel/want to be seen as adequately/fully represented by my physical self, even as it’s maybe(?) not entirely a lie*?? i don’t know. related to this a bit ig.

[sry this is literally the worst most opaque version of this post i could’ve made, will try again/to flesh it out sometime maybe, but.]

⸻

* have said this before but i do feel v strongly that to the extent i’m ~feminine~ at this pt it’s bc it really got, like, traumatically burned into me. like. definitely my youngest self as per memory and also old videos was very extremely not. and it’s really hard to disentangle to what extent my distaste/shame wrt the gentleness/diffidence/&c scored into me is like. ~internalized misogyny~ vs like. deeply resenting, & not knowing how to live with, being a broken horse. …HA oh god am i just that post abt the phone with the horse glued on. rearing its head in every photo. etc

#anyway none of it matters bc i’m not real but. #what is gender we just don’t know #the psyche #also i guess #embodiment (is violence) #unclear whether chewing on any of this is productive at all tbh

[gynecologistmsfrizzle]

older butch lesbians, living happily as butch women, who say “if I were a kid now I would have been a trans man instead of a lesbian” are a whole lot closer to being trans— not ‘potentially’ trans, not ‘might have been’ trans, but really, actually, literally, trans, in their present lived experience, she/her and all— than they are to being transphobic. but I don’t think any of you are really ready for that conversation.

#I saw a video on YouTube where this older butch was chatting with a transmasc guy #and she said ‘you know if I were young now I probably would have transitioned’ #and he said ‘why if you were young? it’s not too late’ #and she chuckled and said ‘oh maybe I dunno’ sort of brushed it off #and i was sort of like. well it made me kind of sad. #i think in everyone’s rush to denounce transmisogyny we have completely lost sight #of the fact that the lesbian community’s trans elders include an awful lot of ‘cis’ butch women. #it’s like. it’s just fucking weird being a ‘cis’ butch with Quite Significant Dysphoria #who went on t for a while and presents very masculine and is planning on top surgery #and looking at these super feminine trans guys on tiktok who are read as cis women by everyone who sees them #who don’t want medical transition #and to think that I know much much more about what it is like to be transsexual— #and in some ways about what it is like to be transgender— than they do #and that DESPITE that there is no room for me in trans spaces unless I go back to using they them pronouns #I dunno. It’s just really lonely. I was talking to a transfem friend of mine about this the other day #& she mentioned something about political versus internal concepts of gender that really vibed with me #I can’t summarize it here but. Yeah. Anyways. Lonely. #rhi talks

[area51-escapee]

One of the many hills I’ll die on is my defense of the Girl Scouts if you hear the “girl” in Girl Scouts and immediately assume “well, clearly all they’re teaching them is how to bake cookies and manage a household and become a good wife and mother who stays home and cooks and cleans” then that shits on you yeah some troops aren’t going to be as good as others it all depends on the leadership and resources available but that doesn’t negate the fact that at it’s core it is there to teach young girls valuable skills and it can provide unique opportunities and a nice community for people who may need it

#like. my experience wasn’t even the /best/ #I wasn’t bullied by the other girls by any means but I also wasn’t liked I was just. there and kinda outcast from them #and my troop was on a military base we didn’t have a lot #but we still did fun arts and crafts projects and we went camping ALL the time #I wasn’t allowed to do much of anything so it was a chance to get out of the house #and spend time with people my age outside of school #even the cookie selling is often used to teach about managing money and businesses ect #and lots of people get experience with first aid and STEM projects in it #when my sister was signing up after we moved they were talking about doing #lots of conservation and environmental clean up projects #which is cool!!! #from what I hear the Girl Scouts keep up with the fucken times besties #it’s been a long time since I was a part of it but I still think it’s a great thing #and I hate when people dunk on it and reduce it to just selling cookies #and assume that because it’s for girls it only teaches old fashioned misogynistic standards #also things like knowing how the basics of how to cook and shit like that are still important??? #they don’t teach that in most schools anymore except as an elective #it’s not that young girls /shouldn’t/ learn that it’s that it should be taught to people regardless of gender #you need that shit to survive damn #we support Girl Scouts in this household

[redtailfins]

sometimes I wish people could just be like “I don’t understand this but it’s your choice not mine and it isn’t harming me so I will move on” instead of acting like being able to understand something about me is a god given right.

#redtailfins originals #yes this about my parents and my gender I’ve been thinking thoughts #like so much of it is like ‘well it’s not like we don’t support you we just don’t understand [deeply personal facet of my relationship to #gender] so if you explained that to us we would totally get it and stop microaggressing you’ #what happened to I don’t get it but it’s not my business huh #also so much of it is stuff you only say to me because I am your child like if a coworker said they were going on hrt I know for a FACT you #wouldn’t say any of the shit you pull on me #hmm maybe because you actually respect your coworkers 🤔🤔🤔

[shewhoeatssand]

Kaneki is so girlfriend, but he’s also very boy. I don’t know how this happens

#so many mysteries maybe he’s just Jesus of Nazareth? #no way. could not be. false idols were supposed to be banned #wait but kpop exist #so basically K in Kaneki is for Kpop? #but he’s a boy #does that mean he shaves? KANEKI SHAVES? HE SPENDS MONEY AND TIME ON SHAVING? BUT WHY #wait no nvm I forgot I gave him testosterone deficiency (he’s mad about it) maybe he doesn’t shave #there’s so much we don’t know about him this is so stupid #for example why is both girlfriend and boy?? he’s not bold enough to make a new gender what’s going on here #mystery #and that time someone cut his hair too. Who did it? Why did he choose to have his hair cut? #where did he go? did he have a good time? was the barber nice to him? did it turn out exactly as he wanted? #what shoes did he wear to the barber? what time did he go? how long did it take? what were his exact words when he requested a haircut? #did he do anything afterwards? what season was it? was it windy outside? did he wear his glasses there? has he ever broken his glasses befor #kaneki ken

[badolmen]

…there are twinks that can get pregnant. Some twinks want to get pregnant. Sometimes twinks are trans babe.

The problem is with cishet people appropriating queer language. A cishet person looking at a cishet guy and saying ‘he’s such a twink I want to get him pregnant’ is homophobic. They’re first and least of all applying a queer term to a non-queer person (who often doesn’t actually fit the physical description that term describes). More importantly it’s treating ‘twink’ the same way cishet (and to an extent, younger and less experienced queer) people have been treating sub/dom and top/bottom. They reinvent a strict dichotomy solely based on whatever they imagine those words mean because they aren’t actually kinksters or queer. In this case they’re conflating twinks with whatever they think subs are just because the cishet person wants to dominate a dude and in their mind ‘twink’ is just a quirky queer word for ‘subservient/bottom/etc.’

Just say you wanna fuck him stupid and stop using queer vocabulary without understanding what it means.

#ra speaks #personal #rent lowering gunshots #hey if that ask wasn’t meant to be transphobic….honestly sorry I can’t imagine that ask being anything but intentionally transphobic lol #‘they’re not actually gay/they’re tomboys!’ lol. lmao even. babe you’re talking to a trans masculine bigender lesbian. why are you here. #get out of my kitchen or I’m hitting you with a wooden spoon #if a twink is trans and he wanna get mpregged good for him. your cisman celebrity crush is not a twink and won’t get pregnant. #just say you wanna fuck him dumb. don’t be queerphobic bc you wanna use queer vocabulary. #if you don’t know what this is about don’t worry but also. if you’re a transphobe what are you doing here. we fuck w gender here babes. #edit: you seem upset if you extrapolated this as a death threat to anybody who uses twink this way. I’m gonna have lunch. #you should probably have a snack and drink some water because that’s not a normal thing to say.

[ezraphobicsoup]

sometimes i think i’m a fully proper binary guy. and then i think about gender for a minute too long and

#no but i am a guy i’m not non binary #but equally what makes me a man? what is masculinity?? how can i identify with something i don’t understand?? but i am a man! but why?? what #does that mean???? what makes anyone anything and does it matter??? no of course not! all that matters is that people can comfortably view #themselves and that’s the point of gender; to be comfortable #and gender *roles* are just bullshit and not real. but if not for gender roles where does gender come from?? again does it matter???? #i mean really. we’re all just people and it’s about being happy. these boxes exist for a variety of reasons but if there’s happiness in the #box then you take the fucking box #you can have as many boxes as you like. or none! you just do what makes you happy. .. but then what makes me happy #cause as i say. i am a man completely. i wouldn’t be happy if someone referred to me as not a man. but am i a Man? do i want to be? #if masculinity is built upon stereotypes and i can never truly meet those stereotypes then what makes me a man? it’s the feeling of it? #the euphoria in being someone’s son. someone’s brother. someone’s boyfriend. you know? maybe that’s all it needs to be #i don’t have to understand masculinity to be a man. maybe no one actually understands masculinity or feminity for that matter because theyre #not tangible things. that’s what it boils down to it’s fucking intangibility and culture isn’t it #and i mean i think in a sense that’s beautiful? gender boxes can suck because of what we say are in them but really inherently? the fact #that humans have such an array of ways to make ourselves feel more comfortable in how we talk about ourselves? that’s incredible #i think that’s all i have to say for now #once again this is macbeths fault fuck shakespeare why does this always happen #ezra’s real life rambles #tldr i am a binary man but in a silly way i think. ever so slightly to the left. but i like being seen just as a guy and that’s easy enough #sorry to uh broadcast this on tumblr dot com if you read all of this i hope this was interesting

[mellomadness]

sometimes I wonder if I should take a gender studies class just so I can bitch every day about how an imaginary boyfriend is often seen as a requirement for a woman to feel safe enough to have fun at a club, or the idea that an imaginary person with a fake “claim” over me has more influence over predatory men than my own voice saying “No, I’m not interested, get lost”

#venting #hnnnnng the double standard is really really making my teeth hurt recently #(in that I’m grinding my jaw at the mere thought of this particular breed of injustice) #I honestly miss going out with my friends. I miss going to bars and clubs and enjoying the night #but I wanna go with my friends and leave my boyfriend at home for once #he gets to go out and enjoy himself all the time with his friends and they never even have to deal with unwanted flirtation #meanwhile I go out in a tshirt and jeans and get fucking catcalled or flirted with just fucking getting groceries #and it’s not a narrative on beauty or anything. it’s about men’s perception of women #specifically predatory men and men who don’t realize they’re BEING predatory #perhaps it’s because I’ve been going to this fucking gamer school for far too long #and I’ve interacted with so many socially inept/incel men from there #who don’t know what no means or dont take women seriously when they do say no #or they literally cannot read between the lines of a woman politely declining their advances #‘but she was being so nice to me’ yeah bc if she wasn’t you’d either call her a bitch or try to force her anyway #anyway. I’m angry #im tired of living in fear of morons #I’m tired of not being able to go out on a Tuesday night and just walk the town with my friends #specifically my femme friends #we should be at the club!! instead we’re trying to make sure the group is like a school of fish so we’re less of a target #and like. I could talk about this on twt or reddit but. cmon. let’s be real here #MelloMoans #really does feel like we’re going backwards when it comes to gender equality and feminism #especially with the influx of the whole sigma male/high value male bullshit #I understand how it came to be I really do but that plus the whole pick me girl thing is just another toxic view of gender identity #and all it has resulted in on both sides is a wider degree of separation between the genders #therefore allowing both extremes to dehumanize every one that doesn’t identify as sigma male or not like other girls YET AGAIN #(and therefore also opens up the door for dehumanizing lgbtq+ folks but. let’s be real. that hasn’t really gone away yet :/