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nolita-fairytale · 1 year

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comfort & chaos | carmy berzatto x fem!reader | chapter six: home

summary: takes place after 'make my heart surrender' ends (so if you haven't read the series, you can do so here). after surprising carmy at the restaurant, he has something really important to tell you. (the five times carmen berzatto fell in love with you a little and the one time he finally told you)

warnings: time jump, fluff, 'i love you', smut (18+ mdni), no use of y/n, she/her pronouns, drinking & smoking, suggestive language, not proofread -- will probably go back and make some edits

word count: 3.9k

listen to: no such thing - john mayer | you're the best - wet | pancakes for dinner - lizzy mcalpine | want want - maggie rogers

a/n: hi it's me! i'm tired of breaking my own heart are you tired of me breaking your hearts?!! if you're wondering what the heck happened between chapter 5 & 6, make sure to read 'make my heart surrender' or at least, this final chapter!

didn't think you were getting smut with this final chapter?! gotcha!! i had to take some DEEP breaths while writing this. thank you so much for all of the kind comments, external screaming, and dms about this series. i love you all sm. here's is thee much needed and well-deserved fluffy chapter where carmy finally says (redacted).

read: chapter five | masterlist

“God I fuckin’ love you.”

Your words echo in Carmy’s head all shift, and he doesn’t know why he hasn’t said it back yet.

The restaurant has been slow for lunch, and in every single moment he’s had to think about it, the words felt like they were on the tip of his tongue:

I love you.

I love you too.

I love you and I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.

But what was he supposed to do? Tell you in the middle of your mise en place? Follow you into the walk-in and tell you there? He almost regrets not just saying it back right then and there – the minute he realized that you and Richie were both pulling a prank on him. Carmy decides that telling you here, at the restaurant just won’t do – just wouldn’t be romantic enough – and he knows you deserve more than that.

As you finish up your prep for dinner service, you eye Carmy carefully. He looks totally wrapped up in thought, and you can’t imagine what he must be thinking this hard about. You’re here. You can’t believe you’re here. And you could care less about anything else right now.

“How ya doin?” you ask him, pulling him from his thoughts.

He doesn’t know if you can see it on his face – that he’s thinking way too hard about this.

“Uh, I’m-. Just thinkin’ about strategy… for dinner service,” he lies, trying his best to throw you off his trail.

“Okay,” you reply, unconvinced.

But it’s clear that he’s not going to give you much more than that.

“You should go home,” he blurts out. His response takes you by surprise, and as soon as he realizes it sounds like he doesn’t want you here, his face softens, quick to course correct.

“I just mean-, you must be tired. From the drive. As much as I appreciate the help…” he trails off. “It’s been slow today anyways. You should take my key and head home. If you want. Get some rest.”

Home.

You smile in response at the sound of it, knowing that, after today, Chicago is your home.

“You sure?” you ask him.

“Yeah,” he insists. “If it stays this slow, I may even be able to get home early.”

You’re sure you have the silliest grin on your face as you hear the word again.

Because this is your home now.

Because Carmy is your home now too.

“Well, if you insist,” you say with a shrug.

“I do,” he says back, a seriousness in his voice.

“Okay,” you giggle in response, agreeing to his demand.

Carmy’s always trying to take care of you. It’s one of the things you love the most about him. Whether he’s asking you if he can make you something or asking to walk you home, you’ve always known that this is how he shows his love.

You and Carmy both wash your hands, and he follows you towards the locker area, watching you hang up your apron in the locker that will now be yours. He busies himself with finding his apartment keys while you gather your things.

“I kinda missed this place,” you say, even though you’ve only been gone three weeks.

“Yeah?” he asks, a light in his eyes as he watches you.

It feels surreal: seeing you here, knowing that you’ll be at his place when he gets back, that he gets to keep you.

“Yeah. And maybe even some of the people too,” you smirk, cheekily.

Carmy blushes, taking a few steps towards you with his keys in hand.

“Need the address?” he asks.

“I remember how to get back there,” you reassure him, playfully.

It hadn’t been that long since you walked home with Carmy the night that changed it all: the night he’d made you his carbonara, the night that feelings were revealed, the night you made love. You’d followed him back to his apartment two nights in a row after that, letting yourself surrender to this thing between you that you’d both spent over two years fighting. And you’d let him take you to bed each night, getting lost in the way he smelled, the way he tasted, the way his skin felt against yours.

You’re still in shock over how much has changed in your life in the last month alone.

It felt like heaven.

It feels like heaven.

And you wonder what took you both so fucking long.

At the same time, you know it happened exactly when it was supposed to happen – that anything before this wouldn’t have worked.

As Carmy hands you his keys, you give him a goodbye kiss, the tension between the two of you palpable. It’s the kind of ‘I can’t wait to get you alone’ tension and you can’t wait till he gets off his shift – your thoughts filled with all the things you want to do with him when you finally do.

It takes a while to leave the restaurant – everyone wanting to get in their hello or goodbye in – before you’re on your way home to Carmy’s apartment. On the drive there, you laugh to yourself about how the staff of The Bear have been betting on how long it’d take for you to come back. It fills you with a sense of warmth, confirming that this was exactly the move you needed to make. Since it’s close by, and you still have your stupid fucking U-HAUL, it doesn’t take long to get back to Carmy’s apartment. You make a mental note to find a good storage container to rent out so you don’t have to lug this thing around while you look for a place.

By the time you get into his apartment, suitcase in hand, it’s clear to you that Carmy wasn’t expecting you. His home is messier than you remember it being when you left three weeks ago, but it’s not so intolerable that it’s maddening.

You put something on the TV in the background, while you unwind, taking a shower then tidying up a little bit around the apartment. You let yourself enjoy the simplest of pleasures: your favorite pair of sweatpants that you can’t believe he’s kept, and a comfy bralette you’ve packed at the top of your suitcase.

But it all starts to hit you as you start slowing down: after spending the night in Cleveland, you’d driven all morning to Chicago, jumped in on the line for dinner prep. You’ve barely had a moment to slow down and holy shit, are you exhausted. It doesn’t take more than a few episodes of Pasta Grannies for you to pass out on the couch. Carmy’s YouTube playback is set to autoplay, and as your eyelids become progressively heavier, you promise yourself you’re just going to close your eyes for a few moments…

“Hi sweetheart,” you hear a voice say, causing you to slowly blink your eyes open.

“Carm?” you mumble, only half awake. “Is it you? You’re really here?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Did I wake you?” he whispers, letting out a small laugh.

You giggle as Carmy comes into your line of sight. He’s perched on the edge of the couch as you reach for one of his hands so that you can touch him.

“Yeah, but I’m glad you did. What time is it?” you ask, becoming more and more awake by the minute.

“Ten-thirty. Business picked up a ton for dinner.”

“Damn.”

“So much for getting off early.”

You hum in response, sitting up momentarily to grab his hands, pulling him towards. Carmy smiles, laying his body over yours, before leaning in for the softest, gentlest kiss.

“Hi,” you whisper.

“Hi,” he smiles back at you, the words just on the tip of his tongue.

I love you too.

You pull him back in for another kiss, this time deepening it. You laugh again, as Carmy breaks the kiss, an inquisitive look plastered to his face.

“What?” he questions.

“Nothing. You smell like hot giardiniera,” you giggle as your lips twist into a smile against his.

He laughs, “Yeah?’

“Uh huh,” you say.

“I’ll shower,” he suggests, playfully.

“No, no it’s okay. I’m kinda into it,” you reply, earning another chuckle from him.

“It’s okay,” Carmy replies, shaking his head. He places a peck on your lips before sitting up properly, earning a groan from you as he pulls away. “I’m gonna hop in the shower. Maybe we can move this to uh… my bedroom?”

“Are you putting the moves on me, Berzatto?” you tease him, shooting him a playful look.

“No! I just meant-, since I know you must be tired-,” he stammers, a blush running across your cheeks.

You shake your head, sitting up to reassure him with another kiss.

“I’m kidding,” you say with a chuckle. “And I’m also starving.

“Yeah?” he sounds.

“How about this? Why don’t you jump in the shower and I’ll order us a pizza. I’m sure we can find something to do while we wait for it to get here,” you say suggestively.

Oh.

“Sounds great,” he agrees with a quick raise of his eyebrows.

You watch as Carmy disappears into the bathroom, the sound of running water filling your ears, you scroll around a little for a good pizza spot nearby. You settle on something New York style out of habit, ordering a few things for delivery.

By the time Carmy gets out of the shower, you’ve curled up with yourself in his bed, scrolling around on your favorite social media app. You let out a whistle as soon as Carmy enters the room with only a towel tied around his waist. You can tell he’s tried his best to dry his hair, running the towel through his perfect curls a few times. You’ve got all this pent up sexual energy, and seeing Carmy like this, all hot, nearly-naked, and wet is really doing it for you.

Hell, he could be in a full hazmat suit and the man would do it for you.

You watch as he rummages through his dresser, searching for a t-shirt and a pair of briefs, but there’s no fucking way you’re letting him get dressed. You toss your phone to the side, standing up from where you are on the bed.

As you approach, you snake your arms around his waist, stopping him in his tracks. He cannot believe this is real: that you’re here, in his bed, in the sweatpants that he knows you love. That you’re here to stay. That you’re here and you’re his.

“Hey,” he says, his lips twisting into a smile as you begin to leave soft kisses across the back of his shoulders.

“Hey, yourself,” you reply, nipping at the skin you’ve just kissed.

Carmy hisses at the feel of your teeth, letting out a laugh that seems to rumble in his throat.

“Can I help you with something?” he teases you.

He feels your lips curl into a smile against his skin, smirking in response.

I fucking love you too.

But before he can say anything, your hands are pushing his towel down past his hips, desperately envious of the way the material clings to him.

“Mhm,” you hum. “I think you know.”

He lets the towel fall to the floor, and Carmy groans as you wrap your hand around his hard on, hissing as he feels you pump him a few times.

“Seems like you’ve been thinkin the same thing,” you say again, feeling how hard he already is.

He bites into his lower lip, his eyes rolling towards the back of his head as he enjoys the way you touch him.

“Been thinkin’ about this all day, sweetheart.”

“Well…” you trail off. “I’d love to hear more about what’s been on your mind.”

“Yeah?” he croaks out, the pleasure you’re bringing him causing him to short circuit.

“Yes,” you sigh out, wound up with desire.

Finally, Carmy turns around, grabbing the back of your head and pulling you in for a passionate, lust-filled kiss. His lips are on yours like he’s been starving, as if nothing would satiate him the way tasting you will. You open your mouth, deepening the kiss, as you feel his tongue slide against yours. Carmy begins backing you up towards the bed, guiding you down to his mattress.

“Had this on my mind since you left Chicago,” he mumbles, his pupils wide, fully blown out in lust.

“Me too,” you manage to get out.

He leans in once more, pressing his lips to yours once more. You drag your teeth against his bottom lip, before he breaks the kiss, his mouth and hands searching for real estate lower. Carmy leaves hot, open mouthed kisses along your breasts, your torso, and you’re practically pulling off your bralette like it’s burning your skin.

“Been thinkin’ about this. You…” he admits, his voice hoarse.

You gasp in pleasure as Carmy drags the sweatpants, along with your panties, down over your hips, tossing them who knows where behind him.

“... tasting you.”

You moan as he positions himself between your legs, kneeling on the floor, his chest pressed to the bed. Your legs quake with anticipation as you feel his hot breath fan over your core. Every moment he spends making you wait is killing you.

“Carmy, please,” you beg, as he begins leaving soft kisses along your inner thighs. You can tell he’s making himself wait too, building the anticipation so that when he lets himself have you…

“Carmen!” you moan.

He practically groans against you as he uses the tip of his tongue to trace your clit.

“Fuck, I missed this,” he muses, before burying himself between your thighs again.

His mouth is on you, tracing little shapes with his tongue, licking up and down your progressively wet core, while his hands keep your legs spread wide.

All for him.

He continues to eat you out, completely enraptured with the way you taste, the way your moans and gasps sound, the way you say his name, calling out for him and only him. As he slips a finger inside of you, you bury your hands in his hair, your hips thrusting up into his hand and against his mouth.

“Holy fuck, Carmy,” you gasp, your mind completely taken over with the pleasure he’s giving you.

He can tell that you’re close, adding another finger, taking note that you seem to like it even more. It’s as if he’s memorized every single thing you loved, everything that seemed to make you tick, and applied it to this time.

“Carmy, I’m gonna-,” you cry out, your legs shaking as he brings you over the edge.

You’re gasping, writhing against the bed, your legs still pushed wide by tatted hands as you begin to come down. You look down, tugging Carmy’s hair to bring him back up to you. When he finally looks back up at you, he’s grinning, completely satisfied with the pleasure he’s brought you. He makes his way back up, laying his very naked body over top of yours, leaning in for another kiss.

You can taste yourself on his lips, and he doesn’t know if it’s possible to get harder than he is.

“That’s what you were thinking about?” you whispered against his lips, spreading your legs to make room for him. You can feel his hard, aching cock against your wet center, and if you think you’ll die if he’s not inside of you as soon as possible.

“All day.”

He kisses you, nipping at your top lip momentarily, before continuing with:

“Haven’t stopped thinkin’ about it, actually.”

That and something else.

Three words he can’t seem to get out.

Even though they’re begging to be said.

You reach down, wrapping a hand around him, sliding his thick tip against you so that he can feel how wet and needy you are for him.

“I can think of a few other things I want,” you beg him, feeling him shudder against you as you drag the tip of his cock over you again and again.

“And what’s that?” Carmy asks you cheekily.

Instead of answering, you guide him into you, earning a gasp from the both of you as he splits you open. Carmy takes his time pushing into you, making sure to pause when he’s fully seated inside of you.

Your eyes are locked with his, allowing yourself to get totally lost inside of the pools of blue. You’re sighing out in pleasure, squeezing around him, your lips so fucking close to touching it’s near-painful. Carmy begins to slide out of you at a dangerously slow pace, thrusting into you, deeper each time. You’re pulling him down to you, and it’s as if you can’t get enough – enough of his mouth on yours, enough of him to hold onto – even though you have all of him.

You’d let him consume all of you if he wanted to, you think to yourself, as he swallows your moans in his mouth.

It’s tangled legs, and tangled tongues, and whispered pleas.

“God, you feel so good,” he grunts, burying his head in your neck as he speeds up. You can tell the both of you are close – that all the pent up sexual energy means that neither of you will last long.

But you don’t care.

You’ve got all the time in the world now.

“Carmy,” you whine, desperate for him to let you cum.

You know you have his attention, as he raises his head, locking eyes with you again.

“I want you to fuck me from behind,” you whisper, desperately.

“Fuck. That’s so hot,” he groans, his eyes wide.

Unwillingly, he peels his body off of yours, letting you sit up straight. He thinks he may have died and gone to heaven as he watches you turn around, kneeling on all fours over his bed. His hands immediately go to your ass, dragging calloused palms over the curve of it as he kneels behind you.

“Fuck, that’s so hot,” he gasps, guiding himself back into you.

He thinks the sight alone may send him to an early grave as you bow your back, your ass still high as you press your chest against the bed.

“Your ass is fucking incredible,” Carmy says, pulling out slowly, before thrusting back into you with a force that makes you cry out.

“Carmen,” you whimper, your legs shaking beneath you.

This feels too good.

“Hmm?” he asks, his hands smoothing over your low back, following the way your back seems to arch in pleasure.

“Fuck me. Please.”

He knows he won’t last much longer. His hands hold onto your hips, the pads of his fingers pressing into your skin as he begins to speed up. It feels unreal, incredible, being this deep inside of you. And he gets to watch: watch the way you arch your back, watch your body respond to every single thrust, watch you grasp at the sheets and pillows, searching for something to hold onto.

“I don’t think I’m gonna last long, baby,” he stutters out, his thrusts becoming more erratic as you beg him to keep going.

“Please, Carmen. That feels so goddamn good,” you plead with him, face down into his sheets.

“Shit. Fuck,” he howls, his voice booming against all corners of the room.

Carmy places the gentlest hand against your low back, as if it to ask you to lay down, laying his body over yours from behind. He pauses, because it just feels too damn good, and he wants to revel in this moment before this ends. Ever so slowly, he begins to drag his cock in and out of you at the most torturously slow pace. His mouth leaves small kisses against your shoulders, nipping at your soft skin as he continues to make love to you.

“Faster, Carmy. Please. I’m gonna cum,” you pant.

You’re not sure just how much more patient you can get here. You feel him begin to speed up, and you’re moaning into his mattress against, begging for him to make you cum. He can feel you squeezing around him, and the sight of himself fucking into you really isn’t helping either.

“Fuck,” he manages to get out, his hips beginning to stutter against your ass.

“Yes. Whatever you want. I’ll give you whatever you want,” he repeats, earning the most blissful ‘Carmy’ from your lips he’s ever heard.

“Baby, I’m so close,” you whine.

“Yes, me too. Yes. Fuck, I love you,” he calls out, shutting his eyes as he cums.

He can feel you shuddering around him, as he fucks you through your orgasm too, completely unaware of the words that have flown out of his mouth.

You’re both panting, breathless from what you’ve just done, as you begin to come down.

“Holy shit,” he finally says, leaning his forehead against the back of your shoulder.

“You can say that again,” you chuckle, trying to catch your breath.

“Can we do this tomorrow? And the day after that?” you ask, playfully, turning your head to kiss him. “And the day after that?”

Carmy smiles, “Absolutely.”

It doesn’t take long for the two of you to get cleaned up and back into comfy clothes. Carmy knows there’s no point in fighting you for your favorite pair of his sweatpants as he picks out another pair, remaining shirtless for your viewing pleasure. The pizza arrives shortly after, and you find yourself in bed, with the man you’ve loved for so long, getting a much-needed refuel break.

“You know I hate eating in bed,” Carmy points out, watching you get crumbs all over his sheets.

“Yeah, well I’m getting my own place so… that’s a future problem for you and me,” you answer, without a single care in the world.

“For when we move in together?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

It’s almost as if he’s testing the waters – seeing if that’s something that’s still on your mind.

“Right,” you confirm, confidently.

But you’re in.

You’re all in.

It seems like you’ve passed whatever test he’s given you as the corners of his lips curl into the softest smile.

“You know… you live in Chicago now,” he teases, in reference to your choice of pizza.

You scoff in response, throwing in a playful eye roll for dramatic effect.

“Oh fuck you.”

He laughs.

You eat quietly, enjoying your first night in Chicago as a resident. You watch as Carmy’s face changes, as if he’s trying to find the right words to say what’s on his mind. Instead of asking, you wait, knowing that he’ll bring it up when he finds them.

“Hey uh…” he starts, hesitantly. “I just want you to know… that I… I meant what I said earlier.”

The more serious tone he uses piques your curiosity as you stare back at him blankly, unsure of what he's referring to.

“What do you mean?” you ask back.

Carmy takes another beat, pausing as he musters up the courage to clarify with:

“That I love you. I didn’t want you to think I just said it because… well you know.”

Because you were naked.

Because he got caught up in the moment.

Because he was inside of you.

He licks his lips, before opening his mouth to say it again:

“I love you.”

As soon as the words leave his lips, his eyes are on you, watching your face for any kind of reaction.

But you’re beaming as you hear them and it all begins to make sense. It was something you’d said earlier, but the fact that he hadn’t said it back hadn’t been on your mind. Is this what he’d been thinking about all day? You just figured he'd say it back when he was ready.

You shake your head, a grin plastered to your face as you reply,

“I know, silly. I love you too.”

Fin.

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pixeechix21 · 4 months

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All I want for Christmas 🎄

Simon!Ghost!Riley x fem!reader 12 days of Christmas

Summary: It's your turn to sit on Santa's lap. Tell him what you want and maybe he's feeling giving enough to grant you your wish.

TW: nothing really just good old smut, with some role play?, n sweet names and praise the usual 😊💕

I'm sorry but what the heck is this man doin in this gif?? 🤨

You promised your best friend you wouldn’t get that drunk. But after hearing the 141 boys were hosting a Christmas party you couldn’t help yourself.

Dancing and chatting with your friends, you abruptly hear clapping and jeers. Entering the room is a dressed up Price. You and the girl's dog whistle him as he walks past. “Red looks good on you Simon,” you cheer.

Johnny had managed to coerce Simon to dress up as Father Christmas. Placing him on the “throne” near the karaoke machine. “Come up! Come up everyone! Santa’s lap is open for all. Don’t miss your chance lassies and you Gaz I ya lookin’ at him!” Everyone lifts their cheers as Gaz is shoved to the front. Smiling widely, Simon’s cheerful eyes meet yours. He winks subtly, making your stomach flip and turn.

Gaz does his theatrics, sitting on his lap and fake fanning his face in excitement. He leaves, giving Simon a sloppy kiss on the cheek, “thank you thank you! I promise I’ve been good!”

“Somehow I doubt that,” Simon shoves him off jokingly. Keeping his eyes on you Simon opens his legs leaning back and patting it, “for you,” he mouths.

Jonny sees you in your costume. You’d lost a bet and had to dress up as a slutty elf. “Maybe Santa’s elf wants to finally sit on the throne,” he comes to you, you weakly attempt to back away. From behind you’re shoved into his arms . He takes you to Simon, excitedly. Sitting on his lap, Simon snakes his hand around your waist. Johnny is about to open his mouth ready to make a joke but Simon beats him to it. “That’s enough Soap, now fuck off.” He doesn't spare him another glance.

Sitting there on his lap, you pray he can’t feel heartbeat. “So, tell me, have you been good, my sweet?” His tone has changed, low and private between the two of you. Your hand loops around his neck running your nails through his hair. If it wasn’t for the loud music and chatting crowd you swear you would have heard him groan. “I’ve tried to be,” you sit up further on his lap, “I’ve tried to be a good girl, just for you,’ you whisper, he looks hungrily at your soft lips.

“Is there anything you want this year, since you’ve been on your best behavior?” His thumb starts to draw lazy circles on your exposed inner thigh. Close, so dangerously close, you lightly clench your thighs.

“There is one thing you could give me,” you don’t recognize your own sultry voice. Glad everyone is too drunk to notice.

“Mmm. What’s that my sweet?” he inhales as he pushes away your hair, leaving your neck exposed. You inhale shakily.

“You.” you let out weakly melting into his increasingly possessive grip. You’re without a doubt that he can feel your heartbeat throbbing, on his leg.

“I didn’t hear you my little elf,” his hand inches up, under the mini skirt.

“I- i want- you.” you place your hand on his muscled chest.

“Me too darling,” he doesn’t waste time scooping you up in a bridal hold. He gets up leaving the room smiling at Soap as you two pass by. Over his shoulder you see Johnny’s shocked expression, mouth wide open.

Simon is on a mission, he bursts through an office door. Shutting it he adjusts your legs to wrap around his waist. He captures your lips between his, crashing into you removing all air from your lungs. You sink into him, inhaling his deep kisses. Your hands scratch all over his body trying to take off his ridiculous clothes. “God y/n,” he kisses hot trails across your collarbone.

“I need you Si. I need you in me,” you whine as he helps you undo his belt. You’re so wet against his palm, his index and middle finger running along you sweet cunt.

“I know, I can feel you,” he pinches lightly the growing bud of your clit. A shot of fireball couldn’t compare to the dizziness that fogs your mind. You buck and moan beautifully in his ear. “Don’t want the others to see how bad you’ve been,” he takes out his cock, running himself up and down. Slapping your clit you jolt at the sharp sensation. He moves the panties to the side. “Let me give you what you want luv. Relax for me,” biting his neck, his enlarged tip pushed past your entrance. “Take it, it’s just for you my sweet,” he pants as one hand supports your ass, the other caging you in, hand on door.

Using his powerful muscles he fucks you. You tighten your grip on his shoulders and sinch his waist. “Fuck- Simon- I need you,” head resting on his shoulder, you kiss his neck refraining the loud whines from falling past your lips.

“That’s it baby, it’s all yours,” he growls. And you do, you take every fucking painful inch of his throbbing cock. Hitting the sweet spot deep within you.

“Simon,” you moan, clawing at him. He doesn’t stop. The friction of your panties stimulate your clit. You fuck him back, taking his lips with yours. Licking, biting, breathing messily. Your climax overcomes every single muscular control you hold. Sighing into his mouth he sucks your hot whining. He’s not far behind you as he jerks, coming as he feels you around him.

Setting you down gently he steadies you, before you can stumble. Putting your panties back as you help zip his trousers.

Flushed and tired, you figure it’d be best to go to bed. Holding you close he walks you to your room, always alert.

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sunshinegat0r · 10 months

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I’ve had a song stuck in my head all week, can you guess which one? Also Eustass Kid is so fucking fun to write, what the heck! Modern AU, established relationship, just thought it’d be nice to see him as obsessed with reader as I am with him. 🙃

Perfect ~ Eustass Kid x F!Reader

CW: Swearing, brief mentions of sex acts (masturbation, grinding), nothing too exciting.

WC: ~1.2k

“What’re you doin’?”

You glance over your shoulder and unfold your torso, pulling up the large boxer-briefs patterned with cartoon nuts and bolts. You release the waistband with a flourish and let the elastic snap against your hips with a smirk.

“I feel more comfortable with something on, and-” you glance around the semi-chaotic state of the bedroom, “-I have no idea where my underwear even are.”

“I ripped ‘em off ya.”

“Eustass!” you chide, no real heat behind the words. “I liked that pair!”

The red-head shrugs with a big grin and tucks his arm behind his head, propped against the headboard of his giant-sized bed. He has to admit it’s a nice view, watching you move around his room topless and wearing his clothes.

“Why’re you leavin’ me all alone over here?” Kid sulks.

You move to the desk in the corner, dragging over a small desktop mirror and some makeup wipes. “Some of us have things to do this afternoon and can’t stay in bed all day fucking.” Kid tsks at that - you know he could keep you trapped in his bed if he really wanted to.

“And as much as I love your, uh, art, I don’t think my boss would appreciate it nearly enough,” you tease, peering at your body in the mirror.

Reddish-purple lipstick is smeared all over your skin. While there are rare spots that form a perfect set of lips, it’s mostly lines of color, left from where Eustass Kid dragged his lips along your body as he ravished you. Your lips and neck suffered the most attention, but you blush as you notice the prominent amount concentrated on your breasts, and the trail down your stomach leading in between your legs.

You turn the mirror to meet Kid’s gaze behind you and find he has the most insufferable grin on his face. Truly caught red-handed - or red-lipped - his own mouth is anything but neat and tidy.

You roll your eyes, a soft smile lifting your lips, and adjust the mirror back towards yourself, grabbing a wipe to start removing the evidence. You don’t bother taking a seat at the desk, you just lean over and get to work.

As he watches you with sharp golden eyes, Kid’s smile slips slowly from his face. The gears in his head are spinning fast enough he’s surprised you can’t hear him thinking.

He’s fucked.

Well, technically you both were - he’d made sure of that thoroughly - but he’s in real trouble here.

He can’t tear his eyes off of you. You look so perfect standing there in his underwear, with his marks decorating your pretty skin like the finest museum-worthy art piece. It’s not an unfamiliar sight - the two of you had been dancing this tango for months now. Neither of you wanted to put any labels on it. For Kid, at first it had been a fun distraction from the regular bullshit of living.

Now, thoughts of you distracted him from every other aspect of his life. You were the first thing on his mind when he woke up, checking his beat-up phone for a text from you (since you were usually up hours before him). No matter what his day consisted of, even in the palace of his workshop, it was plagued by thoughts of you. And at night, when he couldn’t sleep for tossing and turning, your eyes, your smile, your body, consumed him as he tugged his aching cock, desperate for your touch to wear him out.

It was safe to say Kid was a bit obsessed, which was new territory for him. But as he watched you, all soft curves and graceful limbs, humming tunelessly and tapping your foot a little, he knew. All he ever really wanted was you.

You straighten from the desk and give yourself a final once-over in the mirror, satisfied with your work. You haven’t bothered cleaning up the marks below your neck - the collar of your shirt will hide all of that.

And besides, you… Kind of like the idea of walking around with Kid’s claims burning on your skin, with no one else the wiser. The thought brings a warm flush to your cheeks and you turn sheepishly towards the bed.

You’re surprised out of your own embarrassing thoughts by the sight of Kid looking just as flustered. Briefly you wonder if he knew what you intended by leaving yourself in such a state. His large hand is covering his eyes but it’s not enough to hide the blush bathing his own cheeks and tips of his ears, bright red against his pale skin.

Padding softly over to the side of the bed where he’s reclining, you lean in and blow a gentle puff of air into his ear. Kid jumps and swears, staring at you like a deer caught in headlights. It’s enough to make you giggle; you’ve never seen his feathers look so ruffled.

“Penny for your thoughts, babe?” The question is dripping with false innocence as you walk your fingers up his arm.

Kid scowls and looks away, twists his arm to grab your wandering hand with his own. You yelp when he tugs you back into his lap and you settle, straddling him. You’re suddenly glad for his underwear; flimsy barrier though it may be, anything to give you a chance not to be lured back into his clutches.

Eustass Kid was never one to back down from a challenge and he’s not about to start now. Despite the heat still painting his face he manages to pin you with his golden gaze. His mouth works for a few moments before he forces the words out through clenched teeth.

“Just… Realized how much ya mean to me. How - whenever I think about what I want, you’re top of th’ list. By leagues.”

Your eyes widen and you feel like you could melt straight through the bed, the floor, into the earth below. You thought your face was on fire before - now it’s your turn to cover it with your hands.

At least, you try, but Kid has a firm grip on your left hand and he’s not letting go to save you any dignity. If anything, your reaction seems to have given him some of his cocky swagger back.

He snickers at your distress and gathers both of your hands into his large one, raising your arms above your head and leering at you like a fresh-caught prize. “What’s wrong, treasure?” he coos ominously. “Can’t handle a little sincerity?”

You shake your head and let out a surprised gasp when he pulls you against his chest, his mouth immediately back on your neck and undoing all your hard work. “Only you could turn such an embarrassing confession to your favORRrr,” you mutter, a particularly hard nip turning the last syllable into a quaking moan.

You feel an inescapable hardness growing through your stolen underwear. A secret smile spreads across your lips and you arch against Kid’s chest, grinding your hips down and wrenching a garbled curse from him against your skin.

You were definitely going to be late for work.

Tag List: @zoros-sheath @quinloki (Your pinned post says to tag you in any Kid stuff so here I am hello goodbye 🫣)

#one piece #one piece x reader #eustass captain kid #captain eustass kid #eustass kid x reader #eustass kid #kid x reader #kid x you #one piece fanfiction #modern au #sunshinegator writes

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manjiroscum · 1 year

Text

SWEET PEA

Character/s: Bonten!Manjiro Sano

Warnings: f!reader, mature language, explicit sexual themes, breeding, a bit of fluff, reader gets a bit insecure, hybrid au, reader is a bunny hybrid + has some bunny features, heat cycles mentioned, creampie, rough sex, and pet names used. Minors do not interact.

Note: commissioned by bby grey @bunnyjiros 💕 thank you as always luv and i hope you like it! 🥺

Synopsis: Manjiro sometimes wishes you wouldn't shy away from expressing your desires.

WC: 1.3k

“She’s turning two this year and it won’t be long before she welcomes a new sibling.”

Beaming smiles were worn by every woman sitting around the table that morning. Brunch was decided on and frankly, you wished you didn’t eat so much. You remember every fleeting glance and inquisitive question sent each other's way. It was supposed to be a get-together with old friends from high school whom you haven’t kept in touch with since graduation due to the duties and tight schedules brought by adult life. But the second you showed up, they were not alone. Everyone gushed about their children and babies that you were sure your floppy ears hurt hearing the same thing. Unlike your fellow hybrid friends, the joys of motherhood were foreign to you. Knowing nothing about labor pains or the hardships of taking care of a newborn, you fell listen as they conversed about it. The sandwich you chewed and swallowed made your stomach hurt slightly while you sat there motionless.

Becoming a parent wasn’t a dream of yours. Heck, you only wanted to survive and graduate from university. The next step after that was to get a job and become stable. The same was true for your friends so it surprised you to see them all building a family of their own. So much can occur and change in five years that it terrifies you. However, the image of having a little one in the future slowly bloomed into your picture of perfection when Sano Manjiro entered your life. While they had their families and other mundane occurrences in their lives, you had your husband, Mikey, who was Bonten’s undefeated leader. The joy of introducing him to your friends waned with each passing moment as they spoke, afraid of their judgemental stares and possible crass comments. What was even worse…

The green-horned monster was rearing its ugly face toward them, eyeing each of their material possessions and the people they hold dear.

“Babe? You doin’ alright?”

Yet, what overpowered that unpleasant state of envy was sheer melancholy. To have and give your lover a child has been one of your plans ever since you tied the knot with Manjiro. There was this unexplained desire to see the most powerful man in Tokyo dote on a small human being and hold them in such gentle ways akin to touching a precious gem. Yet, above that desire was another one—to see your husband smile. However, what was stopping you from discontinuing your birth control and just asking Manjiro to put a baby inside you was his lack of voicing his wishes to have one. That alone was enough to have you sitting there in silence, unable to tear away your gaze from the mirror until your husband had to speak up about his concern.

“Manji, can I ask you something?”

The rest of the jewelry you put on for that gathering was all safely placed inside the velvet box that was filled with other accessories gifted by your husband standing a few feet behind you. You locked eyes with his onyx ones that were normally listless around others. His brow raised, a sign for you to shoot your question away. Clearing your throat, you braced yourself for his response while structuring the inquiry.

“Um, I’ve been thinking… Well, first off, today’s brunch was excellent and I had fun. Second, my friends were discussing things like their babies and children. They were all so cute, Manji! I couldn’t help but gush about them once I saw photos of their chubby cheeks and small hands.” You didn’t realize it, but Manjiro noticed you were now rambling. It didn’t have to take him too long to know that you were nervous, especially with how your floppy ears were stiff due to anxiety. Instead of pointing it out, he opted to let you finish and get to the point with a small curl on his lips. “Don’t you think babies are so tiny and cute? I bet my babies will be cuter than theirs though. I mean, they will be since they’re a combination of you and me. Wouldn’t you agree, Manji?”

“So, you want a baby?” Manjiro, in all his stoic glory, cracked a smile at what you were obviously hinting at from the start. He confirmed he hit the truth once you froze in your seat, eyes slightly widened. He bet that your cheeks were as hot as a summer day, hoping for them to be cooled down by his calloused fingertips. Abashedly, you nodded your head in agreement. There was no use lying to Manjiro. He always seems to have a way of finding out the truth at the end of the day. Plus, beating around the bush with this topic would not satiate your mind seeking for answers on whether he shared the same wish or not. As a response to your harmless query, your husband silently diminished the distance between you two. Your eyes followed his every move from the way his hands sought after your face to the moment he lowered his head to plant a kiss on your lips. Parting from you for a second, he whispered, “If you want it so badly, I’m more than willing to start now. We can do it every day until your heat comes to be extra sure. What do ‘ya say?”

“Well… I don’t want to do this without your consent first and asking if you want a kid—”

Manjiro acted swiftly than your doubts. He knew you like the back of his hand. If anything, he would rather keep you happy than ever witness you fighting back your emotions while staring at a blurry sky. He ignored your slightly panicked expression and kept a straight face on while lifting you from your seat.

Of course, anything you wanted shall be yours.

Your bare back hit the mattress, rubbing against the material as he ground himself against your aching core. His mouth heatedly kissed yours. His adept tongue explored and relished your taste. You were silenced by his loving onslaught of affections, mind rendered silent as you received his gentle but arousing touches. Your floppy ears twitched when he nipped your neck which was accompanied by your mewls at the ticklish yet hot sensation. Manjiro hoped to leave his mark on the supple flesh. He wasn’t going to admit it aloud right now, but when he heard you wanted a child—his child, never has he experienced such bliss that clouded his mind to the point all he could think of was your stomach round with his offspring and the thought of stuffing you full of his fertile cum.

“Baby! Ah, please. Please… Please fuck a baby in me. Wanna have your babies!”

Manjiro was out of control. He cared less and less if his hands left imprints on your hips, wrists, thighs, or any other part of your body as he thrust his cock into your sopping wet cunt. A thick white ring formed around his girthy length that, too, coated his balls that were slapping your ass each time. Even your sensitive floppy ears fell victim to his rough treatment, being held up tightly as he pounded your pussy away. You, on the other hand, screamed for more. Your husband may not be a hybrid like you, however, he was on par with a beast in its rutting season. Every thrust had you begging for more, hoping for him to fill your cunt up until his balls could no longer produce any semen. And that was exactly what you and he wanted—to go at it like animals.

To breed and be bred.

“Fuck, babe…” Manjiro grunted as he climaxed for the fourth time tonight. A hiss escaped his lips at the sight of your abused pussy creamed, dripping as you sobbed into the mattress. Your mind was long gone from its rational state, drunk off on euphoria. Fixing your hair and floppy ears, your husband leaned down to lick on your nape before biting the spot. You were too weak to do anything or even react, just laying there in all your vulnerable form. “Ready to be a mommy? You better be ready to keep this up.

#❣️pat.coms #tokyo revengers smut #tokyo revengers x reader #tr smut #tokrev smut #tokrev x reader #tokrev x y/n #sano manjiro smut #manjiro sano smut #manjiro x y/n #sano manjiro #tw.breeding #tw.hybrids

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f10werfae · 2 years

Text

Bedazzled and Bewildered

pairing: Husband!Chris Evans x Shy!Reader

Summary: Y/n is supposed to be celebrating one of her major stepping stones but that seems to be far from her friends' intentions. Thankfully Chris always knows what to do

- Requests are open!

Likes, Comments and Re-blogs are appreciated♥️

Chris Evans Masterlist💫

Full Masterlist⭐️

Taglist Form✨

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

(Y/n's P.O.V)

“o-oh yeah that’s totally okay, I get it” I said quietly watching my friends get into a limo after our night out. Sure I wasn’t the type to come out of my comfort zone, but that doesn’t mean I don’t mind being left out of social events. Tonight we were celebrating my engagement to Chris, something Stephanie herself had planned actually. Only to find out there wasn’t enough room in the limo for all 8 of us..

“Oh Y/n you don’t mind right, it’s just all of us haven’t hung out together in a while” Grace smiled linking onto the other girls while they faced me on the pavement, the limo waiting in the background.

“But I thought-“ I said feeling my cheeks start to heat up, the alcohol clearly taking its effect strongly

“Well we know it’s not your thing so we thought it’d be chill if you just went on home? I mean that’s okay right? The hotel room only has beds enough for us, plus you’re a home body anyway”

So now i’m stood at the front of a random club in a part of town i’ve never been to before, and Chris is out with his buddies tonight. Starting to feel a bit scared I (as a reflex) felt myself start to shake a little bit and wobble, however finding the courage to hail down a yellow cab and heading straight home.

I got through the front door, yeah my social battery was basically dead, but I would’ve loved to spend some time with my friends tonight. Dodger instantly ran towards me, his wet snout sniffing all over as he licked my hands and face, at least someone was in a good mood tonight

Giving him his usual fill of cuddles I walked up to our bedroom, changing into my favourite pair of fluffy baby blue pyjamas. With my makeup now off and my hair combed back into a bun, I padded on downstairs and settled onto the couch.

With Disney plus now playing the original Peter Pan movie, I felt warm tears slide down my cheeks, not even wanting to check my phone when it said there were videos sent into our group chat. Cuddling into Dodger, I slowly felt myself calm down; the movie giving me a sense of homely comfort. Trying to ignore the throbbing dizzying pain in my head, I shoved my face more into the soft couch pillow.

Even back in high school I never meant to be the butt of their jokes, i’d rather stay quiet than make them uncomfortable, so I guess that’s where I need to improve

(Chris' P.O.V)

“Alright guys I think imma head home, I wanna be there when my girl gets home tomorrow, hopefully not too drunk” I said waving off to the guys as I left the house where we were getting together to watch the game. My heart swelling with pride with the fact I had someone to get home to, that didn’t have fur of course.

God I can’t wait for Y/n to get home, heck I was proud of her for going out tonight. Recently she had been struggling a lot with social anxiety with the paps constantly on our case cause of the engagement. Still smelling her sweet vanilla scent on me I drove up the driveway, expecting the house to be empty.

“Did I leave a light on or somethin?” I whispered to myself getting out of my car and opening the door warily. A soft smile finding its way onto my face when I wandered in to see Dodger and Y/n snuggling on the sofa with a Disney movie on in the back.

“What are you doin back so soon baby?” I asked coming to stand in front of her, her big doe eyes peering up at me with a frown on her red flushed face. That’s when I knew something was wrong.

(Y/n's P.O.V)

“I-I don’t know what I did wrong” My throat closing up as I felt sobs threaten to break out from me. Chris pursing his lips and bending down to pick me up, his hands wrapping around me as I hung onto him like a koala.

“Let’s get you more comfy sweet girl and then we can talk yeah?”

Nodding my head, he carried me into our bedroom, peeling back our soft cotton covers and setting me in. Getting changed himself into his own sweatpants,

“Ya still can’t be getting shy like this bunny” He smirked watching me cover my face under the blanket once he got nude, before pulling up his sweatpants.

“Cant help it, you’re too handsome” I muttered feeling him slip into bed beside me, he gently pulled down the sheets covering my face.

“Ya wanna talk about what happened today bun?” He said pulling me to lay my head on his chest as he sat against the headboard, his hands playing and ruffling my hair as I talked away.

“Well you know how the girls and I went out to a bar tonight right?”

“Mhm” He hummed pulling back the hair strands that usually frame my face

“W-well we were supposed to stay the night at a hotel”

“Yeah ya told me that bun” He said pressing a kiss on my forehead, my fingers playing with the strings of his sweatpants.

“So once we got out of the bar, they told me that the limo didn’t have enough room and neither did the hotel room. S-so they jus told me to go home” I sniffed, feeling Chris tense up behind me, his hands stopping in my hair.

“Hold on, so how did you get home? You’ve never been to that side of town before”

“I took a cab” I muttered out already knowing what his reaction was going to be like.

“Baby you know that’s not safe. We don’t know who the paps are, you shoulda called me. Especially when you’re drunk” He sighed out tapping me to sit up and look at him. His lips tightly held together with a sad look on his face

“I know but I didn’t wanna disturb you and I just wanted to get home quickly” I leaned onto him, his arms rubbing my arms softly

“I know bun, but next time you call me alright? N' fuck those friends of yours, excuse the language but what assholes. I don’t want you to hang out with people who put you in these dangerous positions”

“I know, i’ve been thinkin about that a lot recently, i’m sorry for all this Chrissy”

“Hey no need to apologise none of this is your fault, they don’t deserve your precious self. I know Scar and Liz have been asking to go out shopping with you, would you be up for that?”

“Oh yes please” I said feeling myself start to feel better now, tracing my hands over Chris' tattoos before feeling him reach over into the bedside drawer and pull something out.

“Knock yourself out baby” Setting down the body markers, he smiled down at me and kissed my softly knowing exactly what I needed to fully relax. Turning on the T.V for some background noise, he started tracing shapes into my back, watching as I coloured in his tattoos on his chest.

“I love you Chris, I can’t wait to marry you” I whispered

“I love you more Y/n, in my head i’ve already married you baby”

“Ya wanna come out and visit Ma with me tomorrow” His nose nuzzling against my cheek while I worked on the tattoos further up,

“Mhm, I still have to give her the blanket she wanted me to knit”

“I’m still jealous you’ve never knitted me anything”

“Well I mean- It’s”

“YOU HAVE KNITTED ME SOMETHING HAVENT YOU” He shouted catching me red handed, his lips pulled into the smile I fell in love with all those years ago in college.

“B-but it’s not that good” I said pouting sitting up, his fingers tugging on my chin to bring me in for a kiss,

“Come on bub, let me see it” He frowned, placing various pecks all over my face, a smile forcing its way on me. Standing up I walked to my side of the closet, pulling out a soft blue phone pouch

“I heard you complainin about your new phone being too heavy to hold in your hands, So I thought-“

“Baby doll, why didn’t you give me this sooner” I felt Chris take the small pouch out of my hand and set his phone into it, slinging it over his shoulder, a goofy smile on his face.

“Cause it looks stupid” I frowned watching him look at himself posing in the mirror,

“No it doesn’t. Jeez whatd I do to deserve a fine woman like you, always takin care of me” He cooed taking it off and settling us back into bed, a soft smile on my face as I felt him caress the fluff on my pyjamas.

The upset feeling in my stomach started to boil up, my face contorting out of queasiness.

“Oh no” I whispered bolting out of the bed and throwing myself onto the cold bathroom tiles, hunching over and emptying my stomach into the bowl

“Baby” I heard Chris say walking over and hunching down beside me, holding my hair behind my head as he ripped off a bit of tissue and dabbed at the side of my face.

“I’m so sorry Chris, i’m a mess”

“It’s okay baby doll, come up here and let me see ya” Chris had lifted me up and cupped my face, placing a kiss on my forehead before helping me brush my teeth. His arms supporting my now weak and tired body, enveloping me in warmth as we approached the bed once again.

(Chris' P.O.V)

“It’s alright bun, i’ll be here when you wake up” I said softly looking down at the bundle of love laying her head on my chest. Her scented shampoo filling my nostrils, her breaths evening out as her chest rose and fell. My hand combing through her hair, I don’t think I could be any more in love than I am with her.

She’s too good for this world.

———

Taglist Tags (Form is up there^^): @pandaxnienke @patzammit @seren-a-ity @thereisa8ella @mrspeacem1nusone @evanstanwhore @itsaylayay1213 @kimhtoo17 @chrisevansdaughter @vrittivsanghavi @dumb-fawkin-bitch @tojisbabymommy @bxdbxtxh15 @madebylilly

#chris evans x reader #romance #chris evans imagine #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans #chris evans oneshot

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starsandhughes · 1 year

Text

Penalty Box— Quinn Hughes Edition (Part Two)

SERIES MASTERLIST

previous: one

next: three

*** this is still attached to my trevor penalty box series so there will be connections and like when they play together it’ll probably be one post on the trevor one. so y/n is dating trevor and quinn is best friend

ps 103 votes and over 90% a yes for this?? i must give the people what they want ;)

THURSDAY, MARCH 2, 2023

yourusername

liked by _quinnhughes, jackhughes, and 5,483 others

yourusername here by popular demand: welcome to my postgame penalty box update: quinn hughes addition! after he was a rude head to jason robertson on monday, he was an angel against the wild! (heck the wild, though. he should’ve been a menace) my second greatest enemy has returned to his place as my #1 best friend with 1 game without going into the house of sin💙 proud of you huggy bear!!!

tagged _quinnhughes

view all 388 comments

_quinnhughes i didn’t ask to be apart of this but thank you?

yourusername you’re very welcome quinnathan<3 (ps i have to do this i’m giving the fans what they want)

_quinnhughes do you though?

yourusername YES QUINNATHAN and as my BEST FRIEND you’re supposed to support me in every endeavor!!

jackhughes @/yourusername I FORGOT YOU CALL HIM THAT HA! HI QUINNATHAN

_quinnhughes @/jackhughes i’ll end you

lhughes_06 proud of you quinnathan!

_quinnhughes @/lhughes_06 please no

user1 FINALLY

user2 they really hoed us on the broadcast there was hardly any quinn screen time :(

trevorzegras first his own scrapbook now THIS?! i’m appalled.

_quinnhughes “now playing “get over it” by the eagles” ~y/n to alex at some point

_alexturcotte that’s a true statement

yourusername yeah what i said^^^ love you,always, my z🧡

trevorzegras @/yourusername sounds fake but i love you, forever

user3 BACKWARDS HAT QUINN! I REPEAT BACKWARDS HAT QUINN

jackhughes so proud of you big bro🥰💙🥹

yourusername he’s doin so good skatin and shit

jackhughes the best

_quinnhughes i don’t like this

user4 i’m screaming please let this be a regular thing

user5 okay but what’s the plan for the canucks vs ducks game?

yourusername chaos. the plan is chaos.

lhughes_06 my hero💙💚💙

yourusername he’s such an inspiration

trevorzegras i aspire to be like him

_quinnhughes i’m not having a good time

yourusername @_quinnhughes don’t be silly! of course you are!

_eliaspettersson legend

yourusername truly

#penalty box series #penalty box series: quinn hughes edition #quinn hughes #quinn hughes insta edit #quinn hughes imagine #quinn hughes x reader #trevor zegras #jack hughes #luke hughes #vancouver canucks #nhl imagine #nhl #trevor zegras x reader

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moqi2004 · 3 months

Note

Omgomg I need to see Dalv being introduced to Starlo's family

Hi! Sorry for how long this took! I wrote about 400 words last Wednesday and couldn't get myself to write more, and I was busy after that. It's done now though, and I hope you enjoy! I will tell you that on the proofread, I screamed to myself saying "THEY'RE GAY" multiple times out loud.

And to the anon who more recently asked for this same thing, you get your wish early :) congrats!

Family Introductions

Words: 1530

Cross-Posted on Ao3

Tags: implied past Staroba (one sided), family interactions, fluff, self-consciousness, anxiety, family teasing, sugary sweet, reassurances, Starlo being a proud boyfriend.

Summary: Starlo takes Dalv to meet his family in Sunnyside Farm. Dalv is understandably nervous about this. He finds that he has nothing to worry about.

Fic under the cut. Enjoy :)

Dalv’s first time in the Wild East had been the most fun he’s ever had. At first, the heat had been difficult to deal with, and the grains of sand loitering around within his shoes were almost unbearable. Luckily for him, his boyfriend was there. Starlo had offered to carry his cloak while they walked, which Dalv was quite happy to let him do. He also rolled up the sleeves on his shirt, attempting to cool down his body as much as possible. It didn’t take Dalv long to notice that Starlo was staring at him, eyes widened and face slightly flushed. Dalv bashfully held back from bringing it up.

He made a mental note of the reaction regardless.

The Wild East itself was a quaint little tourism spot with limited technology. Dalv noticed that most shopping and general commerce was done in Oasis Valley just west of there, while classic Dunes entertainment was celebrated right here. With a rustic tavern and even a jail (for show, thankfully), the place felt like it had jumped right out of a children’s tale! The aesthetic and charm quickly drew Dalv in, allowing to forget about the unbearable heat for just a moment.

Having the opportunity to meet all of Starlo’s friends was truly a blessing for him. After saying a quick hello to Ceroba, who he had kept in close contact with after she visited him in Snowdin with a box full of corn, he was introduced to The Feisty Four. They were all a joy to get to know. Dalv was content to sit and watch as Ed and Moray teased and bantered with Starlo, Ace staying back with him to make sure he was comfortable. Dalv had to reassure Ace a couple of times that he didn’t feel like he was being dragged around or forced into goofing with the posse. Star did have to stop Mooch from looting Dalv’s person a couple of times.

The two of them didn’t linger for very long, however. While Starlo did consider his posse as a second family, the real reason the two came all this way was so Dalv could visit Starlo’s family. As the two walked past Blackjack’s and out of town, Dalv couldn’t ignore how his heart began to race and his mind began to panic. What if Star’s family didn’t approve of their relationship? What if they didn’t like him? What would he do if things went wrong? Would he and Star have to…?

“Hey, Dal? You doin’ okay? Yer shakin’ a bit…”

Dalv’s attention quickly snapped towards Starlo. In his thoughts he had failed to notice that they had stopped walking, the pair’s hands carefully intertwined. Starlo could probably feel just how sweaty Dalv’s palm was starting to become.

“Uh- I’m…”

Dalv wanted to tell Starlo that everything was okay…

He knew that would help nothing.

“I’m worried… I don’t really know if your family will like me…”

“Dal…” Starlo reached towards him with his free hand and rested it against his cheek, “I know my Ma and Pa will love ya. With a huge heart like yers, I know they’ll see ya for the monster I love. Heck, with the dedication to yer work and experience growin’ corn yerself, I’m sure even Orion will get along with ya! All you need to do is be the vampire I fell in love with.”

“But what if they hate me-”

“If they hate ya I’ll drag ya outta there and shower ya with all the kind words ya deserve t’hear.”

“So you won’t… Leave?”

“Of course not, darlin’... Never.”

Starlo leant forwards and pressed a delicate, reassuring kiss to Dalv’s forehead. Dalv allowed his shoulders to relax and nestled himself within his boyfriend’s arms. Star returned the hug eagerly, pressing a couple more light kisses to his horns. Dalv was unsure why he was so apprehensive in the first place. He had Starlo, after all. He knew the Sheriff was a noble and kind soul. He was ashamed to even think that he considered Star leaving him because of his family’s reactions.

“So, uh,” Starlo spoke up, the two still embraced, “you still ‘aight to do this?”

“Of course,” Dalv broke away with a warm smile, “lead the way.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *. 🦇 .* :☆ ﾟ｡･ ───

Dalv was certain he had stepped into his own personal heaven. He knew that was probably a little sad, calling a corn farm the equivalent of paradise, but he truly couldn’t help it! The farm was a quaint little area with a corn field bigger than what Dalv could ever grow back in The Ruins. A cute, cobbled path and a little white house completed the homely feel that Sunnyside Farm radiated so strongly. Nearby, a four-pointed star in messy overalls and a plaid shirt was tending to the crops. Star momentarily glanced towards Dalv before waving.

“HEYYY, ORION!” he yelled, causing Dalv to jump a little.

The star turned around, eyebrow raised and lips drawn in a line of mild annoyance. He then caught sight of Dalv, who squeezed Starlo’s hand for support as the two were approached.

“Starlo,” Orion briefly regarded, “who’s this?”

“Right!” Starlo moved his hand from Dalv’s to wrap his arm around his shoulder, “Orion, this is Dalv, my partner! Dalv, this is Orion, my brother!”

“H-Hello there,” Dalv held out his hand for Orion to shake, "It's, uh, nice to meet you. This farm looks so well maintained, you must do an excellent job keeping the crops at this quality. I struggled to grow my own in The Ruins because of the lighting conditions and drab environment, but I found that with enough love and care the stalks can still grow to be incredibly strong and durable. It really portrays the… Strength of the… Plant…”

Dalv trailed off, eyes wide. Oh no, he’d been caught corn rambling! How could he let himself do that??? He focused back on reality when he felt his outstretched hand move up and down.

“You managed to grow corn in a place like that?” Orion asked, letting go of Dalv’s hand.

“Yea, he did!” Starlo chimed in, looking at Dalv with the proudest expression, “really impressive stuff, too! I’ve seen it myself!”

“Ah, it’s nothing that impressive-” Dalv began.

“Starlo!”

The three turned at the call of Star’s name. A sun monster and a moon monster walked down the steps of the house’s front porch. Starlo happily waved to the both of them, Dalv looking at him and then giving a small, shy wave of his own. When the two approached, the moon wrapped Starlo into a hug, which he seemed content with accepting. The sun monster came over to jostle the hat on Star’s head, as if ruffling the hair he didn’t have. The two then regarded Dalv, who Star was eager to introduce.

“Ma, Pa, this is Dalv! He’s, uh…” Star flushed a light pink, “he’s my partner.”

The two simultaneously looked to Dalv, who willed himself not to shrink backwards at the attention. He’d done many organ concerts at this point, but the stage fright from that could barely compare to the anxiety he felt at this moment. He steeled his mind. Please don’t hate me please don’t hate me please-

Dalv feels his hands being held. It felt different to Starlo’s hands-

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Dalv,” the moon monster smiled sweetly, holding both of his hands within her own, “my name is Crestina. I’m Starlo’s Mother. Thank you so much for being there for my little boy.”

“Ma, please…”

“Oh, it’s no problem at all, miss,” Dalv beamed.

“My name’s Solomon,” the sun monster added, “and truly, I’m glad Starlo finally found someone else after all these years. I thought that after Ceroba, he’d-”

“Pa, come on!”

“Sorry, sorry!” Solomon let out a hearty laugh.

“Don’t pay them no mind, Dal, I beg of ya…”

“Don’t worry, Star” Dalv looked at his boyfriend.

Dalv wasn’t sure what came over him after that. He just… Spoke.

“Honestly, I should be thanking all of you,” he began, “thank you for raising Star. I’m so happy I was able to meet him. He’s the kind of monster who can make any situation fun; who can bring joy everywhere he goes. He’s just so… Warm. So much so that I feel that same warmth whenever I’m with him. He’s supportive of me and my art, he’s amazing to talk to, and the only person I can think of spending all my time with… I couldn’t imagine life as it was before I met him… So thank you for having me, and uh, hopefully I can be the monster to stay by your son’s side.”

Dalv turned to Starlo, who’s face was a glowing scarlet. His jaw hung slack and his eyes were blown wide under his hat.

“He’s perfect,” Crestina whispered to herself.

“Huh?” Dalv looked towards her, hands still within hers.

“Come with me, Dalv,” Crestina began to walk, gently guiding Dalv along with her, “I simply must show you our family photo album. I can assure you, my Starlight was an absolute treasure growing up-”

“MA!”

------------------------------------------------

REBLOGS > LIKES

#corn yaoi #uty dalv #uty starlo #uty north star #darlo #undertale yellow #writing requests

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natalynsie · 4 months

Text

What A Million Bucks Can't Buy (Heatherra Oneshot)

[req from anonymous. I really hope you like it! I had a lot of fun writing it]

“Karaoke! Let’s do karaoke!” Sierra suggested to the other contestants. It was a celebration. All twenty-three (Blaineley wasn’t invited- she was old, and Ezekiel was in the hospital thanks to DJ) of the Total Drama contestants were having a party to celebrate the end of their time on reality T.V. at the resort in Hawaii.

Heather was probably the most ecstatic she had been in a long time. After almost a year of dealing with Chris’ challenges, she finally won the money she deserved. Getting her hair shaved off, losing a tooth, it was all worth it now. She couldn’t believe Ezekiel almost took the money- with the angle he was going at, he was going to fall into the volcano WITH the money. Thankfully, DJ interfered and no one died. Yet. Ezekiel was on the verge of death, and Heather was pretty sure medical interference wouldn’t save him. Anyways, the point was, she had the money! And she was always down for a game of karaoke- what was the point of music if Heather wasn’t the one singing it?

“To the Total Drama theme song!”

Oh. Well, what the heck?

“I’m in!” Heather volunteered.

She ran up to the makeshift stage (a.k.a. the step from the dining room into the kitchen) next to Sierra, who was out of her wheelchair. A trip to the hospital fixed whatever was going on with her legs. Thank god.

“The Total Drama theme song?” Leshawna asked. “After all of this, I want to forget the words ‘total’ and ‘drama’.”

“Oh come on. It’s a formative experience of all of our teenage lives now!” Sierra argued.

“I just want to do karaoke, don’t drag me in with her,” Heather said.

Soon enough, someone booted up a computer and connected it to the speakers. Geoff found an instrumental version of the theme song, and it wasn’t like anyone needed the lyrics. Sierra and Heather were both holding bananas that DJ tossed them from the kitchen (he was making salads) as microphones.

“I can’t believe I’m singing the theme song with the actual contestants of Total Drama!” Sierra exclaimed, jumping up and down. “Eee!”

“It’s starting, chill,” Heather ordered. “You’ve been saying this type of stuff all season.”

The music began to play.

“Dear mom and dad, I’m doin’ fine,” Heather and Sierra began, synchronized. Heather was fighting the smile off her face and Sierra’s grin was wider than a football field. “You guys are on my mind.”

“You asked me what I wanted to be and now I think the answer is plain to see,”

“I wanna be famous.”

Heather stopped fighting the smile. For god’s sake, she was holding a banana as a microphone. And singing the Total Drama theme song with Sierra. Plus, karaoke was one of her favorite things to do at a party. Heather always outshined everyone there.

“I wanna live close to the sun,” Heather jabbed a thumb at her chest.

“Go pack your bags, ‘cause I’ve already won,” Sierra pretended to send cash flying from her hands while still holding the microphone.

“Everything to prove, nothing in my way,” Heather swished her hands from side to side.

“I’ll get there one day.” Sierra’s eyes grew creases.

“‘Cause I wanna be famous!” Heather squeezed her eyes shut as she yelled the line.

“Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na!” Heather and Sierra leant in closer to one another.

“I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!” The two shouted the lyrics.

“I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!”

A couple people whistling in the empty dining room finished off the song. Heather stood up straight and grinned, Sierra copying her actions.

“You are a great singer, Heather,” Bridgette complimented, stepping into the kitchen.

“I know,” Heather threw her hair over her shoulder. “And stop doing your ‘aftermath show’ personality. There are no cameras here!”

“Sorry. Being here has me in stage mode.” Bridgette motioned at everyone. “You are pretty okay at singing, though. Congrats on the million, even if I’m still kind of bummed that Courtney didn’t win. Should’ve been a tiebreaker.”

“That’s better.”

“I’m still pissed about that!” Courtney yelled, from somewhere nearby. “I hate Chris!”

“Salads are done guys!” DJ yelled. He placed a few bowls on the counter at a time, constantly turning back to take the rest.

Heather was about to go grab one for herself. She could use a bite of decent food after all of her time spent on that plane. And DJ’s salads were usually godlike.

“Here, Heather!” Sierra passed Heather a bowl. It was a little emptier than she thought it was going to be. She looked up to Sierra’s own salad, which was a bit fuller. She looked for a difference between the two, and then realized- hers didn’t have spinach. That was weird. It wasn’t like she didn’t like spinach- well, there was that one time she got spinach stuck in her teeth, but she still liked spinach.

Weird.

“Uh, thanks, Sierra.” Heather walked towards the living room and took a seat on the couch facing the T.V. Cody, Gwen, and Trent were playing Mario Kart. The three of them were on the ground to get a better look at the game, so the couch was empty. Sierra sat next to Heather.

“Beat them up, Cody!” Heather cheered.

“Go Cody!” Sierra added.

“I’m trying!” Cody yelled, frantic. It looked like Trent was winning, and Gwen was trading spots with Cody. “Darn it Trent, how are you so good?”

“I have literally never played this game in my life,” Trent deadpanned.

“What a show-off,” Gwen complained.

“It’s not my fault that I’m just good.”

“You’re the worst.”

“I think you mean the best.”

Heather finished her salad and placed it on a side table. She watched Gwen, Trent, and Cody play a few more rounds, Trent winning all of them. When they were done, the T.V. was free for the taking. Heather and Sierra were left alone in the room as the other three exited to the dining room.

“Heather, wanna watch the Saw movies?” Sierra asked.

“Um,” Heather gave Sierra a look, “what is up today?”

“What?”

“We did karaoke, which is normal for a party, but happens to be one of my favorite activities. Then you gave me a salad that didn’t have spinach in it, which was weird because every other salad had spinach in it. Now you ask me if I want to watch my favorite movie series that I never told you was my favorite movie series. What is going on?”

Sierra shifted on the couch, averting her eyes. “I mean, you know I know basically everything about you guys. And I kind of wanted to do some stuff I knew you liked. Just because I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Heather rolled her eyes. “Well thanks, but next time don’t be weird. You did not have to take the spinach out of that salad. That was stupid.”

“Sorry.”

“Come on,” Heather stood up. “I think I could use some fresh air. Let’s sit outside.”

The beach was empty. The stars were bright. Heather took her seat on a towel in the sand, and Sierra sat next to her. Thank god there wasn’t wind, or else she would be covered in sand. She wasn’t the biggest fan of the beach because of the sand, but she still loved it because she looked very nice in bikinis. But the best part of the beach was the peacefulness there was at night. And it was warm in Hawaii, about the temperature of summer in British Columbia.

The stars were bright, and Heather couldn’t help but stare at them. She assumed Sierra was doing the same thing.

“Sierra, I have a question,” Heather began.

“Hm?” Sierra responded.

“Why were you doing nice things for me?”

“Well, you kind of made me realize something.” Sierra turned towards Heather. Heather returned her gaze. “You should matter more to me than any guy ever should.”

Heather felt a sudden warmth in her face. “Oh.” She smiled a little bit. Sierra grinned back. “You too, actually.”

“Well, in your very own words, boyfriends are temporary, but girlfriends are forever.”

“Yeah.” Heather’s smile turned soft as her eyes dropped to Sierra’s lips.

Sierra took the hint, and gave Heather a small kiss on her lips. It lasted only a moment, but it was pretty perfect.

Heather turned back to face the ocean. She dropped her head to Sierra’s shoulder, and lost herself in the night. A million bucks couldn’t buy a septillion stars.

#td #total drama #fanfic #fanfiction #heatherra #td heather #td sierra #total drama heather #total drama sierra #heather td #sierra td #heather total drama #sierra total drama #oneshot #natie fics

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yukkisagi · 10 months

Text

"in your dreams"

"hopefully when i'm awake too"

in which oliver aiku swears your his favorite, even though he's the most self centered, inconsiderate, apathetic asshole to ever exist. - this is quite literally just word vomit, nothing really happens honestly - implied past sexual relations, a lil toxic and intoxicated, lil suggestive, fuckboy oliver aiku, not proofread -over my dead body would i ever let him hit, i swear no cap

oliver aiku, with all his glory and dignity, was standing at your front door clearly intoxicated.

this isn't the first time you've witnessed this scene, but it definitely wasn't a common occurrence. with you arms across your chest, you impatiently wait for his newest excuse for disturbing your sleep in the middle of night.

"hey baby," he grins, eyes barely peeking through his shaggy bangs. "what are you still doin' awake at this hour?"

"why are you here?" you immediately snapped, not allowing him to have control of the conversation at hand.

"aw c'mon stop playin'," he coos as he reaches over to wrap an arm around you. "you know why i'm here."

"i do huh?" you push his arms back.

"stop that," he groans as he muscles his way back onto your body. believing that you were no match for strength. "just say you miss like you always do."

"wrong girl," you shove your shoulder into his chest and try to create space between you two, earning a slight wince as you escape his grasp. "go home aiku."

"baby, you know you're my favorite." he follows you into your house, closing the door behind him. you internally scream at your own instincts for failing to immediately slam the door in his face.

"you say that to every girl."

"that's not true sweetie, you've always been special."

"god it's like you literally have no soul." you finally halt your angry rapid steps, whipping around to face him. "just always copy and pasting a script to any girl that has the honor of your grace.

you wish you could confidently say you saw just a glimpse of hurt in his slightly widened eyes when you spit your insults at him, but you knew better then that. oliver aiku was just a carcass of a boy, not a drop of love, goodness or consideration in his blood.

he knows he can't be offended by words that couldn't be any truer. did it still sting a little because it came out of your mouth? who knows?

"aw cmon, who do you call when your black out drunk? and who do i coming running to when i'm drunk?" he points out.

as your cringe at the multiple flashbacks of your not so proudest moments, he sneaks up to you, pressing his forehead against yours. as you are about to shove him off again, your hands freeze at his chest as you meet his secret weapon - the ever so enchanting perfectly mismatched eyes.

"it's like, we're made for each other." he encases you hands with his own, holding them close to his chest while his eyes sparkle into yours, as if they're trying to envelop you in some ridiculous fairy tale.

that dramatic statement easily brings you back to reality though. was he always this dramatic? did he always talk like a character from movies like the notebook?

"intoxication does not define a relationship," you scoff and look away, regaining your composure and attempt to push him again. "now get off of me you disgusting drunkard."

"fine you're right, but i do have some redeeming qualities ya know?" he smirks, satisfied by your slip up and winning back the upper hand. his confidence is now back in tenfold.

"do you now?" you ridicule. "i haven't seen any."

"i bring you take out when your busy studying for finals, heck i even remember when you have finals!" he proudly puffs his chest out at something so miniscule to you. "i even bring you medicine afterwards too, since you get sick every single time."

"so you're like, my servant?" you slowly spell out.

"you know what, that has a nice ring to it." he winks at you with a cheeky grin as he flattens your fingers against the buttons of his shirt that is barely covering his chest. "i'd love to be your servant."

the devil works hard, but when it comes to chasing pussy, oliver aiku suddenly has the drive of a college student using adderall the night before their finals for a failing class.

"in your dreams." you swat his hands away, knowing exactly what kind of servant he actually wants to be.

"hopefully when i'm awake too."

"you are such an asshole." you start moving towards your room again, hopefully you'll be able to slam the door on his face this time.

"so are you," he pouts. "you're wounding me sweetheart."

"i wish i could physically wound you." the audacity this man had to continue his attempts of buttering you up even as you were about to bitch slap him across the face was unbelievable.

"what if i just wanted innocent cuddles, someone to just keep me warming during these cold nights?"

"nothing that comes out of your mouth is innocent. and it is literally summer." you state flatly, now really wanting to slap him. "can you just go home now, i'm tired of talking in circle with you."

"you're right, i'm tired too. lets just shut up." he grins as finally he envelops you in a hug that not even arnold schwarzenegger himself could probably escape, muffling your voice into his chest before you can say anything else.

he was way too warm, probably from all the alcohol, and it was hard to fight back. you try to wiggle out only to be met with a playful hum. once your movements finally stills, he sighs into your hair, fingertips gripping at your waist tighter then they already were.

"see?" he starts waddling you both into your bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him. "there's no point in being mean, even if it is a little hot."

now your grateful to be in his embrace to hide your completely flushed cheeks.

you always knew why you hated him. because even if it was just for a brief moment, you loved being special to him. you loved being the apple to his eye. you loved the attention he gave you and you hated that you would probably do anything keep him all of it to yourself.

as aiku drops the both of you onto the bed, his drunk thoughts are finally beginning to settle in. he is not vulnerable man, but even he could admit that this just felt right. your bed holding the two of you, his arms securing you in his chest, your warmth enveloping him and his heartbeat steadily thumping against yours, as if it was trying to find your heart to sync with.

no amount of alcohol could ever make him deny this comfort. if anything, it just made him hungrier to greedily snatch it from you, even if he knew he wasn't worthy of your love.

"this is all i came here for." he whispers as if he was letting you in on one of his secrets. he figures you deserved a little bit of his vulnerability in exchange for bypassing his selfish actions.

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snakxreader · 5 months

Note

i think wambus most definitely overworks himself, believing that he alone is responsible for keeping the whole town fed by tending to the garden, so may i suggest: the reader helping wambus realize he’s allowed to rest, and take a day off to relax and take care of himself?

A/N: Heya everyone! Sorry I haven’t posted in anything in the past few days ^^’. I promise I’m doing my best to work on requests! I’m typing this as I’m heading to a photoshoot, so I’m being a bit brief. Still, I hope you enjoy the fic, and thanks for sticking around!!

Wambus x Reader (Take a Break)

Wambus plowed the dirt in front of him, his breath ragged from the work. He stood a second, despite his better judgment, to lean on his hoe, wiping sweat from his brow. The farmer had been at it for hours now. His crops had let up a pretty fortunate amount, but he couldn’t rest yet.

There was a more drastic need for a garden with Lizbert’s disappearance from the island. Their main food source had disappeared, and while he did think Filbo’s new friend was busy getting everyone back, he needed to to supply them with something to eat should the worst happen. He sighed, heaved his hoe, and made another plow in the ground.

“Lot of plowing you’re doing.”

He paused, looking up at you, leaning on the garden fence. He gave a slight smile.

“Maybe a bit. Not like we don’t need it.”

You hummed in response, and Wambus continued to work. This was routine between you two, just him working away while keeping a conversation with you.

“You know you can take a break, right?”

Wambus paused. “Pardon?”

“For the past few days, from way earlier than you normally wake, to nearly dawn, you’ve been plowing away at this garden, ripe with crops. I can’t help but wonder if you know you’re allowed to take a break.”

Wambus laughed. “Sorry, but, uh…this garden feeds the whole town-”

“You feed three people. Gramble, Shelda and that journalist running around.”

Wambus flinched. You sighed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” You apologize, massaging your head. “I just…You need a break Wambus.”

He spat on the ground. “Dunno what’re on about. ‘M fine.”

“Your hands are literally shaking.”

The farmer blinked at your deadpan and checked his hands. Sure enough, they weren't…in the best shape, shaking badly. He shook his head though. “That’s nuthin.”

“Wambus, your breath is ragged, you look exhausted and you probably haven dranken anything-”

“I had some water this morin’!”

“- in the past few hours.”

Wambus grimaced. You had him there. He leaned his hoe against the fence and sighed, walking towards you.

“Listen, partner. I’m fine. I know you think I should be ‘takin’ breaks’ or whatever, but the fact of the matter is that ever since Liz has been gone, there hasn't been a reliable way to catch Bugsnax! I gotta keep the town fed.”

“For Grump’s sake, look around you!” You wave your hands at the expansive garden. “You don’t think that’s enough, just for a night?!”

“Another earthquake could happen.”

“Snorpy’s been keeping track of seismic activity, we’re fine.”

“I ain’t trustin’ the ramblings of a nutjob!” He bit back. You took a deep breath.

“Wambus Troubleham. You have. Five seconds. To surrender willingly, or pay the consequences.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Five, four, three-” Wambus rolled his eyes as you started to count, turning back to head to farmining again. “-two, one!”

He felt himself get tugged down, yelping as you dragged him by his collar.

“H-hey! What the heck are ya doin’?!” He cried out. Suprisingly, he felt too weak to properly struggle against you.

“Putting you to rest, you stubborn mule!” You retorted, entering his and Triffany’s hut and dragging him onto his bed. Wambus landed face first, and was suddenly overcome with incredible weariness. He groaned.

“Ugh…my back…my arms…”

“Feel that? That’s what happens when you neglect yoyurself for too long. You can’t help anybody in this state, now can you?” You scolded him.

“....No.”

“That’s right.” You huff. “Now, get some rest, wise guy. Your farm ain’t going nowhere.”

Wambus heard you walk off and out of the hut. And despite his mind screaming at him, for once, Wambus didn’t want to get up. You were right. He had been ignoring himself a tad too long, hadn’t he? Maybe…Maybe he’d just take a few minutes to himself. Just a few…..

He closed his eyes, unaware of his body already heading towards a nice long and well needed slumber.

#bugsnax #bugsnax x reader #wambus troubleham #wambus troubleham x reader #bugsnax wambus #wambus x reader #funnily enough #this a headcannon my friend has #or well online sibling #doubt they submitted this tho hahaha #they have liked a few posts after I dmed them abt this blog tho lol

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springbloomer · 1 year

Text

*YAWNNN* 💤

(I HIT 100 FOLLOWERS THANK YOU?!?!?1//1?!) <3 <3 <3

Gif by me (i used: flipanim.com)

Gist: You show up in front of each brother in a very tired/ sleepy condition (for context it was either really late at night or super early in the morning) Also I guess this is a hundo followers special

Characters: Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, Satan, Asmo, Beel, Belphegor

Lucifer [in the kitchen to make more coffee~]

He’s surprised to see you up so early in the morning, knowing very well that you always end up oversleeping

*yawn* “Here’s the documents you tasked me to fill out..” In your hands was a thick stack of papers he gave you last night (and for some reason told you to finish it as soon as possible)

Shoot, now he’s guilty for making you do such a thing-

But of course, he wouldn’t let you know this, and lucky for him, your eyelids felt so heavy that you gave up on even trying to open your eyes

Another prolonged yawn escaped from your lips as you groggily walked around to find something to eat

Lucifer shook his head and sighed at your condition

He told you to go back to bed, but you were still so sleepy that you just blocked out all other sounds and ended up falling asleep to the coldness of the fridge~

As he tried to pull you away, you hung onto the refrigerator door and refused to get away from paradise (“lemme sleeeeeeeeep…”)

“Let go MC. We both know that his is no place to sleep.” “Don’t wanna!”

Meh, eventually you gave up and let him carry you, bridal style (sir i-)

He internally screamed seeing how cute you looked snuggling up to him, but still managed to carry you properly without loosing his composure

Unless he wanted you to snuggle up to him more, he's made the decision to never let you sacrifice any of your sleep over some documents

Mammon [he walks in on you in his room]

Who would've guessed? Because of his overflowing debts, Lucifer wasn't going to let it slide anymore

Pretty unbelievable, but the entire time, he's been hiding from his older brother's wrath and actually succeeding????

The determination this man has-

It was already 3 am when he finally had the chance to hide and lock himself in his own room to get away for the rest of the night (well, really early morning now)

Nearly screamed when he saw you in the center of some sort of circle of stacks of what looked like... his bills? It was 3 AM for crying out loud, what the heck were you doing?!?!?!?

"Oy! Whatchya doin' here, human?! And what're ya-" *yawn* "I couldn't sleep anyway, so I thought about helping you with your debt problems, and seriously..."

You didn't have the chance to finish your sentence when you started to drift off to sleep

Like it was already a regular reflex, Mammon caught you right before you fell on the papers you worked so hard on to organize

Got all flustered at your current state and kinda wanted you to stay like that forever

Nahhh, he had to make sure you'd at least be comfortable during your slumber, so he set you down on his bed and put away those debts...

You wouldn't have known till the moment you woke up that he clung onto you, listening to your steady breathing that lulled him to sleep

Leviathan [in his room, that otaku i swear-]

It was expected of the otaku to still be wide awake in the quietest of hours, and that's why you went to him

But what he didn't expect was the sudden drop of your weight on his back (bro was just chilling when you just dropped on him-)

FORTUNATELY HE HAD THOSE BLANKETS ON HIM TO KEEP HIM WARM

Still, that made him panic a bit, paused his anime and confront your very sleepy state

"H-henry?! Wh-what- why- how?!" He's a flustered mess now as he tried to pick you up without trying to make you feel uncomfortable in his arms

"H-heyyyy, I wanna sleep like this~" Really, with your back arched on blankets plus Levi under all those?

Um, he knew his bathtub-bed wouldn't be any better than that, so he made a mini-bed with those blankets and positioned it right next to his usual watching spot

The rest of the time, he's pretty much distracted by the fact that he gets to see you sleep right next to him of all people!

Satan [in the libr- I mean his room]

He was on his usual read-till-the-crack-of-dawn-literally when he heard a pile of his precious books fall

His first instinct was to go all out, transforming into his demon form and torturing whoever interrupted his session (and make his precious collection fall)

"If you thought you could sneak around and take my books for selling Mammon, then you're DEAD wrong." (the man's pissed...)

Satan actually did transform in his demon form out of annoyance, only to find you yawning and hanging upside down when he snatched the culprit using his tail

He's honestly surprised and wondered what business you had with him at such an hour (quick time check, it was 3:03 am)

"I was getting pretty lonely in my room, decided to crash at yours..."

This wasn't a problem at all to him; he likes it when you come to him for help, comfort, or just for company

Too bad he his bed wasn't for people anymore, there were mountains of books piled on top of it-

That's when a sly grin crept on Satan's face

You ended up falling asleep on his lap, your head resting against his chest while he continued to read a few more chapters of his current book (he even gave you a small peck on your forehead awww)

Asmodeus [up for his looooong morning routine]

You were lucky that Asmo was already done with the face mask part of his routine, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to hold in your laughs, despite how sleepy you still were

Like the only decent person in the house, you knocked on his door before landing face-first into his soft, silky bed

“Oh my, MC! What are you doing up so early in the morning, dear? And on my bed on top of that~”

“So soooooooooft~” was your only reply. Seriously, how come Asmo has the comfiest bed in Devildom?!?!??

It took him a little while, but when he finally did, he decided to join you only for a couple of minutes (he had to get back on schedule for his routine after)

Also, a suuuuuper soft bed plus the touch and feel of Asmo’s extremely soft skin? Boy, have you ascended to heaven already?

It made you snuggle up to him even more, which honestly he had hoped (and pretty much expected) would happen

He secretly took pictures of you sleeping on his bed and thought that they were absolutely adorable

Beelzebub [in the kitchen, where else?]

You planned to get up extra early because of some schoolwork you said you’d finish last night and ended up sleeping on it

But before you dove into that, some coffee would really be helpful to kickstart your brain

With that said, you’ve made your way to the kitchen when surprise! You caught Beel in his morning raid. again.

Well, it was expected from the Avatar of Gluttony and his bottomless pit of a stomach together with the raging appetite

Quietly making your way around to not disturb his round, you grabbed a whatever clean mug there was and turned on the kettle

Too bad that he’s heard your extended yawn and greeted you with his mouth filled. “Goagh mortfning MC.” *proceeds to snarf down the remaining food left*

*yawnnnnn* “Morning Beel…” You greet him back with closed eyes

Both of you began some small conversation until you began to nod off unintentionally (amazing how you can sleep while standing up for a few seconds-)

Your legs gave away though, but Beel easily caught you in his arms

Poor guy didn’t know what to do first. Help finish your coffee or carry you to bed?

It was too early for him to be making such conflicting decisions, so he ended up doing both; carrying you back to your room with one arm and holding your mug on the other

Gently placed you back to your bed and mug on the nightstand right next to you

His man is such a cinnamon roll, he’d make sure that you were comfortable in your sleep. I’m talking about this guy plumping up your pillows, pulling that blanket over you and putting up a “I’m still asleep so please don’t disturb” sign outside of your door

He tried very hard, but he still sneaked a few sips of your coffee before quietly leaving your room

Belphegor [on the roof of HOL]

You’ve tried your best, but no matter how much, you couldn’t get away from the heat of your room, preventing you from falling asleep

Hours later… you were still staring at the same wall with no chance of sleeping at this rate

You’ve tried your best, but no matter how much, you couldn’t get away from the heat of your room

It was preventing you from falling asleep

Hours later… you were still staring at the same wall with no chance of sleeping at this rate

Until an idea reached in your head: if anyone would help you instantly get back to sleep because of his cuddles, it’d be the one and only Belphegor

Plus you just HAD to leave your room of a microwave, so a win-win

First you checked the attic, the very familiar room that you knew Belphie would take his naps on most days. It was empty

Next you checked the twins’ room, slowly peeking inside to not disturb any of them. Not even Beel was in there (he’s busy it’s that fridge-)

Where else could this demon be? That’s when it hit you: he did mention once that he liked to gaze at the stars on the rooftop of the House of Lamentation

The cold night breeze was like some sleeping powder to you; the moment you felt it your eyelids starting drooping

“Couldn’t sleep?” His voice reached you as he guided you to his usual spot and cuddling close to you

Only then you realized how tired you were; so tired that you had no strength to respond with words and just nodded

Luckily, at that very moment, everything helped you doze off. Belphie’s pillow and his steady breathing, the star-lit night sky, the cool breeze.

I freaking need a Belphie to spoon me like this please

The two of you had the best sleep in the entire three realms, holding each other and never wanting to ever let go.

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jessi4branchifer · 1 month

Note

Hi! I wanted to ask if I'm allowed to request something? Can you give me your opinions on what Floyd's and JD's lives were like between the band breaking up and Floyd getting kidnapped, because I feel like they don't explain as much about that as they do with Spruce, Branch, and Clay. Anyway, if you want to do this, thanks, if not, then that's okay too, and could you recommend someone who might be willing to try?

Me Rn: Wait-- someone is ACTUALLY asking me to blab about BroZone for the next 15 minutes?!! YASSSS!! *fistpump*

OFC I'LL TAKE SUGGESTIONS ANYTIME ESPECIALLY ABOUT BROZONE AND BROPPY (and Cliva, duhhhh)

I was actually just thinking about this a few days ago myself and it's definitely hard to know for sure. John Dory and Floyd are both AMAZING characters, and I don't know what BroZone would be without them, but we just don't know too much about their characters yet to really know what they might have done or been into during their lives outside of the band.

John Dory did mention living on the Neverglade trail or sumptin' lol, so maybe he liked hikes (wuttt?!! ahsnioefosoj) or maybe there's some hidden meaning in therreee that I'm too dumb to figure out XDDD hellppp 💀💀 I do think John Dory did not find Rhonda until after he left BroZone for sure tho, and that since he didn't have his bros she kind of took their place for entertainment and something to love and such. So there was that. JD does also seem like the type of guy to explore and see what he can find. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he found out about all the other different kinds of trolls before Branch and Poppy did! (who out there rlly loves the new ship DawnDory?!! Omigosh, I don't rlly ship them, but I think they would be HILARIOUS ex's!!)

Floyd is definitely harder because he seems to be pretty chill. Maybe he traveled for his new solo singing career or something-- I mean, that would make sense to why in the world he would be at Mount Rageous for absolutely no reason :DDD I think he was pretty successful with that career tbh, I MEAN TROYE SIVAN'S VOICE IS SOOOO--- UGH I CANTTTT 😭😭🤩

not as good as JT's. But close.

All I can really tell about Floyd tho is that his style definitely went from classic boyband-ish to emo/punk for some reason sometime during those 20 years 🤣 Good thing he really looks good in that styleeee ♥️♥️♥️

The thing we have to remember is that this is a cartoon movie and that we can't expect all the answers (tho to me it's way more than a cartoon movie and I want ALL THE ANSWERS CUZ TROLLS IS MY LIFE) Heck, DreamWorks seems to be overwhelmed with all of the timelines and such in that movie... I believe it's times like these when we use that amazing blessing that God has lavished upon us:

ImAgInAtIoN...

I'm sure all of y'all out there in the Trolls Fandom are doin' plenty of that, lol. KEEP IT UP!!

thx for the question tho! I hope I answered it pretty well, and I totally take suggestions!! Love y'all! HEARTS!! ♥️♥️♥️

#brozone #trolls 3 #trolls band together

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vennyvenadito · 10 months

Text

I would say it

What they did to Chloe is not justice or karma

What the writers did to her is cruel and disgusting

Sure, she is a bully and a spoiled brat, what she did need to face consequences for that

But this…is just…I don’t have the words to say it

The fact that Andre don’t face any consequences for his actions and also as a reward he now has a new kid to raise its piss me off

That man is not innocent, he did not deserve this pathetic excuse of redemption arc

It also make me sick how people are celebrating this, even saying she deserves this and how they were right all this time about her been an “irredimible monster” and even saying Andre was a caring father to her

Caring father my ass, he is pathetic, an hypocrite, a man child and an coward

Are you telling me the man who raised that child to be an spoiled and mean person is now the victim???

“B-But his dreams to be a movie director where crushed because he become a mayor to impress Audrey and then Chloe came and and-“

Please….SHUT UP!!!

This is NOT Chloe’s fault, no child should be blamed for the parents decisions and actions

And despide her attitude and her actions, you liked or not, she is still an abused child

I’m sick of this “if you are an abused child but you behavior is awful then your as bad and even worst than your abusers”

What is this “perfect victim” thing going on in this show???

“But Mylene was abandoned by her mom and she is not-“

Shut up

“But Zoe-“

I said shut up

No every person reacts to trauma the same way, everyone reacts different

So please, stop doin that

Stop blaming the kid for being abused and not behave as the “poor and perfect victim 🥺”

And also

Can you guys stop blaming Adrien for not telling Mari that he was gonna live Paris??!!

May I remind you he is son of Gabriel Friking Agreste!!!!???

And also stop blaming him for not standing up, this is not his fault, he is a kid under his father’s control

And sadly I really can’t see any moment he would do it because the show want him to be just a trophy for Mari

Just a damsel in distress for our protagonist because this show forget the title of the series “Miraculous Tales of Ladybug and CHAT NOIR”

And Miss Bustier, Damocles and every fucking adult of this show….all you guys sucks!

How the heck you let a child to be the mayor in the first place!!??You guys should know better!

No one did shit to help Chloe, all you did is just “am Chloe please don’t be mean, you have to be nice uwu”

You really tough this was gonna work??

No even you Marinette, you just told her to vibe with her shitty mom because they are both “mean”, no shit why didn’t she change for the better

But you know what, I’m not goin to blame Mari on this, because this is not her job, she is a kid as well, is the grow ass adults job

What this show built up in season 2 was pointless, because why give us a redemption arc for Chloe, why give her deep, why make her sympathetic, why make her the Bee holder if this wasn’t going anywhere??

I hate season 5, I take it back what I say about season 3 and 4, this is by far the worst season of the series in my opinion

That’s all folks

Deer out 🦌

#miraculous ladybug #mlb fandom #mlb season five #chloe bourgeois #mlb salt #mlb #ml writers salt

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dustydoop · 4 months

Text

A little Chelley Christmas ficlet

“Chell, love, it’s alright! I am more than capable of not destroying the house in the two hours you’ll be gone. You’ve left me here for longer than that and nothing happened.”

Chell humphed, true, but that was before he had limbs. Gangly, awkward, danger-inducing limbs. She rolled her eyes and began to put on her jacket. Fine…

Wheatley’s blue eyes lit up. “I promise, I won’t make a mess. Actually, it’ll look better than when you left it! Now go, you don’t want to be late to your office Christmas party. Mae’s going to be waiting for you, go!” He gently shoved Chell by the shoulders as she rushed to grab her stuff. Wheatley waved as she hopped in her car, waited until he couldn’t see her anymore, and ran back inside.

“K.A.N.A! K.A.N.A! K.A.N.A! K.A.N.A! Hey, hey, I have a question,” Wheatley said as he opened Chell’s laptop. “How does one decorate a house for these holidays Chell has been telling me about?”

K.A.N.A. whipped around, startled. “Ight man, slow down. Decorating? You sure?”

“Yes! She took me to the store two days ago after I said I wanted ou-her house to look like all the wintery movies that every channel has been playing this whole month. So, we have the tree made of plastic, some tiny light bulbs that are all together, shiny fluffy stuff, and ORBS!” Wheatley exclaimed as he showed off the ornaments they had chosen, one box of silver, one of blue, and one of orange.

K.A.N.A. sighed. “Alright, you’re going to want to put the layers of tree together into one big tree and set it… In that corner there, next to those posters. There’s an outlet for the lights and it’s open enough.

Wheatley set himself in doing just that. Eventually, he had the tree set up, and a bunch of lights in his hands.

“And now I wrap the tree in these lights? How on earth am I supposed to-” Wheatley began messing with the string. After around five minutes, it seemed as though there were more lights around him than the tree. “K.A.N.A, I think I need help.”

“Sorry, can’t.”

“And why not?”

K.A.N.A. raised her digital arms. “No physical body, doofus. You gotta figure it out yourself.”

“Ughhh, fine…”

“And you have to do the same thing with the tinsel.”

“... the what?”

Eventually, all of the decorations were on the tree. True, it took much longer than it should have, but at least he did it. Wheatley stepped back to look at his work. “Oh, this is great, isn’t it great, K.A.N.A?”

“Yeah, yeah it looks pretty good but uhh, where’s the angel?”

Wheatley glared at the avatar. “You never mentioned anything about that, what do you mean the angel?”

“You know, the Christmas tree angel. Pretty looking woman in a dress, she’s got wings, all that, goes on top of the tree.”

Wheatley ruffled through the bags, trying to find something that matched that description. “We don’t have one of those. K.A.N.A, what do I do, what do I do, ughh I’m going to ruin all this, aren’t I? Oh, of course I am, dumb little Wheatley tries to do something nice for Chell and it all turns to crap, why did I even bother?” He slumped into the couch, burying his head in his hands.

“Hold on, no, no, no, I got this, pretty woman with wings, right? Give me one second.”

Two hours had passed since Chell had left for her company Christmas party, and she was more than ready to leave. Even with her new-found appreciation for others, her social battery was drained. She drove home, ready to relax with the new vanilla honey scented candle she had received from the white elephant gift exchange. As she pulled into her driveway, Chell noticed a purple-ish glow behind the window curtains.

What had Wheatley done this time?

Chell opened the door, demanding to know what the heck Wheatley was up to. As she turned to look at the whole room, she realized where the colorful light had come from. Wheatley had set up their Christmas tree. Chell’s tone softened as she apologized for her tone, but her apology quickly turned to laughter as she realized what Wheatley was doing. He was standing on his tip-toes, about to use a rack of the bookshelf as a stepstool. One arm was stretched to the top, desperately trying to put something on the top of the tree.

Chell walked over and grabbed whatever it was in order to examine it. It was a piece of cardboard with a cardstock cone taped to the back. Turning it over, Chell realized the front had a picture of her taped to it, a photo Wheatley had taken soon after their escapade returning to Aperture. They went to a cute little cafe a town over, Chell even wore the only dress in her closet in celebration. Stock photo angel wings were glued behind her, vaguely near her shoulder blades. She chuckled as she asked Wheatley what this was supposed to be.

“Well, K.A.N.A. told me that, usually, you humans put a figurine of an angel on top of your holiday trees for whatever reason. BUT! We did not buy one, so I made one! See, pretty woman, wearing a dress, I put little wings on you, I’ll admit my arts and craft skills aren’t as fine tuned as I would like, but it’s the thought that counts. Now let me put this on the tre-” Wheatley cut off as he continued to reach the point of the tree. “How tall is this tree, nine feet tall? This is ridiculous.”

The tree was, in fact, only seven feet tall. Wheatley’s new body was just rather short. Chell took the homemade angel from him again and easily placed the cone on the one branch at the top of the tree. Wheatley stared up in awe as Chell reached above his head.

At the same time, Chell looked down, Wheatley’s face was radiating more heat than a bonfire as his jaw dropped. She was trapping him between the wall and herself, wasn’t she? She backed down, apologizing for getting in his personal space.

“Oh, no I don’t mind, do that all you want, love. I- uh, hope you like the tree.”

Chell gave Wheatley a quick peck on the cheek, reassuring how much she loved it. It really did bring their house together.

“Wait, our house?” Wheatley asked.

Chell grabbed his hand, of course this was his place too, if he wanted.

Wheatley’s face lit up as he wrapped his hand around Chell’s. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, love.” <3

#portal #portal 2 #chell #chell portal #wheatley #wheatly portal 2 #chelley #chelley portal #portal fanfiction #chelley fanfiction #dusty writes

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nokingsonlyfooles · 8 months

Text

WTYP: The Shandor Building, Part 11

[Do you like the colour of the fanfic? This is long and if you expand it you're gonna get the whole thing, because Tumblr hates you. Don't say I didn't warn you!]

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

Part 11: Shake Hands with Gozer

[Beware of strong language, mention of all kinds of death, gore, and Lovecraftian horror.]

[SLIDE: Shandor Studios, with the All Hail Gozer logo.]

[faint sound of a car alarm]

L: Oh, heck, it’s Gandalf…

[chirp-chirp]

[car alarm ceases]

A [dismissive]: You know, this is really not doing it for me anymore. The whole deal. Not even with a camera. No. Fuck it. Your personality is a real turn-off.

R: These chairs are still really comfy, though.

[rumbling, squeaking]

G: [muffled, into phone]: UH-HUH… UH-HUH… IN MY DEFENSE, THEY INSULTED MY DOGS AND SUGGESTED I ASSOCIATE WITH ELON MUSK, ABI… YES, ADMITTEDLY, BUT THERE’S NO NEED TO BE RUDE… MM-HM. WHAT’S IT CALLED? “CLIMATE CHANGE”? [with sudden excitement] OH! “GLOBAL WARMING!” YES! HOW LONG? OH, THAT’S NOT LONG AT ALL! NO, NO, I REALLY APPRECIATE THE IRONY. DIY APOCALYPSE! OH, YES, WE MUST GIVE THEM A CHANCE, MUSTN’T WE? HA-HA-HA. BUT, UH, DO YOU THINK THERE MIGHT BE… A LAKE OF FIRE? EVEN A SMALL ONE? [laughter] WOW! THAT SOUNDS AMAZING!

L: I don’t like where this is going…

A: Rocz, where the hell are my cigarettes?

R: I fed them to a dog.

A: What?

G: SO ABOUT SEVEN BILLION YEARS ON THE OUTSIDE? WELL, I GET BORED, ABI. YOU KNOW I GET BORED. WILL YOU KEEP PODCASTING AND KILLING THE SMARMY MORTAL “JAMES BOND”? HA! ALL RIGHT, I SUPPOSE I WILL MANAGE…

D: Did… Did Abi just say we’re going to keep doing KJB for the next seven billion years…?

L: Sounds like the fate of the world kinda depends on it…

A: Where is my fucking Slimfast bar?

R: Ibid.

V: Will you have a slice of meat bouquet, Lord Alice?

A: [screams]

R: You two gotta stop doin’ that.

Z: Lord Alice is mortal, Vinz Clortho. You are supposed to feed the mortals frozen peas. It is good for them. The demon David Tennant says so.

L: I think you’re a little mixed up about that…

R: Your dimension gets Amazon Prime?

Z: All hell dimensions have Amazon Prime. Where else are we supposed to get our blood plasma?

V: But we have no frozen peas to give, and we must depart our mortal hosts soon!

Z: You may rub our tummies, if you wish. It is good for your mortal brain meat.

L: Aww!

Z: Not you, Vengeful Mortal of Insults!

L: Well, this has been a total fucking waste of time!

A: Get away from me, you smell like Marlboros and despair.

V: It is the Slimfast bar…

Z: You want some of this, Frodo?

D [coldly]: No thank you, Sigourney.

R [warmly]: Good Terror Dogs… Good, good puppies…

G: HA-HA, RIGHT! THESE THINGS HAPPEN! WELL, I’LL SEE YOU AT THE CLUB TONIGHT. CIAO, BESTIE!

L: “Bestie”?

A: [sigh] It’s Mesopotamian rock-paper-scissors, don’t worry about it.

D: To think, all this time, all we had to do was summon Abigail Thorn…

G: VINZ CLORTHO! ZUUL! STOP BOTHERING LORD ABIGAIL’S FRIENDS!

V: Farewell, doughnut-giver!

Z: Never buy copper from Ea-nāṣir!

[electricity, crackling]

MILKSHAKE (M)]: آیا من یک سگ بودم؟ [TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: Okay, it’s in Persian, but Google Fonts doesn’t do cuneiform.]

R: Oh, hey, it’s my cats!

PIZZA BOY (P): پدر!

R: Nah, don’t eat that meat bouquet, I have no idea who or what that is…

M: این انصاف نیست.

R: Say, Gozer, is this here permanent?

G: ALL CATS CAN SPEAK WHATEVER LANGUAGE THEY WANT, WHENEVER THEY WANT.

P: Das ist ein süßes Kopftuch.

A: Um… Danke?

M: Никогда больше не трогай мой животик.

A: [snickers]

G: SO! [claps hands] SORRY FOR THIS LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING. HOW CAN I MAKE IT UP TO YOU?

[brief pause]

G: WHAT?

[crosstalk, complaining, “We are covered in horse viscera!” “Clean this shit off!” etc.]

G: RIGHT. SORRY.

L: And I want to keep my new van!

G: YOUR VAN BELONGS TO ISHTAR, BUT I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO FINISH YOUR PODCAST, MORTALS?

A: Oh, yes! Of fucking course we would!

[Rapid scrolling through 10 slides or so before landing on an image of Ivo Shandor.]

A: And in conclusion… Ivo Shandor can eat shit, I’m glad he got ripped in half, art deco architecture is hideous, I disavow everything Sumerian — except Liam’s van and possibly Abi — and billionaires contribute nothing of value to society! [panting] Does anyone have anything else?

L: Pronoun checks will save your fucking life! If any of you out there ever give us shit for the pronoun check ever again, I got a [bleep] with your name on it!

G: SERIOUSLY. THAT COLONEL-SANDERS-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER SUMMONED ME OUT OF A HOT BATH AND MISGENDERED ME ON PURPOSE — I’M GLAD I RIPPED HIM IN HALF TOO!

R: [drawing devil horns and an unflattering mustache on Shandor with the mouse] We have a segment on this podcast we like to call Safety Third…

A: What?

L: Oh my God, Rocz…

D: Fucking seriously?!

R: I’m sorry, but rigidly adhering to our unhinged podcast format has just saved our lives and possibly the entire world — and if we’d just done our goddamn intros we would’ve avoided that whole mess — so we’re going to do a Safety Third! Alice, the drop, please.

[“Shake hands with danger” drop]

[SLIDE: A pastoral oil painting that seems to be missing a figure with a shepherd's crook.]

G: OOH, THIS LOOKS FUN. CAN I PLAY TOO?

WTYP: NO.

D: And clear the slime out of my awesome control room.

G: OF COURSE.

D [suspiciously]: Be honest with me. If someone were to press a button and cover you in boiling hot lava, would that be an inconvenience?

G: OOH, DO YOU HAVE LAVA? I JUST LOVE LAVA!

D [slowly fading, walking away from the mics]: This has been a fucking waste of time!

[door slam]

R: “Dear Justin, Alice (or name pending)…”

G: IS THERE NOT GOING TO BE ANY LAVA, THEN?

R [with determination]: “Dear Justin, Alice (or name pending), Liam (yay, Liam) and potential Guest.”

G [distorted, too close to the mic]: HELLO, MORTALS! I AM PODCASTING!

L: Shut the fuck up.

R: “...I am an art-restorer by trade, a profession which, I’m sure you know, has its dangers. Apart from the usual face-melting chemicals, we deal with a lot of paintings of dubious provenance, many of which come into our hands with curses or angry spirits attached. It’s a little like working at the humane society. Most of them can be cleaned up and rehabilitated if you’re careful, but a select few will try to kill you. It’s not their fault, but you do always need to be aware of the hazard. For example, the attached image once contained the figure of a little girl who would slowly approach the foreground of the painting over a period of weeks, before crawling out of the frame and attempting to strangle everyone in the room with her shepherd’s crook.”

A: Oh. Yeah. Pretty standard.

L: Get a new bit, ghost children!

G: I TOOK THE FORM OF A DEMONIC LITTLE GIRL ONCE!

A: No one cares.

R: “We gave her a juice box and some crackers, and let her watch a Disney video (Aladdin, but I’m not sure if you can say that)...”

L: Dammit, how many times do we have to tell you? Do not write it if you don’t want Rocz to say it!

A: Was the time he almost finished reciting that Ashanti death curse not enough for you people?

L: You’re just goddamn lucky he mispronounced it!

R: “And now she’s happily attending the local junior high school. A lot of attached spirits are just hungry, or bored, or both, and are easily dealt with. After they’ve lived through a few near-misses like that, some of my colleagues start to become jaded and sloppy. For example, my boss, whom we will call Timothy Q. Jackass (the Q stands for ‘Clueless’)...”

L: Good. Good name.

G: I ONCE GAVE A JACKASS THE GIFT OF PROPHECY!

A: Go away.

G: …HIS NAME WAS TIRESIAS OF THEBES! WHAT? NOTHING? NOBODY?

L: Get some new references.

A: Read another elegy.

G: DO YOU HAVE A RIMSHOT IN HERE…?

A: Touch my laptop and die.

R: “One morning, Mr. Jackass rolled up to the studio with a tinted etching (image not attached for reasons which will become obvious).”

L: Vigo.

A: Fucking Vigo.

G: THAT CARPATHIAN CUNT AND HIS GODDAMN ART COMMISSIONS. NOBODY WANTS TO PAINT YOU, VIGO, NOT WITH THAT HAIRCUT.

[stifled laughter]

G [hopeful]: …OR THOSE SHOES?

A: [clearing throat] Don’t press your luck.

R: “I recognized a certain Carpathian with whom you are no doubt familiar…”

G: HA! YOU CALLED IT!

L: Interrupting is a privilege, and we will mail you a certificate when you have earned it.

R: “...and, of course, I advised Mr. Jackass to douse it in holy oil and set it on fire, as per the established procedure. Imagine my surprise when he told me he wanted me to clean and restore it.”

L: No. Don’t do it.

A: Step away from the abyss.

G: UNIONIZE.

[pause]

G: WHAT? ARE YOU MORTALS FUCKING SCABS?

A: …Alright, I am not autistic — that I know of — but I have no idea how to deal with this situation.

L: You enjoy human suffering but are pro-union?

G: YOU HUMANS WILL TOUCH A CAT’S TOES UNTIL IT BITES YOU OUT OF FRUSTRATION, BUT YOU WILL STILL FEED THEM AND PET THEM.

[pause]

R: Milkshake, Pizza Boy, will you ever forgive me?

M: Lo mismo ocurre con nosotros, cuando os enseñamos el culo antes del amanecer.

R: Is that a yes?

A: All I know is how to order a beer and ceviche…

L: Rocz, for God’s sake, finish the letter so we can get in my van and go home.

R: “I told Mr. Jackass what he could do with his etching, in language that is not very podcast-friendly, and he replied, and I quote, ‘Don’t be a pussy, it’s just an etching. It’s probably Latvian or some shit.’”

G: VIGO THE LATVIAN MAKES A DAMN FINE BLOOD SAUSAGE.

[stifled laughter, a certain amount of snickering]

G [wounded]: WHAT? I AM BEING SERIOUS. SAY WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT JELLYFISH AND CEPHALOPODS, BUT IF YOU COME AT VIGO THE LATVIAN’S BLOOD SAUSAGE, I WILL END YOU.

[hysterical cackling, even from the cats]

A: Oh, God, oh, fuck no… Xe tried to kill us!

L: And xe’s doin’ it again!

R: It’s called catharsis, Alice! Laugh or cry!

[pandemonium ending in sniffles]

R: Ah… Ah… Oh, God… Lemme see here… “I reiterated my refusal, forcefully, and Mr. Jackass decided he’d teach me a lesson by restoring the etching himself. The next few weeks were remarkably quiet, with regards to Mr. Jackass, save for occasional instances of chanting. He rarely left his office and appeared to be sleeping there. He was also going through a lot of black candles. There was a single attempt to order ‘an unsullied infant boy’ from DoorDash, which was not successful. The next day, Mr. Jackass called in sick, so I figured he was at the exorcist’s and that would be the end of it. Imagine my surprise when I turned on the six o’clock news and found him declaring his candidacy for City Comptroller. From what I could gather, his platform included human sacrifice and a ‘skull throne tax.’ I had my hand on the phone to call an exorcist and report him, but my mean streak got the better of me. ‘Let’s see how this plays out,’ I thought.”

L: Did… Did he win?

R: “Don’t worry. Vigo the Carpathian, running as Mr. Jackass, suffered a resounding defeat and eventual exorcism. However, we restored and reclaimed so many paintings during his extended sabbatical, that before Mr. Jackass even had a chance to dye the blond bleach job out of his hair, the higher ups called him and told him, and I quote, ‘Don’t come back.’ That is how I became head of the art restoration department!”

[cheers, applause]

R: “The moral of this story, if there is one, is, ‘never interrupt your stupid boss when he is making a mistake.’”

G: A MODERN DAY SUN TZU!

R: “Love to you all, and be well.”

A: Aww, that’s actually very nice.

L: I hope Vigo fried that guy’s hair so bad he never recovers.

G: DAMN, I COULD GO FOR SOME BLOOD SAUSAGE.

R: This concludes Safety Third.

[“Shake hands with danger” drop]

R: Does anyone have any commercials?

L: Rocz…

R: Our podcasting format saved the world.

L: Okay, okay, but I got nothin’.

A: Same. You know where you can find us.

L: Right, we live in your basement. We’re watching you right now.

G: SAME!

R: If we want more Gozer the Gozerian, for some reason, where else can we find you?

G: IN YOUR NIGHTMARES!

R: Of course.

[SLIDE: The Amityville Horror House.]

R: Our next episode…

G: OH! OH! WAIT! I ALSO HAVE A TUMBLR!

A: Oh, my God, I have got to get off that hellsite…

R: Our next episode is on the Amityville Horror…

G: OOH, I LOVE THAT ONE! CAN I FIND IT WHEREVER PODCASTS ARE FOUND?

R: Uh…

A [tightly]: Don’t tell xem, just end the episode.

G: WHAT? TELL ME WHAT?

L: End the episode! END IT BEFORE DEVON HITS THE LAVA BUTTON!

G: HI MOM! HI GRANDMA! I LOVE YOU!

[soothing public domain music]

D [not drunk enough to stop being annoyed but still very drunk]: This is Future Devon… Fuck, I mean Present Devon. I have consumed all the liquor and ice cream I demanded from Gozer, and I am going to bed. If, as I suspect, this has all been an epic-length fanfiction from the diseased brain of some individual out there on the internet, when I wake up in the morning, I expect not to exist. This version of me, I mean. So, I would just like to take this opportunity to say: Fuck you. You will die alone. The pet raven in no way makes up for any of this bullshit — although I cherish him and have named him after Sir Ian McKellen. All these fucking Chekov’s guns all over the place, and you didn’t let me use my lava button even once. I will never forgive you for this. I am so done with podcasting, and everything Sumerian, but apparently I still have several billion years of Kill James Bond to go. [sigh] Okay.

[shuffling, sound of a laptop closing]

D: Come on, Sir Ian, let’s go to oblivion.

[long pause]

SIR IAN (I): This is Sir Ian, I am the raven who is talking now, my pronouns are he and him, and I thought you’d all like to know I work for Pazuzu. Don’t tell Dev, it would only upset them. I suppose I’ll put this up on the Patreon for them…?

[click]

[END OF TRANSCRIPT]

[And if ya liked that, I got a whole serialized story for ya. You let me work with my own characters and I get even more unhinged, just so's ya know.]

Thanks for reading!

#wtyp #well there's your problem #ghostbusters #long reads #fanfic #fanfiction #crossover fic #gozer the gozerian #alice caldwell-kelly #liam anderson #justin roczniak #devon #engineering disasters #podcast

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