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leviackermansbrat · 3 years

Note

hii :) how about a little request of levi x reader where they are both in love with each other but havent really ever acted upon it much and one day the reader gets badly hurt and almost dies, while their recovering levi realizes how close he was to losing them and they finally confess their love and be together (hope this is ok!)

Unexpectedly Expected

tw: mentions of injuries, near death experiences, blood

side note: this takes place during the expedition where the female titan is captured and then escapes. So SPOILER WARNING FOR LATER ON IN SEASON 2 (I also know it's not winter during that episode but for the sake of the scenario let's pretend it is)

The air was cold. Winter within the walls was dreadful for the survey corps. Fighting for humanity was never a part time job, which meant that whatever mother nature had in store for the soldiers had to be taken in stride. No amount of sleet, hail, or snow stopped the scouts from exterminating titans and venturing outside the walls to do so.

"Have you checked your gear brat?" Levi asked with a stoic gaze as he looked cadet Y/N up and down. They beamed brightly at Levi as they nodded their head and gave him a thumbs up.

Levi rolled his eyes at Y/N's enthusiasm, but on the inside he felt his heart warm just a bit. He had always admired the cadet. Their bravery and compassion never ceasing to amaze him. Skill wise, they were almost on par with him which is why he chose them as his second in command for the Special Operations Squad, also known as Squad Levi.

It was an understatement to say that Levi was infatuated with you. He had known cadet L/N since he was first forced to join the Survey Corps. They stuck up for him when Flagon was being a jerk on the day of their arrival. Since then he found Y/N tolerable and eventually began to grow fond of them. However those small feelings that he had became even more intense after Y/N became his shoulder to cry on after Isabel and Furlan died. Since then they have depended on each other and climbed the ranks.

Despite Y/N being in the Survey Corps longer than Levi, they refused to take a higher position when Erwin asked them to become squad leader. Instead they stuck by Levi's side and became content with being his second in command.

Y/N's feelings for Levi were obvious to everyone in the Survey Corps except for Levi. Hell, even the new recruits of the 104th cadets asked if there was something between them and the stoic captain because of the obvious infatuation and pining. Not only is Y/N scared to make a move because of the obvious fear of rejection, but they also fear that they could potentially ruin things between the two of them if they were to add feelings to the equation.

"Make sure to come back alive Y/N," Levi remarked as his hands tightened on the reigns of his horse.

"Only if you do the same Levi," Y/N responded with a cheeky grin.

Once again, Levi rolled his eyes. The yell from Erwin broke him out of his thoughts as they began to ride off beyond the walls.

*skip to after the female titan was captured because I'm lazy*

"Y/N, you're in charge while I'm gone. Take care of my horse. Make sure you get the brat back to headquarters safely. And if shit goes south protect Jaeger," Levi ordered, zipping away before Y/N had the chance to respond.

"You heard the man, I'm in charge. Let's secure our horses in a safe position and get to higher ground just in case random titans come wandering into the forest before the mission is complete," Y/N ordered.

The other squadmates were obviously upset and hurt. They had no idea why they were left in the dark when the plan was to capture the female titan all along.

"I mean new recruits aside, why didn't they tell the survey corps veterans like all of you? The only people who knew were captain Levi and Y/N," Eren asked, looking around.

Y/N cringed at Eren's realization which was partly true but not completely. Y/N was against not telling the entire squad about the plan but the Commander and Levi insisted it was best to keep it under wraps.

"Are you implying that we aren't trusted by the Lance Corporal and Commander? Tell him that's not true Y/N!" Petra yelled, looking at Y/N for confirmation.

"Look, it's not that we don't trust you guys at all. However, there is a traitor in the survey corps," Y/N began to explain.

That would explain why we were kept in the dark about all of this. So you, being a survivor of the attack five years ago were informed about this since it's likely that the perpetrator infiltrated during the fall of Shiganshina?" Eld asked, looking directly at Y/N.

Y/N smiled at Eld's understanding and thought about how he would make a great squad leader. He was dependable and kind, something the survey corps needed. Y/N nodded at Eld's conclusion and a wave of relief passed through the Levi Squad. Although they were upset that they were under suspicion, they knew that it was an extremely important thing to keep under wraps.

Suddenly, a loud roar was heard and the ground began to shake. A retreat flare signal was fired soon after and the Levi Squad looked at each other with wide eyes.

Y/N's attempt at a smile turned into a grimace. They had a bad feeling about this. There was a nagging feeling that something would go wrong. Quickly shaking off the bad feeling, they ordered the squad to retreat.

Was Levi okay? Is he injured? No, he wouldn't be. He wasn't humanity's strongest for no reason. Whatever situation he found himself in, he would surely be able to figure it out and come back safely. After all, they had a deal.

Small talk about the first expeditions rang through the air, but Y/N couldn't bring herself to participate in the light hearted conversation. They knew something was wrong. A flare signal was spotted which meant that Levi was nearby. Y/N saw a hooded figure and immediately knew something was off. They were way too tall to be Levi and all of a sudden their eyes widened.

The titan shifter had most likely escaped. This was the bad feeling they were having.

"Gunther look out!" Y/N yelled but it was too late.

Gunther was hanging from a tree, his body limp and unresponsive in the blink of an eye.

"Guys! It's the female titan! Retreat back to headquarters with Eren. I'll apprehend them!" Y/N yelled to the group.

Y/N was more than capable of handling the female titan. Their speed and strength was second to Levi. It would be no problem taking the shifter down, however before Y/N could pull out their blades, a strike of lightning flashed before them and they were blown away on impact, being way too close to the female titan when she decided to shift.

Y/N flew through the air and only stopped after they hit a tree, the wind being knocked out of them and their head being hit against the tree. They felt a sting in their abdomen and looked down to where their own sword impaled them, having been caught in the crossfire after attempting to ready to battle the female titan. Somehow the blade impaled them while they were flying through the air.

Y/N tried their best to stay awake, but their vision was blurred and they were slowly losing consciousness. A tear slipped from their eye as they realized they were going to die. Y/N wasn't scared of death, but they didn't want to leave Levi alone again. To put him through the pain of losing someone else that was close to him. But Y/N couldn't fight it anymore and their eyes slowly closed, darkness engulfing them.

Levi zipped through the trees, following the explosion he had seen earlier. The female titan had slipped right through their fingertips and he was more worried than ever. Was his squad okay? Of course they were. Y/N could handle the female titan without a problem. But still, he had a lingering bad feeling.

His breath caught in his throat after seeing the mangled bodies of his squad mates. Gunther, Eld, Oulo, and Petra all dead. His heart skipped a beat as he noticed Y/N and Eren were missing. Did they make it back to headquarters? Were they safe? No. A roar erupted in the air signaling that the fight was not over.

Levi soared through the air, anger coursing through his veins for his fallen comrades. He was going to avenge them and take down the female titan.

After retrieving Eren from the female titan, Levi felt empty. There were no signs of Y/N. Almost as if they had vanished. He expected them to be near Eren and fighting the female titan, but that was not the case. Eren was not conscious so he couldn't even ask what had happened to her. Levi was left to assume the worst.

It wasn't until Levi spotted a familiar figure slumped against a tree that he abruptly stopped and told the other Ackerman to continue until they met up with the rest of the Scouts.

Levi was relieved, finally being able to spot Y/N, but that relief turned to dread after he saw the state of Y/N's body. They were slumped against the tree with a blade piercing their abdomen. Levi rushed over to them to check their pulse, cursing the universe for even thinking about taking away another person that he cared for.

He was relieved to find that Y/N's pulse was still there, although in the back of his mind he knew there was no way they could survive after losing that much blood and having other injuries.

"L-Levi," Y/N called, their voice raspy.

They slowly opened their eyes to meet Levi's steely grey ones. This was one of the only times aside from after Isabel and Furlan died where he expressed so much emotion on his face.

"Don't talk you brat, you're just going to make it worse. I'm going to take you back and get you patched up. Just hang on for me a little while longer," Levi said, preparing to carry Y/N back even though his ankle was killing him at the moment.

Y/N chuckled bitterly, blood escaping her lips as she coughed a little.

"You know I'm not going to make it back Levi. This is the end for me," Y/N said, giving Levi a sad smile.

"Stop talking like that. You're not allowed to die on me. That's an order you idiot," Levi commanded, his voice wavering.

"I'm sorry. But I'm glad I got to be by your side for this long. Loving you is something I will never regret," Y/N responded, smiling sadly at Levi.

His eyes widened as he looked down at his second in command, his best friend, the person he would give his entire heart to in a flash. Levi leaned in slowly and planted a kiss on Y/N's lips, the salty taste of their tears interfering. Levi pulled away to look at the smile on their face and found himself smiling as well.

"I love you, Y/N. That's why I'm not letting you die," Levi said, taking Y/N into his arms.

He soared through the forest carrying Y/N, looking down to find their eyes closed. He was too scared to check their pulse in fear that they might already be dead.

Just stay with me a little longer. Don't leave me behind.

*time skip*

"So you love me huh Levi?" Y/N asked, giving Levi a goofy grin.

After the expedition Levi rushed back and Y/N made it by the skin of their teeth. Hange even said it was a miracle that they lived with all of the blood loss and other injuries.

"Shut up brat. Don't make me take it back," Levi responded, rolling his eyes.

During Y/N's recovery he rarely left their side. Hange realized that he might have finally confessed his feelings and teased him endlessly.

"Aww, don't be so harsh. I love you too Levi," Y/N said, giving Levi a quick kiss on his cheek before dashing off to chat with Hange about her latest experiments.

Levi watched their retreating form and smiled slightly to himself. Yeah, he loved them. And that's something he would never regret.

Hope you enjoyed! Writing this was wild lol.

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johnkrrasinski · 3 years

Text

𝙞𝙣𝙫𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜

Chapter 3: chains around my demons

full masterlist // series masterlist // commission open // support my work

Pairings: bucky barnes x reader

Word Count: 1,798

Summary: blessed with telepathic abilities since birth, you were captured by HYDRA and turned into one of their weapons to kill. after the blip, you were pardoned by the government and you were obliged to check up with dr. raynor everyday which you had no clue would lead you to the one soul you’d been waiting for.

Warnings: SMUT!! (18+) angst, mentions of anxiety, nightmares, murders.

A/N: this series is dedicated to the lovely @ohmickeyhenry who commissioned this story and developed the concept. thank you for trusting me with your story. i sincerely hope you like it.

The next day, you packed up your bags and were ready to leave. You were waiting on Sam to arrive at Wakanda with the quinjet so he could fly you and Bucky back to the compound. You were a little bummed about leaving Wakanda, it had been a therapeutic experience for you and Bucky to be here. The thought of living the domestic life, in a beautiful place like Wakanda that is far away from the bustling city of New York was enticing. Sometimes you’d look at Bucky just walking around in his shirt and sweatpants doing the most mundane things instead of getting prepared for another mission and you’d think “I could get used to this.”

You thanked T’Challa, Shuri, Queen Ramonda and the Dola Milaje for everything they had done before you bid your farewell. You promised to stay in contact with Shuri and the Dora Milaje but it was still hard to leave them, they were truly the best people you had ever met. They reminded you of everything HYDRA was not. You could see why Bucky always spoke so highly of them.

Later that night, you had the compound all to yourself. Tony was having a date night with Pepper, Natasha was on a mission to Hungary, Sam was visiting his sister in Louisiana and Rhodey was dealing with some air force matters. As much as you loved the Avengers, you were grateful for this moment alone with Bucky.

The dimmed lights in the kitchen where you and Bucky just had dinner gave him an idea, “doll, get up…”

She did as he told even though she had no clue what he was planning, “for what, Bucky?”

He didn’t answer her but rather, he commanded FRIDAY to play a song called Put Your Heart on My Shoulder by Paul Anka. “Let’s dance, doll.”

He put his flesh hand on your waist and took your left hand with his vibranium arm, “I haven’t danced in ages, Buck.”

“Me neither, doll, but we’ll learn from each other,” he smiled affectionately at you.

It started off slow and you kept your eyes on each other, saying things that words can’t illustrate. It’s love, the realization of how fortunate you both were to have found each other. “I wish we could stay like this forever,” you uttered softly as you fiddled with his dog tags.

“Me too, doll. But we got each other now, I won’t let anything keep me away from you for too long.”

There was a brief silence. “Do you remember the last time you danced like this?”

“1945, Stark Expo, before I was shipped out to England. Her name was Connie and I took Steve with me because I wanted to spend it with him on my last night. I set him up with Connie’s friend but the punk just left to try to enlist in the army.”

Steve. You’d heard about him from Natasha and Tony. No one outside of the Avengers really knew where he was but you knew that he went back in time. That’s all you knew about it. You had also learned about his and Bucky’s friendship and how they really went all the way back. You were often curious about his ‘disappearance’ however you didn’t wanna pry or made Bucky feel worse. Losing a friend was always hard, let alone someone who was his only connection to his past, the life that he knew before he was forced to live out those violent years. You’d heard from Sam about how Steve was the only reason why Bucky stayed alive and how he had thought about committing suicide before. Now that he was gone, Sam often feared that Bucky would snap and give in to it but he always tried to be there for him. You were just glad that Bucky had Sam even before you were around.

“Do you… miss Steve?” you hesitantly asked as you rested your head on his chest.

“All the time,” He confessed. You were a tad relieved that Bucky wanted to open up about him to you. “He was the only family I got left, and when he went back, I felt empty. I was just lucky that Sam didn’t give up on me… And that, I met you.”

You smiled, you lifted your head to look at him. “You’re never gonna lose me. Not again,” you touched his face and he kissed you. It was soft, nothing like the kiss on your last night in Wakanda, but you could feel him pouring all the emotions and gratitude he had for you and you did just the same.

He lifted you as you wrapped his legs around his waist, still maintaining that kiss. Bucky carried you onto the dining table where you just had your dinner and he laid you there as he trailed to your throat and all the way down to your body which was now half-exposed after he lifted the hem of your shirt up until your breasts were revealed.

You weren’t wearing any bra so it was easier for him to access your nipples, he sucked on the right one as his flesh hand made its way down to your pants, unbuttoning it, and he inserted his fingers to find your clit, rubbing it in circles, making you even wetter every second. You shut your eyes, letting him have his way with your body.

His fingers and his tongue worked so magically that within seconds, he had you close to orgasm. “Bucky, so close…” You could feel his smirk against your nipple and he rubbed you faster. You moaned his name as you released all over his digits, soaking them up and he lifted his head to look into your eyes as he sucked your juices all over his hand like a fucking ice cream.

“You taste like heaven, sweetheart.” The sight of Bucky staring intensely at you as he sucked on his fingers that were drenched by your cum was euphoric, like watching a live homemade porn video. Bucky took off his sweatpants and his shirt, discarding them on the floor. Seeing him shirtless never ceased to mesmerize you, his body was a work of art. He’d told you one night that it took him a while to accept the scars on his body, let alone the bionic arm that felt nothing like a human but you told him that you loved every inch of it and if you could, you’d worship it forever.

Bucky then lifted the shirt that was still rumpled on your chest, up to your wrists, where he used it as a makeshift knot, keeping your hands above your head, “stay there, understand?”

“Yes, sergeant.” You had no idea what sparked that nickname, but from the way he grinned, he sure loved it and if he loved it, then you were sure to use that in future steamy sessions.

“Sergeant, huh? You’re in big trouble, darling.” Bucky tore your damp panties and you gasped, not expecting him to be so aggressive… Not that you were complaining though. “Bucky…”

“Shh, let me take care of you, baby.” He kissed you ferociously, with his tongue completely dominating your mouth. Without any warning, his middle finger intruded your body… But it was an entirely different feeling from the last time he did that to you because he was using his vibranium arm and the sensation instantly took over your body, running in your veins like that serum in his blood.

“Oh God, Buck…” You whined as you looked down to where his finger was moving in and out of you at a slow pace.

“Does it feel good?” He asked as he kept looking at your face, searching for any signs of discomfort but with each motion, you only seemed to enjoy it.

“Yes, it feels fucking amazing… Don’t stop, please.”

He began to move his digits faster, and when your wails grew louder, he inserted another finger and you arched your back. “Fuck, oh God…” Bucky curled his fingers to brush your sweet spot, pushing you to the edge and you cum for the second time all over his vibranium hand.

“You’re so hot when you cum,” he whispered in a gravelly low voice that could weaken any woman in the knees. He pulled his fingers out of you and he used your juices to stroke his member to make it easier to slide into you.

Bucky lifted your legs onto his shoulders and he lined his cock to your entrance, slowly as he felt your walls fluttered around him. “Fuck, you’re so tight.” Bucky began moving, he was taking his time with your body, wanting to feel every inch of you and you of him, and you whimpered with every thrust. He felt so heavy between your hips that you could feel your orgasm approaching fast, even with the languid pace.

“I’m not gonna last long…” You said in between whimpers.

“I know, doll. Just let go when you’re ready, okay?” He began to speed up, his grunts and the sound of your skin slapping was obscene, making you nearly forget you were fucking in the place where the Avengers would feast (if they found out what you did on this table, Tony would hire a cleaning service company to scrub the entire surface thrice.)

The coil in your lower abdomen tightened and you knew you were seconds away from rupturing. A few more thrusts and you hit your peak. Bucky kept holding your hips tightly and he continued to pound into you, prolonging your orgasm as he chased his own climax. Your body trembled from the aftershocks but from the way Bucky was impaling you, you could feel a fourth orgasm coming and you didn’t know if you could take it anymore.

He felt you squeezing his cock once again and you both came together, pleasure washed over both of you. He shot his load inside you, painting your walls white. A few more shallow thrusts to blow every drop he had left within him. He stayed inside you as he hid his face between your neck and your shoulder, the warmth of his body on top of you was comforting despite the sweat all over your body.

Bucky lifted his head to look at you and sweep the strands of hair sticking on your forehead, “you okay?” he panted. You could only respond by nodding, not moving because of the weight of him still between your legs and how completely spent you were.

Once he had regained his composure, he retreated himself out of you and he carried you in bridal style to your room, wanting nothing else than to take care of you with a hot bath and forehead kisses under the duvet.

tags; @ohmickeyhenry @suitofvibraniumarmor @themaddies-obx @themaddies-obx @beminetokeep @bluemoon-icecream @bluemoon-icecream @harprs @thefridgeismybestie @abitofeverythingg @wolfonthemoonwatchestvshows @julimelodi @bookscoffeandotherstuff @tanyaherondale @artisancowbells @ferxaniti @intothesoul @hallecarey1 @buckybarnesplumwhore @thefallenbibliophilequote @andiyholly @emizla @capxwinter @jevans2 @alwaysreadingimagineschick @swtltlmrvlgrl @extremelyblackandwhite

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #sebastian stan #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan one shot #sebastian stan series #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan fluf #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan x reader

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office-to-fantasy · 3 years

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Hello could you do a shu x fem reader lemon ( sex) in a pool they were on a honey moon and there went to the pool (water park) and then shu took her to a secret cave in a pool like it’s secret but there in the water but there beads are out like normal then they had sex in there

[First of all: 1,944 words. ... That is... I went overboard, okay? T-T I hope this satisfies everyone’s thirst for Shu~ Enjoy!]

NSFW Warnings: Public Sex, No Protection, No Pull-Out.

Shu Sakamaki x Fem!Reader (NSFW)

(Diabolik Lovers Fanfic)

A glint appeared in Shu’s eyes as you mentioned the water park nearby.

You both were on your honeymoon, the idea of it seeming like a hassle, but when Shu thought of having you all to himself for two weeks, it seemed like a perk.

And it was.

“Is it because you want to show yourself off to other men? Is that it?” he asked, pulling you closer to him by your waist. Him sitting comfortably on the bed and you standing in front of him with the glow of the sunlight hitting you perfectly.

“No,” you replied to his tease, his hands yet again holding that sweet touch you adored. “But I haven’t heard you say no, so is that a yes?” you questioned with a smile.

Shu kept his gaze on your body, moving his hands to slide under your shirt and move his hands up and down the gentle curves of your body. You were perfectly warm under his fingertips, suddenly remembering the fact you were now bound to him by marriage.

The thought made him smile.

You melted into his touch, and it almost made you forget you two had already become one the night before. You simply wanted more.

“Shu,” you said, catching his attention.

He looked up at you, the still sweet smile on his face. He hummed in response, completely disregarding your past conversation.

You playfully rolled your eyes, moving to sit on him in a straddle position. “I asked you a question. Yes or no?” You softly smiled, okay with whatever answer you’d get as long as you could enjoy your time with him.

He yawned and pulled you closer to press his head against your chest. A few more moments passed before he finally nodded.

You smiled happily and kissed his head, excited to go out with Shu for the first time during your honeymoon.

- *time skip*

The water park wasn’t hoarded with a crowd of people, which you were grateful of. The calmer the atmosphere, the higher chance Shu would actually enjoy it. Little did you know that Shu would enjoy just about anything if he could take you, his wife, with him.

You wore a light cover over your bathing suit, not seeing it suitable to just flaunt out in it while you both made your way in.

The sun beamed brightly down, the blue of the pools shining beautifully. You couldn’t help but look up at Shu, wanting to see the dark sea of his eyes against the glow of the sun.

They were as stunning as you expected.

Shu looked at you and smirked. “What are you looking at?”

You hadn’t realized you’d been smiling, and remembering the way he made your heart feel, you slowly fell in love all over again.

“I was admiring the mesmerizing pools of your eyes,” you teased dramatically, but your words were true. His hair didn’t help to cover up how handsome he was, golden blond locks that beautifully framed his face.

The ideal of a perfect man.

You and Shu walked to an empty area with plenty of shade, which Shu made sure to settle down on. You undid the thin layer of clothing that kept you covered and let it fall against the lounge chair.

Shu peaked open an eye to look at you, the two-piece you’d chosen being a clear bold choice.

It was his favorite color to see on you, and it nicely conveyed every curve and angle your body had to offer.

Little did he know how nervous you were to see his reaction to what you were wearing. He didn’t see what you had picked out, you simply entered the bathroom and walked out praying.

You turned around to see Shu moving his eyes up to meet your eyes.

“That swimsuit is one squat away from revealing what’s mine,” he said, looking back down at your bikini bottom.

You blushed, suddenly imaging how embarrassing it’d be if that actually happened. “Shu—”

He pulled you close to him, his hand holding your left one as he admired the ring on your finger.

All his.

You smiled and held his hand back. “Best thing to have ever happened to me,” you told him.

Shu looked up at you. “Lewd woman.” He said those words, but he was so glad to hear yours, that you didn’t regret becoming his.

Shu applied sunscreen on you before you both entered the pool, and to say you were jealous was something. Any of the other women in the pool made sure to look Shu over, as if they were looking for their next meal. You never thought you’d try subtly flaunting a ring so much in your life.

But there you were.

Shu wore fairly normal swim trunks, but apparently they needed to keep looking him up and down.

But Shu wasn’t the only one getting stares. Men and women both looked you over, some for the reason that you were with such a naturally dashing guy, and others to try and get a nicer look at your assets.

Shu noticed it all, suddenly suggesting you both enter the water.

You messed around for a few minutes, either trying to warm up to the water or occasionally swimming and having Shu pull you towards him by your legs. Eventually, you dipped underwater and made your way towards Shu, placing your hands on his hips and emerging from the water in front of him.

Shu admired your beauty for a few moments, enjoying how your hair shined, soaked and reflected the light of the sun. He tilted your chin up, pressing a kiss to your lips as he moved his hands to the back of your thighs, wrapping your legs around his waist.

You kissed back just as much as you felt what Shu had said earlier was correct. Your bottoms had shifted, revealing your lips under the large cover of water.

You moved your arm from Shu’s neck to readjust them, but a hand had beat you to it. Shu’s hand completely palming your privates.

“You lewd woman, I told you.” He smirked, breaking the kiss in the process. “What if someone was swimming under the water? What then?” he teased.

You blushed, not only from his tease, but from the sudden feeling of his hand against you. Shu’s middle finger moved, rubbing against the cloth of your bottoms. You couldn’t help the urge to close your legs, pressuring Shu’s hips.

You looked around, moving your eyes to see if anyone was looking, the sudden thrill of probably being watched caught you off guard.

Shu looked around as he saw a cave on the other end, smirking, he knew exactly what to do. Moving you both and swimming backwards while holding you, you suddenly caught on to his idea.

You made it under as Shu started kissing you again, people coming in and out of the cave every few minutes.

But when did a bit of PDA ever stop him? Especially when it was you.

Shu moved aside your swimsuit, running his fingers along your wet and heated lips. He rubbed your slit, feeling you squirm on top of him.

“Ah, Shu,” you pant, trying your best to grind against his hand. Your eyes hooded with lust you parted the kiss with Shu.

He rubbed you in circles, watching your reactions as they made him more and more stiff under his swim trunks. “Do you like the thought of being caught?”

You couldn’t help but blush, because in all honesty, being caught as Shu touched your most private areas made you want to do it even more. It embarrassed and aroused you all the same.

Shu kissed and marked your neck as he held back the urge to bite you, knowing the pool would quickly mark red with your blood. He held onto the option of marking you in the other way he knew; sucking and licking your skin till it bruised.

The ripples of the water suddenly reminded you of Shu’s eyes, not only drowning in the sweet pleasure of his hands, but in the fantasy of his eyes.

You suddenly felt the familiar feeling of something pressing against you, and you opened your eyes to see Shu’s all knowing face.

He tugged the fabric once more before slowly impaling you on him. You tightly held onto Shu’s shoulders as the feeling of you filling him clouded your thoughts.

You were about to have sex in a public area, and the thought of it had you squeezing around Shu in anticipation.

You and Shu’s heads perfectly stood out in the pool, making it seem as though it was just a cuddly couple in the pool in the middle of the day.

Little did they know.

As Shu fully made it inside you, a woman and her—assumed—boyfriend entered the cave. They looked at you both before smiling. “Such a sweet couple,” the woman said before one of her friends outside the cave called for them.

You kept your face towards Shu, the ecstasy written on your face being a clear giveaway if you looked back. You peaked to see the couple swim away and out of the pool to meet their friends.

Shu looked back at you and smiled, both strangely proud to be seen as a “sweet couple” and to see the all the more aroused look on your face.

You surprised him as you made the first move, lifting yourself before sliding Shu back into you.

Shu watched you in amazement, holding you before moving his hips, moving in and out of you slowly and then increasing the speed.

“Mm!” you moaned before burying your face in his neck. Shu moved in and out of you, hitting you so deeply from the position you were in. You breathed heavily, trying your best to drown out your moans.

Shu continued, your hushed voice sounding so perfect as you tried keeping quiet.

But he wanted more.

Shu moved a hand up to your breast, softly kneading it in his hand. His finger ran over the soaked material, softly pinching your nipple.

“Mmh!” you squeaked, throwing a hand over your mouth.

“Don’t.” Shu’s voice was demanding, and you complied, moving your hand away as holding your moans in became more and more of a struggle.

What was he doing?

He knew they’d get caught if you were any louder. “Shu,” you quietly moaned in a stutter.

Restraining your voice almost felt painful as he moved so deeply into you. But it somehow made you want to be louder, to let everyone know how good Shu was making you feel. Almost to show off that he was hitting and stroking so perfectly and deeply.

You wouldn’t need the ring to let them know anymore.

Your thoughts pushed you over the edge as your voice pushed out, but Shu’s lips met yours, eating up the sounds as he felt you squeeze and cum around him.

Shu softly groaned as he slammed you tightly down on him, his cum filling you up and so deep.

This sent you over the edge once more as you kissed Shu, his seed perfectly coating you from the inside.

You both parted your lips while panting. “I had nowhere else to shoot.” He smirked.

You realized and smiled, still breathless. “I guess not.”

Shu smiled at your words, content once again that you were more than willing to be bound to him in more ways than one. He pressed his lips against yours, the kiss full of passion and love before just barely parting it, his lips hovering over yours.

“My woman,” he whispered.

#request #XNSFW #shu sakamaki #sakamaki shu #shuu sakamaki #sakamaki shuu #diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers shu #diabolik lovers smut #diabolik lovers fanfiction #oneshot #fanfic #OftoFa

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kaz11283 · 3 years

Text

Of Course I'm Here

Characters: Come on you know by now how this goes (Loki x you) (Team x you, platonic)

Warnings: None. And really if you ever see anything that I might need to able as a warning please let me know... I'm the person who forgets there are people out there that get offened by the word F*** if that is an exapmle of anything.

Summary: Mid battle and the avengers keep looking for an answer as to why the God of Lies hasnt showed up yet. Of course you have no idea but at least he proves them all wrong.

ANNOUNCEMENT TIME: hey guys Im back, I know it hasnt been long but I also know I havent been posting every single day like I was, i got into a weird little funk where I didnt want to do anything, I was just feeling completly drained, and I felt bad because I have my little and I didnt even want to play with her because I have just been so TIRED, but I'm feeling better. Work has been kicking my ass here lately and ive been working over 50 hours a week so ive literally been coming in, eatting / feeding the little, getting us ready for bed, and crashing as soon as she falls asleep. But im here now. I will probably be more active on weekends than during the week because I have more time to spend working on stuff but I will be posting also during the week just not daily. At least until after state comes. Thank you so much for the reblogs, likes, comments, follows, and messages please keep them coming! If you would like to be tagged please ask or message, and requests are open. Love you guys so much! 💚💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

~~~~~

"Y/N, BACK UP I NEED BACK UP! EYES IN THE SKY!" Tony yelled from above, you and Clint stood back to back on a roof top shooting as many bad guys as you could. Clint took aim at another carrier, shooting at the engine causing the entire thing to blow up raining debris and hot metal around you.

"Damnit Clint! Farther away make sure they are farther away!" You yelled popping him on the head with an arrow before aiming it at the thing that was chasing Tony.

"Where is lover boy at? You.sent him the location right?" Nat asked into the com.

"Yes I sent him the location, no I dont know where hes at." You mocked.

"Did you send him the right location?" Sam asked.

"One time, one dam-"

"Language!" Steve chimed in causing everyone to groan. Gun shots where ringing all around you and you could here metal on metal paired with Hulk screams coming from another building over.

"Language." You mocked muting your com son that no one but Clint heard you. "I am a 26 year old woman, I think I'm old enough to cuss if I want." You drew back your bow and sent another arrow flying into another goon that had Nat trapped aginst a wall. She shot you a thumbs up before running off. You hit unmute on your com.

"Jesus, 26? Baby, you sure you don't need to be at a babysitter instead of on a building killing things?" He laughed.

"Dont worry Hawk, when we get done here I've already booked you a nice nursing home to be put into." You put your bow around you and stood on the edge of the building. "I need a better view." You looked round, the top of a taller building caught you eye. "There Hawk, we can cover a better radius from up there, get closer to the action."

"DOES ANYONE KNOW WHEN THE GODS ARE GOING TO BE HERE? WE NEED MORE HELP WERE GETTING TIRED AND OUT NUMBERED!" Tony came over the coms screaming.

"How do we get up there? Or do I even wanna know?" Hawk came to examin where you were talking about.

"Im jumping, you cant tell me that someone wont catch me." You shrug.

"GODS WHERE ARE TH- Y/N DONT YOU DARE JUMP!" Tony stopped and hovered right were you was standing.

"Then take us over there. We need higher ground, we cant cover everyone from down here." You crossed your arms.

"Where are the gods at y/n?" He asked again

"I. Dont. Know. Jesus you guys act like I'm suppose to be there keeper!" A simultaneous you are came from everone through the com causing you to roll your eyes. "Hes gonna be here I swear it! Now take me to the building or I jump. 1.....2....-" Tony grabbed you by the collar of your jacket and flew you to the building.

God these things were everywhere and you were starting to run out of arrows. After shooting another ship and causing it to blow you heard what was unmistakably pounding on the roof top door leading to where you currently was at.

"I have some univited guests about to join my party. Anyone available for some assistance?" You yanked out the two emerald green and silver daggars that your boyfriend had given you not long after you had started dating after throwing your bow around you.

"Buy some time kid, I'm on ground level right now but I can try to get up there as fast as possible." Bucky called over the com.

"Buy some time? Ok. I can do this. I work better from afar but a little hand to hand never hurt anyone, just easier to get stabbed this way." The first of the things busted through the door running straight at you. You jerked out of the way missing his staff by just a few inches. Quickly turning you flipped the dagger like Loki had showed you and stabbed him in his side causing him to fall to the ground before the next one tried to impale you.

"I have two daggers and they have freaking staffs! Back up! WHERE THE HELL AR-" you were interupted by static in the air and a bright light. The bitfrost had just opened up leaving to gods standing in front of you and taking out the remainder ofnthe bad guys. "HES HERE! I TOLD YOU GUYS THEY WERE COMING AND THEY'RE HERE." You pulled two extra coms from you pocket and gave them to Thor and Loki.

"Always a pleasure to battle beside you Lady y/n." Thor smiled takkng the com and putting it in his ear before taking off again.

Loki sauntered over to you and put his arm around you waist, you put the com in his ear as he rolled his eyes. He leaned down and gave you a quick kiss.

"You got a new outfit." You smiled at him. God the way he looked in his battle clothe always did something to you, the horned helment was a plus.

"You like it." He smirked down at you pulling you closer.

"Your wearing your horns to." You reached up and brushed a peice if hair behind his ear.

"STOP. STOP NOW. WE CAN HEAR EVERYTHING AND ITS GROSS." Tony yelled causing you both to roll your eyes.

"Quick run down, bad guys everywhere, no end in sight, and I'm out of arrows pretty sure Hawk is too." Loki waved his hand over your quiver making more arrows appear.

"I see you had to use your daggers. I am sorry for not being here. Are you hurt anywhere?" He asked stepping away from you to examin you.

"Small cut on the side, nothing I havent dealt with before, Ill be fine. You go make sure Hawk is fully stocked up and help the others. I got a birds eye view of you right here." I leaned in kissing him one more time before smiling at him and pushing him away. He kissed his two finger before placimg them over his heart and you did the same, "always." You both said before he disappered.

You could hear Thor laughing at the chaos going on and Steve trying to direct the god of thunder on what to do. You had learned earlier to just let him do his own thing and he would be fine. Tony was still trying to micromanage everything when you heard Loki mumble something in an old language and his com cut out. You had figured it wouldnt have stayed on to long though but at least you had tried. It had calmed down up on your end so you decided to finally go back down to where Clint was at shooting an arrow with heavy duty rope you glided back down next to him to watch what was going on.

"Hello, earth to y/n." He snapped his fingers in front of your face. You had been to busy staring at Loki and that damn helmet. "I dont even understand why were friends." He rolled his eyes propping up on the ledge watching as the rest of the team secured the last of the bad guys.

"Because we both shoot arrows, because we are both the best in the team, or because we both know we are the best looking one on the team so we have to stick together." You laughed jumping up so you could sit on the ledge.

"The birds can come out of their nest now." Bucky called over the coms causing you both to sigh.

When you and Clint had reached the bottom you walked over to Thor theowing your arms around the big goof ball.

"You are amazing during battle as always." He beemed patting you on the shoulder.

"As always? Thor youve only fought with her twice." Steve said beside you.

"I had a week off. Went to Asguard, spent time with the boys. Someone had to keep them in line." You shrugged like it was no big deal.

"She was amazing!" Thor went on telling the story of the fight you had all gotten into.

"Mothers been asking about you by the way dear. Wants to know if you've decided to come stay for a while." Loki leaned down and whispered in your ear.

"I think I'm leaning toward a yes. I can't stand being away from you, you had been gone forever this time." You reached for his hand as you both walked to the quinjet.

"I was making arrangements to have our room redone. I figured you would come with me." He gave you a knowing smirk as he reached up to take off his helmet.

"Leave the horns on. I have a suprise for you when we get home." You pulled his hand away from his head and smacked his butt.

"You are a little minx." He laughed chasing you into the jet while the rest of the team groaned and rolled their eyes.

"Even if you wasnt moving i would be kicking your ass out! I am so sick of the PDA between you two." Tony hollared after you.

"Leave them alone Tony, they are courting. Im just glad my brother is happy and not trying to stab me." Thor clapped Tony on the back.

~~~~~

Tag List:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

#loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki #loki avengers #loki daily #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki x reader #loki fluff #loki x y/n #lokilaufeyson #loki one shot #loki (marvel)#loki imagine #loki masterlist #loki and thor

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raspberry-arev · 3 years

Text

After the Flood (a.k.a. bicci fic)

Hello friends! Some of you may remember that back in... er, who knows, I was writing a Bicci Proposal Fanfic. However, school and lack of motivation got in the way, and essentially, I forgot it existed. Until now. It's done, it's ready, it's here for you to read in whole! (I posted half of it before, but I can't find the thing.)

Characters: Jimmy Kaga-Ricci, Lister Bird, Rowan Omondi, OC (Abby Omondi), Angel Rahimi

Themes: older Ark, marriage proposal, coming out, grand gestures, The Ark Revival Tour, and peak Bicci romance (hopefully)

TWs: mentions of recovery from addiction, anxiety, food

Word count: 9k

JIMMY

It’s often impossible to pinpoint what exactly set off an event – or perhaps multiple – that changed your life as you knew it.

That was not Jimmy’s case, however. He remembered that Barbecue Saturday very well.

This time, it was Rowan and his spouse Abby who hosted. The two couples took turns and Jimmy was oh so grateful for it; the idea of managing Lister’s chaotic culinary experiments more than twice in one summer filled him with dread.

On Saturday morning, Jimmy and Lister packed up and drove all the way to the suburbs of London where Rowan and Abby lived. The sun was bright, everything gleamed buttery yellow, and Jimmy managed to talk Abby into letting him set the table and carry in all the food instead of her, which was quite an accomplishment. She was about as stubborn as her husband.

They rarely invited more than three extra people though. Being in the public eye in your formative years made you appreciate small gatherings of trustworthy people. And one of those proved to be Angel. Or, you know, Feresteh, but her nickname really stuck with them. From that time Jimmy nearly quit the band and Lister impaled himself and almost drowned in mud… yeah, call that a wild youth.

Over ten years later, they were hardly the same people.

After they decided to quit being The Ark for their own wellbeing and safety, Rowan kept his place in the music industry as a songwriter, producer and a solo artist. He went with the name Le Monde, a play on his surname as well as French for “the world”. It suited him. He was the world, never small, never just one thing.

Lister stopped being involved in music after a few collabs. While he was figuring out what to do next, he took a few modelling jobs, acted in music videos and got a small part in a sitcom. Jimmy used that time to get a college degree, but found he just wouldn’t be able to get the usual “college experience” he yearned for, and only got his diploma after doing classes long-distance.

Jimmy and Lister also got together. After many failed attempts at courtship and pretending being friends with benefits was enough… they got together. To Jimmy, it felt like it was inevitable; they have acted like partners long before it was official, they just needed to clean up their own messes before they could be a couple. It wouldn’t have felt right back then, but it did now.

Rowan was already at the grill preparing meat and wrapping camembert in shiny aluminium foil when Angel marched in, tall, elegant, beaming. Jimmy loved to see her again. Each time, she seemed a little more confident, more expressive, more… just more. She really did find her calling in the music industry, just as much as he found his tucked away in rural England with his boyfriend.

Yet, he was to be “tucked away” no longer.

At a certain point, their group fell momentarily silent; everyone was chewing their meal and soaking in the sun. Then Angel said, in an unfamiliar, cautious tone: “You see, I was talking to a couple of people…”

Rowan exchanged a quick look with Jimmy. “Go on,” he said.

“It’s gonna be ten years since you guys disbanded, you know.”

“I know,” Jimmy echoed.

“So. I was thinking. Hear me out, even if you think it’s bollocks…” Angel shot them a look, and then made a motion with her hand as if she was presenting them with something. “Have you ever thought of doing a revival concert?”

As Rowan did a theatrical “errrm”, Jimmy saw straight through his best friend’s bullshit: the two of them rehearsed this conversation. He knew Ro for most of his life, who did he think he was fooling?

His mind offered the answer quickly: Abby, perhaps. He wants to see how she would react, doesn’t he? Rowan would love to do a revival show like that, no doubt, but he valued his wife’s opinion too much to make a decision without her.

He felt movement on his left, and looked Lister in the eyes.

“Well,” said Lister, looking at him. “Wow, okay,” said Jimmy. Both were considering.

Angel swiftly picked up, “Just wanted to run this idea by you. Not because it’s me who would love to see you play once more – I mean, of course I would – but it’s expected to have an amazing turn-out.”

“Obviously, they’re The Ark,” Abby commented matter-of-factly.

“You’re right, Abby. So, guys? How are we feeling about this?”

It was bizzare. Normally, Jimmy would have expected to say he wasn’t at all interested – the boyband life was not for him anymore, tough luck – but recently, he felt a strong sense of nostalgia surge through him as the ten year mark got closer. He found himself reaching for his old guitar way more often, strumming at it, looking for something between the strings he could not reach.

Maybe he could do it just once.

What eventually came out of his mouth was… “I haven’t sung like that for a long time though.”

“You sing to me,” Lister contradicted him, his fingers intertwining with his. “All the time.”

Jimmy felt his face get hotter. “That’s hardly… Are you thousands of people?” He turned to Angel. “How many are we talking, anyway?”

She smiled a kind smile. “I don’t know, Jimmy, that depends on whether you three are up to it or not.”

Rowan cleared his throat. “Personally speaking, I think I wouldn’t mind, as long as we are just doing it once, and not trying for a comeback. I wouldn’t go there.”

“Same,” Lister nodded. “I love you guys, but I’m fine the way things are.”

“Right,” said Rowan firmly. “But… just this once, I mean, why not? We could use some extra money.” With this, he gently let his palm rest on Abby’s belly that swelled under her summer dress like a balloon. (Jimmy fought the urge to aww at them.)

Abby immediately assured him they were more than fine financially, but Rowan barely listened, clearly waiting for his former bandmates to say something. Jimmy felt Lister looking at him, unwavering. So he turned to him and asked, “What do you think? Cool or not?”

“I’m waiting for you to say.”

“Why?”

“Don’t want you to feel pressured or anything.”

“You shouldn’t… Just say what your opinion is!”

“You express your opinion,” Lister retorted, pretending to square his shoulders as a threat. Jimmy lovingly nudged him, and to stop being annoying to the remaining three people at the table, he shrugged, “It doesn’t sound so bad. One concert. I mean, we are still friends after all this time, so why not?”

“In that case, I would love to be the centre of attention again!” Lister exclaimed and gave Jimmy a boyish grin. “The crowd was deprived of my looks for too long.”

“Buddy, you were the drummer,” Rowan said. “Bold of you to assume anyone even looked at you with me and Jimmy jumping at the front.”

Jimmy snorted with laughter, but Lister was quick to defend himself. “Google all Lister Bird slash Reader fanfic and then we can talk about who got noticed, buddy.”

“Oi, you’re not even properly revived yet, stop fighting!” Angel called out, but laughter started bubbling from every direction before she even finished the sentence.

They had a proper business meeting about it in two weeks. And then another and another. When they announced the first date, the sales went through the roof. Jimmy had to get off of social media because the internet exploded with their names and faces. But he sort of found it a bit sweet, that so many people stuck around for them, like old friends that he never had the chance to talk to. One concert became three and then five, which was, honestly, more like a small tour at that point. Jimmy fought to call it After the Flood and won.

LISTER

“You really shouldn’t do that, you know. This bitch is hard to get rid of.”

Rowan tried to hide a small cough and put out his cigarette on the metal window sill next to him. “Hey,” he greeted Lister. “Didn’t expect you to come out here.”

“Yeah.” Lister found it hard to hang around smokers, and unfortunately, he met quite the number of them while they were in the process of rehearsing. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“What’s up?”

“Can we walk, like, over there? So… nobody can hear us through the door?”

Rowan eyed him suspiciously, but he followed him to the railing on the edge of the roof. There, he turned to him, seeming to fight himself.

“I’m really looking for a less shitty way to ask this,” he admitted eventually. “But… What have you done now, Lister?”

Lister felt a sort of numbed cramp seize his stomach for a second. It took a lot not to let anger overcome him. They were well over thirty, how the hell was Rowan still treating him like a fuck up? But no. This was more important than old grudges.

“Nothing! As of yet,” he assured his bandmate.

“Okay…?”

“Right. So. Erm. Nobody is here, right? Fine. I had this idea… you know, Jimmy and I have been together for a long time and I obviously care about him a lot, I always have, you kind of know that…”

“Yes, go on,” he pushed on gently.

“Fuck it. I want to fucking propose!”

A giant weight fell off his shoulders when he spoke those words aloud. It was like coming out all over again, god.

Rowan’s eyes twinkled. “Oooh,” he almost whispered, “and you need my help with that? I’m your man, tell me the plan!”

“There is none right now.”

“Oh, okay. I can still help if you want.”

This was another part Lister dreaded discussing.

“I… okay, so, I was thinking of… doing it on stage?”

His friend’s face changed rapidly.

Lister’s dream of a grand proposal to the love of his life in brilliant stage lights and the roars of the audience faded away. “That’s a no? That’s a no. Shit, forget it then.” He felt sick.

“Lister, I’m absolutely positive you mean well,” Rowan started. “But Jimmy would-“

Speak of the devil.

The door opened and out of it peaked Jimmy’s unshaven face. “Oh! There you both are.”

Rowan froze for a second. Lister was ready to improvise. “Alright, so how about I come by yours after practice and you transfer the files to me?” He smiled, but impaled Rowan with a meaningful look.

Fortunately, he caught on. “Oh yeah, yeah, that could work.”

“What files?” Jimmy inquired as he joined them, oblivious.

“Rowan has some of our old drafts still saved. I was thinking of squeezing in a drum solo somewhere, maybe with spoken word over it?”

“Sounds cool,” Jimmy smiled at him and slightly brushed the back of his hand with Lister’s. “Anyway, Dick the Sound Guy wants us all in there immediately.”

“Stop calling him that or I’ll have a Freudian slip at some point,” Lister laughed and guided Jimmy back into the building. Him and Rowan managed to exchange a subtle nod over the shorter man’s head.

JIMMY

As they were packing up that day, Jimmy tried incredibly hard to catch Rowan alone. Just like the old times when he needed to discuss something personal. And yet again, it involved Lister. Jimmy felt young and stupid again, but not really in a good way.

Finally, he managed to stop him while he was putting away the equipment. Lister was meanwhile in the office of their temporary new manager. “Ro, I need advice!” he whispered to his best friend.

“What about?”

“It’s Lister.”

“Oh dear Jesus, I’m having flashbacks.”

“Don’t be a dick, it’s important.”

“Okay then, tell me.”

“It kind of involves you too. Just… tell me if it’s a good idea.”

“Go on!”

“I want to, uh… I want to tell people Lister and I are a couple…” He took a breath. “Which means I would be coming out as gay as well, probably. I know that’s, like, a huge pile of drama, so if you don’t want me to complicate the tour, just say it, it’s honestly kind of irresponsible when I’m thinking about it now…”

“Jimbob. Easy.” Rowan waited for a second for Jimmy to wind down, leaning on a stack of five chairs, and then asked, “Are you really sure about it? Do you want people to know?”

Jimmy felt his thoughts humming in his head. He forced himself to say exactly how he felt.

“I know it’s gonna sound super dramatic, but I don’t want to die not saying it,” he explained slowly. “It became really important to me… I don’t know when. But it did. Talking about this part of me, too. I’m just worried about what Lister might say.”

“So I take it that you didn’t discuss this?”

“No way. I don’t even know how to start!” Jimmy exploded in loud whispering. “I should have talked to him a long time ago, but I just didn’t have the balls.”

“I get that, but… just bring it up. Like, theoretically. What if. I think he’s going to support you through it.”

“How could he?”

“What are you even saying at this point?

“You think he would like people sticking their nose in our personal business? I feel like it’s so unfair to him and his privacy… And I feel terrible about still wanting to do it… even though it’s inconsiderate. It’s all a fucking mess.”

“Okay, okay.” Rowan massaged his nose. He looked like he was trying incredibly hard not to snap at Jimmy and be at least somewhat encouraging. “Look, no spoilers, but I am going to say this. Lister absolutely will notbe mad and he will want to talk about the two of you if you give him the chance. That is all.”

“Wait, what? Ro, did he tell you something?”

“I am not talking!”

“Is that how you treat your best friend in a life crisis?!”

“You’re putting me in a life crisis, don’t you dare play the pity card! I swear, the two of you are a nightmare.”

“Rowan! Come back!”

LISTER

His visit to Rowan’s place was very brief, but it was enough for him to understand Rowan’s concerns. Eventually.

Lister explained that it didn’t feel appropriate for him to just whip out a ring in a restaurant: Jimmy was his love, his dream boy, as cliché as it sounded, and he wanted to do something that would measure up to all he was feeling. Which was… well, a whole lot. Like a “get down on one knee in front of thousands of people” lot.

And yet.

“It’s all great, and I’m sure there are people in the world that would love it, but we are talking about Jimmy.”

“Come on. I know, he’s private about… well, everything, but…”

“That, yes,” Rowan pointed at him while holding a can of coke, “but don’t you think this proposal on stage would be an anxiety-inducing situation? Because to me, that sounds like a lot of pressure and nerves.”

“He hasn’t had attacks since we moved and he went on those meds.”

“That doesn’t really –“

“Matter. Yeah. Yeah, I get your point, mate, he would die of shock. And everybody watching him. Fuck, I’m stupid.”

“No, you’re not,” Rowan grinned. “The two of you are just different… in some aspects. I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”

Will I? Lister asked himself as he was driving back to the hotel that Jimmy and him were staying at for the time being. This was the only thing I came up with, like, ever.

When he swept his key card over the sensor and the door to their suite opened, he was greeted by the smell of dinner. He took a look into their little kitchen and found his boyfriend sitting at the table with his laptop. He didn’t notice him for a second, so Lister came up behind him and hugged him tightly.

Jimmy yelped.

“Where’s the food?!” Lister shook him a little, imitating Batman.

“Your hands are so cold!” Jimmy protested, but there was a trace of laughter in his voice. “On the stove, you bully!”

Lister almost flew over there, looking under the lid on the pot.

“Pasta,” Jimmy shrugged. “I needed my comfort food, so that’s that for you.” Lister smiled and thanked him, because yes, he was starving. Pasta was Jimmy’s go-to meal to cook, as it was quick to make and he was a pasta-sauce prodigy.

While his dinner was heating up in the microwave, Jimmy made small-talk about the supposed unused lyrics Rowan and him exchanged. Lister found it hard to lie to him, so he just turned to playful teasing, telling Jimmy to stop sniffing around, he’ll hear it when the time comes.

“Oh come on,” Jimmy huffed. “I’m just asking! And it’s my show, too. Spill it.”

“Sorry. Totally gonna steal your spotlight.”

“Lister, just tell me what it is.”

“A song.”

“What song?”

“A song that you have to wait for.”

“Babe, what song?!”

Lister took him by the waist and pulled him against his body. “Are you trying to ‘babe’ me into telling you right now? Is that what’s happening? Right in front of my pasta?” He went in for a kiss, and Jimmy tried to murmur something against his lips… but then he gave up. They leaned into each other and kept kissing until Lister pulled away to open the microwave. He got himself a fork and went to sit down after the long day, but Jimmy stayed there, right next to the sink. Looking a bit like he was going to hurl.

Before Lister could ask if he’s okay, Jimmy sat down on the other chair with a determined look on his face.

“There is something I need to discuss!” he blurted out.

Lister cautiously dropped the fork back into the bowl. “Okay…? And it’s something to do with me, yeah?”

“Yep. A lot to do with you.” He was visibly nervous. He clasped his hands together, as if Lister would have not noticed. “I… I was thinking about this one thing, and I need your opinion about it.”

“Cool. Go for it.”

“It’s about our relationship.”

“Are you aware you sound very sinister right now?”

He wildly shook his hands as if he wanted to dry them off. “Sorry, didn’t mean to,” he apologized in a strained voice. Then he cleared his throat, sharply lifted his eyes towards Lister’s and exclaimed, “I would like to reveal that we’re together.”

Lister felt everything about his face go lax in shock. He opened his eyes round and wide, his mouth followed, and Jimmy looked like he would faint.

“I, er. I just. I thought about it and I think it’s a decent idea and – please say something, Lister, before I get a fucking heart attack right now.”

It must have been so hard for him to speak up. Lister thought of his proposal plans and felt his mouth slowly form a smile. “I think it’s… brilliant! Yes, I would really like to do that!”

“Wait, really?”

“This is – I didn’t think you would want to, when did you change your mind?”

Jimmy shrugged, grinning in a sheepish way that made him look much younger. And cuter. “I thought I just… wanted to be open about this part of my life. Figured it’s time to say we are together. But if you, like, don’t feel like it, then…”

Lister beamed. “I feel like it. If you do, I do, trust me.” He walked around the table and lifted Jimmy into a hug. He laughed, relieved.

This was when it dawned on Lister… it was not such an easy matter. Exciting, yes, but it would gather all kinds of attention. He leaned onto the table, grabbed his dinner and him and Jimmy started talking about the situation it would put them in. If both are truly okay with it, how much would they reveal, when is the best time to do it. They kept talking through the bathroom door and while they were changing into pajamas in their bedroom.

As they were laying down and Lister gestured Jimmy to crawl into his arms, they became quieter. “You know why I also want to say it?” Jimmy mumbled, lying on the soft linen with one eye open.

“I’m all ears.”

“If I have to see one more article about which model or actress you’re screwing, I’m gonna lose the remaining marbles that I have.” Lister started chuckling as Jimmy awkwardly added, “Which is, admittedly, not many. Most have been lost in my youth.”

“Oh no,” Lister laughed and turned Jimmy’s face upwards to his. “So this just in: my boyfriend is possessive. Fancy that.”

“I’m not, it’s… I am… Oh, you hated Jowan, stop being smug.”

“I know I did, we both know. But jealous Jimmy? That’s a rare sight.”

“It’s just super uncomfortable. It’s all women, as well.”

“Heteronormativity is a bitch,” Lister nodded. He snuggled closer and let out a breath, “Don’t worry though. I am exclusively your problem.”

Jimmy kissed him, smiling. Lister felt lightheaded. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Jimmy’s. He loved this – he loved how much he felt for him after so long they have been together. It never ceased or faded away… because it was Jimmy.

Lister was pretty sure he would love him until his last day on Earth.

It was time to start looking for a ring.

JIMMY

Not much later, they had a team meeting scheduled with all the important people at their recording company that were involved with their tour. Jimmy and Lister announced their intention to come out during the tour, and with Rowan’s full support, it wasn’t too hard to win the producers over. Jimmy had anticipated the PR people would deem it overly risky to their image, but they were fairly chill. As Rowan had put it, “As if anything about The Ark was ever about pandering to conservatives.”

They agreed that their demographic is absolutely different, and before they knew it, they were being ignored while people were exchanging speculations about how it all could help them promote the tour.

“If they do it on, like, the second show…”

“…we could sell some extra tickets after… another wave…”

“…that would probably be a good time to release a single, something related to…”

Jimmy felt something in his chest sink. This is why they left. These people took something good, something from their hearts and souls, and wanted to turn it into money. Some part of him understood, that’s how business works, but mostly, he just felt really sad for them.

“Oi!” Lister exploded over the chatter. “Sorry, but we are still here, and – Could you maybe not act like this coming out is a marketing tactic?!”

The room went briefly silent.

Jimmy squeezed his hand under the table to say a silent thanks. Then he choked out, “That’s not why we’re doing it!”

Their producer looked at them over the top of her reading glasses.

“Of course it’s not, love,” she cooed. “But to say it bluntly, I think you need all the help you can get.”

After many weeks and many briefings, they had agreed on making the announcement on the third show. Right in the middle of tour. Everybody was nervous, expectant, but there was this air of hopefulness when Jimmy and Lister ended up alone together. The glimmer in his partner’s eye when their eyes met promised something… no, it was not living absolutely openly, they still wanted privacy. But it felt like they were sealing something.

This was not an easy coming out.

But they were in for it. Together.

LISTER

“Just so I know,” Rowan said as Lister was trying to take off his Doc Martens with all his might, “what did you tell Jimmy this time?”

“We’re still working on music.”

“We should really make something then, before you go. I am not gonna lie to my childhood best friend, y’know.”

Finally, the boot came off, and Lister got off the little cabinet in Rowan’s hall. Abby was already making tea, and when she saw him walk by the kitchen door, she just nodded at him. Lister smirked at her; she loved pretending to still be mad at him for taking Rowan to a strip club on his stag night. (Or was it dancing on the table at the wedding reception? Anyhow.)

Rowan sat him down in the lounge and started the conversation with: “So. The big reveal is getting closer. How are we feeling?”

“I – great, good. I’m fine, and Jimmy seems to be fine, so yeah, we’re fine.”

“But I assume that’s not what you need help with?”

“You assume right. I will need you to bear with me, though.”

“That sounds interesting,” Rowan retorted and flashed a smile at Abby who was bringing them two steaming mugs of earl gray. “And when I say interesting I mean impending doom, why thank you, Abby!”

“No problem.” She slowly leaned over, careful not to lose balance with her belly, and kissed him on the forehead. “I’ll be off for my swimming class then. You two behave, will you.”

As she was making her way to the hall, Lister jokingly remarked, “No goodbye kiss for me?”

She stopped in the middle of the room and exchanged a glance with Rowan. Rowan, stirring his tea with a teaspoon, said, “Please don’t kill him, I need him for the concert.”

“Come on, you guys, I was fully kidding. Goodbye, Abby,” he waved to her with a bright smile. “Enjoy your swimming stuff!”

“Thank you, will do.” She disappeared.

“Just a question!” he called after her. She came back with an eyeroll. “Is it, like, harder to swim when you are pregnant? Like, I don’t mean to insult you or anything, I’m just genuinely wondering.”

She, too, put aside her snarky façade for a second. “Actually, I go there because it’s relieving. The water makes you float, so the weight of the baby is taken off my back and legs for a little while.”

“Oh! That’s clever.”

“Thank you. The more you know, am I right?”

“You know what I was just thinking of?”

“Yeah? I really have to go.”

“When you’re swimming, you’re a human submarine for the baby.”

It seemed to take Abby a minute to realize what he was saying. Very slowly, she brought her palm to her forehead.

Rowan then didn’t make it much better by adding, “Since when does a submarine have water inside? That would defeat the purpose.”

Lister thought about it and then gasped. “So… right now, you are a reverse human submarine!”

Abby looked at them both, clearly lost for words. “I’ll just go…” She closed the lounge door behind her.

After a good ten minutes of Rowan half laughing and half chastising Lister for saying the things he says, Lister threw his hands up in the air and claimed they seem to have “traded their sense of humour for a marriage certificate” two years ago.

Rowan immediately followed: “Speaking of marriage, any updates on that? You and…?”

“Well, my friend, that is precisely what we need to talk about today.”

“Okay. The meeting is officially in session, go.”

“First: am I the only one that was really surprised by Jimmy wanting to make us public? Because I really didn’t expect that at all.”

“Yeah, I guess he’s still full of surprises, huh?”

“That he is. However, Ro, I was thinking, and I still want to do a proposal. No – let me finish, it’s not that straightforward. I spent a lot of time talking to Jimmy about what he wants and how he sees the future, and you were super right in saying that I should never put him on the spot like that. Being so exposed to the public when we were kids messed with us in a big way, all of us.”

Rowan snapped his fingers in agreement.

“The idea is… It would be a proposal before a proposal. Like… I don’t know, announcing that I have the intention of proposing to him soon. And asking him if he is okay with that, you know? If he’s okay with the idea of saying yes. That way,” Lister gesticulated with his hands, “he’s not forced right there to say yes, the eventual real proposal can be sort of expected, which would calm him down a bit, but still a surprise, because when is it going to happen? I’m not saying.”

Rowan stared at him for about three seconds. “That was… a whole thing, buddy.”

“Thoughts?”

“I’m just trying to wrap my head around this. Wait. You want to do a proposal before the actual proposal.”

“Yes.”

“On stage. At the same time you are announcing that the two of you are together?”

“No! I mean, I don’t think so. I thought like, more at the end, maybe.”

“Proposal before a proposal…”

“It’s clever, if you think about it.”

“To me, it just seems very extra, Lister. Which I know is your trademark, but –”

“No, but listen. I want to propose to Jimmy. He wouldn’t survive a big flashy proposal, but I still want to make it a big deal, because it is. Ergo, I announce that I want to spend the rest of my stupid little life with him and ask him if it is okay to propose to him one day, likely soon.”

Rowan’ expression changed. “That does make sense,” he said. “For the two of you, especially.”

“Okay then: dear dad, do I have your blessing?”

“Never call me that again. But yes.”

“You are the closest to being a father out of all of us.”

“That is not what it sounds like and you know it.”

JIMMY

The first show was an explosion of feeling and memories. Nauseous with anxiety, burdened with expectation and weak in the knees, Jimmy ran into his first appearance on the stage the same way he would run into the middle of the highway. The lights and screams and colours almost blew him to pieces and then glued him back together. His first words addressed to the crowd and the earth-shattering screams that came in answer woke something in him, a force of nature. The gig was rather small compared to those they ended on ten years ago, but the crowd loved them to pieces and oh, he felt so alive.

The second show was slightly bigger, yes, and their fans didn’t disappoint. Plenty of pride flags were chucked at him, and he waved them and gave them to his mates and it made him even more excited about what him and Lister were going to do the next time round. These people stayed with them for so long, this sea of faces that looked toward him… for many of them, he would be the representation they need, again.

He remembered being a young trans boy, questioning if there is a life, a future, for him. Where were all the queer adults? The trans adults? How could he imagine adult life if he had never seen someone like him live it?

There he was, now. Adult. Gay. Transgender. A lot of time, he still knew very little about what he was doing, but he had a boyfriend who knew equally little, and together, they might be just what some queer kid in the crowd yearns to see.

LISTER

It was D-Day. Christ and Mary, it was, and they were going to say it. Finally. The staff have been informed, the security has been strengthened, they did everything so that some fan wouldn’t try and knock them the fuck out…, but he was still incredibly nervous. Minutes before the show, among all the rush and flourish, he caught Jimmy and pulled him to the side, apologizing to a couple of sound guys securing some cables on the ground.

“How are you doing?” he blurted out.

“I’ll die, but maybe in a good way. You?”

“Same. Or I’ll throw up, in a bad way.”

“Wait really?”

“No, I’m sick, but not the vomiting kind.”

“Anxiety! Welcome to the club!” Jimmy shouted as he was being ushered away under the stage so he could come up on a platform.

More pushing, more ushering, and he stood next to Rowan.

Their intro – a dramatic organ solo as light flashed through the artificial fog like sunbeams – was rumbling all around them. The crowd was losing their minds. He didn’t know how, but he still heard Rowan whisper:

“Lister, promise me you won’t do the other thing today!”

“Told you I won’t, stop being patronizing!” he snapped back, but then it was their time, and they were on a stage, coming up from behind Jimmy, each on every side, acting astonished as they supposedly came down from Noah’s Ark onto new land.

Listed dared to put his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder as they did so.

The show was on.

Here we go.

JIMMY

During the concert, he used every opportunity to interact with the audience that he had. It felt a bit manipulative at first – he wanted them to be up for a bit of talking, eventually – but then the feeling of guilt faded away. However complicated his relationship with the fans used to be, these people were the fans. They stayed loyal to them, they kept their music in their hearts, and came to this revival gig…

It would be okay, okay, okay.

When the last accords of the last song whizzed away into the night and he was thanking the crowd that stomped and cheered and waved signs in hope of an encore… he stopped at the front of the stage. Rowan strummed a few last cords on the guitar and fell silent.

He wished he had somewhere to sit down. His legs were shaking.

But he was not afraid. Not really.

“Now, you guys, these shows are very special for us. Because every single one of you, as we’re standing here and looking at each other, you have been waiting for so long…” His voice was drowned out by cheers. “For so long, you have not forgotten us, you came to our shows, you have been amazingly supportive, and I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart!” He shouted the last few words as the sea of faces roared in joy.

When they calmed down again, he continued. “And because you are the ones that stuck with us… because of that, I would like to say a few things to you.

If you know about the days of my youth…” Pause as people laughed and shouted affirmations at him. “…you would probably remember that I was presumed to be in a relationship with a person that is standing on the stage with me, right now.”

It was good that only a few people cheered. But it made him sick to the stomach, still.

“Okay, no,” Rowan came in, and people applauded, and he pointed at them with a not-so-fake scolding look, “no, no, don’t you woo at me, young lady. This is so utterly not a thing! Jimmy has never left the friendzone!”

“Same here,” Jimmy laughed and patted Rowan across the back, maybe a little too hard, overcompensating. “Did you all, like, miss that Rowan came out as straight all those years ago?”

People were laughing. Nobody really cared, they just found it funny. Rowan claimed he was leaving it to Jimmy before “the PR team has me taken out”, and retreated a few steps, leaving Jimmy to face the crowd again.

Deep breaths, he told himself.

“What I wanted to say was that there was one thing that those people back then got right.” Breathe in, breathe out. “I am gay.”

Two seconds of silence and then an absolute thunderstorm of an applause. A rainbow pride flag landed at his feet and Jimmy took it, with meek laughter, and put it around his shoulders. He heard Rowan cheer and clap too, and for what felt like years, he couldn’t get a word in. He wished the whole world could be like this.

“I – gosh, thank you all, I’m not sure whether it was a surprise,” he finally managed to say, his voice breaking a little from surprise, “but yeah. I am a trans, gay man…” The hall exploded with joyous noise. “…and it’s not all that there is to me, but I’m here. And queer. Hello.”

He thought he was going to pass out. He had a clever segway prepared, but he couldn’t remember a word of it. This was the moment. He wanted to say it, but at the same time… How could he? It was so hard, why do things have to be so hard?

“The other… the second thing,” he said, gripping the pride flag. “It is that… wow, it’s hard. It’s that I am…” He felt himself turn around, and like a lost child call: “Lister?”

Lister climbed out from behind the drum set instantly. Nobody cheered, there were only confused whispers. Jimmy looked at him, asking for help without words, and he knew, as he always did. Jimmy found a place to look, above the crowd, beyond everything, as Lister stepped in and slowly took his hand.

“The second thing is that we are together,” Lister said, his voice steady.

And the crowd lost it.

There were people wailing in happy tears. Screaming at the top of their lungs. A dissonance of chanting their names, all at a different rhythm, before Rowan ran up to them and hugged them and spurred the crowd on, and they stood there wrapped in a pride flag, and Jimmy was kind of crying and leaning on Lister, and it was another half an hour of a pure mess, before they really left the stage with their ears buzzing and eyes wide.

Jimmy and Lister tumbled into a corner somewhere, and Jimmy had happy tears streaming down his cheeks and they were kissing and holding each other and shaking.

“Oh, I’m such a mess,” Jimmy laughed as he was smearing tears and foundation on his sleeve.

“And I love you so much,” Lister blurted out in a moment of raw honesty.

“Me too,” Jimmy took one of his hands and kissed the palm. “I love you so fucking much it’s unreal sometimes.”

LISTER

This was, hands down, the most jittery Lister got before a show. Ever.

Currently, he found himself sat at an old sofa in the dressing room, hands clasped and both legs involuntarily jumping up and down. Was it annoying? Likely. But he had to let his knees jump in such a vigorous way because if he hadn’t, his teeth might start clattering.

He hated that he couldn’t just be pumped and excited. He had to feel this unsettling, buzzing mess of an emotion. Anxiety, as Jimmy informed him. This is what it’s like for an anxious person, he said… except make it all the time and often for no real reason.

Lister shook his head a little.

His reason, too, was basically nothing. He knew. As if Jimmy would actually reject him or something…

Or would he?

Maybe he could? Oh God, maybe he could…

“Hey! You’re actually scaring me, what’s up with you?!”

Lister blinked in confusion. He saw Jimmy as he was making his way over. A half scolding, half worried look decorated his face.

He lowered his voice when he added: “The last time I saw you like this was when you had withdrawal symptoms. You can tell me if that’s what it is.”

“It’s not that. I’m fine,” Lister insisted. Crap, he was panicking too hard to actually come up with anything convincing. Come on, Bird, focus… He’s onto you…

“Actually,” Rowan’s voice travelled to them from the corner, “I just think we had weird coffee.”

“What? But you’re fine.”

“Yeah, well,” Rowan continued to make up a story, “we both got one, but I didn’t like the taste, it was too strong. Lister felt bad for throwing them out so he finished both of them, didn’t you?”

“Ye-Yes,” he finally caught on. Had to admit, Ro was impressive at this. Lister started to believe what their friend used to say: that he can lie very well, he just chooses not to. “I didn’t want to waste it. The coffee.”

“Lister,” Jimmy grunted in disbelief, hands on his hips. “That was a brilliant idea, you walnut! Look at yourself, you’re gonna be sick now!”

“I’m not.”

“You look it.”

“I’m just…” He rubbed his clammy hands together. “I’m just anxious I guess.”

“Well, no shit. Why do you think I avoid caffeine?” Jimmy sighed and dropped into a squat in front of Lister. He took Lister’s hands in his. “Seriously, are you okay? You’re not gonna have a heart attack, are you?”

“No, babe. I’m alright.” The last thing he wanted was for his boyfriend to be anxious too.

He looked down at Jimmy. The realization dawned on him, as he noticed that his partner dropped onto one of his knees to be more comfortable; very soon, the roles will be reversed. It will be Lister down on one knee, only Jimmy would be standing up in that case…

Okay.

Wow.

This is what true internal screaming felt like.

“You need water, as in now,” Jimmy decided and jumped up. “I’ll need you to drink at least three glasses before we start, that should help.”

He rushed out of the room to get hands on some water. Rowan and Lister looked at each other, the pretence gone.

“Alright?” Rowan nodded.

“I’m fucking choking, dude,” Lister replied.

It almost looked as if his friend was going to give him advice, or maybe say something generic and calming… but instead, Rowan let out a small laugh. Lister’s lips started twisting without him giving the command.

And then the two collapsed laughing. The pressure of this being the very last show and the knowledge of what Lister was about to do at the end of it were just the right recipe for hysterics.

Jimmy didn’t bother to ask twice what the joke was, as long as they promised they weren’t laughing at him.

-----------------------------------

As the concert was coming to an end and the crowd was cheering and chanting for an encore, Rowan seized the opportunity and called: “Alright, friends, we would like to indulge you in a little experiment! Can you join me at the front, Lister?”

Lister got out from behind the drum set and jogged to meet the rest of the group. Jimmy smiled, but his eyes studied both of them suspiciously. “What is this?”

Lister lazily raised his arms with the palms of his hands towards the crowd. “I have to admit, we kind of didn’t tell Jimmy what this is about. Sorry, my guy.” People laughed. Rowan signalled someone backstage, as Lister added: “But just so you don’t feel left out, you can have this triangle.” A nervous assistant handed Jimmy the instrument and ran off again.

Everybody was jeering and whistling, but there was an air of anticipation in the air.

“Oh wow, that’s generous of you,” Jimmy grimaced.

“I know, right? Anyhow.” Lister took a step forward, trying to calm himself. He could do this. He had acting jobs, he could absolutely pull this off.

He was Lister freaking Bird! He was the fan favourite!

“Dear audience, allow me to tell you a tale,” he addressed the crowd in his best narrator voice. A couple of screams rose from the crowd, but everyone else was listening intently. Behind him, Rowan started strumming a little melody on his guitar – one they created especially as a backdrop to Lister’s talk.

“I know this is a little unusual,” Lister admitted to the sea of people, “I know that you’re used to stories coming to you via this man’s voice,” he pointed at Jimmy, “and this man’s lyrics.” Rowan. “I know that I am just a simple drummer in this arrangement. But today, I will do the voice and the words. Because, well… Talking all the time is the one thing I am actually good at.”

That made the crowd laugh. Good. Great.

“But now, on with the story!” he exclaimed and made a motion with his hands as if he was showing them a canvas.

“Picture this. We are all fifteen, stuffed into a tiny studio in London,” he smiled, as if nostalgic. His voice flowed out of him in a steady melody, like the hum of a river. “We all had that awkward long hair phase – yes, I see some true veterans in the audience today. Good,” he smiled at a couple of girls in the front who seemed to know exactly which haircuts he meant. He raised his hands again. “I am sitting outside the recording room, behind the glass. On the other side, there’s Jimmy. I can see him clearly, I hope you can too,” he said, keeping his dreamy smile. “The giant black hoodie. The fringe almost hiding his eyes. Jimmy waits for the cue, bouncing up and down,” he chuckled as he swayed up and down on his toes, “and then starts singing the interlude in our first album. It’s only about two lines that we need to record, but I remember wishing it lasted longer. Obviously. Because his voice is amazing.”

The audience started yelling and swooning at once. Lister was honestly more okay looking at them than if he had to look at Jimmy and see what his reaction is.

Now, here comes the real cliché.

“But then,” he paused with real embarrassment in his voice, “then he looked up from under his hair… at me, with those big brown eyes… and asked me, if he was okay.”

Breathe in, and:

“My friends, that was the moment I have fallen for Jimmy Kaga-Ricci.”

A roar of screams started rising from the audience, when Rowan strummed dramatically on the guitar, as if something tragic had happened. Lister shot a look at Jimmy and found him laughing. Surprised, but amused.

Thank fuck. I’ve never told him that before.

On the outside, he theatrically turned to Rowan and scolded him: “I was just getting sentimental here?”

Rowan shrugged and strummed a more positive jingle. Everyone laughed and clapped. Lister was starting to enjoy this, actually. He sighed and walked forward onto a prolonged platform where Jimmy was usually stood on.

“Well, maybe my trusty assistant was right with the sound effects,” he admitted jovially. “Because my crush absolutely did not like me back for years. Hey, but that’s not to throw shade at the guy,” he added quickly to prevent any pitiful reaction that would make Jimmy feel bad. “Because you have to consider that I was and still am a bloody mess of a person.” That amused the listeners. Lister turned round, as he exclaimed. “I am the creator of problems, the maker of terrible decisions. We can all agree that Jimmy is a lovely lad…” He had to pause for the overwhelming reaction in support of that statement. “Yes, he is, but inflicting my teenage self upon him, that would just not be right.”

Jimmy suddenly clanked the metal stick against the triangle in an absolute cacophony to draw attention to himself. “Excuse me,” he called to Lister, “could you stop insulting yourself? I would enjoy that.”

A girl somewhere below them screamed as if she was getting murdered. They exchanged a quick glance, as if to say a little yikes, but then Lister laughed it off.

“Sorry, sorry,” he continued. “Through it all, Jimmy was always here for me. He was one of my first real friends. He was understanding when I needed it most, and ready to kick my ass when I needed it most.” He smiled at his boyfriend and hoped his voice is not shaking. “Look at you, Jimmy! I’m being embarrassing in front of hundreds of people and you still haven’t walked off stage.”

Jimmy laughed and lightly hit the triangle. He was ever the professional, but his eyes glimmered in curiosity. Expectation.

Lister kept looking at him. Rowan was strumming a slightly different melody now, and if Lister did say so himself, the atmosphere was fucking perfect.

“What I want to say is…, I feel that we were together before we got together. We were always partners. A great team. Maybe you wouldn’t think the same,” he admitted to Jimmy, “but a girl can dream. Oh! A rhyme!” He exclaimed to a symphony of awwws and ooohs. People were laughing again, clapping here and there. “That will be the only time!” Lister made a face of feigned shock. “Or not? Wow, I’m unpredictable!”

“You’re hot,” Jimmy rhymed with unexpected confidence.

The crowd was screaming their heads off at this interaction. Even Lister was a little flustered. He came back to his bandmates and gestured toward Jimmy, who was still smirking a little. “And he can improv, what’s not to like, honestly!”

Now, there came the challenge. Lister took a deep breath and prayed to all deities that were listening for this to come off as more sweet than cringy.

His voice fell into a different rhythm. One he kept studying every possible minute from any good slam poetry or original poem reading he could find online.

“But now, if our audience permits,” he put one hand on his chest, turning directly to Jimmy, “I would like to address you. Because, dear Jimmy, although I love each face in the crowd, my friends, my family, those that are both… I can state loud and proud that the biggest part of my heart goes to you.” He grinned sheepishly at Jimmy’s stunned expression, when he added: “If not all of it.”

“I can only guess what goes on in that mind, whether you think this is suspicious or kind… I can’t know these things. But there is one thing I do know. That no matter how much we grow, what we lose and what we gain, through all the smiles and all the pain, I will love you. It’s as big and as small as this. And today was an opportunity I couldn’t miss. So, nobody panic, stay in your seats. It’s not what it looks like.”

He got down on one knee in front of his boyfriend.

Jimmy gasped in sync with the audience: “Lister!” He backed away.

“Oh no, mister, don’t panic,” Lister retorted. That managed to amuse Jimmy a little – that he would know this would be the reaction. The audience was still going absolutely wild. Another pride flag just about missed Lister’s left ear.

“As I said, it’s not what it looks like. And I’m sick of rhyming by now, so…” He reached for Jimmy’s hand. Pulled it down to his by the triangle and encouragingly pressed a thumb into his palm. “I wanted to tell you – in a way that means something – that I don’t see myself living my life with anyone but you. So I have a question. Can you imagine me proposing in the near future?”

Jimmy looked like he suddenly couldn’t speak any human language. The only thing that came from his open lips was: “Huh?”

He was trying not to panic. To explain it well. Better than he had to Rowan.

“I would like to start talking about marriage. With you. I’m asking your permission to… go pick out a ring, perhaps. And propose to you. One day.”

“You want to…” He was trying so hard to make sense of this situation. Lister could almost hear the wheels in his brain clanking and whirring. After a second, Jimmy blurted out about the last thing Lister expected. “You really want to marry me?”

He had to laugh. That sounded so bizarre! You have the wrong number, I don’t think you want to marry me, of all people. As if.

Covering Jimmy’s hand with both of his own, he answered: “Who else, Jimmy?”

As there was no instant reply, Lister felt the audience grow impatient.

This was the time to smooth things out. Make it amusing.

“Okay, I don’t want to stress you out. You can just think about it,” he ensured his partner. But I just wanted to let you know my, er, intentions.” Wow, great choice of words, Bird. But was there any better? He decided to make fun of himself a little when he sarcastically added: “Because this is the regency era, apparently.”

People were losing it. However, Lister was only looking at Jimmy now… and realized that the eyes of his boyfriend were welling up with tears as he looked down. Were they happy or sad tears? Shit.

“Oh…” Lister managed to say, when Jimmy dropped the triangle on the floor with a thud and shakily took Lister’s face into his soft palms.

His voice was trembling with emotion, as he answered:

“Allister Bird, I would love to marry you. I don’t think you even need to propose again.”

Before Lister could even register what he meant, Jimmy leaned down and gently pressed a kiss at his forehead. This was probably as close to kissing in public as Jimmy would ever allow.

Lister finally realized. He realized.

At the same time, Jimmy dropped down and Lister shot up. They embraced each other tightly, a mess of crumpled clothes and limbs and teary laughing, and Lister almost lifted Jimmy off the ground as he was happy-crying into the shorter man’s shoulder.

They heard Rowan screaming at the top of his lungs: “HE SAID YES, PEOPLE!” His voice was drowned out by the massive storm of excited screams that wouldn’t seize for good twenty minutes after.

But Lister and Jimmy didn’t really pay attention.

Paradoxically, although everyone could see them – and everyone would see them, as the news probably already travelled through the internet at the speed of light – it felt like this moment was theirs alone.

#osemanverse #osemanverse fanfic #alice oseman #jimmy kaga ricci #lister bird #bicci #rowan omondi #angel rahimi #oc #bicci proposal #i was born for this #iwbft #the ark #older ark #older au #proposal #engagement #grand gesture #fanfiction

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hintofelation99 · 3 years

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Hi! I love your posts and want to ask your opinion on something. Who do you think in the batfam has the most and the least common sense of a normal person? If you can, can you also list how they are arranged? Thank you!

Ooohhh, this is a fun one! In my mind all bats lack common sense. Like obviously they're hella smart, after all they are a family of detectives, they just aren't very bright.

Here's a quick rundown (least to most): Tim and Dick tie for first place, both lack common sense in just in completely different ways. Then Damian (mostly cause of the whole 'being raised by league of assassins' thing), Bruce, Cass (controversial ik), Steph, Jason, Duke, Babs, and last on the list is obvs Alfred. (Kate is probs between Cass and Steph, but I've only really seen her in the DCAMU and need to get to know her better).

And Ima add a 'keep reading' cause this is gonna get long.

Tim:

Tim is one of the smartest in the family. He deduced Batman's identity as a child, majorly fucked up the League of Assassins, and has been honored (I say this v sarcastically just btw) with Ra's creepy obsession. He's smart, plain and simple. However, when it comes to just day to day survival and being loved, goddamn that boy is dumb.

He regularly mixes energy drinks and coffee. Sometimes he even mixes energy drinks, alcohol, and coffee.

In his mind warnings are optional. "Tim, did you just sniff that drano?" "Yeah, why?" "IT LITERALLY SAYS DO NOT SMELL" "Oops"

He regularly tests shit on himself. "Why is Tim on the floor?" "He mixed joker venom and fear gas to see what would happen" "HE WHAT"

Also if you try to compliment him or tell him you love him he will find a way to misunderstand. "Tim, I love you and you are an amazing son." "I don't know who this Tim is but he sounds great" "It- it's you, literally you. Timothy Jackson Drake." "I'm a bit confused, I didn't know you knew two Timothy Jackson Drakes. You should really introduce us."

Dick:

Dick in many ways is a total himbo. He's a complete sweetheart, super supportive, and very ditzy. His ditzy-ness directly correlates to how relaxed he is. Chilling in the manor? Peak himbo. A mission in space? Absolute genius and amazing leader. Just took down a bunch of thugs? Slowly reverting into dopey boi. He always has the ability to be super analytical, smart, and big brain, but he likes being whimsical and even airheaded. And that's not a bad thing, it's just him taking mental breaks, being lighthearted.

"YOU PUT DIESEL IN YOUR CAR?" "...Yeah, in my defense the nozzles look basically the same" "They're different colors?! Also the diesel nozzle doesn't even fit into your gas tank, how did you get it in?" "I'm a good pourer."

He always responds to the word dick and it always confuses him. "God Ra's is such a dick!" "What?" "Ra's is a dick" "I'm not Ra's!" "Wha- no! I mean penis dick!" "Ohhhh, yeah he is a penis dick"

Once Dick is safe he reverts into himbo pretty quickly, even after stressful situations. "Hey Wally?" "Yes babe?" "I forgot how to change my lock screen again" "Dick, you just hacked into an alien spaceship not even an hour ago??" "What's that have to do with anything?"

Damian:

Damian lacks common sense from growing up with the League of Assassins. He's an amazing warrior and super analytical but casual human interaction alludes him. He is getting better though, so eventually he'll be lower on the list than Steph. But for now he's a senseless bby.

The first time someone tried to give him high five he assumed it was an attack and flipped them. Same with a fist bump.

This is complete canon but his original treatment of Alfred, his brothers, and, well, everyone. Like bby boy please read the room.

His ego can easily override common sense. Like he wouldn't jump off a bridge if everyone else was doing it, but if someone said he couldn't he'd immediately swan dive off that bridge.

Bruce:

For the world's greatest detective he can be a major dumb bitch sometimes. Some of it's growing up rich and some is being so wrapped up in his 'crusade for justice' that he just misses basic shit.

One time he walked in on Roy and Jason making out, the next day he saw them cuddling, then they mentioned moving in together. It took him three months to realize that they're dating.

He doesn't understand coupons, like at all. Jason has tried to explain them but Bruce just gets even more confused.

Bruce tried to make coffee once. He literally just poured coffee beans in water and microwaved it. He was surprised when it didn't taste good.

Cass:

Cass is similar to Damian in she lacks common sense from an unconventional upbringing. However she's learning way faster than Damian and depending on where in the timeline you're looking she might have more common sense than Babs.

Basic things like lines, turn taking, and speaking when spoken to aren't innate to her. Like, she knows and understands them, but often forgets about them.

There are many times that she blurs the line between civilian and vigilante because she'll do something that looks v stupid and dangerous for a civilian. The thing is she never notices when she does this.

One time she was in a restaurant and there was a cockroach on the wall across the room (cause Gotham) and instead of getting up and killing it like a normal person she threw her steak knife and impaled it.

Steph:

Steph is probably lacks common sense the most conventional yet slightly concerning way. She lacks common sense in the same way a cartoon character or sitcom character would. Like it's sorta realistic but at the same time damn bby girl why are you such a disaster??

She will do anything on a dare. Anything. There is a rule against daring Steph to do things while in the manor or on patrol.

Every time she hears someone say Red Robin she yells yum. This has gotten both her and RR shot.

Steph is v lucky that 1) she's a badass and 2) the batfam loves her because she annoys absolutely everyone just for shits and giggles and the only reason she hasn't been murdered is that Cass scares everyone.

Jason:

All common sense is lost when dramas at stake. Say what you will but Jason is the (second) biggest drama queen in the family. Also he, like most bats, lacks a sense of self preservation which leads to shit common sense.

He tried to steal Batman's tires.

Sometimes he listens to music during patrol and tries to hit people/shoot on beat. This has lead to stab wounds.

Jason loves to loudly quote classic literature while on stake outs. This is a problem for obvious reasons.

Duke:

Ok this is around the time you get to average common sense levels. But he still runs around Gotham beating people up in tights (or kevlar) so he doesn't get full points. Also he's still not Babs level common sense. One area Duke lacks common sense in is how to deal with the Batfam (which is v understandable tbh)

One time Duke was joking around with Jason and decided to steal a roll off of Damian's plate. This ended in blood.

Other than lacking Batfam common sense, most of his poor judgement moments are less notable but still concerning.

For example the time he challenged Dick to a hot dog eating contest then went on a roller coaster.

Babs:

Other than being a vigilante Babs almost has normal human common sense. However being a vigilante has negative side effects on ones common sense.

While Babs' sleep schedule isn't as bad as Tim's it's not a whole lot better. She's stayed up 72 consecutive hours multiple times.

She has accidentally poured coffee onto her computer instead of into a coffee mug.

One time she drank an entire gallon of milk before realizing it was a month expired.

Alfred:

Most assume that working for Bruce Wayne is a sign of him lacking common sense. But nah, it's him knowing, understanding, and challenging his own limits. Also it's him being a charitable human being. Like he has enough common sense to go around and tbh it's the only thing keeping the family alive.

"Master Bruce, you may not use Elmer's Glue All to close a wound."

"Master Dick I would encourage you not to teach Master Duke acrobatics on the glass coffee table."

"Miss Stephanie I would not advise trying to consume an entire jar of peanut butter in one sitting, and no, I do not care if Master Jason dared you to."

Tada, there's the list! Sorry that was probably a lot longer than anyone wanted, but I enjoy talking about how ditzy the batfam is. Like they're all geniuses but at the same time they're just sooooo dumb.

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heauxzenji · 3 years

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I'm not sure if u take requests but if u do could u write a NSFW alphabet for Issei?¿ ♡

So lemme tell you something- I got this req and the first thing that came out of my mouth was BIIIIIIIIITTTTCCCCHHHHHH

And I proceeded to scream cry and yell about this for idk how long. I put so much thought into this- I literally wrote it in almost one night completely. I have SO much to say about this man. My Issei brainrot is only fueled by my stupid horny Pisces brain- WHICH HE ALSO HAS god bless him. Anyway enough about me this turned my mind into soup and it all fell out of my ears enjoy ur fucking horse cock

NSFW Alphabet- Matsukawa Issei

No thoughts head he. 😌

gn!reader focused, obviously nsfw....

𝕬 - 𝕬𝖋𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖊

Best Service Dom. Best Dom EVER. Anything you want you get, you have to only say the words. Food? Already ordered so it would be there by the time you finished. Cuddles? His arms are wide open and his body is very warm. Sit in a bubble bath and scroll through your favorite online stores? The bath is nice and warm and his credit card is at your disposal. He takes amazing care of you, and will stop at nothing to make you feel secure/safe/happy at all times..

𝕭 - 𝕭𝖔𝖉𝖞 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙

Welll…. I… we all know what it is. I’ll explain more later but in addition to that he also has the most amazing arms/abs. He’s very lean, definitely naturally so. Doesn’t need to work out but does so anyway keep toned.

𝕮 - 𝕮𝖚𝖒

Likes to cum inside you, but simply so that he can watch it ooze out of your hole. Sometimes he’ll even keep fucking you after he’s finished to see himself push it back in even after it’s out.

𝕯 - 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕾𝖊𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖙

I hate adding this but he has a foot fetish. Not like a hardcore creepy kind of foot fetish- he just likes to suck a toe here and there. But only if they’re freshly pedicured… he’s very picky. He’ll give foot massages all the time tho if you ask him. He just never tells anyone about it because he knows his friends will clown him.

Not ur foot but close enough he would get you one of those little golden name anklets and kiss it every time he lifts your leg over his shoulder. 👀🦋

𝕰 - 𝕰𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊

Absolutely. He’s done a lot in his life, and is not short on any stories of past encounters. He is kind of a sex encyclopedia, but he’s very casual about it. If you bri bc up something you wanna try, 11/10 times he’s going to not only have done it, but be able to suggest ways for you to make it better- with several anecdotes.

𝕱 - 𝕱𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝕻𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

Doesn’t just like doggy- it is his lifeblood. It’s easier for him to control your movements while also making sure that he can bury himself all the way inside. He can have a vice grip on your hips one moment, his fists full of your hair the next- and if he starts spanking you well… that’s between you two and god.

He does like plain old missionary too, but only bc he can see himself in your tummy.

𝕲 - 𝕲𝖔𝖔𝖋𝖞

It makes him laugh sometimes when you struggle to take him all at once. He thinks it cute that you try, but it’s hilarious how big your head gets sometimes. He has to fuck you dumb and remind you that you can’t do that.

𝕳 - 𝕳𝖆𝖎𝖗

Trims, but not super short. He does wax his happy trail tho bc it makes him self-conscious.

𝕴 - 𝕴𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖆𝖈𝖞

Can actually be very romantic if he wants to. He is a Pisces, after all. He does enjoy foreplay and the sensuality of that to get you prepped, and he takes extra care to make sure you’re fully ready. He is going to be hard on you, but understands that he has to take good care of you, and he does

𝕵 - 𝕵𝖆𝖈𝖐 𝕺𝖋𝖋

Daily. At least once. It keeps the stress away and livens his mood. He does it as soon as he wakes up, and then if he’s having a really hard day or difficulty sleeping, he can do it to ease his nerves.

𝕶 - 𝕶𝖎𝖓𝖐

Size, obvious because everyone is smaller than him Skdkfkf he’s a giant. He’s 6’2 and his cock is at least 3 feet of that.

Daddy Kink, self explanatory mostly. It’s just so fucking sweet on his ears, his baby cooing for their daddy, trying so hard to work his entire cock into their tiny hole, trying to be so good for him… he loses it every time.

Voyeurism, likes watching you touch yourself. He finds it amusing how you think you can get yourself there without his help. You both know that’s impossible, but it turns him on to see you try.

Praise, again- he loves to make you feel special. And you work so hard fitting all of him inside, he has to tell you how good of a job you’re doing, especially because he’s appreciative of you letting him impale you. He has to let you know.

Mutual Masturbation, Kinda goes with voyeurism. If you’re away from each other, you’re definitely going to have sex via FaceTime- he just wants to see you, and also wants you to see him. To him, it lets you know you’re the only one that can get him there, and that your presence alone- even if he’s not touching you, is more than enough.

Lingerie, Loves nothing more than seeing you all pretty for him. He also just really likes the feeling of lace or silk against his fingertips He can get out of control and rip your sets tho- but don’t worry, death is a very lucrative business- He will buy you several replacements.

𝕷 - 𝕷𝖔𝖈𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

LOVES car sex. If the mood strikes, he WILL pull over. But really, he’ll take it wherever he can get it.

𝕸 - 𝕸𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖛𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

He’s very eager to please. A little lazy, yes, but at his core he wants to make sure you’re feeling good.

𝕹 - 𝕹𝖔!

He has done literally everything at least once and the one thing he just can’t get into is piss. One bad experience and a 3 month uti later he’s sworn off it for good.

𝕺 - 𝕺𝖗𝖆𝖑

Not his favorite. He could honestly go with or without it personally, just because there’s so much of him. But he will happily fuck your throat if you want him to, and will go down on you for hours to make sure you’re truly prepped. For someone who’s not a big fan of it, he’s actually AMAZING with his mouth. It’s lazy but in the best way possible.

𝕻 - 𝕻𝖆𝖈𝖊

Starts off slow so you’re good to go, but will pick up the pace as you stretch out. He does enjoy a few slow deep thrusts in between drilling you into oblivion tho. He never tries to make your guts into a smoothie on purpose, it just kinda happens that way.

𝕼 - 𝕼𝖚𝖎𝖈𝖐𝖎𝖊

He will never say no to quickie. The amount of fast food bathrooms and abandoned parking lots you’ve seen is astronomical. The amount of times Makki has kicked you out of his apartment for trying something while he goes to the bathroom is even higher.

𝕽 - 𝕽𝖎𝖘𝖐

He's the classic degen. bf who reaches across the table at the same time as your dad when you go “daddy can you pass the salt?”

So yes, he’s definitely going to tease you under a table at thanksgiving dinner.

He’s really going to have you whenever he wants- even if it comes at the expense of your pride/morals sometimes.

𝕾 - 𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖆

Can go on forever if you let him. Will overstim you to hell and back before he even thinks about cumming. Doesn’t even know he’s doing it- he’s so used to fucking you brainless that he doesn’t realize it’s too much. But he is SUPER apologetic about it and will make sure to treat you extra carefully.

𝕿 - 𝕿𝖔𝖞

He actually has a few for when he’s feeling lazy. He used to run through fleshlights like they were tictacs but he’s since finally found one that he won’t break.

He got most of them for free because he worked in a sex shop during college- he was very popular.

𝖀 - 𝖀𝖓𝖋𝖆𝖎𝖗

Yes. He will 100% rile you up with touches that seem innocent enough in nature, but are a tad bit too low, or linger on for a bit too long.

Will also give you “the look” in public and pretend he doesn’t know what you’re talking about- he definitely does.

𝖁 - 𝖁𝖔𝖑𝖚𝖒𝖊

Vocal in bed, especially with praise. Will constantly tell you how good you’re doing or how good you feel. Doesn’t moan a lot, but they slip out from time to time. Instead it’s a lot of deep breaths, groans, and curses.

𝖂 - 𝖂𝖎𝖑𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖉

If mortuary school hadn’t have worked out, he and Makki were going to start their own porn company. They actually have a very solid business plan. They made a pact to sit on it for now, since Issei is working at the funeral home.

𝖃 - 𝖃-𝕽𝖆𝖞

LMFAOOOOO

Literally a foot long. Longer actually. I’m going to honestly say 13. No I won’t take it back. Perfect thickness too. Honestly it’s like… god really took his time and got it fucking right. Everything about his physique is perfect- it would only make sense his cock is that perfect to match. Color is even all around, the head is bubblegum pink. There’s also one very prominent vein on the underside, and a few tinier trails of veins on the top. The statue of David? Don’t know her. Only know the statue of Issei.

𝖄 - 𝖄𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌

High sex drive, but he can keep it subdued if he has to. Especially because he knows he’s too much for most people. He's not shy about it though. Is CONSTANTLY horny on main. Not that you mind.

𝖅 - 𝖅𝖟𝖟

Service Dom through and through. He won’t sleep until you do, and even if he’s dead tired, he won’t sleep at all if you’re staying awake. He’s going to do everything to take care of you and your needs first. When you do sleep he likes to hold your head to his chest and will press his nose down into your hair so he can fall asleep surrounded by your scent.

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#daisy’s red light district 🚨#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hc #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu smut #hq headcanons #hq x reader #mattsun x reader #hq smut #mattsun smut #haikyuu drabble #hq drabble #haikyuu fic #hq fic

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headinthestaticsky · 3 years

Text

The Dusk Calls for me: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 15 FINALE

AUTHORS NOTES: This is a long one folks... hope you like it.

ALL THE CHARACTERS IN TWILIGHT DO NOT BELONG TO ME! ALL RIGHTS GO TO STEPHENIE MEYER!

WARNINGS: Violence

“Before you slip into unconsciousness I'd like to have another kiss Another flashing chance at bliss Another kiss, another kiss.”

Crystal Ship by: The Doors.

POV: BELLA’S

I slowly opened the ballet studio doors, I peaked around each side of the room before entering. It was quiet, and I didn’t see mom anywhere the entire room was void of people.

“BELLA? BELLA? WHERE ARE YOU!?!”

I knew it, I knew Fleur was wrong... mom was here!

“MOM?”

“BELLA!”

“I’m coming mom!”

I ran to the end of the studio and opened the door, my heart sunk into my stomach... It was a TV, of an old home video mom took of me when I was a kid.

“Oh there you are! What are you doing in here?” My mom said.

“Mommy, I suck.” I said back to her, she gasp.

“You do not suck!”

I heard a laugh, it was deep, my blood had run cold, I knew who that voice was. My breath had started to stutter, but I face him. His body was imprinted on every mirror in the room.

“That’s my favorite part... You were a stubborn child weren’t you? Hmm?” James walked up to me, he petted the side of my head before pushing me against a wall.

“S-she’s not even here.”

“No.” He pushed his face closer to mine, breathing me in.

“I’m sorry... but you really made things too easy for me... so to make it up to you. I’m going to make a little film of our time together. I stole this from your house... I hope you don’t mind. And... action. Oh, this will just break Edward little heart.”

I glanced up, I thought my mind was deceiving me... I saw Fleur, she was holding a rock in her hands. She brought her finger up to her lips and silently shushed me.

“Ed-Edward has NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.” I said, I pushed myself up but I was pushed right back against the wall.

“Oh but he does, his rage will make for a much more interesting sport than his feeble attempt to protect you... and let’s continue.

“HEY!”

James turned around, before he could say anything a rock was thrown right at his head. His skin had a slight crack in it... he looked pissed. When he turned back around to me I sprayed him in the eyes with my pepper spray. I took off Fleur waiting for me halfway in the room. She grabbed my hand and made a rush to the door but James jumped right in front of us. He grabbed me and threw me into a glass podium. He then turned toward Fleur, a deadly look was in his eyes.

“BELLA!” She screamed.

POV CHANGE: Fleur

All the fear had left my body as soon as I saw him... it was as if adrenaline had taken over me. I threw that rock with all my might, hoping to damage him in someway. I saw the slightest crack on him, and I got him to divert his attention toward me for a second. Bella and I then ran for the door but James got in our way. He threw Bella into a glass podium and then turned around to face me. The fear still didn’t enter my being, I was beginning to wonder if I had a death wish at this point. Before I could react James grabbed me by the back of my hair and turned me around to face the mirror. He slammed my head into the floor. He lifted my head back up and made my look at my now bloody appearance in the mirror.

“Jasper... he is just as pathetic as Edward... he left you this, fragile, idiotic human... He didn’t have the strength to turn you. You make this hunt much more...fun.” He licked the side of my head, drinking my blood in the process.

“You think your so amazing? I’ve seen the way you hunt and track people... It’s mediocre at best.” I spat back out, I could hear Bella groaning in pain in the background.

“How have you seen me? If I sensed you were there I would’ve eaten you up too.”

“I’ve had dreams, I was in that slut of your’s body Victoria... I saw how you hunted, it’s pathetic.”

“...You’re lying...”

“Oh yeah... does this sound familiar to you?”

“It’s always the same, inane questions. Who are you?”

“What do you want?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“James... let’s not play with our food.”

“How in the hell could you be able to do that...You’re human, nothing more, nothing less.” James said, his grip tightened on my hair, he teeth were clinched. He was seething in pure anger.

“That doesn’t matter...” I said my dark brown eyes glaring back up at him through the mirror.

“All I know is Jasper is going to kick your ASS!”

James dragged me away from the mirror, bringing me to Bella. He then set the camera down and grabbed both of our legs. Breaking them instantly Bella had started to scream but I held it.

“It doesn’t hurt...nothing is cracking... nothing has broken.... I will not give him that satisfaction of him knowing he hurt me.” I thought.

“Tell them how much it hurts.... tell them to avenge you!”

“NO EDWARD DON’T”

“That means you too...tell poor ol’ Jasper how much it hurts.”

I didn’t budge, he then let go of Bella’s leg and grabbed both of mine, He hurled me threw me through one of the mirrors. A large piece of glass was impaled into my side he then dragged my through the glass, my back getting cut along the way. He then dropped me and turned to go back to Bella but before he could someone had knocked him out of the way. I then heard a bang against one of the mirrors.

“You got here first... because your fast than the others... but not stronger.” James said.

“I’m strong enough to kill you!” He then kicked James back, I couldn’t tell where though. The room was starting to spin, It felt like I was floating. I could tell who it was though it was Edward, he looked between Bella and I not knowing who to go to. He turned his head to me before muttering a “I’m sorry Fleur” to me.

This was it, I was going to die here...Edward was going to take Bella and leave me here. I saw him jump up in the air toward a window but James had grabbed him and drug him and Bella back down to the ground. I was gasping at this point, the pain and loss of blood was starting to take it’s toll on me. I heard Bella scream in extreme pain, I knew James had bitten her right then and there. I couldn’t even say anything, I had blacked out. Muffled screams and voices had come into my sense of hearing. I woke up after being shaken by someone.

“Hey, hey, darlin, look at me. You’re going to be fine.”

“J-jasper?” I said... I didn’t recognize my own voice, it was weak and frail.

“Yeah, it’s me... you need to stay awake for me okay? C’mon let me see those beautiful eyes huh?”

My eyes opened slightly I could see the blurry image of a fire with Alice, Dean and Emmett fighting for something to go in it. I felt a gigantic pressure on my side and hissed. I began to fade out again.

“Hey, hey... c’mon keep your eyes open... you have to stay awake! You can’t forget about what you told me in your room that night...

I weakly grabbed his hand, squeezing as tight as I could.

“Jazz, y-you need t-to go... my blood, you can’t be comfortable right now. He ignored me and continued in on his rant

You told me you’d live... that no matter how much you got hurt... you would live, you would still be human. You can’t break you promise on me now... you need to stay awake. Fleur? FLEUR!”

My world faded to black again, the sound I heard was the beeping of a machine, it smelt like I was in a hospital. My eyes twitched and I heard rustling on the side of the room.

“Petal? Are you waking up?” It was my dad’s voice... relief filled my body, he was okay. I finally opened my eyes, they were burned by the bright fluorescent lights in the room.

“Dad?”

“Hey petal, you feeling okay?”

I tried to sit up but, a stinging sensation on my side made me lay back down.

“I’ve been better.”

“When I got the call from Jasper, my heart dropped... I didn’t think I would ever see you again.” Dad said, he grabbed my hand and held it tightly.

“I’m here... just a little beaten up right now.”

“Jasper has been here ever since you came in, he hasn’t eaten or drunken anything... in 3 days. I’ve tried to get him to eat something but he would budge. You picked a good one Petal, I’ve never seen so much dedication for someone before.”

“So, you aren’t mad at him?”

“Not at all, Edward on the other hand... he needs some work.”

“A lot of work you mean.”

He chuckled

“Yeah, you got that right.”

“Is Bella okay?”

“Yeah she’s fine... she told me what happened. She said you were chasing her down a flight of stairs in the hotel when she tripped dragging you down with her... and then you both went through a window! Do you remember any of this?”

“Nope, none at all.”

“They said you lost a lot of blood due to a piece of glass stabbing you on the side, it was close to hitting the side of your lung. You got stitches over there.”

“Oh, that explains the pain then.”

“Yeah...”

“I can’t wait to go home... I miss it there... and I miss my bed too.”

“The rooms ready for you Petal.”

The hospital room door opened, we both looked up and saw Renee looking in on us.

“She wants to see you.” She then closed the door behind her, not even acknowledging me.

“Well I see she hasn’t changed much.”

“Yeah... not at all.”

“I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with her dad.”

He turned and looked at me, and then he smiled.

“It’s worth it for you.”

“I love you dad.”

“I love you too.” He then left, leaving me alone in the hospital room with Jasper.

“Hey Jazz.”

“Hi Darlin.”

I opened my arms, inviting him in for a hug. He accepted the invitation immediately.

“I’m so happy to hear your voice again love.” We pulled apart, now facing each other.

“I’m happy to be alive, to be able to see you again. Did you guys get James?”

“Yeah, we got him, boy you should’ve seen Emmett and Dean... they were brutal.”

“I couldn’t of imagined how you felt... I’m sure my blood made you uncomfortable too.”

“You’re the one in the hospital bed... and you’re worrying about me? You did the same thing in the studio. You told me to leave, that you didn’t want me to be uncomfortable around all your blood. You are something special my love, purely amazing.”

“Of course I worry about you Jazz...I love you.”

“I love you too Darlin.”

TIMESKIP: Two week later.

Getting back to Forks was amazing, I never thought I would be so happy to see that small town again. The first week back was rough, I could hardly move, the pain was unbearable at times. The second week was a lot better but, Bella and I haven’t talked much since our fight. The tension was back... and I knew I couldn’t trust her anymore. She was too selfish, too self absorbed, she would risk me and everyone around her just to save herself and Edward. Rosalie and Alice visited me whenever they could and today, the were helping me get ready for prom. I didn’t think I would be able to go but, the pain in my side was nothing more than a annoying throb.

“You guys really don’t have to do this you know...”

“Yes we do, besides I picked out the dress and I want to see you wear it.” Rosalie said.

“I’ve always wanted to do your makeup and hair... and since I’m here, you can’t stop me now!” Alice exclaimed.

“Alright, alright, make me beautiful!”

A few moments had passed and my make up and hair were done, I was impressed. They really knew what they were doing. I quickly changed into my dress, this was the most beautiful I had felt in the past 2 weeks.

“You look beautiful.” Rosalie said, she looked at me through the mirror, a smile was on her face.”

“You better go, Jasper’s waiting downstairs with Charlie...”

“Okay, okay, thank you guys.”

We all three hooked arms with each other and made our way downstairs. Jasper and Dad sat up walking toward the stairs, they both smiled at me.

“You look gorgeous.” Jasper said.

“Thank you, you look great. Just ignore the cast... it’s a lot...”

Jasper wrapped his arm gingerly around my waist and kissed my cheek.

“You two have have fun, stay safe.” Dad said.

“We will dad.”

Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and I all made our way outside, Emmett and Dean were waiting for us.

The drive was nice, it gave me a sense f peace after everything that had happened to me. I wish I could keep this feeling this forever, I felt safe, loved. Jasper had helped me out of the car and guided me through the front of the building. We got our pictures taken and made our way inside... it was a bit chaotic. I looked around and saw Angela and Eric, she looked at me and waved happily. I of course, returned the gesture. I then saw Jessica with Mike, she was posing and taking pictures. When she saw me I gave her a thumbs and mouthed,”You look incredible.” She mouthed back, “you do too!”

“Come with me, love.” I heard Jasper say, he pulled my attention back to him.

I he pulled me towards the outside of the building, it was secluded. The lights from the inside and the gazebo gave it and warming glow. He turned to face me and grabbed my hands. He pulled my on top of his feet and then began to dance.

“This isn’t how I exactly envisioned this moment but, the one part I knew would happen is still here.” I said.

“And what would that be?”

“That I’d be dancing with you.”

“Looking you over, and you don’t know my name yet.

By the time you looked away I already knew I couldn’t fake it.

I got this need for you, forming in my beating heart.

I knew the meaning right away, when only yesterday were worlds apart.”

“I’m glad I got to be apart of it with you.” Jasper said

“I do too, the happiness you’ve made me feel, is always the best I’ve ever felt.”

“You brought me back to life, love.”

“And you brought even more life to me.”

“I think I may love you,

If you give my sometime,

Maybe you’ll love me too.”

“I got this need for you, if you come closer I can whisper in your ear.

And if you wanna walk away

I’ll tell you all the things I know you’d wanna hear.”

“You know... I was talking with Edward he told me some things about Bella.” Jasper said.

“What would that be?”

“Bella is in desperate need to become a vampire now.”

“Wow...”

“So I wanted to ask you... are you in desperate need to become one too?”

“ I mean... I would love to spend eternity with you but... it’s way too soon for me to change. I’m not ready to leave dad yet...”

“That’s a relief to here love.”

“If I were to get changed so soon... It would have to be because I’m about to die... I won’t do it any other way.”

“I promise I won’t change you unless I absolutely have too.”

“I’ll come closer,

To you if you

Come over

I know we’ll go farther

Farther with you

With you I’m in warm water swimming down.”

“I love you Jasper Hale.”

“I love you Fleur Swan.”

“With you I’m in warm water swimming down.”

Warm Water by, BANKS.

END OF BOOK 1

#jasper hale x oc #jasper hale #rosalie hale #jasper hale x reader #edward cullen #alice cullen #esme cullen #emmett cullen #carlisle cullen

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bts-bay-bee · 4 years

Text

Jungkook’s NSFW Alphabet

Word count: 2649

Warnings: smut (obviously), a little mxm? sex toys

A/N: hi guys :) so this basically marks the end of my little hiatus. please let me know if you enjoyed this! i appreciate any and all feedback. also this is for kookie because it’s his birthday next week <3

(not important but quite possibly my favourite picture of kookie ^.^ // i also do not own this picture or any pictures used in this)

***

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

⭬ After sex Jungkook is very attentive to your every need: he’ll get you water, snacks, whatever you want. He enjoys being able to relax with you after a rough couple of rounds, just talking about nothing. He loves nothing more than trailing his deft fingers over your slightly sweaty skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake, only to be slowly kissed away by his soft, slightly swollen lips. Eventually, after kissing each any every bruise he had marked you with, making sure that you weren’t hurt, he’d engulf you in his arms, not caring about the outside world, then fall asleep.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of their partners)

⭬ This boy lives for your legs. When you’re around him, he’ll practically pant with lust if you’re wearing a skirt or dress. He loves running his hands up and down the expansive of your skin, loves the way he can force you to keep your thighs spread by grabbing fistfuls of your outer thighs when he’s going down on you. Whenever he could fuck you, his primal instinct was to throw your legs over his shoulders, pounding into you until you’re completely fucked out, stopping his grunts and groans by biting down on your fleshy calves, marking you in the process.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum)

⭬ Do you know what’s his favourite part when he’s fucking you? Painting your body with stripes of his cum. He doesn’t care where: it could be your stomach as he finished himself over you, hands working furiously, it could even be on your bare tits and face, making you swallow every single drop when he was satisfied with how laden you were with his cum. But the best way to cum was inside you: he usually found his release after you convulsed around him too many times to count, so why would he willingly leave your wet, warm cunt? He loved finishing in you, squirting hot cum on your walls as you milked him for every drop. He especially loved when he came in you during a semi-public quickie, forcing you to put back your skirt on and holding his cum in you. More than once you had to leave a dinner party or outing because he just got too turned on by knowing that his essence was probably running down your thighs.

D = Dirty secret (A dirty secret of theirs)

⭬ He’ll never admit this to you or anyone, but he often fantasized about watching you get fucked by someone else, having you watch as he got fucked by someone else, or just a threesome (or foursome). Obviously, it would be someone exceptionally close to him, like Taehyung or Jimin, but he just didn’t know how to approach the topic with any of you.

E = Experience (How experienced are they?)

⭬ Seeing as he was a part of one of the biggest bands to have ever existed, who came from a pretty strict company, he had not been very experienced when you had first started dating. He wasn’t a virgin – not with the amount of men and women who continuously threw themselves at him – but from watching numerous tutorial porn videos, and with the help if his Hyungs giving him advice, he quickly learned how to make you see stars.

F = Favourite position (pretty self-explanatory)

⭬ As boring as it may sound, Jungkook doesn’t necessarily have a single favourite position: as long as he can bury himself deep in you and watch you fall apart, that’s all he needs. One of his favourites is when he’s holding you against a wall (or door, or mirror) and you’ve got your legs wrapped around him. (I had gifs here, but it got flagged, yay.)

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

⭬ Everyone knows that he’s basically an overgrown child, so a couple giggles here and there are bound to happen. Jungkook could have you laughing from some stupid joke to cumming with tears streaming down your face is seconds.

Let’s be real, with someone as cute as this, you’re not going to be mad about being goofy during sex

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

⭬ The stylists never allow a single hair to be out of place on his beautiful head, so why would the rest of his body be any different? Despite people thinking that waxing is uncomfortable, or straight up painful, he’d much rather feel half an hour of discomfort to make being buried in you just that much better.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

⭬ Despite him thinking that he’s terrible at intimacy, Jungkook can easily turn any situation into a romantic one. He enjoys being able to gaze into your eyes, something that used to make both of shy, and be the one who’s forcing those pretty sounds out of your parted lips. On the rare occasion that you have a bad day, he’ll run you a bath, light a couple candles and just slowly make love to you.

J = Jack off (Masturbation headcanon)

⭬ With his job requiring him to be so far away from home, and so obviously you as well, he’s kind of forced into the situation. Despite being as hard as a rock with his tip dribbling rivulets of precum, he just cannot find it in himself to get off without at least hearing your voice. On more occasions than you can count, you received a phone call from a breathless Jungkook, his low, sultry voice immediately letting you know what the situation was. You tried to not picture how good he looked when his cock stood to attention, tried not to picture how delectable he looked hovering over you as he repeatedly pounded into you, making you reach places that no one has ever taken you to before, but it was just so hard not to. After hearing his moans and soft curses, you couldn’t help but get turned on yourself, eventually joining him in touching yourself until you both reach your climaxes.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

⭬ God, it would be easier to say what kink he doesn’t have. He enjoys breath play to a certain extent: he would much rather prefer to choke you with his dick rather than his hands though. Many people think that they’ve got a clear read on him: either pegging him as a submissive or a dominant, yet very few people see both sides to him. On the rare occasion, he’d let you have your way with him, allowing you to edge him as many times as he could physically handle, riding him hard, before abruptly pushing yourself off of him and deepthroating him, trying to swallow the torrents of cum pulsing through his red, almost painful looking cock.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

⭬ After a long day of being at the studio or learning their newest choreography, he’d almost moan out aloud when he sees you in nothing but one of his oversized shirts and your tiny thong, cooking dinner for both of you. On many occasions you ended up ordering takeout because he’d bend you over the kitchen island, fucking into you so hard that you forget that there was food on the stove. A few more favourites are the lounge, as well as the shower: the many positions he could put you in seems to be endless in his mind. One place that he really wants to try to fuck you in is the practice room: the thought of rutting into you as he forces you to look at yourself cumming is enough to make him rock hard. It doesn’t help that at any moment, Taehyung or Jimin might walk in, feeding into his dirty little fantasy.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

⭬ One pretty easy way to turn him on his by wearing lingerie: show him, or even hint at the idea, that the only thing covering your pretty pussy is a scrap of lace and he’ll all but rip it off of you. The number of panties that he’s ripped is probably a worrying amount. Another rather innocent way to rile him up is by slipping on some heels: the higher, the better. Of course he’s no misogynist, and he’ll never force you to wear anything, but the fact that your legs just look so amazing in them turns him on to a point where he won’t even be able to take off any of yours or his clothes before fucking you.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

⭬ Jungkook will never judge anyone on their kinks – he gets turned on by thinking about having someone else fuck you, for God’s sake – but one thing he just cannot grasp is extreme age play. He’ll never want to do anything if it involves little space.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

⭬ He would much rather go down on you than you go down on him. The thing is: your oral skills are just too good. When you suck him off, he is for sure going to cum before he can enter your tight, wet cunt, and why wouldn’t he want to bury himself in you? He’d much prefer eating your pussy, making you cum on his tongue, then fucking you into the mattress. Or kitchen island. Anywhere really.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

⭬ There are days when you both have time and energy to take it slow: it’ll start off by a quick, innocent peck, which turns into a full-blown making out session, complete with you grinding and whimpering on his lap. He’ll strip both of you at his own leisurely pace, then slowly make love to you, running his fingers along your skin, making you moan into his ear… The only problem with this is that it’s not very often that you both have the time for this. On more days than not, you’re wrapped up in his fiery embrace, impaled on his cock while he rubs your clit in tight, fast circles. Days like this guarantees that you’re both completely spent after climaxing, barely finding the strength to move after such a rough and fast-paced session.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

⭬ Listen. If you’re going to be dating Jungkook, you’re going to have to be okay with having quickies, all the time. He doesn’t differentiate between quickies and ‘proper sex’, and honestly, neither do you. Despite how movies paint sex to be slow and romantic, it often isn’t like that in real life; I mean, no one has the time for an hour of foreplay. But you need to relieve yourself, so when Jungkook comes to you with his eyes darkened and his pants tented, you all but jump at the opportunity.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

⭬ As I’ve stated before, Jungkook really has a lot of kinks, so there’s very little that he wouldn’t want to at least try. If you want to try bondage, he’s game. If you want to try a sex swing, he wouldn’t even batt an eyelash. If you want to try pegging, he’d get you the, uh, equipment needed. Point is he’ll experiment with everything at least once.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

⭬ So, you know how we’re always comparing him to a bunny? Let’s just say that the analogy is for more than just his looks. With all the cardio and exercise he does, it’s almost a given that he can last a long time. Paired with the horniness of a man his age, sex with him can go on for hours on end. Many a times you have ended up with numb legs and a sore pussy, the results of a horny Jungkook.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

⭬ He loves toys. Yours and Jungkook’s sex life is anything but boring, and he vows it will never be. Between the two of you, you have an assortment of vibrators, cock rings, handcuffs (not the fuzzy kind – real handcuffs), a strap-on or two, and a lot of other things. The toys aren’t just meant for one of you: the vibrators can be used on your clit as well as on his cock or prostate, and the handcuffs are regularly used by him on you, but now and then you itch to restrain him and have your way with him. The only toy that Jungkook uses by himself is his fleshlight, which is exclusively used when he’s on tour.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

⭬ The only way that he’ll ever tease you is by sexting. He’ll text you all the sinful things he wants to do with you: the positions he’s going to fuck you in, the way he’s going to paint your body with his cum… But all his teasing words just get you horny, and wet enough that you’re ready for him to slip into when he finally sees you again. Jungkook could tease you the entire day, enough to have you dripping and soaking your panties, but the moment he sees you, he won’t deprive you (or him) of the delicious feeling of one another.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

⭬ With a voice like his, you’d practically beg him to be as loud as he can, but this flusters him for some reason. Although you continuously reassure him that it turns you on in unimaginable ways, he’d much rather hear your moans and pants. But sometimes he just can’t help himself: not with the way you’re clenching around him, gripping onto him so tightly that he can’t even think straight. (this is what I think he sounds like - USE HEADPHONES)

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

⭬ Let’s say that one day, Jungkook either gets the balls to ask you to allow other people in the bedroom, or he drunkenly tells you about his dirty little secret… It ends up with him handcuffed to the bed, his mouth stuffed with Taehyung’s dick and ass stuffed with Jimin’s cock, while you bounce on his dick, a cock ring preventing him from climaxing. Tears streaming down his face, either from choking on Tae’s cock or from the overstimulation and need to cum from your pussy clenching around his dick while Jimin continuously hits his prostate. Taehyung pulls out from his mouth, leaving him gasping for air, instead turning to you and cumming on your clit and Jungkook’s toned stomach, his eyes never leaving Jungkook’s. (God, I’m editing this and why did I do this to myself, now I can’t get this idea out my head, smh)

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

⭬ I have nothing to say, except

s t r o n g p o w e r, thank you.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

⭬ He’s a man in his early twenties, I’m pretty sure he’s horny 24/7. He gets turned on way too easily; you could just stretch your back and he’s pinning you on the couch, already pulling down your panties and wrapping his lips around your clit. Every day, you wake up with his morning wood pressing into you, signalling just how needy this sweet bunny is.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

⭬ Jungkook typically falls asleep fast, even without expending all that energy to fuck you until you’re screaming, so don’t expect him to stay awake for more than about twenty minutes. After he makes sure that you’re well taken care of, he pulls you to his chest and almost immediately begins snoring.

#jungkook smut #bts smut #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook imagines #smut #bts #jungkook fanfiction

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babaleshy · 3 years

Text

I'm Autistic

Because this will likely be a lengthy, wordy post about my self-diagnosis as Autistic as well as all of my experiences regarding Autistic traits, I'm going to leave a "read more" link so that you're not scrolling for ages just to catch up on your feed.

Ah, I see you've clicked "keep reading" or "read more" or whatever this site has it labeled as, now. You don't get to be mad at how long this is or how much of a waste of time reading this may be to you because you consciously clicked on the link. Therefore, I am exempt from taking responsibilities of eating up any bit of your time, including the time you've wasted reading this disclaimer.

So... Yes. I am. And it's a self-diagnosis right now.

You're probably thinking that I saw a Tik Tok clip, checked out a page on WebMD, and decided that I'm Autistic (this is in reference to a Tik Tok I saw last night that nearly made me spit out my drink because of how painfully accurate the "what people think self-diagnosis is vs reality" clip was). That is, of course, not the case.

A few years ago (likely 2018), I don't recall what it was I read online, but it made me go, "Oh wow, that makes so much sense to me," in regards to a neurodivergent trait. However, this was then I thought I had ADHD. My husband has ADHD, was diagnosed with it as a child, and because his dad forced the doctor (this was like, in the late 90s, early 2000s I think) to put him on Adderall and Ritalin, my husband does not remember 3 years of his life because he was a drooling, zombified mess. Why did his dad do this? Because his grades were bad. Did this help with his grades? No. Did his dad take him off the meds because he didn't get the desired result? Also no. My husband wasn't even informed on what ADHD was. He was simply told he had it and to take these pills. It wasn't until he (my husband) read the label saying that it could increase the risk of heart issues that he cussed his dad out and flushed all the pills down the toilet. Up until very recently, he wasn't sure if he actually had ADHD until he saw a YouTuber who was actually diagnosed with it display the exact traits he had.

But he didn't see this YouTuber when I thought I had ADHD, so my husband couldn't exactly relate, plus I didn't want to trigger anything with him on the subject.

But the more I researched, the more I realized I could be on the spectrum. It wasn't until 2019 that I was printing out articles, trait lists, etc. to highlight and put into a folder (which is thick and nearly bursting with what I've printed out to have a hardcopy of records highlighting the traits that I have, including traits my husband and my mom see in me) that I realized "I could have Asperger's."

Of course, I no longer use that term after finding out it was named after a n*zi, and I began to embrace the term "Autistic" instead.

But the thing that triggered me into going, "Wait, so it's not ADHD that I think I have, it's Asperger's?" was, like my husband, seeing a YouTuber talk about their traits and experiences. I had identical struggles, myself. (Through this same YouTuber, I also found out I'm greysexual, too! There's a name to describe my experience with sexual attraction! Yay!)

There are a lot of VERY SPECIFIC TRAITS Autistic people experience that aren't mentioned by the YouTuber or in anything that I've printed out and highlighted that I have found through various Tik Toks that I have personally experienced that simply further solidifies the fact that I'm definitely on the spectrum. When I showed the Tik Tok I mentioned earlier (I don't remember their name) to my husband last night, he was wide-eyed because the description of how that individual self-diagnosed themselves WAS EXACTLY WHAT I DID WORD FOR WORD HOLY SHIT.

I was already convinced I am Autistic, but each time I read Twitter threads of people's experiences with their Autistic traits, each time I watch Tik Toks or certain YouTubers share their experiences, it further solidifies that yep, I'm Autistic.

What's amazing is that my husband is very supportive. I'm extremely lucky to have married him. I've been a terrible masker but he loves me anyways. He never gave me shit for my meltdowns and tried to help me out, thinking I was just horribly overly stressed. Now that he knows why I've had the few outwardly noticeable meltdowns that I've had throughout our years together, he knows how to help me more, now. And while he's figured out my traits and what issues I have, knowing that I'm on the spectrum helps him make sense of why I'm like this, and he can help me accordingly whether it's to prepare for something in advance, help me calm down, etc.

(I should also add here real quick that there's a high chance I have OCD as well, but less of the compulsive actions and more of the obsessive thoughts, but I'm not entirely sure just yet if this is the case. I'm actually hoping to see someone about this but with the pandemic, I don't know when that will be.)

Now... onto the traits and experiences.

My Traits (that stand out with neon lights)(Will copy word-for-word a trait my mom or husband see in me and it will be typed in a different color.)

Having a folder that has all of my research I've obsessively looked up, printed out, highlighted what I saw in myself with one color (yellow) while highlighting what my mom and my husband see with another color (pink). I'm also using this folder to make this list as a reference because I sometimes forget certain traits I do have are because I'm Autistic. (I'm 32 as I write this, so when so much of what you think, do, and experience that you see is normal for you turns out to be an Autistic trait, it takes a while to get used to it and thus remember that because you haven't had a label for it your whole life.)

Despite being goth/punk, I dress as comfortably as I can. Textures aren't a very big issue for me, but what feels like strangulation of my body tends to be a problem. I cannot handle having the cross seams of pants feeling like I have a chopstick slowly impaling my vulva, or I can't stand how tight some shorts are that they pinch my hip joints.

I've NEVER spent much time grooming my own hair. It's either tiring, I"m impatient and want it done NOW, or both. This is why I have a Tank Girl haircut (all buzzed except for bangs), where I can basically "wash and go." (Husband does my haircuts and dyes and he's kickass at it.)

Eccentric personality; may be reflected in appearance.

Is youthful for age, in looks, dress, behavior, and tastes.

Usually a little more expressive in the face and gesture than male counterparts.

"May not have strong sense of identity and can be very chameleon like before diagnosis." (This resonates with me in the form that I never saw myself in ANY fictional character other than Tank Girl. My husband agrees with this opinion, but he also says he also sees a lot of me in Caulifla from Dragonball Super.)

I enjoy reading and films as a retreat, often sci-fi, fantasy, children's (sometimes), can have favorites which are a refuge.

Uses control as a stress management (like routines, rules, rigid certain habits, etc.)

Usually happiest at home or in other controlled environment.

I've been seen as "sensitive" by some, and mocked for crying a lot by others.

I struggled with social aspects of college and have 2 partial degrees.

Often have trouble holding a job and finds employment very daunting.

Slow at comprehending at times due to sensory and cognitive processing issues.

DOES NOT DO WELL WITH VERBAL INSTRUCTIONS; MUST BE WRITTEN DOWN

Special interests (I'll get into these later).

Emotionally immature and emotionally sensitive.

Anxiety and fear are predominant emotions (some of which might be due to possible OCD).

I do have some sensory issues such as visual processing issues at times, certain sounds, certain smells, food I think, and issues with sunlight and my goddamn retinas.

Moody and prone to bouts of depression. Both of my parents as well as my husband have described my personality as reminding them of a cat.

Mild to severe gastro-intestinal difficulties (some of which could be due to endometriosis, btw).

I stim a little such as leg-bouncing, foot-waggling, some hand-flapping, some bouncing, the "spine-shimmy," joint-cracking, or playing with my ears.

Prone to temper or crying meltdowns, sometimes over seemingly small things due to sensory or emotional overload.

Hates injustice and hates being misunderstood, which incites anger and rage.

Prone to mutism when stressed or upset, especially after a meltdown, likely to stutter and may have a raspy voice.

Words and actions often misunderstood by others.

Perceived to be cold-natured and self-centered; unfriendly.

Very outspoken at times, may get very fired up when talking about passionate/obsessive interests.

Will shutdown in social situations once overloaded but generally better at socializing in small doses. May even give the appearance of skilled, but it is a "performance."

Doesn't go out much; will prefer to go out with partner only (aka my husband).

Will not do "girly" things like shopping.

Takes relationships seriously.

There's a bit on this chart (some of you probably already know by know what chart I'm using here) that says due to sensory issues, one would either really enjoy sex or strongly dislike it. I'm in the former camp complete with a pretty high libido.

Often prefers the company of animals.

So there are the traits that REALLY stick out like a sore thumb. These come from a site regarding female Asperger traits or however it's labeled as. I have plenty more from two other articles I printed out with lots of highlighting, but the chart actually sums a lot of the definitive shit quite nicely. At some point in this list, I could tell I went "fuck it" and copied many things word for word anyways since I'll be talking about experiences later in this post.

But it was this chart that I'd discovered that I started to realize that I really am on the spectrum, and to triple check, I asked my mom and my husband if they saw any of this in me. The traits typed in green are ones I wasn't sure of and had to ask them if they saw it. I'm not always aware of how I am, who I am at times, etc. I also didn't want to lie about it, so I had to get second and third opinions.

Despite all of this, only very few people that know me IRL know about me being Autistic. This is because I was heavily bullied growing up and since I haven't exactly left my hometown, I really don't want whoever stayed in the area as well to either have more fuel and re-enter my life that way, or try really hard to relieve their guilty conscience and demand that I forgive them or some shit. I also don't want "Autism Mommies" to come at my ass either asking that I help their kid (I'm not fond of children so that's not happening, plus ableism is what fucks a lot of Autistic people over regarding of age but they won't take that for an answer) or that because they---a neurotypical person---have a child who's Autistic, then that means they know all about it and because I'm not exactly like their child then I can't possibly be Autistic. It's just a whole mountain of shit I don't wanna get into.

This next bit will be split into 2 parts. One will be my special interests, and the other will be my experiences from my past that are prime examples of being Autistic long before anyone in the common public knew what Autism actually was.

My Special Interests (Both Forever & Temporary)

The following list will have my special interests but with indicators in parentheses as to whether they are forever-interests (as in, I never lost interest in the thing) or temporary (meaning, it was short-lived be it by weeks, months, or a few years). This will be in chronological order, meaning: the order of which these have appeared throughout my life.

Barney (temporary; helped me skip preschool and become honor roll student in kindergarten though)

Halloween (forever)

the color orange (forever)

dinosaurs (forever)

Donkey Kong Country esp. for SNES (forever)

animals (forever)

Godzilla movies (forever)

monster movies (forever)

Pokemon (temporary; I still like Pokemon, but it's not as hyperfocused as it used to be)

Digimon (temporary; same situation as with Pokemon)

Dragonball Z (forever)

Sailor Moon (on-and-off)

Ultimate Muscle (Kinnikuman Nisei) (forever)

Freddy vs Jason movie (still like, but the hyperfocus was temporary)

horror movies (forever)

Transformers (temporary)

Dark Knight movie (temporary)

Harley Quinn (temporary)

Lobo (temporary)

X-Men (forever, but only certain universes, mainly the 90s cartoon, and the character is always Hank McCoy)

neon-colored stuff (temporary; kind of some sort of semi-rave/techno phase)

books (forever; this was when I discovered it's "legal" to enjoy books if you "aren't smart"; I may explain this logic I had later in the post)

sex/sexuality/sexology (forever on the first two, temporary on the last one)

BDSM (on-and-off)

feminism (temporary in regards to doing research and educating myself; I still hold the views I've developed as a result, just not obsessively researching this topic anymore)

anarchism (forever)

ecology (forever)

Pleistocene epoch (forever)

goth and punk stuff (forever after discovering what these things are all about for real compared to when I was in high school and had no idea how to ask, who to ask, or where to look this stuff up at in rural Ohio)

Hellblazer (temporary)

Serbian heritage (on-and-off)

bats (temporary)

arachnids (forever)

teratophilia (forever; finally have a word to describe this damn kink)

gardening (current; unsure)

Russian language (current; unsure)

DIY things (forever)

Towards the end, it may not be in the proper order thanks to slowly losing my damn mind being cooped up mostly in my room on this farm since moving back here in 2014. The two that are "current;unsure" are ones I have a hyperfocus in right now, but I don't know if this will be temporary or not. I certainly hope not, especially considering how useful these things will be. And while I have gardening as one of them, I haven't properly begun yet because I get empty promises from my parents where they claim they'd help me, not to worry about it, then get irritated when I ask where the help is and they suddenly can't give me the help when I told them I needed it.

I should also note that I don't exactly have an encyclopedic knowledge in a whole lot of these interests that are forever-interests because I'm normally exhausted just trying to exist with minimal trouble from people. I'm hoping this will change. The things I know I have an almost encyclopedic knowledge in would be Dragonball Z, animals/ecology, and... a-and that's it. That's really it. That's all I've got because Dragonball Z was so profoundly different compared to other cartoons I've watched in the 90s that it was a wonderful escape, and I grew up around animals, taking care of animals, and watching nature documentaries. The stress I went through growing up has caused my memory of some of that wonderful animal knowledge to be lost and what could be re-gained may be easily forgotten again, hence why I need to narrow my focus for what I'd like to be an ecologist for. While I love paleontology, I want to help the living world's ecosystems and environments, too. I'd love to go back to school for this stuff now that I'm more informed of who I am and what I want in life (as opposed to being forced to pick a college major while still in high school while I'm just trying to survive the concept of existence).

In terms of collecting things pertaining to my interests, a common pattern you'll see me have is a very slowly growing Hank McCoy collection. This is largely because there isn't too much stuff made regarding this character. (There also isn't much stuff I can find that involves Piccolo, Cyndaquil, Donkey Kong, giant ground sloths, etc. that isn't already snatched up by other fans.)

Now, I'm going to get into the list of experiences. Some of which will talk about my special interests, but I also really want to talk about my struggles, too.

Experiences That Screamed "I'm Autistic"

In gradeschool, I was friends with someone who probably wasn't actually a friend and her mom made her hang out with me since I didn't really have any friends. She has told me several times that she didn't want to be my friend anymore with some kind of hostile catty smile, but I just.. I wasn't getting it. Because there was a smile. Why say that with a smile? After all we've been through? Then she's back to being my friend the next week. She really wanted to hang out with the popular girls (yes, there were cliques in 90s American gradeschool) and has done countless things to sabotage our friendship such as telling me Barney is a fake, Donkey Kong was a real gorilla who hung himself, etc. And I believed all this shit, too, in an attempt to still be an acceptable friend. She even told me that I couldn't be a witch because I liked toads so much (toads were the only wildlife I excitedly interacted with in my back yard on a regular basis).

I love Halloween for many reasons, but one of them (aside from my favorite color being involved) was the fact that it was acceptable to wear a mask. I love (and still do) the idea of covering my face because I feel less "naked" to the world. So this pandemic had a small plus for me in the form of mask-wearing outside of Halloween has become somewhat more acceptable.

In 5th grade, another classmate who had more obvious Autistic traits and was diagnosed with Asperger's at the time was an asshole to me. They would constantly give me shit and bully me for whatever reason. When I finally took a stand, the teachers on duty at recess called me to the bottom of the hill, forcing me to look at them WITHOUT allowing me to have my hands up to block the sunlight that hurt my eyes, and were able to manipulate me into "admitting picking on so-and-so for no reason" because I chased them around the playground where a group of girls (the same cliquey assholes the former "friend" wanted to mingle with) had to group-carry me away. They're the ones who snitched and they gave me those same hostile smiles. That's when I learned that not all smiles meant good things. I was 10.

I sometimes "lose the ability" to ask for help long before the "help" I ever got in any circumstance was just me being met with frustration by whoever is trying to "help" me or I'm met with "sorry, can't help you there. (The former being with homework or school work, the latter being with going to authorities about bullies.)

Growing up, I was never girly (or girly enough) and I've tried to, but I failed miserably. My special interests would roar through and because it was too odd or different or annoying, it gave other girls fuel for bullying me with.

Regarding the lack of being girly enough, I was at a pool party with the former "friend" mentioned earlier and she started this "game" where she and the other girls would leap into the pool saying, "I love you, Leonardo!" This was in 4th grade and in reference to the Titanic movie, which at that point, I'd never heard of, because I was too pumped for the latest Land Before Time sequel. So when I leapt into the pool, I said, "I love you, Raphael." All the girls were confused, asked who that was. I then asked, "Aren't we playing Ninja Turtles?" Because the only Leonardo I knew of was a fucking Ninja Turtle, goddamnit. Who let you brats watch that shitty romance film anyways? Boring as fuck.

Aside from the occasional weekend visits or sleepovers at the former "friend's" house, I didn't get to socialize much, so I would spend most of my days (especially in the summer) watching what was on TV or watching from our very large VHS collection. During which I would make mental notes on how certain characters acted or what they said and try to remember that to mimic them in a social setting, which would be out of place because I'd be so focused on mainly the dialogue that once it prompts me to say the thing, they don't respond how I expect them to and then I'm at a loss.

I was very ignorant of music and didn't even know the concept of independent or underground bands existed. Plus, rural Ohio is a cultural wasteland. Otherwise, I would've gotten into metal, goth, and punk way earlier in life. So I thought that bands that existed were because television said so.

Speaking of an odd logic... If it was taboo or bad to talk about, I thought it was illegal. Thus, I thought any knowledge about sex was illegal and that it was supposed to happen "naturally."

I also thought that, because I wasn't considered as smart by my peers, some teachers, and even as such in the form of an insult from my parents from time to time (despite what they claim NOW), that also meant I wasn't allowed to enjoy books, because only smart people are allowed to enjoy reading. So therefore, it would be illegal for me, a not-smart person, to enjoy reading a book. So I had to focus on the pictures because if I enjoyed reading, somehow everyone would know and then I'd get into trouble.

I also thought it was illegal to talk about periods.

I socially struggled BADLY when I got to middle school because my brain was like... 4 years behind? How the fuck do people know all these bigger words? Or complex issues? This was also when I had to start suppressing ALL urges to cry because at that age, I'm not "supposed" to cry over everything. So I still, to this day, suppress it to the point of guaranteeing inducing a headache. Because I've always caught shit for crying.

Middle school was when I met an oppressive "friend" who was obsessed with me because she had a crush on me and was rather controlling of who I could and couldn't talk to and got pissy if I got close to making a new friend. Because I was desperate for a friend that wasn't like the former "friend," I allowed this abuse into my life.

High school was me just trying to survive. By the time I got home, I was too mentally exhausted to enjoy anything short of watching TV or whatever was rented from Blockbuster.

My brain was still feeling like it was years behind, and I struggled to keep up with whatever was supposed to be something I knew about, including the concept of masturbation.

Like I said earlier, anything sex-related might've been illegal to talk about, and because masturbation was still kinda taboo, I feared I'd get in trouble, but my teenage hormones compelled me to do it a LOT. It consumed my free time almost like an escape, a form of stimming, but I was shameful of it to the point of suicidal thoughts.

The former bullet was due to being raised in a christian household. My parents didn't have such views on sex like this, but I was afraid of being in trouble for asking, took to the internet, and caught some misinfo about how immoral it was. I mourned I'd be going to hell.

Speaking of religion, I thought it was illegal to change your religious beliefs, and there was only Judiasm, Muslim, and Buddhism outside of christianity (I'm Pagan, now).

While I was excited to get away from my parents presumably for good after high school, college was a new form of hell. The sudden, dramatic change in environment and lack of ANY preparation for living like an adult on my own caused me to mentally/socially/emotionally malfunction. I had outbursts I desperately tried to suppress, I felt stupid because everybody sounded smarter than me, I didn't actually want to go to art school but wasn't smart enough for anything else and never really bothered to better my artistic skills and thus felt like I shouldn't be there anyways, I struggled to fit in better, I had no idea how to function that certain habits such as neglect of my own dishes on my desk developed because I LITERALLY COULD NOT SEE MY OWN MESSES DUE TO THE STRESS I WAS EXPERIENCING. This was 3 or 4 long YEARS of this.

Attending art classes mostly run by very demanding (and demeaning) teachers while my art skills weren't up to par added to this stress on top of me not actually wanting to be THERE in the first place, just away from my parents.

I nearly ruined a friendship with a roommate because of my struggles. I'm not even sure if she is aware of my Autism because I'm afraid to approach her about it for some reason.

Plenty of times throughout my life where I'm loud and don't even realize it.

I've info-dumped on my parents, but right now they half or completely ignore me.

I've tried making eye contact, but it's like staring in the sun not in the sense of pain, but in the sense of by natural reaction looking away. When I force myself to make eye contact, I'm spending so much focus and effort into doing that to the point where I am unable to pay attention to what the person is saying. Instead, I stare at the mouth so I make sure I hear correctly the words they're telling me.

Each time someone is mad at me and gives me the silent treatment, and I inquire what I did to piss them off, they get madder because I'm somehow supposed to immediately know when I fucking don't. Then, half the time, they continue not telling me and I have to hear it from someone else. This further confuses me as to why they don't just simply fucking tell me.

I've annoyed people to listening to the same one or few songs over and over again. A lot (currently obsessed with the Sunset Overdrive and Tank Girl movie soundtracks).

I can "smell" the heat outside on a summer day.

I can smell other people's unique scents sometimes (especially when in someone's house; also experienced this in other people's dorms).

I can't remember what grade this was, but in high school, we went to some kind of space camp facility thing, and our class was split into two groups: one group was the group who was on Mars and ready to come home, the other was on Earth and can't wait to go to Mars. I was in the former group. My job in this little fun display interactive room thing was to examine the isotopes and report... uh.. I can't remember.. Report something that was off. Everyone else was dicking around with what they're supposed to do, and I was actually doing my job, and then said something, like I was supposed to, if I found something that was off (I don't remember the specifics). When the scientist who worked at the facility praised me on "saving the crew," I caught this look from the entire class a look I can't quite describe other than they didn't seem to like the fact that I did a good thing and was being praised for it instead of any of them (or they were shocked that a "dumb girl" like me could achieve this and get praise for it, I don't know.. hard to tell). This was a science class field trip, but despite this, I didn't have an interest in space, and still didn't feel I was smart. (Come to think of it, I think this was actually an 8th grade field trip, I can't remember.)

Just discovered this today: I'm actually very easily overwhelmed that could trigger a meltdown when I wake up. I don't know for how long until that point passes, either. But this could also be explained with how I've reacted to certain alarm clocks (the ones with the bells just induce pure rage in me). Either I will be on the verge of a meltdown or I'll have a fucking headache all day. Normally, I just wanna drink my coffee and either read or practice a little on Duolingo.

I don't always have enough room for a lot of info in my head for things that I like, so I have to carefully narrow shit down. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what to do about my urge to get my hands on some monster movies while making sure nothing else I've retained info for wanes. Not sure if this is due to stress or what. But apparently I have designated compartments for certain categories in my brain. If I get into monster movies, continue to work on my knwoledge on ecology and paleontology, and gain more knowledge about arachnids, that shouldn't impede on the "language" category, so whatever I learn in Russian will remain safe.

Interest "Webs."

I have what I'd like to call an "interest web." My special interests in one thing can lead me to having an interest in another. I care about nature, and I also care about paleontology. Paleoecology is something I'd like to dip my toes into. But because this all involves nature, I have an interest in botany (though it's still intimidating so I'm sticking with local native trees) and arachnids (after conquering my fears and learning more about them). So the web stops at arachnids there (no pun intended).

Back to ecology and paleoecology...

I have a major interest in the Pleistocene because it was just before we humans started writing shit down. Hints of that era echoes within our current environment, from the pronghorn being "unnecessarily" fast (due to miracynonyx, the "American cheetah," which is now an extinct cat) to avocados not seeding like they should without human assistance as well as the yucca trees (Joshua trees) going into retreat thanks to the absence of giant ground sloths.

But the planet is warming, and we could use all the help from plants that we get, especially when it comes to making sure that permafrost stays frozen. So there's this "Pleistocene Park" project taking place in Russia, and one day, if I get into the field of paleontology, I may want to chat with those involved in that project, but one can't expect every other country to know English.

There's also FROZEN PLEISTOCENE MEGAFAUNA CARCASSES BEING FOUND IN PERMAFROST, too.

On top of all of this, Russia's northern lands will become habitable for humans if shit hits the fan and the planet's mostly fucked, so it's still nice to know the language.

See how all of these interests intertwine? (It also helps that since I am of Serbian heritage but can't find accessible resources to learn the language and I wanna know a Slavic language that Russian is kind of accessible. It also seems to be the only Slavic language "commonly" found in colleges when it comes to foreign language courses.) This is why I call them "interest webs." Not sure if other Autistic people have them, but it's something that I have.

The second one could simply involve Halloween, punk, goth, monsters, and teratophilia with Halloween being the gateway because my favorite color is orange.

Just thought this would be a fun thing to touch on real quick.

My Sensory Traits

I do experience some sensory traits, but they're not intense like some people would assume (unless I'm simply not noticing how intense they can be).

I can "smell" the summer heat, which was something I thought everybody else experienced but I'm wrong.

My retinas hurt in bright sunlight despite not looking anywhere near the sun, which I also thought everybody else experienced.

Drinks taste different or off in some way if they're not in a particular mug, glass, etc. that the drink is supposed to be in. (I have certain mugs that I enjoy my coffee in, but the other mugs? They taste off. I can't explain why. I have ONLY TWO acceptable little tumbler glasses for orange juice.)

Breakfast food does not taste like breakfast food unless it's on this one specific plate from my childhood.

Dinner can be iffy on certain plates, but the safest go-to is the knock-off blue willow plates.

Lunch is acceptable on anything, but if I'm having simply a sandwich, it must be on a small plate.

I have specific forks I'd prefer to use because of how they feel in my hand, how the food-part feels in my mouth, and how the fork itself tastes.

Gotta have cinnamon in my coffee. I just do. It's not coffee without it.

I cannot fucking handle hair snippets of any size for any reason on my body. This is why there is a rigid procedure to where my husband must buzz my hair over a paper-towel-covered sink (to avoid clogging the drain) while wearing a particular tanktop Harley Quinn night shirt, and then I must shower immediately afterwards. During the haircut, my skin itches like mad like I'm being poked by the hairs directly even in places where hair snippets have never, ever gone.

I'm overly sensitive to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes.

Also cannot brush teeth with cold water because it's so painful (this was LONG before I had dental issues and persists to this day). Even my tongue hurts from it.

I'm picky as fuck with candy. Trick-or-treating was sometimes difficult because all I cared about was either orange-flavored stuff, or chocolate. Only specific chocolates, too (Krackle, Mr. Goodbar, Crunch, Butterfinger, Reese's, that was it.) Skittles were okay, but a lot of the baggies I got had a LOT the red ones and the red ones suck. Can't stand the other candies. (But my tastes have changed since then, and I opt for European chocolate from Aldi's as they are far superior, especially Moser Roth's 70% dark chocolate and Choceur's coffee and cream chocolate.)

Speaking of candy, the Whopper's Robin's Eggs tasted better than regular Whoppers and I will never be able to explain why.

Despite loving orange flavored stuff, I have trust issues when I see an unlabeled orange candy because there's the dangerous chance it could be fucking peach flavored. *gag* (I like real peaches, but the artificial flavored ones suck balls.) Due to my dental situation, I cannot enjoy very much in a way of candy, and the only artificial orange flavoring I CAN enjoy is through Vitamin D gummies... And even then, EVEN THEN I have to worry about the fucking peach flavors if I have to go with a different brand because we can't get our hands on a bottle from Simple Truth.

Artificial cherry flavoring is death.

The ONLY flavored medicine that was acceptable to me was orange (of course) and those dissolving strips that were grape-flavored that they don't fucking make anymore because fuck me that's why. Everything else was peer-pressured to do shots kiddie edition.

The different colored coatings on M&M's taste different from one another and I cannot explain why. It's very subtle, hardly noticeable, BUT I CAN TELL.

Peanutbutter is fucking amazing.

The smell of peanutbutter is fucking not.

There are these frozen meals my husband gets for days he doesn't have energy to cook and one of them (all from the same brand) smells like fucking hell.

My husband's Nissan Cup Noodle ramen overpowers my incense despite what other household members say.

I love incense, especially dragonsblood, "coffee time," pumpkin spice, raven, and rain.

All of the autumn scents or scents associated with autumn are orgasmic to me.

The smell of artificial cherry is death.

I would love to have perfume or body spray of Play-Doh.

I can compare smells of some places to others, such as the library branch I frequent smells like my gradeschool, as do SOME of their books' pages, and when my husband and I walked through this hall-like tunnel-like storefront in downtown Pittsburgh, I said it smelled like my grandma's basement, and he thought the same, so we're in aggreeance that all grandma's basements smell the same. Except for my Baba and Deda's. Their basement smelled like they actually still enjoy life and had their shit together.

Speaking of gradeschool smells, my gradeschool had two directions of classrooms, one led towards the gym, but the hall off to the side was carpeted, had some nice colors, and held 2 kindergarten classes and 2 first grade classes. That section of the building had its distinctive smells. The other direction led to the office, the cafeteria, and the hall with the 2 classes of grades 2 through 5 plus the preschool and the art/music class was. The smell was different in all classes EXCEPT for the music/art class, and I never went to preschool so I wouldn't know what that smells like.

ALL PRINCIPLE OFFICES SMELL THE SAME. HOW.

I could smell when my husband accidentally put in cinnamon when he thought he grabbed paprika in a dish that I liked. He was terrified of telling me. That was a happy accident and it became a permanent ingredient. He was mortified and shocked that I could smell his whoopsie in my dinner he made me.

I can also smell the cinnamon they use in Little Caeser's pizza crust. Yes. They use cinnamon. But I was the only one to notice.

Honey is like peanutbutter: it tastes amazing. But holy shit fuck that smell.

Gas stations smell like death, sadness, and questioning life's choices.

No two people's car interiors smell alike.

I can smell when it will rain soon, especially if it's about to storm.

I'm the one who noticed that hairy white oldfield asters smell like cake batter.

Dominant yellow filling my entire vision can be sometimes painful.

I used to be able to "hear" the color yellow in my head so much I thought yellow actually made a noise. It was a particular shade of yellow, and it made this Playskool toy-like clicking bell ringing noise, but really obnoxiously, almost painfully. I don't know how to describe the shade other than "cloudy pastel lemon?" It looked like the fucking lemon-flavored medicine I had to take as a kid.

My parents tried mixing in this cherry flavored death medicine in with my orange soda thinking I wouldn't know the difference but I did, so I dumped it down the drain and opened a new can because that can of Big K orange was fucking ruined.

Orange is wonderful to my eyes. But it's a hard color for me to find when it comes to getting things in a particular color. My back-up colors are red, green, and purple.

The sunlight hurts my retinas, even when I'm not looking at the sky at all, but the pain intensity increases the further I look up on a sunny summer day. This has been like this since childhood. Prescriptive sunglasses shouldn't be fucking expensive and should be covered by healthcare insurance.

I have to try really FUCKING hard not to stare at someone's muscles in person because ugh... Good thing I rarely see anybody who's well-built. (No really, this isn't even really a sexual thing, I'm so fucking fascinated and once I realize "oh, so that particular muscle looks like that from that angle", I get a glimmer of hope that I MIGHT be able to draw something humanoid since I suck at drawing people.)

Orange trees as so pleasing to the eye, and these are much more socially acceptable to stare at, lest I'm in person and the property owner might think I'm plotting to steal some (luckily I've never been anywhere near a place that grows orange trees).

Neon lights are amazing and I want them to come the fuck back. I swear, stores were so much more enjoyable of an environment when they were common. Such lights improve my mood in a way I cannot describe. I'm no longer in a hurry to get home if I am in the presence of neon lights.

Sunny days during winter are painful because the sunlight reflects off the snow. I'm painfully blinded if I look outside or go anywhere.

I cannot handle the sight of someone having boogers/snot hanging from their nose, not the sight of someone vomiting, nor the sight of an syringe needle piercing flesh.

I cannot handle the sound of alarm clock bells. I have woken up in a rage and been in a bad mood I try so hard to suppress for a good portion of the day. If I hear an alarm clock bell now these days, I wanna take it and chuck it across the room regardless the time of day or if I'm already awake. It's not so bad if I hear it from a video. In person? That's starting a war with me.

Children crying or screaming (especially babies) are almost painful to me and triggers my fight-or-flight response.

The reason why I was the loudest mellophone player in marching band was to drown out hearing the fucking trumpets. And I did; I was louder than the trumpets. (I quit marching band my sophomore year but for different reasons.)

Much of the music from the 80s that gave it that sound that definitely said it's from the 80s is very pleasing to my ears.

I love punk music for its messages, lyrics, and energy, but goth always puts me into a headspace where I feel like I'm at home; I'm at peace and want to cuddle the monster under my bed.

However, some punk songs can hit deep or strong and live rent-free in my head, such as Anti-Flag's "Racist," Bikini Kill's "Rebel Girl," and Skarpretter's "Nazi Scum."

One particular artist's voice I cannot get over because his is the first voice of any kind that makes me wanna fan myself is Peter Steele of Type O Negative. My favorite song, however, is "All Hallow's Eve" because his voice, the subject, and the lyrical content.

I'm able to hear something off in the oscillating fan my husband likes to use before he notices it.

I'm the one who can hear coyotes at night (doesn't help my mom wants to blast westerns to drown out the world and I'm back here in my room away from that shit though).

I can hear the branches scraping against the house, gently making creepy noises before I realize what the fuck it is, BUT NOBODY ELSE HEARS IT.

I can recognize the call of a robin because we had so many at the house I grew up in, and nobody else in this family fucking noticed.

I tend to notice the sound of the rain over all the house noise first.

I don't like tight clothing, which is why I prefer bralettes because my tits hurt.

If I could, I'd go without the bra because the band can sometimes suddenly feel tighter than it actually is, but because I have large nipples, I kinda need that bra for a bit of protection.

Shorts can be tight around the crotch, hip joins, and lower belly region, and that's a big no-no for me.

I'd prefer baggy pants, honestly.

Can't have tight footwear. No.

The seam at the top of socks or tights hurt my pinky toes if the whole sock/tights shift that way.

I already covered the hair snippet thing so since this is the sense of touch, another body hair thing is I kinda don't wanna shave my pits anymore because they are extremely itchy when they grow back. HAVE to shave my crotch because if I don't it gets horribly itchy, and my thick, fast-growing hair weaves into underwear, gets caught in pads, etc.

Ah yes. Pads. I hate them, but they're far more acceptable than a tampon or a cup because I have vaginismus.

Certain fabric textures are itchy as hell. There's a black shirt I have whose collar and cuffs are gorgeous but I have to wear something underneath to avoid feeling itchy.

Winter is hell for me here in the midwest, as I am very susceptible to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes. I become very slow, too. I feel like I can't get warm enough most of the time.

Air conditioned places in the summer feel almost similar, so I don't always wear shorts if I'm expected to go into, say, a Walmart with my husband to pick up everything. I'll shiver.

(We're gonna get into TMI territory here.) Can't masturbate by hand unless I've got a nitrile glove on because my brain only focuses on what my fingers are touching more than what my cunt feels.

Can't have any sex with my husband without anything brighter than low-light because things can be visually distracting in the room, or lights can suddenly feel way too bright to me. (Halloween string lights or those LED rope lights with adjustable brightness features and colors are excellent for this situation.)

In Conclusion

This is all that I've figured out so far. None of this hit me at once as a realization when I figured out that I'm Autistic. This took a while to realize it, and the realizations were mostly at random times through examples of other people experiencing it on the internet or through me going, "Huh, is that an Autistic trait?"

There may be even more that I'm currently unaware of or have forgotten to type here.

I apologize for how extremely lengthy this was. This took all day to type because of having to get up and do other things that needed to be done. One of the reasons why I really wanted to type this is because it's much easier to organize this on a computer, and I am absolutely shit at organizing files on my computer.

Unfortunately, while my husband is wonderful in supporting me, my parents aren't exactly all that great at it. Especially my dad, who is either vaguely dismissive or outright "forgets" that I'm Autistic (he honestly just... doesn't care, and tries to make things convenient for him at the expense of others most of the time). My mom... I'm not real sure. There are times where she seems to remember and others where she doesn't. I'm honestly wondering if they don't like knowing that I'm Autistic because that means my brother would have been as his traits were far more obvious than mine.

I hope that whoever is questioning whether or not they're Autistic has found this helpful at least in the sense that it would point you in the right direction on where to go next, but I would highly recommend checking out online Autistic communities, as that's where I've discovered that I'm on the spectrum.

#autism #asperger's #adhd #special interests #sensory traits #autistic traits #sorry for how long this is

21 notes · View notes

hay-389 · 3 years

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For the bad things happen bingo could you do “going into shock” with Buck? No pressure though! <3

Buck didn’t understand why his team is looking at him like that, like if he took another step he would come crashing down like the very building they just barely escaped from.

“Buck?” Bobby is the first to say his name, but Eddie is the one who actually moves to catch him, being the closest, as his legs buckle. His boyfriend gently lays him on the ground and moves just a little so Hen and Chimney can address the situation nobody was expecting. Chimney peels back the black jacket and exposes a giant piece of metal sticking out from the blonde’s lower right abdominal.

“What the hell Buck, why didn’t you say anything?” Buck can see the worry all over Eddie’s face and the tears slowly gathering and stinging his eyes, and he feels bad for making anyone worry about him in the first place.

The truth is, he didn’t say anything because he hadn’t known anything was wrong until it was too late and he was falling and heading for a mouth full of concrete if Eddie didn’t catch him. Buck hadn’t felt anything off, nothing hurt when he walked out of that building, but it’s as if now that someone made it known the pain is coming full force—but Buck doesn’t regret for a moment how he knows he ended up with a piece of metal impaled in his side.

The team was called to a house fire, one so awful that the flames had practically devoured the house by the time the 118 rolled up. The only one who actually made it out was the mom, who explained to them her husband went back inside for their daughter but neither came out in the time since she called 911. The team geared up and headed inside calling out for the family. The dad was found right away downstairs passed out, Eddie carrying the man out to safety.

Chimney and Buck headed upstairs and found the little girl in the first room they checked, hidden under the bed with a face full of soot and scared to death. Buck put on a friendly smile and managed to quickly coax her out and passed her off to Chimney who picked her up and started back downstairs. Buck was only a step behind, but before he could make it out of the room he found his next step was him falling through the floor and landing back in the living room.

That hurt, he knew that. Dark spots danced around his vision and he didn’t dare move until Eddie and Bobby were lifting him off the floor and walking him back outside. The pain that followed the fall went away though and he felt fine for at least a good two minutes after. Buck went to make sure the little girl was okay, and luckily she was for the most part. Then everything just fell apart.

“I f-felt fine.” He’s trying to get his point across to his worried boyfriend more than anyone gathered around him, because he is sure as worried as Eddie is he’s probably also a little angry he hadn’t said anything to anyone as soon as they were out of the burning home.

“The adrenaline was keeping him going before,” Chimney says, trying to stop the significant amount of bleeding that no piece of metal that small should be capable of creating. “He’s going into shock now.”

It makes sense, Buck thinks. The way he feels now is exactly how he felt when that fire truck had crushed his leg and they pulled him out, only he’s pretty sure the pain then was more excruciating than now; but, it’s kind of hard to measure the pain when both injuries fall on a pretty high end of the scale.

Either way, Buck can feel his body shaking even though he had been sweating just 5 minutes ago from the hot flames, and he suddenly feels so cold as his team lifts him up onto the stretcher and rolls him towards the ambulance. He can feel Eddie gripping his hand the entire way, but even that small amount of warmth is barely registered over the cold that is covering him from head to toe.

And he feels so tired. It hits him abruptly when Hen and Chimney finally load him in the ambulance and the stretcher comes to a stop. His eyes feel way too heavy to keep open anymore and Buck tries his best to fight the feeling off because he doesn’t want to sleep. He knows that there’s a chance if he closes his eyes he may never open them again and he isn’t ready to die. Not when he has everything he’s ever wanted. The perfect job, an amazing sister, and finally a loving boyfriend, with Eddie, which he never thought possible. Buck isn’t ready to leave all these amazing people behind.

But it’s almost like his eyes have a mind of their own, because despite Buck repeating over and over again in his brain to stay awake, his eyes aren’t listening to a single word and continue to droop, until his eyes no longer open. Not even the faint pleading from Eddie and Chimney are enough for Buck to stay conscious.

He may not be ready for the darkness, but the darkness is ready for him.

Okay, hope you liked it! I also hope you don’t mind that it turned into a slight Buddie thing, as you only mentioned for it to be Buck.

I would like to address though that if any huge Buddie shippers read this, I’m glad if you enjoy it, but I don’t actually write for Buddie. It just so happened that the prompt I was writing for Buck turned into this. I wouldn’t really know how to write a full serious Buddie story as my favorite ship is Madney and that is what I focus on, besides the Buckley sibling relationship which I will always gladly write for. @badthingshappenbingo

#911 #911 on fox #911 fox #chimney han #evan ‘buck’ buckley #edmundo diaz #tw: injury #911 fanfiction #bad things happen bingo #buddie

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madirablack · 3 years

Text

R76 HCS

Time to cry

my angsty gay fathers

Okay so like with the Mchanzo one it starts with how they got to their current point

Both are 100% gay, and only really been with each other. they're soulmates.

first met in the pre-overwatch military, Gabe being Jack's commander.

Jack was sent to the military after his father found out he was gay to "make him a real man"

they grew closer and closer together over their years of service, becoming colleagues to almost brothers.

Jack first realised he loved Gabe after he patched him up mid-gunfight

he confessed rather awkwardly a day later, and Gabe accepted, out on a whim not really a hundred percent invested.

he fell for Jack faster than he could say "commander reyes"

Gabe made it his mission to protect Jack, to always keep him out of harm's way, which was rather hard in the middle of a war.

When they entered the S.E.P, they got even closer. Comforting each other after all the injections made them throw up and shake, after they were exerted to their limits. They were each other's constant in an ever-changing world.

Gabe always threw up from the injections and Jack got really bad migraines and they'd both pass out a lot

When they were put on leave, they met each other's families.

Jack's family were on the whole rather approving of Gabe, his mom loved him. The initial meeting was all going well until his father came back, and it was a shitshow.

Gabe had to teach Jack a bunch of emergency Spanish on the flight to LA, most of which he remembered. Gabe's mother was incredibly sceptical of Jack to begin with, but the longer the two stayed together, the more she loved him.

The first crisis was both terrifying and exhilarating for them. They got informally married about half way through, exchanging dog tags and then getting formally married later on

When Overwatch was established and they were allocated bedrooms and offices, they both instantly chose to stay in Jack's.

Gabe was happy for Jack when he got the Strike Commander position, he couldn't deal with the stress himself and the pride he saw in his husband was enough to keep him going.

The two suddenly became a lot busier when overwatch was up and running and had less and less time to be a couple but whoever fell asleep first would always latch onto the other the second they got into bed. if they couldn't spend the day together then at least they could cuddle at night.

Each near miss on missions was catastrophic and caused them both to be absolutely in shreds with worry.

Ana's 'death' destroyed them. She was a sister to both of them and they started to grow apart with their differing ways to deal with grief

The Zurich bombing was the worst either of them had ever felt in their entire lives. Gabe got impaled on a rebar and crushed by a wall fragment and died, his last words being "I'm sorry, Jackie." Jack got crushed by the ceiling of the meeting hall, but he didnt die from it.

When they figured out who 'Soldier 76' and 'Reaper' were, it broke them beyond words.

When they first met again unmasked, they stayed silent for an entire hour before Jack started with an apology, and everything came pouring back out.

Jack convinced Winston and everyone else to let Gabriel back on the watchpoint

Pre-fall relationship life HCs

FATHERS OF JESSE MCCREE. The second that boy gets injured they're practically flying down to the medbay and badgering Angela for details

CEOS of calming down PTSD. like omg they know everything about each other's triggers and how exactly to calm each other down.

Small gestures of love, a quick kiss when passing each other, a hand hold, leaving for a mission and leaving out a coffee and breakfast, that sorta thing.

they both find it very hard to sleep at night so most of the time they just lay there talking.

They try hard to make time to spend just the two of them. Their favourite pastime used to be being sat in an old airship, looking out across the base and just talking about everything and anything. just being in each other's company was enough for them

Jack can cook but it's all "white people shit" as referred to by Gabe

Nicknames!! J->G : Gabi, Star, Captain, babe, sweetheart, Angel, Soldier G->J: Jackie, Commander, "sir" but mockingly, Cariño, baby, Solider,

always defending each other

taking bullets literally and metaphorically for one another

Staying with each other in the medbay all night

reminding each other of self-care, like making sure each other eat, drink enough water, take meds all that kinda stuff

Cuddles, these boys cuddle so much.

Going home at Christmas to Gabe's family and having an amazing time

Their "deaths"

Jack saw the newscast and his world fell apart. He cried for days on end.

Gabe convinced himself it wasn't real

They left white Roses on each other's "graves" whenever they could.

they started to notice something was up when the flowers that only they knew the significance of kept popping up at the same time.

The reunion

Their masks had been knocked off in battle and they were both gravely injured. Jack set down a biotic field for them both.

"Hi...Jackie."

"oh my fucking god."

"..."

"*tries to hold in tears and pass it off as laughter* you're so fucking old."

post-reunion

Struggling to stay intimate and loving like they used to, but it's obvious they're more than thankful to have each other back.

Gabe very insecure about how his body turned out, and so it takes him an incredibly long time to agree to let Jack see him again.

Once Gabriel managed to get out of talon and was allowed back on the watchpoint, (with constant supervision) he felt incredibly out of place.

Staying up all night talking to each other about what happened to them when they were separated.

Glad they got to grow old together.

Finding themselves staring at each other at random moments, in awe that everything turned out the way it did.

Sharing beers on the rooftops of the watchpoint and reminiscing about their 30+ years in each other's company.

"I still love you, and that will never change."

Getting to know each other again,and seeing glimpses of their younger selves in each other.

#overwatch #reaper76 #r76 #jack morrison #gabriel reyes #overwatch reaper #soldier 76 #reaper76 headcanons #r76 headcanons #overwatch headcanons #overwatch lgbt

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mikauzoran · 3 years

Text

Lukadrien: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Twenty-One

@lukadrien-june

Read it on AO3: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Twenty-One: Heartbreak

Adrien hadn’t intended to eavesdrop.

His only aim in coming above deck was to ask Luka what he wanted to make for dinner, since it was their turn to cook for the family.

In the upstairs living room, he found Luka and Xavier-Yves, curled up conspiratorially on the couch and looking like they were having a serious discussion.

Not wanting to interrupt, Adrien turned to go, but, just then, he caught XY saying, “I wrote a song about you”. Adrien froze, interest piqued.

“Er…actually, about us. Our relationship,” XY revised sheepishly. “Would you wanna hear it?”

Adrien certainly did.

He mentally kicked himself for never thinking to serenade Luka before as he began to fret over what his love rival had come up with.

“You wrote a song about us?” Luka chuckled, wide-eyed with delight and looking thoroughly touched at XY’s romantic gesture. “That’s so awesome, Xavier-Yves. Of course I want to hear it.”

XY perked up, a goofy grin spreading across his face. “Yeah?”

Luka nodded. “Yeah.”

That was all the encouragement Xavier-Yves needed. He whipped out his laptop and cued up the song.

Adrien hadn’t listened to XY’s music much over the years. Chloé had a fondness for it, so he’d heard some when he was in his early teens, but after XY and Bob Roth’s stunt of stealing Kitty Section’s song, Adrien had made a point to avoid XY’s music when at all possible.

The song Xavier-Yves played for Luka now didn’t really resemble what Adrien remembered. It was still electronic, synthesized music, but it was nothing like the brain-rotting drivel Adrien had listened to with Chloé five years previously.

It was still repetitive, but instead of being relentless and grating, it put Adrien more in mind of the work of Philip Glass. There was a point to the repetition. It grew and changed subtly, building on what had come before and evolving with each layer XY added.

It was amazing to witness how transformed XY’s music was from what Adrien had heard previously, and the debt Xavier-Yves owed to Luka’s influence was obvious. With Luka’s guidance, XY’s music had become complex and sophisticated even.

The song started with a tense passage in the strings with percussion striking like thunder and flutes playing slippery, serpentine melodies reminiscent of lightning fliting across the sky.

“This is when we first met,” XY narrated, nervously watching Luka’s face, tracking his reactions.

The storm in the music quickly abated and took on a bouncing quality as a new theme was introduced.

“And this is us becoming friends,” Xavier-Yves informed, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

The passage kind of reminded Adrien of the chorus of Sweet’s Fox on the Run. It was an odd shift, but XY’s song was filled with weird juxtapositions of genres and styles like that that somehow managed to blend together and work to tell the story XY wanted.

Adrien tensed as an electric violin played a leitmotif that sounded exactly like Luka’s laugh.

Luka recognized it too and, caught off guard, started to laugh, only highlighting how exactly XY had captured the sound in his song.

“That’s brilliant, Prune. You got it just right,” Luka praised, clapping XY on the back.

Adrien tried to quell the spike of jealousy that shot through him, but it was so hard to fight the negative feelings when it felt like XY’s success was at Adrien’s expense.

The melody gradually morphed again, slowing down and taking on an achingly vulnerable pining quality.

A light crease developed between Luka’s brows as he struggled to place the emotion in the music and then tie it to something in his relationship with XY.

Adrien recognized the emotion right away, though. It was soul-baring longing so raw and honest that Adrien couldn’t help but be moved by it.

He wished he could be so honest with Luka about his own feelings.

Before Luka could puzzle out what that part of the song meant, the music changed again.

A shimmering, breathtaking piano solo emerged from the pining theme and took off at a run, its heart so full of hope that it brought tears to Adrien’s eyes.

The melody broke free and soared triumphantly until it disappeared over the horizon, sparkling out of existence with a graceful flourish.

Luka was left speechless as a single tear trickled down his cheek.

XY smiled tentatively. “…So…what did you think?”

“Xavier-Yves…” Luka breathed, “…that was truly beautiful.”

XY’s hesitant smile bloomed into a wide grin of pride and delight. “Yeah? You thought so?”

Luka nodded emphatically. “I loved it. I just… What was…what was that last part? What came after the part about us becoming friends? I’m not sure if I…”

He bit his lip, trailing off as he searched XY’s face.

Xavier-Yves’s grin softened, and a warm look came into his eyes. “That was me falling in love with you.”

Luka’s breath caught in his throat.

“I really like you, you know?” XY explained, reaching up to cup Luka’s cheek.

Adrien willed his feet to move and his voice to come unglued from where it was stuck in his throat, but he found himself mute and fixed in place like a decorative sculpture.

“People don’t really treat me so good,” XY elaborated earnestly. “I mean, I know I’m kind of dumb and obnoxious, but…but you’ve always been kind and patient.”

“Xavier-Yves…” Luka whispered, still dazed at this revelation and trying to sort out everything he was feeling.

“You believed in me and told me I could amount to something when my dad said I was useless and stupid and talentless,” XY stressed passionately. “You made me think there was something good about me after all…so I don’t think it’s weird, me falling in love with you.”

Luka’s eyes zeroed in on Xavier-Yves’s lips as their faces slowly drew nearer and nearer.

Adrien watched as Luka’s eyes slipped shut and he closed the distance between them.

Adrien felt something crack inside of his chest. It was a lot like being impaled.

Silently, he backed away and slipped back below deck. He made a beeline for his cabin, deaf to Plagg’s attempts at comfort as he buried his face in his pillow and sobbed.

It had been hard enough to accept that there was no future for him and Marinette. Being star-crossed a second time felt too cruel. He didn’t think he had it in him to put himself back together and fall in love a third time.

His shattered heart couldn’t take it.

Luka was just about to deepen the kiss when his brain caught up with his body.

He pulled back with a gasp.

“Sorry. Did I do something wrong? I’ve never done this before,” Xavier-Yves hastily rushed to explain.

Luka shook his head, mentally cursing himself for screwing everything up. “No. No, you’re a great kisser. That was awesome. I just…”

He winced. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this. There’s a part of me that wants to. I mean, I really do like you, but… It’s complicated,” Luka finished with a groan, looking up, ashamed, at XY, his eyes pleading for forgiveness. “I think we should just stay friends. I’m sorry.”

A wry smile curled up the corners of XY’s mouth. “Because of Adrien?”

Luka’s whole face went red, but he forced himself to look Xavier-Yves in the eyes as he nodded. “Not for the reason you think, though.”

XY quirked an eyebrow, settling back against the couch cushions. “Oh, yeah? Are you going to try to tell me that you’re not in love with him? Because, if you’re gonna turn me down, Six Strings, I’d like you to be honest about it.”

Luka’s face scrunched up in a grimace. “No. I wasn’t going to lie. I do have feelings for Adrien. I have for a long time, and, I mean…I do get the sense that he might be starting to reciprocate at least a little, but that’s not the reason I’m saying no to you. I’m not picking him over you. It’s not like that.”

XY nodded, seeing that Luka truly believed what he was saying. “Okay. So? What is it like?”

“Adrien’s been kind of rough lately with everything that’s happened. He’s in no shape to be in a relationship anyway, even if I did tell him how I feel and he felt the same,” Luka explained. “Adrien doesn’t have a whole lot of people he feels like he can count on in his life, so I really need to focus on being there for him. I can’t date right now, Prune. Not anyone.”

XY hummed thoughtfully. “Well, I mean…it’s kind of messed up to put your whole life on hold for someone like that, but…I get it.”

Luka blinked, surprised that this conversation was going so well. “Wait. What? You do?”

XY nodded. “I know how you are. You always put yourself last when someone you care about needs you. You’d do the same if it was me having the meltdown or one of your sisters or your ex, Jacob, or whoever, you know? You’re just like that.”

A sheepish smile gradually made itself at home on Luka’s lips. “I do have a bit of a martyr complex, don’t I?”

XY held up his thumb and pointer finger, bringing them so that they were only a few centimeters apart. “Just a teeny, weenie bit…but I’d put my life on hold for you too, so…I get how you feel about Adrien, even if I don’t like it.”

Luka winced again as guilt weighed down on him. “Prune, I’m so sorry. I—”

XY held up a hand. “Just answer me this: could you love me, do you think?”

Luka bit his lip, not wanting to lead his friend on but not wanting to lie either. “Xavier-Yves, I don’t want you waiting around for me.”

XY shrugged. “Tough. Sometimes you don’t get what you want. Isn’t that what you taught me? Just answer the question.”

Luka sighed. “Oh, all right. Yes, but please don’t wait around for me.”

“I do what I want,” XY snickered. “I know you’re picking Adrien, but there’s no telling when he could screw it up and give me a chance to sweep you off your feet.”

“Xavier-Yves,” Luka groaned.

XY tussled Luka’s hair with an affectionate smile. “All joking aside, I hope you change your mind about me, but I just want you to be happy, Six Strings. Okay?”

Luka’s eyes narrowed as he tried to discern any hint of deceit.

He found none.

“For real?” he asked in amazement.

Xavier-Yves nodded. “For real. So…can we still be friends? How does this work?”

“Absolutely,” Luka assured vehemently. “I never want to lose what we have, Prune. If we could just go on like we have been…?”

XY nodded in agreement. “I’d be down with that. Besides, who knows? Maybe one day I’ll get lucky and you and Adrien and me can be a threesome. The kid’s kind of cute when he’s not being a brat.”

Luka burst out laughing.

He shook his head and clicked his tongue. “Adrien’s cute especially when he’s being a brat.”

“You can have him when he’s in brat mode, then,” XY snorted, starting to pack up his things. “But I should skedaddle. I’ve got to meet up with my dad to talk about my next album. Want me to text you when I’m done?”

“Please,” Luka responded, leaning in to press a whisper of a kiss to XY’s cheek. “Thanks, Prune.”

Xavier-Yves grinned, winking as he got to his feet. “Sure thing, Six Strings. Check ya later.”

“Later,” Luka echoed, waving after XY as he went.

As XY disappeared from view, Luka took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to process everything that had just happened.

He sat for a few minutes, waiting until he felt more grounded to get up and head for his room. He needed an instrument to help him sort through everything. Maybe his guitar or violin. He always processed best through those.

He stopped in the narrow hallway just outside his door when he thought he heard something.

Frowning, he listened hard, and it wasn’t long before he heard the muffled, choked sound again.

He took a few steps and stopped outside of Adrien’s cabin door to listen again.

It was now more apparent that the strangled sobs were coming from within.

“Adrien?” He knocked perfunctorily before opening the door and finding Adrien curled up in a ball around his pillow, bawling his eyes out.

“Adrien,” he breathed, rushing to his beloved’s side. “Hey, what’s the matter? What happened?”

Adrien gasped, sitting up and gawking at Luka in horror.

“N-Nothing. I—Nothing,” he insisted even as he gritted his teeth in his effort to stop the tears.

His lip trembled, unable to help itself in Adrien’s distress.

“Oh, P5,” Luka muttered, kicking his shoes off and climbing up onto the bed with Adrien. “Come here.”

He pulled Adrien onto his lap and squeezed him tightly, cooing, “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay. Just let it out.”

To both of their surprise, Adrien did.

He clung to Luka as a fresh wave of grief washed over him.

Dutifully, Luka held him, rocking him from side to side and making reassuring noises. He didn’t let go until Adrien had worn himself out.

Adrien didn’t have the strength to fight as Luka gently cleaned up his face for him afterwards. He also found himself unable to protest when Luka tugged him into the main cabin and snuggled up on the couch with him.

It barely registered when Luka started Castle in the Sky, and Adrien remained nearly catatonic through dinner.

The fog of misery only cleared at bedtime when Luka tried to herd Adrien into his own cabin, saying, “Why don’t you come sleep in my room tonight?”

“I want to be alone,” Adrien insisted petulantly, trying to pull away.

Luka’s grip on him tightened. “I don’t think that’s the best idea right now.”

“I said I want to be alone,” Adrien growled, finding the strength within him to break away.

He turned on his heel and fled to his cabin, taking refuge under his covers from the world.

His solitude only lasted a matter of minutes.

Luka entered and silently made up a sleeping bag on the floor as Adrien glared him down.

“…I’m sorry,” Luka finally sighed, taking a seat on top of his blankets and meeting Adrien’s hostile gaze. “I won’t talk to you or anything, so just pretend I’m not here.”

“What do you want from me?” Adrien demanded half testily, half sulkily.

Luka shook his head. “Nothing. I just want to make sure you’re all right. I’m really worried about you, Adrien.” He hesitated before adding, “Whatever’s going on, I’m here, okay? I love you. I hope you know that.”

It was too much.

Tears spilled freely down Adrien’s cheeks, and he quickly absconded back under the covers.

Half an hour passed in relative silence as Adrien struggled to get his emotions under control and Luka stared up at the ceiling, feeling helpless.

“…Orpheus?” Adrien called, voice raw and plaintive as he peeked out from under the covers.

Luka sat up. “Yeah? What is it? Are you okay?”

Adrien swallowed audibly. “…Could you come up here and just…just hold me, please?”

Luka breathed out a sigh of relief, smiling indulgently as he climbed over Adrien to take his place by the wall.

“Happy to help,” he assured, slipping under the covers and pulling Adrien close.

Adrien wrapped himself around Luka like a vine, burying his face in Luka’s neck. “Sorry. And sorry about the way I’m acting. I’m not being fair. It’s not your fault, and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”

“It’s okay,” Luka replied reassuringly. “Thank you for the apology, though. I appreciate it…. Do you maybe want to talk about it?”

Adrien shook his head definitively. “No. Thank you.”

“Okay,” Luka agreed, backing off the issue.

In the morning, if Adrien still didn’t want to talk, Luka would encourage him to go see Nino or Marinette or check with Doctor Katsuragi to see if she had an opening for them to discuss Adrien’s sudden turn for the worse.

“…I…I love you too,” Adrien hiccupped.

Luka squeezed him tighter, giving his hair a nuzzle. “I know. Don’t worry, Angel. I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to get through this together, all right?”

Adrien nodded, but his tears started to fall faster.

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