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#what’s so interesting abt the wall
puppyeared · 5 months
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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the m6 as pokemon ft my pokesona hehe
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badolmen · 8 months
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I can fix him*
*bad writing, underutilized gameplay mechanics, characters with unfulfilled potential, funded by bootlickers
#ra speaks#personal#sorry I made dr phone calls and have like. ten minutes til I gotta get ready for first class of the semester. let me have this.#I think I should get every COD game ever for free. it’s MY tax dollars at work after all (actually anything produced w us military funding#should be free I think I can trap even my bootlicker tax hating dad into getting onboard w this one)#anyways. ghosts was…decent. but jfc if you give me a silent protag I expect SOME self awareness in the writing.#why are characters calling to him on comms when they know he won’t respond? why doesn’t he have an AAC device or something more futuristic?#I’m just saying if you explicitly limit a character you need to respect those limits in te writing. it’s not that hard.#like non of the characters even acknowledge that Logan never talks. esp weird when he first meets the ghosts#also. obv not a big fan of ‘all of South America has United into evil space terrorists’ but it was 2013 so ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯#wish we got to see some SDC civis y’know? get a bear on the average attitudes abt the whole. invading the US thing.#(jfc do not get me started on The Wall like this is a 2016 trump voter’s power fantasy)#also Riley was such an interesting mechanic why couldn’t they have at least substituted him w drones or something on the other missions??#you get him for like. two missions. and then he gets shot and you have to protect him (gosh I actually loved that section)#just. it was clear Logan was The Dog Guy with an aptitude for tech. honestly Hesh felt more like the MC than Logan.#and while Logan doesn’t have a ton of personality we can glean as a result of non speaking + ZERO communication at all ever#seriously he doesn’t even like. wave or give thumbs up to people wtf dude do ppl just assume he’s psychic or something???#I do LOVE the few scenes we get with him acting outside of player control/where he actually has agency (Elias’ death. the final cutscene)#and like it’s not much but it’s enough that I WANT to see what happens next#but alas. a decade old game without a true sequel (I think??? haven’t actually looked into it.)#my brother is making fun of me for being a COD gamer now like boy. I have no defense pls be nice to me T-T
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year
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2005 German Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso & Jenson Button(+ Juan Pablo Montoya)(my personal post-race highlights)
+ Bonus Michael Schumacher
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borom1r · 2 months
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…would it be helpful for anyone if I compiled all my notes/references for armor/appendages + clothing?
i’m mostly thinkin abt this from th perspective of a LotR fanfic author bc while we can find a ton of good visual references they’re also 1) costumes meant for actors, not actual practicality and 2) th visual references don’t generally have accurate names
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ghostabocky · 1 year
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ok that poll got me Thinking again and i wanted to archive this in some way, so. repost of a comment i left on youtube brainrotting over sora Not being the master of masters 
Sora being the Master of Masters just does not make any logical, emotional, or thematic sense. If anything, the MoM and Sora have been—and are continuing to be—set up as thematical opposites to one another, the MoM a jaded person who has lost so much to the forces of darkness, to the point where he will manipulate anyone around him in order to reach his end goal of living in a world without it, and Sora a positive optimist who, despite also enduring multiple hardships and losses due to darkness, also goes through many trials that prove that balance between the two forces is important, and that darkness is not an all-encompassing terror meant to be destroyed. 
Sora's whole Thing™ is about relying on connections and friendship despite physical distance, the idea that no matter where you are or what happens to you, those connections mattered and will always matter. He believes in individuality, the idea that characters like Roxas, Xion, Namine and even Vanitas are their own people, despite what other people may try and proclaim. Meanwhile, the MoM lives to avenge people who are long gone, forgetting the value of those relationships as they were simply because the people he cared for are no longer physically here. He strips his pupils of their individuality, giving them masks and names at his own discretion, and directing them like pawns on a chess board. 
These two are textbook foils to one another. The idea that the Master of Masters is somehow a grown up version of Sora who lost his friends to darkness and became a cynical, jaded mastermind trying to escape the concept of it altogether not only contradicts the existing lore about things like time travel (and specifically how the MoM does it), but is just a complete slap in the face to both of these characters as individuals. 
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i had a dream last night where i was trying to put together a piece for an art final in one afternoon (because apparently i was taking an art class? i kept having lucid moments of hey i’m not even taking a real art class but i was content to still do the project) and actually i remember very clearly what i was planning and i have all the stuff for it i think i should recreate the dream art final piece
#i was doing a giant collage and i was cutting up bits of colorful + textured paper and running them through a printer over and over#again so that the words were overlapping to make an interesting texture and i was moving them around to make an image and i don’t#remember exactly what it looked like but it was an underwater scene and i can remember a few of the fish and coral structures in relative#detail so i think i’m gonna do it why not i do not have a big enough canvas (it was bigger than me in my dream) but i do have some#30in x 40in canvases (originally bought for giant self portraits of me bc i’m vain lmao) but perhaps one could be spared for this?#i also do have a giant sketchbook but i’m unsure if the paper could hold the weight of what i’ll need to do to it. hmmm#i also have a wall….. but i think i was only granted permission to paint over it smoothly and i hate painting smooth i need texture and i#doubt glued paper would be easy to take off if needed. sad. i really do want to do something to a wall some day. maybe i should just build#myself a giant canvas so it can be moved? it would have to be able to fit through the door though :/#what about a bunch of smaller canvasses that slot together to fill the whole wall? that would be kinda cool i can work with that#maybe not for this project though that would be a lot of work bc if i’m gonna do a whole ass wall i’ll need to measure it n shit and then#i wouldn’t want the canvases to fit as squares i’d want them to be cool and interesting shapes so i’d have to build them myself#hmmmmmmmm. i will think about that later perhaps when i get my own place . it will be epic though i assure you#so i can add some supports to my giant sketchbook paper to keep it sturdier or perhaps i could use a giant canvas. decisions decisions#i will think abt it after i get her up how much colored/printed paper i have (a lot bc i get some every time they’re on sale at micheals#because i have a problem) and i should cut them all to like 8x11 so they’ll slot through the printer so i can cut them up after?#or perhaps i will cut them up before so i can get the vision right? there will be a lot of layers to this i know the pov of the one in my#dream was from the sea floor but near a reef so i will need to work on perspective a bit so maybe a nice big preparatory sketch for a rough#placement of everything then extra details i can come up with as i go? the fish and things will need to be layered a lot but once the base#colors are on i can’t really sketch it out. hmmmmm. i’ll contemplate some more i think
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mantisgodsdomain · 3 months
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Ok we realize we just wrote like a whole tag essay about this but we just realized that we can pare it down to "either no or no but in a way where people probably still talk about thinking theyre hot anyways".
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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months
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...
#ay. looking forward to the future when im back in therapy#like i dont feel terrible rn. i dont exactly kno how to describe it. i feel like ive been tossed up onto the shore of a desert island#after a big storm. like im still lying facedown in the sand bc i dont kno what to do when i stand up#i guess im just still sitting in the desolation of 2yrs of burnout and i kno that things need to change but i dont kno#quite how to manage it. bc the thing abt me is that i have ambiguous handwave undiagnosed obsessive compulsive behaviors#and its like every. everything i do is. like its structure to the extreme. i have to do these things because. because why? idk just because#so im like ok i have to change things so i adjust to the change and the structure just becomes rigid again. the cage changes shape but the#volume stays the same. and its hard bc i cant run rn so its like i cant expell my frustration and its a compulsion i cant fulfill and its#constantly in my head. im also just tired. ive been sleeping more than usual and idk y. like i dont feel that depressed but i guess i do#feel bored and pointless bc im just doing computer stuff rn. and i also just feel like my brain is cloudy#like learning is a thing i like to do but im not allowed to spend time reading papers bc i have to draw bc thats the structure#but i want to learn abt those specific topics and i just feel like my brain is full of holes#like its a very specific feeling. like back after i 1st finished my masters i was taking carbon measuments bc thats#like the most useful thing for me to do in tbus lab but it destroys my brain and then my boss was training me in some culture isolation#stuff that i liked a lot and was more aligned with my interests but i hit this wall where my Brain was like ur not allowed to do that#anymore so i make the choice to let the project go and just do what was useful. idk y i did that but i do it all thr time. idk its just hard#when like everything feels so boring and bleak all the time but with this little glimmers of specialness that im not allowed to reach for#ugh. its just the hormones. bc it's becoming very clear i have high and low moods associated with hormone shifts. and the obsessive#compulsive behaviors. those r just ambient but at time exacerbated by the shifts#unrelated#also participating in trivia stuff triggers me feeling dumb lmao but idk i dont usually memorize facts. i usually go for vibes and like what#do u build with what youve learned. like who gives a fuck if u kno a set of facts if u dont do anything with that info#but thats just me being defensive bc i have a foggy brain full of holes
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puppyeared · 4 months
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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed
#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant#its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things#we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an#me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could#feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly#accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore#what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back#with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used#to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting#for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our#bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70#yapping#vent
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aaasherr · 2 years
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being a collector and living with your parents is so hard, my room is so small and i dont have any room for my STUFF but i have so much STUFF
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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I LOVE LITERATURE SO MUCH. MY FAV COURSE FR
#🌙.rambles#ARGHHH TODAY WAS SO GOOD#w biology w the. oh my god i missed lab so much 🥺#i was just so curious n interested the whole time n it made me so so happy looking n managing stuff yk n#i'm rlly a fast learner 😭 i ended up helping some classmates w their own yk#literature tho i was so happy oh my god i was the only one who liked the 3rd short story the most#MARK ON THE WALL BY VIRGINIA WOOLF !!!! 🤍#ms. was talking abt how out of the three it's the most. complex? idk but a lot of ppl didn't understand it as well i think#MY CLASSMATES CLAPPED WHEN I STOOD UP BCS#for each story ms asked us all to stand up for which is your fav n so with mark on the wall i was uh. the only one#hflsfksjfs n then the last question before ending class.. smth w element of plot n what does it mean to be human#i was fucking restless in my seat but i'm so shy so my hand was shaking but#at the end i finally got the courage to recite 🥺 IM SO HAPPY IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF#n then today i think i actually felt for once that i'm part of my class bcs i'm usually so shy#back to that question tho. this is my fucking expertise#made me rlly realize i am such an empath :^) i won't deny my intelligence i love it actually#i think. a Lot. i do consider myself to be decently self-aware. i know myself well#i can. understand others more personally too yk? oh my god i'm rlly glad w what i recited in class hehe#i cld've said sm more but hflsjgksjfs >< i'm happy w how i presented myself#honestly when i'm not nervous or anxious i really thrive. i'd be a really good friend n lover maybe n. speaking comes naturally#when i'm not nervous 💀 n when i'm passionate abt smth bcs i cld speak on the spot n have a coherent yk lil impromptu recitation or speech#n do well <3 i rlly mean it when anxiety just fucks me up bcs i'm confident in my own self#in the car rn n earlier dad brought up the concert n said he was actually rather interested in going#yh he knows their genre n all 🥺 n uhm. of how lyrics aren't very 'wholesome' as he said T_T#OFC.... MY DAD LOVES MUSIC YK HFLSKFJS#he's interested in accompanying us bcs we need an adult but he. has work so :c#we'll buy the tix later i think but mom said like condition no tailor for our prom dress this year#YEAH NP FUCK LOOKING PRETTY. MUSIC IS BETTER.#maybe tailor w grad ball or wtvr next year >.> honestly i'm just all in for the experience.#i don't care much for looking pretty or having a date for just shows n looks n confidence. i care more for the experience as a whole
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leatherbookmark · 10 months
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somewhat pleased to announce that in case someone wanted to know, and i really don't see why they wouldn't, the cameras that atz use in the cawaii men photoshoots are
fujifilm simple ace p&s camera (for taking photos), and
most probably? pentax spotmatic (the one hj, sh and jh pose with)
#YOUNG PEOPLE NOWADAYS!!! they're wasting film like pros :''')#shrimp thoughts#actually this is terribly artificial behaviour. i was not organically possessed by the urge to check what kinda camera are they posing with#but i DID think it would be funny if i did and then acted like it's a completely normal thing to do. hence.#i should learn up on hj's photography... he did have an exhibit a while ago after all#i'm curious about the pics the guys took with the fuji cameras! what % of them was unsalvageable lol#i know it was probably cold/late/both outside and that they were on a schedule but yknow what they say#or maybe they don't. but anyway the person who picked up THING three seconds ago acts like they know everything there is to know about#THING. and so. as this very person. i'd like to say the pics would probably be better if they could take them outside? you can see#the p&s all have flash but still! oh also that reminds me of my minor gripe w/ atz photoshoots namely. they're All Indoors#well not ALL all but sooo many of them are and it pains me because i love outdoorsy photoshoots#like the one in the diary ver of fever 3 or the second part of the fever epilogue diary ver#...and fever 2 diary ver too. wait are diary versions just More outdoorsy/less Studio Photography? HM#but anyway! i just like when models can interact/blend in with their surroundings. it's always much more interesting when there's something#Else going on in the photo than just one color background/the walls of a room. this is why i loved l**na's predebut album photoshoots becau#*because each was in a different location! several different locations even! sometimes you'd even get a photo that has no people in it#simply because the surroundings are so pretty!#oooh now that i think about it d-day is like that too. yoongi heard me grumbling abt how much i hate those empty pages in bt/s albums#and went Not On My Watch lol#anyway. sorry i'm rambling for no reason gkhsfgkjfsf
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xaymak · 10 months
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i think about asian link all the time. theyre asian to me like... "oh its not realistic theyre pale and blue eyed and blond" do u wanna know whats unrealistic. in the legend of zelda series thats fantasy/adventure. the way no ones just moved out of hyrule already just make a bridge and leave!!!! place keeps getting overrun!!! leave!!!!!!!!
#loz#once someone said i draw my links weird. they have such soft jaws. wide noses. angled eyes. what could it possibly be i wonder#things that drive me insane. balls to the walls apeshit#i still have a screenshot of that convo bc it was so nuts to me. its like i didnt periodically talk about it in the lu server w them#and my hcs kept getting hijacked by ppl talking about scottish westerner link hcs like thats nice! love u have ur hcs!! but cmon.#every single time. every? single time?#even in the lu au server when i was detailing out like hey this au is based on an explicitly set in japan game so like. theyre japanese#oh nooo theyre white and irish and scottish and welsh to you. congrats but now isnt the time to say that??#i think a lot of my lu experiences wouldve gone better if ppl were more. socialized#not in the neurotypical way of whatever that nonsense is but in the. yes showing engagement by relating ur own hcs is fine#but also express interest in what im saying instead of just taking over the convo to talk about ur own take only without acknowledging me#god. once i was like trans link! and someone came up and said thats an hc i dont like bc when canon not trans are trans my brain goes brr#the way they said it was so . ??. u come into My Channel in My Category for My AU and say#god bless their heart they were Trying i think. bc they did say they wanted to keep an open mind. but Really??????????#i dont always communicate the best either so i try not to be harsh or bitchy abt it. but man. man.#i got off topic again. theyre asian to me. theres no norway or germany in hyrule and probably not japan either so its a moot point but#theyre asian!! thanks.
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grimmjowjaegerjaquez · 11 months
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Did think of a way to make hogyoku guy have interactions with grimmjow without having the hogyoku at all for finally.
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blissfali · 8 months
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they hate jesus for his opinions
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