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#whatever. enough about my personal life.
hel7l7 · 3 months
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I still don't ever feel like I'm good enough
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everysongineverykey · 2 years
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don't hug me i'm scared episode 6 electricity is really something when you're autistic, huh. yellow guy is made fun of all his life by his only friends and laughed at for being "stupid" when all he needed was a change of batteries but no one would listen to him and give him the accommodations he needed and deserved and when he finally did get new batteries and become more clearheaded his friends didn't like him any better. they stopped making fun of him, sure, but they didn't like that he was "smart" all of a sudden, because they'd gotten used to him being "the stupid one". and he looked in the mirror and saw his former self, and his reflection asked him, "have we gone wrong? they seem upset with us" because the truth is even if the way you are now is more comfortable for you, even if it doesn't hurt to think anymore, people will only ever like you if you're the Right Kind of autistic/adhd/traumatized/whatever. have we gone wrong? have we gone wrong? that's what you always ask yourself. "maybe they're not in charge of us anymore." "maybe they never were." and his reflection walks away, as if accepting that the others will think what they will think, and it won't matter, because yellow guy is his own person, no matter how difficult it is for him to articulate his thoughts, and he doesn't need their approval to think. "maybe they never were."
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daxwormzz · 1 month
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Catabolic Seed
(more Piter, this time depicting my friend’s design for him. I like a little variety sometimes)
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kedreeva · 5 months
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If I could kill the reply feature on this webbed site, I would.
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heathcliffgirl1847 · 1 year
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frodo with elanor!!! part 2 of fellowship with the babby!!!!
part 1
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serratedpens · 1 year
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I think life is fundamentally difficult. Hectic and brutal—it doesn’t spare an inch, and yet what always gets me to calm is the notion that there is and always will be art. The act of creation in a time of destruction is an act of defiance and an act of hope. Many people can put it better than I can, but art is constant, tiny little explosions in the sky. No matter the grievances you face, art is always waiting for you. A couch to sink into until the next morning.
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jazzy-a · 2 years
Conversation
Job Interviewer: So, do you have any special skills?
Me: Finding a single modicum of what could be considered affection between two people and then turning it into five fanfics, eight drawings, and sixteen posts about how they could get past their differences and care about each other.
Job Interviewer:
Me:
Me: I also know Photoshop.
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best-enemies · 18 days
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I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)
Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]
(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)
LIKE!!!!!!!
Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.
#csi#gsr#i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything#need to talk more about these two here#because im obsessed about them in a Normal way#sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together#i would not though#i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far#also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what#i could talk about her forever she's everything to me#and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever#i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them#and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line#nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it#but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know#but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life#you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too#he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it#and his smirks#AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA#im losing my mind#i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ#ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic#one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone#or this persons' lifestyle#he's always trying to understand them and not judge them#like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people#and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much#like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara#they're a perfect match for me
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feyyyd · 1 month
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i finished reading the book and, no offence, i truly do not understand what people hated to much about zendaya's chani compared to book chani. i'm sorry but the entire time she was giving go girl give us nothing. it was like...paul had some visions > they met and get to know each other for like three 3 seconds > she kisses his cheek > [time skip] > they now have a son but we do not get any info beyond a name > she miracously knows whats wrong with him and revives him from the water of life > their son is killed andthe only thing she thinks of is how this might negatively impact paul > she's super understanding and fine with the fact that paul is gonna marry another woman
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dirtytransmasc · 8 months
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@fatherforgivethem has infected me with thoughts of Aegon/Helaena/Aemond and their kids, and I have an idea, and I sorta mentioned it in my last HC post, but I just need it out of my skull for the sake of my well-being
the parents taking the kids to courts/dinners/events.
an agreement that if the kids fuss or ask for them to a certain point, they be brought to either of them, no matter what they're doing, if they're in front of a lord or nobleman or one of the god forsaken Seven. they will always come before the court, who can blame them for wanting some sort of out.
Jaehaera being brought to Aegon during one the few court meetings his mother actually got him to attend, meaning he can't leave, even for his daughter, or his head will end up on a spike. so instead she insists she will be quiet, taking his sniffling baby girl into his arm, assuring the nobles that he's listening and that she won't spill any of their secrets, cooing at her a little, while walking off s bit to the side. he rocks her till she's mostly asleep before returning to his place at the table, not sitting down, but rocking back and forth in front of his seat. he's kissing her forehead and stroking a finger over her little nose and chubby cheeks, smoothing her hair. he's so clearly infatuated with her and it catches everyone's attention. her presence also seems to make him act a bit wiser, like a proper prince, so he's loving on his baby while quipping into the meeting every now and then (he's got to be a good example for his girl)
no one can necessarily get mad, Jaehaera is adorable and they had all hoped and prayed fatherhood would settle the prince, which now they fear it's settled him too much.
Aemond stopping his sword training to lay out a blanket for the twins to sit in the grass and watch, goading Criston into putting on a show for them, imitating whatever story they come up with. letting them take up wood swords eventually and starting to incorporate them into his training.
Helaena having her lunch with Mother and a lady in waiting interrupted by her son being brought to her. he's huffy and tired, most likely woken from his nap by dreams he didn't understand, wanting nothing more than to just cuddle up with his mum. he's sitting against he glumly, clearly wanting his mum all to himself, to go up to her chambers and cuddle while she sings him the lullaby she has since he was born. but between his grandmother and the lady in waiting coaxing him to giggle, his mum trying to cheer him up, be comes to enjoy himself a bit.
The family having to go to some dinner for some noble and having kids on their hips. they don't like letting people take them from them, especially not little Maelor, so they're in guard all night. having to play nice when Lords and Ladies would reach out a finger to play with the babies, acting as if they don't want to snap at them.
Aegon carrying Maelor around the event while Helaena and Aemond keep the twins together.
trying to get them to sit nice at the dinner itself but finding themselves caring more about messing around with them than keeping up appearances
the 3 standing together, babes in their arms during some court meeting in the throne room, looking very accidental renaissance.
having matching outfits. Aemond and Aegon looking especially nice in the lighter colors for once.
they're just too cute and infecting every waking moment I have
(repost cause I accidentally posted it privately at first and tumble sorta ate it.. I don't know what happened, it was weird)
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shoechoe · 16 days
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"potentially autistic enough to get regularly assumed some form of neurodivergent including just being asked 'are you autistic' several times from friends and acquaintances, but not obviously potentially autistic enough to ever be evaluated for it" is such an interesting spot to be in
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vse-kar-vem · 2 months
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weekly breakdown post 😁 none of you hate me right !
#feeling a bit down ☹️ idk i just feel like#am i not social enough am i just annoying ☹️ i dont post a lot so idk what people follow me for but if i post too much am i being annoying ?#oueagh#vee rambles#like i know everyone has their own niches whatever but i don't know how you just establish connections with people so easily 💔💔#am i brushjng people off without knowing ???? am i just prickly??????#also as a conversationalist i know i dont have much to offer ☹️☹️ im not very funny or capable of very clever adult insights#so really im just kinda there 😞 and like i HAVE real life friends i HAVE a social circle theres no need to base my fulfilment socially on#online interactions 😭#idk maybe its because its harder or its something i feel i cant get that makes it such like a thing that bothers me#like 7 times out of 10 if im sadposting because of that#and its really embarrassing to say that the reason all these like moments of insecurity happen is because my mutuals. have friends#NOTHING AGAINST ANYONE OBVS THIS IS 100% A ME PROBLEM AND NOT EVERY INTERACTION SENDS ME INTO A TAILSPIN ITS JUST SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS#i thjnk it says something about me idk i dont like to think of myself as very jealous but i am i just dont like dwelling on it#trying to figure out if what makes me upset is other people not liking me or my own personal inadequacies#anyways if anyones reading this pretend they didnt i will be over this tomorrow i just#ugh 🥹🥹🥹#i wish i could wake up funnier#or smarter#maybe better at art#🙏 god bless#IVE FIGURED IT OUT#being in such a tight knit fandom reminds me of being in 8th grade again 🥹 not to tragic backstory everyone but like i had no friends#i think it kind of dredges up that kinda loneliness and insecurity in me#wow i should be a psychologist#anyways i still love fandom im not gonna stop it just. sigh. gets to me sometimes
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jinstronaut · 23 days
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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hella1975 · 9 months
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realising something bad about someone that means the world to you should be illegal. id like to live blindly actually
#ive been tiptoeing around this realisation for a WHILE now but today was the first time i actually verbatim in my head#went 'i dont like living with my mum'. and the moment i thought it was like no nooononono lets NOT do that#like objectively my mum is my favourite person in the world and i love her more than every other person in my life combined#but LIVING with her in HER HOUSE is just not... it. and it makes me feel awful for even thinking it bc that's her biggest fear#that we're gonna grow up to have the same relationship that she had with her mum and that ISNT what's happening like i could never#be distant from my mum in fact the reason she has such a chokehold on me is BECAUSE there's so much love there#but it would still break her heart to know i felt this way and i just feel so shitty for it. but like? i CANT relax here#like the thing that made me think it this morning wasn't even an explosive thing like it usually is with her#like every shouting screaming argument we've had ive just taken it. but then this morning when nothing exceptional happened#i was just. done. so basically i told u guys she wanted me to hoover today and already yelled about it YESTERDAY which. whatever#and she goes out every thurdsay until lunchtime and i think ive said on here before that the days we're home alone are HUGE flashpoints#bc if she comes home and perceives that not enough chores have been done/one thing has been done wrong she just hits the ROOF#like her temper is entirely disproportional she gives the same energy for the washing up not being put away that another mum would#give for finding drugs in their kids room. ive truly never seen someone maintain a temper like that woman can it's actually impressive#so yeah she was gone this morning and it just always leaves me On Edge it's never a huge thing bc im not SCARED of her but im not relaxed#and i hoovered for an hour and washed up and then also dusted the stairs and did some other tiny irrelevant jobs#and my sister did fuck all. she pulled a sickie off work and stayed in bed while i fussed about what to do with the dogs and shit#and so when my mum came home ig i was expecting some sort of acknowledgement? like not a round of applause#bc obvs it's just chores and the hoovering she literally told me to do but when my sister had been SO unhelpful and it had been#SO on my mind for hours now i was just. waiting for something? and even i didnt know what so it's not even fair#but my mum came home and decided she was in a bad mood and she had a go at my sister for being lazy and not doing the chores she said#she'd do today and she DIDNT yell at me which she sometimes does just do if she's pissed at my sister. but she just got mardy with me?#like she got up and left to go watch TV in her room and i was like 'oh i can watch it with you?' bc sometimes when they row my mum#hints at me and her going somewhere else to bitch about my sister. but she just shook her head and snapped at me for some dumb shit#like TINY shit id missed and then wouldn't even spend time with me and i was just like. are you serious#and THAT was when i had the thought bc i was like there is actually no winning with her temper#and i can never fully relax around her because of it. even when we're getting on she is at any point seconds away from ripping my head off#and it's not nice being around someone like that ALL THE TIME. and i dont mind it when im at uni bc im at my own house in my own life#but when it's HER house and she makes it very clear that it's HER house and we need her and the car if we want to so much as LEAVE#then that's just not a fucking pleasant environment to be in? right? even if it is just me being a baby? ugh idk and i hate this
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fanvoidkeith · 5 months
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me, helping out my mom at a bazaar, like i've done for years, attempting stuff while she walks around to take a break and maybe get some xmas gifts: *vibing enough that some people want to buy some things*
my mom, about half an hour later: *comes back to be the more charming of the two of us, because she has more experience being a salesperson and is not autistic*
the nice lady at the table next to us, talking to my mom: your boy did a good job while you were gone!
my brain, upon hearing that sentence come out of another person's mouth while i'm feeling somewhat dysphoric in my body today:
B O Y ! ! !
(good job!)
#void keith talks#this isn't me discovering a new thing about myself but it is Different this time i think. it echoed in my brain#most people don't assume i'm masc because i have a high voice. especially because the fuckin “customer service voice" thing (higher pitch)#but more people than one have called me by masculine uhhh... adjectives? (it's probably adjectives.) it's nice. mostly strangers though. :/#and i already know i have a Thing about praise because it's my love language or whatever#and i've also been obsessing over whether or not i should ask my doctor about going on testosterone because i've been avoiding my doctor#because i'm an anxious mess and my life is about to be turned upside down again soon#but i. i wwant to#go on T. more than i thought i would?#i'm so anxious about change and i know the changes technically happen slowly#but even so i keep hesitating because of personal circumstances#uhhhh... yeah. that's. that's a thing i guess#one of my fellow nonbinary transmasc friends is going on T. and i'm happy for them obviously#but i also feel a little envious of him for being able to figure it all out that easily. even though it probably Wasn't Actually That Easy#and it just looks like that from my outsider perspective#and i'm just tired and confused because i only discovered/uncovered the more masc part of my identity relatively recently and i've-#struggled with it for long enough that i don't have to fight with myself about it anymore. still kinda scared though#nonbinary#enby#trans#transgender#voidgender#gender dysphoria#gender stuff#gender thoughts#gender euphoria#trans stuff#nonbinary stuff#rambling in the tags#rambling into the void
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strwbrymlkshake · 4 months
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who up praying for downfalls 🤨
#mine#yandere#yancore#yandere vent#oh my god have i got some things to say. ooohhuuoouugh buddy#its not even my own situation this isnt even related to me. but im being a nice upstanding young man and venting abt it instead of invoking#the curse of ra. wishing someone dies is such a good coping mechanism fr because instead of thinking about it forever i can move on with#my life. and its great! but oouuuh theres something wrong with that huh. and oh my god. this issue is so fucked but i cant explain it in#a heartfelt and meaningful way. so imagine someone is religiously devoted to a guy and their mental anguish stems from jealousy or fear#of abandonment. and they are internally tormented about that forever. and just because they dont fit your definition of whats right#youre all like Hey you know that guy that means everything to them. how about we take him for ourselves solely bc this person#this suffering person whose life depends on him- who acts like that BECAUSE they are suffering- you think they deserved to be punished for#their traumas? their guilt and pain and anguish? you are no better than whatever you think they are.#i dont think this even makes sense cause im vague on purpose. this sounds like a situation from the bible i think#idk i didnt read it. anyways im skipping and frolicking in my cradle of hatred that fills me with warmth and delight#its not required that people are nice or respectful when their lives have been wretched thanks to people like YOU#but i hope their devotion never wavers due to people who hate their happiness. its not like those people matter anyway#if youre meant to be with your Guy and you love him enough then nothing else matters at that point. its all a test#die a martyr for your own romantic ideologies or whatever satou matsuzaka said#this is literally the equivalent of like. a mother cat adopts a kitten that isnt hers bc her own kin are all dead. she protects this kitten#with her entire life. and her whole being. and hisses growls bites at anyone that comes close to it. and some human teens are like#we should take that kitten solely because the mother cat loves it so much that shes willing to get violent for it.#because its not very niceys of her to harass those who want to take away the only thing she has left! oh noes!!#like shut the fuck up dawg. if that cat mauls someone for getting too close to her baby then mind your own goddamn business#clearly they did not grow up italian 💀#clearly they did not grow up with nothing being their own. nothing being sacred. no desire to protect anything#anyways yanderes i love you. you are fr so easy to be around and you should never change for anyone. i mean maybe take some therapist#advice here and there in case your devotion makes you suffer but OTHERWISE!!! dont feel bad about being a hater!!! protect what is yours#and i will respect it so hard i swear to god. its not that difficult to treat your devotion with the kindness it deserves.#if a disrespectful teen tries to steal your kitten then ill help you beat them to death with a shovel idc
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