#whatisselfcare | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theselfcaresocialworker · 4 years

Text

Note 2: What is the mythical unicorn called “self-care”?

Hello again lovely!

Let’s expand more on what “self-care” is. For me, it is both simple and complex with two basic layers to it. One obvious layer is internal/personal, it focuses on how we treat ourselves and the other layer is how we allow other to treat us, what we allow into our lives, how we allow the world to treat us.

I think that it, at its core, that “self-care” is the fundamental notion, the expectation that you are worthy of and deserve being cared for and that you must do it for yourself first. This is wide and general and applies to all areas of our lives but on the internal/personal level, this means that you must be your own caregiver. This means parenting yourself and saying, “Sara. We have food at home.” “Sara. You need to eat those vegetables (not in a shaming way but because I genuinely do feel better when I eat mostly vegetarian).” “Sara. You have been stressed and your body hurts. Take 15 minutes and do yoga.”

Good self-care is holding yourself accountable to your own care first.

On another level, self-care is also about caring about ourselves in such a way that you structure your life as a whole according to, “our own best interest to fulfill some sort of present and future need, independent of what other people think is best for us, and relies on our own inner wisdom and inner knowledge,” (from a previous post, Note 1). This level of self-care is about deciding what relationship, situations, and environments we put ourselves in. If we are in a toxic relationship, environment or situation, there is no amount of internal/personal self-care that will change the toxicity we are exposed to and acting on that fact is paramount. It is an act of self-care to make decisions about our lives, to advocate for a life we don’t need a vacation from.

In addition to these two levels there are two other areas to consider, short and long term. I feel like there is a lot of consideration on short term solutions that help us take care of ourselves. Some examples include bath bomb, treating ourselves, vacations, retail therapy, venting, substance use. I think as a society we are focusing more on self-care which is awesome, but it is often more about short term band-aids. I am not saying that these things are unimportant, they can be so helpful and a great tool. I am also saying that focusing on what we need in the long term and structuring our lives according to basic principles is also vastly important. Long term self-care ideas may include saving money to make a big purchase that will provide more opportunities later, ending a relationship because you want different paths, making a career change because you don’t see yourself in that field anymore, switching to a plant based diet.

Now you will ask, “Ok Sara, now what?” Good question. Now that we have more of an idea of what self-care means generally, we can start talking more about what to do. In my opinion, in order to “do self-care” one must be able to hear and listen to themselves, and then act on what you hear in a way that is in your own best interest on both internal and external levels keeping in mind your short and long term needs.

It took me a while to figure this out and it was only when I was forced to look at my life and think about what I wanted that I started thinking about my short and long term needs and how they fit )and didn’t fit) together. I would suggest taking some time and thinking about what YOU really want in your future. Get as specific as you can about that, create a loose timeline. Work backwards until where you are now and figure out concrete steps. This will give you some general goals and help to begin figuring out more guidelines to begin following for your life now.

The biggest and first hurdle (for me at least) is being able to listen to ourselves in an objective way. Really hearing what our bodies, our minds, our hearts are saying is difficult and can take some time to learn. This is a fundamental skill that helps in all realms of self-care.

Example 1:

The other day, (let’s be honest this happens most days) I got done with work and moved 6 feet to the couch and laid down. I felt pressure in my chest, it was tight and heavy, the knots in my back were stabbing, my neck was tight, I felt antsy, cranky, like crying (hurdle one cleared, I heard what my body was saying). My first thought was, “I need a drink, or a cigarette, maybe a little weed.” But then I realized I would be self-medicating (this was profound for me to have noticed this in the moment) and I was using those things as a way to ease physical and emotional symptoms instead of practicing moving through them on my own (the healthy long term solution to the challenge). So, I laid on my back on the couch, with the swamp cooler blowing on me, closed my eyes and put my hands on my belly. I took deep breaths and focused on my body with as little judgment as I could muster. How did it feel, where did it feel, what emotions were tied to the physical sensations? I kept going in and out of this internal focus, but when I noticed I had left I brought my attention back to my breath, back to my body, back to the physical sensation and the emotion and breathed into it, letting it move, ebb and flow. Slowly through 10 minutes the tensions and pains lessened significantly. I wasn’t as cranky or short or irritated, my body hurt less.

This is an example of being mindful and present in a moment of discomfort, and for me this was a big shift. I knew I had a number choices in the moment, but I stopped and thought about what path I want to be on. Choosing the path that I did, was in the moment, the best “good self-care” option for myself at the time.

Example 2 Regarding day to day decisions that follow general long-term guidelines:

Something I know I want in the future is a family and a house. This is a long way off but I know I want it in the next 5 years. I know I am not close to that and one thing I will need for that to happen is to have some money saved up. Something I do now, day to day, to help myself work towards that goal is being mindful of my spending. Previously, I would spend my money eating out, buying useless items etc to make me feel better in the short term (yes I still do this…). In a moment when I am looking at things lets say online, I have to pause and think about if it is something I really need or actually want. Practicing this self-control is immensely difficult especially during times when I am upset, hopeless or helpless. It helps to have reminders for myself of what it is I am working towards and what I want. I ask myself the question, “Would this money be better spent on my future?” Usually it is. Sometimes I actually need or really want something, and it would contribute to my quality of life now so much that it would benefit me and my over-all self-care. It depends.

…

I have also learned recently that sometimes your self-care needs will change day to day, but in general it is important to follow a guiding outline of what you know you need (see above). Even when you have a pretty good idea of what you generally need, this doesn't mean you will always follow that day to day; sometimes one thing out weighs something else and sometimes you don’t have the motivation to do the thing you know you should do. It is ok for your choices to change day to day.

Example:

“The other day”, I was driving home after meeting with a friend at a park (2 self-care activities, seeing a person and being outside!). I had to figure out what I was going to eat for dinner. I have been on a vegetarian “diet” kick so I knew that eating something on the healthy side was good for my overall self-care guidelines. On the other hand, I was tired, and didn’t want to cook anything, plus I knew I didn’t have a lot of good choices at home, and my soul wanted something “not healthy”. I had to weigh all of this and make a good choice based on all of these things at one time. My self-caring choice was to get McDonalds. I made this decision since I had gone for a walk, already eaten well that day, was tired and my soul needed something not healthy. I honored what I needed in that moment, while also keeping all the information in mind. An example of something that would have been harmful for me would have been to not listen to myself and my needs in the moment and maintain a rigid sense of duty to self-care and go home and force myself to eat something I didn’t want to eat just for the sake of being “healthy”.

Making “good choices” day to day is difficult and it is where the bulk of caring for ourselves takes place. It is in the small decisions, how we respond to ourselves, our Yes’s and our No’s. This is why caring for ourselves can be so fucking difficult, it’s an all day everyday gig and it is exhausting. It is also super worth it (I hear).

Exploration activity:

1. Look back at the last week or two. During that time, when were times you were at your best? What was happening that day, who were you around, what were you doing, where was your attention? Take note of those things and try an experiment, do those things again on purpose and see how you feel. Keep track of the things that sooth you, energize you, bring joy, bring comfort.

2. What are signs that your body or mind shows you that let you know you need something? What is the sign telling you?

#self-care #theselfcaresocialworker #therapistselfcare #counselor #counseling #socialwork #socialworker #whatisselfcare

3 notes · View notes