#wheatskins | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lillylvjy · 1 year

Text

Race to Meat Mountain?

A/n- hi this is not good at all. i did this at 1 am yesterday and was editing it and it’s not the greatest but it’s something. also i kinda based the angst on things around my life so, sorry if i self-indulged a little, but i hope you all like this fic ( i tried editing the best i could)

warnings- angst if you squint, eating disorder mentioned, swearing, kissing, cute stuff, one sexual joke but i also intended the reader to be apart of the asexual spectrum (again self-indulged) let me know if there is anything i missed:)

Wilbur had talked about going to Iowa the night before stating that hes “never been to Iowa and he doesn’t know if he’s ever going again”. You knew he would. For god sake he’s a musician and he plans on touring in the future. But you just let it go and told him they could go the next time they were in america.

Apparently that wasn’t good enough for Wilbur, because you woke up at 5 in the morning by Wil shaking your body and whining for you to get up. When you finally opened your guys and let out an annoyed sigh, you say Wilbur with the biggest grin on his face. “Good Morning darling. Get up and get ready, we’re driving to Iowa today.” He said with the most excited voice ever. Now you would be mad at him for waking you up so early, but he was so excited and he looked determined so you said screw it and got up.

Once it hit 7:30, you all were in the car ready to go. There weren't enough seats in the car and you offered to sit in the trunk but Wil demanded you sit on his lap the whole time because he “didn't want you to get hurt and bored back there”. Was it illegal? Yes. Did any of you care? Nope. Not at all. Wilbur put the seat belt around you and locked it into place. “Are you comfortable love? Do you feel safe?” He asked as Shelby got in the car.

“Yes my love. I promise.” You said kissing his cheek as the boys in the back either gagged or said “get a room!”.

“Will what- what are we doing?” Jack asked Wlibur.

Wilbur shifted to look at Jack, “We’re driving to Keokuk, Iowa.”

“Why?” Jack said in an accusational voice as Wilbur laughed.

“Two hours and 46 minutes” He said while rubbing your arms.

“But why are we doing this? You’ve not explained to us why we’re doing this.” Jack asked again.

“I’ve never been to Iowa-”

“It isn’t real.” Jack intervenes.

“Yes it does! My family lives there!” You said glaring at Jack jokingly.

“As far as I know love..” He said, looking at you with a shrug. You slapped his shoulder as he started laughing.

“Shut it.” you said teasingly.

Wilbur turned back to the camera, “ I have no intention to ever go to Iowa. I mean- what? Am I gonna go to Davenport? No. I'm not going to Iowa ever. So I decided, I'm gonna go right now, so I can say to myself… ‘That’s it!’ Until the day I die I will never enter Iowa.” Wilbur concluded.

\(timeskip)

As Wil and Ranboo explained why we were going to Iowa, you were looking outside and playing with Wilbur’s hand until it got ripped out of yours.

“And they pogged! They pogchamped!” Wilbur yelled as he brought his hand back down to yours and intertwined them back together.

“So me and ranboo are going to split a meat mountain together and that is not what you think it means!” He joked. You laughed and rested your head in his neck.

“What do we call this road-trip?” Wilbur asked after a while.

“Race to meat mountain.” Ranboo said immediately.

Race to meat mountain?” You repeated back like it was the dumbest name ever.

“Yes, and don’t shit on it y/n! You remember what you named the road trip with tommy, tubbo and i? You called it r-”

“Shut your goddamn mouth ranboo! We agreed to let it go!” You said looking at him through the seats. Everyone laughed and went back to the name.

“Wheatskins title card, “Race to Meat Mountain, go!” Wilbur said to Jack.

(timeskip)

“Y/n discovered a stain on the back seat, “ Wilbur listed.

“I’m sitting in it” Ranboo claims.

“It stinks of cigarette smoke” He said, as a chill ran down your spine. You never had a good relationship with cigarettes or smoking. Not that you did it, but friends and family used too and it brought back some bad memories of smelling smoke or seeing it. Wilbur noticed this and wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed your neck lightly. Like a little, “I’m here and you're ok.”

“And the ‘Check engine’ lights on. Welcome.” He concluded.

“We have no windshield wipers.” Shelby claims.

“Oh yeah! I'm just going to use my body to clean the windshield of its rain.” He said holding you tighter as it got bumpy.

“If it rains, we’re fucked.” Jack said.

As Wilbur explained the car situation, the middle compartment opened up and everyone laughed. “There you go!” You said laughing.

“It's raining.” Wilbur said as you guys got on the freeway. Ranboo and 5up found a snow cleaner on the floor and gave it to Wil.

“Babe that’s for snow!” you exclaimed at Wil.

“Open the window love” He said as you sighed and rolled down the window. Wilbur hunched over you and started to wipe the window making it slightly worse than before. “I made it worse.” He said laughing.

(timeskip)

“Oh my god, gone fishin’. There's only two things I like in my life! My wife, and fishin. And of them don’t complain.” Wilbur said, pointing the camera at you. You laughed and turned it away.

“Canonically your wife is actually a fish wilbur so really hmnahmmm” Jack mumbled in a weird voice.

“There’s a rest area!” Shelby said looking at you, knowing you had to go to the restroom.

“Thank god.” you sighed in relief.

“What can we get?” Wil asked.

“Deli.” Shelby and you replied at the same time and laughed at each other.

“Isn’t that…. Isn’t that meat?”

“So deli is sandwich and meats.I don’t know if we should go-” 5up said as will giggled.

“I need to save myself for the meat mountain” ranboo exclaimed.

“I'm a feeble boy! There's only so much meat I can handle.” Jack said in reply.

“I’m hoping the meat mountains going to take my virginity.” Wilbur said as a joke.

“Too bad I already took it.” you mumbled under your breath as a joke but everyone still heard it.

“Love what?!” Wilbur looked at you with wide eyes as everyone laughed. Shelby eventually parked and you opened up the dorr and hopped out.

“Am I wrong?” you asked him, teasingly. He was red as a tomato at this point. “Love, I'm joking. Don’t be so flustered.” You said, kissing his nose.

(timeskip)

“TEST! TEST! TEST! TEST!”

“IT'S SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!” Wilbur exclaimed, and you groaned wanting more sleep as you cuddled up into Wilbur. “Sorry darling.” He apologized to you and kissed your hand that was intertwined with his. You smiled and pecked his lips as an ‘I forgive you’, but then the boys yet again thought it was gross.

“You guys really need to mature. One day you’ll be like this with your partners. If you get one that is.” You said to the as Wilbur ‘ooo’d and laughed.

“Guys calm down, I got this!” Ranboo said to everyone.

Ranboo tried to find a sonic but the boys eventually found a subway ahead of us. You gave up trying to sleep for now so you sat up and loomed out the window.

“To the right! NOW!” Jack yelled at Shelby.

“Just get hashbrowns!” Wilbur exclaimed.

“They don’t sell hash browns in American subways!” You exclaimed at him.

“WHAT DONT YOU HAVE HASHBROWNS AT FUCKING SUBWAY!” He said looking at you.

“BECAUSE IT'S A MCDONALDS THING! NOT SUBWAY!” You said back.

Shelby parked and Wilbur undid the seatbelt and slid out the car from underneath you and shut the door. “Welp he’s gone” Shelby said.

“Sure is. Hopefully it'll shut his loud ass up for a bit. “ You said in a joking manner.

“I think we should go after him.” Jack said. Everyone got out of the car and started walking to subway.

“On a quest to find Wilbur soot,” Jack said to the camera.

Everyone agreed to wait for sonic but still agreed to find will. You got to the door and saw Wilbur ordering. You told everyone to be quiet and walked in. you ran up behind Wilbur and hugged him around his waist. He jumped and turned around to look at who this person thought they were. But he relaxed as soon as he saw your smile and wrapped his arms around your neck and kissed your forehead.

“You should probably take off those glasses.” you pointed out.

“Eh, I think they’re quite cool! I got tired of waiting for you guys so i just came here.” he said nonchalantly at the camera.

(timeskip)

Apparently Jack has never been to a Walmart as he found one down the street so we all agreed to go.

“Odds that I buy play-do” ranboo said.

“For me, buy me some.” Wilbur said, picking it up.

“Five.” ranboo replied.

“Three two one,”

“One” “three”

“ Buy me some anyway.” Wilbur said to ranboo.

“Sure” ranboo replied.

“Thank you” will said walking away. You pulled ranboo back and held out your hand.

“I’m not letting you pay for his stuff, I'll pay. Just be quiet about it.” you said putting your finger up to your lip to tell him to be quiet and winked at him.

He laughed and walked up with the others. You stayed back and eventually found the home decor section. Back in your and will's apartment, you needed more furniture but you both never have time, so why not now. Just to get a good idea. You forgot about the group as you looked at mirrors and light fixtures you could put up. Knowing wilbur he never could stay in one place but you hype you can convince him to settle down for now until you guys had enough money combined to buy a house and live somewhere you both agreed on.

As you kept looking, you didn’t hear Wilbur calling your name. But when he looked down the aisle for a quick second before seeing you, he stopped and walked back to the aisle and smiled at you. He knew you wanted more decor but you didn’t know when the next time you guys were moving. He didn’t want to move for a while since he had you there. He wanted to wait until you both could settle down in a home, get married and have kids. At least the feelings are mutual. As he walked down towards you, where you were looking at some vases and little things to hang on the walls, he smiled and looked down at the thing you were holding. “I like that a lot love, you should buy it.” he said, smiling down at you and hugging you from behind.

You smiled but shook your head. “No, there's nowhere to put it in the car and I don't know when we’re moving next.” You said looking up at him.

“Darling. I don’t want to move anytime soon. I want to stay in the same shitty apartment until we can afford an actual home where we can get married and start a family. As long as I have you, I’ll stay as long as I need.” He said, pouring his emotions out.

You smiled up at him, teary eyed. “Really? That’s what you want? “ you asked him for reassurance.

“Yes, really love. I want to marry you and have a family and cherish every moment with you. I love you.” He concluded, cupping your face and pulling you into a kiss. Yes, it was weird to kiss in the middle of a home decor aisle in the middle of the store, but it was perfect. And yet again, ruined by the boys.

“ I swear to god! If you guys are going to act like horny teenagers, at least do it somewhere else!” Jack exclaimed.

You narrowed your eyes, “1.) We are NOT horny teenagers at all. 2.) it was a sweet moment before you people ruined it” you finished with an annoyed sigh. Wilbur laughed and said we should probably go and get everyone else food. Which you all agreed to.

(Timeskip)

You guys finally made it to sonic but the sign was like going through a psychedelic trip.

“We’re going to trip out at Sonic,” Jack said, making you laugh.

Wilbur got out of the car again and you just sat, looking at the menu.

“Why are you out there, what are you doing?” Jack asked will.

Wilbur started to look around and sniff like an animal, at least that's what the pictures looked like.

Once Will was back in the car and you were both comfy, we all confirmed we knew what we wanted and started to order. You ordered a simple corn dog and fries with a drink.

“Where are you going?” Jack asked will.

“I’m gonna go wild out.” he said and left the car again.

“Jesus christ, he’s worse than tommy right now.” you sighed and everyone laughed at that, will just glared at you and stuck his tongue out at you. You laughed and made a heart with your fingers at him.

After Will was ‘wildin out’ he came back in, lifted you back in his lap and looked back at the camera. “Hey baby.” he said, as they all started laughing.

Apparently will found that super funny to the point of tearing up from laughing so hard. “Love calm down, it wasn’t that funny.” you said laughing at him.

He was trying so hard not to laugh as he tapped Shelby's shoulder. “Tell ‘em-” he cut himself off by laughing and tried again. “Tell ‘em thanks from me.” he finally got out.

“I’ll pay, I’ll pay!” Wilbur said, giving Shelby his card. “Stop filming my card! I don’t want wheatskins knowing my fucking card.” he said to jack, laughing still.

You all eventually got your food and started eating. As Shelby was passing food out, will tried to steal a fry. “Will stop, you can eat some of my food. I'm not going to eat it all.” you said handing him your fries. He took some fries and gave them back to you.

“Thank you love.” he said, while eating the fries. You laughed at him and started eating your corn dog.

Wilbur started to drink his milkshake. “I cant get it out” he said.

“Suck harder.”

“I can’t get it up.”

“You got to give it that good-good.” Jack said and you almost choked on your food, as Wilbur started lightly tapping your back.

“You ok darling?” he said sincerely, looking at you with concerned eyes. You nodded and took a sip of your drink.

“Will film me eating corn dog.” Jack said, passing the camera to him. Wilbur figured you were in a better position and handed it to you, and you got the memo.

“This is my first corn dog ever, I've never had one before. It's really hot. “ Jack says to the camera.

“All the way” ranboo kept saying as you just laughed behind the camera. Jack started to put the whole thing in his mouth until he stopped and laughed.

“I couldn’t go any further.” he said, taking a bite of the corn dog. “It’s burning my mouth right now, it's really hot. “ he said as you deadpanned to 5up eating.

“ I have to process the moment, like I have food in my mouth everywhere.” they said as you deadpanned back to jack.

“I’ve got worse in my mouth, king.”

“I’ve had worse in my mouth. 2017.” ranboo randomly says.

“Do I wanna know?” you asked him.

“ the year or? Jack asked as well.

“Yeah he had 2017 things in his mouth” Will says.

“The stick touched my tonsils as I took my last bite.” Jack said to you.

“If you gag on the corn dog, you know she's not a baddie.” will says as you hit him in the arm. He laughed and smiled at you as you rolled your eyes and smiled back.

“I’m sorry to my audience for letting them down!” Jack says.

“I’d say all girls are baddies.” Will says placing the camera down in front of you both but failing.

“Well done will.” Jack says as you all laugh.

Wilbur fails three times until it finally stays up. “If she gag on the corn dog,”

“She not a baddie.” Jack finished. You and Shelby shared a look and laughed with each other.

“She not a baddie, isn't that right ranboo?”

“That's what i'm saying.” he replies as we laugh.

(timeskip)

“Hey wheatskins, wheatskins! Just make that lean.” Jack says, showing the camera his slushy.

“Wheatskins, wocky slush. make it wocky slush please,” Jack says in a funny voice as you giggle at him and eat your fries.

“Make it - make it that purp drank, wheatskins,” Jack pauses and laughs.

“You say it with so much urgency,: 5up says, as Jack continues.

“You cut yourself off!” ranboo says as you all laugh.

“You got to film ranboo wildin’ out' ' will says passing jack the camera.

As ranboo got back to the car, he offers his nuggets to will who kindly shuts down the offre,

“Roll your windows up kids.” He says while laughing.

Finally since ranboo is still there, wilbur takes one and eats it. After eating it, Wilbur slumps down the best he can with you on his lap, which ends up with you holding yourself up while he falls.

(small timeskip)

“Sonic was great, let's go to Connetikuk..”

“Kowekuk.” Wilbur replies, wrong also.

“Keokuk!” Shelby corrects them both.

You groan into Will's neck and turn into him more. Wilbur look’s at you and realizes you're sleeping. He smiles and admires you for a quick second before shushing people.

“She’s sleeping so please try to keep it down until we get to the Iowa border, please. “ He said to the group as he turned back to you and held you tighter to him.

“Wheatskins, play the title screen.” Wilbur whispers to the camera.

(timeskip)

You ended up waking up during the Keokuk chant the boys were doing and groaned. “Why didnI agree to this?” you ask yourself out loud.

“Because you loved me. '' Wilbur answers softly in your ear. You hum in agreement with him.

“Look there’s a peep!” Shelby exclaims.

You gasp, “where?!” you ask, fully awake now.

“What the fuck is a peep?” Wilbur asks you.

“That's hurtful.” you replied back.

“Shelby, your eyes are supposed to be on the road!” 5up exclaims.

After you all settled down, will gave the camera back to jack. And then a couple minutes later will says this;

“I really have to go to the bathroom.” he says to you all.

“But im genuinely afraid of going to the bathroom around here. I think there gonna smell that im an atheist out of towner-”

“Like my parents did. And look, you turned up unafraid and alive!” you cut wilbur off.

“I'm so scared.” He said, and you felt his hand tighten on yours. You rubbed his knuckles.

“I can go in with you and pretend like i'm buying things and wait for you.” You said, as he nodded.

Shelby parked and you both got out of the car. Will tried to take off his shirt but you all convinced him to just go in and get it down. As you went in, Wilbur asked for a bathroom as you bought a drink and some funyuns. Once Wilbur was done he rushed out and went with you to the car and hurried you both in, as you rolled your eyes.

“I tried to say ‘have yall got a toilet’, I tried to throw a y’all in there. But it ended up like, “have y’all got a bathroom’” he explains as you all laugh.

“I think it went well.” you said.

“No shit! You’ve done this before love. Me, quite the opposite.`` Wilbur said to you as you laughed.

(timeskip to arbys because i'm lazy)

You guys finally made it to Arby’s, as you all go in, Jack goes to the front counter and asks if they have the so-called ‘meat mountain’ here. While the rest of you sit, jack comes back with the order.

“Are you sure you can eat all that?” a worker asked.

“Probably not, i'll give it a go though” jack replies.

“That's a lot of meat.” The worker replies.

“I’m aware.”

“You’re a - you’re a little one too.” The worker tells jack.

We all laugh as Jack just sits there. “We're gonna give it a go, oh my lord.” Jack said as he held up the sandwich. When Jack opens it, your eyes go big.

“Yeah no, I'm good.” you say as you try to ditch the eating part.

“Love at least try a little bit? For me?” he said looking at you, genuinely.

“But I already ate.” you whispered to him, as everyone else looked at the sandwich.

Wilbur took your hand in his, “You don’t have to love. I know it’s a bigger type of food. But if you could just try a little tiny bit for me and just review it. You did so at good lunch today, I'm very proud of you. So very proud.” He whispered back to you, kissing your hand.

You sighed, “fine, only for you though.” You told him. He smiled at you and kissed your forehead before turning back to Jack and the sandwich.

“Take a bite king,” Wilbur told Jack, as Jack bit into the overly large sandwich.

Jacks review- lots of flavors

“Ranboo this was your plan”

“This was never my plan”

“You told me about meat mountain”

“I did tell you about meat mountain” ranboo said as he took the sandwich.

Ranboo review- meat

“I have to have a bite. Originally it was me and ranboo who were taught the tale.” wilbur said.

“I’m not even hungry, I had a subway.”

“You are hungry for the meat mountain, the meat mountain is hungry for you.” ranboo said as wilbur sniffed it and took a bite.

Wilbur review- can't describe the smell, does not like the temperature mix

Once Shelby tried it you knew you had too as well. You took a deep breath to slow your heart rate and to stop yourself from having a panic attack. Your hands started shaking and wilbur noticed this, and gave you a look saying, ‘you don’t have to take a bite if you truly don’t want to.’ But you shook your head and asked Shelby for the sandwich. Is it pushing limits? Yes. But it’s good for you to try new things. especially when you're getting better at eating.

You took a bite of half the sandwich at first to see if you could handle it.

‘Hmm. Not horrible.’ You set the sandwich down and nodded your head.

“It's not the greatest but it’s bearable.” you said as your review

. You started to pick at your hands, anxiety wearing down slowly. But before you could do damage, wilbur grabbed your hands and kissed them. “Thank you baby. I’m so very proud of you.” you smiled and felt accomplished.

5up took the sandwich and ate the only spot left.

“6 bites of a meat mountain.” wilbur said, looking at the sandwich.

“I’m just thinking about it now.” Jack says as everyone hummed in question. “Why did we drive two and a half hours to Iowa for this?” he asked. Wilbur laughed behind the camera.

“We passed three arby’s on the way here.” Shelby concludes.

“We passed one a good 30 minutes in.” ranboo adds.

Jack shrugs.“Iowa baby” Jack fist bumps ranboo.

“That’s what i’m sayin’, “ ranboo says.

“Wheatskins, play the title card.” Jack tells the camera as you all laugh.

You sigh. “Can we go back now? I’m tired as hell. And now that we’ve achieved our goal, you guys can all be quiet and take naps with me. I’m looking at you will.” you said as you looked up at him.

Everyone laughed and agreed on going back to the hotel.

As you were walking back to the car, wilbur took your hand a kissed it.

“ i love you darling and I’m glad you decided to come with.” he said smiling down at you.

You smiled back.”Of course my love. No place I'd rather be than with you.” you said as you pulled him down to your lips.

“Ok guys! c’mon! “ Ranboo whined, as will and you laughed.

Taglist: @deadphantomsociety (if you want to be part of this lovely taglist, feel free to ask:))

#wilbur soot imagine #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot #wilbur x y/n #wilbur x reader #wilbur dream smp #wilbur mcyt #dsmp wilbur #wilbur x you #mcyt x reader #x reader #lilly writes

219 notes · View notes

duodusk · 1 year

Text

hello . ive just woken up and early . why? becoz wilbur says we're gonna drive to iowa. will where are- what are we doing? we're driving to Keokuk. Iowa. why? ??? why? two hours forty six minutes. why are we doing this?? youve not explained to us why we're doing th- I'VE never been to iowa it isnt real. i- as far as i know. i have no intention to ever go to iowa i mean what? are we gonna go to davenport? no. im not going to iowa. ever. exc- par- so i decided im gonna go right now so then i can say to myself "that's it! until the day i die i will never enter iowa."

ive never been to arbys! im so excited for arbys guys! me too! we're going to arbys! THE "MEAT MOUNTAIN". our main goal of iowa wait- the Main Goal of Iowa is arbys?? yes! why?? when you zoom in to keokuk iowa the first thing that pops up is a big word that says ARBYS cuz theres nothing else there because THEY'VE got the meat! they've got the meat! also uh me and ranboo discovered yesterday we got Insider Information that if you order- from someone that WORKED at arbys if you order something called a "Meat Mountain" you get a sandwich with- with every single type of meat on it. three types of cheeses and that INCLUDES chicken tenders and- And he himself said in the time he worked there only THREE people ever ordered it, and every time they did, the- all the waitstaff and all the chefs went :O and they pogged! and they POGGED and they just pogchamped! they POGCHAMPED! me and ranboo are going to split a "Meat Mountain" together and that is NOT what you think it means! what do we name this road trip? Race to "Meat Mountain" is Wheatskins editing this? is Wheatskins editing this? yea Wheatskins. Title Card: Race to "Meat Mountain". Go! [Race to "Meat Mountain" title card plays].

there is a stain on the back seat. ranboo's sat- I'm sitting in it! it stinks of cigarette smoke. the check engine light's on. yep. welcome! we have NO windshield wipers no windshield wipers! wait what?? im just gonna- im gonna use my body to clean the windscreen of its RAIN- drops oh its fine NOW... but theres no windshield wip-- if it rains we're fucked tho. the thing is we- so we went to hertz premium car rentals and they said "we have no cars!" and i was like well thats kind of the one thing ur supposed to have. and then we call up. what was it.. Visco Cheap Cars. Visco Budget Car Rental! oh jesus. and there's- OH MY LORD. so um ive got-- ... it is raining. it IS raining. oh... OH MY GO- wait. that's not. that's not their solution surely. that is. not the solution they made. Open the window. open 'er up! you're doing it, will! oh god. yeah that's- that's MUCH better thanks. i made it worse. "we went to iowa just to eat a sandwich" or you call it-- OR you call it Race to "Meat Mountain". Race to "Meat Mountain" is like a thousand times better. Race to "Meat Mountain". Wheatskins play the title sequence again [Race to "Meat Mountain" title card plays].

this bridge is made of copper. Minecraft! WOAH. wait its copper bridge? great job oxidizing! WOO WOOOOO YO IT OXIDIZED! I actually like that! its like. co- coc- oxidized- cock. cock. why- "it's like cock." I HAVE A STAMMER! bro I STRUGGLE. i think the hotel thinks im having a prostitute come round later why? what??? because i- s- right, so- just dont finish the statement. a- no, no i'm gonna explain- OHH MY GOD. gone fishin'! theres only two things i like in my life: my WIFE and fishin! (and one of 'em dont complain!) canonically your wife is a fish actually wilbur so really mjhhtghh there's a- there's a rest area! oh my god what can we get?? deli. oh! isnt that... isnt that meat? so deli is sandwich and meats i dont know if we should go- the- the prelude to- i need to save myself for the meat mountain! i'm a feeble boy! theres only so much meat i can handle! im hoping the meat mountain's gonna take my virginity.

now we'd been on the road for a good while at this point and, although we were saving ourselves for food, hunger had already began to set in. now, we're all adults! this should've been something we could've handled! but... TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST IT'S SONIC THE HEDGEHOOOOG!!! guyssss, calm down!! i GOT this. wait- there's gotta be a sonic. ive never been to sonic before and i want A Chilli dawg. WE NEED TO GOOOO I KNOW!!! subway! subway! subway! subway! subway! to the RIIIGHT!! NOOOOOW!!!!! they got a rizzo's!!!! just get hashbrowns! just get hashbrowns! theyve got a rizzo's! what the FUCK's a RIZZO'S??? WE DONT HAVE HASHBROWNS AT SUBWAY! WHY DONT YOU HAVE HASHBROWNS AT FUCKING SUBWAAAAAAAAAY??? to- are we- he's gone. where did wilbur go?? where did he GO? where's he going?? i think he- i think he's going to- wait, where'd he- i feel like we should go with him is he just actually going to subway ?? on a quest to find Wilbur Soot in a subway. why dont we just g- ahhh yknow what, im waiting for sonic! that's what im thinkin. should we just wait for sonic? we just let this guy get his subway? ill- i'll go to sonic, too. i got- i got tired of waiting for you so i just came here.

now that wilbur was fed, youd think we'd get on with our mission right? but you're WRONG. i'd spotted something in the distance that i'd never seen before: is that a walmart??? yeah! have you not been to walmart? NO?? we're going to walmart now! we're here. odds on i buy playdoh? for me. buy me some. five. three two one three. one. buy me some anyway sure thank you its for him- youre not old enough to buy your own yet. you might choke! oh they got magic- oh wait! a magic 8 ball!! we can ask it a question! what's your question jack? i dont- i- anything in the world. okay? literally anything where is she? on a remote island in the middle of bermuda. i love how baby yoda was such a hit they just was like... let's just.. let's just put him on everything hold on. I TOUCHED ITS SOFT SPOT! what the fuck did it just do? it like sl- spoke in a deep voice-- HIGH SCORE ELEVEN. Bop it. wait its a bop it! it's a bop it???? its a bop it??? what????? I told you that was a bad idea. he's scary. like im actually sc- that's a saw trap right there it sounds like s- Bop it to start. okay! Twist it. Pull it. you twist its head??? this thing is horrifying! im buyin this. i am buying this.

time for sonic! its sonic time. THE HEDGEHOG! THE FREAKIN HEDGEHOG! we're going! sonic time! this is such an odd sonic what the... my GOD! look at that! its like psychedelic! we're gonna trip out at sonic! ah, whatre you doing? why're you out there crazy? im gonna take a picture of you now. WE'RE ORDERING. what do you want jack? corn dog. that's it?? where are you going? im gonna go wild out for a bit. pff, whats that mean?? yea just the- the corn dog, a small fry, and a small dr pepper SNF SNF SNRK what the fuck is- what the fuck- what the fuck.. um, can i get chilli cheese fries and a large drink- hey baby, hehe and another jumbo- you look like you were really proud of that one, too hhh, hhhhhh t- tell 'em- hhhhfdjkfd hahah. and a large oreo shake shelby tell 'em thanks from me. tell 'em thanks!! i'll pay! i'll pay! I'll pay. I'LL PAY. that's it stop filming my card. i dont want Wheatskins knowing my fucking card. im lookin at you Wheatie. you know what, get it on the Manifold Business we vlogged this. yknow what, do it on the Manifold business account! do it on the Manifold business card! manifold legal is covering this- manifold legal is out of money. cum. uoohhhh ohh :( LICK THE SIDE! lick the side! LICK THE SIDE!! what do you MEAN lick the side?? lick it! LICK THE SIDE! do you see how much th- lick it while i film! LICK THE SIDE!!! LICK THE SIDE! slrrrp. im so sorry i ordered smalls for- that's 5up's, you can eat one of mine please dont eat mine sir please dont eat his fries siir theres not many left ! theyre really hot. whyre you eating em like that, king? slrrrp. i cant get it out. suck harder. i cant get it up! i need your help- you gotta give it that- that good-good gotta give it the sloppy top I'M known for my schlopery. will, film me eating a corn dog! this is my first ever corn dog ever. i've never had one! its really hot. all the way all the way all the way all the way all the way just in one go! all the way get to the stick! i couldnt go any further... its burning my mouth right now, its really hot. crunch crunch. crunch. to like- i have to process the moment like, i have food in my mouth everywhere! ive got worse in my mouth, king! ive had worse in my mouth. 2017. what does that mean?? the year or like. he had two thousand and seventeen things in his mouth. the stick touched my tonsils as i took the last bite. if you gag on the corndog you know she's not a baddie. im sorry to my audience for letting them down! no that's... that's misogynistic, i shouldn't. ✨i'd say all girls are baddies✨well done, will. pffh hahaahaha! if she gag on the corndog she not a baddie! she not a baddie. aint that right, ranboo? thats what im sayin!

now, we may have eaten, but for some reason the crazy hadnt worn off yet. guess you cant take me anywhere! (Wheatskins, you should add like the- the... "she so crazy" yknow with the fuckin chips on her- like the bag of fuckin chips on her head but just, just make it me, i think thatd be funny) I'm a crazy individual. I have deranged thoughts, some of which would land me in the slammer. mmmm hey, wh- Wheatskins, Wheatskins, just make that lean. Wheatskins, wocky slush, make it wocky slush, please. make it that wo- make it, make it that- purp drank. w- Wheatskins, ma- Wheatskins, make-- Why'd you say it with such urgency?? make it that- Wheatskins- you cut yourself off! "make it that-- wheatskins" Wheatskins, no, you gotta make this.. i've been unable to get my codeine fix the whole time ive been here, Wheatskins. you gotta film ranboo wildin' out. he's gonna st- he's gonna wild like i do. he's gonna wild- yeah. wild out, king. go quirky, go insane, th- ...he went right behind the fucking sign! RANBOO! we didnt see you, wild out now! we didnt see you before. you gotta wild out now. (he's wildin). oh yea, he's- he's buggin. no i dont want- i dont want your nug-nugs. no nuggies! no nuggies! roll- roll the windows up, kids! thats what that codeine'll do to you. it's my- my s-- my wocky slush. sonic was great! lets go to connetikuk. kowekuk! iowa! keokuk! keokuk! oiowa! anyone watching this video from keokuk iowa, take a picture of you at the- one of the places that we are at later in this video, and... hashtag MissionTo"MeatMountain" Road to "Meat Mountain" hashtag Road-- race- race to "Meat Mountain" hash- hashtag- what was the- ratio! hashtag RaceTo"MeatMountain" ratio! Hashtag RaceTo"MeatMountain" put that on twitter! put the title screen right now, like the intro guys- put uh- Wheatskins, play the title screen [Race to "Meat Mountain" title card plays].

shelby, how's driving been going? hands on the wheel, please. sorry can we have a ran- can we have a ranboo solo moment? ranboo, hold the camera, pointing at you hi guys :) how you doin? how you been? its been a while since we last spoke! Hey. Don't interrupt my solo moment. this is- this is all i have. hi guys, uhh welcome to the Race for "Meat Mountain" uh- play the- the title sequence [Race to "Meat Mountain" title card plays]. we're driving through, uh, Missouri Unincorporated Territory right now! uhhh, uh- we're about to hit frankfort, which is described by wikipedia as, frankford is an unincorporated place in Unincorporated Territory, Missouri. guys, lemme tell you something about this place. there's fuckall going on. im entertaining myself with the images of my mind. all i can picture is the cymbal monkey, yknow the monkeys that clap their cymbals? Keokuk! Keokuk! Keokuk! Keokuk! Keokuk! oooo, my mans just braked. on a road? what a- what a country! what an unincorporated territory! oh look at that peep! there's a peep! a what? there's a peep on the side of the road! what the fuck is a peep ??? shelby, your eyes are supposed to be on the road, youre staring at purple peeps in the field??? theres purple people?? there was a purple peep! like thanos? or maybe someone whose drank a little too much lean? I've Got Ya Now. don't worry viewers :) youre safe with me!

so far this has been a pretty straightforward journey! we made a couple of stops, but other than that, it was pretty much smooth sailing and having a few laughs! but then the First Disaster struck. auh, guys i need to tell you something. i really need the bathroom, but i'm- i'm gonna be honest, im genuinely a little bit frightened of going to the toilet around here. i think they're gonna smell that im an atheist out-of-towner? just go over and be like, "That Jesus Guy.." oowh, im g- i'm so scared its okay! its okay! you need to let it out! jack can you come in with me with the camera? i dont wanna be dr disrespect and film you while youre pooping, king. no, dont come in the bathroom dumbass oh. bye will! bye! we reassessed, and im not gonna go in and film even the ground, i will get shot. wait- ive got a fucking white button-up shirt that doesnt matter! it doesnt matter, it doesnt matter w-w-w-wait, wait- wilbur dont take your shirt off- He's dead. this guy's buggin! let's lock the car, let's keep the camera down, let's just film our balls. let's just film our balls! how ya doin? good! i'd shake yer hands but its cold. do ya- how ya been? do yall have a bathroom? hhhhhhh . get in, get in! FLOOR IT! you got funyuns!!!! i didnt know what to do so i bought funyuns! i tried to say, "have y'all got a toilet," like, "have y'all," i tried to throw a y'all in there, and i ended up goin, "Have Y'all- Have Y'all Got A Bathroom?"

Keokuk! Keokuk!!! Shelby said- Keokuk! Keokuk! Keokuk! YEAHHHH!!! I'm so excited. i'm genuinely- i cant believe im going to iowa i cant believe- me- me neither! i cant believe we are cause it doesnt exist! imagine if we get to keokuk and like- there's like a man at the road who's like, "When you leave, tell everyone Iowa exists." and we- "I see you recording," he'll say, and he'll say, "Right, here's some footage to splice in to your cam- video. Tell them Iowa's real," and then- but behind him is just black void. you have to like sign an NDA. i believe that, honestly. or they shoot you! or- or they- or they shoot you and then you 'died in a car accident.' WAIT look! jack!! wait, we're on the way! it's just white! it's- there it is! Keokuk! exit half a mile! we're bout to be there! is this the- wait. "the people of iowa welcome you!" "the people of iowa welcome you!" we fuckin made iiiiiiiit!!!! YEEESSS!!!! oh he's going, wow he just went for it. he's gone. ooh it smells like manure we're here! it stinks! it stinks here it smells of poo but we made it! we made it to iowa i'm in eye-oh-wuh! to arbys!!! Will. yeah? we're on the phone now. WOAH LOOK AT THAT LOOK AT THAT AAAAAA WE'RE IN KEOKUK YEAAAAA myyy camera died. Wheatskins add a, the camera died. bwah bum buh doowww wooomp. Wheatskins, play the- play the intro play the intro! [Race to "Meat Mountain" title card plays].

ARRRBYYY'S!!!! THERE IT IS!!! oh it's there!!! YEAA YESSSS this is, a fever dream. this is incredible. we did it! we did it. oh we did it! to the "Meat Mountain!" alright, this might be a crazy one, but i've heard of, like a rumor. is there an off-menu thing called the "Meat Mountain"? yeah, it's- we could still make it. for real?? yeah. okay! we'll get that! it's real! it's real! it's real! it's real. are you sure you can eat all that? probably not. aha i'll give it a go though! that's a lot of meat! i'm aware! hahaha. youre a little- a little one, too! hahaha!! f- fuck! hahahaha-- we're gonna give it a go! oh my lord, jesus. open it open it open it open it i'm opening it! i'm opening it! let's see this- ready? ohh ohhh my god my oh- hhahah, that's too much! wow that is a lot hey jack, how hungry are you, man? chicken, turkey, beef-- 👀

Initial impressions... weren't great! but what can you expect? a burger that tall could never look beautiful! and its not about the outside appearance!! it's the beauty within :) i was in it for the flavors, the meats melting on my tongue. i just wanted to feel my mouth full of meat, and i wanted to taste-- ...........maybe cut that part, i dont know-- take a bite, king. you got this! my god do they have the meats. they do have the meats. unhinge your jaw! ccrrrunch. Oh. oh, oh oh boy that's a good bite! that was a good bite. that's a solid bite! you got- you got the top to bottom! what is it like? oh! i heard a crunch... i could hear how dry that is. okay, he's still... i dont think i wanna take a bite anymore is it just a lot of flavors..? that should- it's a lot of flavors, not all of them i can analyze at once... crrunch. my god. it's impressive! you are good at that! ranboo. ranboo this is- ranboo. we cant film him taking a bite take a bite. you came here, this was yooour plan. this was never my plan. you told me about the "Meat Mountain" i told you about the "Meat Mountain".... good luck! you got this! crunch. that was a solid bite, king. that was a good bite. for those of you at home, Good Bite. that's ranboo jaws. now you know what my jaws can do. how does- how does it taste? give us- in, in one word- Meat. ..he just went in for a bite on his own choice, by the way, like that is just his own choice there. I was hungry. You gonna blame a man fer being hungry? Food's food! .... i have to have a bite. originally, me and ranboo were the ones taught the tale we came all this way you have to have a bite! im not even hungry! we ate, i had a subway! yeah, i dont know why- you dont have to be hungry for the "Meat Mountain" the "Meat Mountain" is hungry for you. oh i cant describe the smell, hold on.. crrunch. get it. my god that was impr- oh my god?? wow. king! thoughts, feelings, any? i hate the mix of temperatures. oh yeah yeah, no that's the thing- the ham is cold, the chicken is hot. yea that's what got me. this is the last bit that hasn't been bitten. crunch ... it tastes like a pastrami sandwich yeah- is this part not bitten? now the Final One. the final bite. this is it. one final bite! we're making the Pentagram of the Mighty Meats. the mcyt pentagram... in a "Meat Mountain".... crunch there's five bites of a "Meat Mountain" ...actually it's just like a little star now. i've been thinkin about it just now. sluuurrp.. why did we drive two and a half hours to iowa for this? wh- haha, why- yeah, wait, didnt we drive past an arbys? we passed three! we passed like several arbys. a good like thirty minutes in. ... Iowa baby! that's what im sayin! ay, Wheatskins, play the title card again! [Race to "Meat Mountain" end card plays].

#txt #.....#sorry for mental illness posting. it will happen again.#i dont know why i did this.#this video lives in my head i think this released the beast #meat mountain #i. . ok

122 notes · View notes