#when i couldve bought it when i went to the store if it was just on the LIST or if i KNEW IT WAS OUT

[chaosisalwayscrying]

PLSPLS write about chris spoiling his gf

SPOILED

⇥ synopsis : chris loves spoiling his girl

⇥ warnings : none! just fluff all around

⇥ extra : my first request!! i rewrote this a lot, im still not sure how i feel about it. i hope i do your request justice anon, tysm for the support 🫶🏻

⇥ masterlist !

⇥ taglist !

chris loved nothing more than spoiling his girl, even though you protested every single time. he loved the way your lips turned into a pout and your eyebrows furrowed. he loved the way you huffed and puffed as he slid his card into the reader before you had the chance. he loved the way he had to carry your bags for you, despite how much complaining he does.

—————

chris had taken you out on one of his "suprise dates", something he did when he could tell you were stressed or drained. it was an excuse to get you out of the house and do things you love.

as matt dropped you and chris off at the mall, a smile spread on your face. your boyfriend was eager to drag you to shops you liked, and even more eager to watch you try stuff on.

"come on ma, you like this one right?" he asked, dragging you towards a small boutique.

you laugh at him, not resisting his actions. he finally lets you go as you enter, and you browse around, picking up a few things to try on. once you manage to flag chris down, all you have to do is tell him to sit in one of the chairs outside the dressing rooms. he was practically vibrating in his seat as he waited for you to try on what you picked out.

    chris was nothing short of amazing, he was constantly complimenting you as you showed him each piece of clothing. once you had decided what to buy, you handed it off to chris to hold as you got dressed again, hoping he’d stay put like you asked instead of running off to the checkout to buy the clothes for you.

    however, you weren’t that surprised when you open the dressing room door to find chris gone. when you turned the corner, you spotted him eagerly talking to the obviously less eager cashier as he bought your clothes. you made your way over there with a pout on your face, only getting to chris when he turned to find you.

    "there you are! i bought your clothes for you, i even put in your rewards card thing, i know you like getting the points and stuff." he rambled as he grabbed your hand and dragged you out of the store, either not noticing or ignoring your obvious pout.

    "thanks chris, but you know you dont have to spend so much on me. i couldve bought it myself!" you huff, despite your hwart swelling at his actions. your ‘anger’ had become a running bit in your relationship, and it made you happy that chris wasn’t sick of it.

    "i know, but you know i love spoiling you. you deserve it, you put up with me and you help out me, matt, and nick with filming so much that i have to pay you back somehow!" he says, smiling that always bright smile at you as he gave the same reasons he always does.

    "fine, i guess its fine" you say, trying to keep from smiling back at him as you roll your eyes and keep up the facade.

    of course, chris notices immediately, a grin still on his face as he huffs back at you. "c’mon ma, dont be like that. you know you love it" he teases, nudging your shoulder with his arm.

    "fine, fine, i give up. you make it hard to be fake mad at you, you know?" you say, rolling your eyes at him as you smile. all chris does in return is lean down to press a kiss to your temple and keep pulling you along to stores.

and since chris went and bought mostly everything you planned to buy, he was also forced to carry all the bags. of course he whined the whole time, but you sinply told him that since he bought it, he has to carry it. all you ended up carrying was a small sephora bag with a lipgloss and highlighter in it that you managed to sneak by chris to get.

“why do i have to carry the bags? it’s your stuff!” chris whined, huffing and puffing like the few bags he had weighed a hundred pounds each.

“you bought them, not me. buyer carries the bags” you say, smiling at his overdramatic distress. “if you stop whining we can make cookies tonight” you hum, letting out a small laugh at how quickly he straightened up.

while you and chris waited on matt to come get you, he eagerly listed off all the cookies he knew that you could make, what movies you could watch after, and got sidetracked talking about filming this weeks videos while asking if you wanted to film it for his channel.

⇥ TAGS !

@sturnioloshacker @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @hertvgirl @cupidzsq @sturnnie @leah-loves-lilies

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader #christopher owen sturniolo #chris sturniolo edit #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo edit #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #matt

[madisonrooney]

i often think about how httyd is my cursed fandom

of all my main fandoms, ive had a lot of special experiences with most of them, getting to go to fan events and meeting cast and crew members

with httyd, its not just that i havent gotten those experiences, its that i almost have and just barely missed them

examples: - i was out of town the day the second movie came out. this was back when i saw EVERYTHING the day it came out so to miss something that big was devastating. and it was for a family trip i had no control over (which is rare for me since i have a very small extended family) - i was in nyc about a month after the third movie came out and wanted to see the fao schwarz window display. when i went to the store i asked where it was and they said they took it down THE DAY BEFORE - i have friends that camp out for red carpet premieres and it didnt even cross my mind to camp out for the httyd3 premiere and i was so mad at myself when that occurred to me the day of the premiere. it was raining that day tho and i get sensory overload in the rain so maybe it was for the best. plus that couldve effected the set up for the fans by the red carpet - a gallery i often go to had a panel and signing for the third movie but it was on a day i already had plans. i couldve done what i was doing on a different day but id already bought non refundable tix. i dont entirely blame myself tho bc this gallery often announces events really last minute. - toothless was doing meet and greets outside of universal around when the third movie came out so you didnt even need a ticket to the park to meet him and i tried to see him but he wasnt there. if nothing else i got a pic in front of the backdrop they had and got to splurge on all the new merch in citywalk - this wasnt too close to happening but dean deblois did a signing at the nbc store in nyc about a month before i was gonna be there. i was just upset bc i totally know that store and i feel like signings like that dont happen often? - the big one is that ive missed seeing the first movie on the big screen again on FOUR DIFFERENT OCCASIONS. i saw it the day it came out during the initial release but didnt get obsessed with it until 2013 so i was dying to see it on the big screen again. there was a double feature for the second one but that was when i was out of town. my best friend and i tried to go to a free showing at a local independent theater later that summer but when we showed up they said it was full (admittedly that was the same day my liv and maddie hyperfixation was officially born so maybe had i made it in that wouldnt have happened the same, who knows). i had tix to see a re-release in 2019 and showed up to the theater only for them to be showing trolls and they said they CHANGED THE SCHEDULE EVEN AFTER I PURCHASED MY TICKET? and then they re-released it again during quarantine when hardly any new movies were coming out but i wasnt comfortable going out at that time.

i have gotten a couple cool experiences tho. i went to dreamworks animation in concert at the hollywood bowl about a month after the second movie came out which was like the height of my fandom and my videos of forbidden friendship and toothless found/two new alphas are some of the most viewed videos of that on youtube. i met bonnie arnold at a women in animation and got a pic with her + her autograph. i went to the dreamworks store in london where i got a lot of cool exclusive merch and got to hear the hiccup and astrid dialogue recorded especially for the store (even tho it wasnt jay and america lol). and i went to an outdoor screening in a park last summer.

obvs its too late for any kinda fan events to really happen but i still hope i can meet dean some day and see the damn first movie on the big screen again

#under the cut bc its long and rambly #idk i was just thinking about httyd fandom today

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3084

i got up this morning and was so tired i couldve passed out on my feet. goin real slow. but eventually my mom and i went and ran some errands. you run errands every day, and you still have to run them tomorrow. why???

we returned some stuff, we bought some stuff, we stopped at the chocolate store i thought about last night at 2am to get some nonpareils but they were just making them, so i said i'd be back later. but when we got home, i made phone calls that exhausted me so much i laid down on the sofa and passed out for like three hours.

i woke up and realized it was too late to go get them so i'll have to wait for tomorrow to do that, and then i made a list of the things i need to do tomorrow and the places i need to go and the things i need to get because kid and birthday party and im gonna be gone all day tomorrow. i gotta check the time the chocolate shop opens tomorrow and shit.

maybe i'll be able to see joel tomorrow night. i doubt it, but there's a chance. i'll be in the area, roughly, if he's not busy. but i'll see him sunday either way.

im just a disaster.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #3000s #3080s #sunshine boy

[underthestarlitsky]

so last week was the first official week off after exams, and we did absolutely nothing the whole week except try and get ready for prom. on monday we went back to school just to hang out, and played bluff (badly) and poker (even more badly) and a korean drinking game sans the drinking, and then we decided to have an impromptu shopping trip so we walked to the station in the dead heat and took the train to the mall which had the LONGEST link ever, and the all the while we were just talking and laughing and doing whatever being the most annoying people on the train. when we got there we had the longest lunch ever and it was DELICIOUS we bought ice cream to share at the end and then walked back and forth and back and forth between jewellery stores and shoe shops and didn't buy anything because we were just scouting for when the sales hit on the weekend. I tried several lipsticks on my hand and I put face glitter on my besties, and we went to the sephora I tried all the shades of green eyeshadow I could find, and then we decided to head home, and it had become super hazy and dusty outside to the point where it looked like it was going to rain!! the trainsurfing-inside-the-train was fun and I did not even fall over once but it was an excellent shopping trip despite the fact that going anywhere with my friends is like herding cats. the next time I went to school we were having a self defense session and my friend went gaga for the instructor, and we stalked him on instagram but couldnt find anything and then we found him on facebook (yuck). on friday I got up early, got ready, and got to the mall only having realised that I FORGOT my PHONE at home so instead i read my black widow comics while i sat and ate pancakes in the food court which was nice. there were fewer people this time but it was just as fun, because we walked around and into a couple of shoe stores and we made our only guy friend try on the stilettos which he ended up being able to wear (ofc he did) and then he and I split a deal on marvel t-shirts (he bought deadpool, I got thor love and thunder ♡) and then we took the train to a different mall because that one is BETTER and my fashion friend and I bought stuff from sephora. then we split up and and my guy friend and I ran through about 50 makeup stores (he said he learned the more about makeup that than he ever previously knew ♡) and we ended up buying eyeshadow and this KILLER!!! red lipstick from the wet n wild eventually in the supermarket...then we grabbed lunch which was fun and then headed home ♡ most hectic shopping trips of my life but they were FUN ♡ on sunday I drove the farthest I'd ever driven so I could get final fixes on my prom dress and I managed to find earrings and rings!!!!! and they went so well with my dress ♡♡♡ I still cant parallel park though,,, anyway. on monday we were gonna go hang out at school again but none of us were feeling up to it so instead we just went to my friend's house and hung out with her and cats ♡ and played uno and had lemon-blueberry cupcakes and blueberry lemonade and pizza and played the most summer songs we could find on spotify...and then in the evening I found a choker that went with my earrings!!! twas wonderful and best precursor-to-prom I couldve asked for ♡

#diary days #personal

[pankomako]

last night i watched episodes 2 and 3 of corner gas animated season 4, and i have a few things i wanna say about em. dw they're good things, mostly i just wanna talk about hank

this one got kinda long so my analyses(?) are under the cut for those who want to read them

episode 2: hank and davis were paired together in this one, always love to see them together bc they're such a chaotic duo. anyway, in this episode hank had this super valuable action figure that he was using to make a movie and davis wanted to sell it. hank refused to sell it until davis brought up how it would benefit others, such as help pay off the money hank owes to brent. at first hank was only thinking of himself, but he totally changed his mind when that happened. i've noticed that hank's always willing to help others and i think that he's sort of a selfless individual, so this episode definitely strengthened my point there.

episode 3: okay. this one. THIS ONE. oh boy. before i get into the synopsis, i first want to explain one part of my analysis of hank's character. that being, that yes, he's an idiot. but he knows that. he knows his reputation among the others in town. but he doesn't care to change his behavior in order to make them not think he's an idiot. sometimes he'll be insulted and brush it off as if he didn't hear it, or he'll accept it (one instance of this in the original was when wanda said "let useless help" and hank said "yeah let me help!"). and sometimes, he'll jab back and be like, "hey, that's not fair", and be kind of defensive about it. and boy did he try to jab back in this episode. so in this one, hank was cleaning out the gas station's gutter, when he saw what he assumed were eggs in it. brent and lacey had the idea to set up a stream to watch the eggs hatch, but when hank went to set up the camera, he realized they were actually golf balls. he went to tell them, but they seemed so excited that hank decided not to burst their bubble. before long, the others in town also realized they were golf balls, and now they think hank's more of an idiot than he actually was in that situation. which leads them to make fun of him. so brent and lacey decide to stick up for hank (for once!) and replace the balls with actual, store-bought eggs. hank doesn't know this, and at this point he's really upset, and he's determined to prove a point to everyone. so he goes back up to where the eggs are, and let's just say it turned out worse than it couldve been. but the point is, hank finally stood up for himself. AND my analysis was spot on. and also the way i've been writing hank in my comics is accurate. i think that episode was completely necessary for hank's character. he needed that episode. absolutely go off, yarbo.

#yknow whats even cooler is that brent himself wrote the third episode #and as the show's and the characters' creator he knows the characters better than anyone else #so like. yeah i was right lol

[bbeelzemon]

my brother walks into my room like "hey if i eat this thing in the freezer are you going to make a big deal about me eating it" like well maybe if you werent always eating my food that i get for myself i wouldnt make a big deal about you always eating it 🤪

#me: going 2 the grocery store what do you want #brother: oh idk just whatever. i will give you no specific foods so you must simply guess what i might be in the mood for #me: fine whatever. heres your food. #brother: awesome thanks *eats MY food* #if he told me 'buy more of This Thing' then i WOULD but he doesnt say ANYTHING #he wont help us plan family meals and he wont put things on the shopping list and he doesnt do jack #not even PLANNING family meals. he just wont help at ALL. i ask 'hey wat are some dinners you want this week' and he'll say #'i dunno. not lasagna though. some kind of meat and potatoes or bread maybe.' #YOU ARE SO UNHELPFUL. YOU CANT EVEN GIVE ME /ONE/ MEAL #or when he DOES give us ONE suggestion its always something that takes SO MUCH prepwork and cook time like chicken and dumplings #like how do you not notice that whenever we have that im in the kitchen for like 2-3 hours dfhjsgjhdhjfdh #part of the problem also is that he doesnt put things on the shopping list even when he finishes them #so ill go to the kitchen the day after grocery shopping and be like 'oh boy i cant wait to eat this!' #and i look and its Not There because he ate it days ago and we JUST went to the store but he didnt put it on the LIIISTTT #so now i have to WAIT like another WEEK before i can BUY MORE #when i couldve bought it when i went to the store if it was just on the LIST or if i KNEW IT WAS OUT #AUGH. ATTACKA YOU WITH A BARREL #i like to imagine i am a fairly chill person but by god kitchen disorganization gets on my NERVES #thats like. the one thing that gets to me fshgjsdhdfg #literally even just TELL ME 'oh btw i finished this' then id be like okay whatever and write it on the list #but he just. eats it. throws away box. then says he didnt notice that he finished it dfhjsg like girl WHAT #then again this is the same 28 year old man who only cleans his bathroom and room twice a year so [shrug emoticon] #no wonder his roommates moved out after not even one year of living with him LOL WHAT WHO SAID THAT.. NOT ME.......

[delta-magnetic]

today really just keeps giving to me huh

all of them work too holy shit

my stack continues to grow

#wpbosting #all of the albums i mean #cant actually test cunning stunts #since i dont have a dvd player #need to get actual shelves for these eventually tbh #also thought i got ripped off on master of puppets at first #but the cd and booklet are stored like. on the outside? #idk how to phrase it #but opening it up like normal there's just more album cover art #kinda cool #this shop is always so bare bones when it comes to met stuff #but today it was OVERFLOWING #i couldve bought damn near the entire discography #i went up there just quietly hoping cunning stunts was still there #and i got absolutely spoiled #it was so packed with stuff i almost didnt even SEE cunning stunts in there still

[seekerstone]

god i wish my parents didnt treat me like im two fucking years old like contrary to what you seem to think, i do know stuff im not a complete idiot

#the moon has feelings #im! so pissed!! god #me: back when i was working my bus route home went by two pet stores and id always think abt how i could just get a pet. just do it. #mom (smiling in that youre-so-dumb way): theres a lot more to it then that you know :) #like yes!!! i do know!!!! ive spent the past 15 years of my life reading abt what it takes to raise a pet correctly!!!!! i do know!!!! #i was just saying i couldve walked in and bought one thats all!!! damn i didnt say i was going to!!! #plus like it was a funny little quip??? im not gonna be like ''i couldve come home with a pet and a cage and bedding and food and toys and'' #bc thats not funny!!! thats boring!!!!!! #i was simplifying matters you dont have to act like im sooooo fuckign precious and naive bc of it #hhhh im Extra steamed bc then literally five minutes later sean got huffy at me for calling something ID MADE a circle when it was #and i quote #''more of an oval'' #LET ME USE GENERAL TERMS JUST BC I DONT USE THE SCIENTIFICALLY APPROVED LOGICAL WORD (TM) DOESNT MEAN I DONT KNOW IT #GOD IM SO UPSET AND ANGRY I JUST. HATE BEING TREATED LIKE IM DUMB I KNOW!!! I KNOW IM NOT AS SMART #I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE ALL SO MUCH MORE INTELLIGENT THAN ME I KNOW THAT JUST LET ME BE A SIMPLETON SOMETIMES #fuckigyfufkciu today was good and now im gonna cry i hate this #just............. please dont treat me like a child i swear im not as naive as you seem to think i am @parents. #i know i sound like ariel ''im not a little girl anymore'' but like... im turning 20 this year i just... have the decency to acknowledge tht #preemptively saying @ kate: you can stand down its okay... i know im not dumb im just smart in different ways #theres different kinds of intelligence and im good at other ones I Do Know That #its just like. yall are really smart in the same intelligence and im the only one who isnt so its really. hard. thats all.

[polyghostfacehours]

Headcanons eh?! Can do!!!

I like to think that Stu is the kind of guy who will try things even with the full knowledge they are bad. Sees one of his fave drink brands put out a new flavor and it sounds truly awful? Will buy it in a heart beat. "It sounds terrible-" "I know right?!" He sounds so fucking happy about it.

Will drink it and then put it down with a confident nod, "Yup, just like I thought! Garbage." Still drinks the whole thing. Waste not want not and all that. Will see awful movies and indulge in awful shit just to confirm it to himself that it's bad. Why does he do it? Who knows! Glutton for punishment maybe? Or just likes to be proven right on the smallest things even if they don't matter.

Billy does not fucking get it at all. Finds it almost maddening. "Just buy the drink you KNOW that you like man!" Stu refuses. Billy has given up fighting it after years of it being a losing battle.

On the flip side Billy being a stubborn fuck, if he tries something once and doesn't like it? Never again. Even if you and Stu try to convince him he will not relent. Would hate to try something and then realize he does like it now, would hate to be proven wrong and realize he was hating on it unfairly for potentally YEARS when he could have been enjoying it. He can't take that risk. Think of his poor pride! It annoys Stu but he turn about is fair play. "You have't had pesto since you were fucking SEVEN Billy just give it another try for FUCKS SAKE-" "Absolutely not."

Your only shot is if you both make a big show of how good it is cuz he doesn't want to be left out. But even that isn't a sure thing.

No matter how close you are to someone even after years you won't always agree on every single thing and get on each others nerves on occasion. They both agree to disagree and put up with eachother's odd habits.

Too specific? Don't care. Enjoy my weird ass headcanon!

OH MY GOD YES. YES TO ALL THESE. FUCK THESE ARE SO GOOD BEX.

This reminds me if the time I went to this novelty snack store called Rocket Fizz. They sell vintage candy brands, snacks, and drinks from anywhere from 10 years ago to, like, 100 years ago and Im not sure how they get their hands on them. One time I went to their drinks aisle and found Ranch flavored soda pop and Buffalo Wings flavored soda pop. I KNEW THEY'D BE BAD. I still bought 'em. Brought them to a party my friends and I were headed to that day. The host almost threw up from trying it lol!

Stu doing exactly that is so on brand for him, and I would absolutely enourage it.

AND YOU NAILED BILLY HERE. SPOT ON. His pride getting in the way of him trying something he didnt like before? Having to admit to hinself he was wrong and couldve enjoyed something but missed out? Fuck that. I'd absolutely make a show of how good it is with Stu, maybe feed it to each other all sappily to make him feel so left out he has to try it again now lmao.

Bring in some more guys! I love hearing your HCs!

#billy loomis #stu macher #poly ghostface

[sydmarch]

15

what’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to you? 

ok SO i’ve definitely told this story before on here it’s a long one so i’ll do my best to trim it down

like 5ish years ago i was walking to the train afetr doing some shopping and this guy around my age stops me to say something about my outfit idr. it’s mid summer so very hot & this dude is wearing teal eye makeup, platform sneakers. no shirt, and shorts made out of a hospital gown. we start talking abt fashion & stuff and he asks if i’ve ever been to this trendy thrift store that’s nearby & i say i haven’t so hes like wanna go shop? sicne i was lowkey goign through a crisis in my life at the time being a recent graduate w no job & no idea what i was doing w my lfie i was like fuck it so we went

in the thrift store we both picked out some stuff & while i was trying thigns on he was like lemme see so he came into the dressing room (i was like ok sure bcus he was extremely gay) but the employees were like hey you can’t do that. also you’re not wearing a shirt so you need to leave & i was like ugh just borrow mine (since i was wearing a shirt i had tried on) so he puts it on & they kick him out anyway so im like COOL and had to buy a shirt in my bra so they could ring it up and the cashier was this absolutely beautiful girl so i was like ok. great.

anyway i go outside & find him and im like gmme my shirt back you can wear this dress i bought so he puts it on & we wander around a bit more then randomly pick up these two other girls we meet on the street who need to go to the garment district to buy some stuff so we all get in a cab and go.

once we get there we go into this wig store and are like looking around but when they won’t sell this dude (idk why i havent said his name eyt its matteo) a wig for a discount he FLIPS OUT like throwing thigns around so we all leave. shortly after that the two girls manage to dip & im thinking yeah i should try and dip too this dude’s unhinged... but there wasn’t really an opportunity to leave bcus it was just us & i didnt want him to turn on me

so he suggests let’s go to (other thrift store that’s like 5 blocks from where we were at that point) and im thinking perfect i’ll get him to go in a fitting room then run for my life. on the ay there he’s like saying crazy shit to random people, steals someones cigarette that they were smoking, steals water bottles, etc. at one point he goes to cross the street when we didn’t have the right of way nd this taxi starts honking at him so he tosses his purse to me and JUMPS ONTO THE HOOD of the taxi and is like you wanna go so bad bitch go and the cab driver takes off. with him on the hood.

since im holding his purse im like fuck i guess i have to follow this cab and give it back??? so im chasing this taxi like oh my god. and these andom teens are like yo omg is that your friend he’s awesome! im like what’s happening. he gets down off the taxi and is all huffy and im like oh my gooood ok just get to the store.....

but on our way he starts talking to some lady outside an office building and follows her inside i’m just standing near the revolving doors watching as he tried to egt in the elevator w her and shes like i need to go teach a class you cant come wtf... and hes tugging on her umbrella and she’s yelling “stop this was a gift from my dead mother” and security escorts him out and looking back i couldve ran then but i was too invested. what could possibly be next.

we start walking towards the thrift store & when walking apst this outdoor seating area he steals a glass off someones table so a waiter comes over & like throws him onto the ground and they fight a bit and matteo is like i want the police. im like you absolutely do not youre going to get arrested. of course there’s a cop just like hanging around on a nearby corner so he goes over to him and is telling him abt the waiter and the cop is like ill call a patrol car over go wit by the restaurant.

the restaurant is right by the office building umbrella lady was in so of course as we’re walking back in tatdirection she’s elaving the building and sees us and runs over to matteo freaking out, the waiter omes over and starts yelling too, and then i swear to god a car pulls up and its the CAB HE JUMPED ON and the driver gets out and starts yelling at him. finally the cops show up and everyone’s yelling and matteo is going on this rant like you’re all evil!!! and they cuff him and the cab driver’s like how can you be friends w someone like that im like im not he’s like i saw you with 4him im like we just met!!! im in over my head!!!

the cops were asking me a few questions like did you see him take anything im like no. heyre like you can tell us you won’t get in trouble im like FOR REAL NO lmao like he could’ve been on something but i didnt see him do anything. anyway can i get my dress back. theyre like didnt you say you mt him today im like yeah. theyre like why is he wearing your dress im like i loaned it to him at the thrift store can i get it back. they took my number down but never called me about the dress it was only $5 but still

#fullmetalfisting #texticles #the moral of the story is you can egt away w ALMOST anythig in this city

[37q]

one time i lost my phone in target, actually i think it was last friday and i went in by myself cuz i was just picking up meds (and kai doesnt like waiting in line with me for anything ever 👀) and when i came back to the car i was like huh i guess i dont have my phone. kai was understandably kinda panicky but i was chillin. we went inside and went to the pharmacy and looked and asked around, then to the self checkout (cuz i bought some come for the roadtrip), then to the returns area and asked the employees there if any phone had been returned. one of em said "have you tried retracing your steps and looking where you were before?" and i said "damn youre right i didnt even think to look at the places i couldve possibly left it before i came here. ill get back to you on that" because i was so bitter for noooo reason about how STUPID of a thing that was to say dkgjsjalfhks kai gave me such a look. we went back to the self checkout because we forgot to ask the attendant -- i didnt think to ask her cuz the attendants switched in the time i exited and re-entered the store :/ -- and she had it so that was nice but algbfksjabfndlahks i cant believe... does that advice actually work

[thisisasupergoodidea]

- boy i really spent 30 full minutes wandering the aisles of a tiny gas station store, wracked with indecision, probably making the employees nervous. i know absolutely that i have the uncomforting presence of someone who (as far as anyone can tell) either doesnt belong or is acting so oddly as to be suspicious. i cant help it. thats like my aura or whatever. i just went around and around that store, sometimes making awkward eye contact with one of the cashiers and feeling such strong embarrassment for whatever the hell i was doing that the only response i could think of was to smile painfully and apologize. for what? for existing? yeah 😐

- but i guess if theres one consolation to exuding big weird energy its that i got a free drink out of it this time. after i finally picked what i wanted and was in the process of paying the cashier realized that they hadnt rung up my drink. i made a tiny pathetic croaking noise of despair as my pin was approved and was like ‘ok this is fine we can just do it again i guess’. but. i mean i dont know which part of this particular moment was the part that informed the decision or if it was all of it. i was desperate to leave. they mightve been desperate for me to leave. there were three people in line behind me. id been there for 30 minutes and all i bought was a soda and some taquitos. the cashier saw that i was gonna ask about paying for the drink and just shook their head ever so slightly and said ‘have a nice day’. and i said thank you and walked out into the blessed but bleak air of freedom, heavy clouds threatening storm above me

- a fucking strange morning, i must say, but hey i wasnt reprimanded for loitering so it didnt go as poorly as it COULDVE gone i GUESS....... next time i need to realize that i never buy anything other than pizza or taquitos and just ignore the rest! why do i always have to thoroughly examine every single item in the store when i never actually consider them an option in the end!!!

#my vibes were set to maximum unchill this morning and i suffered for it #i talk about life n stuff

[bluebirdzykaysies]

5.14 - day before momma leaves

Goddamnit I hate to admit it but I’m already thinking and crying like a baby in my head once my mom leaves me to go back home to sf. the feeling is mutual like melissa said cause she’ll probably be just as a wreck and all this time I’ve been spending with her, I’m cherishing even more. I’ve never felt like this and Victoria said the same thing; expecting that while I transition. But everyone needs to experience this. I DO, especially. I need the time away for a bit to miss them and I already miss those interactions with my brothers too of just lounging in the living room watching NBA games all night, or youtube videos like its judyslife or ustheduo.

Our lives have changed already and itll be so hard as I am bawling my eyes out, sitting in my newly mounted dining table my mom and I put together, facing outwards my window with the Chicago sun, beaming through at a whopping 54 degrees.

This is my life now, I will be on my own and making decisions on my own. Ive told a few folks that I’m sad yet annoyed my moms time here was a bit much. But I know it was perfect for what it is. We’ve been tired each and everytime, her actions speak volumes and our conversations arent as deep as I want, but I know this quality time was one that will impact my life forever. Even though I hate to admit it or will say this to her face. i love my mom. so much, she means so much to me and my brothers. The amount of things she does unselfishly aka drive my freaking car with just her and hector for 5 days cross country. do what she did to make me help settle, there is no one like her. and I will forever appreciate her and love her.

She is opinionated and still felt like I couldnt decide for myself but this will be also a time where I speak up and use my voice. Saying NO.

ugh the tears keep falling down but some highlights from this past week were:

- Silly vlog videos that I actually may put together when I get the time

- 5/6; arrived - went to container store to buy my elfa shelving for my closet. Super nice lady that worked there Hector spoke to. Went to world market to check out their furniture and standing mirrors. TJ Maxx/HomeGoods and picked up some bathroom essentials, shower curtain, mats and beddings, Facetimed Yan/Ronz/Brent+Rick at night (10pm CST) 

Mom stayed with Hector at Courtyard Marriot til Saturday 5/8. So I wanted to stay at the apartment for the first time alone and enjoy the moment and soak it all in. Parking at my garage alone, randomly waking up to the SUNRISE at 545am and just being in awe of my new city... I could just cry

Didn’t get my wifi set up yet so the struggle was real a bit. The air mattress we got from costco has been tough to sleep on but eventually Ill get my mattress. Just have been torn with my furniture not being here since everything was rushed and happened so quickly. Learnings from the move thus far:

-Write a damn list, I DID NOT. Aka thats why a bunch of junk and unnecessary things were with my mom and hector in the car. All couldve been bought here. I ocouldve taken more clothes and shoes

-Alot of my clothes aka my favorite jean jacket and pink/mauve henley was left at home. My running shoes - I decided not to prioritize idk fucking why *rolls eyes* and alot of my other valuables. Brendan is nice enough to ship it. Its not worth to buy a RT flight and go there and take it all back with me... no. :( I would though tbh if I was in LA. lol make couple trips but I’m far enough that its like.... whewww is it worth but one day I will come back and visit. For now, its slated for Oct

5/7 Friday; I had it off started the day late at 12pm and booked my mom, hector and myself tickets to the skydeck. my mom was HILARIOUS, she was scared at first and thought it would be a huge platform to see under but once she saw its just a small piece of glass over 105 floors, it wasnt THAT bad. Her and hector are hilarious together and annoying a little LOL. but I guess they’re cute

Went to Wrigley Field while there was a game and that was an experience. Fans at the top of their houses, Security all over the block, streets closed, fans everywhere. Its such a historical building in the middle of a freaking neighborhood so it made itself unique vs att/oracle park being so secluded down in mission bay.

RPM Steak for dinner in River North. Valet’d the car and Hector treated us to a Missouri Steak? it was bomb though but I wanted Medium and he wanted medium rare... cream of spinach, mac and cheese, asparagus and for dessert topped with a Baked Alaskan. Whatever that is. (It was good) and my first time trying it.. me and mom. Our waitor was a nice lady in her 30s, gave me tori kelly vibes. Then another worker stopped by our table who looked filipino for sure (Rox’s ex Dennis look a like) but I already for got his name. He told us how he lived in West Town too and would eat at this bomb restaurant called “Uncle Mikes” maybe the ‘superstar’ of chicago :) hectors jokes were a bit much saying climbing up the coconut tree and asking if he can make halo halo in the back for dessert. No sir....

5/8 Saturday; Plan was to visit Macys downtown to check out furniture at around 930am. But they werent open til 11am. We checked out the Bean at Millenium Park and my mom got to see all the tulips and flowers. We waited in line for a while at Stans Donuts since Wildberry was just too WILD and packed, so we walked a block down and had ourselves some coffee and donuts for the day. After we headed to Macys and were greeted by a tall man name Hilary. he’s THEEE BEST. he knew we didnt have to buy anything from him at macys but he’s such a sales guy and has been in this business for so long that he kept tlaking about Quality of furniture and making yourself feel comfy and at home. Being in a small apt, or living out alone for the first time, separating each section once winter hits so you’re not bored out of your mind in the small place. He was so friendly and nice, I took his business card. Went to Ashley’s on the way to the airport and got gas. Feel in love with the small dinette table they had but the one I’m sitting on now I feel like is just perfect. Soletren couch will forever be out of stock and I will never let this go :( honestly dont know how itll fit in my door but i guess i will settle for something reasonable and decent in size

IVE BEEN SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY. . . . . . . I cant even. I got paid today so todays check will be sponsoring all of my credit card funds. Gna just pay it off in full so I dont have to deal with it. But going forward a budget will be set. and luckily some of the things I bought work can reimburse so I’ll do expenses sunday perhaps.

Saturday evening after dropping off hector, we did errands in the suburbs and went to a walmart. a bit ghetto lookin but its fine. Decided to go to costco after but had an incidentn with this white man who bumped my car and didnt apologize. I was going to say something but we’re so far out in the suburbs Idk what the hell he wouldve done to me. And if they’re racist out there. took the long way home and it was prob not through the safest neighbor hoods but my mom didnt have to know since traffic on the freeway was just ALOT. omg and the roads are just so bumpy, my poor car. Becca said she has a guy at a shop her family always goes to so hopefuully I wont need him but just nice to know the option is there.

Went to the costco up by roscoe village and bought food and more essentials like medicine i have a whole pharmacy.  again throughout all this, my mom is the MVP. I wouldve been like, Ill go get it when I need it vs mom stocking up beforehand. We ended up setting my living room with a japanese style seating using my elfa shelving as the table and a towel over it. Leftovers from RPM for dinner and ribs/salad from costco. (I keep eating, and we’re not walking alot so....... I’m def gaining wait and will need to lose this asap)

I’ll be back more to cover this past week; mothers day, ikea, seafood city, hanging with becca, azul mariscos, drunk at ross and dollar tree, pants falling (mom) unbuttoned pants cuz we’re so ‘stuffffffed’ hanging with the boys via facetime cause I do miss them :( I need to havea schedule with them.

kk toodles. time to go back to work. no more crying (maybe) then an architecture tour with my mom <3 and dinner at a steakhouse at MJ’s on Michigan Ave BYeeeee

[hannahjo]

okay hi

i just feel like i need to write this down just for the off chance i forget lol

me n my baby celebrated 7 mo

and while 7 mo isn’t super significant ((i guess,lol))

this one was pretty damn special

it honestly felt like we celebrated for like 5 days straight

thanksgiving played a big part into that, lol

but yknow on weds i asked my baby to do so much for me and he didn’t even hesitate, i swear to god, it’s like even when i know this guy isn’t totally crazy about running errands for me (bc who is rlly) he has a way of making it seem like it’s literally no big deal

he’s so fucking patient and kind

and so fucking thoughtful

his trick ass also surprised me w a new popsocket during my break, LMAO

ever since i got one last year, it’s been so hard to function w/o one 

and after having broken 2 within the span of like 2 mo im so happy to finally have one again, lol

like i know i couldve just bought any ole $10 regular ass pop socket but like im all about that customization...ya feel?

and then on thursday we had our lil split thanksgiving and lemme just say 

i ate good AF

and got stoned AF LOL

after finally going (to my second) home....i got some goodass rest w my baby and our lil oliver and it’s been such a long time since ive slept over i honestly needed it lol

(and i just wanna say im also so thankful that my baby lugged my 18 candles from bath and body works... and for also breaking a candle in the store bc that gave me a good laugh, lmao)

and then on saturday OOOOOO did we eat GOOD

we got some kbbq after a good while of cravin it (i called the host babe on accident lmaooooo) 

and since the wait was so long we got afters beforehand...but since my ass was originally planning to get creamistry...we STILL ended up getting it afterwards...my life has been taken over by ice cream i s2g

and then we relaxed in the jacuzzi and the best part was while we were “cuzzi-ing” oliver was out there w/us snatching up peppers LMAO

and when we were about to get out we noticed the sky lookin super misty and my dumbass was all “lol it’s probs just all the steam from the jacuzzi” and when i finally left to go home i immediately realized it was just some real heavy fog BAHAHA

AND LASTLY sunday!!!

we had (by far) i feel our BEST disney day yet!!!!!!

we got there 330

and lemme tell you it was SO empty lol

my baby was hungry and hadnt eaten so i was like YOU WANT A CHURRO? GET A CHURRO! WANT A PRETZEL? GET A PRETZEL!

we BALLED out on food at dland ok

FESTIVAL OF THE HOLIDAY ENTREE, SOME LAME ASS $5 DRINK,  CORNDOG, CHURRO, PIZZA PORT, DOLE WHIP, AND MORE CHURROS LOL

AND IT WAS SO FUCKING WORTH

we went on cali adventure, soarin, gaurdians, matterhorn, indy, and space mountain and drew some cute lil minnie’s at animation acadaemy

AND TOOK SO MANY PICS LOL

we hella took advantage of our photo passes this time around

i’m honestly surprised we called it quits at like 11 LMAO

but after having been so busy these past few weeks im surprised we even had the energy to go to dland lol

idk all of this may seem like stupid meaningless shit

but when i look back it i be remembering my baby and how i felt when i was w him in these moments yknow?

idk it was also last night when i realized that being w luke really makes me feel like every day is our anniversary bc of how much we cherish each other ( flaws and all ) and how much we celebrate the little things that take place in our relationship

it’s honestly still SO crazy to me to think that when i was ~12-13 i had thought that he and i would never be together again

and that i had lost my chances w him

yet here are 7 years later and im literally spending all my days w this guy 

showin him love and getting love back

idk

i really love this guy you guys, lol

he’s so great and i wish i could keep track of all the little (and big things) he does to show me he loves me

but the smile on his face says it all 

and i really couldn’t have asked for a better partner and best friend 

i’m so happy to have him back in my life

#personal

[zaptap]

so friday night i fell asleep as i was setting alarms on my phone so i hadnt set the one for arms or work so i overslept and woke up 5 minutes before i was supposed to be at work (and almost 5 hours after the arms testpunch started) and its like a half hour drive to a store i was just at for cashier training so i didnt even have anyones direct number so i didnt know who to contact so i just went ahead and left

fortunately they werent too upset about it but i didnt get breakfast because i went right out the door (though i grabbed a protein bar and a breakfast bar thing so i had those at least) and i also didnt pack a lunch the night before so when i got on my lunch break i just didnt end up eating, i couldve bought something but it’s hard for me to figure out what to eat for a meal while im hungry and i only had a half hour

so i had work straight through the 11am and 5pm testpunch sessions and then by the time i was done i unsurprisingly had a headache so when i got home i crashed on my bed for a couple hours or so and then i got up and got a slice of bread so id at least have something in me but then not long afterward i threw it back up which told me it was a migraine so i took a maxalt and went to bed--this time making sure i set an alarm for arms

and i woke up in time to play arms but i had no energy on account of the fact id had basically nothing to eat yesterday so i didnt feel like getting up to play. like i was awake for the whole hour, and my head felt a lot better (and i was able to make myself go eat some breakfast at least) but i just didnt have the energy to play such a fast paced game. same with the 11am one, i was awake, but up until like the very end i didnt feel up to playing, and by the time i did it ended like as soon as i joined a lobby. good thing the game comes out in only 2 weeks or itd be a little more disappointing that i only got to play a quarter of the testpunch

#emetophobia////

[babypadawan]

ya’ll mind if I... write a long ass emotional post??

alright so my life has been pretty tumultuous for the past 2 years, since my mom first became sick with (we would later learn) neurosarcoidosis. she can’t work anymore, and when it first happened I was in college and almost done. but I had to leave in the middle of a semester after my mom had brain surgery to care for her and my little sister. I ended up going back but my degree track was too derailed to complete my diploma. they let me walk, since I only had two classes missing, which was very bittersweet because it was a typical movie spring graduation but I knew in my heart I wouldn’t be able to come back to complete it for a long time, possibly forever. anyway my mom was there which was what truly mattered to me at the time so that was nice. 

but before that we didn’t know what was wrong with her and I was 2 hours away at school with no car and no way to get home hearing stories about how she fell down stairs and passed out for days and my little sister almost getting taken by CPS and me thinking, believing, my mom was going to die while I was away. when she finally got diagnosed and the right surgery it lightened the load a bit. but she’s depressed because she can’t work or do most of the things she used to do.

which mean things fall to me. I do everything. cook, clean, grocery shopping, taking my sister to dance class, and every little thing in between. my mom can’t walk without assistance, and barely leaves the house without me. she’s in pain a lot. the disease sits on her spine, her brain. it produces pain in strange ways that we’re used to now.

we were homeless, for 5 months. somewhere between the surgeries and rehab and graduation, the landlord allowed the house to go into foreclosure, and kept it from us until the bank that bought it posted eviction notices on our doors and windows. not like I couldve kept us afloat with my under minimum wage job. so away went our lives, to be stored in a uhaul storage container til we found a place. turns out, handicapped housing is hard to find in my city. family, a term I use loosely now, turned a blind eye to us. maybe they felt they had helped too much during the pre diagnosis days, when I was giving college it’s titular try. one did though, my mother’s grandmother (my mom and I each tried staying with friends, which lasted no more than a week. we are no longer speaking to those respective “friends”). 

it was cramped, and dusty. other family members tried to tell my great gram to kick us out, to not jeopardize her place in public housing, the ones that acknowledged us, at least. we were put on a list for public housing back when we still had a roof over our heads. and 130 days without a home, we were finally given one, in the projects. which, okay, 4 walls and a roof is really amazing when youve been without, but I had grown up in the projects and was really liking the “project baby moves out, goes to college, makes something of herself” narrative I THOUGHT I was following. ha.

I was able to get a job that wasn’t bad for the most part. and we thought, finally, we’d be able to save. someone had tried helping us so I could get paid to be my mother’s caregiver and so my income wouldn’t be included in the rent. but apparently, in my state, you can’t be related to someone and be their caregiver with untouched income. which means now, on top of paying the bulk of the bills, I’ll have to come up with ~600 in rent every month. so much for saving money to get us out!! 

but wait, if I’m a full time student, my income won’t be counted. okay, can’t go finish my credits bc it’s only 2 classes which isn’t even full time. so I looked at a list of government subsidized education programs and decided on web design since I’m on the internet so much. only, I was a poor student when I first graduated high school and was given loans, and the government only has so much conditional money to bestow on the poor. so I can’t get a pell grant, or loans. SO in order to be a full time student to not pay an impossible rent, I have to pay out of pocket. or find an under the table job, though that would mean more time away from home and I need to be there to help my mom with fucking everything.

so... barring me actually writing a book, and that book being popular enough that people buy it, and that whole chain of events, excepting  a lottery win (which is just as likely tbh), I will be poor and struggling, forever. poverty is a vicious cycle. the government doesn’t allow you to have more than 2k in your bank account without going back to charge you more money. and I guess we could lie, but that time has long past and any lie to the government would prob result in little help but more harm.

my ex said something to me I’ll never forget. he said that I’ll always be poor, and I’d always have nothing. I lost a lot of friends when my mom got sick, I was sad and angry and anxious and was betrayed a couple of times so he was all I had. and hearing that broke something inside of me. or, shined a light on an already broken part of me. and maybe he was right, but what scares me the most is the thought that everyone else thinks the same way too.

this is the most I’ve talked about what happened to anyone, and that’s why. i opened up to my ex and showed him my cracks and he told me they were too much to bear. I’m afraid to tell anyone about my situation, because I’m afraid of that judgement. of being seen as a burden. I didn’t choose this life. I thought I was gonna graduate college and get my own apartment, or room with one of my friends, until I finally met The One. now I can barely have a conversation with people because I’m afraid we might touch on something that will reveal too much, or start a line of questioning that only leads to embarrassment for me. 

and i guess I’m really sad. and angry. and anxious, still. but it’s evolved. I’m lonely, but I’m afraid to connect. I’m angry because I didn’t choose this life and because of it, my own has been thrown in the air. I can’t imagine having a kid now. how would I push its stroller and my mom’s wheelchair? and I’m anxious about money. will I have enough to pay car insurance? to pay the phone bill? rent? oh and I’ve been out of school for 6 months now so I have to pay back student loans from my incomplete degree.

I try to think about my life 5 years from now and all I see is me, living at home, single, struggling. what guy will want a girl with all this baggage? I very clearly need help, but I’m too proud and pissed off to ask for it. family turned their cheeks. friends were mean snakes. I’ve become so much stronger since this all began, and I’m fiercely independent. I do everything myself, with an attitude yes, but I’m moving the heavy shit and figuring out how to fix shit. because if I don’t do it, it’s not getting done. I resent the charity case that is my life. I always wanted to move out of my city, and carve out my own little place somewhere in this world. I saw myself as a different breed than most of the girls from my city. I didn’t want to settle down early, I wanted to explore. I never bothered to make roots because I never thought I’d stay long. 

I just don’t know where to go from here. how to crawl out of this whole I was pushed into. how to make a life worth living despite everything making it feel like it’s not.

#damn this is like the emotional equivalent to taking a big shit #my life #if you were wondering what my deal has been for the past 2 years these are the cliff notes #if you make it to the end of this congrats you have won: secondhand depression