Tumgik
#when i reminisce over you
azuries · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
'cause boys don't cry
782 notes · View notes
Text
There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
40 notes · View notes
Text
I think it's time I change my bio to say it's been 11 years since I started to watch Ninjago.....
Gosh. Where's my senior discount on the lego sets, huh?
#I actually don't remember exactly when I picked up ninjago. I just know that it was april or may cause it was nearing the end of-#the school year#anyway this show feels like it's my best friend in all honesty. it's been with me for so long and at my loneliest#and to think that I've grown up alongside it. it's so weird#I have such a clear memory of like when just about anything happened for this show#s3 finale? I was sick but I still tuned into watch and CRIED#s5? I watched nearly every episode when it aired on cartoon network in my parents room cause my dad was using our other tv at that time#s8? watched it weekly in my grandparents basement and It Was A Ride#s11 finale? got to the episode at like. 6 am before I had to go to school and felt utterly disappointed there was no kai and zane fight#seabound? watched it weekly that one spring and IT WAS ALSO A RIDE#and that's not even touching the hours upon hours of fan works I've looked at#just. it's been such a long time. over a decade of my life that I've been attached to this show. and at the same time it feels like no-#time has passed at all#I actually first watched the show cause some classmates were talking about it and I wanted to be friends with someone so bad so I started-#to watch it and I Very Quickly surpassed their love of it#what a ride huh? now we're at a point where I can look this show and say it's genuinely good (THANK YOU DRAGONS RISING!!!!!!!!!!)#ok I'm done reminiscing. time to think about the newest scenarios in which to make kai suffer >:)#ninjago#phoenix prattles
15 notes · View notes
uncanny-tranny · 1 year
Text
Another thing that should have tipped me off that I was trans was I was raised on country music, yeah? I'm not talking the good country between ~1940-1980, by the way, I'm talking the 2000s, but all those country songs that the man was talking about his girl? I always pictured this distant future where I was like this cowboy who got all kinds of ladies.
I don't think my closeted self would dream of myself being where I am now, but I still do hope being a cowboy is at the least in my future...
69 notes · View notes
pochapal · 9 months
Text
tomorrow i will have been reading umineko for one whole year
26 notes · View notes
chiropteracupola · 9 months
Text
Tumblr media
Forgive my northern attitude / for I was raised on little light...
[semi-annual pentecost waite for @pentecostwaite]
23 notes · View notes
synonymroll648 · 11 months
Photo
Tumblr media
practice transmasc sophie drawing :) 
51 notes · View notes
Plot aside, I'd forgotten just how charming the animation of Lupin Zero is
15 notes · View notes
Howl’s Moving Castle (the book) is officially my new obsession thank you and goodbye
32 notes · View notes
bahoreal · 7 months
Text
im gonna go off on one in the tags pls enjoy
#ive been going by jay online since i was 13 irl since i was 15/16 and my mum cant get used to it#me my friend and both our mums hung out last week and i heard my mum telling his mum 'i just cant get used to [their] name. they want to be#called /jay/ but i just cant do it' literally everyone else including my brother and my dad uses my chosen name#apart from when theyre around my mother! because her force of disgust is definitely more important than my agency and want to be called by#my own name... i have been thinking about wanting to be called another name like. interchangably with my name#and i think id go with yasha. its the diminutive of jay so like. if we friends i want to be yasha x#but also realising how much i want to have autonomy over my name came from picking a name in 2021 for practise in chinese#and my friend helping me decide between something that sounds similar (林植 cos the first character kinda sounds like my eng surname) and a#more literal translation where i was like the translation of jay is 松鸦 i could use that haha and she went but the 鸦 character is awful#you could be 松雅! its then a pun and makes me sound fancy. and i was so happy just making choices and getting to like#pick my own name that peoplw could use. really a revelation. anyway i was kinda on hold for a bit living at home but now im freer hearing#her go on that 'jays choice of name is so hard on me' rant really made me..... start thinking and reminiscing about my name. and me. u know#jay wasnt even my choice its just my initials that i started going by as like. plausible deniability that i wanted to change my name#i remember thinking more about it when i was younger and deciding against other names Specifically because it would be easier to go#'its just my initials!' yeah. im 25 is it too late to change names#sorry for long rambly disjointed rant. hope this was enlightening if u made it this far
11 notes · View notes
namari-hime-moved · 7 months
Text
and what if i said. namari hime pkmn mystery dungeon au
#this has actually been on my brain for. a while#me and my buddy oakley royalblue0123 have been mulling over pkmn choices for the cast for A GOOD SECOND#ALRIGHT LETS GO PKMN CHOICES INFODUMP BEFORE I RB THIS WITH SOME OF THE ART#leadia is a shiny eevee because. eevee has so many evolution choices leadia has so many choices as to what her most important thing is.....#also the grey of shiny eevee really fits her!!!#shes a plush instead of a doll in this au btw#up next! cash is a jirachi. it makes sense cause. jirachi grants wishes. cash grants wishes but then fucking. steals the persons soul#also he has that line in miser like me thats along the lines of 'granting wishes fills up my cache'#philo is an altaria because we thought the fluff was reminiscent of philos fluffy collar#chiquita is an espurr for very obvious reasons. both are purple autistic and want you dead specifically#for mr huang funkbeat himself it was a toss up between rotom mow and seviper#rotom mow has his exact TERRIBLE ENERGY. but seviper made sense because. worlds worst doctor who poisons his patients#also seviper made sense when we were considering zangoose for noel and yknow. lifelong rivals.........#for rouge we were really stuck for a while but ended up settling on shiny ninetails. its whole thing with curses and being vaguely immortal#-really helped it beat all the competition immediately#for laika we picked meloetta! for. obvious reasons. sing like a magic. meloetta sings. its quite a simple train of thought here#now onto side characters! for justin it was a toss up between alolan raichu and flygon#we settled on alolan raichu so he could match with peace! who we ended up picking alolan sandslash for#noel ended up being a scizor for. obvious reasons. man i wonder what pkmn we would have picked for the guy whos main weapon is scissors#OH AND SOPHIA IS A VICTINI#VICTORY IN THE REVOLUTION THE FIRE THEME. YKNOW#mel talks
9 notes · View notes
wat-dha-fak · 9 months
Text
Tumblr media
in an army where everyone can wear just a ring, be it emblem or bond, the one who gets to wear two because of the pact one sure is powerful
anyways c💍ngrats to my avatar
Tumblr media
8 notes · View notes
Note
What do u think of my big three? Sag sun, Sag moon, Scorpio rising 😇⭐️
well, i think, i really like them of course :] having the same sun&moon always seems like a blessing in aiding a person to easily align their life w what they truly want in their heart. sag thru the lense of scorpio is always nice cus it lends some emotional sensitivity to the sometimes oblivious sag's blunt words... lol i rly do love sag for their ability to say some outrageous shit tho. sagittarius has the tallest thoughts theyre always reaching for god & bringing it down to us in a way thats so bright n true. im very interested in the way jupiter seems to make ppl naturally lucky like they have this orbit about them that ppl r effortlessly drawn to. scholarly quiet sags w scorpio/capricorn influence usually get along great w me due to my own jupiter/9th house placements however the true party girl poptimism extravagance sags usually r not too fond of my slow & melancholic disposition lol. 💕💟🫶
17 notes · View notes
daydreamerdrew · 11 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Captain Marvel Adventures (1941) #52
8 notes · View notes
ancient-day · 1 year
Text
Every day I long for post-royal spin-offs for the opportunity to allow both Goro and Sumire to actually interact with the others without falsities or time-restricted threats preventing them from having much needed conversations and conflicts. I still wish we had at least gotten a second cafe scene with the Royal Trio where they could talk about how they actually feel about things like change and helping others. To see Goro try and brush it all off and maybe have Sumire call him out on it because his actions wouldn’t match his words, or even Sumire having to reevaluate her own answer since she was no longer under the influence of trying to be Kasumi and what it means if she still agrees with how she felt back then. Also I still love the potential humor with them ordering iced drinks in the winter this time while Akira has his hot beverage and him being able to call them both out for this. Love these funky little weirdos.
18 notes · View notes
blindedguilt · 6 months
Note
🔁 |[HIT ME. ♥]|
"You're going to get us killed." - Interaction Rewrite Prompts!
For Leonard, the weight of a child's blood upon his weapon was heavier than anything else he had handled before in his lifetime.
He hadn't the honour to have even called it the first, but different from his brothers, who had found their end directly by the blades of the Empire, there was no hope for the blame of responsibility to be lifted off his shoulders now that he had wielded that same blade himself.
Leonard's breathing was panicked and uneven. A cold sweat ran down his back as the sensation of the light body being flung backwards shot once more through his arms - he felt ill. Had he died? Had he done away with his life in that forest and been sentenced to hell? Perhaps it was all a punishment, an eternity spent in war, ending the lives of children just as he had his brothers. The screams had sounded too familiar for comfort.
He couldn't, couldn't bring himself to fight. The stakes didn't come to him. The seal didn't exist to him. The usually tranquil forest had roared with the sounds of the clashing steel, the hurried footsteps, the cries and mockery of the faerie - something like the dragon's voice had called his name in harsh rebuke, and whether it truly was her or Caim, Leonard didn't understand and stumbled blindly back to the garrisons in a piteous attempt to flee.
Too cowardly to die, and too starved to survive.
All that was clear to him against the roar of noise was his own breathing, the feeling of his heart pounding in its chest, and the crushing weight of the guilt from that thought repeating itself in his head like a mantra. Leonard struggled to break out of it - do or say something that could stop this madness. Anything. A sickened cry sounded at the sound of the mercenary's own cold reproach, and the hermit struggled to respond.
"Caim, please...!"
He had tried to utter words, either protest or a plea, but his throat had grown tight and left only a quiet whimper. Was that all he could do? Beg...? Leonard's weapon trembled in his hands. He was truly weak... He could have done more than beg. Just like his brothers, there was a thought that told him that he could have saved them. But, it was all the same. His family murdered for the sake of shameful pleasure. The blood of children spilled only for his own protection - his own cowardice to even die correctly. All for himself, a pathetic existence unable to even lift a finger against the slaughter of children.
Some wretched noise, a ragged fight for strained breath against the pounding heart in his chest, could be heard against the armoured thumps of bodies against the ground. Even from a distance, Leonard's frozen body could be seen trembling uncontrollably. The polearm dangled limply from his hands.
"They are only mere children...!"
The last uttered words before the hermit collapsed to his knees were a heart-wrenching sob.
Not a voice of disgust, but a cry in horror.
#||Reply||:Caim#{/without you i lose my mind.... GIVE ME A CAAAA~IIIIMMMM}#{/the way i JUMPED when i got this though!!! ! bri! caim!!! hello!!!!! that's my fucking guy right there!}#{/dreams DO come true!!}#{/BUT LIKE; LISTEN.}#{/THIS IS E X T R A SPECIAL BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT??? IT'S NOT JUST THE FIRST LEONARD-CAIM INTERACTION}#{/BUT LIKE}#{/LITERALLY HIS FIRST INTERACTION EVER!!!! this was the first ask i got on this blog!!!}#{/so that made it VERY hard to read lmao BUT I WAS SO HAPPY TO REDO THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR GOD BLESS}#{/both for its personal significance and ALSO as i mentioned}#{/the old ask makes me cringeeeeee.....}#{/this still could be better but here's the thing: it IS better compared to that lmao}#{/i really do wanna dive into leonard's likely trauma post-leonard's regret regarding that... <w<}#{/i would also KILL to see caim's whole retrospective on that someday as well omg}#{/BUT SERIOUSLY BRI TYSM FOR THE CAIMMMMM I MISS THAT NASTY LITTLE SHITGOBLIN SO MUCHHHHH <3333 it really brought me back QwQ}#{<- may or may not have taken so long on this because i was busy reading through old asks/replies and reminiscing}#{/i mean it when i say it now: leonard will be back in full swing SOON. after i get this last ask figured out and his DS1 verse established#{/im sending in the memes i have in my.......... 90 saved drafts folder lmao}#{/i keep PANICKING over all my drafts and literally a majority of it is just misc writing things that aren't even for this blog and memes}#{/either way; AGAIN; thank you so much for the ask!! i hope its at least better than the old one lmao}#{/and im so happy to write for caim again!!!! give him all my well wishes dhfbdfkjhbdkfj}
2 notes · View notes