#when i say ive been h*gh every day

[captainshyguy]

i hate feeling so off and not being able to pin down why because there’s SO many little things it could be 

like! its weird, im still doing things like hobbies but im having no love for them at the moment, something is just its missing. i just want to lay down all day 

is it bc im nervous abt health stuff? maybe. did i burn myself out with the sheer amount of paintings i’ve been doing? have i put too many big projects on my plate? 

am i lonely??? probably. pretty much every person i talk to regularly is having a rough time and i cant do anything to help. are some of them annoyed with me? idk! probably!! all the servers i hang out in are either quiet or like. impenetrable. im trying so hard to get into the group in one server, but bc a minecraft roleplay took over their time, they just, they barely show any recognition to anything outside of that. i comment on their minecr*ft stuff, despite having zero context, but when i make handy and snappy character summaries so they have an idea what im doing, i get nothing! its so alienating! i dont even know why im trying! 

i ache to show more people lost and found, but after that dumbfuck decided that if you see the surviving v*ssels as adults ur a problematic creep i have no confidence on putting it on ao3. just! yknow, despite the fact we DONT know how old gh*st was when they climbed from the abyss. we DONT know how v*ssel aging both physically and mentally works. we DONT know how holl*w got so tall. we literally know NOTHING so all bets are open! ‘the v*ssels are naturally small and h*llow was made to be big by some form of magic training enhancement’ is a valid read on the subject! as is thinking they’re physically kids! just! you cant decide people who dont agree with your HEADCANON are morally wrong that’s so fucking dangerous. the story isnt even abt anything like that really! there’s some romance, but its ultimately about moving on, about coming to terms with ur grief! and yet! if i mention that gh*st and leaf are old then oooooooooo, some teenagers with too much time on their hands wont like that!!1111!!!11 get a fucking life.

heck, thats something that’s been irritating me too just the ‘my headcanon is right, everyone else is wrong’ no!!! no!!! dear god watch the source material again! get out of your own head! 

tumblr culture as a whole is just, man its been getting to me too. everyone says its better here now and i dont exactly agree. the aphobes are still here. theyre just on the downlow and tell u not to ask them abt ace discourse bc they’re “past it” but then they still make jokes. pan people are a fun new target for a growing number of people! :) there’s been so many posts ive seen that just., they feel outright mean. the border on bullying i dont care if they’re a joke, it feels like this site is full of teenage bullies who think they’re all right and fun and dont get me started on the amount of policing posts im just! AAAAAAAAAA

sick of this site luv <3

i miss feeling safe outside, i miss going shopping and getting nice food. i want to eat in a cafe again  

im tired man. im tired and strung out and lonely and annoyed and powerless and i want to just sleep 

#sad oofs #i guess kjfdnsgksksd

[gayspock]

dont rb, bleh

hi how do i ask my flatmate “did you break my fucking rice cooker?” without sounding like a cunt.... bc like there’s only two of us in this house, and 1) the plug is like. quite literally smashed in with wires exposed and 2) the clicky thing is also broken . did she ... did she drop it?? and just not say shit? i dont know im a little fucking mad, though. like i let her use it all the time and for her to just not say shit!!!! but equally gh. i jsut. h. i dont know i dont want to fucking cause shit and im just in a sour fucking mood in general babes and- god this is it this is where my BIG OLD MELTDOWN brain comes in with a fucking mallet, bc i dont want to fucking cause shit with her bc its like shes the only person i talk to irl and NOW its time to fucking lament on how pathetic tht is.

and!! idk its stupid its a silly stupid thing but i just (sobs) bc every time i try to make peace with, like, loneliness&sadness&whatever and be like “yeah yeah yeah its cool, ur gonna be fine on ur own like this, u can manage it buddy, u have this whole time-” and thn sth trivial like THIS nonsense happens and i remember ah yes. bc idk its not abt damn rice cooker any more like whatever. but its bc thhis is like the MILLIONTH instance of sth with her and... idk NOW im sobbing abt now just in general man. its stupid. how do u even put it. i dont know it jsut feels lonely and im just so fuckin tired of being a doormat in situations like this but i know i cant NOT be a doormat bc its like. its not worth me bein THAT trouble u kno wht i mean!!!! like i jsut. wish i mattered More to ppl in a v childish way, where it was ok if i could say shit but its not  & im just going to be a fucking nuisance & no one wants tht- and,  like which irrational but also its kinda super fuckn rational is it NOT when thats wht ALWAYS happens, babe? and idk i wish i was worth more sometimes to ppl in a VERY selfish little manner bc im just sad sad sad bc its like im being so silly and i always am so silly in these situations. like (vague?) abt other shit idk i jsut (recalls) and whatnot abt OTHER times, more serious times, when ive jsut felt like so much fucking shit in friendship groups bc of x other person but i cant say shit! bc maybe it IS a little fucked up to think abt it like tht, but its like... also highkey tru  tht in those situations im inherently the Less Liked&Loved person so if i do say shit m just going to end up alone and sad (which... of all the innumerable times thts happened. well yes. yes) but then i usually just end up alone&sad anyway when i cant fuckin take it any more and have to self-emanicipate. and then im alone&sad and having breakdowns like these and its just .. so ... empty bc i wish there oculd be fucking screaming and yelling with ppl sometimes, so tht it felt like it was at least a THING, but ik i jsut leave like a (blip) all the time and its like i never existed to ppl in the first place. and  god man do u ever just get sad bc it jsut feels like all roads LEAD to the exact same situation and then ive been on the floor for like 20 minutes crying and its like bitch. bitch its a rice cooker stop ittt roll it BACKKKK

(but also on the rice cooker note i am alittle. fuckin . h. as well bc ED shite bc tht ... was important bc. uhl. idk how to Say it but i could measure shit out with the rice cooker in front of ppl and not look like an insane person so i’d always rely on that whenever i was having rougher days and. jeez anyways)

#egg.txt #eating disorder mention #briefly at the end its like most of it is silly boy tantrums me screaming into a pillow then walking away babes walking away

[bloojayoolie]

Af, Anime, and Apparently: , Okay Ibl, story ame when I wss younger, had this Irish friend who pred our school when w as like 17, Dude ded recently nd here丐the ballad of the merveeus bsstard be average as fuck 17 year old Bribong Some foreign guy has just joined, his family just moved here city called Dery in Mgved here with his dad and his lite sister, his mum died when he was younger He gets put in my class and ends up stting nest to me This is howl met Eigh-Beers Mgee the all him Call him a hippo because of his fucking industrial size frant teeth and his big flucking lps Greg uses his adism to get out of doing and saying whatever the fuck he wants noing EB wth she lke Greg has his desk very paricularly arranged, pens on one side in a straight ine pencis on the other Dude is OCD as fuck with his pencilcase and shit Goes nuts i anything gets moved, so this desk is sightly apart from everyone elses We all get in shit twe fuck with him an purpose, We ought to know better The sutistic hippo keeps trying to get a reaction out of EB the whole class All af a sudden EB just casualy raises a foot and pushes the Hppo's desk right the fuck over Teacher hurries oer and trying to explan to EB atma Gregs autism while Greg teaks the tack G in his chair, breathing reawy ss thoug gh nong bd sheer辍tstie resentment EB looks at Greg and betsthe teacher "Oh sorry, wedant have Wid bump with more nenhinbeland' h on EB's third day at our school He's a pretty cool guyikes the 쑈me vidya and movies as me and is a big fan of Rugby, was captan of his team back iieland ell hem the school has s rughy searn he says EB goes to check it out, starts off on the lower team because hes think theyire ston of kind of fast runners gets recks fucking everyone that next hal f hel take him Jumps on him, grabs him by the neck to pull him down and iterally rolls on him ike a fucking rolling pn -EB didniteven have the bal What the fook you playin at son I didnt even have the ball, do you even know how to fookin play the game lad EB grins You know over in Ireland you have to be fit to play sports, the fatties get leit on the sideline EB grabs his amn and tosses him to the ground dude twists his anke or something and starts twitching and squeaking lke a baby elephant with parkinsons EB gets put on top team Anonymous (D wHTHOgC) 03 19/14(Wedj20 28 25 UTC-5 No 538041137 Reple 41T months without inc dont give long as youre cool to him dents aside from a few close cals with Greg the Mildly Autistic Hppo e pretty close Apparently ㅲ Ireland they don't have gangs they have paramitanes fighting between whether Northern lreland ts Britsh or hsh >He plays 4down a kal, bd ican tell some shit mu have Pagpened because he always changes the subject when gets clos·tohame Edgy fapgot Luke comes back to school Luke hangs around with a pack of riggers who are all apparenty in a gang, he les to pretend he's part of this "gang" and carries this fucking Stanky e around that he panted red and bue for some reason aOne day at lunch Like corries up to EBied o ofnotere starts askrig his datisalcoholc Nope aound Tm guessin your mam had a far lew belore you were born though mate Well tuck Ind wanna sift speI had to sht out a dat bastardlke yourset. Jog on ン"You win t)4ck with the wrong person t y inst, boy?" EB starts laughing, IHeraly loses his sht at the ste of this Itle fagpot in a trenchc oat with a stanley knfe and actualy presses EB grabs his wrist, takes the fabled blade from the hands of the chosen one tosses t over a fence and punches him straight in the face We're out geting beer, Tm with a 7/10 GT that Ive had a crush on for tucking months Her and EB get along realy wel, athough I sort of think she only hung out with us because EB did That right when we're all drunk, me and QT end up fucking Leaving out my side because this is the ballad of Eght Beer, not me Spend ages taking with QT,estabǐshthat shè apparenty seat, ikes me back EB heads up to bed, I stay down with the other guys to watch TV, QT was askeep when 1 came down QT comes running do wwith a towel round her, soaking wet, and rung out the ont door Apparently EB sleeps naked, not surpnised since Ive found him naked before after a night of drinking Says she came on to himeven ater all he shit she said aLaugh숨 and says he took aprt to bed with hm,awas cn e tablo and when she ed onwth him he lossed all over her Threw her clothes out the wendow into the rain and told her to go and fetch Two weeks later he takes me to a pub and hooks me up with a 910 Anonymous (TDwHT HOC) 03/1914(Wed 20.43 59 UTC-5 No 538044014 Raps.4380408044772 332420 EB and me are total bros after being fnends for a few years 가%aving hm as a best friend is Ike havngtose nasty trainers as a kid Shit get pretty he avy >Him and E汨were close, mostly because EB would buy him vidya and act super interested in the anime sht he lied because nobody else other than me would loses his har chermo aGotovst him, EBisgung me there >He thinks rs awesome get our photo taken together witout any har EB lets him draw all kinds of dumb sh on his bad head, lets him draw a dumb moustache on him o Spend ages just dicking a >Son of a bitch luke who R is, Dukey the Rookie is across the bar in the same tucking trenchcoat he wore back at school >EB says hi chats away to him lbe nothing ever happened >We head home and EB spend the night sitting up with me playing Batlefront on my old P52 and drinking, just trying to cheer me up me every time Sorry for that 2sad4me post, but iti make sense later Anonymous (IO woitth%) 05/19/14(Wed)20 52 46 UTC-5 No 530045357 Reeses 씌38amsrme esaaa Lving together in a let with some chick and her boyfriend The one song I remember is "Uncle Tommy by The Rumjacks, because it played when sht went down EB told them that he "ain't lookin any trouble lads, have a beer and forget that tripe for the night aye? 4 of them jump on him, start beating the shit out of him -l tackle one of them to try help him, get the fuck beaten out of me but fuck that it's goddamn E8 in there EB broke the dudes fucking am He gets up, bleeding out of every pore in his beaunful iwish body Bouncing around with his fists up, Ieraly looks ike he could fly around the room he's bouncing that much The skinheads keep going for him but back off every time aher he swings, it looks lke he could knock a building down with that sh Babbling some incoherent shit in lrish rage, nobody understands the words but everyone understands the meaning pack up there sht ike a scene from a fucking move Eight tucking beersl You splied eight of me fucking beers you hairless tuckin mongrels Eight beers lad, eight fucking beers What's the fucking craic there lke Anonymous (D: wHTiHOgC) 031914(Wed]21:6 02 UTC-5 No. 538047326 EB sgoing back to Ireland to vist his nan, she's real sick 기we lar dr, Befast-thritrs the captal of the oth but not of Ireland ckhow t wori ed EB never eaty expla edit, 5ad you wont understand the bullsh politics unless you grew up there go 1o vist his nan with EB' Sweetest tucking old lady ever, says that EB was always a rough lad but awk he'd never hurt a sour greedy fucker This woman is clearly the most infuenial famly member in the Eight Beer famly EE shows me round Derry, tels me about how 5pIt relgusy and shows methes bg ass wall cood place Takes me to Belast agan and shows methe pace wherethe ttanc was bu -we end up going to place caled The Crown Bar Ger pretty drunk, or Tpped as EB calls it Walked around Belfast for a bt, he tells me about the history of some stuf »Spend a few nights there, have a fucking blast but decide to head home don't wanna be an inrusion on the whole nan stustion Lad you're practicaly a part of the famly Anonymous D wH7HOQC) 03/19/14Wd21 18 48 UTC-5 No 538040230 Getting close to the end now Shits hard to wrte, I miss hat fucker Life is prety uneventful for a wle pparentty some Kiddy Fiddler called Wilm Whight fucked EB when totally agan family home a load of sht, fucks 2EB spends all nut there next to her, nearly gets wolent when staff ask harto leave so doctors can sort some 닸官out calm him down and we wat r, hosptzd for brig bme B's Sister gets beter, but is pretty fucked for life Never taks never leaves the house she's pretty much a goddarmn vegetable EB spends all of his time off work with her, never comes out anymore, just sts in with her. We sometimes come ound and drink with him but he refuses to leave the house -One night while he's sieeping, EB's fucked up sister C's faul, that's pretty much the main subject of t. I don't get why she'd need to say that but whabever Tels me he waan't that close with his family back home his dad is fucked up with grief and everythings just a mess ie doesn't want to go home because he has nothng there other than remnders, but doesn't want to stay here because of what has pened Does his best to be the usual bi9dck coolguy that he always was, puts on a brave face but f you c h him on his own he's luckn9 merable ite gets in 갠 few fights when we're ot dmkrg ry one who gnestmamy 5hvt gets m edistety fucking amidated none ofths ads everyone on" that he used to do s fighting back tears already guessed, but he starts teling me about how he blames himseffor what 거had pened to his sis have tucking known better >Lterally carrot change his mid anthis shit, looks like he has himse#1uly convinced th this is his taut we talk about old imes laugh a be things actualy seem back to normal for whie Ainight mabe. Let's have one for old tme's sake, ae? Hie eventualily leaves, but before he goes he tells me that 'You've been a good mate from day one mate. Honestly out on a limb rd do fuckin' anything for ya Take t easy lad speti ong tme EB doesn't reply to teats or Cutign place doeant answer B tucking hung himsel is fanly tatoo many things that I don't need thanked every tme fucker

#funny #lol #humor #memes #meme #memehumor #dank memes #funny pics #rolf #lmao #Af #Anime #and Appare

[lovelylarrie]

hey what’s up you guys pls talk to me i’m dying of bordom

#tw: drugs #this sucks #and my sleeping schedule is backwards #when i say ive been h*gh every day #i mean that #just aend me asks or message me pla #pls #shut ai

[gorillaz-imagines]

ranting 101

so my boyfriend broke up w/ me just over a week ago (((over text!!!))) bc i “didnt care”, and quote on quote “a million people beat you to comforting me”, bc i was obviously the lOUSIEST GIRLFRIEND ((((((hint hint;; i wasnt))))))

this makes me really mad.

1. he broke up with me over text (biotch)

2. he was a total ass to me about it, cutting me down as a person bc i didnt care. btw, i have an 80 and counting streak with him on snapchat, ill bet your buns that ive been talking to you you clingy piece of trash

ohohoh if he ever finds this bc im about to go all out on him... hi if you do, i dont care.

continuing, 3. so he made a big deal out if it, right;;; then he texts his FRIENDS ASKING THEM TO CHECK UP ON ME, BC I SEEM HURT

OH 

OH OH I SEEM HURT HUH

so his friends ask me how im doing (i have 300 people trying to talk to me at once because the asshole got it around the internet within 5 minutes **sigh**) and im like “why dont you ask YOUR friend, bc im fine” and then his friends, each and every one said

“well so-and-so told us to see how you were doing so u kno”

IM SO UPSET AT THIS POINT BC WHO DOES THAT

SO HIS FRIENDS FOUND OUT SO THEY  TOLD THEIR FRIENDS AND THEIR FRIENDS TOLD THE WHOLE SCHOOL AND THEN SOME AAURGH

so the night he broke up with me, i told him why i hadnt been talking much anymore (im busy and have my own problems). he immediately was like “ooh, i wont go to bed unless i know youre okay, okay? were still friends :))”

NNNNO 

I DONT THINK SO

OKAY IS IT JUST ME OR DO YOU NEED TO SPEND SOME TIME APART FROM YOUR EX B4 YOU IMMEDIATELY TAKE THEM IN AS A FRIEND AGAIN???? BC I WANTED TO RIP HIS HEAD OFF I MEAN FOR REAAALLL

YOU JUST BROKE UP WITH ME, YOU WERE A TOTAL ASSHOLE ABOUT IT, TOLD THE WHOLE SCHOOL ABOUT US BREAKING UP, AND NOW YOURE LIKE “IM STILL YOUR FRIEND HAHA”

thats not how that works

so i just told him to lEAVE ME ALONE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO TALK TO HIM OK WHY WOULD I WANT TO

the next day, right

he posts on snapchat “im such an asshole”. he crossed out his face, but hes crying.

b o i 

then he goes to me the next day apologizing and crying and stuff saying that it was his fault and i was just like

“yea. it is your fault.”

and he still feels like shit about it i guess

ok. i was really cold and ill-tempered with him when he was talking to me and still am. you can label me as a bad person, but look at it from my angle

I WOULDNT BE SO MAD IF HE JUST BROKE UP WITH ME IN PERSON AND WASNT A JERK ABOUT IT

IVE BROKEN UP WITH PEOPLE YOU DONT HAVE TO BE SALTY ABOUT IT OK IM SALTY BECAUSE Y O U WERE THE SOLUTE TO MY SOLVENT YOU JUST INSERTED YOUR PROBLEMS INTO MY LIFE AAA A AU GH

(solutes dissolve into solvents)

but like, now hes avoiding me. ok, i get it.

YEStERDAY, HE SENDS ME VIDEOS OF HIM PLAYING SEXY SAX MUSIC AND HES SAYING “HEY BABY” AND LICKING HIS LIPS

WH A T I S W R O N G W I T H Y O U O H M Y G OD D D D DDDD D 

i want to legitimately throw myself down a flight of stairs

im so angry

and hes so damn loud in class bc he knows im there so he was just like yelling jokes wth man like im right here and you having a good time over in your corner of solitude doesnt give me a good impression ok

so, in conclusion, who i really need is adrien agreste. if you know him or someone similar in quality, direct me to him ppppplease and thank u

#napqueen speaks #personal rant #sorry for the spam #im salty #help