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ramblingoak · 4 months

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The Cardinal's Bride, Chapter 11: Confessions

~~ Please visit The Outlaw Brides Masterpost to catch up and read more stories from this world ~~

Thank you to @tasty-ribz for the wanted poster, @ghuleh-recs for the collage and @gothdaddyissues for the dividers! For some more amazing fanart check out: @missygoesmeow (1 / 2), @snail-shell2335 here, @vahvco here, @ghulehgwen here, @rabidghoul here, @nocterish here, @enjoy-my-swearing ( 1 / 2 ), @blacktie-whitenoise (1 /2), @z-xmyers (1/2/3/4), @foxybouquet ( 1 / 2 ), @delulluart here, _simpera_ on instagram and valkyrieinpink on twitter. Also thank you to @kissingghouls for all her help and emotional support.

Cardinal Copia x Female Reader ~ You finally arrive at The Ministry but Saltarian's men are closing in and threatening the lives of everyone that lives there...

Warnings: violence, angst, slight smut, NSFW 18+ only MDNI, 11k words

“So that’s his big plan? Kill the girl and blame the rest of us?”

Secondo didn’t bother answering his brother, he kept his eyes aimed out the window towards the street below. The sun was just starting to peek over the mountains in the distance and soon the city would wake up. Businesses would open, children would be dragged to the schoolhouse by their parents, drunkards would be groaning into the light and thinking about their next drink. He tipped back the rest of his own drink, the whiskey the only thing keeping his nerves calm.

“The end of the Church of Emeritus.”

“Well that’s a little fucking dramatic.” Secondo turned to look at his brother, not at all surprised by his carefree demeanor. Terzo didn’t care much about anything these days unless it was alcohol or someone to warm his bed. Still, the bastard should have some sort of reaction instead of leaning back in his chair like everything was fine. “Maybe that’s the problem, Saltarian and Copia are too similar.”

“He actually said the same about him and I.”

“Really?” The sound of the chair legs hitting the floor echoed around the otherwise quiet room. “You and Salty?”

“He said in a different world we could have been business partners.” He walked back to his desk and set his empty glass down with a thunk. “Not that it matters.”

“SÌ, it’ll be hard doing business with a dead man.”

“I’m not dead yet, fratellino.”

“Oh please, you think we stand a chance against Saltarian? Ten years has given him ample time to build up whatever army of mercenaries he has.” Terzo shook his head while he looked around in his coat pockets for a cigarette. “We haven’t exactly focused on recruitment in that time.”

“No, we have not.”

Secondo shoved a hand through his hair, groaning as he sat down at his desk. Papers littered the top of it, things he hadn’t had time to get to in the last few days. Things that might not even matter soon anyway.

“What are you thinking fratello?”

“I’m thinking we don’t have a choice.” He glanced up to meet Terzo’s eyes, the both of them glowing briefly from the flame of a match as he lit a cigarette. “I can’t risk everything for one girl.”

“Copia won’t be happy. From what Cirrus said he and Salty’s fiancé have gotten…close.”

“Copia will be lucky if I don’t skin him alive when he shows up. He’s dug his own grave here.” Secondo gritted his teeth as he thought over what Cirrus had told them when she’d gotten back. While she hadn’t seen the two of them together, or the girl at all, the other Ghouls mentioned that something had been happening between the two. Secondo hoped that if Copia was fucking the girl it was out of boredom and nothing else. Anything beyond that and Secondo would have an even more difficult time with what he had to do. “If we can get her to Saltarian relatively unharmed he’ll drop the matter.”

“He said that?” Secondo nodded in reply, his eyes down at his desk. While Terzo had no room to judge his decisions he still didn’t want to see the look in his eyes when he shared the rest of what Saltarian had told him. “So what, we just dump her outside of town for one of his men to grab her?”

“We’ll need to distract Copia I’m sure, but yes. He wants us to send her out on her own for them to get her.”

“Lucifer’s balls.” Secondo’s expression shifted just enough for Terzo to freeze, the front of his chair once more dropping loudly onto the wood floor. “Good luck with that.”

“What would you have me do, fratellino? Let Saltarian and his men destroy everything again? How many more need to die before you accept the inevitable?”

“And what’s that? The inevitable?”

“That we don’t belong here, as we were. That Copia’s fantasy of rebuilding our church is just that, a fantasy. Nothing more.” Secondo shot Terzo a glare when the younger man started laughing. “What?”

“Out of all of us I expected you to lose your faith last. I never expected you to consider turning in our own blood.”

“Then what would you do? Better yet, what would The Morningstar do, huh?”

“He wouldn’t give up without a fight.”

“That’s funny, I thought he gave up a long time ago.” Secondo immediately regretted his words, watching as the spark that had ignited in Terzo’s eyes at the mere mention of his past went out. “Terzo…”

“You’re right, I did give up. But Copia didn’t, he kept fighting. He kept believing.”

“Believing in what?! A cause that we dedicated our lives to? A Dark Lord that was supposed to reward us for our devotion, to protect us while we celebrated what he stood for?” He took a deep breath, lowering his voice before he continued on. “Where was Lucifer when our lives burned to ash?”

“I don’t know, but maybe Copia does.” Terzo stamped his cigarette out on the arm of the chair, smirking when he caught Secondo narrowing his eyes at the action. “I’d like to hear your plan now.”

“Considering what Cirrus said I don’t think we’ll be able to convince Copia to willingly give her up. Someone will need to convince her to do what’s best.”

“Which is what?”

“Leave Copia behind and move on with her life. She belongs with Saltarian, not a bunch of outlaws.”

“Okie dokie, so you corner her, scare her off and then expect Copia to just let her go without a fight?”

“I’m going to try to talk some sense into him first. You’re welcome to help with that, by the way.”

Terzo let out a sharp bark of laughter, shaking his head as he looked for another cigarette.

“You need Primo’s help, not mine.”

Secondo nodded but didn’t say anything. Primo was the smartest of all of them, getting away from here and living on his own. Although if Saltarian did go through with it and take them out he doubted Primo would be able to escape. He would just be the last Emeritus standing for however brief amount of time he lasted.

“Copia will either see reason or he won’t. I refuse to lose everything again. Especially over some meaningless girl Copia gives two shits about beyond getting the ransom for her.”

“And what if he doesn’t see reason?”

“Then he’ll be the first to die.”

“Wake up Principessa.”

“Hm?” You attempted to bury your face back under the warm blanket but Copia just pulled it away again. “Hey.”

“Come on, I want to show you something.”

“It’s cold.” He grinned, throwing his duster at you as he got up. “Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise. Hurry up now, before everyone else gets up.”

With a groan you escaped the warmth of the blanket, quickly shoving your arms into his duster. Aether was sitting by the fire when you finished getting your boots on, smiling at you when you walked by. Copia was finishing saddling Brizio when you made your way to his side. The horse shoved past him to get to you and you laughed when Copia swore as he stumbled back a few steps.

“He likes me better I think.”

“First my Ghouls and now my horse. What’s next?”

You wanted to say ‘hopefully his brothers’ but decided to keep that to yourself. The imminent meeting with them was weighing heavily on you. Sleep had been evasive the night before as you worried over what would happen when you reached The Ministry. You once more found yourself wishing you could travel around like this with Copia and the Ghouls forever. Dancing by the fire every night in Copia’s arms…

It was a memory you wouldn’t soon forget.

“Should I get my horse ready?”

“No, you’ll ride with me.” He winked as he held out his hand for you, grinning when you didn’t even argue. “Up you go.”

Once you were both settled onto Brizio he directed the horse away from camp. The sun was just barely peeking over the mountains in the distance, casting warm light over the land and warming the temperatures up. You still found yourself burrowing into his duster and leaning back against Copia’s chest. He held onto the reins in one hand and kept his other arm tight around your middle, securing you as close as possible. You placed your hand over his where it rested on your side and smiled when he interlaced your fingers.

Another moment to keep with you as long as you could.

Copia didn’t stop until you were far away from camp, hidden in a clump of trees as the sun continued to warm everything around you. After helping you down he let Brizio wander where he wanted to. You both watched as the horse began to much on the sparse grass, unbothered by how heavy the air had become between the two humans with him.

“Copia?” You reached out to touch his elbow, flinching when Copia jumped at the contact. “What’s wrong?”

“Niente. It’s nothing.” He shoved a hand into his pants pocket and you could hear the clinking of stones and metal as he pulled out his grucifix. Copia let it dangle from his fingers for a moment, watching the stones sparkle in the morning light before stepping right up into your space. “I wanted to give you this away from prying eyes.”

Your mouth fell open slightly as you watched his face. His mismatched eyes were bright as they met yours before looking back down to the heirloom from his mother.

“I can’t…I can’t take this.” You winced when his face fell a bit so your hands quickly covered his. “This was your mother’s, you should keep it.”

“I want you to have it. As a token, as a symbol of what you mean to me.” He dropped his head and kissed the back of your hand before straightening up again. “I want you to know.”

You held your breath as he stared at you, your hands shaking a little bit over his.

“Know what?”

He took a deep breath and pulled his hands away, shaking out the chain a bit to untangle it. You stayed still when he lifted it up and placed it on you, being careful not to snag your hair in the metal. When it was settled he took a moment to straighten it and then held the silver piece on the end in the palm of his hand. You looked down at the symbol of his church, covering it with your hand to hold it between you after a moment.

“That I care about you, Principessa. Far more than I should.”

You couldn’t help but press closer at his confession, trapping your hands between you. His head lowered again and you let yours drop as well so your foreheads pressed together. Both of you stayed quiet for a moment, letting Copia’s words hang between you. It wasn’t until his free arm snuck around your waist to pull you closer that you felt brave enough to speak.

“I care about you too, Copia.” He made a small noise in the back of his throat as he pulled his hand away from the grucifix to cup your cheek. “I lo–”

His mouth silenced your next words, his lips hot and needy against your own. You wrapped both of your arms around his neck, knocking his hat off so you could bury your fingers in his hair. The kiss deepened quickly and you opened your mouth for him when his tongue demanded entry. He groaned when you nipped at his tongue and began to walk you backwards until your back met the nearest tree.

Copia’s kisses were dizzying like always, enough to make you forget what you had almost confessed to him. It had been bubbling up in you for days now and with everything that still laid ahead you wanted him to know. You needed him to know how you felt. With a gasp you pulled away, tugging on his hair a bit when he tried to lean back in.

“W-wait, I need to tell you something.”

He brought his other hand up so he could hold your face between them, his thumbs brushing across your cheeks as he looked into your eyes.

“Not yet. Soon, yeah?” He kissed your forehead when you tried to speak again. “Will you wait for me?”

You pulled away so you could catch his eyes again and your argument about wanting to tell him now froze in your throat. Did he feel the same way? Is this why he wanted to wait to hear you say it?

Did he want to say it too?

“Okie dokie.” Copia let out a burst of laughter at your use of his phrase. He started pressing sloppy kisses all over your face until you squealed and tried to push him away. “Stop, stop!”

He relented but tugged you close again, his arms wrapped tightly around you as his breath fanned against your ear.

“Soon. I promise.”

You nodded against him, clinging to him tighter than you could remember doing so before. After a moment you pulled away, brushing some of his hair back when you did. Truthfully you thought you’d wait as long as it took to hear him say those words. It wouldn’t change how you felt about him.

“Should we head back?”

“I think they’ll survive without us for a little bit longer.”

He tilted your head up and leaned in to kiss you, deepening it quickly when you wrapped your arms around him once more.

“How long are we going to be waiting around for them?”

“I have no idea.” Aether continued to pack up his cooking supplies, stepping over Dewdrop’s outstretched legs while shooting him an annoyed look. “Got somewhere to be?”

“I’d like to get back to The Ministry at some point in my life.”

“I thought you liked being on the road, you get antsy as hell when we’ve been at the casino for more than a week.”

Dew shrugged and looked around camp rather than answering right away. Aether wasn’t wrong, he did get antsy if they were at The Ministry for too long. He didn’t really know the best way to describe the feeling. It was part boredom and part just not liking being cooped up. There was always plenty to do there (Secondo was always more than happy to boss any of them around) but Dew much preferred being on the road.

It was a helluva lot more exciting than dealing with drunks that was for sure.

“Usually we don’t have as large of a target on our back.” Dew glanced at Aether when his friend froze while shoving things into his saddlebags. “I’ll feel better when this whole thing is over and we have that ransom money.”

“You don’t actually think that’s still going to happen do you?” Dew rolled his eyes when Sunshine came over and sat down beside him. “I mean, there’s no way Copia is just gonna give her up to Saltarian now.”

“Why the fuck not? And don’t say anything about love.”

“It’s because he loves her.” Swiss plopped down on Dew’s other side, grinning when the smaller man groaned. “He’s got it bad.”

“You sure it’s not an act? They didn’t seem happy when we left the farm.”

“Well they sure as fuck are happy now.”

Dew didn’t bother answering Swiss because he knew it was pointless. Whatever had happened before they left the farm had obviously been solved. Just watching them dance last night had been all he needed to see. It had made his chest ache a bit as he watched them while he had played the guitar and his friends sung every stupid love song they could think of. He was happy for Copia, and for his princess, if they actually did love each other. It would fuck up a lot of other shit in their lives but that’s why Dew made sure he always had plenty of ammo nearby.

“Alright so they’re in love, super. That’s fantastic. What the fuck are we gonna do about Saltarian?” Dew looked around at everyone, snorting when none of his friends met his eyes. “Also you all know that Secondo is gonna be pissed, right?”

“He’s already pissed from what Cirrus said.” Sunshine pulled out a knife and started picking at her nails. “We should go back to the farm.”

“And do what?” Dew shoved her shoulder when she looked at him like he was an idiot. “You honestly think any of us would be happy settling down and farming for the rest of our lives? What about rebuilding the church?”

“What about it?” Aether had wandered back over then and was staring down at the three of them. “If we don’t have the ransom money we don’t have a way to rebuild the church, do we?”

“I vote to go back to the farm, I liked it there.” Swiss grunted when Dew kicked at his leg. “Fuck, what?”

“You’re telling me that you’d all be happy to live out your days farming in the middle of fucking nowhere?” Dew looked at each of his fellow Ghouls in turn before throwing his hands up in exasperation. “I’d rather not sleep in a barn for the rest of my life.”

“Some of us could probably sleep in the house, there’s plenty of room.” Sunshine turned and grinned at Dew before continuing, “Except for you though, Ethel hates you.”

“Fuck you. She just needs to get to know me.”

“Nah we’d have to build another house or something for all of us.” Swiss got up and stretched before holding his hand out for Sunshine to help her up. “I think Copia and Princess would want the house to themselves. Fill it up with a bunch of mini-Copias.”

Dew made a face before taking the hand Swiss now had outstretched for him, “Fuck, you don’t think they’d start having kids do you?”

Swiss yanked on Dew’s hand, jerking him roughly to his feet and laughing when he swore. With a quick move he hooked a leg behind one of Dew’s and then shoved him at the shoulders. Dew landed on his ass with a groan before launching himself at Swiss’s legs, bringing the man down roughly onto the ground. Aether quickly moved out of the way and stood next to Sunshine, the both of them watching the two Ghouls wrestle around and curse at each other.

“They don’t need kids, they have us.”

Sunshine flashed a grin at Aether but her smile quickly faded when something behind him caught her attention. Aether turned to look and saw two riders coming over the hill down the road.

“Copia and Princess?” Aether shook his head and continued to watch the riders approach, his body tensing even more when Sunshine spoke again. “Mountain and Rain?”

Four more riders soon appeared behind the first two and Aether could see the metal of their guns glinting in the morning sun. He shouted at Dew and Swiss before turning to meet Sunshine’s determined face.

“Fun’s over.”

It was easy to lose track of time with Copia kissing you.

He had eventually laid his duster out on the ground and pulled you down on top of it with him. His hands were everywhere, tugging at your clothes and maneuvering you until you were in his lap. Copia’s fingers were quick on the buttons of your shirt and as soon as he could he had a hand inside of it and under your chemise, his thumb rubbing against your nipple. He swallowed your little gasps and whimpers, his tongue teasing against your own while his fingers teased your breast.

The more time you spent together like this the more bold you started to feel. You were learning how he liked to be touched, how to get groans and whimpers out of him. It made you feel powerful that you could make him feel good just like he made you feel good. Before you could think too much about it you dropped a hand onto his crotch and began to rub his hardening cock through his pants. Copia broke away with a desperate sounding noise, pressing his forehead against yours and panting into your mouth.

“Fuck, Principessa you–”

The both of you suddenly froze when a barrage of distant booms invaded your little space. Brizio made a noise and sped over towards you both, the horse experienced enough to know what those sounds meant. He knew trouble was close and he was ready to get you both out of there. Selfishly you wished that was what would happen, that you and Copia would jump onto Brizio and ride away from whatever trouble was nearby. You met Copia’s gaze when he turned away from the path you had taken into the little clearing of trees.

“Is that…?”

More gunshots echoed from the way you came and Copia grabbed your waist to help you get off of him. You quickly began to do up your shirt as he grabbed his coat and threw it on. He was on Brizio in a second, his hand reaching down to help you get up behind him.

“Hold on tight.”

You did just that, snaking your arms and clasping your hands together around his waist as Brizio shot off down the path. Your heart was racing as fear started to take a hold of you. What would you be riding back to? How many of Saltarian’s men were out there? Were any of the Ghouls hurt?

Copia covered your hands with one of his own and squeezed them, doing his best to reassure you that everything would be alright. As you got closer to where you had camped the night before the gunshots lessened until finally you had crested the hill and the camp was in sight. You were tentatively looking over Copia’s shoulder, worried at what you might see. Copia himself was tense but not as tense as you had expected so that alone helped ease your worry a bit.

If he wasn’t going in guns blazing you would trust that everything was alright.

As you got closer there were a few bodies on the ground and you had to turn your head away. It wasn’t something you were used to seeing just yet but at least they weren’t wearing any clothes you recognized. Copia pulled back on Brizio’s reins as you reached the others. Mountain strode over to help you down and despite a streak of blood down the side of his face he seemed unharmed.

“Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up.”

“Shut up Dewdrop.” You rushed over to the smoldering campfire to see Aether leaning over Dew, his hands red with blood. “Stay still, damn it.”

“Is he ok?”

You dropped to your knees on the other side of Dew, wincing when you saw the blood spreading on his right thigh.

“He’s fine, just got grazed.”

“Fine?! Speak for yourself, this fucking hurts.”

“Don’t act like you haven’t been shot before.” Aether grabbed the torn part of Dewdrop’s pants and tugged at the fabric, ripping it open so he could see the wound better. He shoved at one of Dew’s hands when the Ghoul tried to push Aether away. “Knock it off.”

You looked up when a shadow fell over the three of you, Sunshine offering you a reassuring smile before she knelt down next to you.

“How’s the patient?”

“I’m bleeding out.” Dew hissed when Aether prodded at the wound. “Unholy fuck, what are you doing to me?!”

“Will you two hold him down please?”

Sunshine moved around so she was at Dew’s back and slid her arms around his chest to keep his arms immobile. When Aether nodded towards Dew’s other leg you placed your hands down on it to try and keep it still. He was still twitching and hissing as Aether checked the wound over but he quieted down when Copia came over to hold his ankles.

“Anyone else get hurt?”

“Mountain and Rain came back with some scrapes but otherwise Dew got the worst of it.” Copia nodded and muttered something in Italian under his breath when Dew tried to wriggle away. “Hold still, I need to stitch you up.”

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

“Maybe you should move out of the way faster next time to avoid getting shot.”

Sunshine’s voice had a teasing lilt to it but you could tell by the tightness of her features that she was putting on a bit of an act.

“Maybe you should go fuck yourself. I only got this because I pushed you out of the way!”

You bit back a smile as they continued to banter, your eyes watching Aether stitch up the wound on Dew’s leg. Aether caught your eyes and gave you a reassuring smile.

“Stick around Princess and you’ll be helping me patch everyone up in no time.”

“I think I will.” Copia and Aether looked your way so you grinned back at them. “Stick around. And helping.”

Copia reached over and tucked some of your hair back behind your ear, a dopey smile on his face.

“Ugh, fucking kill me.” You snorted when you looked away from Copia, blushing a bit when you noticed the three Ghouls watching you. Dewdrop was making a disgusted face and he dropped his head back against Sunshine’s chest. “Seriously I’d rather bleed out than watch the lovebirds any more.”

“Sorry buddy, you’re not gonna die on us today.” Aether tied off the final stitch and sat back to admire his work. “Let’s get it wrapped up and then get you on your feet.”

Copia took one of your hands and helped pull you to your feet as he rose. He didn’t let go, instead tugging you closer so you were pressed into his side.

“We need to get packed up and get out of here.”

He kissed your forehead before turning to look out towards where Mountain, Rain and Swiss were working on getting the bodies of Saltarian’s men gathered.

“Do you think there are more of them?”

His hand squeezing yours was all the answer you needed. Of course there were more. You took a deep breath to try and calm yourself down while your mind raced with the thought of how many others might be sent to get you.

“Hey, look at me.” Copia gripped your chin gently and forced your head up. You were a bit embarrassed at the tears that had been forming in your eyes but he just smiled at you and kissed your nose. “What did I promise you?

“That you’d keep me safe.”

“SÌ. I keep my promises, Principessa.”

With a few more kisses he helped ease your worries and you let yourself lean against him. Letting him take your weight a bit as you soaked in the feeling of being safe in his arms. Whatever the road to the casino brought you knew he would be there and you knew he would do everything he could to keep you safe.

Everything would be ok as long as he was with you.

The arrival at The Ministry was rushed.

You barely had time to take in the town around it before the large building was looming in front of you. Oil lamps were lit up and down the street as well as inside the businesses that lined it as the sun began to set. Copia had directed you to wear the hat Ethel had given you and Sunshine had thrown her coat over you. You weren’t sure what the point was because you doubted anyone in this town wouldn’t recognize Copia and his Ghouls but you let them do whatever they felt was necessary.

Behind the casino were the stables and another building, this one much smaller. You dismounted with everyone else and looked around trying to take everything in. A few men wandered out of the stable and exchanged words with Copia before they started to get the horses inside. Everyone started taking their bags and other belongings off the horses before they began to wander towards the smaller building.

“That’s where we stay.” You jumped a bit at Sunshine’s voice, glancing at her when she stopped right next to you. “The Ghoul dorms. That’s home.”

“It’s…nice?”

She snorted, shaking her head as she threw an arm over your shoulder. Dewdrop and Swiss wandered by on your other side, the larger Ghoul helping his friend limp along.

“It ain’t much but it’s a roof and I don’t have to share a room.” She threw you a wink before pulling you along a little faster. “Unless I want to.”

“Will I be staying here too?”

“Oh shit yeah, we gotta keep you close. Hey boss!” You turned to see Copia jogging your way, his bags slung over his shoulders and his rifle in his hands. “Where should I put her?”

“My room.” It was Copia’s turn to wink at you and your face heated up immediately. “I need to drop my stuff off and then go find Secondo.”

It was busier inside than you had expected. People that you assumed were Ghouls as well greeting everyone as they went inside. Swiss was nearly tackled by a smaller woman and she squealed when he lifted her up to swing her around.

“That’s Aurora.” Sunshine pointed at the woman and then started pointing at various others that were around, rattling off names you had no hope of remembering just yet. “You’ll meet Cumulus and Cirrus later, they’re probably performing right now.”

“Do you perform?”

“Only if Secondo asks nicely.” Your nerves came back at the sound of his name. You were getting more and more scared thinking about meeting him, wondering how he would react to you. “Hey, don’t worry about him. He’s more bark than bite.”

“What about Terzo? Will I meet him too?”

“Not if I can help it.” Copia’s voice was dark at the mention of his brother but you could see Sunshine trying to hide a grin. “Come on, Principessa. Follow me.”

Sunshine gave your shoulder a squeeze before wandering off and dumping her bags on a nearby table. You tried to look around as much as you could while Copia directed you up some stairs and down a hallway. He stopped at a door at the end, shoving a key into the lock before pushing it open and leading you inside.

His room was a lot nicer than you had expected, although it was messy. The unmade bed in the corner was bigger than the one you shared at Ethel’s. Thinking about sharing a bed again had you blushing once more so you quickly looked around at the rest of the space. There were two doors open that led onto a small balcony and when you walked closer you could see another street full of people milling around as the night darkened.

Other than that there was a dresser and a few small tables. All of which were covered with weaponry of some sort. Guns, knives and bullets spread over every surface. As you wandered closer to the large dresser he had you saw a few little trinkets and while you were tempted to poke around you didn’t want to pry into his things too much. This was definitely his space and you were a stranger here.

“Principessa?” You startled at his voice, spinning to find him right behind you with a grin on his face. “What do you think?”

“It’s nice.” He slid an arm around your waist and brought you closer, his eyes focusing on your lips. “Nicer than I expected.”

“Hmm, should I be offended?”

“No, no. It’s just not as bare as I thought it would be.”

“Ah, well perhaps it could use a woman’s touch, eh?” You rolled your eyes when he pressed you back against his dresser. It reminded you of that moment at Ethel’s when you had kissed for the first time. “There’s something else that could use a woman’s touch too.”

“Oh? And what would that b–”

“Fratellino!”

It was Copia’s turn to startle and he quickly shoved you behind him as he turned towards the door. There was a man leaning against the frame, a smirk that was even more infuriating than the ones Copia used to give you on his face. If the smirk didn’t give him away as one of Copia’s brothers the eyes definitely did. Otherwise he couldn’t look more different, his hair was dark, nearly black. His clothes were a lot nicer too. His ensemble was mostly black besides a dark purple waistcoat. Your eyes were also drawn to the shiny star pinned on his chest.

“Terzo. Get the fuck out.”

“Ah, Copia. You don’t mean that.” He wandered into the room, still smirking as his eyes didn’t leave you and Copia. “Won’t you at least introduce me to your bella amica?”

“No. Fuck off.”

“Well I suppose there’s no point in introductions. We all know who she is.” Terzo threw you a wink before wandering over to Copia’s bed and sitting on the edge. You couldn’t help but stare at him, your eyes looking over his bare face wondering if he ever wore makeup like Copia did. “See anything you like, bella?”

“Not really.”

Copia snorted, squeezing your waist briefly before letting you go to walk closer to his brother.

“I can already see you two are a good match.”

“What do you want, Terzo?” Copia had his hands on his hips as he stared down at his brother. “We just got here.”

“SÌ, I know. It wasn’t hard to miss your arrival.” Terzo’s face lost its teasing edge for a moment while he considered his brother. “Secondo wants to see you.”

“He can fuck off too.”

“No fratellino, you need to talk to him. There have been some…developments since we sent Cirrus your way.”

You started nervously fiddling with your shirt as the two spoke, feeling as if you were listening in to a conversation you weren’t supposed to hear.

“I think we ran into some of those developments on the way here. A band of Saltarian’s men attacked us.” Copia turned to walk back over to you but Terzo shot his hand out and grabbed his wrist to stop him. “Che cosa?”

“You’re lucky you only ran into one group of them, there are a lot more and they’re all looking for her.”

You could see Copia bite his lip as he thought over Terzo’s words. The worry lines on his face deepened as well and it took a lot of your self control not to wander over and try to smooth them out with your fingers. Copia looked up and caught your gaze. It bothered you that he didn’t even try to give you a reassuring look.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

“How about I stay here and get to know your lady, hmm?” Terzo grunted when Copia grabbed his vest and yanked him off the bed. “Okay! Lucifer’s balls, you need to lighten up, fratellino.”

Copia shoved him towards the door, watching as he wandered out with one final wink being sent your way. You watched as Copia stared at the door, the only thing moving was his chest as he breathed.

“Copia?”

“Stay here.” His voice was rough, similar to how he talked to you when you first met. You winced at the memory but he quickly spun towards you and held his hands up. “Per favore.”

“Am I safe here?”

“SÌ! SÌ, you are safe here I promise you.” He quickly moved back in front of you and cradled your head in his hands. “I don’t want you on your own just yet. Until I know what’s going on.”

You nodded, closing your eyes when he pressed a few kisses into your forehead. When he pulled away you looked at him, trying to offer him a reassuring smile but knowing it wasn’t really working. He kissed it away, his lips soft against yours. It was easy to get lost in him, to focus on this moment right now and not what might happen in the future. You were embarrassed at how your fingers clutched at his shirt when he backed away.

“I’m sorry. I just…”

“I know, Principessa.” He took your hands and rubbed his thumbs along the back of them before bringing them up so he could kiss along the pads of your fingers. “I’m worried too. Just stay here. Lock the door behind me, yeah?”

“Okie dokie.”

He smiled, moving in for a fierce kiss on your mouth before quickly pulling away and heading out the door. You followed him slowly, watching as he headed down the hall and down the stairs. With a deep breath you finally closed it, turning the lock firmly and then leaning your head against the wood.

At this point you weren’t sure who you should pray to but you decided to say one to whoever might be listening that everything would be ok.

The lure of having a bed to sleep in was too much to resist.

It felt weird to poke around his room when he wasn’t there so at first you just looked out his balcony doors. The city was still alive with people even at how late the hour had become. You found yourself imagining what each person’s life was like as they passed along the street below. It was so different from where you were from, so different from what you were used to. You couldn’t help but imagine yourself living here, thinking about what you might do every day.

Thinking about sharing a life with Copia.

You turned to stare at the door to his room, wondering what was taking him so long. It had been hours at this point and your anxiety was high imagining what Copia and Secondo might be talking about. There was no doubt in your mind that they were talking about you but what did that involve? What had really happened while Saltarian had come here? You shook your head like that action alone would make your worries leave.

There was so much happening, so much to deal with, that it was overwhelming for you. It had to be even worse for Copia. You wished you knew what was going through his head, what he felt like his options were. Saltarian wouldn’t give him the ransom money without also having you in his possession. You clenched your hands into fists at that thought. At how men like your father and Saltarian treated you. Like a thing someone could own, like a trinket to be put on display. You didn’t belong to anyone.

But you did belong with Copia, that you knew. That was something you could feel in your heart. You felt it every time he looked at you. Even when it was that smug smile of his, even when he was teasing you. You felt it when he touched you, when he kissed you. Your only hope was that Copia felt the same.

With a heavy sigh you turned towards his bed, deciding that it would be best to try to get some sleep rather than let your worries take over. You slipped your shoes and pants off before crawling in under the covers. They were a lot softer than you had expected, much more comfortable than the horse blankets you had become used to. Your eyes quickly grew heavy, your mind finally quieting from all your fretting. You fell asleep to the thought of sharing this bed with Copia for many days to come.

The room was bathed in morning light when you woke up again.

There was a slight chill so you found yourself pressing harder against the warm body next to you. Copia had finally come back a few hours after you had climbed into bed. He had stayed quiet, just wrapped his arms around you and held you close. His grip had remained tight throughout the early morning hours, like he was afraid you’d get up and leave if he let go. Your hold on him was equally strong, using him as a shield against your worries.

“You awake, Principessa?”

Instead of answering you turned in his arms and buried your face against him. The dark hair that covered his chest tickled your nose but you stayed still, daring to press a kiss right over the strange tattoo he had. His chest rumbled beneath your lips and in a quick move he rolled so that you were laying under him, his body effectively pinning you onto the bed.

You expected him to tease you but instead of talking his lips immediately were on yours, his tongue pressing against them and demanding entrance. With a soft groan you opened your mouth and flicked your tongue against his. Copia angled his head and deepened the kiss even more, like he was starving and you were the only thing keeping him alive.

The memory of what he had said after his apology creeped into your mind, of how he had promised to make you his when he had you in a bed again. It made you feel bold, he made you feel bold, so you shoved your fingers into his hair and wrapped a leg around his waist. He ground down against you and a much louder groan left you when you felt how hard he was. It pressed insistently against you, right where you needed him the most. When Copia suddenly pulled away you cried out, trying to use your leg to keep him close.

“Copia, please. You sa–”

“I know, I know.” Copia dropped his head into the crook of your neck and you could hear him mumble something in Italian before he pulled up to look into your eyes. “You are a temptress.”

“Is it working?” You weren’t sure when you had become so bold but it was probably somewhere between the farmhouse and the casino. Copia cursed under his breath when you lifted your head up to kiss him along his jaw. “You have me in a bed, in your bed.”

“Do I? I hadn’t noticed.” With a grunt he pressed against you once more, pushing you down into the bedding. “Was there something you needed, Principessa?”

“You.”

His eyes darkened and with a quick move he had you flipped so you were sprawled on top of him. One of his hands was in your hair, his mouth already on yours again. His other hand slid down your back until it stopped on your ass, gripping the flesh tightly and holding you still. You moaned when he spread his legs open and you felt his hardness between your legs again. It was straining against his pants and you wiggled against it, gasping into his mouth when you felt it twitch. He tugged on your hair, pulling you away from his mouth and then turning you so you were both on your sides facing each other.

“I knew I should have slept on the floor.” He chuckled when you tried to pinch his side, easily grabbing your hand and bringing it to his mouth so he could kiss your palm. “Mi dispiace, Principessa. You’ll have to wait a bit longer for me.”

“What?” You pulled away when he tried to kiss you. “Why?”

“I need to leave. And soon.”

Your heart sank and you put your hands on his chest to put some distance between you both.

“Leave? Leave where?”

“Those men we ran into yesterday, that wasn’t the only group of them lurking around.” When you didn’t budge he sighed and rolled over onto his back. “Secondo said there were more of them north of town.”

“Then why are you leaving? Shouldn’t you stay here?”

“You know why.” Copia’s eyes were soft when he turned to look at you. He reached over slowly to cup your cheek. “I have to keep you safe.”

“I feel safest when I’m with you, Copia.”

“You will be safe here, I promise.” He started stroking his thumb back and forth along your cheek. “Sunshine and Aether will be here.”

Your eyes widened briefly, surprised he wouldn’t want to take them along but also a little grateful that you’d have people you knew nearby. You bit your lip and scooted closer to him, resting your chin on his shoulder.

“How long will you be gone?”

“Hopefully not long, two days at the most I think.” His hand on your cheek slid back into your hair and he rubbed his fingers along your scalp. “Stick with Sunshine, she’ll keep you safe.”

“And what about you? Who will keep you safe?”

Copia laughed, the sound doing wonders to calm your nerves. He moved his hand and his fingers started tracing the chain of his grucifix that you still wore.

“Brizio.” You couldn’t help but laugh yourself, shaking your head against his shoulder. After a moment you moved so you could kiss his skin. Pressing your lips onto every freckle you could. “You’re making it very hard for me to leave, Principessa.”

“Good.”

Copia turned again and easily wrapped you up in his arms, holding you close against his chest once more. Tears started to form in your eyes but you squeezed them shut as hard as you could, not wanting him to see how upset you were. You trusted him to stay safe, you trusted whoever he took with him to keep him safe too.

“Stay in here or stay with Sunshine. Avoid Secondo, eh?”

“I don’t even know what he looks like.”

“Trust me, you’ll know him when you see him.”

You huffed against his skin, your nerves spiking while you wondered why you needed to stay away from him at all.

“What about Terzo?”

“Don’t you worry about him.” Copia touched your chin and tilted your head up so he could give you a brief kiss before leaning back and grinning. “I’m taking that stronzo with me.”

Sunshine refused to let you mope in Copia’s room.

A few hours after he left she showed up at your door, a wide grin on her face. The Ghoulette didn’t give you any other option besides going with her so you reluctantly left the safety of Copia’s room and tagged along. The first place you stopped at was a room further down the hall and you could already hear Dewdrop’s grumbling before Sunshine even opened the door. Aether was in there as well, quietly checking on the stitches he had put in the day before.

After a few minutes of Sunshine needling Dew Aether practically shoved the both of you out. Sunshine took you around the halls above the common area, pointing out who stayed where. You had no hope of remembering where everyone’s rooms were, except Copia’s at least. But it was fun to see where everyone lived regardless.

You had hoped to meet Aurora and Cirrus but they had gone with Copia and the others. Sunshine mentioned that Secondo hadn’t been very happy when he found out but honestly it didn’t seem like Secondo was happy about a lot of things. You had so many questions about him, and Terzo, on the tip of your tongue but you decided to keep them to yourself for now. Copia would probably be the better person to ask anyway.

The day progressed slowly, which did little to ease your worries. Sunshine did her best to keep you occupied and you even went back to see Aether for a bit. He helped you redo some of Dew’s stitches when the Ghoul had decided to ignore the fact that he was supposed to stay still. Aether seemed pleased with your work and even Dew was relatively quiet while you finished tying them off. It made you feel good being able to contribute in some way.

It made you feel like you had a place here.

As the day wore on you could tell Sunshine was getting a little bored of babysitting. She also seemed on edge so you imagined that she was also worried, just like you were. It couldn’t be easy to be left behind when your friends were riding into danger. Although friends almost didn’t seem like the best word anymore. It was clear that Copia and his Ghouls had formed a family. You only hoped that someday they would consider you a part of it as well.

When night fell you decided it would be best to head back to Copia’s room. The common area where the Ghouls stayed was getting a little rowdy and Sunshine was fielding a lot of questions regarding your presence. You had no reason to think any of them had ill intentions but it still made you nervous not having Copia at your side to help keep some of them at bay. Sunshine pulled you into a hug when you started to head for the stairs and you found yourself leaning into your embrace.

Perhaps you were already considered family.

The hall towards Copia’s room was quiet but you still found yourself taking careful steps along the wood. When you got inside you turned and gently closed the door, leaning your forehead against it for a moment and taking a few deep breaths. You weren’t looking forward to a night alone but hopefully Copia would be back in the morning.

“So you’re Copia’s Principessa.”

At the sound of the deep voice behind you your blood seemed to freeze. Slowly you turned, knowing that behind you was the one person you were most nervous to meet. He stood in the middle of the room, a much taller figure than you had expected. Again you were struck by the differences between him and his brothers but there was no mistaking what the different colored eyes symbolized.

There was no doubt that this was Secondo Emeritus.

“I-yes. Yes.” You winced when your voice cracked, knowing that he was probably the type of guy that quickly cataloged every little reaction people had around him. “Is Copia ok?”

“I would imagine so considering there’s nothing out there for him to find.”

“What?” You pressed your back against the door. It felt like you needed as much distance as possible from this man but you had no idea why. “I thought there were more of Saltarian’s men?”

“I have no doubt that there are, but they aren’t in the direction I sent him.” His voice was calm, almost bored as he spoke. “But it was an easy way to separate him from you. I knew he wouldn’t sit idly by if he was worried for your safety.”

“Why did you need to separate us?”

“Because I need to talk with you one on one without mio fratellino interfering.” Secondo took a few steps towards you making you wish you had more room to back up. “Because I need you gone before he gets back.”

“Gone?”

He snorted, shaking his head in annoyance at your question. You were sure that to him you were just some stupid city girl, much like how Copia originally thought of you.

“You don’t even know what you’ve done, do you?”

A flash of anger flared inside of you and you took a step towards him, feeling a moment of bravery.

“What I’ve done? Copia is the one that kidnapped me!”

“I’m aware of that but it seems circumstances have changed, don’t you agree?” He shoved his hands in his pockets as he stared you down. “From what I’ve been told you two have gotten…close.”

“That’s none of your business.”

With a snarl Secondo moved towards you and you once more felt the door against your back.

“No, Principessa, it is my business. Copia’s idiotic plan has put my livelihood at risk. It has put my family at risk. And for what? An easy fuck with some stupid girl.”

“It’s not just…we haven’t…” You stopped, unable and unwilling to finish what you were going to say. “He cares about me.”

“Does he? Or does he just care about what you can get him?” Secondo laughed when you didn’t answer right away. “I’ve known him a lot longer than you have. I know what motivates him, I know why he does what he does.”

Your mind was racing, trying to cling to every moment you and Copia had shared. What Secondo was implying wasn’t true, it couldn’t be true. You refused to give in to those thoughts.

“I don’t think you know him at all.”

“Think whatever you like, it doesn’t matter. Whatever you think is going on between you two is over. You need to leave.”

“No! I’m not leaving him.”

“Let me ask you this, do you care about him?”

“I…” You took a deep breath and straightened your shoulders, refusing to look scared in front of him. “I love him.”

“Then you have to leave.” Secondo held up a hand when you opened your mouth, stopping you from arguing with him. “Saltarian was here, as I’m sure you heard. He’s decided to use your kidnapping as a way to destroy us once and for all.”

“How?”

“You’re more than a business pawn to him now. You’re a way for him to be rid of the Church of Emeritus forever. He’s going to keep sending men after Copia, after you, and he doesn’t care if you get caught in the crossfire.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’ll blame it on Copia, on our church that barely exists anymore. He’ll use it as an excuse to burn everything we’ve rebuilt.” Secondo seemed to deflate a bit, his shoulders sagging under some invisible weight. “He’ll kill us all.”

“And if I go?”

“He agreed that if I could get you to him he would leave us be.” He let out a humorless laugh and looked around Copia’s room. “Unless provoked.”

“Copia will come after me.”

“Then you’ll have to convince him not to.” He pointed over to a small table against the wall and you saw a pen sticking out of an ink well. It was obvious he’d brought it with him. “Write him a letter, tell him you’d rather be with Saltarian.”

“He won’t believe me!”

“I’m not going to let you destroy what has taken me a decade to build. I don’t care what you write, whatever it takes to make him think you don’t want him anymore.”

You sagged against the door, gripping the handle to keep yourself from falling onto the floor. Tears were streaming down your face but you didn’t bother wiping them off. Your hand came up to your chest and you clutched at the grucifix from where it was hiding under your shirt.

“Please, I don’t want to go.”

“What did you actually think would happen here? Did you think you’d find a job dealing cards or serving drinks?” Secondo took a few steps closer, towering over you. “Can you sing? Can you dance?”

“No, bu–”

“You don’t belong here, girl. With Copia or with us. Stop fooling yourself if you think he feels the same way about you.” He held a hand out then and you stared at the worn black leather glove that covered it. “If you love him you need to leave.”

“When?”

“Now. They will be back in the morning I’m sure.”

You nodded, pressing your hands against the floor to push yourself back up, refusing to accept his help.

“Where should I go?”

“South, the road you came in on.” You felt his eyes on you as you wandered over to the table, your hands trembling as you picked up the pen and held it above the paper he had left there. “There will be men waiting to take you to Saltarian.”

“And Copia?”

Secondo already had his hand on the door handle but he turned towards you when you spoke.

“What about him?”

“Will he…will he be ok?”

Would he be safe? Would Saltarian leave him alone, would he leave all of you alone?

Would he miss you?

Secondo spent a few moments watching you, his face set in stone.

“He’ll get over it.”

The ‘over you’ was obvious so you just nodded, turning away from him to stare down at the blank sheet of paper. More tears were falling and you didn’t want Secondo to see them. You gripped the grucifix again, tracing the stones with your thumb through the fabric of your shirt. When the door closed behind you it was as if all the strength left your body and you fell to your knees to weep for the life you almost had.

Copia wanted to go home.

Although he wasn’t sure if he had ever felt like The Ministry was home. It was just someplace to keep what few things he owned. To gather with the Ghouls and to plan whatever scheme against Saltarian he came up with next. The main reason he wanted to get off the fucking road and go back there was you. He was pissed that he had left you but Secondo hadn’t given him much of a choice.

The conversation with his brothers hadn’t gone well. Like Copia expected, Secondo was pissed over the kidnapping. But he had never felt the fire Copia did to get revenge on Saltarian. He had never understood why Copia had dedicated the last ten years to taking him down. It was so close to being over with though, Copia was so close to feeling peace for the first time in so long. His soul ached for it.

Just like it ached for you.

He glanced around the campfire, irritated that Terzo had insisted on stopping for the night. There hadn’t been a damn sign of any of Saltarian’s men. Rain had rode ahead countless times but each time he had come back with nothing. Not a single sign that any men had been around those parts recently. That fact was eating at Copia, a feeling he couldn’t shake and it kept getting worse as the hours wore on.

“Sunshine’ll take care of her boss. She’ll be fine.”

Copia nodded towards Swiss, appreciating the Ghoul trying to reassure him. It wasn’t too long ago that a moment like this would have made him feel weak. That his feelings towards you would have made him feel weak. All of that had been changing though, especially since leaving Ethel’s. You had carved a place for yourself inside of his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting himself picture you in his bed in nothing but a baggy shirt and his grucifix laying over your heart.

Fuck this.

He stood up and grabbed his blanket off the ground, throwing it over his shoulder as he picked up what little else he had around him.

“Boss?”

“I’m leaving.”

Copia stepped over Swiss’s legs to make his way over to Brizio but he stopped at the sound of Terzo’s voice.

“You seem impatient fratellino, is there somewhere else you’d rather be right now?” Terzo grinned when Copia shot him a look. “Or maybe it’s someone you’d rather be with? I can’t say I blame you.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Salty’s fiancé. I can see why you stayed away for so long.”

“We stayed away because you told us to.”

“Oh that was Secondo, I didn’t really give a fuck.” Terzo laughed at Copia’s irritated face. “Che cosa? A little excitement never hurt anyone.”

“The only excitement you seem to enjoy anymore takes place in a bed.”

“Or a couch, a chair, a table…I’m not picky.” Copia just rolled his eyes and started moving towards his horse again, only stopping when Terzo stood up and went after him. “This girl, your ‘Principessa’, she’s very beautiful.”

“Is she?”

Copia stayed absolutely still as he waited for Terzo to continue. The chatter from the Ghouls around them had stopped, everyone seeming to be waiting to see where Terzo was going with this.

“Don’t play coy, she’s exactly the type of girl you always go for.”

“I’m not ‘going’ for her. She’s here for a specific purpose, that’s all.”

“Really? I could have sworn there was something else going on between you both.” Copia stayed quiet, unwilling to play whatever game Terzo wanted to start. His brother grinned when Copia didn’t immediately take the bait. “In that case you won’t mind if she and I become better acquainted, will you?”

Copia heard one of the Ghouls mutter ‘oh fuck’ but it was quiet enough he couldn’t pinpoint who. He turned so he was facing Terzo head on, he had an infuriating smile on his face and it just seemed to grow as he watched Copia’s reaction.

“Mi scusi?”

“I just figured there will be a few days before we can set up a rendezvous with Saltarian’s men so what’s the harm if she and I have some fun?” Terzo laughed when Copia grabbed the front of his shirt. “What’s the problem?”

“You don’t get to touch her.”

“And what if I do? What if I touch her just how she wants and she makes some pretty noises for me?” Terzo ignored every warning sign he had ever learned about his younger brother and kept going. “What if she chooses m—cazzo!”

Copia’s fist was swift and powerful when it landed on Terzo’s chin. The crack echoed around the small camp followed by the sounds of more blows landing. He was like a man possessed as he shoved Terzo onto his back and slammed his fist into his face again and again. Swiss and Mountain rushed over, grabbing at Copia’s arms but he shoved them away, snarling something dark when Terzo laughed. Swiss finally shoved his entire body into Copia’s side and managed to knock him over.

“Belial, Copia stop!”

“Get off me!” Copia was wild as he tried to get his friend off of him. “I’ll fucking kill him!”

“Awfully testy over a bargaining chip, fratellino!”

Terzo’s taunting words just had Copia fighting harder and Cirrus came over to try to help keep him on the ground.

“Satan’s dick Terzo, just shut the fuck up.”

The man just flashed Cirrus a bloodstained grin before wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

“I just wanted to see if I was right or not.”

Copia stopped fighting for a moment, lifting his head off the ground to look at his brother.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I told Secondo you had fallen for this girl. I could tell.”

“Why does it matter?”

Swiss and Cirrus let Copia sit up, staying close in case he went after his brother again.

“Well it changes things, doesn’t it? If you like her.”

Copia was silent because Terzo was right, it did change things. He hadn’t wanted to think about how his plan would have to change after his feelings for you did. Mostly he just wanted to get to the casino, to get you someplace safe, before he worried about anything else.

Before he told you how he really felt.

There was something about the look on Terzo’s face that worried him. A look that always seemed to precede bad news ever since they were kids.

“What did you do?”

“Well again, this was mostly Sec–”

“Terzo what the fuck did you do?!”

His hand was shaking as he held your note.

The grucifix was in his other hand, the stones glittering in the morning light. He had been reading your words over and over, trying to absorb them. Trying to get them to make some sort of sense but his brain refused to work. It was like his entire body had shut down. Thanks to Terzo he knew that you had written it under Secondo’s direction but it still hurt. It hurt to see you write that you didn’t want to be with him, that you felt your life would be better with Saltarian.

Even if you didn’t mean it, he was determined now to prove you wrong.

“Let her go, Copia.”

He crumpled the note in his hand as he turned to glare at Secondo. Copia could feel the bite from the chain of his grucifix even through his glove.

“Fuck you.”

Secondo narrowed his eyes while he took a few steps towards him. When he saw Copia’s hand drift towards his gun belt he stopped and threw his hands up in exasperation.

“Really? Over some stupid girl?” He shook his head as he looked his brother over, his eyes finally falling on the grucifix. “Don’t tell me you gave that to her.”

“What I do is none of your fucking concern, fratello.” Copia started towards the door, shoving the grucifix in his pocket and dropping the note. Secondo grabbed his arm as he attempted to pass him and Copia shoved him back with a snarl. “Touch me again and you’ll regret it.”

“You and Terzo are both fools. Giving something like that to any pretty face willing to share your bed.”

Behind Secondo Copia could see Sunshine and Swiss waiting in the hallway, the both of them ready to follow Copia wherever he went.

“Where did she go?”

“Where she belongs!”

Copia shook his head and moved past his brother again, nodding at Sunshine and Swiss as he went by. He could hear their footsteps close behind him and when he got to the bottom of the steps he was happy to see the rest of his Ghouls ready to go as well.

“Rain and Mountain already headed out to find her trail.” Sunshine’s voice was tight with worry behind him and he turned to meet her eyes. “Copia I’m sor–”

“It’s fine, it’s not your fault.” She nodded but didn’t look very convinced. He turned to see Aether arguing with Dewdrop, probably trying to convince the man he shouldn’t be riding with his wound. Right now Copia didn’t care, who knew where you were at this point? He needed all the help he could get. “You two get the horses ready.”

They quickly headed out the door and Copia was left in the common room with Sunshine and Swiss. He stiffened when the stairs started creaking behind him as Secondo followed them down.

“If you go after her you doom us all.”

“We’re already doomed. If you think Saltarian wouldn’t eventually come after us you’re a fool.”

“What makes this girl worth it? Why are you willing to risk your life, to risk all of our lives for her?”

Copia turned to stare at his brother, feeling the eyes of the other Ghouls on him. He was sure now. Sure about how he felt for you. Sure that you were his and that he was yours.

Sure that he would kill anyone that hurt you.

“Because I love her.”

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ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult · 5 months

Text

Unpredictable Part 3-Limoreau x black!fem!reader fic

A/N: AAAH, thank you for all the support on this. I didn't think it'd be a series but I can't stop writing.

Warnings: toxic parents, body shaming, eating disorders, alcohol abuse, and swearing

Words: 7.7k

Series Masterlist

“…and that’s how I knew that I was meant to do charity work,” the nasal redhead concluded.

That afternoon, the Si Chi house was packed with pledges in floral or puffy Selkie and Miss Selfridge sun dresses. A handful of servers circulated the foyer with trays of orange juice and mimosas. The combination of Prada Candy and Viktor Rolfe Flowerbomb made my head spin but I smiled through it as I nodded at different pledges’ stories. All of them were desperately trying to toe the line between interesting and bragging because one could never act too important for a potential house.

“That’s great news,” I glanced at her name tag, “Brenda since Si Chi regularly engages in philanthropic work.”

Brenda smiled widely, making the hot pink blush on her cheeks even more prominent. “I know, that’s why I’m so interested in joining this---your house.”

“Well, we are glad that you took the time to visit us. Would you excuse me?”

As I weaved my way through the foyer, I plucked a mimosa from a passing server and started sipping. Exactly five seconds passed until I was surrounded by a new crop of bright-eyed freshmen.

“Oh my gosh, are you Y/N Y/L/N?” a willowy brunette asked.

“Guilty, and you are?”

“She’s Justine,” a shorter brunette interrupted.

Justine narrowed her eyes and thinly covered the glare with a smile. “I can introduce myself, thanks, Renee.”

Renee shrunk a little in her oversized light blue sundress and I glanced at Justine.

“So, why are you interested in our house?” I asked.

Justine straightened up and smiled like a pageant girl. “Well, I’m perfectly aligned with all the values of Si Chi: Sisterhood, respect, and intelligence. I am all about women empowerment and I respect people from all backgrounds----I’m exposed to a bunch of different people as an actress, anyway.”

“What about intelligence?”

“Well, I think there’s many different kinds of intelligence and, as an actress, I’m emotionally intelligent to the point where I’m exhausted by everyone else’s energy.”

“She really has to prioritize self-care,” Renee added.

“It’s great that you’re aware of that for yourself.”

She had to be one of the least self-aware people I ever encountered and that was a difficult fete. However, her socials had decent numbers and she had been in a few Vought Plus movies, which would help her win Sydney and Lydia, the vice president, over. The next two years with her and her friend would be irritating.

A softer expression slipped across Justine’s face, and she took a step towards me. “I just want to say that I think it’s so brave that you’ve been participating in all the rush events despite your traumatic experience. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to see Luke,” she paused and placed a hand on her chest, “kill himself.”

Though it had been a week since, it still felt like a bomb rolled off Justine’s tongue when she said it. The wave of emotions that I experienced in that time was hard to describe; Shetty said that grief was a rollercoaster, and the influx of emotions was normal.

“As impossible as it may seem, one day you will come to accept what happened,” she’d advised. “You may experience more anxiety but, with your network, I am sure you will be able to cope.”

The network she referred to was strained at best and destroyed at worst. My “sisters” were as supportive as they could be: Alina gave me a Lush self-care kit, Sasha was not nearly as antagonizing as usual, Lydia gave me grief book recommendations, and Sydney let me pick what workout classes we attended. Emma and Cate were the only non-Si Chi people I spoke to since it was way too difficult to speak to the others.

Justine placed her hand on my shoulder. “If you ever need someone to talk to, you can count on me.”

“Thank you for the thought,” I replied, smiling tightly.

“You must be so grateful that Marie was there to stop him,” Renee quipped.

I sipped some more juice to keep the confusing feelings from bubbling up. Nothing could have prepared me for Marie and Andre being propped as the Guardians of Godolkin, which was arguably the dumbest name Vought could give them. The less I wanted to see them, the more I saw their promos and videos. It was horrible that the last time we spoke we had a fight but every time I saw her, I felt a weird wrench in my chest.

At the very least, Emma seemed happy for her.

Then, Coco Allen, a Si Chi junior, appeared from the crowd and squeezed between the freshmen. “There you are, Y/N, I have a crim freshman with a water manipulation ability who wants to pick your brain.”

“Sure. Will you excuse me?”

“Bye!” Renee called as Coco pulled me through the crowd.

When we got to the less populated living room, I exhaled a breath I did not know I was holding. Then, I turned to the beaming Coco.

“Thank you,” I said.

“You’re welcome. You know I hate entitled freshmen,” Coco mused.

Coco was the only other black girl in Si Chi and happened to be the first one to talk to me when I visited the house last year. She was a little shorter than me with deep mahogany skin that always glowed. She always wore her waist-length jet-black hair in tight curls and accessorized solely with gold jewelry. That day, she wore a fitted white sundress with espadrilles.

“Were there this many last year?” I asked.

Coco shook her head. “But there are a few more black girls so it’s promising.”

“That’s great! I hope I can find them before the event’s over.”

“That would be great.” Coco eyed me. “So, how are you holding up?”

“I’m okay, the mimosas don’t hurt though.”

“They never do. You didn’t have to come today, you know, you could have taken more time, get out of here for a minute.”

I shook my head. “I needed this, it’s a nice distraction or, it has been. Besides, what would it look like if the secretary didn’t attend?”

Coco nodded slowly but I could tell that the gears in her head were turning too much for her to be convinced. “You’re already Sydney and Lydia’s favorite and they might have let it slide.”

I cocked my head at her and she immediately started chuckling half-heartedly.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. The hoops they make us jump through are ridiculous,” Coco reflected.

“It makes sense why you didn’t want to be an officer even though you’re poli sci,” I commented.

Coco grinned. “Hey, I’m making decent connections just by being in this house. This is just a steppingstone on my path to become the first black woman supe president.”

Even though the title was long, if anyone could do it, it was Coco. One time last year I sat in on one of her debates in class and she had a senior in tears and their debate partner ready to put their laser eyes to good use.

“Well, don’t forget little ole me when you’re a big shot,” I teased.

Coco frowned. “What do you mean ‘little’? You have done too much to talk like that.”

I shrugged. “Not that they’re not as important but my four-year plan is less impressive than yours.”

“Oh yeah, the plan where you basically end up a trophy wife? No shade but, I think you’d be way too bored in that role.”

“Hey, I would have a city contract too. Plus, it’s what I want and what I see for myself every time I look into the future. Every step I have taken up until this point puts me closer to that.”

My voice was much stronger than I thought it would be but Coco was always pushing me. Some days it was motivating and on others, it was infuriating.

“Like I said, I’m not trying to crush your dreams or your plan but is that really all you want for yourself? Especially thinking about all the good you’re already doing with your powers?” Coco questioned.

Her words plagued me for the rest of the event and bugged me when we gave our ratings of the pledges to Sydney and Lydia.

“Oh, and Y/N, don’t forget to send me that compilation with all the pledges’ socials,” Sydney requested as I was on my way out of the foyer.

“Of course, you’ll have it by the end of the day.”

Everything was much quieter underwater, except for my thoughts, but those were much clearer. Every time I thought about where I would be in five years, it was the same: smiling at a city event on the arm of some suit. I never saw the man’s face but I knew he had to be somewhat attractive. My eyes fluttered closed at the bottom of the pool and I focused on my future.

It was the same image, complete with flashing cameras and I was wearing a gorgeous rose pink Oscar de la Renta gown. My hair was piled on top of my head in Senegalese twists, and I was smiling widely. However, when I tried to look at whose arm I was on, it was like I could not turn my head. The harder I tried, the sorer the side of my neck got.

After a few more seconds of trying, I pushed myself up to the surface and sucked in the air. The sky was a mix of orange, purple, and blue. Sydney was blasting “My Head, My Heart”, which signaled that she was getting ready to go out with Eric Landon, the president of Sigma Kappa. It would be nice to be asked on a date, a proper one without the expectations of sex later.

My face warmed at the fact that I had never actually been asked out. People constantly told me how good looking I was but that did not translate into boys falling all over themselves for me. There were the occasional fun nights out but it would always end in that same venue. I didn’t think I asked for too much: flowers, good morning and good night texts, respect, intelligence, and ambition. Emma told me I watched too many movies once and while that could have been true, I also thought that it wasn’t too much to ask a guy to hold a door open.

It also did not help that Jordan was the last person I ever got close to being intimate with. I groaned at the thought and dove underwater, making my way to the other side of the pool.

An almost-kiss should mean absolutely nothing but I could not stop thinking about it, just like I could not stop thinking about how Jordan would throw me under the bus to save themselves. I would never do that to anyone, especially not someone I cared about.

But you already did, the voice in my head hissed.

Marie didn’t count, I didn’t mean to do that; Andre, Luke, Cate, and Jordan decided for me. I would have stayed if it was my choice but that didn’t matter to Marie or any of them.

I pushed myself from the side of the pool and butterfly stroked my way to the other side. Thankfully, the water was heated and soothed my aching muscles. As I was about to resurface, I noted a blurry tall blonde figure standing above me. When I pushed up, Cate stood over me, her eyes worried.

“Hey,” I greeted.

“Hi, can we talk?”

“Sure.”

A few seconds later, I was wrapped in a fluffy towel and standing across from Cate. Her eyes shifted around for a moment before she suggested we headed inside. When we got to my room, she immediately closed the door behind us.

“Is there any way someone would have listening devices in here?” Cate asked.

“No,” I said slowly.

“Are you sure? There’s shit out now where they put it in the tiniest crevices and you would never know,” Cate argued.

“I would have seen it or had a hint about it. What’s going on?”

Cate finally sat on my bed, and I opted to stand across from her. “Andre and I found some stuff that makes Luke and Brink’s deaths way more complicated.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for one thing, they totally cleared out his room the day after he died and I mean everything.”

My eyes widened. “Even the…special drawer?”

“Yes, and at first, I thought it was protocol but what would they do with all those----”

“I get it, Cate, what else did you and Andre find?”

As Cate continued to speak, I could feel my stomach sink further and further, until I was sure it was somewhere in the house basement. Nothing Cate said meant anything positive for anyone. If there was some kind of lab under us, that meant anyone could become a part of it.

“Have you told anyone else?” I asked.

Cate huffed and leaned back on my bed. “Well, Jordan’s been spiraling about Marie and the rankings, so I can’t get a word in about anything else.”

“They’re spiraling?” I asked.

“You haven’t talked to them since Luke died?” Cate asked.

When she said it like that, it sounded like I committed a cardinal sin. After that day, there was nothing else for me to say to them. Even though I saw them in class occasionally, I never spoke to them and desperately tried to avoid eye contact.

“They could have reached out too,” I muttered.

“You’re such a younger sibling,” Cate commented.

“It’s true!” I whined.

“Well, they’ve been freaking out about the rankings since they fell down to number five and Andre’s number one.”

Being in the Top Five was like Jordan’s lifeline. They’d always shared a friendly rivalry with Luke but I knew they wanted to be number one eventually. They spent almost all their time making sure they stayed in a high position and to drop to bottom of the Top Five must have been devastating.

“Oh no,” I whispered.

“Yeah, and your new best friend cracked the Top 100 and is Jordan’s new nemesis,” Cate added.

I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a chocolate brown loungewear set. “Neither of them are my friends.”

Cate frowned. “Seriously, what is going on with you? The other night, you and Marie were inseparable, and you and Jordan were bantering. What happened?”

It must have been the fact that I was holding all my thoughts and feelings in because I burst.

“Marie and I can’t be friends since she thinks I’m a shallow bitch who would sacrifice her to save myself because I hang out with people who do. The funny part is that Jordan admitted they would backstab me if they could get ahead, which is definitely not something I would do to a friend or anyone I almost kissed!”

I was panting by the end and my chest felt a lot lighter. However, my nerves began to build when I noticed Cate’s mischievous grin.

“Who did you almost kiss?” Cate asked.

“That’s not the point,” I mumbled.

Cate stared at me for a second before lighting up. “It was Jordan, wasn’t it?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“You hesitated which means I’m right. It could have easily been Marie though since you were all over her.”

“Why do people keep saying that? I was being nice!”

Cate held up her hands in a relaxed defense. “Chill, Y/N, it’s okay to like more than one person at once.”

“I don’t like either of them.”

“At all?” Cate quirked an eyebrow.

“No,” I pouted.

Cate looked unimpressed and I felt even more unimpressed since I knew that I liked Marie and Jordan platonically.

“Okay, we’ll save that for later but, I don’t think Jordan would tell you that they would backstab you and they would not think about it. They would do it to other people, but not you.”

“You’re just saying that because they’re your friend and you weren’t there.”

Cate cocked her head to the side. “Think, Y/N, did Jordan really say, ‘I would backstab you if it would save my ass’?”

As I recalled the memory, I slowly rocked back and forth on my heels. “They didn’t say that but, they didn’t answer me when I asked if they would.” “You probably caught them off guard,” Cate reasoned. “I’m sure if you talked to them, things would go okay.”

I hesitated and set my clothes on my bed. “Let’s say that I decided to speak to them, I don’t know what to say. Even if I did, my class tomorrow isn’t with them.

“You’re not going to the Think Brink gala tomorrow night?” Cate asked.

Earlier that day, Mom mentioned something about a gala on the phone but I was only half-listening. In my defense, there was only so much complaining about her clients and Dad that I could stand. I grabbed my phone from my nightstand and “Go to Brink gala” was in bright letters on my calendar.

“I guess I am,” I concluded.

“Then, you have some time to figure it out. You might get lucky and not even have to say anything.” I nodded and messed with the charm on my phone. “But what about Marie?”

“You’ll figure that out too. Indira’s taking her to the gala so, you can get both your ‘friends’ back,” Cate said, putting “friends” in air quotes.

“Why did you do it like that? Don’t say it like that.”

“Just because you’re in denial doesn’t mean I am. Think about it, would you be this freaked out if we had a fight?”

The “yes” should have come immediately but it didn’t; it died in my throat, and I couldn’t look at Cate. Why were things different with Marie and Jordan? Why did I stress out about them when I tried to stop thinking about them?

“Can you just make me say the right thing?” I asked.

Cate mulled it over for a moment. “I think it’s best if you do it yourself. If you don’t have a vision about it, something will come to you.”

“Thanks, Cate. If you and Andre need any help snooping----”

“You will be the first person I text,” Cate assured.

“I was going to say that I’ll probably know before you.”

I narrowly avoided the pillow Cate tossed at me and laughed at her effort.

“Maybe you are getting a little too cocky, Y/N.” She stood and walked over to me. “And for the record, I would never betray you in any way, neither would Andre or Jordan. If either of them did, they would have to deal with me.”

“Thanks, I would hug you but I’m still soaking wet.”

“Yeah, that’s smart. I know this might be useless but try not to worry about everything.”

I shrugged. “It doesn’t hurt to try.”

“You’re taking the meds from Indira?”

“Yes, Mom,” I teased.

“Just trying to help.”

Strangely, that was the first night since Luke’s death that I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. The trend was that I would strain myself to have premonitions until I was exhausted and tried again in the morning. For once, sleep found me quickly.

After sitting through a two-hour lecture on trauma’s impact on villains and heroes, I was more than happy to wander back to the Si Chi house and decompress. In a few hours, Talia, Mom’s assistant, would arrive with options for the gala. Then, the glam team would arrive and do their best to ignore Mom while they did their jobs.

I needed all the relaxation I could get.

As I was mentally reviewing which movies I could watch, my phone kept buzzing in my back pocket. I thought it was another flurry of comments on the TikTok Coco and I made yesterday but it was from a strange number.

XXX-XXX-XXXX: Y/N, pls come 2 my dorm, it’s an emergency.

XXX-XXX-XXXX: Im srry we haven’t talked in a while but it’s important.

I frowned and typed back, ????

XXX-XXX-XXXX: It’s Marie. Emma’s in trouble.

My stomach dropped and I replied, B there soon.

As I raced around other people on campus, my thoughts moved faster at the possibility of what could have been going on with Emma. The last time I had spoken to her was two days ago and she was okay then. If anything, she may have been tense because Marie and I were not speaking but she had not said anything else.

I was halfway to their dorm when I ran into something solid.

“Watch where you’re going, Y/N,” Maverick sneered.

“If you put on some clothes, maybe I’d see you,” I shot back as I continued down the hall.

When I finally got to their dorm, I was panting and could barely knock. Marie pulled the door open, pulled me in, and closed the door behind me.

“Did you sprint here?” she asked.

I nodded. “You said…it was…an….emergency…Emma.”

In the middle of me grabbing my bearings, I noticed something tiny next to one of the supports on Emma’s bed. Slowly, I slid to my knees and crawled over to it. When I realized who it was, a choked gasp escaped my mouth.

“What happened?” I whispered.

“I don’t know. She was like that when I got here and I didn’t know what to do so I called you since you’ve known her the longest,” Marie rambled.

Her words barely registered in my brain as I went to one of Emma’s drawers, grabbed a small set of clothes, wrapped her in it, and carefully set her on her bed. Emma was barely breathing and was ghostly pale.

“Emma, I know you’re probably not going to like this but, you’re going to need to eat something.”

She didn’t reply and for a second, I wondered if she could.

I started rifling through all her stuff until I found a box of crackers. My hands trembled as I broke them into small pieces and kneeled in front of Emma. She never looked at me as she nibbled on each crumb I fed her.

Eventually, she grew back to her normal size. As soon as she was, she pulled her knees to her chest.

“I’m sorry you saw me like that,” she muttered.

Slowly, I sat next to her and it was almost the same way zookeepers treated wild animals. If one moved calmly enough, they would not get attacked. Marie sat on her bed.

“It’s okay, I’m glad we were able to help,” I replied. “What happened?”

Emma sniffed. “I opened up to this girl in my class. We’re scene partners for a project and we were talking, and I guess I felt comfortable enough to tell her about how I get small. I thought it was just between us, but she posted this…this video on YouTube telling the whole world about it.”

“Who’s the girl?” Marie asked.

“How do you get small?” I uttered at the same time.

Emma froze for a moment and looked away from me. “I make myself…sick.”

When she said it, I suddenly remembered all those times she would go to the bathroom and then come out a miniature version of herself. However, all those times, it was for different commercials or other work-related events. Then again, there had to be times when she did it at home or at my house.

How did I never notice? “Emma, I’m so sorry. I wish you would’ve told me sooner,” I said.

Emma turned to me with a glare in her eyes. “Really? How would I work that into a conversation? ‘Hey, Y/N, I’m sorry to interrupt but, I make myself throw up to get small’?”.

“We’re friends, friends tell each other this kind of thing,” I insisted.

Emma scoffed. “Please, like you would get it if I told you. You’re perfect, you always have been. Your face, your hair, your body, your eyes, your life!”

“That’s not fair.”

“Emma, I think you need to get help,” Marie interrupted.

Emma’s gaze flickered to hers and I thought she might set Marie on fire. “I need to get help, that’s rich coming from you. You act like no one can see your scars.”

Marie flinched and her eyes narrowed slightly. “I do that for my powers, that’s different.”

Emma laughed callously. “Please, at least be honest. How about this: I’ll go to therapy when you admit to cutting.”

Emma’s voice had no tone and every word she said was like a hammer slamming into my chest. She wasn’t in the right headspace for any conversation and I kept reminding myself as I stood.

“We should talk later when we’ve all calmed down,” I suggested.

“I don’t want to speak to either of you again,” she hissed.

It took more effort than usual to swallow the lump in my throat as I let myself out of their dorm. Just as I was about to lean against the door and wallow, Marie slipped out behind me and shut the door. I took a step back, barely avoiding a pair of girls rushing past.

“Sorry,” she apologized.

“It’s fine.”

Silence filled the space for a moment, and I had no idea how to fill it. Cate said I would know what to say but I was at a loss.

“I’m sorry about what I said…that day,” Marie delivered gently.

My eyes snapped up at her. “Oh.”

She sighed. “I was just angry, and I thought you were a part of it but, Emma kept saying that you would never do something like that. I just didn’t know how to reach out or say anything.”

I know the feeling.

“I accept your apology but I’m also sorry that no one came back for you. I guess it worked out, though?”

Marie sighed and leaned against her door. “Sort of. The perks are nice and I’m in crim now but I feel like everyone’s looking at me and expects something from me; almost like they’re waiting for me to fail.”

“Really? They had me convinced you’d be the black Starlight,” I teased.

Marie laughed half-heartedly. “I still want to be a hero, though, someone like her people can look up to.”

“Anyone in particular?”

Marie hesitated. “My little sister. We were both obsessed with heroes when we were younger, but I was the one who got Compound V. She always looked up to me and I want to be someone who would make her proud.”

“That’s a really admirable goal,” I complimented.

She smiled softly. “What about you? Shouldn’t you be my competition to be the black Starlight?”

My expression faltered and I looked down at my French acrylics. “No, I don’t think I have the showmanship you do. Besides, my goal isn’t to be in the Seven.”

“Really? What do you want to do?” Marie asked.

“So, I have this four year plan and if I follow the steps I am on to a T, I will graduate with a city contract and be engaged to an eligible supe.”

Usually, when I told someone my four year plan, my chest swelled and my shoulders rolled back unconsciously. This time, it felt like I was a toddler showing my mom a drawing I made in school.

“Is that it?” Marie asked.

“I know it’s more traditional and maybe even a little lame but, it’s what I want,” I maintained.

Marie nodded slowly.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, I just imagined you doing something in, like, criminal AI or stopping criminals from re-offending.”

“Both are great, they’re just not me.”

“Which is fine,” Marie insisted.

She sounded a little too eager but I let it go as we started walking down the hallway.

“What should we do about Emma?” Marie asked.

“I’ve never seen her like that before but she’ll need time to cool off.”

“Sounds good, I just have nowhere to go until the gala tonight.”

“You could come to Si Chi for a bit. I can’t promise they won’t try to initiate you, though.”

Marie laughed. “Me, in a sorority?”

“Hey, we’re getting more black girls this year so you never know!”

“Whatever but, yeah, I’d like to hang out with you…at your house.”

Even though Marie rushed the last part, a smile quirked on the corners of my mouth. It would be nice to have a new friend over and it was even nicer that there was no more tension between us.

“You know, Emma never told us the name of that girl,” Marie pondered once we got outside.

“Oh, that’s easy.” I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my contacts until I reached the right one.

Shelby answered on the first ring. “Y/N, hi!” “Hey, are you on your way to class?” I asked.

“Yeah, if I’m late one more time, Professor Elix is going to make me do an improv one-woman show!” she panted.

“Well, I don’t want to slow you down but, you have class with Emma Meyer, right?”

“Oh yeah, Intro to Stage, why?”

“Cool. She told me her stage partner has an incredible Insta aesthetic, but she never told me her name and I need new inspo.”

“Oh, that’s Justine. I don’t know her last name but I’m sure you’ll find her.”

“Thanks, Shelby. Have fun in class.”

“Thanks!”

I hung up and turned to Marie, whose eyebrows were raised. “What?”

“What was that voice?” Marie asked.

“It was my voice. Haven’t you heard of code-switching?”

“Fine. Did you get the name?”

“Yes, Justine and I’ve met her.”

“What? How?”

“She’s rushing Si Chi.” I couldn’t keep the devilish smile from working its way into my mouth.

“What does that look mean?” Marie asked.

“It means that there are many more perks to being in a top house besides living in it.”

For some reason, everyone thinks that white girls have a monopoly on passive aggression and relational aggression. That was not the case at all; black girls simply are more inclined towards active aggression but we’re capable of both. I proved as much during Brink’s gala.

The ballroom was packed with board members, trustees, alumni, and the wealthiest GOD U students, the latter being my target of interest. They were all easy to approach since I had met them at some function or another.

“Y/N,” Bianca Peterson gushed as she hugged me.

Her Gucci Guilty perfume tickled my nose and I willed myself not to sneeze as I politely pulled away from her. “Bianca, it’s been too long. I think the last time I saw you was at Beta Ro’s Brunch for Boy Scouts.”

Bianca nodded, light auburn curls bouncing around her sculpted features. “Yes, we bonded over jewelry.”

“And you still have fantastic taste,” I mentioned, gesturing to the gold buckle around her wrist.

“Thank you, it was a present from Theo but I gave him a few hints,” she bragged lightly.

“How is rush going?” I asked.

“Pretty well, our pledges are shaping up nicely this year, not that they don’t every year,” she quickly added the last part.

“Of course. Do you have a lot of girls from Counting?”

“We’re interested in a couple, why? Are you trying to poach?”

I shook my head. “Not at all, I just wasn’t sure if you heard what Layla from Zeta Nu discovered.”

Bianca raised a microbladed brow. “No, I don’t think I have.”

I took a deep inhale and slowly shook my head in disbelief. “Oh, well, I should let it come from her then.”

A moment later, Bianca glanced across the room at Layla Ruthers, the president of Zeta Nu, who was smiling politely at a pair of hunched-over old men.

“In case I don’t have a chance to talk to her, what happened?” Bianca asked.

I glanced around us for a moment before leaning closer. “Apparently, a freshman posted a video about another girl’s eating disorder.”

“Really?” Bianca’s eyes widened.

I nodded. “Layla was insulted for the other girl and banned the pledge from rushing Zeta Nu. She even said that no respectable house would accept someone so low-class.”

“Oh,” Bianca uttered.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take up all your time. I should go mingle.”

I made it about two steps before Bianca gently grabbed one of my arms.

“Wait, Y/N. Did Layla say the name of the pledge?”

My eyes wandered around the twinkling lights of the room for a second. “Justine something, I think.”

“Thank you. I’ll see you later.”

“Sure!”

The rest of my conversations followed that pattern. Each girl I spoke to was shocked and horrified by my words. Plus, none of them would dare speak to the other; that would mean another house had better information than them. My final target was easily the most important one: Sydney.

In her ice-blue mermaid dress and intricate updo, she looked more like Cinderella than a gala attendee. She was standing at a table, nodding her head at something a shorter guy was saying.

“Excuse me,” I politely interrupted, “I need to borrow Sydney for a second.”

The guy deflated slightly. “Sure.”

“I’ll see you soon.” Sydney huffed a sigh of relief as soon as we were out of earshot. “Thank you, I don’t know what he was even talking about.”

“Anytime,” I replied.

She snatched a champagne flute from a passing server and downed half of it. “I can’t wait for this night to be over.”

I nodded. “It is morbid despite their attempt to dress it up.”

“Yeah, and my parents won’t stop bugging me about my future. I can only apply to so many internships and not everyone is looking for a telekinetic,” she griped. “Sorry, how are you?”

“I’m alright. Ironically, I think he’d hate the name they picked but I didn’t know him super well,” I admitted.

“Right.”

Here it goes.

“So, I think the event the other day was a success,” I commented.

“Definitely. The house was packed. It’s too bad we can’t accept them all.”

Sydney smiled as she spoke.

“I know. It’s great that there’s so much interest.” I paused for a second. “But, I wanted to tell you that something came up with one of the pledges.”

Sydney gestured for me to continue.

“Even though my social media deep dive on the pledges was thorough, something came up today that I thought you should know when considering the pledges,” I explained.

“Okay.”

“Today, Justine posted a video exposing another girl’s eating disorder. Several of the girls were upset when they saw it.”

“That’s awful,” Sydney responded.

“It’s also so disappointing since I met Justine during that event, and she was saying how women empowerment is important to her. I know that women empowerment is a huge passion for you and a foundation for Si Chi and to imagine a pledge so willing to tear down another woman infiltrating the safe space you building is horrifying.”

Despite the liquor, I could tell Sydney was processing my words quicker than any computer. Her expression shifted from shock to anger to coldness. Then, she finished the last of her champagne and set it on the table closest to us. “Thank you for telling me, Y/N. I’ll see you later.”

As she walked away, I grinned widely at the response. Bid Day was going to be even more fun and interesting than last year. To celebrate, I grabbed myself a flute of champagne and sipped it as I started to wander the room.

“Y/N!”

My body froze at the masculine voice and my mind raced with what to say or do. Finally, I decided to face Jordan. They were in their masculine form and standing at a table by themselves. Though they looked fantastic in their navy suit, they looked like they hadn’t slept in days.

“Hello.”

I practically sang it and prayed for someone to make the floor swallow me.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

“Um, sure.” I walked closer to their table and rested my forearms on it.

“It’s good to see you,” he started. “Outside of class, I mean.”

“You too.”

Jordan nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s good.” He paused. “I’m sorry about everything.”

I looked up from tapping my nails on the tablecloth. “Wh---”

“Please, let me finish. That day…I don’t know why I didn’t just tell you that I wouldn’t throw you under the bus but I wouldn’t even think about it. How could I do that to my little freshman?”

For the first time ever, my chest warmed at the nickname. However, I tried to bite back the smile that was worming its way onto my face.

I glanced away for a moment, crossing my arms over my purple sleeveless satin gown. “Well, I guess I forgive you,” I playfully grumbled before turning back to him. “But you still did it pretty easily to Marie.”

Jordan’s expression faltered and he sipped some champagne. “Don’t mention her.”

“Why not? She’s my friend and we did a very mean thing,” I argued.

“Look, I protected myself and you that night, I won’t apologize for that. Besides, she’s still here and she’s doing great,” he spat.

“I know you’re pissed about the rankings but, those can change, especially with how hard you work and how powerful you are.”

Jordan scoffed. “That’s how it should work but no one wants to back a bigender Asian.”

His words made me stop for a second. In all the time I knew them, Jordan seemed invincible to punches, laser beams, electric shocks, and words. They made succeeding at Godolkin look so easy but it must have been anything but. Plus, Luke and Brink’s death must have impacted everything else.

“We’ll see about that,” I challenged. “There’s about thirty trustees and every board member in this room. There will have to be a few who will like you.”

Jordan hesitated. “I’m not really in the mood to promote myself.”

“Then let me talk,” I offered.

He eyed me for a while before crossing over to my side of the table and looping one of his arms with mine. “Don’t make me look bad, freshie.”

“I think that’s impossible.”

The first target was easy: a thirtysomething white guy with floppy light brown hair and an oversized gray suit. I focused on him for a moment, gathering as much information as I could.

“Trevor Emerson, GOD U alum and old money beneficiary,” I muttered to Jordan.

“Isn’t he supposed to hate me?” Jordan hissed back.

“He’s overcome by white guilt since his recent discovery that all the black and brown people who built and managed his family’s manor were not salaried employees,” I explained. “He’s dying to look as much of an ally as possible.”

Jordan straightened up. “Good job, freshie.”

“I haven’t even gotten started.” I painted a polite smile on my face. “Mr. Emerson, it’s so nice to meet you, can we bother you for a moment?”

Two guilty and three haughty donors later, Jordan and I found ourselves at a different table. It was the first time that I saw him smile that night.

“You were amazing out there,” Jordan exclaimed.

“Thank you but you also made my job a little easier being talented and whatever,” I joked.

“Seriously.” Jordan grabbed my hand. “You might have saved my ass.”

I tried to ignore the tingle that shot up from my hand into the side of my neck. “It’s okay, I’m happy to help.”

When they announced that the video was about to start Jordan sulked again. “I can’t believe they’re making us sit through this shit.”

“Me neither.” I rest my hand on top of his. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask sooner but, are you okay?”

Jordan laughed humorlessly. “No but schmoozing with you did help a little. I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah.”

When we parted our separate ways, I wiped my sweaty palms on my dress skirt and approached my table. Fortunately, Mom and Dad had not burned down the ballroom with their arguing. In fact, when I got to their table, Mom was on her phone and Dad was rhythmically tapping his fingers against the tablecloth, looking anywhere but her.

“Hi, were you bored with me gone?” I asked, giving Dad a side hug.

“Not at all. I met a few board members and sold a few pictures,” he responded.

I nodded and slowly took the middle seat between them. The video was equal parts patronizing and infuriating. However, my parents’ whispers kept me from focusing too much on the video.

“Y/M/N, can you get off the phone for one second? They’re playing the video,” Dad hissed.

“I am about to cut the biggest deal of this quarter. They can send it,” Mom hissed back, waving a manicured hand for emphasis.

“Mom, people are starting to stare,” I quietly interjected.

“Let them stare. This is what’s paying for you to be here.”

“Don’t act like I don’t contribute!” Their words used to make me flinch but I forced myself to sit up straighter and breathe.

“I’m grateful for it, for both of you, really. You both paid to be here and I thought you would not want to miss the man they’re honoring,” I whispered.

Those words made Mom slowly mutter something into the phone before placing it face down on the table and leaning forward. At that same time, they flashed a picture of Brink and me across the screen. He had been meeting with my small group when the photographer appeared.

Dad squeezed an arm around my shoulder and I softly leaned into his touch.

“Thank God you lost that baby fat,” Mom commented.

“Y/M/N,” Dad said quietly.

“You know it’s true, Y/D/N,” Mom hissed back.

Suddenly, Dad’s arm felt like a boa constrictor, and I gracefully slipped out of its grasp. When the video ended, I drank a fresh flute of champagne. The bubbles instantly went to my head as I giggled at Dean Shetty introducing Marie.

She looked really pretty even though she was nervous.

“Do you know her?” Mom asked over the applause.

“We’re friends,” I replied.

“So why is she a guardian and not you?”

“She was more involved in stopping Luke than me,” I lied.

When Dean Shetty cued everyone to return to socializing, Mom turned to me.

“Your grades are fantastic and your standing in your house is good,” Mom began. “But eligible bachelors will not notice you unless you stand out like her.”

“Y/M/N, leave her alone. Anyone who doesn’t notice Y/N isn’t worthy of being in our family anyway,” Dad defended.

Mom ignored him. “That girl, Marie Moreau, is not your friend, she is your competition. You are in the prime setting to have everything you’ve ever wanted but she could snatch it from you. You’re supposed to be able to see things like this coming, Y/N.”

“I do see things coming and I know Marie wouldn’t do that to me,” I quipped.

At that moment, Mom’s eyes bore so deep into me that I didn’t think that anyone could claw them out. Her eyes looked like they were going to bug out of her head at any moment and I could feel my breathing pick up.

“I’m sorry, it just slipped out,” I promised.

It felt like forever until she leaned back in her seat and grabbed her phone.

“Make sure it doesn’t ‘slip out’ again. Now go socialize.”

“I need a minute, Mom, I’ve been socializing since we got here.”

Mom rolled her eyes. “This again.”

“What?”

“Y/M/N, please.”

“No, no, Y/D/N, she is constantly using, what, anxiety to get out of speaking to people. You are always too soft on her and make me look like the bad guy. I’m the one helping her be normal,” Mom snapped. “Anxiety didn’t exist when we were her age, we just did what we had to do, and look where we are now.”

I wondered if Emma ever felt as small as I did in that moment. Then, I wondered if she ever made herself small to hide from people, even her mom. Wordlessly, I left the table and tried to avoid any cameras as the tears burned in the corners of my eyes.

I tried to take deep breaths to calm my trembling chest and keep my throat busy. My chest shifted from trembling to heavy and I started looking around the room.

“I hear one piano…feel two fingers…smell three different alcohols…and see---”

“Y/N, are you okay?” Cate’s voice broke me out of my rhythm and I glanced to see her sitting with Marie and Jordan, who was in their feminine form.

My chest felt much lighter and I quickly wiped away my tears. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Bullshit,” Jordan called gently.

Cate pulled me into a hug and had me sit between her and Marie. “What happened?”

“My parents, well, my mom mostly. I guess I got too anxious for her, and she yelled at me,” I rambled.

Cate smiled softly. “Then you came at the perfect time. We were just talking about our horrible parents.”

My ears perked up. “Really?”

“Well, mine are dead,” Marie commented.

I turned to her and placed my hands on top of hers. “What? I’m so sorry. How did it…”

“I accidentally killed them with my powers,” Marie explained.

“That must have been horrible.”

Marie barely nodded and I squeezed her hands. “I just told my little brother to go away during a camping trip. He never came back and my mom pretty much locked me away,” Cate confessed. “I was seven.”

“What?” I whispered.

“I killed my grandpa with my powers,” Jordan interjected.

We all turned to her and I cocked my head to the side.

“No, you didn’t,” Cate countered.

Jordan smiled. “You’re right, I was feeling left out.”

I didn’t think that I could laugh the way I did but it felt so nice. At least I had friends again.

When I started sipping on the whiskey Cate stole, I saw a brief image flash before my eyes. There was a guy with curly brown hair covered in dirt running away from several bloody bodies. He paused for a moment and opened his hand, revealing a tiny sleeping Emma. When the vision left, Andre was standing in front of us.

“Seriously?” I complained before he even spoke.

#black!reader #jordan li x reader #gen v x reader #limoreau x reader #marie moreau x reader

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d4rkpluto · 5 months

Text

i've returned to post about a particular subject i've been fighting to or not to post, because i used to consider this person the closest person in my life and i even considered her as a best friend and a sister.

and we have fallen out and apologised to each other many times, but perhaps whenever we argued it was life telling me that she is not supposed to be in my circle. and you could be wondering why am i bringing this up and telling tumblr this but im telling tumblr this to be aware of @couerardent and her scamming behaviour.

couerardent also known as MYSTIICWINTER OR MYSTICWIINTER.

talk about WORSE SERVICE I HAVE EVER GOTTEN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

[other people have come to me and spoke about how bad her services were, but i tried to overlook it because i really cared for her, lessoned learn]

i have always been empathetic towards ardent and her money situation, but there are moments when excuses turn into reasons to not do something. on august, i sent alex money because she needed it, but she also said in return she will give me 4 packs she usually gives her clients and she told me she would give me my money back.

first pack is "tell me your story."

second and other packs she hadnt told me what they were but she informed me that i'll be receiving them weekly since august, and now its november.

at first i was empathetic, since i used to be close to ardent, i knew she went through a lot of stuff at home, so i was patient. until august turned into september, and september turned into october and then october turned into novemeber.

and slowly i became annoyed, [as i should] because her services arent even long or good, as someone who gives chart readings to other people that consists more than fourteen pages, the effort to write that would take long, but ardent doesnt even give five pages for her services, three at most, so why is it taking her so long?

previously, she has joked to me about scamming other people, but would put the blame on them and not want to take accountability until they start using threats to expose her, i think she deleted the making fun of scamming them but here is some of it:

and when i would message her for updates about my reading because it'll take months, she would ignore me and even change her pfp on tumblr or discord, until i reach out to her on more platforms to get her attention.

and what would annoy me even more is that she would talk about how she never has something to do or would focus on other stuff knowing she needs to get my reading done lmao and this would be like 1-2 months after i was supposed to receive any of it lol.

worrying about the layout for almost 3 months PLEASE.

i have received 1/4 readings, and that was now almost 2-3 weeks ago, we should've been on my 2nd or 3rd reading by now, the only reason i have received 1 reading is because i did threaten to expose her if she didnt send the money or reading my way, because even i had some issues because living in london has gotten really difficult and i have been trying to support my family as much as i can, but im doing better right now.

its all about the principle. and she has none of that. and even attempted to victimise herself and behave like she was in distress whenever she got called out about her behaviour.

she lost track of time, the time being 3-4 months lol.

and when i was speaking to her she ignored me for a bit again ha, it was almost comedic. for almost two weeks she didnt try and check what i was speaking about.

she has gotten ill, but this was still months after.

and i have remembered, she has used much of her earned money to fund for her nose job but also uni, but during the moments it was best to pay me back was at the job she said paid her well, she informed me that when she gets paid by her job she'll pay me back, and she never did and ended up quitting the job.

[the unfairness i was speaking about is how uni her country dont do student finances, she's from romania, because they do in the uk it was just a surprise].

i asked her recently on how i was supposed to receive a reading but she didnt reply but change her pfp on whatsapp and discord, again.

if there is any confused people comment please because i did this half asleep lmao

#tarot #tarot community #pick a pile #pac #romance #astrology #pick a card #pick a photo #future spouse

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dreamonminecraft · 1 month

Note

Ok so u support dreamnap? Me as well but what are your thoughts bc ur extremely educated and well spoken

Okay first of all careful with the "well educated and well spoken" part. I'm 16 and trying my very best not to lose my mind. After four years in this fandom, I'm very well aware of how words can become violently misconstrued and everything is taken as the end of the world. I get it, parsing through information like this is difficult and trying to figure out where you stand is even harder- but don't take my words as final. Don't take anyone's. Consider your own thoughts and feelings against the evidence we all have and make up your own mind. That's part of the reason we're in this mess. That being said:

I think the largest factor here is that George and Caiti lived two very different experiences that night. I don't believe that George was attempting to get with her in any way- I don't think that any of the girls were invited to Dream's hotel room for any sexual reasons. I think from the first night they hung out Caiti was uncomfortable with the age gap and thought of George as weird, potentially flirty, and maybe untrustworthy. Neither Caiti or her friends liked Dream to begin with.

When they decided to go up to Dream's hotel room that night, Dream did not know how old Caiti was. Caiti says that George did. I don't know what their instagram dms were. However they interacted, they were all drunk and Caiti perceived George's actions to be sexual.

I think, based on how we know George to act when he's drunk (Sapnap's stories, Dream's stories, and the drunk banter episode) that he likely was touchy with whoever was around them that night. That doesn't invalidate what Caiti felt. She hasn't been around George much prior to this, certainly not while drunk, and she already felt like he was flirting with her. Whatever touching happened wasn't called out or even noticed by anyone in the room. Nobody remembers it happening except Caiti (and potentially George, but it's unlikely)

When she went to leave, she was already uncomfortable and then he followed her to the elevator. Benefit of the doubt, he was probably just going to walk her back to her hotel room, but she was very drunk and very uncomfortable, which he failed to recognize. The minute she told him no, he backed off and left her alone.

He likely did not interpret any of her signals that night, as she said they were all non-verbal until the elevator. He probably doesn't even remember it. We know that when George is drunk, he'll often sit on the laps of his friends (Sapnap) or hang on them (Karl) or even kiss them (Dream) but that's not okay to do with strangers.

This isn't a story about an abuse of power or age, but likely recognizing that some people just can't handle getting drunk. George is not good at reading people when he's sober, and can't be trusted not to trample on people's boundaries when he's drunk. Alcohol is not for everyone.

This is likely, hopefully, a one-off event. I believe that George's tweet yesterday was reactionary, as our first time seeing the allegations was likely also his first time hearing them. I doubt that he remembers the details of the night.

None of this is to abstract his fault. If Caiti was uncomfortable with any of his actions, he should have been able to recognize that and step away. The fact that he couldn't proves that he was too drunk and needs to reflect on his own problems with alcohol.

That being said, if what I think happened and what actually happened are the story that George explains when and if he goes live, and on the condition that Caiti believes him and accepts his apology, I will continue to support George.

I think there is a lot of growth that needs to happen in his own life. I think he's emotionally stunted, I think he uses alcohol in an unhealthy way, and I think he needs to come to terms with the fact that he hurt someone even if it was unintentional.

Lying will not get him out of this.

With all that said, I will continue to support dream and sapnap regardless of their reaction to this. Sapnap wasn't there. He has no part in this other than being George's friend. Dream didn't notice it when it happened and was never aware of any of it. He's been caught up unfairly in the allegations and I don't feel it's right to drop him over this, at least personally.

I don't think Dream or Sapnap will stop being friends with George. I think dream and George are more than friends and have completely built their lives around each other. I think sapnap's content is already mostly stand alone but dream has been his best friend for over a decade and George is such an integral part of that. I think it is naive to think George will be kicked out, and that doesn't mean that either of them are supporting a bad person, it just means they're being good friends.

Sometimes you have to be a good friend because somebody needs it. I don't know when George will go live and I don't know what he'll say, but I don't regret my time here regardless of what it is.

#ask any more questions if you have them #asks

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sugaimhome · 1 year

Text

cybersex - jm

pairing: cam boy jimin x anxious reader non idol au

genre: friends to lovers? smut, fluff, 18+ pls

warnings: ig jimin is a sex worker, smut, voyeurism, mentions of anxiety, reader is insecure, oral sex (female receiving), mentions of masturbation, he has his hand around her neck, MISSIONARY other smexy things yk, soft jimin. i love them, jimin is rough one minute then soft the next

summary: jimin's only source of income is his livestreams, when he starts loosing viewers and money he admits it to his friends, including you and secretly you agree to help him... on camera, but things are more complicated than it seems

parts: one shot (i do have an idea for a second part if this goes well! i really wanna write it ah)

words: 8.7k

as per, not proof read.

A/N: i have been working on this since november and that's the longest i have worked on something, idk how i feel about this but i love the way i wrote jimin so theres that. also i intended to post this on more like the 20th but i am posting now! ahead of schedule go me. i hope you enjoy! thank you for the support!

Jimin had arrived at your weekly group meetup 10 minutes late. He was late a lot of the time but today he was grumpy, he was only talking to Taehyung, who was looking as worried as Jimin, and he was seriously avoiding the alcohol. All of this you observed from your vantage point of your spot half way up Seokjin’s stairs. Your shoulder was pressed against Yoongi’s and as you did in most group gatherings, the two of you were trying to escape socialising. You tended to exchange a few words, then when Yoongi had drunk enough, you’d both venture down to the rest of the group. By the end of the night Yoongi would be dancing on the table with Tae, but before then he’d need at least two more cups. For a moment your attention is taken away from Jimin as Namjoon’s head appears through the wooden panels of the bannister.

“I brought you socialising juice.” he smiles, handing you up two shot glasses.

“Thanks Joon, I’m not drinking tonight” you smile back at him, he shrugs as Yoongi reaches for both glasses.

“No worries” he smirks, “I’ll drink them both”

Both Namjoon and yourself watch as Yoongi tips his head back and downs one of the drinks, his adam's-apple bobbing up and down. He pauses, not even wincing before bringing the other to his lips.

“We’ll be down in five minutes, I should imagine” you joke to Namjoon, who like you is staring wide eyed at Yoongi, not necessarily shocked, more impressed.

“I give it two minutes,” Namjoon replies,"that stuff's heavy." You giggle, and sure enough, two minutes later Yoongi is telling the rest of the group about something, or someone, he had done last night. You weren’t really listening, you’d probably hear the story again in the car as you drove him and Jungkook home later, your attention was on Jimin, who would normally be listening intently to this kind of story. He’s staring absentmindedly into Jin’s ceiling, a ceiling with no great interest. Yoongi's story ends and the attention turns to Jimin. “What’s wrong man?” Namjoon asks, with genuine care in his voice.

For a moment you don’t think Jimin will reply. He stares at Namjoon as if he’s asked the most difficult question he's ever heard, nervously rubbing his nose with his hand. Just when you think he’ll shrug it off he says “I’m losing viewers” you tilt your head, not completely understanding the context of his comment for a moment.

“I’m losing viewers” he sighs, as he does, you realise how much weight he’s lost recently. “I’m not making enough money”

It then clicks what he’s talking about, and it does with the others too as they all collectively gasp. He looks around the room, when he realises that everyones still paying attention to him he continues. “It’s been happening for months, I am barely making enough to live”

You wondered why Jimin had called off the meeting scheduled at his house the other week, if he couldn’t afford to live, he couldn't afford to buy alcohol for seven of his mates. “I applied for a job at a supermarket” his head is down, it must be pretty embarrassing to admit that in front of all his friends who, like he had up until recently, been doing very well with money. Too well.

“We’ll support you” you remind him, not caring if it insults him, because you would support him. You’d support any of them.

“I know,” he replies, smiling at you. Though the moment of eye contact doesn’t last long as he looks back down to the floor.

“Have you tried spicing it up?” Yoongi asks, Hobi actually groaning at the word “spicing”. It was funny how they swapped personalities when they were drunk, you find yourself smiling despite the heavy and weird topic.

“I’ve tried everything.” Jimin explains. “Different toys, different positions, I even tried losing weight, but apparently no one wants to watch me jerk off anymore.”

There was once, years ago, when Yoongi had dared you to log into one of Jimin's livestreams and watch it. You knew the others sometimes watched him, for whatever reasons you could not, and would not think about. The thirty seconds you had experienced were bliss though, you couldn’t imagine how anyone could stop watching it. You blush slightly at the thought of the very clear memory of Jimin rubbing his hand up and down his dick and whimpering in a way you never thought could be hot. You close your eyes, trying to block out the image as you had done countless times.

“You should have special guests” Yoongi suggests, his voice is slurred now as he leans forward in his chair. “Invite some girls on, people would like to see that.”

“I have had no hook ups in the past year that would be comfortable with doing that Yoongi. Plus it’s special to me. I wouldn't want some random pornstar screaming all over my cam like that.”

“There's nothing worse than a screaming girl.” Hobi replies, staring into the bottom of his glass, disappointed with the lack of liquid, he glances at Yoongi, as if he had stolen it, even though it had been in Hobi’s hand the whole time.

“Let’s not shame them” you say. “It’s their job and if people jerk off to them screaming and that's how they get their money, who are you to judge?”

They all stare at you a little shocked, you wonder yourself where the sudden burst of confidence came from. “Are you a screamer?” Seokjin asks. “You seem to be quite defensive of the subject”

“No! I’m not!” you exclaim suddenly, as Seokjin had suggested, very defensive of both the subject and yourself. Your exclamation earns a laugh from some of the others, cut short when Yoongi speaks.

"That's perfect then" Yoongi decides. You look at him with your head tilted to the side for a moment. What did he mean?

When it's clear both you and everyone else don't understand what he means he continues. "If Y/N isn't a screamer, and Jimin doesn't want screamers on his cams. You can join him." He's looking at you. Pointing at you.

Before Yoongi even finishes you're staring at him wide eyed with a blush high on your cheeks. All these years of friendship and this is how drunk Yoongi repays you.

No one speaks, you realise that it's your time to say something and, voice shaking, you reply to him. "You know I don't feel that way about any of you"

You see Jungkook pout out the corner of your vision. The rest of them stare at you wide eyed, as if you hadn't said that before. The fool himself opens his mouth to speak again but Jimin's there before he can start. "That's enough Yoongi" he sounds demanding, defending you and you feel your pussy pulse in response. You're so embarrassed. This whole thing, your reaction, your apparent attraction to Jimin and everyone staring at you wide eyed makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry. You'd do anything to get out of this situation.

The thing is, you realise with a startling surety, you would join Jimin on one of his cams. It had fascinated you since the day you'd learnt it was his job. You trusted Jimin, if there was anyone to do something so daring with, it would be him. There was no way, however, you'd ever admit that to him.

The conversation, as Jimin had demanded, had moved on. Now it was both you and Jimin staring into Seokjin’s ceiling. Great. Min Yoongi had really ruined your night. Having no interest in the new conversation and more interest in eating your sorrows away, you get up and head towards the kitchen to raid Seokjin’s cupboard for something.

The kitchen, like the rest of Seokjin's house, is an organised chaos, nothing seems to have a place but if you were to ask Seokjin where anything was, he'd know. However, you didn't, and when you hear footsteps behind you, for some reason you assume it's Seokjin coming to prevent you from turning the place upside down. "Do you know where the chocolate is?" you ask innocently, as if you were just wondering and didn't intend to eat your way through it all.

"No" you freeze, it's not Seokjin, it's Jimin. You could tell from his voice alone. "But I can help you find it"

"Oh, hi." you mumble "thank you." You're still feeling a little nervous around him. For no reason. He wasn’t the one who had suggested anything.

"I'm sorry about earlier" he admits, offering you a little lopsided sympathy smile. "You know no one would ever expect that of you. I don't know what's wrong with Yoongi ."

You gulp. Nodding and muttering something along the lines of "It's not your fault"

"I know but it's not something you'd ever want. You looked so embarrassed."

You want to scream at him. How can he not see that it is something you'd want and you have no idea why? How can he not see you want him?

Sighing when you reach the last cupboard you reply to him. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

He laughs, it's a sweet laugh, one that shows he's thankful. "Unless you're offering yourself up like Yoongi suggests, then no, but thank you."

He's kneeling on the floor now, searching through the cupboard next to you. You side eye him. Now would be your moment. If you had the guts. Your mind flashes back to Yoongi, speaking as if he knew your exact thoughts, he knew you better than any of the others and you wonder if he fabricated all this to give you this one moment. This chance.

"And what if I did" you want to slap your hand to your mouth to stop yourself talking but it's too late, you've committed now. Jimin has frozen his digging though Seokjin's cupboards and is staring at you with a mixture of confusion and shock. "What if I did want to offer myself up like Yoongi suggested?"

He looks at you speechless for a moment. "How much have you had to drink?" He asks.

"I'm driving." It's an adequate answer as his mouth drops a little.

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" He whispers, looking to the door, as if to keep it from the others.

You only nod and he shoots to his feet, walking back and forth across the kitchen. All this time you'd been obsessing over wanting Jimin. You hadn’t considered that he might not want you and that causes your body to freeze up and tears to form in the corners of your eyes. You think the pacing is part of him thinking of a way to say no to you, to say you weren't attractive to him. "I'm sorry" you apologise, a reflex of yours when things seemed to be going ever so slightly wrong. "I don't mean to make it weird. Gosh I'm so sorry it is so weird. I know you don't see me like that" you put your hand to your forehead. You're still on the floor by the cupboard, Jimin turns to you, he's shaking his head.

"Are you sure?" He asks, and like an idiot you think he's asking if you're sure it's weird, but your answer is the same anyway.

"I am sure"

"And if the others saw it? How'd you know if you'd be comfortable with that"

Your eyes widen. He's considering it. Despite this being your idea you feel like your eyebrows are touching your hairline. “I don’t think I care” you reply, the thought did unsettle you a little, the thought of all the others seeing you naked, seeing you that intimate with someone. But you always tried to live by the motto of “you only live once” - at times your anxiety seriously got in the way of that, but not this time.

Jimin is pacing the room again, walking back and forth in front of you. It's making your head hurt. “What if you regret it?”

Your heart melts when you realise all the pacing back and forth isn’t about Jimin, it's about you, he's worrying about you. “I don’t think I will. Plus that would be my responsibility Jimin, not yours.”

Then, to your amazement, he stops his pacing, running a hand through his hair before saying “Okay.”

For a moment you’re too shocked to even speak then all the words start coming out at once. “You’ll have to tell me when and where, what to wear, what to say. I have no idea what I’m doing.” your hands are folded together on your lap, both them and your voice shaking as you speak. “I want to help you but I don’t want to make it worse and-”

He’s sitting on the floor in front of you now, holding your shaking hands in his. “If you’ve agreed to do this, why are you so anxious about it?” he asks, running his thumb over your hand.

“I get anxious about anything, no matter how much I want to do it.” you reply, watching him hold your hands in his, enjoying the closeness to someone for a moment. He only hums in response.

“I’ll message you later okay?” he tells you, helping you to your feet. After all of that you never found any chocolate. “If you change your mind, you don’t have to do this.”

“I know” you smile, he's still holding one of your hands as you talk. Then he's walking away, like they do in the movies. His fingers sciming yours. When you allow yourself to breathe again he's back in the living room and you’re standing in the kitchen by yourself, a little confused with all that just happened, and still very upset with your lack of chocolate.

***

After the kitchen incident earlier it had taken you 10 minutes to find the confidence to walk back into the living room. When you did no one really paid attention to you and you spent the rest of the night under one of Jungkook's arms, one of your favourite places to be, until it was time to go home. Now with Yoongi in the passenger seat and Jungkook alone in the back you finally had some silence. If you could consider whatever Yoongi was playing on your stereo silence. You see Yoongi turn it down out of the corner of your eye, then you feel him staring at you. “How did it go?” he asks, whispering as if Jungkook couldn’t hear. You blush, you don’t know what he’s on about, but he seems to know.

“I don’t know what you mean, Yoongi.” you can hear the tiredness in your voice, and how upset with him you still are.

“With Jimin” he continues, Jungkook has leant forward in the passenger seat to listen to the conversation.

“Yoongi you’re delusional” you tell him, a small blush rising on your cheeks.

“So nothing happened?” he pouts.

“No, Yoongi.”

The three sit in silence for a moment, the music impossible to hear over the sound of your car. Then, in the comedic fashion that was your life, the speaker announces “A new SMS message from Jimin”

Yoongi’s mouth drops open and all you can do is laugh. Jungkook rushes back to his little space between the two front seats, waiting to see if the rest of the message would read out; but that's something else you turned off long ago because they couldn’t keep their noses out of your business.

“Oh my goodness” Yoongi breathes. “Something did happen.”

“Nothing happened. It's completely unrelated, or it's an apology for your behaviour Min Yoongi” you take your eyes off the road for a moment to stare at him.

“What would Jimin be messaging you that's unrelated?” Jungkook asks from the back seat.

You sigh. “How many times a month do you message me to tell me you’re constipated Jungkook?” you ask him. Nodding whilst muttering a small fair enough, he sits back in his chair.

"So no Jimin x Y/N sex tape?" Jungkook sighs. "I was looking forward to that"

You sit in silence for the rest of the trip home. How did you end up with a bunch of idiotic friends? It's almost comedic how they will be getting a Jimin x Y/N sex tape if they log into one of Jimin's live streams at the right time. You're blushing and, embarrassingly, clenching your legs together as you drive along.

You only allow yourself to look at your phone once you're back in your flat, fully relaxed on one of your sofas with your legs up on the coffee table in front of you. Alone. The message is what you expected it to be.

“My place tomorrow? If you’d be more comfortable at yours I'd have to bring my setup over, but that's not a problem of course! Just wear anything you like but anything fancy underneath would probably be appreciated by the people but idm. I'll talk about the rest tomorrow, come round mine at 5? xx”

You gulp, not really sure how to reply, you settle with a simple “Okie (:” before throwing your phone down beside you. Staring at the ceiling you realise the exact scope of everything you’ve agreed to, you begin to question everything.

***

At exactly 4.55 the next day you’re sat in your car outside jimin's place, you’d been sat here for nearly half an hour, convinced that if you’d have left on time you would have chickened out. You’re sure you’re going mad.

It's your feet that lead you from your car to his front door, it's your hand that raises to press the buzzer, your mind feels absent, like you left it in the car, or maybe at your flat. When he finally opens the door it's like he’s taken half a day. He's wearing stonewash jeans and an oversized purple cardigan, you’d definitely never seen him in this before.

“Hi” he says, stepping aside so you can enter the similar hallway. It's as it always has been and somehow the familiarity of it brings you back into your senses.

“How are you?” you manage to say, a small smile covers his lips before he replies.

“Excited.”

You blush, looking down at the shoes you’re taking off to avoid his eyes “me too.”

He leads you upstairs and, with his hand on your lower back, into his bedroom. You had only been in this room once and that was so long ago that it had completely changed since. Two cameras rested on two stands and instead of a rushing feeling of dread like you’d expected your heart only beats in anticipation. You are heading towards the cameras when Jimin speaks.

“Y/N?” he's asking you to turn to you and you do. “Just promise me that if you didn’t want to do this you’d say? And if you change your mind halfway though you'd tell me?”

“I promise” you are sure about this anyways. This always happened with you, everything before the moment was terrifying but once the moment had begun things were a little less scary. When you properly look at Jimin however, he looks worried.

“Do you want to do this?” you ask him.

“Of course I do, I'm just worried about you.”

“I would tell you Jimin. Would a safeword make you happy?”

“A safeword would make me happy” he replies, a little of the worry falling from his features.

“How about Chocolate?” you suggest. He smiles before nodding and leading you to his bed. You sit on the end of it not quite sure what to do with yourself.

Then he’s kissing you. You would have gasped in shock but his lips were covering yours, he’s stood between your legs leaning over to kiss you and it's so amazing, he kisses so well. When he pulls away you’re both speechless and breathless for a moment. “The camera wasn’t on?” you ask him, a little confused.

He's messing about behind the cameras now with wires and lights, the whole setup looks less intimidating than you had imagined, he replies “I wanted a moment between just the two of us.” You stand from the bed, moving behind the cameras to watch him set it up.

Your heart rate increases, you realise there's no time for swooning over Jimin and push those feelings away. “Is there a plan?”

“I’m gonna eat you out first. Then I’m gonna fuck you. How good is your arch?” he's not looking at you as he speaks, and you are glad of it, your knees almost knocking together as they strain to hold you up. How can he say such things so absent mindedly?

“Arch is good. I think.” you reply, trying to hold the excited shake from your voice. As if you hadn't been practising in front of your mirror for the past 12 hours.

“I think I’m going to lay you sideways, like this” he is up from the floor now, gesturing towards the bed and where he will want you to lay. “This way, they'll get a good view of your pussy” he pauses to glance at you and gauge your reaction “as long as that's okay with you?”

You nod.

He continues. “And a good view of the rest of your body, but your face should be too far away for anyone to really recognise you, unless they know you really well.” you realise that he’s referencing all the others. It doesn’t phase you as much as it had before, if anything it excites you. Blushing at the level of dedication he seems to have put into keeping you comfortable and your mind wandering happily towards what was about to happen, you can feel wetness pooling in the fancy lingerie you had put on for the occasion.

“Right.” he slaps his hands together and gestures towards the cameras. “They're on. We just need enough people watching before we bring you in.”

That's when things start to get really interesting. You’re surprised at the casualty of it all as Jimin strips off his t-shirt. He sits in front of the camera and just watches as views increase, shirtless.

You’d seen them all shirtless before of course, at the beach, at pools but this was different. So so different. He’d obviously been applying oil and his abs were all shiny and slightly veiny you gulp. Jimin must notice as he gestures for you to move behind the cameras, from this angle you can see him as they see him, and you can see the comments and viewers streaming though.

“He’s hot”

“Is he gesturing towards someone?”

You look up at him, he's looking directly at you, then he winks and your knees go a little weak again. “You can strip now. If you're ready?” You can see it in his eyes, he doesn’t want to be pressured and that's why he's done it like this. It's your decision whether or not to enter the camera in a moment, and until then you can watch the increasing views. And what he’s saying on the stream seems to be working fine. Working too well for you to back out now,

“Wankerjane69 donated £20”

Your eyes widen, giving a thumbs up to Jimin. He, however, can’t see what you're putting up your thumbs too and tilts his head in confusion.

Putting your bag down that you hadn’t realised was still on your shoulder you begin to strip off your clothes, you start with your jumper, an oversized one you are pretty sure you stole from Yoongi. There was no point wearing a shirt underneath so you’re instantly in your black lacy bra. When you appear from the inside of your hoodie, Jimin is staring at you with lust in his eyes. Suddenly you want to cover up and you fold your arms over your chest. “Don’t be shy. It’s okay” he whispers, ignoring the limited intimacy you thought the camera would bring, Jimin obviously isn’t afraid to express his emotions in front of it.

Glancing over to the comments they’re coming though so quickly you can hardly read them before the next one replaces it. Adrenaline fuels every muscle in your body. You drop your arms, Jimin relaxing a little as you do. It's clear that he expected you to back out of this, but you’re so turned on you couldn’t care less if everyone watched you right now. You step out of your trousers, fighting with them and your balance without a chair to sit on, scared of tipping over the camera and everything going up into the air you try to slow down your shaky movements. Maybe you were feeling the anxiety more than you liked to admit.

Thousands of comments later you’re finally out of your clothes, standing there in front of Jimin in just the fancy lingerie you had put on for the occasion. His eyes roaming every curve and impurity of your body is scarier than the aspect of the camera recording you. You knew he wouldn’t agree to this if he didn’t find you attractive or if he thought that his viewers wouldn’t find you attractive and that does give you a little more confidence. He stands from the bed, moving closer to the camera so all that viewers can see is his crotch area, it makes you smile a little. He smiles at you in response, tilting his head to the side, it's to question if you’re ready, and in response, you nod your head, it was now or never.

Out of the view of the camera Jimin touches your bare arms, ghosting his fingers down your arm where he gently grips your hand with his, pulling you slowly in front of the camera. Every step you take in front of the viewers he gages your reaction, watching your emotions, presumably to pull you back out of the frame if you changed your mind. But despite the anxiety, the way it made your heart feel smaller, your stomach 6 feet underground, you still wanted to do this. With him.

“I’m okay” you whisper, trying to sound confident, and it must work, because he grins, walking you backwards until the bare backs of your knees are against the soft bed sheets, he leads you backwards onto the bed so your legs hang over the edge, Jimin standing between them as your back presses against the cold sheets, nipples hardening with both the arousal and the cold. Jimin stands over you for a moment, using his legs to prevent you from closing yours. Your body is placed right in front of the camera, when Jimin moves away your whole body will be on display to them.

The weight of Jimin's body on yours feels a little distant as you space out, too scared to think about the situation at hand. His kisses on your neck are what bring you back to crystal clarity. “It's okay,” he mumbles into your ear, his lips ghosting your skin. “Don’t overthink it just have fun”

When people had said this to you in the past it had sometimes made you upset, anxiety was never as easy as that, there was never a switch on or switch off button, it happened when it happened and there was really no changing that. But Jimin was right, the worst that could come of this was the others seeing you, and you had already established that you didn’t really care about that. So you pushed the anxiety away as Jimin began to kiss down your body, stopping at your breasts, peppering nippy kisses on the over-spilled area of your tits, unhooking the back of your bra and setting them free, before carrying on down your body, your stomach, then the area above your pants. As you suck in a breath of anticipation, Jimin toys with the elastic band. The sheer lace doesn’t leave much to the imagination in the first place, but the second he starts to wiggle them down your thighs everyone can see everything. Including your glittering entrance, coated in a liquid that proves your arousal. Your breathing increases, not from anxiety but from how shockingly turned on it made you that so many people were staring right at the most intimate area of you right now. You watch Jimin as he watches you, knelt between your legs. Your soul sets alight and you wish he would just bury his head into your cunt. He must read your thoughts, beginning to slowly press small kisses to the inside of your thighs. Then he’s level with your pussy, your pants long gone, disregarded somewhere across the room, your mind goes numb, feeling his breath against you, just waiting for him to touch you. “Please Jimin” you whisper, hoping the camera won’t pick up on it, but you know that microphone is designed to pick up every little noise, every little whimper.

“You like begging for my tongue?” he asks, licking a stripe from your entrance to your clit, you let out a little sigh of relief, but it was nowhere near enough. “Beg for me, like a good girl.”

You clench so hard, how did Jimin seem to know exactly what you liked? Were your kinks really that obvious for anyone to see? It brings a heat to your cheeks, but Jimin only chuckles, watching you clench around the air. “If you’re so desperate, beg for it slut.”

Almost crying with how good you felt, and he hadn’t even touched you yet, you allowed yourself to speak. “Please Jimin.” When he doesn’t take action you realise it's not enough. You’d need to say more. “I need your tongue, your fingers anything, please” you huff out in a single breath.

Blushing with how pathetic you felt, Jimin praises you “good girl” before diving straight into your pussy, he doesn’t even bother with little kisses or another lick, just straight to sticking his tongue into your pussy, his nose hitting your clit. You almost jolt back with the overwhelming shock of it. He's so overwhelmingly good, your legs raise and you almost turn away from him, but he catches your ankles in his hands, holding your legs above you as he presses his tongue into you harder. You hadn’t expected Jimin to be this good, your breathing laboured as he lets one of your legs drop to the floor, using his free hand to replace his tongue at your entrance. Jimin sucks on your clit as he curves his finger up into you, hitting a place you hadn’t known about until now. It hit you then, that in agreeing to this, you had agreed to the best orgasm of your life. It built with a slow surety of being unbelievable, you let out little moans, a second finger entering you. With both fingers fucking into that sensitive spot and his tongue flicking over your clit, your orgasm threatens to wash over you like a wave. “So close, Jimin” is all you can manage to say, and you regret saying it when he pulls away from you, letting your orgasm burn out like a flame. “Jimin!” you almost shout, genuinely annoyed that he’d stopped just as you were about to descend into what you knew was going to be your best orgasm ever.

“I only want you cumming when it's around my cock” he turns a half smile to you, his chin coated in your wetness, with his head still between your legs, the image is entirely erotic. The possessiveness in his tone both turns you on further and terrifies you. He certainly hadn’t seemed this concerned about where you came when you discussed this arrangement earlier. Was there something else going on here?

But there's no time to think of it when he’s standing up again, pulling down his trousers and boxers at the same time, you’re up on your elbows, making sure that Jimin's bare ass is protecting your face from the camera. It doesn’t surprise you how big he is, you’d seen him on stream before but in person it looked so much more ethereal than on camera. It rested snuggly to his stomach, his head red and pulsing slightly from his arousal, veins wound like vines up his shaft, you couldn’t wait to feel that inside you. Jimin has an undeniably male smirk on his face, one that suggested he knew well how to use his dick, and was proud of it, as you sat there open- mouthed. He turns on his feet, showing his erection to the camera as he pulls his trousers off his legs, kicking them across the room. With his back to you, you reach down to play with your clit, but he turns his head, your eyes meet. You are obviously visible from the camera, he sneers. “If you want me to fuck you stop touching yourself” its purely demanding and your hand drops from your cunt straight away. He turns back to the camera. “She's such a good girl” he's addressing the camera, telling his viewers about you and you clench around the air again. “Knows that my cock is ten times better than her fingers.”

This side of Jimin is one you had never seen before, dominating and confident, it was obvious that the confident part of his personality was a given considering he had enough guts to post his dick all over the internet, but he had always been soft, and you still felt safe. Even if it did seem he knew all your kinks and turn ons, like he had been analysing it for a while. Your praise kink was no secret, you blushed when any of your 7 friends said you’d done a good job, or the dinner you made was good, because you strived to please others and that extended into the bedroom. You’re pulled from your thoughts when Jimin turns back to you, pulling you further down the bed by your ankles, you hadn’t realised how much you’d slid up the sheets as he had eaten you out. You expect him to fuck you like this, with your ass slightly over the side of the bed, so you spread your legs in anticipation. A small chuckle falls past his lips, it's not a cute laugh, but a mocking one. “So eager” he says, gripping your waist gently and flipping you over, so your breasts press against the soft material of his bed covers. You can't see where he is at this angle and it only causes your core to tighten with anticipation. His shaft presses against the inside of your thigh, one move and he would be pushed inside of you. Jimin’s arms appear on either side of your upper body and his whole weight presses into you, his warmth is comforting. With his breath close to your ear he whispers “are you okay to continue?”

Knowing he wouldn’t expect the nodding of your head as an answer, you whisper back “yes, please.”

In response he huffs out a breath of air, laughing at your neediness, you blush. “Move up the bed a little, I want you in doggy.”

The wetness pooling between your thighs seems deeper than any ocean, you wish he’d just fill you already. Using the muscles that sculptured his stomach and arms perfectly, he pulls you up the bed, you push your ass into the air, a kind of instinct as you arch your back. You're further away from the camera now and you’re careful to look away from it instead of towards it. “Everyone can see how wet you are for me” he tells you, you shudder as he runs a finger though the juices at your pussy, climbing off the bed, presumably to show the camera how his finger glittered in the light, coated in your wetness. Letting out a little whimper that you hope will encourage Jimin back onto the bed, to bury himself into your cunt. “You’re such a good girl for waiting” he admits, the bed dipping with his weight again. Jimin's hands meet your waist, his cock brushing against your ass. You moan again, only inciting a laugh from him. He removes one of his hands from your waist to wrap around the thick base of his cock as he moves it up and down your folds. Every time it notches into your entrance, or pushes against your clit you moan, almost thinking you could orgasm like this if he kept up.

Then his head is pushing into you, it catches at your entrance, you’re stretching to accommodate him as he pushes further and further into you. Mouth open in a satisfied ‘0’ every inch he sinks into your core, you let out little sounds of pleasure. You had never felt someone sit so perfectly in you. His cock stretched you in all the places that you needed to be stretched and he just felt so good with his balls pressed against your clit. When he starts to slowly thrust into you, as if to test the water of how comfortable you felt, to test you wouldn't break before he went full pelt into you, something you had no doubt he would do, your whole frame of existence almost falls out below you. It had never felt this good. No man had ever felt this good. Clenching around him at the thought of it, Jimin lets out his own little “please” it’s more like the Jimin you’re most familiar with and you allow yourself to smile.

There's no time for your smugness as Jimin must realise you are more than ready to take his cock at a faster pace, he moves one of his legs up, allowing himself smoother and faster movements as he begins to pick up the place. Every time he pushes into you, you feel him everywhere, from his hands pulling you back against him, his cock dragging your walls, and his skin brushing against yours. It's bliss. You suppress your moans, figuring the people watching are here for Jimin, not you. Looking behind him slightly to camera, making eye contact with it as he reads some comments, Jimin continues his brutal thrusting, your moans stuck in your throat, so desperate to escape into the void of the air between the two of you. When he turns back to you he says “you don’t need to hold back, they want to hear you too. I want to hear you.”

Your whines and moans fall from your lips, everything you had suppressed coming out at once. “Good girl” he says, almost absent mindedly, but the effect it has on you is undeniable as you clench around his cock. Groaning in response Jimin removes his hands from your waist, grabbing your arms almost harshly to pull you up to his chest, his muscles contract under your skin as he continues his thrusting. You are pressed flush against him when one of his hands presses into the soft skin of your throat, the other latching onto one of your breasts, pinching and pulling it to heighten your pleasure. The hand around your neck applies a weak pressure, applying all the blood in your body into your pussy, increasing the intense feeling in your core, the building orgasm that you know will leave your body limp building undeniably fast in this new position. Jimin must be able to tell, whispering into your ear. “Do it. Come on my cock.”

It's a very tempting suggestion. “Jimin” you manage to breathe, struggling with the pressure around your neck. All you can think about is him, all you can feel is him. His dick dragging up and down your walls, his head hitting that place he found with his fingers every time he thrusts into you. His hand around your neck, his other pinching your nipple savagely.

You fall, your body almost spasming as you descend into the amazing orgasm you knew was coming. Its light floating on a cloud, then falling, tumbling as you pulse uncontrollably around his cock, your mouth open in a silent scream, hands clawing at his arm just for something to grip onto, to ground you as bliss consumes you. As the fireworks that had started in each and every muscle of your body dwindled out, Jimin continued his thrusting, his hips less smooth as he neared his release. You're so sensitive but you don’t want him to stop so you let him use you until his breathing becomes uneven and he asks, the breath from his voice hitting your hair “where should I cum?” his voice is weak, as if it used some of his energy to even speak.

The fact you hadn’t discussed this before was slightly concerning when you realised he wasn’t wearing a condom, but you didn’t care. “In me, please” you say, your core starting up with another orgasm, you doubted you could chase it before he came, but he's thrusting harder now, his head almost hitting your cervix. He thrusts two more times before burying himself to the root of his dick against your cunt, he hadn’t yet pushed this far into you and he seemed to focus his whole weight on being astronomically deep inside of you that when the strings of cum shoot from his dick into your pussy, the feeling of warmth sends you spiraling again, stars covering the corner of your eyes as you come for the second time.

When you escape from the all consuming bliss that has covered you, Jimin is soft inside of you, kissing the back of your neck sweetly. When he pulls out, and cum drips from your entrance you resist the urge to get up and show the camera, this was the art of sex, this evidence of two bodies being intertwined. But Jimin is up from the bed, looking at the camera and pressing buttons until you hear a definitive click, looking over to see the screen that had previously shown comments and donations blank. “You turned it off?” you ask, your throat a little raw from all the moaning.

When he doesn’t respond you assume you have done something wrong, maybe you said the wrong thing during the stream, something he hadn’t wanted you to say at all. Blush covers your cheeks and you instantly seek the side of Jimin's bed cover, to pull it over yourself to preserve some of your dignity, as if you could have any after that. When he turns back to you, his face drops from a smile to a frown. “Are you okay?” he asks. You must look like a mess wrapped up in his blanket like this. Nodding, you try to convince yourself that it wasn’t you that had caused Jimin to turn the camera off, but your traitorous mind told you it was your fault. Jimin stands in front of you, fully nude, his fingers pulling absently mindedly at the covers that you’d wrapped yourself in. “Was I too rough? Did I hurt you?” he pulled at the covers, as if he needed proof that you were okay underneath them. His lip pouted.

"No" you say, surprised you had the confidence to even speak. "You turned it off so quickly I thought I'd done something wrong."

"No, Y/N not at all, I just wanted you to feel comfortable" Jimin says, one corner of his lip falling down as he speaks.

"Oh" you reply, suddenly very embarrassed. "I'm sorry"

"No need to apologise." Shifting up on your elbows, you get a proper view of Jimin's lower half, something that had previously been covered by your angle. He was half hard again, your mouth fell open in shock. You'd assumed that once the camera was off, it'd all be over, but apparently not. Part of you doesn't know how to feel about this.

"Jimin?" you whisper, a bright red blush lights itself across his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, I can leave if you want, you just felt so good and I was thinking about the camera more than you and" He's running through his words, they tumble over one another like water over a cliff. "Just wanted to feel you again, just you and I"

He runs a hand through his hair, taking a step back from you, he's fully erect now. Speechless, words leave you. He shuffles away from you, apologies falling from his lips as he goes. The fear on his face was unmissable. You don’t want him to go, you want him back with you. But no words fall from your mouth. With words failing you, you take the next best action you can think of, throwing the blanket from your body, leaving you stark naked in front of him.

Freezing his shuffling and apologies, Jimin accepts the hand you reach out to him as you sit up, letting you pull him on top of you again. Without the camera the whole thing feels almost too intimate, with the camera you were helping a friend out, but without it you were going against everything you had said for years.

"You know I don't feel that way about any of you"

Is what you had said only the night before, but it was obvious that you were wrong, and perhaps in saying that, you had admitted something you had always known. That you did feel something. You don’t have much time to sit in these thoughts when your eyes snap to Jimins, he is staring at you in a way that makes you feel naked beyond your lack of clothes. You fight the urge to pull the blanket over you again. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N” he smiles, hovering above you, his arms trapping you safely under him.

You couldn’t remember the last time someone had called you beautiful with that much sincerity in their eyes. You’d had boyfriends in the past, but they’d been scared off by something about you, probably your closeness to the others, your comfort around them, like the way you had sat with Jungkook last night, with one arm over your shoulder, curled into his side and you thought nothing of it. It was a good enough reason to make anyone jealous. So in the past couple of years boyfriends had been a thing of the past, and so had such comments. Tears well up in your eyes. Part of you had started to believe that it wasn’t true, that anyone who had said that in the past was lying. But you know Jimin wouldn’t lie.

You close your eyes as he leans in to kiss you, something he hadn’t done when the camera was on, as if this was something he just wanted to keep for the two of you. His erection rubs against your thigh as you kiss, you’re surprised how quickly he managed to get hard again. You revel in the feeling of him against you in one of the most intimate ways, realising how much you had missed this. Letting a hand fall down your body to play with your clit, this time Jimin didn’t tell you to stop, you don’t touch yourself to reach orgasm, but just to tease yourself. This doesn’t have to be rushed, but when Jimin finally pulls away, lips swollen, and presses a kiss to your forehead, his cock rubs against your folds and you open your legs in anticipation. Huffing out a little laugh Jimin smiles, “I take it that's a yes.”

You nod, appreciating that he asked you again, having sex once did not mean consent for the second round, “yes” you say, feeling a wave of affection for Jimin and his consideration. Jimin reaches down between your bodies, using his hand to drive his shaft to your entrance that was lubricated by his cum and your wetness, as he had done before. This time he seats himself into you faster, his length sitting snugly in your walls, but unlike last time, he takes longer to move again. The feeling of him pressing into you, his head flopped down to your neck, as if he had accepted defeat, kissing gently over your skin, trading the sloppy and teethy kisses for soft and considerate ones. His whole body is pressed against you, his skin suffocating you in such a pleasuring way. And he wasn’t even moving yet.

He feels so good inside of you, as if you fitted together, two pieces of a puzzle that were crafted to interlink so perfectly. He stretched you enough for you to feel immense pleasurable shocks through your body every time he moved, but not enough to make you feel that uncomfortable burning feeling that happened when a dick was just a little two big. He was perfect.

He shifts back a little, nearly pulling out before slowly plunging back into you, and staying there as you run a hand through his hair affectionately and he sucks into a place on your neck that you knew would be bruised and red now. Out. In. A pause. Out. In. A pause. Out. In. A pause. No one had put this much time into you before, this much care and not broken half way through, an orgasm was already burning low in your stomach. “Jimin” you say, his voice coming out though the little whimpers you had been letting out periodically.

“Mmh?” he hums, his face pulling away from the artwork of bruises he had created on your neck. “You okay?” and the look he gives you is one full of such concern that you almost cry again.

“Close again” you manage to breathe as he pulls out and pushes back in again.

“Me too” he replies, dipping to kiss your cheek, then he latches his lips to yours again, as if this was the only correct way to end this. “Let go” he says, not changing his method, continuing his periodic but hard thrusting. You could feel him so deep.

And as he pulls out one last time, pushing back into you again cum. It's a blinding orgasm that filters out anything that isn’t your pussy pulsing, Jimin or the fireworks that go along every muscle in your stomach, washing over your body from your core like waves. His eyes go wide, as if you had done something he hadn’t expected before he pulls out one more time, your pussy clenching around the space he leaves and then plunging back in one more time, his load shooting out into you, warming you from the inside. “Y/N” he mutters. You shudder, loving the feeling you get so full of cum. Jimin doesn’t move from inside of you, but flips you over so that your whole weight is against him, his dick soft inside you. You let him run a hand through your hair as you lean on his chest, hoping that he'll never pull out of you. “I think you squirted a little” he says, you can’t see his face from where you’re resting but you can feel the rumble through his chest. “I have never made a girl squirt in missionary before.”

You have never squirted before, but you didn’t want to inflate his ego by telling him that. “I was happy to be your first” you mumble back, still a little out of it from your orgasms. He chuckles, your head moving up and down with the movement. The fact he had made other women squirt before did make you feel a small prickle of jealousy you had no right to feel, but you push it away and just enjoy the skin to skin contact and the way he felt, still soft inside of you.

You feel him suck in a breath, as if going to say something but changing his mind. “What is it Jimin?” you ask, hoping you’re not suffocating him with all your weight on him. You're relieved when he says “Would you stay the night?”

Nodding, you feel enthusiastic about it. Having sex again does worry you a little, you are so tired, but he’s still soft so you assume he just means to cuddle, and you can’t help but agree, it's been so long since you’d been held properly. So you stay, letting him caress your skin, pulling the covers over the two of you so you don’t go cold, all thoughts of the camera gone from your mind, apart from one thing…

How would the others react to this?

#jimin #jimin smut #park jimin #jimin fanfic #jimin x reader #bts smut #smut #bts #bts fanfiction #bts x reader #bts jm #jm #bts fic

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thesiltverses · 3 months

Note

There’s so much I could say about the latest episode, as someone watching the clock tick down until the time I’ll be in Faulkner’s position, and I have to say thank you for including the fact that we have to meet someone with dementia in their Dementia World rather than attempt to “snap them out of it”. It’s no hallucination we can help our elders see through, it’s their deteriorating brain’s reality and the only compassion we can offer is to stop distressing them further by contradicting them.

That episode was honestly the most beautifully heartbreaking thing you’ve ever made. Thank you to the writers and to the actors and soundscapers who breathed it to life.

Thank you very much for the kind words, and heartfelt well-wishes to you and your family members.

Yeah, absolutely - it's obviously not an attempt at a grounded take on dementia overall, but I worked for a dementia charity for a good few years and have had some experience of it in my family, and I did want to express the basic real-life problem of family members who witness fluctuating levels of behaviour / sundowning and believe they can get their loved one back by "proving" to them that they're wrong or insisting that X or Y is actually long dead (which only causes further distress and confusion), when instead they'd be a lot better off supporting their loved one through whatever version of reality they're currently inhabiting.

One of the things we hinted towards (but didn't want to take too far with Faulkner) was the fact that carer abuse often rises out of a failure to understand the roots of specific behaviours, which then becomes a failure of empathy as the frustration grows, a belief that the person with dementia is actually being 'difficult' or deliberately unhelpful.

My favourite story I use to talk to people about this is a UK care home resident with advanced dementia who was seen as aggressive and hostile because he'd always start angrily yelling at people whenever they entered his room; as a result he was often ignored or viewed as an anti-social nuisance by staff. Eventually someone bothered to look into his life properly and realised that he'd worked in land-mine clearance his entire life.

He was shouting because he was reliving his moments working in minefields and when he saw people approaching without warning, he was worried they'd be in danger. He wasn't yelling at them because he was aggressive, he was yelling at them because he cared about them.

The staff started asking for his permission before they stepped into the room (and then entered more slowly and cautiously), and the yelling stopped.

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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 6 months

Text

The Arcana HCs: When MC has to reject someone painfully

~ is this oddly specific? yes. is writing this getting me through an impossible workday and potential nervous breakdown? also yes. is there any other way I'd be able to write right now? ... probably not ~

-- to set the scene --

You had hoped that making it clear you only see them as a friend would work. You had hoped that expressing your disinterest in a new romance multiple times would work. You had hoped that encouraging them towards other people and reiterating that you are not the gender they are attracted to would work.

... it did not work.

It takes an hour of being misgendered and suppressing your PTSD to counter every argument they propose for why you should reconsider (and to make it clear, again, that you really aren't the person for them) before they give up and walk away, and there's still five hours left before you can go home. You're starting to feel a little nauseated from the whole ordeal and seriously contemplating telling everyone you're sick and leaving early. Just as you're about to give up, you see the familiar face of your beloved walk into the room for a surprise visit.

Julian

He's already starting his story from across the room about how terrible the traffic was but how worthwhile the suffering is if it means he gets to see your face and - speaking of your face -

That is a very tight smile, he can tell something's not right

His voice dies mid-sentence before he's settling in front of you with a serious expression on his face. "What's troubling you, MC?"

Won't leave you alone until you either tell him or make it clear that you genuinely don't want to talk about it

If you do tell him about it right away, you're about to watch him get very angry on your behalf (though he won't lose his composure - his main goal is to comfort you)

Will go full protector mode. You keep getting reminded of the way Malak paces and ruffles his feathers when he's upset

If you want to stay and finish your tasks, he'll leave you to it, but only after giving you one of his signature all-encompassing hugs

Stops by half an hour later with a raunchy love letter to read in front of "the miscreant" in case you have any more trouble from them

Rants about it to everyone he meets that afternoon. By the time you get home that evening Mazelinka has already heard about it and sent over some comfort soup for dinner

Asra

Knows something's up as soon as they walk in. Doesn't want to cause a scene, but also doesn't care two whits about anything keeping them from comforting you

Yes he's hugging you regardless of who can see. No he's not letting go until he's sure you feel safe and loved and supported

Will indirectly ask what's wrong and if you feel okay telling them about it. Won't push you to or not to talk either way

If you tell him right away, he'll silently decide that he's spending the rest of the day at your side. Makes himself comfortable until you're either ready to go home or you tell him that you've got this

May or may not teasingly suggest leaving an obvious hickey on your neck. Will enthusiastically follow through if you allow it

If "the nuisance" walks in while they're with you, they'll practically plaster themself to your side (to the extent that you're comfortable with) and send them judgemental glances the whole time

Starts making a point of dropping by every day to bring you a snack or a trinket and drop a kiss on your cheek

Certainly not to let everyone you spend your time around know that you're happily taken

And definitely not to harmlessly prank "the nuisance"

Showers you with gender affirming compliments for months

Nadia

She's so intuitive, the whole reason she decided to stop by so abruptly was because she suddenly felt worried for you

Glad she listened to her gut as soon as she sets eyes on you because you are clearly not thriving and she can't have that

"MC, my darling, you look perturbed. What's the matter?"

The difficult thing about being asked questions by a woman in leadership is that even when she's not trying to get an answer out of someone, it's still almost impossible to dodge her questions

Her face will slowly darken and twist with disgust as your story continues, but her grip on your hands remains gentle and cool

Asks you how long it's going to be until you can come home. Then asks what would be involved in bringing you home sooner

Makes the arrangements for you to come home with her right now

Does all of the above while either holding your hand, wrapping her arm around your waist, looping your arm through hers, or some combination of all three

Makes sure to send you off every morning with a lipstick print on your cheek and a love note in your pocket

May or may not start collecting info on "that scoundrel"

May or may not start subtly asking if you've had any further communication or trouble with them at the end of every day

Muriel

Knows from your body language that you're uncomfortable and upset as soon as he sees you and briefly wonders if it's his fault

As soon as your face lights up with relief on seeing him, though, he knows that's not the case and starts looking around for whatever is causing you this much distress. He can't see anything

Well, now he's uneasy too

Might ask "what's wrong?" but is more likely to offer you a big, comforting hug and then look at you with such loving worried eyes that you crack and spill everything in the first five minutes

Listens closely while you talk, only giving small nods of acknowledgement and gentle encouraging squeezes

Makes no effort to fix his resting bitch face towards anybody that walks by or tries to approach you. Here's not here for them, he's here for you, and one of them potentially caused all of this

Offers to stay nearby for the rest of the day (which is quite the sacrifice on his introverted part, mind you) if it will help you feel safe and remember that you're loved and accepted as you are

Makes sure to have all your favorite grounding and soothing things laid out when you get home. (comfy clothes? check. comfort food? check. thick furs and fluffy blankets? check. snuggles? ... check)

Sends a bouquet of wildflowers with you every morning now

Portia

So excited to surprise you that she doesn't realize how overwhelmed you are until she gives you her signature bear hug and notices that you're shaking all over

Slowly steps back, eyes widening with concern as she looks you over and then steps back in to wrap you in a gentler hug

"Hey, you okay? Talk to me, MC, what's wrong?"

Absolutely infuriated the longer you speak. By the time you've told her everything, she's got tears in her eyes and seems ready to rip "that bastard" a new one. (She doesn't, she squeezes you instead)

Showers you with aggressive gender affirming compliments instead and starts asking if you need anything

She brought snacks. Eat the snacks. She'll take care of the rest

You'll have to stop her from storming off to a find a person she's never met before and giving them a piece of her mind

Squeezes your hands and tells you how much she loves you and how proud of you she is before stepping back and loudly calling you her amazing perfect partner so everyone hears her

She has to leave shortly because her schedule is packed full but she'll be back every half hour to check in on you and bring you a snack and kiss you where everyone can see her

Comes up with all kinds of curses for "that bastard"

Lucio

He doesn't know and he has no way of knowing because he's himself. You'll either have to visibly cry or tell him yourself

And if you do want to tell him right away, well, you're going to have to wait until he finishes loudly expressing how happy he is to see you and how much he missed you

Because that's it, that's what he does every single time he sees you regardless of the context (even at a funeral, once, it was unfortunate)

And anyways, who wouldn't want to brag about being the one MC chose? That's the world's greatest honor! He'll announce it from the rooftops if he feels like it!

Which is how Lucio obliviously solves most of your problem before you even have the chance to tell him about it. Everyone in your vicinity knows you're taken by someone who takes you seriously

And who wouldn't be at least a little cheered up by a genuine greeting like that? That "human oopsie" has nothing on him

When you do tell him, he's shocked. How dare someone treat you like that! That is not MC-appropriate behavior

He's tempted to hunt them down and challenge them to some kind of competition so they'll be suitably humbled and leave you alone

He settles for peacocking around you several times a week during lunch so the "human oopsie" knows what they're up against

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #the arcana game #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

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chvoswxtch · 10 months

Note

Hey there, I was wondering if at some point you could do a one shot of female reader who has PTSD from being trafficked and Frank comforts her during one of her nightmares or flashbacks?

I’m a survivor and just could really use some measure of comfort right now. That maybe there are people who care. That I’m not alone. That things will get better. That maybe one day I can actually have a man who will love me.

Thank you so much.

my darling nonnie,

I just want to say how proud of you I am. I cannot even begin to imagine the horror you went through, and I am so very sorry that happened to you. I am so grateful to know that you made it out and you are safe.

you are absolutely not alone, not here. I can assure you that one day, you will meet someone who will take the time to listen to your story, and will love you through it, and do everything they can to make you feel protected. you are worthy of love and happiness, and nothing that was ever done to you was ever your fault.

I want to apologize for taking so long to get this to you, but I hope it provides the solace that you need. I want to thank you for trusting me with this, for sharing your story with me, and for giving me the opportunity to gift you with some comfort. I hope this makes you feel supported, and I hope it makes you smile. I am sending you every ounce of love I possibly can. ❤️

warning: light swearing, angst, mentions of ptsd word count: 1.7k

right here.

The faintest disturbance to your otherwise peaceful slumber instantly made Frank’s eyes flutter open. He had always been a bit of a light sleeper, and during his time in the marines, he had to be ready to wake up at a moment’s notice and prepared to jump into action if need be. This made it particularly hard for him to be able to sleep in, even when he really wanted to, but it did grant him the ability to rescue you from the lingering monsters that came after you in your dreams.

Opening up to Frank about your traumatic past had been a task that terrified you, and you had put it off as long as you possibly could. It was difficult to talk about in general. You didn’t enjoy having to relive that nightmare all over again, but sometimes beneath the depths of sleep, your mind didn’t give you a choice. The first time you had a nightmare in Frank’s presence, it was terrible.

You had been thrashing around in your unconscious state, warm salty tears staining your cheeks, and the feeling of strong hands holding your body down only sent your subconscious into a further state of panic, crying out for anyone to help. It was several minutes before Frank’s deep voice broke through your psyche, and your eyes suddenly snapped open to meet his horrified ones. Frank was straddling your hips, his large hands wrapped firmly but gently around your wrists, and he had them pinned against his own chest. You could feel the warmth radiating from his skin through your fingertips, and his heartbeat pounding wildly in his chest. His face was twisted up in a concoction of pure concern and unmistakable fear, and that caused an onslaught of overwhelming emotions to crash into you like a merciless tide against an unsuspecting shore.

Fear. Guilt. Shame. Panic. Insecurity.

It all washed down your cheeks in wave after wave, and apologies spewed from your lips like glimmering sea foam. Frank didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what you needed from him at that moment, but he did his best to navigate you away from the storm in your own head to the safety of his serene embrace.

He had swiftly pulled you up into his arms so that he could hold you in his lap, cradling the back of your head in his large palm against his chest, pressing his lips to your forehead in a permanent kiss. His arms were wrapped tightly enough around you that you knew he wasn’t going anywhere, but not so much that you felt suffocated. Frank rocked you gently in his arms, alternating between shushing you quietly and whispering sweet nothings into your ear to calm you.

You couldn’t let go of him. Somewhere along the way, you had gone from being terrified of someone to touch you to needing Frank’s touch more than the oxygen in your own lungs. Even despite knowing about Frank’s past and what he had done, you knew he wouldn’t hurt you. It was extremely hard for you to trust anyone like that after what had happened to you, but you trusted him. You knew his intentions were always pure. Frank was always gentle with you. He never pushed you to talk if you didn’t want to. He respected all of your boundaries, even the ones you didn’t voice, but he could see. When it came to intimacy, he followed your lead and always made sure you were comfortable before he did anything.

But it wasn’t until that moment that you realized how safe you were with him.

That moment of clarity was a huge breakthrough for you, because you finally realized that you had someone that would love you through anything, and would go above and beyond to protect you.

That what had happened to you would never happen again.

Once you had finally calmed down enough to speak, you told Frank the truth about your traumatic past. Frank listened intently and without judgment, and held your hand the entire time, crafting the safe space you needed to get that weight off your chest. You could see the crestfallen shine coating his waterline as you spoke, and feel his rage for those who had hurt you in the way he tightened his hold on you.

Everything seemed to click into place for him. He’d had his suspicions that there was something you weren’t telling him. You were just as hypervigilant in public as he was. Shades of discomfort and anxiety coated your face whenever people moved into your space too suddenly, especially men. You had been weary of him when he first met you, and took awhile to warm up to him, but he had just assumed you found him physically intimidating, or that you knew the truth about his past before he’d had a chance to explain himself. Intimacy was a slow process in your relationship, not that he really minded, and he had picked up on your sensitivity to being touched.

Frank knew the signs of PTSD. He had seen it in several of his friends during his time in the marines. He saw it every time he looked in the mirror. And he saw it in you.

Your confession only made your relationship stronger with Frank. It helped him understand you on a more intimate level, and helped him figure out what you needed from him when things got bad, or when the shadows of your past came to plague your dreams.

Like they were doing right now.

Frank turned over from his position on his stomach to mold himself against your back, reaching over your hips to grasp one of your hands, lacing his fingers through your own as he brushed his lips against your ear. The little distressed whimpers he heard coming from you broke his heart, and he hoped that he could pull you from the horror film playing in your head before the climax.

“Wake up, sweetheart. C’mon, wake up for me.”

He lightly brushed his thumb along your lower stomach soothingly, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck, caressing your jaw with featherlight kisses from his plump lips.

“Listen to my voice. Come back to me, baby. C’mon, m’right here.”

He listened intently for the sound of your breathing to become shallow, and a rush of relief flooded his senses when he felt you start to grip his hand for reassurance.

“There ya go, attagirl. Come to me, baby.”

Frank could faintly see the reflection of the moonlight twinkling in your eyes as they shot open. The shuddering inhale that cut through the silence made his heart ache, but he fought through his own emotions to focus on you.

“Frank?”

The smallness of your voice coming out in shattered fragments hurt him more than any wound he’d ever had. He gave your hand a gentle squeeze, pressing his lips to your neck in a tender kiss as he whispered delicately into your ear.

“M’here, sweetheart. Right here.”

For a moment he just held you, his thumb tracing invisible shapes against your skin, giving you a moment of space to figure out what you needed in that moment. Sometimes you knew that answer, and sometimes you needed him to find it.

“Need somethin’, honey?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“S’alright. This one wasn’t so bad, yeah? S’gettin’ better?”

The sound of your deep exhale was loud in his ears. He felt the stiffness of fright slowly melt away from your bones as you relaxed into his embrace, and Frank knew he had you back.

“Yeah.”

For a moment it was silent, nothing but the echo of your confirmation and the summertime breeze rustling through the trees lingering in the air.

“Thank you.”

“Never gotta thank me, sweetheart. I wanna help.”

“You do, a lot. Sometimes I feel like…like I ask too much of-”

“Hey, don’t start that.”

Frank heard your soft sigh of protest, and he held you against him that much tighter in his own silent response.

“I don’t think I can go back to sleep.”

There was a twinge of guilt resonating in your soft confession. Frank glanced behind him to look at the clock on the nightstand, the lime green digital numbers reading three seventeen in the morning.

“You hungry?”

“What?”

The tone of your voice was a mixture of perplexity and amusement, but he was just glad you sounded like you again.

“Lemme take ya to breakfast, c’mon.”

“Frank, it’s like-what, two in the morning?”

“Three actually.”

Frank was halfway out of bed, prepared to drag you with him, when you gripped onto his hand and your melodic laughter filled the room. God, he had missed that sound.

“Where are we going for breakfast at three in the morning?”

“That diner down the street ya like. They’re open twenty four hours, and they’re one of the only goddamn places in this city knows how to make fuckin’ hash browns right.”

The more Frank talked, the louder your infectious laughter got, and he found himself grinning from ear to ear with pride.

“What are you talking about? What is the right way to make hash browns?”

The incredulity was clear in your tone, even though you were laughing so hard you could hardly speak.

“Gotta cover ‘em and smother ‘em. Onions, cheese, ketchup, maybe a lil hot sauce. There’s a right way and a wrong way, alright? The fact you don’t know there’s a wrong way means you ain’t ever had ‘em right, and what kinda man would I be if I didn’t fix that, huh?”

Frank didn’t wait for your reply. He lifted you up by your waist and gently folded you over his shoulder, his arm wrapped securely around the back of your thighs as his free hand came down against your ass in a light smack while he grinned widely.

“Now c’mon, baby. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

tags: @day-dreaming-goddess @neverlandcity @charmedkim @queenofthenoobs @stilldreaming666 @mattymurdock1021 @bubuslutty @messymissy @dark-academia-slut @strawberry1042

#frank castle #frank castle x you #frank castle x y/n #frank castle x reader #frank castle x female reader #frank castle x fem!reader #frank castle x f!reader #frank castle request #frank castle fic #the punisher #the punisher request #the punisher fic

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vikkirosko · 1 year

Note

Could I request AngelDust Alastor Husker CherriBomb Stolas and Blitzø reactions to finding out their s/o self harms. I have one more request as well that I will send separately. If it makes you too uncomfortable you don’t have to because I completely understand! This goes for my other request too.

Attention

These headcanons contain mentions of self-harm. Please read with caution and take care of yourself

Headcanons Self-harm

🕷 Angel Dust x Reader 💖

When Angel was still alive, he experienced a lot of violence. He knew that sometimes it could get so hard that it seemed that self-harm was the only way out. That's why when he saw the scars on your wrists, he realized that they were left by you and not by someone else

Angel understood that you wouldn't have been able to die in Hell, but he couldn't stay away, knowing that there was something that brought you to harm yourself. He wanted to find out from you what was the reason why you decided to hurt yourself, but he was going to do it carefully so that his actions would not push you away

It was hard for you to talk about it, so Angel acted gradually. He was willing to listen to you and wasn't going to push you away no matter what happened to you. By the end of your story, you were crying in his arms, unable to contain your emotions anymore

Angel understood that he would not be able to solve this whole situation with one conversation, so he was going to support you further so that you could survive a difficult situation for you. He sincerely wanted to help you and go through difficult memories with you so that you would no longer have any reason to harm yourself

📻 Alastor x Reader 🎙

From the outside, it might seem to many that Alastor does not care about the feelings of others, and for the most part it really was so. However, when it came to people who were dear to him, he could really worry. You were one of those people. That's why when he saw the scratch marks on your skin, he began to worry, believing that someone had done it to you

He carefully tried to find out from you who scratched you so badly. These scratches were very deep and he was sure that it was done intentionally. At first you didn't want to talk, trying to evade the answer, but eventually you couldn't stand it and told him that you did it yourself. Your answer surprised Alastor, but he immediately realized that you weren't lying to him

Alastor listened to your monologue about your inner torments. He understood that it was serious, since you caused yourself so much harm. It bothered him a lot. If someone else had been the culprit, he would have been able to get rid of the source of your problems, but the fact that you were harming yourself complicated the situation. However, this did not mean that he was going to leave this situation without a solution

Alastor intended to help you. He understood that it would take a lot of time and effort, because it was not as easy to cope with moral problems as he would like, but he was not going to give up. He wanted to help you and intended to do it no matter what

🃏 Husk x Reader 🥃

Husk often didn't care about the feelings of others. He himself had a lot of problems and he was not eager to deal with other people's problems as well. But when he saw the burn marks on your wrists, he tensed up. He tensed even more when he realized that the footprints looked like they had been left by a cigarette

Husk began to notice that you began to smoke often. He quickly realized that the cigarette burns were left by you and not by someone else. He wasn't going to stand by and watch you slowly destroy yourself

Husk often started talking to you about your burns. At first you tried to translate the topic, but you couldn't do it forever and you had to admit that you really did it yourself. Husk tried to find the reason for this, trying not to be too rude. He understood that you were emotionally vulnerable and his rude words could only make things worse, but he could not let the situation take its course

Husk understood that it would take time to figure out the reasons why you started hurting yourself, but he wasn't going to leave you and let you continue to do it. He didn't want you to be hurt, although he rarely showed you his real feelings, hiding them behind rudeness

💣 Cherri Bomb x Reader 🍒

Initially, Cherri didn't know that you were self-harming. You spent a lot of time together and you rarely seemed upset or anxious. However, Cherri still found out about your wounds when she came to you. You were not ready for her visit and did not have time to hide the wounds on your wrists, causing her great anxiety

Cherri was very worried about you. She was worried that you had been hiding it for so long and that you had reasons to hurt yourself. She was genuinely worried about you and wanted to help you, realizing that it was impossible to leave such a difficult situation without attention and that you needed the help of a person you could trust

She began to spend even more time with you, often being interested in your emotional state, providing you with moral support and care. She often hugged you when you were really unbearable. You cried in her arms, feeling that you could no longer contain your emotions. She was ready to listen to everything that tormented you, regardless of the topic of your monologue

She understood that you would need time and was ready to be with you as much as necessary, giving you care and support. She understood that you alone would not be able to cope with this situation and with your experiences, and she was to become your support and support

😈 Blitzø x Reader 🐴

You and Blitzø lived together and every time he came home from work you were always waiting for him. He didn't even know what thoughts you often had in your head. However, when he came home earlier than usual, he saw fresh nail marks on your wrists. He immediately hurried to you to find out who did this to you, but froze when he saw the expression on your face

You were forced to tell him that you were physically hurting yourself. You confessed to him that it was difficult for you emotionally and you couldn't cope with it anymore. He was shocked by your story, but he wasn't going to let you keep hurting yourself

He often began to stay at home and spend time with you. The last thing he wanted was for you to hurt yourself. He listened to what was bothering you and what was causing you discomfort. He tried to help you and cheer you up. He was willing to do a lot to make you feel better

He was willing to put off work to take care of you. You were important to him and he wanted you to be happy. He was ready to help and protect you, support you and listen to you. The last thing he wanted was for you to be hurt

🦉 Stolas x Reader 🎩

You have known Stolas for a long time and for a long time you have been his support and support. You knew that there were many disagreements in his family and you were always ready to listen to him. However, Stolas did not know that you yourself had a lot of problems that you kept to yourself, not wanting to bother him. After he and his wife started the divorce process, he began to visit you often and one day came when you didn't expect it. That's when he saw the frightening cigarette marks on your hands

He immediately started trying to find out from you who did this to you, but you were silent. He thought that you were a victim of violence and intended to find the culprit, but you stopped him by admitting that you did it yourself. You've been leaving burns on your skin for some time and didn't want Stolas to find out about it. You didn't want him to worry about you because he had a lot of his own problems that needed solving. However, Stolas disagreed with you

He convinced you to move into his house. He began to spend a lot of time with you, providing you with moral support, as you have provided this support to him for many years. Stolas was genuinely worried about you and the last thing he wanted was for you to suffer. He treasured you and was ready to help you not only morally but also in any other ways that he had

Stolas has surrounded you with love, care and attention. He sincerely tried to be attentive to your condition. He treated your old burns so that they disappeared without leaving any traces. He didn't tell Octavia about why you started living with them, but she knew you from childhood and didn't mind your presence. Stolas hoped that his care and the company of him and his daughter would help you feel a little easier

#Helluva Boss #Helluva Boss x Reader #Helluva Boss headcanons #Blitzø #Blitzø x Reader #Stolas #Stolas x Reader #Hazbin Hotel #Hazbin Hotel x Reader #Hazbin Hotel headcanons #Alastor #Alastor x Reader #Angel Dust #Angel Dust x Reader #Husk #Husk x Reader #Cherri Bomb #Cherri Bomb x Reader

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hanzidanzi · 2 months

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Draw whoever you think fits perfectly in the rolls!!!!

(If you want. No pressure!)

Hello Val, hope you’re doing good💕 I’m assuming you mean to the boys!

These are my placements!^^ (click for better quality)

Just the placements I thought worked best considering the boys and their s/o, I go into detail below:

1. Red and Dust;

Red being the flirtatious jackass he is, flirts with everyone and is known to do so... Sooo! When he finally gets a crush, the person he flirts with finds it difficult to take him serious. You might find he has changed his flirting slightly however, making less "dirty" jokes towards you and he might try more romantic advances...

Dust is so far removed from anything and everything, being caught in a circle of kill or be killed has really fucked with him sadly. It's been such a long time since someone flirted with him too... He definitely wouldn't take the hint if you did.

2. Blue and Classic;

Blue is such a sweetheart! He is definitely your biggest fan if you let him, if not he'll be your biggest fan in secret... He'll support whatever you like, whatever sort of hobby you have... and generally he'll be your number one cheerleader whenever he can!

Classic is a huge nerd, which is really no secret! He can ramble on on about anything in particular, can you blame him? He doesn't feel comfortable with just anyone, so when he meets someone like you?? He just can't help himself from gushing with all the exciting new information he just learnt.

3. Black and Edge;

Black loves a challenge!! Please, please challenge him! He won't admit how much he likes that you are better than him in certain areas, but he sure will admire you from afar. And the way you snap at him when he's being a jackass towards you? It lights something in him, what can I say!

Edge is a tsundere! Really he is! He takes some time to warm up to/takes a while for him to warm up to you. But he admires your passion and spirit! The way you don't take shit, the way you talk back. In his world it means you can survive without him being too worried about you, and that is a HUGE pluss for him! This man seriously worries 24/7.

4. Buns and Cream;

Buns my baby!!!;; On a serious note, don't mess with him. He is baby, but he'll fuck you up if he has to! Sadly your little Bun has been through hell and back and knows how to protect you if he has to. But please, he is so so tired of all the violence and inconsistencies! All he wants is a calm and safe life with you, where he doesn't have to worry about food and enemies.

Cream is tough! Like tough tough. Sure he hasn't been through hell necessarily, but he has been through tons of hard training to become a royal guard! Don't think Undyne goes easy on him, only because she has a soft spot for him. He also has such positive energy, whatever you go through he'll have your back! And he'll make sure you get through it unscratched!

5. Mutt and Stretch

Mutt is chaotic... but like in a chill way? He'll bring you along on the stranges of adventures: bring you with him to his shop, to the lab, to the store and so on. And pretty much each and every time you come out of it with the strangest of stories? Like you were going to the store and now you're in a completely different AU saving the world? He can't help it either, like these huge changes happens to his plans and he just goes with it?

Stretch is such a meme, man doesn't take anything seriously. He had to be a grown up from a really young age, so he could properly take care of Blue. Honestly, he's just so tired and he want to makeup for all the time he lost. It has taken a toll on him, so he's basically making it his life mission to just mess around with everything and everyone! Beware you'll be his number one target you know...

6. Dust!Paps and Axe;

Dust!Paps is really just a little coward, now it is a little difficult to place him! Since he is basically made up by Dusts imagination and insane guilt for killing his brother. But if we were to say he was his own body and soul for a second, this man is spiteful af. Tired of being killed because of Dusts complete obsession to kill the human and gain LOVE. So he is spiteful, but still the sweet and kind Papyrus deep inside. Something you will get to see if you're patient enough with him.

Axe is a dom daddy for sure... He probably wouldn't say it like that, but this man has literally no shame. And I'm not just talking with sexual encounters, but in general! He is the boss and he will let you know. Taking care of you the way you should, making sure you've eaten, gotten enough water, gotten enough sleep. Did I mention he is basically just pure instinct? Like sure, he is just a funny more morbid version of Classic. But at the end of the day, this man is also the most animalistic out of the bunch.

Now I'm so so late answering this!! I've been busy with college and barely gotten to draw for several months, but thats life. I'm happy I've gotten to this one at last💕

#undertale au #ask #my asks are open #underfell #undertale #sans #underswap #papyrus #Swapfell #fellswap #horrortale #dustale #valkyrieofsmut #thank you for the ask💕

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justminawrites · 16 days

Text

None of you understand Amber Bennett: She's just a girl, your honour. A review of the show writers' least favourite love story from Invincible season 1.

Now let me just preface this by saying I have 2 points to make. Just two, very long, super rambly points that does have mild spoilers for Invincible season 2. Read at your own risk.

Point 1: Amber isn't "understanding" enough is utter bullshit.

There’s no indication that civilians outside of the ones associated with the GDA have any idea how brutal fights are for superheroes. Amber quite literally has no idea what the hell Mark is going through, even after the superhero reveal. The only thing she has a smidgeon of understanding of is his dad beating his ass on live TV. And even that is a heavy maybe because we don’t know how much of the fight the cameras could cover and how much was broadcast to the general public.

Point 2: Amber’s dated Losers before.

This is stated explicitly in canon, she's “been down that road." Furthermore, she’s also the daughter of a single-parent household. She used to hang out a community centre as a kid because her mom did late hours. Daddy Issues anyone? She’s got a lot of her own problems that we never get to unpack or linger on because the writing decided she wasn’t going to end up with Mark.

What if she’d already dated an absolute bastard before Mark? Someone who seemed sweet and genuine at first, but then he started slacking. He’d be late to dates, stop taking an interest in anything she did, and just never show up for her in any way that mattered. Amber would make up excuses with her friends and family, oh he’s busy, he’s studying; he cares, I swear, he just has a strange way of showing it.

Her friends and family don’t believe her completely but they humor her because she really seems to like him. And the ex-boyfriend isn’t a douchebag the whole time.. he brings gifts to make up for being late, he plies and pacifies her with honeyed words and promises to be better.

But each time the lies get more and more difficult to believe. Traffic and science projects, traffic and science projects, even when he shows up smelling like weed and alcohol. Her friends and family give her tight-lipped smiles when her ex-boyfriend gives her sloppy kisses and proclaims over and over “She’s too good for me, this one.”

She tries to be empathetic, she tries to be understanding when they’re alone, he can tell her what it is that’s wrong. But every-time she brings up giving them some space, he takes it as an indication of her not believing him and he guilts her with one sob story or another— she knows him, he was so gentle and respectful before they started dating, does she really think he’d do this to her if he didn’t have a good reason? Just a masterclass in gaslighting. So she gives him a second chance, third chance, fourth even.

But then he begins cheating on her. Whenever she confronts him about it, he plays victim and accuses her of being “crazy” even though the entire school knows otherwise. She catches him one fine day, and dumps him on the spot. For a short while, Amber’s very proud of this but as time passes she starts to feel extremely embarrassed that it took that long for her to catch on.

No one blames her, of course, but they all say something along the lines of “We never liked him anyway” which makes Amber doubt the perception of him she had. She internalises their support as a failing on her part to be vigilant, she didn’t want to end up making the same mistakes as her mom, after all.

Amber becomes guarded. She doesn’t entertain male attention (from Todd, for example) but then she finds out resident wimp Mark Grayson takes a beating for her and she feels bad.

So she gives him a chance. Mark was a nonissue, a nobody with no track record of being amazing or awful, just an in-between, normal guy who was maybe a little soft spoken and needed to stand up for himself more.

But every time they try to hang out, something comes in between them. The excuses are laughably obvious this time and Amber is caught between trying to understand if Mark Grayson is trying to let her down easy because he’s not interested or if he’s just another douchebag taking her for a ride.

He leaves her alone during their study date for an hour to do something shady and/or potentially related to Eve (I know she overheard him yelling at Cecil in his bedroom); Mark tells her he’s been to Mount Everest, but can’t tell her How he got there, and leaves on a non-specific trip for two weeks, right after their first date, and can’t even tell her Where he’s going or what he did when he was there?

So she does what she’d wished she’d done in her first relationship, she sets her boundaries. Firmly. She gives Mark multiple chances to come clean when she tells him she’s not riding that wave again. It’s been brought up a few times that Amber has lingering relationship-trauma.

During their study date Amber tells him she’s been in relationships with violent potentially abusive guys (“Met plenty of guys who were willing to throw a punch for me.”); or when he stands her up for the Dinner with her mom she tells him that he needs to make a choice because she’s “Been down this road before, and once was enough.”

But he still keeps at it and she starts getting tired of defending him to her friends and her mom. He’s just busy, he’s just studying; he cares, I swear, he just has a strange way of showing it. And this time they shake their heads and lightly imply that she’s stuck in a pattern. Amber can feel them comparing Mark to her old boyfriend and it all becomes a bit too much.

Either he’s a no good drug dealing prick or he’s just wasting her time, whatever it is, Amber’s had enough of being left in the dark.

The soup kitchen is the final straw, but then she finds out that he gets run over by a bus. He actually gets hurt, this is the first time Amber’s seen him hurt, and she feels awful because if she hadn’t pushed him to show up for her again and again maybe he would’ve been more careful.

He doesn’t let her visit him in the hospital. A hit and run on the wrong side of town was the story this time— he can’t even tell her this, the specifics of his accident! Eve was his first point of contact after his parents?! At this point Amber is convinced that he’s involved in something violent or something to do with Eve, or both and she’s not sure she wants to keep going with this.

Amber is confused and hurt but she also feels responsible for Mark’s injuries. Maybe she Was too paranoid, maybe she Was projecting all her relationship-trauma on him and he would tell her what happened at his own pace. So she backtracks, gives him another chance.

College is really the best of all worlds, Mark makes her promises that this time will be different, and Amber tentatively agrees to college together. (She’s still stressed out about his injuries and on edge the whole time though and asks if he has a concussion).

This is really important because Amber ends up at Upstate U later. She decided to go to college with him, basically because of Him. This wasn’t any specific plan she had before, this was her making room in her life for this boy and potentially everything their lives could be together.

Then the Reanimen Incident happens. And she loses her shit. Mark Grayson is not the flakey but well-intentioned boyfriend she thought he was.. Mark Grayson is not even a good person! He LEFT her and William at the drop of a hat to save his own slimy skin, that bastard! Her intuition was right, she never should’ve given him a chance.

Amber was no longer going to give Mark Grayson the time of day, much less share a bed with the self-serving jerk; she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of spinning another tall tale. Or seeing her cry. She closes the door to the shower rooms behind her, and overhears Rick leaving to get them all some beer. Dorm room walls are thin, after all.

Then she hears something else.

“You’re Invincible!” William’s voice carries over excitedly, “And you never told me?”

Here goes the "problematic" bit.

I think Amber was lying when she told Mark she knew he was Invincible weeks ago. Amber didn’t even know who Invincible was until a few minutes after the Reanimen attack. She isn’t acting for anyone around her, she’s genuinely confused when the superhero jets off because she’s never seen him in her life.

I think she overheard William freaking out about it in the dorm room and she pieced together Mark’s absences with his vague excuses and why couldn’t visit him at the hospital. She takes a shower to cool off but sitting and stewing on all of it just makes her angrier and she decides to go to the frat party just to get away from Mark for a while.

Now why wouldn’t she just tell him she overheard them talking?

Amber is an assertive independent character with a lot of pride. And that’s not a bad thing. Amber has a lot to be proud of. She has a strong sense of justice, she doesn’t take crap from anyone and she has too much self-worth to put up with liars.

You can clearly see this in the way she approaches Mark in the beginning. She asks William if he’s dating Eve, and then instead of calling him herself, she gets Todd to give Mark her number so he can call her if he’s interested, despite the fact that she already is. She has too much pride to chase him. It’s one of her fixed flaws, and it’s consistent to her character.

So finding out that Mark is actually Invincible almost by accident, is kind of embarrassing for Amber. Not only because she yelled at him for disappearing but for all the times he misled her and lied to her only to actually have a good reason for doing it. There’s a lot of mixed emotions there, shame, guilt, concern. Guilt.

Admitting that she overheard he was Invincible would be like admitting she was a stupid, nagging girlfriend who had no right to be a part of his life (the way the fandom perceives her) so she doesn’t. She tries to distract herself with the party, flirts with someone she just met not ten minutes ago, and feels awful because he immediately drops the girlfriend bomb.

Now she’s forced to confront the fact that she has a boyfriend, and her flakey, well-intentioned superhero boyfriend is sitting and moping in the dorm room because she doesn’t have the guts to tell him she knows. Because telling him she knows would remove the choice he’d need to make when deciding whether or not he was serious about their relationship.

Amber was serious, Amber was going to change her life and potentially open her future to college with him, but was Mark really sure about Them if he couldn’t even tell her of his own accord?

Telling him would be like giving him another out. And Amber was done giving him an out.

When he finally confesses he doesn’t see why she’s mad at him, because he doesn’t see her at all. He can’t even begin to imagine what this roller coaster of a weekend has been for her because she’s been serious about him all this time and it took them breaking up completely for Mark to choose her back in the first place and go all in.

Now it’s true that Mark is entitled to his secrets but Amber is also entitled to being upset that he can’t tell her 1 solid thing about his life. Not one thing does he trust her enough to explain, and at that point why should they even be dating each other? Why should she change the course of her future for a guy who can’t tell her where he was last weekend?

Then Omni-man beats him up on live TV, and now that she knows that he’s Invincible, she finally gets a glimpse into the bloody, gruesome world that is Mark’s. His Dad isn’t a superhero, his Dad is a Monster, and Mark is discovering this the same time as the rest of the world.

So she freaks out because she cares, and she’s so relieved to see him not beat to a bloody pulp like on TV that she kisses him. She likely had no intention of getting back together with him before that, but world-ending fiascos often come with heightened emotions, and they’re just kids at the end of the day.

She’s not a manipulative, narcissistic villain, she’s just a proud girl, in love with a boy who can’t decided whether or not he loves her back.

Now do I think Mark is a terrible jerk who doesn’t deserve Amber? No. I watched Invincible the same way it was intended, almost entirely through Mark’s eyes, and it’s hard to assign blame in this case because we see how horrifying and traumatic being a superhero actually is. But that’s the point, we only see one half of the story.

We see Amber through Mark’s eyes and in his opinion she could afford to be more compassionate to his excuses the moment she finds out he’s a hero, the way Eve can, but that’s not true at all because Amber has no idea what being a hero is like. Eve does, and that’s the difference that Mark is wilfully blind to.

But Mark also has no idea what Amber’s life is like and it’s easy to get lost in the sea of all the lives lost and villains fought, that he genuinely hasn’t spent any time with his girlfriend as a person beyond his Girlfriend. Amber isn’t a person to him, like William stopped being eventually; they became sort of tethers to Mark’s humanity, a way to distinguish himself from his Dad. A way to ground him.

Seriously? When was the last time Mark even talked to William, his once Best Friend? They’re not his Mom, they’re concepts to him. They’re civilians, potential victims he could end up losing if he doesn’t police himself and his powers. Mark slowly becomes disillusioned to his own life as a human, the more the leans into the Viltrumite half of his parentage.

It’s a little tragic but it’s the story we’re seeing. In season 2, when Mark and Amber break up and he gives up his dream for college, these two things are almost explicitly correlated. Mark is coming to terms with the fact that he’s going to outlive everyone he knows, even his new baby brother and that is just the most chaotic example of a slow-burn trauma if I’ve ever seen one. He’s giving up being human, but maybe not giving up his humanity.

______________________________________________________________

TLDR: None of you understand Amber Bennett because the writers decided that Mark would outlive her before he ever had the chance to see things from her perspective and I am SALTY about it

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