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pinknipszz · 4 months

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golden girl

↷ ˊ- neteyam/metkayina reader | (i.), (ii.), (iii.), (iv.)

“golden girl, golden smile, please don’t go, please stay a while”

neteyam had grown used to the marui, though he’ll never admit it aloud, especially not when he had spent the first few nights twisting back and forth and grumbling quietly to himself. he couldn’t avoid his father’s stern lecture the following morning, but if he could disturb jake’s sleep to spite him, then so be it. but ever since the tidepools, something in him changed. it started with simple things like the marui.

now, the woven floor felt nice under his feet. if neteyam looked closely—which he would have never done before—he could see each braid of dried leaves from a nearby palm, realizing that only someone who excelled in their craft could create such intricate patterns. briefly, he wondered if you were also well-versed in weaving. surely you were. how could a wonderful woman not be?

perhaps his growing fondness for the family marui—and inevitably you—is why he decided to opt out of today’s lessons. sure, he felt a pinch of shame. neteyam was never such a coward back home, but the sea made him vulnerable, dragging him in and swallowing him whole.

he paid the price for letting his mind wander. in the midst of thinking about you and what you could have been doing on this beautiful day, he felt a sharp pain run through his finger. “shit.” neteyam hissed, dropping the arrowhead he was carving. he brushed off the dust that collected and inspected the small cut. it wasn’t all that bad, certainly not something he should stop working over.

he resumed his work and ignored the ache as if nothing had happened. it was clear that he hadn’t learned his lesson, either, letting his mind wander back to you. if you saw the wound on his finger, would you fix it for him? would you rub a salve over it and tell him what it’s made of? would you bring him the next time you forage for plants to make some more?

“you look happier these days.”

neteyam blinked and looked up from his seat on the floor. his mother stood at the foot of the entrance with a basket full of fruit hanging from her hip. she said it so matter-a-factly that he knew not to question her implication. neteyam dropped the unfinished arrowhead and rose to his feet, bringing the basket inside and stealing a peak at its contents. “what makes you say that, sa’nok?”

she huffed. “do not play dumb with me.” though, the glare in her eyes softened at her eldest son. the move had been hard for all of them, she knew it well. the grief, the heartache of being ripped from your home. so when she noticed that her son was finally growing accustomed to their refuge, a weight had been lifted off of neytiri’s chest. “why don’t you join the others outside?”

“it’s because he found a girlfriend.” lo’ak teased, suddenly appearing from behind her, and neytiri gave him a look. he walked past their mother and into their home, ignoring the wet footsteps he left in his wake. so they went swimming again, neteyam thought as he watched lo’ak rummaging through his things for a dry rug. “you better watch it. and dry yourself before you touch anything next time.”

lo’ak stuck out his tongue and reached over to tug his older brother’s ear, his face smug knowing he had the upper hand. neteyam hissed and swatted him away, though it didn’t go unnoticed to anyone that he didn’t deny it. “mind your own business skxawng.” the word teetered towards a growl. but lo’ak simply shrugged and left once dry.

an awkward silence stretched between them, before his mother broke it.

“why didn’t you tell me, ma evi?” it was an honest question said with such softness that was nearly unfitting of neytiri’s usual nature.

neteyam cleared his throat, painfully unconvincing. “we aren’t together, ma. she’s just a friend.” he emptied the basket she brought and ignored her pointed stare.

neytiri wasn’t stupid. sure, she sometimes lost track of her children’s antics in between adjusting to their refuge and learning from the tsahik. her children were many, all of whom were different. some required more attention, especially tuk, but that didn’t mean she cared less about her eldest. she didn’t even need a name to know who he was referring to. but she let it rest. for now.

neytiri made quick work of the fruits she picked, peeling and chopping with skill. neteyam continued to shape the arrowhead meanwhile.

“why do you make a new arrowhead?” neytiri asked without looking at him, her face twisted with concentration as she carefully peeled the skin between the grooves. neteyam watched her for a moment, knowing that she did that for jake, who found the fruit’s skin bitter. “i figured i’d put the scrap to good use.” he said. “it was the right size and length. i might need it one day.”

neytiri hummed. “you plan to fight with just your bow?”

at that, neteyam’s actions came to a full stop, and he looked at his mother with wide eyes. “you don’t?”

“of course i do.” she huffed. “i have an honor to live up to.” neytiri moved the cut fruit to a clean bowl and wiped her hands. then, she reached for the next. “but you and i are different. if you find yourself in battle without a bow, or your ikran, what will you resort to? you could have used the forest to your advantage, even without a weapon, but the same can’t be said here.”

neytiri watched a small realization wash over her eldest son. pleased, she continued in silence and left him to soak in his thoughts.

she was chopping up the last fruit when you unexpectedly came over, flashing a kind smile and apologizing for the intrusion. neytiri reassured you that it was anything but that, before ushering you inside. you greeted neteyam and explained to them that the day’s lessons were coming to an end, and the others would be coming home shortly.

there was a little accident with lo’ak, you told them. he lost control of himself under a wave and found his foot wedged between the coral. you nearly chuckled at their exasperated expressions, so similar in every way, that leaned more towards annoyance than concern. when you turned to leave, believing that you overstayed your welcome, neytiri pulled you back in. she insisted that you stayed.

you found yourself enjoying your conversations with her. she was one of the fiercest women you knew, something she surely takes pride in. she spoke with certainty and confidence, and she chided you like a mother when you politely refused the fruit she offered.

something shiny glinted in the corner of your eye, and you briefly pulled your attention away from neytiri. “what are you holding, neteyam?” you tilted your head at the boy who hardly said a thing since you arrived.

he looked down for a moment, before looking back at you. “it’s just a spearhead i’ve been working on.”

(masterlist)

#avatar the way of water #atwow #neteyam x metkayina!reader #neteyam x reader #neteyam imagine #neteyam x you #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #neytiri #lo'ak sully #jake sully #atwow neteyam

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mistress-ofmagic · 8 months

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Around the Realms in 80 days - chapter 21

Pairing: Reader x Loki

Story summary: You have fallen through a portal during the convergence into Asgard and come face to face with Thor, and his brother Loki. With no way to return, you must travel with the two men and their hoard of asgardian soldiers to get back home. Things get from bad to worse when you have to share a tent with the god of mischief himself.

Notes:

Hi!!! Hope you are doing well! I don't have much to say here for once other than the fact I really loved writing this chapter and I hope you enjoy it! This is my longest chapter to date standing at just over 5000 words so it has taken me a while! Please let me know what you think as all your comments mean the world!

Read this story on a03!

find all parts to this story on Tumblr here:

Your eyes flickered open. The world was moving fast in bright colours around you. You were vaguely aware of being in someones arms as you travelled through the rainbow tube. You tried open your mouth to speak but you blacked out again.

***

This time when you woke, you woke lying in a bed in the middle of a small room. Your eyes felt heavy, and difficult to open. You just wanted to go back to sleep but there was someone saying your name.

“How are you feeling?” It was a man’s voice you didn’t recognise.

“Hm.” You grunted. You mouth felt dry and strange to use.

How were you feeling? Tired mainly but your torso ached and it felt like there was a heavy weight on your chest.

“What would you give the pain out of 10?”

In your state you thought it was a stupid question. You were too tired to concentrate on anything, you couldn’t even open your eyes, never mind try to think critically about pain.

“It hurts. Like an 8.” You croaked out.

“Okay. I’m just administering oxycodone, it’s a strong painkiller.”

You didn’t care if he was administering orange juice, you just wanted to sleep.

“What is it now?”

“A 6?”

You weren’t completely sure there had been any difference but you wanted to be left alone. The man checked in a couple more times but soon he left you to sleep.

You spent the next few hours drifting in and out of consciousness, barely aware of your surroundings. Your thoughts meandered through your brain like clouds; never able to catch one and hold onto it for long. You were vaguely aware of people coming in and out to check on you, but you were never sure who or for how long they were there.

Eventually you came round to keep your eyes open for long enough to notice the dark haired, blue eyed man sat on the chair next to you watching you closely.

“You’re alive” He spoke matter of factly.

“So they tell me. Don’t get too excited.”

You blinked heavily becoming more aware of your surroundings. You had an IV tube coming out of the cannula in your left hand and a thin oxygen tube in your nostrils that itched if you thought about it too much. You were donning a sexy hospital gown and were tucked under thin blankets.

“What hospital is this?” You asked.

“You’re in Stark Towers.” Loki said, grimly. “They have some wards here, free health care for Stark employees.” Loki sniffed. “The care would have been better on Asgard.”

“I’m not so sure Odin would be best pleased with that.”

Loki didn’t disagree.

He continued to stare at you, not exactly friendly.

“What?” You grunted, your voice still hoarse.

“What?” He parroted, “What?” His voice started to raise, “You’re lucky you are not dead you wretched girl. If you were not in so much pain right now…”

“Yeah well you’re lucky to be alive too! You’re welcome by the way Jesus, next time I won’t bother.” You were in pain and irritated.

“Good, you shouldn’t.” He spat. “ I don’t think you realise… you could have died! I could have lost you.”

You both looked surprised at his admission. His eyes wide and mouth open slightly as if he wasn’t expecting those words to come out of his mouth.

“Well, I’m still here.” You said in a small voice.

Loki sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He looked almost as tired as you felt, with dark circles under his eyes and unkempt hair.

Your torso continued to hurt and you knew that if you tried to sit up it would be worse so you didn’t bother. After all that drama you felt exhausted.

“I apologise, I shouldn’t have raised my voice, not when you are in this condition.” He breathed. “We can talk about this later.”

There was a few moments silence before you decided to change the subject.

“What happened after I fell?”

“I took you back via the Bifrost.”

“And the Fire demons?”

“Thor and the others came out on top mostly, but we didn’t learn as much as we hoped.” He sighed.

“Actually…” You repeated back the conversation you had with the fire demon who had cornered you.

Loki looked thoughtful.

“I wonder what they’re using humans for.”

Your mind flicked back to that conversation which had resulted in you shooting the demon.

You shuddered.

Loki quickly switched his attention back to you,

“Are you cold?” He asked, sharply.

“Er, no.” You ignored the strange feeling in your stomach that arose due to his consideration, a feeling that had nothing to do with your injures.

Loki was still staring at you and you signed,

“I guess I feel bad about…hurting that fire demon.”

Loki continued to stare at you, unnerving you slightly.

“Well,” You huffed defensively “What if he was married? What if he had tiny fire demon babies and enjoyed going to see fire demon movies at the pictures on weekends and I just…”

His eyebrows raised and his mouth twisted into a smile.

“Stop laughing at me, sorry I’m not a cold blooded killer like you.” You turned your face away from him.

Loki signed and looked at you amused.

“You’re sweet.”

You turned back to him to scowl. A rare compliment from Loki and you were outraged.

“I’m not sweet, fuck off.”

He laughed and then spoke, seriously, as if just remembering again why you were here in the first place.

“You saved my life.” This time he didn’t say it angrily.

“Yeah well, we all make mistakes.” You brought the tone back to being lighthearted.

There was a pause for a moment and then Loki said,

“Fire demons don’t get married and have babies, or go to the theatre.”

You turned back to face him, still scowling.

“Well” you spluttered “then how are they created?”

“They’re formed, where the volcanic ash meets the flowing lava in the core of Muspelheim. Some say they are all the offspring of Surtur.”

“Huh.” You let this information sink in. “All of them his offspring? Gets around a bit then doesn’t he, ol’ flame breath.”

“Alas, I see you are back to your normal self.”

You managed to crack a smile and then frowned thoughtfully.

“What was that thing Surtur was talking about rag-thingy?”

Loki sighed and rubbed his head, “Ragnarok.” He spoke slowly. “The destruction of the cosmos and everything in it.”

You took a second to take this in.

“Not to sound stupid but like…why would Surtur want to even cause that?”

He gave you a slide glance.

“Its written in the prophecy that Surtur would bring about the ending of the realms, nothing left but the void. Then, in its place, a new, better world would emerge lead by superior beings.”

“Sounds kind of like a message a cult would try and push. And Surtur’s okay with dying if it means fulfilling the prophecy?”

Loki gave a half shrug,

“Perhaps he thinks he will survive to lead as the superior being or perhaps he feels driven to simply fulfil his prophecy, who can tell.”

“Well the other realms will want to stop this right? He won’t be able to go ahead with it?”

To your surprise Loki continued to look grim.

“It is like you said, some believe it is a mere fairytale, told as fiction or believed by an insolent few with nothing better to believe in. Would your people believe this?”

You shook your head, as you said before, it sounded like a stupid cult.

“Other versions of the story talk of the destruction of the Aesier Gods and the rise of the new Gods and there are many who would wish for this to come to fruition, and rather than stopping it would help enable it. I believe Surtur would work with anyone to help him bring about Ragnarok.”

Your eyes felt heavy again. The conversation had been an exhausting one and despite the fact you should be horrified, you mainly just felt sleepy. Loki noticed your fatigued state.

“You should get some rest. The doctors say that you will be very drowsy after the strong medication you have been given.”

“Thank you nurse Loki.” You yawned.

You were out before you could catch his reply.

***

The next time you work up, Loki was still sat in the chair next to you, squinting and looking irritated while he was apparently watching Ice Age 2 on the television.

“You’re still here.” You blurted out, surprised.

Loki glared at you, “I can leave if you’d prefer.” He said, affronted.

“No.” You said too quickly, his expression turning to one of surprise. “What I meant is…I was just surprised that’s all. I assumed you’d have better things to do than sit with me while I fall in and out of sleep, I’m not exactly much company.

“I grew up with Thor, believe me this is much more preferable company.” He turned back to the TV.

“How are you finding Ice Age 2?” You asked.

“Pitiful. Is this really what Midgardians see as entertainment?”

“Hey, this is a classic.”

He gave you a disparaging look as the nurse came into the room.

“Ah good, you’re awake. How do you feel?” She shot a couple of anxious glances towards Loki but to your surprise didn’t react too adversely to his presence.

“Tired still.” You said truthfully.

“The aesthetic will make you tired, it can take 24 hours for the effects to wear off so you are likely feel fatigued for a while. Now you are awake I can take your oxygen tube off.”

She bent down to do so and you were grateful for the relief from the itchy feeling of the tube.

“You should try and eat and drink something.” She advised you.

Ugh, the thought of food made you feel sick. She saw the look on your face and said,

“I’ll bring you something light, make sure you keep drinking through.” She indicated to the jug of water next to you.

“Here, let me sit you up a bit.” She pressed the button on the side of the bed and raised the back so you were sat instead of laying.

You pushed yourself up higher and cringed in pain at the feeling of moving.

“Are you okay?” Loki asked, quickly.

“Fine just hurts.” You winced.

Now that you were sat up, and feeling more awake, the nausea kicked in much heavily. You took a tiny sip of water and felt worse.

The nurse popped out the room and brought back some crackers, laying them next to the water. You eyed them, grossed out by their presence.

“I’ll come back to check on you later.” She said pleasantly and then left.

You closed your eyes again and tried to fight off the feeling of nausea.

“You should eat something.”

You didn’t reply you were busy focusing very hard on not being sick.

“You should eat something.” Loki repeated.

“Yeah thanks.” You mumbled non-committally.

Loki tutted angrily. “Do not make me repeat myself a third time. Do you want me to feed you like a babe?”

You cracked an eye open.

“Er no, no one wants that.”

“Well then eat something you silly chit.”

“You’re so pushy.”

Unfortunately, opening your mouth to speak triggered your gag reflex.

Loki jumped in his chair and moved his arms as if he was about to touch you and then thought better of it.

“Can you get the nurse to bring me a sick bucket.” You moaned.

“Right.”

He disappeared out of the room for a moment and came back with some disposable sick bowls that you always thought looked like cardboard hats.

“Here.” He passed you the bowl.

You sat yourself up higher and resumed the “I’m going to be sick” position over the bowl. Loki still hadn’t left and you side eyed him.

“Can you go please?” You gagged again.

Even in your state, you had enough pride to not want a God watching you as you threw up.

“Nonsense.”

To your surprise, Loki stepped towards you and gently moved your hair so it wasn’t in your face.

“I have seen worse things than an ill maiden.” He spoke softly.

Ugh, fine, you thought. If he wanted to stay for the show so be it, you couldn’t be bothered arguing. Nor did you have time as it turned out as you expelled the contents of your stomach.

Loki passed you some tissue to wipe your mouth with. You groaned and lay back as the nurse came and took the bowl away, giving you a fresh one.

The aesthetic and painkillers unfortunately did not agree with you, and you threw up a few more times. Loki continued to stay with you, despite the fact that you doubted Asgardian Gods regularly nursed over humans.

“Thanks.” You mumbled grimly as he took away one of your sick bowls.

“You have thanked me nearly ten times now mortal, stop it or I will shut your mouth for you.”

“I am thankful though, you really didn’t have to stay.”

Loki didn’t reply but brought you back another bowl and sat close to you.

“This is humiliating.” You moaned.

“There is nothing humiliating about being ill. Mortals still have such old fashioned ideas about modesty.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You have probably never done anything humiliating in your life.”

Loki gave a little snort but didn’t reply. You stared at him with your eyes narrowed.

“Go on then, what is the most humiliating thing you have done?”

Loki looked at you, unconvinced.

“You’ve just held my hair back while I was sick, you owe me one humiliating story. Also I saved your life so.”

Loki rolled his eyes.

“You’re always going to use that as a bargaining chip to get what you want, aren’t you?” He said dryly.

“Hm. Now spill.”

He took a deep breath in.

He spoke slowly, “A couple of hundred years ago I…I slept with Fandral.”

You stared at him, your mouth opened slightly and eyes widened in surprise. You really hadn’t expected him to say that, you thought he would say something like “once I tripped up in front of the royal council” or “one time Thor left me with a black eye.”

He met your gaze, waiting for your reaction.

“What was he like?” You asked.

He gave you a little flick on the nose.

“Ow. I’m being serious Loki. Fandral is a good looking guy. Sleeping with a good looking guy isn’t humiliating. That’s like me saying oh this one time I won an award for being the too sexy and hot, it was so embarrassing for me.”

Loki ignored you and continued to look like he’d sucked a lemon. “They were dark days.”

“We’ve all slept with someone we don’t like as a form of punishment.” You paused, “Thanks for telling me, I know it meant a lot to admit that.”

He gave a tight smile.

“Don’t get too used to it mortal. I merely told you to stop you from winging about being embarrassed from throwing up in front of me.”

You spent the rest of the day flitting in and out of sleep, Loki beside you the whole time. You were to be kept a close eye on to ensure you were okay to be discharged so you stayed the night. To annoyance, Loki was asked to leave the ward at night. You persuaded him to go and get some rest and get a fresh pair of clothes and with great reluctance he agreed.

That night, you dreamt you were back on Muspelheim fighting fire demons. This time, when you tried to run to save Loki your legs wouldn’t move and you had to watch on as one of the demons took him down. The next time, Loki was completely blue and he was the one attacking Thor and the others while you tried to get to him.

You woke up abruptly, in a cold sweat and alone in your hospital bedroom.

Until now, you had completely forgotten about Loki’s skin turning blue and cooling your burns down. How could you have forgotten that? Was that part of Loki’s magic skills or something else? You were going to have to ask him about it when he visited later. Assuming that he did visit later of course, he had been there for the full day before he might decide his caring duties were finished. You closed your eyes again and managed to get back to sleep.

In the morning the nurse had brought you something to eat, which you managed to keep down. After she’d helped you to use the facilities you were sat up feeling a bit brighter now the aesthetic had worn off and watching day time T.V.

The door swung open but it was Thor that tipped into your room looking somewhat sheepish and holding a big bunch of flowers.

“You’re awake!” He greeted you, and planted a kiss on your cheek.

“Thor! Thanks for the flowers.”

Seeing Thor, future king of of Asgard stood in your small room with the largest bunch of flowers you’ve ever seen felt very strange somehow, as if he didn’t quite fit the space he was in.

“Er, sit down.” You indicated to the chair Loki had been residing in after a few moments of him stood awkwardly at the foot of your bed.

He plonked himself in the chair and then said, rushed,

“Latte, I cannot apologise enough for what happened and I am so glad to see you well. I take full responsibility for what happened to you and -.”

“Thor, oh my god, honestly it’s not your fault.”

He continued to look grave.

“I should have been keeping closer watch on you when we were on that forsaken planet and…”

“Seriously, Thor it’s fine I made my own choices.”

He sighed heavily but looked relieved.

“Thank you for saving my brother.” He said seriously. “Just to think, a little while ago you both hated each other, and now look at you, firm friends.” He beamed.

“Well, okay, let’s not be too hasty.” You tried to sit yourself up a bit higher. “How is everyone else doing?”

“Fine, fine. The rest of the warriors headed back to Asgard. Stark wants to speak to you by the way when you are feeling better. He said he might come down and see how you’re doing.”

There was a couple of moment of comfortable silence when you remembered your dream earlier.

“Thor, erm, can you tell me more about Loki’s…parentage?” You asked, tentatively.

His forehead creased.

“Why do you ask?”

“So there was this moment when I got hit by the fire demons Loki’s erm hand turned blue and like really cold?”

Thor shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“I think its’ best I let Loki tell you more about that.”

You sighed, you thought he would say as much but it was worth a try.

Thor actually stayed with you for a couple of hours, watching Madagascar and it was nice to have some company. Unlike Loki, Thor actually seemed to find cartoons amusing and kept guffawing with laughter.

After a while, Loki popped by to see you again. He looked a little fresher than when you’d last seen him, but still had dark under eyes and a pale complexion. He was holding a bunch of flowers himself and he seemed unsurprised but a little irritated to see Thor there.

“I can take it from here, thanks.” Loki told his brother.

Thor kept his eyes glued to the T.V, “I’m just waiting to see if these animals make it back to their zoo.”

Loki glowered at him and Thor eventually looked up and got the hint.

“Er, see you later then Latte. I’ll come down and see you soon.” He gave you another kiss on the cheek to which Loki scowled further and then left.

Loki moved Thors flowers from your bedside table and put his down instead, moving Thor’s to further away from you.

“You didn’t strike me as the flowers type.” You raised your eyebrows pointedly.

“These are from my mother.”

“Huh?”

Loki gave you an irritated look. “She wrote to say she wishes you well.” He fussed over the flowers.

“You… you wrote to your mother about me?”

You felt funny inside, you were both flattered and unsure how you felt about the Queen of Asgard perceiving you and knowing what you got up to.

Loki shrugged your comment off and sat down where Thor had been.

You would normally spend longer pressing him but you really wanted to talk about the big blue elephant in the room.

“I need to ask you something.” You geared yourself up for your next question.

“Oh?” Loki was indifferent.

“Er yeah.”

When you took a deep breath in you caught Loki’s attention and he eyed you cautiously.

“Is this about Fandral again because it was a long time ago and…”

“No! No it’s not about that.” You interjected.

Loki relaxed back into his chair,

“Ok, then…?”

“How come your hand turned blue and cold when I got shot with that fire bolt?” You blurted.

Loki froze in his seat for a couple of seconds.

“I - I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t play silly buggers with me, I saw it.”

“I - er what?” You threw him off momentarily with your figure of speech.

You took this moment to push him further.

“Does it have something to do with your true parentage? I saw some things in a book about erm how maybe you come from an ice planet or something I forgot it’s name…” You faltered at the end of your sentence. “But those books you said are sometimes wrong so…”

Loki continued to stay very still, you weren’t even sure if he had taken a breath.

“You don’t have to tell me!” You rushed, “If it’s like a sensitive topic or something I was just curious but if you don’t want to tell me then that’s fine of course.” You blathered.

He blinked a couple of times before he spoke.

“Yes.” He seemed to force himself to say.

You wanted to ask “yes what?” But you let yourself be quiet.

There was a long pause and you thought about changing the subject when he finally spoke.

“I should probably tell you.” He spoke, strained.

“Well, er, only if you’re sure.” You hung on to his every word.

“It seems to have put some of it together already. I can’t say I’m surprised.” He seemed to deflate. “My father, my true father is Laufey, a frost giant from Jotunheim. And my mother…well one assumes she was a lesser frost giant. Either way I was abandoned and Odin took me in as one of his trophies.” He spat.

You remembered reading that now, and your mind flicked back to the pictures in your “Norse mythology for dummies” book. You do not remember them being described as an especially nice, kind people. In fact, you could remember that the Asgardians seemed to hate them.

It did not sound like Loki had the nicest of starts in life.

“And did you always know…?”

“That I was a frost giant?” Loki snorted wildly, “No, Odin elected to withhold that piece of information until a few years ago.”

Jesus, you weren’t sure how to respond to that.

From what you knew and had gathered already you started to piece things together. The idea Loki grew up for years not knowing why Odin favoured Thor or knowing why he was different from others made you feel…sad.

Loki’s face looked pained and although you couldn’t tell exactly what he was thinking about, you felt you were well versed in Loki’s inner battles. He stayed staring down at the floor, and continued to not move.

“Loki, thanks for sharing that with me.”

He flicked his eyes up to you.

“You seem unfazed by this.” He scowled.

It seemed he was waiting for something but you weren’t sure what he needed from you. How do you react when someone shares something so intimate with you? Perhaps he didn’t think you were being upset enough.

“No, no, I’m not unfazed, I think its’ really sad! I’m really sorry to hear that happened to you.”

You cringed at your words, you were clearly not very good at this.

Loki scoffed, “You should be scared, not sad.”

Now you were genuinely confused,

“Why would I be scared?” You asked slowly.

“I’m a monster.” He flashed his eyes at you.

“Well, I already knew that.” You caught his eye so he knew you were joking with him but he didn’t smile back.

“I look like a monster.” He said plainly, as if he wasn’t too bothered by this.

You weren’t sure how to respond to that or if he was looking for an ego lift or not. He was normally so cocky about his looks too so this had thrown you for a loop. You felt your face grow warmer as you tried to navigate your words.

“Well er I don’t know if it makes you feel any better but I actually think you look rather…good…you know, er, you’re pretty good looking and it feels like you’ve never really had an issue you know, scoring or anything…”

“Not in this form, obviously.” He rolled his eyes.

“Wh- like…an ultimate form or…?”

“My frost giant form.”

“Right, well obviously I haven’t seen you in that form so I can’t really comment. I also don’t know loads about frost giants so it’s kind of hard for me to understand, I guess I haven’t got much context…”

Loki nodded and stood up suddenly. You thought you must have offended him and he was going to leave but he stalked over to the door and shut it.

“I’ll show you.”

You tensed yourself, your heartbeat quickening, unsure of what was about to happen.

Loki stood at the bottom of your bed and closed his eyes.

Swiftly, his skin started turning a pale blue colour and he grew even taller. Markings appeared on his skin, trailing down his arms and face. Finally he opened his eyes and you were shocked to see that they were a bright red.

Your mouth hung open and you took a couple of seconds to take in the transformation.

“See. You are scared.” His eyes narrowed at you, getting angry at your reaction.

“No?” You stuttered, scared.

You gripped onto your blankets, and swallowed hard.

It really was a shock seeing him like this. It’s not every day someone in front of you suddenly completely changes.

“No.” You repeated stronger this time. “I’m not scared its just that you look, different, and it’s taking me a second to get used to it. If I grew a few feet and turned purple or something you would have to get used to it, ’m not saying it in a bad way or anything…”

Truthfully now you were settling in to seeing him like this and your breathing had calmed down you really didn’t hate it. He still looked like Loki, with the same long dark hair and facial structure. To be honest you thought the colour was pretty and the markings were very cool. The more you looked at him the more you liked it.

“I actually think this is a good look. It kind of suits you.” You said, candidly. “So does all of you look like this when you transform or…?” You asked, innocently.

Loki flashed his startlingly red eyes at you but you thought you could see a hint of a smirk too. You were relieved to see a shadow of his normal self and humour peaking through a somewhat angsty mood.

Loki turned himself back to how he normally looks.

“I meant what I said Loki. It genuinely must have been horrific to learn that there was such a large part of your past that you had been missing up until now.”

He didn’t say anything and continued to stand.

“The monster that parents tell their children about at night.” He chuckled.

“Well hey, if it makes you feel any better I definitely won’t be telling my children about you. And if you’re trying to scare me off you forget I have seen you with bed head, and I still stayed friends with you even after that, no form of you could be scarier than that.”

You managed to get a half smile out of him before he sighed.

“I have gotten used to this part of myself.”

You nodded, encouragingly,

“That can’t have been easy, to find out you are something that your people have always despised and been brought up to hate and to make peace with that. That’s a massive achievement.” You smiled at him.

“Yes I know.” He said, stiffly and rolling his eyes.

“I have made peace with being a monster now.” He eyed you curiously “however a sane human would have rang for the nurse and asked me to leave.”

You snorted, you thought about saying “I’m not like other girls” ironically but you didn’t think Loki would get the joke.

“Are you saying I’m not sane? That’s kind of rude, I’m in hospital, aren’t you supposed to be cheering me up?”

Loki gave you the exasperated look you were used to him giving you.

“Come on, why don’t you sit that blue ass down and watch…” You flicked the guide on “…Harry Potter with me?”

Loki gave you a stern look.

“I will sit down, but not because you told me, because you are unwell and have been through serious physical trauma. Clearly this trauma involved a sever bang to your head which has made you think you can talk to me in such a vernacular way. I will forgive you however, because you are a patient.”

“That’s very generous of you your majesty.”

Notes: What did you think?? let me know!

Taglist:

@creationsbyme @kikster606 @slytherinintj13 @th0rswh0res @huntress-artemiss @jannieka394 @stefffrs @misswimberly @thedistractedagglomeration @yoongissidebitchh @purplekitten30 @mischief2sarawr @johnmurphys-sass

@lonadane @imalovernotahater @lokisgoodgirl @laliceee @dlwrish @paetonnn @lovelysizzlingbluebird @reas-writing @buttercupcookies-blog @acidcasualties @alialiclouds

@buckybarneslovesteve @evelyn-rathmore

#loki #loki x y/n #loki x reader #loki x you #loki smut #tom hiddleston #loki odinson #loki marvel #loki god of mischief #loki of asgard

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damistrolls · 4 months

Text

Goodbyes

helo ive been sitting on this noboru write for a little while

its gone thru a lot of revisions but i think im finally happy, so!!! here it is!

now read my silly self-indulgent drabble, boy

(google doc link)

—

“I loved you once, you know.”

The statement hung in the crisp air for a few moments. Noboru took his eyes off of the grave, glancing over his shoulder, as though he feared someone was listening to him speaking to a plot of disturbed ground. After he confirmed he truly was alone, he rolled his shoulders casually, and looked back at the hunk of white marble sticking out of the soil.

“I don’t know when that changed, if it ever did. We were distant towards the end, and we disagreed on more things than we agreed on, but…”

He trailed off, words failing him. Noboru sighed and glanced over his shoulder once more, before carefully kneeling down on the damp grass with a grunt. He always felt his age most when he sat or stood. He remembers a younger Magpie telling him he made old man noises when he moved, and now he can’t help but notice every time he makes said ‘old man noises’.

“… You’ll have to forgive me. I don’t have anything written and practiced. I didn’t want to come here with some kind of speech. I just wanted to talk, I suppose, since I refrained from saying anything during the funeral. Everyone there already wanted me dead, the last thing I wanted to do was rock the boat more.”

The stone in the ground was silent and still, if a bit wet from the rain that had come down the previous day. Noboru nodded in the direction of the grave.

“Magpie insisted on the marble. I thought granite would be more practical, since it lasts longer, but he said you would want it to be beautiful.”

Noboru goes quiet for a few moments, waiting. It was as if he was expecting a response, though he knew none would come. This was probably the most personal death he’s experienced. Every troll loses a friend or two when they’re young, but losing a long-term matesprit, even if an estranged one, was different. His lips press together in a thin line as he tiredly looks down at his lap.

“He asked me not to touch your hive. There isn’t much I can do if the Empire chooses to reclaim the land, but for now, it’s as it was. Though, it may be collecting some dust now. I think the only one who’s been in and out of there is Magpie. He still keeps things in that room of his, even if he doesn’t ever sleep there anymore. Apparently, he’s staying with this teal. And Lupo, of course.”

The violet plucked a blade of grass from the ground, toying with it in his fingers idly as his eyes stayed trained downwards.

“I’d like to say he’s happy, but frankly, I wouldn’t be able to tell. I don’t know how to talk with him. I feel as though I lost my opportunity to ever meaningfully be a part of his life. Yahiro was more of a father to him than I was. I wish I could blame you for that, like I blame you for everything else, but I can’t.”

Noboru’s chest ached and his throat felt tight, but he simply rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and straightened his back.

“… There’s too much I could say to you, Fansia... I could fill a novel with all of the things I’d like to say. But I don’t have that kind of time, and I’m sure you have some kind of afterlife to get on with. You never wanted to hear me whine about this-or-that while you were alive, gods know you give even less of a damn now. So I think now’s a good time for me to… say goodbye. Officially. To stop… dragging what happened around with me. It’s a weight I’m tired of holding.”

He hesitated, before patting the pocket on his chest, making sure something was still in there. Noboru then retrieved a small, shiny object from the pocket, holding it out as if the marble grave could see it.

“They buried you with yours, but I won’t let them bury me with mine, no matter how much I loved you. It’s been a few perigees already, and I need to stop carrying this piece of you around with me if I ever want to move forwards.”

The grass near the stone was still loose enough that he could dig at it with his nails and pull back just enough to drop a gold ring into the dirt. It was a waste, but Noboru would have felt worse selling it. He pressed the grass back down over the ring.

“… I’m not going to visit after this. You had a tight grip on my life these past thirty or so sweeps. More, if you count the time we spent when we were younger, with me trailing after you like a lost pup. I’m done centering my life around you, Fansia.”

Noboru carefully got off of his knees, standing with some effort. He brushed the grass off of his shins and sighed.

“Despite everything, I hope you’re happy, wherever you are. You take care.”

And after a moment of hesitation, Noboru turned and left.

#writing #noboru #someone go find that ring it would be funny

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lynnthefrenchtoast · 17 days

Text

Lines from "In The Other Universe" that I CANT GET OVER

in which a fanfic writer (me) overexplains her oneshot bc I NEED TO RAMBLE AND MY IRLS FOLLOW ME ON EVERY OTHER PLATFORM SO TUMBLR IS ALL! I! HAVE!

(u should prob read it first this wont make sense otherwise)

"Even though it was not his name, Yin Yu turned"

i dont know if this is a canon scene or not (sue me the books are LONG and hard to buy in my country) but i've read about yin yu getting mistaken for yizhen and getting totally upset. so i decided to start this fic with him being so okay with it that he responds to qi ying's name as if it's his own.

(also because if ur so close to someone, ur nosy abt their business because it also becomes your business) I WANTED TO CONVEY THAT CLOSENESS FROM THE VERY FIRST LINE

"Should I tell Yizhen you can't even recognize me?"

CANON YIN YU IS SO GLOOMY AND HONESTLY WE UNDERESTIMATE HIS POTENTIAL TO BE TEASY. i just know he could be. all hard workers have a sarcastic inner voice

"The man damn near shits his pants"

AHAHHA okay look. i have this tendency when writing to be REALLY PRETENTIOUS AND FANCY. and ive learnt that usually NO ONE GIVES TWO SHITS. compared to genshin, tgcf fanfics are so beautifully written and sometimes i gotta remind this fandom to SPEAK INFORMALLY (unless its qi rong. then. yea. BUT WHO READS QI RONG FICS?)

"The blank wrist that has never known the kiss of cold metal"

I RIPPED MY OWN HEART OUT WITH THIS ONE

"In this universe, he discovers it's such a simple thing to be happy."

proof that quanyin is literally hualian's cousin

the entire earring scene

i am a sucker for qyz's over-attachment to the earrings. ik a lot of ppl think he's like this because its the only thing yin yu ever gave him but NO headcanon that even in the other universe, yizhen would be overly attached because hes a puppy

he xuan scene

canonically, he xuan would NEVER. bc 1) he's too lost in his own ways to ask for advice and 2) it would fuck with his earth master disguise too much. but since it's the other universe!!!! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.

“Yizhen’s victory is my victory,” he declares, with a tone that leaves no room for argument. “His loss is my loss. When Yizhen cries, I am sad. When Yizhen smiles at me, my heart is so full it could burst.” He brings two jade white palms together, interlocking the fingers like entangled limbs on a hot summer morning. “We’re like this. One shared past; one shared future. As a Shixiong, don’t you think rather than being jealous, I’m extremely proud of how far he’s come?”

my favourite freaking line can you tell? IT SHOWS THEIR ABILITY TO ROOT FOR ONE ANOTHER. SHOWS EMPATHY. SHOWS LOVE. ("my heart is so full it could burst") THE RECALL TO THE MORNING THEY WOKE UP TOGETHER, REMINDING YOU OF DOMESTICITY AND SIMPLICITY AND TRUST AND CLOSENESS.

ONE SHARED PAST; ONE SHARED FUTURE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? this is all i ever wanted for them. to be able to grow together and live together and die together. TO HAVE A SHARED PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE.

this line is also loaded to me bc i once wrote a fic called "entangled pasts; estranged future" that wasnt good enough to be posted but GOD IT REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF IT

"Here, he never needs to know the weight of a mask – neither physical not metaphorical."

i dont like how i worded this but IT NEEDED TO BE SAID. YIN YU NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR THE WANING MOON MASK but more importantly NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR A MASK TOWARDS QUAN YIZHEN. NEVER NEEDS TO HIDE RESENTMENT. im shaking with all they couldve been and didnt become.

"Here, Brocade and Immortal are just two words"

hear that? its the sound of me BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL AAAAAA I SO DESPERATELY WANT THIS TO BE REAL i mean i understand if they werent so tragic i wouldnt love them as much but IT HURTS! (*100 teehee)

"Sure it will."

i actually hate myself why did i end it like that even in my fanfic i cant let them be happy. huh. i have to subtly hint that this isnt what happens.

its actually so upsetting that the whole fic is so nice and healing and all of it is just overcasted by this knowledge of "its not real. they never get to be this happy. what really happens is they resent each other and leave each other and they become one shared past; two estranged futures."

you can call me insane. im aware no one thinks this deeply about fanfiction and most people are on the site for smut. BUT I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT IT SO YOURE FORCED TO LISTEN TO ME RAMBLE

#fanfiction #tgcf #quanyin #hualian #heavens official blessing #heaven official's blessing

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thesolemnhour · 10 months

Note

What about ♡: Accidentally falling asleep together for Agria and Woljif?

great minds think alike @gutterspeak! ❤️❤️

CW: The Mercy sidequest in Act IV, Latverk is a capital c Creep

Latverk was… an uncommon horror, even for the Abyss. Please, won’t you help those girls? He begged. Send them to me—I can help them.

Agria had opened her mouth to—she’s not really sure what she had meant to say, looking back. Placate him? Agree? But something had stopped her dead in her tracks. Something cold had opened up in the pit of her stomach, a sense of overpowering dread. And Agria hadn’t known that man from Aroden, could never have guessed what was wrong with him, but… she knew exactly what that feeling meant. Every young woman does, she imagines, but aasimar girls would do very well indeed never to ignore that gnawing unease.

She can still picture her mother’s face the first time someone had asked for a lock of Agria’s hair.

It’s all in the past now.

They can’t stay at the Nexus for long. There's only enough time for the briefest of reprieves. There’s just too much to do. She has to go back out into that gods-forsaken city; she knows she does. She just doesn’t know if she has the strength.

Agria lays on her back, staring at the cave ceiling and desperately imagining the way the stars looked back home. She traces the shapes of the familiar constellations with her eyes. She could still see some of them even in Alushinyyra, but they were alien, wrong, placed at strange angles and pointed in wrong directions. Picturing the Cosmic Caravan--her Cosmic Caravan, Aunt Dalla’s, not another mockery this place makes of something dear to her—makes her so homesick that her chest squeezes with the weight of it.

Lost in thought, she never notices one of her companions joining her.

When she turns her head languidly away from the ceiling, she finds one Woljif Jefto assessing her intently. The look is—concerned, and not in the way his looks once were. It doesn’t say, ‘Does my only ticket out of here really have what it takes to get the job done?’ She knows what that feeling looks like even more acutely than she knew Latverk’s hunger. His distress is not clinical; it looks ready to crawl up his throat and suffocate him.

He’s worried about her. They hold eye contact for long enough for her to realize he has no idea how to ask her if she is okay.

“Tell me—“ She begins, but the words catch before she can finish. For a moment, she doesn’t want to live in their horrifying present; she wants to think of a beautiful future. Flicking her eyes back to her imaginary stars, she continues, “Tell me about what you’ll do once we get out of here.”

If he is surprised by stubborn avoidance of the elephant in the room, he doesn’t show it.

“Fight more demons, looks like.” When Agria heaves a most beleaguered sigh, he continues, “I dunno! I’ve never had options before.”

She abandons the cave ceiling—her misbegotten imagination—to roll onto her stomach and face him directly. “Yes, but it could be exciting! You could do anything you ever wanted to do.”

“Eh… You know how it is,” he drawls. For tieflings, he means but doesn’t say. “You don’t wanna get too hung up something somebody could take away in a second.”

“Live in the dream with me, just for a minute.”

“Maybe I could… start that magic shop? Seems like we’ve already got a decent start on the merchandise.”

Agria nods enthusiastically, “There’s an open niche for jewelers now that Sunhammer is gone. You could Fyllemen out of business.”

“Wouldn’t that be a sight?” He asks with a laugh. “Then he’d be the one sneakin’ in to see my stuff.”

“I like it,” she says approvingly, “but we could think even bigger, too.”

“Bigger like what?”

“Well… What’s something you always wished Kenabres had but never did?”

Woljif is quiet for a moment, lost in thought. His eyes dart away from her, but she can see the look in them all the same. “What, like start a charity or something? You really think I could do that?”

“Yes,” she insists softly. “Isn’t that the point of all of this? To make things better?”

“Well, sure, chief, but not even you can fix all of Mendev’s woes.”

“No, not me,” she agrees, “but I think we could get a damn good head start on them.”

“Whatever you say,” he snorts, but his eyes are soft. “How about you?”

“Hm?”

“What are you gonna do once we get outta here?”

Agria hums in thought, picking at a nail thoughtfully. “I’ll finally work up the nerve to go to Ustalav—“

Woljif stops her with a feigned wretch, “Ustalav? Your grand dream if you get out of here is to go… to Ustalav?”

“I almost went once, but I was too afraid to go by myself. I keep hoping I’ll meet someone who can tell me how to move around there without--stepping on anyone’s toes.”

“Why?” He asks, bewildered.

“A lot of the Old Sarkorians fled there! I think that their descendants might have interesting things to say.”

“Ustalav. You might as well just stay here!”

“No,” says Agria, voice firm and optimistic. “It will be fun. I will enjoy it.”

Woljif scoffs, “After this? Someone oughta take you somewhere nice.”

“I invite you to it!” Agria chirps, thoroughly delighted by the opportunity to flirt shamelessly.

He barks a laugh, as genuinely amused as he is nervous. He surprises her, though; he rises fearlessly to her challenge: “We should hit the beach! Folks say Augustana is nice in the spring.”

She gazes at him, arms tucked under her pillow, as he props himself up onto his side, both of them lost in the joy of the fantasy. The moment is impossibly soft for a cavern in the Midnight Isles.

“It’s a date,” she declares, offering her hand to shake on it. She is embarrassingly hesitant to let go. When she finally does, she returns it under the pillow where she squeezes it for a moment with her other hand. The relief of the moment fades away when she says somberly, “We have to go back there.”

“Of course,” he says in a placating tone that she recognizes as her own, one she has used on him one too many times. “We’ll get back out there in just a minute. But for now, we’re takin’ a break. Just give it a few minutes more, huh?”

“Okay,” Agria answers to find she can’t raise her voice above a whisper, as she lowers her head into her pillow. It couldn’t hurt to rest for just a minute, could it? She feels a curl wander haphazardly onto her forehead. She blows air at it for a moment, determined to clear it without needing to open her eyes, before she feels a fingertip tuck it gently behind her ear.

“Okay.” Woljif whispers back emphatically. She drifts away into a dreamless sleep only seconds after the word leaves his lips.

#ag tag #pwotr pals #commander x woljif #taylor writes #mind the warnings! nothing too bad esp if you already did the quest but take care of yourself!!#also apologies to the nation of ustalav which caught some unfair strays here #agria lebeda

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ang3lxwrldd · 2 years

Text

reasons to push to my ugw

so i can be skinny

to be given the jealous looks

people asking me how i did it

to be able to wear whatever i want and having it look good on me

wearing xxs/xs clothing

people complimenting how i look

changing the way i look

being happier with myself

being able to feel confident in a bikini

being able to eat a cookie without worrying i will be fat

to look in the mirror and love what i see

to take pictures of myself and look good

having people say “body goals”

for the tiny wrists.

to not have to worry about being a “normal weight” again

a pretty thigh gap

to wear crop tops without worrying about my stomach

to boost my confidence

to look good in my dream style

to be envied

to be seen as inspiration

to run and not feel the fat jiggle

to have a more defined jawline

to not hate my thighs

for size small clothes to fit oversized

to look good in body conn dresses

to feel accepted by society standards

to be happier with my body

to not feel super fat all the time

to have lean legs

to look cute in shorts

to be told im “too” skinny

to experience “skinny privilege”

to feel cold in summer

to see my ribs

for people to worry about me

to have control over at least one thing in my life

to never be the “fat” friend

to not have to worry when being carried

being able to lean on “him” without worrying im too heavy:/

being able to wrap my fingers around my arms

for baggy clothes to actually look good on me

to be the smallest in the room

for all the jealousy other girls will feel when they see me

to be the center of attention

to not be asked to stop eating cause its late

to feel super light

to be told i look different

so i dont have to cry about my weight anymore

to be smaller than everyone who’s ever talked shit about me

being able to be mini

knowing i eat less than others

fitting into clothes that my friends cant fit into

for xs skits to be too big on me

needing to get my clothes tailored because they’re too big

to be the “winner” against others with eds(this ones kind of toxic ik:/)

to be able to pull off mini skirts and having long thinspo legs

to be proud when i step onto the scale

so my thighs dont touch when i sit down

relatives asking if ive lost weight

not feeling lazy

for people around me not to tell me maybe i should eat less

to be lighter than one of my friends thats lwk thinspo

no double chin

the compliments<333

not having to spend my money on food

losing my period

to be the skinny friend

visible bones

to feel weightless

for people to say “wow you’re so light”

not to have to worry when i sit on someones lap

to look like tumblr thinspo girl

to wear low rise pants and feel confident

to be known for being “healthy”

for people to say “thats all you’re going to eat?”

for my stomach to shrink so i feel full after a small portion

to finally get the attention ive always wanted

to finally feel like ive proved myself

to finally feel so weak that i faint from malnutrition

to have pretty thin fingers

to run out of breath from doing easy tasks

to be treated like im delicate ~like a doll

pretty collarbones omlll

for my stomach to shrink where i cant binge anymore

to be able to wrap my hands around my thighs so they touch

to look like THAT girl when im on vacation

for a pretty neck that looks amazing with small necklaces

to finally feel disgusted with junk food or greasy food

even though i dont like skinny jeans, to look good in them

for the tightest bracelet settings to be loose on me

for my hands to be cold all the time

to see my shoulder bones

for one size clothes to be baggy on me (like brandy melvile)

for girls to ask me how i did it

to have that small snatched waist

to know i finally beat hit my ugw after so long

to feel like i finished something.

to feel good enough

to be perfect.

#tw ana thoughts #whyiwantmyugw #edthings #ed not ed sheeran #an0rexic #tw ana things #an0r3xic #tw ed in the tags #eating problems #i want to be a skeleton #restrictive ed #th1n$po #4n0r3x14 #3dblr #th!n$p0 #3atingdisord3r

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yuri-for-businesswomen · 6 months

Note

regarding pretty privilege: when i lost weight people began emphasizing to me that i was conventionally attractive. only difference i noticed is that when i tried to speak about my issues like loneliness or my social struggles due to my autism people would dismiss me because apparently now that im conventionally attractive and all i need to do to solve my problems is bat my eyes at someone. i havent really noticed any actual benefits.

thank you for sharing your experience!

ive heard from other women who have lost significant amounts of weight that they felt they were treated better, like just in general that people were nicer and more attentive etc. interesting thats not a universal experience then, i guess mentall illness is a significant additional factor! additionally, a lot of beauty bias is subtle, for example you would not always know if someone offered you help or you got the job because someone else found you to be attractive. your experience tells me that mental illness and its consequences are not taken seriously because from what you say i assume people believed your alienation due to your weight/looks, not because they consider the issues autistic women face!

and this image of beautiful women getting whatever they want „with the bat of an eye“ is an obvious misogynistic myth. while attractiveness can impact your life its not the end all be all its made out to be to get women to compete and buy products.

#ask #beauty bias #if more people from wherever on the ‚spectrum‘ of perceived attractiveness want to share i will collect these in the hashtag!#this actually kind of confirms beauty bias… people make assumptions based on your attractiveness.#when you’re unattractive people think your life must be bad and when youre attractive people dont think your life can be bad #this also shows misconceptions about mental illness and how it develops - attractiveness can factor into it but is by far not the most #relevant factor

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sleep-deprivedracoon · 2 years

Text

Tell it to my heart

Here's to the one with the scorching stare of love, blood, and vengeance. Eyes killer cold, blue and bare.

pairing: Gojo Satoru x f! reader AU - Mafia

warnings: angst, implied abuse, injuries, blood, alcohol, death, suicide, drug usage, addict, recovery, smut, gore, violence, trauma, guns, abuse, sex, overstimulation, rape threats, murder

Author’s note: This fanfiction is going to be a slow-build story with an irregular upload scheme. I am not sure when I will be able to update. I might upload multiple chapters in a single week or not upload for a few weeks. It depends on what my daily schedule is, and it is very dynamic. This story is for a mature audience and will have a lot of problematic themes. If this is triggering to you, please refrain from interacting with this story. The content warning is for the entire story and not just for this chapter. Again, I cannot emphasize enough, that this is a slow-burn story. In this story, you will find some changes in mannerisms among characters. Gojo Satoru will be smoking and drinking. Yuji and Sukuna will be 2 different people but are related by blood. The main reason is, that I do not see Yuji being part of a Mafia unless he had no other choice. The cursed spirits will be human in appearance.

Notes for this chapter: TRIGGER WARNINGS – PTSD OF ABUSE

<< Previous chapter | CHAPTER LIST

art credits - @neverwho_art on Instagram (i added a b&w filter on top of it to fit the theme of this chapter)

Chapter 13 – Hollow

You were sweating bullets even though the AC was set to cool the room down. It felt like you ran a marathon when in reality your tremors were the ones triggering your sweat. You had already thrown up a couple of times in the past few hours. Your nose was dripping and you wiped it off with a tissue. Shoko had cleaned all your wounds and treated your burns. She said it would take a few days for the soles of your feet to recover. Your nails would probably take a couple of months to fully grow back. The withdrawal was painful. You had been through this multiple times already but it was still painful. Every muscle in your body ached. All you wanted was some relief and there was only one way to get it. You were hooked to an IV as you were severely dehydrated and malnourished. You were given electrolytes every few hours. You were advised to rest as much as you could but sleep was not peaceful. You kept waking up every now and then. You found Yuji sleeping on the floor. The boy had not left your side ever since Shoko was done treating you. He tended to your every need.

You also had Sukuna visit you. He was mad at you. Mad at himself.

“What were you thinking???” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Utahime was in danger… I had to-”

“You had to tell me that the Zenin prick was going to put you up to this. I would have had this handled. Look at what they have done to you.” He shakes his head.

You begged him to take a picture of you. You wanted to see what you had been through. Although it scared you, you needed to see what they’d subjected you to. When he handed you his phone to show you the picture, you barely recognized the person you saw staring back at you. You were clad in a simple loose gown similar to the ones you could find in a hospital. You were covered in bandages. Your hair was matted and your eyes were covered by dark circles. You had lost a lot of weight. But what caught your attention was that your eyes were devoid of any emotion. They were hollow. It felt like you were looking at a stranger.

“It’s not that bad…” Yuji tried to reassure you.

You just nod and hand the phone back to Sukuna.

The next time you were asleep, you were woken up by someone’s footsteps entering your room. Your body was now tuned to wake up at the slightest of disturbances.

“Shit, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He looked alarmed. His blue eyes still had the same gravity that they did before. His hair was more skewed than usual.

“Satoru…” You whispered. He was here. He was okay. Your eyes quickly scan him for any serious injuries.

“Hello… ” He rubbed the back of his head.

“Strawberry Haze… that is the password.” You quickly blurt out.

“I am sorry, what?” He looked genuinely confused.

“Geto… He wanted a password from me. I think it was for a warehouse. I overheard Mahito and him talk about it. The password to the warehouse is strawberry haze… Asami texted it to me when she was going to see me. She also mentioned it when we met. I mean, why would she want a very specific strain of weed if she was short on her usual drugs? I don’t know where this warehouse is but I am willing to bet on it that the password is Strawberry Haze.” You pause to catch your breath. You didn’t remember the last time you spoke so much.

“So that is why he captured you.” He sits on the edge of your bed.

“That is why he kept me alive. He genuinely believed I knew it.” You sit up and lean your back against the headrest.

“Alive? Hah!” Gojo closes his eyes shut. “I wouldn’t call it being alive. I went through Miguel’s report that Yuta gave me.” He clenched his fist tightly.

“You’re right.” You looked out the window. You had asked for the bed to be placed near the window. You hadn’t seen the sun or the stars in two and a half months. “Death would have been merciful. But I think I deserved it.”

“Are you out of your mind!?” Gojo snapped.

“Maybe…” You sighed. “So many people had to suffer because of me. My parents, Nanami, Utahime, some of your men whose name I’ll probably never know, and even you.” A tear slipped from your eye as you spoke. “It was only a matter of time that Karma got to me. Can I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead.” Gojo crosses his arms as he pulls his legs on top of your bed.

“Why did you rescue me from there? For all you knew, I could have been a rat. I could have told them everything I knew. You had no reason to get me out of there.” You look at him.

“No reason? Really? How about rescuing a friend? Is that a good enough reason?” Gojo looked offended. “You may not believe it but all of us here consider you as a part of our group. Shoko, Sukuna… hell, Utahime blamed herself and stepped down from the triad. Megumi wasn’t sleeping properly. Yuji was a mess. Shoko and Sukuna used all their connections to find any information about you. I… I was shocked to learn about you. About Nanami and you. I woke up only to find that I lost two more friends.” He looked you in the eye. “If I didn’t bring you back, Nanami’s sacrifice would have been in vain. If someone knew you, they’d know you’re no rat. And even if you did leak some information, it wouldn’t have mattered. I would have still done anything in my capabilities to bring you back. I made a promise to keep you safe.”

“Gojo…”

“I failed to keep my promise. It was my mistake. I failed to foresee a lot of things.” He grits his teeth. “The SnK will pay. They will pay for every person they’ve taken from the triad. They will pay for Nanami and they will pay for you.” He tries to hold your hand. You flinch a little but you hold his hand. He looks at your fingers and back at you. His eyes looked like a pool of crystal blue. “Fuck…”

You pull your hand back and curl your fingers. Your fingers without nails looked disgusting. You felt like a freak. “They’ll grow back.” You mumble.

“That’s not the point.” He growls. “Who did that to you?”

“It doesn’t matter. There are far too many scars to hold him accountable for.” You shake your head.

“We can get rid of the scars. I know the best doctors who – ”

“No! No… I am not going to get rid of them. I need to remember. I need to.” You insist.

“(Y/N)… You –”

“I have to Gojo. Please.” You plead.

He sighs and nods. “Fine! Fineeee….”

“Gojo…?” You look down this time, hesitant to talk to him.

“Hm?” He raises his eyebrow.

“Do… Do you… have a cigarette?”

“Um… I do… but peach, I don’t think it is a good idea for you to be smoking now.” He reaches out to you. As he places his palm on your cheek, you flinch a little. “I am not going to hurt you.” He strokes your cheek with his thumb.

You nod as you gulp down the lump in your throat. He called you peach. It felt like it was forever ago. “Sorry, it is just an instinctive reaction.”

“Shh… You have nothing to be sorry for. I understand, (Y/N).”

You take a deep breath as you feel fatigued. After all, you were woken up from your sleep.

“I am going to get some rest, Gojo. If that’s fine with you.”

“Of course. You don’t have to ask me… Is it okay if I stayed here for a while?” He pulls his hand away and places it on his lap.

You nod and slide down to lay on your bed. You close your eyes and try to regulate your breathing. As you nod off, you hear Gojo whisper. “I am going to make him pay. I am going to make them pay.”

---------------------------------------

You were able to walk within a week. Your soles had healed enough for you to take small steps and walk around your room. You’d also start wearing your own clothes. You noticed how loose they’d become. They barely fit you anymore.

You looked at your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes still seemed hollow. Dark circles around your eyes were prominent due to the lack of color on your face. Your hair was a matted mess. You find a pair of scissors in the cabinet beside the mirror. You take the scissors and began to chop off the parts that were heavily damaged and matted. All you could hear was the snipping of the scissors. The cut was uneven but it wasn’t visibly bad.

You were surrounded by the hair when you place the scissors back in the cabinet. You look at all the hair and your heart breaks. You weren’t particularly attached to your hair but seeing so much hair on the floor felt like you cut off your old former self. She was gone. Gone for good. You fall on your knees and cry. You cry as you grab strands of hair on the floor.

“(Y/N)… We have an idea and Shoko approved – (Y/N)…?” You hear Yuji pauses as he sees you on the bathroom floor with the door wide open. He was followed by Megumi, Sukuna and Gojo.

“(Y/N)!!” Gojo rushes to your side and kneels beside you. “Are you okay? Is something hurting? Call Shoko!” He looks at Sukuna.

“N-No… I- I am fine…” You wipe the snot off your nose. “It’s – It’s all gone…” You look at all the hair around you.

Gojo wraps his arms around you. “Hey… Hey… It’ll grow back. It’ll be alright. Don’t worry about it. You look just as beautiful with this length as well.” He grabs a strand of your hair.

“Yeah, (Y/N). This length suits you!!” Yuji approaches you. He pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket and hands it to you.

You take the handkerchief from him and wipe your eyes. You use Gojo as a support to stand up. “I am sorry… that was… stupid.” You sniffle.

“Naah. What was stupid was trying to chop your own hair.” Sukuna rolls his eyes. “We could have just arranged a hairdresser for you, ya know.”

“Sukuna!” Yuji glares at him.

“What?” He growls.

“You’re an idiot.” Yuji shakes his head.

You giggle looking at their banter. Everyone pauses as they notice you giggling.

“That is the first time we heard you giggle ever since you came back,” Gojo explains as confusion reigns over you.

You ignore the statement and compose yourself. It was probably the first time you giggled after Melbourne. When was the last time you smiled? You didn’t know. You compose yourself. “You guys had an idea?”

“Oh yeah!! Since the weather is so nice and everything, we thought that we should have a picnic in the backyard.” Yuji grins.

“A picnic?” You raise your eyebrows

“Yeah… You could use some sunlight… I mean, when was the last time you were outside?” Sukuna leans against the wall.

“Oh… Okay, what should I do?” You dry your eyes with the kerchief.

“Oh, you’re doing nothing. Just leave it all to Sukuna and me!” Yuji grins. “Come on Sukuna, let’s get things ready!!!” He dashes out of the room.

“I swear to god, this brat treats me more like a butler than a brother,” Sukuna grumbles and follows him.

“Come with me, let’s fix your hair.” You feel Gojo’s hand on your back and you flinch.

“Sorry!” You apologize for your reaction. “You’re a hairdresser now?”

“You’d be surprised with what I can do.” He smiles softly at you. He walks out of the bathroom to grab a stool from the dressing table. He places it in front of you. “Take a seat.”

You sit down as he slowly combs through your hair with his long, slender fingers. Your body trembles involuntarily. Another human touching you without malicious intent felt alien to you. You hear the snipping of the scissors and you jump a little in your seat. You feel his hand rub your back, reassuring you.

“It’s okay. You’re okay now, (Y/N). No one here wants to hurt you.” His voice was warm.

“I know… I know…” You take deep breaths to calm yourself.

In about 20 minutes, Gojo was done. You look at your reflection in the mirror. He’d done a much better job than you had. Everything was evenly cut.

“Thank you.” You smile at him. “For everything. I owe you a lot.”

“Hm? Naah. You don’t.” He messes your hair. “(Y/N)…”

“Yeah?”

“Nothing..” He shakes his head.

“What is it, Gojo?” You knew he wanted to say something.

“Can I…” He clenches his fist… “Can I hug you? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“O-okay, yeah.. I mean… You can hug me.” You shift awkwardly.

He closes the distance between the two of you as his arms wrap around you. You inhale the familiar scent of his cologne and shampoo. Still tense in his embrace, you feel him relax against you as he pulls you closer to him.

“I am.. I am so sorry, peach. I was an asshole to you when I last saw you. I was unnecessarily mean.” You feel him shiver. Your arms wrap around reaching his back. You stroke his back.

“Satoru… Shh…”

“I was scared… So scared because that bastard almost caught you. For the first time, it felt like someone pulled the rug from under my feet. I understood the gravity of bringing you into my world. I needed to act fast and get you away from all of this. So my fucked up solution was to push you away.” You feel him hug you tighter. “But it was all useless in the end. They got to you. They…” You feel him heaving against you.

“Satoru… listen to me..” You hold on to him. “In the end, it was my choice. I walked into it myself.”

“I don’t know why I was so scared to lose you… I thought you were gone. Like Nanami.” He slowly pulls himself away from you and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. "It might have been your choice but it could have been avoided had I been better prepared. Had I not been overconfident, I could have.... I would have.... What were you thinking, (Y/N)??? Do you not know what you mean to m- us?? Do you think Yuji would have continued to live the way he was knowing what you had done? The boy was this close to joining the triad to find you. You think Sukuna would be okay with the guilt of letting Naoya get to you?? Or Utahime would be okay with you dying in her place? We told you that you are family. You think I would -" He takes a deep breath to calm himself. "Do you think I would have been okay knowing that I couldn't keep my promise? What do you think would happen to us all if you died, peach???"

“Yuta saved me before that could happen. I am alive. I am here.” You hold his hand. "You came through. You lived up to your promise." You gently squeeze his palm. "I thought dying was an easy way out. But knowing what I know now, I am not ready to die Satoru. I know I belong here, with you... I mean with the triad." You correct yourself.

“Don’t ever do that again.” He squeezes your hand back. “I mean it. I will drag your ass back and lock you in a room. Heck, I nearly wanted to do it this time.”

“Message received, boss.” You chuckle dryly.

He raises your chin gently with his fingertips and places his lips on yours. Your lips part as you savor the warm touch. You remembered this feeling all too well. You felt safe, you felt like you belonged here. You felt at home.

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