#when the pain becomes just unbearable
daylighteclipsed · 23 days ago
cant stop thinking of brenner stranger things’s quote abt the nina opera in relation to sora kingdom hearts forgetting riku’s sacrifice/death I am fr mentally ill
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diapause · 22 days ago
not my mum trying to explain to me what my joint problem feels like ma'am you developed arthritis in one joint last year I've been dealing with this shit my whole life kindly shut the fuck up
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8lah8lah · 5 months ago
its always good to have someone to look up to and see definitive traits they have and strive to be like that cause it's good to know what you want to be but also hooooooly shit what having known a really good "whatever i am, i DON'T want to be like/do that" example person will do for you.
#8log upd8#personal#i feel like there are 3 realizations i had in or around 2019 that really contributed to my like#Being more adult alongside actually becoming one; ONE I DONT REMEMBER AUGHHHH IVE BEEN RACKING MY BRAIN ABT IT#FOR THE PAST LIKE 20 MINS; the other one was learning when ppl are casually talking abt stuff they like#going OMG I HATE THAT THING SOOO MUCH is annoying and useless etc etc#the other thing is i learned you can just Not Say Things! just cause something's on your mind doesnt mean you have to express it!#and i was thinking huh that's interesting i know where the dont insult shit ppl like to their faces comes from#so where did the you can just Not Say Things and sometimes itll feel better for both of u to Not Say a thing come from?#AND THEN I REALIZED THIS WAS 2019. AND IT REMINDED ME OF ONE OF LIKE 3 2019-DEFINING PARTS FOR ME.#AND ONE PERSON WHO DEFINED ONE OF THOSE PARTS.#AND THEN I COULDNT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD.#and then i thought about it actively for a second and realized they were like a PERFECT mirror of everything bad i was in 2018#but WOOOOOORSE AND i realized they were fixated on the same gross thing i was in 2018 too that made me#so fucking unbearable; or well maybe not unbearable to others at the time cause they were still friends with me#BUT IF NOTHING ELSE ITS UNBEARABLE TO ME *NOW* LOL I CANT STAND THINKING ABOUT IT WITHOUT CRINGING#and like. that friendship was not worth it and i would NOT be friends with this person again#but it is so fucking good that them being so gross complete with the 'in the exact same way i was' painful irony cherry on top#let me see HOW i was gross and in what ways i had to change instead of it getting all mixed up and hard to tell#in fucking 'waaa i hate myself my friends must hate me tooo' GOOP where my best guess was 'EVERYTHING has to go'#so i could see 'no; your friends dont hate you and theyre keeping you around for a reason;#but just cause something is funny or interesting to You does NOT mean your friends will get the same shit out of it that you do#and considering they are Literally Fucking Telling You what theyd prefer to not hear+YOU CAN JUST ASK#maybe stop saying those things??? at least not unless they specifically asked to hear???????'#and i think having them around gave me a very good frame of reference of what Specifically not to say lol#instead of being like NOPE EVERYTHINGS GOTTA GO id be like#dude it is 2 pm and i am just chilling i do not want to hear about your _. can we just make normal jokes please#god. many thoughts#correction that friendship was not worth it *OTHERWISE i am glad we are not friends anymore#but good god i could live without knowing things about their _ (_ here being deliberately vague. it was many things)
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crystalkleure · a year ago
People are gonna think this is insane because these things are apparently considered a type of acne but...milia...are pretty.......
I get milium cysts sometimes and I usually leave them alone unless they’re somewhere they end up getting constantly scrubbed and irritated, like on my eyelid or something. I literally unironically like them. They’re shiny! They’re not painful [unless they came up somewhere awkward], and they look cool!
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aloeblooms · a year ago
my wisdom teeth surgery went well today!
#it took about 8 hours for the numbness to fully wear off but i napped through about half of it after getting home#i don't think there were any complications with the surgery! they said it went smoothly#also i did manage to keep my teeth!! i pestered three different people about it today to make sure i went home with them#even though they were no longer in my face#anyways i made sure to stock up on tons of soft & liquid foods beforehand. had some ensure a minute ago#and now i'm goin to town on an entire bowl of jello :3#i made some lovely soup last night - butternut squash; sweet potato; canned pumpkin; carrots; onion; coconut milk; and bacon#plus garlic and spices and things. some fresh thyme and dried rosemary and stuff#very much looking forward to that for dinner tonight or maybe lunch tomorrow#also the loopiness of post-anaesthesia wore off pretty fast for me. like i was fully coherent in under 2 hours#and the silliest thing i said/did was#when they were walking me out to my mom's car i saw that there was a loquat tree! right there hanging where i could reach it!#with ripe loquats on it! the squirrels and birds clean off our tree before we can get to em usually#so i just. very slowly and a bit clumsily reached up and picked one before getting into the car#and my wonderfully supportive mother - after making sure i was seated & situated - went over and grabbed another one for me too#on another note. thankfully my pain seems to be well controlled so far with just high dose ibuprofen and acetaminophen!#they did prescribe me a narcotic as an option but i have no intention of even considering filling it unless it becomes physically unbearable#and nothing else will help control the pain not even otc stuff or clove oil#knock on wood! here's to a smooth & speedy recovery
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oc-supportchannel · 2 years ago
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cerneterydrive · 2 years ago
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dimplebites · 4 months ago
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heckolve · 3 years ago
todays mood is angry and sad and!! bad!!
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eroinah · 10 months ago
verses   tag   drop.
[  arc. 「 one. 」 i’m hungry and hollow and just want something of my own. ] [  arc. 「 two. 」 i’m not their hero but that doesn’t mean i wasn’t brave . ]  [  arc. 「 three. 」you endure what is unbearable and you bear it. that is all.]  [  arc. 「 four. 」 in the shade of our youth we were unstoppable. ]  [  arc. 「 five. 」 to name the pain without inviting it back into me. ] [  arc. 「 six. 」 when we all fall asleep where do we go. ]  [  arc. 「 au. wick. 」 my idea of help from above is a sniper on the roof. ] [  arc. 「 au. avengers. 」 it hurts to become. it does not hurt to be. ] [  arc. 「 au. fantasy. 」 you were raised by wolves and voices. ] [  arc. 「 undecided. 」 let's wander till the fuckers demand an encore. ]
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onlyswan · 23 days ago
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summary: in which you get your period and jungkook just wants to be with you.
> fluff / wc: 2.9k
> warnings: period blood 😭 lots of it obviously you know how it is
note: helloooo i’m back :D this was requested. i think. it was probably a month ago so i don’t remember well IM SORRYYYY but here it is anon who was ranting about their period in my asks <3 i feel like i’ve been gone for long but it’s only been a week help i’ve been here and there for the past days hehe
you stand motionless beside the bed, staring at the blood stain on the grey bed sheets. you’re still too tired to function and to process the mess you’ve made this fine morning, and you can’t find it in yourself to move when the pain of period cramps is starting to blossom in your abdomen.
jungkook enters the bedroom to wake you up and to announce that breakfast is ready, but is met with the sight of your current predicament.
“oh, baby,” he sighs, wrapping his arms around you and planting a soft kiss on your cheek. “come on, let’s get you freshened up.”
it’s his first instinct to check on the inside of your thighs. this isn’t new. he used to worriedly mention it the first few months you lived together — asking if you’re feeling okay, if it’s normal to bleed that much, until he didn’t anymore. instead, he speaks through his actions.
you feel the wet wipes slide across the soft skin of your thighs, and you try to take over cleaning yourself but his quiet ‘let me’ leaves your heart feeling weaker. your eyes gloss over his hunched figure lovingly, wondering when the intimacy between the two of you started running this deep. with a silent whimper, you lean your weight against his hold when the lightheadedness become unbearable.
it’s the worst week of the month again. your period has always left you in pain, vulnerable, helpless. after the long years of experiencing this monthly, one would assume that you’d get used to it at some point, but you simply can’t. every month feels like the very first time, an evil-spirited visitor forcibly bursting through your front door on a random morning to wreak havoc in your peaceful temple.
this morning is one of those mornings. and this is usually when you feel grateful that you no longer live alone, that you won’t need to crawl your way to the bathroom because your super strong boyfriend never hesitates to swoop you in his arms.
you hold onto the bathroom sink to steady yourself on your feet, hazy eyes looking up at him hesitantly. “i’m okay. i can shower on my own.” his hands pulling up your shirt pauses.
his bunny teeth tugs at his lower lip, looking back at you with uncertainty. your baby hair is sticking on your forehead from sweat. it’s a thing, you’ve told him. hormones act up and increases your body temperature. it gets hard to breathe. aside from cleaning yourself up, that’s also part reason why you scramble to stand under the shower the moment you realize you’re on your period.
he’s worried sick, but of course, he doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. “are you sure? you know i don’t mind at all, right?” and he says it genuinely, having catered to you in the bath about a thousand times, with or without period. he fixes your hair, putting them away from your face in a small effort to lessen your pain and discomfort.
you hold onto his wrist, the simple touch grounding you back into lucidity and reality. “hmm, i’m sure. i’d ask for help if i need it, you know that, too.”
“oh, you better.” he grimaces, unpleasant flashbacks flooding his mind. “i’ll get mad if i find you passed out in the shower again. i’m not even joking.”
“you almost cried that time. i think you’ll cry for real if there comes a next time.” you chuckle, the faint memories have already become something you can laugh about. you were the one who got into the accident, after all. but it still feels fresh to jungkook, who rushed you to the emergency room that morning. luckily, you didn’t suffer any injuries. the cause was dehydration, the doctor said. you finished a bag of dextrose and went home after.
“shut up. you scared the shit out of me.” he mumbles, lips shaping into a pout. why is it that he is in a constant fear of you accidentally hitting your head?
you smile at him softly. he’s been extra caring and attentive since then, constantly checking up on you to ask you how you’re feeling. he simply refuses to let anything bad to happen to you, or else he would go insane.
“i’ll get you some water first, then i’ll clean up while you shower, okay?”
“okay. thank you.” you respond meekly, letting go of his wrist.
he comes back with you naked behind the shower curtain, your head peeking out as you were waiting for him. he hands you a glass of water, and you watch him neatly place a fresh set of clothes and a pad on top of them on the clothing rack as you gulp down the refreshing liquid down your throat.
“finished!” you exclaim proudly, giving him back the empty glass. admittedly, it eased your lightheadedness a little bit.
“good girl.” he praises you, and you hide the shy smile on your face by drawing back the curtain. as he listens to the shower running, he cleans up the floor you’ve unknowingly stained in your debilitated state.
with your eyes closed, you lather your hair with shampoo. “babe, i’ll change the sheets now. you promise me you’re okay?” he checks up on you once again as the lovely boyfriend that he is.
to be honest, you just want this over with as soon as possible so you can lay back down and curl yourself up into fetal position. but still, you don’t really feel like you’re going to faint, so that means you’ve never been better. “yes, i’m okay. i’ll be quick.” you answer quietly, scratching at your scalp.
“not too quick. you might slip, or get dizzy. just breathe, you get it?!” he reminds you, jokingly raising his voice and making it deeper. you can almost hear his smile.
“got it, sir.” you copy him, giggling.
you enter the living room to find the couch filled a bunch of pillows and your favorite fluffy blanket ready to engulf your weary vessel in a warm embrace. and of course, your boyfriend patiently waiting for you. like a kid on christmas day, his eyes light up when he sees you.
he reaches for your arm, immediately pulling you to sit on his lap. “how are you feeling?” he caresses the back of your head tenderly. you close your eyes at the comforting feeling.
“not good, not bad. just alive.” your head falls on his shoulder, nuzzling your face on his neck. “also dizzy. bad cramps. i’m hungry. but i’m sleepy. i don’t know what to do first.”
he juts out his bottom lip. he hates it when you’re in pain. he hates it. “i just reheated the waffles. eat first so you’ll wake up feeling better, is that okay?”
“with strawberries and bananas?” you look at him expectantly, the image of the waffles in your head making you salivate.
he chuckles at your cuteness, visibly feeling unwell but still cheerful in a way. “of course, baby.”
“hurry, hurry.” you crawl down his lap, moving over the blanket instead. since you’re feeling hot, sitting on it to feel the soft fabric against your skin is enough for now. however, he stays still on his spot for a few more seconds. his doe eyes meet your ingenuous ones, and he half smiles.
he scoots closer to you, leaving a small distance between your faces. his gaze falls down to your lips and he asks, “may i get my good morning kiss first?”
you’re the one to cross the distance, and he tilts his head to the side to mold his lips against yours. he feels a tug in his chest when your thumb rubs the supple skin of his cheek softly, contrasting your teeth playfully tugging at his lower lip. you don’t particularly do it to insinuate something, it’s just your favorite thing to do. and he gets drunk on it each time.
you’re also the one to pull away, pressing one last swift kiss on his lips. “there you go. may i have my breakfast now?”
“the things you do to me.” he mutters under his breath, shaking his head with a laugh. you roll your eyes and slap his ass jokingly as he gets up to leave, making him laugh harder.
with a groan, you pull your knees to your chest, putting a pillow in between in an attempt to relieve your cramps.
he comes back quickly, handing you the plate and setting down another glass of water on the center table. your stomach grumbles loudly at the addicting smell, and you look at him with wide eyes in embarrassment.
he throws his head back like a little kid, laughing without a sound as his body vibrates. “shut up!” you whine, hitting his arm lightly with a closed fist.
“my poor baby.” he coos, taking one of the forks from the plate and cutting out a bite sized piece of waffle. “let’s feed the little angry monster in your tummy.”
you don’t say anything anymore, not when the good food is working so well in soothing you. you chew with a delighted expression on your face, obediently biting the slice of banana he offers you. after that, you steal the fork from his hand and start eating on your own.
he turns on the television and flips through the channels until he settles with a drama you’re seeing for the first time. and then he leaves you again, and comes back with obligatory heating pad.
you focus on eating and trying to follow the plot of the high school drama, figuring out whether it’s the fun or annoying type of cliche. on the other hand, jungkook takes away the pillow, puts the heating pad over your lower abdomen, and brings the pillow back to keep the heating pad securely pressed against you.
you immediately slip further into relaxation, the food giving you energy and the heating pad easing your cramps. “thanks, baby. i feel a lot better.” you voice out your appreciation, extending the plate of waffles to him. he did cook them, after all.
“i already had some earlier.”
you grimace, moving it closer. “you know i can’t finish all these. you brought two forks for a reason.”
“you got me.” he cackles, taking the plate from your hands to be the one to hold it for the both of you.
and you spend the next hour feasting on waffles and fruits, two fools laughing and exchanging commentary about a show you have zero idea what’s going on with.
after the food is wiped out, you gradually get more comfortable on the couch until you finally lay down. your eyes are fighting to stay open as a game show plays on the television after the drama.
jungkook is in your shared room, getting ready to go out for work. he has a schedule this afternoon, which means he will be home later than usual.
he comes out with a backpack already hanging on his shoulder. he squats down infront of you, blocking the screen. you frown as if you’ve actually been watching. “is there anything you want me to buy?” he asks, stroking your hair delicately.
“you smell nice.”
“thank you.” the random compliment makes him swoon.
you hum in response, twirling the lone strand of hair on his forehead with your finger. “need more pads. and the hand soap in the bathroom is running out. and i’m craving fishy ice cream.” the last item referring to the ice cream sandwich that is designed as a cute fish, a dessert you’ve grown very fond of.
“noted. here’s your phone, baby.” he sets down the gadget on the space infront of your chest. “call me if you need anything else. and just order in food for lunch and dinner so you won’t get tired.”
he is about to stand up again before he pauses, suddenly remembering something. “wait, don’t you need panty liners too? i saw that you ran out.”
you blink at him in astonishment, slightly overwhelmed with how observant and thoughtful he is. this is the first time he’s mentioning them. oh heavens, he does love you.
“oh right, i forgot. will you buy those too?”
“i will.” he smiles, proud of himself for remembering and bringing it up. “okay, i’m going. don’t forget my reminders.” he gives your cheek a peck, and you feel some of his lip balm staying on your skin. he gingerly brushes it away with the pads of his fingers.
“hmm, remember to stay safe, too.” he nods at your daily reminder, patting your head one last time.
you doze off to sleep the second he walks out of the door.
it’s past midnight when jungkook comes home from work. he finds you fast asleep on the same spot from this morning, except you’re wearing a new set of clothes. the television is playing an action movie he knows you fell asleep to. the heating pad that has ran cold is laying on the table, beside a covered white paper cup he suspects to be iced tea from either lunch or dinner. he takes a sip, and finds out that he is right (cherry! japanese food?), but it has turned flat and bland from the melted ice.
he gives you a forehead kiss before heading to the kitchen, throwing the cup in the trash can where he sees empty food containers as well. he’s relieved that you listened to him. he puts the packs of ice cream in the freezer, and plastic bags of chicken and pork in the designated meat container. he goes to the bathroom next, placing the pads and panty liners in your small cabinet. next off, he refills the hand soap dispenser.
once he has ticked off all the boxes in his to-do list, he brushes his teeth and takes a quick shower to wash away the hectic and tiring day he had at work.
at last, he crawls next to you on the couch only wearing his boxers, letting you use his arm as a pillow for your head. he would carry you to bed, but he doesn’t have the heart to wake you up from your peaceful slumber. more than that, he has noticed that you look more comfortable sleeping on the couch more than the bed.
you stir in your sleep, subconsciously draping your arm over his abdomen to pull him closer to your body and to snuggle against him for comfort and tranquility. he turns to the side so he can embrace you properly, burying his nose in your hair to breathe you in — to soothe the light headache caused by the travel back home.
but you haven’t been asleep that long, so his loving actions wake you up from your rest.
“jungkook?” your small voice whispers, and he feels your warm breath hitting his chest.
“yes, baby?”
“what time is it?”
he checks the time on your phone, which is on top of your abandoned pillow. “1:06am.”
“did you have dinner?” you ask right away, stroking his back gently.
“bibimbap.” he answers, and you feel his lips ghost over your forehead before he gives you a sweet kiss.
“need to change my pad.” you unwillingly pull away from him with a sigh, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.
“can i come with you?”
silence fills the air for a moment. “what? no.”
“i won’t look. i’ll turn around.” he tries reasoning with you.
you sit up and look at him in bewilderment. “still a no.”
he looks at you innocently, unwavering with his want to stay close to you. “i’ll wait outside the bathroom door.”
“you missed me?”
he purses his lips, contemplating with what to answer. “just a little bit.”
you hold back a smile at how being silly he is. “did you buy my ice cream?”
“you’re set for an entire week.” he answers proudly, corners of his eyes crinkling as he grins.
“that’s good.” you reply nonchalantly, climbing over him to get off the couch and to stand on your feet.
he follows your movements with a frown. “so can i come with?”
you yawn, tugging at his arm to force him to stand up. he quickly obliges, putting on his slides. “hurry, or i might fall asleep while changing.”
“please don’t.” he nervously laughs as you drag him with you all the way to the other side of the apartment.
he waits patiently by the door, until he notices the disorganized products on the vanity he left this morning, so he spends about a minute fixing those before returning to his post. he hears the water running and then some rustling. he perks up when he hears you whimper next.
“what happened?”
“almost tripped while putting on my panties.” your voice comes out echoey from inside the bathroom.
he slaps his forehead in distress. “i’m starting to think i should bubblewrap you.”
you gasp, opening the door to confront him. “to deliver me to someone else?!”
“i . . . did not mean it like that.” he trails off, biting the inside of his cheek.
you raise an eyebrow in question, and he smiles at you sweetly. “let’s eat ice cream together?”
his offer sounds tempting, however- “didn’t you brush your teeth already?”
his smile drops. “you think that would stop me from having a late night date with you?”
you shrug, stepping out of the bathroom to head to the kitchen. “alright then. makes sense since you’re a mint choco liker.”
he follows suit, whining outloud. “you’re so mean on your period!”
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ellana-ravenwood · 3 months ago
“Life is worth it, I’ll prove it” - Bruce Wayne/ Battinson x Fem!Reader
Synopsis : Tonight is the night. Tonight, you’re finally too tired to continue, it’s enough. Your decision is made. This is the end. Finally. Except, your path crosses The Batman’s, and he’s not about to give up on you. He won’t ever give up again. Can he really save you, though ?
TW : Suicidal thoughts. Spoilers for the movie (about Bruce’s character development, but no major plot points or events).
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Bruce, atop one of his favorite building (Old Wayne Tower had always fascinated him, even as a child), was perusing Gotham city. 
His city. 
And, he realized, he did not feel the usual rage inside him, that overwhelmed him whenever he looked at those streets. 
Those streets which took his parents away from him.
How novel, to not feel this resentment. 
To look at what he once only saw as grim, and a way to avenge his parents mindless murder, in a new light. 
To look at those streets...
Those streets which took too many parents away from their children. Too many children from their parents. Too many brothers, sisters, lovers, friends...
Yet. Yet here he was. Looking down there, with a new sense of purpose. Without this need for vengeance. This pure hatred and grief turned into violence, that was all too familiar...was gone. 
It was both odd and amazing. It was both exhilarating and a little scary. Because, being “Vengeance” was easy. He could just pounce on villains, and use his brain to foil their plans. Destroy. Hurt. Ravage. Easy.
But being a sigil of hope ? It colored everything in a new way. It meant he had to be more careful, to be the one who will give Gotham City’s inhabitants a new ray of sunshine. Difficult, when you were a night vigilante. 
Bruce couldn’t help but chuckle to himself. To think he realized, after two years “on the job”, what he really stood for, was still a little strange. 
Yet it happened. Finally, some might say (some being mainly a certain Alfred Pennyworth). And although the pain inside his heart would never truly go away entirely, it wasn’t a source of vengeance anymore, but of hope. And love. 
Because in the end, what drove him to become the Batman ? Was it the need to avenge, or the love for his parents which turned into pure hatred for crime ? A love so strong that once it was torn apart by their death, it was also distorted into something dark and unbearable. 
Yes. It was love which drove his every decisions. Love for his mother and father, for Alfred, for his city and its inhabitants. (And maybe a little love for punching those who deserved in in the face, without fear of repercussion).
Another chuckle. What would the Bruce from two years ago think ? And the one from over a decade ago ? Ah, but those Bruces were ones that were still stuck in the “anger” phase of grief. And the Bruce from now ? 
Acceptance to be more than his pain. Acceptance to be a beacon of hope. To be more than that kid who witnessed his parents’ murder. Acceptance to be truly and fully, The Batman, the one that city deserved and needed. 
The pain of his loss would never truly go away, but now...Now there was a silver lining amongst the clouds. 
And he felt -no- he knew there was a future, after all. One not constantly dimmed by an endless amount of hurt.  
Maybe it was fate, that just as he truly processed all of that, as he realized there was always hope even amongst endless nights, that he met you. 
Someone who looked utterly lost, and all alone in the world. 
Someone who had the same inkling of pain and despair in their eyes, the one Bruce could recognize anywhere because he saw it every day for the past fifteen years every time he looked at himself in the mirror. 
Someone standing way too close from that building’s edge...
Climbing on the little wall “securing” the rooftop was easier than you thought. 
What if it was too high ? What if you couldn’t lift yourself up ? 
You told yourself that if it was the case, then it was a sign that you shouldn’t do it. That you shouldn’t jump. It was always like that right ? If everything wasn’t perfectly aligned, then you wouldn’t do it. 
This wasn’t the first time your suicidal thoughts overtook your entire being.
The first time it felt like nothing mattered anymore, not even you. The first time you felt like a burden pulling everyone down with you, and honestly, wouldn’t they be better without you ? 
This wasn’t the first time that you felt dead inside, like you’re just a ghost living in a body you don’t recognize. When look in the mirror, you see a stranger. A pale, tired, miserable stranger that kind of looks like you. 
This wasn’t the first time. 
What once made you happy is now tedious, and what once made you just a little bummed out makes you want to die. 
You scrolled through your phone contacts that night, as this moment of deepest need started to rise. But you were sure that there wasn’t a single person who would help you without resenting you. Have you been lying to yourself all along about how much you matter ? Yes. Yes you have, haven’t you ? 
Everything was so dark and hopeless. And you get that all too familiar tunnel vision surrounded by pain and the only way out is to end it all. The numbness is so deep and excruciating it overwhelms and drains everything out of you. Words can’t even describe how lonely and terrifying this is.  
You’re tired. 
This isn’t the first time. And you’re so tired. 
When will this end ? 
It’s as if you don’t even exist. You feel useless, worthless, unworthy and like you’re a burden. It’s like an elephant is sitting on you, holding you down and keeping you from living (but also keeping you from dying ?). It’s as if you watch, lifeless and numb, as everyone carries around unaware you even exist, unaware of your constant fight inside, unaware...
You did try to talk about it. 
A few times. 
To friends. Or, at least, people you thought were friends. Because when you started to finally talk about your never-ending suicidal ideas, they shrugged it off as you being too stress. Or said things like : “you need to seek professional help” and HOW ?! 
Your health insurance wasn’t covering therapy sessions. You barely scraped by, like many in Gotham City...how could you afford professional help ? You knew they were right. You did need to see a therapist. But you also all knew that their suggestion was unfortunately impossible. 
Because you didn’t have the money. Because this was “the American dream”, and you didn’t even have time to do any self-care. When you weren’t working, you were sleeping. And vice-versa. Or quite literally, you would end up not even being able to pay to survive (and was it so bad ?). 
And so here you are. All alone again. And you feel like you’re drowning in the middle of the ocean, and Death is a floating raft. All you can do is to keep wading until you completely exhaust yourself, or finally climb aboard it...
Nobody could help. Nobody would help anyway. 
You were sure of it. 
Because you already tried to talk, and the answers were all the same. Friends ended up drifting away from you. Couldn’t blame them. After all, who would want to be around someone who could sometimes just be a total buzzkill, and rant too much about how they felt everything was wrong ? 
When you so often felt suicidal, rejection from others was normal, you thought. 
Others too, had to take care of their own mental health. Being around you was a curse. That’s how it felt. Talking to you drained people. And your countless call for help ended up isolating you even more. 
Why ? Did they not understand ? Was it too much for them ? Was helping someone like you...just impossible ? An unbearable burden ? 
Yes. Yes. That was it. 
And this was it. 
The wall was easy to climb. You didn’t meet anybody on your way up to the rooftop, and there was not a soul around to even try to stop you. Everything was aligned, that night. 
And here you were, on the edge of the building. 
And strangely, you weren’t scared. There was even a sense of peace. Because it was all going to be over soon. This endless pain. It was going to be gone. You just needed to take one small step forward. 
And you did. Closing your eyes, and feeling both relieved this was going to end soon, and scared of what was going to happen afterward. 
It was too late to think about it. Because you took that step. And you started falling. And-
Right in your tracks. 
A hand took hold of your arm, just as you were falling. You turn around and...
That, you didn’t expect. 
You were ready. Everything was aligned. And then- 
A hand. A strong one at that. Pulling you away back on the edge. 
And then arms wrapping around you, to make sure you’re not going to resist and try to jump again. 
You’re too surprised to resist. You turn your head, and...
Batman ? 
THE Batman ? 
What the fuck. 
“Um. Can you let go ?” 
“Can I ?”
“I’m not going to jump.”
“Promise ?” 
“What the- Are you a child ?”
“I’m sorry. I cannot let you go if you do not promise.”
“What even makes you think I will keep my promise ?”
“A feeling.” 
A feeling that is right. You hate people who break their promises. Maybe because too many people broke theirs to you ?
You nod. When he doesn’t make a move to let you go, you groan and say out loud : 
“Yeah yeah. I promise.” 
He releases you, and doesn’t take you away from the edge. Why ? You’re not sure. Maybe because he knows he can just stop you again if he has to ? You can see a grappling hook, on that belt. 
Not like you were going to jump anyway. You promised. You weren’t going to. At least, not right now. 
There’s an awkward silence. What is going to happen now ? You’re not sure how long this goes on, this weird staring at each other. 
You look at him, he looks at you. Neither moving. Neither speaking. 
Too awkward. You have to say something. And so you do : 
“Um, are you just going to stand there ?”
“Until I’m sure you’re safe, yes.” 
“Don’t you have people who actually wants to be saved to, you know, save ?”
“I cannot leave until I’m sure you’re safe.”
A dry chuckle escapes you. One full of sarcasm, which he clearly understands. You’re sure he’ll eventually leave. Once that bat signal turns on, he’ll leave. 
Everyone leaves eventually. 
And then everything will be aligned again, for you to do what you came here to do. Because what if he stopped you ? He couldn’t change what was in your heart. Nobody could. And you just wanted the pain to stop. 
Death was the only hope. 
Ah. Funny. “Hope”. Because what was going to happen next, revolved entirely around hope, right ? 
He stayed. What else could he do ?
Early in the morning, he had a few meetings at Wayne Enterprises (he only just recently decided to fully commit to his job there). And now, there was maybe other people to help. But he couldn’t leave you. 
What could he do, but stay ?
He knew that force wouldn’t work. That if he, let’s say, put you in a cell for the night so that you had no mean to kill yourself, it would make things worst. Once upon a time, to be fair, he probably would’ve done that. Put you somewhere he was sure you couldn’t harm yourself, maybe tie you up or something, and leave to go beat up criminals who needed a beating. 
But that was him before. And he couldn’t leave. The bat signal wasn’t on anyway. No emergencies. Except for this one, right in front of him. 
Except for you, eyes devoid of hope and looking lost. 
A kind of “lost” he understood oh too well. 
When he was younger, he had felt so desperate that he wanted to die. Just for the pain to stop. And if Alfred hadn’t been there, he’s pretty sure he would’ve tried to end it all at one point. 
But during that time, Alfred was annoyingly (but fortunately) always there. He never let his dear “Master Bruce” out of his sight for too long, because he knew how the boy felt. 
At the time, Bruce didn’t believe him. But Alfred knew. Bruce just didn’t care enough yet to ask about the majordomo’s past life, before he became the faithful Wayne family’s butler...But that was another story. 
Long story short, Alfred understood. And so he made sure to be the boy’s shadow for years (and even Bruce never realized how much that was true). Up until Bruce’s despair turned into the need for vengeance, and he left to train, coming back years later with this “Batman” idea...
Although he didn’t have those thoughts anymore, Bruce knew how it felt. Knew how it was, to be overwhelmed by this sense of isolation. Like nobody understands, and you don’t want to bother them anyway. 
He felt this before. When the pain inside you has so far exceeded your threshold, that your only option left is to give up, or give into it (which he did, as he turned to violence for an ounce of relief). It’s like you keep trying to swim back ashore, but isn’t getting anywhere closer, and you’re just slowly wearing out as if caught in a riptide, drifting further and further. Screaming at people on the shore, but they can’t hear you. After a while, you feel like the world and everyone in it will be better off without you. 
Bruce told Alfred, once. When he was ten. He told him that he probably would feel better without him. That he was a burden and stopped him from living his life properly. Alfred, in that moment, did something he still regrets up until now, but that shook Bruce to the core. 
He slapped him. He slapped him and said : “never say that again, a world without you in it, Master Bruce, would not be worth living for.” 
Did the Alfred think like him, then ? Without his parents, it didn’t feel like he should go on. Only ten, too smart for his own good already, and matured too fast. It stuck with him though. This slap. And Alfred’s words. 
A lot of time, he genuinely thinks it’s because he kept thinking of the man who became his father figure, that he didn’t end it all. And because he turned his grief and despair into hate, which wasn’t the solution either. 
Yes. Bruce knows. He knows what it is to be at the end of the line. 
So he stays. Right there. Next to you. 
There’s a silence. A long one. And he just stays. 
He doesn’t guilt trip you for your thoughts and behavior, he doesn’t try to argue with you about the morality (or immorality ?) of suicide. He doesn’t do what so many people did before him. 
You don’t feel ashamed, somehow. 
So many people belittled you, although not on purpose, for feeling the way you felt. And he doesn’t. Even as you thought this was exactly the kind of man to do that. 
He doesn’t. And he’s here. He stays. 
Naturally, you both sit down on that dangerous edge. You don’t think about jumping though, too taken aback by this man sitting next to you. 
“Do you want to talk ? It’s ok if you don’t.” 
For so long, ever since you were rejected by a few friends when you talked about it, you found yourself unable to tell anyone your true feelings. You were unsure how to speak about it. Concerned they wouldn’t understand. Fearful of being judged and shunned. Worried you’d upset them. 
But here is that man, dressed as a bat, who’s pastime you knew was to beat up criminals...sitting there. Asking you if you wanted to talk to him. And telling you it was ok if you didn’t. 
And you found yourself beginning to talk. 
About how you were born in Gotham’s slums, and you knew nothing else. How you thought it was normal, to constantly be abused because that was the only life you knew. How you first broke down, and nobody was there to help. 
You tell him about things he already knows. He’s aware how tough life in Gotham can be, and how it affects people’s mental health. Gotham had one of the highest suicide rate in the country...
He tells you you’re not weaker than some people. He tells you resilience isn’t always a quality. That everyone breaks, at some point. And that reaching for help is ok. That it’s hard, even. That it took him a long time to understand that. 
And your suspicions are confirmed. He also went through what you’re going through. 
And you continue. You talk. And talk. And talk. And he listens. Truly listens. 
“This city took everything from me.” You say. And he answers : 
“I know.” 
That’s when the tears start. And don’t stop for a long time. You barely notice an arm around your shoulder, making you feel oddly safe. 
And you cry. God. You needed that. 
He doesn’t tell you your feelings are wrong. He doesn’t tell you “you don’t have good enough reasons to feel depressed, and lost, and alone, and pain”. He doesn’t tell you you have to change. He doesn’t judge you. 
It’s not your fault you have those thoughts. It’s not. And by not making you feel small because you hurt (sometimes without knowing the reason why), he already helps. It’s ok. It’s ok. Your feelings are valid. 
They are valid. 
The sun comes up. And he’s still here.
“You’re really not going ?”
“I’m really not going.” 
“Won’t people be suspicious if you’re not around today ? In your real life, I mean ?” 
“I doubt that. So, I’ll stay. Just for a little longer. Okay ?”
Silence again. Up until you turn your head to look at the horizon, and answer : 
All it took was someone reaching out. All it took was finally truly saying “yes” to this help. 
“I was blinded by my emotions. I couldn’t see past those hopeless feelings. Now, things are clearer to me. Suicidal thoughts aren't permanent, things do improve. You can find your motivation to live again. Please, reach for help.” 
Bruce was so proud. You went such a long way, since he met you that fateful night. Things weren’t always easy. Hell no, quite the contrary. 
There were times he was sure he was going to lose you, if he only closed his eyes for once second. That you were going to make that jump... 
He never left though. No matter how hard things were. Because he promised himself he would never again let despair overtake him, and because you were too good a soul for him to not try everything possible to keep you away from that dark pit. 
After that day and night, when he stayed with you up until you promised you would stay safe, he kept on checking on you. 
Every single day. No matter how little time he had. He came by, even if for just a few minutes. And he was the first step to you recovering from your suicidal thoughts. 
“Build your support network”, was one of the first advice your therapist gave you (therapist you were able to see thanks to an “anonymous benefactor”, not suspicious at all...As if you didn’t immediately guess it was him). A precious advice. Because it truly was primordial. Up until then, you realized you just weren’t around people who were good for you. The toxic environment didn’t help your thoughts, and it wasn’t normal that some people made you feel worthless and as if it was your fault you weren’t feeling well. 
Surrounding yourself with positive influences and people who made you feel good about yourself was the key. And who else but him, made you feel the best ? You would’ve never thought that The Batman was so funny, and witty. You always had that image of him being super scary (which is the feeling he wanted to instill), but he wasn’t. He could even be really sweet (he did came by EVERY SINGLE DAY). 
The more you invested yourself in other people, in your community, the more you realized you had to lose. Which helped you ground yourself in reality. Because yes, now, you did have things and people to lose. And it helped you stay positive and onto recovery. 
Because he was around so much, it became easy for you to guess who he really was. You could see “Bruce Wayne” getting more and more invested in bettering Gotham...how could you not recognize that jawline ? 
You waited for him to tell you first though. Which he did. And that was another thing : trust. 
Trust in others. Recovered. Thanks to him (and to him, thanks to you). 
He did tell you. One day when he wasn’t feeling well, and needed your support. This is why you work so well together. When one falls, the other one is always there to catch them. 
You helped each other to identify your “triggers”, and other situations that lead to feelings of despair. The anniversary of his parents’ loss, your first mental breakdown, sounds that were too loud, drugs...You made a list. And made sure you would be careful, not getting upset at others if they triggered you. Because how could they know ? You were responsible for your triggers. 
But you two ? You knew the other one’s weaknesses. You knew what could send them over the edge. So when a situation arose, you were always saving each other. 
You also developed “self-care days”, or moments, if you didn’t have much time. Ate right, never skipped a meal (Alfred made sure of that), and got enough sleep (not “plenty” unfortunately...but enough). Exercised a lot too, which released the right amount of endorphins...Not like Bruce didn’t exercise before. Maybe doing it with you now, did help ? 
Somewhere along the way, your relationship naturally bloomed into love. A kind of love you never felt before. A kind of love worth living for. 
“Life is worth it, and I’ll prove it” he once told you, near the beginning of it all. You were skeptical, and told him “sure”, rolling your eyes. But he did. 
He did prove it to you. Every single day. Even before you fell for him, and he for you. He showed you the things worth living for. 
Helping others, making the suffering of people smaller, a simple smile could brighten someone’s day. As The Batman, he often encountered situations that were desperate, and he couldn’t always save everyone...
But hope never died. That’s something he showed you. Every day. 
One, two, three...one hundred, two hundred, three hundred...The number of days he kept trying increased. Love slowly build itself. 
A love worth living for. 
And there were so much more, worth living for. 
You developed new interests. Being with Bruce gave you the opportunity to volunteer a lot, and your life took a new sense of meaning and purpose when you were finally able to build foundation for others. Such as the one you created now, to help those in need who struggle with mental illnesses. And hey, when you’re doing something fulfilling, you always feel better about yourself. 
Yes. You both help one another tremendously. Although you will always felt he helped you more, and he was the reason you slowly found a new taste for life. All it took, was the impulse he gave you. 
His endless pain turned into endless hope. Given to you. 
“I know the fear of loss because of you” you once told him, and this was a good thing, although it sounded like it wasn’t. Because being afraid of losing what you loved, or thinking of him once again losing someone he loved...
“Life is worth it, I’ll show you.” 
He did. He did show you. 
You couldn’t help but think there was a little “luck” factor, that you saw as destiny. Fate. You met the right person, at the right moment. Every rejection you went through, every toxic relationship, lead you there. 
On that rooftop, on that night. 
You met the right person, at the right moment. 
You both did. 
You, because you were saved (although this didn’t came with a snap of the fingers, you actually WORKED hard on yourself to finally feel a little better...The support did help). 
Him, because it was right at a moment he needed to know there really was hope. And convincing you to not jump, that day, was just that. 
Pure hope. 
Which fructified. 
Because look where you both were, now. 
You, talking about the important issue of mental illnesses, and opening your first very own organizations to help those who need help but cannot afford it. 
And him, still being The Batman, but one who achieved and found his purpose. 
Both of you, becoming beacons of hope in a city that desperately needed it, and that was slowly rediscovering the sunshine. 
This story is very personal and close to my heart. I poured all my feelings into it. This is a therapeutic story, to close a really bad chapter in my life. I’m doing great now so please don’t worry, but felt like I needed to write this. I hope you liked it. And a few more words : 
If you feel suicidal, please call your countries’ lifeline (it does help). Or talk. To anyone. Do not stay alone. The hardest step is to reach out, and I know it’s hard, especially since there WILL be people who reject you for how you feel. My DMs are always open, if you need to talk. And unlike many, I really mean it. I went through this, and am one who luckily survived. Writing this story was like purging myself from the “experience” (my English is lacking to find the right word), and I know how it feels to be fully consumed by those thoughts. Reach out. Please. This is your sign to not give up just yet. 
937 notes · View notes
themidnightcrimson · a month ago
Whorehouse (part 1). | w. maximoff
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summary: in which wanda pays a visit to the whorehouse.
warnings: mentions of drugs and alcohol, grief and angst, prostitution, oral (r giving), fingering (r receiving)
this fic is for 18+ only. minors: do not interact.
series masterlist.
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It was a profound, immeasurable sadness within her. It did not levitate over her like a velvet blue cloud. It did not follow her like a melancholic shadow wherever she went. It was plunged within her, buried in the hollows of her heart like a bullet left unremoved. It grew and swell when the sun set and she did not have the distraction of work to placate it. It inflated within her until she had no more room inside to contain anything else. The pressure of it was enough to drive her to alcoholism, but no amount of spirits would ever deaden the pain living inside her.
It had been a year since Vision died. It was a stupid accident, and no matter how many catalysts Wanda tried to numerate in her mind, the only reason Vision was shot in the head by a robber in a local gas station was pure, universal chance. He had walked in at the wrong time, and he was taken from her. The worst part was that she had to watch it.
Survivor's guilt was a capable comrade to grief, as if the latter wasn't already enough to do her in. When the robber waved his gun around at the handful of innocent civilians in the convenience store, why did the barrel land between Vision's eyes? What was it that made the robber choose to pull the trigger?
Wanda walked out of that convenience store that day, and although she had no bullet wounds in her body, when the robber had shot his bullet through the middle of Vision's forehead, he had unknowingly shot one right into Wanda's heart—an impenetrable one that would not dissolve over the sands of time or healed psychological scar tissue. It would stay there in the confines of her heart, forever lodged into the depths of her soul.
A bottle of Jack Daniels was enough to get her to at least stop thinking about it.
She had spent many of these nights like that in the past year—alone, slumped over her kitchen table, eyes barely able to hang open. She'd been able to construct a facade well enough at work so that none of her coworkers would have ever suspected this was what their chief controller looked like when she went home. Other than that, there was no one else there to see through her even if they could. She had some friends before, but Wanda had always felt slightly removed. Vision was always the only one who could understand her. And when he passed, no one checked up on her again. Sure, she had isolated herself, but was that not typical of someone grieving? She was a widow, for God's sake. And no one cared.
Wanda had always been an individual, even when her twin brother was alive. She was always of a more singular mind, but the loneliness she had felt in the past year was becoming unbearable. She would turn the TV on to its highest volume, but her apartment was nonetheless deafeningly silent. Sometimes she would sit, drunk, and remember the sound of Vision humming in the other room, or the sound of dishes clanking as he washed them. It was always the little things she never thought she would miss so much.
Mindlessly scrolling through Facebook was her masochistic obsession. She would see her old friends and all the great things happening in their lives, and the bullet in her heart would dive even deeper. Sometimes, after the blue light of her computer screen felt like it was burning through her retina, she would look at the time and see that she had somehow spent hours looking through her feed. That night, as she chased a buzz, she sat at the kitchen table and scrolled.
A picture of Clint with his wife and kids came up first, and Wanda immediately felt a pang through her chest. Vision had always talked about having kids, and just before he died he had even found a lot for them to build a home on so that they could start a family.
Piercing her lip with her teeth, she quickly scrolled away, and between two posts an ad appeared on the screen. She almost scrolled past it, but her finger caught the touchpad, and she scrolled back up to see what it was.
A grimace crossed her face first. It was an ad with halfway naked women laying on a couch, and above them were the words, written in glowing red letters with a flame on the first one, Whorehouse.
"Zuckerburg puts porn ads on Facebook?" Wanda mumbled to herself, taking a swig of her whiskey as her eyes glazed over the ad. Out of sheer curiosity, she moved the mouse to the ad and clicked, a new tab opening in the browser. Over a completely black background, Whorehouse was again written in red in the middle of the screen; below it, an address.
They still have brothels in this day and age? Wanda thought to herself. The address was in her town, only a few blocks away. By the looks of the website, it was pretty secretive. She envisioned a dark, dingy building nestled somewhere downtown. It had to have been pretty secretive for it to not have been shut down yet, unless perhaps it was a backroom in a club.
Wanda hadn't a friend since Vision, nor a lover. Truthfully, she hadn't even tried, not daring to part ways with what little bit of Vision she felt she still had in her soul, but she had thought about it. There was certainly no way she could ever love someone again, but sometimes the loneliness reached her deeper human needs.
"Whorehouse," she whispered to herself, eyes reading the address back over.
If she wanted to reach out and meet those unmet human needs of hers, the normal coming of age process of Tinder would be too excruciating. She could only imagine the kind of people she would meet on there, ones who would probably want to go on dates or start some kind of friendship or even worse, a relationship. Wanda didn't want friends or a relationship. She wanted sex.
A few more swigs of Jack Daniels and a very cautious drive to the other side of town led her walking down a dimly lit street in a bad part of downtown in search for the address on the Whorehouse website. Her heart was pounding—this was pathetic, weird, even gross. Things like this were for creepy, lonely old men and weirdos. Nonetheless, she found herself walking anyways. She wasn't sure what she would find once she arrived, or if the place even existed, but the loneliness gnawing at the depths of her core was impetus enough.
She looked between the buildings she passed and the GPS on her phone and realized she had just passed where the GPS said the address was. Turning around, she glanced at the building a few yards away to see that it was an abandoned electronics store, the windows gray with dust and busted in, and metal bars covering the front door. Sighing, she put her phone in her pocket and placed her hands over her face.
"Stupid," she whispered. "So fucking stupid!" Angry at herself, feeling pathetic and gullible, she stormed in the direction she came until something glowing red caught her eye in the alley right before the electronics store. Pausing, she slowly took a few steps back until she was looking down the dark, narrow alleyway. There, several yards away, was a door, and above it, flickering in bright red, was an LED sign that read Whorehouse.
Tilting her head, Wanda took a step into the alleyway, her boot splashing in the middle of the puddle. She stopped, taking her boot out of the dirty puddle before she caught her reflection in the water. The red glow of the sign was seen in the puddle, along her warped face. She stared for a moment, hesitating on whether or not she should continue to the door at the end of the alley.
She needed someone. She needed to touch, to be touched, to feel something again besides the endless sadness and pain. It was enough reasoning for her to leave her reflection behind and continue down the alley.
As she approached the door, the glow of the sign cast across her face. She paused, staring at the knob of the rather busted up looking door and continuing to contemplate whether she should turn it or not. Her green eyes, large and glazed over from the hours' worth of alcohol, slid back up to the sign that flickered with a soft electric buzz.
She was already here, after all. Even if she did not get what she needed, what else was she going to do? Go back home and drink? Binge watch TV for the weekend?
Raising her hand, she moved her trembling fingers towards the golden doorknob, landing on the cool metal surface and turning. The door unlatched, and taking a deep breath, Wanda slowly creaked it open.
She was met with darkness and the putrid scent of cigarettes stained into the walls. She could hear the faint noise of music bumping, and as her eyes focused, she could that she had entered a hallway, and at the very end was a set of double doors. Through the crack at the floor and between the doors was a pinkish light with bright flashes of white flickering every now and then. She could see the shadow of footsteps dancing past the crack at the floor, and she nearly turned around and went home. It was just some kind of club, apparently, and she was not one for clubbing.
Before she could turn around, the double doors suddenly opened. A blinding pink light struck Wanda across the eyes, causing her to grimace and squint her lids until she could adjust to the bright light. Through the light came a silhouette of a man walking towards her, and when she could finally see him clearly, it was a tall, greasy guy with an interestingly shaped beard and slicked-back hair. Tattoos poked through the collar of his shirt at his neck, and a cigarette hung from his mouth. He was walking towards a door in the hallway but stopped upon seeing Wanda standing there.
"Sorry, toots, we're not hiring," came his raspy, guttural voice through the cigarette between his teeth.
"I'm not looking to work here," Wanda snipped quietly, feeling nervousness fill her. The man, about to disappear through a door, stopped and turned to look at her. His eyes glided over her, up and down like a snake, until an expression reminiscent of a smirk crossed his face.
Taking a drag from his cigarette as he turned towards her, he took it from his mouth and blew the smoke from his lips. Wanda watched it lazily drift towards her, illuminated from the pink light coming from the room from which loud music drifted. She could see a crowd of people dancing, more skin showing than clothes from what she could make out.
"You got cash?" the man asked her bluntly.
"Lots," Wanda answered, feeling the roll in her pocket. Being a chief controller at a finance company had its perks.
The man, somehow immediately believing her and looking impressed, nodded as he took another drag from his now short cigarette before tossing it to the floor and snuffing it with his boot. "Follow me."
Wanda followed the man as he led her towards the double doors. The pink light cast across her face as she came closer, the music getting louder and louder. As she entered through the doors, she was met with a large room filled with naked or partially naked women. At the front was a stage with several poles, women swinging around on them as men and women alike threw cash at them. In the middle of the room were lounging chairs where people were either talking, fucking, or receiving lap dances from the workers. Across the room was a bar, and on the other side a dance floor where the workers were grinding on their visitors and performing the most unholy of dances Wanda had ever seen. The place had a sickeningly sweet smell to it, like they were pumping off-brand perfume through the vents to cover up the smell of cigarettes and alcohol. There was a film of smoke settled in the air, and as Wanda looked around, she noticed many people doing drugs.
"You want a downstairs broad or an upstairs broad?" the man asked her, taking another cigarette from his pocket and lighting it. Wanda looked at him curiously before she noticed a metal staircase in the corner. Her eyes followed the steps which led to a mezzanine, and on the second floor was a line of doors, all with names written on the front. Each door had a sign hanging on the handle, some of them flipped over to read Busy, and some of them flipped to read Open.
"What's upstairs?" Wanda asked, both from sheer curiosity and from the urge to get out of the loud, suffocating room.
The man looked over to her and raised his brows with a slimy smile. "Only the best of my best." He began walking away and waved his hand for her to follow him, which she did. He led her up the staircase and to the railing where the doors were lined up. "I must warn you, these girls cost a hefty price." He stopped walking and leaned closer to her. "And I do require a down payment," he said in a lower tone.
Wanda looked between him and the doors, a sickening feeling overcoming her. Was she really doing this? Was this wrong?
Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the large wad of cash. The pimp stiffened, surprised at just how much cash she had. He had expected her to be pretty heavy-pocketed, considering she was wearing fairly expensive looking business casual attire. Not knowing just how much to give him, Wanda took out a hundred and handed it to him.
The man took the bill and held it up to the light, squinting to see if it was real or not. Upon seeing that it was real and knowing that this woman was a newcomer, he decided it wouldn't hurt to squeeze a little more out of her. He held out his other hand and gave an expectant look, and Wanda hesitantly took another hundred out and gave it to him. Snatching it, he stuffed the bills into the front pocket of his shirt.
"Thanks for your business," he snarled before gesturing to the row of doors. "Take your pick."
Looking uneasily between him and the doors, Wanda read the names on the front of each door that had an Open sign. She shrugged, feeling overwhelmed at having to pick some random girl.
"Tell you what," the man said, turning and sauntering towards a door near the end of the hall. "Since you're new here, I'll suggest our most in-demand girl. You're lucky she's open tonight. She usually requires an appointment."
Wanda followed him to the very last door and read the name across the front. Since she had no clue on who to pick, she nodded, deciding to settle for the one he was suggesting to her.
"Great choice," the man chuckled, removing his cigarette from his mouth and leaning suddenly close to Wanda. She stiffed and leaned away, looking up at him as he gave her a serious look. "Before I let you in, we got two rules here at Whorehouse. First, you will pay whatever she asks at the end of your session or else I will hear about it and find a way to make you pay. Second, and this one is very important," he whispered, leaning even closer. "If you hurt my girls, in any way, I will hear about it, and well..." Moving his hand to the hem of his shirt, he lifted it up to reveal a gun tucked into his jeans, "I'll find a way to make you pay," he whispered with a wink.
Wanda looked at him nervously, realizing that she was no longer in her nicer side of town in her nicer apartment with her nicer neighbors. She nodded slowly, and the man smiled at her before putting his cigarette back in his mouth and walking away.
Wanda was left alone with the door, unsure of how to start whatever she was in for. She turned to see the man walking down the stairs and asked him before he could leave, "Do I just... go in?"
The man stopped and turned to her again with a chuckle. "Well, at least knock first! Where's your manners?!" With a laugh, he turned and disappeared down the stairs.
Nodding slowly, Wanda turned back to the door and raised her hand, gently knocking. She waited for a second before hearing a gentle, "Come in." Taking a deep breath, she opened the door.
She wasn't quite sure what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what she was met with. It was a large room with rather tacky pink shag carpet. Underneath a glittering golden chandelier was a large, deep red couch, and behind it, up a few steps, was a large bed with black sheets. Even the walls were painted with varying shades of pink stripes, and the nightstands on either side of the bed were painted the same bright red as the couch. The smell of the air in there was much cleaner and subtle than the large area right outside, and Wanda felt a strange sense of comfort overcome her. Soft, sensual music drifted from a record player sitting on a table against the far left wall.
To the left of a room was a door which she assumed was a bathroom, and when she saw a shadow of a person coming near from through the doorway, she froze and held her breath. She had already paid two hundred dollars to see this woman, but what if she didn't like her? Was she even ready to do this? Why was she doing this?
Before she could answer any of her own questions, you appeared through the doorway. Wanda's eyes took you in with surprise. To be honest, she had expected a trashier looking woman with smeared makeup and a cigarette in her mouth, but you were far from what she had expected. Besides the black lingerie you were wearing, you looked strangely fresh and concerningly young. You watched her right back, your eyes falling down Wanda's figure.
Your most common visitor was older women, but they didn't ever look like how this one looked. She wore black pants with a white blouse tucked in, a grey coat over her shoulders. Your eyes caught sight of a gold watch sitting on her wrist, and her shoes were obviously name-brand. Most of all, this woman was shockingly beautiful. Under the bend of perfect brows were wide green eyes that seemed to completely absorb you every second of their stare. Between chiseled cheekbones were a pair of plump pink lips set in a purse, and the shoulders on which wavy locks of red hair sat were fit and tone even under the thick coat. She had an air of confidence to her at first sight, but as she just stood there awkwardly in the doorway, you realized she had no idea what she was doing.
"You can turn the sign to Busy before you close the door," you told her, sauntering over to the couch. As many times as you had done this in the past several months, you felt weirdly nervous.
"Oh," Wanda mumbled, turning and flipping the sign over before closing the door. She turned back to you, placing her hands over her pants to discreetly get the nervous sweat off them.
You were sitting on one end of the couch, legs crossed and arm hanging over the couch's arm. You moved your hand to the seat beside you and patted it, urging her to come sit.
Wanda nodded and walked closer to you, cursing herself for feeling so out of place. As she came closer to you, it got harder to breathe, so she took in a deep breath as she carefully sat down on the seat next to you, keeping a space between you so large that it made you chuckle.
"Are you new here?" you asked the woman, already knowing the obvious answer, but it was confirmed when she nodded, glancing at you for a fleeting moment before looking back to the floor again, folding her hands in her lap. Your eyes fell to her hands, seeing no ring there. "Recently divorced?" you gandered, since that was also your most common type of visitor.
Wanda pursed her lips, feeling that bullet in her heart spread further through her flesh. "Widowed," she snipped, moving her eyes over to you. "Do we have to talk?"
You were taken aback by her sudden coldness, but it was obvious you had reached a touchy subject. You felt the urge to apologize, to give your condolences, but it was obvious there was only one thing she was here for.
So, taking a deep breath, you slowly got up from the couch and knelt on the ground in front of her. Wanda stiffened, placing her hands on the cushions beside her, but your hands that placed themselves on her knees were oddly soothing. "Relax," you whispered, gently spreading her legs open.
Wanda felt warmth at the action, and she had to admit that seeing this beautiful stranger kneeling in front of her definitely did something for her. She hadn't expected to be turned on with such a small touch, but it had been a while since anyone had touched her besides handshaking clients at work, and you were enticingly seductive. As you stared up at her doe-eyed, she noticed just how young you looked.
Afraid that she had came to the wrong place, she quickly leaned forward and caught your hands, taking them away from her knees. "How old are you?" she demanded, worried that she was brought to an underaged girl's room.
You tilted your head and smirked, an impish look crossing your eyes. "How old do you want me to be?"
Wanda lowered her head and looked at you through her brows, feeling like that answer was a clear sign she had, in fact, came to the wrong place.
"I'm old enough," you assured her in a whisper, but it wasn't enough for her. Scoffing, you rolled your eyes and finally answered, "If it's of any consolation, this is how I'm currently paying my college tuition."
Wanda slightly eased, letting go of your hands and leaning back on the couch. "What ever happened to a waitressing summer job?" she scoffed.
Even though the physicality of your job had numbed over the past several months, you never got used to the degrading feeling. "I thought you didn't want to talk," you reminded her, moving your hands up her thighs and squeezing. Wanda remembered that and relaxed, watching as your hands went to the button of her pants. "Is this what you want?" you asked her quietly, wanting to be sure to get every penny out of this rich woman as you could.
Wanda could already feel flames of desire lapping away at her as she watched your fingers unbutton her pants. Pursing her lips, she nodded, looking at you with a dark, invigorating gaze. You felt nervous under this woman's penetrating stare, as if she was seeing right through the fabric of your mind. Although one of your seduction techniques was eye contact, you found yourself averting your gaze downwards as you pulled her pants down to her ankles, along with her lacey underwear.
You kissed the soft skin at the tops of her thighs first, moving your hands up to her hips. She was nearly trembling under you, her breath shaking through the muffled music coming from the other room. Your lips ventured higher, your right hand moving down lower until your fingers glided across her clit.
Wanda's eyes fluttered shut as an explosion of pleasure erupted within her. As much as she always convinced herself that her own hand was all she needed, feeling your hand touch her was nothing compared to her own. Her hips rose to meet your touch, and your tantalizing lips teasing their way up slowly was beginning to frustrate her. Bringing her hand to the back of your head, she took a fistful of your hair and sharply but gently tugged your head up. You gasped, not expecting it, and looked at her expectantly.
"I want your mouth," Wanda commanded firmly, a look of obvious frustration settling in her eyes. You nodded as much as you could through her hand holding your head by your hair, before lowering your face down between her legs, her hand following you all the way.
She opened her legs wider for you, and once your mouth came down to her clit, she released a guttural sigh. You were certainly an expert, Wanda thought to herself as you used your tongue to lap at her sensitive bud, her arousal filling your nostrils. She watched you as you pleasured her, and while Wanda had expected to feel some sort of guilty feeling, she felt nothing but pleasure. In fact, she couldn't even feel the bullet in her heart, all her feelings centered on where you were pleasuring her with your mouth.
Within a few minutes, your tongue ventured lower to circle around her entrance, collecting her wetness. You had to admit that she tasted amazing, and you found yourself hungrily diving your tongue inside her. The woman's mouth fell open at the feeling, her head falling back onto the couch as her hand stayed tangled in your hair.
Wanda could already feel herself getting close, and as embarrassing as it was for it to have happened so fast, she had been wound up for almost a year, not to mention how well you were eating her out. She tried to hold off, but once your tongue curled inside her, she came undone, moaning as she bucked her hips up towards you. As her orgasm approached her aggressively, she unknowingly squeezed your hair and pushed your face hard into herself, blocking you from breath. Your fingertips digging into her thighs, you let her hold your head down as she came against your tongue.
Once she had come down, Wanda finally let go of your head and let her hips fall back down against the couch, taking a moment to catch her breath from her overwhelming climax. Fixing your hair that she had tangled, you slowly came up, licking her juices off your lips and wiping them with the back of your hand. As you watched the woman, eyes closed and lips parted, calm down from how hard you had made her cum, you felt turned on at the sight of her. She was truly the most beautiful woman who had walked through your door, and although most people came to you for one thing only and often did not say much about themselves, there was an air of mystery about her that made you curious to know more.
Slowly, you crawled up onto her lap, grabbing onto her shoulders and straddling her thighs. Wanda stiffened at first, opening her eyes to look at you questioningly. But as you sat back on her lap and stared at her, her eyes fell down to your body barely covered in your lingerie, her tongue sliding over her lower lip in hungry appreciation.
Wanda's hands landed on your hips, feeling the lace there, and rose to wrap around you, unhooking your bra behind you. She pulled the fabric down your arms, exposing your chest to her. Wanda felt a deep sensation within her at the sight of you, blurting, "You're beautiful."
You'd been called many things before. Sexy, hot, slutty, nice tits. But no one had ever coined the term "beautiful" until then, and you blushed. "Thanks," you mumbled, and Wanda caught your shyness, wondering how a girl like you would be surprised to hear such a thing.
Wanda slid her hands up your stomach to grab at your breasts. You were used to people touching and grabbing you, but as the woman fondled you and looked admiringly at your chest, you felt a flare of desire within you. She lowered her hands down to your underwear, her eyes flickering up to you as her fingers hooked around it. As much as Wanda loved to be pleased, she more enjoyed pleasing. And with a beautiful young woman over her lap, she was just aching to feel you.
To your surprise, she paused. "Are you okay with this?"
You had to restrain a laugh at the question. No one had ever asked you that before, either. People had their way with you as they pleased, considering that was what you were there for. It was your job.
You smiled softly and nodded. "Yes."
Wanda smiled and moved her hand down between your legs, pushing your panties to the side. When her fingers collided with your clit, your hips stuttered. Usually, you had to put on a show when people wanted to touch you, but with this seductive woman you did not have to force your reactions as her fingers slid down to your entrance, feeling how wet you were.
Wanda's breath hitched at the feeling of your wetness, and her fingertips teased your entrance. She watched your face intently, relishing in the way you pursed your lips impatiently, your hands squeezing her shoulders. Finally, watching your face the entire time, she slid two fingers inside you until her knuckle was flat against your skin, and curled them sharply.
"Oh," you gasped, surprised at how quick she was to reach your spot. Wanda smirked and pumped her fingers again, harder this time. You clenched your teeth as this woman began fingering you perfectly, more gentle and exact than most people did. She pressed her thumb into your clit as she continued, and you found yourself tensing around her fingers.
When she added a third one, you moaned, feeling yourself coming close. Wanda was turned on at the sight of you, jutting her fingers harder into you as she watched your face contort in pleasure. You were so warm and wet around her fingers, your chest arching as you ground your hips down against her hand. The closer you came, the higher pitched your moans became, and within a couple minutes you came around her fingers, walls tensing hard as you leaned your head back and moaned.
Wanda found herself breathing heavy again as your hooded eyelids finally opened to look at her, bringing a new wave of warmth over her. As much as she wanted to stay here and have her way with you, it was getting late, and as the night's alcohol had worn away, she became suddenly aware of the situation and just exactly what she had done. Now that it was over, so many things were running through her mind. What had she just done? What had gotten into her? Was she supposed to just go back home and pretend this never happened?
Wanda knew better than anyone else what self-deception looked like, so she was going to do just that. Removing her hand from you, she gently pushed you off her. You quickly stood up on two shaky legs, adjusting your panties as you watched the woman stand up and reach into her coat pocket, taking a wad of cash and throwing it on the couch without counting it. By the looks of it, it was more than enough.
Without saying a word, she began quickly walking towards the door. Why was she suddenly so ready to leave? She had seemed thoroughly into it only moments before, and in your mind you assumed she would be there all night long. Had you not done a good enough job?
"Wait," you called out right as she opened the door, letting in the music and pink light from the main room. She turned to look at you with an expressionless face. "What's your name?" you asked, curious on if she would come back again.
"Wanda," she curtly answered, and you could see her throat clench as she gulped.
You gave a polite smile and nodded as if you weren't standing there topless and as if what just happened hadn't happened. "My name is—"
"Y/n," Wanda cut you off before pointing to your name painted on the door. "I know." Flipping the sign over so that it showed Open, she turned and left, closing it behind her.
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kvnroji · 3 months ago
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♡ — featuring : takemichi, mikey, kazutora, wakasa, chifuyu, inui, baji, mitsuya, shion, takeomi, benkei, hanma, hakkai, souya, nahoya, draken, ran, rindou
⇢ cw : hybrid girls, pet play, breeding kink, degradation, brat taming, praise kink, dacryphilia, mentions of “heat”, belly bulge, big tits, lactation
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ʚĭɞ - CAT GIRLS!
see, he’s the type to want someone with some fire in them. he wants to watch them throw a fit just so he can put them in their place. that’s where you come in! his cute little kitty girl — you’ll hiss and claw at him in a tantrum. you’ll ignore him, move away from his touch, and slap his hand away. though this behavior would make anyone else bitter, it only makes his heart race with excitement. it only means one thing is going to happen — punishment. he lives for it, especially when he gets to punish you. you’ll drop the attitude super quick once he’s forcing you onto your knees and making you choke on his cock as an apology. he’ll pull your tail and laugh in your face when you cry. the punishments never work, of course. the next day you’ll go right back to your usual bratty self — eager to get punished by your master.
“aw, look at my little kitten! she thinks more with her pussy than her brain.”
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oh he just adores you! the second he steps through the door you’re jumping his bones and licking his face. you’re eager to kiss him, let him scratch behind your ears, and lounge around on his lap. but your masters had such a hard day today, he deserves to relax all he can! and what better way to relax than letting him do his absolute favorite thing — putting his head between your thighs and slobbering all over your little puppycunt until he can’t breathe! he just loves your taste and the whimpers you let out while he enjoys his meal. when he’s in between your legs, he looks more like the puppy than you with the way he laps at your folds. you take it all like the good girl you are — loyal and pliant.
“looks like my puppy baby missed me just as much as i missed her!”
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the way you always seek him out to help you never ceases to warm his heart. every day, you wait until he’s finished with all of his work to rub yourself up against him. needy and desperate — your hands are already unbuckling his belt trying to get his pants off of him as fast as possible. your heats got worse once you two began dating, and he was always happy to get you through them. you’ll whine and cry from the unbearable pain until he finally stuffs his fat cock into your cunt. you’ll take him so deep that a bulge forms on your belly where his dick is. a few hours will pass until you’re finally satisfied — you’ll lay on his lap and let him stroke your ears until you fall asleep.
“does it hurt that much, baby? sit on my lap i’ll make it feel better.”
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ʚĭɞ - COW GIRLS!
big tits. that’s all. there’s nothing in the world he loves to do more than smooshing his face in between those big knockers. your tits are always so luscious and soft — how could he stay away from them! and you’re so sweet about it, too. every single time he asks to play with or lay on them, you always oblige with heated cheeks. as comfortable as they are, they don’t even come close to tasting the sweet milk you produce. drinking your milk has become a terrible addiction of his — cuddling now becoming a meal. it’s a mutual benefit, of course. for you it eases your pain and for him it lets him indulge. once he’s done, he’s back to nosing his way up under your shirt — napping until he wakes up thirsty again.
“just a little longer, sweetheart. just wanna drink my fill.”
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quinnfender · 14 days ago
you deserve better - joseph quinn
author’s note: had a request from a lovely user here who wanted to read about single mother and joseph quinn being a stepfather. also, bear in mind that i might have got very personal and way too open with the intro storyline (no, i don’t have a child) so no judgement. feedback is always welcomed! also, I haven’t done proof-reading so be patient with that one because my dyslexia is the worst lol
pairing: joseph quinn x fem!reader
rating: i would say 18+ so no minors!
warnings: toxic relationship, mentions of birth, miscarriage, shagging, cheating and depression, lowercase letters
summary: you had a child from your last relationship but you had to leave your ex behind due to his cheating with another lass and him being a control freak. some months later, you meet up with joseph quinn through mutual friends.
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it was a nightmare relationship with your ex-boyfriend mark. during that relationship, you both were having multiple fights until you realised why these were happening so often. first, the reason was because you had to fly to your home country to visit your parents and he lied to your face about his location. you knew that he was not at home while you were waiting to board the plane but he was shagging around with another lass in a hotel. the arguments and stress from the lies also led you to have a miscarriage but this is something you had never told anyone about. but when you came back to the uk, you and your ex had a pity shag which was an unprotected one. after that you knew you had to push yourself away from that toxic man. but this did not stop him verbally manipulating you. you wanted to keep the pregnancy from him because he did not deserve to know it even though he had seeded his warm liquid in you. but something broke in you and you had to tell his fucking idiotic ass that he was the father of the child you were carrying.
the labour part of giving birth to your child was long and tiring. at the end of the day, you had given birth to a healthy baby girl, morgan katariina (y/l/n), who brought the smile on you for ages. you were mentally killing yourself with the thought of having a child with a cheating ex-boyfriend because you could not tell your child that her father is a daft bellend and fucked around with another lass. it had to end there. you didn’t even allow him to enter the labour theatre as you could not face his presence and it would make all other pain and situation more painful and unbearable as giving birth and pushing out an actual human being was already too much for your body. 
the first three months were mentally and physically just fucking awful and exhausting. your ex’s constant text messages were becoming very fucking annoying and made you madly anxious because he wanted to see his child as well but you said to yourself that it would hurt you and morgan as you had already gone through so much shit. obviously, there were some baby morgan problems as well - she couldn’t poop properly which meant she had some gastrointestinal problems and it physically hurt you to see your child being in so much discomfort but at least these started to have an end when you realised that it’s a common thing, actually. you gave yourself a hard time constantly because you didn’t know most of the things how to be a mother. 
the first three months were mentally just fucking awful. your ex’s constant text messages were becoming very frequent because he wanted to see his child as well but you said to yourself that it would hurt you and morgan as you had already gone through so much shit. obviously, there were some baby morgan problems as well - she couldn’t poop properly which meant she had some gastrointestinal problems and it physically hurt you to see your child being in so much discomfort but at least these started to have an end when you realised that it’s a common thing, actually. you gave yourself a hard time constantly because you didn’t know most of the things how to be a mother.
the next other three months when morgan katariina was turning six months old, she started to babble a lot and roll around on her play mat. it was those teeny tiny moments that made you realise that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. you just wanted the best for your child. also, on the positive side, you had not heard from your shitty ex-boyfriend for a while which gave your mind some peace but it didn’t mean that his actions were probably finished - you were still terrified that he might just come and knock on your door to “justify” his bullshit excuses.
you truly wished your own mother could come and assist you but she could only do it on different video chat platforms. you were indeed grateful for these important events but it was not the same as her being right next to you and holding her granddaughter. you wanted and yearned for that motherly love yourself. 
as you felt depressive enough, you finally took the courage inviting some of your friends over. it was a huge milestone for yourself as you wanted to move on and live in a “world” where you did not feel afraid to push yourself forward. you held morgan on your hip and hugged her softly, saying that mum has some friends visiting today and of course, as she was only some months old baby, she just bursted out different babbled sounds which melt your heart. 
you had put morgan into her crib to have some nap while you were preparing the table and made the house look more cosy so it didn’t look like you had been living in a shithole for months after your child’s birth. some snacks, decorations and bottles of drinks were set on the table here and there in the dining room. most of the household stuff were just thrown into the room where you hold just some weird stuff that you don’t use anymore. it is obviously “prohibited” for the guests to go there but there’s nothing explicit that they should be terrified of.
the guests had arrived as you heard the knocks on the door. you quickly adjusted your outfit and smoothed out the wrinkles in your top. you opened the door and you met the exciting faces of your two friends from your teenage years and also one strange lad. 
“oh my days, it is so good to see you,” said (your/best friend’s/name no.1 - y/bf 1/n) as they hugged you, holding a cheese plate in one hand. the other best friend, (your other best friend’s name - y/bf 2/n) was waiting impatiently behind (y/bf 1/n) and thrilled to give you a hug as well. the stranger lad was just giggling to himself and couldn’t stop smiling. you invited them all in and placed the plate full of cheese next to our food products on the table. you told them to feel like at home.
“so, y/n,” (y/bf 2/n) murmured, “this is joseph - he is a friend of mine from LAMDA times, he had a massive role in that netflix show, what was it called?” they turned to joseph to give out the answer.
“stranger things,” joe responded and licked his pinkish lips. you nodded and kept listening to your bestie’s story about how crazy their drama school years were and how much they missed you. you responded with an astonishing emotion and said the same, explaining why basically everything had changed in your life. they both, not joe though, were aware that you had given birth and of course, they wanted to see the little miracle. 
“morgan should be awake any time soon. sometimes it varies a lot how long she naps - but generally, she is very great sleeper now. obviously, she wakes up during the night and stuff but that’s normal, i guess.”
you were enjoying the different types of cheese that your friends and joe had brought, clearly brought some ratatouille moments in you. the tasty moment was cut short with morgan’s wake up cry.
“excuse me, i believe someone has woken up,” you giggled and paced up the stairs to get your beautiful child. you held morgan in your arms, rocked her a bit and made it your way downstairs to introduce her to the guests. every single guest of yours went “awwwwww” on a soft note like she was a superstar in the dining room. you told them not kiss her because you were not sure what bacteria they were holding onto and like that. you positioned morgan into her high chair and gave her some carrots and strawberries to feed and crunch. 
you noticed that morgan was trying to hold on the carrot but she dropped it on joe’s knee which made you geniunely chuckle. his quick glimpse at you made him feel joyful. it literally just felt like there were only you, morgan and joe in this bubble, like your own little world. he had been a bit quiet but i guess morgan’s carrot dropping opened him up a bit. he created some funny airplane moves with his hand while holding the piece of carrot and placed into morgan’s hand. the little child was enjoying way too much as she was bouncing with her arms on the high chair’s desk.
“it seems like morgan is really enjoying your company, joe,” you mentioned it to him, feeling very sound that your daughter is finding comfort in someone. she is usually very bossy around majority of the people who she meets with but this is pretty much the first time you have seen and noticed that your child is being relaxed someone or some people.
joseph couldn’t stop noticing how pleased and composed you were. he did catch you looking at him occasionally while you were chatting with your friends and also just make sure that morgan is doing alright. joe admired how strong and adequate single mother you were as he has not really met someone like you. he wished he had child or children of his own but he was just single and also the previous pressure and stress from work would not let him to be at home at all times. joe is a family-oriented man but respectful when it comes to having a child because he understands that he wouldn’t go through the pain and weight of having a baby smashing organs and shit, it would be his future partner doing that and he wants to be there every step and moment for them, if it ever happened.
you cleaned up all the mess that morgan had created and took off her pinafore so she could be put on her play mat. you invited the guests into the living room as well, your besties were enjoying that cheap tesco chenin blanc wine you had bought and just admiring you taking care of morgan. you sat down next to her and gave her a soft choo-choo train toy so she could just chew it and shit. because you only had two-seated sofa in your living room, joseph took a seat next to the other side of the play mat. morgan was cooing and babbling to herself - that’s what you believe, but actually she was trying to have a conversation with joe. you couldn’t put your finger on it why she kept doing that - by that you meant: wanting to have a “chat” with joe. maybe it was because she had never met or still had a father figure in her life? you were glad to see that she was liking joe a lot but you both had just met him.
morgan katariina was moving her eyebrows up and down while doing her “aah”, “uuh”, “oooh”, “eeeh” sounds. joe was just so amused and all over it. he also answered in his own way.
“i know, little one, you’re very lucky to have such a loving and beautiful mum.”
you fetched up your head to look at joe because of what you heard. you haven’t perceived those words for a long time. this made you realise that you might have started to develop something for a complete stranger.
joe continued with his conversation with morgan: “if your mommy is allowing and will agree with it, maybe we can meet again and also your gorgeous mommy will agree to come and have some coffee with us, uh? what do you think?” morgan just responded with “ahh prffff” and something you have never heard - “dada”.
you were in a shock. “she has never said these syllables!” you ran your fingers through your hair, absolutely speechless what has just happened. both y/bf 1/n and y/bf 2/n were just in a silly goofy mood from the wine and adding that maybe joe is the one for you. you took it as a joke initially but maybe this was the heureka moment for you to realise that this was the turning point of moving on and actually finding someone, again.
you called upon joe and asked him: “do you want to go out for a coffee or something?”
joe didn’t even hesitate with his response: “i was literally about to ask if you are going to answer my question because two of us have been waiting for that!”
you laughed and gave your affirmative acknowledge. the evening ended with morgan falling asleep, your besties calling uber, but you let joe stay a bit longer as you wanted to know more about him. that one night changed your mood completely and you were proud of yourself for organising that little meet up. joe described his actor life and what pros and cons are there. you spilled the beans about your previous relationship and how everything happened and blah blah.
a few months later, when morgan had turned one year old, joe and you were officially in a relationship. initially, you were sceptic about it but joe took his time to earn his trust in you. he was also able to see morgan katariina to take her first steps which is a core memory of yours both now. the little morgan is a happy, bubbly, sometimes sassy toddler who has finally encountered that (not like she can detect or remember this) joe is the father figure that she needed in her life. of course, he is not the biological one and the time where she starts asking all the “important” questions, joe is certain that he is capable of answering them truthfully and logically. you had understood the fact that you had managed to find love in yourself and obtained the peace within your body, mind and self. it’s not like your depression was fully “cured” but you didn’t feel hurt, isolation and morose on daily basis anymore. you loved joe, you truly did. he was the one who you had been looking for. someone who is there for you and morgan katariina. you didn’t feel like being a single mother was a shitshow, now it felt like being something positive and loving.
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plutonicpleasures · 2 months ago
𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 - 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫 + 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬
a collab with @d4rkpluto @vasnecia @fxiryheiize and @mystiicwinter about your next suitor and how they get jealous
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「 pile one 」
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╰─➤ your next suitor
╰─➤ cards : four of pentacles, the moon, eight of swords, four of cups
pile one, your next suitor is going to be someone with a very reserved and closed-off energy. i sense you won't know how to perceive them at first, them coming quite close to a mystery. they talk a lot but they say only a little and it leaves you with many questions any time you end a conversation with them. they feel aloof in a very empty kind of way. when i first saw the moon, i thought they would be one to have a dreamy, emotional vibe yet they heavily remind me of the death card. yes, there is a lot of sadness enveloping them. i bet they are a mutable dominant because it is a bit hard for me to exactly pinpoint how they are as a person. something is bittersweet in here, as if they carry pain they've given up on healing a long time ago and now they move through life like a phantom. somehow they mask this darkness of theirs and simply let people they are a cold person, one that doesn't care for the small, irrelevant aspects. they are not bad though. no rudeness nor any behaviour that can hurt you is detected here. i believe they are aware that the consequences of the things that have happened to them shouldn't be felt by those around them as they don't deserve it. surprisingly thoughtful. they seem to have an empathy bigger than it's expected of them and once you pay close attention to their actions, you will find a lot of love. their affection, as rough as it might seem, leaves you doubtless of their intentions towards you and you will always know the truth in their presence. if you bother them, they will say it. but i must say there is a wall around their wounds and it will take time for them to open up about them.
romantic gestures will be meaningful for your relationship and i'd like to mention that they like to put effort into what they are doing. there will be times where you will as if it's a bit hard to reach them. just be patient, connections (good ones) haven't been as many as they usually are for people and things will move slowly in the beginning. they are also understanding and won't take it personal if you call them out on their actions if you find them bothersome. this relationship will teach them how to properly work with their emotions and despite having strong friendships in their life, you are gonna make them feel loved. you will show them that they are indeed capable of being loved and not because they've earned but because you simply hold these affections for them.
╰─➤ how do they get jealous
╰─➤ cards : the lovers, the star, nine of swords, six of cups
your person has had a tough childhood, my love. this resulted in a wounded, sensitive and insecure inner child that doesn't look healed by looking at my spread. when they get jealous, it is not in a malicious, possessive way that makes you feel bad for talking to other people. it just strikes a cord within them, one that brings up paranoid and irrational thoughts of being abandoned by you. they won't mention all of the times it happens because it will be quite often and they are aware that these are nothing but foundationless fears that won't become a reality, in spite of their heart saying the opposite. they will care more about you, giving you space to build other relationships without worrying about them in the process. there will be times when the anxiety will be too unbearable though. by using reassuring words and speaking in a loving, caring manner you will help ease these emotions.
you know how kicked puppy look, right? imagine now a human embodying that exact energy and boom. while they are cold like a rock most of the times, this jealousy will put them in a vulnerable state in which all of the walls around their heart will crumble down. expect some tears (never in public and rarely).
ི🧸 @mystiicwinter
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♇ heavy earth energy for the people who picked pile three, your next suitor is someone who is heavily guarded, im hearing they give off prestige energy and they could be quite boujee. they're someone who is driven by money and can be tight fisted about their success and assets. they might be closed-off when you meet them, you might see them as someone who is stuck up, they might be, but they're just picky about the people they allow in their circle.
♇ they're someone who is successful for sure, heavy prestige energy, it might annoy you, because im feeling annoyed right now. arrogant energy from this person, they think highly of themselves, well, with the status of finance, career and life they give off, it makes sense on why they're so proud. though, they could be in a family business that is going very well. the money they have helps their family on the long run, this person might date to marry though. as i tried to imply in the first paragraph, they're someone who is careful with their money. they wont just give it to anyone.
♇ however, since they give off business-man/woman vibes, they're someone who is professional and they know when to be over-confident and they know when to humble themselves. so when they sense you being overwhelmed by their heavy and confident energy they will try and calm down and be sensitive along with tranquil. this is definitely someone who had two sides of themselves, one side being obnoxious the other side being likeable. even though i have commented that they are tight-fisted with their money, them spending money on you is their love language. this person will see you as wifey-material or you will see them as husband material, you will be easily swayed by them.
♇ your next suitor is an elegant person, their prestige energy returning again. they live a very classy life and is perceived to be someone as very attractive/handsome. they're confident and independent, i sense that throughout their life they had to do a lot of things themselves. so doing stuff individually is what they're used to; evidently, they're successful and they're abundant and you'll see it with the way they dress and the things they spent their money on. this person might want to financially support you as well? i see them spoiling you a lot.
♇ they're a patient person, they're someone who works a lot and they're a hard-worker, they're someone who plans a lot so they would probably plan how they're going to move to you. that'll probably be the reason why they're quiet when they first meet you, they'll be observing you before their loud energy commences. aside from the heavy earth energy, this person gives off fire placements as well. depending on both parties, the romance between the two of you might be slow in the beginning, it depends how ready the other feels.
♇ how they get jealous...they're someone who would want to respond logically, they would want to get control over the situation, control over themselves or whoever they're competing against with, they would try and out-masculine them and show them who is the "boss", specifically with the past paragraphs this is someone who has a high ego, if they're not careful enough they might give off bullying energy when they're trying to prove who is the better.
♇ this is someone who might get lost into trying to out better their competition, they have stages of jealousy. stage one is of them trying to use common sense and logic, until they get paranoid with over-thinking. creating delusions that'll send them into deluded thinking and outcomes. they will try and do what is right, doesnt matter if it is the wrong decisions (or the right), they'll do anything to make themselves feel better and to become the "top-dog" [ that's what im hearing ].
♇ thus, they would be quite stubborn if someone tries to talk them out of their deluded and adamant state. they will view anything how they want to see it even if you tell them clearly that what they're thinking is totally wrong. they would probably let go of the situation but sulk in the corner, they're quite the brat and they're possessive so even if they will let the situation go they won't be over it just yet. they would see how you react to their jealousy as a test. [ but the deluded thoughts will take time to get out of their mind, there'll be a lot of 'what if?' situations happening in their mind ].
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Pile 3
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➳ Your Next Suitor
Cards → 7 of Swords, The Moon, 5 of Wands, The Empress Rx, Ace of Cups
Hello Pile 3! I just wanna say that this is SO enemies to friends to lovers. Kind of a slow-burn to be honest. So! Right away I am getting that this person is a loner. They prefer to be and do things by themselves. Not with negative intent or anything, they just feel as though they do their best work when they are alone. They prefer to have control over a situation and they cannot do that if there are other people involved. This also makes it easier for them to deal with certain problems. Heavy Water energy here, so emotions may play a big part in this relationship. Fire energy here as well. I wouldn't be surprised if they had their Sun or Moon square their Venus.
They like to feel as though no one is counting on them or waiting on them for anything because they have a habit of ignoring issues and running away from them, but they don't want anyone else to be subject to the repercussions of this flaw. It is highly likely that your next person will be a pessimist. They are definitely a glass half empty kind of person because they consider themselves to be unlucky or as always receiving the shorter end of the stick. They have some confidence issues; they pay too much attention to their masculine side and are not tending to their feminine side. Because of this they lack resolve and tend to fall into despair quite often. This leads to constant lying and deceit due to them being unable to express positive and truthful emotions. 
They tend to look on the bad side of every situation which corresponds with the insecure and childish energy I am getting both now and in the second half of the reading with how they get jealous.They are aware of how they come off to people and how hard it may be to be around them but despite this, they long to be love and be loved by you. They just don't see it happening anytime soon. This relationship is the definition of it gets worse before it gets better. I sense that a fight will be the turning point in your relationship.
This may be someone from your past with the Ace of Cups here, someone who has done you wrong and wishes to have another chance. Someone who has come to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Perhaps a bully or torment? Y’know how when boys like girls they tease them and annoy them in their adolescent years, but as they get older the teasing gets to be too much and hurtful? This is what this energy feels like.
➳ How They Get Jealous
Cards → 4 of Cups Rx, Page of Swords, Ace of Wands, 8 of Swords
When this person gets jealous, they will not play fair at all. They are extremely petty and often find the smallest things to argue over. I see these types of situations going two ways. With the 4 of cups in reverse here, I believe that if they feel wronged by you, they will try to make you feel the same way by doing what they believe you to be doing. Like an eye for an eye. They will go out looking for something “bigger and better” to flaunt it in your face and hurt you like you hurt them. They could possibly be a Libra Mars.
This person doesn't see this as “cheating” per se (even if they did they won't admit that to you) They see it as a lesson for you to learn.They won't feel like they did anything wrong in trying to hurt you and it will take a lot of convincing on your behalf to get them to see your point of view. 
The second way I see this going is through a fight. With all of the sword energy here I would not be surprised if this person resorted to getting physical when they are jealous. This person is very stubborn and insecure and as I said before, has a lying problem. Getting past jealousy and insecurities will take a lot of poking and prodding on your part and it will require them to be honest and reasonable. 
This is good for them though, especially since having the 8 of Swords here means that they want you to fix them. They depend on you for a lot of reasons. To them you are the pillar that keeps them grounded. There is a lot of air energy here so communication will be big here in getting past it. I’m not talking about soft and calm communication. I’m talking about cut and dry communication. Stating the problem and figuring out how to fix it without any beating around the bush. 
;--;Pile four;--;
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What is your future suitor like?
Cards I got: queen of wands, 2 of pentacles, page of , justice, wheel of fortune, 7 of wands, from wisdoms Oracle; thinker and blessed. From work your light deck; council of light and unbound.
This person seems very Fiery which is surprising because at first glance you might think that they’re very balanced and they wouldn’t Show their true nature on the first meeting to anyone not to you only this person also hates having debt or being indebted to somebody they like to be balanced about things. they like to keep the scales balanced this person with the justice card
They also have a very heightened sense of justice they are the type of people that is stand against the detrimental beliefs and speak for justice in general could have active positions in social riots they also have a good grasp on their nature and other people’s natures They are generally very lucky in whatever they pursue and they seem to land on the good side of the land no matter how troubled the situation could be they also have this very young energy to them they are also impulsive and sometimes take the wrong decisions because of how hastened they make the situation out to be even though it’s not. They also could be well endowed so you wouldn’t have to worry about that.
They overthink a lot I got the thinker card twice which means that these are the type of people that will ponder upon the creation of the universe and where they come in ,what their purpose is concerning it and how they could be stimulant for the change or how they could be a catalyst for the process and speed things up as I mentioned with impulsive quality. They’re the type of person that believe in building something up and somehow their purpose in life matters a lot to them even though at first glance people wouldn’t think of them as such but they consider purpose the creation of all things and to them it’s very very important and I feel like as a person you’d have to respect that about them and they take expect you to have a purpose as well so it could be grounds for similarities or connection for them.
They could also be very fond of pets and animals in general so it’s possible for them to have pets or it’s possible that you could get a pet together this person is also a very good manifestors, they manifest things and they work on them people might be surprised at how they do it but it’s just one of the things that they do the that people admire about them. This person also doesn’t like routine they feel like it hinders their creativity and this person also believes in divine timing after they’ve been manifesting things into existence they're firm believer of whatever happens, happens for a reason and in the grand scheme of things it's actually beneficial. They have a very transformative energy about them. they’re the kind that lures people in and sometimes it plays to their charms and they could be the type of people that could keep changing their looks up which is also interesting.
What is their jealousy like?
Cards I got: The moon, 8 of wands, queen of swords, 4 of pentacles. WYL Deck; answer the call and transformation.
OK so this is where things get interesting this is kind of all over the place so I hope. It resonates but if it doesn’t it’s also alright.
This person internalizes their jealousy, They could detach mentally from you and leave you wondering if something went wrong if you did something wrong and is the type to contemplate on what they’re feeling because it’ll be very difficult for them to identify their emotions but Once they do figure it out I feel like they’d be very upfront about it they tell you exactly to not hang out with a certain person or they would make it obvious that their child is that you’re spending your time with your friends more instead of being with them also gives very territorial and possessive vibes could also be a tad bit controlling with the answer the call card and again I feel like this person could be the most sweet gentle person you know and then they turn into this possessive and territorial person that you would find to be very disturbing.
this person type person that changes from day to night and this is where you should heed caution and communicate whenever you feel uncomfortable so you can figure out the differences and adjust according to them.
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atsumwah · a month ago
after breaking up with them because they're too busy....part 2
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featuring : daichi, sakusa, matsukawa, oikawa
includes : angst
notes : made this at 1 am bcs angst puts me to sleep (?) and im also gonna clear my drafts tomorrow let's hope so 🤞🏻 reblogs are appreciated!!
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daichi starts to miss his meals. he keeps being reminded of how you would come during his lunch hours with his forgotten lunch at home and how he always waves you off to do more work. he's reminded of the number of times he's stood you up for dinner and leaves before breakfast even comes around the next day. he's reminded of how hurt you looked when he pushes you away, until you eventually do go away. 
sakusa starts to drink. the thought of the arguments he's had with you starts to fill his mind after you left and he can't seem to stop thinking those— so he tries to forget. he tries to forget the unbearable pain he feels when he remembers the horrible things he's said about you being needy, clingy and ruining his schedule. he tries to forget the hurt on your face the more he talked, tries to forget how done you were with him and tries to forget how you threw your engagement ring right at his face the night you left and never came back again.
matsukawa starts to drive around your neighbourhood. he's not obsessive or anything— its just become a habit the time you've been together. he thinks if he drives down your doorstep, you'll come running down and make up like you always do. that doesn't happen though. he thinks you need time, but days turn into weeks until he realizes you're not even looking for him anymore and that you were serious about breaking up. what hurts the most is when he finally sees your silhouette at the balcony, you're already with someone new.
oikawa starts to miss your notifications. if he could take back one thing, it would be calling your presence a nuisance. he wished he could've seen that you checking up on him when he hasn't come home was you caring for him. that when you called him up to ask what he was doing, it was you trying to spend more time with him and when you brought up how he was neglecting you, it was a way to tell him how you were feeling and trying to communicate with him. he hates when his phone rings, he's hoping it’s you. hoping it's one of your texts reminding him to have a good day, or telling him about what you did today. he hates that there's not even one notification from you now and he hates how empty he feels without you.
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lilyevansisamilf7 · 2 months ago
Clingy - Remus J Lupin
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Warnings - Remus being an angsty boi :( also language
Summary - In a pre full moon rage, Remus tells his friends he thinks his girlfriend is too clingy
Every Friday you’d spend the night in the Marauders dorm. It had been that way since before you and Remus started dating, only now instead of sleeping on the floor you got to sleep snuggled into the chest of your favourite werewolf.
So it wasn’t unusual to be saying goodbye to the girls for the night, and it wasn’t unusual for you to be running late - you were always running late. Your mind couldn’t help but wander to the wolf waiting for you in the dorm, you guys hadn’t been dating long, only a month or so, but you’d been friends for years. Since third year to be exact, you’d met in potions, when you made a horrible mess out of the work and he helped you convince Slughorn that you needed a tutor. Through him you met the boys, and for every Friday since third year, you slept in their dorm.
It was now sixth year and not much had changed, apart from dating Remus and one thing you knew from the three years knowing the boys is that a silent room is never a good sign.
“I can’t believe she’s running late again,” James said laughing
You didn’t mean to eavesdrop
“I can, she’s always late and honestly I’m kind of glad she’s not here right now”
“Remus, don’t say that,” Sirius whispered.
The werewolf chuckled at that a little before speaking up once again, “Why not Sirius? She’s always here, she’s always around me and it’s unbearable.”
“You don’t mean that,” a voice squeaked. You almost missed it, with it being that quiet
“Yes I do Wormy, maybe if she spent half as much time focusing on noticing when people need space as she does when you tell her stupid prank plans maybe there’s be some peace and quiet once and a while”
There was nothing to be heard after that and you decided that maybe it was time to break your Friday tradition.
Wiping your tears, you made your way back down the stairs, walking across the common room to the girls stairs, and practically dragging yourself back up the stairs.
Lily started as soon as you walked through the door, “Hey, why are you back? Did you forget your toothbrush again? I keep telling you to leave one there.”
You giggled slightly at that
“No Lils, just not feeling great,” You murmured as you laid on your bed, still not made from that morning, “I think it’s that time of the month.”
“Ah, do you need me to take you to Pomfrey, for pain potions?”
“I’ll be okay Lils,” you said drifting off to sleep.
The next morning you laid in bed until 11, telling the girls some lie about having cramps but then Lily said if you didn’t get up she’d get Pomfrey because she was getting worried.
You went and sat in the kitchens after that, claiming to be hungry after not eating anything that morning, not that you ate whilst you were there - you just sat and talked to the elves and helped them clean in the afternoon. It calmed me a great deal, you could see why they love it so much.
Dinner came and went after that, and you decided it was best if you just went to bed. You didn’t want to go to library, he’d be there, and you didn’t want to go to the common room, he’d be there. He was everywhere, so you’re trying to be nowhere. He needs space, you need him.
You knew the full moon was coming up and you knew it would be best to wait until after to talk to him again, getting him stressed out before hand would only make the transformation worse. The boys had told you all about the bad transformations, the ones where he came back in a million piece, with more scars than ever before, but despite what he thought of himself, he would always be beautiful to you - your beautiful moony.
The full moon came and passed a couple days later, the entire time you and Remus never being seen in the same room. The astronomy tower has become your favourite part of the castle these days, which Lily found extremely ironic when you told her, muttering about how you hated astronomy and you were always really bad at it. You could’ my be mad though, you always were horrible at the subject, the only subject you ever excelled at being Care of Magical Creatures.
You were sure that Remus was having the time of his life right now, finally living out his dreams of peace and quiet and whatever he longed for whilst you were there.
Today marked one week of Remus avoidance, and you still sat in the girls dorm, not even bothering to get up and tell the boys you’re not going… again.
“Yeah mate?”
“Have you seen Y/N?” Remus whispered.
“Not today, Lily said she has mad cramps this month, had to drag her out of bed the other day, she probably just doesn’t feel that well,” he shrugged
Sirius immediately sat up in his bed, “Dude, you told us last week she was unbearable, you must be thrilled that she hasn’t shown up for two weeks,” he said walking towards him and flopping on Remus’ bed.
“Everyone knows I get a little grouchy before the full moon, I didn’t mean that”
Everyone stay silent at that
James was the one to break the silence, “Yeah you can be a little grumpy sometimes dude but what you said was out of line, Y/N wasn’t even here and I felt sad for her. You should be glad she wasn’t here, otherwise I don’t think you’d have a girlfriend anymore”
More silence followed after that.
You were the only one at the astronomy tower at this time of night, it was eerily calm. It was almost too quiet, until you felt the presence of someone much taller than you sit next to you, their legs extending much past yours.
“Hi, umm hey, I can go if you want me to,” you say getting up and moving towards to door
He grabs your wrist, “Stay”
No other words are said for several minutes but you sit back down next to him, this time a bit further away, noticing the frown on his face when he sees the distance.
“Did I do something?”
“No” I whisper.
“Is because I’m a werewolf, because I can understand that, I told you I was a monster and I know you guys keep telling me not to say it but I know I am and I’m hideous and ugly and I’d understand if you’d hate me because I’m a werewolf”
“Remus, you’re the most beautiful person I know. But don’t tell Sirius I said that please” you say chuckling slightly.
“Why haven’t I seen you this week?” He breathes, “Why didn’t you come to the dorm?”
“Cramps, they were really bad this month”
“Don’t lie to me darling”
“Remus-“ you start
“Why do you keep calling me Remus, you always call me Moony or Moons or love but never Remus?”
“I’ve just been busy re- Moony” You correct.
“Please don’t lie to me”
Looking down at your feet you know you need to tell him you heard
“I’m trying to learn to pay more attention to when people need space and pay a little less attention to stupid prank plans”
“What do you mean darling? Who needs space?”
You chuckle softly, picking at the skin around my nails, “I didn’t want to be unbearably clingy anymore”
“What? You’re not clingy”
“Yes Remus, I must be”
You could almost see the cogs whirring in his head, confusion twisting to realisation very swiftly,
“It’s okay, I understand. I can be a bit unbearable sometimes, I’m working on it, that’s why I didn’t turn up, thought you’d appreciate a boys night” you smiled slightly
“Darling,” he says grabbing my chin making me look at him, “The only thing I want right now is for my gorgeous girlfriend to come with me to my dorm, which I’ve kicked the guys out of, so we can cuddle and be clingy and go to sleep next to each other and wake up smiling, okay?”
You couldn’t help the smile growing on your face.
Wiping your tears, you hold out your pinky, “Pinky promise me, pinky promise me I’m not unbearable”
Our pinky’s locked
“I pinky promise”
“Can I have a kiss Moons?”
You didn’t get an answer, his lips instead finding yours, kissing you with such passion you’d think he hadn’t seen you in months. You wrap your arms around his neck, moving to straddle his lap, his hands staying firmly on your hips. Pressing your hips down, you moan into his mouth, gripping the hair at the base of his neck to ground yourself. When you pull away from each other, you rest your forehead in the crook of his neck, breathing still heavy, and eyelids growing tired.
Neither of you know how long you were sat there, with you in his lap but eventually you made your way to his dorm, stumbling past the other three Marauders half asleep in the common room, muttering about making sure you used protection.
Now both of you lay on your side, his chest pressing into your back, and his head in your neck, arm draped around your waist, breathing softer and slower.
“Goodnight darling” he says, pressing a kiss to your shoulder.
“Night love”
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yes-ter-night · a month ago
notes ! oh, ohhhh.... i got too far ahead of myself,, but I cant help it.. aethers tummy is so cute and so... soft...
content ! yandere, jealous aether, possessive aether, blood and biting + 692 words
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to be honest, who hasn’t fantasized about the golden traveler’s smooth tummy at least once? it’s a well-known fact that the traveler has an ethereal sort of beauty about him. eyes are always on him, from adoring to downright lecherous.
aether won’t pretend to be some sort of naive idiot, either. he and lumine are used to all sorts of attention after hopping from dimension to dimension throughout the centuries. but when he comes across you— a polite-looking citizen, hiding the coy fox underneath– he quickly turns into a bashful maiden. 
when he first laid eyes on you, you were nothing short of breathtaking. nothing out of the ordinary— he can name a few dozen people more conventionally attractive than you— but the way you carry yourself just leaves him a melting puddle. polite, gentle, but once you turn your eyes on him they darken with mischief. he’s lost track of how many times you’ve slightly pushed him against the bar’s lacquer-shined countertops, breath on his neck smelling like whiskey and divine lust. your hands, bigger and coarser than his, easily wrap around his waist and grip the plush skin. even without his powers, he’s a deal stronger than the average vision-wielder but with you? honkai above, you have him wrapped around your finger.
it’s part of the job, you tell yourself. collect information and data when your boss couldn’t be bothered to do it himself. but there’s no data to be collected from aether, nothing that he hasn’t told kaeya about anyway. you just like seeing him squirm under your fingers, acting all helpless and weak when he took down a dragon (or two, three? how many does osial count anyway?).
still, a job is a job. being polite and amiable as an angel while reeling in victims through seduction is a tactic the cavalry captain has personally taught you. aether doesn’t like it. he melts when your gentle fingers graze his skin and pull away at the very last moment, but when you do the same to others, he burns with indescribable jealousy.
“oh dear,” you tease, fingers trailing up his abdomen and spreading them out. gently pushing him down into the bed he’s invited you into, aether blushes at how your hand almost covers his entire belly. “i think i left my dear boy hanging.” you press a kiss on the creamy skin and smile serenely up at him.
how…! how mean you are! aether whines and covers his face. he can’t handle how opposite your angelic smile is and your devilish touches. your lips press themselves on his stomach as you kiss and bite and prod. he shivers under your touch, getting dizzy as your heat gets to him.
“no wonder the bar has been empty this past few days,” you murmur. has it? aether then faintly remembers. oh yeah, it has. “looks like i got too carried away and made the poor hero jealous.”
“i–i dun like it…” he slurs out, pouting with bleary eyes down at you. “you shouldn’t touch ‘em like that. makes me mad. me, only me.” he sprawls out against the bed, offering his entire body for your greedy consumption. “just put your eyes on me.”
“or what?” you smile into his stomach.
“or i’ll k!ll ‘em.” he sounds so huffy and pouty, but you know damn well that he’s more than capable of that. you lightly laugh and stroke his chest through his thin top, and he convulses at every fluttering fingertip.
“what a terrifying thing for the honorary knight to say.” your teeth graze the soft skin, nibbling at the flesh until you finally bare your teeth— a tiger going in for the k!ll— and dig into the meal. his eyes shoot open as he cries out at the sudden pain, but you don’t stop, not when his pained cry trails into a sweet plea. blood spills from his fair skin and what should be pain becomes an unbearable wave of heat and pleasure. 
you grin up at your aether, his golden eyes tearily blinking down at you, blown wide and shaking.
“looks like i’ll have to tame you myself."
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ikigaitsuki · 3 months ago
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Summary — Keep me warm and drown me in water and the touch of you.
Pairing — sunghoon x gn!reader
Genre — smut, it’s kind of fluffy though
CW — unprotected sex, cream pie, oral, very timid and pretty!
WC — 882
Steam rising from a pair of bodies and clinging to the walls, with fingernails digging into skin and leaving indents that would be painful had pleasure not been throbbing through the mind, it’s an intimate moment being shared in the bathroom right now.
Temperature perhaps too hot, with two souls too lost in one another to care. Their lips glide over one another and pant, open mouthed kisses on the shoulders, cheeks; the nose. On the palms of hands and through and down to the sternum, no area lay untouched.
Heat from the blood rushing to the surface of the skin, you feel how Sunghoon presses into you from behind.
Heat from the blood rushing to the surface of the skin, you feel how Sunghoon presses into you from behind.
“I’ll be gentle with you. I don’t want you to slip,” He soothes you with his soft words as he kisses the expanse of skin between your neck and shoulder.
A gentle lover. A doting boy.
“Take your time.” You reassure.
There is all the time in the world right now — the concept needn’t be at the forefront of your minds. Not now, when your palms are splayed softly on the steam-filled tiles.
Sunghoon presses into you carefully, his length filling you to the brim, and he shudders despite the temperature of the bathroom.
He kisses your shoulder blade, hands soothing over your hips as he slowly pulls out from inside you. And then he pushes back in. You moan out.
“You take me so perfectly,” He pushes his hips further against you to hear you groan a little louder, “My beautiful, my love,”
“Sunghoon.” You sigh, head leaning back to land on his shoulder.
It’s so intimate. It feels like you’re the only two people that exist right now.
The hot water trickling over your bodies makes you feel as though you will fall apart. It feels like the humidity will melt away the inches of your skin to reveal your vulnerability. You feel bare, and you like it.
As sunghoon’s long, deft hands rub into your skin, a simple motion as though he’s cleaning your body. Sunghoon’s thrusts are delicate — a slow and soft rhythm that makes you push back against him each time.
A thrust with more strength pushes you slightly more against the tiles. You tense around his length, and he sighs.
“Wish we could stay like this forever,” Sunghoon whispers into the crevice between your neck and shoulder. He kisses the skin softly, “Wish we could do this all day.”
You acknowledge his words by calling out his name — the sound being so soft and mellifluous to his ears that it mimics the running water. This is heaven.
Sunghoon drowns in your whimpers as he gently rocks with you, a rhythm so practiced now that it has become second nature.
“Don’t want you to stop,” You plead, feeling the rising of euphoria in your abdomen, “Sunghoon, my love, please don’t stop,”
“I won’t,” He hooks his arm around your abdomen and holds you close, lips ghosting over drenched skin, “Just stay right here with me.”
You intertwine your fingers with Sunghoon’s own that wrap delicately over the expanses of your stomach. Somehow, the touch doesn’t feel enough. If only there was a way to feel closer.
Sunghoon groans as only a few more thrusts bring him to completion, his release filling you.
A few heavy breaths, and he’s turning you around, sinking to his knees. You feel his warmth from the inside. It feels special.
“Let me make you feel good now.” He looks up at you, taking one of your hands gently in his and never letting it go.
He takes you into his mouth, lips slow and sensual and sucking where needs be. It’s not much that will get you there — you know it; as does he.
His tongue dances around you with ease, moans muffled in the steam and the stream of water. It feels so hot now that it is almost unbearable. Is this what dying feels like?
To be so enamoured — is this what dying feels like?
“I don’t think I can hold out anymore,” You plead, head resting against the tiles of the wall. It feels like you can’t breathe.
Pulling from you only momentarily, Sunghoon speaks, “Then let it go for me, you know I’ve got you. I’m here.”
At his word, as though he commands your every move, you release the tension and let it fill Sunghoon’s mouth. He drinks in the sensations, he feels you on him, and swears that there is no feeling in this world as strong as those he harbours for you.
You have done so well, he will tell you. I love you, he will admit. If I could take you like this everyday, I would, he will think.
“Are you tired?,” He questions once you regain your stability. So beautiful.
“A little. Can we go to sleep after this?,”
Sunghoon turns off the water, wiping gently with a wet towel his essence from within you. What a silly question.
“Of course. Let me dry you first, and then we can get you dressed.”
He treats you with such delicacy. You are all but a piece of glass.
And you’re enraptured with the thought that it is in Sunghoon’s possession you lay.
To just stay here, right with him.
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