#where did i go

[p1-f1]

Pifi I missed you :((

Harley i missed you too :((

#where did i go #kinda confused but really flatteed #ily #h harleybaby <33 #harley my love #asks

[sunshineanddaisiescaitie]

Words can't describe how I'm feeling but I'm going to try.

Life has been nothing short of overwhelming

My thoughts are drowning me and I feel like there's no escape

I try to talk about my feelings but my feelings are always too much

No one will ever listen

No one cares

My bf says he tries to help me but I don't feel helped I feel like I'm drowning every day

I don't enjoy life like I used to

Even my good days are okay at average

I hide behind my smile

But behind my smile I'm struggling

The house is never clean enough

The dishes don't get done enough

The laundry is always piling up and I just stare at it wondering when it'll all end

I put on a mask the days that I'm depressed I put on a smile and act like I'm okay

I'm not

I feel like I'm a burden to anyone I know

I feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone

I just want someone to hold me and tell me that it's going to be okay

But I know it's not

I'll never stop being broke and broken

No one can fix me except myself and I'm getting tired

I put everything I can into myself just to get torn down by life

Idk why I'm always there to heal other people be when I need healing there's no one there

My bf tries but he has his own demons that try to help with but healing 2 souls at once in different ways is tiring

I'm exhausted and I want to give up

Everything matters

And then there's times where everything is great and I love my life and myself

I try to heal myself and see the good in life

I enjoy every moment of living

nothing matters

But highs are just kinda high, and the lows are very low

I guess this is part of being bipolar, having anxiety, adhd, ptsd, depression/seasonal depression, and likely bpd, but I'm tired of living like this

I just want to live my dream life, but that will never be attainable

Maybe I should just give up

#bipolar 2 #bipolar #sad #depressed #kms #blue hair #chubby #blue eyes #where did i go

[thebluesky-that-loves]

The feeling of not knowing your own kids ....

I'd rather have fun and smile , making jokes .

I'd rather have a billion laughs and enjoy sitting with all of you just pretending to be dope.

#loved #love #where did i go #where did you go #motivation #words #lit

[ritsusstuff]

Its weird coming back to front after a few days (? mightve just been a day but i have no idea) of, well, you know, not being in front. like? huh? i thought i was in front this whole time but the days leading up to now i dont seem like it was me at all. what is this. is this normal? to not notice your not you? anyway, thats all

#plurality #actual plural #i feel weird using that #osdd1b #txthost #weird text post #what am i doing w my life #like huh #i thought it was jan 10th not jan 16th #who was here before #where did i go #what help me

[writingandmybrain]

My head hurts, it hurts and it hurts. There is a raging sea where my stomach should be. My vision is dark at the edges, getting fuzzy, fading in and out. Then it’s gone. The pain, the confusion, the torment, gone. I am falling, gently being wrapped by darkness. Something blinds me and I am snapped back into my body. Everything aches again. I look up and see panic in my mother’s eyes. “What happened?” Whispers through my lips touching my ears that were miles away.

12.6.2023

-Em

#migraines #original poem #poem #free verse #poets on tumblr #poetry #poemblr #true story #where did I go #forever changed #fear #medical #chronically ill

[raspberrykraken]

This can happen to anyone at any time no matter what kind of lifestyle they are living. With the right conditions it can set off a perfect storm.

Long post/explanation of where I went for a bit.

Sometimes it takes awhile for your organs to decide to try to kill you. After 3 months of multiple doctor visits, clinic visits, er visits someone took me seriously about my high pain tolerance and realized my gallbladder had made itself radioactive. It was full of stones and gangrene. If I had waited a day longer I would’ve gone into septic shock. But the problem is I wasn’t waiting. I was following doctors orders, recommendations. Take ibuprofen, take some Tylenol, use nausea medication. It’s just a pulled muscle. It’s side effects from food poisoning. It’ll clear up in time. It didn’t.

Once the realization came across the doctors desk it was a race to quickly and safely take it out. I was put on round the clock iv antibiotics to try to clear up the infection so the surgeon could operate. It was a hellish night with high tier pain medication every 2 hours. Tossing and turning restlessly waiting until the morning.

The words of the first doctor who initially saw me still haunt me. “This could be just the beginning of something but we don’t know yet.” It’s understandable it does take time for things to present itself. No one could’ve predicted my gallbladder was trying to kill me. But getting passed around doesn’t help either. The turn around time for all this was 3 months.

In the final days leading up to me being taken seriously I saw an er doctor who didn’t do any work up/didn’t want to waste resources, called my doctors office, got sent to urgent care, given more tordol and stronger nausea pills, only to try to sleep it off until I couldn’t take it anymore and drove myself to the er again. Throwing up in the parking lot 3 times before getting in there.

I’m just thankful it was caught when it was. I would be worse off if they had streeted me again. I’m still livid. All this time wasted feeling terrible. No energy. Fighting day after day at work trying to get over something that wasn’t going to until it came out.

And it’s gone. I’m in recovery and thankful to be alive. Because it was almost too late.

#thoughts #irl #personal #update #where did I go #perfect storm #reflecting #medical condition

[ajarofpickledtears]

rly wish i could feel rn

empty isnt nice

its like im just watching life happen

i know what i should and would like to feel but just

dont

i wanna genuinely laugh at funny things

where did it go i was fine until like three hours or so ago

#why why why #where did i go #come back #cylas speaks

[legz2heaven]

Some fan art I did of one of my favorite singers.

#original art #art tag #artists on tumblr #art #fanart #digital drawing #digital aritst #dan mangan #oh fortune #nice nice very nice #where did I go

[catcherappreciator]

Ok I didn’t actually do my homework but I still missed the entire second inning. I was sitting on the couch the whole time. Looking at the TV. The second inning just didn’t happen like I don’t remember seeing it. But it’s the third now huh?

#that’s so fun #where did I go

[dishsaop]

the worst part about being an adult is thay its no longer socially acceptable to just roll down a really big hill and then run back up it and roll back down again. "oh is this a syphilis metaphor" passerby would ask. "is this for a tick tock". no i just wanna come home covered in dirt and scratches and bask in the the solace of childlike mirth

#m text #everyone rbing this without the addition and commenting 'op did you mean sisyphus' yes. yes i did #'where did the discord screenshot reblog go did you delete it' well in the 10mn after posting it someone had a funnier reblog #so i was like oh. ill delete the less funny one i did for the funnier one #and then. guess what got big.

[o0kawaii0o]

no mercy 😭

#one piece won the poll and I wanted to draw smth nice and wholesome #but I hated the perspective process and the multiple characters were a pain so where did that bring me? #that's right; perspective and multiple characters in shtpost format #don't you just love it when you put too much pressure on yourself and the way to fix that is to draw smth silly #vibrant colours go brrrr #pls trust me when I say I like sanji #I mean look at him #one piece #strawhat crew #sanji #luffy #zoro #chopper #usopp #nami #nico robin #cyborg franky #o0kawaii0o

[allthewhumpygoodness]

Big fan of when a character's grief/trauma/guilt manifests as physical symptoms. Big fan of characters keeping things so tight inside them that it makes them sick. Big fan of when the line blurs between a character's mental trauma and physical illness until it's hard to tell which is which anymore.

#whump #k once i did a fic where a character had pneumonia #and also was in Big Mental Distress and mentally going over all the people he'd lost in his life etc #and i gotta say i'm proud of myself for bringing up the recurrent motif of his chest being pianful...like is it from being sick & coughing #or bc he's grieving so badly it's putting him in physical pain #ANYWAY

[unpretty]

the thing about having been really broke. averaging $500 a month in a good year broke. using a gamestop credit card i shouldn't have qualified for to buy taco bell gift cards for food broke. is that i am SO bad with money. i have a degree in accounting and i am so bad with money. i do not think of myself as superstitious at all but money feels so cursed. not in a spiritual way, i mean literally. practically.

having 'too much' money feels so bad. money is a thing you spend as soon as you get it because it's so cursed. the more it is the more cursed it is. i save too much money and bad things will happen that cost all my money. money is a thing that summons expenses. if i have no money and the car breaks down i find a way to make it work. i scrounge and resell and pass the hat and talk to my mom's friend's friend who knows a guy and in the end i'm so relieved to be right back where i started. but if i were saving my money for a new computer and then the car broke down, the money is just gone. i spent the money i saved for a thing i wanted on a thing i needed instead and after all that hoping i'm right back where i started.

i get a windfall and i set the money aside because if i'm careful that's enough to pay for gas for months. but then i need to pay for heat and i apply for assistance and they look at my bank account and see i have money and now they won't help pay for heat. soon it's just a habit. i get the money and i spend the money. immediately, as soon as possible, get this money away from me. don't even save enough for cigarettes. i can find money for cigarettes, somehow i can always find money for cigarettes. cigarette money is a weird magical fake money i summon from dark corners whenever i run out of cigarettes. i don't know how it works either. i've tried to summon the cigarette money for things that aren't cigarettes and it never works. just get this out of my bank account. get it out of here before something notices there's money here.

anyway i'm working on it but god it's hard

#original #i think i've made this exact same post before but everyone politely ignore that my memory is bad #i was doing better and then it all crashed and burned in the last couple months #and i'm fixing it but god it feels so stupid #i'd finally worked my way up to having Savings. Any Savings At All. where did it go. #how did i spend that much on pennywhistles and moonpies #that shouldn't be possible that's illegal

[curioscurio]

I'm rewatching Steven Universe and I will never forgive Fandom for what it did to her

#also watching it at age 19-20 as it was released and experiencing the resulting clusterfuck online fandom response was a wild trip #im finally rewatching it again at 25 and really really feel lucky to have seen it at the age i did #i have completely different perspective on it now that i have 3 young nephews and a neice where before i was in college #the music is still as incredible as it was back then #and the animation #i cant beleive people got honestly and truly upset and violently aggressive about characters being off model sometimes #early stevens voice though kills me after awhile...... the yelling .... but his characters growth and development also being reflected in #his voice changing as he grows up #they also go crazy hard on some scenes #who am i kidding the show was a masterpiece and ahead of its time

[aromanticduck]

Sorry if you're already over 50, I ran out of room (you're welcome to leave your thoughts in the tags or replies!)

If you're younger than 10, get the fuck off Tumblr. People are saying swears on here!

[EDIT: It's OK to vent a bit about negative feelings in the comments/tags, but if you're gonna talk about killing yourself, do me a favour and fucking don't]

#polls #birthdays #ageing #milestones #organic home grown content #for me (28) while there's an element of 'where the fuck did the time go?' #30 sounds all right. even kind of nice #you're still on the younger side of adulthood but you're no longer one of those 'barely an adult' new adults #although some people might feel that change at 25 #i feel like 40 is gonna be harder to deal with. that still feels like the age people's parents are #though it might look different once i'm in my 30s #100 tier #1000 tier #suicide mention

[dapper-lil-arts]

and somehow, that only makes her fall in love more

#i had a version of this where she was ranting about dead space 2 #and one where shes ranting about kid icarus uprising lmao #decided to go for borderlands the pre-sequel instead lol #MLP #my little pony #friendship is magic #twilight sparkle #sunset shimmer #pony posting #sunset sparkle #equestria girls #scitwi #twiset #sciset #shipping #love these girls so much #and their wardrobe rocks #could have done the rant about a lotta thing #lol #lord forgive me the next art might um. similar to the last rarity and applejack one i did last.