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#where tf do you come up with this stuff
diabeticgirl4 · 9 months
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I'm watching queer eye and like. most times I can understand the fab5 and why they need to change/fix this person and the ways whatever they're teaching will help, but like. they're teaching etiquette to this total country rancher guy bc he wants to find a girl and settle down and he never learned that type of stuff and yeah manners and basic etiquette is important but rn they're focusing so much on dining and the amount of forks!! and no you can't dip your bread in soup you gotta tear a small piece and drop it in!! and you're absolutely terrible if you set your spoon on the table!!
idk man I'm super not vibing w this ep
#ignore me#maddie liveblogs queer eye#still in season 6. the bull rancher guy.#idk this whole ep is making me super uncomfy#idk just anytime the problem is 'peter pan syndrome' where the guy is happy and living his life fine but everyone else has issues w it?#just. as an autistic who also no doubt has 'peter pan syndrome' it just rly rubs me the wrong way#sure his living space and hygiene are less than ideal but idk I don't think he needed a whole intervention for that#and again!!! the etiquette stuff!!! why the frick!!!#who tf cares about which fork to use and soup spoons when he's a rancher cowboy in texas!!!!#and just. the whole time he's So Uncomfortable w everything#they keep playing it like 'ohoho he's just a conservative texan dealing w 5 gay guys for the first time!' but like.#he probably never asked for any of this? and you can tell how resistant he is to change. I get that. it's scary.#and p much everything he does has reason. for his business or for his heritage. it's super important to him and that's valid!!#and the fab5 come rushing in and tell him he needs to change if he wants to find a girl and settle down#and like. ok yes he needs to work on hygiene and his housing situation. but idk man karamo thinking etiquette lessons will be the best fix?#I still have like ten min left but man he's been so uncomfortable the whole time it's kinda heartbreaking#I do like tan and antony listening and going slowly and helping him ease into change#bc what they're doing is such a big change!!! for someone like him he needs to be eased into it#what they're doing is basically tossing him into the deep end of the pool to teach him how to swim and it's driving me nuts#ok sry I gotta shut up I'm just. rly not vibing w this episode and I'm bummed about it :\
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necrothezma · 1 year
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I feel like I have to apologize for reblogging from a random ass person but sometimes I go to people's to study them then I find content from a deactivated person and it's like fuck! I have no choice now
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jessiesjaded · 11 months
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Honestly, the most annoying part of fandom now for me personally is just that... I really don't need to know every detail of the thing I'm a fan of- not to say I don't love learning interesting little things but this obsession with knowing absolutely everything is so draining to me, especially private things. I don't need to know the director of the movie I enjoyed cheated on his wife once 20 years ago. I don't need to know that two actors had a fling once upon a time. I don't need to read every old interview from the guy who created the game I love just because I happen to love the thing he created, if you personally feel compelled to find out every last detail of every person involved in creating something, that's great for you! But please don't expect everyone else to be like that, too.
#idk i think you lose part of the xharm when you do that#and I know!! bc i used to be like that#used to find out every little detail and then i just stopped one day and yk what?#its better this way#being a fan of someone and finding stuff out about them is fine#but im at the point where im more distinctly a fan of the work than the person#idk it just irks me when people try to bring stuff up like... its not my buisness and i dont care#Of course if its something like a person bei g accused of abuse or harrassment etc then yeah i dont want to support them#i.e why i'll never listen to r kelly again#but just little random shit? yeah i dont need to k ow about it i dont want to know about it#its likely to taint shit for me so why would i want to#its like when someone just had to come tell me the voice actor of a character i liked 'cheated on his wife'#okay that sucks I feel bad for his wife i really do#but thats a private relationship issue????#if she wants to blast him publicly than that'd be her right#im not involved tho#also funniest thing about that was the guy was actually in an open sort of marriage so like. who tf am i to judge whatever he and his wife#decided to live like ?????#like again if you told me he got convicted of punching a dog then id be like fuck that guy#but when its just random personal issues ????? why is this any of my business ???????#like I knew everything about kstew once upon a time and now i only know bits and pieces#from when i catch an interview here or there#and i go Oh good to see she seems happier these days#and i leave it at that#idk theres too much information now and i dont want to hear it lol
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haemosexuality · 1 year
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i have. the worst/slash weirdest dreams sometimes
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dooodle-bug · 2 years
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i love looking at those dall e ai images
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snekdood · 2 months
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welp, at this point if anyone in the crowd of Bad Faith People Who Stalk Me And Hate Me Bc Of Someone Else's Compulsive Lying tries to accuse me of antisemitism bc i have a vampire whos a villain in my comic, i'm gonna ask them what their take was on allll of this going on. if its anything like "israelis and/or zionists are all evil people" then ik i never have to take their opinion seriously bc they dont even know what antisemitism means.
#i will listen to jewish ppl if they have any critiques or concerns about him in my comic but the rest a yall. lol. lmao.#if you are right now perpetuating antisemitic conspiracy theories about how jewish ppl are in control of all the money n shit#how can you claim you are less antisemitic than me?#its honestly freeing to realize a lot of internet leftists dont know wtf they're talking about ever.#so now i dont gotta over think if i Am being antisemitic bc yall dont even know wtf it looks like!#i was always so worried about this possibly happening but yknow what ive realized through all of this-#a lot of yall dont know wtf you're talking about at all ever. i was worried about being dog piled but like. why should i be now#you want a reason to hate me regardless. you're gonna be bad faith and assume the most uncharitable thing regardless. why#should i care and try to cater to YOUR- a non jewish leftist's- sensibilities?#just say you hate what i make and move tf on.#stop pretending you have a moral reason. also maybe stop pretending you know whats going to happen esp if my abuser on here#gave you their rundown and understanding of my comic bc i kept so much shit a secret from them to begin with.#why tf would i share all of my comic to them. so they can steal my ideas and/or share it to everyone? yeah i already knew ahead of time#that could be something they do. and i know to never reveal anything that spoils the plot anyways.#even if they're right about the tiny amount of stuff i showed them assume they're still wrong bc they just LOVE mixing truth with lies.#its like. their favorite thing to do.#but yeah yknow if any jewish ppl have any concerns ill listen. everyone else can go fuck themselves though.#dont come up in here acting like you know what antisemitism is lmao.#honestly i should've only considered jewish ppls opinions on this to begin with. but yall really gaslit me into thinking you knew just as#much as they do about antisemitism. and now look where we are. you've revealed you dont know shit and i dont need to take you seriously.#while you spent all this time laid back thinking you Know Better bc you call yourself progressive and think thats all the work you need#to do- i was ACTUALLY learning about antisemitism and conspiracy theories so i ACTUALLY know wtf to avoid in my art#and yall are gonna really try and be bold enough to assume you know what it looks like. you havent done shit. you havent reflected on shit#you think you're already above it all when really you're only a couple steps away from regressing into a conservative.
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norrizzandpia · 7 months
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omg i just found your account and read “this is about oscar?” and “the video” and had an idea of like a combination of the two?? maybe like reader is his gf and we obviously know oscar is a bit of a shy, soft-spoken guy, so his girlfriend is the opposite: more outspoken, says what she’s thinking (it’s giving i am the rockstar, girlfriend vibes) so everyone like always jokes that she’s definitely topping him in the bedroom, but then something happens and a video gets leaked and people realize that it’s actually the opposite where he’s super dominant and stuff and it’s just everyone freaking out about how wrong they were 😭😭
When i tell you the SECOND i read this i was SO EXCITED to write it
She Wears The Pants, Right? (OP81)
Summary: Nobody saw it coming. Nobody.
Warnings: leaked sex tape, sexual conversations, language
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y/nnn my boy 💌
Tagged oscarpiastri
Comments:
op81fan3 walk him like a dog sis, walk him like a dog.
oscarpiastri anything for you my love ❤️
- ln4andop81 PLZZZ HE IS SO GONE FOR HER
mclarenfan2 he cooks for her, brings her flowers, MATCHES HER CLOGS 👹👹👹 i hate my life
- f1fan23 no because oscar literally sucked at cooking and only got good for her like BRO WILL DO ANYTHING FOR HER
- mclarensgirly hes her housewife like you cant tell me otherwise
ln4andop81 NO YOURE SO RIGHT
mclarensgirly i love how y/n is the big spoon in the second pic its so obvi she wears the pants in the relationship
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oscarpiastri date night 😚
Comments:
mclarensgirly she prob ordered for him
- y/nnn …yes i did
- oscarpiastri Y/N.
ln4andop81 they are arguably the most aesthetic couple on the grid
- mclaren arguably?! They are.
- oscarpiastri mclaren admin to the rescue
- y/nnn yeah bc you cant do it yourself
- ln4andop81 GAHDAMN.
- mclarensgirly JESUS CHRIST
- mclarenfan22 SHE ATE HIM UP AND SPIT HIM OUT
- landonorris where was my invite?
- oscarpiastri …
- y/nnn we didnt want you there
- landonorris damn ok 🥲
- mclarensgirly y/n really fights oscars battles for him
- mclarenfan22 she prob does other stuff for him too
- f1fan2 im fully convinced she tops him every single time
- mclarenfan2 thats so real bc there is not a SINGULAR BONE in oscars body that is even slightly capable of dominating
- mclarensgirly SO TRUE he is so soft hes just so babygirl theres no way in hell hes ever topped in his life
- ln4andop81 he prob doesnt even know what dominating is 😭😭😭
- mclarenfan22 omg no he def does but only bc y/n dominates him
- ln4andop81 YES YES EXACTLY
TWITTER
ln4andop81 yo wtf.
- mclarensgirly nobody talk to me rn.
- mclarenfan22 WE WERE SO WRONG????
- ln4andop81 “you like that baby? You like it hard and fast?” UHHHHHH OSCAR.
- mclarensgirly HIS MOANS AND GROANS WHEN SHE WOULD RESPOND TO HIS MOVEMENTS AND TOUCHES OMFG
- ln4andop81 CAN WE ADDRESS THE FACT THAT HE WAS TOPPING HER LIKE IT WAS SECOND NATURE???
- mclarenfan22 WHEN HE WRAPPED HER LEGS AROUND HIS WAIST SO HE COULD GO FASTER OMFG>>>>
- mclarensgirly no bc guys. who is that oscar.
- ln4andop81 ig its “keep it loud so everybody knows who keeps your eyes rolling and back arching” oscar
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y/nnn when your sex tape is leaked, you think you’d get multiple hate messages or something, but all I’m getting is “OSCAR’S DOMINANT???” so here are a few instances that prove who Oscar really is 😏
Comments:
mclarensgirly A FEW INSTANCES????? NAH GURL WE GET IT AFTER THAT 35 MINUTE LONG VIDEO
ln4andop81 “you’re so fucking hot baby all mine, huh? All of this is mine, remember that.” DID YOU BLANK ON THAT ORRRR
- mclarensgirly YEAH LIKE I DONT NEED ANYMORE CONVINCING
- mclarenfan22 YALL ARE MISSING THE PICTURES OF THIS POST. THE. PICTURES. PEOPLE.
- mclarensgirly omfg youre so right THE CUDDLING PIC TO MAKE US UNDERSTAND HES THE BIG SPOON 😭😭😭
- y/nnn dont get it twisted im the big spoon
- oscarpiastri do we need to leak another video?
- ln4andop81 WAS HE ALWAYS LIKE THIS OR WHAT TF
landonorris this was completely unnecessary
- oscarpiastri no it wasnt.
- oscarpiastri ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME PPL STOPPED THINKING I WAS A PUSH OVER
- y/nnn calling me a slut is such an interesting way of accomplishing that!!
- oscarpiastri we both know you liked it.
- y/nnn well, yeah.
- landonorris WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABT THIS ON MY COMMENT CHAIN. STOP.
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oscarpiastri yeah i cook and i clean, all ways i keep my girl satisfied iykyk 😉
Comments:
y/nnn yeah we get it babe you keep me sexually satisfied 🙄🙄
- oscarpiastri why are you annoyed??
- y/nnn thats actually such a good question
mclarensgirly CLAWING MY EYES OUT SCREAMINF AT THE SKY CRYING BLOOD HDJDGDJSHDNSMSIDHNDHSHD
ln4andop81 im still stunned at how off we were
- mclarensgirly thats so real bc we literally were like “oh no! He doesn’t even know what dominating is!! Haha!!” And then a day later a video of him fucking his gf and letting us all know VERY WELL he has a breeding kink leaked
- mclarenfan22 THE BREEDING KINK 😩😩 “gonna fuck you so deep and fill you with my cum so everyone knows who you belong to”
- ln4andop81 AHHHHHHFNSHDJSHJDHD THAT AND THE OVERSTIMULATION 😭 “give me one more baby youre gonna take it whether you like it or not”
- mclarensgirly hes j so ever changing
- mclarenfan22 giggling because ever changing is such a beautiful word to describe the fact that none of us thought oscar was good in bed
- y/nnn well he is
- oscarpiastri hell yeah i fucking am
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yandere-kokeshi · 7 months
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Saw an idea from @frogchiro and decided to write some feral content. Send her some love ❤
TW: yandere, monster fucking, werewolves, some crack/funny thoughts, talks about pregnancy/having pups (still gender-neutral), and knotting stuff.
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Imagine TF-141 being yandere werewolf hybrids, falling for you all at once, each sharing their own yandere traits; which, causes all of them to be wherever you are. The need to scent you. Need you to be beside them at all times. And soon bring you home as theirs.
And now, you're their mate, sharing is needed — pack mates practically share everything, no?
Out of the four, Soap and Gaz are the absolute worst — they're feral, energized through the roof, and has to follow you around constantly; nudging into your crotch as they need to smell you. Smell your addictive scent that makes them all types of crazy, causing them to start nipping at your poor skin, growling at each other as the need for breeding comes along.
They both love to yap and bark at you, gently grasping your hand to guide you back to your bed (aka nest) so they can cuddle you (or stuff you full of their knot, their fluffy fur likely suffocating you.)
Though, you are often saved by Simon, and Price, whom are the biggest. They growl at them to watch it and gently bite their ears on scolding, snarling at them of needing to be more careful, and to not hurt you. You're their perfect mate!
Of course, Soap and Gaz make it up with sloppy kisses. And how can you not forgive them? Their obvious doggy eyes working perfectly.
Simon and Price are more so on the chiller side. Watching from afar, and demand cuddles that end up with their heads laying on your lap, the thumping of their tails on the chewed-up couch shows their appreciation when you finally decide to pay them attention.
But don't think they don't get possessive – because they do. More often or not, the hickeys and knots come from them. Though, they're regularly the nicest, rarely one to hurt you, and more aware of their size.
But, their breeding cycles are the fucking worse. Soap and Gaz are naturally horny, biting at your form as their tongue hangs out, but Simon and Price are a menace when in heat. Being more vocal, possessive, and often nipping at your ankles to not stray too far.
Regularly dragging you by the scruff of your clothes where the two of you can mate, spending their heat in peace. Making sure that you can see Price flexing his burly muscles, wanting you to admire their wagging fluffy tails, and showing off how thick, glossy Simon's fur is, and how both of them. All of them, really, can provide you with pleasant things, including a healthy litter of pups.
Despite them being pack mates, all of them are fighting on a regular basis — they all want to be the first one to breed, knot, and have you carry their pups.
When in their full werewolf forms, soap is more prone to chasing butterflies, and bringing you back half-alive birds, barking at you for his proud hunt – his mouth and chest covered in deepening blood.
Though, Gaz, and Price, actually bring actual gifts that are thoughtful — plopping full landscape roses in front of you, the roots still connected to the plant as their tail wag violently as they wait for your praise.
Simon, on the other hand, brings actual food. Like… steals a whole ass barbecued-chicken from someone's backyard, and nudges it closer to you as it's still warm.
Stares at you to eat it, his hazel eyes demanding for you to take it, but immediately snaps at Johnny, who only cackles back. He tries so hard to steal the items every time Simon gifts you something (he just wants a bite out of your food — sharing means caring!).
Everywhere on your body is marked by them, the harsh-but-yet healed maw-marked implanted into your skin. Their marks are typically licked, and kissed on by them.
Bring me some more ideas, please!! I fucking love these men who are feral for you — especially as werewolves 🤭
Here's my mw2 masterlist for more things <3
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jyoongim · 26 days
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So in the fic where reader is Alastor’s opposite you said she gives him attitude and that just stuck with me cuz I love giving attitude, literally as I child my mom gave me her old flip phone and I’d just flip it whenever someone got on my nerves. Can I please have a funny fic where reader gives him attitude a lot? She loves him but she’s spoiled rotten(his fault). Bonus points if she reads tf out Vox in defense of her man.
Bratty Princess
A/N: I’m not the funniest person in the world so I hope you like this little Drabble @queenariesofnarnia
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How could Alastor tolerate you? 
The Radio Demon was feared and many didn’t have the gall to stand up to the man.
You, however, always pushed the demon’s buttons.
You were a brat. In every sense of the word.
You didn’t listen to Alastor, you always gave him lip and fussed.
And the demon wouldn’t have it any other way. He liked that you gave him a challenge. 
You were Alastor’s everything. His little darling that he let do whatever she wanted.
It was his fault really. He spoiled you rotten, giving in to every desire you wished, treating you like a princess.
You loved the attention he provided, happily exercising your rights on the man.
Your bratty attitude came with pros.
You were confident, assertive, and arrogant. Alastor would play your little game until he had enough and put you back in your place.
The cons?
You were stubborn, sarcastic, sassy. You could get away with a lot of stuff and not bat an eye at the consequences. Alastor let you
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The gang watched as you glared at the red demon.
Your eyes were narrowed, arms crossed as you fumed.
Alastor stood before you calmly. His smile on his face, arms tucked behind his back as he nonchalantly tilted his head at you.
What they were witnessing was shocking.
Someone chewing out Alastor and they weren’t shitting their pants.
”You think just because you’re some big and scary Overlord that I will do whatever you say! Well no! I finally have a chance, so I’m going and that’s final!”
you even stomped your foot.
The gang held their breath, thinking you had finally pushed the Radio Demon to the edge.
Their eyes widened when he looked at the finger poked in his chest and leered over you. He grabbed your chin, making you look at him.
”My dear if you wanted to go so bad all you had to do was ask.”
Their mouths dropped.
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“No I don’t like it”
Alastor’s eye twitched “You’re the one who wanted them.”
You turned your nose up in the air “I changed my mind. The color isn’t right”
The trembling demons before you almost sighed in relief when you walked away from them.
”Get rid of them” you said with a wave of your hand.
They tensed as the red demon let out a growl and turned to the shivering demons with a smile.
“Well you heard the little lady, you’re no longer needed. So I bid you adieu”
You hummed a little tune as screams ranged through the air.
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You were accompanying Alastor on one of his outings. He had some errands to run and you were simply bored and wanted to spend time with your lover.
The two of you walked past a group of bystanders, who were watching Voxtech commercials.
You didn’t particularly need anything from Voxtech, but you liked to see the marketing sales on the tech. You had a keen taste in business.
Vox, always watching, caught sight of you separating from the demon and approaching the store.
”ma cherie?” Alastor asked when he noticed you weren’t following him, he turned to see you looking through the window of the tech store.
A hand on your waist, made you aware of the demon’s present next to you.
Your eyes were fixated on the advertisements.
”No” he said sternly, already seeing the gears turn on your head.
You turn to him, a pout on your lips “But I just want to make suggestions ” You stomped your foot, pouting “come on Al. Why can’t I get a job? I make your radio broadcast a hit!”
”My dear I don’t see the reason you want to work. You can have anything you want if you ask” Alastor said as you began to whine.
You hadn’t noticed Vox materialize behind the two of you.
”You know Voxtech is hiring for a marketing director.”You spun around and Alastor cocked his head at the television, glaring.
Vox smiled down at you, throwing a smug look at Alastor.
”I’ve seen how much engagement your ideas have provided for Alastor, you got a real skill little lady. Why don’t I throw your name in the pot hmm?” He puffed his chest out pridefully.
Alastor latched his arm around you, eyes narrowed at the demon.
Vox ignored him, a sharp smile displayed on his screen.”Why don’t I give you a private tour huh? I’m sure you would like to work with more effective mediums your ideas would surely be appreciated. No need for old-timey wares”
You cocked your head “I appreciate the offer, but I like my position very much thank you”
Vox blinked. You were giving up lavish luxuries to stick beside a fossil?
He chuckled, playing off his confusion “My dear I don’t think you understand…”
You folded your arms, cocking “I don’t think you understand. I don’t need a job. I am provided for happily. I just thought you needed to clean up your marketing techniques.”
Vox screen glitched, before he cleared his throat, “very well but the offer is open.” He sent a invitation to your phone before walking off.
Alastor rolled his eyes as you giggled, giving him a smug look
”Seems I can appreciated elsewhere hehe better watch your back Al”
He walked off and you happily followed.
Why did he tolerate you?
———————————————————————————
Vox got on his high horse and decided he would try and degrade Alastor.
Top of the hour! Were discussing a certain has-been who’s been seen cavorting around town
did anyone miss him? Did anyone notice?
So the Radio Demon is back in town, why is he hanging around?
Well I’ve got good news!
Hes a loser, a fossil, and I don’t mean to sound hostile but the demon is a coward!
He can’t even handle his little sweetheart!
The doll’s got questionable taste don’t you think? He doesn’t even appreciate the little thing! 
She bratted out and he didn’t even give any backlash
Spoiled rotten that one HAHA!
What a pretty addition she could make?
So what do you say?
Your eye twitched as you heard Vox’s patronizing through the radio waves.
You and Alastor were in his radio tower and you watched Alastor hum as he sipped his coffee. 
 You didn’t even say a word as you made yourself comfortable in his lap as you flipped on several switches on his control panel.
”That sack of wires thinks he can just whatever he wants and you’re not gonna say anything? He right! But i will! No one get to get on your nerves but me” you grumbled as you cleared your throat 
Salutations all you wayward sinners!
Yes I know its been a while since SOMEONE with style graced hell’s broadcast!
Sinners you may rejoice!
Instead of a clout-chasin mediocre video podcast
you sneered into the mic
Vox are you that insecure? Stickin your screen where it doesn’t need to be?
At least the fossil is consistent. Everyday you got a new format maybe you should fix that
I have questionable taste? You’ve been screwing the biggest perv in all of Hell!
At least I know where my dick goes
hahaha
You think you’re such high shit! Are you as strong as you purport?
is it based on your support? 
Or maybe its because you’ll be nothing without the Vees!
And here’s the sugar on the cream
He asked me to join his team
I said no and now he’s being a total piss baby
thats the real tea!
You heard Vox growl and the signal glitch, but Alastor made sure to keep the frequency open.
He settled his chin on your shoulder, softly kissing your shoulder.
I wont disagree on me being a brat you got me there
But good dick does that
cant relate can you bottom bitch?
Hows that burnt circuit doing hmm? I would get that checked out
Heard viruses could cause malware function
You signed off the air, huffing, a soft smile gracing your face.
Your victorious high was short lived, when Alastor tightened his hold around your waist.
Maybe you did too much?
He chuckled in your ear, purring as you attempted to melt into him
”That’s my good girl”
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mangowafflesss · 9 months
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Dunno if you do NSFW but I have a kinda NSFW request if you wanna take it if not all good lol
So TF 141 getting done the nasty with the reader and when they go for aftercare and stuff Reader gets kinda confused explaining that past partners thought it was gross or not their job and they don’t understand why the boys would wanna do that
obviously there's no NSFW here but they did just fuck sooo yeah :)
Price
When he left the room you set into action stripping the bed sheets as you saw the mess you made. "You don't have to do that" his voice spooked you as you weren't paying attention to him as your focus was on the task you were doing. He was stood behind you and he grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the bathroom, the shower was running and steam filled the room. He guided you into the shower and started to massage your shoulders and body along with cleaning it gently as he could "I can do this myself, I know you probably find it gross" you mumbled as you looked down at the ground, he put his finger under your chin and pushed it up so you were now looking at him "I don't and I need to clean up the mess I made don't I darling?" He laughs while placing a kiss to your nose and begun to clean you up ready for cuddles after.
Soap
When he pulled away from you and went into the bathroom you let out a deep sigh and started to sit up and scoot yourself to the edge of the bed ready to get up and clean yourself up. When you saw Johnny come back with a flannel in hand you gave him a confused look and reached out for it but when he pulled it away it confused you even more "What're you doing bonnie? lay down for me" he asked while pushing you down onto the mattress. He carefully pried open your legs and cleaned you up delicately over your sensitive body, he placed kisses on your thigh and knee and then stopped when he saw your face "What's wrong?" "Why are you doing this for me? Shouldn't I be doing it?" you asked shyly and he just shook his head and kissed your knee again "No partner of mine will ever clean themselves up, ridiculous"
Gaz
He flops down onto the bed next to you and when you go move to leave and clean yourself up, arms grab you and you're pulled against a sweaty chest. "Are you okay babe?" he whispers into the top of your head as he cuddles you and holds you close to him. You're worried about wrapping yourself around him due to the mess that's currently in between your legs until he pulls your leg up so its resting over his. "Don't you think this is disgusting?" you asked and your head wobbles as he laughs from under you. "Did you really just ask that? Of course not. I. Find. It. So. Hot" he told you in between kisses to your head and pulls you even closer "Now relax we'll get cleaned up when we're ready"
Ghost
He grabbed a couple of tissues from the box beside the bed and started to clean you up, placing a kiss to your forehead he says he will be back in a second. You grab some more tissues to clean yourself up with but then you see Simon walk back into the room and cover yourself up. He walks over to the bed and picks you up into his arms which confuses you and he takes you into the bathroom where a bath was currently running. "C'mon love lets get you cleaned up" he says giving you a kiss on the cheek and lowering you into the tub. He starts to clean you with a cloth and the warm water runs over your body. He sensed you were uncomfortable as you tried to shield yourself away from him "What's wrong love?" "I'm just confused... no ones ever done this before" he gives you a look of horror and places a chaste kiss to your lips "I'll treat you like royalty"
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mit0bee · 10 months
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Twisted Wonderland boys with an S/O who's afraid of bugs (me too)
Did I literally just post 5 minutes ago? yes. am i posting again? yes. Stuff you should read: Bulleted HC's because i dont feel like writing an essay like i did with floyds tent hc, no beta we die like men, mention of multiple types of bugs Characters: Leona Kingscholar, Malleus Draconia, Trey Clover, Jamil Viper, Vil Schoenheit, Epel Felmier, Sebek Zigvolt, Floyd Leech
(can be read as platonic but i did write it with a romantic relationship in mind)
LEONA KINGSCHOLAR
Leona literally came running into the room thinking you had died or smthn, but no. you were screaming, standing on his bed....all over a small cockroach.
Bro actually sighed. like, a super big sigh, one that youd only get from a dissapointed mother while he stomped on the bug.
"Seriously, Herbivore? You took care of multiple overblots, but a single cockroach gets you all worked up?"
hes grinning so hard. youd want to punch him with how hard hes grinning.
all hes thinking is about the amount he can tease you about this
but, yes. he does get rid of the bug.
unless he was sleeping. then he forces asks ruggie to do it nicely.
MALLEUS DRACONIA
implodes the bug.
im not kidding.
he literally goes full on oceangate on that bug and implodes it
you didnt even have time to properly freak out before the bug was wiped off the face of the earth
"tsunotarou what was that sound?"
"nothing light of my life" *hiding bug corpse*
"are you sure bc i thought i saw a bug"
"nope. no bugs here? should we buy some bug repellant to ease your mind?"
".....no its okay."
you knew he somehow killed the bug.
and it only made you love him even more than you already do.
TREY CLOVER
catches the bug for you and lets it outside.
unlike the first two, he tries his best not to kill the bug.
he pulls the "how would you feel if i stomp on you and kill you?"
"if you killed me while i was a bug i'd thank you"
"you'd be dead, [name]."
"....id thank you from the grave."
he just sighs and shakes his head
probably convinces riddle to let him put anti-bug measures around heartslaybul for you (it didnt take much convincing riddle hates bugs too)
JAMIL VIPER
screams with you
probably set ramshackle on fire more than once while visiting you
you both have to call kalim or adeuce to come exterminate the single cockroach on the ground
again, that one tik tok sound where its like
"YOU KILL THE BUG, YOURE THE MAN!"
"SINCE WHEN."
thats a daily interaction between the two of you
if it happened at scarabia, he'd stay at ramshackle for the next month
literally would abandon kalim (or if he really cant be trusted he'd just bring kalim with him to make sure he didn't cause any problems)
VIL SCHOENHIET
screams with you x2
isn't as dramatic as jamil, but he definitely freaks out about it too.
about the bugs? no. about the bug bites.
again, youd have to call someone to save the both of you so you dont pass tf out and die while he gets eaten alive by a fruit fly
wym fruit flies dont bite? you cant be too cautious.
somehow always has bug repellant with him in the warm seasons
hes prepared and will NOT get any bug bites
EPEL FELMIER
zero reaction, or has a positive one.
"what in tarnation do you mean you hate bugs?! they help with fertilizer blah blah blah blah blah blah (i dont know farming stuff)!"
you have to CONVINCE him to get rid of the bugs, but he'll eventually cave and do it just for you
if you ask him to put up anti-insect measures he'd look at you like youre crazy
"[name]. bugs are actually really good for our ecosystem. back at home we always had to take care of the bugs, or else our crops would die."
"shut up. please. ily, but i cant deal with these bugs."
"okay okay okay fine"
will reluctantly set them up
overall a 4/10 for bug measures he will do it just not unless you beg
SEBEK ZIGVOLT
yells.
not in fear, but in anger because how DARE such a miniscule thing try to terrify the people he cares about?!
doesnt explode it like malleus
but strikes it with lightning.
yk his dorm card groovy? thats what hes doing to a little centipede.
expects you to praise him for protecting you
sure, its a given that he would, but he would very much so appreciate your thanks, and maybe a head pat or smthn
give him one.
now.
FLOYD LEECH
like trey, he lets the bug free
sometimes.
other times he kills it and chases you with the corpse
or keeps it alive and chases you with the living bug
if you REALLYYYYYYYYYY dont like bugs, like straight up sobbing, freaking out, then he wont but otherwise? have fun bro
someone has to seperate you two when you see a bug, because he will do something
sometimes if he's feeling generous he wont do anything and you'll be like "tf? what did you do to be so nice?"
"cant i just be generous towards my shrimpy?"
"no."
".....yeah i almost grilled grim thinking he was food."
"you WHAT."
all of this because of a simple bug
oh to be young and in love ----------------------- m.list @mit0ee 's work, please do not steal!
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onelittlespiral · 4 months
Note
You should definitely do a preppy boy tf!
FML: Contact
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I knew I should have charged my phone before I left, but I was running late and didn’t want to miss my study session. I know, I know it was stupid. But the walk was only supposed to be a few blocks. I have no idea how I got this lost. It felt like I was wandering for hours, but I kept just going around in circles and ending up in front of this gym. Great, just what I needed before finals week. Maybe I should stop an- ugh. My bag spilled out in front of me as I wa a knocked to the ground.
“Hey, sorry bro.”
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It seems like on about my third time around the block I finally ran into one of the gym’s patrons, idiot. For the life of me I will never know how those guys will walk out in shorts in December. I started to scoop my belongings back into my bag.
“Here, let me help- Ah fuck, that could be bad.” He picked up my laptop and handed it to me. Thankfully it seems that there wasn’t any real damage, but a few deep scratches were carved in the metal and the screen was definitely cracked.
“Just what I needed today! Look where you’re going next time!” I was nearly in tears. I was lost, I was frustrated, I think the fall tore a hole in my khakis, and now my computer would be busted till after finals.
“Hey, I said I was sorry. Didn’t mean to knock a shrimp like you down. I didn’t even hit you that hard…”
“Well sue me if I don’t have time to get swoll bro,” I spat, “but some of us have finals to study for.”
“Oh dang, that’s where I know you from! English 110, with Professor Kim. Yeah, you’re always in the front and answering shit.” Immediately the puzzle pieces clicked. I can’t blame myself for not recognizing him. He must have been one of the dudes who sat in the back, and they all basically acted, talked, and looked about the same. A bunch of gym rats struggling through the gen eds. I’m genuinely surprised he can to class often enough to recognize me. “Hey man, are you studying for this final later? I’m just like not getting this stuff. Like, why are they having Exercise Science majors out here studying English anyways?”
“Uhh, yeah maybe.” At this point I was past the point of caring about this conversation. It was such a simple class I hardly had even glanced over the study guide. I had packed my things and was making to get up and leave.
“Here bruh, lemme help you up,” and he extended his hand to me. I grabbed hold as a small shock passed between us. It was just a split second, but as his calloused, sweaty had grasped mine, I felt a jolt that stuck my hair on end. I hardly had time to notice as he hoisted me up. “Hey, if you do end up reviewing later, maybe give me a heads up. We could do a study session or something.” He pulled out a pen and scribbled on the back of a receipt. Grabbing my hand again, and pulled me into a bro hug before I could protest. Up close he was warm and humid, sweat cooling in the cold winter air. He left the paper in my hand when he pulled away. He smirked, “You should ask inside, they may be able to help. I’ll see you later tonight.” There was a confidence in his voice that sent a chill down my spine. Before I knew it he had booked it, and I was left with a piece of paper, a broken computer, and a sinking realization I was still lost.
With few options left, I popped into the gym my classmate had just come out of. Maybe they would have a charger I could borrow or be able to help me with directions. At least it was warm inside. I walked over to the man at the desk, asking “Hey, sorry to bother. Do you all have a phone charger? I am completely lost and out of juice.”
“You can bother me any time,” the attendant said with a wink, “We’ve got some chargers in the locker room, but management is struck about people using facilities without paying. You already a member with us?”
“No, do I look like a member with you all? Please, I’m tired and at this point I just need to get home.” I groaned.
“Well sorry bro, you’ve gotta get those gains somewhere… let’s see, a day pass only runs about $5,” he slid the card reader to me.
“Fine.” I thrust my card into the machine and grabbed my receipt, storming off towards the locker room.”
“Enjoy your time! Oh, sir. Those aren’t the locker rooms they are the changing ro-” and the swinging door cut him off. I cut to the first door on my left. The overhead lights activated as I walked in. The inside was warm, hotter even than the lobby. For locker rooms, there were very few lockers. Just cooler with some sports drinks, some mirrors, and a charging station. No one else was inside, so I sat down on a bench and set my phone down on the charging station. With the heat I quickly began stripping layers, till I was down to my sweater, but I was not going shirtless in this place. It looked like it would be a while before my phone would be charged. I tried to put the whole situation out of my mind as I laid back and relaxed, carried to sleep in the thick heat…
I woke up a while later, disoriented and thirsty. It may have been a bad idea to sleep in the sweater, the thing was practically dripping in sweat now. I began to pull off the damp thing when I was shocked to see what was underneath:
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Abs. Pecs. Abs and pecs. I had to be dreaming, when did I go from a stick to having abs and pecs. Not only that, but my arms. Thick and smooth, my arms looked swollen, as though I had been working them out for years. And my legs, they felt like lead beneath me, so heavy I could hardly move them. I could crush a melon between my thighs. And my poor shoes, they were practically in tatters on the floor. My toes poked out of the remains, leather torn between my meaty soles. I looked in the mirror to get a full picture. If I didn’t see it I wouldn’t have believed it, I was a whole different man.
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I grabbed my phone and booked it out the door back to the front desk. The same attendant was there, looking me up and down as I passed by:
“Well hey there handsome. How are you enjoying our amenities?”
I just about strangled him, “What the hell happened? What did you all do to me?!?”
“I did try to tell you. Locker rooms are the other side. Those are the changing rooms.”
“What’s that supposed mean?”
“Well, look at yourself. Must have gone for the muscle enhancement, eh? Not a bad look on you.” I could just about wipe that smug look off his face.
“Cut the bull crap, I didn’t ask for this. If you all changed me into this change me back.”
“So sorry,” the apology dripped from his lips, “but things don’t quite work that way. For more specialized changes you have to get a full membership.”
“That’s a fucking lie,” I shouted, “You never said shit about this. I don’t need your membership. Change me back, now.”
“Woah, calm down there hot stuff, no need to get so worked up. How about this. My boss is home for the night. I know what you looked like when you came in. I can sneak you back into one of our specialty changing rooms, and I’ll calibrate it myself. Deal?”
I was about in tears, “Deal.”
He took my hand and lead me to the changing room all the way in the back. Same set up, same bench in a mostly barren room. This one was maybe a tad smaller. His voice came on over the intercom:
“Alright, now just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.”
This time, deep red lights came on and that same heat began to fill the room. It somehow felt a bit different. The other heat wrapped around, this one felt like it pierced. In moments my body was flooded with warmth. Sweat rolled down my body as the room began having its effects. But something wasn’t right. Instead of shrinking down to my lithe self, my body felt like it was bubbling, and began to swell even more.
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“Hey. HEY! What the hell! What are you doing out there? Wrong way asshole!”
He chuckled into the intercom, “What? I think it’s a good look on you.”
“You’re supposed to change me back!” I shouted
“I said I would calibrate the room. I didn’t say how. You should feel lucky, you’re getting the VIP treatment for free!”
Everywhere sweat rolled my muscles stretched as my body began writhing under the feeling of its growth. It felt… it felt… oh god it felt… so…good. But it had to be stopped. I couldn’t keep going like this. I put all my effort into standing up and lunged for the door handle. It didn’t budge, locked from the outside.
“Oh, is this not to your taste?” he teased “Well, I already did smooth jock tonight. Fine, let’s try this then.”
The red lights switched off as dull LED’s took their place. At the same time, a mist began pouring into the room. The smell made me dizzy as I slumped back on the bench behind me. The haze curled around me and stuck to my skin. It smelled like aftershave, sharp and fresh, with a coolness that made me shiver. My skin began to tingle wherever it touched. I watched as my skin turned to goosebumps, then slowly a fine layer of fuzz began to coat my pecs. It grew and curled wherever the mist lead it. It blazed a treasure trail down my abs and branched out to cover them. I could only moan as my body pushed out my new pelt. It curled around my back as a forest erupted behind me. Working it’s way up, I felt a tickle on my jaw and cheeks. It caressed my face as a five o-clock shadow pushed out from my smooth face, and in moments a full beard was pushed out. It’s curling tendrils even worked on the hair I already had. I felt the hair on top of my head stand on end before following the mist into a thick mop. It worked it’s way into my gapping mouth too, and I felt my throat stretch and adjust, my moans coming out much deeper. Then it concentrated on my groin and pits. My previously trimmed bushes grew wild, quickly becoming a tangle. As my pubes grew around, it felt soooo good. I began getting hard, but the mist only took that as an opportunity. Something else to grow and curve. It stretched 6, 7, 8, 9 inches straight out before curving distinctly up. I was in pure ecstasy, with only the thought of the man outside watching keeping me from fully jacking off.
“Wow, what a grower. I knew you had potential but, woof.”
“You… won’t… *gasp*…get away… with… with this!”
“Oh, still a little rebel in you? Maybe we can bring that out a bit.”
The mist receded, and overhead the lights began to strobe and a loud white noise began to play. The pattern was disorientating and it hurt to watch. But even when I closed my eyes I couldn’t escape. A splitting headache developed as my emotions all turned to anger. I tried to shout, to call for it to stop, but my words didn’t even reach my ears. I watched in glimpses as I began to scream, deep and primal, rage in my eyes. My arm clenched into a fist and I ran up to pound the door down. It still didn’t budge but the shock sent a ripple down my arm. In the mirror I watched as in slow motion a full sleeve tattoo stretched down my arm. I sat down in pain and fear and anger as I grew close to tears. But the back of my mind knew that I could not cry, not anymore. Then, all at once it stopped. I realized I was still shouting. I felt pissed off, aggressive. When I got out of this room, I was gonna pummel that twink into submission.
“God, that one always gets me. I love a man with tattoos.”
“Fuck OFF” I growled. I looked in the mirror at the monster I had become:
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My mind was being flooded with emotions, a sense of loss for the person I was, a rage at the man who had done this to me, an animalistic horniness from my sizable new cock, and a deep terror for what else could happen. I channeled that fury and made one last attempt on the locked door. I yanked and rattled the door with all the strength this new body could muster. I felt the handle flex beneath my grip, before a loud *snap* sent me plummeting to the ground. The handle had come off the door. I banging against the door, shouting for anyone to come help me.
“Hmmm,” the attendant contemplated, “I may have gone too far with the rage this time. You’re a beast bro, but let’s reign it in. A healthy dose of this should help.”
A new cloud filled the room, this one thicker than the last. It was damp and sticky and clung to every inch of me. This one smelled rich and acrid, like an arm pit that had long since sweat through any deodorant. It was as though every patron of the gym had joined me in the room fresh from their workout. The fog was so thick I felt as though I was beginning to choke. It slid heavily down my throat and made my eyes water. That’s when I felt it begin to corrupt me. My enraged mind became calm, then addled as my brain filled with the all consuming fog. Memories flashed before my eyes as I felt them slip from my mind, replaced with false copies. I felt my college experience shift from books and classes to working out and tutoring sessions. My classes in journalism and writing were swapped for work out routines and remedial math. Then my cock began twitching as memories of hot workout sessions with my bros filled my mind, replacing my book club. As my mind relaxed and the new memories came to me easier and easier. My IQ was slipping down quickly, resting now somewhere around 75. As my mind relaxed I felt my body do so too. The cloud began seeping into my pores, filling me with its corrupting influence. My body betrayed me, greedily sucking up the cloud until the room was completely clear. I felt warm and tingly, my body pressed flat against the cold floor. I lifted my arm to get a good wiff of my funk. My cock jumped in response. God I needed to fuck. The cloud had saturated me, inside and out, soaking me in a new identity.
“How are you feeling in there big guy?” a voice was on the other side of a speaker in the room.
“Aight I guess man. I’m tired. Guess I passed out in here,” I replied. God, just waking up from a nap and I had my morning wood. The door opened, a cute bro was on the other side.
“Have you enjoyed your day pass sir?” He asked.
“Hell yeah Lil’ bro, it’s been good. This gym is stacked. I haven’t felt this worn out after a workout in a while!”
“Have you considered upgrading that day pass to a full membership? I know I would love to see you around,” he said with a wink.
“Mmm, wouldn’t mind seeing you every day. Gimme the forms.” He led me out to the lobby, I signed a few forms, and handed me a card.
“Now remember next time, locker rooms are over there,” he smirked. “Here, this is free with your sign up.”
He threw a tank top over to me. Good thing too, I think I forgot mine at home. It fit snugly over my huge chest. It made my arms look huge too. Just a shame I sweat so much after a workout, I already had some pit stains going. Shit, I was rank.
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“Thanks bro, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I strolled out the door into the cold winter air. I flexed, feeling the breeze wick some of my sweat away.
“Hey, excuse me?” Some dork walked up to me, looking desperate. I felt like I knew him from somewhere, though I couldn’t place it. “Would you happen to be able to help me? I have been going around in circles and can’t seem to find my way. I have an exam in just a few hours.”
“Nah, sorry man. I’m not quite sure I’m able to help. Never been good with directions huhu,” that’s when it clicked, “Hey, you’re in my bio class aren’t you? Ah shit, is that exam today?!? Fuck, I’m never gonna pass that crap.”
He looked a little flabbergasted, but made some excuses and was about to move on when I grabbed him. I felt something pass between us, as his gaze fell onto me, unblinking, “You should check in the gym bro, I know they can help you out.” I pulled away and the moment passed. I reached into my pocket and pulled out two receipts. The first was my receipt for my day pass. I scribbled down my contact info, and handed it off to the nerd. “Here, if you want to talk about lifting with me and my buds later you should give me a call. Looking a little scrawny bruh.”
He took the receipt before wandering towards the gym entrance. I then looked at the second paper I pulled out. Oh yeah, it was that hot gym bro from earlier. Yeah, I could meet up with him for sure. His name at the top rang a faint bell. For a split second, I remembered a friend I would sit next to in class. Smart, nerdy, nothing like the man I had met on the sidewalk earlier... But just then I felt my brain pounding, and I couldn’t focus on… whatever it was I was thinking about. Oh, right. Hot jock. Yeahhh, I’m gonna go see if he wants these rank pits shoved in his face while I ride his cock.
————
Maybe not what you had in mind, but I hope you enjoy anyways ❤️
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velvetcrimsonkisses · 1 month
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JJK Men General Relationship Headcanons
Note: my first writing hope yall like it... feel free to leave requests
WC: 1.1k
CW: None just fluff
Neutral!reader x gojo, geto, nanami, toji, choso
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GOJO SATORU
Bro is a menace. Will make you question why you are dating him everyday. He just likes making you mad yk those types of guys that flirt with you by being mean to you. HE'S ONE OF THEM
Spoils tf out of you. I feel like he would give you gifts and he definitely makes a big deal about it. He loves LOUD
Definitely the type to make you wear a G-letter necklace and you can NEVER take it off. I’m crying 
 His love language is physical touch. No arguing. He NEEDS to be touching you 24/7. Hugs from behind are his favorite omg and with him so tall and all. My ass is 5’9 and he’s 6’4 just ughhhhhh 
Random thought but I feel like he's a nail biter. Yeah he acts cool and all but, that's how that mf relieves his anxiety. He be munchin fr. So if yall bite your nails too (i do) you can bond with that 
GETO SUGURU
Ah Geto! I feel like he's the type of guy that is quiet around everyone else besides you. He opens up to you and tells you everything when he gets comfortable.
He also spoils you but it’s more quiet in a way. Yk how people say private but not a secret. That’s yalls relationship. 
He loves loves loves calling I feel. He will always facetime or call. When he's playing videos or smth yall are on the phone. 
Love Language is definitely acts of service. He cooks and cleans, Definitely has GREAT hygiene. He just always smells so yummy. 
Random thought but, he definitely always wears a hair tie on his wrist. For you or for him but mostly for you. Also weirdly he also always has chapstick. Pookie don’t have not one crack in them luscious lips. The flavor imma has to say good old strawberry. 
NANAMI KENTO 
WHEN I TELL YOU I CREAMED MY PANTIES the day I saw a tiktok where it said he was 200lbs. IMAGINE that hunk of a man smothering you in kisses and cuddles. OMG I love this man. 
He’s like Geto. He loves you quietly. But he's the type of man that would date to marry. You bet your ass he's gonna marry you. I wanna marry him. Everyone wants to marry him. 
He loves coming home from work just to be with you. You are his peace. I feel like he’d like bag rubs and he’d like giving you sum too yk. You feel me. 
Love language is definitely quality time. Imagine baking bread with him. OMG i love baking guys i’d bake him anything. But yeah cute little date yall can have. So cute so domestic. 
Random thought but I feel like he’d ask for you to iron his clothes yk since he always wears a suit. Like he could def do it himself but he just likes watching you do it. He def has that “in love” stare while watching you. NANAMI 
TOJI FUSHIGURO
DADDY
I feel like out of all the guys for him he would take the longest to fall in love with you or actually realize that he has feelings for you but, once he realizes he's WHIPPED 
He’d do anything.. Tell him to go to the store no questions asked. You don’t feel like cooking. He’ll try his be… yall are ordering food. Need a foot rub, he's right there on the couch with you watching whatever show YOU like rubbing your feet. 
I'm sorry but I have them daddy issues. Like if yall argue or smth and he makes you cry or makes you upset, he doesn’t mean too. He'd feel so bad and he’d be the BEST comforter (is that a word?). Like he just holds you and stuff and apologizes. 
Love language… This a tough one. Imma go with words of affirmation. I feel like he takes pride in being told he's doing smth good yk. Hes just trying his best to not fuck up another relationship yk so please tell that poor baby he’s doing good. 
Random thought but let's say in my little world of fanfiction he never left Megumi. It'd be important to him that Megumi likes the woman he’s with yk. Let that motherly instinct kick in. 
CHOSO KAMO
THE LITERAL LOML. 
YOU have to teach him how to be in a relationship. He won’t know nun. Like yes he knows women and men like each other, they get married and shit, and have babies. But he doesn’t know how to yk romance you ig. BUT YOU BEST BELIEVE HE WILL TRY THE HARDEST
He will def be the type to ask around and read up on it. Bringing you flowers and chocolate yk little gifts here and there. Always telling you he loves you and DATES so many dates. He wants everyone to know yall are together. HE IS YOURS. He’d def be the type to ask, “can i be your bf?” instead of “be my gf” yk. Yall know what i'm talkin bout.
Not that this man has anything to be insecure about but, I feel like once he is out in the public and stuff he notices that no one has any marks like his over his nose. He’d just feel a little uncomfortable but don’t let him. KISS HIS MARK PLEASEEEEE. God he blush so much and that embarrassment about it will fade completely. SO CUTE i just wanna nibble him. 
Love language.. I could literally write a 5 page essay with works cited on how he could be all 5 but, well go with physical touch rn. The first time yall kissed, he could’ve sworn he was in heaven. He def pulled away with his eyes still closed savoring the moment. He literally is always kissing you and hugging you. He's so clingy in a good way. Always holds your hand in public. DO NOT SPLIT THE POLE. He would be on the verge of tears (I'm being dramatic). 
Random thought but he’d def be the type of guy who would be like “let me ask my gf.” He knows he doesn’t need your permission to do stuff but he just likes telling you and letting you know. He so ugh…i just want him in my pocket is that too much to ask. 
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yonpote · 3 months
Text
ok heres how i split up the dnp eras (loosely based on dan's timeline in his interview w anthony)
2009-2011: the Sillies era :3 dan refered to it as being a dumb teen just posting cuz he was bored, which is like, thats what all of youtube culture was at this time. they met and like fell in love or whatever you know the lore dont you. phil moved from his parents home to his first apartment in manchester, and dan technically moved to uni but really he moved into phil's apartment to take advantage of his washing machine and ps1 and. yknow. other stuff. they officially moved in together in 2011 yippee hooray, the phanchester apartment holds a special place in my heart
2012-2013: THE SHIFT. they started getting Serious about youtube as a career, doing more stuff w the radio, superamazingproject started in 2011 but THE SHIFT is very easy to observe when you compare the first season of sap to the last season. ALSO. they were NOT A DOUBLE ACT AND NOT GAY 🙄. it could also be called the No Homo era lmao idk this is when a lot of shitty things were happening wrt leaked information, harassment of their families, and just generally becoming more in the spotlight especially while still in the closet being a horrible experience. but also, they moved to london and got cool opportunities with radio stuff and were starting to actually make a living on this shit.
2014-2016: Peak Dan And Phil™ Era. at the height of their popularity. they realized oh shit, we ARE a double act and not only does everyone enjoy us best as a double act, WE enjoy working together. tabinof, tatinof, dapgo, still doing the radio every month up until they start touring, 7 second challenge app, gamingmas, what the hell DIDNT they do during this time period (what they didnt do was uhh take care of themselves and not overwork and not blur their work and personal lives so much to the point where they felt like the whole apartment was a film set.)
2017-2018: Gay Softlaunch Era (aka post-baking aka glass closet) the baby steps toward authenticity, moved to the double apartment to separate work and life, ii's whole theme, dan talking abt depression, phil getting the quiff, both of them being gay as hell in every way other than saying it explicitly. important things of note: TRUTH BOMBS dropped, Interactive Introverts happened, still uploading gaming vids and honestly by the end you could feel their fatigue. and then they hiatused dapg.
2019-2022: ok these four years each feel like whole eras in themselves, but also theres an overarching theme. THE GAY ERA.
2019: im gonna futher split this year in half. first half- dad left to buy milk so other dad is taking care of us. rough six months for dannies im sure. important phil thing of note- he changed his film set from his "bedroom" to a fairly basic but cute shelf backdrop. honestly prob didnt wanna keep pretending that was his bedroom considering.... second half- DAN AND PHIL GAY. dan uploads his magnum opus. phil comes out via tweet. they go to japan and its really gay and it's The Trip to japan for them like yes they first went in 2015 and again in 2023, but Japhan 2.0 Was The One. what does this mean? proposal? anniversary? idk exactly but it was gay as hell dude and theyve talked about that trip with such love in their hearts.
2020: Phandemic (sorry that was bad) but also where tf is dan again? even with the big C-word happening, it was business as usual for phil, regular vids but make em gayer, caught a pigeon nbd, and end of the year introduces the Stereo app show Phil and Phriends where he's had chats with pj, louise, his brother, seth everman?????, and finally. dan reappears. they reveal that they bought and FULLY PLANNED a house together and are ready to move!
2021: they don't move house for another like six months! basically their house was (and is??) still being worked on AND they were in lockdown AND turns out at the end of last year, they were kicked from their Life apartment and were now living in the Work apartment so you can imagine what all of this can do to their psyche and lowkey they were getting sick of each other like it wasnt just bordering on phivorce it was nearly Phurder. Phidow. but to fill the time so that DOESNT happen, my favorite fucking thing ever happens: Lockdown Lads (and all the other names). the first taste of what a dnp podcast would sound like, with the added bonus of chaotic listener interaction. oh yeah also dan wrote a mental health guide book whatever (IM KIDDING I REALLY LIKE YWGTTN I WROTE LIKE TWO REVIEWS ON IT NOW) and they finally become Homosexual Homeowners. theres quite a bit more dnp content this year, dan being on phils channel a bit more, the phodcasts, dan's gay and not proud special.... oh yeah and hometown showdown i guess AND TEXT VIDEO 2!!! my favorite and my namesake!!!!!!!
2022: Prophecy Year..... but they didnt get married. dan returns with another longass video to say: hey i hate being a youtuber and also youtube majorly fucked me over. but also fuck that im gonna do a weird talk show and ALSO GO ON TOUR WITH THIS APOCALYPSE THEME! phil actually... slows down this year. more dan uploads than phil somehow??? but also Dan Is Leaving me is posted and i go completely insane and become the deranged individual you see today. WHICH FINALLY LEADS US TOOOOOO
2023-present: The Unhinged Era. dan's tour was a huge Emotional success for him but uh not without its hiccups due to management and all that and i think he and phil finally realize. Fuck It Who Cares. dan flies back to england FROM AUSTRALIA to make sure he can be with his future ex-husband on his birthday. CAKE HEART EMOJI. YELLOW PLAID SHACKET. they go on a gamer date and post a picture of playing footsies in a cab. THE PHUDE HAPPENS. they go to japan again and while this one will never be The One it was still a well earned holiday this time with bryony! and they took a bunch of very cute film camera pictures.... THIS IS ALL JUST THE FIRST HALF OF 2023 BTW. in phil news, he talks about going to therapy and figuring out how to manage his anxiety!!!! he changes his hair again!! he hires an editor, phan is his otp, he teases about the gaming channel a couple of times but so many of us already dropped any hope of that returning- OH WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!!!? HUH!??!? they returned, and more chaotic than ever before. the gayness upped to the max, the Weirdness on full speed, the Horniness at Very Scary Levels Oh God Stop Talking About Dogging, phil can swear uncensored now???? and this energy has continued into today...
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fairuzfan · 15 days
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lol @ that israeli academic talking about how “newer academics will prosper if this boycott continues?” like if you care so much, maybe don’t be a zionist academic? maybe be outspoken? why would anyone boycott an outspoken anti-zionist academic who is doing right by the marginalised by using their voices to speak up for the truth?
you don’t see people like nurit peled-elhanan, miko peled, yoav litvin, ilan pappe, avi schlaim, etc wail about a zionist academic boycott 🤷‍♀️ first world problems istg. people are dying, academic institutions have been destroyed, respected academic and poets have been specifically threatened, targeted, and killed. who tf cares about your career built on fallacies, racial supremacy, historical revisionism, and settler-colonial justification? even you shouldn’t care. the fact that you’re saying stuff like this shows you’re part of the problem.
Ilan pappe regularly talks about how he was run out of Israel for literally just publishing the truth about the Nakba and none of his fellow Israeli academics stood up for him. He says his picture was put on TV and they encouraged violence against him and his family.
Israeli academics are literally the most complicit in all of this. They obfuscate and they make up facts about Israeli history to the point where the truth is a threat to them. So i have a special disdain for Israeli academics and people who go to Israel to study unless with the explicit purpose of going into Israeli state archives to expose their government records of ethnic cleansing against Palestinians. Otherwise, no, I don't trust you or any sort of resource that comes from Israeli academia (which is overwhelmingly liberal zionist).
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thesunisatangerine · 7 months
Text
prometeme (promise me)
alexia putellas x streamer!reader
warning/s: nothing, just fluff
a/n in the tags
*first emoji set: grinning face with big eyes and a thumbs up
*second emoji: a thumbs up
You put the controller down, hands shaking, letting out a victorious sigh of relief. 
“Woah, that boss was something else. Jeez, I’m literally shaking, guys. I can’t believe I survived that last hit!” You chuckled, still a little breathless from the adrenaline pumping through you as you looked at the camera. “We nearly died but we pulled through! I’m just going to take a small break ‘cause that was intense!”
You stretched your arms before you grabbed your tumbler of water next to you, allowing your eyes to flit over the windows on your three monitors, ensuring that everything functioned properly for the stream. 
Then as you sipped your water, you spied a rather big influx of comments on one of your chats from the corner of your eyes. It was your Instagram chat that seemed to be in danger of exploding–that fact in and of itself was weird because most of your audience were on Twitch and YouTube. So you frowned, squinting your eyes slightly to see what was happening.
‘why is alexia putellas here?’
‘So…. are we not going to talk about how Alexia Putellas is watching this?’
‘omgggg HI ALEXIAAaA!!!’
‘wait alexia who??’
‘ALEXIA?!!1?!?’
‘FORÇA BARÇA!!!!!!!!’
‘yoooo alexia is here?!?’
‘yall who tf is this alexia???’
Your eyes nearly bugged out of your sockets and you just as nearly spat out the water in your mouth. And sure enough when you scrolled up as subtly as you could, there it was: alexiaputellas joined. What the fuck is she doing?! And as if it wasn’t already bad enough, you saw her comment. 
alexiaputellas: nice 😃👍*
That did nothing but add fuel to the fire because more comments started flooding in, most of them freaked out and confused.
‘guys she just commented!!!!’
‘eyooo look at your chat alexia wants to talk to you!!1!’
‘do you two know each other??’
‘HI ALEXIA!!
‘can somne pls tell me who alexia issss’
‘alexia aren’t you supposed to be training why are you here lol
‘this is so random wtffff’
‘ikr i didnt even know she likes stuff likes this’
And then you spotted the question you dreaded to see: 
‘wait, are you guys dating??!!?!?’ 
Oh, you were so going to kill her for this. But first, you needed to find a way to calm this situation down without arousing further suspicion because if you ignored it, it would definitely just come back to bite the both of you. 
Most of your followers knew that you liked football. You’d mentioned on a number of occasions that Alexia was one of your favorite players so you knew you couldn’t act too dumb but you couldn’t act too familiar, either. You needed to act just excited enough to know that one of your favorite footballers was watching you but not overtly so that it would look unconvincing. Yet still, that wouldn’t answer the question of why Alexia Putellas would be watching a videogame livestream especially when said livestreamer wasn’t someone she followed. Not to mention that the time at where Alexia was supposed to be was–you looked at the clock widget on your monitor that displayed your time and Spain’s–was currently 3 am!
Alexia, you little shit.
Thankfully, you caught sight of a comment on your Twitch chat that gave you a good segue to start addressing this.
“‘Hey, look at your Insta chat,’” you read out before adding, “why? What are you guys up to on there?”
You made a show of moving your mouse. 
“Woah! Okay, why are y’all freaking out?” You squinted your eyes slightly, trying to seem like you were trying to figure out what was happening. Immediately, you were bombarded with responses telling you that Alexia was there.
“‘Alexia Putellas is watching’. Ha, very funny. There’s no way, y’all are just playing me.”
Then another good response popped up for what you said and you read it out loud. “‘She commented something.’ Where?”
You scrolled your mouse profusely, furrowing your brows for effect. Once you found it, you held your breath, widened your eyes slightly and covered your mouth with your hand.
“Holy sh–no, there’s no way… Uh–I don’t know what to–Hi, Alexia! And, thank you?” You put your face in your hands as you let out an embarrassed sound–half-real and partly an act. It wasn’t difficult to imitate a fan when you were one yourself and just because you were dating Alexia that didn’t stop you from fanning over her when she’s on the pitch. 
The chat seemed to calm down and you were thankful that that little play worked. 
Then you added, addressing the chat but you hoped that Alexia would get the clue to not do anything else or better, to leave the live. “This is so weird! I don’t know why she’s on here but Alexia, I hope you enjoy the show!”
To your mortification, Alexia replied in the chat again.
alexiaputellas: don’t worry, i will 👍*
Groaning internally, you watched as the chat exploded again. What did you expect really? You had to admit you played yourself there, you should had known that Alexia would do that. You tried to do damage control but at this point, you just hoped that your followers wouldn’t look into this too much. You made a mental note to talk to Alexia about her not joining any of your streams with her official account. 
“Okay, so I guess we should get this show back on the road, huh?” With that, you picked up the controller and started again. You had about an hour of streaming left and you started counting down the seconds. You only hoped Alexia wouldn’t try anything again.
———
“Thank you to everyone who tuned in tonight! I enjoyed it very much and I hope you did, too! Have a good night–or a good day depending on what time you’re watching this–and I’ll see you guys again in the next stream!”
You waved and directed one last smile at the camera before you disconnected the stream from all your platforms. Then you spent some time tidying up some loose ends before finally shutting everything down. You stretched as you got out of the chair, opened the door of your stream room, and made your way to the living room.
“Did you have fun?” You asked drily, throwing Alexia a dirty look as you crossed your arms and leaned against the doorframe of the living room. Alexia laid comfortably down on the couch, a matching pair of grey sweats and shirt on, feet propped up on one end and one arm under her head on the other. She placed her phone down on the coffee table when she heard your voice, looking at you with an innocent look though the cheeky quirk at the corner of her lips said anything but.
“Well, since you asked, I did.” She added, grinning, “you looked so cute flustered like that.”
“You’re unbelievable!” You grumbled as you threw your hands up in exasperation but there was no sting to it. And what did you get in response? The sound of cheerful laughter. It was contagious and the mask on your face cracked, making way for a smile that left your cheeks hurting from how wide it was.
You walked towards the couch and Alexia scooched over, making space for you as she held her hand out the moment you got close enough. 
“Come here. I missed you.” Alexia said in a soft voice, her hazel eyes just as gentle in the low light. She pulled you down so you’d lay against her side, your head on her chest and you sighed contentedly, immediately melting in her tender warmth, her arms strong and steady wrapped around your waist. 
“It’s ony been three hours.”
“That was three hours worth of not having you next to me.” She kissed the top of your head as she muttered the words and you felt your chest ache as if your heart wanted to burst out to reach for hers. Being this close to her, it was the best place in the world. 
You hummed in response, nuzzling your nose against the column of her neck and breathed her in. “You’re such a sweet-talker.”
“Not if it’s true, my love.” Alexia countered without a second thought. Your cheeks and ears warmed and you hid your face in the crook of her neck.
“Alexia, stop!” 
You felt the vibration of her laughter against your cheek. “What? I’m not doing anything!”
“Yes, you are. You’re doing everything right that sometimes it scares me,” you admitted in a whisper. Alexia brought a hand over your cheek and brushed the skin there with her thumb in a soothing manner.
“Who’s the sweet-talker now?” Alexia said teasingly.
“God, you’re so annoying. I don’t know why I love you.”
At that, she laughed again. “You like it when I’m like this. And I love you, too.”
A moment of comfortable silence filled what little space between you. You listened to the steady rhythm of Alexia’s heartbeat beneath your ear as she played with your hair. 
Then you spoke, “just promise me one thing, darling?"
“What?” Alexia hummed.
“Warn me before you do that again.”
She turned to catch your gaze, brilliant mischief twinkled in those hazel eyes, her dimples showed as she said, “that I can’t do.”
“Alexia!”
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