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im-an-aesthetic-mess · 2 years

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EMAIL BOOK CLUBS MASTERLIST !!!

alright, there are a lot of email book clubs now, so here's ALL of them, in one convenient list

NOTE: IF YOU FIND MORE PLEASE SEND !!! put them in the notes, my ask box, dm them to me, just notify me in SOME way and i will edit this base post so they all remain in one place

without further ado:

Dracula Daily - dracula, the one that started it all || real time

may 3, 2022 - november 10, 2022

Whale Weekly - moby dick || real time

starting december 2022, continuing for 3 years

Frankenstein Weekly - frankenstein || wednesdays and sundays

begins february 1, 2023

Letters from Watson - sherlock holmes

begins january 1, 2023

What Manner of Man - a new original work by st john starling (its gay vampires click the link)

begins january 2023

Edgar Allen Poe Daily - the works of edgar allen poe || weekdays where dracula daily does not post

began may 13, 2022

The Penny Dreadful - penny dreadful

begins TBA

Ovid Daily - the works of p. ovidius naso (note: these are in latin but they contain a translation)

dates depend on the in-progress work (from what i can tell)

Werther Rewritten - the sorrows of young werther, slightly modernized || real time

may 4, 2022 - christmas 2023

The Sorrows Of Young Werther - the original of the above || you pick the dates

from what i can tell, it begins when you subscribe and you pick the frequency of emails

Carmilla Quarterly - carmilla, just click the link its lesbian vampires

begins TBA

Literary Letters - lesser known public domain works

begins november 12, 2022

Pride and Prejudice Weekly - working title, im doing pride and prejudice now || mondays and fridays

march 10, 2023 - october 6, 2023

The Woman In White Weekly - the woman in white || sundays

begins july 31, 2022

Musketeers Daily - the three musketeers

begins march 14, 2023

LOTR Newsletter - lord of the rings || real time (i think)

september 15, 2022 - march 2023

Rizal Weekly - jose rizal's works (these are in filipino, i don't see a full translation but please correct me if im wrong)

began may 26, 2022

Divine Comedy Weekly - dante's divine comedy || begins on good friday, then updates tuesdays and thursdays

april 7, 2023 - march 5, 2024

Austen Weekly - jane austen's works

find more info on the posting schedule here

The Case Files Of Sheridan Bell - new original fantasy detective novels from em rowene

begins may 29, 2022

Big Dalloway Energy - mrs. dalloway by virginia woolfe || commentary encouraged

begins june 1, 2022

Nightly Knights - excerpts from arthurian texts

posted at random

Samuel Pepys's Diary - daily entries from samuel pepys's diary

the site posts a new entry at the end of each day

Dangerous Liaisons Daily - dangerous liaisons || real time

august 3rd, 2022 - january 14, 2023

Les Chroniques de Choderlos - dangerous liaisons, but in the original french || real time

august 3rd, 2022 - january 14, 2023

Wilde Weekly - oscar wilde's works

begins june 12, 2022

Logbooks of the HE-631-CORDELIA - a new original sci-fi series about a pilot and her robot by loreley

begins july 21, 2022

Les Mis Letters - les misérables || daily

january 1, 2023 - december 31, 2023

The Worst Journey in the World - r.f. scott's diaries + supplemental readings from cherry-garrard’s the worst journey in the world and others’ diaries

intro began july 12, 2022. diary entries begin november 25, 2022, and end in march, 2024

Daily Kafka - franz kafka's letters

began august 31, 2022

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noyoucannotpushthevoid · 4 months

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Raven Cycle Characters as Quotes, Again >:))

“He could’ve broken into a home and made an omelet” - Adam covering for Ronan to Gansey “The fish say …” - Noah, high “Hello, my name is [Adam Parrish]. You gave me a bad childhood. Prepare to die” “The only thing worse than a warlock is half a warlock” - Maura mayhaps “[I’m v]ertically superior” - Ronan to Blue “Sunburnt Trump make up face” - Blue, in her element, roasting someone at a Gansey family party “How are you lubricating the sponge?” - Afterwards Blue had to beg Gansey to never say it that way again “Fulfill your piss lesbian destiny” - Henry, to who? I don’t know lol “Pot enemy? Isn’t that just the American government in the 1980s?” - Blue “Happy knife thursday!” - Opal “Did the Manson Family have to pay taxes?” - Gansey “You wanna bite the wall? I’m all for you attacking the wall” - Henry is an enabler “Flesh monsters aren’t personal” - but they are to Ronan “The gun comes with the main character status” - Blue “Wow, they’re really nuking it” - Blue on the phone with one of her boys (because 300 fox way definitely has the same problem as a house I once stayed in where everything glitches out if too many kitchen appliances are used) “Beggars can’t be choosers and you’re busking” - Henry at Gansey who is trying to convince Henry and Blue to stop somewhere on the road trip “We up freud-posting” - Gansey “You call out, ‘is it still dark?’ God doesn’t answer” - Ronan “Big banana energy” - Ronan, said by (my friends can have ONE dick joke as a treat) “Damn, who knew firefighting could be dangerous?” - Henry “Every operation has the brains and the little guy” - Adam and Ronan conspiring to fuck Greenmantle’s life over (Adam’s the brains, Ronan’s just the little guy in this situation) “We’re gonna hold hands in a cool way” - Gansey and Blue “This reminds me of the day I was born” - Noah “Hello, my non-binary twin” - Ronan to Blue after she shaves her head “I accidentally brought my normal pills” - Adam “You need to join the moths soon” - Jesse Diddley? “You thought you’d get princess carried. That’s not how we do it in the army” - Ronan “I’ll take boar saliva for one hundred” - Gansey “Tldr: you can piss off a worm” - Gansey

#the raven cycle #blue sargent #ronan lynch #gansey #adam parrish #henry cheng #noah czerny

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sagefurry · 2 months

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so me and two friends were deciding what monster hunter monsters would post on facebook

Rathalos: posts "I hate my wife" memes everyday and tries to recapture his lost glory, because he still thinks he runs the architectural company he made with his wife and is very self-centered about the fact he's still technically the face of the company, even though he chose to not go on with the times when his wife did, leading to him not helping the company at all nowadays and everyone just tolerating him so they can enjoy his wife's presence (and her flips)

Rathian: posts about her architectural achievements and is the kind of person that posts live laugh love posts unironically. nobody really knows why she still tolerates Rathalos, but she really thinks she can fix him and that there's something beautiful inside him that if she just tries, she can get through to his good parts. thinks all the "I hate my wife" memes are just jokes. really fun at parties

Zinogre: posts about going to the gym and pictures of him flexing everyday, is super into cars because he can power his electric cars by himself. he's also very big into entomology. will go on rants about the "cars" movies if you let him because he hates how unrealistic it is

Gammoth: doesn't post anything on her own facebook page and doesn't check what any of her friends are doing on it but but runs the lesbian monster community page

Tigrex: posts conservative far-right propaganda and the wildest conspiracy theories youve ever heard, and is also every type of -phobe you can think of. posts pictures of him that have sunglasses and really big jeeps badly photoshopped onto them

Mizutsune: posts almost exclusively about anything gay pride related and uses his page as a curated gay art gallery. dunks on tigrex's posts whenever he can. takes pictures of himself while hes taking a bubble bath and reposts bath bomb videos.

Glavenus: was an edgelord sword-lover when he was a kid and posted about swords and skulls and motorcycles n shit. he took a break from social media in his teens to become an apprentice blacksmith. now middle-aged and is an accomplished blacksmith that posts about his craft whenever he can. still also posts about swords a lot.

Astalos: uses his personal facebook page for curating like a music gallery for music he likes, of any genre. hes a beginner guitar player that posts himself playing a lot. hes not very good but hes trying goddammit. also runs a music sharing community page.

Seregios: uses his page exclusively to provoke people and to post inflammatory stuff. especially likes getting a rise out of rathalos and tigrex, and also astalos because all you have to say to astalos to get him angry is tell him his taste in music sucks

Yian Garuga: self-proclaimed "metrosexual". posts dick pics and gym selfies of himself that no one wants to see except nargacuga. gasses up nargacuga's posts and sees it like a "bro thing" when he does it. he's very confused sexually and everyone knows that except him

Nargacuga: the resident gamer. posts videos of him playing video games extremely well and also posts pictures of himself in thigh highs and has a very e-girl kinda energy. very openly flirts with yian garuga under his posts but yian garuga doesnt get it

The Greats and the Dromes: all of them exclusively post in an nsfw community where all they do is share nsfw around. they use facebook for nothing else

Zamtrios: is a very successful mukbang and asmr creator. at the end of every mukbang hes inflated and he uses his inflated state to make asmr videos with the sounds coming from it. this was very weird to type out

Deviljho: dentist that reposts his tiktoks about dental health on his facebook page. his videos give out a very sinister and uncomfortable vibe even though he just sincerely wants to help people with their dental health. he also wants their teeth but he tries to fight that urge

Diablos: ex-trucker with anger issues that has a very thick southern american accent and got fired after wasting millions of dollars in company assets and causing one of the worst pile-ups in history. posts mainly about trucks, guns, and pretending he still has a job. surprisingly not as right-wing as you might think. probably has a grindr

Gold Rathian and Silver Rathalos: its them after couples therapy. they run their architectural facebook page together now after rathalos got over his inferiority complex. youd think him being silver and her being gold wouldve made his inferiority complex worse but the story about it is that he chose silver so rathian could get gold and thats his way of saying he wants his wife to be in the spotlight willingly this time

Ahtal-Ka: shes just a very sweet tailor that posts about her sewing and knitting projects to her facebook page and posts tutorials for stuff. big fan of kaiju movies and also bionicles, and she posts about her custom bionicles a lot too

Lagiacrus: has a huge catalog of fish she's fished up and streams herself fishing every day. has multiple world records in fishing achievements

Teostra, Amatsu, and Bazelgeuse: all of them use their facebook pages for furthering their political agendas for becoming president. teostra is far-right, amatsu is like centrist left, and bazelgeuse is the communist party

Seltas and Seltas Queen: seltas queen is a dommy mommy that posts bdsm videos with like 30 different seltas on a regular basis. the seltas dont actually do anything related to the account but they get paid to be there so theyre technically part of it

Valstrax: facebook comedian. has incredible comedic timing. is Jerma985 (bullfango-kelbi hybrid mix)

Nakarkos: really fucking old dude that talks about war history too much and posts videos of like american wars talking about how "kids nowadays with their darn phones that arent dying for our country"

Brachydios: owner of a very prolific demolition company who films buildings going down for clout on facebook. pays his employees surprisingly well. definitely got into legal trouble for demolishing non-condemned buildings before

Chameleos: runs one of those life hack content farms that post incredibly unhelpful, possibly untrue, sometimes dangerous life hacks for clout. no one actually knows he runs the account though. he definitely does it just because he thinks its funny

Nerscylla: really old lady that doesnt know how to use electronics and types her google searches into facebook and reposts videos of plants while saying something like "These are so wonderful!" to everything she sees that she likes

Shagaru Magala: christian parent thats a megachurch pastor and a televangelist. posts nothing but bible verses on her account and tells you that youre going to hell every single day of their life. gave her kid religious trauma

Gore Magala: depressed zoomer that listens to hyperpop and breakcore and lives off of monster energy and weed. got fucked up from shagaru constantly telling them that if they dont grow up right theyre gonna end up a chaotic gore and that has stuck with them for the rest of their life. just posts a lot of self-deprecating humor and vaguely worrying memes.

Kushala Daora: oppenheimer/amatsu's biggest fan. self proclaimed "centrist political analyst" that just so happens to agree with like every dictator and warmonger in history. will go out of their way to argue under the posts of like anyone thats left-leaning. loves seeing other people in pain.

Malfestio: blue-collar office worker that has no dreams in its life. posts like hypnosis videos on facebook that like are actually super popular but he doesnt feel like he can make a living off of it so he hasn't even tried yet

Duramboros: the activist. goes out and protests like every good cause out there. posts about charities and parades that are going on around. grows vegetables on its back to feed homeless people

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notstilinski · 9 months

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One Last Stop Starters !

Taken from the 2021 novel by Casey McQuinston, One Last Stop Some of these have already been edited. You can change them however you see fit!

“(Name), stop telling people about frog ghosts.”

“They’re on (Name)‘s sleep schedule, though. So, a ghost in the night.”

“It gave us nine great years. And carpet can hide a multitude of sins.”

“If they’re gonna kill you, get their DNA under your fingernails.”

“That little twink contains multitudes.”

“They love me as much as they love anyone else.”

“You like jokes. I don’t.”

“Do you realize you just say words in any random order like they’re supposed to mean something?”

“I can’t decide if I’m impressed or horrified?”

“Definitely brought me back from the dead more than once, so, thank you.”

“Really out here smashing pussy, (Name).”

“We get about a hundred hot lesbians through here a week. You’ll find another one.”

“Sorry, like, it’s your life and all, but do you not hear how badass that sounds?”

“That sucks. I’m your mom now. The rules are, no Tarantino movies and bedtime is never.”

“You’re a bullshitter.”

“Because you have, like, the energy of someone who knows things.”

“A frontal lobotomy to forget the night I had?”

“Never thought I’d see a vampire I didn’t want to fuck.”

“We’ve kissed, like, three times, but they have that thing where they’re terrified of being loved and refuses to believe they’ve deserved it. It’s so tedious.”

“Does it ever, like… I don’t know. Make you lonely? To love somebody who can’t meet you there?”

“I hadn’t pegged you for a scammer.”

“I’m mysterious by nature, (Name).”

“Jesus. What did ya’ll do this time?”

“Hey, what’s up with you? Who hurt your feelings?”

“Who do we have to frame for murder?”

“A gift from (Name)? What god have I pleased?”

“Oh, I’m loving this already. What kind of creatures?”

“Cute. Maybe a poltergeist. A cute poltergeist. Can I meet them?”

“So, you’ve gathered us here to tell us you’re boned up for a ghost.”

“What? Pick the lock? What kind of feral child are you? Are you Jessica Jones?”

“You know, I thought you were a little spicy when I met you.”

“I swear to God, if a ghost kills me, I’ll haunt the shower.”

“Your friend is weird.”

“I told you, I think, I’m. Something’s wrong with me.”

“Honestly? The day I met you.”

“Yeah, guess I don’t have the whole magical soulmate bond you have with them.”

“(Name). Can we maybe not treat them like a creature of the week?”

“Like you’re their Pop-Tart angel. Like you shit sunshine. Like you invented love as a concept.”

“I think I should kiss you.”

“I’m repressing it! Let me repress it!”

“You’re so mean to me.”

“So many questions for someone who does not come to work.”

“Yeah, exactly. Forever. As in, it’s the only thing I know how to do.”

“I know logistically how to perform some tasks.“

“Go where? I’m trying to have a nervous breakdown here.”

“Can you turn that brain of yours off for a second and trust?”

“It makes me feel like I’m going to die!”

“You trusted me, right? Now trust yourself.”

“Big dick energy is gender neutral.”

“I mean, it’s as if you like to be emotionally tortured.”

“God, you are the most useless bisexual I’ve ever met in my entire goddam life.”

“I’d disappoint them. They don’t deserve to be disappointed.”

“Loving the sacrilege.”

“Wow, holy shit, you figured it out. You’re gonna win a Peabody Award for reporting.”

“As fun as it is to break your brain, no one at work knows. Tell them and I break your arm.”

“Is your family horny for Jesus too?”

“I’m not cute. I’m-I’m tough. Like a cactus.”

“Where does that disembodied voice keep coming from?”

“They’re always wearing the exact same thing. That’s ghost behavior if you ask me.”

“And I left them. That’s… Fuck. I forgot how that felt. I left them.”

“Yes, thank you. I invite you to eat a dick. Goodbye.”

“Maybe no good timing means there’s no bad timing either.”

“You’re a normal person. Under un-normal circumstances.”

“That’s new for you, huh? Being able to get drunk?”

“Is this a date? Am I on a date right now?”

“(Name). Any way you want to kiss me is the way I wanna be kissed, okay?”

“You’re like—like a fucking painting or something stupid like that, what the fuck. You just walk around like this all the time.”

“Sorry, was I skulking? Sometimes I skulk without realizing.”

“Okay, still, let me be a mom for a second.”

“(Name), we’re adults, just say you got your back blown out.”

“I guess criminal behavior isn’t as much of a turn-on for me.”

“Never go to a second location with someone unless you’ve checked their trunk for weapons first.”

“Let go of me. I deserve to be free.”

“They’re not gonna leave us if they get married, (Name).”

“How did this become a roast of me? (Name) is the one under the table.”

“I’m wearing a shirt and no pants. I’m Winnie the Pooh-ing it.”

“What do you mean? Why would they leave me something? I’m the shameful family secret.”

“No. I hit him. The lip is from when someone else pulled me off of him.”

“It’s like I died. I died, except I have to feel it. And on top of that, I have to feel everything else I’ve ever felt all over again. I have to get the bad news again every day, I have to deal with the choices I made, and I can’t fix it. I can’t even run from it. It’s miserable.”

“No, you didn’t. But you made me realize it. You made me remember. And maybe that’s worse.”

“Just because you can’t run doesn’t mean you can make me do it for you.”

“Uh-huh, and this wouldn’t have anything to do with the way you reflexively ice out anyone who even appears to have rejected or wronged you?”

“Oh, so they… they thought I just left without saying goodbye?”

“It’s not a heist. It’s… an elaborate, planned crime.”

“Okay…hmm… oh, I’ve made friends with a subway rat.”

“Judge all you want, but I’m the only one who will be spared in the inevitable Great Rat Uprising.”

“No, it’s cute! You’re such a nerd. It’s endearing!”

“What can I say? I’m the one that got away.”

“I have to say, I’m impressed. This is definitely the most organized crime I’ve ever been involved in.”

“Sometimes the point is to be sad, (Name). Sometimes you just have to feel it because it deserves to be felt.”

“For what it’s worth, you’ve never disappointed me once since I’ve met you.”

“Is there anything else you want, before tomorrow?”

“I just did it because I thought you were hot.”

“I was really lonely before I met you.”

“I like when you’re in crime boss mode.”

“They have to kill him. It’s the only way.”

“I can think later. Right now I just want to be here, okay?”

“I’m here. I’m not leaving.”

“You’re the most important person I’ve ever met. And I never should have met you at all.”

#rp meme #roleplay meme #sentence starters #sentence meme #starter sentences #ask prompts #ask meme #inbox memes #inbox prompts #novel sentence starters #my eyes are so tired from reading all day Jesus #gotta admit that it took me like 100 or so pages to get into this book & then i was in it for the long haul

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nasuversekinkmeme · 1 year

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Weekly roundups: prompts

Kara no Kyoukai

Ryougi Shiki but she's had Mystic Eyes of Death Perception from birth.

Alternatively, anything with Shiki Ryougi.

Azaka/[Ryougi] Shiki, comedy

Anything about Aozaki Touko (anything about Mahoyo Touko works too)

Anything with Fujino

Tsukihime

Incest tw: Kohaku/Hisui kissing

Unethical Ciel/Hisui

Kohaku drugging Akiha

Cozy pregnancy stuff with Ciel and/or Arcueid

unethical Akiha/Kohaku/Hisui. Something along the vague lines of "Hisui reducing the collateral damage of Kohaku's plan by having it focus on/drug/ensnare Akiha specifically".

Akiha petplay

Ciel/Akiha consensual blood drinking

Cannibalism tw: Arcueid eating Ciel's organs lesbianly

Shiki Tohno being fucked in the ass

Fate/Stay Night

Anything Sakura/Saber

Incest tw: SakuRin in a world where they were never separated

Shirou/rin fluff

Incest tw: SaberMorgan, pining

Illya being kissed

Sakura/Illya

Illya doing some killing

Saber and Illya having solidarity about their stunted growths

Saber/Caster on a date

SakuRider with the same energy that the Saber/Caster scene had

Shirou just discovered that every woman he knows is a lesbian

Saber with facial hair as lustrous and sexy as my icon.

Medusa/Saber

saber and rider should make out and fight to break the other's composure

Caster being a trans ally to Shirou

Rin/Saber/Shirou, Saber as middle spoon/shared goods?

Fate/Hollow Ataraxia

Kirei/Bazett smut

bazett/saber fucking nasty. we love repressed women and the dam holding their desires back breaking

kirei/claudia smut

Fate/Extra

Hakuno/Rin angst

Fate/Apocrypha

Sieg dragon sex

Cute gay fluff with Atalante

Siegfried + Sex Pollen

Karna fucking a dude that is not Arjuna

Transmasc or enbie Mordred(and if you are goin the smut route give him the dick that he deserves.)

Fate/Grand Order

one bed meme with gudako and every alter servant

Barghest/Atalanta/Queen of Sheba/Nightingale

Barghest cooking for Sheba, Atalanta, and Nightingale. Feeding kink is cool with this but not essential

Anne Bonny x Mary Read, something character-driven

Barghest having a fun time. Any type of fun you want, just give that gal something nice

Goredolf getting his dick sucked

Mash/Morgan

Arjuna bottoming for another guy who is not Karna

Charlotte/Ritsuka post-atlantis

All the kings of Chaldea reunite themselves over wich of them is the greatest of them all, over a week long discussion it was decided that the metric to decide who is the best will be a giant orgy, the last one standing being the winner

Anything with Asterios

Nobunaga x Ranmaru, futa mind break

Fujino striking up an unlikely friendship with someone in Chaldea

while at Chaldea, Artoria learns what trans people are and has a reaction that may or may not involve Mordred

Mash and Guda (Whichever gender) double teaming Barghest.

Maou Nobu divides herself between her three personalities and goes full offensive against Okita, both romantically and sexually

El-Melloi's case Files

Age gap tw: Gray having a crush on Waver. Preferably unrequited.

Mahou Tsukai no Hako

something fluffy involving Hibiki and Chikagi

Crossovers

Servants meeting their alternate selves (EMIYA and Muramasa, Sitonai and Prisma Illya, or anything else you can think of!)

Shirou/Mordred NTR (in a "Mordred stealing his dad's bf" kinda way.)

Nasu once said that Taiga Fujimaru's swordplay skills are on the same level as Ryogi Shiki, should they ever meet. I kinda wanna see how that sparring session would go, y'know?

Any fandom, any character

Body horror

a character of your choice coming to terms with being queer (whatever shade of queer you choose it to be.) Would rather if they could be a bit in denial at least at first, rather than just a straightforward "oh ok i'm queer no big deal" story.

kink discovery! A character of your choice discovers they have an unusual kink.

Selfcest

#weekly roundup

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nosolaceofastraightanswer · 10 months

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happy pride month!!!! anyway tua pride headcanons cus i want to lol :P *note- i do not identity with all of these labels. i cannot give you a personal experience or defense for these. if i include any harmful stereotypes, lmk. it’s pride month and queer people are valid*

quick overview, analysis below the readmore

luther- he/him cishet

diego- he/him cis and bicurious

allison- she/her cishet

klaus- he/she (they sometimes) genderqueer/enby, pansexual

five- they/he gay and ace. agender.

ben- he/him cishet

viktor- he/they transmasc lesbian

for some i used the canonical pronouns as to not confuse before i get the explanation. <33333

luther- to me he’s like a cishet guy honestly. i still love the pride hc’s other people have, bc most of the time they’re really good. i just prefer this reading, espec. with sloane (QUEEN!!!!). i also don’t like the s1 era fics where everyone hated luther (almost entirely unjustified) so they would make him be a dick to klaus and stuff. like did he drink reggie’s kool aid? yes. but is he homophobic? no. i think a better example in a canonical kid fic of him saying mean things to klaus for plot would be like,, making fun of him for being a druggie or lazy, because that’s stuff that reginald would actually encourage him to say. rant over lmao that just has always bothered me.

diego- honestly this one is back and forth for me, between bisexual and straight. like him and lila being bi4bi is just too fucking amazing, but he does give off straight guy energy sometimes so i’ll put it at a bi-curious. he’s def an ally though, and i can imagine he would do his best to get over his fear of needles to help v with his t shots, or defend klaus from homophobic assholes. although i personally hc him as cis, the transmasc diego people have their fucking shit together because that HITS DIFFERENT. i think done right, it adds so much to his character in AU’s and stuff and it’s just rly cute!! but bisexual diego is a very fanon thing that i like to see.

allison- i think probably straight and cis once again. she seems very comfy and happy in her femininity and gender, and her with ray??? (sidenote almond as a ship name makes me lose it ITS SO CUTE). i think she’s always been a big ally to klaus. i can also see her as pan or bi, but pressured to appear as straight by the constant eyes on her since she was like ten. i mean not only was she the only girl, but also a black girl? she was 100% so insecure during her childhood because people were constantly critiquing her. so honestly i don’t think it would be too out of the ordinary to hc her as queer.

klaus- i mean, we all know this one. as far as i know he has been canonically (though not mentioned in show, more like an interview or something) pansexual and non-binary. if not then it’s VERY FANON. directly through the show, we see his attraction to men through dave and also his enjoyment of more feminine clothes and makeup and things like that. i hc him as genderqueer and just generally chilling out and not really caring too much about labels. like a “i’ll fuck you if you’re hot” kind of attitude.

five- now this one might get me some weirdness, but i don’t see five as a cishet man for my hc’ing purposes. a common fanon opinion is that he’s asexual, which i totally like. i also think he’s gay. i guess that would be homoromantic? and also agender. he said no. no. MEN. i think that any romantic hc that does not acknowledge delores is not doing it right, bc holy shit delores is so fucking important to the understanding of his character!!!!! i believe in the interpretation that delores is himself, but a separated part that he forced himself to view as a separate entity to survive the apocalypse. he kind of fucking tricked himself into loving himself, though unfortunately as many people have pointed out, he doesn’t see himself as capable of good. he doesn’t see that delores is him- he can’t. he was down bad though for his mannequin apocalypse wife okay??? they were in love fuck you???? idk sexuality is fluid. let this old man live his life. he’s so tired. also agender, i think they don’t like being called a boy (possibly childhood trauma, possibly gender) but still is okay with “old man”.

ben- he is the token cishet of the upper numbers trio ( 567 icons real and true ). the jennifer incident was heavily implied if not directly and canonically stated to be a romantic issue, and also him and jill!!!! yes it was weird but it was so cute. bring back umbrella ben istg idc about the themes you messed them up in s3 anyway. i would talk more about him BUT HE NEVER GOT ENOUGH FUCKING SCREENTIME EVER AND THE THEMES THE THEMES HIS CHARACTER THEY DIDN- gets shot

viktor- canonically transmasc, canonically a woman enjoyer, ten out of ten character. i love looking at s1 era fics where people would be like. there is no way this guy doesn’t like women. *lesbian headcanons*. and elliot page just slaying with the queer rep season after season. i think he/they pronouns for viktor is really good and i like it :)). also some people hc them as bi because of harold (or for weird reasons but we don’t talk about that-) but i think it’s more of a lesbian thing personally. now. don’t come after me i’m not looking for he/him lesbian discourse on my pride month fandom post. AND FURTHERMORE elliot page is a king and he doesn’t deserve in any way the crazy hate he gets for being trans. trans men are men, trans ppl are valid etc. that being said, i hc him as a he/they lesbian. RESPECTFULLY. i imagine there were a lot of complicated factors while he was coming out and realizing things about themself. i think the harold thing was wanting to be wanted and loved more that actually wanting or loving, and you know we all gotta have that spicy *heteronormativity* woohoo.

bonus LILA (queen)- bisexual!! also she/they hc’s are valid asf for that. we love a queen who can do both. not sure if this is partial or full canon, or just heavy fandom but idc.

okay byyeeee happy pride month and also have a good juneteenth. black lives matter!!!!!

#tua #writingastraightanswer #the umbrella academy #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #viktor hargreeves #happy pride month everyone!!!!#this was way longer than i meant it to be lol #enjoy ig

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maxine-drusilla-wayne · 2 years

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~toxic attraction~💚

Barbara Gordon x fem!super solider!reader

Requested!

Warnings:sexism,homophobia,crying!(idk what else)

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You had flinched when you heard wrestling outside of were you were.

You may not be the Scooby gang or a dumb character in horror movies but you still went to go check it out even if you would end up more annoyed.

“What are you ragamuffins doing?”you had seen two of your “friends” other super soldiers wrestling like wild animals on the floor.

“Ugh nothing! But uhh……how’s babs?” Billy had clearly had a crush on her for 5 months and you hated it….but not for the reason most would think.”ew. Asshole.MY girlfriend is fine even tho it’s non of your business,but if anything worry about getting your own back.”

You didn’t like billy…no ofc not! You were lesbian tf! But the reason you didn’t like the crush wasn’t because babs could leave you….no you know she’ll never leave you. You hated it bc let down your confidence and thought that someone else would instantly leave you for him!

“Oh calm down y/n! Stop having a stick up your ass. Well……… although I know what I would love to put in Barbara’s.” He smirked. You snapped like how you were about to snap his neck in a second.

“BILLY I WILL BEAT THE FUCK OUTTA YOU! Don’t talk about my fucking girlfriend like that! You think Just because I’m female that I won’t beat you the fuck up!”at this point you were ready to go to jail.They we’re never your friends.hell they were sexist to you on multiple occasions!

“Well women aren’t compatible to men! Women are good for sleeping with,cooking,doing house work,and having kids! Besides…..Barbara is way to pretty to get lesbian or bisexual or anything but straight for that matter.” That was your final straw.

No more fucking around this time.

You threw him through a glass table.he was bleeding everywhere.but luckily for him he wouldn’t die.

“Oh I’ll share with you!” You quoted a horror movie as you went to fight him some more.

But his little sidekick Logan was there to save him.

“Woah!woah y/n calm down!” He said getting in front of billy to protect him against you so you couldn’t hurt him anymore.

“Oh where is that ‘big dick energy’ now billy?! Huh?!”you were about to break Logan’s hand for always supporting him.

“ALWAYS SAYING THAT ‘pussy is for men’! And that ‘dicks are for chicks’! Always making fun of me for used to be ,being poor! Well now sorry I left my Pradas at the cleaners! Along with my hoodie and my ‘fuck you’ flip flops,you pretentious doucebag!”

“You don’t deserve to be a super soldier. Nor do you deserve to be Alive ‘for all that matter!’”

And with that you stormed away.

You came in the apartment,tears running down your face.you didn’t know if you would be able to protect the city tonight.

But as you heard someone,you quickly whipped away your tears knowing that they weren’t able to stain your beautiful face yet.

“Y/n.”Barbara said walking towards you.”hello princesa.” You said with quick sad smile. “I heard what happened. Why would you do that?” She asked sternly.

You almost had a panic attack right then and there. “They had always been homophobic and sexist but this my final straw. Because of the things they were saying.” You held back tears.

She sighed. “Y/N?! Are you sure they didn’t just!..” she cut herself off as she saw a sight that could break her into a million pieces.

She saw as your eyes were glossed over and your Chin wobbling and wants to frown.

“Y/n I’m sorry. What were they saying bc now I know by the look in your eyes that your not Just being overdramatic.”it was true. You were very overdramatic sometimes.

You took the deepest of breaths and smiled looking over her face completely seeing she was generally confused and and upset for almost making you sadder.

“You know what? You’re right maybe I am just being overdramatic! Maybe I just need a hot bath! I’m fine and maybe what they were saying wasn’t that bad!” You said Unsarcastically. You tried to look calm even if you really weren’t.

“You’re ok?” Babs asked knowing the true answer. “Yeah.” You said still smiling,nodding your head.but after 5 seconds you started breaking down.

“Y/n/n!” She ran closer to you,hugging you.and she hugged you tight! She left go and held you’re face with both hands.

“It just fucking hurts babs!” At that point she almost started crying. “Y/n it’s gonna be ok! I promise!” She was planning a murder. She had never seen you crying like this before!

“Please just make it stop babs! Please make it stop!” You were frustrated especially with putting up with the boys bs for so long! “What?! I’ll make anything stop for you!” You we’re trying to calm down. She was telling you take deep Breaths and obliged.

“They think just because I’m a woman that I can’t fight crime and can’t fight at all or do certain tough shit,I’m a goddamn super soldier for fucks sake!” You were hurt. And so was babs with what she was hearing.

“Listen y/n. Don’t go out a fight crime tonight or else you’ll might end up doing something you might regret darling.” She was right so you nodded your head. “As of right now just go take a warm bath,lay down and do anything to get your mind off it. Ok?” “Ok.”

She kissed your head. “Ok my love,I’ll be back in a couple of hours and make sure to bring you back some things.” She said putting on her leather jacket.

“Ok babsy!” You said smiling. You both kissed one more time before Barbara left to do something that wouldn’t be expected from her………

The end.

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Hope you guys like! This was requested but I don’t know shit bout super soldiers🤪(I only know Steve and Bucky!) should I do a part 2?

#barbara gordon x reader #super soldier #dc x marvel #dc x reader #barbara gordon #batfam x reader

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watching-pictures-move · 11 months

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Put On Your Raincoats | Wild Things II (De Renzy, 1986)

I did not watch this so I could make a “We have Wild Things 2 (2004) at home” joke, because I haven’t seen that movie and this seems to be better liked by my Letterboxd circle going by the average ratings. So if anything, whenever I watch that, I might make a “We have Wild Things 2 (1986) at home” joke. Which probably won’t be for a while. Because it looks bad. Also I haven’t seen Wild Things (1998) yet.

Anyway, if you’re watching it for the usual reasons one watches these things, the performers are in fine form and the energy level is nicely varied both across and within scenes, so as to keep things from becoming repetitive. I do think the premises of the vignettes here are on average not as strong as in the earlier entry. The first one presented something of a twist or at least a novel arc with each of its vignettes, so that there was some surprise in how they played out. Here…let’s take the first segment, where Joanna Storm tells us about the importance of water in California as she tends to her garden. I am not a gardening expert so I cannot vouch for how much of a green thumb she has, but the garden looked green enough in the transfer I watched this on. (Also, I might be mistaken, but one of the plants looked like it could be the wacky tobaccy. The devil’s lettuce. Marry-hoo-wana. But I’ll keep that to myself as I don’t want Joanna Storm getting in trouble with Johnny Law.) So then she mentions some hunky guy comes up and delivers two big water bottles to her every day. So then the guy comes up, and she just straight up has sex with her. Which is fine, I think they should do what makes them happy, but there’s no twist to this. It’s perfectly possibly she found him attractive, but the movie doesn’t really set this up. The guy is already bringing her water, so it’s not like she’s fucking him for transactional reasons. I dunno, I needed more in the way of motivation. The scene is still super hot, by the way.

This one is hosted by Kari Foxx, who comes across as a lot more polished than Jill Ferrar in the original. Her style is more in line with John Leslie in Ball Busters, in that she keeps bringing up the phrase from the title in her dialogue, although she uses a generally accepted definition. (Unfortunately, she doesn’t go the Deathstalker II route and try to work in the entire title. “I’ll have my revenge, and wild things too.”) She even gets a segment of her own, with Leslie no less, which makes this something of a King Kong vs. Godzilla of loop carrier hosts. I will say that I missed the giddy, “let’s wing it” energy that Ferrar brought in the earlier movie, where half the fun is that she can’t seem to keep a straight face.

Anyway, I just rambled on about how the sketches aren’t quite as good and I didn’t like the hosting style quite as much either, so to keep things fair and balanced, here are some highlights:

This is made only a year after the first one, but has way more electro on the soundtrack. Not a complaint, just an observation.

Nikki Charm is cute as a button as she interviews pornstar Joey Silvera to write an article for career week. Among other things, Silvera vents about the difficulties of doing dialogue while mid-coitus and uses a number of football analogies.

Amber Lynn plays a bankrobber who has to relieve Dick Rambone of his blue balls so they can get back to robbing banks. She attempts an accent that seems to slip by the end of every sentence, but let’s just say there are other things to pay attention to. Like her ’30 bankrobber outfit.

Chris Chase’s shorts seem to defy the laws of physics as the inseam seems much too short to hide his equipment.

The lesbian threesome features three performers (Chanel Price, Shanna McCullough and Regine Bardot) who are successively about a foot apart in height. Had this been released a few years later, it could have been reshaped into a pornographic parody of Twins.

John Leslie plays some sort of doctor of sexual dysfunction, but is shown using the bathroom without washing his hands, which I assume is a violation of the Hippocratic Oath. Later he puts on mummy bandages and tries to peek up Kari Foxx’s skirt, before we get a hard cut to the two of them in flagrante delicto. As you can see, De Renzy understands the importance of editing. Foxx mentions she’s a narcissist who gets off on seeing herself in action, which seems like it’s setting up the same collapsing of performer, director and viewer in the Joanna Storm segment of Ball Busters, but the conflation is much less forceful here.

#film #put on your raincoats #movie review #wild things ii #wild things 2 #alex de renzy

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fuzzy-dinosaur · 3 years

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Noooo they did my girl Zoya dirty 😭😭😭

#shadow and bone netflix spoiler #where's my big dick lesbian energy?#this is not okay #it feels like a hatecrime

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sojuseoltang · 2 years

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What type of porn I think enha hyung line watches

A/N: I did more research for this than for any of my school papers ever what has my life become?? Also there’s so many porn categories I didn’t know of, this really opened my eyes

Heeseung

Milf

He gives me the vibes of someone who watches curvy woman gets destroyed by thin lanky dude type of videos bro idk how to sort that in

I’m almost certain he watches hentai? It’s just the energy I get idk man

Possibly also girls getting fucked by dudes with super huge dicks

Interracial

Oddly specific but POV vids of pretty girls using toys & being mean to the camera

Jay

Tattooed girls. As the emo bitch he is I think he’s very into that

Also perhaps hentai but I get more of a cosplay type of situation vibe from him

Might also like those solo videos of girls just touching themselves. King.

I think he also watches deepthroat type shit where the girls just realllyyyy get down on the dick if you know what I mean

Jake

Bro Jake is such a hormonal dude I feel like he’s really basic with his porn so my first guess is role play. Those really cringy badly acted ones I mean. As he should honestly.

I know literally everyone says that but I peg Jake as an oral king so I think he watches vids of girls just getting eaten out & that’s it

Kinda wanna say anal 😬 Do I say anal? I guess

I really love him and don’t wanna put him in a bad light but. Lesbian porn. Not even necessarily in a fetishy way I just think he might get grossed out by men in porn

Sunghoon

Romantic porn. Like couples getting down to it but it’s not super rushed and hardcore and there’s actually foreplay.

Femdom. Not super hardcore tho. Maybe those Twitter videos of girls jerking off dudes and being kind of mean to them and the dudes moaning very prettily.

Big tits. Sorry. Also self-explanatory.

Also lowkey a milf vibe I get?? Perhaps 😭

Probably also really into POV type shit. Pretty pretty girls looking up into the camera with big eyes and his stomach goes 🦋🦋🦋

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sunflowersandmirage · 3 years

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haikyuu characters as texts sent by my irl groupchat

Aone: You can't beat me, I lack eyebrows Tanaka: If I ever rule a country, instead of saluting, we'll dab Nishinoya: Today was a productive day. I stabbed a Pepsi Kita: The merciful despacito gods Kiyoko: horror au: everyone is straight now Osamu: It's okay, we'll revive him with pasta salad Kageyama: If you're an egg, you're a dumbass Lev: Mario's looking really happy, completely destroying capitalism Oikawa: Calm down... he said sexily Bokuto: By day, I'm your dad. By night, I'm your mom, and in the afternoons I'm whatever you want Kuroo: The relationship between my best friend and I can be summarized by the fact that we accuse each other of being furries, and then we aggressively meow at each other Sugawara: Hey, what the hell? Just tell them to go fuck themselves. And calm down Koganegawa: So, to recruit this one guy I need to recruit his childhood friend. and to recruit his childhood friend I need to pLAY SOCCER AGAINST DINOSAURS Hinata: What is that microwave in the hallway for? Tsukishima: The teachers will throw it at you if you misbehave Hinata: Cual es tu motherfucking name, joder? Yamamoto: Everything is losses today. First fortnite kid leaves. And now you do this to me Alisa: The L in LGBT is for Luigi. I am An LL, THE Luigi Lesbian Asahi: Animal Crossing: Survival Mode Matsukawa: Youtube recommended me a Romeo and Cinderella cover sung by Spongebob, and now I'm gonna make it your problem too Hanamaki: The best way to start Pride Month is calling people out for Homestuck Crimes Kinoshita: It was worth the risk. Or the dick, cause I have seen a lot Fukunaga: As far as I know, you can't make a baby breath out fire Atsumu: I'm the seer of... Time? Heart? Seer of I FUCKING KNEW IT. HELL YEAH! Konoha: IGNORE MY GAY NINJA EPIPHANY, WON'T YOU Ushijima: I ended up breaking the floor by beyblade-ing too hard Natsu: And that's all I am now. A communist baby Yaku: Do you know what's the difference between fruit milkshakes and fruit juice? Can't be the milk, some juices have milk too Lev: ... fuit Shirabu: In the game of cardboard, either you win or you die Hoshiumi: He has lost tiny privileges. if he calls anyone else short, I'll have to arrest him Kenma: Bowser is actually a gay icon because in Mario 64, when you throw him Mario says "So long, gay Bowser!", which compliments Luigi being a literal disaster gay. In this essay I will- Nishinoya: You tell them, Hinata! Just because we're short doesn't mean we can't stab them Saeko: TODAY I LEARNED THAT LESBIANISMS CAN SOLVE LITERALLY ANYTHING That one nationals guy and his gf, I forgot their names: WE ARE JUST OMNIPRESENT Miwa: BIG LESBIAN ENERGY WITH A KNIFE Tendou: If I were your government assigned magical girl companion, I'd give you the power to arson Suna: Hello. My name is Suna Rintarou, and I'm a normal girl, except I'm Satan Takeda: And the road trip ended with the whole class singing Baby Shark Daichi: My life is weird and my hats are many Kenma: So while we were playing Animal Crossing, Lev wrote "penis" on the board and then I tried to behead him with my axe Yukie: Mutual morosexuality. The beautifulest kind of love Futakuchi: DOES AONE IS EYEBROWS I'M DYING HERE Iwaizumi: ARE YOU STUPID OR DO YOU EAT SOUP WITH A FORK!? Us: Things would be easier if I was in charge. Everyone could be gay Yachi: I was panicking because I thought I missed the bus. I was inside the bus Gin: Fuck, Suna, you look like you should sleep for 3 thousand years Semi: You all should know lyric videos written in Comic Sans are not trustworthy Yamaguchi: You WILL heal. This is a threat. Where's that Goku post- Goshiki: My dad (Tendou) told me he casually licks lemons. In no time, I will too Aran: I just can't compete against Kansai Logic

Akiteru: My brother placed a pair of crocs under my bed and I am scared

Ukai: [sternly] Do you know what this means...? No, I don’t either

Kindaichi: Hello, I’m Kindaichi, I like books, I’m Veget- Kunimi: -A, PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS

Akaashi: Between all of us, we have 3 braincells, none of them functional

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sprqpointintern · 2 years

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Kara and Lena decide to try online dating at Christmas. The Bantr dating app is completely anonymous though. This leads to some confusion around certain 'mystery matches'. This year, it's gonna be a Christmas to remember.

Chapter 1: Secret Bantr (link to ch 2 here)

Kara tries online dating for the first time. The only problem is, her mystery date might be a little more familiar than she's expecting

Read the chapter here or

Read the chapter below:

"Kara, I hate to break it to you but sending corny Christmas jokes to a woman you've never even met does not count as flirting." Alex had been called over to Kara's apartment to hear some big news. She hadn't expected the news to be that Kara was trying online dating.

"Well, you should see the way she reacts," Kara bragged. "She sent me four laugh emojis today."

"That's…" Alex paused for a moment, "not something you should be bragging about. Remind me again why you don't even know this woman's name?"

"Well, that's the whole point of Bantr," Kara started. "Instead of matching with someone based on their profile picture, you match up with them based on their personality. It means instead of the usual shallow world of online dating where everything is based on looks, it's based on a real connection."

"I didn't know sending Christmas jokes counted as connecting with someone," Alex teased.

"What did you expect from me? Christmas day is in a week!" Kara said defensively. "That's not all we talk about, you know. Besides, LadyL27 seems to like my corny Christmas jokes."

"LadyL27?" Alex raised her eyebrows a little. "As in Lady Lesbian?".

"I mean, I guess," Kara paused. "What else could the L stand for?"

"I mean, it could stand for," Alex started, "No that's ridiculous, forget I said anything."

"Okay, you're being weird." Kara wondered what Alex had stopped herself from saying.

"No I'm not." Alex was trying to change the subject. "What's your username on the app?".

"BigDEnergy." Kara said proudly.

"Your name on a dating app is big dick energy?" Alex exclaimed.

"No, it's big Danvers energy. Obviously, the D is for Danvers." Kara made it sound like Alex was the one who had made a mistake.

"No one on the app is gonna get that!" Alex shouted.

"Oh my god really?" Kara was starting to sweat a little. "So Lady Lesbian thinks she's been talking to big dick energy this whole time. That's so embarrassing."

"This is why you should have come to me first." Alex was enjoying being right. "I don't know why you sent her daily Christmas jokes though."

"We matched in December and I thought I should show her how festive I was," Kara shrugged as she said this. "And the Christmas jokes are a real icebreaker. Get it? Icebreaker?"

"You do know I carry a gun right?" Alex should have expected the Christmas pun but Kara had surprised her with that one. "And the minute she sees you in person she'll see how festive you are."

"Oh you mean this?" Kara motioned down to her Christmas dress. The dress was bright red and was covered in miniature gingerbread men. To make matters worse, some of the gingerbread men had bits of them broken off and were saying "Give me a break!" in speech bubbles.

"Are you sure that's what you want to wear to a first date?" Alex sounded worried for Kara.

"Of course," Kara answered smiling. "If she can't handle me at my most festive, she's obviously not the girl for me."

"Can we at least talk about the tights?" Alex pointed down to Kara's legs. The tights, which Kara had bought the second she had seen them in a store, were green and filled with drawings of elfs. Above each elf it said "treat yo elf" in capital letters.

Alex had tried to convince Kara not to buy them at the store, her efforts had been in vain in the end.

"I love these tights!" Kara spun a little to show them off." "They help me to express my elf."

"Was I not clear about me carrying a gun?" Alex rolled her eyes at the second Christmas pun she had to hear in the space of a few minutes.

"You love my jokes," Kara laughed back.

"I don't think love is the word I'd use." Alex crossed her arms as she said this. "I guess I can't talk you out of wearing those boots either."

The boots in question were red leather ankle length zip up boots. Kara had insisted on buying them because they made her think of Christmas as soon as she saw them.

"Nope. You definitely can't." Kara beamed back. "I didn't spend all this time putting a Christmas outfit together just to let you talk me out of wearing it."

"Well in that case," Alex paused. "Can you at least tell me where you're meeting your mystery date?"

"We're meeting in National City Square." Kara couldn't hide her excitement when she said this. "Under the massive Christmas tree they put up there every year."

"The one you drag me to every year?" Alex asked.

"That's the one." Kara said, sounding a little guilty. "Then we're getting hot chocolate and going for a walk in the square. It's gonna be perfect!"

"Maybe curb your expectations a little," Alex warned. "For all you know, you could be meeting a middle aged man with a bald spot."

"As if." Kara wasn't hearing a word Alex was saying. "She literally has lady in her name. I mean come on."

"You've clearly never been catfished." Alex groaned. "You better go, you don't want to miss your date."

"You're right. But first, I need to get my coat, gloves and scarf. And of course, I can't forget the pièce de résistance."

After putting on her extra layers, Kara then took out a headband that had a pair of reindeer antlers attached and placed them on her head. The antlers shook around a little every time Kara moved her head.

"Okay wow." Alex stared in disbelief. "This is a lot to take in."

"I told her that she would know me if she looked for the woman wearing the reindeer antlers." Kara explained.

"Oh yeah. It's not like the Christmas dress, tights or boots are a dead giveaway." Alex said sarcastically. "How are you gonna know her?"

"She told me she'd be wearing a low cut black dress. You can never be too careful though." Kara checked her watch. "Just call me Rudolph because I gotta run."

Before Alex had a chance to sigh or groan at yet another Christmas joke, Kara was gone with only a breeze behind her.

Kara hurried over to the Christmas tree in the square. She had landed away from the crowds and was scanning every woman she saw. So far she hadn't seen any women in low cut black dresses.

After a few minutes of scanning, she did see one woman in a black dress. This wasn't just any woman though. This was Lena, her best friend.

Lena was wearing a fluffy coat with leather gloves, a beanie hat and a knitted scarf. She had left the coat open though, to show off her black dress.

As opposed to Kara's festive tights, Lena had opted for a pair of black tights. And of course, she had picked out a pair of high heels that probably cost more than Kara's whole outfit put together.

"Kara?" Lenas eye's met Kara's through the crowd. "What are you doing here?" Lena then looked Kara up and down seeing the reindeer headband and realising what had happened.

"Oh my god, are you BigDEnergy?"

"Yeah that's me." Kara looked down at her feet when she said this. "Which would make you LadyL27 right?"

"You got me." Lena laughed. "I have to admit, this is a surprise. I had no idea you were-"

"Into women?" Kara interrupted.

"I was gonna say dating but that works too." Lena was clearly surprised by Kara's outburst. "So the D in BigDEnergy stands for…"

"Danvers!" Kara cut in. "Definitely Danvers!"

"Okay, I thought maybe it stood for something else." Lena smirked at Kara when she said this.

"Nope, just Danvers." Kara laughed "And the L in LadyL27 stands for…"

"Lena, of course." Lena explained. "What did you think the L stood for?"

"It's not important." Kara hadn't expected to be this nervous. "All that matters is we know what our usernames mean now."

"I am a little surprised though," Lena admitted. "I didn't even know you were trying dating. Especially not with women."

"Well there's a story behind that," Kara paused to collect her thoughts. "Alex talked to me a few weeks ago and said if I didn't ask you out before the year was over she would kill me. She said she couldn't watch all my failed attempts at flirting anymore."

"Alex is certainly honest," Lena giggled. "She's not wrong though. I've been wanting you to ask me out for years."

"You have?" Kara hadn't been expecting that from Lena. "Now I feel really stupid. I was gonna ask you out a few weeks ago but then I totally chickened out at the last minute. I thought maybe you weren't into me so I backed out."

"Which led you to Bantr?" Lena inquired.

"Pretty much," Kara answered. "Something about talking to a woman online and not even knowing what she looked like felt easier. Of course, I had no idea that woman was you.. What led you to using Bantr?"

"Well," Lena bit her bottom lip. "I was waiting for this really cute girl to ask me out and she never did. I've had a crush on her for so long too"

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." Kara rubbed Lena's arm a little. "Who was it? Oh my god! Was it Andrea? I know you two have been friends for years but I didn't know you liked her like that."

"I'm talking about you Kara." Lena explained. "I've been into you for as long as I can remember. And Alex talked to me about her plan. How she was going to make you take action. When you never asked me out I just assumed you changed your mind. I thought maybe I had misread things."

"Lena I had no idea, '' Kara said apologetically. "I was just so scared of you saying no. And I didn't want to ruin 5 years of friendship."

"Kara, this has been so much more than just friendship for so long now." Lena fidgeted with her gloved hands. "I just wanted it to go further. And when it didn't, I downloaded Bantr. I thought maybe I could distract myself from thinking about you all the time."

"Did it work?" Kara queried.

"Clearly not, the first woman I matched with was you." Lena was smiling again. "No wonder I enjoyed our conversations so much."

"I enjoyed them too!" Kara shouted a little louder than she had meant to there. People passing by gave her a glance before going back to their business.

"Oh, sorry. I got a little over excited there."

"I could tell," Lena teased. "Especially seeing as you're going redder than Rudolph's nose right now.

Kara then attempted to pull her scarf up over her face as if hiding would make her any less embarrassed.

"Well now you just look even more adorable." Lena said through laughter. "You know I can still see you right?"

"Yeah I know," Kara answered. "I thought maybe it would help me though."

"A for effort," Lena gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up."

"How about we just focus on the positives," Lena began. "Even though it's not the way I thought it was gonna happen, me and you are on our first date. And it's Christmas. So let's just enjoy it okay?"

"Okay," Kara readjusted her scarf. "This isn't how I saw us doing this either. It doesn't make it any less perfect though."

"Aww Kara," Lena squeezed Kara's hand. "This is the best present I've ever gotten for Christmas. Just being with you, that's all I ever wanted."

Before Kara could answer, Lena was kissing Kara's lips with hers. Pulling Kara in closer, their bodies sharing warmth and passion.

The tree above them was sparkling and both their faces were illuminated by the Christmas lights.

"That was…" Kara was still attempting to regain her composure. "The best kiss I've ever had."

"High praise indeed," Lena glanced at Kara's lips as if she was already thinking of kissing them again. "You were definitely worth the wait darling."

"Merry Christmas Lena!" Kara proclaimed.

"Nollaig Shona Dhuit." Lena replied. "That's Merry Christmas in Irish, in case you were wondering."

"One day you have to teach me the whole language." Kara pleaded.

"You've got yourself a deal." Lena agreed. "But for now, let's just enjoy our date. I've been waiting for this for a long time."

Kara and Lena hadn't imagined that this would be the way they had the first date. That didn't stop them from enjoying the Christmas festivities though. Two lost souls who had been brought together by something stronger than fate. For the first time, they could experience Christmas together.

They joined the crowd of happy couples and families wandering through the square. As Kara and Lena walked hand in hand, they knew that this Christmas was going to be perfect. Their first Christmas as a couple, the first of many.

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jae-daddy · 3 years

Text

Play

im jaebum mini series

one / two / three / four / five / six (final) masterlist

pairing: jaebum x reader genre: friends, angst, jealousy plot: you and jaebum have been really great friends. things have been going smoothly because neither of you were in a real relationship, flings? sure, but girlfriends/boyfriends? no. so when Jaebum starts going out with Emma (a bitch), you can’t help but act out <3 a/n: I dont know why I do this to myself... hope y’all like it. this is written very casually. this one will be like six part absolute max.

“Hey, you know this isn’t going to happen right?”

“Huh?”

“This,” he gestured to the two of you sitting in your dark room. The bed comfortable underneath you as you watched Tangled. You realised how you were leaning against him; your head on his shoulder, your side pressed against him. “This isn’t going to happen.”

“Yeah,” you blew out, making a comical face as you snorted. “Of course not.”

You leaned away from him slightly, straightening onto the pillows behind you instead. You stared at the screen, your cheeks burning, “That would be hilariously disgusting, honestly.”

Shit.

“Excuse me,” you said once the movie ended. Before the dark-haired boy could reply you walked into your bathroom, closing the door behind you.

You caught yourself in the mirror. Your eyes wide, your hair a mess, and a face of a fucked up girl staring back at you.

“Shit!” You hissed, quietly, as you stared at yourself.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.” You repeated as you kicked the cabinet underneath the sink. You closed your eyes, running your hands through your hair. You kept out a quick breath, as you rested your hands on the bench.

You leaned in closer to the mirror as you stared into your eyes.

“You got this,” you spoke with resolution. “You’re going to go back in there and act like everything is normal.”

You took in your messed up hair and fixed it into place. You corrected yourself and checked in the mirror. You bit your lip as you gawked at the neckline of your t-shirt in contemplation.

“Fucks sake,” you muttered under your breath, tugging it down to reveal your bra strap. You check your hair once again, sighing deeply to calm yourself.

“Alright, let’s do this.” You walked out the door and into your dimly lit room.

You found your friend sitting on the bed where you had left him. He looked up from his phone, his lips quirking up as he rose his eyebrows, “Have a good piss?”

“Yup, I had been holding it the whole movie,” you replied, as you strolled over to the bed.

Maybe that was why Im Jaebum did not want to fuck you. You talked without a filter and had a grand total of freaking zero charm and wit that other girls had. For some reason when you hung out with Jaebum, you liked to talk and behave like a guy with a dick, instead of a girl who wanted to jump his bones.

You were the goddess of seduction, taking about holding in your piss. Who in their right mind would not want to bury their cock inside a pussy that had been holding its pee for a whole movie.

“We could’ve paused the movie,” Jaebum tsked, getting up to sit straight. The laptop slipped from his lap and onto the bed.

You paused and spun on your heels as you began walking towards the mini-fridge in your room. It wasn’t that you were rich. You had saved up to get this mini prize keeper, so the thieves you lived with didn’t steal your treasure.

“A drink, Jae?” You asked as you bent to open the fridge and grab a bottle for yourself.

“Yeah, why not,” he answered, and you grabbed his favourite. You turned, holding it up and he chuckled before staring at you with a smirk, “You have a problem, y/n.”

“What do you mean?” You frowned, skipping over before jumping onto the bed. You didn’t have a bed frame. You weren’t sure if it was because you were poor or if you liked the low-key fashionable homeless aesthetic.

Jaebum took the drink from you, sipping it as he stared at you over the bottle.

“It is a Wednesday night,” he smiled at you, those ridiculously cute little bumps appearing on his cheekbones as he teased, “and you’re drinking.”

“So? are you too,” You scowled.

“Yes, but that’s cause you offered.”

“Yeah, how is that any different?” Your frown deepened as you took a big gulp. You reached for the laptop bringing it onto your lap. You opened a new tab, “Lesbian or gay porn?”

“Y/n,” Jaebum warned. His voice light, a little stern.

You peeped over at him with a teasing smile. You rose an eyebrow holding back your growing grin, “Gang bang then?”

His eyes widened, with a warning.

“With animal suits on?” You gasped, beaming at him as he shook his head. “Now wouldn’t you say that’s a little too furry for a Wednesday night?”

“Shut up,” he closed the laptop, making you turn towards him. You rolled your eyes as you bought the bottle to your lips, chugging it.

“Hey, come on,” he took the bottle off you.

“Hey!” You whined, watching as he placed both your bottles on the floor behind him. He took your hands in his warm hands, and you felt an entire zoo go wild in your stomach.

How could he not realise what he does to you?

“Y/n, listen to me,” Jaebum sighed heavily. You studied his face and instantly looked away. He was terribly gorgeous, so attractive that it should be illegal.

And the way he was looking at you... How could he possibly say nothing could ever happen between you when he looks at you like that.

No one ever looked at anyone like that, not unless they wanted to fuck. Im Jaebum looked at you, properly, truly looked at you. He was looking at you with the presence of his mind, not just staring at you while his mind was elsewhere.

He was watching you, studying you.

You didn’t know if friends did that, especially ones you met a few years ago. It wasn’t just you who felt this energy between you. Everyone else watches the two of you too. Always monitoring for a change between the two of you, a classic would they- won’t they.

There were times when you were so close. There were times when you and him were a second away from finally getting rid of this stressful sexual tension between the two of you.

You glanced away from his eyes. You wouldn't be able to help yourself if you kept looking into those melting brown eyes, and those delicate lips.

You would end up kissing him and whose fault would that be? You would have no choice but to blame him and those beautiful brown eyes.

Jaebum tugged at your hand, making you look up at him. You sulked at him, letting him know you didn’t enjoy this. His eyes watched you, even in the dim fairy lights of your room, you could make out the golden streaks in them as if you had memorised the patterns they made.

You probably did. You were always looking into them, or thinking about them.

About him.

You gulped as his eyes darted down towards your lips for a split second.

“Y/n,” he spoke, his voice soft and serious.

“Jaebum,” you sang, trying to be clever when truly you were scared he’ll realise how sweaty your palms were getting.

“I can’t look after you forever.”

You nodded, snorting, “I don’t need you on my ass all day too, Jae.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I,” you replied, holding his hand now. “I am a grown woman. I have a job and a degree and everything. The sixteen-year-old me would be crying if she saw me right now.”

“She’d be proud to see you live without a bed frame?” He rose an eyebrow.

“It’s a lifestyle choice.” You deadpanned, he bit his lip to hold back that betraying smirk.

“Alright, fine,” he sighed, he gazed down at you. His hands holding yours again, once again, he was holding power in the conversation. “You know we can’t always be like this, right?”

“Yeah, but that’s not happening anytime soon,” you snorted, you tried smiling but you couldn’t. Your smile weakened when you saw that look flash in his eyes.

Pity, it was fucking pity.

“Actually,” he started, and you wanted to stop him. You wanted to send him away before he began. “Emma and I have been getting serious now.”

“Hook up Emma?”

They had been hooking up for a few months now. It was causal, she was just the new flavour of the season. Or at least that’s what she was meant to be, but then she started showing up everywhere.

You open Jaebum’s car door to sit shotgun, she is sitting there. You go to Joanna’s for the weekly Friday nights, Emma is there. You make a plan to go hiking over the weekend, surprise, Emma has made herself available.

You wouldn’t have minded if she was nice, but she was an actual bitch. You saw the way she looked at you. You could see straight through the expression on her face as she kissed Jaebum, making sure you were watching.

His phone dinged beside him, and you could bet your firstborn it was her. You felt happy when Jaebum didn't reach for it instantly.

“She isn’t just a hookup,” Jaebum told you, his eyes holding yours. You felt your heart drop at his words. It hurt to see him so protective over someone else, so much that he spoke to you like that.

Jaebum never told you anything. He would tell you stuff, joke, talk, but he never told you something. He never corrected you off so seriously, not unless it was something important.

Seems like Emma unlocked a new level.

“Alright,” you replied soulless, as you took your hand out from his grasp. You pressed the nail of your middle finger into your thumb-pad to stop the prickling in your eyes. “Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

You both sat quietly for a few more seconds before you reached over him. You felt your chests press against his arm as you grabbed your bottle from his other side. You could’ve moved away, but you didn’t want to.

You felt his breath catch before he held it, exhaling it out softly. You felt its warmth brush against your neck, you wanted to feel it all over your body.

You straightened, downing the whole bottle as you held his gaze.

Jaebum gulped visibly before casting his eyes away. He reached for his own bottle taking a big swig, his eyes not looking at you.

“We’re together, y/n.”

You laughed.

“I’m sorry?” you chuckled, staring at him as if he was losing his marbles. She would eat him up alive, and then vomit it out and make him eat himself up. She would ruin him.

“Emma and I are in a relationship. She’s my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” You laughed, your mind blanking. Your heart speeding up frantically as your body went into overdrive.

Stupid. This whole thing was stupid.

A fucking stupid shit show.

“What are you in fifth grade? Girlfriend?” You snickered at him. Jaebum only stared at you a frown on his face.

“Stop laughing at me.”

“I’m not laughing at you,” you tried to make it better but you couldn’t.

You were laughing at yourself. At how fucking stupid you were, at how you were having a literal mental breakdown right now.

“No, actually I am laughing at you.” You shrugged.

“Fuck you,” he groaned, staring at you with loathing.

“Oh, come on,” you hit his arm, playfully. You didn’t know what you were doing. You had absolutely no fucking idea what to do. What is one to do when their crush is going out with the spawn of the devil, and not even the hot kinda devil.

“No, fuck you, y/n,” he grunted, annoyed, as he watched you who was failing to stop laughing. You weren’t laughing because you wanted to, your body just didn’t know what else to do.

“I’m not laughing at you. I just don’t know how to process this.”

“There isn’t anything for you to process,” Jaebum grumbled, lifting his arms in confused defeat. “Just accept.”

“You don’t need any approval of mine, Jae,” you rolled your eyes as you got off the bed and walked towards the mini-fridge. You needed another drink, another lot more drinks. “You are just informing me, and you have. You know I don’t like her vibes.”

“Oh, stop with your witchy voodoo crap,” he groaned, and you could recognise him roll his eyes. You turned to ask him if he wanted another drink, he just shook his head.

“It’s not voodoo, I don’t chant any spells. Her energy is just off.”

“She’s great-”

“-at sucking dick.”

“Y/n,” he warned.

“Fine,” you gave in. Your phone dinged, and you reached over, smiling at the glowing screen.

Dickdown 9/10: You up?

Perfect.

“Are you staying?” You asked Jaebum, inspecting up when he didn’t reply.

You found him staring at you, and you rose an eyebrow, “What?”

“Who’s that?” He narrowed his eyes.

“It’s none of your business,” you smirked. You needed to fuck Im Jaebum out of your system. There was no way you were going to spend tonight sober, and drinking alone would be worse.

And spending the night with Jaebum would be just sad mostly.

“Are you kicking me out?” He smirked at you, teasing.

“Well, Emma isn’t here to kick me out, so...” you trailed off.

“Alright, fine,” he got grabbing his jacket. You watched as he put it on, before running his hands through his hair.

“Bye, Jae,” you whispered.

Jaebum looked down at you, his eyes soft as he sighed, “I wish you weren’t so much trouble, y/n.”

You didn't say anything and only smiled up at him.

“Goodbye, y/n,” Jaebum leaned down, kissing your forehead.

You watched him walk out of your room, the door closing behind him.

You let out a shaky breath as you wiped the tears that slipped from your eyes.

“Fucking hell,” you muttered before downing the second bottle.

You reached for your phone.

Get here in 15 mins.

Dickdown 9/10: Five ;)

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daddykohli · 4 years

Text

you make me live, you’re my best friend

i’ve been in my feelings about singing in the car with spencer on my morning commutes so I decided to write about it!

warnings: fluff, reid inadvertently outs himself to the team (no angst or upset at all), alcohol, cursing

bi spencer x bi fem reader

2.8k words

mornings are for coffee and contemplation. and sometimes singing.

Despite the peppy attitude he arrived to work with nearly every day, Spencer Reid was not a morning person. He needed a good combination of things to get him to peak performance including at least two strong coffees with a mountain of sugar, his mismatched socks and you. Well, you and the speakers blasting your favorite music on the way to work.

You had an eclectic taste and a loud mouth, frankly, and Spencer didn’t get everything you played for him but he was game to sit in the passenger’s seat with his sunglasses on, watching you belt along with whatever 80′s power ballad, mid 2000′s country hit or latest TikTok trendy song you’d gotten stuck in your head.

Thanks to a combination of his eidetic memory and an embarrassing and constant urge to please you, Spencer pulled up the lyrics on his phone to every song you played for the first time, committing them to memory forever. This was a blessing and a curse; it wasn’t helpful to be on a case and find he’s been looking at bodies, mumbling “I'll take my chances in traffic, she suckin' on dick, no hands with it” absently under his breath, but nothing in the world made his girl happier than him singing along by her side loudly, badly at 7 am.

This also wasn’t an activity Spencer shared with the team. If you asked any one of them at any given time, they’d collectively decided that you two were having sex in the mornings because nothing else could explain why you tumbled in the door together, giggling and ready to take on the world while the rest of them were dragging their feet, squinting in the harsh white lights of the bullpen.

There were certainly more humiliating things for the team to find out about, but Spencer didn’t particularly want to listen to the team hounding them to join karaoke night once they knew Spencer had no real qualms with making a fool out of himself while singing.

As it was, one night when you were out with the girls, 3 cocktails and half pitcher of blue long island ice tea in, you accidentally spilled the beans. It was the damn DJ—if he hadn’t played “Africa” by Toto, none of this would’ve happened. You were leaning on Emily’s shoulder when you heard a familiar beat and shrieked, patting Emily’s arm rather aggressively.

“This is me ‘n Spencer’s song,” you told the group, closing your eyes and smiling, swaying along to the music. The ladies laughed, shaking their heads in disbelief.

“It’s not your song, there’s no way,” JJ protested, rolling her eyes, not bothering to hide her laughter.

You huffed, irritated that they couldn’t read your mind. “Well it’s not our song but it’s our car song!”

Your friends brows furrowed almost in unison, making you giggle.”Car song...?” Garcia asked, chin in her hand. You gasped dramatically, shaking your head in denial.

“NO, nono no, Spence said-we can’t talk about the car songs, I can’t-forget I said ‘nything,” your hands were moving wildly, subconsciously mimicking the way your boyfriend used his hands to express his own emotions. This was the wrong reaction, which sober you would have had the sense to realize beforehand. JJ, Emily and Garcia leaned in, suddenly extremely interested, matching mischievous grins on their faces.

“Explain. Immediately,” Garcia demanded, slapping her hand down on the table in front of you. You mimed zipping your lips closed and throwing the key across the bar, shaking your head.

“Mm-mm,” you mumbled, shrugging. There was no way you were going to lose your morning singing buddy because of your loose lips. Sober you also would have known that Spencer (who lived with you) wouldn’t stop riding to work with you or singing in the car with you over his team finding out, but you tended to be a little one-track-minded when you drank.

The girls finally relented, switching the conversation gears to people-watching, playing a lighthearted profiling game with the other patrons. There was someone in the group, however, who hadn’t forgotten and wouldn’t forget by Monday morning either.

When Monday morning rolled around, Garcia laid in wait for her target to arrive. When he did, she snatched him by the hand and dragged him into her Batcave. Derek made a particularly un-manly noise that Garcia would file away for later, but right now she needed his guidance.

“I’m gonna do a bad thing,” she greeted, plopping down in her chair.

“Woman-” Derek began, still half asleep, heart racing from being kidnapped at 7 o’ clock in the morning.

“No time,” Garcia interrupted, “I have information.”

Derek raised an eyebrows, sitting down in the other chair in the room, indicating that he was interested.

“Our resident baby and pretty boy sing in the car in the mornings,” she stated.

Derek stared, opened his mouth as if to say something and then closed it. “Sing?” he finally asked, voice dripping with skepticism. “I mean her, sure, but Spencer? Are you sure?”

Garcia nodded, turning to her computer. “A certain cocktail induced confession. Now here’s where I need you to convince me it’s a bad idea to hack into her dash cam so we can see the show.”

Derek huffed out a laugh and put his head in his hands. “Baby girl, you know I would never miss out on a chance to humiliate Reid, but are you sure this is what’s happening? Because if it is, I’m bringing the rest of the team and providing popcorn,” he warned.

Garcia’s smile grew to luminous proportions. “You know, I only asked you to stop me because I knew you’d be the least likely to do so?” she asked.

Derek just laughed, shaking his head. “You are so bad”.

You and Spencer woke up in rare form on Tuesday morning. You both felt well rested (that didn’t stop you from guzzling two coffees each before you hit the door) and in high spirits. Since you woke early, you had a lazy morning in bed, kissing and whispering and giggling, tangled in the sheets. You showered together instead of apart and had an actual solid breakfast rather than a granola bar split down the middle on your way up the elevator at headquarters.

By the time you made it to the car, (Spencer in a button up and cardigan, dark pants and his converse and you in a dress that complimented your eyes with a blazer as an afterthought, in case you needed to go out into the field unexpectedly today) you were both a little bummed that your good moods were going to be dampened by paperwork shortly, but you still had the commute ahead of you and you knew it’d take no convincing to get Spencer to sing along with you today.

Meanwhile, at headquarters, Garcia, Rossi, JJ, Emily and a very reluctant Hotch were crowded around Garcia’s computer. Suddenly the screen came to life showing a clear, albeit off-color video feed of you and Spencer in the front seats of your car.

Garcia gasped, clapped her hands delightedly, and everyone else stepped closer.

“We’re acknowledging that this is a huge invasion of privacy, right,” JJ asked absently.

“And a gross misuse of government property to do so,” Hotch added gruffly, lips pressed into a thin line.

“Yeah, yeah,” Rossi and Emily dismissed in unison, squinting at the screen. You and Spencer already had big smiles on your faces, chattering on about some movie you’d watched together last night, Spencer talking about the logistics of life on Saturn and you explaining to him that the movie was about lesbians in space and you didn’t care whether it was sustainable to live on another planet.

The team couldn’t help but smile at their two youngest co-workers so obviously, comfortably in love.

“So what’ll it be today?” Spencer asked, after relenting that gays in space was enough of a plot line to hold a film despite its obvious scientific pitfalls.

You fiddled with your phone, deciding on a playlist while waiting for him to buckle up for the drive to work. Finally, you decided one one simply named “drive” that included all the songs in your library that got you excited to be alive.

“I think we’re going high-energy today,” you announced to Spencer, smiling as you felt his warm hand push up the hem of your dress slightly to land in its familiar spot on your bare thigh, fingers curling to rest against the sensitive skin of the inner portion.

Spencer nodded, leaning his head back and running a hand through his hair as music filled the car. He didn’t bother to pull out his phone, this playlist was a frequent choice of yours and he already knew all the songs on it by heart.

“Did you know that listening to the music you love actually causes your brain release more dopamine, a crucial neurotransmitter for humans’ emotional and cognitive functioning? It’s connected to the brain’s reward experience, enjoying a piece of music, deriving pleasure from it, wanting to listen to it again, being willing to spend money for it, strongly depend on the dopamine released in our synapses,” Spencer explained happily, feeling safe in knowing you’d never get tired of listening to him share information.

“That explains a lot!” you replied excitedly, nodding as you put the car in reverse and slowly pulled out of the driveway and onto your quiet street. Well, yours and Spencer’s.

You bit your lip, smiling at your internal correction. Spencer had been your best friend for so long that sometimes you forgot that you were a couple now. Sure, there was a lot more kissing now but he was still just your Spencer and it sent the butterflies in your tummy into a frenzy whenever he touched you in a way that he wouldn’t have allowed himself when you were just friends.

“C’mon now, let’s fuckin’ go,” you cheered, getting your heart racing and ready for the day, not catching Spencer looking at you with so much love written all over his face that it was sickening and a smile that could overshadow the sun.

“They’re disgusting,” Emily said fondly, watching her friends interact onscreen. She was seeing a sillier side of Spencer, a more gentle and carefree side that made her feel warm in her stomach. It made sense that he was happiest when he was with his girl and no responsibility at hand but she wished they could all see him like that more often.

The team all laughed, eyes fixed on the screen when the door opened and the smell of melted butter wafted in. Morgan had a large bowl filled with popcorn and Garcia clapped, laughing and reaching for a handful.

“I told you I’d get snacks for show!” he stated, grinning as he sat in the only empty chair left in the room. “What’d I miss?” he asked, munching on a few pieces of popcorn.

“AND I MEANT EVERY WORD I SAID, WHEN I SAID THAT I LOVE YOU I MEANT THAT I LOVE YOU FOREVER,” you and Spencer were scream-singing “Keep on Loving You” by REO Speedwagon until your throats were sore, giggling in between verses. You had one hand on the wheel (that had been a point of contention between you and Spencer for awhile but it had been some months since he’d stopped spouting accident statistics at you and started to trust you behind the wheel) and one elbow resting on the console and both felt utterly invincible.

When the song ended, it faded into “What I Need” by Hayley Kiyoko and you groaned, tossing your head back dramatically against the seat. “I’m so gay,” you stated, thinking about the girl with blonde hair and dance moves you daydreamed about far too often.

Spencer laughed as he sang along, tapping out the rhythm with his fingers on your inner thigh, sliding on his sunglasses. “Would you leave me for her?” he asked playfully, nodding his head toward the radio.

“In an instant,” you replied, shrugging and tossing your hair before really getting into the song, body rolling and catching glancing at Spencer’s face, reveling in his shameless ogling.

After Hayley’s voice cut, the playlist moved right into “Plum” by Troye Sivan and Spencer groaned in a mock of your groan from earlier. “I would leave you for Troye Sivan,” he told you, nodding as he hummed along with the song.

“I would be insulted if you didn’t, given the opportunity. I would love it if you left me for Troye Sivan, it would be an honor,” you both fell into giggles and when Spencer slid his sunglasses off his face, he accidentally dropped them on the floor at his feet. To make matters worse, in true clumsy Spencer fashion, he bumped his head on the dash when he reached down to pick them up.

You snorted, reached out and patted his cheek. “And they call me the bi disaster,” you teased, shaking her head.

“I’ll admit that sometimes I earn that title,” he replied, face reddening.

There was dead silence in the Batcave, the longest silence that the team had ever participated in, perhaps.

They already knew you were bisexual, tiny flag on your desk and they really did call you the “bi disaster” in the company of those you were out to, clumsy, flirty and loud as you were. But Spencer. This was new information.

Hotch was the first to speak up. “I told you this was a bad idea, I’m calling it off,” he stated, shaking his head, wondering how the hell he was going to advise his team to handle this.

“No, no, wait,” JJ spoke up. Everyone looked toward her, surprised. “Look,” she began, tugging on Hotch’s sleeve to bring him back down into his chair, “we already know. They’re 10 minutes from headquarters now, how much more private information could they possibly reveal?”

She had a point. They’d come this far in what had originally been a harmless plan to embarrass Spencer about his bad singing and make his face turn a delightful red. Hotch sat down slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he did so.

“Go on,” he told Garcia begrudgingly and she obeyed, cranking the volume again to hear Spencer taking on a solo in “Love Story” by Taylor Swift. It would have been a crime to miss this.

After tackling One Direction and The 1975, you were about 5 minutes from work when it came time for the coveted Last Song of the Drive. It was an important one, it set the mood for the day and sometimes you and Spencer spent half of that time choosing the perfect one. Today, it only took one skip to land on “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo.

You and Spencer looked at one another, grinning and cheered, you bouncing in your seat and him pounding on the dash with his fist.

“WHY ARE MEN GREAT ‘TILL THEY GOTTA BE GREAT,” you both screamed, cracking the windows so everyone within a 5 mile radius could hear your terrible, delighted voices.

You and Spencer were holding hands, just broken apart from a few stolen kisses in the elevator when the doors opened, revealing your entire team, clearly on pins and needles. They’d been waiting for you.

You frowned, reaching for your phone instinctively. “Did we miss a call...?”

Rossi shook his head, coming forward, all fatherly and gentle.

“So what had happened was-”

“I hacked your dash cam so we could hear Spencer singing and accidentally found out you’re bisexual,” Garcia blurted, feeling responsible for the whole debacle. She was ready for any ill will pointed her way, but she wouldn’t let Rossi take the responsibility of confessing on behalf of what was her idea.

You felt Spencer’s hand tense in yours for a moment—his sexuality wasn’t something he hid, but he wasn’t vocal about it like you were. You looked up into his handsome face to see a small, sheepish smile on it.

“It’s not a secret,” he informed his family, shrugging. “Just didn’t think it was necessary to announce it in a newsletter”.

The whole room still felt thick with apprehension and you were ready to fly off the handle if anyone teased your boyfriend about this.

Spencer pulled his hand from yours and moved forward to rest it on his chosen sister’s shoulder. Garcia smiled at the contact. “It’s okay,” he told her gently, sputtering as she swept him into a crushing hug that lifted him off the floor.

The rest of the team crowded around and your heart grew 3 sizes watching your family smother Spencer with love and support, him tall, red faced and pleased right in the middle. Morgan strode over, winked and grabbed you by the hand to pull you into the group hug, making you laugh and you were crushed in alongside the people you love the most.

“So...Spencer, would you say you’re 98% or 99% or maybe...100% That Bitch?” Emily teased, bringing fire to Spencer’s cheeks and laughter to the rest of the team, including yourself.

You’re never happier than moments like these. Among your best friends.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fic #spencer reid #my fic

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