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vampireinterview · 3 years

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It has come to my attention that some of you have not been made aware of the fact that Plato was well known for being a Destiel shipper, in addition to the fact that he also wrote some philosophical works on the side. Let me explain.

Plato was an Athenian thinker whose real name was Aristocles (Plato most likely comes from the Greek word for ‘broad”, he might have been so jacked that people nicknamed him for his wide shoulders, which is irrelevant to the topic at hand but I’m collecting receipts on my hypothesis that all hellers are physical beheamoths). His work regarding the philosophy of love can be interpreted through the lens of the Deancas love story, which can potentially lead us to discover the very essence of what makes Destiel so impactful and universal, so bear with me, I’ll make it as introductory as possible.

Plato’s Symposium is a dialogue which contains the philosopher’s basic view on what love can be. The influence of the aforementioned text has been so strong that even those of us who are blissfully unaware of its contents have heard of the concept of “platonic love”. It is with great disappointment that I have to inform you about the fact that the way in which the term is colloquially used can be considered quite removed from the core idea of what Plato’s love is supposed to be about. Commonly people utilize it to refer to a non-romantic and non-sexual emotion towards an individual. However, even though the extrasensory love was the end goal, it was never too far distanced from the earthly, carnal desire that was supposed to lay the foundation for greater experiences.

One of the most illustrative elements of the Symposium is no doubt the Love Ladder metaphor (also known as Diotima’s Ladder of Love, the Scala Amoris); Plato believes the act of loving to be a part of the process of initiation into the non-material world of ideas. Every step of the ladder helps one approach the transcendence of one’s soul, and so we can single out six steps to immortal absolutes:

1. The first step is developing an appreciation for a particular person. It’s a very much carnal (though not necessarily conventionally sexual) desire for beauty of a specific individual. According to Plato only through the love of the physical can one love the non material. The visceral infatuation with another’s body is often strongly rooted with the self-hatred of one’s own aesthetical poverty: within the carnal love we seek to find that which our own body lacks. The desire between Dean and Cas doesn’t have to be seen as strictly sexual, as the appreciation of beauty does not warrant a conventionally erotic subtext. This sort of fascination with the flesh is most noticeably highlighted in the many “eye sex” scenes in seasons 4-5, and is later brought up by Hester:

The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost.

2. The second step stems from the appreciation for all physicality derived directly from the love one has for the lover’s form. It’s fleshed out any time Dean finds beauty in the dark times, where he would have never found it before or when Cas sees humanity through the lens of the love he has for the beauty within Dean Winchester. This step is all about finding the allure in everybody, not in spite of but rather because of having fallen for a specific person’s material form.

3. The next step is a love which transcends the physical and teaches an individual to feel affection towards the souls. The attraction one can experience in relation to that which is non material is precisely what takes the function of the driving force behind both Castiel’s and Dean’s decisions in season 6 and onward (arguably even much earlier for Cas? or even Dean? Maybe we’re talking about season 4?). As evidenced by the apparent lack of attraction Dean experiences towards Jimmy himself, he must have already moved on to this stage (the Cas he loves is not just the vessel he inhabits). Castiel on the other hand feels heavily infatueted with Dean’s spiritual allure (even when he’s physically on the verge of a breakdown, he’s still beautiful, still Dean Winchester).

4. It is only then that one can find love for the institution. If one worships souls, then one also has to worship the product of those souls: and, sure enough, loving humanity led Castiel to love its structures and ethical systems and be willing to die fighting for them. In the later seasons he exhibits fascination over all the little rules that guide an average human’s life (which is especially fleshed out in his season 7 dialogues, where he contemplates all the small details of the societal structure, ie: how important is lipstick to you?, maybe the human institutions should ban its production). Same can be said of Dean: the customs and traditions of other people are subject to his affectionate protection in the later seasons, which sets s6 and onwards Dean apart from the early seasons Dean who cared mostly about his blood relatives. The found family arc was for him a process of growing attached to the order of life which was previously foreign to him, and him learning to navigate functioning within a big family structure and an organization (the last one is physically manifested by his move from a chaotic life spent at random motels to living at the bunker, property of the institution of Men Of Letters).

5. Then comes the deep appreciation of knowledge. Now, it is widely disputed whether what Plato meant should be strictly narrowed down to just one kind of knowledge (in many English translations you might encounter the word ‘science’, though used in the ancient sense). The process of gaining knowledge is often equated with the understanding of ideas in Plato’s work, therefore we’re going to stick with that. The act of loving the process of discovering both the external and the internal world is a strong factor which pushes Dean to self examination, or the examination of the inner psyche. It is that pursuit of knowledge that is the very coronation of his entire character arc: the realization of his role within the story (”I’m not the ultimate killer”) which was directly derived from the act of loving Cas.

6. The final stage of platonic love is reaching the love of the very concept of Love. Once again, interpretations vary, but for the sake of the argument, I’ll clarify that: the discussed kind of love transcends both the body and the soul. An individual is in love with Beauty, not just one of it’s physical or spiritual manifestations. In my opinion, this stage is extremely well depicted during the 15x18 confession scene, for it is a kind of love achieved by Castiel. He is no longer just in love with the body or soul of Dean, he’s also in love with the sole idea of loving him. He quite literally states that he’s fallen in love with the idea of just being, just saying it, just falling in love.

Upon achieving this state, he transcends his material conditions both by leaving the human world (his move to another dimension - the Empty - could be just an illustrative manifestation of the transcendental move of his essence) and giving birth to a new world order. The way in which he later on goes to rebuild Heaven and give birth to a completely new, structure of the universe is in line with a concept that Plato ties into the finale step of the Ladder - pregnancy of the soul. At one point in Symposium he describes Diotima saying that:

That in that life alone, when he looks at Beauty in the only way that Beauty can be seen--only then will it become possible for him to give birth not to images or virtue (Because he’s in touch with no images), but to true virtue (Because he is in touch with the true Beauty).

What is the christian equivalent and personification of the true idea of Virtue if not the abstract concept of Heaven? The moment Cas creates a new portrayal of Virtue he finishes the Ladder. It could also be argued that the true pregnancy of the soul was actually finished when Jack ascended to the status of God: an entity which belongs to the realm of ideas and is perfect by its very nature is birthed through Castiel’s love (which can be traced back to the feelings he has for Dean Winchester).

And it is the fact that Dean’s arc got stuck on the fifth stage of the Ladder that causes me so much pain. He dies before transcending and experiencing the non-temporal and non-relative feeling of love that one can gain only through the admiration of beauty itself. His life was cut short and his soul has already left the mortal, physical world, therefore he is forever unable to experience the feeling of loving Love and Virtue so much that his soul gives birth to an unbreakable idea.

In conclusion: if you ever see somebody say that Dean and Castiel’s relationship is platonic, just agree. It is very much so platonic in the sense that through their carnal and spiritual desires they’ve manged to (nearly, in Dean’s case) transcend their material conditions and reached the divine aspect of ideal Beauty and Virtue, rooted in a love that’s so deep that it’s perfectly able to redefine the structure of one’s existence.

tagging some people who have vaguely expressed interest in acquiring the third eye:

@cryptcas @futureheadnerd @doctorprofessorsong @sinnabonka @theangelwiththewormstache @absoluteheller @fivefeetfangirl

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years

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IS JIKOOK REAL?

In light of everything that's happened over the course of the month: Taekook in the Soop, the missing birthday post on Jimin's birthday and the following silence that's ensued in its aftermath- we are all still waiting for Jimin's birthday VLive; every Jikook fan past and present, deep and shallow, I feel, is left wondering whether Jikook was ever as real as bigfoot and the Easter bunny, a figment of our imagination. Is Jikook real, we all wonder.

Now, I can't answer the later with Vim and Vigor without opening myself up to all kinds of law suits under the sun- I don't care much for the skepticism and ridicule that usually follows. Nor can I in good conscience come out here and outrightly out these two that I feel are in fact a couple and dating. That would be very hypocritical of me.

The best I can do in this instance is to stream my consciousness and share with you why I believe them to be a couple? Let the records show, I am full on delusional. *smiling.

I think when it comes to Jikook the universal consensus within the fandom is that they have a really special bond. We can all agree on that much. Their bond is unique and just plain beautiful; the days of disclarity and obscurity over whether they even like each other long gone.

Thus I refrain from indulging in any conversation that calls to question the intentions of either party towards the other when either act in a certain way that most find displeasing. Such as, questions about why JK didn't promote Promise or Friends, why he didn't wish JM a happy birthday. Is Jk envious of Jimin or vice versa, etc.

Such questions as simple and as innocuous as they may seem are always hard for me to answer. JK promoted Promise, had the funniest reaction video to it. He promoted Lie, every chance he got with teasing Jimin's dance moves in Lie, literally had a gun to Jimin to perform Lie in run and that hand on his heart said it all. Is that not promotion enough?

We heard serendipity, you are me, I am you and the many tireless times JK has talked about it- he won't shut up about it. What more does he need to do to show he loves and supports Jimin's career?

I find when people ask these kinds of questions that they are operating on the mentality that JK doesn't love Jimin *enough* or worse that Jikook ought to love each other in a certain kind of way, their own arbitrary ways and to their own satisfaction.

I keep reiterating that this is their love and their relationship. Ours is just to observe how they are choosing to express that love for eachother and uWu while we are at it. Lol

That's not to say that we shouldn't have certain expectations of them if we believe them to be a couple. Expectations are important and necessary to sustaining our belief in them as a couple. But that expectation should be reasonable and should be determined by the patterns of behavior we see in them towards eachother, towards the group and with consideration to their values, culture and beliefs- stay with me.

If our expectations of them is that they are not loving eachother enough or in a way that satisfies and appeases our spirits then that's no longer expectations. That's projecting.

Thus, I'm often discombobulated by the questions i recieve on the quality of love they express towards each other because quality is relative and highly subjective.

Jikook only have so much room to express their love and affection for eachother since they are not out yet and so we may not fully be privy to the extent of the love they express for each other much less to ascertain its quality.

The space they inhabit is a working space and when the cameras turn on it is work and business...

That being said, what they are not doing within this constricted space they have is equally as important as what they are doing within this space. Whereas questions of the quality of their love is irrelevant, to me as an Alt shipper at least, I find questions of the degree of love between them highly important.

Jikook's special bond is indisputable. The conflict then has always been about labels, whether or not that bond they share is purely platonic, romantic or something in between- the degree of love between them.

And I see there are different schools of thought on this matter. There are those who operate on the assumption that Jikook are just special friends and reserve the possibility that they could be something more to them.

Then there are those who believe they are real or could be real but reserve the possibility that they could also not be real.

These are the conventional shippers. They play it safe. Good for them. But then there are the full on delulu folks such as myself who are risk takers and go all in or nothing- alternative shipping.

To me Jikook is real or I am not shipping them in the way that I ship them at all. Lol. Chileee, I prefer Yoonmin, Minimoni, Jihope, Vmin, Jinminkook, Vminkook as conventional ships for fun and what not. Jikook has always been that alternative ship for me.

And as an alternative ship, what Jikook do for eachother is equally as important to me as what they do not do for eachother. If Jikook are real then I think it's imperative that we have reasonable expectations of them in the way that they behave with eachother, enough to distinctify them as a couple within the group.

Couples are expected to behave in a certain way marked and defined by the couples themselves but that also set them apart nonetheless. Some people choose to be in an open relationship, may be friends with benefit etc but will still exude certain patterns of behavior definitive in itself that it distinguishes them from mere friends.

If Jikook are a couple they will define their relationship in a way that sets a standard for them such that this standard sets them apart from the rest of the group. And I think I have mentioned some of those standards as intimacy, speaking eachothers love language, exclusivity and the right to claim amongst others.

Yes JK loves JM and vice versa but are they loving eachother as friends or lovers? What are the patterns of behavior they put up or not put up to distinctify themselves as a couple within the group if they are one?

Yes Taekook are friends, but are they putting up distinctive characteristics that set them apart from Jikook? The answer is a resounding no- atatattatatatat, no buts. I'll bitch slap you. Lol

Tae cuddles Jimin and shares a bed with him but that is ok because they are besties soulmates. Vmin cute. Tae cuddles JK and suddenly the fandom is in uproar? Chilee, what's y'all on?

This is why I shy away from conventional shippers- well, some. The tendency they have to dismiss certain certain moments when they happen or import standards into Jikook's dynamics based on their own understanding of intimacy and romance without taking into consideration what Jikooks understanding of romance and intimacy is baffles me.

These are the people who would scream why is Jimin blowing kisses at Suga here, why is Jk cuddling Tae there without considering whether skinship with others is a deal breaker for Jikook. JK does skinship with Jin, Tae and suddenly they are questioning whether Jikook is real- I really can't relate.

If skinship is not a deal breaker for Jikook then such reactions to moments like these are nothing but censorship of JK and Jimin's behaviors and goes to question the quality of their love which as I said is irrelevant to the determining of the realness of Jikook.

If you think these skinship they do with others are disrespectful towards eachother then indirectly you are saying Jikook's relationship is toxic- but toxic relationships are still relationships and so that doesn't invalidate Jikook's relationship or disprove it.

If you expect JM to behave in a certain way because you think he is in a relationship with JK or vice versa that is no longer reasonable expectations of them but blatant censorship.

Put censorship aside, the question of the quality of their relationship aside, our own personal idiosyncrasies aside and hopes- what do you see?

REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS

I mentioned above how it's imperative to have reasonable expectations of Jikook if you believe them to be a real couple because without these expectations Jikook is no different from any other ship in BTS.

I talked about what constitutes reasonable expectations though and attempted to outline what doesn't count as reasonable expectations but allow me to shed more light on it for the sake of dissolving any ambiguity around the term.

Unreasonable expectations are those expectations we have that result in us questioning the validity of Jikooks relationship without cause. They often result in us assuming something is wrong between Jikook because we feel there is something we ought to see in their interactions because we are used to seeing them in Jikook dynamics.

Unreasonable expectations is drilled in us by false conditionings. Some of these false conditionings are external to Jikook, such as our exposure to analysis videos or edited videos. They often condition us to think Jikook are in BTS to screw eachother seven ways through the roof all year round. We tend to forget quickly that when the cameras turn on it's all work for them.

The worst part is, we get used to the slowed down gazes, the two seconds lingering stares and touches that go on for minutes in these edited videos and so whenever we are exposed to actual content from BigHit in real time we feel JK didn't stare too long, JM didn't laugh at JK's Jokes therefore something is wrong.

Some false conditionings are induced in us by Jikook themselves.

Take for instance, Jimlous and Jeonlous. Are these something to be considered reasonable expectations for us to have of Jikook because we see them do this all the time? Absolutely not.

While jealousy is an integral part of the Korean dating culture- allegedly, it is subject to the mental state, personal values and growth of Jikook.

As they mature, they may outgrow certain behaviors not limited to Jimlous/Jeonlous. It is thus unreasonable to expect these of Jikook all the time.

Coupled with long exposures to edited videos, we soon become conditioned to expect Jk or Jimin to react strongly to when the other seemingly crosses boundaries with others- aka skinship.

If you expect JK to pout each time Jimin smiles at another member and they don't, it simply means you are stuck in the past and aren't growing with them on their love journey. It doesn't mean something is wrong with Jikook or that Jikook is not real.

That doesn't mean Jeonlous is not important. It is a distinctifier. In my opinion.

Jikook are able to enforce boundaries with each other because they have the right to. I keep saying they are the only pair in BTS that has and exercise this right of claim over eachother. Jimlous/ Jeonlous is how we know they feel a boundary has been crossed and depending on the situation or environment they would often exercise that right of claim.

I have said, the only times I feel they don't and can't exercise this right of claim is if they are not a couple and just friends- when they are broken up. I saw this because even in official settings they seem to have this right of claim even if they are not exercising it.

What I'm trying to say is certain behaviors and patterns of behavior in Jikook are distinctifiers in that they set them apart from the other pairs and those distinctifiers can be reasonably expected of Jikook and so if we don't see those in them- over a period of time mind you, then questions and brows ought to be raised as high up as possible. If Jikook is not real then frankly I want to know. I'm not about to believe in bigfoot.

What I'm saying basically is, whereas Jeonlous and Jimlous are not a distinctifier perse as such shouldn't be reasonably expected of them, right of claim is a distinctifier and should be reasonably expected.

Skinship is not a distinctifier- if I have to repeat this one more time I swear to god imma wield JK's pan on y'all. Lol but deadass.

Now, is JK wishing JM a happy birthday openly on social media reasonable expectation? Come now, Y'all don know I had a complete meltdown over this on my TL. Of course I'm gone bring it up. Lol

Jikook wishing eachother a happy birthday on social media is reasonable expectations to have if it is a distinctifier or something that sets Jikook apart from the rest of the members. Is it? The answer is a flat ass no.

I mentioned that one of the reasons I believe Jikook is real is because I feel out of all the pairs in BTS they are the ones that speak eachother's love language.

Jimin loves to be made to feel special. Jk makes Jimin feel special. I mean he did gift JM a present without doing same for the others so it's safe to assume he gives Jimin special treatment on his birthdays- as should he. Mr Park set the standards high for his man.

Y'all know I was on my personal agenda with this whole JM birthday thingy. I was hoping Jk was going to post but only for Jimin and make a statement with it- a girl can dream.

The fact that he didn't post doesn't mean he didn't make JM feel special on his birthday. Had JM and BTS not talked openly about JK buying JM a present when he didn't do that for the others, frankly we wouldn't have known he ever did that for JM.

It sort of leaves you wondering what goes on behind the cameras. I mean if memories 2019 is anything to go by, Jikook is closer than we think.

Jikook show us a lot but there are a lot more we don't see.

In their early dynamics he used to do alot for JM that he seemed uncomfortable showing openly. We only knew of those moments through Jimin who seemed giddy and excited about them and would often overshare those information.

Personally, I feel whatever they did for Jimin on his Birthday is going to show up in a Bangtan Bomb or something in the future.

Due to BTS' inability to hold physical concerts due to the virus, I feel BigHit are on an agenda to increase demand and patronage for BTS content online by creating scarcity and making BTS less available and accessible- demand and supply, economics 101. They ain't slick. Bless them.

Social media is an outlet for Jikook. In my opinion. It is one of the means through which they express themselves individually and as a couple. But it's my understanding that Jikook use these outlets in different ways.

While JK uses it as an outlet to express his feelings because of his introvertedness, Jimin uses it as a means to connect with his fans and build their platform.

What I mean is, if JK is feeling happy he is going to come on here and tweet, cup of milk let's rock and roll. When Jimin doesn't pick up his calls, he's gonna come here and tweet it's hard to love. And when JinMin leave him out of a VLive he's gone drag his man's ass to film an impromptu live with him- bless him.

Jimin I find doesn't show up on social media on impulse as JK does- we all know what happens when he does. Thats when the multiple tweets and misspelled names roll in.

Jimin's presence online is often curated, in my opinion. He will often make time to talk and share his thoughts and feelings with Army to connect with them. It's the quality time love language bit in him.

Together, they use social media as an outlet to tease their relationship as a means to relieve the stress that comes with hiding their relationship. Their relationship. They do this through the flirty banter thingy they do on line- posting after eachother, responding to each other's messages etc.

An example is the recent Weverse thingy JK did which I posted about. And more recently, the D5/D4 posts they shared on Twitter where JK posted a picture of his mic on stage, an Army Logo and a purple heart. Which together read, JK purple's Army.

Jimin responded with a complimentary post of himself performing in a black and white photo with the hashtag Jimin, I miss Army. Now you don't need me to tell you what that means and if you think it's a coincidence- sorry to you.

When JK does these things, he is often connecting with Jimin, reaching out. Not every post he sends is about Jimin or intended for Jimin. I find usually the ones that are about Jimin, Jimin responds to them through his own posts or that they will have something in them that indirectly points to Jimin.

Like the 123 song recommendations or even recently the pinky ring, sky and cup of milk photo he posted after his birthday VLive.

A lot of people kept saying perhaps the chrome heart ring he wore on his pinky was a gift from Jimin. It could be. But I think the pinky was reference to the pinky ring Joke he shared on stage when he took Jimin's ring and put it on his pinky.

The blue sky reference, well... you know. But I was more concerned about the blurred out yet visible tags on the buildings in the background- this is weird for me to say out loud but I felt the message of that post was we are not hiding. Don't mind me.

Jimin loves to flaunt their bond and flex it on social media. He gets giddy and excited when Jk shows his affections, interest and attraction to him.

I have said JK and JM have two different personalities and while often Jimin is loud, open and overwhelmingly affectionate, JK is equally intense with his affections but at his choosing. They both have intense feelings and passions for eachother but they express it in different ways due to their different personalities.

Jikook are together but they are on their own unique personal journeys of growth as well. And as much as they start certain traditions, they also end certain traditions. This is especially true for JK.

He is the one who started their 123 coded flirty banter and he is the same person who ended that tradition with the ending scene post he shared on Twitter.

Because JK likes to retract and conceal aspects of himself, often I value and pay more attention to the things he does share than the things he don't.

And because Jimin is very loud and forward with his expressions, I value and lay attention to the things he does not share more so than the things he shares.

Often I hear people say Jimin acts the same with everyone, he is so openly affectionate so certainly his love for JK doesn't go beyond platonic feelings nor can it be exclusive to JK.

That's just the thing with JM's persona. It is so loud it blurs the line between his true self and his idol self.

The boy in love with Jungkook is a facade. That is the role Jimin took on at debut. If you don't know this you've been played. If you dislike JK's brand of love, his way of expressing his love for Jimin because of this persona Jimin has you owe Jk an apology.

That one person who loves Jungkook unconditionally in BTS is just a performance. All BTS were given roles, a marketing role to sell the bromance and sell the fans. Most of them have since out grown those persona's and those kinds of performances- especially JK.

JM still holds on to his persona compared to the others in my opinion: that hypersexualized, aigyo cute persona, a bit brazen, confident, shameless etc. He projects a lot of himself into this persona but I feel often he injects bits of this persona into his real identity as a way to break himself out his limitations as Park Jimin-That never mind tattoo is there for a reason.

And so when he is being loud and daring and a tease that's not when I find his love for JK. His love resides in the calmness of his storms. In his moments of quiet when he isn't screaming and disappearing while he laughs; when he is staring at JK, taking in his visage as if he is the most beautiful thing on earth- that's when you see all the love he has for him in his face. He never does this with any of the members.

When JK is injured and he switches off his loud persona, that's when you see the real park Jimin.

I don't know which is worse, people who believe this sick persona of his is real or the people who see this persona for what it is but fail to look deeper than that.

Then there are those who believe they are dating but then dismiss certain questionable things when they happen in their dynamics. Isn't that why some people believe Taekook is real? in spite of Jikook? How can you believe a ship to be real when the existence of another ship calls into question the entire ship and not just aspects of it? It beats me.

Are they any ship in BTS that calls Jikook into question? I'll leave you to answer this.

If your answer is wrong, I'm blocking you.

Signed,

GOLDY

#Jikook #kookmin analysis #jikook is real #kookmin #jikooktheories #kookmintheories #jikook analysis #goldy analysis #goldy theories #goldy #nightswithkookmin #jikook scenarios #Jikook tns #bts ships #bts Jimin #bts Jungkook

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kitauji-king · 4 years

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‘Liz and the Blue Bird’ Recap Part 3

Our favorite trumpet and euphonium duo are getting ready to practice.

The cracks in Nozomi’s facade are beginning to show.

Nozomi still attempts to preserve the illusion nevertheless.

Speaking of being perfectly in-sync with each other, say hello to the poster children for a perfectly healthy relationship. To me, KumiRei has to be one of the best pairings based on how well they get each other and how they consistently support each other throughout all of their endeavors. They both see the other’s flaws but they still remain devoted to each other regardless. This is represented by them playing Mizore and Nozomi’s duet perfectly in time and in tune with each other.

Mizore overhears the duo practicing too and stops to take a look. She doesn’t stick around for too long though.

We love to see it.

It was a confession of love, after all.

That’s true, if Kumiko and Reina were in the position of Liz and the bluebird, their parting would take on a different meaning. As I said only a moment ago, Kumiko and Reina are always in support of each other. If one of them felt as though the other one was being held back from achieving their full potential and becoming special, they wouldn’t hesitate for a second in letting the other one go. They’d have no doubt that letting the other go would be the correct choice.

Nozomi second guesses herself.

Mizore has read the story through multiple times, but she still can’t seem to get into Liz’s head.

Another area where Mizore and I are quite similar. Just like her, I find myself getting extremely attached to certain people I care deeply about and I even go as far as creating this idealized version of them in my head. The idea of letting that person go is almost unspeakable.

Yuuko is extremely passionate about this because after Nozomi quit, she was the only one Mizore had left. She saw firsthand how strongly this abandonment affected her, even to the point of her getting physically sick. So, it makes sense that she’s frustrated at Nozomi for doing the same thing all over again.

Well, sometimes, but communication is also important too. When was Mizore supposed to find out, then?

Niiyama makes a very astute assumption about Mizore and her sentimentality, to which Mizore can’t deny. Then, she gives Mizore a different perspective to think about.

Back in the fairy tale world, Liz finally breaks the news to the blue girl. She takes it pretty well.

Seemingly out of nowhere, the rug was pulled out from underneath the blue girl. She had been living with Liz and the two of them had been pretty much attached at the hip for a while now. They had come to love each other deeply, but now Liz is telling her she has to leave.

Liz has come to terms with the fact that the blue girl cannot truly be free or happy if she chooses to stay with her.

This particular shot with the way Liz looks at the blue girl and the way she speaks this line really melts my heart. All of her love is being reflected in her eyes. I think what makes this even more emotional is the addition of Liz pulling back for a moment to recompose herself before she speaks. It’s a painful decision to make, but she has to peel off the band-aid. The blue girl is reluctant to leave, but she does so anyway out of respect for Liz’s decision.

Also, I’m going to use this shot to reaffirm my statement that this is a queer movie. Liz’s one line in this shot hints at the nature of her relationship with the blue girl. It’s not platonic. In Japan, there are quite a few ways to say ��I love you,” all of them having their own nuances and context. Liz uses “aishiteru,” which is normally used only in romantic situations; for instance what two spouses or two lifelong partners would say to each other. “Aishiteru” marks a very deep, committed, romantic relationship. It has such great meaning that the word isn’t even that commonly used in normal settings. Yes, it’s a bit bold of me to label their relationship as romantic, but I still find it a little ridiculous to assume that the two of them are just friends and nothing more. I would even say that it was willful ignorance. Clearly, whatever this relationship is, it transcends friendship.

But also, it is just a fairy tale.

Suddenly it starts making sense.

All this time, Mizore had been restraining her playing so that she wouldn’t leave Nozomi behind. The whole reason she plays the oboe in the first place is because of Nozomi. Now she realizes that because she loves her, she has to convey her love and all her emotions through her playing to give it back to her. Music is the best way for someone like Mizore to express themselves after all.

Here Nozomi finally comes clean and comes to terms with her own jealousy. She admits that it hurt to see Mizore getting all this attention when Nozomi is also passionate about music. She has to learn to accept that Niiyama just happened to see a greater potential in Mizore that Nozomi just didn’t seem to have. She has to accept that Mizore is going places where she cannot follow.

Originally, they thought of Mizore as Liz, and Nozomi as the bluebird. Nozomi was a strange miracle that came into Mizore’s life when she least expected it. And then, just like the Avatar, when Mizore needed her most, she vanished.

The roles have been reversed.

The bluebird has gone away to be free with others of her kind, and Liz is left to watch as the bluebird soars higher and higher and farther and farther away.

A stray bluebird feather descends from the sky. Liz grabs it and holds it closely, accepting is as something to remember her companion by. Ultimately, she made the correct decision in letting the bluebird go free, but god it still hurts. Now Nozomi knows she must do the same as well.

This last shot is so stunningly gorgeous from color to composition. I like that the film lingers here for a good few seconds.

Act 3 begins at the start of another rehearsal. In a seemingly uncharacteristically bold move by Mizore, she asks if they can go all the way through the Third Movement in Liz.

Niiyama approves.

As they begin playing the duet, Nozomi immediately notices that something is different.

Mizore is playing her part now with a new vigor and liveliness. All of her inhibitions have been thrown out the window and she doesn’t restrain herself to allow Nozomi to keep up. She’s soaring like the bluebird.

This specific portion of the song gives me chills and goosebumps every single time. The music is at a low rumble, Mizore leads as the piece is building up and building up until the cymbals crash and a trumpet fanfare begins, marking the climax of the movement.

Nozomi is so overcome with her emotions she can hardly play. She can’t focus enough to even move her fingers and fake it. The camera going in and out of focus really enhances this.

Nozomi finally drops out, laying the flute down in her lap in defeat. She just can’t keep up anymore.

She firmly grips the instrument in her lap as the tears begin to fall. It’s no use, and she knows it. Mizore has flown too high and far away for Nozomi to even reach her anymore.

Mizore concludes the solo on a literal high note.

The film goes silent. Everyone in the room is left utterly speechless or in tears because of Mizore’s solo. I had the same reaction. Not Niiyama-sensei though. She knew all along that Mizore could play like this; she’s merely proud.

If even Reina offers her kudos to your playing, that’s how you know you’re an amazing musician.

Even with all this praise, there’s still one thing on Mizore’s mind.

Mizore finds Nozomi sulking alone in what was previously her own hiding spot: the blowfish tank in the science lab.

Mizore’s in a difficult position. She doesn’t have that same type A personality that someone like Reina has. Mizore is happy to play as long as she gets to do it with Nozomi, the competition aspect isn’t that important to her. So I can see why she would hold herself back for Nozomi’s sake.

Nozomi’s in a tough position as well. She’s extremely passionate about music and she is a skilled flautist; she was the president of Minami Middle School’s band, the principal flautist to boot, and she only quit Kitauji’s band because she couldn’t stand being around the upperclassmen who didn’t take it seriously. We know this. So it really sucks for her to realize that she’s coming up short in her playing. Now this girl, whom she introduced to concert band in the first place, is turning out to be more skilled than she is and is even getting more attention for it. I don’t care who you are, that’s gotta hurt, petty or not.

This is reflecting the part in the short story where Liz claims to be just “a cage that confines you” and tells the bluebird that with her flight she can go anywhere she chooses.

Mizore is done being talked over and is ready to finally speak her mind.

Nozomi severely underestimates how much of an effect her disappearance had on her friend. It’s even affected how Mizore saw her other friendships (though she didn’t have very many to begin with). For the entire year that Nozomi was gone and Yuuko stuck by her side, Mizore was so sure that she was only doing that out of pity. She didn’t see herself as being worthy enough to be considered someone else’s friend. And now that Nozomi’s back, Mizore felt she had to live with the fear that it could happen again.

Mizore’s main fear is that she’s just another one of Nozomi’s many friends, and that if she ever stopped doing it, there would be no reason for Nozomi to continue to be her friend. Whether or not she actually liked band was irrelevant in that equation. And as we learned in season 2, when asked why she never quit the band even after Nozomi did, she explained that the oboe was the only thing keeping her connected to Nozomi.

Mizore’s as serious as a heart attack when it comes to how much she loves Nozomi.

Nozomi is referring to the part of herself that she doesn’t let anyone else see. The part of her that is petty, jealous, and selfish. She doesn’t feel she lives up to the perfect, kind hearted, divine being that her peers have made her out to be.

It is physically impossible for Mizore to even entertain the idea of hating Nozomi. She loves her, flaws and all.

Cutting Nozomi off from downplaying her confession, Mizore raises her hands in another I Love You Hug attempt. Nozomi is rendered speechless.

Mirroring the last I Love You Hug attempt, the two are froze in time and we, the audience, are left wondering “will they, or won’t they?” Boldly, Mizore is the first one to move; she wraps her arms around Nozomi and clutches onto her. Very hesitant and calculated, Nozomi slowly places her hands on Mizore’s waist.

For some reason, I don’t believe that, Nozomi.

In true I Love You Hug fashion, Mizore gushes about all of the good things Nozomi has brought into her life just by saying hi to her that one day.

Just typical things straight people platonically say about their friends.

This line can be interpreted many ways as I’ve seen when I look at other people’s analysis on this film. Some people say that this is Nozomi rejecting Mizore’s love confession seeing as she doesn’t compliment her on who she is, only what she does (her being a hard worker, and being skilled at the oboe). But I don’t agree with that interpretation. The point of this scene is for Nozomi to let go of the bluebird, just like Liz. I think that’s why she puts herself down, saying things like Mizore had to hold herself back for her sake, that she is very talented and has the whole world ahead of her. She does that so that Mizore will see how great her potential is and choose to live her own life and be free. I believe that if she had returned Mizore’s confession at this very second, that would defeat the entire purpose of her trying to release the bluebird.

Nozomi suddenly bursts out laughing. Maybe at the realization that all they needed to do was communicate with each other? I still stand by my opinion that giving each other cute nicknames would’ve resolved all of this a lot sooner.

See, I think you remember it perfectly, Nozomi.

We get this silent shot of two birds flying side by side in sync with each other.

I hope the school is paying this girl.

Mizore is trying to renew Liz again after who knows how long it’s been, and the librarian’s still trying to nag her. Luckily, Nozomi is there to save the day. However, she’s also there on a mission: she’s here to study for college exams.

This scene is meant to mirror the one at the beginning of the film with both of the girls walking to the band room and with Nozomi leading. In this scene, now the girls are independently following their own paths for the future. Mizore is practicing her oboe to get ready for music school, and Nozomi is studying up for a regular college.

Nozomi left a little doodle for Mizore on her sheet music as a reminder.

Looking through the windows of both domains, we see the same lone bluebird fly across the sky, showing us that both girls have learned to let go.

Some time later, Mizore is leaving the school building and up ahead is Nozomi’s smiling face waiting for her. She hurriedly runs up to catch up to her. Overtop of this is a voice over of Nozomi and Mizore deciding what they should eat on the way home. What’s significant about this scene is that now girls are being depicted as equals; gone are the days of them walking with Mizore trailing behind from a distance. Now they are walking side by side and both of their opinions for what they wanna do are being taken into consideration. It’s not just Nozomi calling the shots anymore.

Some things never change.

This line has kind of a double meaning. Yes, she really is going to practice and learn to play her solo with as much fervor as Mizore, but she also wants to use this time to work on herself as a person. She needs to get over her jealousy and learn to support her friend. And then maybe someday she’ll be able to return Mizore’s confession. She just needs a little time first.

Mizore agrees to keep practicing too, for a different reason though. She’ll keep following her own path.

Further demonstrating that they’ve never been more on the same page with each other than they are right now, Mizore and Nozomi hivemind for a second. Mizore recalls the conversation with Hazuki and Midori she eavesdropped on and uses the ‘Happy Ice Cream’ trick. I don’t think Nozomi realizes she’s going to be the one who has to pay for those ice creams, but you guys can cross that bridge when you come to it.

My god, what do you think she said!?

Wow, what a ride.

If you’ve actually managed to make it to the bottom of this review, I just wanna say welcome, and also thank you for taking the time to read this!

Like I said back in the intro ages ago, this immediately became my favorite film upon watching it. This is becoming one of those films that I can look back on every now again and still love it just as much if not more. KyoAni never fails to disappoint. Shoutout to Naoko Yamada, the amazing director. Would definitely recommend this film to anyone who has eyes and ears.

I’m really glad this film gave us all a chance to get a deeper look at Mizore and Nozomi’s relationship. After their 4-episode arc in season 2 of Hibike is concluded, we don’t hear much about them. This was a lovely aftermath to see how they’ve both changed and grown since their falling out and reuniting.

Now I wanna open this up for further discussion on the film. What are your thoughts and interpretations? Do you agree or disagree with me at any points? What did Nozomi say at the end!?! Leave a reply or send me and ask and I’ll try to respond to as many as I can.

Part 1

Part 2

#analysis #Liz and the blue bird #Hibike! Euphonium #Animation Appreciation #Kyoto Animation #kyoani #mizore yoroizuka #nozomi kasaki #anime #recap

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longformautie · 4 years

Text

Addressing sexism of autistic men

CW: gender-based violence, including murder and rape

I. Introduction

This post has been coming for a long time. And I mean a LONG time. My thoughts on this topic have been evolving constantly. They will probably evolve even after I post this. I am still learning and welcome feedback.

I was prompted to write this post during the pre-coronavirus Before Times, when I saw that the popular Facebook page Humans Of New York had profiled an autistic man who had become a pickup artist. For context, pickup artists are a group of straight men who will cynically do whatever it takes to get them laid, which of course means blatantly ignoring the needs of the women they interact with, and who share strategies with one another. The autistic man in the photo post talked about how before he was a pickup artist he was hopeless with women, and now he was getting girls - getting laid, even. He said he knew it was manipulative, but that it was only fair - after all, it’s not like anyone had ever sympathized with him for his social difficulties. I was curious about what people had to say in the comments section; turns out, I wasn’t satisfied by any of the takes I found.

The takes I didn’t like can be broken down into two categories. Category number one were formulations like “poor him, he just wants to be accepted.” I’m not even a little bit sympathetic to this take and will only be spending a moment on it. Suffice it to say, it’s hard to take these people at their word that they care about the autism struggle when they don’t show up in droves to the banners of the neurodiversity movement with this level of enthusiasm. Rather, we are part of a culture that likes to sympathize with toxic men. If the man wasn’t autistic, they’d find some other excuse, but since he is, in defending him they can also activate the ableist notion that autistic people are incapable of respecting boundaries. I choose the word “incapable” because if your position is that autistic people sometimes don’t know better than to violate a boundary, the logical conclusion is simply that someone should teach them. To sincerely and enthusiastically take up this kind of “poor autistic guy doesn’t know any better” rhetoric, you have to presume complete incompetence of autistic people and that we’ll never learn, so that when a straight autistic man does a violating thing to a woman, they can shrug their shoulders and say, “well, I guess nothing can be done about this.” This attitude is sexism and ableism couched in a delusion of sympathy.

Category number two of takes, I like lots better but still am not quite satisfied with, and can be roughly summarized: “This isn’t caused by autism, it’s caused by being an asshole.” While I agree that being an asshole is the main ingredient in this cocktail, I don’t think the autism should be dismissed as an irrelevant detail. I think there is a sexism problem specific to autistic men that needs to be separately talked about and addressed. I intend to do so in this post, without assigning blame either to the autism or to the women being abused.

I want to note in advance that this post will be cishet-centric, not because I think straight experiences are universal, partly because the behavior of cishet men is what’s at task here, but mostly because I have no idea how these issues affect LGBTQIA communities. If anyone is able and willing offer insight or resources on that topic, I’d love to hear from you.

I. Autistic men

Having experienced it firsthand, I can say for sure that autistic loneliness is a vicious cycle. By loneliness, I mean a lack of any social connection, not just a lack of romantic or sexual partners. Autism makes social interaction more difficult, which makes it harder to find friends, but, crucially, not having friends also makes social interaction more difficult. More people to interact with means more practice with social interaction; it also means more assistance from comparatively clued-in people who care about us. This vicious cycle can also manifest with respect to a subset of people. For example, an autistic child who only socially interacts with adults may have trouble forming connections with peers. For the purpose of this discussion, I want to focus on the problems this presents for autistic boys who want to interact with girls in their age group.

The scarcity of cross-gender social interaction during childhood need not be framed as a uniquely autistic experience. Societal forces sort us by gender from an incredibly early age, so the vast majority of our social connections in childhood are with people of the same gender. Furthermore, especially during and after adolescence, boys and men are discouraged from being emotionally close with one another. Thus, the norms of masculinity isolate us almost totally from peers of all genders. Our social connections with men must be superficial; our social connections with women must be non-platonic. For those of us who crave the emotional intimacy that our same-gender friendships lack, a romantic relationship is the only socially acceptable opportunity to forming a deep, loving bond with someone close to our own age.

Enter autism (again). Dating, when we hit adolescence, is wholly new to us, and we have been given no opportunity to adjust ourselves to its social norms. Autism makes this a particular challenge, as do gender roles in dating. Since men are supposed to initiate and women are supposed to merely give subtle hints (if not be straight-out “hard to get”), straight autistic men face both the pressure of leaping into an arena that intimidates us, and the bewilderment of not knowing whether it’s working. If I had a crush on you in high school, I probably kept it a secret; if you had a crush on me, I probably didn’t notice.

Worth noting here that none of the things I’ve listed are evidence against autistic men’s actual attractiveness or appeal to women. We are facing access barriers that accumulate over the course of our lives until we finally figure out how to start ripping them down, and when we do, we quite often do get to have romantic and sexual relationships. But the prevailing narrative about autism and other disabilities is that they’re unsexy, and a lot of autistic men buy into that. I myself thought I was one of those autistic men who’d never date or have sex until experience taught me otherwise.

Knowing all this, we can see why a lot of autistic men might feel both that they need a relationship to be happy, and that they cannot possibly have one. This makes us prime targets for recruitment, because the sense of personal injury at being deprived of sexual experiences for reasons beyond one’s control is as indispensable an ingredient in the various movements of the “manosphere” as the sexism itself. It’s not that autistic men are any more or any less sexist than regular men, but that the sexists among us already feel exactly the way these communities require them to feel: deeply aggrieved, and deeply desperate. Pickup artistry both validates this sense of personal injury, and sells itself as the solution: a set of simple, logical rules that, when followed, will grant success. But it misses the uncomfortable truth that while everyone deserves to receive love, no particular person is obliged to give it. This is a deeply frustrating contradiction with no easy solution, but the solution certainly is not to cynically manipulate women into doing the thing you want.

III. Allistic women

I never was a pickup artist, but that doesn’t mean I never harbored a grievance against women for my loneliness. After all, I thought, wouldn’t my perpetual singleness end if women were more direct and assertive? As such, I worry that other people who read this may end up pinning the responsibility for autistic loneliness onto individual women too. The previous section hints at why that’s wrong, but I also want to take the time to explain why it’s deeply unfair.

My autism and masculinity were first brought into conjunction (or was it conflict?) in my mind in my freshman year of college. One of my new Facebook friends shared a Tumblr blog called “Straight White Boys Texting” which was a collection of screenshots of unwanted straight white boy texts, running the gamut from simple inability to take a hint to bona fide “what color is your thong” garbage. I felt pretty attacked, partly because I wasn’t yet used to seeing myself as part of a “straight white boys” collective that people didn’t like, and partly because what I saw was a bunch of guys missing social cues and taking things literally, just as a younger me would have done. I felt like I needed to say something - and boy, was that a bad decision. I said something about how the women in the screenshots needed to be more direct, and got instant (and deserved) backlash both for focusing on the least important problem in the interactions and for placing responsibility for a male behavior problem squarely back onto women.

At the time, I didn’t have a coherent framework for understanding sexism. Since then, I’ve learned that giving a direct no can occasionally get women killed, and most often at least gets them yelled at and insulted. Giving a yes also comes with its own risks - the risk of rape, in (unfortunately-not-actually-so-)extreme cases where that inch of “yes” results in guys taking a mile, but also the more pervasive risk of being socially stigmatized as slutty or promiscuous. It’s often the most women can get away with to be subtle (rather than completely silent) about all of their wants and needs, so that a discerning man who actually cares will know what those wants and needs are and respect them.

This puts those of us who have trouble with reading subtle signals in a difficult position if we inadvertently cross a boundary, but that’s not a problem women can reasonably be expected to solve. If a man crosses a woman’s boundaries because he simply doesn’t respect them, he wants to make it look like it’s an accident so that he will be forgiven. “But Aaron,” you might say, “didn’t you just say that the right thing to do in those situations is to teach people the right behavior, not ignore it?” Yes, that’s true. But that assumes the continuation of a conversation that a woman might feel safer just skipping; if a man is making her feel uncomfortable, she’s probably not inclined to continue to converse with him in order to establish whether his intentions were good or bad. When we impose the burden of freeing males from loneliness onto women, we are asking them to continue to interact with frightening men at their own peril.

Ironically enough, some of these frightening men are the autistic pickup artists from part 1. This means that pickup artists, far from “solving” the problems with dating they feel aggrieved by, are actually making it more difficult for everyone except themselves by giving women one more reason to be scared and cynical, and men who slip up one more type of monster to be mistaken for.

IV. Autistic women

At first glance, it seems like there’s a choice to be made here, between supporting autistic men who want to be valued as potential romantic and sexual partners and supporting allistic women who just want to be safe. But what I’m realizing more and more is that when there seems to be a conflict between the needs of two marginalized groups, the right choice is generally to avoid picking a side and instead find ways to support both groups. This works well, not only because both groups get what they want, but because if a side must be chosen, the people at the intersection of the two groups will lose both ways.

Autistic women bear the brunt of every part of this mess, as described in detail by Kassiane Asasumasu on her blog, Radical Neurodivergence Speaking (see the links later in this paragraph). Because autistic men fear ableism from neurotypical women, we tend to believe that autistic women are the only partners who will accept us for who we are. As a result, autistic women report being swarmed at autism meetup groups by men looking for a girlfriend, and those men who struggle with independent living are more than willing to escape that by leaning on the patriarchal expectation that the woman does all the chores, even when she is an autistic woman who struggles with the exact same tasks. This means autistic women actually interact with sexist autistic men the most, and not only are they subject to the same toxic shit that allistic women have to deal with, but they’re also expected to “understand” these men and thus endlessly tolerate their (supposedly inevitable) shitty behavior.

V. Solutions

Fortunately, the choice between female safety and autistic desirability is not a choice we have to make, but the solutions are not as simple as members of one or the other group simply choosing to behave differently. Rather, they require the collective participation of all kinds of people.

Addressing autistic male sexism necessarily means addressing sexism. It means respecting when women say no, rather than making it an unpleasant experience they might fear to repeat. It means teaching consent in special education classrooms, so that no one can claim in good faith that an autistic boy who crosses a boundary simply doesn’t know better. It means teaching girls, as they grow into women, that they are under no obligation to tolerate sexist behavior out of sympathy for the sexist man.

But addressing sexism also means supporting boys and men as they escape the confines of conventional masculinity. It means enabling and encouraging them to have close friends of all genders. It means reminding them that they don’t need a woman, any more than a woman needs a man.

In addition to addressing sexism, we need to address the ableism that prevents autistic people from accessing not just dating but emotional closeness of all kinds. We need to stimulate autistic people’s peer relationships at all stages of life. We cannot do this if special ed teachers continue to view us as broken allistic people rather than whole autistic people, nor can we do it if they view us as incomplete adults rather than entire children. If an autistic boy is unable to learn about condoms because it offends the sensibilities of the teacher, or if he is unable to learn how to talk like a teenager because his parents would like him to learn to speak like an adult, then that autistic boy is being deprived both of autonomy and of the opportunity to learn.

Furthermore, we need to teach allistic children how to interact with their autistic peers. Autistic people need no additional incentive to learn how to interact with the societal majority who control their access to jobs, housing, healthcare, education, political representation, and much more. Allistic people can, however, choose not to bother learning how to support and include us and face almost no social consequences beyond not getting to see my cool maps. Rather than alleviating this unequal distribution of incentives, adults generally exacerbate it by focusing only on the social development of autistic children with respect to interactions with allistic people, but not on the social development of allistic children towards being able to interact with autistic people. This is because the prevailing view regarding autism is still that our modes of moving through the world are incorrect and defective, whereas allistic modes of social interaction are viewed as normal and valid even when they exclude others.

The problem of autistic male sexism is hairy and complicated, but if we take the above steps, we can solve it without further stigmatizing autism, and without victim-blaming women. We don’t have to leave anyone behind in this conversation. Rather, by fighting both for autism acceptance and consent culture, we can produce a more just world where everyone gets the love and respect that they deserve.

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blackjacketmuses · 6 years

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peacock blue, burnt umber, currant, aubergine, honey, anise, new leaf, sanguine, for any/all dr muses!

peacock blue: is your muse honest? what sorts of lies do they tell, if not?

Kokichi: HAHAHA. The boy is absolutely not honest 90% of the time. The concept of honesty scares him. It's a sign of vulnerability and letting someone in that a kid in the system with a truckful of trust issues can't afford. But for the most part, his lies are -- as he likes to put it -- kind lies. He lies to make people comfortable, make them smile and laugh. He lies to himself for the same reasons. He hates telling lies to deliberately hurt people or to be cruel. He will if he has to, though.Nagito: He does his best to be honest most of the time, to rather blunt and tactless levels. He really doesn't register the truth can hurt or that it's not okay sometimes to just be that honest about things. It's just easier to cut to the heart of the matter that way. He thinks it's truly a good thing to be honest with people. Though if he's got A Plan going or A Goal in mind, he'll say whatever he has to to achieve it.Rantaro: He's pretty much average teen when it comes to honesty levels. He tends to be capable of some pretty bold-faced lies if he needs to be, and lies a lot about whether or not he's okay -- he holds himself to Big Brother Standards, and that means he has to keep it together on the outside even if he's hurting or upset. He doesn't like to lie to people younger than him, but he's more likely to lie to an adult or someone he doesn't like/respect.

Fuyuhiko: Similar to Rantaro, he's somewhere in the middle, but he leans a little more towards lying. He's good at the sort of tsundere Fuck All Of You I Hate You lie and acting like and claiming he doesn't care and that he's more of an asshole than he is. It's a self-directed lie more than anything, and he's slowly learning to stop.

Kaito: Generally pretty honest, mostly because he now and forever has a terrible poker face, but he's a bit more prone to lying than he was in the game. He has a few trust issues of his own, funnily enough, and tends to keep most people at arms’ length, so he uses friendly lies to distance himself from others. That’s still the case with strangers and acquaintances really, but...he’s a bit more like his game persona these days, a little more open and honest with people he cares about.

Nagisa: He's very honest! His life's basically taught him that lying only gets you hurt, especially if you get caught, so if he doesn't want to tell the truth he tends to just stay quiet. He also knows how adults lie to children, so he wants to make sure they know they have someone who won't.

burnt umber: how stable is your muse, mentally and/or emotionally?

Kokichi: Mmmm, I'd say somewhere more towards stable, but definitely not stable. He's good at lying to himself, and generally before the game he was happy -- if chronically under-stimulated and constantly bored -- and...even if he wasn't well adjusted at all (see: trust issues and compulsive lying) he was stable. The game kicked a lot out from under him in the worst way, and he's struggling to find where his equilibrium went. While the issues he had going in are oddly slightly better, the game gave him a new set in the form of paranoia, anxiety, and a shakier sense of self. He's not in a bad way, but he's...eh.

Nagito: Stable? Nagito? Pffffahahahaha. On his best days he's about 60-65% stable. He's not brainwashed or in Despair anymore, thankfully, but all the same, he's definitely not a stable person, not with his assloads of trauma and anxiety and depression. He's gotten a lot better post Program with Hajime and the others’ help, but given his dementia, he'll never be completely stable.

Rantaro: Stable! He...has some lasting issues from the games he was in -- going in twice was a shitty idea -- but all in all, he’s actually really resilient mentally, and has managed to mostly cope pretty well with his trauma. He does have bad days where he gets anxious and paranoid and a little clingy towards his sisters, but for the most part, he’s actually fairly stable, and enjoys being one of the rocks for the other kids.

Fuyuhiko: Weirdly, he’s...probably one of the most stable members of 77-B. Don’t ask him, he has no idea how this happened. But he is. The worst trauma aside from the brainwashing he took was losing his sister and Peko in the Program, and he managed to pull himself up from that and become Hajime’s second, and fight and be one of the survivors, and...he was actually one of the least eccentric and weird Ultimates to begin with -- attitude problems and being an Actual Yakuza aside he’s pretty level-headed -- so he actually manages pretty well.

Kaito: Again, another really resilient person, he was one of the quickest of the late-game kids to bounce back. He is one of the major rocks and tries to help everyone recover, and even if even he has some bad days where he just doesn’t want to deal with anyone, he’s coping very well. Definitely a stable kid.

Nagisa: Well, I wouldn’t say “stable”, but he’s the most stable of the Warriors of Hope. He has flashbacks and triggers like the other kids, but he’s far more balanced and level than the others, and he tries to be calm and mature most of the time. He’s not okay, but he definitely is the most stable of the kids.

currant: what's something that absolutely disgusts your muse (can be a person, place, thing, ect)?

Kokichi: Killers and murderers. Well, specifically, real life ones. Fictional ones get leeway because they’re not real, but real people? Nope. Hard no. Hates it and hates them on principle. Taking a life is literally the worst thing he can think of out of all worst things ever.

Nagito: Does Junko Enoshima count? She counts. He hates her with everything he has and then some, just- absolute sheer blinding age and loathing.

Rantaro: Deadbeat dads and men who skip out on their lovers once they get pregnant and men who have lots of girlfriends at the same time and lie to them all. This may be related to some deep-set daddy issues. He’s well aware.

Fuyuhiko: Breaking vows or oaths? He’s really insistent on that kind of thing because of his upbringing, so it really fucking gets him when people just-- dishonorable stuff is a hard no and he’ll be Really Fucking Pissed.

Kaito: Fair-weather friendship. Just...it’s a huge thing for him, and he really hates it. If you’re someone’s friend, you stick with them, you care about them, you don’t just....it really bugs him when people are that shallow and petty about friendships.

Nagisa: Needles and hospital equipment and the smell of disinfectant, also plain oatmeal/rice porridge.

aubergine: does your muse prefer the day, or are they more of a night-owl?

Kokichi: Night time is best time for setting up pranks.

Nagito: Night-time! It’s quieter.

Rantaro: Daytime, more time to get stuff done.

Fuyuhiko: Day, he’s not much of one for staying up super late.

Kaito: Night time, even before the game. Had to get the Astronaut talent from somewhere! He loves astronomy.

Nagisa: Nighttime, it’s quieter and when adults sleep so he can have time to himself, and time to think.

honey: when your muse loves someone (whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial love), how do they show it?

Kokichi: Affection, gifts -- custom-made gifts at that, nicknames, and most importantly, if he really loves you, he’ll be honest with you.

Nagito: He is absolutely ridiculous when he loves you, he will literally do anything for you, anything at all, the moment he thinks you need something. He’ll praise you constantly, try to cheer you up and make you happy, and be very verbally affectionate. He’s not one to be physically affectionate, but if he is, that means you have earned a lot.

Rantaro: He’s very awkward, but if he loves you, he’ll do things for you. Help you with things any way he can, and make time for you as often as he can, and he’ll bring you souvenirs from his trips.

Fuyuhiko: A Fuyuhiko that loves you is one that’s a lot softer and less prickly than normal, and who will move mountains for you if asked. Or kill someone for you, really, it depends.

Kaito: He’s super aggressively affectionate, nicknames and all, arms around shoulders, just...he’s a very touchy warm person if he loves you. Just try to spend as much time as possible with you.

Nagisa: He loves you? He’ll trust you. He’ll trust you and feel safe enough with you to act a little more like the kid he is.

anise: when it comes to self-care, what does your muse do to take care of themselves? do they take care to spend time on it, or do they feel they don't deserve it?

Kokichi: On bad days, he becomes a blanket monster and plays video games all day. He just needs distracting and sugar to comfort him, someplace warm and safe. Whether or not he deserves it is irrelevant, he knows he needs it.

Nagito: Pffft, self care. What’s that, can you eat it? (Not that he would eat it if it was edible.) He’s terrible at it even when he actually remembers it’s an actual thing he needs to do, and he really doesn’t tend to think he deserves it.

Rantaro: Hot baths with as much girly soothing bath products as he can manage and a long nap, preferably cuddled up with his little sisters. If nap isn’t feasible, then just watching some mindless anime with them. He absolutely knows this is necessary to help him heal, so...yeah, he takes his time.

Fuyuhiko: It’s...hard for him to say? What is self care exactly, is that curling up with Peko after a bad day and just talking, or just appreciating that she’s here? Is it letting himself binge on sweets because fuck you if he needs sweets right now he’s going to eat them? If so, then...yeah. After all the shit that’s happened, he deserves some good things.

Kaito: Taking his bike out to a hill outside town at dusk and watching the stars come out. Lying in the grass all night and just watching the sky, maybe bring some snacks with him and listen to music and unwind, lose himself in the night sky. It helps a lot, and it always has. Now more than ever he needs it.

Nagisa: PFFFFT. He’s just as bad as Nagito. He doesn’t even know what that means. He’s not allowed to have nice things unless he Does His Best and Exceeds Expectations. Why else would you have nice things?

new leaf: what message would your muse send to their past self, if any

Kokichi: Don’t sign up for that stupid game, you idiot. or For fuck’s sake, please, please try to trust one person in the game, anyone, just one person.

Nagito: You’ll learn what hope is one day, and you’ll be loved. Keep going.

Rantaro: It’s not worth it. As much as you love the show, it’s seriously not worth it.

Fuyuhiko: Just fucking tell her you absolute fucking moron.

Kaito: Hang in there, man. It’s going to be a fucking shitshow, but you’ll get what you wanted. You’ll have real friends.

Nagisa: She’s lying to you. Take the others and go before it’s too late to run, make your paradise on your own.

sanguine: does your muse typically have an optimistic, pessimistic, or some middle ground outlook on life?

Kokichi: He’s pretty realistic a person. Tries to be optimistic, but honestly, he’s pretty much a ‘prepare for and expect the worst, be pleasantly surprised when something good happens’ type. He’s not full on pessimistic, though! Life is pretty okay.

Nagito: The worst pessimist ever, though he’s good at pretending to be a bit more optimistic. God, though, he absolutely 100% expects the worst at all times. Even though he has his fixation on hope, it’s...that doesn’t really overwrite how much he tends to be a pessimist.

Rantaro: He’s a realist, but an optimistic tending one. The best isn’t always gonna happen, of course, but...y’know, it’s good to hope for the best.

Fuyuhiko: Very realist, not leaning either way. Shit happens, but he’s learned to have hope at least a little.

Kaito: Optimistic! Or, he tries to be. He’s not quite so good about it in reality as he is in the game. But attempts are made.

Nagisa: Pfft. Definitely a pessimistic-leaning realist, kinda sad for someone so young.

#;hc: kokichi #;hc: komaeda #;hc: rantaro #;hc: fuyuhiko #;hc: kaito #;hc: nagisa #multiimuse

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cnisms · 7 years

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wanted plots & established connections !

ok cool... this rlly aint shit but ! i’ve come up with some ideas (or alex reminded me of a bunch of connections i wrote for an rp that never opened) that i’d be down for. they’re not in order or anything bc there’s a few that could work for a couple different muses so i’ll just list those details after each one. if u see smth u would be down for just ... lmk :P here is my muse list for quick reference. updated w more !!

01. a box of friendship bracelets and low quality selfies from 2009 tucked away in a closet is all that survived a dynamic friendship that fizzled into nothing. as roommates, a & b shared everything – a set of first times included. then, interests they once shared began to change and both felt as if the other was leaving them behind. neither wanted to be seen chasing desperately after someone that wasn’t interested, so they both pretend they stopped caring long ago. (ex best friends, possibly romantic, misery !) paris, aja, arabella or angel for either muse a or b.

02. a & b were in an extremely close relationship for over a year, though their friends often debated the seriousness of it as they seemed to spend every second weekend broken up. heated arguments from friday were always completely forgotten by monday, much to everyone else’s frustration. it all came to an end when a particularly nasty argument forced a to take an abrupt vacation, coming back to find b already dating someone else. (ex romantic, drama n tension. that someone else could be an npc or another muse.) angel as muse a, percy as muse a, tomas as muse a or b, rosie as muse b, or luma as muse b.

03. though they had known one another for months before, a & b didn’t really clique until their first argument. ever since then, the two have held tight to their friendship and even more to their weekly debates. they fight about anything and everything, no matter how irrelevant or ridiculous. occasionally, things will get personal and they’ll go days without talking, but they always end up back on the same couch, ranting over wine and netflix. (close frenemies.) angel, alanis, rosie or zach as either muse.

04. everyone was well aware that a & b had always been partners in crime, many people joking to watch out for the troublesome two. just like siblings, the best friends were often bickering about something, but the frequent fights about a’s selfishness or b’s envy always came to a fast close with a playful punch. of course, there had to be a tipping point. when a heard that b had hooked up with a’s recent ex in their absence, they quickly came to the conclusion that their friendship was done for good. the two haven’t exchanged a single kind word since. (friends turned enemies. same w #2, the ex could be another muse or just an npc.) wes, elizabeth or angel as a. tomas, alanis or luma as b.

05. though they’d never been particularly close friends, a & b knew to turn to each other when seeking something they couldn’t get from those closest to them. just sex, no strings attached. it was the perfect arrangement, until it became clear that a didn’t really care about b’s personal life. b remains desperate to keep the affair secret, while a grows tired of playing it so safe. (oops . cheating plot . muse b would have to be in some kind of relationship w someone else, they could be npc tho.) luma, cici or percy as muse a. elizabeth or rosie as muse b.

06. intoxicated beyond reason when it was made, it’s no surprise that a & b regret a lot of the things on their bucket list. though they can back out whenever they want with no real consequence, neither are willing to be the first to stand down. with some of their tasks being embarrassing and most dangerous, everyone knows to watch out when these two get together to cross another challenge off the list. (dumbass friends always risking their lives for dares) percy, luma, constance or gia as either muse.

07. a & b spend more time together than apart, using expensive wine and room service to fill in the silence between giggles and gossip that should be used to address the elephant in the room: the mutual affection isn’t as platonic as they like to pretend. with their own experiences of romantic feelings destroying important friendships, despite the fact they both feel they are ready to get serious, they can’t help but stress the risk in their minds and wait for the other to make the first move. (romantic !!) natalya, helena, gia or arabella as either xx.

08. few people are lucky enough to find that one person they can count on for anything and everything, that’s why a has grown to resent the other people in b’s life. unaware of the jealousy, b has grown tired of the series of petty arguments that a has been attempting to start with them more recently. of course, the issue being left unaddressed has only added fuel to the fire. a has moved on to underhandedly interfering with b’s relationship in an effort to get their best friend back. (toxic bffship. one can’t handle the other having outside relationships (whether theyre romantic or platonic idk) so they scheme n make issues) luma, elizabeth or angel as muse a. luke or zach as muse b.

09. though they had always been friends, a & b grew especially close at the beginning of last year, often ditching their friendship group to go on their own adventures. on one of their messier summer nights, they slept together. the affair continued for months before they finally agreed to end it, though they only really stayed away from each other due to the fight that followed the conversation. despite their ruined friendship, a & b are forced to work together to keep the secret buried as their group grows more and more suspicious of them. (two people within a squad who went from being friends to lovers to enememes. they cheated on their s/os at the time. even tho they’re mad at each other, they’re still friends with both the exes (or current partners if any of them are still together) so they’re trying to keep their drama secret. the friendship group/partners could be other muses but also npc ? so much easier) luma, zach, paris, helena, ajay or gia as either muse.

10. committed to enmity, a & b have never let their mutual friends get in the way of their hatred for each other. there are very few events they consider important enough to save the argument for later, no strangers to bickering over brunches and formal dinners. though both refuse to give any real reasoning for their beef, everyone has their own idea. a & b grew tired of waiting for the other to apologize for the drama, deciding they’re beyond ever becoming friends. (enemies that are always being forced together by their mutual friends, detailed backstory could be developed) luma, mari, tomas, zach, ajay, helena, angel or anyone rlly as either.

11. always swearing the other was the love of their life, everyone was shocked at the demise of a & b’s very public relationship. though a appeared to deal with this much better than b, moving on to a string of hookups soon after the breakup, neither made any attempt at trying to play civil for the sake of the group. it wasn’t until just recently, when they were forced to be alone together for the first time in over a year, that they began to talk. a warm friendship quickly blossomed, though awkward moments are neither few nor fleeting as unresolved heartbreak hangs in the air. (lovers finally turned friends w a nice touch of angst) luma or zach as muse a. aja, helena or luke as muse b.

12. though a & b often claim that their beef is simply due to conflicting personalities, it’s quite clear that their separate histories with the same people play a huge part in their inability to get along. the extremity of this differs day to day, sometimes acting as frenemies exchanging snide remarks, to full blown screaming matches that secretly entertain those around them. everyone else has come to accept the fact that the two have no interest in forming a genuine friendship. (2 ppl who hate eachother bc of a mutual ex. could be an npc or another muse) tomas, percy, rosie or alanis as either.

13. a & b were quick to become best friends and have never been anything else since the day they met. for them, it’s nice knowing that someone always has their back no matter what goes on in their lives, but the rest of their friends aren’t so fond of them together. others often complain that they’re tired of the two always getting involved and fighting each other’s battles. as life forces them apart more and more often, they’ve begun to wake up to the codependent nature of their friendship. (codependent bffs that need to cool it but just love each other so dang much it ain’t easy) aja, zach or elizabeth as either.

14. a & b were always a ‘will they, won’t they’ situation to those around them, one always being interested in the other at the wrong time. they often joke about all the missed opportunities and behave as if they’re fine just being friends, but with the mutual crush returning stronger than ever before, they know it’s only a matter of time before they have to sacrifice either their friendship or their other relationships. (right there . a will they/wont they kinda relationship. one or both would have to have a lil smth going on w/ another muse or npc for the drama) constance, rosie, arabella or ajay as either.

15. after the demise of a long relationship, a began hooking up with b. the agreement was that they’d be friends with benefits and nothing else, b even writing up a list of rules for a to abide by. unsurprisingly, it didn’t last long before a was falling hard for b. no real interest in a relationship with the other, b cut a off completely. a had no choice but to attempt to move on. since then, a has never attempted to play nice with b, who so coldly broke their heart. (fwb turned enemies !!) wes, arabella, luke or beck as muse a. alanis, tomas or luma as muse b.

16. when a felt as though all their relationships were falling apart, b was there to comfort them. what was intended to be just a shoulder to cry on grew into a pure and satisfying friendship that exceeds all expectations. people often pressure the two to date and they won’t deny they’ve each had a desire to do so at different times, but they’ve dismissed these feelings as passing crushes. (platonic, fleetingly romantic) wes, aja, paris or zach as either.

17. a & b are about as different as two people can be, proving that opposites do not always attract. a makes no effort to hide the fact that they think lowly of b, while b isn’t afraid to put a in their place. there are a few, rare moments between arguments where they’ll feel bad for what was said and maybe even share a laugh, but this never lasts long before they’re bickering about something else. (negative) rosie, elizabeth, tomas, mari, helena, arabella or percy as a. wes, zach, paris or gia as b.

18. once a realized people always want what they can’t have, they quickly covered up their long-term crush on b and began giving them the cold shoulder. not much time went by before b took the bait, discovering a new interest in a. they’ve been playing this game of cat and mouse for quite some time, though neither are willing to throw in the towel. despite pretending otherwise, a enjoys the attention, but they’re looking for commitment, and they’re well aware that b is just looking for fun. (romantic (kinda)) aja, arabella or helena as a. rosie, percy or luma as b.

19. ‘ride or dies’ is the term most would use to describe a & b. together, they’ve been through more than most people can imagine. surely, you would think, there has to be a line you’d draw, even when it comes to your best friend. a & b, however, are dangerously committed to each other. it doesn’t matter what one says or does, the other will always have their back without a second thought of the consequences. (another pair of dumbass bffs) angel, zach, paris, gia or luma as either.

20. a & b never really got along, always failing to understand what their friends saw in the other. unlike other people within their group, they were always good at remaining civil for everyone else’s sake, but it’s grown increasingly difficult. following a recent blow up, a & b have realized that what they share may no longer be disinterest, both secretly blaming the argument on sexual tension. (enemies that wanna [ b vc ] smex it) rosie, natalya, ajay or alanis as either.

21. it was just luck that a & b ended up at the same resort on vacation years ago, agreeing to make the most of it. somewhere between sneaking out at night and away from their families during the day, the two fell in love. it seemed perfect and a couldn’t imagine anything better, which is why they were so shocked when they got home and b acted as if nothing happened between them and began dating someone else. while a never cried over b, they had an extremely difficult time getting over b. (exes) mari, bobbie, gia or paris as either tbh. cici as b.

22. just because a & b can’t say exactly when and how they wound up in an exclusive relationship, doesn’t mean it’s not important to them. what was meant to be just another fling escalated into something serious quite naturally, though there are some shared moments where they feel as if they’re back to being nothing more than friends. too distracted by their own outside interests to commit to solving these currently minuscule problems, the two risk destroying their relationship. (ppl who are dating but sometimes it seems like they’re nothin more than friends. could be poly!!) zach, luke, paris or aja as either.

23. a & b are always getting accused of being frenemies by those around them, and they’re unlikely to reject that idea, even when they’re together. for as long as anyone can remember, the two have traded petty insults and pressured one another into terrible ideas. still, no matter how bad things get, they continue to spend every other day attached at the hip, trying to get the other into trouble. (another frenemy plot just w more headassary) gia, percy or luma as either.

24. both strong personalities on their own, a & b together are a force to be reckoned with. the two had a strong friendship, always supporting each other, until they both admitted their deepest secrets. when they sobered up, they decided they’d made a mistake, but weren’t willing to talk about it. now burdened with another secret that could hurt others, as well as knowing the other could ruin their own relationships at any moment, the pair have no idea how to act around each other. (basically friends who arent on the best terms rn after finding out each others deepest n darkest secrets which would have to be worked out obviously) tomas, natalya or mari as either.

25. much to their disgust, people are always asking a & b if they are related due to their constant bickering. after dating for years, the two felt they grew to know each other too well, ending the romantic relationship to just be friends. staying true to their word, they have remained incredibly close. whenever one has an embarrassing question or a disgusting story to share, it’s the other they text. they figure there’s no harm done as they’ve already seen each other at their worst. (romantic turned platonic) gia, bobbie, zach or beck.

26. a year ago, a would have done anything for b, believing they had the perfect, fairy-tale romance going on. truthfully, it was almost perfect, which is exactly why b felt the need to screw it up before they got too deep. in the long run, the carefully considered decision to cheat on a ended up hurting b just as much. now that a has moved on and is comfortable in b’s company again, they’ve begin to regret the loss. despite their previous fears, b has become determined to win a’s affection back. (romantic. angsty . whom knows) arabella, bobbie or luke as a. rosie or tomas as be.

27. a & b are described as being a package deal. you get both or you get none, one rarely being seen without the other. the best friends are known to take spontaneous trips without notifying anyone else, sometimes putting them at odds with the rest of their friends, who the two often accuse of being jealous of their friendship. because of their commitment to one another, a’s social life suffers due to b’s preference for staying in and hanging out one on one. while a tries to be understanding of b’s situation they can’t help the feeling of resentment that grows every time they turn down another invitation to stay at home with b. (best friends who have conflicting ideas of fun) bella, alanis, paris, percy or luma as a. wes, zach, natalya or helena as b.

28. a & b have become known for club hopping all night and drinking too much when together, often forcing them to cancel plans with their other friends the day after. because of this, everyone else has grown to dislike the pair’s friendship, but that only forces them closer together. it’s true that all they really do together is encourage each other’s bad habits, but they’re too busy having fun to notice. (again. pals who need to sort their priorities out but will they ? probably not.) luma, elizabeth, percy, cici or constance as either.

29. for years, a & b have been confusing others with their constantly changing relationship status. they will spend a few months in an exclusive relationship, a few months in an open relationship, then a few months apart, only to go back and start all over again. currently on their third month of being together, everyone is watching and waiting for the cracks to show before walking away from the relationship yet again. (break up..make up.. total ..waste of.. time) zach, paris, mindy or gia as either.

30. often labeled as high school sweethearts, a & b have been serious for years. for a long time, the two shared an extremely conventional relationship, both very happy with their situation. however, with their lives changing in recent years, changes to the relationship were unavoidable. both feel neglected by the other more often than not, but whenever an issue is brought up, it only leads to an argument. while everyone else expects the two to get engaged any day now, a & b often question if they still really want to be together. (they dont actually have 2 be high school sweethearts just a couple thats been together ... for a long while n things are getting rough.) arabella, ajay, beck, zach or aja as either. alternatively could be an exes plot n a few yrs after the breakup n i can offer rosie, helena, natalya & luke on top of the others.

31. once close friends, a & b drifted apart when other relationships got in the way. even though they saw a lot of each other following, things between the two have been tense for years. after sharing a kiss in a silly game at a recent party, a & b were able to have a laugh together for the first time in forever. since then, their friendship has been on the mend, but this may not be a good thing. with both noticing some romantic feelings growing them, they suspect that their relationship may come to an uglier end this time. (ex pals turned crushes who truly are not compatible) bobbie, beck, zach or rosie as either.

32. a & b’s relationship is only a few months old, and the two are still very much in the honeymoon phase of things. flashing their pet names and exciting dates on instagram, they’ve convinced themselves that things are perfect. however, a appears to have taken the agreement that things between them should remain as relaxed as possible a little more seriously than b would have liked. a often fails to invite b to certain events and outings, assuming they would prefer not to go anyway. this grates on b’s nerves, who is beginning to feel that a doesn’t spend enough time with them. (a new relationship struggling between being casual n legit) paris, aja, ajay or gia as a. arabella, zach or beck as b.

33. despite already knowing each other, a & b weren’t all that close before hooking up. their friends with benefits arrangement lasted for months before they began seeing other people more seriously. since calling it off, the two have remained incredibly close, leading others to believe that their relationship is more than platonic. (fwb turned just friends but like ... there is potential) wes, angel, bobbie, ajay, zach or rosie as either.

#smoke:wanted #no proofreading we die like men

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mahouproject-one · 5 years

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though i regret using my own heart as a sheath | Miyu | MM Trial (re: Itona, Reiko, Tsuku)

Miyu hadn’t gotten along with Reiko for almost the entire time they were here; in hindsight, it was understandable why a forger and a detective would be at odds even without the killing. Even now, they would likely never become friends. But they had some kind of mutual understanding and respect going on nowadays.

“I think that platonic bonds are still a significant factor that can’t be ignored. For what it’s worth, I’ve been looking at people with romantic involvements, too. But I’d like to avoid completely eliminating people that we don’t have unambiguous statements about. Otohiko did tell me her little one was hiding their role well from people they are fond of.”

Itona and Airi, meanwhile, were getting into a conversation about whether or not to spare the traitor. And then Airi said something that surprised Miyu.

“Wait, really? I thought you and Izumi-san...”

But Miyu only heard that, what, second- or third-hand? Given the context she could have easily misinterpreted the exact nature of their relationship. She shook her head and decided not to press the topic further – unless either of them gave her reason to.

“Takenaka. I understand. I… don’t imagine I’ll ever forgive this person. I’ll never forgive a lot of people who’ve done even less to wrong me, but this person who could have stopped this at any time had they simply spoken up? This person who could have saved the people they called friends…? I don’t think there’s anything that person can say that will make me stop hating them.

But… Eigawa-san is right. It was our fighting last trial that empowered Otohiko this much. It fuels dark magic. I’m not saying we need to all hold hands and harness the power of love. For most of us, that’d be empty words. What I’m saying is, we don’t need to make this worse. Look: No one had to die today to bring us here. Let’s keep it that way – if only because I refuse to make any more blood sacrifices.”

That wasn’t entirely true. Hypothetically speaking, she’d be willing to make one more sacrifice if it was for the greater good. But she couldn’t reconcile such a scenario with everything else that had been said about the nature of love and magic.

“I also… agree with Eigawa-san that we should be taking a close look at Genbu. Not necessarily for the same reasons she said – I get the impression many people in this class were lonely – but because I feel that… certain information is very much pointing that way. But I’m keeping an open mind here. I think Suzaku would be worth considering, too. Seiryuu… maybe. I can’t write you all off, but there’s less bite to that theory.”

Tsukuyomi was asking for clarification about a certain piece of (mis)information Miyu had been a major player in spreading. Her head dipped slightly as she addressed him, not wanting to meet anyone’s eyes for this part.

“Neither Otohiko nor her helper deliberately changed the shadows. The magic was out of their control. Otohiko confirmed that the cat shadows still held significance even back then. I believe that we… that I misinterpreted this information. I was wrong.”

And there it was: Miyu openly admitting she had made an error. A significant one, in fact, one that sent people on wild goose chases and threatened to tear apart their relationships. Miyu would have to own up to the consequences of this. She hoped that people had done enough independent investigations to come to their own conclusions, regardless of anything she had previously said.

“I went for the simplest answers: The tigers of Byakko, and the Feline Behaviorist. But there had always been other people with their own feline associations. People who claimed to relate to cats, or people who… otherwise cared for cats and their lives.”

Was that hesitation just now?

“…Cats, too, are carnivores. Cougars are carnivores. What I’m trying to get at is, we should consider people who have affinities with wildlife. And especially people who may have had an… encounter with dangerous animals while here.”

…She couldn’t keep avoiding this topic forever. If all she felt confident in doing was restating what everyone else had said thus far, so be it.

“We should go over what we’ve already said, to make sure we’re not missing something.”

Because information probably got lost in the Ohara Family Callout Posts.

“Eliminations first. According to the Labyrinth that several people have spoken of, the mastermind was still alive as of before the fourth motive. Myself and everyone who passed before me is clear. The Labyrinth also revealed that all of Byakko is clear as well. And finally, we know from the failed vote that it isn’t Miwa.

That leaves four people from Seiryuu, five from Suzaku, and five from Genbu that we cannot 100% eliminate.

Now to build a profile. The mastermind empathized with Otohiko and her loneliness. If they got away with this, they would try to create a world without suffering, you say? Otohiko suggested to me that the person would try to find some way to save us, too, even the dead. But there’s no guarantee we wouldn’t just be husks of ourselves.

Do you really think you can preserve us – our experiences, our memories, our feelings? Or would you be satisfied with whatever simplified creations you revive instead? Do you really want to do that to the people you love? Erase everything they are now and love a copy you’ll create to your own specifications!? She said you learned so much about humanity thanks to this killing game, so do you truly believe you know what we want…!?”

...Way to get sidetracked.

“...I’m sorry.”

She wasn’t sorry.

Miyu reached into her purse, slamming her sketchbook onto the rim of her pensieve and opening it up to a blank pages. She began writing.

“I’m going to state these in the simplest terms I can, and try not to embellish. We don’t have forever to keep beating around the bush. That we’ve even been given this long since the last trial is a ‘mercy’, but we can’t push our luck much longer.”

She began a bullet-point list, talking out each section.

“Crossroad shadows. They were first observed after the fourth trial, and took on solely feline forms. After the fifth trial, they took on the forms of a variety of animals. Carnivores, in general. There is a connection to the mastermind, though the exact link is still unclear.

The castle’s third floor. Several rooms up there have potential significance to them: The foyer, the art gallery, the natural sciences room, and the concert hall. One room pertains to them directly, and another room gained significance after an experience there. An important memory.

...If I may make an aside, I would like to discuss this further when we begin naming names.”

She needed to be very careful about when and how to present her notes on this. It would have been be very easy to make a red herring.

“Moving on. The mastermind could opt out of a motive, and has done so at least once. Any known inconsistencies in how a motive affected someone would be very helpful. Even just someone who was unusually chipper.

The mastermind is human, and a mahounashi. I’m including ghosts as suspects too, so I feel that’s irrelevant. This whole section is redundant in my point-of-view, but I’ll note it anyway.

The mastermind was told by Otohiko to make a sacrifice, but it was their choice to pick Ohara-sensei. Based on Kanamori’s testimony and answers from the Labyrinth, it seems that he was most likely killed by a kitchen knife, and… and his killer stood outside the whole time, presumably to block the closet door. That person stood there for twenty minutes to listen to him die.”

Not even Airi had managed that. Airi ran – Airi didn’t want to hear anyone die. It was Miyu herself who blocked the way out, wanting to block anyone from coming in.

“I’ve extracted a memory of his death, but since he couldn’t see his attacker, I don’t know if there’s much benefit in actually showing it. I also didn’t investigate the scene at all, so I could be missing vital information. And… Ohara-sensei, I apologize for being so insensitive towards your privacy while under the effects of Felix Felicis.”

Getting high on liquid gold seemed like a good idea at the time.

“Is there anything I’ve forgotten to say? The beast shadows, the motive immunity, the third-floor rooms… art, nature, music.”

Miyu decided to stop speaking then and wait to see who would bite onto this.

#mahouichi #chrono #chapter six #mm trial #miyu #submission

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theborderlinetruth-blog · 6 years

Text

Introduction Piece;

I wanna start out with the whole truth, nothing but the truth or so help me god. I think that’s what it is anyways. My names Victoria, I currently am twenty years old, five foot tall even (yes, that is right two inches short of being a legal midget), dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, curvy figure, living in some irrelevant small town somewhere in Canada, but that’s not important. Sometime along in May 2016 I got diagnosed as “mentally ill” for the first time ever in my life and that diagnosis has forever changed me and how I have chosen to live my life and have lived my life long before that. To be exact with you I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bipolar type one. I know what you’re thinking, what does that mean? She has ten personalities, right? Wrong. The first mental illness and primary and predominant one that most people see which will open a lot of light bulbs to the people around me when and if they ever find out and read this, is the borderline. The dictionary definition of borderline is “ Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness that centers on the inability to manage emotions effectively. The disorder occurs in the context of relationships: sometimes all relationships are affected, sometimes only one. It usually begins during adolescence or early adulthood. “ taken from (https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/what-is-bpd/bpd-overview/). Let me break that down for you, imagine a doctor looking you in the eyes after a tornado of a life you’ve lived when you’re eighteen years old saying “you know you wouldn’t be so screwed up if one of your parents didn’t abandon you and then and abuse, neglect and torment you all at the same time.” You see borderline isn’t a mental illness you’re born with. That’s right, its created. By one or more person(s) in your life that essentially screwed you up to the point where you can no longer have functioning relationships with the people around you whether platonic or romantic. It just is like biking up an endless hill and the problems and emotions you’re hit with never stop. Its based on environment primarily we see it in people with traumatic childhoods, like me. It’s a tough pill to swallow finding out you wouldn’t be a whirlwind of chaos dropping bombshells in those people(s) lives around you. It kinda should be renamed self-sabotage. The mental illness that ruins your life and any happiness you may have, and disguises it as your doing, like you’re the evil person when it all reality, you were the one really robbed as a child. The problem with that is you feel everything too deeply so much so you try and shut it out so bad that instead of your mind shutting it out, it decided to go full lunatic and obsess and fixate on why a person doesn’t “love” you and it can be as simple as detecting a tone in someones voice can trigger an episode for a borderline subconsciously remind them of a traumatic event from their past. That’s my first of two winning traits that make up my scrambled egg of a self. The next mental illness I was diagnosed with is bipolar one. Now this one the doctors and I are pretty sure is a genetic pass along from my biological father whom we suspect is also bipolar. It isn’t formed from conditioning yet passed down to the less fortunate child. Now what is the definition of this illness? Again thinking back to how I act? Wow that’s why she has severe mood swings and acts all crazy? Right? Wrong. Well kind of. There’s two types of bipolar, one and two. Essentially “ Hypomania vs. Mania. The main difference between the two types of bipolar disorder is that a person with bipolar I has manic episodes, while someone with bipolar II has hypomanic episodes. So, in other words, it's the severity of the mania that distinguishes these two types. “ taken from (https://www.verywell.com/difference-between-bipolar-i-and-ii-378810). So what you just read is I have the greater of two evils, I have “manic” episodes where I may choose to do things “normal” people might do such as spend all my money in one shot on unnecessary things, start a random workout binge, sign up for gyms, take out credit cards. These are all very minor things I've done (don’t wanna spoil the surprise) but you get the point. Irrational choices based on temporary emotions. Great. Now that we’ve got that all out of the way I can begin telling my story from the start in my next post. Stay tuned and I’ll be following relatable blogs this week in hopes of sharing and getting the same in return to start out before I reveal myself at the end of this year/ beginning of next.

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