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corishadowfang · 4 months

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Darkness: Fallen Stars Edition

ALRIGHT, so I've been sitting on this for a long time, and I finally, finally get to talk about the Darkness(es) in Fallen Stars. Because, uh...

We've been building up to this for a while.

So, uh, below the cut's going to be a lot of worldbuilding notes, notes on the personal Darknesses, etc. Hope that at least some of it's interesting, aha.

Darkness, In General

Darkness has always been lurking in the corners of the story. It's not the most direct antagonist (that honor goes to the bluebloods), but it is the biggest over-arching threat. It's been watching all of the characters, and kind of...getting a feel for what's going on in their heads.

Fallen Star's Darkness has a very...weird sort of relationship with humanity. They love the people of the world, but in a very weird, twisted sense. Except for a couple of rare circumstances, Darkness doesn't really care about people's health, mental states, or even whether they live or die. But they find people fascinating--specifically, they find how people react to them fascinating. They like to see how far they can push people, what they do when they fall apart, how people deal with grief, what makes people lash out in anger or how they'll react when faced with extreme conflict. Just about every sort of reaction has some sort of entertainment value for them, whether they actually break or they manage to overcome adversity; they're an ancient entity that's virtually untouchable, so they aren't exactly worried about people, like...actually doing things to them.

They do have a couple of small exceptions as far as the "caring about what happens to people" thing goes--primarily, anyone they've claimed as "theirs." Why they claim people is usually because they do something that stands out quite a bit--Mimir, for example, outsmarted them in their past life. This is still a very selfish sort of love, though; they'll "protect" the people they've claimed, so to speak, but they aren't necessarily going to ask what they want, and they don't particularly care if anyone else is hurt in the process.

Fallen Star's Darkness also takes a slightly different approach than canon; here, Darkness is fueled by both the darkness of the world in general and in people. Even if it's "destroyed," it'll be revived eventually by the worlds just existing (though it might not have the same "consciousness," so to speak), and the more darkness is in an area, the stronger it gets.

They can also "sense" people's internal struggles, so to speak. While they can't always predict how people will react to certain things, they can figure out whether they're scared/sad/angry, etc., and can get glimpses of what causes it. Because they're formless, they can also basically be anywhere, at any time--and often, be multiple places at once. (Basically, they are all throughout Scala, all the time.)

Personal Darknesses

So early into the story, I started thinking about Darkness and how they'd play into things. And I kind of got this idea--what if they split apart into various different 'types' of Darknesses? Like Vanitas's Unversed? So basically, one Darkness would govern Grief, one would govern Wrath, etc. Each one had appearances that would kind of indicate what they represented, and they'd have personalities that tended to reflect that, too. (So Wrath was always ready to lash out at people, Grief was always thinking about the things that were lost, etc.) The intent was like...a very "darkness is not evil" sort of thing, in a round-about way. The Darknesses weren't inherently evil; they were a necessary part of nature, and they just governed things that were a little less pleasant to think about.

I did end up deciding that strayed a bit too far from canon--but then realized that I could still use a similar idea if I repurposed it a little.

See, originally, I had Brain, Skuld, and Frigga forming close connections with some of these Darknesses--Grief for Brain, Wrath for Skuld, and Control for Frigga. So I thought that maybe I could just cut out the middleman; these could really just be their personal Darknesses, made manifest by the power of the more Ancient Darknesses.

I knew I wanted to have the group confront Darkness, and I figured that first "official" confrontation would be the perfect opportunity to have them face their personal Darknesses. Since there were five Darknesses left over after the fall of Daybreak Town, I figured it'd make sense for most of the main crew (plus Sigurd, since I wanted him to start being dragged into the group) face them. Which started the brainstorming, haha.

I'm...basically going to go through each of the Darknesses in the order the characters face them in, haha.

Kvasir

Kvasir's personal Darkness is Ignorance. Throughout the story, he's been...pretty clueless about a lot of things. He had no idea what was going on with his family. He could say insensitive things without meaning to. And it's not his fault that he wasn't aware of some things, but that ignorance led to a lot of problems--some smaller (like unintentionally be insensitive to Meili) and some pretty big (like getting Mimir kidnapped).

So, each of the crew gets their personal darknesses manifested as creatures that taunt and hinder them. For Ignorance, it looks very cute and innocent, from the outside--but it hides huge teeth that can do a lot of damage. Kind of playing into that "unknowingly hurting people" thing. The countless closed eyes I feel like is pretty obvious, haha, but basically--Kvasir is blind to the truth of what's going on around him (and, in some worlds, would choose to intentionally close his eyes and continue ignoring what's wrong).

His "challenge" was basically Darkness keeping him "ignorant" of what was really going on--it really leaned into the "ignorance is bliss" thing, haha. He was given a world where he was happy--and all he had to do to keep that was to choose to ignore the harder parts of what's going on around him, like letting what was happening with his family slide.

Kvasir gets out by "defeating" his darkness, so to speak. He was faced with the option of remaining ignorant or acknowledging the truth, even if it's harder. And make no mistake, there is a world where he'd choose to continue ignoring things--but at the end of the day, he loved his friends more. He chose to acknowledge what was wrong and fight against Ignorance to reach Mimir, which let him overcome his challenge.

(And an additional note: this isn't a cure-all. Kvasir's just made the choice to try and do better--but that doesn't mean he isn't still going to have to work at things. Good thing he has friends to help.)

Brain

Brain's personal Darkness is Guilt.

So guilt, under normal circumstances, isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's definitely unpleasant, but it has a purpose: it's supposed to let you know when you've done something wrong, and the discomfort helps propel you towards change.

The problem comes when your sense of guilt gets broken. That can happen for a lot of different reasons--and in Brain's case, a lot of it stems from trauma.

So let's talk about survivor's guilt. Survivor's guilt is, essentially, when you feel guilty for surviving something horrible when other people didn't. Symptoms aren't going to present the same in everyone; in Brain's case, it specifically manifests as a feeling that he didn't really deserve to survive--or, at least, he didn't deserve it any more than anyone else. He just happened to be lucky enough to be chosen.

But Brain's got some stuff complicating that. Ava gave him the Book of Prophecies and Master's Defender with the presumption of changing fate--and whether Ava intended it or not, Brain took that as her entrusting him with saving the world. And at first, that wasn't as much of an issue; Ava obviously had faith that he could do it, and Brain himself was confident enough in his own abilities that he didn't really consider the possibility that he might not be able to.

But here's the thing: there is no single person that can save the world. Not on their own. There were so many forces working against him that he was probably never going to succeed--and that's not his fault. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't feel like it was his fault. So he's got a lot of additional guilt, since he feels personally responsible for the fall of Daybreak Town, for his friends being separated, and for what happened to the Dandelions.

(And he's got additional guilt because, well--he made a very human choice, in the end. And, again, I wouldn't call that a moral failing--but he still feels like it is, and that's what matters here.)

Brain's guilt manifests in a lot of ways. He overworks himself, he doesn't sleep, he tries to keep things from people in an effort to protect them (like he couldn't before). And he's also just...so tired. He wants to leave entirely just because he can't deal with that anymore and thinks someone else is better suited for his position--but that causes him a lot of guilt, too.

Guilt (the Darkness) manifests as a creature that is slowly being eaten alive because that's what excessive guilt feels like--it slowly consumes you until there isn't much left of a person anymore. (Which is also why Guilt is falling apart--Brain's guilt is pretty severe, and if he's not careful, it really could kill him.) The fox-like skull was specifically a reference to Ava--she is the one who gave him the responsibility, after all, and seeing that is a reminder of who else he failed.

In Brain's vision, he's specifically faced with everything he feels guilty about. His friends and Daybreak Town--the things that he feels like would still be here and okay, if he'd succeeded. And then Scala ad Caelum and the ruins of Daybreak Town and Ephemer himself, where he feels very...judged.

As Darkness says later with Skuld, they aren't here to actually teach any lessons; they're just presenting each person with their own personal problems and seeing how they react to them. "Winning" doesn't necessarily mean finding a healthy way to overcome Darkness--so Brain doesn't. He realizes that the way Guilt manifested gave it an inherent flaw, and he utilizes that to his advantage.

Brain's guilt was...probably never going to be solved cleanly here, because it runs too deep. I'm sure that won't have any consequences in the future.

Skuld

Skuld's personal Darkness manifests as Helpless Anger. Originally I planned for just 'Wrath' because that flowed a little better, haha, but this felt a little more true to what she's actually going through.

Helplessness wasn't something Skuld really had to struggle with too much, before the events of Union X. She's very much a person who tries to take fate into her own hands. Wants friends? Makes her own party to try and make them. Ephemer goes missing? Joins up with the Player to find him. The Player goes to fight in the Keyblade War? Runs back into the fighting to save them.

But she's suddenly had to face a lot of things that she's just...completely helpless to stop. She could save her friend, but she was helpless to stop the Keyblade War itself. She couldn't stop the fall of Daybreak Town--and unlike Brain, recognizes that they were completely helpless to do anything. And now she's found herself in Scala ad Caelum, where she's had to deal with a council that knows much more about what's going on and is completely willing to manipulate her as a figurehead, where she's suddenly facing the prospect of people hunting them down at any moment, where even her friends are willing to hide things from her, and she's never felt so powerless and scared.

Those feelings can result in a lot of different reactions. Sometimes, they make people give up completely. Other times, however, they can make people angry; they'll lash out at people, may use it as a way to take control in some of the few areas that have the ability to. And Skuld is furious. She's had this constant sort of anger following her throughout the story. The more that's happened, the harder it's been to keep that in check. It's become present enough that she'd probably have trouble separating herself from it anymore.

Now, Skuld's also got the whole "you're not supposed to be here/can you fight fate?" thing going on for her. I knew I wanted to bring in Subject X somehow, and this ended up working out pretty well. Subject X is a figure that had everything stripped away from her; she is probably the most accurate manifestation of Skuld's feelings of helplessness, and she's being forced to confront that directly--that no matter what she does, she was never going to escape her fate.

But she had to have an actual monster to face, so it breaks its way out of Subject X. Helplessness/Anger (...do you see why I wanted to use 'Wrath'?) is literally chained by fate (those threads were worldlines, in case that wasn't clear, and also kind of reference "threads of fate"). The creature is bound so tightly that it can't escape. Fire is pretty self-explanatory--'anger' is associated with fire a lot, so the creature is made of flames.

Skuld's initial challenge manifests as a dungeon she can't get out of; no matter what she does or where she goes, she's just as trapped as the version of her that's more powerless. Once the creature manifests, we see the second half of her challenge. The creature sets the room on fire and prevents Skuld from escaping--but as Skuld noted, it only set the room on fire because it was struggling to get free, and it lashing out was what caused the problem. (Kind of referencing the idea that like...it's not Skuld's fault she's trapped in a helpless situation, and it's not wrong that she's angry about it, but if she lashes out and focuses that anger on the wrong thing, she could end up hurting those she loves.)

Skuld doesn't get out by defeating her darkness or by giving into it (so to speak), but instead working with it. She isn't wrong to be angry; she just needs to watch how it's wielded, because it could either be helpful or harmful, depending on the situation. (Fighting the council? Great. Lashing out at her friends? Probably not so great. Admittedly wish I had dug into this more earlier in the story, but uh...it is what it is.) She also kind of internalizes a realization that she'd already had--that sometimes, there isn't much you can do, so find what you can do and do that.

Sigurd

Sigurd's personal Darkness manifests as Loss.

Sigurd's was interesting, because this is the first time the reader really gets to look into his head. There's some stuff I still can't entirely talk about because of spoiler reasons, but, uh--as you can probably tell, Sigurd is one half of the now-traditional "tragic siblings" thing, haha.

Sigurd lost his brother--but that isn't the big loss. He also lost himself in a way; he's mostly been following orders and trying to play peacekeeper, but there's not a lot of this that's been because he really wanted to do these things. He's molded himself into someone who can take orders with little opposition (which is why Brain has frustrated and challenged him, haha), and basically gives himself over to that.

Loss (the Darkness) manifests as a masked creature that has parts that disappear and reappear because Sigurd...isn't really sure who he is anymore. The horns specifically reference Luxu, and the "deal" he made with him. As for the mirror--mirrors reflect yourself back at you. Sigurd constantly sees a stranger.

His challenge was that he just...couldn't remember who he was and what he was doing. He is, in many ways, just a pawn, meant to serve a role--and a personal identity doesn't matter much for that.

He's the only one that doesn't really defeat his darkness; Brain comes for him and breaks him out of the vision before he can really do much of anything. (Which is part of the reason Darkness was so frustrated; they wanted to see what Sigurd would do, not have their game interrupted by Brain.) This does mean that Sigurd will...have a lot more personal exploration to do.

Mimir doesn't have a 'personal' Darkness to manifest (since they don't face the same 'challenges' as the others), so that's why they don't really have a section here. And, uh...I think I've probably rambled long enough, anyways. But yeah! Been planning this for a while and am excited to finally have this out.

#kingdom hearts #fallen stars #skuld #brain #ask me about darkness. i CAN ramble more

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hrhoffman · 3 months

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So I finished binging The Magnus Archives

and I genuinely have so many thoughts that I can't even put into words

Spoilers for TMA as a whole, I guess

I'll start with Sasha because I want to do every point that hit heavy for me and if I don't do it in order I'll forget something

The idea of being replaced and forgotten, just, my God. And really, how little of the real Sasha we even got from the whole podcast is tragic. We got so little of her, liked her when we first heard her encounter with Michael, and then, boom, she's gone. Replaced. And as listeners, we Know Something will happen, but you just get that building dread every episode, what will Not!Sasha do? Is there a chance real Sasha could come back?

And by the end, we forget about Sasha because of everything else happening.

Tim was worse for me because as soon as his new arc was building up, I knew immediately there was ever going to be one ending for him. His building anger, his loss of his previous self, the information on his past and how it related to the next big fight they were going to. It was obvious he was going to get blown up as soon as the explosives were introduced.

And we don't get much mourning for Tim, because Jon is in a coma, Daisy is trapped, and Martin is losing himself.

I could go on a whole side tangent about the Lonely, make a list of all those hard hitting lines Martin said.

I'm not enough on my own. Can't get it out of my head.

The finale hurts. I can't stop myself from crying. I keep going back and forth about Jon's character

We watch him make questionable decisions for the entire podcast. His whole conspiracy fueled paranoia and just driving everyone away as if it's going to keep them safe. His final choice to take over instead of Elias

It's selfish, because ok, fuck lemme try to get this in words

Jon and Martin are opposites the whole time, I think

Martin's big speech to Peter and Elias where he says, "I'm not a chosen one" always stood out to me. Because there's times where Jon seems to believe HE needs to fix everything, that HE needs to keep his friends safe, that HE needs to save the world because he is SO SO guilty.

And Martin thinks so little of himself, but he puts so much love in others. It's so sad to see his change in S4 with the Lonely, because it's so distinctly not Martin.

He never stops hating himself, never stops loving Jon. Everything he does is for Jon. He had nothing to live for when Jon was gone.

They are each other's reasons. But Martin could be anywhere with Jon and be happy.

Jon needs to fix his wrongs to make them both happy. Whether that is true or not doesn't matter, because it is wholeheartedly what Jon believes.

And so he believes sacrificing himself to try to fix things will be better for Martin, but he never asked Martin what would actually make him happy.

Martin just wants to be by Jon's side.

And back to the selfish thing, I don't mean it in a negative way. I mean that Jon felt he literally needed to give himself up to atone. Like he had lost all self worth. Like he didn't care about himself.

He puts Martin in the worst possible position.

And I cried so hard at the ending, because I knew that they weren't Somewhere Else. They were dead. It mirrored Gertrude and her assistants, the foreshadowing of their deaths as Sasha and Tim dropped one by one.

There was no happy ending for us. There was no fixed world after what traumatic experience had been unleashed. Jon had to pay for his mistakes, but love caused Martin to go with him. (I think about those last few moments of Martin. Alive. Looking down at Jon's bleeding corpse. The panopticon crumbling around him. Martin knows he will die, but he's just had to kill his only Reason to live anyways)

I can't even say they're happy together in the fucking afterlife because the End or whatever exists and claims everyone. I always interpreted that as Hell existing for everyone after death.

And don't even get me started on the themes of finding happiness and love in the middle of the apocalypse

They just wanted to fix things man. It wasn't even Jon's fucking fault, AND OKAY THIS IS ANOTHER THING

I SWEAR Elias has to be Web aligned I fucking swear the strings he pulled throughout the whole fucking series dude. I think the Eye and Web are pretty close anyways but that Manipulating Bastard FUCK HIM

Jon believes he's done everything wrong, because he refuses to blame Dickhead McGee. Doesn't help that everyone is on his ass the whole podcast, and like, yeah, Jon does some stupid shit but come the fuck on why did the foreshadowing of his slowly worse decisions have to end like this man I can't stop thinking about it

#the magnus archives #tma spoilers #i keep relistening and watching tma animatics and shit #crying and sobbing #how did we go from scary worm lady to the most tragic love story I've ever heard

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thatsmimi · 2 years

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E or B!

OC alphabet soup

[caption in alt!]

bebe bebe bebe bebe! part 2/2 (here's part 1) of the kaze+bebe saga and the actual PC i was playing in that campaign. I believe I left a lot of gaps in their story due to me wanting my DM to fill those holes I didn't think of as well as uh. laziness. Ultimately it fell flat but y'know it is what it is!

Bebe is a changeling that's rejected by society, and they became friends with Kaze for quite a while and had a princess and the pauper type agreement since they both wanted to live differently than they do then. Bebe was tired of hiding and being distrusted for their nature as a changeling and Kaze just want out of that spoiled brat life! It was the perfect deal, Bebe got to experience Private Tutor Life (tm) and Kaze got to trans his gender. win-win scenario!

When Kaze torn down his entire tyrant family Bebe helped as well. A little begrudgingly, since they really liked their music tutor. They were the best of duos, Bebe was just willing to listen and follow whatever Kaze wanted to do cuz man, they don't have much opinions themself, Kaze always seemed to have big plans and knew what he wanted.

When Kaze disappeared and came back a whole different person, it was because he uh... well he went ahead and died!

Probably. Honestly the details were very hazy, I don't quite remember what exactly happened, but during a quest, Bebe was influenced by some sort of evil being who fueled their jealousy and convinced them to do something so entirely stupid.

Well. Obviously you can't go back to town telling everyone that their favourite hero's dead! So Bebe did what Bebe does best: they stole Kaze's face. People wouldn't care if Bebe went missing, they don't even know they exist! But Kaze, who symbolizes everyone's hopes and dreams... He can't be gone.

Bebe convinced themself that they're doing this for a selfless reason but really it's... both. They're struck with guilt and a strange relief and they're just a little bit cursed but they're dealing with it. They're hoping by retiring as the folk hero they could gradually ease people out of thinking about Kaze, and they're also hoping that, God, please, nobody make him save the day.

They're not built for that.

Bebe is in all!!! pretty selfish of a person. but they have their reasons to, y'know? They have a long way to go, forgiving themself and getting un-cursed and finding out who they actually want to be, but that's all depending on whether i can even play this character lol

#mimi answers #ask meme #WOW THIS ONE IS A LONG ONE!!! OPSIE #captioned #hehe [twirls hair] i like making my dnd blorbos a tad fucked up #<-- and then not play them.#bebe #kaze kaccerol

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imthepunchlord · 2 years

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Out of curiously, what’s your opinion on giving the Kwamis mindsets more like their respective animals? Like, Tikki becomes a predator, Pollen saves the label of ‘Queen’ for any wielder that she thinks doesn’t measure up… honestly I’m not sure what Trixx and Wayzz would do, but Plagg would probably just stay as is.

For me, I like the idea that depending on what animal a kwami is based on, it'll have influence on their personality and mindset. Especially factoring in symbolism and such.

But I wouldn't want it to define the kwami personality, especially since they're not animals themselves. At most, the animal they're based on gives them little quirks, but they should have more personality past that.

And for quirks, I mean like:

Like, Tikki, Nooroo, and Pollen all love to be around flowers or near a garden and help care for it.

Plagg and Trixx are mischievous and occasionally like to pounce on their humans.

Wayzz and Sass like to spend time in the morning sunbathing, and the former also likes it if he can have some water to drift in.

Sometimes Duusu likes to sing/scream, and when Duusu really wants attention, those tail feathers fan to be more eyecatching. Or they fan when angry to make Duusu seem bigger.

These can also shape their morals and what they think is right.

Trixx thinks its ok to lie so long as you're not being malicious about it or you're being smart about your lies.

Plagg thinks it's ok to be selfish/put yourself first as your wants matter. Yes, it may inconvenience others, but sometimes that's just how the cup is pushed off the table.

Pollen thinks all humans should thrive to be productive and helpful, reasonable, open minded, and firm; and for her users to play a role that suits them best whether that be support, aggressor, ect.. She could also be one of the few kwamis that has a gender preference, and maybe requested that her miraculous be a hair comb so mostly girls will use her. As a more personal joke/kab, she can definitely snidely adopt "Queen" as a demoting term to any humans she receives, and be a secret danger to them. Perhaps one of the few kwamis to really push boundaries in the face of misuse. Nothing lethal of course, but those misusers won't be in for a good time.

On ladybugs, considering how effective they are at clearing out pests, Tikki should be more war oriented, and maybe she in the past she was considering she went to a lot of warriors? TIkki also should be all about love and family, which is the 2nd biggest symbolism for ladybugs, particularly in Europe. There are so many little myths that say you'll marry soon if a ladybug lands on you, or where it goes is where your future partner is, or how many spots is on it will tell you how many children you'll have (you can even note that Marinette wants 3 kids and Tikki herself has 3 spots). If Tikki took more to ladybugs, not only should she be more about wiping out pests, but very invested in Marinette's love life. At most, Tikki matches the ladybug symbol of luck, seeking to bring happiness to all around her (minus her human who she seems to think should be more focused on happiness for others than herself).

So, using Tikki as an example, my ideal kwami that has more nod to the animal they're based:

Tikki's canon personality is still there, happiness of others before yourself, duty always takes priority; but she's far more openly hostile and irritates with the likes of Chloe and Lila. Also Chat Noir is really starting to irritate her, which extends to Adrien post her learning that he is Chat and it's something she will fight Plagg on when they're together. And when Marinette's in that very romantic mood and gushing about her crush, Tikki isn't teasing her but gushing with her. It'd actually work in canon's favor as Marinette's crush on Adrien was fueled by an invested Tikki. And when Tikki learns Adrien = Chat, Tikki starts to push her towards Luka, adding to Marinette being torn and uncertain. And as little unique quirks from being a ladybug, Tikki likes to be around a garden and will help care for it, and she gets sleepy and snuggly during the winter time.

This would be my ideal Tikki. She's got some aspects to ladybugs in behavior and her moral stance and views are based around symbolism, but she also has more to her. A personality, opinions and views, dislikes, biases, and flaws.

This is my ideal sort of kwami. Their personality, quirks, and views are shaped by what animal they are, but it's not a defining personality. I wouldn't want Pollen to have the same exclusive mindset that bees would have, I would like her to have more to her. To be gentle yet tenacious. To be open minded and very engaging with her humans, desiring to help humans find what they do best and help them thrive as that would be their best way to help their community as a whole.

#ask Punchie #kwamis #I hope I explained it well #it is early morning and I wouldn't be able to get to this ask until afternoon #I didn't want to wait for it #kwami lore #kwami overhaul

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wattpadscapcons · 2 years

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I know no one wants to hear this from me. You can just skip this if you want to.

I just watched a playthrough of a video game that literally showed me what it's like to suffer for the sake of numbers and views. It's easy to lose yourself in the interaction you get online, regardless of whether or not it's positive. I've honestly felt that in a way that may be negatively affecting me and my writing.

I mean, I'm fine, don't worry. It's just the thought of me having to de-train myself from relying on the approval and praise of people I don't even really know, it's scary. You can often get lost in that feeling, it manifests into this ugly mass of guilt and self-hatred that can metaphorically suffocate you. The literal amount of stress it takes to stay relevant on any platform must be soul crushing.

When I first started making posts on this platform, I was receiving lots of that feeling. It hadn't quite become the overall sickening stress by the end of the first week, not even the second week. I just received so many likes that it became addicting to seek out others attention by writing. The whole "numbers game". Over 300 likes at my very peak of this "career"! Now a days I can barely hit 30 or on a good week maybe I'll hit 70 or more. That's still a lot of people, and believe me I'm very grateful for those who are still here.

I hate just how sick and disappointed that makes me feel. It fuels me with so many negative thoughts like:

"Do people not like my content?"

"Is the only way to get any kind of feedback is to do exactly what my followers ask me to?"

"Have I already become boring?"

"Have I been shadowbanned?"

"Why won't anyone talk to me? Did I do something wrong?"

The lack of interaction kills me. I hate how quiet it is here even when everyone's awake. It doesn't even have to be positive, tell me my work sucks! That you hate it! Tell me you liked it! Gush about the characters you like in my dms or comment section of my posts! I really don't care! Just say something so that I know you're reading and that I'm not slaying over the computer screen for hours at a time for no reason!

I know it's a needy, selfish request. Please don't hate me for saying it here. I know some people don't have the time, nor the energy to do anything. I have mutuals that are like that, busy people, parents even!

They can feel really stressed out and I always feel like I'm bothering them when I text them out of the blue after being silent for a few days. That's fine. I just hate the feeling of being ghosted. I'm not going to bite, I'm not some kind of god or celebrity that thinks they're above you.

I have trouble reaching out to a lot of you myself, to tell you I like your work because I don't want to come off as awkward. So believe me, I know how it feels! It doesn't even have to be a long conversation! You don't have to wait for a reply before you log off. That would be fine.

I've already had a major fight on this platform too. Well, not exactly major, nothing I would have to go to therapy over. It was upsetting, and I'm sure some of the followers I've had since the very beginning remember what I'm talking about. I bring this up because that had a negative affect too, as it was a simple misunderstanding that showed me just how cruel anons could be to people online.

I know this may hit kind of heavy coming from a small time tumblr user that not everyone is the biggest fan of, but I... I don't know. I guess I just feel a little better after writing this out? I know this platform is exactly the best for letting out all of this negative steam. I don't want to come off as needy or obsessive or self-centered. This is just how I feel.

#tw negitive #tw negative thoughts #tw negativity #capcons

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datastate · 3 years

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on the pale king sympathy post, people need to understand that they can like and enjoy evil/morally grey characters - like its okay to find them interesting or enjoy their character. whats even more poggers is acknowledging that they’re bad and that you enjoy exploring that aspect of them. im begging yall, let bad characters be bad not everyone needs a redemption arc to be your fave. i swear it happens in every fandom, its the same shit that happened with connor in dbh and bakugou in mha. but anyway, yea, big agree with you

YEAH EXACTLY!!! like man i just really enjoy seeing how characters will reason what they're doing to themselves, even if you can see the effects it has on others around. it's just fun to me seeing characters who have fucked up morals (or in morally grey cases: who are left with difficult choices and fall back on some belief or their own logic and don't feel they can move away from that mindset) still getting depth to them without it ever needing to be excused. they just live like this! they're often content like this! even if they don't think they've done the 'right' thing, they'll still reason it as the better choice (even if there were other options that they themselves couldn't see, whether its selfishness or pride that removed that.) like... they're so much more interesting when you get to pick them apart and see what fuels them to do this sort of shit.

and like, even aside from that... dude i love shelly de killer from ace attorney. the dude's literally an assassin with an honor code. he's like an unbelievably simple character (the killing isn't personal unless you, as a client, broke the code) but he's still very fun, for me. like there doesn't even necessarily have to be much reason! sometimes it's just fun to pull up a character you like with nothing more than 'are they fucked up or what?' and that's fine!

++ also, an aside, but - i think i wouldn't mind 'redemption' stuff half as much anyhow if they didn't... center the narrative around the perpetrator? like if it's an abuser, while i am VERY wary in general with this, at the least i don't wanna hear about how the victim of their abuse recovered from the abuser's pov, i want to see how the victim escapes the manipulative situation and then made the conscious choice to go back and how they've taken back control. i don't need to be bombarded with the internal woes of someone realizing they've hurt another, i want to see the person who's been hurt see this other one make an active change before any repair is made. it feels so disingenuous focusing on the abuser's feelings of guilt rather than the trauma they put the victim through, and more like it's trying to excuse what had been done through emotion alone. and with a situation like that, you have to be careful with forgiveness and everything, figure out the situation and understand whether the two would actually be able to stay around each other without returning to being destructive, or if forgiveness is even the goal (it could just be renewing a relationship if they've met each other again after years) considering how deeply the victim was cut. i'm not sure i can phrase it right but like. you know. the victims of the perpetrator deserve much more attention and the right to heal during the course of that 'redemption', and even then, the perpetrator isn't entitled to forgiveness or company from those they've hurt even if they can go on with life as a kinder / more understanding person

#this got really general near the end but . it really is situational #also i'm so sorry i don't know what the two examples listed are ;_; but yeah it's a phenomenon that is unfortunately common #ask #anonymous #long post #abuse mention

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yandere-daydreams · 5 years

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How about some yandere fydor [if not then dazai please!] with a sweet darling adjusting to their new life. They're very innocent and sheltered so they're unaware of what a normal relationship is like. But they "seem" to care for their yandere and would check up on their health. But anyway I love your writing and your memes! Keep up the good work.

So, I did go with Dazai on this one, if only because I’m *really* eager to write for him. He’d just be such an apathetic Yandere, especially with someone who’s just begging to be manipulated.

TW: Gaslighting, Emotional Manipulation.

“I think the other’s are worried about me.”

The statement was passive, as reflexive as telling Dazai about your day and as monotone as listing off things you needed him to get from the corner store, but the man only hummed, running a hand through your hair while you nuzzled into his chest. It was sweet, how he’d always scoop you up the moment he got home, carrying you to the nearest plush surface (the bed today, luckily) and just keeping you in his lap, admiring you or cuddling you or toying with your hands until he was satisfied. His arms were around your waist, now, keeping you pinned against his chest while you simply listened to his heartbeat, trying not to squirm despite the anxiety eating away at you.

Dazai kissed the top of your head, letting his lips linger on your hair, not daring to give you an inch of space. “What do you mean, darling?”

“It’s just…” You shifted, nervously, biting the inside of your cheek. You weren’t scared, not of Dazai, never of Dazai, but your trust in your boyfriend did little to clear your mind of Yosano’s 'advice’, or how concerned Kunikida seemed to be about your new relationship. It made sense, you supposed. No one ever reacted well when you told them how often Dazai wanted you to check in with him. “They didn’t seem to think I should be listening to you, I guess. And when I told them I couldn’t just walk to the agency like I used to, they wouldn’t believe me when I told them you said it wasn’t safe.” You pulled away, slightly, if only to be able to meet his eyes. Dazai let out a displeased sigh, grudgingly loosening his hold. “Do you think I should stop by? They seemed really insistent, I’d hate to stress them out like this.”

You watched as he stared down at you, his expression unnervingly unbothered for a moment, before a grin spread across his lips, a little too wide to be anything but manufactured. But, he was trying, so you put on your best shy smile, leaning into his palm when his hands came up to cup your cheeks. “Never say something like that again. You should really just forget about them entirely.” He sighed, wistfully, his tone cheery, despite the venom dripping from his lips. “It was a stupid idea to begin with, really.”

“Wait, what?” His words caught you off guard, or, how blunt they were, more accurately. “Osamu, what are you-”

“I mean, think about it for a second.” His grip on your cheeks grew tighter, not painful but firm, holding you in place while he cooed and crooned, long fingers clawing into your cheeks when you attempted to move away. “Your friends want you to come to the most crime-filled part of the city, stroll into a building full of cruel, dangerous people, just so they can see you? Doesn’t that seem a little selfish, (Y/n)?”

You shook your head, not bothering to hide your frown. “No, everyone at the agency is busy. It’d just be easier if I met them-”

He didn’t wait, cutting you off when he noticed you were trying to argue against him. “How long have you been living with me?”

“A few months…” You answered, swallowing down the idea of a rebuttal. It was clear he wasn’t going to listen, anyway.

He clicked his tongue, shaking his head, mock-sympathy painted over his features a little too thickly. “And how often have they visited you here? They expect us to go out of our way, but they can’t take the time to come to you? That’s not very nice of them, is it?”

“You told me not to invite anyone over!” The words felt bitter now, unreasonable compared to how calm Dazai was. Like you were the irrational one, and he was just trying to explain something everyone should already know. The thought only fueled your anger, but you just glared at his chest, crossing your arms as he ran a hand through your hair. “They’re my friends, baby, they’re not trying to upset you. You make so many rules, but no one's trying to hurt me.” You paused, some of the tension, some of the determination, leaving your body, Dazai seeing your subtle submission and taking the cue to pull you back in, letting your chin rest on his shoulder. “You’re… I think… This is just a little unfair, isn’t it?”

There was another hum, another short, soft laugh, punctuated by Dazai leaning forward, melting into your chest just as you melted into his. He didn’t respond, not immediately, letting you hide your face in his shirt while Dazai played with the ends of your hair.

Finally, he broke the silence, his voice void of the supposed worry he’d felt before, empty of everything, save for the slightest hints of intrigue. “All of this because of a phone call?”

You only nodded, Dazai sighing. He was the one to push you away, this time, hands on your shoulders as he pressed a prolonged, awkward kiss into your forehead, only pulling away when he felt you relax into his touch. “Promise me you won’t answer anything they send you, then. Not without showing me, and definitely not while I’m away. Call me if there’s an emergency, and if anyone’s trying to contact you, just let me handle it. You obviously can’t handle the pressure it puts on you.”

Briefly, you hesitated. He’d asked you to move in with him, to quit your day job and work from home, to let him take you anywhere you needed to go, but this was the first time he asked you to cut people off. He’d suggested it, before, playfully threatening to ‘confiscate’ the device whenever it rang on one of your dates and breaking a few older models (by accident, he claimed), but… this was different. He seemed serious, like replying to a text would be a matter of life and death, staring into your soul and forcing you to rethink your own instincts. You weren’t oblivious, you knew he hadn’t answered a single question you’d asked, but…

He loved you. He loved you, and he cared about you, and you went into this knowing he wouldn’t be the most… open-minded, when it came to these things. He was protective of you, like that.

Or, you hoped he was just being protective, anyway.

Shoving yourself against him, you only nod, weakly, fighting back an oncoming breakdown. Dazai only smiled, letting you take out your frustration on a bandage-covered torso, his arms soon encompassing your trembling body. You told yourself he was trying to be comforting, that this was his attempt at affection, that you should just shut up and believe him, but deep-down, you knew he couldn’t care less about whether or not you minded his new restraints.

He liked to hold you, when he got home.

It didn’t matter if he had to make you cry to accomplish that.

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