#which i don't want to talk about publicly i just want to vent that it's happening | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drdemonprince · 2 months

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Do you worry about being so open about your sex life under the same name you use professionally? How did you settle on your current approach to talking about kink/fetishism publicly?

That's my question. Below is some background but feel free to ignore it.

I'm asking because, like many people, my kinks are integral to my sense of self and engaging in BDSM has been significant for my psychological wellbeing. I don't like keeping these important aspects of myself separate from the rest of my life and I'm jealous of the people I meet at munches who share openly kinky stuff on their regular Instagrams. But I also have relatives on all of my socials, including a few adult family members who take any opportunity to create drama or get on their high horses, and teenage cousins who obviously shouldn't be given information about my sex life.

I like using social media to connect with people, and it feels harder to do that when big parts of me are walled off. I'm so worried about sharing anything 'inappropriate' that I'm only presenting this bland, watered down version of myself and it makes me feel alienated. Making side accounts is one option, but it feels like compartmentalising and involves more 'personal brand' management than I care to juggle.

That's without even touching on in-person disclosures. How do I embrace these aspects of myself without acting like they're shameful, but also without being obnoxious or unfair on other people who might not want to know?

I know "authenticity" can be an unattainable ideal, especially on social media platforms that necessitate curation, but I do want to stop tying myself in so many knots over this (in the figurative, unsexy way).

Sorry for venting in your askbox.

Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts on this.

I don't worry about the potential of my speaking openly about my sex life ruining my professional life because I hate my professional life and professionalism in nearly all forms. I have nothing but contempt for the academy, social psychology, my employer, the publishing industry, 99% of the organizations that hire me to provide workshops, and a decent-sized subset of my readers who are of the more liberal end of things. Alienating myself from these institutions and people and making myself incompatible with their viewpoints feels as necessary to me as breathing air.

when I was very young I was concerned with making myself palatable to academia and shucking off everything that was unprofessional and hillbillyish and childish and weird about me, but then I learned what success within the academy really entailed. I heard faculty members shrug and say they "didn't really care" about the topics they were studying (topics like racism, sexism, transphobia, etc) and were just publishing work on these subjects to further their own careers. I was trained to use questionable research protocols that generated false positives and specious results. Nearly all the research that I worked on for three years of undergrad and five years of graduate school would eventually be discredited due to failure to replicate. And I realized that I was being taken advantage of all the while, mined for cheap labor on meaningless projects that meant nothing scientifically, making $14k a year in a field where there were no future job prospects.

by the time i finished my PhD I knew that I wanted to be nothing like the people that had trained me and taken advantage of me, and that I had useless skills in a dying field. I was plenty happy to cut the shit by then and be real about who I was, what I believed, and what was and wasn't a virtuous use of my time. This only became more pronounced after I was screwed over by even more employers as a part-time instructor, and then finally hired full-time in a department that was doing good work, but which was constantly getting undercut by those in higher up administrative positions.

My entire career I have essentially been daring people to fire me and they never seem to do it. No matter how much shit I talk about the university and my profession and no matter how much I bear about myself, I just keep getting rewarded for it and allowed to float along relatively unbothered. There's a power in having a lot of audacity. I am not ashamed of who I am and I don't worry about how my employer and colleagues see me because as a whole I have zero respect for any of them or their opinions. (I have some individual coworkers who are great! but they dont represent Psychology or Academia as a whole or its values. my coworker friends are supportive of my freaky trans kinky self).

It's much the same dynamic in my family. I have no respect for the majority of people in my family and I don't concern myself with how they might react to the things I have to say. When I first started writing openly about Autism some relatives found it deeply offensive and talked a lot of shit about me behind my back, saying that I was embarassing all of them by associating us with a disability they found shameful, but my mom communicated to those relatives in no uncertain terms that I was gonna just keep doing whatever the fuck I wanted and they'd have to find some way to deal with it.

My mom had already learned that about me firsthand. I complain about her sometimes but I do have immense gratitude to her for just accepting who I am, even if there are elements of it she can't understand and probably does not feel good about. She learned a long long time ago that I was on my own separate planet and that there was nothing she could do to stop me from running my mouth and living my life, and I'm thankful to her for that. My actions have set the tone with my family pretty clearly: i came out as trans publicly before I told them, I started hormones and changed my name/gender marker without consulting them and then told them it was a fact already and they'd need to get in line. I approach most things about myself that others might take issue with in the same way: it's a fact, it's fucking happening, and you can't tell me shit about it that is going to keep me from doing it. and if you're too much of a dick about it I might end up writing about you in a book or essay so watch out, I guess.

That sounds more vindicitive than how I actually feel most of the time, of course. I just don't think about the opinions of people I don't respect. I care about what my friends think of me, and the people I look up to, and I try to rise to a level that is worthy of them. And of course I do experience fear of ostacism and failure in those respects and have not always coped with it in a confident, principled way. But with my aunts and uncles or my boss? Fuck them. I have no desire to win their approval because I've seen what they approve of and it sucks.

All of this is possible because I am not financially reliant upon my family, of course, and because if I lose my job I would have a back-up plan. I've always done freelancing and side writing gigs, even back when I was a part-timer with really insecure teaching jobs, and so the loss of any one position has never felt that catastrophic to me. I was already released by my PhD program into economically shaky ground and I never had a prayer of having a successful tenure track academic "career", so I'm not afraid of losing that. that's already gone. I feel generally pretty confident in my ability to scratch by making a living doing this or that even if somebody fires me, and I won't have to ask relatives for money so it really does not matter if I alienate any of them. that is an IMMENSE PRIVILEGE and someone not in that position shouldn't compare themselves to me or expect themselves to have that same degree of confidence. sometimes you have to just keep your head down to survive and there's no shame in that either.

as for the question about "authenticity" as an idealized end state and how to reconcile it with social media, here are some of my thoughts: it's not authenticity if it is focused on how other people interpret you. authenticity is letting go of trying to manage what other people think about you. that means you dont ever have to broadcast everything about yourself to the public or on social media, you dont ever have to share something that you dont want to, the pursuit of being perfectly understood is one that will never be fulfilled and there is no need to make oneself unnecessarily vulnerable just for the sake of appealing to people who might not ever understand and accept you anyway. authenticity is more about an energy than about revealment. it's an energy of self acceptance, not necessarily self love, and it's not something that one broadcasts, it's something one cultivates by developing secure, supportive relationships, improving one's self knowledge, and by working through one's baggage.

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olderthannetfic · 8 months

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I'm sorry I need to vent but I don't get having mutuals. I thought it's how people on tumblr/twitter make friends (which seems that's how a lot of them treat it) but I found myself getting mutuals when some blogs I follow follow back. I thought they wanted to be friends since that's how they are with their other mutuals but other than like some of my posts when they started following me, they don't really interact with any of my posts now. We only have one fandom in common and I don't really posts much about that and when I do, they don't even like it or anything. It can't even be cause I reblog other people's stuff about that fandom cause they're following those people, too.

I don't understand why they're following my blog when they don't have a reason to be here? Is it those "follow for follow" things? It just makes me feel, I dunno strange(?), I guess, seeing my follower count and I could count on one hand how many of them still like my posts occasionally and none of those are my mutuals.

I wish there's a way to just remove them from my followers without removing me from their followers cause I still very much like their posts. It'd just be awkward softblocking them and then following again and they'd be notified and maybe they'd wonder why (if they even remember me at this point).

What the hell, anon?

How you make friends is by talking to people.

I don't even follow back half the people I actually talk to on tumblr because I forget. I never see likes. They're hidden on my activity page because who the fuck cares about likes?

I have people on here who reblog me frequently whom I rarely publicly interact with. You'd think I'm snubbing them. In fact, we're offline friends.

I have people I consider dear internet friends whom I chat with on a weekly or even daily basis in private whom you'll rarely see me talk to here even though this is how we met.

How I can tell if I'm friendly acquaintances with someone is by us talking enough that I remember who they are. I'm really bad at remembering internet handles as discrete individuals if I've never met the person. Once I start to actually remember you, it means something.

How I can tell we're friends is that we've built some emotional intimacy, usually by talking in private, often about our actual lives or, even more tellingly, our philosophies, aspirations, and struggles with making art.

If I can be vulnerable with someone in private in a way I wouldn't be publicly on tumblr, then we're friends. Of course, you never know if it's precisely mutual on the exact same level on a given day, but nothing in life is guaranteed.

Having shared fandoms is irrelevant.

Whether you are mutuals is irrelevant.

Likes are irrelevant.

Reblogs with no commentary are irrelevant.

If you don't meaningfully interact with the person, you are not friends.

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etincelleart · 6 months

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Sorry if this is a little too vent-y for your blog’s tone and you honestly don’t have to answer it publicly if you’re not comfortable but… as a very active artist for a popular sapphic Ruby ships do you ever get tired of how popular that stupid “h*mophob*c Ruby” meme is?

Ik I shouldn’t take a stupid fandom meme that seriously and even actual Ruby fans use this damn joke, but I’m just so tired from my personal experience how so many people keep bringing it up like it’s a fact and they’ve constantly made it Ruby’s only defining personality trait (which literally isn’t canon).

Also call me biased or whatever but I also find it insulting to Ruby’s character like… I can’t speak like NND is factually canon but as someone who personally sees Penny and Ruby’s relationship as more than just friends it just sickens me even as a stupid fandom “joke” people would imply Ruby hates LGBT people so much she wouldn’t even have any feelings for Penny. Especially when even some of the RWBY cast and crew have admitted to being NND shippers

No problem !

Tbh (and as a lesbian myself), at first I found this meme funny because it was from the fandom and from queer people, and from people who knew this was a dumb joke and that Ruby wasn't really homophobic.

When it started to be annoying is when it got out from the fandom by people who stopped watching the show a long time ago (the traditional "RwbY waS bEtTer BEfiorE V3" bla bla bla people), or by people who never watched the show. And straight people lmao.

I think this is really sad and stupid a lot of people took this meme seriously and shared it so more people with idiot views would come and say the same things. I just thought it was funny with a handful part of the fandom, those who REALLY know what they're talking about.

But it's really hard to be able to deal with people who cause problems, so for those sharing stupid things I just block them. It doesn't solve the problem but at least it's out of my tl on social medias. There's a lot of people who love to say so much stuff about RWBY, at some point if you want to keep enjoying being in the fandom you have to block massively. It's the only way to protect yourself and your mind, and I have no regrets in blocking people because the option is here for that.

And I agree on the fact that this is stupid considering Penny was important to Ruby, and IS still important despite being gone. And I also completely agree on the fact that Ruby probably had feelings for her and never got the chance to understand them and to realize what she felt, this is THE tragic yuri ever I will never shut up about these two-- So yeah it's pretty dumb considering Ruby was lashing out because she bottled up, kept everything to herself for so long, she exploded to the people who had found happiness right in front of her. The relationship isn't the issue for Ruby here, it's the whole situation, her sister is able to be happy with Blake while Ruby falls more and more into despair and isn't able to protect anyone. It's such a complex mental state and difficult to read from someone who don't think that way (I do act like Ruby, working on it, so I understand what she feels). I think before laughing about dumb memes people should be able to understand the situation fully

#rwby #meme #ruby #ruby rose #yang #yang xiao long #blake #blake belladonna

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heliza24 · 3 months

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heliza writes Young Royals season 3

I originally wrote this as a response to a writing prompt @bluedalahorse posted, where she asked us to imagine what Felice gets up to in season 3. I ran with it and ended up writing an outline of what I would do if I had Lisa's job and was the headwriter for season 3. I'm going to repost that here in it's own post, as well as include some other ideas that didn't quite fit in my outline but I love the idea of nonetheless. These were written with my writer hat on, and were meant to be speculation rather than prediction. I don't claim to have any special insight into what the team is planning for season 3, I just like pretending that I was in the writers' room, a real pipe dream for me. But I think it will be fun to have these ideas compiled and easily linkable, so I can see how similar or different I am to Lisa when season 3 does come out.

Ok, here we go:

So in thinking about what I wanted to happen to Felice I just ended up thinking about all of the main five characters, because ideally I would like her to be an integral part of the drama affecting all of them this season. So let’s just talk about all of them! Just to re-iterate Blue’s premise, none of these are predictions. They’re just things that I would do if I were in charge. If Lisa happens to agree with me that’s cool, but I’m not basing these ideas on how likely I think they are to happen.

If I were writing season 3, I would really focus on the themes of public appearance vs authentic self. The main source of conflict in the season would come from the pressure that Kristina, the court, and the royal family in general are putting on Wilhelm and Simon to adhere to their idea of what a “proper” royal couple should look like, now that they’ve come out against the royal family’s will. The royal family is going to be all in their business, trying to manage their reputation and make sure nothing they do reflects badly on the crown.

That’s going to take several forms. First it will mean that the royal family will work to dismiss any kind of legal action that is taken against August. They don’t want to remind the public that Simon was in the sex video, and they don’t want the fact that August took it to get out. So in order to do that they will settle the case out of court with Simon and his family, or they just hire great lawyers and get any criminal charges dismissed outright based on lack of evidence or something. Crucially they will prevent August from being publicly accused of leaking the video. I think this will also involve putting pressure on Sara to stop testifying to some extent.

August is going to be preoccupied with getting the legal action dismissed in the first part of the season. He’ll be spending a lot of time with his step-dad who is his legal counsel. He’s going to be wrestling with his feelings for Sara, which I think will start as heartbreak and end as a kind of twisted anger, and with his feelings of jealousy towards Wilhelm and Simon. Towards the climax of the season, he’ll threaten to publicize Simon’s history as a way to get back at Sara indirectly, and as a way of hopefully trashing Simon’s reputation enough that it affects Wilhelm, and prompts the court to name August the heir outright.

At the same time, Sara is also struggling. She’s angry with August, and she and Simon aren’t speaking. She’s probably getting into trouble at her new public school, trying to stand up to her old bullies and venting some of her anger and just generally creating a PR nightmare for the royal family. As the case is dismissed and she sees her brother being pushed around more and more by the royal family, she is going to get more and more angry. Around the climax of the season she’s going to threaten to sell the entire story of the video leak to the press, and name August as the perpetrator.

Throughout the season, Wilhelm is getting a ton of pressure from his mom and the court to control both his and Simon’s behavior. This is going to cause conflict between Simon and Wilhelm. A particular point of conflict will be around Simon’s desire to be a musician and perform; if he’s going to be a prince consort that’s his whole job. He can’t also be a performer. And I think that will conflict with some opportunities Simon wants to take on. Wilhelm will also be worried about what’s going on with Sara. Every time she messes up at school it reflects poorly on him and Simon, so he’s worried about her on a reputation level. But he’s also worried that she and Simon still aren’t speaking, because he lost a brother and he doesn’t want Simon to lose his sibling as well. So Wilhelm’s going to be looking for a way to diffuse that conflict, and make sure that Sara isn’t acting out. This will kick into high gear during the climax, when the royal family is going to try to get both Wilhelm and Simon to prevent Sara from going to the press.

So Wilhelm knows he wants to try to control Sara’s behavior and get her to reconcile with Simon (I think he’s probably telling himself that the reconciliation is his main motivation, but in reality it’s both), but he also knows he’s not friends with Sara and doesn’t have much sway with her. So he’s going to get in touch with Felice, and request that she reconcile with Sara in an attempt to influence her. (This, by the way, was the idea I had for Felice after Blue’s post that sparked this whole thing). Felice is going to feel torn about this, because she’s still mad with Sara, but she loves Wilhelm and is getting to know Simon better too and thinks this will help them. So she agrees to do it, and Sara, not knowing her motivations, takes her back as a friend. But obviously Felice does really love Sara, and as soon as they’re together again Felice has a hard time remembering the palace mandate that she’s supposed to be fulfilling.

Ok, so we arrive at the crisis point. August is threatening to go to the press with Simon’s drug dealing, Sara is threatening to go to the press with August leaking the video. (Sara’s threat is perhaps a direct reaction to August’s threat). The palace is asking Wilhelm who is asking Felice to get Sara to stand down. Felice can’t do it; she wants August to finally face consequences too. She comes clean to Sara about her alternative motives, Sara forgives her, and they draft the expose together. Felice is angry at Wilhelm for once again using her for his own agenda without considering her needs.

Wilhelm feels so guilty about using Felice once again, and so angry at the palace for the way they have tried to meddle in his and Simon’s lives and relationship, that he realizes he can no longer play this game of public reputation above everything, and he tells his mom that he is going to take himself out of the line of succession as soon as he’s able to. That triggers the court’s emergency protocol, and they are ready to promote August to next in line to the throne, if he agrees to let Wilhelm and Simon remove themselves without incident. So August agrees not to release the drug dealing story to the press.

After all of this has gone through, the article that the palace thought they had prevented Sara and Felice from writing does indeed get published. So now their one and only heir to the throne is hated by the nation. He’s also personally miserable as he’s getting the full force of palace manipulation, and he has no friends or loved ones to confide in. We leave the palace in crisis mode; we’re unsure if the monarchy can survive through such a scandal.

Meanwhile, Sara’s article allows her and Simon to fully reconcile. Sara and Felice are truly friends again, and Felice and Wilhelm are able to repair their relationship because Wilhelm has made a decision to step away from the throne, and Felice respects that. Maybe Felice also makes the decision to leave Hillerska, or maybe we see her have some chemistry with one of Sara’s new public school friends, and we get a hint that Felice might eventually have a real relationship that isn’t dictated by expectations. We know that’s possible because Wilhelm and Simon are now living proof of that possibility. Without the pressure of the crown looming over them, Simon and Wilhelm are able to connect more deeply than they ever have before, and they ride into the sunset more as equals than they began and very much in love.

And…. fin!

Other assorted ideas I like that maybe I would try to include if I were in charge (to be fair most of these are things that I am fully stealing @bluedalahorse, so she gets most of the credit here):

Sara and Wilhelm bond; maybe they talk to each other about Simon?

August potentially uses Sara's nudes against her in a legal proceeding (this one is really blue's idea, but I think it has the potential to be incredibly dramatic! She wrote about it a bit here.)

Sara and Simon reconcile, maybe via Simon helping Sara with something, like getting an abortion for an unplanned pregnancy (again, this is a blue special, and it's possible I just want her to finish her fic that only I have read where something like this happens. but also I think Sara being really vulnerable and asking Simon for his help might be an interesting step towards forgiveness.)

Felice comes out as asexual OR gets a partner and intimacy scenes that are treated with the same cinematic magic as the Wilmon and Sargust scenes. (This feels extremely unlikely to happen to me in the real season 3 but it's still on my wishlist)

Frederika is either not queer or is unable to shake off the expectations of heteronormativity to be with Stella, in a reverse foil situation to Wilmon. Maybe she even ends up in PR relationship with August? (Another great idea by blue)

There is Big Trouble in the remaining Manor House friendship group, although I'm not sure what that would be about yet. Maddie is stuck in the middle between Strederika and Felice, whatever it is.

Getting sucked up into palace drama creates distance between Simon and Ayub and Rosh at the beginning of the season; they're probably critical of the royal family in a way that Simon isn't willing to be after he and Wilhelm have just gotten together. They reconcile by the end of the season.

Henry says something extremely clueless that makes me laugh.

Wilhelm exposes the Society and its hazing rituals which puts Hillerska itself in legal trouble, or the culture of drug use comes out in a trial about the video leak. (this is largely based on the written description we got with the promotional photos, which said that Hillerska itself was going through a crisis).

That's all I have for now, but I might add to this once the trailer comes out and gives us some more clues. I'm very interested to see if any of these are remotely similar to what the writers actually give us!

#young royals #my meta #about writing #season 3 predictions!

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vorpalfae · 6 months

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ive been living with sensory issues my whole life, i freak out when someone makes small changes to my routine, like i hate doing spontaneous things, most of the time i hate physical affection, & i have such a hard time socializing & making friends. i have bipolar disorder and other disorders like anxiety, etc. but my treatment for those things doesn't help with these other issues i have. i hate being like this and i want to work toward change but i don't know what to do to work toward it. 😞

like i said i have trouble making friends and i always have since i was a kid. i've always felt like an alien compared to other ppl. and that's fine because i prefer being alone. but i hate that i can't act normal in social situations and ppl always think im rude or weird when im not trying to be 😢 and it sucks because i kinda have to be in social settings sometimes because i have children. and i dread it for these reasons every time. nobody is interested in the same things as me. and when i talk about my interests ppl tell me im too obsessed with something or tell me its weird altogether. which hurts. and when i am able to make "friends" i always get taken advantage of because i can never tell when someone is taking advantage of me and my kindness or if they have malicious intentions with me. and i feel stupid every time because my bf will tell me they are "obviously playing you" or my mom will say stuff like "can't you tell that they aren't interested?" or the one i always get is "why can't you see that this guy is flirting with you/trying to sleep with you."

idk if im just having a panic attack or a mental breakdown or what. but this has been building up inside of me for years. i feel so stupid and weird. i have to carry lotion around with me because if my hands don't have moisture on them at all times i literally sit there with chills going up my spine and i can't touch anything. certain clothes make me want to rip my skin off. and my family gets annoyed every time i have to run back in the house because i forgot to grab it. which just adds to the guilt i feel for being this way and i can't control these issues no matter how hard i try.

i've literally made so many lists and "rules" for myself on how to act around ppl and i try so hard to follow them just to get through whatever event is going on.

i think thats why i throw myself into my interests and use them to escape reality so much. once i find something i like i become obsessed with it forever and i talk about it so much to the point where my bf tells me its too much. certain characters and shows are the only thing that brings me comfort sometimes. i have so many unnecessary lists and categories for my interests. i know its very time consuming and pointless but just having them makes me feel better. like pinterest for example is my best friend lol. making these lists and stuff just soothes me in a way. as stupid as that sounds. but even tho it comforts me it still makes me feel stupid because ive never met anyone else who does that.

i've never ever spoken about this stuff online/publicly before. mainly because of embarrassment and fear of being bullied for it since ive already been relentlessly harassed for a million other things. i just have so much anxiety all the time. and doing pointless things helps with it but i want to stop feeling this way. or at least have answers as to why i am this way so maybe i can fix it. im tired of feeling awkward or different from other ppl. i want to be normal and pleasant to be around. i want to get along with the other parents at school functions instead of being scared to talk to ppl. i can't even make eye contact with anyone i talk to. ive tried since i was LITERALLY a child and no matter what i always get scared or nervous and look away. and its really noticeable to other ppl because they've mentioned it to me.

i'm posting this to vent but also maybe someone reading this has gone through the same thing or can help me. because i feel so hopeless and im scared im going to be this way forever. ive only been able to find info on the sensory thing and ive found that there is no way to get rid of it. ive tried everything and ive given up on that. but i know i can change my actions and how i interact with ppl if i can just figure out WHY i am like this.

pls don't laugh at me or say anything mean if you choose to comment on this post. i already have so much anxiety and fear about posting it. i don't want sympathy or anything like that. i just need help 😞🥺😢

i have an appointment booked for seeing a psychiatrist but that isn't until november i haven't seen one since i was a little kid. so i'm hoping to maybe get some answers in the meantime.

i already can't work and im getting disability soon because my bipolar is so crippling. it affects my ability to function so much. and i have these other problems on top of it. the fact that i can't even make a living like "normal" ppl makes me feel bad about myself already. and since i can't get a job or a career i want i just want to feel normal in my everyday life and around ppl AT THE VERY LEAST.

#kh

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lastwave · 7 months

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Hello, if you have the energy, time and will, would you expand on the recent post you made on how people in fandom talk about the skills and how harry feels about them? Like, what kind of things people say are hurtful/inaccurate/uncomfortable, in relation to disco elysium?

I do not mean to pressure you to educate me on this topic, as it is not the responsibility of the affected to educate unknowing people just because they are affected, of course. I just have not found many sources discussing the microaggression regarding the way some people talk about the skillset in disco elysium and the way that they might differ from the general microsaggression about psychosis and systems.

I ask this because I am curious about the way other people experience the world (though I know I will not always get my curiosity sated and this might be a selfish reason) and I want to know what not to do or say in talks about the skillset or in depictions of the skillset in art or writing. I want to be able to discuss and use the skillset as a game mechanic, narrative device and characters in a way that minimizes harm to marginalized groups. I also know that venting or talking about frustrations can sometimes help make one feel better, (but I also know that that depends on the person, problem and the relationship between the venter and the person listening) so maybe this can help relieve some feelings? Those are my intentions with this ask.

I apologize if my careful wording is too overly careful or if this question in other ways causes you unnecessary strife. I just try to be a careful person when it comes to these topics. If you'd rather only respond to me personally instead of the ask, feel free to message me. Whatever way you wanna handle this, if it be publicly as a post, a private message or if you do not feel like you want to answer at all.

Whatever you choose, I wish you the best day that you can have today. Kind regards, Chromatophorium

hiii thank u for asking!

im gonna preface the system bit with whether or not harry & his skills are a system is never explicitly stated, so take this all with a grain of salt

the rest is under the readmore so i don't clog up peoples dashboards

so what gets me is a lot of works imply the skills are less as people than Harry. i understand where the assumption comes from tho, because a lot of media likes to purport the idea of an "original" alter, which isn't how the disorder works. harry is the current host, and he identifies with the body, but the host isn't any more or less person than the other alters.

& we know the skills have independent thought from harry and their own, even if some (or a lot) of them share similar goals (see electrochemistry and volition, two very different personalities w/ different thoughts on how to go about things, but share a goal of keeping the system experiencing joy, though echem has considerably worse coping mechanisms). hell, they even have different political affiliations (see different routes) and a method of coming to a consensus on information (thought cabinet.)

and, as implied in the name, the skills have different talents from harry. *harry's* talent is connecting with people. i interpret the red checks with other skills as trying to let another alter front. i know ive had moments where i've had to let a way more socially adept alter take over. this would be a slightly different conversation if he was implied to be polyfragmented, but hes not soo.

that's why im less inclined to believe theyre a delusion or supernatural thing (shivers excluded, shes definitely supernatural), bc on the most part the skills just act like people, and all display signs of did/osdd (amnesia, distinct personalities, dissociation, etc.) if u want i can make a separate post going into individual skills and how i think they fit how certain alters form, but thats off topic

ANYWAY. it irks me when people boil the skills down to "this is the one that wants good things and this is the one that wants silly things and this is the one that wants bad things" bc it really falls easily into the negative stereotypes applied to systems & by extension psychotic people

#morris #hugh txt #disco elysium

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impunkster-syndrome · 3 months

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my reply on that post was about the idea that the fandom would be unwelcoming to plural folk. i basically said that i myself am plural and that while we cannot control the actions of the fandom, we absolutely curate bad behavior in the fancord where we can catch it, and obviously do not discourage sch fictives considering *i* am a clown with fictives.

but i will add since im here that kitty blocking you is not because you Dared to criticize kit. it's because all of the dogpiling and negativity was unbelievably stressful, you all behave as if there is no person behind the screen, or that she is trying to hide behind trauma as an 'excuse.' that is Not the case. kitty blocked, and will continue to block, every single person involved with those blogs just because again, it was so stressful as a traumatized individual. so much toxicity buried any potentially Good criticisms. we Hear yall on the issues like barry not being drawn as fat as he usee to be anymore, or polly missing their cane, we Will rectify actual issues like that.

we welcome issues being brought up and have listened many times before. the fact of the matter is is that no one was going about it constructively at all.

While I do interact with some criticism blogs, I legitimately don't care for some of the criticism from blogs and approach the media as someone entirely new to it. Media analysis is my hobby, and I see so much potential in Sparklecare plus the related media like the therapy spinoff as someone who has dealt with stuff like systemic ableism and interpersonal ableism. I think some of the criticism blogs don't exactly focus on the bigger issues at hand- the lack of nuance, pacing, the high barrier of entry to being able to understand the media through expecting readers to have done hours of scrolling through social media for lore, the problems of not having page numbers on the site visible and not being able to easily skip to specific pages, etc. However, you do not help yourself here by clearly never having actually read and understood my posts. In fact, I do see some staff acting like trauma makes the media immune to criticism, when trauma can make beautiful art that can speak to people at a core level like Alice: Madness Returns. It just can't get that good without people actually being able to point out things that can be fixed and improved upon. The timing for being blocked despite never actually interacting with the main sparklecare blog plus the posts about how people shouldn't take it as anything other than vent art despite the site's about page itself claiming it is a social commentary tell me that it was about my posts and critique of the media as what it claims itself to be. I had never seen anyone else talk about it in that way in the tags, which was astounding to me as someone that reads social commentary like Discworld and is currently working through Lolita so I can write about the objectification of CSA survivors and erasure of our stories and identities by abusers. If it was never meant to be seen as social commentary, that needs to be removed from the site.

I approach it less like a disappointed fan and more like a creative because I've been in Kittycorn's position at about the same age- 15. I wanted to make a twine game about my trauma and abuse I was still undergoing because I wanted to know why I was being abused and it was a cry for someone to help me. There were also many other projects, and some that I have refined over time. I have OCs I talk about and I use them to explore parts of myself. This is my disability blog too, and I'm going to have opinions on disability-related media and representation in it.

I honestly suggest you read over the posts I have written about Sparklecare and then reevaluate if you think I am coming from a malicious place like you seem to think I am.

As for the alterhuman thing, I will say that it was from publicly available information at the time. I'm not going to be in a fandom discord when I have stuff like a job to worry about and the whole media is a migraine risk to me.

Also- I've seen some staff literally tokenize Kittycorn and act like kits schizophrenia is what makes kit excused from all critique. The holding up of kit as a bully victim and not a 23 year old person able to handle kits own issues is infantilizing to disabled people. We can handle our own shit. You personally need to learn the line between bullying and publicly discussing media that was made public, as someone who got extensively bullied in school for years. It's not the same thing here. Kittycorn is a person behind the screen- but so are the people you proclaim as bullies and dehumanize by acting like all criticism is unfounded or coming from "bad people."

#the blackbox askbox #sparklecare critical #sparklecare hospital #sparklecare

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ewanmitchellcrumbs · 4 months

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People are forgetting something important. Everyone has a right to write what they want, and/or state an opinion on their own blog. The nuance is that there is a way to do it. There is a difference in these next 2 sayings:

« I don’t like to drive. It just doesn’t make me feel good and I don’t see the point of it. »

« I don’t like to drive, can we all just fucking stop driving? As if that even made you cool! Since when is driving something that gave you importance? Are we even living in the same world?? »

In both these statements, an opinion is stated. In the second example however, the tone is condescending, almost belittling. That is all the difference. That is why people reacted the way they did. The opinion was never wrong. The way it was stated was. As if people who did not share your opinion, were less intelligent. That is why they are upset. Not because you don't like one fanfic trope.

I am not writing this to stir drama even more. I geniunely like you and your blog, I am just trying to explain what I feel is the reason for the drama around your reblog. Maybe you can understand where others are coming from and why they got upset and hurt from your reblog.

Hello. Thank you for the message, and thank you for keeping it civil. I appreciate that!

I had considered waiting until I returned from my hiatus to respond to this, but there are a few things that have immediate relevance that I feel are worth pointing out.

When responding colloquially to a post, as I had in that instance, I tend to type how I talk - it can come across as a bit abrasive, but my intent was never to upset anyone. I was just venting, not suggesting anyone stop doing what they are doing. More of a “this really boils my piss” rather than “don’t ever do this or I will tar and feather you”.

My mistake was in replying to a user that had reblogged my response - I wanted to clarify my intent, but hadn’t realised that this was a person who has previously been involved in spreading hate about me on this website.

Their responses to me grew increasingly hostile, and as soon as I realised who they were I blocked them. But it was too late.

You see, it doesn’t matter what I say, this person and the people they associate with will find any excuse to drag me. I could say the sky is a lovely blue colour today, and their response would be “oh my fucking god, she has a problem with all other colours!” When you’re determined to hate someone then nothing will stop you. That post was effectively a red rag to a bull.

I don’t really mind that they are publicly being nasty about me - I am an advocate for freedom of expression and it is their right to call me a cunt, etc. I may not like what they have to say, but I will defend with my life their right to say it.

What I do have a problem with is them suggesting I am xenophobic/racist. That is defamation of character, that is libel, and you can land yourself in serious legal trouble with that sort of chat.

To clear things up, this stems from my scepticism over the initial announcement of Ewan attending CCXP. I refused to believe it was true until it was officially confirmed, which I think is a rational mindset to have, but apparently that equates to me hating Brazilians?! Let’s be clear, I’d have reacted the same way to Ewan being announced for a con anywhere in the world, because he has previously refused to do them.

Sorry this ended up being much longer than I anticipated! And to clarify, this is not an invitation for people to send hate to the people I’m talking about, so please don’t.

#asked and answered

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laf-outloud · 1 year

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I hope it's okay to vent here for a second.

I was just watching the clip of him and JDM where they were talking about what they want to accomplish this year or whatever. And Jensen talks about wanting to do films, something outside the box. JDM makes the joke that he doesn't care what Jensen is in as long as he's sexy, Jensen responds with "Yeah, I don't think I'm going to do, like, The Whale. Well done, Brendan, but man, I don't think that's for me." JDM says no way and Jensen laughs and agrees, saying "No way!" Then he tries to soften it by saying he put his body through enough getting ready for Soldier Boy and he doesn't know how people Christian Bale can lose all of that weight and Brendan Fraser can gain all of that weight, it's so hard. JDM says yeah it's hard on your body as you get older and then Jensen makes a joke about how hard it is for him to fit into his jeans now.

Is he serious? That is not what you were thinking of, Jensen, and you realized you said something you shouldn't have because you immediately went about to explain (really justify) it. A lot of people are unhappy with the film, calling it fatphobic, but regardless it's still about someone who suffers from obesity and an eating disorder. Why the fuck would that be the first thing you would say when JDM made that joke about you being sexy?

This right here tells me all I need to know about him. How many people does he meet at these cons or see on the streets that are obese? Or who may be suffering from an eating disorder, obese or not? Everyone talks about how Jensen might have felt seeing that sign Alyssa made him hold up in her photo op, but people should be talking about how fucked up this "joke" was. If the film was about an obese woman with an eating disorder, I wonder if his fans would still laugh as hard as they did? If JDM would still laugh?

It's one thing to make a joke but when the film you're referencing (which earned Brendan an Academy Award for Best Actor by the way, something Jensen should respect if he can't scrounge up any ounce of compassion or empathy) is about something serious like this, don't be an asshole and don't make that joke. He's said some questionable things this past year and a half but wow, this takes the cake.

I got so disgusted after that and his "explanation" that I immediately closed out the clip. All I kept saying to myself is "what a fucking asshole". Like dude, while it's your body and you do whatever you want, no shame, you're getting botox and possibly fillers in your face. You're drinking alcohol nonstop and it's showing in your face. And you make that kind of comment? To impress JDM and your fans? All you did was make yourself look like an asshole. He and Danneel deserve each other and no wonder he and Misha get along so well. Let all three of them continue to work on whatever this alleged project is so it can crash and burn that much faster. Bullies, all of them. And they think they're better than everyone else and apparently better looking than everyone else, too. Newsflash...not so much. JDM is more attractive to me and he's older and not my type at all lol.

Jensen really shouldn't do cons without Jared anymore. Something tells me that joke wouldn't have been made if Jared was there or Jared would have somehow made it better because he always provides the compassion and empathy when it comes to the two of them, gold panel or main panel. And Jensen, JDM didn't laugh that hard, either. Even if he thought it was beyond hysterical, he knows not to show that publicly. Perhaps you should take some tips from him before you say something way worse at these cons to impress your fans who see you as nothing more than a sex object and get yourself cancelled. Stop being an asshole.

Thank you for letting me get that out. I hope you enjoy the rest of your night.

For reference, this happens in the Gold Panel starting at about 11:20.

Vent away, anon. It sounds like Jensen immediately thought of the most unsexy role he could think of, and came up with the Whale. And this is where Jensen will always fall short of the excellence that AAs expect from him. He's not willing to go the extra mile for a role. In fact, he even mentioned his ideal job would be a half-hour multi-cam because you only work about 8 hours a week with three weeks on, one week off because it's easy money. At least JDM mentioned his ideal jobs are anything with great writing.

In looking for this clip, I saw parts of the main panel, and then the Gold panel, and it just felt like a bunch of frat boy behavior from guys who are old enough to be past all that, from talking about what you mentioned, to laughing about how Jensen and Danneel got together (by cheating on their SO's), how it's best they stay away from home, their joking about drugs, and just the general vibe of the panels. It wasn't entertaining, it was watching grown men revel in being assholes.

Jensen tends to mirror whoever it is he has a panel with, which is why panels with Jared are so much more entertaining and heartwarming. Jared elevates the people around him, whereas Jensen, without Jared, tends to devolve.

#ask box #anti jensen #jeffrey dean morgan critical #frat boy behavior is never attractive #and is even worse in men twice that age #ce nj 2023

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nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos · 5 months

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Update 27 Nov 2023

Things are going good. I don't know for how long, but for now they're going good.

And I'm in a really sappy mood, so probably fuck off if you don't want to cringe.

I just want to say thank you. From the deepest depths of my dark unknowable little heart.

And now I have over six hundred followers, a few fics with well over a thousand reacts, one with almost 4.2k, and my most recent has amassed more than 550 in less than two days. And it's really overwhelming honestly. I don't feel like I deserve this. But I write because I enjoy it, and seeing other people enjoy it just makes me so, so happy. And it's also helped me through a lot of shit I've been dealing with lately.

I decided to bite the bullet a couple months ago, toward the end of September, and start posting my writing publicly for the first time in well over a decade. I was incredibly nervous about it. I was and always have been that introvert kid that got talked into coming to the school dance by her extrovert friends and spent the entire time standing awkwardly off to the side hoping no one would notice I was there. Basically I'm horrible at social interaction, and putting myself out there terrifies me. I know I come across pretty open here, but it's the anonymity. It lets me be me without being freaked out about it. Which is really nice in itself.

As a lot of my mutuals know from my ranting and rambling and venting, the past few months have been pretty horrible for me on the whole. I lost my step-mother in early October, who was honestly one of my best friends, which brought me back to when I lost my mom at sixteen and kind of left me in shambles; and then on top that, my marriage nearly ended over the past week, and is still teetering on the brink, though things are improving at the present where that is concerned. Wrap all that in the ribbon of I'm still getting over the flu after three weeks of being sick, and needless to say...it's been rough.

It's been hell, honestly. It's been one thing after another and I've been reeling, hence the sporadic periods of nonstop posting versus radio silence. But things are starting to stabilize now. I can't say that means that my posting schedule will stabilize, but at the very least, things are stabilizing.

And I just want to thank everyone who has been here through all this stupid insanity. Every last one of you that have offered kindness and support and advice and much needed distractions from reality. I've been an absolute fucking mess, and you all have been just so wonderful and understanding and supportive.

I'm not sure I would have made it through this without you all. I've never in my life experienced this level of support and kindness. And I can't even begin to express how grateful I am for all of you.

Thank you guys. So, so much. I really mean it when I say that I love you all.

Because seriously. I love you all ❤️

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stripedwolf88 · 5 months

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The way I had to deal with my stupid coworkers talking crap about Taylor's music. I wanted to roll my eyes so bad. They are entitled to their opinion. They don't like her music? Okay fine whatever. It's not everyone's cup of tea. When I hear other people's taste in music, I don't shit on them for liking what they like just because I don't get it. I try and understand and essentially it all comes back to one thing, the music and art speak to YOU and that's what matters. And that's why I try not to publicly crap on other people's music and likes. I don't say "I don't get why people like this person's music" or "people who like this music are so basic." Like my dudes, that's just rude.

Anyway so they called me defensive because I made a joke about not talking about Taylor Swift in front of them (which was meant to be more of thing of respecting their boundaries and not annoying them). Called me a part of her cult. And I'm like...no way am I a part of the swiftie cult. I in no way think that she's perfect. I just really freaking like her music and think it's awesome and it makes me think and feel things.

I know there is another layer to this as well. They are all people of color and I know a lot of the people of color here in the US that I have interacted don't care for Taylor or think she's anything special. Please don't take this the wrong way anyone but I know a lot of them just see another white girl. And okay valid to them because of what people of color of all backgrounds have had to deal with in life but I would appreciate it if they didn't shit on me for liking her. Or that me liking her makes me somehow less of a person of color. *sigh*

Sorry for the rant and venting session. I just needed to get it out 'cause it kind of made me sad. Also thank you guys for being a safe space and I am so grateful to have found others that love Taylor and her music as much as I do.

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carolmunson · 1 year

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let's talk about it.

hi everyone, i wanted to take a minute to talk about the last few days and also issue a public apology to evie, since i think its time i did. but in order to do that, i have to take you back to early/mid february when the main catalyst of things happened.

back then i received quite a few anonymous messages that a user was copying and ripping my work. whether it was all the same person or different people, i'll never know. but i didn't post those messages and eventually decided to investigate as it wasn't the first time i'd been reached out to about it and squashed stuff with this user about it beforehand. when i investigated, i saw some similarities and ran with it in anger instead of reaching out to this user. while i didn't post about it on tumblr or message anyone through tumblr about it i did vent to a tumblr friend via text, blue, about how mad i was.

and i was fucking mean in these texts, like really vile. i called them names, i dogged on their writing (which i hadn't even really read, just skimmed so it was unfounded and mean just to be mean), and was all around pissed. i was truly not nice. and i'll own that. i said a lot of stuff i didn't mean, and definitely don't think is true four months later. i was super heated when i wrote them because i assumed the messages i got were true and went looking for the supposed 'copied' work. i was going through a lot in my personal life at the time that was out of my control and i think just needed something trivial to be mad at and ran with this. but i also was texting a friend in confidence because i wouldn't want to bring that stuff to tumblr and ruin anyone's experience. it's like writing an angry letter just to burn it. i'm not someone who likes drama, so i vented to a friend in anger.

my friend did reach out to this user, evie, via DM with these accusations, which were made public. as i said before, i don't like drama and i don't like conflict, so i didn't say anything about it on my blog. i did tell my friend that it was okay and i wasn't mad at them, but they also knew i didn't appreciate that they did that and they were very remorseful to me about it after. i did not ask my friend to reach out to evie, they too were heated after i vented and as my friend at the time felt like they needed to defend me. i did not ask anyone to send anonymous hate to evie, i did not speak about them negatively on my blog or to others anonymous or publicly. i don't want anyone to have a bad time here, so i was angry in private.

evie and i spoke that night and they told me they were hurt and didn't copy my work and i told her i believed her. i did see some similarities but didn't have the energy to go in and compile them all and at the end of the day, so many of us write similar AUs that there's bound to be some crossover there. i was obviously in my feelings and hurt and so were they. we ended our conversation and blocked each other and i sort of stayed offline for a bit until things cooled down because again, i don't like drama or conflict and didn't want to be around it. my friend at the time did recieve some truly vile hate in response to this which i did find unfounded and deeply cruel. this is internet drama, not a means for death threats and being told to kill yourself. evie also did not condone this either and publicly stated that on their blog.

after we blocked each other, the only time i saw their stuff was when other people i followed reblogged it and that was that. i didn't check it, i didn't read it. i moved on from the situation. i had received a few anons about it here and there but ignored them because again, i'm not bringing that to my blog. people wanted to pick sides and like evie said before, i don't think there were 'sides' to be picked. i'm not keeping score and neither was evie. i didn't hear about anything for a couple months, i was just on here writing my stories and moving apartments. and going through some pretty huge life changes all around.

a few days ago i started receiving messages after blue deactivated and then evie did soon after. blue and i were not friends anymore and hadn't interacted for a while, but again, it was not something that i felt was necessary to address on my blog. i got a handful of messages saying i had bullied people off the platform, which was news to me because i hadn't interacted with either of these people for some time. i didn't even know either of them had deactivated until i was messaged about how i apparantly went out of my way to bully people offline at my big age. i stayed offline for a couple days because i was working on a project and then running a lot of errands but was communicating with friends who were seeing a bunch of stuff go down with a drama blog. i came across a lot of posts that were clearly about me and my friends talk about how we're mean girls who think we run tumblr. (i can assure you i don't think that). and that i'm a big blog bullying small blogs. and while i'm not a numbers girlie, i will let you all know -- i have less than 3,000 followers and even then, i'm sure at least a third of them are bots from the first bot-a-geddon in the fall. i've had this blog since october.

then there was this drama hate blog? (literally WHAT?!) that a message of mine had been leaked from a discord i was a part of where i addressed a few accusations of me being a bully and sending anon hate and to this day, i can confidently say, i have never sent an anonymous hate message in my life. i have sent texts to my friend that were mean about another user to get the anger off my chest, but i would never go out of my way to send a mean message to someone. it doesn't make anything better. myself and another friend of mine accused of being bullies and mean girls were infact the first to squash some major dogpiling we had seen on a user because we knew it wasn't right or fair. then there were these fake messages that were made, and i can confirm are fake and so did evie. that's where things really started to get to me because like, why are we doing this? all of this drama was back in february.

evie publically apologized to me and we spoke about the situation. they were also sent the texts i sent to blue, which i asked her not to share because they are my personal text messages from my IRL phone and also don't feel they truly represent my character or blue's or how i feel about evie months later or in general. but to reiterate, they're fucking mean, and i'm embarrassed about them and the things that i said because they weren't okay. but again, it was me venting privately to a friend and not posting it for everyone to see because i would never want to start shit online with someone i don't know. or actively hurt anyone for any reason, it's just not the kind of person i aim to be.

so i would like to take this time to apologize to evie for literally all of this. for the texts, for the dms you got from my friend at the time that i didn't publically address or publically condemn. for the drama in general. i apologize deeply for the things that i said to my friend back in february and i apologize now for things getting so out of hand that you felt you had to deactivate your blog where you had so much fun. i'm glad you're compiling all your old work and putting it back up because so many people love you and your blog and the AUs you write and talking to you about them, and that's what tumblr should be! and i apologize to both you and blue for not speaking up for either of you when you were both receiving a barrage of hate where which i was the catalyst of the argument. i don't think either of you are bad people, i think this was a situation that got way out of hand and was fueled by a lot of people anonymous or not, who like drama and arguments.

in conclusion, i think tumblr should be fun. i think writing fan fiction should be fun. we are all literally writing porn about the same fictional man/men and giggling and kicking our feet about it. that's all it needs to be. this is my first forray into 'fandom' and i didn't realize how, idk, cut throat it could be or how much people enjoy watching others not get along. but i'll be honest, i don't really like the person it's turned me into online, and i discussed this back in march when i took a break. this constant seeking for validation and notes, the need to feel like you always need to be producing content, it's draining -- and then there's stuff like this where you get messages from faceless people trying to convince you that others are trying to steal from you and take you down, that they hate you and your work, that just shit on you just to shit on you, and it's yucky. it's gross. i don't like it. i don't like the anxiety it gives me. it's taken a lot of fun out of writing for me altogether.

i am not sure how much longer i plan to be on here, but i will be in the process to moving my stuff to ao3 in the event i choose to leave. i like writing and i like tumblr, i really do. but if being a huge fucking bitch via text and making people feel bad is the kind of person it's making me become, then i don't know if i totally want to be a part of it. again, i'd like to apologize to evie and to anyone else who has been effected by this. and if anyone feels the need to send hate messages to my friends or to evie, or speak badly of my friends or evie or blue on my behalf or even in general -- do me a favor and fucking don't. i hope you all have a great rest of your day.

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blubushie · 1 year

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Not how I expected today to go.

I'm responding to this post by @beastlyboogie or "da-pizz" (cheers to the mate that told me about it) because I'm right pissed and I want my side heard. If you're seeing this and wondering what the hell happened and you want to know what started all this, go here.

Normally I wouldn't even respond to this since Boog posted an update and apology but unfortunately most people haven't seen that and just blocked me immediately because Boog came out about this and called me out by name publicly. They also insinuated that they were "also toxic" which... No. You were the only toxic one, Boog.

Did you ever consider that I didn't want to drag you into this? That maybe I just wanted to vent my thoughts into the void? That there's a bloody reason I didn't tell anyone who said that shit in my vent post? Remember when I told you that you forgive more easily than I do? Despite that, I was willing to let bygones be bygones. I didn't (and still don't) want you to be shamed. We had a falling out. That happens.

But like hell am I going to take this shit lying down.

So let's get to it.

No you bloody didn't. We talked for maybe a month. In that time I hardly responded because I've been busy with my own life. I told you basically nothing about myself specifically because I made a point not to tell you anything about myself. We were not "close," not in the slightest. You don't know any more about me than what I've said publicly on this blog.

Scared? No. In need of professional help? Yeah, probably. The thing is that it's not your place or anyone's place to pressure me into doing it. I decide when I'm ready to get help if I decide I need it, not you. You are not a therapist.

Name one way in which I hurt you. I can name all the ways you hurt me. 1) Every time I told you I was uncomfortable with sexual talk but you continued. 2) Every time I told you that I wasn't a therapist, that I'm not good at comfort, but you kept trauma dumping despite me repeatedly telling you that I'm uncomfortable with it. 3) Every time you flirted with me after I told you that I'm not polyamorous and I'm not comfortable discussing it.

And then you have the bloody gall to shame me for being having boundaries and being uncomfortable with your trauma dumping? You have a therapist you can talk to! That's something I don't even have! You have the balls to tell me I caused a relapse? I have my own issues, mate. I can take some venting but trauma is called trauma for a bloody reason. I don't need any more on my plate because it's already overflowing.

The only time where I even came close to "hurting you" is when we were discussing fucked-up shit we've seen online. You implied I was downplaying what you've seen and I immediately apologised for coming off that way.

What a load of bollocks. "I don't want to affect his public image," but then you go and publicly call me out and SAY I CAUSED A RELAPSE? In what bloody world is that not going to affect my public image? And instead of being reasonable about this you decide to just block me everywhere so we can't even settle a private matter in private like adults. You tell people that if they follow me you're going to block them so it's an ultimatum between you or me, as if that doesn't ruin my public image. Then you go a step further by saying you'll discuss our affairs in private WITH OTHER PEOPLE where, for all I know, you can say I said or did bloody anything and spread whatever lie you want about me to have people believe. If you're going to hang shit on me, don't be a bloody coward about it and DO IT WHERE I CAN SEE IT AND RESPOND.

So no. I'm not playing this bloody game. I'm bringing receipts. Difference between us is that I'm not an arsehole, so I'm going to block out anything personal that you've told me in confidence that I reckon you wouldn't want to have shared.

This is (I think) the first time I told you I was uncomfortable with sexual talk.

This is the first time I told you I was uncomfortable with trauma-dumping.

Immediately afterward you say this and tell me you've relapsed on self-harm, as if it's either my fault or I'm supposed to feel guilty because I was uncomfortable hearing you talk about trauma, and you explain it away as "Well, can't always be only positive!" Yes you can! Yes you bloody can! We don't know each other well enough for this shit!

You then acknowledged that you were trauma-dumping, apologised, and said you don't want to make me uncomfortable despite continuing to do so only days later. You also say you have no one to talk to about these things despite having a qualified therapist to talk to specifically about these things.

Four days later you go on a massive tangent with trauma-dumping.

Which led us to this exchange.

After this you proceeded to block me everywhere. After saying I "kept pushing this."

Then you start telling your mates things about me.

How the hell am I stereotypical? HOW AM I RIGHT-WING? Because I like firearms? Because I have a fucking job that requires the use of firearms? You didn't think I was right-ring when you were talking to me about how you learned to shoot a rifle when you were young and how fun it is. You didn't think I was right-wing when you were obsessively singing my praises and saying you wished you were living my life.

How many times did we discuss you? We were always discussing you. We exchanged stories. That's what people do. We discussed life in Russia versus life in Australia, how things work out in the bush, we discussed Russian hospitals versus Australian hospitals.

HOW THE HELL IS MY FIC PROBLEMATIC? You're the one who tried to promote it (without my asking you to) and in the same post insinuated that people who don't read it are only reading gay ships because they fetishize them! I'm the one who asked you to remove that post! You're the one who called it "misogyny drama" because Jesse has struggles that a lot of girls have struggles with? Did you ever consider that maybe some of the things that happen in my stories are based on real events? Or is telling real stories just "misogyny drama" to you?

Is it this? You didn't seem to think it was "problematic" when you were saying you liked how Mundy acted and that you'd love if he did the same thing to you. And no, he didn't "almost fuck her," he kissed her. She reciprocated.

And yeah, he flirted with her when she was 16. He's from Australia, specifically New South Wales. The age of consent is 16 there. Jesse is a legally consenting adult by Australian law. And of course he's going to threaten her! She's on BLU team! What did you expect from enemies, a cheesy "Well, I'll see you next Tuesday?" He was looking out for her and reminding her of what her job entails. That's the point.

You never once told me my "behaviour" was concerning. Not once. And I'm not bloody proud of "getting in fights." You're the one who was boasting about somehow getting into the bully group at your school which I specifically told you is nothing to be proud of.

The only thing I'll "admit" to being proud of is learning how to use firearms at a young age, and I'm one hell of a shot. That means I can provide for myself and my family. If shit ever hits the fan, I can survive. That's something to be proud about. The ability to help and provide for your community and the people you love is something to be proud about.

When have I ever said my job was a fucking excuse? My job is a reason. I build obstacles around myself so that people like you can't fucking hurt me even after you betray my trust and try to ruin my image to a community I feel I have a place in. This is my one fucking place where I feel I can be open and my only mistake was letting you through my walls.

"Cold and careless" I TOLD YOU I'M LIKE THIS. I told you not to expect comfort from me because I'm not good at comforting people. Do you not understand how this works? Do you have any bloody idea how much I fucking fretted over your little attention-grabbing schticks?

Notice what sticks out? "I tell them my personal shit (trauma dumping you mean) and every time he says not to talk to him about it." How many times do you think I told you to stop trauma-dumping onto me because I can't handle it? Because it stresses me out and I have enough on my plate? And you didn't bloody listen.

Then you talk shit about me and AND MY SHEILA because I have trauma I'm working through. Also STOP THINKING I'M FUCKING SNIPER. I'm not a fictional fucking character, Boog! I'm a person!

Do you just not understand how autism works? About how certain things can be fucking painful to talk about? I don't do touch. I can't talk about certain things. Respect my fucking boundaries. It's no wonder you claim you lose every friend you get if you're like this with everyone.

Then when I vent my frustrations on my own blog after you blocked me you're creeping on my blog after blocking me to see if I'm posting about you? Funny how this happened a few days ago but you don't post that until I post my vent. And I never even named you! Not once! I was fully content to vent my frustrations and never tell anyone who made me feel like such shit because I didn't want to involve you. I didn't want anyone to come to you or treat you differently because of how I felt.

But nah, yeah. Me stating my boundaries, boundaries you refused to respect, makes me the arsehole in this situation. It doesn't matter that I have my own fucking trauma, that I have issues that I haven't told a goddamn soul about, that your own lack of empathy kept dredging up memories that I want to forget. No, I'm the arsehole because I decided to lay out my boundaries and decide that I'm not going to be a therapist for someone 1) I've known for a month, 2) will not respect my own boundaries or my own trauma, or 3) blames me for their own lack of self-control.

Did you really think that telling someone who already struggles with making connections, that self-ostracised himself from society because of how much it's hurt him in the past, "You will go on being alone in the bush" was a good idea? Did you really? Do you have any bloody idea how much that's fucked with my head these past few days? That I'm the one to blame for setting boundaries?

Or were you, as usual, focused on yourself and how you felt without a regard to my boundaries or how I felt during this situation?

My advice? Learn some bloody respect especially when it comes to other people's boundaries, do some introspection and maturing, then get back to me when you're ready to sort things out like an adult.

#blu a fuse

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shinyzango · 7 months

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Genuine question, coming from an artist, writer and new user of Tumblr.

How you interact with people on the platform? It seems easy but somehow I get really anxious trying pull the move. Hell! I’m even asking you anonymously about a simple advice. I’ve seen you make contacts and acquaintances here Tumblr with other artist on the platform. The anxiety might come from being afraid of being judge or even harass to no returning point but genuinely, I wanna know (I’m very eager to write my own pokepastas, aus and much more).

You don’t have to answer this since your blog has any really about that, just need a small advice to know how to “surf” here.

- DLC.

Well to be completely honest, I'm the last person you should ask that dkfgjnsdkgb

As much as I've made a lot of friends on here, I'm still shy as hell when it comes to actually interacting with someone. If I do it's usually after a long time of me following them. But it's mainly a me thing, I need time to get comfortable with a person and see if they're someone I'm comfortable talking to.

And to be fair, I should return being more active publicly. I used to be a lot more open and chatty in the past (even tho it was mainly for venting and such, which I stopped doing because I don't want to spread negativity anymore). Hopefully I'll return being more active soon.

Anyways uuuh I got lost in my own stuff, let me get back on track.

My advice is to do your thing, just have fun. Look around. Share and enjoy that you love. Leaving comments in the tags or even in replies will do a lot to help break that ice on the long run.

But in my opinion the golden rule is to not rush things. Get yourself comfortable first. Know your limits. If you're sharing your content, do it because you want to share it, not to have people talk to you. It sounds dumb but it's a really important point to keep in mind.

As for the anxiety over being judged or harassed, I know that feeling, and the advice I can give you is to take a breather and just be yourself. As long as you are honest, things will eventually click. And if it doesn't, then it's no big deal. You won't click with everyone, and that's ok.

But take my advices with a pinch of salt, this all comes from someone who is generally socially awkward and takes a lot of time to get comfortable enough to speak to strangers and/or in new environments.

I still hope this long rambling managed to help out even a tiny bit :'D

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