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#which i dont know how long ago that was so
tomssexdoll · 21 hours
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alrigh hear me out so Tom and reader are enemies like reader is popular girl in school and Tom is outcast but they are in love and at some point when reader gets super drunk she comes to his and confesses her feelings but in a dumb way like she says stuff like “you belong in art museum” and Tom finds it funny and cute but he don’t believe her but it ends up being smut so basically fluff+smut with bits of angst (sorry if it’s long and i really love your fics)
GIRLL DONT APOLOGISE I LOVE DETAIL TYSM MWAH
Drunk in love
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PAIRINGS: Tom 2007 x Female reader CONTENT: SMUT + FLUFF SYPNOSIS: Y/N is super popular in school and is secretly in love with her outcast enemy Tom, at a party Y/N gets super drunk and confesses to him but in a silly way which he loves. A/N: hi WARNINGS: teasing and clothing action, dom!tom, sub!reader, fingering, p in v (riding)
Me and Tom kaulitz, the schools outcast, have been enemies for years. I never knew why, I guess it was because everyone disliked him so I picked it up too. I never really hated him though, I was always secretly in love with him.
Sneaking him winks and blowing kisses when no one was around. I knew he felt the same, doing it back and even kissing me on the bus once.
But that was years ago, now he was even more quiet, barely spoke to anyone or even looked at anyone.
One day I went up to him after school, I invited him to the party I had been invited to since I needed someone as weird as him there, my friends didn't understand him but I did, I liked his quirky personality and stupid jokes.
"Ew, why were you talking to him Y/N" my friend snickered as I came back to her, I rolled my eyes "shut up, you guys are so rude" I grunted and walked off, leaving them super confused.
The time of the party came, I put on a slutty dress and did my makeup and hair just how he liked it, I overheard him talking about his type to other people and knew I needed to impress him.
I showed up, searching everywhere for him and avoiding my friends. I gave up and sighed, getting a few shots and downing them slowly, the clear liquid burning my throat as it went down.
A few hours later, I was super drunk, stumbling and giggling everywhere. I felt a tap on my shoulder and saw Tom, I looked up at him and my face turned red, "Oh T-tom! You..came!" I slurred my words, handing him a drink. He gladly took it and started to drink with me, eventually getting as drunk as me.
We sat down on a nearby couch, talking about everything and nothing. It came to a point where I was just listening to him yap, admiring his beautiful features. He took account of this and chuckled, "gonna keep staring at me like that", I was shaken out of my trance and looked away, super embarrassed "sorry..I can't help it" I giggled nervously.
He grabbed my chin with his hand and turned my face to look at him again, "it's alright princess" he smiled, his smile and the words that came out of his mouth made me super wet.
"You know.." I slurred "you belong in an art museum, you're so handsome" I giggled, going closer to him and looking deeply into his eyes, "oh really?" he chuckled, "is that your silly way of confessing your feelings to me" he said jokingly, I nodded, surprising him.
"Yeah, I've liked you for 5 years.." I bit my lip, his eyes widened "we need to talk about this in private" he sighed and grabbed my arm, dragging me into an empty bedroom and locking it behind him, setting me down on the bed.
"It can't be possible..I mean..you're you..gorgeous and popular and I'm this, an outcast" he frowned "why would you like me?" I scoffed at his question, "why? because you're different, you care about me, you're not an asshole who just wants me for my body or popularity, I love your silly jokes and weird humor, I can never be like that around my friends" I sighed, resting my head on his arm softly.
He smiled and wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer and kissing the top of my head, "the time you kissed me on the bus years ago made me fall for you even more, it was like reassurance, like you were saying 'dont worry i feel the same', it made me have hope" I grabbed one of his hands and intertwined my fingers in his.
He lifted my chin once again to face him, leaning in closer and pressing his plush lips against mine, his hands snaking to the back of my head, holding it softly as he deepened the kiss.
He pulled back softly, a small string of saliva following, "are you not worried about your reputation, being seen with me with your popularity will be scandalous" he chuckled, caressing the back of my head softly, "I don't care Tom, i'd rather spend the rest of my life with you than worry about what some idiots in high school think" I sighed "i'm sick and tired of worrying about what my friends think, they are irrelevant anyways, they all talk shit about each other, including me" I rolled my eyes.
He smiled softly, pecking my lips again, "how can you kiss so well anyways, thought you were an outcast" I giggled, teasing him.
He chuckled "everyone at school thinks I have no friends at all but that's not the case, i've been with a few girls before" "well, i'll be your girl from now on" I pushed him onto the bed softly, climbing on top of him.
His hands rested on my ass, cupping them gently, I kissed him passionately, grinding softly on his clothed cock. I felt it press against his pants, hardening slowly.
"I've imagined this moment so many times.." he whispered, kissing my neck softly, I giggled and slowly zipped my dress off, chucking it somewhere in the room.
"Holy fuck you're gorgeous.." his breath hitched, hands roaming over my body, tracing my curves. "Well I dressed up for you and you didn't even notice" I grunted, he scoffed "didn't notice? trust me i did, I was trying to hide my boner when approaching you" he said shyly, turning his face away.
I smiled, "fine, i'll take it" I started to take his top off, revealing his toned body, I bit my lip and felt myself get ever wetter. I slowly trailed my hands down to his pants, unbuckling his belt and dragging them off. His cock was pressed against his boxers, leaking precum and staining them.
"Someones excited" I smirked, pulling his cock out slowly. It sprang out, hitting his abdomen. My eyes widened at the size, mouth slightly agape.
"Jesus christ...I always knew you gave off big dick energy" he chuckled "it's probably cause i'm so quiet, isn't that what they say, quiet guys give off big dick energy" I nodded and giggled, slowly taking my panties off.
He bit his lip at the sight of my pussy, wet and aching for him. I poitioned myself and slowly sat down, his cock engulfing my pussy. It stopped at one point, not going any further, I was only a quarter down.
"Shit..it's too big Tom.." I looked down at him, panicked. He grunted and pulled me off him, flipping us over and hovering over me. "I'll make it fit baby" he kissed my neck, his fingers slowly entering me.
"Ah!" I moaned, his fingers ramming into my pussy, stretching it out, "just tell me if you want to stop, ok?" he smiled, I nodded and closed my eyes, trying to forget the pain.
His fingers curled at my g spot, warming up my hole for his big cock. Once he figured it was stretched out enough he retracted his fingers, slowly pushing his cock in again.
It finally fit this time, resisting a bit halfway but he made it fit, just like he said. He held me gently and thrusted in and out, careful not to hurt me.
I grunted in frustration, "faster!" I whined, he chuckled "okay..so impatient" he grabbed my hips, pulling me closer and started to pound into me, his tip hitting my sweet spot perfectly.
"Fuck..so tight" he groaned, rolling his head back. I held onto him, my arms wrapping around his back and scratching at it tightly, intense pleasure waves coursing throughout my body.
"Fuckk!" I moaned loudly, kissing his neck and sucking on it harshly, leaving dark purple marks everywhere. He continued to slam his cock into me, his thrusts getting harsher by the second.
Even though his thrusts were harsh and rough, his touch on me wasn't. It was like I was a delicate flower, meant to be handled gently. The way he held me close, occasionally caressed my thigh, he was my dream guy.
Like I had told him before, the guys I had been with were assholes. They'd just fuck me and finish, not even caring about my pleasure, I was just another hole to them.
I threw my head back, arching my back as he kept hitting my g spot. His head lowered, hands removing themselves from my hips and coming to my bra, pulling it down slightly, revealing my hard nipples.
He smirked and latched his lips onto one, sucking softly, the other hand teasing my other boob. I moaned loudly, legs wrapping around his waist and pulling him in closer, deepening the connection.
"You're so sexy...so beautiful" he murmered on my tits, kissing the skin around my nipples, sucking gently and leaving marks on me too.
His tip kissed my cervix, hips slamming into mine with such force that the sound of skin slapping filled the air. I felt tension build in my tummy, signalling my awaiting orgasm.
"Gonna cum soon.." I whimpered, he smirked and picked up his pace, brutally pounding his cock into my cunt, making me scream in pleasure.
I felt the tension tighten even more, my orgasm washing over me, my pussy clenching on his cock tightly. He groaned and came in me, shooting his thick call all over my walls and coating it completely.
He collaped on top of me, trying to regain his breath. "Fuck...that was amazing y/n" he chuckled softly, kissing me gently. I nodded in response, wrapping my arms around him and holding him tightly.
After a few minutes he slowly pulled out, careful not to overstimulate me. Our shared juices softly dripped out of my hole, seeping onto the bed.
"Lord have mercy for who's going to clean this house" Tom smirked, I giggled "yeah, especially this room" I winked. He grabbed a tissue and cleaned me up, helping me put my clothes back on and kissing me lovingly.
"You know, I've never had a guy help me put my clothes back on after sex" I sighed, turning to him. Guilt washed over his eyes, his smile turning into a frown "you deserve better Y/N, i'm willing to give it to you, just give me a chance.." he caressed my cheek, pressing his forehead against mine.
"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" my eyes widened, pulling back. He nodded "please, I'll give you the world" he smiled softly, I looked deeply into his eyes, all that was staring back at me was sincerity, he was telling the truth.
"Oh my god Tom yes!" I squealed and pounced on him, hugging him tightly. He laughed, pulling me off and carrying me outside. All my friends stared in shock seeing us together, kissing and cuddling.
I glared back at them, enjoying my time with Tom. They came up to me, scoffing and crossing their arms, "what are you doing with this loser? I thought you hated him" I rolled my eyes "shut up chloe, you are so insufferable, I hate all of you and how mean you guys are, don't speak to me again we aren't friends anymore" I hissed at them "at least Tom treats me like the queen I am, you guys are miserable" I laughed at them, turning back to Tom and kissing him passionately, I felt him smile against my lips.
E/N: i can't lie i forgot the angst im sorry ily
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tags: @itsmealaiah @tomscumdump @tomscumdoll @tomkaulitzloverr @ge-billsgf @estxkios @ballhair @charliesgoodboy @syylss
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reel-fear · 1 month
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MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!
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grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.
#ramblez#little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao#this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it#hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD#hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions#it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting#But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent#dw Im not going anywhere <3#also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently#old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD#also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns#he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs#and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get#and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they#dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves#to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent#mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did#so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!
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melto · 1 month
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my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.
#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy#which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself#but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible#and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them#and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them#and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it#and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about#but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me#even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around#And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes#somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much#but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself#so everything they had said about me has been true for so long.#every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car#every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart#i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god#im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up.#i think im going to throw up right now.#deeply pathetic.#news with isaac
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girlcrushau · 1 month
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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n7punk · 10 months
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update on my inbox: there was one anon on the page and that was it (you'll see below), but there was a "next" arrow, so i hit that and it took me to THIS page with a back arrow, but when i hit the back arrow the button disappeared and this is just what it looks like now. if i hit the envelope button to open my messages "fresh," it continues to show me this page (notice the 11 next to "unhinged era," indicating i have 11 messages waiting in my inbox)
if i open a totally new tab and try to open my inbox i get this again:
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but at this point we know that next button is a lie and there's ten ghost messages.
anyway i dont do fighting or PvP games in general and usually only hear about them when 1) Blizzard has a human rights atrocity or 2) LoL gets another banger added to its soundtrack, so no i don't know anything about them XD seriously League has no right getting so many amazing songs. I'm not just saying that because they have multiple PVRIS tracks (it doesn't hurt, though)
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familial hanahaki w/ Danny trying to hide it until... well...
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homophyte · 1 year
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it is interesting to me that ive seen lately (n yknow this is subjective and likely not any real social force just what ive seen) many queer people simultaneously talking about taking back and embodying unpalatable and ‘unmarketable’ queerness (the recent return to the terms faggot and transsexual come to mind) which i think is pretty evidently shaped by the conservative moment were in of demonizing queer ppl and especially gnc and trans people as predators--it reads as a return to queer isolationism in the face of external hostility, imo--while at the same time ive seen a lot of rallying around the “original” 6 stripe rainbow flag as opposed to any of the purportedly ‘factional’ flags of different queer identities, with the assumption being different identity flags divide us while the rainbow flag encompasses everyone and its kinda fascinating to me bc the rainbow flag is probably the single most marketable and palatable and uncontroversial symbols of queerness which has been seamlessly uptaken by those who wish to sell it back to us as gets pointed out every pride month with all the cringey pride merch.... i dunno you could maybe take that as a point of hypocrisy and claim the queer community is itself in a conservative moment rn where its returning to a sense of history and historical continuity (perhaps even out of that sense of external threat) or even that the queer community has for some time been in a conservative moment given the like, decade of identity discourse and lashing out at any people deemed to not have a sufficiently established history or however we should categorize the bihets/ace discourse/transtrender-tucute discourse/pan discourse/bi lesbians discourse (because lets be frank its essentially all the same discourse just keeping up its momentum by leapfroging from one target to the next) which i think is, like, SOMEWHAT true but not entirely? its more interesting to me, in any case, as an expression of a conflict the queer community is facing given that current state of affairs RE antitransness and that very recent history. like, the simultaneous need to retreat to a safe sense of community which is welcoming to the very things the outer world is demonizing ie mutable gender, complex or contradictory experiences of gender, gender expression which is hostile to the cis binary, but also the ways in which it has to grapple with those discourses which have largely defined the community infighting for again the past decade. its queer people begging the question ‘how can we make the queer community welcoming to the girlfags and genderfucks and tboys who are being threatened when we have spent so much time making the queer community a hostile place for anyone with a non-conventional or not easily (or even just palatably) sortable sense of queer identity’. and the answer it seems to be grappling with at the moment is like, welcoming all that diversity of experience but being absolutely averse to naming it. yes we love all the fuckery with gender and sexuality never be marketable but like, ew, why are you calling yourself [insert microlabel here]. you can be genderweird but you cant call yourself genderweird. you can only exist as queer in the broadest possible way (the all-inclusive gay pride flag!) but if you try to name the specifics or use those identity labels weve been fighting over for years youre doing it wrong (the progress pride flag is now ugly and cringey and ‘too much’). i think theres something also to the way (at least on this site) transmisogynistic discourses have really taken hold as legitimate (though yknow i wont downplay how much a problem transmisogyny has like. always been in queer spaces no matter what) in the name of protecting n defending trans people. like its just regurgitated transmisogyny but its being mobilized supposedly in the service of helping trans people. idk its definitely getting a little late for me to string this together fully coherently but theres a throughline there, in the ways certain ideas are being consolidated and reified as ‘yes were more progressive now!’ when i think theres definitely something to question there in terms of like...are we? are we actually? are we doing better by the people were trying to help or are we setting strict standards and forcing ppl to adhere to them again?
#myposts#this is long and honestly probably Nothing#i dont even really have a way of proving its the same group of people saying both things except fro anecdotally seeing it#and even thats not proof either is a real social force with like power. i could be entirely wrong on every count here#but i do think theres something to the idea that like#as ive seen said#yknow 'ace discourse never ended you all just accepted ace people didnt deserve support and then moved on w those views internalized'#i think thats more broadly true for like. all those discourses i mentioned. and for the transmisogyny i alluded to#but honestly i dont even want to name the specific phenomenon im talking abt there bc those people. scare me.#but yknow ill say it ive felt way more pressure lately to not call myself pan than i did at the height of pan discourse#before it became cringe to care about it and instead of actively shitting on pan ppl we moved on to passively doing it#ive largely started just. calling myself bi to avoid the arguement. which i predicted i would have to do years ago#and now look at me doing it! not really a fluke that its happening now. i think#which isnt to say were moving 'backwards' per se but that these ideas are not now and never have been really challenged#so weve just internalized their logics--reactionary logics--and its having an interesting effect now that we need a progressive community#for our safety.#now we cant say anything about it because to bring it up is jeopardizing everything weve built and the people were keeping safe!#cause we dont count as people deserving of safety were disruptors who only belong when we dont make noise. idk. or thats how i feel#again i dont really know if this is true at all im more just...thinking through it i think#basically like what im seeing--i think--comes from simultaneously that need to be unmarketable in the face of hostility#coming into conflict with a decade of momentum to make queers solely marketable. and i think thats producing some interesting--but sucky#--discourses in the current moment#last disclaimer that i might and am likely totally wrong! okay lauren out. post send *nervous sweating*
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starswallowingsea · 5 months
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assuming i have vip 1 active... how much dia would it take to get 3 copies of both tour cards (~9.5mil points if i get the 11mil point reward card as my tour day 30 reward). asking for a friend
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freebooter4ever · 27 days
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awww basketball again
#malkin#tanger where is your penguin hat#oh wait dallas is a few days ago this must be old#i do appreciate how even though geno wears expensive sweaters and shit#his favorite hat is still just a 50$ trucker cap from a historically high quality but relatively affordable hat shop#its just cute: rich famous hockey celebrity but still just geno#When i bought my first go*orin hat i must have gone into the shop at least twice if not three times trying to decide which one i wanted#I had just gotten my first job in LA and Old Town pas is one of those Fancy shopping districts so i felt very awkward and out of place#and jenn had to go with me to drag me into the shop i was so nervous#And she tried on a bunch of the hats with me cause shes nice like that#Anyway yeah the folks in go*orin were real nice to us which if you have ever been into botique shops in LA you will know thats unusual#Most of the time they are rude assholes especially if you dont look like you are going to spend any money#I did buy a hat it was a little directors cap like the one walt wore in the 20s before he went into his porkpie phase#I do not like porkpie hats i will never wear one of those LOL#But i was determined to have a directors cap because if i was here in LA living the dream i was gonna look the part#I was still optimistic about things back then#Weirdly enough when i got my second job a month later the hat became a thing because it turned out everyone at the studio wore hats lol#I fit right in#And then the pandemic happened and suddenly nobody was going into the office at all for a very long time :(
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skunkg1rll · 27 days
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i cant stop thinking abt him... have been doing that all daynd i feel so sad nd my heart hurtsso bad nd i long for him sm it's just a bad day :((
#it's bc i saw that he#uploaded his background which was just nothing. and said that he feels empty#and a couple of months ago before i ruined it all#he said that he had me as his background#so now i feel so fkn sad#i dont know why im like this but i feel so crazy about him i wanna die#i think about him constantly and i'venever ever wanted to be with or know someone this badly#and to know that he sees me as a disappointment... and not good enough for him... and that he doesnt love me enough to wanna fix it#or even have a 'it' with me#hurts so bad#so now im just in an awful headspace...#i hate myself so much#i wish i could go back and not do what i did#i did it bc i thought it'd bring me closer to him#but i was wrong and i didnt understand that until now#and instead it caused him to think im not what he thought i was or what he wants me to be#and no matter how much i try to explain i realize thatonly i understand#bcmy brains broken and no one could ever understand why i do what i do#i am alone. always and forever i will never know closeness or intimacy#the thing is thatbefore i met him i was fine w that#i kinda longed for it but i had resigned myself to a life without it#then i met him nd it felt real nd like it could bereal for me#plus i genuinely like him sm i feel sm for him so i desperately want it w him#but then..... it turned out that im not good enough for him#it just rlly hurts that the ONLY time i've ever wanted someone#and it started w them wanting me back#who i am was a disappointment nd i fucked it up bc of a misunderstanding#that i cant clear up bc i cant make anyone understand my fucked up broken reasoning#i will bealone forever and i just wanna die
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universalsatan · 8 months
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how am i supposed to collect my gay little shows when i am sleeby and work and have to rewatch the multi-seasoned shows i literally just finished
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npdlangley · 1 month
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mfw. theres no actual point to my existence
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guinevereslancelot · 2 months
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i've heard how isolating grief can be because everyone is afraid to talk to you but apparently having a scary diagnosis is the same way 🥲
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needylittlegirl · 3 months
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lowkey im abt to have a panic attack
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camptw1nk · 3 months
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#not 2 be like. negative but i just kinda got hit hard by the way my relationship w my best friend has changed#dont get me wrong i understand that her girlfriend will be super important to her esp bc she lives across the world and is only physically#here for another 2 or so weeks#but my best friend just got back from a trip to another city to see an artist she loves and as she came in i got up to go see her and ask hl#how it was but she was in her room w her gf before i could and thats fine i get it and like she hasnt done anything wrong i can not#emphasize that enough like i hold no bitter feelings to her she is excited to talk to her gf understandably#it just hit me that like. oh yeah. i have no one else that i go to about literally anything but she does#and its less ab her so much as its. its just hitting me that i dont really have? friends?#i have one or two people but like. i only have One Person thats my go to fave person always tell them everything#and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be#and that i think is just like a part of growing up#i dont have a partner i dont have someone my life is intrinsically linked to#like a best friend is great but its not. relationships are placed to a higher level you know like its jusy more important#and i just. ive nevr Had a partner really. unless u count a like 2 month thing when i was 12 which i dont count#not to be depresso but i am just not the kind of person that people want or desire#and thats been the case long before i came out as trans but its extra complicated now since i dont. Fully pass#idk not 2 sound sad i just wanna be loved#and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls#and then never actually get told anything myself. not just ab things shes excited for but just in general#we were meant to go to a house viewing together a few days ago and it was only half an hour before it was happening when no one else was#home that i messaged them to check in and they were like oh yeah we're not going we have this and this going on#which like. fine whatever but i dont drive and getting anywhere fast is hard so it just. was stressful#but it just seems like i am constantly out of the loop. everyone i live with is in a relationship w each other and i am just here#in every aspect of my life i am Just There and im tired of it#not to sound desperate or needy but i just would like to. be noticed? or feel prioritized? or even wanted#idk this is. i just needed to rant i think im emotional bc my hormones r a bit wack#im due for my testosterone shot in a few days but i dont have the money or time to go to the doctors lately so its being pushed back#a few weeks and its just. i think its messing w me a bit#i mean i feel this way literally all the time but just the like. the being upset and emotional and posting ab it i think is bc of that#idk i needed to get it out idk it this will stay up or not
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britneyshakespeare · 4 months
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i might seem like just a mentally ill eccentric. but deep down i care about the children
#im talking about my job#tales from diana#i probably dont seem eccentric at all to the ppl i work w just socially anxious (which is very obvious irl & always has been w me)#i dont know how to explain my conflict about working at my high school lately other than. it's not just my trauma#with that particular building. i mean yes it's very much awoken w me when im in there#but everything that was wrong w the *culture* of my school. the way teenagers in that district acted.#it's like. exactly the way i left it seven years ago#and i think a lot of it has to do with the incompetence of the administration and i hate to say it but. individual teachers to some extent#i mean ppl just have no expectations for these children to be respectful and apply themselves#when you treat students with dignity and present their work with dignity they will feel dignified and care more.#there are lots of systemic issues that affect teenagers too that cause them to be disengaged as well#and you never know what's just going on in their individual lives that's interfering w their school success.#in many ways it's like the way they fare is so out of our hands that i get why teachers are so burnt out and cant be assed#im very much bright-eyed and bushytailed in some ways. even tho i do not see this as a glamorous job#i am very young and haven't been doing this long enough to have EVERY ideal beaten out of me. just most of em.#yeah. the culture of that high school is just awful.#in general i have very high opinions of teenagers. and low opinions of high schoolers.#it's not who they are that is wrong. it's the building they inhabit and the ways they move around it.#it's the potential of them that is being ill-served that frustrates me so much.#they deserve better and so do we as the adults working there#that's that on that
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