Advice for beginner Hellenists
This isn't necessarily a post where I include a list of Gods, epithets, resources, and offerings for said Gods, but rather, hopefully soothing the worries of those of us who are starting the journey into the religion. As someone who was once in a religion that made other religions sound like something absolutely terrifying, my journey into Hellenism was once which was also... pretty terrifying, and this fear was mostly just from my own mind.
Anyways, my list of Advice:
You can literally just start praying. If you want to get more formal, you can absolutely get more formal, but you very much don't have to. I've definitely had my first prayers to some Gods be "hello, [God or Goddess's name], I want to worship You! Please lead me in my journey. Thanks!" I can promise you, the Gods are much kinder and more understanding than any of us fully know.
You can also just start worshiping in general. I feel like I've seen on occasion people worried about the Gods not "calling" to them. This is definitely not something that needs to happen pre-worship. If you find them interesting enough to pray to, then that in and of itself is enough.
In a similar vein, I wouldn't be too concerned about the idea of "signs". I feel like there's a tendency for folks to be incredibly worried about everything when first starting out - the behavior of a candle, the sighting of an animal, a strange dream, all can suddenly seem to take on jarring significance. But I can promise you, the Gods don't constantly give out signs, and frequently, these strange occurrences can be attributed to the mundane. When something comes from the Gods, you will know, trust me!
You don't have to worry too much about the idea of cleanliness, be it spiritual or physical. Khernips are cool, and I'd definitely recommend integrating them into your practice sooner or later. Hygiene is cool too! But if I'm being honest, we in the modern day are far more physically clean, and a lot less likely to regularly encounter the type of pollution that would have been encountered in ancient Greece.
The Gods will be at varying distances over the course of your worship. Sometimes, They will feel close, joyfully, burningly so. And sometimes, They will feel far, and prayers may even feel a bit futile. Both of those are perfectly okay, and neither of those will be permanent.
And, once again in a similar vein, you will likely not find yourself having constant, close mystical experiences with the Gods (i.e., conversations, visions, etc.). These experiences are rare and far between, and I would advise that you not make them a central part of your worship. They will come when the Gods deem you're ready for them, and you definitely won't be expecting it. Focus on the little things!
My final thing (for now) is that you also shouldn't put undue pressure on yourself to be doing some sort of big offering to the Gods. If that's what you can afford, that's great! But if not, fresh water, a small wildflower that you came across and picked*, or a small bit of a meal also count as a good offering!
And with that, my (much longer than I was previously planning on) list of things for beginners to keep in mind! A lot of this list is made up of things which I picked up along the way, and a lot of it is also made from my own personal hindsight being 20/20. I hope this is helpful to someone, and that it maybe soothes some of the (incredibly common) worries which so often accompany those who are venturing into the world of Hellenic polytheism!
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You know what's my JAM?
Extremes being treated as the Serious Dangers they ARE, even when they aren't "oooh its a spooky Grey morality and BADness!" Extreme.
Like? No, people. ALL of them are bad. They are ALL face melting dangerous. The void may crush your soul, but look upon the Face Of GOD? Not gonna be having a fun time! Doesn't MATTER if he's a cool dude! Face melting!
We are creatures of BALANCE. Tiny, fragile, little motes of dust. That can only exsist in the careful, blended, dances of territories and powers that be. We squishy.
Ghosts? Less squishy.
Poor impulse control, too. Especially ones with Fenton genetics. ABSOLUTELY ones with Fenton genetics and a trauma based aversion to therapy. That one? Pretty hardy. Made pretty tough, what with being Fates third favorite chew toy. But? Still gets the Sads, you know? The slightly longer then just seasonal depression.
Would medicine and some therapy help? Oh like a dream!
If medicine WORKED on his Ectoplasmicly contaminated ass. And he TRUSTED therapists.
But... surely, Danny thinks, as he sits grossly in his Depression sweatpants and eats suspect pizza on the floor of his moldering shoebox of an apartment, there must be SOME way to address his Depression? He should... he should DO something about it. Take a break maybe. Look up some ghost doctors or something.
.....
Oooooooooor..... >.>
He could break out that OMENIOUS af, bound in suspect leather, Big Book Of Forbidden Knowledge(TM) that he got from Pariah's.... what, fourth? Fifth? Library? Fuck that Lair is huge. He's STILL cleaning it out and it's been over half a decade. He swears it spawns more floors just to mock him. Bastard. Don't know HOW a building can be a Bastard, but it sure found A WAY.
Anyway!
Book it is! *horrifying Eldritch light as he opens it* huh. Neat. Comes with its own visual effects. *another bite of suspect pizza* Funky.
And so! Danny, the depressed King Of The Zone... fucks of to go cheer himself up in the Fields Of Bliss(TM), an area of Absolute Bliss. Which! Sounds GREAT in theory, now don't it? Lovely even.
Remember that little comment about extremes?
You can ENTER those fields. But no one leaves. No one CAN. The deeper you go? The more doomed you become. Less will to do anything at all. Eat, talk, move. So much as think. Like ALL extreme "Goods", it sounds lovely, but the reality is no gentle little thing.
It's a glue trap.
But how could Danny have known? Honestly, who would have TAUGHT him? Textbooks can only go so far, after all. And placing blame will not rescue the young monarch.
I imagine it's one of his helpers that pieces together what's happened. Come for further clarification on WHERE exactly he wants certain statues moved. Only? Your Majesty? Your Majesty...? Where ever could he BE? Oh? He's left out some of his books. Well, I'll just assist by putting them away for-.....
Oh.
OH ANCIENTS, NO.
But! What can the poor man DO? Ghosts are Beings of Will, Emotion, and Obsession. Were it some sort of Holy Blade or Sentient Tree, you know, something INDIVIDUAL with a will they could FIGHT? Oh no problem. But an area of effect? Especially an EMOTIONAL area of effect!? Ooooooh, this is bad. The Zone can't AFFORD to lose ANOTHER King!
We JUST GOT THIS ONE!!!
Wait. He's heard that there's an organization for this! That loudly cursing fellow who got violently thrown back into the Zone. "Ruined his fun" and all that! Perfect! He'll just hire THEM!
Smashcut? To a nice, peaceful, everybody's screaming Justice League Meeting. John's cursing life, extremely hungover. Zatana still has three cracked ribs. Wonder Woman is enjoying the new sword she... liberated... mid battle. Truely stunning craftsmanship. When?
Knock Knock!
Heads swivel. There... is a glowing green... accountant? Dandy? Dandy accountant. With an equally radioactive day glow green Actual Pirate's Chest Of Treasures, floating next to him. In the void of space; Just beyond the glass. What, the, fuuuuuu-
He seems to be under the impression they are some sort of Heroic mercenaries. And has come to request the retrieve-
"NNNNNOPE! Pariah can SHOVE it!" Snarls a suddenly very awake John Constantine, sitting up straight for the first time in hours. The rest of Dark grimly nod in agreement. Let the fucker rot. It's a kinder fate then he deserves.
No, no, NO! King PHANTOM! Pariah's SUCCESSOR by right of combat! They are not, and were never, allied in any way!
Well, all right then. Road trip to save a young idiot then.
@the-witchhunter @hdgnj @hypewinter @lolottes @mutable-manifestation @nerdpoe
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MY FRIEND, I ABSOLUTELY CAN!!!! 🥰 Starting from the beginning...
PART ONE: ORIGINAL FILMANIA PRODUCTION & FATE
It’s 2019-20, you’re Mile Phakphum Romsaithong, a very rich socialite who plays guitar. You’re bored and you’ve been thinking about getting into acting, and have been offered misc. BL casting opportunities before (1), but never really felt like any of them were For You, so you turned them down.
Then, one day, you find out that there is a BL currently casting from the studio Filmania, where the male lead is based on you (2), at least your public persona/physically/whatever. Being a puppy of a man, you are delighted, and go read the script, and then the books, and decide you’ll go to the casting call for it.
At casting call, you re-meet Apo Nattawin Wattanagitiphat (3), who you went to college with and had a giant crush on (4). You guys hit it off IMMEDIATELY, chemistry unhinged, and get cast as Kinn and Porsche. Apo takes it, even though he has historically had a bad experience with the Thai acting industry (5). You are delighted by this incidence of FATE!!!!!!
PART TWO: IF YOU DON’T HAVE FATE ON YOUR SIDE STORE-BOUGHT IS FINE
The show gets dropped (6) Something something the authors, something something the company, whatever. I assume, if you are Mile, you are very sad! And if you’re Apo you’re also pretty sad, because it seemed like for once even with all the industry BS you had a cool dude on your side who you hit it off with, and it was gonna be a cool show. On the heels of that, if you are Mile, and have stacks of money, and see your college crush who is an unbelievable actor about to re-give up on acting and call it a wash, you are like, “wait, I have stacks of money and know everyone”.
So you, Mile, call up the head of the small talent agency you’re signed with, Be On Cloud, which is really just your buddy Pond Krisda Witthayakhajorndet in a fake mustache and a trench coat, and go, hey! So! Have you ever wanted to make television? I have a man here I CANNOT allow to be sad under any circumstances, and also, we’re really good at this and there’s an audience here.
PART THREE: BE ON CLOUD, KINNPORSCHE TAKE TWO!!!!
Pond, being just as unhinged as Mile, thinks about it for a second, and is like. Well. How different can making television be from running an event planning company, which is my real job (7). It’s just calling up a bunch of different guys who are good at their jobs and putting them in one place. And I know so many different guys! Let’s do it!
They get the rights (handwaves this I don’t know anything about it) and jump into production. They get their shit together UNREALISTICALLY quickly (6), and on top of that, since they’re starting from scratch and they’re just A Bunch Of Guys led by Pond and Mile, they decide that their priorities are #1 making art and #2 making Apo happy. With regards to #1, they rework the script (8), hire the best acting coaches money can afford, and put the cast through character-building and intimacy workshops. With regards to #2, they toss out all the industry bullshit that has sucked for him in the past -- no more crew/cast hierarchy (9), no more homophobia on-set (10), no more fake fanservice (11).
FINALE: MIRACLES IF U BELIEVE ETC.
Magically, it turns out, when you create a great working environment, you get really, really good TV!!!!! Which means that their unhinged plan succeeded beyond their wildest dreams, and now Mile & Apo are internationally famous superstars who hang out 24/7 with their squad of 16 close friends, and we get to watch them do it. And it has been, genuinely, a fucking privilege.
To end this tale with a personal note, one of the reasons I allowed myself to get so invested in KinnPorsche so fast is because it was evident from every aspect of it -- the show itself, the BTS, the actors interviews -- that the people working on this show both really cared about the show and were genuinely having a great time. There is nothing like seeing art made by people who are passionate about making it!
Their enthusiasm, their hard work, and their obvious enjoyment of the process & each other’s company are what made me feel like I could trust what they were making, because you could tell no matter what else it was, it was from the heart. And that’s really something special! Especially in this day and age!!
And even though they could pull it off this time because of the circumstances (financial and social), I hope that it shows BL television CAN be made in a way that keeps the actors comfortable and safe and happy, and encourages change for the better across the industry as a whole. KinnPorsche shouldn’t be the last wild BL passion project; it should be the first one of a new wave. (bangs gavel) Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
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Yan!Sunday isn't someone who likes the spotlight.
I mean, it's obvious, even his normal character seems to be one that works behind the scenes, pulling taut strings until they snap one by one.
But Yan!Sunday leaves no exception, even when it comes to adoration.
The frequent visits you somehow always manage to make, scrounging up money from who knows where to afford all those tickets to Robin's concerts, meet-ups, fancalls, etc.. it's cute. Your devotion is almost admirable. Robin starts to recognize you more as a friend or acquaintance than a superfan, which is a great feat for someone like you – a measly fan who managed to get through from constant meetings and relying on a superstar's memory.
It isn't a surprise when you're invited by The Oak Family to Penacony for the Charmony festival, when it arrives. Imprompt shows, coincidental fan meetings as both Sunday and Robin work for the festival eventually leads you and Sunday to meet. It's almost unfortunate for you, things go awry at the last moment. Ticket prices soar the moment you reload the page, the line brutally cuts off right before you for the autograph signing, and the cameras just don't work whenever you want a photo.. it's comical to Sunday, in a way.
Of course, just as it is his responsibility to look after his sister, he talks to you, subtly scrutinizing your body language for any suspicion. It's not uncommon for creeps to appear in Robin's huge audience. He manages to flag you clear, however, when you talk about her in such a lively and innocent manner. It's almost as if you'd been her childhood friend. Something about it is so endearing to Sunday.
Hmm.. since he's taken such a liking to you, why not let him help you out a bit? You may have not been able to scrounge the money for Robin's new concert at the last minute, but don't worry, he can take you backstage, and let you see her performance from a completely different angle. He's family, he can get you to many more places than your fan-title. Soft chuckling as you mention almost losing your ticket because the page decided to glitch at that very moment, you just had to go bankrupt during the payment, and your phone ran out of battery that moment you were in the middle of one of Robin's best performances. It's cute. Spend some more time with him, too, won't you? He's a brother of hers, surely you'd be interested in knowing him, too?
Secret entries to Robin's backstage or VIP rooms turn into imprompt escapades, playfully and softly laughing as he leads you with a firm grasp of your hand somewhere peaceful, a large contrast to Robin's bustling concerts. The night air is cool, serene and quiet, much like Sunday. The night falls and remains in darkness to let the stars shine brighter. And Sunday tells you this over a quiet moment between you two. He never liked the spotlight, bustling crowds, loud noises.. people.
Unfortunately, your meetings came to an abrupt halt. At least.. it was unfortunate for Sunday. Your eyes always lit up at the end of the night, being able to meet Robin and talk about just how amazing her performance was, how happy you are with the opportunity to meet her again, and that you're so glad she remembers you. The spotlight belonged to his sister, and he was more than happy to let her have it.
But.. if it meant your eyes were for hers, it just never settled in him well.
Surely, there was a single admirer for the darkness of the night sky? The vast, velvety black expanse that held stars with the edge of it's fingertips? A single one.
His entire sky craved you.
And.. well, his sister has everything, doesn't she? She's quite generous too, like you said. Perhaps she'll help him out, just this once?
Suddenly, all your VIP tickets seemed to no longer matter. Shifted to waiting rooms where Sunday just so happened to be, backstages were empty and almost desolate, Sunday being the only "staff member" there, guiding you with his familiar firm grip on your hand, always back to that place where he shared that quiet moment with you.
The moments only got quieter and longer,however.
Sunday took notice of it, far before you did. Awkward, polite laughing trailing off into poorly hidden disappointment, the stuttering of your tongue as you try not to mention Robin again, the polite smile on his face telling you it's okay to start over, but never stop trying. The constant, slow push towards him instead of your favorite singer, seemed to only cause a repulsion between you two. He was extremely bitter about it.
Of course, he wouldn't dare take it out on sweet Robin. She's just an amazing singer, he doesn't dare blame her – she's admirable in many ways. But Robin doesn't miss the undertone bitterness that carries the flow of your name on his tongue.
Eventually – Robin stops meeting you. She stops looking at you in the crowds. She refuses autographs, fancalls, etc..
It does break your heart. A little.
Why don't you go to Sunday? He's family after all. He can help you reach closer. The walk to where she is, is not that long. Accompany him for a while, will you? Let him keep the firm grip of his hand in yours. He'll fix everything.
And when your excited face morphs into disappointment once again, as both of you fail to find her after her concert is just perfect. Let him comfort you, hm? He's very understanding.. and quiet. He listens to you so well. Perhaps.. being with Sunday isn't as bad as you thought? Maybe.. instead of searching for Robin over and over, you'd like to spend time with him instead. No one can comfort you better than Family, right?
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why are people being so fucking weird about you living comfortably? like. you’ve been pretty transparent about your thrifting and antiquing habits and even offered a script for haggling/price negotiation. what?
boggles my mind and makes me worry about what folks mean when they say “eat the rich”. they couldn’t identify a rich person if they tried.
It's not great, but that's also just part and parcel of a post leaving standard circulation--it goes out of context. I have to assume at least some of this is coming from people who don't follow me (or haven't been following me for long; I gain followers at a rate of roughly 100/week so...there's always people who are just seeing my stuff for the first time without any of the history that people who've been here longer are already aware of).
I will say that by and large, this corner of this site is pretty well-mannered. For one, I don't tolerate rudeness long without using the block and unfollow buttons judiciously, so maybe my view is skewed. But generally I have very few problems with rudeness from strangers, which I appreciate. I've been on this site for a long time and I've never had to turn off anon asks, which is pretty good.
And frankly...I get it. There have been times in my life where $40 was a lot of money. When you're living on a shoestring, any indulgence, however minor, seems extravagant, and your perspective tunnels. You don't plan long-term because you can't. Slowly curating a collection of cool but affordable things seems impossible because you have to focus on right now, and anyone who is not living like that might as well be in another world. I get that. But you also have to put your head up sometimes and realize that's where you are, and take a measure of the world so that you can figure out how to get out of that spot. It sucks; I'm sorry. Having $40 to spare and the time to cobble together enough strangeness to make my home enjoyable does not make me the enemy.
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Toji Fushiguro
MDNI ✨
Heads up!: angst, smut in missionary, reader is like a mom to Megumi, Toji cries. I felt some type of way after seeing his last moments with Megumi so I had to write it down :(
Knowing Toji Fushiguro was draining. If it wasn’t him ghosting you on dates or using you as a late night booty call it was him leaving you to babysit Megumi, which you had no problem with. You loved Megumi. Sure he wasn’t your child, but he was the closest thing you’d ever have to a son. His mom passed not that long ago, poor kid and poor Toji. You were and always have been supporting of the two of them. You met him while serving for the Zenin clan,he was somewhat nice to you, you used to take Megumi to the maid’s room and set up care for him, then you picked up and left. Toji ended up finding you out of desperation. He showed up at your door, Megumi in one arm, diaper bag and his favorite stuffed wolf in the other.
After that he would come see you regularly with or without the little Fushiguro. Recently it’s been a lot though. You couldn’t figure Toji out lately and it felt like he didn’t want you to understand him either. He was busy and it gave you the time to get to know Megumi a lot more. You sat down on the carpet doing a puzzle with little Megumi, your phone buzzing several times.
Fushiguro: Hey
Fushiguro: Thank you for taking care of the little one. Wanna meet for lunch?
Y/n: I’ll go, but if you don’t show, Megumi and I will max out your tab on chicken nuggets and kimchi stew.
Fushiguro: Yeah, I’m good for it. It’s a date. I owe you. Plus need to talk to you bout something. See you in 20.
You got Megumi ready and drove to meet Toji at your normal spot. He loved to bet on the boats, you and Megumi cheered on every boat in the water while Toji chuckled to himself. He never got lucky often, but having two great women in his life and his son was more than he could have asked for.
As you walked in you spotted Toji who was already sat in a booth. He waved you both over. You walked towards him but you couldn’t place your finger on it.. something was different about him today.
“Hey.” He smirked, separating his chopsticks.
“Hey stranger.” You sat and got comfortable.
“How have you been?” He asked. He looked all over your face, admiring your features.
“Good, y’know how Megumi and I spend our time. He’s grown so fast. He turns eight next week.” You chuckled at him. Megumi smiled at you as you played with his hair.
“Hey son, why don’t you go to the claw machine, win miss y/n something cute.” Toji gave Megumi ten dollars in quarters and before running off to the machine, he thanked Toji. “Love you miss y/n.”
You both smiled at eachother.
“I love you too honey, make sure you try to get something cool, yeah?” You pinched his cheek.
Megumi ran off and played while Toji took on a more serious demeanor while you two started to eat.
“I’m gonna set you, Megumi and I up for life.” He smirked at you.
“Toji, you didn’t..” you gave him a look of discontent.
“I had to.. i wont tell you anything else but in the rare case that I lose this fight, you and Megumi will be set for life. The money is set to go to a mailbox in a school in Tokyo. I want Megumi to go to high school there. You take him and just keep bein’ his mom. I don’t want to be all sappy out here but you deserve to know at least that. But when I come home I’ll buy us a house instead of living in that box.” He smiled at you.
“It’s called an apartment. It’s a mini house Toji and I can afford it..” You smiled and sighed. Too many emotions were coursing through your brain and you were starting to dissociate. Toji took note of that and got up from his seat across from you to sit next to you. Your head instantly went to rest on his shoulder and he caressed your cheek. Toji Fushiguro was not usually as mean or self centered as people thought he was. When he really cared for his people he would show them that. Everyone else is either in the way or not helping.
“He loves you, y’know. Megumi doesn’t like shit, hell he barely even likes me from time to time. But I see it. You love him like his mom would have.. damn it.” He sighed. You felt something wet hit the top of your head. Toji Fushiguro was crying.
“Can I get you guys anything? Any refills?” The waitress asked.
Toji slammed his fist on the table, wiping his eyes. The waitress flinched. You quickly gave her an apologetic look.
“I’ll take some chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese to go for our little one.” You responded nicely to her. She walked away.
“I’m sorry Toji, this must be very hard on you. You know I’ll take care of Megumi the best I can til you get back and can take care of the both of you.” You smiled. God you were making this too hard for him.
“Both of you. All three of us. I love you and even though I’ve been slacking on showing you, you’re the only one I want y/n. No one else cares for Megumi the way you do. I’ve been taking advantage of that. I only come around when I want to show you I care but I’m shitty at that too. You’re not just some booty call or the woman who babysits my son. You’re the woman that I love who also happens to love my son and I right back. I haven’t had that since my wife died.” He sighed. More of his hot tears rolled down his face. He wiped them.
“I love you too. You and Megumi are my boys. I’m glad you finally told me. Now I understand why you’re always staring at me.” You both chuckled as Megumi came back with a few things from the claw machine.
“Wowww! Megumi look at all this stuff! What did you get?” You wiped your own tears and Megumi sat in front of you both as he showed off his collection of machine toys.
“I got these three for me, these are for you miss y/n and I got this one for dad.” He smiled.
“Thanks kid, how about we go watch the boats after we finish up here?” He smiled at you both.
Megumi cheered in approval and you guys wrapped up your food.
After walking alongside the lake where the boats were racing you and Toji held hands as Megumi was on his shoulders. The summer day was nearing its end as a warm sunset painted your face golden. It was time to head home.
“And the little ducky swam home, the end” you finished reading to Megumi who was fast asleep.
After you shut the door to the room you labeled as his, you met up with Toji in your own bedroom. He was standing, body towering over you as his muscles relaxed. He reached up to touch you, eyes hungry and seeking your approval. His breath hitched as his hands traveled your clothed body. Your eyelids seemed heavy—drunk with arousal at his seduction. When you and Toji had sex it never started out this serious. Toji was always full of jokes and profanities. Maybe it’s because the last time you saw him was three months ago, now he’s thirsty for your affection and sex because this might be the last time you two see eachother.
Toji lifted you up and your short body slammed against the wall. He dug right in, tasting the skin on your neck and savoring every lick and kiss as you reached out to hold him and feel his own body. His hands traveled up your shirt and wasted no time grabbing one of your breasts as he positioned your legs around his waist. “Toji- be gentle.” You moaned. It fell upon deaf ears, he was already focused, ripping your shirt off in the process. He pulled your bra down, sucking on your soft nipples and turning them hard and wet. He fought your mouth with dominant kisses trying so hard to show you he was desperate for you. Desperate to take this job and come out alive for you. Toji threw you on the bed, taking his clothes off and laying down. His back rested on the headboard.
“Show me how much you’re gonna miss me.” He smirked.
You crawled up to his naked body, peppering kisses from his mouth down to his cock. You moaned after every kiss, his length twitching and dripping Precum at every sultry moan you let out for him. You took his tip in your hand and licked from the base to his tip, then covering him in saliva as you started your slow paced sucking. You sucked and jerked, making Toji a mess. He was groaning and reaching out to touch your head. Eventually he succeeded, grabbing your head and making you look up at him, his cock still shoved into your perfect lips. “You can take it right mama?” He asked with a sly smirk. You nodded quickly before relaxing your throat for him. Toji fucked your throat passionately (if that was even a thing..) it wasn’t too slow and it wasn’t too fast. Toji was usually the first to cum and would help you afterwards but he wanted to savor this moment. His cock twitched and he lifted you up by your hair.
“C’mere.” He said pulling you into a kiss. You were now straddling him, wet pussy threatening to bounce on his dripping cock. His tip was red and angry, pulsating at the view. He groaned and continued to kiss you until he set his hands on your waist. He looked up and you made a small noise, you were desperate for him to be inside you. “Toj- I want it so bad please. I’d do anything for you.” You moaned. Toji flipped you over aggressively. Your chest hit the bed, arms reaching out to grab a pillow while your ass was in the air. Toji lined himself up with your dripping hole, grabbing either side of your hips with both of his hands. He slowly pushed into you, his breath hitching and teeth gritting at just the swollen tip making its entrance into your heavenly pussy. You moaned loudly into the sheets as he stretched you out. He pulled a pillow towards you.
“Bite into it, don’t wanna wake up Megumi.” He panted.
You nodded and put your face into the pillow. Toji grabbed both of your arms and held them behind your back and he kissed down your back. “Just breathe.” He sighed pushing deeper within your gummy walls. The way you sucked him in was god like- Toji couldn’t contain himself. He sighed in defeat and started roughly fucking you from behind. You didn’t have time to catch your breath, Toji’s skillful assault on your pussy was knocking the wind out of you since you had gotten no warning. You were already getting close, hearing him groan in satisfaction with every ball slapping thrust. Your eyes spilled tears as Toji continued to stretch you and pound you. “Close-god I’m so close. Gonna give you another baby.” He grunted with his eyes suddenly starting to close. “Mph-uh- Toji please, I want to carry another child for you.” You whimpered. That was all he needed as his thrusts became sloppier, the coil building up in the pit of your stomach like fireworks. You released all over his cock, whimpering as he continued to pound into you. “Here-m’right here.” He groaned. He couldn’t take it anymore, cock spraying your insides down with his own white cum. He lied down beside you as cum threatened to drop out of your abused hole. You lied down, body defeated with toji’s love. Completely satisfied.
He turned to you and placed your head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around you.
“If I die, don’t tell Megumi how shitty I was. I want him to be able to forget about me… reach his full potential.” He sighed closing his eyes.
“He doesn’t think you’re shitty, but I’ll make sure to train him everyday. I won’t let the Zenin get him.”
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yandere twins introduction
―wherever you go, whatever you do, they'll always trail behind.
directory: part two here.
contents: yandere male x gender-neutral reader. yandere female x gender-neutral reader. only reference to reader/darling is 'you'. implied murders.
notes: finally finished their introduction! they've been sitting in the back of my mind for a long while now.
You might've been a little scared. Your recent transfer to another university left you feeling lost, especially since you didn't know anyone. At the very least, you were well-off enough to afford a dormitory on campus.
And your first week went by great! You were able to somehow befriend numerous friend groups and floated between each. It wasn't long before your name was passed around and people were vaguely familiar with you. By the end of the first month, everyone knew you. You were being greeted in the hallways, given free things for your acquaintanceship, invited to any and every event... People were so comfortable with you that even gossip presented itself freely.
Of the idle chatter, one topic caught your curiosity: A pair of twins had just begun attending a month into the semester. You were curious, though you didn't have faces to tie to the names people gave you. The Mihailovs twins.
The circumstances around them seemed somewhat intriguing as you heard offhand comments here and there. Something about their origins, their sense of style, and the hyperbolic rumors of a murder caused by one of the twins.
So you decided when you could try to at least figure them out. The opportunity to meet other classmates was also something you kept at the forefront of your mind with academics, though it wasn't very difficult to keep track of as long as you kept your priorities straight.
You first meet the older twin of the two, Vitalina, after participating in a debate in one of your classes. While you were trying your best to give your contributions, Vitalina was on the opposing end keeping her head cool and hung low. It was kind of weird, but that wasn't the only odd thing she did during class. She spent half of the lecture playing mostly cards, always alone. Sometimes, she was joined by other people who wanted to connect, but she seemed reluctant to spend time with anyone.
It wasn't until later that day in the library that you found her doing homework all by herself. She didn't seem to realize that you'd approached her at first, as it took her a minute to finally look at you. She stilled upon noting your presence. Surely, you didn't see her gazing at her homework like some of the words were written in an alien language and she couldn't read them, right?
"Do you need some help?" She didn't seem to miss your silent offer, slowly nodding before she looked back down. "...Yeah." Her tone was soft. She slid her paper towards you, her gaze remaining distant. There was no question as to what you'd ask for now as you took a seat beside her. "Vitalina, right? What can I do?"
You didn't realize it then, but you sealed your fate.
With your help, Vitalina was steadily able to keep up with her classes, and in the process, you were able to learn a lot more about her. You discovered that she had the tendency to be bored and detached from the things she became interested in, thus explaining a lot of her weird behaviors during lectures. However, the funny thing is that... She started to take an interest in you.
The changes were subtle at first, increasing inch by inch, enough for you to be unable to register them until someone else pointed it out while you were doing pair work for a class.
Over weeks, Vitalina had begun to act strangely — or, normally, which was why it was unusual. Her hair, previously always unruly, was combed and taken care of. She dressed differently, more feminine and neat, posh. It wasn't the same as before, but she seemed to be in a better state now compared to when you first met her. She talked more. She was smiling a lot, making small talk, and laughing along with you whenever you shared jokes with her during your only shared class and your time together in the library. She insisted that only you called her Lina, her nickname.
There was one thing, however, that seemed to remain consistent since the day you met her; She never showed interest in anyone other than you. Sure, it was obvious that you and others began seeing her as a popular girl after the changes, but she never seemed to care. She was completely indifferent to it, only keen on keeping you close for as much as she could help it.
You wouldn't have any idea of the disdain she felt towards your other friends. She seemed to start thinking that you wouldn't come back to her once you realized how much fun you would be having if you kept hanging out with them. She didn't like how your attention wasn't on her alone.
She couldn't have that— No, she really can't stand the idea of that!
It was why she suddenly started to chat people up. To you and everyone else, it was an overnight change. But to her, it was a necessary step in the long run that she made sure she took the social reputations of others in her control. That way, if anyone were to do anything unsavory to threaten her current relationship with you, she would be able to simply pull a string to ensure they'd never think of approaching you ever again.
She never stopped going to the library with you throughout all this, making up excuses as to why she still wanted to keep your quality time together. She even convinced you to go shopping together from time to time, as she just never bothered to hang with anyone outside of school and the events you both were invited to. It was just too hard for her to make conversation with new people.
And thankfully for Lina, you understood where she was coming from, so it was often you two together. It was peaceful that way, her neediness appeased knowing that you had time for her and you stuck to it.
Then her brother ruined it.
Try as Lina might to hide it from him, he wasn't blind to the hours she spent prettying herself up for you. At night, he could always see light shining from underneath her door. If she forgot to close it, sometimes he could make out her soft curses whenever she messed up during eyeliner practice.
She wouldn't do this for herself, no. Varis knew better than that. If it were the case she'd have done it ages ago, so there had to have been a reason for her dedication. It wasn't long for him to figure out the cause of that dedication was you. And from what he observed during his time sifting through the pictures Lina took with you after he hacked her phone, you didn't seem to be aware of it. It wasn't enough for him to watch you through a digital screen though, he felt as though he hadn't discovered all he needed to know about you before deciding if you were a good or bad influence on his twin.
He wanted to observe you from up close.
It was a bold move on his part to sit directly beside you while his sister was on the other, he was sure he could feel Lina glaring hatefully his way when she realized it. You, on the contrary, were struck by the physical similarities between the two.
Lina was pretty, yes, but Varis could be a model. It was strange to you that he somehow succeeded in being more alluring.
And as much as Lina wanted nothing more than to strangle someone of her blood, she didn't want you to think negatively of her so all she could do was sit tensely as Varis proceeded to make small talk after introductions came out of the way. Much to her chagrin, he never left after, opting to study in the library for a change with the excuse that the apartment was starting to feel stuffy. He didn't expect himself to like spending that study time with you though, considering he was never interested in socializing with anyone.
When the time came for you to bow out, the two had offered to walk with you to your dorm before they left for their apartment. The walk home was silent, one-sided tension could be felt. And the minute they entered their home, Lina's first instinct was to grab the nearest object and throw it to her brother.
After living with someone for so long, you'd grow to predict their actions, as Varis displayed when he caught her hand before she could let go of the flower vase. When her strength was unmatched, her verbal yells came next. How could he?! How did he know about you?! Was he trying to take you away too?! Does she have to destroy her brother?!
"Lina," Her shoulders tensed. Eyes glinting with near-murderous intent, glaring and mentally cursing him. "I'm not taking anyone." She didn't realize his other hand had gone to take something from behind him until the object taken had glinted in the dim light of their living space, a knife finding itself being pushed into her grasp. The implications were present, she could kill him right now.
It's so hard for her to outright kill someone, unlike him.
Sucking in her breath, Lina pushed Varis and pointed the edge his way. "Try anything funny and I won't forgive you." His eyes narrowed, holding up his arms in a lackluster manner, expression blank. She was trying so desperately to keep you away from him.
Why? What was it about you that had her so wrapped around your finger?
You and your effects on Lina were the only thing that occupied his mind when he retired to bed that evening.
The day after, he sought you out. He wanted to know you without Lina's presence, see what about you made her want to stick to you like glue. Why did she want you as her partner? What would happen if he involved himself further? He wanted to make sense of everything; he had a feeling this wasn't going to be the last time he found himself face-to-face with you.
The more time he spent around you, the more he began to be aware of this one growing feeling. A selfish desire to keep you all to himself, creeping up with no way to stop it. He couldn't explain it. He continued to pursue your time and attention, trying to pinpoint an explanation.
Somewhere along the way, the need for knowledge slipped away, and what replaced it was the rush of being with you. And fuck, now he knows. Now he knows why Lina had been acting strange, why she's changed, why she's so desperate to mold herself into someone you could desire. He understood, now all that was left was this feeling of yearning.
If Lina was doing her best to keep others away from you, he was making sure to erase those who he deemed a threat.
Slowly, people around you trickled less and less. Sudden decisions to relocate, disappear into another city with some friends in tow, and a few students turned up missing. It might've started to feel worrisome to you, but Lina was always there to chat you up and take the occurrences off of your mind.
It was because she knew who was behind all of it that she was able to keep calm. Had it been anyone else or an unknown party, she would've swept you along to a much safer place.
When Lina finally confronted her brother, ready to fight; Varis could only keep seated, relaxed. During the time she spent unable to face him, he had been contemplating. He didn't want to kill his sister if it ever came to that, his parents would know and people might catch on. While he was able to outrank her in strength, she would still be able to leave evidence on him. And if she succeeded in killing him instead, she would have difficulty disposing of the body privately.
You would inevitably find out, either way. You would come to hate them both if you did. That's why he an another idea in mind. "I know a way to get what we both want." His words struck his sister dumbfounded yet guarded, he took her inaction cue for him to continue and explain.
The next time you saw either of them, they were together. It was a surprise, given that both often spent time with you separately. When they noticed you, they'd glued themselves to your side in a matter of seconds. Lina had wrapped her arms around one of yours with a sweet smile, while Varis blankly towered comfortably over you with a hand around your shoulders.
Everything went by smoothly during the next few times you hung out with them, not a single ounce of hostility shared between either. You weren't incredibly dense enough to pick up on the fact that the twins had their disagreements, so you were simply glad they'd set aside whatever was driving a wedge between them.
In turn, they were both teaming up to spoil you little by little. Lina's always inviting you over to places to try new things together, while Varis always somehow keeps himself physically close and acts as a source of comfort. You'd receive gifts of things you needed or were running out of, and it essentially came to the point where the three of you were always together even on campus.
It was only a matter of time before they would decide it was time to whisk you away.
And they'd make sure you would have no reason to refuse.
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do you have a preferred method to get vsts and other such instruments for a DAW?? im poor as heck and dont know ANYTHING about piracy, im so scared of getting goobered by people on the internet
i wish i knew more about the best go-to sites for pirating rn unfortunately i have no clue. ppl on the internet can have such shit intentions too so i dont even know where to look or who to ask. but also here's some free + VERY cheap things u may consider (below the break):
vital synth (i will always shill for vital bc i use it constantly and its free lol)
ob-xd synth (it says buy for $49, but the free download is on the left. the buy link is just a donate)
klanghelm plugins (all these are made by one dude. mjuc is a great vintage style compressor, the dc8c is a pretty featured compressor for the price, sdrr has a particularly nice tube saturation/distortion, and vumt is a great metering plugin, i have vumt on every single project since 2019)
analog obsession (if you donate $5 to their patreon you can get every single plugin they make. also all made and maintained by one person. lots of different things, so i recommend just downloading everything and exploring the functions of the plugins)
tokyo dawn labs (all very high quality mixing stuff. they have free versions of most of their premium stuff and they're quite featured despite being free. ez.)
kilohearts (they recently made all their main effects free. and if you want their flagship stuff, its all rent-to-own as well.)
sforzando (soundfont player. if you dont know what soundfonts are, theyre essentially really condensed, lightweight sampled instruments. they can often sound rlly cheap or tacky [which might be good, i definitely love that sound] but just install this and google [instrument] soundfont and just find lots of free instruments that way)
togu audio line (some free effects and instruments if you scroll down. but i also recommend TAL Sampler if you want a cool sampler and can afford it)
meldaproduction (has a free plugin suite. theres an annoying watermark at the bottom for free versions, but everyone understands. shit is expensive)
native instruments (they have the komplete start bundle which is just a bunch of free decent stuff)
musicradar FREE SAMPLES (ive sworn by a few of the sample resources that i've gotten from musicradar as far back as 2011 lol)
looperman FREE SAMPLES (looperman is a user-sourced sample website where ppl upload samples they've made* and you can just download and use them for free. sometimes people request specific credit, so check for that if you can. *NOTE: its very possible for people to upload unlicensed samples or stuff they didn't make so use your best judgement when sorting through stuff)
freesound FREE SAMPLES (freesound rules always reliable)
synth1 (AHHHH IM SO HAPPY I CAN RECOMMEND THIS RIGHT NOW!!!! synth1 used to be abandonware but was finally picked up again and is supported by modern systems once more. i used this religiously from 2013-2017. and i'm going to start using it again honestly)
valhalladsp (this is the only exclusively premium thing i'm going to leave in this thread [aside from bitwig, below], but it's just that god damn good. every plugin of theirs is $50, so if you can manage to go for ValhallaVintageVerb and/or ValhallaDelay you will basically never need another reverb/delay ever again; would recommend NOT pirating from them if you can help it bc theyre definitely a very small company but u know.. ur call)
bitwig (if you need a DAW, i can now heartily recommend Bitwig. it's on the rent to own program through splice if you're ok getting it legally...)
—
i know this isnt what u asked but i hope its still helpful. i've also rescinded my recommendations for spitfire audio bc the company was revealed to be run by a bunch of queerphobic knuckleheads. everything in this list i have personally used for my own music and can vouch for them from actual experience (YES even bitwig, i made the song "Futura" on Carousel exclusively with Bitwig, making it the first time i've made an entire song outside of Ableton since 2014).
again i hope this helps, forgive me for not knowing enough about pirating at the moment 😭 please make so much music and please look at this animal:
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Emma: "This is Daniel, the coolest android in the world! Say hi, Daniel!"
Daniel: "Hello!"
Emma: "You're my bestie! We'll always be together!"
The thing is, Emma probably didn't even know anything about her father's plans to replace Daniel, and it is really possible that if she had a chance to get to know about it before Daniel, she'd be the one throwing a tantrum, potentially preventing anything that happened instead. Aside from just Emma, it was repeatedly mentioned throughout the game that kids actually love androids. For example there's this dialogue at the station that Markus can overhear:
Little girl, visibly upset, hugging herself: "Are we really going to get rid of Mandy?"
(Probably mother): "Grandma says it leaves her nothing to do, sweetie."
Little girl: "But she's so cool!"
Mother: "I know, honey."
Not only kids think they're cool, android-only band Here4You is even hitting the charts as one of the most popular among youngsters, whereas adults find them really creepy and soulless. Another overhead dialogue from the same chapter:
"I heard that android boyband is going to win sone music prize"
"You mean Here4You? God, they're so creepy.
"My kids don't listen to anything else."
From adult's POV this attachment is interpreted as just another form of phone/internet/social-media/[insert anything else young people are accused of liking too much]-addiction, because most of them are too angry at CyberLife to comprehend that their kids may actually like androids for who they are as people in their lives, for being their safe space of a kind, and not because they're just addicted to that fancy toys to play with (although there probably are some kids who'd see them exactly this way. There always are.)
It was truly a misfortune that Daniel got so overwhelmed by the news that he instantly became fatalistic instead of pausing to really think about it first, to maybe consider that this decision may not have been a collective one, and there's still a chance -- maybe a small one, but still the one worth looking into -- to cancel it by talking, asking Emma about if she knows (because she probably didn't) instead of instantly going for the gun to take revenge on everyone as equally guilty. Instead of asking, he instantly assumed the worst – that Emma's opinion in the matter will be the same as her father's, and that was his main mistake. Daniel must have had really good relationships with the whole family including the father who as it turned out didn't think of him as a person, but rather a replaceable object – something Daniel never expected or even considered before, which, by the way, only further implies just how much he was actually loved for this information to be this unexpected and this world-shattering. He never saw it coming AT ALL (and in a generally anti-android society it really is telling) so this unexpected truth basically overwritten everything he ever knew about his life and world as a whole, making him feel like a fool for not seeing it earlier.
In this sense he's really similar to Connor when he realised that CyberLife never loved him, that he in fact is NOT special, not an exception from the rule, and was only used as an expendable object. There really is a parallel here. Except for Connor this knowledge didn't came with an anger, but with guilt for his previous actions (and, you know, Connor was actually right about it while Daniel could have potentially made a mistake in interpreting it the way he did)
So "Daniel never saw it coming because he was only surrounded by love" is one theory, but now I wanna consider a different one, being –
He was never going to be replaced on the first place,
Philips family is just insanely rich and John decided that he can afford to buy one more android, because why not? The one they have is great, and their enormous apartment with giant gold statues of Buddha and big-ass pool area would benefit from another pair of hands. It's possible that this decision wasn't even planned, but just an impulsive purchase done by someone who's so rich that spending nearly 10K is not a big deal.
And in this case, maybe Daniel's suspicion accumulated over a period time of him hearing how other androids are talked about outside of Philip's family and always thinking "For me it's different – they actually love me for who I am and will never replace like that. They're not like those other people, they're different, I'm different." And then him seeing that purchase was just...the last straw that was needed for him to apply all those previous already existing suspicions to his own situation and finally consider that they might actually apply to him, resulting in him drawing those depressing conclusions that if true would mean that his whole life has been a lie that he was just too stupid to be able to see through.
So there's at least a small chance that it was all a result of just a big misjudgement and/or could be avoided if dialogue was Daniel's first choice of action instead of him getting blinded by his anger and urge to take revenge on those who -- at least from his immediate understanding of the situation -- betrayed him.
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tsamsiyu ta'em - the road to success
Masterlist - part seven
Summary: With her brother's family gone, Kayla gets to work becoming one of the People.
Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character
Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic
posted on ao3
Word Count: 9k+
Taglist (bold indicates “could not tag”): @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix @andyfromku
Warnings: canon-compliant, canon-typical violence, mature language, adult content, slow burn, polyamory, found family, cool aunt agenda, alien/human (technically avatar), jake sully sister agenda, time skips, I'm trying to hurry up and get to the good parts so bear with me, fluff, angst, adopted spider, tags to be added
A/N: Holy shit, you're telling me I have to stretch this fic out until 2025 now?! *deep breaths* We got this, ya'll. We waited thirteen years for a sequel... we can wait a little longer for the next one... *crying 'cause I'll be thirty-one when the last movie comes out*
More determined than ever, Kayla gets to work on earning her ikran. The faster she tamed a banshee, the faster she can search for Spider and hopefully bring him home. She didn't know Quaritch-- Hell, she didn't think she ever would considering everyone believed he was dead, but from the stories Kayla has heard, he sounded like a tyrant and she couldn't afford to think about what might be happening to Spider or if he was even still alive. That last thought she tried not to think about, instead she kept herself busy trying to work her way up to her Iknimaya. She desperately wanted to fulfill the promise she made to her nieces and nephews, hoping for their sake -and Spider's- that the kid was unharmed and still kicking.
Even she could admit that she worried for the teen, scared of what Ardmore could be capable of. The general was stone cold, inside and out, and Kayla couldn't imagine that her former superior was ever good with kids. If Ardmore is as incapable of empathy as Kayla had previously claimed, she could only imagine what harm that could mean for Spider, and honestly, it kept her up at night.
So she tried not to think about it. Instead, she worked hard trying not to be a nuisance to the clan. From dawn to dusk, she would do her part to see that the clan was working like a well-oiled machine. She tended to the ikran, but only to the ones who had riders or who had lost one. Norm explained those banshees were safe for her to care for since the ikran only know one rider in their whole lives. She helped weave any necessities, like baskets, despite still being a little worse for wear at the task. She didn't take part in many festivities, but she sang and cheered from the sidelines. Although she couldn't hunt yet, she helped clean any kills made during the day. Now almost a pro in the language, she would bless the body of the creature, thanking the animal for its sacrifice and bidding its soul return to Eywa. Kayla was still hesitant about the existence of the Great Mother, but she did what she had been taught in order to earn both the People's and Eywa's respect.
The Omatikaya were strong under Tarsem's orders. He was younger than Neytiri, likely only a child during the Last Battle of the Hallelujah Mountains fifteen years ago. Jake had complimented the wisdom Tarsem had for his age, but Kayla was skeptical at first, remembering what she and Jake were like at Tarsem's age. Then again, Tarsem was not a child of Earth, and Na'vi at his age had a great many accomplishments that even Kayla was envious of. Kids on Earth could learn a lot from the kids of the Na'vi, and the thought alone only made Kayla think of Spider until she was spiraling again.
Tarsem was surprisingly respectful of Kayla, which she can only assume was an advantage of being the former olo'ektan's sister. He took it upon himself to help her perfect her archery skills and even brought her on some of his own hunting parties. It was a breath of freedom she had never gotten under Jake's leadership so she greatly appreciated Tarsem's. Even though she wasn't given permission to kill anything, it was a great learning experience. Norm accompanied Kayla on some of these hunting parties and he praised whatever skills she showed off, always claiming that she was getting better.
But that wasn't good enough for her, and looking back, Mo'at claimed that even the forest recognized Kayla's determination. The tsahik spun a tale about how Eywa gave Makaylasully her blessing that night, and the next day Kayla had gone hunting with Txe'la and Meui. They returned by midday with a killed and cleaned yerik dragging behind Kayla and wide smiles on each of their faces. The whole clan was happy for her, much to her surprise and excitement, the adrenaline still running through her veins. Norm and Max had apparently placed bets on when she would make a kill and Max walked away with a priceless bottle of whiskey Norm had been saving. Kayla wasn't gonna let Norm live that down.
To make up for doubting her determination, Norm offered to tag along when Kayla went to claim an ikran. Tarsem also accompanied Kayla along with one other young Na'vi warrior ready to ride. They all trudge back to the rookery, the same one Kayla had been visiting to tend to the banshees who wouldn't try to kill her. Now, with the knowledge that the only one that would try to kill her would be hers, Kayla had to admit her confidence was through the roof, and later she would talk about how reckless and stupid she looked.
"Has there ever been an ikran in history who didn't want to kill their rider?" Kayla mocked a whisper to Norm when he explained this behind the waterfall leading up to the rookery.
The smile he gave her was genuine and sweet, "Kiri."
Her eyes widen and her jaw drops, "Kiri?"
"Yeah, she was young, younger than most Na'vi kids when they first gain an ikran. She had simply asked the beast to be her friend and that was that."
Tarsem scoffed, but it was fond and playful, "That girl is touched by Eywa. I could place her in front of Palulukan and she would befriend it... if her mother didn't kill me first, of course."
Kayla snorts and tilts her head back to feel the mist of the waterfall against her face, calming her excitement even as Tarsem leaned toward her, "Would you like to go first, Makaylasully?"
"Hell yeah," she grinned, opening her eyes that were practically sparkling with determination, "Let's get this over with."
"Got your catcher?" Norm had asked even though he was already staring at the wrapped-up frond strung to Kayla's hip.
She only nods and heads out without looking back, worried that she'd have second thoughts if she did so. She had been getting better with heights since her first trip into the rookery, getting used to the drop-offs ever since she forced herself to continue coming back here to tend to the ikran. Kayla purposely kept her gaze in front of her, stubbornly keeping herself from looking down. Already, she could hear the familiar flap of heavy wings and air-piercing screeches, her nerves slightly calmed with the familiar environment she had purposely gotten herself used to for this moment.
Walking out into the heart of the nests, Kayla was completely surrounded by ikran, all of various different colors and sizes. Some greeted her with loud roars and some even fled the scene before she could even look at them. It greatly narrowed down her search. She kept her steps slow, making sure to make as much eye contact as possible with every ikran she came across, just to see if they were going to willingly take the bait. None did, however, flying or crawling away whenever she got too close with the banshee catcher now unwound and dangling in her hand. Each time she thought she had met her match, she took that last step forward and the banshee would suddenly retreat in fear and distaste. A small bit of doubt was beginning to form in her gut. Maybe none of the ikran would choose her. Maybe they smell the drive to rescue Spider off of her and decided that her suicide mission was not worth their lives.
Whatever they smelled, it only angered Kayla further... but she wasn't the only one.
Kayla had sensed her before she ever saw her. The avatar stopped in her tracks when the hair on the back of her neck stood up, then slowly turned her head off to the left, in the direction where she had sensed danger.
It was a large female, likely older than those who usually choose their riders. Just goes to show that both she and Kayla were awfully picky and determined. The ikran was a light green, close to the same colors found on reef ticks or the neon signs outside Kayla's apartment back home. Scattered across the old girl's back in complicated, intricate design was bright, extraordinary shades of purple, striking like lightning bolts across the vast, wide wings when she spread them open to show off the threat she was. Kayla smiled, teeth glimmering in the sun at the clear challenge. Both the avatar and ikran hiss at one another, showing off their fangs in the midst of the stand-off. Norm and the others stood off to the side, eyes and smiles wide in wonder, whooping and hollering in chorus as encouragement for Kayla.
"You got this!"
"Sivako!"
The cheering sent a thrill down Kayla's spine as she began to rotate her wrist and twirl the meresh'ti cau'pla in the air, faster and faster as the stand-off drags on. She keeps her eyes trained on the ikran's, which clearly aggravated the creature to no end. Eventually, the banshee took the bait, enraged by the eye contact until she couldn't take it anymore. Jaw open wide, the ikran lunged forward with a fearless hiss, diving down to Kayla without a care in the world.
She's only given a split second to dive out of the way of those jaws before Kayla is forced to throw the frond without even aiming. Once she side-stepped, Kayla whipped the catcher around like she practiced and watched with amazement as the item dutifully stuck and wrapped firmly around the creature's jaws, clamping it shut. Thank Eywa for razor palms.
"Yeah, Kayla, show her!" Norm cheered, blue fist raised in the air.
Kayla's mind could barely accept the fact that she got the beast muzzled in just one go before she was forced to remember that the ikran don't immediately give up after said muzzlement. Her harsh reminder came in the form of the banshee swinging its whole head back in her direction, hitting Kayla squarely in the nose, the blunt force drawing a large crunching sound to ring through the air and even make Tarsem cringe. Kayla flew backward from the impact, tumbling through the rookery and startling other ikran to fly away. Dizzy, Kayla shook her head to try to rid the fatigue and struggled to her feet, groaning in pain as she stood. With the ikran momentarily forgetting her in exchange for trying to get the muzzle off, Kayla takes the time to bring the back of her hand up to her face, pressing gently against her nose. When she drew her hand back to see, Kayla immediately recognized the blood, a crimson liquid running down her blue skin.
The avatar snarled, death glare piercing into the ikran's flesh, "What a bitch."
It was muttered under her breath, but the ikran reacted as if she had heard it. Whipping its head back in her direction, the banshee hissed dangerously back at Kayla, lowering its neck to get in a charging stance, and rearing its wings back. Kayla didn't wait it out this time. This time, she was pissed and instead took charge, screaming in frustration as she ran full speed ahead at the creature.
When the ikran reared her head up to possibly strike down against her opponent, Kayla took her opening and dove, just in time to miss the brunt force of the ikran's jaw hitting the dirt where Kayla had once stood. Briefly stunning the beast from the harsh impact, Kayla casually whipped her kuru braid around and stood in the juncture of the banshee's neck, and grabbed the creature's own tswin. The ikran isn't given any time to react before tsaheylu is formed, the tendrils of Kayla's queue mending with the creature's.
"Enough!" Kayla demands out loud.
All screeches from the surrounding banshees suddenly became a buzzing white noise as everything else in the universe halted between the Na'vi and the beast. The ikran stopped struggling, her entire frame shivering in response to the bond. Kayla lets out a gust of air, exhausted and in disbelief. Behind her, she could hear Norm and the other Na'vi cheering, whilst the rest of her senses were now focused solely on her new spirit sister.
After catching her breath, Kayla lifted herself up onto her new mount, settling her legs on either side of the ikran's strong neck. Kayla runs her hands up the creature's neck, feeling a pleasant shiver run between their bond as if the ikran was mimicking a purr. Norm eventually jogged up to the pair, beaming up at them, "Wow. You made it look so easy!"
Kayla flashed an unimpressed look down at her friend, blood still dripping out of her nostrils. Norm nervously chuckled before pointing his arm out in the direction of the open sky, "Don't let me keep you waiting. The first flight cements your bond and it's best you go now rather than later. Remember what I told you."
Kayla nods, briefly thinking about how it felt to command a direhorse forward before her thoughts are interrupted by the ikran screeching in response and flapping its powerful wings. Shit, Kayla forgot the beast could hear her thoughts. She's barely given enough time to cling onto the ikran before it takes flight, nearly knocking Norm off the edge before he narrowly dodges the wings.
For a moment, the flying felt an awful lot like falling, but not like Kayla could blame her ikran. After all, the only thing her rider could think about was her fear of falling, therefore the beast had no choice but to do just that. They fell for what felt like hours, Kayla keeping her screams inside her head as she clung onto her mount for dear life, just waiting for them to finally crash at the bottom, but it never came. By the time Kayla was brave enough to open her eyes, she realize they were still falling, not exactly calming her fear of heights. Steeling her legs and squeezing them around the ikran, Kayla yells over the wind, "Straighten out and glide!"
The ikran did as told, immediately catching the wind underneath her wings and slowing their descent, drifting peacefully through the sky instead. Kayla took a moment to catch her breath and relax her heartbeat, blinking rapidly against the brightness. Her arms shook like a leaf but she forced herself to keep her grip firmly on her banshee's two queue antennae like reins on a horse. As they soar peacefully through the air, Kayla relaxes enough to look around, but never down. Her breath is stolen by the sights-- much similar to the first time she rode an ikran as a prisoner. It was so quiet up here, unlike all the other sounds constantly in her life, like the murmurs and yips of the Omatikaya clan and the beeping machines at the biolab. Up here, no sound touched her, and Kayla felt all the muscles in her body relax.
Her ikran calls softly into the wind, grabbing her attention. The creature is far more docile now, calm and serene. The banshee ate up Kayla's attention like a cat, much to her amusement, the creature shaking her muzzle when Kayla scratched the right spot with her nails. Such a mighty, elegant creature, needs a mighty, elegant name. Kayla took a moment to ponder on a name as the soft wind brushed gently through her hair like a mother would to her child. The avatar and ikran were gliding instead of flying, but neither complained as Kayla's thoughts were elsewhere. She wanted to think of several names before she could decide on one, but for some reason, she couldn't get past the first one that came to mind without much thought process. She didn't have a clue why she thought of that name, but it came to her within a split second. It was an Earth name, but one born from Greek mythology and just as mystical as her newly found friend. It fit so well, for some reason.
Eclipse was slowly approaching so Kayla decided to turn back, telling her ikran where to go with only her mind and returning to the rookery. There, she could hear Tarsem and Norm before she could even see them as they whooped and hollered in greeting. The young warrior that traveled with them was gone, likely out flying their own new ikran, while Norm and Tarsem stayed behind to greet the new banshee riders upon their return. Kayla's descent was a little rough, like trying to feel the rollback when hitting the brakes of a car for the first time. When the ikran landed, Kayla hopped off and disengaged tsaheylu, taking a moment to run her hand over the length of the beast's neck in gratitude.
The ikran chirped in fondness just as Norm approached with a wide grin, "What'd you think?"
"I'm speechless," Kayla beamed, adrenaline only now beginning to wear off.
Norm laughs and placed his hands on his lips, looking up and down the length of Kayla's new ride with a smile that can only be described as amazement, despite the fact that Norm's seen it all for fifteen years. Apparently, you can never really get used to it, "So! What did you decide to name her?"
Kayla shrunk in on herself, turning a little bashful while trying to hide her smile, "Promise you won't laugh?"
"Promise."
"Thena."
~~~~~~~~~
When Kayla and the young warrior both returned on top of their ikran, the whole clan erupted in triumph and celebration. And they were not the only ones who were happy for the new warriors. All the scientists-- both avatars and humans alike, ran out to Kayla and her ikran to either embrace her or offer their congratulations. Kayla soaked up the praise with pride, smiling from ear to ear, her tail leisurely swaying to show her contentment. Preparations for a celebration were made as night closed in, with dancing and music and several firepits all circling each other to accommodate the amount of Na'vi and humans taking up the space. Mo'at had blessed both Kayla and the young warrior for their achievements then led the dancing and songs.
Even Kayla found herself dancing and singing willingly, despite her prior insecurities. She would get small bursts of sadness throughout the whole night, thinking if only her family could see her now. The Sullys had only been gone for a week. Had they stayed just a little bit longer, perhaps Kayla would've been able to go with them now that she achieved what was holding her back. She never had time to pity herself, however, since either a friend of hers or a complete stranger would easily pick her up and pull her into the next dance. Both Na'vi and humans danced, together in person and spirit, sharing the same ideals for the future and for once not fighting each other.
After hours, the celebration was technically over and the Na'vi were all settling down for the night, but Norm and Kayla were far from done. Now back in their human bodies, they decide to continue drinking in celebration of Kayla's success in the confinements of her trailer. She had burst out laughing, already a little tipsy, when Norm snuck in the whiskey he stole back from Max that night.
"Shh! You want me to get caught?" Norm snapped at her under his breath, though he, too, was smiling as he closed the air decompression door behind him, "I had been saving this bad boy for a special occasion and I'll be damned if I let Max take that from me."
They drink out of some old glassware that had been left behind in the trailer back in the war and Kayla had recently cleaned and utilized them. They drank at the small dining room table that had been dusted and cleaned once more, but Kayla had kept some of the old things in their place out of respect. She understood that Jake and Norm once spent months here, confined to these four walls with only each other for company. Well... each other and the two women Kayla now spotted from the picture lying on the table, right where she left it.
She takes a sip of her drink before sliding the picture over to Norm, placing her finger above the redhead standing behind Jake, "So is that Dr. Augustine?"
Norm took a moment to tilt his head back and swallow the remains of his whiskey before inspecting the photo. His eyes widened comically as if forgetting he had left these pictures behind when surrendering the space to Kayla, "Oh! Yeah, that's what Grace looked like."
"She's pretty," Kayla hums behind her glass, maneuvering her finger to point at the woman in the ponytail and aviators, "And her?"
Kayla carefully watched as Norm took his time answering again, his eyes carrying some sort of heavy burden while staring at the photo of the woman. He swallows down whatever emotions were swimming behind his eyes, quickly sobering up while nodding, "That's Trudy. She used to fly all us scientists around."
"So you all knew each other pretty well?"
"Yeah. She tried to fight and help the Na'vi in the end."
Kayla caught onto the past tense words and slowly tilted her head toward him, "What happened?"
"... Quaritch's ship shot her down during the battle."
The faraway look in his eye brought Kayla to the conclusion of a certain mystery she was trying to solve in her head. She solemnly nods as she states, "You guys were a thing."
"I guess," Norm shrugged, staring down at his whiskey glass with a small smile, "Enough to scar Jake for life."
"You miss her? Her and Grace, I mean?"
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry."
Norm propped both of his elbows on the table, leaning forward to inspect the picture more closely, although it was likely an excuse to hide his face from her, "Thanks."
"Wow. That sounds familiar." She tries to joke, though it falls flat on her tongue when remembering her first interaction with the man sitting in front of her. She gently nudges his elbow with hers, "We sound like two broken records."
Norm scoffs halfheartedly, "Jake didn't seem as thankful when I gave him my condolences the day we met. 'You sure you guys are related?"
Thinking back, Kayla made a small 'iffy' motion with her hand, "Jake, uh... well, he had heard it all by the time Tommy's funeral came around. Over time he got sick of hearing people say they were sorry."
"Not you?"
Kayla simply shrugged, "Not many people said sorry to me."
"What...?" Norm leaned back in his chair to get a better look at her, confused and maybe appalled, "Kayla, how old were you when Tom died?"
Her blood runs cold when she realized she had said too much. Finding it hard to look Norm in the eye, she instead focused more on watching her whiskey swirl around in the glass she gently rolled in her hand, "I think I was... maybe eighteen?"
Norm's eyes widen while doing the math in his head. And as a scientist, it wasn't hard for him to solve the puzzle that had been troubling him since he met Kayla. She was clearly younger than Jake, but for some reason, she had treated Neytiri as if the Na'vi woman was younger than her. Putting that into perspective and adding Kayla's age during the time she lost her brothers, Norm felt sick to his stomach, "And Jake left soon after?"
One single nod.
"Eighteen years old... and no one thought you needed any condolences?"
She shook her head, expression impassive, "For Jake... I guess people thought since they were twins, Tommy's death was harder on him."
The snarl Norm let out was deep-rooted and vile, "That's stupid. Seems like everywhere I go, someone puts Jake on a pedestal."
The words made her freeze, eyes slowly flicking back to Norm out of suspicion, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I mean--" And just like that, Norm exploded, laughing out of disgust, a side of him that Kayla had never seen, "I spent several years training for the opportunity of a lifetime. I worked my ass off to get to Pandora, to learn under Grace, to have my own avatar, and to learn and experience this world as one of the People. But then I get here and all of that is freely handed to Jake, a guy who only read a manual on neuro-links! It felt like a punch to the gut, and honestly, it felt as though Tom's memory was being flushed down the drain all because of his jarhead dropout of a brother! Jake wasn't even grateful for everything he had been handed until he met Neytiri."
Kayla's eyes briefly widened at the new bit of information, then she relaxed her expression and nodded, trying to hopefully defuse the situation, "All it takes is one person... Up until now, you didn't appear jealous of Jake."
He shook his head, "I haven't been for a while. Back then, Trudy helped. After that, I just accepted and even admired Jake. He's one of my closest friends," the compliments plummet, however, when Norm meets her eyes again, a shadow forming over his face as past years of resentment began to flood, "But after meeting you? I'm sorry. I didn't know I wasn't the only one he screwed over. But all the shit he put you through at eighteen-fucking-years-old?"
Norm abruptly stands, the chair beneath him scooting back in protest as he begins to pace the room, trying to relieve his anger somehow, but it only appeared to make it worse as his voice gradually rose, "It's not fair. It's screwed up and it only reminded me of the last time I saw Jake get everything handed to him while leaving others in the dust. Even now, he's upped and left, leaving the rest of us behind. Leaving you behind. I've never had a sister, but if I did I would rather shoot myself in the face than abandon her, especially if she was only eighteen years old!"
The small trailer rings in the aftermath of his shouting, the silence only interrupted by Norm's attempts to catch his breath. After realizing what he said, he shrunk a little and guilt immediately replaced the anger. Kayla only carefully watched him, face blank as she observed his behavior. He tries opening and closing his mouth to say something, anything. How he was sorry for his attitude toward Kayla's brother, how he shouldn't be complaining when his past doesn't compare to hers, yadda yadda yadda. But the words don't come, and even if they did, Kayla wouldn't have given him room to say anything.
Instead, she stood up without warning and without any inclination of what her next move would be. Face still blank as paper, she took the two steps forward needed to raise her arms and proceed to pull Norm into a hug. The embrace shocked Norm at first, causing his whole posture to stiffen under her grip, but eventually, it smoothens out and he allows his arms to wrap around her, holding her back.
Kayla let out a shuddering breath, a newfound appreciation blooming in her chest for her friend. It was... nice. Nice to have someone, for once, tell her that she had every right to be angry, instead of telling her that Jake was a different man and that he would never do that to her again. It was nice to finally have someone in her corner, to tell her that her feelings matter and that she's not alone in the resentment and betrayal she felt all those years ago. She has never had anyone like that in her life since her brother Tommy died.
For a moment, even for just a split second, she allowed herself to imagine Tommy being there for her here and now as she whispered into Norm's shirt, "Thank you."
~~~~~~~~~
Kayla took Thena out for flights every single day, though they were not meant for fun and exercise. Thena could tell through their bond that they were on the hunt, searching for something... or someone.
They flew several different routes, always keeping their eyes downcast at the forest canopy below, hoping to catch any sign of Spider. Kayla knows that the kid could very well be strapped down in Bridgehead, but on the off chance they took him off-site, Kayla wanted to be able to spot him before he was missed again.
Norm often tried to accompany Kayla on these flights, flying on top of August, his ikran. He couldn't fly with her every single day since he was trying to juggle this and all the work that was starting to pile up back at the lab, but he wanted to try just as hard as Kayla was to find the kid. He had watched Spider grow up, and even though he wasn't his guardian in any way shape, or form, Norm still helped raise the kid, along with all the other humans who were accepted into the Omatikaya clan. Norm cared for the kid just as much as Kayla did. Norm appreciated Kayla's loyalty and dedication to the boy, even though she had only known him for a little under half a year. She was determined to bring him home, even for the sake of her nieces and nephews. In many ways, bringing Spider back could mean that the Sullys could also come home, just as long as Spider never gave Quaritch or Ardmore any information about Jake or the High Camp. So even if Kayla didn't care about the kid -which would be a lie she could tell herself and it still wouldn't be true- it was still vital that Spider be rescued if it meant Toruk Makto could return to lead the war efforts.
Some days, Kayla couldn't be persuaded to take a break. On other days, she was so exhausted from wind burn and all-day flying, she could hardly lift a finger. On these particular days, she'd cut the neuro-link and let her avatar recover while she did work around the camp as a human. These were the days' Norm could find something to keep her mind off of things so she wouldn't someday snap and likely hurt someone, mostly herself.
Norm was beginning to run out of ideas before he stumbled across some old, recovered data that they had taken with them after evacuating Hell's Gate. When he briefly looked them over, he came across quite the nostalgic discovery that he just had to share with his new friend. Downloading the data onto a flash drive, he went in search of Kayla and easily found her in the greenhouse with Max, listening as he gave her a rundown of every plant they possessed in the manmade shack.
Norm made his appearance known and asked Kayla if she could come back inside, "I need to show you something."
They both made sure Max had everything together to continue by himself before they made their way back into the lab, walking into the first door and waiting for the oxygen to become breathable before taking off their masks and heading inside. Norm brings her over to a private corner of the lab and wheeled out a chair in front of a computer for her as he explained, "Apparently, all of Jake's old video logs are still available, stored away in our old database. I thought... listen. After our talk the other day, I thought I should apologize for how I ranted about everything I despise about your brother. Obviously, you have a lot more to hate about him than I do and I shouldn't have made it all about me."
She scoffed, brushing off the apology like water on a duck's back, "I don't think you did."
"Even so, I'm sorry. I think you should see these video logs," Norm offered the flash drive to her, "I'm not trying to justify his actions, but I just thought you deserved to see these because, in a way, it'll catch you up to speed on everything you missed in your brother's life. And you deserve to know all about it, including the parts he left out."
She raised her eyebrows and had to blink to bring herself back to reality, remembering to reach out and take the drive from him before nodding, "... Thanks, Norm."
He left her to it, leaving her in the lab by herself for privacy. Kayla sat down in front of the monitor, her movements slow as she inserted the flash drive, waiting for the information to load with bated breath. Within moments, nearly hundreds of video logs flash over the screen, scrolling up all by itself until it got to the very top of the list, stopping right at the thumbnail of the first video log. Kayla touched the screen, clicking the first video log and it sprung to life before her very eyes. Her breath is caught when the screen reveals a younger, human Jake, sitting as if he was right across from her at the table. He stared directly at her, looking just how she remembered him before all this happened. He had buzzed his hair before leaving for Pandora and Kayla could see his tattoos peeking out from under his T-shirt. He looked like a marine, his voice kind of monotone as he spoke into the video log.
Log Entry: 01
Location: SCI MOD
Researcher: SULLY, J.
P.I.: AUGUSTINE, G.
Date: 05/19/2154
"--And the concept is that every driver is matched to his own avatar so that their nervous systems are in tune... or something. Which is why they offered me the gig because I can link with Tommy's avatar which is insanely expensive-- Is this right? I just say whatever to the video log?"
Kayla's eyes widen and a brief laugh escapes her when Jake looks over his shoulder and the camera reveals a younger Norm and Max looking back at him. They all look like babies in these videos, younger than Kayla has ever seen any of them. After the first video log, she was much more anxious to get the others started. She had gone through each and every one of them, bug-eyed most of the time but otherwise quiet as she eagerly listened to her brother's voice.
Log Entry: 12
Location: SITE 26
Researcher: SULLY, J.
P.I.: AUGUSTINE, G.
Date: 05/30/2154
This log was different compared to the rest. The setting was different and Jake looked a little different. Something had shifted in his attitude. Maybe it was the lighting or the rest of the atmosphere, but Kayla noted how her brother looked more alive than ever compared to the previous videos. Behind Jake sat a familiar red-haired woman, looking into a microscope, either completely unaware of Jake's video log or intentionally ignoring it. Kayla could briefly see Norm moving around in the background again before her attention returned to Jake as he spoke,
"Okay. This is video log twelve, time's twenty-one, thirty-two-- Do I have to do this now? I really need to get some rack."
He had turned around and Grace did not hesitate to turn him down, glaring back at him, "No, now. When it's fresh."
Kayla snorted, amused by this older woman who knew how to straighten out her hard-headed brother. Jake turned back to the camera, huffing in annoyance just as a live version of Trudy walked past him and off-screen, "Okay, location: shack and the days are startin' to blur together. The language is a pain, but, you know, I figure it's like field-stripping a weapon. Just repetition, repetition. Neytiri calls me skxawng. It means 'moron.' Norm's attitude has improved lately. It's good he's back on board, but he thinks I'm a skxawng, too."
Kayla couldn't help the laugh that escaped her lips, trying to imagine what it must've been like for Norm and Neytiri to teach a dumbfounded Jake. Neytiri always appeared complimentary when it came to teaching Kayla her ways, and Norm was more than happy to help, but with Jake, fifteen years earlier, it didn't appear that way. Kayla continued to go through each of her brother's video logs, taking notes in her head when important information popped up.
Log Entry: 42
Location: SITE 26
Researcher: SULLY, J.
P.I.: AUGUSTINE, G.
Date: 06/29/2154
"--My feet are getting tougher. I can run farther every day. I have to trust my body to know what to do. Every day it's reading the trails, the tracks at the waterhole, the tiniest scents and sounds. She's always going on about the flow of energy, the spirits of animals. I really hope this tree-hugger crap isn't on the final."
"This isn't just about eye-hand coordination out there, you know," Grace interrupted, again sitting at the microscope behind Jake, "You need to listen to what she says. Try to see the forest through her eyes."
"Excuse me. This is my video log here." Jake snipes back at her, pointing back to the camera with his thumb. He then turned back to the camera and continued. Several video logs after this were just a compilation of what Jake had learned from Neytiri every day, one after the other.
"--With Neytiri, it's learn fast or die."
One--
"--I talked Mo'at into letting Grace into the village. It's the first time since her school was closed down."
--After the other.
Every video log told a story, even if it was just Jake rambling on about his day. In a sense, it made Kayla feel as though she was there. She felt as though she was sitting across from him as he was telling her all the cool, new things he learned, kind of like how she used to tell him and Tommy about her day after school when she got home.
Sometimes Jake steered away from his Na'vi teachings and would rant about the people he was practically living in that trailer site with. He talked about the sight he came across when he returned from a long day and wheeled into Trudy and Norm in a compromising position. Kayla had laughed, especially after seeing how horrified Jake looked from reiterating the story, his face paling at the memory.
Other times, Kayla would often watch Jake drift from his thoughts, slowly shutting down from exhaustion. One video log was just Jake slowly falling asleep until he was out cold, his head leaning into his hand that he had propped up for support. It must have been late into the night and cold as Grace finally approached Jake from behind, her shawl wrapped warmly around her as she quietly leans over to inspect him. The older woman bore a fond expression, her smile small and gentle as she leans over Jake to turn off the camera, ending the video log.
Kayla would smile at those moments. She appreciated Grace in more ways than one now. She felt as though she knew so much more about Dr. Augustine than she did before, and in a way, Kayla was able to get to know her the same way Kiri did, by watching her in videos like this one. Seeing a past version of Kiri's birth mother just casually walking around in the background of Jake's video logs felt so domestic and at the same time haunting. Grace never knew Kayla, yet the older woman was putting a smile on her face, even in death. Kayla made a mental note to one day find a way to thank this woman for everything she had done for Jake.
When there were happy videos, there were also heavy ones, reminding Kayla of her reality and the world she now lives in.
"--I'm trying to understand this deep connection the People have to the forest. She talks about a network of energy that flows through all living things. She says 'All energy is only borrowed, and one day you have to give it back.'"
Log Entry: 87
Location: SITE 26
Researcher: SULLY, J.
P.I.: AUGUSTINE, G.
Date: 08/13/2154
Jake looks tired, thinner, and has an unkempt beard in this video log. Kayla could hardly recognize him. Even on Earth, he never allowed himself to look this bad. His words are as heavy as the bags under his eyes, "Everything is backward now. Like out there is the true world and in here is the dream. It's hard to believe it's only been three months. I can barely remember my old life. I don't know who I am anymore. They're not gonna give up their home. They're not gonna make a deal. For what? Lite beer? And blue jeans? There's nothing that we have that they want. Everything they sent me out here to do is a waste of time. They're never gonna leave Hometree."
Yet again, Kayla felt as though she was actually there, experiencing it all through Jake's eyes. He makes several more videos, talking about every event that led up to the battle, then the videos are abruptly cut off. The next and supposed final video was dated days later after the fight was over. Kayla felt her eyes water as Jake spoke of Grace, Trudy, and even Tsu'tey's deaths, along with several others, but she firmly kept her emotions in check, not allowing a single tear to fall. Jake tells all the events he could remember happening during the battle, then spoke of the aftermath.
Log Entry: 98
Location: LINK CENTER
Researcher: SULLY, J.
P.I.: AUGUSTINE, G.
Date: 08/24/2154
"--The aliens went back to their dying world. Only a few were chosen to stay. The time of great sorrow was ending. Toruk Makto was no longer needed. Well, uh, I guess this is my last video log. 'Cause whatever happens tonight, either way, I'm... I'm not gonna be coming back to this place. Well, I guess I'd better go. I don't want to be late for my own party. Yeah, it's my birthday, after all. This is Jake Sully signing off."
Kayla had let out a long, gust of air, leaning back in her seat to process all of this. Looking around, she noticed the sky outside the biolab getting darker, close to eclipse. She must have been sitting there for hours as her back and legs began to scream at her. She groans, ready to stand up and move around before she looked back at the screen and froze.
There were more video logs after that.
The thumbnail for the next one made Kayla freeze. Instead of the Jake she knew growing up, she could clearly see the face of his avatar, piercing yellow eyes staring directly back at her. Her eyes flick over to the date, noting that the next one is only a few weeks after the last log. Her fingers shake as she moves over to click on it, letting the video come to life.
Sure enough, the Jake she had been learning to know sat in front of her, or more so the camera. He wasn't in any environment she recognized, the camera was now placed in front of scenery of trees and plant life. Jake looked to be alone, no one wandering around behind him, as he sat his tall self down on top of a large root sticking out of the ground, facing the camera while his ears flick nervously, "I, uh... I guess I have a bit of explaining to do. I thought I was done making these video logs, but... if there's any chance that this data finds its way back to Earth, I... I wanted this to somehow get to my sister."
Kayla's eyes widen, fingers growing cold as Jake spoke, and this time, he spoke directly at her, "Hi, Kayla. You probably don't recognize me but in case you haven't been told, it's your brother, Jake. I have so much to tell you if you haven't already been told. Needless to say, I can walk again, just not in the body you're used to seeing me in. I'm healthy, I'm the leader of my clan, I have friends, and... I'm gonna be a father pretty soon."
Kayla sucks in a sharp bit of air, eyes starting to water again as he continued, "I just thought you might wanna know. I understand if you don't. If you could, I bet you would tell me to go to Hell, but... if there's a chance that you can see this, or even hear this, I just wanna let you know how I'm doing. Alright. Uh... Jake Sully, signing off."
The video barely has time to stop before Kayla is greedily clicking on the second one, not hesitating this time. A nonconsensual smile graces her lips the second the next video plays, revealing a small, Na'vi baby settled peacefully in Jake's arms as he spoke, his voice so soft and gentle, Kayla barely recognized him.
"Hey, Kayla. I thought you'd want to meet your nephew," he tries his best to lift the sleeping baby up to the camera without disturbing the child, and Kayla takes the time to count all of the baby's fingers and toes, recognizing the baby immediately before Jake could properly introduce him, "This is Neteyam."
A tear slips down her cheek as Kayla smiles uncontrollably. Jake obviously can't tell by her reaction and continues to monologue as he brings the baby to nestle back in his arms and stare down at him like he was the most precious thing in the world, "Neytiri named him. It means 'not the end' or something like that. She wanted his name to be a sign of new beginnings after everything we've been through. A sign of new life after war. It's a good name. I like it because it's similar to hers. He looks very much like his mama, don't you, little man?"
He cooed softly to the baby, who made no noise or reaction, still very much asleep. Jake's smile is so contagious, it was hard for Kayla to stop. Jake finally looks away from the child and stares directly at the camera, "I guess I'm a dad now, huh? Not sure whose bright idea was that. Who would've thought? Anyway... I hope you're safe wherever you are, Kay. And I hope, somehow, you know that you're an aunt now. I'll try and make more video logs as Neteyam gets older for you. Okay... Jake and Neteyam Sully, signing off."
She immediately wipes away her tears just as another video pops up. This time, the baby that Jake's holding has more hair and even has eyebrows and more fingers and toes. Jake practically holds the child up to the camera with just one arm, making sure his hand was supporting the back of the neck so Kayla could get a better look at the baby's face.
jake was beaming, proud and joyful, "Hey, Kayla. Meet Kiri. She's technically not mine by blood, but Neytiri and I adopted her. I'm not sure if I've mentioned or if you know about her, but Kiri belongs to my friend, Grace. She... she's unable to care for her, so we decided to step up and love her as our own."
Kayla felt her heart melting at how gentle Jake was for Grace's child. As Kiri begins to fuss, Jake brings his undivided attention to her, whispering softly, "Isn't she beautiful? Hey, baby girl, shh, it's okay. Kiri's name means 'light' I think, but it's also similar to Grace's Na'vi name."
Jake looks back at the camera, smiling and ranting like one would when telling someone their favorite subject in school, "You see, the Na'vi don't have the letter 'G' in their alphabet so they substitute it with a letter that sounds similar. 'Grace' in Na'vi is 'Kìreysì'. 'Same goes for my name. The Na'vi don't have the letter 'J' either. My name is technically Tsyeyk. I guess if you were here, your name might stay the same, I'm not sure. They have all the letters of your name in-- you know what, never mind. Even Kiri looks bored."
Kayla laughs as Jake holds Kiri up to the camera again, "I suppose that's it for now. This is Jake and Kiri Sully, signing off."
The next video is yet again, a different baby. This one also has eyebrows and ten fingers and toes, but it wasn't Kiri. This one's hair was shorter and their limbs were everywhere, unable to stay still in Jake's arms. Jake, on the other hand, was getting a kick out of it, even when the baby kicks his ribcage, "Kayla... this is Lo'ak. He's a feisty one. Neteyam and Kiri are still so little, it's a little odd to have another one already, but it's nice to have them all so close in age. I don't think they understand that they have a little brother now. I tried naming this one instead of Neytiri this time and I don't think it's half bad. So I think lo'a means 'amulet' and Lo'akur means 'Toruk Makto Amulet' which... if you don't already know, I'm also called Toruk Makto. It's a long story."
Jake's smile is soft and yet... sad at the same time, "He's... already so much like me, or at least that's what Neytiri says. It's both exciting and terrifying. Can you imagine? A little mini-me running around? Pandora's gonna have some problems."
Kayla rolls her eyes but in good faith, smiling as Jake holds Lo'ak up to the camera for her to get a better look, "That's all for now. Jake and Lo'ak Sully, signing off."
The video changes again, but this time, the dates are further apart and Jake looks as though he's aged a bit. In his arms is, yet again, another baby, but she's smaller and bears Na'vi traits like Neteyam. Jake's voice is soft while lifting the sleeping baby to the camera, "Tuktirey. Ain't she a cute one? The kids can't pronounce her name right so we just call her Tuk. The closest Lo'ak has gotten is Tuk-Tuk. She came as a surprise. Neytiri and I didn't know if we were gonna have any more rugrats."
Kayla laughs at the reference, immediately silencing herself when Tuk began to cry. For a moment, Kayla thought she had woken the baby before stupidly remembering that this was a video of the past. As Tuk cried, Jake shushed her gently, patting her bottom and holding her in the crook of his neck. He had become more of an expert between video logs. Jake chuckled to himself before looking at the camera, "I guess we'll have to cut this one a little short. This is Jake and Tuk Sully, signing off."
Thinking that would be it as Kayla got to the last of her brother's kids, she stood up to stretch. Turning around to try and relieve the stress in her back, she froze when she heard another video begin to play, "Kayla... I'm sorry."
Whipping back around, Kayla saw Jake, alone, sitting in front of the camera. He's older, yet again, as he rubbed his face tiredly, struggling to get the words out, "I miss you, Kayla. I miss you so much. I wish I could find a way to reach out to you. I wish I had taken you with me. You would've loved it here. I... I just hope that wherever you are, you're safe and you're happy."
Despite her resentment, Kayla's heart breaks seeing her brother like this, broken and regretful. Jake clears his throat, trying to rid it of emotions while his gaze shifts uncomfortably, tail wagging nervously behind him. He was looking around as if afraid he would be caught before whispering, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You deserve better. You deserve a brother like Tommy instead of the asshole you got stuck with. I don't regret leaving Earth. Staying there any longer would have killed me. But leaving you there was my ultimate regret. I failed you as a brother, and watching my boys love their sisters unconditionally is a constant reminder of that. I don't want my boys to end up like me. I want them to be their own person, to stop trying to be like their father who would abandon his sister at the drop of a hat."
He sucks in a sharp breath, the words clearly making an impact on him as his tail and ears lower in distress. Jake had always been one of those people who couldn't cry unless he finally said certain words out loud to make those emotions a reality. As long as he didn't say anything, he wouldn't cry, like when Tommy died. He hadn't said a word during the funeral, but Kayla has expected it from him. He didn't cry when their parents died and he didn't say a word back then, knowing he would.
His breathing is shaky when he tried regaining a bit of composure, looking off to the side instead of directly at Kayla, "I miss you... I wish you were here."
The video ends and it's finally the end of the logs. Kayla checks the date of the last video log and realized it was filmed almost a year before she arrived on Pandora. She was already on the way.
Kayla sighs through her nose, in and out, "I miss you, too."
~~~~~~~~~
Norm never asked what she found on those video logs and Kayla never said. Instead, she got back to work finding Spider. Again, Norm would join her on occasion, but realistically he couldn't as long as she could. Norm had tried finding the link limits between a driver and their avatar but hadn't been as successful as Kayla. She's proven she could go far and beyond with the link, going days without breaking it. Perhaps it stems from whatever soldiers learn during military training. All that discipline tends to stick around for a long time, and perhaps that discipline is why Kayla can resist the urge of jumping between human and avatar. Norm once told her that Jake's record in the neuro-link was sixteen hours straight, to which she scoffed and puffed out her chest, "Amateurs, the lot of ya."
Most of the time, Kayla is flying by herself, her, and Thena, constantly searching for Spider and sometimes not returning home for days at a time. She knew it was suicide to fly anywhere near Bridgehead, so she had to spread her search elsewhere. But knowing Ardmore, she wasn't stupid enough to keep Spider anywhere other than their headquarters.
Kayla would spend countless sleepless nights looking for the kid, and every day she was left disappointed, losing hope little by little. Lost in her haunted thoughts, she nearly falls off of Thena when she suddenly receives a call from her earpiece, shattering the calm, muted winds around her.
"Dirty Falcon to Desert Fox, do you copy?" Norm's call sign rings through and Kayla hurries to answer, pressing her fingers to her throat mic.
"I copy, Dirty Falcon, over."
"Send your air traffic, over."
Kayla takes a glance down at the compass she now had attached to the bottom of her songcord "About twenty clicks west, over."
"Report back ASAP. We got a call coming in from Devil Dog, over."
Her blood runs cold, the very mention of Jake making Kayla worried that something was very, very wrong, "Copy that, Dirty Falcon. I'm Oscar-Mike, over and out."
She turned Thena around so fast the ikran hissed at her with distaste, despite feeling the urgency through their bond. Kayla had commanded her banshee to fly as fast as she could with the promise of large slabs of meat later. And no ikran can say no to a tasty bribe like that. Thena flew as fast as the wind could carry her, and within no time, they returned to High Camp. A horn is blown to warn people of her arrival and to let people know she was a friend and not a foe. Before Thena could properly land, Kayla was already disconnecting tsaheylu and jumping down, her feet landing on the floor of the cave mouth gracefully. Her eyes had not looked anywhere else other than the gunship covered in warpaint being loaded up with what looked to be a lot of medical supplies. Humans and avatars were assisting one another with the task and so Kayla beelined for them, immediately spotting Norm in his avatar.
"What's going on?"
"Kiri had a seizure."
Kayla's heart plummets, "What?!"
"Kiri had a seizure and she hasn't woken up," Norm was in scientist mode, serious and logical as he goes around packing up some last-second supplies, "Jake has asked us to come and help her in case the tsahik of the Metkayina can't do anything."
The Metkayina? This was the first Kayla has heard about any of this. Was this where Jake had taken his family? With nothing else on her mind other than Kiri, Kayla firmly nods her head, "What can I do?"
Max walks up to the towering avatars, face mask on and ready to fly, "I think it would be best if you flew separately on Thena. If the Metkayina village sees a rogue gunship flying toward their home, they might turn us away if Jake's unable to stop them. With an ikran by our side, we'll have a better chance of landing and helping Kiri."
"Okay. Let's go."
A/N: The reason why I named Kayla's ikran Thena is the same reason Kayla named her… because it was the first name that came to me at the top of my head and for some reason, it stuck. It just felt right. singing It's tiiiime to meet the love interestssss!!! Next chapter :) Thank you for the support and for hanging on so long!
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Nothing much but Yandere!Emperor!Zhongli/Morax with a sorta? Willing darling
Ok so yk how these two have INSANELY different characteristics? Cuz when Zhongli was in his prime as Morax he was like really ruthless & killed an insanely amount of minor Gods? And how Zhongli is basically his retired version? Ok so in this brainbot were using morax.
So yeah, like Imagine being a commoner like nothing much (+the darling is an orphan/ but not technically since shes a legal adult <18+>) & somehow you caught the eye of the emperor and automatically became Empress in less than a week (papers, complains etc)
Like for the entire empire its a love story straight from a fairytale, and everyone praises how lucky you are for having the Great & powerful Emperor (whos currently in his prime) wrapped around your finger, being the only one who’s currently carrying his heir its xiao, & the only one who manages to keep him sane when someone pissed him off.
But for darling it really exactly.
All you ever wanted was to live a peaceful quiet life, with or without a partner. Although that goal is really hard to achieve with the Darling’s beautiful goddess-like appearance which makes people (yes and I mean both boys and girls) go awooga, & darling knows is this very well so she every time she goes out she always wears a veil mask (although its very thick by looking at it, its very breathable & actually really light).
It was a typical day for darling, going on a small walk around the outskirts of the forest where not a lot of people go then chill under the big ass cherry blossom tree.
Its one of the only places she can actually take of her veil and enjoy the cool gentle breeze on your face.
Unbeknownst to you some was watching you behind a tree.
For Morax it was his first time seeing someone so beautiful. Sure he had a harem filled with beautiful concubines, which for some unknown reason to the Nobility he never touched.
He finds himself not attracted to any of them although he does provide enough money for them to live in luxury.
But the moment he saw you by accident on one of his rare walks, he was enamoured by your appearance. For some reason he finds himself coming back to the same just to stare at you read a book or sort out berries under the tree where sakura blooms every spring.
After a while he approached you as someone named Zhongli, like nobody special just another commoner like you from a different district so thats why you have never seen each other. You grew to be comfortable around him to the point you were comfortable enough to invite him to your house.
As time goes by (like 2 months) Zhongli Morax started falling for you, falling inlove with your beautiful angelic smile, the way your beautiful eyes go doe like a deer’s as when tells you history, the way blush when he compliments your rare features, your kind heart, the way yours eyes brighten when given your favourite tea (which was actually hella expensive, you only managed to try it because sometimes a merchant would be selling these for a very affordable price which was very rare, so when you asked him where he got the money for this expensive shit he just gave you a calm smile and said “Dont question it”), basically everything about you.
He fell in love & he knows it very well.
Overtime he grew to be more……possessive, likr always asking who you meet and talked to in town or he started hugging you from behind with him arm snaked around you, asking you to sit in on his lap for tea which you took as a friendly gesture.
Although all hell broke loose when you told him that you were going to sumeru to have a better opportunities to start a stable life.
When you told him, he did nothing but give you a gentle smile although the way his eyes look at you didn’t really match it he just said “ok” and asked if he can have tea with for one last time which she agreed to her, as she turns around to brew it he quickly puts sleeping powder in your tea cup.
As you pour the tea you could not help but grow a bit suspicious of him as he smiles as he slowly but surely sips his cup.
Next you know you slowly black our & the last thing you see is Zhongli standing up & feel his hands carry you bridal style.
In the middle of the night where you finally grow conscious the first thing you see is the beautiful ceiling designed with golden art, the second thing you notice is the huge King size bed with red silky sheets & perfectly fluffed feather pillows, and the third thing, you noticing on how you weren’t in your usual clothes & how you ended up wearing a very comfortable yet sorts revealing night gown.
Your breath slightly hitched when you heard the door creak open, only to find zhongli in a robe staring at you with delight.
“Z-Zhongli, where am I? What am I doing here?” You asked with a soft wispy voice, evidences of you just waking up.
(Kinda when lazy)
Went on how he was the actually the Emperor the whole time and rants on how he was gonna make you his Empress.
You suddenly go silent as he slowly approached your quivering figure, slowly puts his hand on your thigh as it slowly rises up underneath your nightgown.
You were about to to stop him using one of your free hands till he roughly snatches both of your wrist using one hand and pinned them above your head while his free hand finally meets your undergarment, slowly taking it off you.
“Shh” he whispered as he slowly undid the ribbon of his robe, “I can make this good for the both of us, as long a you behave” he threatened.
As he slowly positioned himself between your legs, you were about to tell him to stop till he suddenly puts his lips above your lips, forcefully going in with his tongue.
You just stood still, confused on what to do only to start kissing him back, although you were both inexperienced he somehow made it seem like he did it loads of times.
All of a sudden he stopped the heated makeout, pressing his forehead agains darling’s as he whispered, “I love you” then suddenly when for her neck, giving it soft light ticklish kisses, till he started to suck & bite your neck forcing a moan out of you.
You wanted to ask him questions, mostly why he kept the fact that he was the EMPEROR, but for now you just wanna enjoy the experience of your first time you can ask him questions tomorrow.
Although little did you know tomorrow is very first day in your golden cage.
—————
That’s basically it, kinda went on a rant but here it is! Not a writer and didn’t go re read it so I can understand if it wasn’t good.
Anyways any thoughts?
-🌿
🌿, I have plenty of thoughts! Thank you for blessing me with your wonderful concept.
(cw: yandere, nsfw, female reader, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, dub-con)
I love the idea of Morax wanting to take you for himself the moment he lays eyes on you, but he realizes that it would be better (and less stressful for you once you're confined) if he took his time cultivating a relationship with you. He dons the alias Zhongli and acts as a composed, polite man who could do no harm. He even goes to the trouble of hiding any and all signs of his draconic features just so he can better resemble a human.
And imagine, after many months of just barely restraining himself and forming a genuine friendship with you (a bond that borders more on romance because it's just so impossible to not fall for him and his irresistible charms) he finally acts on his desires and you awake in a luxurious room, lying on cushions so soft and plush that they're practically clouds.
Zhongli (now revealed to be Morax) tells you to trust him. He'll take good care of you, and you're inclined to believe him because he's been so kind to you so far. Sure, he may have put something in your tea, but he's treating you with such care. Sure, you're a little uncertain and your consent is dubious at best, but you know he wouldn't do anything to truly hurt you.
You'll be too drunk on pleasure to think of these rational fears, and Morax certainly doesn't plan on pulling out even when you whimper and whine about how he can't cum inside. Starting tomorrow, you'll be his pretty Empress. Surely you're thrilled to be his, just as he's thrilled that you'll bear his child and future successor.
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Here's how my grandma and I try to live a low waste lifestyle in the city
First thing is we reuse everything. We have a portion of our shelves dedicated to holding plastic food containers we have washed and are waiting to be used to hold leftovers, dried foods, as seed starting pots, etc. We also save any and all jars to hold dried herbs and food products.
Actually reuse is a big thing for us. We shop at places that use paper bags, which I then cut up to use as scrap paper for grocery lists, etc and then compost after that. We also have a small container with rubber bands from products, bread ties, etc.
If you can afford the start up costs and have the space, preserving your own food is excellent. We have a really small garden that produces a lot of food every year. My favorites are dehydrating (using a dehydrator that is at least 30 years old from back when my grandpa was into making jerky), freezing, and canning.
Also, use every bit of food. Right now in the freezer I have bags of apple cores and peeling, pear cores and peeling, and peach peels along with bags of bones and veggie scraps for broths. The fruit scraps will go towards making big batches of jelly when canning season is over. I'll probably use the pulp leftover to dehydrate and powder to add to baked goods following a success with crabapple jelly pulp. I've also made spaghetti sauce out of tomato peels. Anything rotting or absolutely unusable gets tossed in the compost.
Reusables!! Obviously in today's world you can't avoid plastic but you can reduce how much you use. We use reusable produce bags that I made out of scrap Tulle, reusable grocery bags, water bottles, ziploc bags, etc.
If you have a yard or space, composting is a big one! My grandma says she never realized how much food we tossed until we started one. You don't even have to spend money on it! I know people who use totes they drilled holes into, just toss it In a hole in their garden, etc. The one I use is an old hose winder (one of those cube ones( that broke and my work was going to toss. All I did was cut out the hose winding part and paint it pretty and it's held up for 2 years and counting so far.
Hang dry clothes. In summertime we almost exclusively dry our clothes on a line or on a clothes drying rack I found at a yard sale.
Keep your heat or ac a few degrees higher or lower depending on the season. This helps save energy being used to heat or cool your house.
Wash clothes in cool or cold water. I've been doing this for years and haven't noticed a difference.
Repair. You don't have to be a sewing genius to quickly repair a small tear, especially if it's just for household wear. A great winter time hobby to pick up when gardening season is over.
Trade! This can be as simple as hosting a clothing swap all the way up until trading items u grew/made for items they did! I barter with my coworkers all the time, just talk to them! I never would have known my coworker kept bees if she didn't really like my jellies and proposed a trade. I also trade any of my soft produce I don't have time to do anything with to my coworker with rabbits in exchange for poop for the garden.
Try to be in season from local sources such as garden stands, or just a local grocery store. One of our local farms grew bell peppers and was selling then 2 for a dollar! So we stocked up and dehydratedand froze lots of peppers for winter stews
Blended pumpkin guts makes an excellent pumpkin puree, even if you're just adding little bits of it to your dog's food :)
You can freeze a lot of stuff! Leftover spaghetti sauce, pumpkin puree, etc can all be frozen in a muffin pan and then put in bags for future use!
Forage! I personally mostly forage for greens and a few mushrooms I am confident in my ability in but that still bulks up your food supply as well as medicine supply! I made a salve using bartered beeswax and spring purple dead nettle and summer plantain (and some tea tree EO) for cuts and scrapes and it works miracles! My coworkers love it as well as friends and family
We really try to live by the waste not, want not and use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without phrases. Just figure out what works best for the life you live! Be creative!
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ik its taboo to ask but, what do you see in rothkos work? Why do you like it?
It's not taboo! But I have answered this many times before so, I might direct you here or here for random examples of my answers and just add a bit, perhaps retreading...
Rothko gets singled out for being famous and looking simple (though it's not not) but I don't feel the criteria is different than it would be for any other artist.
My favorite artists, Munch, Bearden, Hokusai, Bill Traylor, Ruth Asawa etc., what do they have in common? Just the basics of form, color and light and the emotion that is carried through them.
I don't feel like the public always has great taste but I do subscribe to the idea that Rothko would not have endured if his work did not have meaning to some. And some of those people were Joan Mitchell, Brice Marden, Helen Frankenthaler, Motherwell, Pollock, Elaine De Kooning, Tracey Emin, Robert Ryman etc. Other fine artists blown away by these seemingly simplistic works. This doesn't mean you have like Rothko or any artist but you know here we are the the Rothko detractors kind of amuse me, not for their taste but rather for their arguments.
I think a lot of people just aren't exposed in person to a wide variety of art and when you see things in the flesh, so to speak, it's a wildly different experience than the world of looking at computers. And art museums are also places people react to thinks as a group and it's an interesting footnote to see how art affects people, sometimes it can make you think.
I have devoted so much to time to Rothko, sometimes I have asked myself why, maybe he's not as good as I think, I see them everyday, it can be tiring to research and post and be involved with it.
And then, I see one again or, as in the last two weeks, I see shots from the Paris show (I couldn't afford to go but they did invite me) and again I am struck by what a really exceptional artist he was. How no one else does what he does and how I have a great feeling for his particular expression.
And Rothko the person, who could bloviate occasionally, was an exceptional character of great dedication to art and to his idea. I have known lots of artists and his intense commitment to an idea, that was not popular, that was not making him money, that had not been done before, was a relentless pursuit. I admire that too.
Detractors would have to you believe silly things about art, embarrassing things not seated in the normal "Does nothing for me" argument which is a great argument about any artist. Rather they want to say it's the emperor's new clothes and frankly, while that's cool if you believe it, the technical merit argument is so hollow and silly, I never even know what to say to these people. The reductive standard is basically the best painting of a cat is the one that looks the most like a cat, and if you believe that, buy a camera and save yourself some money.
Even yesterday with the Christie's sale, and the orange/yellow Rothko, which is certainly not one of my favorites, Photographer Mark Cashion (thanks Mark) sent me this shot. And I was just impressed again, kind of in the opposite way that his detractors feel. They see someone doing nothing and I see someone creating a huge amount from very little.
Thank you so much for the question , sorry, as always to prattle on.
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@nokmietarchive So. Your design was too cool not to. Also Shelldon redesign. He's a computer now. Poor guy.
Your sketches were SO exciting, and well, I wasn't sure what the shell would look like fully rendered, but I wanted to give it a go, because It's such a unique concept! It reminded me of how some gamer PC towers have these screens that let you see the inside of the machinery.
Unrelated; I realized I went on a rant past this point, so. Read for more if you're interested in that. Boo-yah.
Okay SO. The way I took it as I was re-drawing it, this particular shell is more focused on its technological abilities, as well as how it doubles as a Super Genius Fix-It Kit, and less of a Battle/Protective Shell. I wasn't really thinking about that when I was doodling the big picture. Btw, sorry if I kind of?? took the idea off your hands?? Brainstorming has no chains of its own,,,but if you're not cool with it, say so. I'll keep my lil' hands to myself. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully.
But in the MEANTIME--I was imagining Donnie as this--like, the way he survives or gains the food on the table--It has more to do with how he can fix anything, right? He isn't picky about what he's asked to repair, so people of different standings can call him up. He'll be there. He charges almost nothing to those who don't have much and asks triple to the rich guys, so it all balances out. (He'll know if you're lying about your economic status. Fuck up once and that's on you.)
The thing is that his work is good. Very good. And fast. Those who can afford it know that he'll do a far better job than whoever else is on the market, so at the end of the day, he gets his pay.
He probably also does underground work too, which works great for his dubious morality, but you know. Mostly to play Big Shot for fools for the right amount. Which can be straight up for free depending on who's on the other edge of the hammer. Lol.
Now that the rant is over, I'd love to hear about anything and everything you'd have to say about these ideas of yours. If you want.
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National Park Service is actually on my shit list, but they could probably get off of it if they wanted to.
Recently they've been involved in some land-grab type behavior. It was a big thing in Utah - it kinda felt like they created a few parks with no intention of actually developing them with trails or anything, mostly just to prevent oil wells in the huge swathes of nothing much between a couple pockets of genuinely cool things that should be preserved. (Not to say that flat desert land should be totally disregarded - but honestly, oil wells are REALLY unobtrusive, and anybody who says otherwise doesn't know what they're talking about. Solar farms destroy desert ecosystems, oil wells do not.) Anyway, one of the good, but not terribly important things that Trump did was reduce the size of one park, and instead make a monument in this really awesome place called the San Rafael Swell. Win/win, in my book.
Also, the Park Service, at least in Yellowstone, has made things completely inaccessible to anyone who isn't really rich. All the hotels, shops, and so forth are controlled by one company (because the government loves a monopoly) and now my family doesn't think we can afford to go there again, even though it used to be a big thing for us. Last time we were there, a HUGE portion of the guests were foreign. There's absolutely nothing wrong with people visiting this country to see amazing places - that's great, actually! But it's starting to feel like Yellowstone is a place for the world's wealthy, while they're pricing out most Americans. Which is kinda messed up.
Yeah, the NPS is still a government agency with all that entails, sadly. It's just not actively killing people and constantly trying to strip us of our rights on the daily.
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EPISODE 6 (just realised no one is asking me to do this too bad) spoilers for series up ahead
ITS NOT A MUSICAL EPISODE 😭
Disney was too broke to show us the animals in the zoo truck WHYY
why am i so happy for the second seaweed brain, man the things being a pjo fan does to you
The way you could see luke’s smile drop when they say that they found the lightning thief (:) —> :/)
The way luke didn’t even let them finish he was like “CLARISSE YES CLARISSE SHE MUST BE THE ROBBER”
No one’s talking about “Chiron should arrest her” Not the mental image of chiron holding a gun saying “ANY WORD CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN COURT” while clarisse is pushed into a police car lollll
Old married couple im falling out of my chair plsssss if luke did something right in his life it was this
i love annabeth’s face like she knew this was coming the older brother-sister dynamic is POPPING
Disney really needed a way to show that grover liked animals and had convos with them without actually showing them lol
cue the “omg animals are so elegant” speech which served nothing at all
WHATS THE POINT OF ZEBRA TO VEGAS IF THERE AIN’T NO ZEBRA MR HOUSE OF MOUSE????
Idk but i kind of miss the trio action so far this show has only been percabeth + grover instead of percy + annabeth + grover you can tell they’re focusing more on fan service and developing percabeth than developing the more important dynamics which are the three of them having fun
oh HELLO RANDOM CAMEL WHO ISNT EVEN A ZEBRA BUT WHATEVER
“You are two seconds ahead of meeee” the simp eyes the simp eyes
The lotus casino from the outside is so COOL
LEVITATING BY DUA LIPA (some of yall still stuck in poker face era so im leaving it at that)
WISE GIRL I REPEAT WE GOT WISE GIRL (i was honestly expecting it to sound super corny on screen but walker pulled it off like he always does)
look im so mad about the fact that there’s no montage of them being silly little kids and having fun at arcade games. It hits so hard since percy has never afforded to visit fun places, annabeth has never left camp so is absolutely thriving with her architect games, grover is hunting down humans which was so funny and cool and they decided to make it more serious and plot centred
”ill take percy this way” WHY CAN’T GROVER TAKE PERCY THAT WAY HUH ANNABETH? 🤨 (girl just say you want to spend time with him)(and disney say you just wanna write more percabeth scenes)
I love the ‘if you dont know, i dont know either 😄’ mentality that percy has, he knows annabeth wants to be in charge now so he’s just feeding into the hubris
The augustus plot was so weird ngl but it was a great way to introduce the pan stuff
“Biaannncaaaaa biancaaaaaa” NICCOOOOOOO
He sounds so little and innocent and cute 🥺 im so sad now
GROVERRRRRR REMEMBERRRRRR
i gotta say, i guess that i was taken away by the people making fun of lin manuel miranda, but his acting was really really good
We got some may castellan exposition early
Percy thinking that the only thing he could do to sally was hurting her 🥹
i really hope they talk about that later on, you know we love some angst around here (especially with the dreams of the headmaster which was from the books!!! I was thinking that they’d cut it! But they didnt!! But it speaks volumes about percy that he has nightmares of headmasters)
I WANT ANNABETH FLASHBACK ANGST
annabeth pickpocketing the god of thieves will forever be her girlbossiest moment
”Im multitalented” percy: 😍💙🥰🥹 🤩(walker’s acting be that amazing is it not obvious by now that percy likes annabeth)
“Who’s grover ☺️?” “Wait, i know grover 😅!” Walker is cementing himself in the percy throne every single episode
”wow grover got really old😃”
“you lose sight of what’s important when you’re alone” “we weren’t alone 🥰” poor grover
The eons long wait to see how percy was hugging while falling the way down is finally over
The way that you can see percy’s empathy shining through his eyes as grover talked about pan>>>> (honestly tho, hug!)
the way they focused on percy’s reaction, i know this is going to be something he brings up as a reason for him to sacrifice himself for hades
Percy and annabeth looking at grover like “ ok mr. 24 DRIVE US”
Percy trying to drive a car will forever be cinema and comedy peak
The road rage this child has its so funny BEEP BEEP
annabeth: 😁 percy: 🥹 *cutely crashes car and almost kills her* PERCY IS TRULY GIVING A LOSER BOY WHO HAS NEVER HAD A GIRL LOOK AT HIM AND THATS SO PERCY OF HIM
the heartbreak in percy’s eyes alexa play the moment i knew by taylor swift
Four pearls?? *cue that one meme where that girl is calculating*
the way my smile faded when i saw annabeth hanging over the cliff TOO SOON RICK TOO SOON
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