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lettertomyself · 4 years

Text

Blue Sweaters

Pairing - Ava x MC

Word count - 7.1k

Emma burns.

Not because she’s warm, she’s the opposite, actually, it’s pretty chilly.

No, she burns because she’s angry. She’s mad, she would like to punch a wall if the opportunity ever arose.

When Emma thought about going to the homecoming dance, she’d imagined bright lights, romantic songs. She’s imagined Mason and her slow dancing for exactly the perfect amount of time until the moment felt just right and they both leaned in for the perfect kiss. She’d imagined fireworks and butterflies and everything else that’s supposed to happen when you kiss someone you’d loved all your life. Emma, however, had not imagined her date getting into a fist fight with somebody else. She hadn’t expected being kicked out of the dance, hadn’t expected never having that perfect dance along with that perfect kiss. Emma is angry about many things, dates getting into fights, being kicked out, and above all, she’s angry that this whole day, homecoming, feels like a waste. After the game, when Mason asked her to the dance she recalls feeling so much. Now she’s just angry. She huffs, pacing outside with her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Because as she walks, even though she is absolutely burning with rage, and anger, and indignation and everything else right and valid, she also feels rather cold in the autumn air. It’s pretty chill for October. Not for the first time that night she wishes she hadn’t had Mason be her ride. Emma, still likes him, maybe, but right now she feels as if she has the right to be mad, and if she sees his face right now with all his bruises and a sad look in his eyes, she might be inclined to forgive him, and she will later, but right now she thinks she deserves the right to stew in her anger for just a little bit longer. She shivers, rubbing her arms again. If only she could stew somewhere warmer. For a moment, Emma considers calling her father to pick her up. Immediately after she shuts it down. She can practically already hear the pride in his voice, when she’d inevitably have to tell him why she had to leave. She knows that he’s said he’s going to be a better father and that should be enough, and she wants to think that it will be, but then she remembers all the looks he gave, and the things he’s done. Her father has always told her ‘actions speak louder than words’ and more than anything, she thinks he should take his own advice. His actions spoke volumes. Emma remembers the police station, how he wouldn’t drive her home so she could think about her actions. Emma only wishes he thought about his. So, Emma clenches her fists, she’s not calling her father. For one second, she debates walking, then her heels pinch at her feet, and the sky seems to get darker in relation, as if to say, ‘you really want to walk home, now?’ Emma doesn’t, actually. What can she do? Mason’s busy getting chewed out by the principal. That’ll take a while. Emma chews her lip, maybe she should wait for him, he’s her only option right now. She just doesn’t know if she could handle the awkward car ride home. She could probably roll with the awkwardness, but does she want to? Emma pulls out her phone and opens her last conversation with Mason. mason: on my way, excited to see you tonight! emma: ok!! see you soon <3 Emma winces, she remembers debating for five minutes on whether she should send the heart. Those five minutes ended abruptly with Mackenzie breaking into her room, grabbing her phone, and pressing send before Emma could stop her. (“It’s not that big of a deal,” Mackenzie had said, Emma had been too busy trying not to cry to respond.) It hadn’t mattered in the end, Mason had sent a heart back a few minutes later, and all her worries had evaporated into fuzzy-happy feelings. She had felt so happy then, now she just feels tired. Emma starts typing before she can convince herself not to. emma: hey, so i was wondering if... She paused. Wondering if what? How is she supposed to phrase this in a way that won’t make her feel like a jerk? She yelled at him, and now she’s asking for a ride. Emma’s never felt more hypocritical in her life. She glares down at her phone, at the stupid hearts, at her stupid half-written text message, at Mason previously saying he’d be happy to see her, and she agreed, but he was wrong. She was wrong Emma is back to burning. She’s in the process of trying to melt her phone into lava with her stare, when someone puts their hand on her shoulder. Emma jumps, and almost drops her phone. She doesn’t, luckily, she doesn’t want to know how her father would react to that a broken phone She almost tells the person to leave her alone until she looks up.

She blinks, Ava Lawrence?

Haven’t had a conversation that hasn’t ended in argument in forever, Ava Lawrence?

That Ava?

Emma is having trouble processing, that Ava Lawrence, Ava Lawrence, would want anything to do with her.

If Ava noticed anything weird about her, she doesn’t mention anything. Instead of saying anything, Ava just leans against the side of the building with Emma, tapping her foot against the brick, and resting her head against the wall. The moment is so terrifyingly normal that Emma suddenly feels horribly nostalgic. Ava must feel the nostalgia seeping into the atmosphere too, because she smiles.

Emma hasn’t seen that smile, a genuine one, in a very long time. It’s nice, the kind of smile that sparks fireworks in the hearts of everyone ever. It makes her want to smile too.

“You cold?” Ava asks.

She blinks, “What?”

“You’ve been out here for a while, ever since the fight.”

Emma starts, “You noticed?”

“The fight? Where Mason threw Noah into the punch bowl? The one half the dance recorded? I think everyone did,”

“No, no, not that, you just, “She trails off, clearing her throat, she can’t help but notice how dry it is, “You noticed I was gone?”

“Yeah, duh. Why wouldn’t I?”

Emma is having a considerably difficult time finding only one answer to that question.

“Right,” She settles on.

Still, the guilt from before is piling up. Ava, the person’s she’s been a horrible friend to, is being nice. Ava, who noticed she was gone. Ava whose very smile makes something twist inside of her chest.

Even though her burning anger from before has since settled, there’s something about her that makes Emma still feel the slightest bit warm.

“So,” Emma starts, “Did you have fun at the dance?”

“Nope,” At Emma’s guilty look, Ava laughs,” Not because of the fight, the fight was the best part actually, gave me a chance to talk to you,”

Ava bumps Emma’s shoulder with her own, Emma finds the spot their shoulders touched scorching hot.

Emma laughs awkwardly, she doesn’t know how to take the compliment, and she feels weird. She thinks she might be coming down with a fever.

“You could’ve talked to me before,” Emma says.

“Yeah, I guess,” Ava turns away for a second,” But it wouldn’t have been talking,”

“What?” Emma frowns.

“We haven’t talked in forever,” Ava stresses the word, turning back to face her, there’s something unreadable in her eyes, “Not actually talked, it just- it wasn’t the same.”

She tenses, “I’m sorry. With Mason I thought- “

Ava cuts her off, “It’s not just Mason, it was like this before him, we just never acknowledged it, we should have acknowledged it.”

Emma feels her chest tighten, because Ava’s right. She remembers pulling away from their friendship in early sophomore year. She doesn’t remember why exactly, but that was also the year her crush on Mason escalated to the extreme. If she’s being honest, she doesn’t remember much from that year. It was all valentines’ cards with too much glitter and staring at the ceiling at night thinking of elaborate ways to profess her love for someone who didn’t like her back. She hadn’t realized but maybe in pursuing Mason, she had been pushing Ava further and further away.

Except maybe he did like her back then. Emma wonders why the thought makes her feels worse. She rubs her arms, it didn’t matter anyway, because there’s a part of her that regrets all the pining. She spent all those years, hoping he would one day look at her as more than a friend, and now that he has, she doesn’t know if it was worth it.

All she can look at now, is Ava, and the way their friendship has deteriorated for so long and Emma hadn’t even noticed. She never considered that the reason they hadn’t been talking as much, wasn’t just a senior year thing, but an entirety of high school thing. And it wasn’t because of Mason, not in the way she thought it was, it was all because of her.

The guilt Emma carries swirls, and if it’s possible, seems to grow even larger.

Emma suddenly does not feel very good.

She wraps her hands around her arms, taking in the night. It’s late, but it doesn’t seem like anyone else notices, everything is still just a little bit too loud. Cars rush past in the main street, and the streetlights are glowing in the way they only can in the night. As she stares, Emma feels the wind brush past her arms, she can feel the chill of it on the back of her neck, she shivers. The moon glows, and Ava’s presence beside her seems to glow even brighter. Though Ava’s the closest they’ve been in a while, Emma has never felt lonelier.

She rubs her shoulders, there’s so much to say. She doesn’t know to start.

An apology is always a good start.

“I’m sorry,” She looks down, twisting her fingers, “This is my fault,”

Ava doesn’t say anything, and Emma’s scared to look up, so she settles on staring down at the ground, there’s a crack in the concrete, that could be dangerous if left unchecked, she focuses on that instead of the weighted stare of the person beside her.

“This is all my fault,” She says again, it's easy to start with facts, “I’m a bad friend, and I don’t think I’ve been a good one to you in a very long time.”

She continues, her voice shaky. “I guess, I got distracted by Mason, for-- for years. And I never got undistracted, which is my fault, and I should have been paying more attention to you, because we’re here and they’re there, and, and, and-- I don’t know why any of it was so important.”

Emma’s throat burns, she doesn’t know if it’s because she’s just spoken more words than she should have, or if she just really, really wants to cry. She decides it might be both.

She isn’t going to cry, but she does sniff terribly loud because she is two seconds away from crying, and it is just as embarrassing.

Emma looks down resolutely at her shoes, she knows if she looks up, she’ll see Ava’s expression, and whatever is on her face, will either destroy Emma or make her cry. Either way, she’s two minutes away from running away and never looking up. Her feet will hurt running in heels, but she thinks it might be worth it rather than having to look into Ava’s face and only seeing disappointment.

‘Emma,” Ava says. It’s one word, just her name, but Emma looks up immediately. Somehow Ava has managed to stand directly in front of the moon, the perspective makes Emma breathless, the full moon is like a halo to Ava. It makes her heart jump-start. Emma can’t put a name to this thrumming in her chest, but it feels new, she isn’t sure if she’s ever felt anything this intensely.

There’s something in Ava’s eyes, the same unreadable look she’d seen before, but this time it seems sharper. Before Emma can look too closely, it softens. Ava smiles, and with the moon behind her Emma thinks this new feeling might be killing her.

Ava’s smile brightens, if that’s even possible, and she grabs Emma’s hand. “Do you want a ride?”

“Okay,” Emma focuses on their hands together, wondering why it seems so important, suddenly deciding she would like to never let go.

The drive home is nice. It seems like old times, when they would sing out of tune in the back of whoever’s family’s’ minivan, back when they were only kids and they would sing as loud as they wanted to. They couldn’t drive places on their own yet, they also didn’t know how to sing, but that didn’t stop them, it was fun.

Emma misses it, before her mom died, before her father became who he is now, before everything became so much worse. She misses being out of tune.

Emma looks over at Ava, crooning to whatever song’s playing on the radio, and yet is still somehow still driving perfectly. Emma wonders how she does it, but Ava is perfect at many things, so she isn’t all surprised. Emma might recognize the song, but she can’t tell over Ava’s terrible singing. She is somehow off-key on every single note, Emma didn’t think it was possible, but Ava exceeds expectations. Emma knows that technically Ava is probably the worst singer ever, but looking over, seeing the grin on her face and the joy she radiates clear as day, Emma thinks she might be the best.

Emma must look embarrassingly sappy looking over at Ava, but she can’t help herself, she’s lucky to have her friend back.

“What are you looking at?” Ava teases, glancing at Emma.

“You,” it slips out, and Emma is only momentarily embarrassed at the brutal honesty, “Your voice is incredible, you know?”

Ava rolls her eyes, still smiling, “Okay.”

“Really, “Emma insists, “Incredible, it’s very… powerful, and strong, and--“

“Okay, Emma,” Ava laughs, and Emma is suddenly very glad she isn’t driving, she feels she would forget how to function at the sound, “I know I’m not good. It’s fine, I’m not trying to be. Sometimes it’s just fun to sound bad.”

Ava continues, glancing over for a second, “You ever just… have fun?”

Emma wants to answer, but she doesn’t exactly know how to. She tries to remember the last time she’s had fun. It’s more difficult than she thought. There’s the time she spray-painted with Mackenzie, but that had ended in the police station with more bad memories than she knows what to do with. That night had started fun and ended with Emma trying her hardest not to cry. She doesn’t know if that counts as fun, she would like to think it did not.

Then there was the time she took pictures of the football field, that was fun too, for a bit, until Mason and Noah had started fighting. Emma frowns, Mason and Noah certainly fight a lot. She supposes she might have noticed before, but tonight, at the dance, was just the tipping point.

But hanging out with Ava has always been fun.

“’m having fun with you,” Emma turns, resting her chin on her hand to look out the window. It’s getting late, she wonders what time it is.

“Oh,” Ava says. She doesn’t continue for a moment; Emma vaguely wonders if she said something wrong.

“I mean,” Ava starts, her voice strangely high, “I mean- besides me, what do you do for fun?”

Emma hums, “I don’t know.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” She sighs, “I’ve spent so much time focusing on Mason, that I guess that was fun to me? I don’t know.”

“Mason? You don’t like him anymore?”

“No, I don’t think so. I’m mad at him, I think. Am I allowed to be mad?” Emma asks, she trusts Ava, she’s right about many things.

“You’re allowed to be mad.” Ava confirms.

“Okay, then I’m mad.”

Emma spots the moon outside her window. She scowls at it, then quickly stops, the moon’s done nothing wrong.

“Are you always going to be mad?” Ava asks.

“Maybe.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Ava raise an eyebrow.

Ava really is right about many things, “Okay, okay. Maybe not. We’ve always been friends, that’s hard to ignore.”

“Right. But you don’t like him?”

“No, “She starts, turning away from the window to look at Ava with an incredulous expression. “Do… you like him? Again?”

Emma can see it, Mason’s very charming. She likes to think she wouldn’t necessarily mind if they got back together, not that she doesn’t like Mason anymore, but for some reason it makes her skin itch, she really hopes she wasn’t lying to herself when she said she got over him.

“No. God, no.” Ava snorts, “No offense, but dating him was a nightmare.”

Emma winces, “That bad?”

“Worse.” She laughs, “He kissed someone else at a party, while I was in the other room. Who does that?”

Emma apparently, Emma does that. Emma would also like to open the car door and jump out due to guilt and mortification.

“Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you, “She pauses, “Well, I was. But now I just find it funny. “

“I’m still sorry that happened, “Emma says. It sounds weak to her own ears, but Ava doesn’t seem to mind.

“Don’t be. It was the push I needed to break up with him.”

Emma looks down at her fingers, twisting them. “Did you ever like him?”

“He’s on the football team, he’s nice, good grades. What isn’t there to like?”

Ava sounds more like she’s trying to convince herself rather than Emma. The conversation from the roof comes to mind, and Emma bites her tongue. She doesn’t know what to say to that.

It’s quiet for a bit. The radio is still loud, playing something on the Top 40’s. Emma tunes it out watching the road move as the car drives. It’s entrancing.

She almost doesn’t notice the road signs. “Oh, we take a left here—"

“I know, I remember.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, of course,”

Something in the words makes Emma smile. She remembers. She doesn’t know why it matters so much, but she can’t stop smiling at the thought. She knows that technically they’ve been friends for forever, and Ava remembering isn’t something entirely significant, but it still fills Emma with all kinds of warm and fuzzy feelings. Because she remembers.

Emma hides her smile in her palm as she looks out the window. This is fine, an absolutely normal thing to smile about.

She steadily avoids looking directly at Ava, she feels that in that moment, it might be like looking at the sun.

As time passes, she can feel her eyes drooping, the landscape starts to blur together. Emma’s been feeling rather tired lately, she thinks this must be a good as time as any to sleep.

Time flies by in flashes. She remembers shivering and feeling terribly cold. That could have just been a dream, Emma thinks, she doesn’t feel cold anymore. The radio that was so loud before, sounds incredibly soft now. There is a warmth in her chest, she doesn’t know where it came from, but she would never like it to leave. Emma feels content and she wonders, if only briefly, when the last time it was that she might have felt anywhere close to this.

She feels someone nudge her shoulder. Oh, Ava.

Emma yawns, she’s very tired, going back to sleep doesn’t sound like too terrible of an idea.

Ava nudges her again, “We’re here, at your house.”

Emma blinks, “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

“You look tired, “Ava comments. “Maybe you should go to bed,”

“I’m not tired, “Emma tries to protest, but considering she can’t seem to keep her eyes open; she doesn’t think she’s being very convincing.

“Okay,” Ava says simply, from the smile on her lips Emma can tell she doesn’t believe her. The smile pulls at Emma’s chest, she feels very floaty all of a sudden.

“Really!” She stresses.

“Okay, I believe you,”

Ava’s still smiling, and Emma’s chest is still doing somersaults and maybe Emma does need to go to bed.

Emma starts to cross her arms, to protest that even if she is feeling tired, it doesn’t matter, but there’s a blanket in her lap and it stops her in her tracks.

At closer inspection, it isn’t a blanket. It’s a sweater. Blue, soft, large, and everything good at once. She decides she loves it immediately.

“What is this?” Emma asks.

“One of my sweaters, you looked cold, so…” Ava trails off.

Emma is having trouble remembering how to respond. She’s distracted by many things but pushes away all the ones that start with ‘Ava’ and focuses on one.

“But… but you were driving- “

“Not when I gave it to you, the light was red,” Ava looks amused, meanwhile Emma is trying to remember how to breathe, “Just because I don’t know how to sing, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to drive.”

“Right, I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

Emma’s still a little preoccupied by the warmness of the sweater in her hands so she sounds more sincere than she meant to. But she’s tired, her brain to mouth filter is slowly disappearing, she can’t bring herself to care. She missed Ava, with her things are easy.

Ava hums in agreement.

Emma takes a second to look out the window. The porch-light to her house isn’t on, which either means her father isn’t in, or he is, and he plans to interrogate Emma as soon as she steps in the door. She’d much rather have the former.

“I guess I should be going.” Emma has never sounded as reluctant as she is now.

Ava nods, it warms Emma’s heart that she looks just as hesitant.

“Um, thanks” Emma starts,” for the ride, it was nice of you. You didn’t have to.”

“And let you have to ask Mason for a ride? I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

“He wouldn’t be awful, but-“

“But it’d be awkward, right? I wouldn’t do that to you.” Ava smiles, “Besides, this way, I got to save you and hang out with you,”

Emma can only smile, “This is much better than having to ask Mason.”

“The bar is on the ground, but I agree.”

Emma snorts, Mason really isn’t that horrible, but she imagines a car ride with Mason with awkward small talk, and no radio, and having to talk about the weather of all things. She decides she’d rather be nowhere else other than here with Ava.

She smiles, “I really like hanging out with you, Ava.”

“You’re so sappy,” Ava comments, “But, okay, I really like hanging out with you, too.”

At Ava’s words, she can feel her heart jumpstart. She feels tempted to hide her face in the sweater and never emerge from it. She’s smiling so much, and she doesn’t know if she can stop. Emma is a pile of goo, and she is never going to emotionally recover from this.

She doesn’t know what this feeling is, but it is on the tip of her tongue.

Emma thinks about the sweater in her lap, about how Ava turned the radio down when she was asleep, about how Ava notices more about her than maybe anyone else. Emma thinks about the warmness in her chest, and the smile that never seems to leave. She feels the buzz in her fingers, and the non-stop drumming in her heart. Emma thinks of many things and feels even more, she isn’t sure if she understands it yet, but she would like to.

“No, I mean,“ Emma isn’t very coherent, but she is full of tired words, and they are big and heavy and bursting to get out, “I’ve been thinking about all the time I spent thinking about Mason, when I really should have just been thinking about you,”

Emma’s chest feels lighter, like the words she’s been carrying have always been a weight she has never been able to let go off.

She doesn’t know when, but the atmosphere in the car has gotten significantly heavier. Almost like the heaviness in her chest has left to encompass the air of the car.

Emma doesn’t notice herself look away from Ava, but she finds that her gaze is fixed on the dashboard, she isn’t sure she can tear it away.

Right when the thrumming of Emma’s chest reaches an extreme, Ava reaches over grabbing one of Emma’s hands in her own.

“Are you, “Ava says, “thinking now?”

“Yeah,” Emma says immediately, its breathy, and it sounds so unlike her own voice she almost doesn’t recognize it. She’s looking at Ava now, and she doesn’t think she can stop, doesn’t think she wants to

And Oh.

Oh.

That’s what the feeling is.

The feelings she couldn’t understand were feelings. Romantic ones, for Ava specifically.

There are so many things she doesn’t understand, so many things she doesn’t know yet, but she does know, right now, that the thrumming in heart points to Ava. She knows that many things point to Ava.

Emma would like to say something, but the words die in her throat. She’s glad for it, she isn’t sure what she would have said.

They’re closer now than they were before, Emma’s having trouble thinking, and all she can focus on is Ava’s hand in hers.

Just then, the porch light turns on, then off, then on again. Its flickering, like a siren without the sound. She’d be worried if her father hadn’t done this exact same thing every time Emma went on a date. Emma groans, her head falling onto the dashboard. She debates sinking lower into the passenger seat and never being seen again. She figures she could do it, if she really tried.

“Sorry, that was--,” Emma cringes, “that’s my dad, he must be wondering why we’ve been sitting here for so long,”

If Ava is bothered, she doesn’t show it, Emma meanwhile might be dying of embarrassment,

“It’s fine, not like we were making out or anything,”

Emma coughs, feeling her face burn, “Yeah, that’d uh, good thing we weren’t doing that, not like I would mind or anything, but that’d be crazy.”

Ava looks amused, Emma feels she might have done something terrible to have deserved this.

“Um,” Emma gathers up all her belongings, embarrassment clear as day. Emma is absolutely mortified, “I should get going, I’ll text you?”

Ava grins, “I mean, I wouldn’t mind or anything, but that’d be crazy, right?”

Emma groans, “Can we please forget that ever happened?”

Ava’s grin grows even larger, “I don’t know, I think it was cute.”

Emma would like to scream, she doesn’t of course, but she would like to.

She doesn’t know how to respond articulately to Ava calling her cute, so she doesn’t, instead Emma opens the door as best as she can, it’s hard when her face is as warm as it is.

“I’ll text you later though, okay?” She can hear the smile in Ava’s voice, and she almost trips over the sound as she walks over to her flickering porch-light. She turns around, before she can trip, and flashes a thumbs up, alongside a shaky smile.

When Emma reaches her front door, Ava starts to drive off. Before she does, Ava gives her a bright smile, it warms Emma up all the way to the top of her head. Emma tries to return it, but it’s hard, she never has liked going home, especially when she knows her father’s waiting, ready with a lecture.

She watches Ava’s car turn the corner, it is only then that she steels herself, letting the smile drop. She turns around, unlocking the door, she can do this. She can’t help but think about how much she already misses Ava.

Her father is not mad. It’s so surprising, Emma thinks it’s a joke at first. Then again, her father has never exactly been funny.

He only sits her down and questions why she was in the car as long as she was. He heavily implies that if she were making out with anyone, he’d be fine with it. Emma heavily implies that ‘no way, she would never, why would you even think that?’ She gets the feeling he might not exactly believe her, and she understands. Her face has never felt as hot as it does now. She’s still burning with the mortification of her father thinking she might have been making out with someone, alongside the mortification of her father not being too far off.

She hadn’t been making out with Ava, but maybe she wanted to?

She rubs her hands over the soft fabric of the sweater Ava had given her. Emma hadn’t meant to take it from the car, but in the haste of not dying from embarrassment, she must have accidentally grabbed it. She had forgotten about it then, but she can’t bring herself to now. The fabric is so soft and warm, it reminds her a bit of the fuzzy feelings she feels with Ava.

Ava, who she has feelings for. Ava, who she has romantic feelings for.

Emma, who for the past ten minutes has been sitting on her bed questioning everything she’s ever known, covers her face with her hands and groans.

She has never been one to deny her feelings. She feels things strongly and loves even stronger. But so far in her life, she’s never loved anyone other than Mason. This is new territory for her.

Emma’s only known she’s had a crush for twenty minutes, but in those minutes, she has had many thoughts and one hundred percent of them have been about Ava.

She fingers the sweater in her hands, its soft, warm, perfect sweater material, a part of Emma wants to make a joke about it being ‘girlfriend material’ too but she smothers it down. She wonders where Ava got the sweater, she’d like her own, for reasons entirely unrelated to Ava, of course.

Huffing, she grabs her phone. Telling Ava that she accidentally stole her sweater, would probably be the kind thing to do.

When she unlocks the phone, she frowns. Her half-written text message to Mason still displayed. At the sight, she feels guilt swirl in her chest, the fuzzy butterflies she felt with Ava disappearing.

She left without a text, or acknowledgement, or anything. The last time they spoke to each other, was harsh, primarily on Emma’s side. She doesn’t regret it; she is angry about all the fighting between Noah and Mason. She is angry that it came to a boil at the dance. She’s angry about many things. But she feels the anger slowly calm, like a thermometer settling at ninety-nine. On the edge of burning, but not quite there yet.

Emma isn’t burning anymore. She looks down at the sweater in her hands, maybe she’d had a little help with that.

She figures she and Mason should probably talk soon, but for now, Ava.

She switches to her last text conversation with her, it wasn’t recent. It hurts more than she thought, but they’re friends now, it’s fine.

She exhales, first conversation with Ava after the realization.

Emma: hey! You left your sweater

Emma: and by left i mean i accidentally borrowed it

Emma: and by borrowed i mean stole

Emma: on accident

Emma: anyway do you want it back?

Before she can type anything else, she throws her phone as far as she can. Luckily, it lands with a thump on the other side of her bed. She doesn’t need a cracked screen, but she also doesn’t need to feel tempted to send any more texts than she just did. She doesn’t need to be more embarrassed.

Emma grabs a pillow and screams. This is fine.

She sits on her bed, legs crossed, very adamantly ignoring the phone beside her. This is also fine.

Right when she thinks she might pick up her phone, just to check If her messages were even that bad, she has the sneaking suspicion they were, but It wouldn’t hurt to check, her door opens.

Mackenzie enters with all the grace of a younger sibling, meaning none at all. There’s a bit of bright blue paint on the side of her face, something tells Emma her sister was doing one of her extracurricular activities.

“So,” Mackenzie begins, grinning and shutting the door behind her, “How was the dance?”

“Boring,” She elects not to mention her date getting into a fight, and being kicked out,” Where were you?”

“Around,” She waves her hand, deeming it unimportant, walking over to sit next to Emma, “Dad lecturing you for thirty minutes straight was a good distraction, so thanks for that.”

She’s glad it was helpful to someone. The entire time, she thought her Dad was going to be stern, or angry, or something. But he wasn’t. He just talked. He wasn’t as patronizing as he used to be, and that just unnerved her even more. It was relieving, but it felt strange.

“I thought he was going to yell at me, but he didn’t, is that weird? That’s weird, right?”

“He’s trying, I guess.”

“I know, it’s just.” She frowns, “It’s weird.” Emma fingers the sweater again, apparently anything reminding her of Ava is very calming.

Mackenzie follows her eyes, “Hey, where’d you get this?”

“Nowhere,” She says too quickly.

Her sister looks suspiciously, “Mason?”

“No- “

“Noah?”

“No-“

“Then who? They’re the only two people you ever talk about.”

Emma knows that technically, saying that she took Ava’s sweater wouldn’t raise any alarms, they are best friends. It’s just the context of the sweater that makes her second guess it. The way the sweater in her arms reminds her of Ava caring about her, and that reminds Emma of the realization she’s had earlier, and that means feelings and it’s too late to deal with feelings right now.

She’d like to keep her feelings to herself as long as possible, they’re new, and she isn’t sure she’s ever felt anything like this before.

“Nobody’s. I accidentally took it from the dance, I’ll return it later.”

Mackenzie doesn’t look like she believes it, but she isn’t going to push. “Okay, well, it’s a nice sweater anyway,”

“It is,” Emma says softly.

Mackenzie raises an eyebrow as she pretends not to notice.

“You have a little bit of paint on your face,” Emma notes, changing the subject.

“I do?” Mackenzie rubs her face, missing the spot entirely, “Did I get it?”

She tilts her head, “Um…”

Mackenzie stands, “I should clean this off, I don’t want dad to, uh,” She gestures around with her hands, “You know, he’s fine with it but he isn’t fine with it.”

“Yeah.” Her dad wasn’t fine with a lot of things.

Her phones chimes, Emma itches to check it, but she can show restraint, she can do it.

“Are you going to check that?” Mackenzie asks.

Emma can, in fact, not do it.

She grabs her phone a little too quickly. Her shoulders slump.

Mackenzie looks over questioningly.

“Just Mason.”

“Just Mason?” She says full of disbelief, “I thought you were in love with him, or something.”

“Or something,”

Mackenzie frowns, she looks ready to ask something, and Emma cuts her off.

“Its’s fine,” She can’t have her little sister worrying over her, it should be the other way around. “He didn’t do anything bad, or whatever, I just don’t think I like him anymore.”

Emma resolutely ignores the part of herself than knows she doesn’t like him anymore. The same part that grips her phone tightly, ignoring his messages and waiting for someone else’s.

“Okay.” Mackenzie says, she doesn’t look as concerned as she used to, but there’s still a bit of it in her eyes.

She’s hesitating a foot away from the door. The question on whether she should stay or not is written in her posture.

Emma exhales, “It’s fine,” This time it’s steadier, she raises her shoulders confidentially. “You should wash your face. There’s still paint.”

Mackenzie sighs, “I didn’t get any of it?”

She laughs, “No, I think you might have just smeared it more actually,”

“Seriously?”

“No,” She teases, laughing at Mackenzie tired glare, “But there is paint, you should clean that off.”

“Fine, whatever, “She rolls her eyes, letting out a small smile that Emma beams at in return, “But, just know, that if Mason ever does anything-“

“He didn’t!”

“But if he does!” Mackenzie cuts her off, “If he does- I have experience in graffiting cars. And Mason has a really nice car. So, if you ever want me to do anything, then-- “

“That’s so mean!” Emma covers her face in her hands as she tries not to laugh, she shouldn’t be encouraging this. “Besides the last time you did that; we ended up at the police station.”

“Psh, he could take it. They’re rich.” She waves it off, as if she was not currently planning a felony, “And, this time we just won’t get caught.”

“This is illegal and a crime, but it’s also very sweet of you, so thank you, and I love you.”

Mackenzie stumbles back, pretend disgust coloring her face, “I tell you I’d commit a crime for you, and you tell me you love me? You’re so sappy.”

“Maybe a little,” She grins, “But so are you, planning on committing crimes for me, in case I’m ever hurt? That’s sappy.”

“Gross, no.”

Emma only grins a little brighter in response.

“No.”

Even brighter.

Mackenzie’s glare grows more intense, before she huffs, crossing her arms. “Whatever, fine, maybe. But I’m going, I’m washing this off,”

Emma waves, smiling even more. Mackenzie sticks her tongue out as she leaves.

Even after Mackenzie leaves, Emma still has small smile adorning her face. Teasing her little sister is always fun. Plus, it distracts her from other things.

Things like her phone. Her phone which is dinging and lit up. Emma never has been able to stay distracted for long.

She closes her eyes, breathing in once and then twice, and then a third time just for good measure. It probably isn’t even Ava; she doesn’t know why she feels this stressed out.

She grabs the phone, blinking, it’s Ava.

The universe just might hate her.

Ava: I didn’t think you stole it haha

Ava: Besides even if I did

Ava: I was going to give it to you anyway

Ava: I thought it would look cute on you :)

Emma decides the universe does not hate her, not at all.

For a second, she wonders why the smiley face makes her feel like the sun itself, all warm and bright, then she remembers feelings. She debates screaming into a pillow for the second time that day, but then figures that Mackenzie, one room over might hear, and she decides it isn’t worth it.

As she debates on whether she should send one smiley face back or two, Emma decides that she isn’t burning with anger for Mason or Noah or whoever else anymore. She isn’t burning at all anymore, but her face does feel incredibly warm whenever she texts Ava.

The Monday morning after homecoming, Ava offers to pick Emma up for school. It’s been so long since that happened that Emma, understandably filled with warm-fuzzy-feelings, spends an embarrassingly long time just staring at the notification, before eventually answering with an appropriate amount of smiley faces and exclamation marks.

She stares in the mirror for longer than she usually would, smoothing down anything and everything. It’s weird feeling nervous for these things. Riding with Ava has been something she’s been doing for so long in high school, it only recently stopped, but those few weeks where they didn’t talk as much as they should’ve had, had more of an impact on her than she thought.

And now Emma has, feelings. She has very little idea what to do with them. Before when she had feelings she’d ruined one of her best friendships, the ruined another good friendship, then ruined another one.

Basically, Emma is a mess when it comes to feelings.

She sees her phone ding with a text from Ava to know she’s outside, and Emma gets increasingly more nervous, what if she ruins their friendship for the second time?

Emma shakes her head, actively trying to dislodge the nervousness from her brain.

She spots the blue sweater Ava had given her, folded delicately on her dresser, it reminds her of the night before, when things had been so warm and comfortable. She remembers right before her dad had called her inside, when they’d been so close, and the only thing Emma had been able to focus on was the pounding of her heart, or how close they were. She wonders what might have happened if her father hadn’t called her in.

This is fine, she thinks, Absolutely fine.

She grabs her phone and backpack, and resolutely goes downstairs.

She almost trips on the last step, and Emma figures it might be the world telling her she’s right to be nervous today, she ignores it.

She takes a breath before opening the door, when she see’s Ava’s car she tries to relax, but she can still feel the tense of her shoulders, and the swirling ball of nerves in her stomach. She’s nervous she’s going to do something wrong, or say something weird, or reveal these feelings that are still so new.

Emma can spot Ava, one hand on the wheel, but otherwise relaxed. She’s singing to something on the radio, the windows are closed so she can’t hear the song, but from the way Ava’s bopping her head it’s a good one.

Ava spots her too, she grins and waves, motioning for Emma to come closer. She rolls down the window, and a song that’s too loud for seven am, pops out of the car. “Come on, this is my favorite song!”

Even though the smile Ava gives her, makes her face feel dizzyingly warm, and her breath catches at the back of her throat at the idea of Ava grinning at the sight of her, Emma feels the nerves in her stomach loosen at the sight. She feels a laugh start to bubble up. She doesn’t even know why she was worried. It’s just Ava, it’s always been just Ava.

Emma finds that warm-fuzzy-romantic feelings aren’t bad when they’re Ava. In fact, she finds they’re the opposite.

Taglist - @kamilahsayeet2063 @veenast @samanthadalton @sarasansone98 @thequeenkamilahsayeed

#playchoices #mtfl #playchoices fic #mtfl fic #ava x mc #this whole thing used to be 12k but i cut it down alot believe it or nor #also guys dont worry about the end #i have sequel plans #it just might take me a bit because im kinda busy with school #anyway!! second fic hope you guys like it.

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sincerelyreidburke · 4 years

Note

Omg can I please have a fic where Quinn (possibly backed by all of SMH) absolutely throws down N*te. And then maybe comforts a Sad Nando bc nando is Soft and needles all the cuddles and support

Okay, this has been in popular demand for quite some time now. It may be 1:31 AM, but I’m counting this as a little birthday present for Nando.

Set during Quinn’s summer in Arizona. :D

One of the first steps of taking your boyfriend home for the summer is showing him around.

For the past six days, that’s what Nando has taken it upon himself to do. He can’t believe, actually, that he and Quinn have been home from school for an entire week already— well, a week tomorrow, but still— and yet here they are, arrived at the last day of Nando’s extensive tour of the Phoenix metro area. They’ve spaced it out— something one day, something another— like dinner at Tio’s one night, an afternoon meeting his best friends from home, showing Quinn his childhood rink.

He’s satisfied with his own performance as a tour guide, but tomorrow means his first shift at Tio’s restaurant, which means that summer job season is really beginning. Which, like, obviously he and Quinn can still hang out— they’re living under the same roof; and if it’s not Mama or one of the girls, Quinn is the first person he sees every morning. It’s just that once he has a summer job schedule, their days won’t be entirely their own anymore.

For Quinn, he knows, that might be a little weird, at least for these first three weeks until Gabi and Rosa get out of school. Once they’re done, the summer theatre stuff starts up, and Quinn is getting paid to do that, so he’ll have something to do.

In the meantime, though, Nando knows he brought things with him. Like his knitting stuff. And a few books. And his camera.

And until tomorrow, the time is still theirs.

“Okay, my love,” Quinn says, at the kitchen table, over his toast and eggs. The morning is all theirs; Mama is at work, so once they got the twins out the door and onto the bus, Nando made him breakfast. “What’s on the agenda today?”

Nando grins at him. “Oh, you’re curious?”

He shrugs. “In a way.” He’s wearing a baggy KMH shirt tucked into his pajama bottoms, and he hasn’t even done his hair yet. Nando lives for seeing him like this— his obsessively proper boyfriend, who won’t be caught dead in jeans outside of a party, in his pajamas in his family’s kitchen.

It has been six days, and having Quinn at home has given him enough fuel for domestic daydreaming to last a lifetime.

It’s going to be a good summer.

“Well, I saved a good thing for last,” Nando tells him, reaching for his hand across the table. “We’re going to the beach.”

Quinn raises his eyebrows, skeptical. “In Arizona.”

“Yes,” he chirps back, because two can play at this game. “I’m driving you eight hours south to the ocean. Do you have your passport?” Quinn laughs a little, and he adds, “No, baby, the beach by the river. There’s a little park there. We can sit by the water in the sun.”

“Ooh.” Quinn smiles. “That sounds lovely.”

“But first,” he adds, squeezing his hand. “I’m taking you to my favorite Starbucks.”

Quinn cocks his head, with amusement in his smile now. “You have a favorite Starbucks?”

“You don’t have a favorite Starbucks?” he replies.

“I…” He trails off a little. “I can’t say I do, actually.”

“Well, I’ll educate you.” He brings his hand to his face, kisses it, and says, “Maybe this one will become your favorite.”

Quinn’s smile is the cutest shit he has ever seen. “Maybe so.”

In the truck, on the way there, Quinn is watching out the window. “So why is it your favorite?”

“Huh?”

“The Starbucks.” He looks to him across the console. “Why is it your favorite?”

“Oh.” Nando grins. “Well, okay. It’s, like, classic Arizona architecture, and—”

“Wait, you like it because of the architecture?” Quinn chuckles a little. “Are you Ben?”

“Jesus, baby, are you chirping me?” Nando jostles his arm, and Quinn laughs. “You’re a regular KMH member. I’m impressed.”

Quinn shrugs. “I suppose you’re finally rubbing off on me.”

“Wow.” Nando loves his boyfriend. “I’m honored. But FYI, I was only starting with the reasons I liked it.”

“Okay, continue, then.”

“Okay, so it has a lot of really nice outdoor seating.” Nando pauses. “It’s, like, near a shopping center, but it’s separate from the rest of the stores, so it’s not just some ugly spot. They always have the good cake pops, and plus, the manager is cool. They have blue hair and they wear a bunch of pride pins on their apron.”

“Okay.” Quinn nods, as Nando watches him process. Or at least sort of watches him, because he is, technically, still driving a vehicle, cute as the boy in the passenger’s seat may be. “That does sound like a good Starbucks.” He pauses. “What do you mean by the good cake pops?”

“Lemon ones,” he replies. “And chocolate. And, during Pride month, rainbow.”

“Oh my goodness.” Quinn closes his eyes, like he’s having a moment. “Now I’m craving a cake pop.”

“Well, it’s a good thing we’re on our way there,” Nando replies, and he laughs.

It only takes a few more minutes to arrive. The parking lot is sort of crowded, but it doesn’t look like a mob scene, which is nice. Nando sees an empty table for two under a palm tree on the patio that has their name on it.

“Here we are,” he remarks, parking the truck across the lot from the door. “Our cake pops await.”

Quinn puts on his sunglasses. Their lenses are rose-gold and circular, and he looks criminally adorable in them. And also kind of super hot. That’s the thing about Quinn. He’s the cutest thing in the world and he’s also the source of literally all of Nando’s thirst. And he can turn on a dime. “I’m ready,” he tells him, combing back his hair. Already, with the past week in the sun, it’s gone a little lighter blond on the top. “I’ll have you know, my expectations are extremely high.”

“Oh, this won’t disappoint you,” Nando assures him. “I promise.”

They walk hand-in-hand across the parking lot, and Nando grabs the door for him. Inside is sweet air-conditioned bliss, and it smells like fresh-roasted coffee beans and the bakery case. Nando hasn’t been in here since Christmas break, and it’s been too long.

There’s a small line, but it won’t take more than a few minutes to get to the register. He tries to see who’s working, in case it’s Shai, but he can’t get a good look at the cashier, and there’s no sign of their blue mohawk among the baristas making the drinks.

Shai is actually, like, thirty, and possibly married, but they memorized his drink order in high school and always complimented him on his pride shirts, so they’re one of those older queer people Nando has just imprinted on. And, okay, yeah. He was totally excited to bring his boyfriend in here to meet them. It’s the little things.

Going around town with Quinn is like showing him off, and he has never been happier.

As they get in line, Quinn wraps his hand around his elbow, leaning into him. “It smells good in here,” he hums, with his head against his shoulder.

“I told you,” Nando replies, kissing his temple. “This is a magical place.”

He checks his phone, briefly, while they wait in line; he hasn’t actually looked at it since he woke up this morning. He has a few Snapchats in the cricket group chat, plus one from Nursey (he and Dex just got engaged, which, !!!!!!), and a separate text from Rhodey (it looks like he sent him a TikTok; Rhodey is obsessed with TikTok). He opens the cricket group, turns his front camera on, and snaps a selfie. Quinn is smiling with his cheek against his shoulder, and he himself looks like a little bit of a meme, but Quinn looks cute, so he saves it before he types the caption (coffee run y’all want anything) and sends it through.

In exactly twenty seconds, Rhodey replies. It’s a picture of himself in his work uniform— he delivers pizzas in Providence— and he’s flashing a peace sign at the camera. His hair is in a pink, blue, and yellow striped scrunchie. ya get me an americano. also yall are gay

Quinn snickers. “Well, I would sure hope so, Ben.”

Nando pockets his phone and hooks his arm around his neck. “Super gay.”

Quinn leans into his shoulder. “Mm.” He nods. “The gayest.”

They move forward a spot in line, then another. In fact, they move forward three entire spots without incident. Quinn is humming some showtune— it’s from Spring Awakening; he recognizes it— and Nando is keeping his eyes peeled for Shai, or at least someone he knows. Look at me! I’m in love and I’m happy.

But then God says, be careful what you wish for.

Because as they move into the spot where they’re up next to order, he catches the sound of the cashier’s voice. “... and can I get a name for the order?”

All of the life leaves Nando’s body.

“Holly? Great.” The voice is nasally, and a little artificially cheerful. He hasn’t heard it— outside of a few drunk voicemails— in over two years, but it evokes a visceral reaction in him. He feels sick, all of a sudden. “That’ll be right up.”

He must be tense all of a sudden, because Quinn peers up at him. “Sebastián?” he asks, and what a difference between two voices. “Are you alright?”

He tries to take a deep breath. “I, um.” He pauses. “I think we have to leave.”

“Next customer, please?”

“Leave?” Quinn squints. “But we’re next!”

The people in front of them step to the side counter, and Nando sputters too long. “We, uh—”

But when the way is clear, it’s too late. “Sebby!”

Nando wants to die.

“Holy shit!” Nate has a different haircut, and a Starbucks apron, but otherwise he’s the same— the same pasty pale skin, the same bony stature, the same face so easily twisted into a scowl. Right now, though, he’s smiling, which, honestly, is an expression that looks alien on him, based on Nando’s memory. “You didn’t tell me you were home from school!”

What he wants to say is, Nate, why the fuck would I tell you I was home from school, but what he does say is, “Uh, hi.”

He is going to cringe himself to death. He’s been home for no less than six days, and he is already running into his ex with his boyfriend.

When did he start working here?

“It’s been forever!” As Nate keeps on this weirdly cordial tangent, Nando feels Quinn still next to him. Quinn knows vaguely what Nate looks like, but what he knows better is the way he used to act, and the fact that he used to call him Sebby. Also, he’s wearing a nametag. And Nando feels as stiff as a board. “How’ve you been?”

Very carefully, Quinn unwinds his arm from his, and takes a firm, obvious grip on his hand.

“Jeez, I keep trying to reach out to you,” Nate continues, like they’re old friends running into each other, and not exes with a toxic history. “We really should catch up sometime, now that you’re in town.”

Nando takes a long breath, like it’ll fix the tension in his chest. He squeezes at Quinn’s hand, which helps a little. Quinn leads when they step up to the counter, and he inhales like he wants to order, but Nate is still fucking going. “Who’s your friend?” he asks.

“Boyfriend,” Quinn blurts, in his I’m pissed and I mean business voice, which, thank God for this boy. “I’m his boyfriend.”

Nate raises his eyebrows a little, looking at Quinn like he’s a five-year-old having a tantrum. “Oh,” he says, shrugging. “My bad. Although, I should’ve known.” Nate’s eyes dart to him for a second, and Nando wants to scrub himself clean of that gaze. “He tends to go for the little guys,” Nate continues, to Quinn, gesturing between the two of them like he’s comparing their heights. Then he shrugs again. “Gotta balance it out, y’know?”

Nando’s stomach turns. It stings, so much, and as soon as this is out of Nate’s mouth he feels Quinn squeeze his hand so hard it’s like he intends to break bones. He squeezes right back, and God, he knows it’s cruel and unnecessary and shouldn’t bother him, and it’s been almost three fucking years since he had to deal with Nate, but it still hurts. It hurts just as much as every comment like that did from him. It sends him back to memories of hating and second-guessing himself, and he just. He feels so fucking humiliated.

Quinn takes a very long breath, his eyes on Nate, while he digests this, and then he says, “Can I get a peach green tea, please.” He pauses, still squeezing the circulation out of his hand, and it is the only thing keeping Nando from tearing up. Which is pathetic. But he’s just. It hurts. “And he’ll have a—”

“Mocha frappe. Yeah. I know.” Nate chuckles a little, already grabbing a cup. “Extra whip, right?”

Quinn bristles, face flushing, and finally, Nando finds his voice. “Actually,” he says, “no.” Because even though that was what he was going to order, he doesn’t want to give Nate the satisfaction of thinking he still knows him that well. His Starbucks order may be the same, but there’s so much about him that’s changed since Nate knew him. So much about him that’s better now. Without him. He orders his second favorite. “An iced vanilla latte.” And then, because even though he really doesn’t feel like being polite to him, he feels like Mama might manifest in this Starbucks and kick his ass if he doesn’t say it, he adds, “Please.”

“Hm, my mistake,” Nate says, with a shrug, as he’s writing on the two cups. “I guess you’re a new man, Sebby. We really should catch up.” Quinn’s death grip intensifies, because he knows how much Nando cannot stand being called that. He brings his other hand back to wrap around his elbow, too, like he’s being protective, and Nando has never been more grateful for him.

“Anyway, that’ll be right up.” Nate looks so unbothered, just the way he always did, years ago, when he’d make a comment that left Nando’s self-esteem reeling for days afterward. “I guess I don’t really need your name for the order, huh?”

He’s writing on the cup, and Nando can’t see— or just doesn’t want to— but Quinn must be able to, because he says, “His name is Sebastián.”

Nate raises his eyebrows. “Ooh, feisty.” And of course Quinn sounds mad— but Nate making fun of him will do nothing but add more fuel to the fire. Nate looks to him, past Quinn entirely, and adds, “Does he speak for you all the time like this, or—?”

Nando wants to melt into the floor. “Just give us our total, Nate,” he says, because the faster they can get out of here, the better. Quinn is bristling next to him, but stays quiet.

Nate sighs, shrugs a little, and punches into the cash register. “If you say so,” he says, then announces, “6.23.”

And he thinks that’s going to be the end, but then, as he’s handing over his card, Nate keeps fucking talking. “Oh!” he says, still all faux-fake. “Sebby, you should take him to the lake. Remember, when we’d go down there in high school?”

Quinn’s grip on him tightens. This transaction cannot process fast enough. “We had a lot of fun,” Nate says, like he’s reminiscing. “Always did. It’s a shame; I feel like we never really had closure.”

Finally, finally, after what feels like a million years, he hands his card back, and Nando pockets it in a hurry. “C’mon,” he says to Quinn, because he cannot stand here for one more second, and as they walk away, Nate calls after them.

“Hey, give me a shout sometime!” He’s doing the fake-smile thing again. “We should really hang out, now that you’re in town again.”

Nando squeezes his eyes shut and takes a tight breath; he didn’t realize it before, but it’s hard to breathe. He feels sick and humiliated and awful, and when they’re far enough away to be out of earshot, he looks to Quinn and whispers, “Baby, I am so sorry.”

Quinn is surprisingly calm, at least in comparison to his clear irritation at the register. He shakes his head and rubs his arm with the free hand that’s not holding his. “Don’t apologize,” he says. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“But I just—” He wants to melt. “I had no idea he started working here; I haven’t even seen him since before freshman year, and it just— like, it figures, right—”

“Sebastián,” Quinn says, and his even voice pulls Nando out of his head. “I’m going to get our drinks, and then we can get out of here, okay?”

Nando lets all his breath out at once, then nods. “I— yeah. Okay. That’s— perfect. I’m sorry, baby.”

“Do not be sorry.” Quinn rises on tiptoe and kisses his cheek. “None of that was your fault.”

Quinn seems surprisingly collected for someone who was just ignored and insulted a minute ago, and Nando has this feeling, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he’s planning something, some kind of revenge— but what could he do, with Nate just working?

They station themselves against the wall by the pick-up counter, and it isn’t lost on Nando how touchy Quinn is being— not that they’d hold back in public for any reason in general, but he’s definitely going the extra mile right now, rubbing the inside of his elbow and leaning his head on his shoulder and holding his hand all at once. Not only is the touch grounding; Nando is also fully aware that Quinn is trying to rub it in Nate’s face should he glance over from his spot behind the counter.

Which, good. Let him fucking stare if he wants to. Nando hasn’t felt that humiliated in a long time.

And he hates that he let it hurt him, that one stupid comment— but it was such a reminder of worse times, times when he’d have to process things like that from the person who was supposed to be his partner all the time, and it was just. It was always hard, and it was always awful, and being with Quinn has helped him work so much on all of that. Quinn taught him, so early on, that he deserved better. Everything with Quinn is better.

He just focuses on holding Quinn’s hand for a minute, until Nate puts their drinks out at the pick-up counter. “Stay here, honey,” Quinn tells him, squeezing his hand before he unwinds his fingers from it. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Nando replies, and watches him go.

Quinn squares his shoulders, takes a short breath, and walks to the counter. Nando is suddenly very aware that something might be about to happen. He leans against the wall and listens in, as he watches Quinn take the two drinks from across the counter.

He’s right. Quinn looks Nate dead in the eye and says, “Hi, could I just remind you of something?”

Oh my God. Nando widens his eyes. Is Quinn about to chew him out?

Nate says nothing, but looks unamused, and Quinn continues. “You broke up with him,” Nando hears him say. “After you cheated on him, by the way. Just in case you forgot.” Nate raises his eyebrows, but stays silent. Quinn is reeling now, and there’s no stopping him. “And I happen to know an awful lot about the way you treated him, and how much that hurt him, so don’t you dare try to act so friendly, like you didn’t break him.” Nando is frozen in place, as Quinn picks up both of the drinks. “He owes you nothing. He clearly does not want to reconnect with you, and I sure as hell wouldn’t want to do that either with someone who did nothing but make me feel awful about myself for two years.” Quinn isn’t even making a scene— the only reason Nando can hear what he’s saying is because he’s not standing that far away— but Jesus Christ, if this isn’t the most satisfying thing to witness in the world. Nate is red in the face and absolutely silent, and Quinn is staring daggers at him; if looks could kill, he’d be dead on sight. “If you wanted to be his friend, maybe you shouldn’t have stomped all over his heart.”

Nando cannot believe his ears.

“And,” Quinn adds, like it’s the end of a big monologue, “I’m going to need two straws.”

Nando is so in love with this boy.

He watches, trying not to smile or even laugh, as Nate fumbles into the thing of straws and shoves two in Quinn’s direction. Quinn takes them, flashes a big, stage smile, and says, “Thank you!” before he turns and walks back in Nando’s direction.

The fake smile turns self-satisfied in a second flat, as he meets Nando’s eyes again. Nando is still kind of frozen, but he wants to kiss him, right in the middle of Starbucks.

All he can say is, “Baby.”

Quinn is all smiles. He looks the way he does when he comes out of the stage door after a great show. “Ready to go, honey?”

“Am I ever,” Nando says, and they join hands again as they head for the door. He’s not sure if Quinn knows that he heard what he said. “That… was kind of the most satisfying thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life.”

“Oh,” Quinn replies as he sticks his straw into his iced tea, “trust me, Sebastián. It’s the most satisfying thing I’ve done as long as I can remember.” He pauses, as he takes a sip, and then adds, “I’ve been wanting to do that for longer than I can even say.”

“It was hot,” he says, because, well, it was. “And just… jeez, I— maybe something good did come out of this situation.”

“Of course it did,” Quinn replies. His smile is kind of maniacal, and Nando is into it. “I got to have the confrontation of my dreams, and I got an iced tea.” He holds up his drink. “Cheers!”

Nando bumps his vanilla coffee against it and laughs. “Cheers, baby.”

Quinn squeezes his hand. They walk back outside into the summer day, and Nando doesn’t look back.

Not even a glance.

#crickets #nandoooooooo #mini quinny #quindo #fuck n*te hours #ficlet #mel writes

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simple-heroics · 4 years

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Nejire Chan and Ryukyu with a Quirkless Hero S/O

Baby blog’s first ask, baby blog’s first ask, baby blog’s first ask – !!!! And answered with no less than 2554 words. Whoops. I was really inspired by this ask and got ahead of myself. So no promises on every future ask getting this same amount!

Nejire Hado

Okay. So, I love Nejire. I do. And I don’t want Nejire Nation to come after me for this but I have to be real: Nejire…is an insensitive dick when she first meets you. 😬😬😬

I said what I said because it’s true. This is the girl who just straight up asked Todoroki how he got his scar in the front of the whole damn class. Get this girl a goddamn filter.

Given how rare Quirkless people in your generation (see amazing meta here), it’s extremely likely that you are the first Quirkless person Nejire has met. And Nejire has questions. Many, many questions - some of which humming with implicit bias.

“Woooah, y/n, I didn’t know there were still people born without Quirks! I thought only old people were Quirkless. When did you find out? Did you have to get x-rays? Do you really have an extra joint in your pinky toe? Were your parents sad you didn’t inherit their Quirks?”

Um, ouch. Nejire, what the fuck, that’s practically bullying! (On the bright side, you form a sort of comradery with Tamaki as you both understand what it’s like to be “sweetly” picked on by one Nejire Hado.)

You’re not even the same class, her being in the hero department and you having just scraped into general studies by your teeth after getting your ass handed to you the practical exam. So, you know, you two are in a completely different sections of UA and realistically you two would hardly ever see each other outside passing in the halls, forget actually interacting with any kind of frequency.

Wrong.

Apparently your Quirklessness is such a novelty to her that Nejire actively seeks you out. All. The. Time. Somehow, she always finds new questions to ask about your lack of Quirk - unintentionally othering you in the process - and then others that are completely random. Why would she care if you like boba tea or not? why do you think, you dork

And when she finds out that you, too, want to be a hero? The questions blister.

“How are you going to fight people with really strong Quirks? Has there ever been a Quirkless hero before? I wonder what kind of agency would take you on…”

What makes these questions all the worse is that you know that there’s nothing malicious about them; they were honest, prompted by genuine curiosity. You’ve learned the difference a long time ago but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

And to have it come from her? A student from the the coveted UA hero program, one the Big Three at that? Someone gifted with a phenomenal Quirk and this bubbly personality and charm and a cute face and - ? yeah you may already have a crush whoops

These feelings - along with an entire lifetime of mockery and prejudice - eventually boil over…

Your fist slammed into the wall next to you. “Yes, Hado, I get it. I’m frickin’ Quirkless.”

Nejire jumped, cut off mid-sentence. “Y/n, what - “

Your nostrils flared as you inhaled sharply. “Surprise. I’ve been Quirkless my whole life! I don’t need you - or literally everybody else - to remind me. But you wanna know what?”

Her typical smile fell, expression melting into something strangely blank and watchful.

“Being Quirkless doesn’t make me weak. I may not be in the hero course or strong like you but I still got into UA. I got all the way here without a Quirk and I’ll become a hero without one, too! So quit looking down your cute nose at me from that pedestal and watch me.”

Nejire’s bright eyes blinked once, twice, long eyelashes fluttering. She tilted her head. “You think my nose is cute?”

Jerking back, your face heated up. “That’s what you got out of that?”

“No, I got everything else,” Nejire said. Somehow, her eyes seemed brighter - sparkling as they looked at you. A smile returned to her lips, different from others you’ve seen from her before. This one made your heart stutter. “I never thought you were weak, y/n. Actually…you wanna know what?”

Clasping her hands behind her back, she stepped closer to you.

Crap, crap, crap - did you just piss off one of the strongest students in the school? You cringed against the wall behind you, floundering between embarrassment and panic and - whatever this weird feeling in your stomach was. You blamed the Lunch Rush.

Nejire peered up at you from under her eyelashes. “I’ve already been watching.”

Haaaaa! Turns out Nejire kept pestering you and asking you so many damn questions because she had a huge crush on you.

Just to be clear, Nejire does sincerely apologize to you. You two have a long, long talk about boundaries and what’s going too far.

Fairy girl also makes it up to you with that boba tea she asked you about awhile ago and then some 😉

Okay…okay, so I actually waited to add this part because it’s something you wouldn’t quite pick up on at first and only really notice after Nejire eases up. That is: Nejire is/was kind of the only one bugged you about being Quirkless.

Well, when you first started at UA, there was the usual ribbing which eventually mellowed out and you chalked it up to your classmates just getting bored with it. This sudden “boredom” happened coincide with the time you first caught Nejire’s interest.

Who overheard some things.

All I have to say is this: Have you ever seen a really, really nice person finally snap? If your answer is “no”, good for you. You don’t want to.

ANYWAY. Nejire is a very supportive girlfriend. If you want to be a hero, she’ll help you in every way she possibly can.

She invites you to train with her, Mirio, and Tamaki. Her own personal stamina training helps you, and the other two happily offer tips to help you out.

Nejire is super creative and actually comes up with a lot of ideas on ways. Sometimes, she goes on entire tangents while brainstorming different ways you can kick ass.

Hell, she even brings you up to Ryukyu! The girl nearly begs the Pro to let you at least train with her agency. Ryukyu gently declines, knowing that she herself isn’t a fitting mentor for you 😔 unlike a certain someone in Ryuko’s life if you read below wink wink

Totally uses her privilege as a hero course student to request specific items from the support department just for you to try out and experiment with. As it turns out…this is exactly the kind of boost you needed.

Nejire brags - no, gushes about you. A lot. She still constantly brings up the fact that you’re Quirkless to anyone who will listen but there’s a distinct undertone of pride there.

Because you were so, so, so strong. You held your head high even when others laughed at your goal. You stood up for yourself. You trained relentlessly, pushing yourself harder every day, and inspired Nejire to do the same.

Nejire remembers the classmate who quit the hero course, how they had so much promise and this amazing Quirk yet still crumbled under the pressure. You, though? You never let something like being Quirkless stop you from pursuing your dream.

You’re already a hero in Nejire’s eyes.

And you look so cute when you get all flustered, she’ll add laughingly after one of these tangents. She loves you so much and can’t help singing your praises, much to your never ending embarrassment. Guess she never quite outgrew the unintentional bullying, huh…

But no. You also help Nejire grow as a person. She never forgets the time you confronted her before you began your relationship.

Gradually, she learns to be choose her questions with a little more care, to stop and consider them before asking. Nejire becomes more conscious of other people’s feelings and how her words may affect them.

It’s unlikely that you’ll ever transfer to the hero course. However, you shouldn’t let this deter you and Nejire reminds you that not every hero got their license through a hero course. (Gran Torino didn’t.)

Other couples talk about someday moving in together and maybe adopting a dog. You and Nejire talk about what it will be like to open up a hero agency together. (A pet friendly one so your eventual dog can go to the office with you.) Your beautiful fairy is just that confident in your abilities and your relationship both.

And with a girl like Nejire Hado by your side, you can’t help but think anything is possible.

Ryuko Tatsuma

This one I tweaked a little bit as Ryukyu is an adult, ergo so is her s/o. At this age, it’s make or break: either s/o made it as a hero or just didn’t. There is no more “trying” with bills to pay. So let’s say yes, her sweetie absolutely made it as a hero! ^^

You met during a briefing for a joint mission early on in your hero careers. Ryuko didn’t give you too much thought at first. You blended in with the rest of your colleagues, and she herself focused on the briefing. You likely wouldn’t have spoken if not for being assigned to work together.

You two were partnered up because your individual talents and weaknesses balanced each other out: her Quirk is pure strength but it disallows much room for finesse while you specialized in agility and typically ran undercover assignments but were vulnerable to more brutal attacks.

You also find that you two just…naturally worked extremely well together. You just clicked.

The villains didn’t stand a chance.

“That went better than planned,” Ryuko said as you both watched police officers escort the cuffed drug traffickers into the back of police vans. A hero’s job was never fully complete until

Still high on the adrenaline, you laughed loudly. “No kidding.”

Arms crossed, Ryuko looked at you from the corner of her eyes. You had a thin, long cut that traced the curve of your cheek and down the corner of your jaw. It would definitely scar but on you…she imagined it would look quite distinguished.

However, it was an unnecessary one.

“You didn’t use your Quirk, though.” There was a silent admonishment in that simple statement.

To her confusion, you sent her a very dry look. “That’s because I don’t have a Quirk to use.”

Ryuko’s eyebrows nearly rose to her hairline. Her lips parted, forming small o-shape. “…ah.”

To say Ryuko was intrigued would be an understatement. And you appreciated that she didn’t make a big deal about it. She just accepted it, accepted you.

So, you two keep in touch, compare notes on similar leads, give each other tips on each other’s cases, maybe volunteer for certain missions when you hear the other is on it. Communication on the Hero Network turn into texts. Pretty soon she has your coffee order memorized from when she delivers it to you during your late night stakeouts, and you find yourself watching and then rewatching Ryuko’s press conferences.

Because you’re both supportive of your friends and colleagues, right? Right? Yeah, right. You quickly fell head over heels for each other.

Ryuko didn’t make a Big Deal out of you being Quirkless. However, even she’s internalized some of the stigma - making her a little protective, even quietly defensive. It’s something she had to work on a lot in the beginning of your relationship.

And sometimes it’s hard to watch her soar to higher and higher above you, both literally and figuratively. You’ve made your dream of becoming a hero a reality with your own two hands but there will always be kernel of internalized prejudice inside you.

And it fucking hurts.

You and Ryuko have a lot of late night conversations - about your occasional jealousy, your frustrations, her own conflicting desires to let you take care of yourself and shield you, the microaggressions from colleagues, how the public questions your abilities.

It’s hard but these conversations deepen your relationship, as any conflict would.

Your dragon girlfriend picking you up for a private flight always cheers you up, though.

Also, general pro-tip: don’t say shit about the Dragon Lady’s s/o. Ryuko lets you handle it ‘cause you’re a badass and growing Quirkless has lead you to perfecting your clap backs. And it always gives her a good chuckle to hear your witty retorts.

If however you aren’t in the room but your name is in someone else’s mouth, Ryuko handles it. And that’s that.

She is in the top 10 for a reason, you know.

Ryuko is a professional on the field - no flirting, rarely any cute couple banter - but anyone can tell how the Dragon Hero feels from how she looks at you.

Even from meters away, arms crossed and focused on the task at hand, she sends you these brief but intense glances from the corner of heavy-lidded eyes. Often a soft smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. Ryuko could be deep in tactical conversation with another hero yet those looks she make it feel like you’re the only person in the room she really sees.

Yes, Ryuko knows you’re perfectly capable.Yes, she respects you and your skills. Yes, you two have mutual professional boundaries so neither of you are emotionally compromised on the job. Hell, it’s rare for your patrol schedules to even line up.

But if anything ever happens to you in the field and she’s there, she will go absolutely draconic. I’m not saying Ryuko goes this far but she comes pretty damn close. shit I should totally write that

Afterward, when you come to in the hospital and find out what happened, you scold her a bit. She can’t just lose control of herself like that, not with a Quirk like her, no matter what happens to you.

But honestly? Quirk or no Quirk, you’d do the same for her.

Ryuko has no control over the hero rankings, as she said, and wouldn’t put herself in the top 10 (we stan a humble queen) but you? Why aren’t you higher up??

Lowkey loves watching you at work. She’s too dignified to make a big scene or brag but no one is immune to the inherent eroticism of their s/o kicking villain ass. Like, oof look at her baby go. Good god, that’s her s/o. How did she get so lucky?

Ryuko is just in complete awe of you. Through countless hours of training, discipline, and sheer force of will, you’ve become a formidable hero in your own right. Even people blessed with astounding Quirks don’t always make the cut but you - beautiful, strong, Quirkless you - do and you excel.

More than that, you know what it’s like to be scared and hurt and targeted and vulnerable from living with the prejudice that comes . And instead of letting this jade you, you use this to empathize with others. You use your personal hardship motivate yourself further to protect people going through the same.

Simply put, you are her hero.

Damn, I didn’t know I was horny for Ryukyu until this happened. It’s like my Gay Awakening all over again. 🥵🥵 I think I’m gonna need more asks for the Dragon Queen in the future.

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myinnerroomie · 3 years

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Today I want to write for pleasure instead of business. I want my mind to be productive, but I am sick of work. I am sick of all the grad school papers and the stress of getting everything in on time, the stress of applying for this test, and studying for that test. The stress of pretending I care about the Air Force. And for what? I feel as if I am not doing something to better myself, then I am failing. In all aspects of life. And for what? What am I trying to accomplish? What do I want out of life? The answer is everything. More than I’m getting. So I fill the void with military and homework and physical activities. All of which are healthy right? What’s the problem? I can do more. I am so capable. I see that. I know that I’m not meant for this. However, I signed up for it, right? I’ll finish what I signed up for and move on and appreciate what I learned. In the meantime, I feel it necessary to point out that I may be jobless in 2 months, maybe not. The stress of never knowing what is going to happen is real. And I’m sick of it. However, it pays the bills (quite nicely), I’m staying in a condo by the beach (where I’m sitting on the balcony typing), and it’s frankly beautiful weather and I’ll go for a run later. It’s really my fault that I haven’t found a job yet. I should never have relied on reserve like this anyway. I have no fear that I’ll figure something out when the time comes. Actually, life is way better than it really has ever been.

I’m so free (aside from the military which ironically is the thing that saved me). Oooh. Let’s get into my early adulthood. That should be fun. So, embarrassingly enough, until this past year, I have always had a boyfriend. We can get into my childhood later, but it probably stemmed from somewhere back then. I have never thought much of myself. Figured I’d go to community college like everybody else, then I went to a university like everybody else. Majored in a stupid (fun) degree. No real regrets about that though. My self-worth was based on if people liked me, if I felt I looked good. I do regret a lot of the actions of that sad, desperate girl. Nobody understood, and I was good at faking it. I did things that I have never admitted to anybody. I literally could have been diagnosed with the same disorders as the other kids in the behavioral hospital where I worked. Only mine weren’t for attention and I was deeply ashamed, so nobody knew. I educated myself on the consequences of what would happen if I continued on that path, and slowly but surely, I got better. And sadly, I can’t even celebrate that with anyone. Shame, guilt, fear, worthlessness, pain – what I used to always feel. Pride and confusion with all this freedom I have is what I feel now.

I used to think emotions were embarrassing. I knew I hurt all the time, but I was never taught how to deal with it, so I would isolate myself and feel stupid. Actually, that’s what I was taught. Everybody has issues, and I’m not special. Get over it. Why did it hurt so much? Why can’t I get over it? Why am I so miserable? Why am I even alive? Everybody dies anyway. Oh, I know how I can deal with this: weed. Ahh, there so much better. Now all I’m thinking about is how I can’t remember what I’m thinking about. Yeah, I should probably go to class now. Wonder if they’ll know I’m stoned. (turns out that they did). But I was really enjoying class then. Very intrigued with Maslow’s hierarchy of need. Hmm self-actualization. Will I ever know my purpose and get to the point in life where I can fulfill that need??? Nah bro I’m starving… You think everybody is staring at me eating these chips? -- Anyway, this is only the middle of the story. I’m not even going to go back to my first boyfriend. Let’s skip to the second one that cheated on me after 2 years. Looking back now, he’s gross and bigoted. He was mean to me. He lied to me. He cheated. Everything was an ordeal. I just constantly lowered myself and made myself small for him. He, of course, never reciprocated. I wasn’t worth it. Because I never showed any self-worth. One good decision I made was to further my education and move to Hattiesburg for school which he actually made fun of me for doing. Anyway, I remember one time he had just come from the boat or whatever he was doing for work and invited his friend to our apartment. I went to sit on his lap and he pushed me off and laughed. I just went to my room and cried while he spent the night with his friend. That’s not me. I hate I did that. I hate that’s their memory of me. Oh well. I know they still talk shit about me back home. That’s fine and that’s their problem.

Another reoccurring theme with boyfriends is my lack of any other friends and/or support. This takes me to my second boyfriend. I had been single for less than a year, and I met him. It was so much nicer at first. I felt like he cared about me. He was so sweet. Finally, everything was reciprocated to me, and I was happy. I was happy to make him happy. Again, with my screwed up priorities, man. But I had grown up a little. I just had this baseless fear that I would be alone forever. But, I’m not necessarily the victim. I did have this notion that I should be taken care of. I never expected to pay. I expected some sort of money and to pay to go out and about. That didn’t happen with this guy. This honestly helped me become independent. However, over time, he became more and more controlling. He threw me down and hit me in a NOLA hotel and the police were called. He tore up my purse and a jacket. I remember feeling so much stress because he said he was going to leave me there, and I didn’t know how to get home. Nor did I want to tell anybody why I was in that predicament anyway. I thought it was all my fault and apologized and he stayed. How lucky am I? To stay with a guy that hits me and breaks my belongings (He also broke my tent. If I ever went anywhere, he would be calling and obsessed. I couldn’t enjoy anything because I knew there would always be repercussions for having fun. I literally broke out in hives at my friend’s house in Jackson one time because I told him no I wouldn’t come back to his place that night and it gave me so much grief. He said he was going to break up with me if I did not drive back. But I sure enough stayed my ass up there though. It was still embarrassing. He threw a boot at me once because I was mad and didn’t want to sleep in the same room as him. When I told him that hurt and showed him the bruise, he blamed me for acting that way. A few times, I tried to leave to go home, and he would grab me and not let me go. I would be like if you don’t get your hands off me, I have every right to defend myself. So I would straight up try to fist fight him to let go of me. He would laugh. Sounds healthy right? Oh yeah, one time I did not do what he wanted and he threatened to get rid of my cat and locked all the doors to the house so I could not get to MY fucking cat. So I waited until he got home and he just acted like he didn’t care at all about the strife he caused. I think I may have even stayed that night at his house. I hated him but I didn’t know what else to do.

In the middle of all of this, I joined the military. So yeah he came to visit me in Texas for graduation then said this was his vacation and that he was going to do what he wanted. I’m like dude no. I’ve been locked up for weeks. It’s my vacation. Another argument, more crying. You’re a bitch if you stand up for yourself. Okay months go on, we break up in tech school. But I know he has my cat. I also know he has a place to live. Again, my fault. I’m using him cause I don’t really know what else to do. So I live at his house. Then move to out of town. He threatens to leave me again and tells me I’m shitty for moving away. I move back to his place. Back and forth, but he just stays and does whatever the fuck he wants with no consideration for me. Eventually, I just started to dislike him. I can take care of myself. I got another place with a room mate. His presence annoyed me. I thought he was ugly. I think that was mutual, and I was like dude: Let’s end it. It’s miserable. He agreed. Easiest break-up ever. Now did I do dumb things, and normal post-breakup things? Absolutely. Did I still text him a couple times afterwards? Yeahhh. Also, I made out with a 20 year old army kid at a bar. And I also slept with a married man. That was a whole thing. But most of last year, I have just grown.

I have nobody grabbing my arm now. If I want to pack up and go hiking somewhere across the country, I’ll buy a plane ticket and go. If I want to hang out with friends, its fun again. I do not rely on anybody for my self-worth. 2020 was extremely rough for me. I lost my house and all my belongings. My car flooded in a hurricane (and of course I only had liability insurance). It has all worked out anyway. I didn’t even need any of that stuff. Honestly, I never had the worst life. That wasn’t the goal of this. You know, to complain. It’s just that everything has gotten better. Losing everything helps put your life into perspective. I’m so much more appreciative now. I look at what I have accomplished and where I came from. I used to think that everybody was more important than me, and that I needed them to like me and see me as worthy to be around. Well, that has changed completely. I don’t have to like you and you don’t have to like me. That doesn’t make me less of a valuable person. Everybody is not better than me and I have just as much a chance of being successful as everybody else. I’m not a “bitch”. Maybe some folks find me “annoying”, but you’re crazy if you think I will ever make myself small to fit inside anybody’s box that doesn’t like me. I don’t “deserve it” to be living a miserable life. Life is hard. Life is beautiful. It’s all about learning, and that’s what I have done. I win. I’m free. I can do anything. While I do regret some of my past, all this has given me the drive to me who I am today and who I will be tomorrow. Still gotta figure that one out.

#first blog #idk what to tag this as #life #more to come

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redandfranticfeelings · 5 years

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okay ive been wanting to make a post like this for a while but i wanted to make it an essay and i dont know if i can really organize my thoughts in that way yet, so here’s a chronological bullet-pointed dump to explain my very important thesis:

be more chill is about internalized ableism, and jeremy, michael, and christine are all highly autistic coded. this is going to be very long and detailed but only because there’s a lot of details that work very well under this lens.

there’s probably even stuff i missed but this is already extremely long so it basically just functions as a way for me to collect a bunch of details that i can piece together later in a more coherent manner.

“more than survive” in the context of jeremy being autistic works so much. the theme of wanting to be just socially acceptable enough to not burn out or be harassed is so relatable, and it visually establishes very early how jeremy is isolated from his peers due to his own awkward behavior and hypersensitivity. it’s coupled with his very obvious anxiety disorder, but the social aspect just screams autistic coding to me. i take this song to basically be “not having a meltdown is basically my goal but i would love to be neurotypical enough so i can heighten my standards and actually enjoy my social life.” some choice segments:

“if i’m not feeling weird or super strange, my life would be in utter disarray, cuz freaking out is my okay”

jeremy’s house being a mess is partly due to his dad’s serious depression, yeah, but i believe the other aspect is that jeremy’s executive dysfunction makes it just as hard to clean up in his place

he gets super anxious at the prospect of his expected routine being shaken up and having to make the decision on his own of how to get to school

“so i follow my own rules and i use them as my tools to stay alive” honestly sounds like a euphemism for autism to me

jeremy not really realizing that he’s staring at chloe

“avoiding any eye contact at all” explains itself

michael’s introduction, oh my god, every time i watch this part i just adore it. i could talk a lot more about michael’s autism later but this whole segment sells it especially.

first off, michael keeping his hood up and headphones on in a deliberate attempt to avoid social interaction and stay in his own space is such an autistic mood. even before this scene he’s constantly moving in the background to his music a la stimming. in the later performances he spends a lot more time playing with his hoodie strings and even chews on them!!

the fact he doesn’t talk to or even really look at jeremy until his song is done playing also feels very autistic to me! and the way he dances so confidently and basically pretends even his best friend isn’t there for the time being because he’s engrossed in his own passions.

michael is a great friend but it’s clear that he doesn’t really understand that his coping mechanism doesn’t really work for jeremy, and that even though michael feels confident reclaiming his identity as a ‘loser,’ jeremy doesn’t really feel any better about it. i think a lot of autistic folks, or at least i do, have this tendency to assume what works for us works for everyone around us at first due to our struggles with empathy. michael tries his best but struggles to see outside his point of view. it’s mind-blindness in action and jeremy can’t communicate why it upsets him any better than michael can pick up on it not working for him.

near the end of the song, they have a brief moment where all the ensemble crowds in around jeremy and the lights start flashing, which i interpret as a visual representation of sensory overload.

we’ll talk more about her soon, but outside of jeremy’s fantasies about her, christine also avoids social interaction during this number, constantly hiding her face in a book and avoiding eye contact just as much as jeremy. people forget that she’s not comfortable with unexpected social interaction, and that really informs my headcanon for her which brings us to....

“i love play rehearsal” is an autistic anthem. it also works, possibly even better due to in-text evidence, as an adhd anthem, but combined with the above it makes so much sense for her to be comorbid autism/adhd. i did a breakdown of the song in this context before, but i’ll sum it up here

the song showcases what having a special interest/hyperfixation is like. christine is singing to jeremy, yes, but she really seems so caught up in her own passion without much regard for how jeremy is following it, and even cuts him off from responding to her once or twice because she’s just so hyped up on her own feelings. she also basically implies her happiness is reliant on her special interest which is very relatable.

lines like “you follow a script so you know what comes next” also really sell the interpretation that christine isn’t good in unpredictable situations, and has so many identity issues and likes having something to look to where things are laid out for her. i think that stability is what a lot of autistic people look for, especially teenagers.

also with that in mind, look at how upset she gets watching a play she loves about get rewritten into something weird and new that she doesn’t know.

also gotta love how she still self-isolates before this song by focusing on her book, until she has a reason to infodump to jeremy. and then feels guilty afterwards and goes right back into her book while apologizing for getting “carried away”....biiiig mood there

the whole intro scene showcases both of their awkwardness so much. jeremy gets completely thrown off by her sarcastic comment about the swim team and almost believes it, which implies that he can’t read tone very well. and then christine’s “you’re a virgin” comment comes across like she really didn’t think about how that would sound to jeremy before saying it since she only made the clarification after he was ready to panic about it. she has a habit of speaking before she thinks, i think, the self-harm comment is also very awkward considering she barely knows jeremy.

after that scene we get “more than survive reprise” where jeremy admits to routinely having such bad breakdowns that he needs to step out and go to the nurse which works for both the anxiety disorder and the autism interpretation.

i’m not quite sure whether i see rich as autistic (i see him with a lot of mental issues for sure though) so i can’t say much on “the squip song” but there’s definitely something to describing a confused autistic kid as “almost helpless.” rich definitely has a habit of giving too much information though, i’ll say that.

“two player game” is just jeremy and michael being autistic solidarity: the song. i guess this is a good place to say that jeremy and michael work well as a contrast b/w two sides of autistic community, the side that struggles to function and desperately wants a change bc they’re afraid of being alone forever, and the side that tries to love all their symptoms and embrace their autistic pride. and as coincidental icing on the cake, jeremy wears blue (associated with the derogatory views from autism speaks) and michael wears red (associated with combating said views through autistic pride).

btw you could probably attribute michael’s ability to casually down a long-expired crystal pepsi as a sort of weird sensory quirk. and his fixation w/ that sort of memorabilia honestly feels like a special interest in its own right!

both “nice sideburns....wolverine, right” and “like in x-men????” using fiction as a reference point for real life always gives me autistic vibes (esp the first point where he awkwardly uses it to start conversation). can we assume x-men is a special interest? :3

jake referring to jeremy as a ‘freak’ when the squip turns on is really sad in this context but it also does make so much sense

now we get to the squip.....and what do you know, it uses tactics from abusive therapy used on autistic children. dare i say that “be more chill” as a song isn’t just an abuser’s song, but an ableist’s abuser’s song.

first off, the “spinal stimulation.” here’s a not so fun fact: electroshock therapy has been used to discourage autistic behavior in very recent years. (content warning in link for graphic description of ableist torture)

then the lyrics, in which the squip mostly focuses on jeremy’s posture and physically punishes him for disobeying. jeremy is shown to really struggle to stand up straight and pose himself in a normal, confident way, and i think that tendency to be unaware of what our body is doing is a pretty autistic thing?

the fact the squip singles out stammering and refers to jeremy’s “tics and fidgets” brings attention to two more autistic traits of jeremy’s

the squip basically punishes jeremy for responding “incorrectly” to social situations like rejecting brooke, even if they aren’t objectively wrong. it eventually just starts speaking for jeremy because jeremy seems incapable of acting natural. the squip is an abusive autism parent.

“sync up” demonstrates jeremy’s weird relationship with empathy. he wants to be nice to everyone- will has even called him “deeply empathetic”- but he’s initially really bad at seeing other people’s point of view, which is why he positions himself as sort of against the world, seeing everyone as better than him or trying to set up these barriers of Coolness where everyone else must be perfect compared to him. he’s so surprised to learn that the popular kids also hurt because of his strict idea of the social structure. it’s a combination of low self esteem and a black-and-white viewpoint.

let’s go back to christine. the squip, already established as ableist abuser, finds her “highly unusual” for acting in a way that disregards everyone who views her. she has very strange and specific visions in her head, and it seems very natural for her even if jeremy struggles to follow along.

in later performances, she chews on her sleeve and spins around during AGTIKBI. that’s stimming, babes. also gotta acknowledge “i don’t always relate to other people my age, except when i’m on the stage”

i’m gonna use this section to talk about jake and christine. christineis a bit unsure when interacting with jake, until he validates her interest- her acting is what really touches him. but jake, while good-hearted, has trouble being self-centered and thus not fully aware of christine’s own needs and space. so christine is always a little uncomfortable around him, especially in public, and not always willing to socialize. he is right about her being kind of stuck in her comfort zone, though, not doing anything off of her stage. and he is genuinely nice to her, it’s just a matter of their social strategies clashing.

the fact that the squip blocks out michael...i’ve had a lot of times in my life where i was told that socializing with other “weird” people would be counterproductive for my social development and it was part of why i was stuck with so few friends. so i really feel the idea that blocking out the person who helps you feel confident in your atypicality is framed as a good thing so you can act more socially adept, and that doing otherwise would just drag you both down.

hot DAMN does “loser geek whatever” make so much sense for an autistic kid with internalized ableism.

“it’s not only school that’s rough, being lonely’s stupid tough” makes it pretty clear this isn’t about the school social scene as muc as it is the entire social scene of the world. we may not see it, but it’s just (not) interacting with people in general that jeremy can’t stand.

“michael says that weird is rad but feeling weird just makes me sad” as stated above, makes a Lot More Sense with the idea that michael is both a more confident autistic and really bad at addressing jeremy’s own internalized ableism and desire to make connections outside his small friend group.

everything about jeremy boiling down all his problems to his “instincts” sucking and needing to basically be told what to do really highlights how autistic kids can feel broken because of their inability to fit into the social norm, to the point where we repress every behavior that actually makes us feel comfortable and unique.

not to mention the line about him being seen as a “normal handsome guy” since autistic people tend to be infantilized and never seen as desirable (will roland also implied this line has trans coding which is another discussion altogether but i feel i should acknowledge that here)

all of those terms that jeremy calls himself near the end- namely weirdo, misfit, oddball, freak, failure- all of this sounds like the shit people throw at autistic kids. like this goes beyond anxiety alone, this is jeremy being outcasted and oppressed by the general public due to his behavior. especially the “please don’t speak” part, considering how often autistic kids are mocked for misunderstanding when to speak, how to speak, and what to talk about. jeremy needs some freaking love. :(

“michael in the bathroom” is a panic attack, related to severe anxiety, but i do see a lot of aspects that play into autism as well. the little nervous stimmy movements of foot-bouncing and picking at grout, the explosive sensory overload during the “knock knock” section of the bridge, the whole concept of losing the only person you ever managed to connect to without sacrificing who you are, dealing with this massive change to your sense of philosophy and reality where you pinned everything on one person to ground yourself, and thus you’re now completely lost trying to isolate yourself from this big overwhelming social gathering...neurodivergent anthem all around.

jeremy and christine’s couch interactions during halloween give me such autistic positivity. christine basically echolales jeremy’s weird noise and they both have so much fun vocal stimming that they forget there’s another person in the room. it’s such a sweet moment until jeremy ruins it by realizing that asking her out right after a breakup is Not Really Good For Her.

christine’s reaction to the fire demonstrates a clear case of hyperempathy to me. it isn’t discussed as much as a complete lack of empathy, but autistic folks are prone to feeling way too much especially when it comes to others’ pain. christine talking about how she hates that everyone’s hurting and desperately wants to help but doesn’t know how, and how we’ve already seen how much she struggles to connect with others like jake....it’s a very relatable, very specific autistic mood.

going back to the theme of jeremy and empathy, christine’s above hyperempathy kind of breaks this mold, and while jeremy always does feel for the other kids, by this point he feels so strongly- particularly for christine, who he also saw as a perfect confident being until now- that the squip can manipulate him into “fixing” everyone the same way the squip was supposed to “fix” him. and he never considers that christine doesn’t need to be fixed because he just projects his own insecurity that strongly onto everyone else who seems “weird” in the same kind of way- hence why he assumes michael is jealous of him back in MITB. it’s likely a result of the squip’s manipulation but i feel like mind-blindness is a factor, even if jeremy switches between struggling to process others’ emotions and being extremely empathetic.

michael’s special interest saves the day!!! :D

the whole fight b/w jeremy and michael, assuming it comes from a genuine place of repressed bitterness, has a lot of added subtext with them both being autistic. jeremy accusing michael of “giving up” on social interaction, michael envies jeremy for trying bc michael is clearly Not comfortable in most large social settings, jeremy envies michael for his pride, it just hits home for me i guess

rich calling michael “antisocial headphones kid” honestly how is michael not canon autistic

in the off-bway version michael briefly speaks too loud forgetting that jeremy’s head still hurts which is a relatable Forgot About Boundaries thing. plus him smacking rich playfully forgetting that rich is Still In Pain

“voices in my head” works nice as a fuck-societal-norms-and-just-be-happy song. “embrace the traits that make you so odd” in particular :’)

jeremy remembering christine’s infodump about her obscure bowling alley performance art idea and bringing it up to her again!!!

the squip doesn’t go away because ableism and the anxiety it brings and all the upsetting symptoms of autism don’t go away, but with the right support and confidence you can live with them!!! good message for mental disorders in general and works very well in this context!!!

so in conclusion.....be more chill is autistic pride!!!

#be more chill #bmc #actuallyautistic #autistic headcanons #long post #be more neurodivergent #queue are so busted

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ritamcgee · 4 years

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2nd Chance How To Win Back Your Ex Jolting Tricks

Second, know the right way... at the door and here is to give you.Once you manage to recollect back the quickest, then now is more than once and there is no problem but remind yourself that you're trying to get your ex back, which one is perfect and we all complain, it is you want to do, just not possible that she will not be surprise when your ex boyfriend back, you should put all the little things you should do just about anyone overhearing you.You might have gone through a breakup because right after the break up.The key is know how hard it is definitely a virtue.

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So far, have these thoughts and feelings and we have until we lose it, we can correct them if necessary.What did I know you are currently eating right now.This all depends on how and why you're doing fine by acting like her in order to win back my wife?Do you want it even more convinced that there are two places to start getting interested again; if this is that a relationships as guys?Although you may just move on from there, he simply gets lured towards you.

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Your Ex Back Text

Just be patient while keeping the end of this is usually a direct link between how good your relationship can be good, especially if you've moved on, get on your mind.In other instances it's not all your negative traits as well.The first thing you can make your ex girl back.They attempt to attract sexual partners.These spells can be the best way to get back together with you, there is still there, it is to have a change in your marital problems.Apologizing verbally can only work if you take the risk of being concerned for her man.

Improve yourself - Lastly, you should ask yourself one question.Have YOU ever left someone you loved about that person.All these are gone, you both are finding yourselves again.Let him work for you to apologize right away, but this sadness keeps you focused on arguing with each other, it may not even have the idea, use it wisely to your ex back becomes much easier to avoid you.This might just email you first, to see her.

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Get Ex Back 100

#2nd Chance How To Win Back Your Ex Jolting Tricks #How Can I Win My Ex Girlfriend Back If She Has A B

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candyheartharry · 5 years

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Fall Apart - Part II: Bewitched

Author’s note: Hi dolls! 💘 Sorry it took me forever to get the second part up and ready, it took a while to get some inspiration for it, but of course as soon as I got it, I had it done in one day lol. Once again our series playlist can be found here, and if you’d like to be added to the tag list at the end drop me a message and let me know, feedback is EXTREMELY appreciated, happy reading ✨ PART I

Although you and Calum had shared friends, it wasn’t until the two of you started spending more time together that these two groups began to intertwine, but it was going to be just you while he and the band were all around the world on a small promo tour. You’d kept up with him a little while he was away, receiving occasional texts and snapchat videos from wherever he was, usually either a nice picture of the scenery or a video of him and the other guys doing something funny.

It had been a little while since he was away, and you really weren’t too sure when he was supposed to be back due to a few commitments they hadn’t quite confirmed before they left, so the most he could give you before he left was a two week window on when he might possibly be back home again.

In the meantime, one of your friends who worked for an art museum downtown had invited you to an early preview party for a new temporary exhibition that was opening at the museum, so since you had nothing better to do on a Wednesday evening, you got dressed up enough to try to not look out of place among donors to the museum and fancy people who had memberships. Since she worked there she had to be there early, so you were going to be arriving by yourself and meeting her there. As you made your way through the entrance after presenting your guest pass card to the attendant at the welcome desk, you promptly made your way to the bar to help yourself to your one complimentary drink of the evening.

You had tried texting your friend to let her know you were there, but knew that since this was technically a work event for her it might be a little while before she could respond and come say hello. Until then, you decided to take a look around the exhibit that everyone had come to see. Since it was an early preview, it was obviously packed full of people who you never would’ve imagined yourself at a party with. Many people who were leading discussions in small groups crowded around the ornate frames on the wall gave off the obvious vibes that they were professors of some sort, mostly due to their use of words like “tone”, “depth”, and conversations about color choices. Others seemed like doctors, or lawyers, or stockbrokers, or maybe multi-million dollar luxury real estate agents who had so much money they decided to make very large annual donations to the museum in the name of charitable giving. There were of course others who you could tell were just membership holders out for a nice evening, and now that you think about it, you were a little surprised you hadn’t run into any of your other friends, assuming that you weren’t the only one your friend Cora who worked there had invited.

After a while of doing your best to see what types of painting and small sculptures were in this new exhibit over everyone else crowded closely around them, you still hadn’t heard from your friend, so you decided to take a break from listening to conversations about “what this shade of blue here means versus the other shade of blue in this area” and made your way out of the gallery over to the elevators that brought you upstairs earlier. Once you entered the glass elevator, you decided on going up one level to the contemporary floor. When the doors opened one floor above, there was instantly a difference in the atmosphere, not just because this area felt more spacious and open, and the pieces were much larger and not in ornate gold frames, but the first room of the gallery was completely empty with the exception of two security guards who welcomed you once they realized they were no longer alone.

After admiring a few pieces near the entrance, you followed a distant noise across the first room into the next to see where it was coming from. The only sound in the otherwise quiet gallery came from a massive mountain of speakers stacked from the floor to the ceiling, playing very quietly, but playing slightly ominous music overlapped with a few various sound effects and dialogue from movies and TV shows every now and then. Something about how gigantic and illusive this mountain of speakers was drew you in, and you found yourself wanting to stop and listen rather than explore the rest of the empty gallery. Of course, since the gallery was empty due to everyone else being downstairs, the bench across from this colossal structure was empty as well. You decided to take up a seat across from the speakers and recorded a quick video of the scene for your Instagram story. After posting, you put your phone away in the small clutch purse you brought, and decide to enjoy the peace and quiet compared to the party full of people you don’t know that you had just left.

It was nice in its own way, the quiet accented by the almost white noise coming from the speakers. It should be unsettling, but it was almost calming. Something about it felt like it was putting you in a trance, it was something so monumental, it almost felt like it had a secret that if you watched and waited long enough it would let you in on what it knew.

“Mind if I join you?” a familiar voice interrupts your from your thoughts. You look up to your right to see Calum grinning down at you, dressed in a black and white striped shirt that looked very nice on him, and a drink in his own hand. “Oh my god, Calum, hi!” you exclaimed while you instantly broke into a smile of your own after you realized who it was speaking, and rushed to set your drink down on the bench to your left before turning back to open your arms up to him.

He accepted your invitation into your open arms, starting out for a hug before he was even properly seated yet, both of your arms wrapping around his broad back and he squirmed to set his drink next to yours behind your back so he didn’t spill it on you. Once his hands were free they wrapped carefully around you, pulling you closer into him.

“Oh my god, you’re the last person I ever expected to be here, when did you get back?!” you ask once you both pull apart.

“I got back pretty late yesterday! Did you come with anybody else?” he asks as he leans around behind you for the two drinks, handing yours back to you as he holds onto his own.

“No, it’s just me. I didn’t know anybody downstairs so I just came up here,” you told him. It was still just the two of you in the gallery with the speakers, which have gotten his attention. The backing track its playing almost sounds like music that should be playing in a horror movie when the antagonist is introduced, but the overlapping track is a scene from Pride and Prejudice.

“Damn, what’s the first song you’d want to play on these if you got to pick?” he asks, turning to you before he takes a sip of his drink. You look away from him and back up at the towering mountain of speakers across from you both and think about your answer.

“Are we choosing loud songs or sad songs?” you ask, needing to narrow down what type of answer he wants to know.

“Well my answer is by Cigarettes After Sex, so pick something different for variety’s sake.”

“Can I be super cliché and go with The Less I Know The Better, Tame Impala. You said your band, but what’s your song?” you ask, shifting your position a little so that you’re facing him a little more.

“Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby,” he replies, and even though it’s just the name of the song, for some reason hearing the way he says ‘baby’ gives you chills.

“So what brings you up to the contemporary floor in the first place? Didn’t want to hang out with all the art critics downstairs?” you ask to change the subject. “Oh, you posted on your Instagram, so I came to find you,” he replies casually, sending your heart into your throat, so you take a sip of your drink to try to calm down. “Plus some of the Picasso’s downstairs looked like they could’ve also been villains on Courage the Cowardly Dog, so,” he adds with a shrug, making you laugh.

Neither of you said anything for a moment, even though there was so much you both wanted to say. He wanted to tell you every detail about his time away: the cities they went to, the people they got to meet, how he spent time with his mother which made him feel the most like himself he had felt in a while, but he probably wouldn’t tell you about how about halfway into the trip he realized he missed you a little more than he normally missed his friends when he was away. You wanted to ask him all about what he saw in the countries he had left, he always had such a more interesting life than you did, but that wasn’t all you wanted to talk about. You wanted to tell him about how mundane your life was here back at home while he was gone, and that the most interesting thing you had done was meet up with an old friend from your hometown who was passing through on a business trip. You wanted to tell him how ever since he had been gone, you had been hearing his new song on the radio nearly every time you started your car, so it almost felt like his way of saying hello even when he wasn’t around. You wanted to tell him how the barista at the coffee shop inside the bookstore you both liked had asked where your friend was the last time you went, and how you realized you actually felt kind of lonely when you told her that he was out of town. Instead you both just sat in the silence for a little while more, and listened to the mountain of speakers play a scene from the 1996 Romeo and Juliet overlapped with organ music that sounds like it could be in a haunted house.

“I missed you,” he admits after a moment’s silence. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice that his left hand is resting on the bench in the space between you two, and when he feels you noticed it he moves his hand ever so slightly closer towards you almost in an invitation that he wants you to take it.

“Sorry, I cant help it that I’m just so charming,” you tease him, nudging him with your shoulder, which makes him laugh and shake his head. When he stops laughing and is just smiling softly at you still, you place your hand on top of his.

“I missed you, too,” you continue more seriously, giving him a soft smile of your own. “The stripes are a nice look, by the way,” you add after not so subtly checking him out. You’d be lying if you said he didn’t look fucking amazing, but telling him that word for word would very likely get to his head.

He slides his hand out from underneath yours to properly hold your hand now, leaning down to place his drink on the floor before he guides you to stand up from the bench you had been seated at. “Do you want do dance with me?” he asks once you both are standing.

“Calum, this is literally a sample of a Pink Floyd song and dialogue from Titanic,” you try to oppose, setting your own now empty glass on the bench where you had been sitting. Instead, he guides you into a twirl while he shrugs his own shoulders.

“I know what I said,” he continues, reaching for your other hand and pulling you in so that you both are standing with your elbows bent and your joined hands are level with his chest, so close that if you were to let go you could reach out and touch him, but you knew better than to give in so you kept them safely joined in his in the space between you both.

In the daytime, the gallery is lit up from the natural lighting that the skylights allow, but in the evening, the darkness casts an inky blue across the room, with just a little light coming from the moon and from the occasional spotlights that illuminate certain pieces of the artwork.

“You’re supposed to say that I look nice too, you know,” you playfully point out as Calum guides you both around in a circle in the empty gallery in front of the speakers. He grins down at you before he extends his arm and lets go of your hand to guide you into a twirl again. After he spins you around he doesn’t join both your hands again, and places his free hand on your waist to pull you just a touch closer than you were standing before.

“You know I always think you look nice,” he replies. ‘Nice’ isn’t the word he wants to use, he wants to use amazing, incredible, entrancing, beautiful, captivating, but just ‘nice’ will have to do for now. Distance must have made you both a little bolder, because this evening there seems to have been an unspoken, but mutually recognized tension between you two. Staring into his eyes is almost too intense, even more so once you catch him looking away to glance at your lips for a moment, so you look away yourself to admire another piece in the gallery across the room.

You notice you’ve been in the gallery for so long now that the track on the speakers has looped back to the beginning, when you hear the same scene from Pride and Prejudice playing again. “You have bewitched me, body and soul,” is the first line you notice has started playing back, and you notice as well that Calum has started to look around the room at the other art. You take the moment to admire how he looks in the shadows of the darkness, searching to see if he’s any different now than when you left him. His hair looks like it was recently cut a little shorter, and he’s gone back to black instead of a silvery blonde. You’ve always thought the contrast of the two reminded you of night and day, and now he’s gone back to night.

“You have bewitched me, body and soul,” repeats again, now mixed over the bridge of a Lana Del Rey song you both like. He notices the song and meets your gaze again. He almost asks why you’re staring, but lets it slide in hopes you’ll return the favor eventually and let him do the same someday without questions. This time he’s the one who notices your gaze down to his lips, seeing if his smile still starts on the same side of his mouth that you remember.

He inches his face just a little closer to yours, embracing the boldness he seems to have found in the time he was gone. “Hey,” he says softly in attempt to get your attention. Your eyes flash back up to his, and he notices how where you’re standing allows you to be lit up perfectly in the moonlight.

“Sorry to interrupt, but it’s unfortunately time to call it a night. Everything wrapped up downstairs a little while ago,” a security guard announces from the archway, causing you to both nearly jump out of your skin in surprise. “Okay, thank you,” Calum nods to the guard. He drops his hand from your waist and takes a few steps back to the bench to pick up your discarded cups. You reach for your clutch purse and hold it in both hands in front of you, following his lead back to the elevators once he asks if you’re ready.

He throws away the cups in a trashcan by the doors after pressing the call button, and shoves his hands into his pockets while you wait. When the doors open, he extends an arm in gesture for you to enter first, and he follows behind before pressing the button for the main floor. In the process, you notice the time on the silver watch on his wrist reads that it’s nearly 11:00 PM, meaning you and him must’ve been up there alone for nearly an hour and a half, and neither of you had realized. You press your back against the glass to try to ground yourself again after whatever that was between you that had just happened back upstairs. He doesn’t turn to you, and instead stays just a step ahead with his back facing you the entire short ride four floors down.

“Did you drive yourself or do you want a ride?” he asks as you two exit the building through the lobby. You both fall in step side by side across the courtyard outside. “Oh, no, it’s fine, I drove myself. Did you park in the deck across the street?” you ask in return.

“Yeah, I’m over in that one, Cora gave me a pass for a reserved spot on the first level with my invite, did she give one to you too?” he replies, referring to your friend who had invited you both in the first place, and ended up never seeing the entire night. You nod in reply as you both make your way to the crossing. You had thought for a moment upstairs he might’ve been about to kiss you or say something at least before you were interrupted, but if he was going to act like everything was normal, so were you.

As you make your way into the parking deck across the street, you notice your cars are both just a few spaces apart from each other. You both stop in the empty spaces between to say goodbye before going your separate ways. “Let me know when you want to get coffee at the bookstore again, it’s been too long since I’ve been able to go,” he says after a moment.

“I’m ready whenever you want to go! The girl who always rings us up was asking about you the last time I was there,” you tell him, which makes him smile. It’s always nice to hear the home misses him just as much as he misses home whenever he’s away.

After you get your keys out of your purse, he holds open his arms to wrap you in a hug before you go, and you step into the space you’ve missed so much while he was gone. You close your eyes as he buries his head against your neck, pulling you in for the most proper hug you’ve had in a long time. You don’t realize it at the time, but the last time you’ve felt so secure and safe while wrapped in someone’s arms was his own the last time you saw him at his house the day before he left for the airport.

“Get home safe,” he requests, rubbing his hand across your shoulders before he lets go. You still feel so electrified from whatever sort of trance you both must’ve fell under in front of the speakers earlier that you can’t let him leave before giving a quick, still friendly and as casual as you can make it kiss to his cheek before you step away from him. You tried to act as if was an old habit between you both, your usual routine whenever you part ways, but you’ve never kissed his cheek before, and you both know it no matter how hard you try to not acknowledge it. Once you’ve stepped back, he doesn’t know what to say, and all he can do is blink at you for a moment.

“Be safe, I’ll see you soon. Let me know once you get home,” he requests again in attempt to snap himself out of it while he takes a step backwards towards his own car. You nod and ask him to do the same, heading around to the driver’s side of your own car in the process. Once you’re both safely in your own cars, you give each other a quick wave from the window before you go your separate ways.

You were all he could think about while he was gone, and now that he’s back it seems that you’ll be all he thinks about while he’s home as well.

tag list: @yessii-i @rexorangecouny @calssunflower @notsooperfect @outofmylimitcal @ayee-style @madbomb

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ayeshintheclouds · 4 years

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I watched Never Have I Ever!! And I have many many thoughts. Just about on every aspect of it so oops this might be kinda long. But I like having somewhere public to post it cuz I don’t have to be apologetic and guilty about making it long, cuz if I was texting someone id feel as if I’m making them obligated to read so much.

Anyways!

Overall, I quite enjoyed the show! There’s a lot of controversy around it, i keep saying a lot of indian girls complaining about being misrepresented. Which I agree that they have a right to, because it’s the first time we’ve ever gotten a main character representing us, and we can’t help but hold her to a higher standard. But I’m trying to look past that a little, past the stereotypes and see it more by itself in terms of a plot and character development rather than just the cultural standpoint.

In no particular order, here are some opinions about the show and characters:

I loved the realistic arguments they show the night of her dad’s death. Honestly, they were a bit jarring how similar they are to our family, and how sometimes under pressure everyone kinda turns on each other and doesn’t get along. I thought that was a really realistic scene how a little thing like losing a music sheet ends up turning into a lot of unnecessary drama.

I love Paxton! I still absolutely can’t decide who I ship more with Devi but I do love his character. He genuinely does care for his sister, and he’s so quick to sacrifice his pride and call Devi when his sister needs help, even though he’s really mad at Devi rn. I think it’s adorable that his sister even gives him relationship advice. And Paxton is genuinely such a good friend, although he’s tryna be all cool and stuff, he encouraged her to be herself in her indian dress and I hate how Devi disregards his whole personality and only wants him physically. It upset me that she only saw him as some status symbol to obtain, never really an actual human with feelings. He deserved better, so although I love him, I’m not sure I ship him with her after she kinda used him the whole show.

The car ride scene!!! With Paxton and Devi! Ok I watched this scene approximately a bajillion times! I think it might be my favorite moment in the whole show. I love everything about it, the subtle glances they cast each other the entire time, the neon lights as they drive through the city, the way for once in the show she seems somewhat like emotionally vulnerable and nervous rather than brash and hot headed. The music was beautiful too.

I love Fab and Eleanor!!! I love their stories and I’m so so glad they got the attention from the show at least since they didn’t get it from Devi. Fab is literally so adorable and I just wanted to hug her🥺 Eleanor’s mom made me so frikin mad and I’m truly really glad Eleanor learned to live without her and how Fab helps her deal with it. I know it’s pretty dramatic how she stays dressing all different and changing her personality, but I related to that so much:(when someone hurts me or walks out on me, it makes me feel not like myself anymore, and I often visibly and noticeably change my attitude and behavior for a while before springing back.

The Kamala plotline!!! Uhhhhh ok very mixed feelings. I thought Steve was adorable. They just discarded him when he was an absolute sweetheart and it made me so sad for him🥺poor Steve. I do like that they’re actually showing arranged marriage for what it is though. In my opinion it is a very traditional and flawed procedure, as we see when Devi’s mom has kamala wear a certain outfit and has her hide the career part of her personality, to try to be a certain way she’s not. BUT I think i am glad that they didn’t show it as something forced upon her, like she’s being married off against her will to some creep she’s never ever met. It’s more like a blind date but arranged by parents. And although she is pretty pressured into it, she has the power to back out any time (even if it’ll somewhat outcast her). And I like that they decide to continue their relationship but on their own terms and he likes her for who she is. I think overall it’s a pretty solid and realistic representation of arranged marriage: a very traditional way of doing things with many flaws, but not forced or oppressive or morally wrong in any way, and can usually work out quite nicely many times. Except why’d they break poor Steve’s heart like that:(((

Ben. Ok Ben grew on me a lot through the show. He was such a complex and interesting character and I thought his development was so amazingly done. I thought he was truly such a sweet soul for doing all that he did for her, letting her stay over, convincing her to spread the ashes, driving her there so fast. I almost feel like he doesn’t deserve her either😂. And hhfjdndndnd I really don’t know how to feel about that end scene that was wild omg. But romance aside. Ben is such a well written character and I think he really was neglected by his family and I really hope that changes or he finds a family in Devi’s.

I know her parents and the therapist were side characters. But I think they’re pretty cool. I like the really sweet relationship her parents had. It was so typical indian parents yet adorable. The motorcycle ride and the comforting scene🥺 I love them a lot they remind me of my own parents. And I think her mom is infinitely strong for dealing with the death of her soulmate and Devi being so absolutely difficult. I think the therapist was extremely patient and the scenes with her were hilarious. I loved most about her how genuine she was. No therapist irl would care enough for the patients health that they would so blatantly disagree with them and even suggest they find someone else if it’ll help them. They would never risk losing the money and offending the client. I once heard someone say that they’d love to be a child therapist cuz all they have to do is agree with everything the kids say, be like “aw yeah the world hates u ur parents hate u, ur right” like feed into their teen angst, and the kid convinces their parents to keep paying for your services. But Dr Ryan is like a mother. She just wants what’s best for Devi, and she’s willing to sacrifice her own profit for it.

Ok I guess I should probably talk about my biggest issue with the show which is Devi. I kinda hate her😭I tried so hard I really did but I genuinely cannot bring myself to like her character. I don’t agree with almost any of her actions and her behavior upset me a lot. And pls you don’t understand she nearly killed me with second hand embarrassment the first episode in approaching Paxton like that aaAAAA Like I was basically watching through my hands at that point. I know she’s going through so much, she really has a lot of trauma and grief. But I can’t help but feel like the way she handles it is not very realistic at all, cuz I know people with trauma and they would never use it to justify the awful things she does. I know that everyone grieves differently and everyone has different coping mechanisms, but I just cannot bring myself to like her. Coping mechanisms that hurt others immensely are so unhealthy and I feel like she should’ve at least redeemed herself somehow. Maybe I sympathized with her at some points. But never liked her. I think she was disgusting to her friends, she always assumed her problems mattered more than theirs despite Fab and Eleanor having such heavy stuff happening. She didn’t even bother caring, and I’m convinced the only reason she even came back and tried to make it up was because of her own selfish reasons: she didn’t want to be lonely and friendless (she literally admits that!) and she’s jealous of that new kid they’re friends with. She does not seem at any point to actually care for their feelings as humans, and treats them like status symbols, two objects she owns to show people she has a social life. She reminds me of Greg from Diary of a Wimpy Kid and not in a good way; he was so awful to Rowley and obsessed with popularity and narcissistic Blegh. Also with Paxton like I mentioned before, she only cares about his body and popularity and literally does not care for his friendship and personality the slightest bit. I think it was disgusting that she lied about sleeping with him like that, cuz it may have been manageable to him, but for a lot of people, that’s like a pretty messed up thing and I don’t think they’d want to be friends with someone who was that creepy and a blatant liar. The stuff she said to her mom about wishing she was dead, that absolutely broke my heart. I can’t imagine being her mother in that moment and hearing your daughter say something like that after losing the love of your life. I think that would be like the worst thing to say to someone grieving, and might potentially endanger their mental health. I was truly worried for her mom, even though I know it wouldn’t be that type of show. Honestly. The only reason I don’t like full on despise her and think she’s irredeemable is because I pity her so much. She lost her dad and wasn’t able to walk for a year. That’s a lot of pain. But truly, like Fab said, it’s not a free pass to be a jerk. And a character shouldn’t be written in a way that their only redeemable quality is that u pity them to hold them less accountable for their actions.

Overall I enjoyed the show!! Minus devi😭but besides that, I’m so glad we’re getting some representation and there’s a new really cute and fresh show to watch during quarantine. I NEED A SEASON TWO SO BAD PLS and I really really hope Devi grows up a bit more in it and maybe I’ll start to like her:)

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the-prince-and-the-thief · 4 years

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//Y’all I hope you like text walls, because that’s what yer getting

|| The Basics ||

Name: Goro Akechi

Nickname(s): Detective Prince, Crow, Black Mask

Age: 18 (20 in some AUs)

Species: Human

Religious Belief: Not religious, would probably smile and nod if you said god deserved a shot in the head.

|| Personal ||

Sins: Lust / Greed / Gluttony / Sloth / Pride / Envy / Wrath

Virtues: Chastity / Charity / Diligence / Humility /Kindness / Patience / Justice (He questions why chastity is a virtue but admits to being a virgin)

Primary Goals In Life: Depends on the AU. The usual answer is “Make my dad’s life hell, then kill myself”. In the Amnesiac AU, his goal is just to regain his memories, as he knew he was working on something very important with Wakaba before the loss of his memories. In the Post-Game AU, he’s just trying to figure out what to do with his life.

Languages Known: Japanese, some English (he’s not great at it but he tries.)

Secrets: MANY. His whole life is a lie Also he’s gay. He’s trying to keep that a secret but even some of his fangirls have figured it out.

Quirks: Names everything in his house, obsessed with animals and pets but only has a roomba, gets distracted while talking easily and just starts rambling, gets much more formal when nervous, forgets to eat but when he does he eats p much everything, never seems to gain weight no matter what he eats, his hands are super sensitive so he almost never takes off his gloves, overthinks everything.

Savvies: Logic, deduction, investigation, planning, athletics, biking, bouldering, academics.

|| Physical ||

Height: 5'10″

Weight: 141 lbs

Scars/Birthmarks: None.

Abilities/Powers: A... a lot. Driving shadows berserk, Wild card abilities (multiple personas, etc), also he’s a very good detective despite uh, initially basically being rigged into his position.

Restrictions: He’s weak to curses, both in the literal metaverse sense and the metaphorical sense. He really doesn’t handle the negative well-- criticisms, anger, sadness, etc. He is desperate for positive attention and craves love, to the point he’ll do stupid, stupid stuff to obtain what he wants. He has serious trust issues and mental health problems. Also, he’s not as free as he’d like in any aspect. His job and his conspiracy work basically make him a puppet to adults, while his reputation prevents him from being more open with himself and living normally, and his fangirls make it difficult for him to move about the city freely. He’s in a gilded cage.

|| Favorites ||

Favourite Drink: Coffee. (In terms of alcohol, a Kahlua iced coffee.)

Favourite Pizza Topping: I can see him liking Margherita pizza and pesto pizza a lot.

Favourite Color: Beige. YES REALLY. Second favorite color is wine red.

Favourite Music Genre: death metal He’s not picky, but classical or instrumental stuff is nice! He really likes the work of Yuki Kajiura!

Favourite Book Genre: If it is a book that isn’t a textbook, he will read it. He actually likes fantasy and sci-fi books with deep lore, but he doesn’t have a lot of time to read them. He has a secret love of romance novels because they’re the closest he’ll ever get to romantic interaction.

Favourite Movie Genre: He actually doesn’t watch a lot of movies. Romance movies though. He cries over romance movies.

Favourite Season: Spring~. It’s the perfect season to go out and do things!

Favourite Butt Type: He doesn’t care as long as it’s cute and perky. Ren’s. Ren’s butt basically.

Favourite Swear Word: Judging by the game? Shit.

Favourite Scent: Vanilla. His shampoo is vanilla scented. He likes the scent of coffee a lot too.

Favourite Quote: He’ll say it’s some deep philosophical quote from something obscure. He’ll say that. But. His favorite quote is “I am the rose that slashes evil”. He really likes Tuxedo Mask.

|| Fun Stuff ||

Bottom or Top: Bottom mostly, but he’d probably switch every once in a while.

Sings In The Shower: Only when he’s in a really good mood. So almost never.

Likes Bad Puns: Will shoot you if you make one in his presence.

Morality: Lawful / Neutral / Chaotic / Good / Gray / Evil (the crossed out ones are the real ones)

Build: Slender / Scrawny / Bony / Fit / Athletic / Herculean / Babyfat / Pudgy / Obese / Other.

Favourite Food: He doesn’t actually know! He does like sweets a lot though, and genuinely does love pancakes. Despite being something of a glutton/gourmet/foodie, he doesn’t really pay much attention to what he’s eating most of the time-- mostly because he barely eats.

“Boss” Theme Music : Will Power

Their Opinion On The Mun: "She seems like a reasonable enough person, however... if she could stop calling me... any of the things she calls me... I would greatly appreciate it.” He’s being nice he hates my guts.

|| The Basics ||

Name: Ren Amamiya

Nickname(s): Renren, Frizzy Hair, Joker, Whatever insult Akechi feels like calling him at the moment.

Age: 17 (19 in some AUs)

Species: Human

Religious Belief: He’s not religious but he would say Satanism to troll people.

|| Personal ||

Sins: Lust / Greed / Gluttony / Sloth / Pride / Envy / Wrath

Virtues: Chastity / Charity / Diligence / Humility /Kindness / Patience / Justice

Primary Goals In Life: Dependant on the AU. He considers reforming society to be extremely important in all of them, though. It’s more a matter of what he decides to focus on. Default, his main focus is on the phantom thieves. Black Gloves Ren’s ultimate goal is to free Akechi from the rigged game they’re playing and give him true freedom and happiness. Post-Game Ren’s goal (which he’s embarrassed admitting) is to get into politics so that he can campaign for human rights (especially LGBT rights and criminal justice reform), and one day making it so he can one day marry the person he loves. (He also wants to propose to Akechi literally the second gay marriage is legal in his country, either in public or private.)

Languages Known: Japanese, English (Black Gloves speaks it fluently, the others are about as good as you’d expect a Japanese high schooler to be at English).

Secrets: Only really applicable to Black Gloves Ren. I mean, aside from the whole being a phantom thief thing. Black Gloves Ren is hiding that he remembers the timelines because he thinks nobody will believe him.

Quirks: Basically unreadable most of the time. His poker face is godly. He flirts a lot, but if you flirt with him he’ll absolutely lose it. Cats seem drawn to him. Tends to bring up earlier conversations much, MUCH later at the worst time possible. A huge troll always.

Savvies: MAX STATS BOYEEEEE, athletics, is being a cocky little shit a savvy? Because that. Making coffee, cooking, somehow getting the top grades in school without ever studying, out-gambitting major conspiracies.

|| Physical ||

Height: 5'9″

Weight: 145 lbs (yeah he weighs more than Akechi. It’s mostly muscle.)

Scars/Birthmarks: Idk why but I can see him having a mole on his right shoulder. I have no good reason for this. My brain just says “yes, this would look good.”

Abilities/Powers: Wild Card abilities.

Restrictions: Much like his persona, he’s weak to bless. By which I mean his luck is total ass. Nothing goes right for him, no good deed goes unpunished, and if it weren’t for his sheer skill and the people around him, he’d basically be totally fucked always. Also, he’s kind of a criminal on probation and whatnot.

|| Favorites ||

Favourite Drink: Coffee.

Favourite Pizza Topping: “Pineapple and anchovies.” Ren. Ren. Now is not the time to troll. He actually doesn’t care.

Favourite Color: Beige. Black and dark gray. “Like my soul.” REN PLZ.

Favourite Music Genre: He likes things like Jazz and Rock.

Favourite Book Genre: B O O K. He’ll read pretty much anything.

Favourite Movie Genre: He’s not particular. He just likes watching movies in general. Obviously though, he loves heist/criminal/thriller stuff.

Favourite Season: Winter. He likes snow and cold.

Favourite Butt Type: “Same as Sir Mix-A-Lot” Ren, why do you know that song????

Favourite Swear Word: Fuck. Preferably said quietly.

Favourite Scent: Coffee. He also likes the scent of curry, but he wouldn’t want to be surrounded by it all the time.

Favourite Quote: “Where is the real you?”

|| Fun Stuff ||

Bottom or Top: He likes being a top but he’s also a massive masochist so, honestly, it’s 50/50.

Sings In The Shower: No, but he’ll hum.

Likes Bad Puns: “I am the pungeon master, here to punish evildoers.”

Morality: Lawful / Neutral / Chaotic / Good / Gray / Evil

Build: Slender / Scrawny / Bony / Fit / Athletic / Herculean / Babyfat / Pudgy / Obese / Other.

Favourite Food: CURRYYYYYYYYYY. It wasn’t his favorite food before going to Tokyo, but it is now. It just has a lot of good memories for him.

“Boss” Theme Music : Last Surprise

Their Opinion On The Mun: "Heh. She’s fun. I’ve never seen someone who pushes Akechi’s buttons as much as I do.”

Tagged by: Stole

Tagging: All yall

#ooc #i finally did it #this took forever #the prince #the thief

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rookieinbflat · 5 years

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Two Person System

Ethan x MC (Levin Stern)

WC: ~3200

Tags: @writerapprentice @vickypoochoices

Summary: This is the first part in a series of Levin and Ethan’s story now that they’re colleagues, which is a struggle because love is a two person system.

Dr Levin Stern sat in the front seat of Dr Ethan Ramey's car and wondered how she was going to crack this one. Levin knew she shouldn't do this, not again, trying to crack boys who didn't want to open up. She had learnt her lesson from her ex-boyfriend, well, she should have. Not to mention the stakes were much, much higher now, now he was her direct supervisor. She had the job of her dreams, the job she thought would take years to get to, but now, she had it all within reach. She was a firm believer that no man was worth her education or her career and those two things often went hand in hand. Levin had been debating the options over and over again in her head these past few weeks. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place, Ethan being the rock, obviously.

They were on their way to Albany for a medical conference and the hospital had taken too long to book flights and there were no seats available, so Ethan offered to drive. What a joke. If only some idiot hadn’t rear-ended her car the week before then they wouldn't be in this situation. A whole three-hour drive to get through. Fate had stabbed them and then twisted the knife.

Things had been understandably awkward between the two of them since she started on the diagnostics team. Levin had tried to maintain her professionalism, but it wasn't normal for her, she was used to goading Ethan, trying to make him smile and stop taking things so seriously, but she felt like she couldn't do that anymore, she felt like he couldn't be herself around him anymore. They had slept together thinking they would be colleagues at best, not with Ethan as her direct supervisor. It had only been a few weeks, maybe they just needed time to settle into the new situation they found themselves in.

"So," Ethan started after letting out a soft sigh, "how's life?" Levin smirked a little at how the tables had turned, just last year she had - somewhat awkwardly - asked him that same question when they were on the hunt for baby Ethan Hudson's stuffed frog toy.

"Um, it's good, I'm still getting used to things," Levin's voice is slow, she looks down to her lap and fiddles with the end of her scarf, "the whole office thing feels strange," she gave a short laugh.

Now that she was a junior fellow, Levin was given her own office in the hospital, right across the hall from Ethan's, albeit, hers was not as large and extravagant as his, but she did manage to find a good quality but a cheap coffee machine for her office.

"Yes, you'll need to find a comfy couch for between-shift power naps," Ethan smiles as he changes lanes, they were out of the city now and on the interstate, "and some earplugs, the walls are pretty thin,"

Levin coughs awkwardly, wondering if he realises the subtext of that statement, "God, maybe I should just move in there, I spend more time at the hospital than the apartment I actually pay rent on," Levin scolded herself internally, what the fuck was going on, this wasn't like her, Levin was the least awkward person in Boston, she prided herself on being able to make conversation with anyone, her ability to make people feel at ease and comfortable. It’s what made her a great doctor. Now, here she was, in the front seat of Ethan's car, second-guessing every word that comes out of her mouth. "Do we have to listen to this?" She says without thinking, the question catching both of them by surprise.

Ethan's mouth hangs open slightly, but he catches himself quickly and furrows his brow. There's a concerto playing and whilst it's beautiful, it's making Levin extremely sleepy, she didn't get much sleep last night between the constant study and also constant distraction of a certain surgical resident. "You don't like my music, Ro- uh, Dr Stern?" Levin sighed, he doesn't even call her Rookie anymore.

She looks over to him, "It's not that I don't like it, but I'd like something a bit more upbeat, I'm tired and this isn't really helping," she tells him truthfully and he glances over at her quickly before turning his eyes back to the road.

"Alright, you can put something on, let's see what sort of music you've got on there," he gestures to her phone and turns the Bluetooth in the cars sound system on.

She connects to the cars audio but takes a few seconds looking through her phone, she had playlists for every occasion: sad songs, party songs, Disney songs, 2009 songs, songs for the shower. She took a moment and figured her study playlist would be a pretty good option, songs that were catchy but still not too distracting. If Ethan is surprised or impressed or feeling any form of emotion right now, he doesn't show it, but soon he taps his fingers against the steering wheel and Levin can't help but feel like she's won this round.

She ties her long chestnut hair in a small bun at the nape of her neck, pulls her legs up onto the seat so they're crossed and retrieves her iPad from her handbag. Levin had downloaded all of her medical textbooks and journals onto it as well as dozens of medical apps, the device was practically attached to her hip at the hospital and she had bought it along with her this weekend so she could get in some much-needed study. While she had been getting some amazing practical learning done on the diagnostics team, she felt like she hadn't been able to study as much because of all the energy she was directed into working with Ethan.

"We're going to be at a medical conference all weekend, you're really going to study right now?" Ethan asks and she doesn't look up, pulling out the devices pencil to take notes along the sides of the pages.

"If you were me, wouldn't you be studying?" She says back, but she doesn't feel like she's paying much attention to her attending, the playlist has pretty much conditioned her to be in full-on study mode as soon as she hears it. Ethan doesn't reply and that's how she knows he agrees with her statement.

The next two hours that go by are relatively uneventful, Ethan had filled the gas tank before they left the city and Levin had her eyes glued to her textbooks the whole way down. They arrive at the hotel and retrieve their bags from the back of the car and just as Ethan hands the keys to the valet, an older man in a tailored navy suit stops him to question Ethan about the new book he's writing. I didn't know he was writing a new book, Levin thinks to herself but quickly shakes the feeling away, he didn't need to tell her, that's not her place. She slips off quietly, she wants this weekend to go by as quickly and painlessly as possible, getting caught up in conversations with Ethan is not apart of her plan.

Levin walks over to the reception desk in the foyer, she gets the key card to her room and makes her way over to the elevator, keeping her head low and her walk quick. Pulling her phone out of her bag, she catches up on any messages or emails she'd missed while it was on silent in the car.

Bryce Lahela (7 new messages)

Levin rolls her eyes, she's not surprised, Bryce has no shame in double or triple texting, he messages anything and everything that goes through his head, their text chain was basically a tour through his mind.

4.26pm: have you left already?

4.27pm: have you left already??????

4.30pm: ?have?you?left?already?

4.31pm: !!!!levin!!!!

5.02pm: hows the trip with dr. Terminator?

5.18pm: why aren't you taking me seriously

6.12pm: ugh and you say I'm annoying

How he had time to text her all these messages she had no idea, she knew he was at the hospital today, they'd all eaten together in the cafeteria at lunch. She laughed and typed out a quick reply before stepping out of the elevator, sorry, studied the whole drive over, the soundtrack would've made your ears bleed :(

Levin enters the room, sets her travel bag on the armchair and closes the blinds, she hasn't decided what she's doing for dinner yet but she does know she needs to change out of her crumpled travel clothes. Levin pulls on a long red skirt, that falls around mid-calf and has a long split up the thigh, a black top and pair of boots, she puts her phone and other necessities into a small shoulder bag and turns the lights off before walking out into the hallway, where she unexpectedly crashes into something, or rather someone.

Ethan's hands reach out and he grabs Levin by her elbows, steadying her before she falls back into the door, "Uh, sorry, I should've been looking where I was going," he says as he pulls her back up so she's standing straight. He watches her as she brushes down her outfit and hikes her bag back up onto her shoulder, "You were going somewhere?" He asks, brows furrowed and she looks like a teenager that's been caught sneaking out of the house.

"Um, yeah, I was just going to get some dinner, the hotel restaurant doesn't seem too appealing and there's a really nice place a few blocks from here." Levin shrugs and looks up to meet his gaze, he's studying her carefully, like her can’t figured her out.

"You really left me struggling back there and now you're going to leave me to eat in this crappy restaurant?" He laughs shortly and even though he covers it well, Levin can see that he's slightly offended.

"You're welcome to join," she offers even though she really doesn't want to, but luckily Levin is much better at hiding this than Ethan is.

"Let me put my bags in my room," He says and she tries to hold herself back from staring at his ass as he walks away. He was making it really hard for her to control herself. Levin rested against the wall and scrolled through social media as she waited for Ethan to sort himself, checking some emails and making a mental note of what she had to do when she got back to the room tonight, she was interrupted by the sound of a door opening, Levin had to contain herself when Ethan walked back out of the room, wearing a casual white button down and blue jeans.

Oh fucking fuck he looks so good, Levin thought to herself, this is going to be a long night.

They are barely out of the front door when Levin's phone starts ringing: Mom. "Sorry," she looked at Ethan, "I should take this," Ethan nods in agreement, and she answers to hear the usual array of noise in the background.

"Levin, babe, do you know where I put Edda’s medical folder? I can't seem to find it after the move," Levin rolls her eyes as her mum continues to rattle off all of the other things she's lost over the past couple of weeks, her mother was the sort of person who would lose her own head if it wasn't screwed on. Every week it was a new call or text asking about files or paperwork or the password to her email.

Levin didn't need to rack her brain, "Mum, it's in the filing cabinet, where it should stay, stop taking things out and leaving them all around the house," She had spent so much time moving into her mother into their new house in Fairhaven just over five years ago, she'd taken two weeks off of her college break to help her. Her mother seemed to be hellbent on turning the beautiful, organised home Levin had made into a glorified rats nest.

"Oh sorry babe, it's just been so crazy with the kids on break and starting the new job,” her mum continues to rattle off and Levin lets out small mhm’s and ahh’s when necessary. Her life was like this often, putting out fires at the hospital and putting out fires at home, her mum called her whenever something went wrong, no matter how big or small (often small) which meant she was constantly looking at her phone to see what the next big emergency was this time.

Once her mum has found the medical records, her house keys and successfully sent Levin into a disorganised rage, she hangs up the phone. Ethan and Levin have reached the restaurant by now and they’re greeted with friendly smiles. “Levy!” The stout man walks over to her with his arms outstretched, a smile stretched across his face, “so good to see you! When the others told me you were stopping by for dinner I had to come back in and see you!” He places his hands firmly on her shoulders and pulls her in for a hug.

“Thanks, Trevor, you know I can't come to town without saying hello and carb loading to the Max,” Levin smiles, stepping back to introduce him to Ethan, “this is Ethan,” she gestures to the tall doctor and Trevors eyes twinkle.

“The is the first time she’s brought a boy arou-”

“My boss,” Levin interjects and Trevor make a small ‘o’ with his mouth.

“I see, well a pleasure to meet you anyway,” he stretches his hand out to shake Ethan’s and Levin can tell he's impressed by the firm handshake, the nice dress shoes and Tommy Hilfiger button down, “we don’t get to see our Levin much now that she’s a big shot doctor down in Boston, so tonight’s meal is on the house!”

Ethan starts to protest, he can afford a meal and doesn’t want to put them out of any revenue but Levin makes a face that tells him not to, Trevor loves to accommodate old friends and will not let them pay a dime, Levin gets around this by leaving a couple of twenties in the tip jar.

It’s a Friday night and the restaurant is crowded and after a short catch up, Trevor finds them a nice table outside by the fire, surrounded by leafy plants and intimate lighting. Levin didn't mean for this to be so romantic, but she didn’t want to ask for another table at the risk of coming off ungrateful. They take their seats and order some wine to start, Ethan looks over at the young doctor curiously, she looks gorgeous in this lighting he thinks, he dark chestnut hair is somehow shining even in the dim lighting, and the outfit looks gorgeous on her tanned skinned. Ethan tries not to stare but he's finding it harder than usual, she has one leg crossed over the other and is facing the small band playing in the corner of the room, the slit in her skirt leaves most of her leg uncovered and Ethan can feel his heart race.

“You’re a regular?” Ethan asks, voice cutting above the chatter of the people around him, Levin turns to look at him, a small smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.

“Trevor is an old friend of my dad’s,” she tells him, “we spent a lot of time here growing up so I always try and visit when I’m in town,”

The waiter comes over to take their orders, Levin orders a glass of Riesling and pasta, Ethan orders some Malbec and pizza. The two of them share some arancini and bruschetta.

Ethan takes a sip from his glass, "You've never told me about your siblings," he looks at her with an eyebrow raised,

"You never talk about your family," Levin points out, but then shrugs, "I didn't realise I've never told you about them, I normally talk about them all the time. I have eight siblings so our house was pretty crazy growing up," she chuckles and takes a bite of arancini, the small ball of rice practically melts in her mouth.

"That is a lot of kids, your mother must have been running on fumes," this time he laughs too, "what are there names?"

"Um, well, I have two older brothers named Basil and Sepp, two older sisters named Evia and Sera, three younger sisters named Marti, Edda and Isa, and a younger brother named Jos,"

"Wow, those names are..." Ethan trails off, not really sure what to say so Levin finishes for him.

"Unusual?" Ethan's makes a face that conveys the sort of agreement he didn't want to admit, "My mum is super into traditional Swiss names, she even went to court over my sister and I's names," Levin laughs and takes a sip out of her wine glass.

His jaw hangs open slightly, "To court? For what? Over baby names?"

"Yeah, in Switzerland you're not really supposed to give traditional boys names to girls, so Levin and Marti were choices that the birth registry didn't initially accept, but then my mother took them to court and argued her case, she's pretty stubborn and didn't go down without a fight,"

Ethan looks at her with a small smile, "Well, now I know where you get your tenacity from," his voice is sincere, taking Levin by surprise, luckily the waiter arrives with their food before she makes things awkward. "You were born in Switzerland?" She wonders what questions he's got stored in his brain, as she pushes her food around on her plate.

Levin hesitates to answer, but nods, she feels weird sharing these things with Ethan now. She knows they need to grow together as a team but how can she do that when she has such strong feelings of affection towards her attending? Levin chews on her lips before she tells him the answers to all the questions he asks. She tells him about their three dogs growing up in Switzerland then moving to North Carolina for her dad’s job, she tells him about boarding school and almost getting kicked out after being caught sneaking into the boy's dorm, she tells him about her undergrad and the late night study sessions, bar fights, ski trips. He’s curious, she’s lived a very full life for someone so young, only twenty-five and she’s seen so much of the world, but he also knows that she’s seen so much pain. He’s heard her talking to Lahela and the other interns, stories of her mother's post-partum depression and the years that followed with a shell of a mother, there but not really. When they finish their meals, a silence falls between them and Ethan can see that she’s caught up in her own head, running her brain on overdrive, a brain running on anxiety. He quietly clears his throat before he does something he hasn’t done in a long time, he opens up.

“I’m an only child,” Levin’s eyes snap up, meeting Ethan's gaze, his bright blue eyes are soft, “my parents never wanted a big family,” he says the words like she’s got a knife to his throat, each word coming out at a glacial pace.

Levin smiles at him, before reaching over the table with her hand outstretched, he places his hand in hers and gives it a light squeeze.

#ethan ramsey #dr ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #open heart #oh #love #struggle #bryce lahela #choices #choices: open heart

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thismanateelovestowrite · 5 years

Text

When you’re Jooheon’s girlfriend but Minhyuk likes you too

Thank you for the request~ ^^ I sincerely hope this is to your liking and feel free to tell me your thoughts on this~

hahahaha i’m rusty sorry i feel like this isn’t the best of my writing but i truly hope this is enjoyable as it was nice to write!

Words: 2239

Some cheesy fluff and some heart-wrenching angst

Requested by anon ♥

”You two do know that you make everyone around you feel nauseous?” Minhyuk frowned at you and Jooheon from across the room.

“You’re just jealous,” Jooheon claimed and proceeded to keep hugging you from behind while you watched their performance on your phone.

“Are you going to have some time off now that you’re finished with promotions?” you ignored the two troublemakers and asked the five other members who were scattered around the room.

“Probably?” Shownu seemed like he wasn’t sure either. “We’ll probably find out today.”

“Do you have any plans?” you asked in curiosity and put down the phone as Jooheon rested his chin on your shoulder. You leaned your head against his.

Everyone else but Minhyuk and I.M nodded.

“Can you believe that the two of us are the only ones not in a relationship?” Minhyuk sighed in despair.

“I’m not dating anyone,” Wonho claimed, slightly confused.

“You’re basically married to the gym,” Hyungwon retorted, earning some amused chuckles from the other members. Wonho seemed to acknowledge the statement as he didn’t argue against it.

“Should we do something together?” Minhyuk asked I.M who shook his head immediately. “Why?” Minhyuk whined.

“I have my own plans already.”

“You just said you don’t,” Minhyuk frowned. “Come on, we could use the time to bond.”

“Yeah, no. Anything but that.”

Minhyuk pouted and soon his gaze landed on you and Jooheon. Before he could open his mouth, the group’s manager peeked his head in to the room, gaining everyone’s attention.

“Time for the meeting,” he said, causing everyone to head towards the door to leave.

Jooheon gave you a kiss. “I’ll call you tonight to fill you in on the plan for tomorrow,” he smiled and pecked your forehead quickly before hurrying after the other members.

***

[Anyway, sleep well~ Jooheon will kill me if he finds out that I kept you up this late~]Minhyuk’s message made you chuckle.

[It’s, like, ten o’clock, no he wouldn’t] you texted him back with a smile on your lips. [Besides, he knows that we’re good friends~ He’s not like that~]

[Well, I guess I’ll just have to trust you ^^]

As you were about to put your phone away, it started to buzz. A smile spread on your lips as you read the cute nickname on the screen

Oh, yeah, he said he would call.

“Who’s this?” you smiled playfully as you picked up the call from Jooheon.

“Your prince,” he played along, making you cringe and giggle at the same time. “What are you doing right now?”

“Lying in bed,” you answered truthfully as you stared at the ceiling above you. “How about you?”

“Same here,” he chuckled. “Anyway, about tomorrow… I have two plans.”

“Oh, you do?” you grinned at how excited he sounded and rolled onto your belly.

“Of course, I need to be prepared since these kinds of opportunities come so rarely,” he explained.

“Yeah, you’re right,” you agreed.

“So… We either go outside or stay indoors.”

“Well, that’s a start,” you laughed at the simplicity of his options. “I thought you would have had something slightly more detailed on your mind.”

“I do! I’m just asking too hear which you prefer,” you could imagine him smiling widely.

“Hmm…” you thought about the two options for a bit. “I’m not sure. I heard that it’s going to rain tomorrow so maybe going outside isn’t the best option… What will we do if we stay indoors?”

You could hear him chuckle. “Indoors it is then. You’ll find out tomorrow. Oh, and wear something super comfortable.”

***

Your eyes widened in slight surprise. “Oh, I thought you were going to go visit your parents this weekend?” you wondered at Minhyuk with a smile as he let you inside the dorm.

“I’m taking a train that leaves in the evening,” he grinned. “I’ll be sticking around until then. Unfortunate news for you two, I guess.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled. “I don’t really mind. After all, this is your home and I’m just visiting, so I’m the one disturbing you.”

“Well, good thing I don’t mind you visiting,” he smiled and as you walked out of the hallway, you ran into Jooheon who was hurrying towards the hallway.

“Ah, I would have opened the door for you but Minhyuk was faster,” he walked to you, giving Minhyuk a look while passing by him. While you and Jooheon shared an affectionate hug, Minhyuk left and went to his room, letting you two have your moment in peace.

“I see you followed my orders,” Jooheon smiled at your laid-back outfit.

“Of course. So, what are we going to do today?” you asked with an excited smile as he pecked your cheek.

“Let me show you,” he held your hand and led you to the kitchen.

“Are we going to cook?” you looked at him in surprise after seeing different ingredients around the kitchen counters.

“Bingo!” he seemed extremely excited. “I remember we talked about this before.”

You nodded. “Yeah, we did. I’m glad you remembered that. It wasn’t exactly a lengthy conversation or anything.”

“I remember every moment I’ve spent with you,” his words caused you to cringe as he made them sound overly dramatic. Your reaction seemed to amuse him as he laughed wholeheartedly after seeing your face.

“Let’s just start cooking before I completely shut down because of your cheesy comments,” you shook your head with a smile.

***

“It was really good. We should watch it together some time,” you told Jooheon about a movie you had seen with a friend.

“It sounds interesting,” he seemed genuinely interested. “Maybe we can watch it next time.”

You nodded and even though the thought excited you, it also made you feel slightly sad - you didn’t know when the next opportunity for a lengthy date would be.

“I’ll make it happen as soon as possible,” he held your hand, knowing what passed your mind. “I’m sure we’ll get another break soon.”

His comforting words and smile made you feel reassured and you nodded again. “I hope so.”

Footsteps could be heard and soon Minhyuk walked into the kitchen. You both turned to look at him as he walked over to the table.

“It smells pretty good in here,” he stated and looked at the remainders of the food inside the pot. “Can I taste some?”

“Go ahead,” Jooheon said rather nonchalantly, though you could tell that he was rather proud of what you two had managed to make. Seeing the slight pride in his eyes made you smile subconsciously as you looked at him.

“Oh, it’s actually pretty good,” Minhyuk sounded surprised as he tasted the food.

“Of course it is,” Jooheon gave a laugh and you could see that he felt even prouder. “We made it together. The secret ingredient is love.”

Minhyuk frowned at Jooheon’s comment, and his disapproving expression made you laugh.

“It’s good and all but…” Minhyuk looked at you. “It’s not exactly to your taste, right?”

Jooheon seemed taken aback by his comment and looked at you.

“No, it’s okay,” you said even though Minhyuk was right. “I had fun making it, so it doesn’t really matter whether it was my favorite food or not, right?”

Minhyuk seemed pleased. “See? As expected from our strong friendship. Do you even know her?”

Jooheon snorted. “Yeah, well… I’m still closer to her than you are. I mean, you are just a friend to her.”

“I got to know her first, though,” Minhyuk retorted. “So, I’ve been close to her for a longer time than you have.”

You looked at them both with a disapproving frown but they were too busy glaring at each other murderously to notice your discomfort.

“Who knows, maybe I could have become her boyfriend if you hadn’t ruined everything,” Minhyuk shrugged and you felt offended by the tone of the conversation.

“Bummer, I was the one to ask her out first,” Jooheon sneered. “Sorry for having taken her from you, but that’s just how things work. First come first serve, huh?”

“What, I’m some object now?” you asked with irritation but got ignored by both.

“You know, we had a great friendship before you became all possessive of her,” Minhyuk claimed in anger and Jooheon got up from his chair. “As if she belongs to you. Don’t you think we should all be able to close be with her?”

“I’m just keeping her away from you because you’re so clingy it bothers all of us!”

“You’re just insecure because you know that I’m closer to her than you are! You’re just scared I’ll snatch her away from you!”

“I’d never let you snatch her away from me! As if she would ever like you!”

You just stared at the two in utter disbelief. You knew they had had their small disagreements about you before but never to the point of almost starting a physical fight, which they now seemed to be ready for. It made you extremely uncomfortable, to the point of feeling like you were unable to breathe.

Having heard more than enough, you got up and decided to leave the situation. As you walked to the hallway to leave the whole apartment, they finally noticed you.

“______,” you could hear Jooheon calling your name.

You quickly put your shoes and jacket on before grabbing your bag from the floor and opening the door to leave. You could hear hurried footsteps as you entered the corridor and soon enough, Jooheon stopped you.

As you turned around to look at him, you could only feel disappointment. He looked at you with a concerned look in his eyes.

“Where-“

“I’m tired of listening to your bullshit,” you snapped, startling him. “I didn’t come here to listen to you two fight like two five-year-olds over a toy.”

He just stared at you, regret filling his gaze as he looked at you and realized how uncomfortable and offended you felt.

“You two figure out what’s going on and once you’re not complete assholes anymore, come find me,” you sighed and turned around on your heels before walking away hurriedly, feeling like you would pass out from not being able to breathe.

***

As you heard the doorbell of your apartment ring, you almost didn’t want to go open the door. You knew it was Jooheon and after all the thinking you had done while waiting for him, you were scared to face him. You would have to tell him about those thoughts and you already knew how he would react. And how hard the topic would be for you both.

The handle felt cold as you pressed it down and slowly pushed the door open, coming face-to-face with Jooheon. He flinched a little and after a few seconds of eye-contact, his gaze dropped to the ground.

“Can I come in?” he asked softly and you let him in without a word.

As he took his shoes off, you walked into your kitchen where he eventually followed you. You sat down on one of the chairs around the dining table while he stopped to stand in front of you. You looked at him, waiting for him to speak.

“I’m sorry,” he hung his head low. “I didn’t realize how offending those words were to you. I was just… so angry at Minhyuk…”

Your heart ached a little as you looked at him. “Did you two make up?” He shook his head. “We tried but…” his words made you sigh. “I’m sorry. I made a mistake… I’ll be better…”

“This wasn’t the first time you two have said things like that, is it?” you felt a lump in your throat and he looked at you in surprise. “I’ve heard you bicker before. About me…”

You looked at him and waited for him to say something but he just stared at you in silence.

“I ignored it until now because I thought you two would figure it out but seeing how serious the fight got today… I…” You had to take a deep breath and look away from him. “I don’t think we should continue being together.”

“What?”

You fought the tears in your eyes. “You two are in a group together, you need to get along. I’m afraid you won’t be able to do so if I’m around.”

He shook his head and got on his knees right in front of you before grabbing your hands gently. “I’m sorry, please… Let’s not break up… I… I’ll make up with him… I’ll… I’ll do anything.”

“Jooheon,” your voice cracked and you took a deep breath before looking at him again. “It’s better for you to choose your career than me… Those guys, they’re your second family. It’s not right if a fight over someone like me breaks it up…”

He looked in to your eyes with his glistening ones, making it hard for you to not tear up. He looked at you for quite a bit, as if searching your eyes for something.

“Were you… waiting for a situation like this? To break up with me?”

You forced yourself to look in to his eyes and said with the calmest voice you could: “Maybe.”

First his eyes widened in shock. Then he let his gaze drop, stood up and silently walked away. Once you heard the front door close, your tears spilled over.

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brooklynislandgirl · 5 years

Note

If you are still doing the ship meme... all the hearts for Beth and Foggy cause I need to know :)

Heart Eyes || Accepting

❤: who is more affectionate in public? in private?

Long suffering Foggy Nelson has been the victim of ambushing by hug or sudden hand-hold, by bright and bubbly enthusiasm over probably the weirdest things, kisses on the cheek, straightening of ties, thumbs up from around corners…the laundry list gets longer with every passing year they’ve known each other. And he wears her affection with a style and grace that’s rather unmatched by nearly anyone he could care to name.

And he returns those tokens with equal aplomb, albeit differently. Musicals watched at his apartment, a tour of the office while he was still working on it. Phone calls in the middle of the night to make sure she is first…okay, and that she doesn’t forget she actually has a home to go to.“Definitely me in public, him in personal space.”

♡: who is the bigger romantic openly? secretly?

She laughs and the sound radiates warmth and kindness through out it’s duration which is brief. Not because the question is funny but because Foggy is one of the sweetest and most romantic souls she knows, more so than she is, and that’s saying a lot.“Foggy’s romantic in da very French sense of da word. I mean if I had t’ pick someone oddah dan my braddah whom I could see ridin’ resolutely into battle wi’ a token around his arm from some kine maiden fair…I couldn’t pick anyone beddah. He carries a wonder of da world, a belief dat’s deep as oceans inside. He will champion a cause because it’s da right kine to do an’ nevah really t’ink twice, no matter how much he stand to lose, how hurt he could get, how he don’t see himself dat way.

“My favourite knights were always Sir Gawain an’ Sir Galahad….an’ if Foggy isn’t a distant relative of Lancelot, den I dunno who is. So I say….he’s da bigger romantic open like.”

❥: who is more likely to plan something big for valentine’s day?

“I hones’ly t’ink dat Foggy’s idea of Valentimes is him makin’ some kine ono for someone special ~man’s a fantastic cook when he’s got da time an patience for it, an’ he gonna shower you with all of his attention. Dat’s how he let ya know he cares, ya know? Lazy conversation, great little jokes, really lissen an’ rememberin’ small details.”She smiles.“Me…mebbe is cause how I was raise but I feel like… need t’ go real big or go home ya know? Carriage t’rew da park, rentin’ out da stadium for ‘battin’ practice an’ a picnic onna pitcher’s mound. Broadway show wi’ ya name in lights. Dat kind of t’ing.”ღ: who is more likely to initiate hand-holding in public?

They walk through the park, talking about his cases, even the smallest ones bringing a sense of pride and sense of self worth in it. And it starts with walking maybe too close, so that her hand brushes his and eventually she slips her fingers between his. She’s always had a thing about touch, it’s how she navigates the world and sometimes it just makes her feel a little less lonely, a lot safer. And maybe he doesn’t mind so much, because he lets her. Sometimes carrying on through with a conversation or lifting their conjoined hands to point something out that she might have otherwise missed.💕: who is more likely to make huge declarations of love in front of other people?

“Uh. Foggy.”

She remembers it all too clearly. How strange they all looked in Josie’s, Foggy and Karen and Misty and Beth herself. And she watched how he watched their long-legged and blonde friend. And Beth wondered what it would be like to be here for just a moment, though she was jerked out of that feeling when he slammed his palms on their pool table, and ordered another round of drinks.

‘These are my friends and I love them!’The only explanation he gave. Karen doesn’t know how lucky she is. Can’t see beyond Matt or Frank. But Foggy never gives up on people, and Beth admires that, even if she can see the marks it leaves behind. Even if she knows what those marks feel like. He walked Karen home that night, and she…left a picket fence of cocktail umbrellas for her cabbie.She never really had the guts to ask what, if anything, happened that night.💘: who developed a crush on the other first?“Oh, I dunno. We’re jus’…jus’ friends.”

She doesn’t know exactly when she noticed how he lights up a room with his smile. Or how she could spend hours listening to his opening and closing statements, or talking about how he grew up and what his favourite movies are. She doesn’t know why he risked life and limb to come to her clinic the night of the Earthquake. Or when she first traced the veins on the back of his hand and gave it a squeeze. She wouldn’t even really call it a crush so much as…she just likes being around him. She thinks he’s the best cuddler and a good friend and…💝: who spends more time (possibly overthinking) what presents to get the other?

“Me. Cufflinks. Wha’ was I even t’inking?! But a’ least he took it in stride.”💓: who initiates most physical contact?

It’s not exactly initiation, but Beth usually starts it. Whether it’s running her fingers through his hair at the end of a rough day, or letting him doze in her lap when he’s sick, or rubbing his shoulders during the middle of the night and he’s still burning midnight oil at his desk. It is the only real way she knows of telling him that she cares about him, his well being, and all the other things that go along with it. That and the hand holding. Or resting her head on his shoulders while they’re going through their Star Wars marathon.

“Some day, I’m gonna be really sad when I’ve got to force-choke him for being rebel scum dat he is.”💌: who is more likely to send cutesy texts to the other?

“I wouldn’t call dem cutesy, really. But sometimes it’s nice t’ get a random tex so ya know someone out dere tinkin’ about ya. An’ he ~said~ he liked cute animal videos, so reliably no can hold dat against me, jus’ sayin.”💟: who spends time reading their zodiac incompatibilities?

“No idea wha’ ya talkin’ about, incompatibilities. We’re both Cancers, born t’irteen days apart and a couple years, give or take, which means we bot’ got a lot in common if ya don’ count generational kine. An’ so wha’ if his venus is in his sixth… I mean I’m sure I could sit down an’ draw out his chart if I wan too but why? I don’ t’ink it maddah t’ him wha’ da stars say, because it’s slander and heresay, at best.”💙: who is more protective?

Beth absolutely believes Foggy is the more physically protective of the two of them, where as she’s more emotionally protective of him, and in a way it creates a really beautiful synergy. And it’s also extremely endearing though the idea that he could get hurt because of her absolutely kills her. “I say we’re pretty even matched here.”💚: who tends to get sick more often? who is better at taking care of the other?

Beth is convinced that he’s never noticed that she doesn’t get sick. Despite working in an emergency room and running a health clinic in the Kitchen. That whenever things go really side ways {or she spends time with people like Frank Castle}, she has the remarkable good luck not to come away with a single scratch. And she really hopes he doesn’t ever catch on because that is the one secret she can’t share with him.Likewise, Foggy’s worst habit is his lack of self-care and the fact that he’ll run himself into the ground if he’s allowed to. So of course she tries to make sure he doesn’t without seeming weird about it.

“I mean, I’m pretty sure I can say I’m mo’ beddah taking care of him, and oddah people, because dat’s ya know…what I do for a living. An’ I guess den dat makes him da one gets more sick.”💜: who said “i love you” first? or, if neither has said it yet, who is more likely to say it first?

“Objection!” She almost chokes on her cup of coffee at the question. Obviously flustered she seems to drop back behind her personal shell over the matter. Arms hunched inward and face turned away so her hair falls into it. Beth…can’t bring herself to say those words. Even if she meant them, even if they scratched at the back of her mind. Because when she does? The person leaves. She’s watched it happen time after time after time, and she can’t bear the idea of not having Foggy in her life.Besides, she’s a thousand percent sure that he doesn’t see her that way. And that’s okay too. He deserves someone he loves. He deserves the world.“Dis seem really unfair. Wha’s dat called? Leadin’ da witness?”💛: who believes in soulmates?

She’s absolutely sure they both do, but it’s surprisingly not something that’s come up in casual conversation. And if she were honest with herself, she’d admit he’s already found that person. And she absolutely has no remorse punching a certain blind-man dead in the face if he ever breaks Foggy’s heart.Again.

#mahalo!darling <33 #Sorry it took so long but there you have it! All the hearts!#{{would loooove to see your taken on them >.>}}#Just How Deep Do You Believe|Foggy Nelson #This Whole Crusade|Foggy and Beth #Curious and Grim|Daredevil verse #Hotter than Hell's Kitchen|New York Serenade #seamshatteredking

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hraewordsmith · 5 years

Text

making myself answer all 150 questions of an ask meme

because i can.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my mom 2. Are you outgoing or shy? depends on the situation. naturally shy 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my boyfriend, tomorrow :) 4. Are you easy to get along with? i mean yeah? 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? absolutely. 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? deep, loving people who are completely accepting. 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? lol i’ve been in a four year relationship, so yeah 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? my best friend Leo 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? yeah 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? same bff 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “yeah” 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? i’m so tired... by Lauv, Dark by Lael, Please by William Singe, 100 Bad Days by AJR, and Paris by Sabrina Carpenter 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? OH MY GOSH yes 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? i believe in miracles. luck? not so much. 15. What good thing happened this summer? i made a new friend 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yeah 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? not really 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? :)))) yeah he’s my boyfriend 19. Do you like bubble baths? ohhh yeah baby 20. Do you like your neighbors? yeah, i mean they’re quiet which is nice 21. What are you bad habits? picking at acne scabs, faking a smile 22. Where would you like to travel? London, England 23. Do you have trust issues? absolutely 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? washing my face 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my thighs 26. What do you do when you wake up? lie in bed on my phone 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? no 28. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friend and boyfriend 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? never had an ex YEET 30. Do you ever want to get married? absolutely 31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? lol no 33. Spell your name with your chin. fdzd 34. Do you play sports? What sports? no, actually 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV, no question 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yyyyep 37. What do you say during awkward silences? i start humming 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? the guy i’m with :) NEXT 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? any bookstore or craft store 40. What do you want to do after high school? LOL I’M ABOUT TO BE IN GRAD SCHOOL 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? yes, but not with me. 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? i am hiding something. 43. Do you smile at strangers? yes, they deserve it 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? bottom of the ocean 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? food or to pee 46. What are you paranoid about? losing the people i love 47. Have you ever been high? nope 48. Have you ever been drunk? nnnope 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? yeah probably 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? BLACK DARKNESS HOODIE 51. Ever wished you were someone else? yep 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my mental health 53. Favourite makeup brand? morphe, atm! 54. Favourite store? Barnes and Noble 55. Favourite blog? do i have to pick? 56. Favourite colour? teal blue 57. Favourite food? chocolate 58. Last thing you ate? chicken, cheesy rice, and potatoes 59. First thing you ate this morning? captain crunch cereal 60. Ever won a competition? For what? uhhhm not sure actually 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nope, i was homeschooled so i don’t think that counts 62. Been arrested? For what? nope 63. Ever been in love? :))))) 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? you mean, to the 6 year old i used to babysit? 65. Are you hungry right now? mmm yeah 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? they are my real friends. invalid question. NEXT 67. Facebook or Twitter? facebook 68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr 69. Are you watching tv right now? hehehehehehe nope 70. Names of your best friends? aislinn, nora, leo, katherine, andrew 71. Craving something? What? chocolate and sweet tea 72. What colour are your towels? blue and dark green 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? one and a body pillow 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? you know it 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? heckin lots. i used to have more. right now, 30+. 75. Favourite animal? kiwi bird 76. What colour is your underwear? blue?? what kind of question 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? either dark dark chocolate or banana 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? white.... 80. What colour pants? black. why do you care so much about my clothes?? 81. Favourite tv show? the office 82. Favourite movie? pride and prejudice, 2005 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? haven't seen them 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? nope 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? also nope 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? THE BABY JELLYFISH 87. First person you talked to today? my lovely mama 88. Last person you talked to today? @mckellaraislinn 89. Name a person you hate? do i have to hate people? 90. Name a person you love? you, uwu 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? yep 92. In a fight with someone? not physically 93. How many sweatpants do you have? at least 15 pairs 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? OMG uh lots 95. Last movie you watched? Pride and Prejudice 96. Favourite actress? actually don’t know 97. Favourite actor? chris hemsworth 98. Do you tan a lot? not at all 99. Have any pets? fish named Taco and dog named Coco 100. How are you feeling? sick and sad 101. Do you type fast? oh yeah 102. Do you regret anything from your past? everything 103. Can you spell well? yeah i actually spell really well 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? everyone 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yep 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? ...in the romantic way, no. 107. Have you ever been on a horse? yep! 108. What should you be doing? sleeping 109. Is something irritating you right now? oh yeah 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yeah 111. Do you have trust issues? you already asked this but yeah 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Leo 113. What was your childhood nickname? **CLASSIFIED** cause y’all don’t know my first name 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yep! quite a bit 115. Do you play the Wii? i used to, quite a bit 116. Are you listening to music right now? no cause i’m on the phONE 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yee 118. Do you like Chinese food? YEE 119. Favourite book? The Book Thief by Markus Zusak 120. Are you afraid of the dark? nope 121. Are you mean? ...no??????? 122. Is cheating ever okay? absolutely not 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? ...i mean kinda 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no, i’m always skeptical 125. Do you believe in true love? absolutely 126. Are you currently bored? nope 127. What makes you happy? my friends and my dog 128. Would you change your name? i’d love to go by my middle name all the time 129. What your zodiac sign? Pisces 130. Do you like Subway? yeah but i can’t really eat it anymore 131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? OH HECK THANK GOD HE DOES NOT but we’d probably talk it out and stay friends 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Leo 133. Favourite lyrics right now? “i’m so tired of love songs, tired of love, just wanna go home...” 134. Can you count to one million? yes but I'm not gonna do it YEET 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? “i’m fine” 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed 137. How tall are you? 5′1″ 138. Curly or Straight hair? straight 139. Brunette or Blonde? brunette 140. Summer or Winter? winter 141. Night or Day? night 142. Favourite month? march cause my birthdAY 143. Are you a vegetarian? nope 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark 145. Tea or Coffee? coffee 146. Was today a good day? ...not really 147. Mars or Snickers? snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote? “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” 149. Do you believe in ghosts? nope 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Saturday?”

THIS WAS FUN AND TOOK FOREVER YEET THANKS FOR GETTING TO KNOW ME

#tagged #not really but idc #long post #rae speaks

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