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#which means Ryan is too
crossbackpoke-check · 8 months
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Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman
part one | part two
#toronto maple leafs#HELLO EVERYBODY THIS HAS BEEN MONTHS!!! MONTHS IN THE MAKING BECAUSE i AM UNHINGED AND NEEDED THE PRECISE PICTURES THAT I KNEW I WOULD GET#like. seventy five percent of this has been done since the first time i posted this and while it has gotten better with time because#my narratives simply got more complex and there's so much of this that is For Me but don't worry i will explain but aLSO goddamn mitch coul#you have gotten married any later in the year. also willy you truly disappointed me by not getting an absurd haircut this year (now that#i've said this he's going to debut it on instagram like. tomorrow. but anyway that meant y'all got to enjoy my neuroses of#Loving Tyler Bertuzzi who is a goddamn leaf. the joys of having to wait to post this (was not a leaf at the time i started it) and anyway i#have at length i think had the breakdown about tyler in pigtails girl dad & how i got a bob & then tyler copied me which was rude. that's m#gender. ANYWAY starting from the top we got sheldon keefe documentation which was really just the personal decision that i wanted all the#coaching staff to be the markers in the poem/the bold & also at the TIME keefe hadn't re-signed &we thought it might be everybody out w/kyl#anyway the title of the scrap of an old lover's flannel is literally 'u think this is about sheldon & kyle NO it's about timothy liljegren'#bc. liljegren was on the marlies winning cup team & has had a contentious relationship w/keefe ever since & was healthy scratched in playof#& the narrative is sooooo. also at one point for the ryan o'reilly i was going to edit the stlb out of his grandma's shirt or cover it w/th#childhood dreams line but THEN i found the gio snapped stick one which was too perfect for 'crumbling copy' the ryan o'reilly To Me is so.#ur insane in ways u did not think for that one. like. how soft her hands were. his grandma you guys. he grew up a leafs fan. if he ever get#to lift the cup with her again i will lose my shit. the cup run a movie i remember nothing--OKAY the spezz one i knew i needed him stresse#but also i believe in the spezz/kyle narrative so. it comes up later don't worry ALSO SPEZZ FOLLOWING HIM TO PITT CAME AFTER I MADE THIS bu#the muzz tea one makes me a little sensy bc muzz was out with an injury for most of this season & it was a really scary spinal one & so yea#& then the simmer one just straight up makes me cry bc i love him so much & the work that he does for anti-racism in hockey means so much &#if you have that video open & watch it i promise you will cry i do every time it's so beautiful he had to be on comforted by beauty & sammy#boy is on the a man who doesn't know me because EYE remember the caps goalie tandems. baby lilya. the mo one is a little funny bc it is#solely due to wade's thread about mo rielly the coal miner homestead husband. that's why he moves to omaha also i think it suits him (quiet#OK NOW OLD MEN IN LOVE NARRATIVE this one's in contention for my fave bc it's spezz coping w/retirement fundamental meaningless of existenc#u heard abt tyler already that's for me the minchy picture was just too good i had found it earlier & i spent SO LONG looking for an empty#leafs rink picture for bathtub i have some cool construction photos but i wanted the melting ice ones (thought about tahoe lol) & the sprin#one i manip'd a lot bc i needed a spring picture bc playoffs clinch in spring & that one fit so coincidentally perfect bc it's 7 straight#seasons 7 guys so. :) & i KNEW i swore to god they did more milk advertising i knew i was gonna do this one from the minute i saw the poem#the milk patch & it took a hot minute BUT I FOUND THIS ONE this one's for funsies. AND THE PIC I WAITED SO FUCKING LONG FOR this is actuall#from kerf's wedding but i was like i know on god mitch is getting married this summer & that's about to be the drunkest shenanigans wedding#i'm waiting for the pics. & then i was BLESSED with this one which is beautiful & perfect & LOOK AT THEM. anyway the last one is bc
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formulafics · 5 months
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moonlightperseus · 1 year
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i do think it’s funny that 911 was like yeah we’ll recast for a teen maddie but teen buck and eddie? uhhh let’s just. idk. do something with their hair???
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jorgecrespo · 3 months
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those pesky oscars are always keeping me on my toes
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jesterwaves · 2 years
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i got sick so i did another go! child cover with an old transcription i probably started when the song was first released. song is tranquil from their album the masquerade
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1980ssunflower · 1 year
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How about the classics, both your boys for character bingo! I really like hearing your thoughts on them, haven’t even seen IT yet but I love absorbing their knowledge and lore via your words
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lesbiten · 2 years
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manifesting dan meeting ryan and graham in the finale and having more than 1 interaction
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pixiesndberries · 4 months
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𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐅𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐇𝐔𝐒𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐃, 𝐉𝐉𝐊 𝐌𝐄𝐍 —
a small series of Jujutsu Kaisen men as your husband !
☆ OUR STARS : Gojo Satoru, Nanami Kento, Geto Suguru, Choso Kamo, Aoi Todo, Toji Fushiguro, and more !
━ REQUESTED BY : none
━⁠ WARNINGS : none
ෆ PIXIE'S NOTE ! : were back again at daily posting 🙏🏻 to my pookies who supported me, y'all made me giggle and kickin' my feet in my bed last night 👉🏻👈🏻 love lots!
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GOJO SATORU, as your husband !
• Gojo being your husband is no different from being your boyfriend — he still gotta be that same person you dated few years ago, though he became more serious about situations and decisions because you guys are married but his goofy, annoying, clingy side is still there — I mean when he met you and been with you for like two weeks your caller name is already set as 'wifey'.
Gojo who totally acts like a mom when you leave for work, he is like a freaking HOUSEWIFE —
"honey!" he sings as he walks into the living room seeing you brush your hair Infront of the mirror, getting ready for work. "hmm?" you responded and quickly turns your head at him — he's wearing a this is what an awesome husband looks like apron which made you too stunned to speak, "I created a bento for you." he smiles as he hands out a nicely wrapped bento box which was really new to you because it's always you who keep creating bentos for him, usually when he leaves for a mission.
"thank you, honey." you say softly with a warm smile as you accept his bento that he specially created for you, he can't help but to feel like a love sick teenager seeing you smile like that. He officially takes the position of being a housewife 🫡
Gojo who couldn't stop talking about the future he wants with you like nonstop — this man would talk about having three million carbon copy of him with you and would name them after megumi, yuji, nanami and basically all of his friends, students, and dead relatives 🏃🏻‍♀️💨 — I FEEL LIKE HE GOTTA BE THAT TYPE OF PERSON.
Gojo always flexes you everyday and YOU are his hyper fixation — argue with the wall, he gotta be the type of man to say "she's my wife." randomly when he's talking to an old friend he haven't seen for a long time. HE WILL BE THE HUSBAND WHO YOU WILL SEE WEARING "I LOVE MY WIFE" TYPE OF SHIRT WITH THE UGLIEST FONT AND PHOTO TEMPLATE EVER. Once a person mentions your name he ain't gonna shut the fuck up.
I just know this marriage go'n be like Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively's relationship 🙏🏻 ABSOLUTELY RANDOM TEXTS FROM HIM, UPDATING YOU TOO MUCH.
2:32 pm
gojo : shitting at the mall cuz i don't have anywhere to shit on.
gojo : [sent an attachment]
gojo : i miss you my wife, my beautiful wife.
gojo : [sent an attachment]
gojo : [sent an attachment]
gojo : your very handsome husband ❤️
2:40 pm
you : stop spamming me messages love, im at work 🙏🏻
gojo : why? is it turning you on 😏
you : that's a photo of your feet.
Gojo who became a seriously hands on person when you told him that you're pregnant — when he has missions with yuji, megumi, or maybe nobara and you told him that you're very tired to do anything today he will be like,"okay kids, I got to go I have important things to do." and dashed away before they could say something and mf arrived at yalls house within a second.
Gojo who cried when he carry his baby for the first time, he was sobbing like hell — girl dad? boy dad? BRO HE IS BOTH ‼️ "okay we'll name this one suguru and this one-" he is going to come up with the most ridiculous names, probably the worst one was his dead ancestor.
okay seriously, Gojo would be a full time dad after his children were born — he will always stay at home as much as he can, having twins isn't easy plus he's trying to help you with his full power and make sure you don't feel alone through this.
"gojo.." you grumble as you felt his presence disappearing next to you at bed, you open your eyes and sees he wasn't there which led you to stand up and start looking for him — you walk out of the bedroom and noticed that the twin's bedroom door was open so you check it out.
in your suprise, gojo was in the rocking chair with the twin's in his arms peacefully sleeping and he is snoring like hell. You can't help but smile seeing this moment, it warms you heart. You quickly grabbed your phone and took a quick photo, this is what you exactly wished for.
Gojo who couldn't stop posting you and his little angels and his fans are absolutely living for it, it's like his day wouldn't complete without posting cute photos of his angels and of course, you as well. Gojo is indeed a Facebook mom —
; gojosatoru
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tagged : @y/n.instagram | fam time 🤍 !
liked by megumi.22 and 8,957 others
itaaa.yuji | I volunteer as a tribute to babysit them 🫡
nobaraaa | CUTIES.
shokoleiri.7 | adorbs
─ REBLOGS, LIKES, AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED FEEL FREE TO REQUEST!
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twow · 9 months
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i didn't have super high hopes for the barbie movie going into complex feminism and political issues or anything considering its made by mattel but the right-wing and male reaction honestly had me really hopeful that i was wrong and that the barbie movie is trying to say something radical. and then i saw the movie and its just like. the most basic boring surface-level feminism movie ever. the most political thing they say is that women have it really rough under the patriarchy which like. yeah obviously. its also extremely nice to men like its clear that the kens turn bad not out of malice but misguidance and ryan gosling ken gets whole musical numbers and a whole arc about finding himself and getting to know ken w/o barbie. even the all-male leadership at mattel is depicted as well-meaning albeit buffoonish at times. so the fact that men and right wing audiences are claiming that the movie is anti-men or is this super radical film is just. incredibly sad to me. like even a movie this non-political with such surface-level corporate feminism is offensive to you? and even the leftists are acting like its revolutionary somehow. if your boyfriend didnt realize how bad women have it before seeing the fucking barbie movie you need to get a new boyfriend. idk. its just disappointing all around to see something as basic as "women have it rough" treated like its a revolutionary concept and it makes me genuinely despair for the future of women that the barbie movie is the most feminism some people have been exposed to. and even that little amount is too much for some people.
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drunkkenobi · 5 days
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Hi bb, ty for the prompt to write my thoughts!
So I can't get on tumblr at work anymore unless I go outside to get good signal on my phone so I have only been privy to what's going on here today from friends on discord. So maybe I'm missing some nuance or the what my mutuals think and I apologize in advance for that but I'm going to speak plainly.
This is the only way Watcher is going to survive.
The view counts have been steady through Mystery Files season 2 but they aren't, like, astronomical. A video with a million views nets a channel between $10,000 - $30,000. Guys. That's nothing for Watcher. They have to pay each of their 25+ employees a salary with insurance and benefits and for everything else their channel requires. Steven said in the video today that a season of Ghost Files costs hundreds of thousands of dollars. I don't think everyone is hearing that part and understanding how much money that is, especially compared to many other YouTubers they watch. I'm not an expert on other YouTubers but I look at the Sims people I watch. They are successful with views in the hundred k range because they are a company of one. Themselves and maybe paying a freelancer to help edit their videos. For one person, the stakes are lower and the potential for profit is higher! Especially for gamers that are filming in their homes. YouTubers like this, making niche content on the cheap, are who is going to make it in YouTube now.
Watcher is none of those things. They have, from day one, wanted to make high quality unscripted content. All of their shows are shows. They aren't just "Ryan and Shane do [thing]" or "Steven eats [whatever]". They are shows, like ones you see on cable TV or any streamer. And shows are not cheap. Unscripted is cheaper, sure, than scripted. But that doesn't mean cheap. Especially not with the sheer production value we've seen on all their shows, in particular Ghost Files (hundreds of thousands of dollars). That is how much something like Ghost Adventures costs, which is on Travel Channel, an actual TV network that puts up all those costs.
So. That's why Watcher has to pivot to survive.
I think it's a great idea, personally. And yes, I am in a position where I can financially afford it no problem, which I know is a privilege! I am very lucky in that regard. And I understand that many people are upset they won't see the boys as easily on YouTube anymore. That is valid! But they have openly said they are totally fine with password sharing and I think that's a great way to cut down on costs for some folks. Also right now there's a great deal on the yearly sub for early subscribers. $40 for a year is cheaper than any streaming service and it doesn't go to anyone other than Watcher.
I understand that people feel hurt and blindsided, but I think Watcher is also feeling this too. They have been so excited about this and being able to make whatever they want without having to worry about sponsors and now they're mostly seeing anger directed their way. Especially at Steven. Steven is not rich. You know who's rich? David Zaslav, a man who is single-handedly ruining Warner Brothers and making himself a billionaire while he's at it. THAT is the kind of person we should be directing our anger at streaming prices and quality of the media landscape at. Not one small business that is just trying to survive so they can continue paying their employees.
And one more thing. I've seen folks saying they'd rather watch more ads than pay and while I get that, that's not going to help Watcher make what they want. YouTube famously demonetizes videos with swears which is why I can't watch a video with DRAG QUEENS without every other line being bleeped and Watcher has been so good about not bleeping their content because they know we would hate it. And YouTube does this because of advertisers. Advertisers only want to appeal to the most broad of audiences so that means not supporting anything slightly left of center. Having to deal with ads sucks from the creator perspective and does not help them in the long run.
Anyway, this is all a bit rambling, but these are my thoughts on WatcherTV. I'm extremely excited to subscribe and make them make more Weird Wonderful World. I hope to see you all there.
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noctqrnxl · 2 days
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my thoughts on the watcher update:
i am happy with this apology.
i will not let my guard down
i GENUINELY hope they learn to manage their finances better in the future
if they read through the comments then i hope they saw the thousands of people talking about how ryan and shane's banter >>> high quality content
i hope they get a little less out of touch??? and understand their audience??? and do some research before taking such a big decision????
i definitely hope that they find a balance between the high-quality content they want to create, doing so within understandable budget restraints, and the content WE want (which is mostly banter/talking. i used to hate anything horror-related but i loved bfu supernatural because SHANE AND RYAN MADE IT LESS SCARY!! I HAVE MADE POSTS ABOUT THIS BEFORE AS WELL!!)
contrary to what most people were saying, i actually liked steven the most at some point. when i'd watch too many spirits episodes it was steven's chaos (and eventually him and ricky's banter) that i looked forward to. i liked dish granted as well! yes i love shane and ryan, honestly who doesn't atp, but i always had a soft spot for steven. (i haven't seen a single worth it ep btw. the most i've seen of steven has been on watcher.) that's why the backlash against him specifically has been... tough to see. i acknowledge what people are saying and i also agree with it, but still. ykwim.
they look WRECKED. either they are very good actors all of a sudden or this was a more terrible weekend for them than i thought. (not to mention the bullying and harassment a lot of fans have done.)
as a lot of people have been pointing out, isn't WatcherTV basically Patreon??? i haven't signed up for either because, well, i'm an international fan 🙊 but still, it feels weird to have both??? idk (edit: they've closed up patreon for now)
i still think WatcherTV is a bad idea but hey, at least we will see the content on yt as well, right?
i hope one day we'll all joke about this. (i don't mean to say i want us to feel good about it, because i don't think we ever will. but still...)
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itstatartdump · 4 days
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So like most people on here I had been watching Watcher since they started their channel, and like most others I was surprised/concerned at the announcement that they're starting a streaming service. After checking out the site and looking close at their YouTube, this feels destined to fail.
I'll go through my thoughts.
They don't currently post enough to justify the paywall
Over the past year, they have posted between 4 to 9 videos a month. That is a decent amount for most YouTube channels, but for a streaming service that is way to low. For $5.99 a month, getting only 4 episodes is not a good deal when other services give you more for less.
What makes this problem worse it that...
They only produce one show at a time
Whenever Watcher releases a shows, they only have that show running. During a series of Mystery Files, they only upload Mystery Files. During a series of Too Many Spirits, they only upload Too Many Spirits. Now this isn't the case all the time, when they have smaller productions they usually release a similar size production along with it.
If we go back to the issue of only getting 4 episodes, this means that you can be paying $5.99 a month to access 4 episodes of a show that you don't enjoy.
These two issues would be less detrimental if it wasn't for the fact that...
They backpedalled removing their YouTube back catalogue
Lets be real, not only were they originally going to remove their YouTube content, It was the only way I could see this being worth the price.
Yes, they say that they aren't removing it, but if you read the full article it say's that "The company originally told Variety that Watcher would eventually remove all of its videos from YouTube".
Their original plan WAS to make all their content exclusive to streaming, the problem was that everyone new this was a scummy idea and they gaslit their audience into thinking they weren't doing that. But that now leaves them with a streaming service where all they offer is 4 episodes of a show per month and a back catalogue that is free on a more well known platform.
The big question I have is...
How are they going to make more content
This is something that I feel should be addressed, they are a small production studio who are trying to "creating television-caliber, unscripted series in the digital space" (direct quote from their YouTube Description). They need more content per month to make this service worth while, how are they going to do that?
Will they push out multiple small budget, easy to film, YouTube like content that bring up the overall upload count which may cause them and their employees to crunch and burn out.
Or are they going to produce several higher budget, TV-calibre shows that would each be more expensive than they can afford to make.
Not sure if this was coherent but thanks for reading anyway.
(sidenote)
While I agree that Steven is getting a huge bulk of the anger that should also be applied to Shane and Ryan, I also have to acknowledge that the first announced show after saying they need money being his travel show is not helping.
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lovelytsunoda · 12 days
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9 to 5 (what a way to make a living) // logan sargeant
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summary: its y/n's first day of work at her new job, and logan is trying his best to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible.
pairing: logan sargeant x girlfriend!reader
warnings: logie bear being the bestest boyfriend ever.
author's note: no logan fic will ever quite match 'jolene', but in the same spirit, here is another logan x dolly crossover event :)
she had taken the clothes out of her closet the night before, the dress pants hanging from the bedroom doorknob, silk shirt pressed over the back of her desk chair. she had been so nervous the night before that it had taken two melatonin to knock her out for the night.
which is why logan felt so bad for needing to wake her, but if she was going to make it to the first day of her new job on time for nine am sharp, she couldn't sleep in any longer.
"princess." he hummed, gently shaking her shoulder. he could smell the toast from the kitchen, hear the soft hum of the morning show he had put on the flat screen tv. "its time to wake up. its your first day of work."
"no, fuck off." she whined, smacking logan's hand away. "i don't wanna go. you have more than enough money for both of us."
logan knew that was true. he'd been born with the metaphorical silver spoon, but that didn't mean his dad didn't make him work for it, and that he wasn't still 'working for it'. it was just in a job that was more highly paid than anything else on earth.
he also knew that y/n would go insane sitting around the house all day with nothing to do, so it was important that she went to work, found a purpose and made new friends. that she socialized with other people once in a while.
"come on, you're getting up. go have a quick shower, i'm making breakfast, and they're interviewing ryan gosling on kelley and mark this monring."
begrudgingly, she sat up, her hair tangled and her face marred with red lines from the imprint of her pillowcase. "i hate you."
"no you don't." logan laughed. "shall i go finish breakfast, or do you need me to stay here and make sure that you get out of bed?"
_____
logan was in the kitchen, listening to the morning show hosts play 'stump mark', and frying up the flattened breakfast sausages. the table was already set, laid out with fresh flowers, a large stack of toast, a glass of ice water and three small heart-shaped chocolates.
everything needed to be perfect.
he had even taken the day off to make sure that all the household chores got done, and that his beloved could relax when she got home.
she emerged from the bedroom, hair still damp but curled around her shoulders, the silk shirt hugging her torso. silver hoops dangled from her ears, and logan thought she looked beautiful.
"awe, logan. you made me breakfast?" she sighed, hands over her heart.
logan grinned, pulling out a chair at the kitchen table. "and lunch. and i made you a hot chocolate to go, and packed your purse with all the essentials. i'm also working from home today, so if there's anything you think of during the day that needs to be done and starts making you anxious, shoot me a text, i'm sure james won't mind if i'm only half present in a meeting."
her heart felt full, her skin warm. she took a bite of the breakfast logan had prepared to buy herself time to think of a thoughtful answer, one that meaningfully encompasses just how much this gesture meant to her.
"logan, you're too good for me."
in a world of crappy boyfriends, and ones that are sweet and funny and kind yet unattractive (and the ones that look stunning but act like pieces of crap), how did she end up with a man like logan? a one in a million, authentic, rich, athletic, funny, charming, caring boyfriend?
"no i'm not." logan grins, hugging her from behind and placing a soft kiss to the top of her head. her hair was still damp, and smelled like her pumpkin spice shampoo, even though it was the middle of spring. "you're too good for me."
"can i trust you to make dinner as well, or will i come home to a burned down house?" she asked slyly, turning to face her boyfriend, still twirling a piece of bacon around her fork.
logan laughed. "babe, i think i can handle it. kyle is gonna come over, we'll get the barbecue out and make an afternoon out of it. the panthers are playing today!"
he was so excited, she almost didn't want to ruin it by reminding her lover of what happened the last time he invited kyle over to barbecue something. they were fishing charred brisket out of the pool weeks later. having the kirkwood boy over at their house just opened a whole new pandora's box. one that she was always happy to be a part of.
as long as she wasn't cleaning up after them.
feeling her eyes on the back of his skull as he crossed to the other side of the table, logan relented. "we're not making brisket today! just a simple steak roast."
"sure. you say that now, but once you and kyle start drinking, you overestimate yourselves." she jokingly jabbed back.
"don't you have to go to work?"
"don't remind me! i'm hoping they'll forget i was supposed to start today."
________
at long last, and at the moment she was dreading the most, she was ready to leave for work. her purse was slung over her shoulder, packed thoughtfully by her boyfriend to contain a small bottle of sodastream water with berry flavoring, a fresh lip balm, her allergy medication, a printed map of directions to her office, and her car keys.
she paced the front hall nervously, resisting the urge to scrunch her shoulders and tuck her hands away into the sleeves of her trench coat.
she could do this. she was about to be a working woman. this is why she went to college.
but her bed was so warm, and that book on her nightstand really needs reading. and she's two episodes away from the finale of big little lies-
"stop looking for reasons not to go." logan sighed, hands in the pockets of his adidas pants as he leaned against the doorframe. "you're going to do great, princess. they'll love you."
"how are you so sure?" she asked quietly, avoiding his eyes as she brushed a few errant strands of hair out of her face. "what if i get there and i'm bad at everything, or my supervisor hates me and i get fired and it takes me years to find another job-"
"babe, babe. calm down." logan soothed, resting his hands on her shoulders. "look at me, pretty girl. you are brilliant and funny and smart, and way more emotionally intelligent than most people give you credit for. your worked hard for this degree, and you earned it. if they don't love you there, that's their loss. any boss would be lucky to have you. you graduated on the dean's list, for god sakes. you will do just fine."
she wanted to believe him. she really did. but there was still a small voice in the back of her head that just kept going on about what-if's.
logan pulled her in for a hug, gently running a hand up and down her back.
"you are going to do wonderfully. and if you don't? i will be your sugar daddy while you find a new job."
he wasn't serious when he said it, and he knew he had said the right things when y/n began to laugh in his arms.
"don't say that. now i'll never go to work. i'll just lie by the pool with my book and make googly eyes at the pool boy while you do all the work. you know, like all rich couples." she giggled, pulling away so logan could see her face, and fully tell that she was joking.
"i love you." logan said, cupping her face with one hand, leaning in to kiss her softly. "i'm so proud of you, you deserve this job more than anyone i know."
"i love you too, logie bear. and please try not to burn the steaks."
TAGS:
@magnummagnussen @libraryofloveletters @thatsdemko @sidcrosbyspuck @httpiastri @twinkodium
@clemswrld
@userlando
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tawaifeddiediaz · 2 months
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it’s just really interesting that you have ryan being so self-aware of the fact that buck and eddie are the worst at relationships with anyone except each other which means the writers definitely know it too, and they still chose to have buck talk about dating with chris.
in the single, first, most impressionable episode that’s supposed to introduce buck, eddie and chris to the abc audience, you have them deliberately choosing buck instead of say, bobby (in terms of people eddie goes to for advice), who has two successful relationships under his belt and constantly gives eddie relationship advice specifically.
you have them deliberately introducing them as a family unit and it’s…a choice…
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reareaotaku · 9 months
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so I had a though what if the Barbies and the Kens actually had private parts but actively avoided them (think, using etc)?
Like Barbies do have boobs and you can see that the Kens have nipples. Also dolls - as far as I remember - had panties, craved in, panties.
I believe in the movie they talk about how they don't have genitals. Though, let's say that they do have privates, what would happen? Also ignoring the second part
Pleasurable Sin [Headcanons]
Yandere! Ryan! Ken x Fem! Reader Tw: Smut/Nsfw, Masturbation/Jerking Off, Ken has a dick! 🔞18+ Content due to dark and adult themes. Read at your own risk
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The Barbies are more sexually aware/have a sexual education
The only reason the Kens don't ALSO have a sexual education is because they don't take it seriously [Also, they're not really getting laid]
There are no diseases, STD & STIs, because there's nothing to give it to them if that makes sense?
They are humanized versions of their doll personas, meaning they have human bodies and need food, water, air, etc
The Kens are very sexual
Your Ken, Ryan, is always touching you and humping you, quite literally
The first time Ken jerked off he had no idea what he was doing
He grabbed the base/shaft and slowly moves up towards the tip. He slowly picks up the pace, which causes him to groan. He really liked the feeling and speeds up. He quickly speeds up when feeling his lower intestine tighten up and then cums all over his hand
He's out of breath and excited with this newfound pleasure
It makes him wonder if you also feel like this
He's completely clueless and thinks you also have a penis
"Well, don't you pull on it too?"
You look at him confused, before laughing at him. He blushes, embarrassed, feeling like a fool."
"We don't have the same genitalia, you know that right, Ken?"
"Of course I do... So what does it look like?"
Once he does figure out what jerking off and how good it is, he does it a lot
When you rub against him, it's like seeing stars
It feels better when you rub him than when he rubs himself
Man will do anything for you to touch him
He's very loud and cries during sex
He'll cover his mouth when your mouth is wrapped around him, because he doesn't want anyone to hear him
Suck him like a lolipop, it's like a treat for him
Barbie Dreamhouse Ken would care about your pleasure
Ken is so excited and sometimes forgets to please you
He moves so fast and energetically
Though, if you tell him, he'll be more cautious, because his biggest fear is you not loving him. So, when he does realize that he's been upsetting/displeasing you, he's scared
While he does enjoy the feeling of being inside you, if you show any discomfort, now that he has eagle eyes on you, he'll be quick to ask what's wrong
He's willing to do whatever you're up for
He's also really easy to turn on
If Boner Alerts existed, his would go off anytime you're near
You don't even have to do anything; You just talk a certain way/Lean into him just a little to far/ You look at him a certain way... Well, it all works and he gets excited
He gets really sad when you say no, but is willing to do it by himself. He'd rather you help him, but it's okay, he'll just use his imagination
Oh boy, does his imagination run wild
Good thing Porn doesn't exist in Barbie Land, because he'd be wanting to do it all with you
While he does love 'Love-making', he doesn't think about it constantly. Sometimes he loves the way you look in the sunlight. You look beautiful when you smile. Your laugh makes his heart beat and his skin gets those goosebumps. A shiver runs up his back when you look at him like he's the only man in the world
There's no one else like you. Yeah, the Barbies are pretty, but you are one of a kind and you're the only person who owns Ken's mind
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1980ssunflower · 2 years
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Man i wanna just paint the background of this fake sceencap so bad but i need to get sleep :-c
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