#which might be weird with my cartoon-y style

[maxwell-grant]

any thoughts on The Question from DC?

One of my favorite DCU characters, he’s this weird keystone of the superhero who has mostly lurked on the margins of the DCU along with his fellow Charlton brotherhood, all of which might have all faded to complete irrelevancy had they not been, by association, dragged bloodied and beaten into indirectly participating in The Biggest Thing Ever, with The Question having a couple of legs up above his fellow Charlton brothers and sisters not only because of Rorschach, but also because of him being a Steve Ditko character (essentially a Comics Code-friendly revamp of his controversial Mr.A), his revamp by Denny O'Neil, and his practically-protagonist role in the JLU cartoon. Hanging out with Batman sometimes and lending his identity to a Batman side character with a substantial history in her own right (routinely ignored because DC keeps turning her back into a fucking cop) didn’t hurt either. 

The Question occupies a unique role in the history of the superhero, and much of that has to do with how thoroughly they test and fray the concept by existing within it. Scenes where The Question buggers and disturbs superheroes far above his weight class like Superman and Batman are common and all-too fitting not only because of the character’s obtrusive know-it-all personality clashing with the other obtrusive know-it-alls who think having superpowers and mansions lets them get in the way of the truth (or his truth, potato tomato), but because they draw attention to how much of an outsider this character is.

I've had a greatly illuminating conversation with @artbyblastweave recently about what is it that really defines The Superhero, when so much of the archetype’s defining traits can be tweaked and varied, to which they pointed out that, once you get past the big Archetypal genre-defining figures like Superman, Batman and Spider-Man, what ultimately defines The Superhero besides the iconography is their proximity to other superheroes, whether it’s their relation to the superhero “genre”, the traits they share in common with the big names of the concept, or their role in a superhero universe, The Ectypes that inevitably form to gravitate around and echo The Archetype. What they said seems to me like as good of a definition as it gets and one that I find prudent to bring up here because of The Question, who endures in comics as a constantly self-reinventing Ectype: to pulp detectives, to Mr.A, to his own Ectype in Rorschach, to Batman, even to himself.

As I’ve pointed out before, The Question is, for all intents and purposes, as much of a textbook pulp detective as a costumed DCU character can be. This is a character who is only even eligible to be called a superhero because sometimes he hangs out with the Justice League and gets dragged into multiverse nonsense. At his weirdest and most superhero-y, he is still about on the same league as powerless-but-strange pulp costumed avengers like The Moon Man and The Crimson Clown, lacking extraordinary resources or hyper-advanced training or strange weapons and abilities common in those. Most of the time, he’s not even on that league, being instead functionally identical to the likes of The Spirit, armed only with a mask, his wits, and his fists as a first and last resort. 

The Question, and by extension his prior Rand-influenced works like Mr.A and The Avenging World as well as his later creation The Creeper, was in a way, Steve Ditko leaving the Marvel superheroes behind to create his own and establish his own idea of what superheroes should look like.

Committed to conveying the ordinariness and truth of real life, Ditko made his characters thin, hunched, withdrawn, and plain. He drew them sweating, sobbing and cowering, which only made it more moving when they overcame insurmountable odds to do the right thing.

The reclusive, bespectacled Ditko was preparing the way for elements of the underground alternative comics style, with a measured pace and thematic concerns that led all the way to the politics and formalism of works like Watchmen and beyond - Grant Morrison, Supergods

By Ditko’s own wording, The Question’s (and Mr.A’s) power was “deliberately knowing what is right and acting accordingly” and “choosing to be psychologically and intellectually healthy”, in a way intended to make them stand out from other “self-made neurotic” superheroes. It reads as ironic nowadays considering “self-made neurotic” is as apt of a description for The Question and his archetype as it gets, the kind of character Mr.A was, and The Question’s reputation as “a well known crackpot” but, putting the Rorschach debates of it all aside, whether intentional or not, this is also kind of the whole ethos of O’Neil’s Question as well, even as it radically revamped the character’s philosophy. O’Neil’s Question is a man who has nothing on his toolbelt short of a growing conscience and the ability to decide to do what he thinks is the right thing.

Rorschach doesn’t change anything Ditko espoused. In fact, Moore’s primary aim is to satirically lean so hard into Ditko’s objectivism that Rorschach quite literally melts into a puddle of uncompromising, unresolved trauma. Rorschach, for all his action-hero posturing, for all his belief in a true superhero’s unwavering sense of right, never compromises right into the grave.

Where Moore and Higgins deconstruct Ditko’s objectivist ideals to expose the selfish delusion at the core of the absolutist hero, O’Neil and Cowan literally kill then reconstruct The Question to their own liking. Both versions have to engage with the Randian legacy, but Moore’s is built to destroy, and O’Neil’s is built to live forever.

After Vic’s surprise murder at the end of The Question #1, O’Neil and Cowan are able to rebuild their own version from the ground up, concentrating most pointedly on the inner spirituality and conflicting violence of the character. The recalibration works and sets the stage for a ponderous, enigmatic, reflective Vic Sage.

This Question goes on to grow, to use violence less, to become so open-minded and curious he confuses the Riddler with his amorphous doubts. O’Neil and Cowan’s Vic Sage grows well beyond objectivism, acknowledging the vast pools of gray in the world, and acquiring the self-awareness to understand he doesn’t have all the answers. - ComicBookHerald's article on The Question #17

And it doesn’t get easy, never stops getting harder, even. Throughout O’Neil’s run we get to see him more and more tired, frustrated, cynical, defeated, even to the point he considers letting a LCD-using villain drug all of Hub City just to try and stop the rampaging crime. In respose to the world getting more and more menacing and convoluted, he starts reverting back to his old views to try and make sense of things and needs others to have his back so he can keep going.

This is echoed as well in the JLU cartoon where his ways let him be both correct and righteous in ways other characters aren’t, as well as send him crashing headfirst into disastrous mistakes and defeats others have to pull him back from. Through all his revamps, Vic Sage as The Question has consistently remained a hero driven first and foremost by his certainty stemming from his need to fight corruption, who stands morally apart from his fellow superheroes, for better or worse, and is defined by “knowing what is right and acting accordingly”, even when he is wrong, even in the face of you-know-what.

The Question is far more effective as a mission intent than it is as a disguise or identity and this is also part of why Renee Montoya, a GCPD character growing into contention with law enforcement, taking the mantle was an ideal progression, with the idea of a former police officer quitting the system to become The Question having a great deal of thematic weight behind it on top of it allowing Renee to be way cooler and better off when she’s allowed to be The Question, that is. 

(Meme by @questionposting)

Short of Montoya gathering the Multiversal Supermen in Final Crisis, when it comes to The Question, it’s less that they are important as an active character in superhero storylines so much as they, in one form or another, are there when important things are happening on and off the page, whether they are a part of the mystery, guiding us through it or hopelessly lost before it. The Question is fascinating as a character never quite of their own time and place, a mystery crimefighter who hides nothing from the world but their face, a living punctuation mark that lends any story an air of intrigue and mystery just by the fact that they are here partaking in it, through strength of visual design as much as reputation. 

Much like his Flex Mentallo counterpart, The Fact, The Question might or might not be everywhere you look, they might be lost in the dark in places where the other superheroes can't find them, and they will get beaten and displaced and made to go away even. But the smoky echo lingers, trailing back to them and their mission intent, even when they aren’t there anymore. They are an Ectype who succeeded in growing into an Archetype in their own right, through the strangest combinations of luck, bad luck, imitation, significance, and being impossible to kill for long.

In the absence of a face, thankfully this Archetype has already been given a name:

“What happened to your face?”

I sold it for secret knowledge. Men call me The Mystery Pilgrim. Well, they used to, anyhow. Now they just call me asshole, if they call me anything at all.

Guess I just lost my way in the dark. 

But you're almost there...

#replies tag #dc comics #dc #superheroes #the question #vic sage #renee montoya #flex mentallo #grant morrison #denny o'neil #steve ditko

[avalonlights]

Illustrations for the wonderful fic You’re Always Saying Farewell by @ourmoonlightrevels for @deancasbigbang​ 2021. 💙💚

#destiel #deancas #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #cas #deancasbigbang #charlie bradbury #supernatural fanart #spn #dcbb #i had so much fun illustrating for this fic! #it's fantastic and you guys are in for such a treat #i tried to match the gritty look of the show for these #which might be weird with my cartoon-y style #but hey scoobynatural exists so #avalonlights art

[blueikeproductions]

Well it’s officially official, IDW isn’t doing anymore Transformers after this year.

Over all I can say I liked IDW’s take, but there’s definitely a lot of stuff towards the middle and end I wasn’t a fan of. The various Beast Wars books and the original trilogy Movie books pry remain my favorites in particular, and I’ve generally had a positive experience with MTMTE despite not really enjoying how the final arcs went down. (Though the Functionists using Primus like Unicron was kinda funny in a meta sense).

The true loss, personally, is the Beast Wars ongoing. While Rocky in spots, it’s the first true fresh take that wasn’t a strange inbetweenquel or forced prequel to the original cartoon, it was finally a proper reboot going it’s own direction with a couple of new characters to keep the cast fresh. And it was all the better for it, and its a pity the book will inevitably have to be rushed to finish the story. The one solace I take is the book outsold the main G1 book quite a bit, so it shows theres a strong demand for Beast Wars content that I hope Hasbro will take advantage of.

What this means going forward? Going by Twitter specifically, and admittedly I don’t especially trust Twitter’s opinion on things, a lot of the younger-ish, queer fan base cultivated by MTMTE wants females and gay robots to continue, and basically just wants more MTMTE style stuff in general. (Which makes the whining about wanting no Earth and no humans weird when the Lost Light Autobots we’re pretty much twenty something hipsters who adored earth culture and humans and would’ve thrived on the planet. And that’s not including a story that took place on a holographic version of Earth, so yeah…). Anyway I think the situation is two fold.

I don’t think female robots and gay characters are going to go away (the former is especially silly with the influx of ladies like Strongarm, Scatterspike, Clobber, Shatter, Filch, Glowstrike, RBA Whirl, Shadow Striker, Airachnid, Skold, Nyx and Windblade being the new token Smurfette over Arcee these days). Gay characters could go either way, they’ll be there but it might just be limited to Knock Out and (possibly) Arcee and their romantic interests starting out, along with the possibility of gay human ally leads. The key thing to keep in mind, and I could be wrong, but there’s a slim chance the new book is going to be a MTMTE type thing again. Not right out the gate anyway. As much as some people don’t want to hear this, the new book is likely going to be a “safe” book featuring a conflict on Earth between the Autobots, their human allies and Decepticons. Once enough butts are in seats with the appeal of a traditional conflict, then, if sales are good, they can afford to do something more… exotic?

Again, anyone expecting MTMTE/Cyberverse out the gate are probably going to be disappointed. At most, a G1-y story with smatterings of Prime, Bayformers, Devastation, and maybe even the upcoming Nick show for brand synergy, is far more likely for now.

A splitting of the difference could be an opening arc focuses on a small crew of space fairing Autobots and Decepticons (one led by Bee and the other Shadow Striker) who are following a lead on something (probably the Allspark or some kind of wacky new age relic knowing Hasbro) and after some space adventures and a dogfight, they crash landing on Earth. Both trying to blend in, find the relic and manage to contact Autobot/Decepticon High Command for a rescue/backup and the story goes from there.

It won’t happen specifically like that, that’s just off the top of my head, mind you.

Whatever happens next, hopefully it does well and attracts a lot of people to be able to do more experimental things as it goes on.

#Transformers #idw transformers #blueike productions #maccadam #transformers comics #blueike

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Daddy Cant Save You Now, Princess

Summary- 3.8k Robert (Mr.Softee x Y/N) Robert Pronge is a Hitman for hire, and his target, well it's you. He's supposed to kill you, dispose of the body, earn the payout. But he's got a better idea for you. Written for @jtargaryen18​ 30 Days of Chris challenge. 

Warnings- Triggers, abuse/torture, Non Con, Oral, Male Receiving, Erratic behaviours, launguage, Listen this whole thing is just dark and evil. He wasn't a good person, you will find nothing good in this fic. 

The man stood over your body, his foot giving your unconscious body a rather hard nudge against the ribs and nothing. He had knocked you out cold. Robert had no trouble weaseling his way into your apartment. His guise as a repairman worked, you so trusting and innocent opened the door to him. The sweetest smile on your face when he told you that your father sent him to repair the sink. You gave him a funny look as if you knew him before opening the door further to let him in. Silly little cunt. 

“Of course, I was just telling Daddy that it kept clogging up.” You would flash that soft pink smile of yours that made his cock twitch, and well fuck if it hadn't been a while. His son's whore of a mother had cut him off a while ago. And he didn't feel like shelling out the cash for a hooker. Especially one he had to 'restrain' himself with. Robert made the decision a couple days ago you wouldn't die. Bodies are always just disappearing all the time, would be easy enough to say you were cut up, disposed of all over the fucking place. Well... Wouldn't Daddy shell out a fortune for his little girl, the course would he give you back? Fuck no. You were his. Till your body was no longer satisfying. Or used up. 

“Yes, Daddy sent me.” Robert took on a menacing look, cold, killer, his hands itching to wrap around your sweet bird-like neck to feel how brittle you were. Normally it wasn't his style, but you sweetheart made him feel feral. You made it so easy, a rag from his pocket over your face when he locked you in his hold. Once you collapsed in your arms, he took a dragging breath of your hair, and shuddered while rubbing himself against your ass. You were gonna be fun.  

And now you were unconscious, for the time being. Robert got you dragged out, how fucking easy was that? Not really. Thankfully you had a fire escape out the back of your apartment, and with some maneuvering, he backed his Mr.Softee Ice Cream truck up to it. It was good and dark when he brought you down the escape, stuffing you in the back like someone might toss in a rug they were pissed off at. Your body thunked against the metal of the floor of the van, and he paid no mind to it. Minor, oh so minor for what he wanted to inflict on you. 

When you were waking up on a cement floor, you groaned. A weird taste in your mouth had you smacking your lips, and your tailbone was sore like you had fallen. “What is going on?” you question yourself, rubbing the back of your head as you twist to a sit. And you come face to face with the man who you let in your apartment, his face was literally inches away, you could have rubbed noses with him. Huge wire rim glasses frame his face, and his heavy hair hung around his face framing it. His breath hot and sour, you yelp and try to pull away, but he grabs a fistful of hair, twisting it viciously to keep you from being able to move. “Well look at the Princess, finally awake. Enjoy your beauty sleep Doll? Cause you look like fucking shit.” He laughed darkly, pulling himself to a stand, and dragging you up to, not very graciously, you swore you lost half your hair, making you cry. 

“Who are you? What do you want? Daddy will-" 

Robert's other hand popped you in the face, mimicking in a high pitched sweet voice. “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. Come save me Daddy.” he sneered in a way you could have sworn the man had fangs, so deviously looking at you as you struggled, which did nothing to loosen his hold. “Oh please. Daddy ain't seeing you ever again Princess. So you might as well give that up. You're my little fuck toy now. Should have learned not to let people into your apartment.” He yanked on your head again, sending you sprawling forward onto a dirty mattress in the corner of the room. Your face planted in it, muffling a cry and making you inhale against the unimaginable dirty fabric. It was brown spotted with what you feared to be blood, and you rolled quickly to see him shucking clothes, talking to himself. 

“Break her in, yes sir. Ain't had my dick sucked in some time, but right now I want to see what she's got under that skirt of hers. Oh Mr.Softee, you've earned this.” And that's when it clicked, the ice cream truck across the street you visited the other day, standing in line till you got to the window, and out popped the driver's head, long hair resting just over his shoulder and huge sunglasses covering half his face. 

“Whaddya want sweet thing?” He grinned, his teeth slightly off yellow, like that of a smoker. It was slightly off-putting, but he seemed nice none the less. 

“Do you have any of those rocket pops?” You asked with some excitement, all this well it brought you back to Summers on the beach. Right down to the ice cream truck. The familiar logo on the side of the creemee with a face, arms, and legs. An oddball cartoon character of an ice cream cone. 

“Sure we do sweetheart, give me just a second.” And he disappeared, you played with your coins, feeling like it was taking a bit longer then it should, a line forming behind you when he came back to the window, the all familiar red, white, and blue ice looking extra cold, extra tasty on this hot day, licking your lips with expectation as you held up your change to him. 

“No no, a pretty thing like you, Nah. My freebie of the day.” He pulled down his sunglasses enough to wink at you, and a shiver ran up your spine as you gave a little wave while leaving. Was that the ice cream or the man that caused that.  

Robert smirked as you walked away, crossing the street with a sweet little away to your hips under your flowing skirt, the way you would bring that popsicle up to your lips to suck on the ice. Cursing with an appreciative groan thinking of those pretty pink lips sucking his cock in just the same way, the next person in line spoke up. “Are you giving away free ice cream today Mister?” 

Robert immediately snapped his eyes to the kid looking hopeful. “What? Fuck no, what the hell do I look like a charity? If you ain't got money, git outta here brat.”  

You blanched hearing him, and look wildly around the room, for any way out. Scrambling across the mattress and pulling yourself to a stand, you bolt to a steel door, grabbing at the meat locker style handle and yanking on it. There's a menacing laugh behind you, followed by snorts as you look over your shoulder to see Robert in just a pair of boxers descending on you. You bolt to the right, looking for windows. Maybe you can crawl out a window, and you balk at the wall when you see, all of them, boarded up except for ones ten plus feet up, letting in the morning light. “Where you going, Princess? My little sweet treat? Awww, you think you get to just say no to me? You get to leave? Your such a stupid little cunt bitch.” His voice taunting. You whipped around to face him, on your toes as you shifted towards another door, one that looked regular. He grinned when he saw your plan. 

“Do it, Princess, if you can get out that door, I will let you go.” He winked at her, this was the face of the devil, and you spit at him when he lunged, racing to the door, wrenching it open you fall into a closet-sized bathroom, screaming in fear and frustration when he now really does have you cornered, laughing shrilly as he yanks you out, and stuns you with a blow to the head. Not enough to make you pass out like before, but stunning you enough so when he yanked you into his chest, licking the side of your face like you were an ice cream cone, you didn't try to stop him. 

“Oh fucking hell Princess, that was good. GOOD. I love it when you bitches do that. Think I'm fucking stupid or something.” This time your heart is sinking and bile is rising in your stomach making you gag. Robert rolls his eyes as you stumble along. Your mind process all he's saying, what is going on. He's had other victims in here before, other women locked in this room. Where he's god and your nothing. This time you try tearing at his hand. “Let me go! LET ME GO!” Your screaming now as loud as he could, and he whips you around to face him, again your face gets it, hard enough to whip your face back and forth and he pinched your cheek in a hold, snarling at you. “Fucking keep it up, and I'm gonna shove something so far down your throat, your fucking little voice will break, Ya Hear Me? Disrespecting little cunt, probably the pussy won't even be worth this effort.” 

Shoving you down, he was just as quickly over the top of you, catching your hands and twisting you till you were on your stomach, screaming and calling him every name you could think of in the book. It wasn't many, you were proper good girl cause your daddy expected it, and Robert, will he found that fucking stupidly cute. His cute little dumb Princess. “Please! Daddy will pay anything you ask for, just give me back to him!” 

Robert leaned over you, your hands pinned at your back, and his knee shoved hard between your thighs to rub against your core. It hurt how hard he was pressing against you, crashing down on your back so dragging in the air was damn near impossible, pushing your face back into the mattress, he gave a fucking little giggle of delight, you shuddering when his hair dragged across your face you twisted to the side so you could breathe. “Daddy is gonna pay my employer. Everything he asks for, cause he's already got the news.” He ripped your panties off and hiked that skirt up over your ass. Robert pinched it with his free hand, making you arch to get away, but he yanked your hips back up for his access. “His little princess pride and joy is Dead. Killed and disposed of, never to be seen again. Gotta protect your sisters, right? Oh, he's coming up with the money right now to keep your other little snot-nosed brat siblings safe. Your fucking dad has more kids then fucking brain cells.” 

Tears fell, and fell and fell as he fucked you right there on that dirty mattress, taunting you the whole time, whipping you around, covering you in bruises and bite marks. They fell when he rolled away, satisfied he 'broke in his new toy' as he called you, and they fell as he got his coat and left you all alone with nothing more than a sore body, dirty mattress, and a single chair table set. This was now your life, your entire existence. 

The time he left you alone, you searched the entire room high and low. Trying to pry the boards off the windows that were close to the ground, but when you chipped away at one, heavy bars were blocking anyway out, and you looked, nothing but a desolate lot facing some train tracks. Which you studied for hours. Not a soul passed through, not a train whizzed by. You pulled back and looked around the room again, to find nothing but the giant steel door. Your only way to escape. You stomp over to it, and wrench on the handle, yank and tear at it till your nails are bloodied stubs of what they used to be. Your feet try kicking at it in frustration, crying out when your toes smash against it, and you fall in front of it, sobbing. 

A couple of days later he returns, a paper bag in his hand. He whistles as he comes in, shoving the door to lock behind him and looks at you sitting on the corner of the mattress, staring off at nothing, then snapping back at him. “You came back... I didn't think you would.” He snorted as if you were being ridiculous and rolled his eyes with an exaggeration. “Fucking drama queen much Princess? Course I'm coming back. Fucking stupid as you look.” He set the bag down, and you didn't dare move, dare approach him. He yanks out some bags of gas station chips, beef jerky, snack cakes, and a few bottles of water, dumping them on the table. As well as a bottle of soap. “I expect you to stay clean" He tossed the bottle at you that bounced on the mattress. “I ain't fucking no dirty whore. Did that enough with my son's mother.” 

He chortles as if amused and you kick the bottle away from you. “Fuck you.” That made him snap ramrod straight, peering over his glasses at you. “What. Did. You. Just. Say?” 

“You heard me perfectly clear, Fuck off you fucking dick.” 

“Oh your gonna wish you ain't never said that.” and before you could even try to get away, he straddled you onto the mattress, shoving your hands under his knees, he rolled forward to put all his weight into your wrists, making you cry out and screaming even louder. “I told you before, I like my bitches loud. Keep screaming, gives me a fucking hard on.” And he was right, staring you right in your face was a tent in his uniformed pants. wrenching your mouth to open with the use of pressure against your jaw, and using his teeth, he pried the bottle top off. 

“Think you can talk with a filthy mouth princess? Gotta clean out all that shit you be spewing with soap.” And he tipped that bottle, squeezing the blue soap to fall into your mouth, slipping to the back of your throat, and tossing the bottle aside, he used the heel of his hand to snap your jaw shut and covered your mouth and nose. “SWALLOW IT!” You start gagging underneath him, tears brimming and falling, heaving as if you were going to puke. Last second he released you, and you rolled spitting up the blue bubbles soap, already starting to get activated. 

Of course that wasn't the end of it, he taught you all sorts of things he enjoyed that night. Making you choke on his cock, making you gag and lungs burn like they couldn't breathe, waiting until you were starting to turn red and fought to pull off him to take that breath of air. “You ain't never sucked cock before? all bitches need to know how to handle dick in the mouth.” He shoved you back on him, and you were praying he would finish soon. Tearing you apart from the inside out, leaving you broken again. 

After he's sitting on the edge of the mattress, yanking on his pants and grunting as he got up, twisting to look at his back “aww shit, Princess you did mark me fucking up. Just blame it on a whore when the wife asks. Not that she fucking cares.” You try to move, but it just hurts, all of you hurts. He leans down and pops his hand against your cheek and you open your mouth to protest, him grasping your chin to keep your mouth open for a lewd kiss. “Mmmhh, you taste all squeaky clean. Too bad we know your not. See you soon Princess, foods on the table. Better make it last, might be a few days.” 

And with that he left, your second time with Robert was just as horrifying as the first. After several hours you nibbled on the cakes and sipped on the bottle of water, grimacing whenever you felt the soap taste in your mouth. You could feel yourself breaking just a bit more with each second passing. You tried to convince yourself that your Dad would save you, he just had to. But you knew deep down he would just take you as a lost cause. He still had your other siblings to worry about. 

Your life became routine. He would come for a night or a day, fuck you in all brutal manners, some times afterward he would shove you away from him when he was done, usually along the lines of “Get off me you filthy cunt. Don't you ever clean yourself up? Not even worth the effort fucking you good and proper anymore.” Other times he would have you lay your head on his chest, and he would be... kind and gentle. Talk about his latest hit with his partner Richard. It would make you grimace in horror how he described the use of the poisons when they would freeze the bodies, packing the ice cream he would sell to innocent little kids and there stupid dumb ass parents. Bodies kept the cones more solid he claimed. How you envied those people. They got to have a painless existence with him. Nothing more then shells gone from this world. 

You hated them more then you should, and you always felt guilty for it. 

The only other constant thing was the gas station food. You would give anything for a piece of fruit, a sandwich, anything that was real. Not beef jerky, and chips. He even limited the bottles of water when he caught you drinking the dirty tap out of desperation. That day when he was shoving shit on the table, he seemed to be fine, even pulling out a hair clipping kit and yanking the chair out to sit down. “Get over here, you any good with cutting hair? I need it shaved off, fucking all gone.” He plopped in the chair. “Come on Y/N, ain't got all fucking day.” Maybe, just maybe if you are good, you can ask him for a favor. You put on your sweetest smile, the one you knew he liked and approached him. Looking down in his lap, was a cocked pistol. He caught you looking at him. “You know, in case you decide to do some stupid shit.”  

You sheer off his matted hair, trim it up best you could with what he gave you, and underneath it all, there was not a bad looking man. You were taken aback at feeling that way looking at him, but you were. His hand came up to brush through the bristles, and yanked you in his lap, grinding you against his erect cock. “Good Girl Princess, look at you finally learning to not be a little brat and be good for once.” 

“Really Robert?” You bite your lip, and you see his eyes flashing at you, his hand hiking up your skirt and rubbing at your bare pussy, working to make you slick for him. It was distracting, but you wouldn't forget, couldn't forget, and he claimed you were a good girl after all. “would I fucking say it if I didn't mean it? Why do you say this stupid shit?”  

He kept fingering you, so far gentlest he's ever treated you and you contemplated waiting, but he was smart and sensed your hesitation. “You should probably just tell me, what the hell is it?” He twisted his wrist and hit that spot he once in a while would have you falling apart for him. “Oh...I... wondered if maybe, you could...” You panted and fisted your hands in his shirt. “would bring me an apple?” 

“Your kidding, you want a God damn apple?” Robert's lips curled up, and you knew you made a mistake. He wrenched his fingers out of you and shoved you off his lap to the floor, wincing as you tried to get away from his boots. He managed to plant one, right on your ass to send you skittering across the floor. “I work my ass off to keep you taken cared of up here, your daddy has given up on you. And you aren’t even fucking grateful! I bring you food and company.” He ripping into the bags, and you're crawling across the floor, clutching at his leg. “Please! No, I'm sorry Robert! I appreciate it, all of it!” 

“Too late, if I wasn't too tired I would do worst.” He spitting in everything, smooshing it all together and breaking it. “You can eat the soggy crumbs, remember who gives them to you when you eat my spit, Princess. All a cunt bitch like you deserves. Get on the mattress, face down ass up. All your fucking good for.” 

At this point you don't have any fight left in you, you do as he tells you, and as he's pounding you from behind, hand fisted in your hair to keep your head tipped back so he could lean over easier and spat in your face, he's having you tell him 'Thank you' over and over, how bad you were, how worthless you were, how loving and kind he was. He jizzed all over your back when he was finished. “Think about what you are worth to me Princess, cause one of these days I might not come back.” 

You just stare at him while laying on your side, watching him dress, nodding to him. “Yes Robert, I understand.” 

“Do you? Do you fucking understand?” He leaned over and spit in your face one last time to drive his point home before he grabbed his jacket. “Cause I don't have time for you to be a cunty bitch all the damn time. Somedays I'm tired. Tired of the attitude Princess.” He strides towards the door. “See you in a couple of days. If I feel like it.” 

A couple of days passed and you don't see him. You figure he must still be mad at you, and punishing you in another sick twisted way. More days pass and madness starts to set in. Another fear, was he serious this time? You pass your days prying off the wooden boards, praying someone will pass, but no one ever does. This is a warehouse, no one comes to look at warehouses, they are the eyesores of the city. 

More days pass, your food is gone, your resulting in drinking as much water as possible to keep your hunger pains from making you feel sicker than you already do. Panic, cold and sharp has started to set in. His thread rattling in your brain. Think about what you're worth to me Princess, cause of these days I might not come back. Had you pushed him that far? You cried while banging on that door, listening, praying someone would hear you. And each day there was nothing but silence. 

How much longer could you last?  

#Iceman #Mr.Softee #Non con #violence #Trigger Warnings #Dark Character #Chris Evans #amber writes #sweater writes #30daysofchris2020

[spongebob-connoisseur]

What are your overall thoughts on Kamp Koral and the Patrick Star show?

In my opinion,

Kamp Koral has cute kid designs but, the animation is just.... eh.... not great like even the animation from Jimmy Neutron looks better than that and that came out decades before this.

Patrick Star show looks promising but, I've heard it's good so, I might give it a chance since it looks better than Kamp Koral. I dunno, what do you think? Please, respond whenever you can!

------------------------------------------------------

I've already talked about Kamp Koral in my previous post so I'll leave this to talk about The Patrick Star Show.

I actually like it!!! I think we all know since everytime there's a new Patrick Star Show episode I'm usually the first to post on it. Mainly because of S L A P P Y but I genuinely like the show and get excited when there's a new episode. Even if my boy doesn't show up 👀

I definitely have to say the first 2 episodes was kinda lackluster. I feel kinda sad how quick cartoon reviewers judged the show based on the first 2 episodes which is technically one episode since SB episodes air in pairs. They were so eager to talk about how it's an unholy abomination and that your stupid for liking the show. Even though it's natural for shows to have a rocky start before it finds its footing. It was clear the first episode especially that they were still figuring out the show and it didn't deserved to be so hated.

I really think The Patrick Star Show is better than Kamp Koral because it feels like it's own thing and it's done a good job to do that (unlike KK)

Anyways they said PSS was inspired by shows from the 60s-80s and yeah I see it. I got BIG PeeWee's Playhouse vibes if you ever seen that show. Especially from how his house is designed and how it functions.

One of my favorite things about it is the frequent art style changes. It's so experimental and does something new with the animation in each episode. People were going crazy over the stop motion short for the halloween episode. But they always had stop motion shorts. Every so often it changes its art style.

The Captain Doug Quasar shorts are the UPA style (the art style that was frequently used during the 50s and 60s cartoons). Or Bunny the Barbarian which kinda reminds me of 1980s barbarian games/movies. I made a post about the art style changes.

Also it has fake commercials in between which kinda reminds me of Ren and Stimpy which I think is neat.

But more I have to mention is that I kinda love how absurdist this show is. I know a loooot of people hate that nowadays because everything has to be meaningful™ and deep™ and real™ but I've always found the unusual and obscure appealing. Probably the reason why I also liked PeeWee's playhouse and shows adjacent to that so much xD

After all, Spongebob was always intended to be absurdist too. He's a sea sponge living in a pineapple under the sea, in a 1950s bubble of a town of sentient fish underneath a real life nuclear testing site. Having it be obscure isn't a crime. Sometimes it's easier to let go and have fun and that's why I like it.

The show def has some weak points. A lot of the characters aren't fleshed out enough. When super random obscure stuff isn't happening, it tends to fall a bit flat. Or have weird gaps that just don't work. There's definitely potential to develop it further but I don't think they'll do it?

Idk it just needs more planning on how characters interact with each other and why they do the things they do and having more to them then the surface level set up the show's already got. It helps for plot ideas and pushing it further while also makes things interesting.

There's also the issue of it being too fast paced. I loooove the episode Pat-a-thon but first time watching it had be absolutely confused. It's too much yet nothing much? It's so unusual. I love the episode because Slappy content™ but aside from that it's near insanity. I guess they just wanted a bit of a fanservicey episode showing SB and other familiar characters. Also confirms this show is a tie in with Kamp Koral.

But aside from that. Ehhh.. Its frustrating that the telethon goes no where and how incompetent Patrick is in his own show. He is stupid but when he's the lead, you have to give him more then that in order for the show to stand on it's own.

Every random thing feels like buzzing flies all over you. Sometimes it's fun. But here it feels like it's filling in for nothingness. Nothing is happening. And I def relate to slappy's glare as he gets frustrated with Patrick. It's annoying.

If Slappy wasn't there/ dr plankenstein short wasn't there then I'd absolutely despise this episode😭

Anyways Slappy! They brought back my boy! He's cuter than ever!! I know people haaaate him xD some even refusing showing his picture in reviews of the episode because he's that bad? He's a creepy little lad but that's the charm!! My reason for living *sniffle* jk jk but he's so cuuute. And he fits right in considering how often Peter Lorre is parodied. Especially riiiight after death (1964) which fits riiiight in with what era of television the show is inspired by.

I wouldn't be surprised if Slappy says a random quote like "RICK!! YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE MEE!!" or something akin to that.

Oh also the background art! I like it. It has nice texture and looks spongebob while also looks distinct enough to be it's own thing. Makes sense since it was designed by the same background artist who was working on the show since BEFORE the show was even picked up by executives. This guy knows his stuff. The warmer color palette reminds me of vintage cartoons. Also I like how it's has a distinct water color painted background.

OG SB looked very messily painted. Probably oil painted? But you could see the brush strokes in the background. In the patrick star show you can see the colors bleeding and all how water color works. Its such eye candy to me. Idk high textured backgrounds are *chefs kiss* good.

There's also characterization. Say what you will about Patrick having a sister but it gives him some kind of responsibility and a side to his character he usually wouldn't have. He's a stupid older sibling (like me lol) but he cares about his sister and wouldn't stand for anyone making her upset. He can also be stubborn and finicky but never going too far as to being mean spirited.

Spongebob himself has the most improvement. He's a lot quieter and more timid. It's sooo cute. I was expecting him to be my favorite part of the show but that went to slappy. SB makes a few episode appearances but the show's focus is on Patrick hence why sponge feels toned down. But I don't mind. He kinda reminds me of his first season counterpart. Not quite but there's something very charming about this young adult version spongebob and does a lot more than kamp koral to make their versions of SB different from the OG.

And uhh yeah! I should mention the shows strengths but I'm not suited. My thoughts boil down to "more slappy!" But really I think episodes where they have multiple characters instead of 1 or 2 is better because at the moment the main characters aren't developed enough to carry an episode unless they have careful planning (or you utilize a lot of Patrick's lost characterization/add more development to him) lost in couch is a good example of Patrick carrying an episode by himself but it's a rare case.

It def boils down to work on the characters more. Squidina and Bunny have potentional of being better if you just worm away from their bases. I can see Bunny having a secret past where she was apart of a biker gang or something (she's got all those tattoos and defeated a barbarian and other monsters) but they lean waaaaaay too heavy on her just being a mom™ who likes doing mom™ things.

Squidina is great! I like her. But give her more motivations and interests outside of the patrick show. I'd def want to know more about her.

Grandpa star is actually a great character. There's nothing really to improve on him surprisingly.

But Cecil needs the most work. As dry as cardboard. You can give his lines to Patrick and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. He needs the most development because at the moment he's just a clone of Patrick with a more dad™ demeanor.

And yeah! Those are my thoughts! Hope ya like 👍

#submission #Squeaky-boots-blog #spongebob #spongebob squarepants #the spongebob connoisseur #sb #spongebon squarepants #spongebob meme #the patrick star show #the patrick show

[theglguidetowebcomics]

Full review: Girly

What’s Pink, insane, NSFW, hilarious, and somehow heartwarming at points? This comic is a ride and a half, and I’m genuinely surprised more people haven’t heard of this one… I’ve been wanting to talk about this one for a WHILE. 

So let’s talk about the elephant in this room… Because I think it just ate someone’s couch. 

Slightly NSFW review with spoilers below.

Girly, by Jackie Lesnick was a webcomic that ran between 2003 and 2010, (and really has some of those early webcomic hallmarks). Its monochromatic pink, vertical, with a poppy early cartoon feel. It’s also listed as a romantic comedy, which is… correct, but cuts a whole lot of what makes this comic good, short. 

This review was always going to be one of the 4 I really struggled with. And not just because I lost it the first time without a back up in a code glitch, got distracted by a pandemic, then procrastinated my way to finally making a second version in my new backup folder… No, well also yes but no. This was a comic I read when I was younger (and should NOT have read  when I was younger), and have always had a soft spot for. I’ll admit as much as this comic has its flaws or weird moments or just weirdness in general, its one of the few comics I’ve found myself rereading in its entirety more than once. And no matter how much I know it's coming, find myself sobbing, uncontrollably, at the final panel. There’s surprisingly a lot of heart in this comic, and a whole lot of honesty in just the direction the author took this weird little thing. But, first let me take of those rose tinted glasses as much as I can… (actually that might not work too well with a pink comic seriously whats with all these early 2000s lesbian comics being PINK?). And give this old comic a look and a bit of a dust. but , first...

Sex.

Getting to the point - page 3 of “Girly”

Girly is a NSFW comic. It’s not shy about it either. It hits the audience (and the main character) over the head with it literally in the first pages. It has sex positive characters, a sex positive world, some characters with… sex powers almost, and Dildos, a whole lot of dildos. Some even with smiley faces on them. It’s a pretty unavoidable part of the comic that makes up a large core of it’s humour and is baked into its wacky world. So if that’s not your thing, and it’s not really skippable in this case, you won’t like this comic.

But, if you’re alright with that part of it this might just be a hidden gem. Moving on.

Art

Artwork is always interesting in webcomics. They’re usually one man shows, have a weird niche / strong influences, and or usually go on massive journeys as the art improves. Girly is no different here. 

Girly starts out rough. Some poses are wonky and its a bit scratchy. Technically speaking it has a few issues, which is fine. Its a free webcomic, from the 2000s that didn't copy and paste faces. (Won’t name names, you know who you are). You can’t be too harsh on a free comic, though.

However, what the art style does, even early on is set the style and feel of the comic. Anime inspired faces, bold outlines, and blocky silhouettes that were really popular with 90’s and 2000s cartoons. It has a newspaper, manga comedy strip vertical style, too. It fits the style of story well as a poppy wacky story. It's the perfect art style it could take.

Its rough in the beginning, but moves on from its scratchy days, to loose pen brush, to finally a polished free hand poppy style. It gets more technically advanced as it goes along, but it keeps its core style throughout. It’s fun, a little unhinged, and just pares perfectly.

The one issue I have with the art is it comes off as a bit cramped. It certainly matches the energy of the story, but it also feels like it doesn't let the characters have any breathing room in the frame. It comes off as squashed, and can make some character poses hard to read. That’s the only complaint I can find though. The issue even fixes itself later in the story, but just very very close to the end. It looks great there, but the majority of the comic is a little cramped. Still that’s just a small complaint.

Nitpicking here but some panels need a lil more room

This a humour comic foremost. It's the biggest part of what makes Girly specifically Girly.

Humour

The humour is mostly wacky nonsense, playing off its insane characters, physics defying world, everything being dialed up to 11. It also works a lot like satire, poking at what influences it, and playing with cinematic expectations. The first page has Otra shooting someone into space on a rocket because they annoyed them, the first “adventure” the character’s go on is stealing everyone’s pants because they couldn’t find anything else to do. Then there’s the kidnapping adventures, knight trials, and slice of life shenanigans that happen. All of it as wacky as the last. I haven’t really found any other lesbian comics like it. Its not everyone’s tastes, but it is certainly unique.

If you’re into a willy wonka tunnel of over the top characters and plots, you’ll like Girly.

Characters

Girl is a LONG comic, it ran for 7 years. The art evolved, the story writing, jokes, and themes along with it. It was originally meant to run for only 50 strips... and it ended up with 764. 

so, there’s a lot to unpack.

Firstly, the premise of the story is somewhat simple. It focuses on Otra. The kinda straight man to the entire universe. She starts out almost depressed, out of place, and bored of the wacky inhabitants of her world. Until one of those wacky residents smacks her over the head with a giant dildo and won’t leave her alone for the next 7 years of run time. 

What follows is the sullen Otra being pulled around by the always cheery and zany nonsensical Winter as the sidekick for bizarre adventures. Otra’s depressive grounded view keeps the bizarreness funny, while Winter cuts through her negative attitude and causes a lot of the over the top plot. Leaving Otra to warm up to the world, and Winter to get less reckless as they balance eachother out. It’s a fun dynamic, and works as an emotional core of the story. No matter how weird the plot and rules of the world are, their relationship keeps the story somewhat focused and rewarding to see develop.

An example of bold wacky character designs from even early on

The comic isn’t just about them, though. As an ensemble comic there's plenty of side characters that go through arcs and beats as well. From el chubacabre, the man that woman find so irresistible that they sleep with him as soon as they see him; detective Clapjaw the street wise detective who is very bad at his job; Officer Hipbone and police guy from the cute P D; captain fist the ever popular bad at his job superhero who gets all the credit; the news reporter obsessed with captain fist; the woman with babies; Steak;  the elephants that just… appear and eat buildings; among many many others. A lot of whom also have nicely written character arcs and depth in later chapters. Many of the character however are simple and remain simple, which isn’t a bad thing. For such a large cast, having a diverse range of strange characters with strong identities and looks even if a bit simple stops it from getting bogged down. It strikes a good balance. Plus there’s plenty enough of characters with more depth later on. 

 All the character’s are insane, and over the top in a way that really sets up the world they live in and how it works... as dysfunctional as it is. There’s something very Cartoon Network about all the characters, but with some wider influences. something about  dumb characters, with very specific goals and quirks that work on their own physics to feed into the high energy insanity of the world. Its entertaining to read, and leads to a weirdly charming feel of the comic. 

Story and plot

For the bit people actually want to know about. What is it about?

Just a little bit of influences...

For the style itself the comic comes off as a mix between early 2000s slice of life-y anime, 2000s cartoon Network, and a dose of 2000s webcomic sarcastic action/adventure flare. It definitely has one of the most pronounced styles that I’ve seen, and even if it's very much a webcomic of it’s time it also goes a bit beyond that into something that feels personal to the author and honest. Its a batshit comic. But, it wears its influences on it’s sleeve and really plays with tropes and ideas the author found engaging at the time. It somehow comes off as refreshing in just how willing it is to go weird or niche for no other reason but because it wants to. It's what I appreciate most about the comic. It’s honest.

The overarching story of the comic is without a doubt about Otra and winter growing together as people. But with a comic that’s run for 7 years a little bit more happens in the journey, at least you hope it would. Girly runs on chapters, 15 in total (with 15 having sub chapters due to being the story’s climax), and each one of those chapters follows a different plot or adventure with Otra’s and Winter’s developing relationship gluing them together. 

The plots themselves are wild and vary a bit in quality. But for a long comic that’s understandable and expected. They go from solving elephant problems, super villains, body swapping, fantasy parodies, and all sorts of strange things. Sometimes a few plots drag and a few character arcs feel a bit bland. It still manages to be entertaining all the way through though. The plots themselves work to get the character’s to play off each other and explore the strange world it takes place in. Exploring evil teddy bears, or an entire town devoted to cheap gags. No matter what, all the plots work in fleshing out the world and pushing character’s out of their comfort zone or forcing them to change. There are some that are less fun than others, but none of them manage to be boring or useless. Which for a long comic such as this, is quite an achievement.

Conclusion

Girly is a hidden gem, Its an insane sex positive comic. A loose style and even looser physics. It’s bold and unabashedly itself. But, at its core it's about the love story of Winter, the wacky insane woman needing to slow down and open up, and Otra, a sullen woman who’s deemed herself only worthy of being on the outskirts of society. It’s two people growing together in a world that’s up to its ears in care bears, sentient dildos, earth shattering cloning, and jabs at 2000’s paste it comics. And somehow it all sticks together.

The characters resonated, at least with me, which may be the nostalgia talking. But by the end of the comic I can’t help but  think back on how long it took them to get there. The bits that made me laugh (a lot of them), the stupid parts, and the character’s arcs, as over the top they could be at times.  It may not everyone’s cup of tea. But it has a lot of heart at its core. (If you get past all the dildos). 

For all it’s flaws and weird bits. I still find myself going back to Girly. 

Maybe now, some more people will too.

#girly #webcomics #review #comic #lgbt webcomics #queer #lesbian

[dibidibifiction]

We’ll Do It Later

Pairing: Lee Jinki (Onew) x Reader

Category: soft romance; fluff

Word count: 780

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction made for personal entertainment of readers. The writer does not ever intend to offend her readers nor does she aim to spread false information about anyone as to pay any disrespect to the real-life persons whom the characters are based on. She also does not claim ownership to any of the images that are being used.

masterlist

...

Every time I look at Lee Jinki, it’s always like a miracle that I never thought would happen. Wherever we are, it’s only him I notice. It’s only him I want to be with, in good times and in bad. People think I’m weird whenever I genuinely laugh at his jokes. “Old Man Jokes” as they call them. His smile alone has the strong ability to brighten up my day. It fascinates me just watching his face when he’s too focused on his reading or in whatever new hobbies he does every now and then. 

These days, he’s been doing some wood carving and he told me he was going to make kitchen tools. “I haven’t done it before but I’ll give it a go,” he would say before kissing me on the forehead as he carries the supplies to his desk. That might be the last interaction I would have with him for a few hours during the day. 

It’s one of the things I love about Jinki. He’s not afraid to try new things, which inspires me. Whether it may be fishing, knitting, or even break dancing. He’s happy whenever he succeeds but wouldn’t care much when he fails. As long as he’s enjoying it, he’d do it. 

When we first started dating two years ago, he took me rock climbing, which he had done before with his friends. Since it was new to me, I was kind of scared and hesitant. However, he would climb with me and stay with me until we head to the top. He’d hold my hand and say, “You’re doing great! It’s not scary, right?” He would always reassure me. When we got back down, he would hug me since he knew that I was still really scared and I didn't want anybody else to know.

Today, he’s back with wood carving and he has not talked to me in hours. However, he did ask me to take pictures of him for his Instagram. He couldn’t be cuter. 

I grab his phone from his desk. I stare at him for a couple of seconds to admire him before capturing a shot. After taking multiple ones from different angles, I put down his phone and can’t help myself but hug him from behind, then rubbing his shoulders.

“Be careful, I almost dropped the blade,” Jinki gasps, his eyes still concentrating on the woodwork in his hands.

“Sorry,” I giggle. Then I slide my palm up and down his chest and let out a sigh. “Can you take a break?”

He turns his head to me, finally giving me attention. “Why?” he asks even though I’m pretty sure he already knows the answer.

I smack a soft kiss on his lips, making his cheek turn pink.

He lets out an adorable laugh which makes me scream inside. He stares at me for a second, eyeing down from my eyes to my mouth. He then brushes hair away from my face, puts his hand behind my head and pulls me in to kiss me deeply.

I carefully draw onto his lap as we kiss. His tongue dances to find mine. 

He now grabs me bridal style, still not leaving my mouth. He stands up from his desk chair and carries me to the couch. He puts me down and starts towering over me. “I love you, Y/n,” he says as he smiles at me.

“I love you too, Lee Jinki,” I say back as my heart flutters for him as always.

As we’re about to resume kissing, my hand ready to unbutton his shirt, there’s a knock on the front door.

“Who’s that?” I ask. If this was a cartoon, my face would turn red with fury and smoke would come out my ears and nose.

Jinki pauses to think. “Oh, right. I forgot I invited the guys over for drinks.” He sighs along with his frown. 

“Right,” I say.

He sees through my disappointment. “We’ll do it later,” he assures me, smiling so wide that his eyes disappear. He kisses me one last time then helps me sit up.

“I brought soju and beer!” Kibum shouts as soon as Jinki opens the door while the others follow behind him waving hellos at me.

“Have you been well, Y/n?” Jonghyun greets me warmly, pulling me into a hug. 

“Woah, what this?” Minho says, checking out Jinki’s unfinished woodwork on his desk with Taemin.

“That looks phallic, Hyung. What are you doing?” Taemin says, making everyone laugh.

And just like that, our quiet little home booms with chaotic boys. As much as I love spending time alone with Jinki, I still love that he has such great friends that love me as well.

#SHINee FanFic #shinee onew #onew #lee jinki #shinee fluff #shinee x reader #shinee fanfics #onew fluff #SHINee fanfiction

[pluto-art]

Out of the Cold, Out of the Cavern

Type: Fan fiction (PatB) / Self-insert/Y/N/OC (sort of...) Genre: Hurt/Comfort (what else?) Words: 4,841 Rating: K+

Fan Fiction Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13724127/1/Out-of-the-Cold-Out-of-the-Cavern

As usual, I recommend the fan fiction version, which includes all of the italicized words.

Thanks to @shuunthenonbeliever, I was inspired to finally write this. :)

“One-sixty… one-eighty… two hundred,” the plump woman said, sliding a packet of bills off her jewel-laden fingers and into yours, like water pouring out of a spout.

“Thank you,” you replied, hesitant to pocket the load with those two, round, black eyes still staring at you, burrowing into your soul. They belonged to a young girl, nine or ten in age, perhaps, with short, auburn hair, her little white and turquoise dress bouncing up and down as she rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, waiting, watching.

“She’ll need watch every weekday from three to nine,” instructed the woman, barely even looking at you or her daughter as she checked her purse for something. “If you have any trouble you have my work number.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“But you’ll be no trouble. Will you, Elmyra?”

“Oh, no, Ma’am. Nopey nopey nope! We’re gonna have so much fun laughing and cuddling and playing with all my fuzzy whittle animals!” screeched the girl, in a voice that scratched like sandpaper.

“Yes, dear. Be good to your new babysitter, all right? Mommy has to go to work now.”

“Bye byeeeeeee!!” Elmyra waved, smiling widely in mock innocence as her mother stepped out the door.

“Bye,” you called out, a bit half-heartedly.

As soon as the door snapped closed, Elmyra turned to look at you expectantly, beaming.

“All right. She’s gone. You can go play with your pets,” you said.

“Yaaaaaaaay!! I’m coming, my fuzzy whuzzies!”

And off she hopped, skipping down the hall and around a corner ever so gayly, to a spot that you knew to be her bedroom, where all manner of horrible and unspeakable things happened.

You turned, leaned against the front door, and inhaled a long, deep breath of air, practically sliding against the thing as you counted out the greens in your hand -- one one-hundred, a fifty, a ten, and two twenties. Yep. Checked out.

You pocketed the loose change, paused, then got up and stuck it in your backpack instead. It’s not like it was going anywhere for a while. Besides, you hated carrying around more than you needed to in your small pants pockets.

Tossing the backpack next to the living room couch, you collapsed onto said couch and took a gander at your new surroundings.

It was a quaint little abode. Could have done with a new paint job, perhaps, but the yellow interior and old-style furniture wasn’t completely abhorrent. The whole cottage was rather cute, in its own weird way, sporting the occasional gothic chandelier that would have looked much more at home in Edward Scissorhands’ house, or a wastebasket that was far too frilly and posh to even be used for its original purpose. But the seating was comfortable, the cable was working, and, best of all, the fridge, stuffed to its seams, was, according to Mrs. Duff, 100% at your disposal. If there was anything that solidified a job offer for you, it was free food.

Not that the job was all chipper and charm. You knew what you were getting into when you took it, and the intermittent screams coming from Elmyra’s bedroom, as well as the cat that nearly bit your finger off from earlier as you tried to coax him out from under the kitchen table, were stark reminders of that. Everyone in the city of Burbank knew who the Duff family was, whether it was personally or from the horror stories passed down the school halls. Most who visited their house, unless they were a close family friend or relative, never wanted to step back in it again. It was common knowledge that you only went to Elmyra’s if you wanted a nice, long day of yelling and suffering, and all in your dorm would have rather died than take on the job of babysitter when it was posted online. But you took it. You took it… partially ‘cause you had no choice. What with a full-time college schedule and not much else in the cupboard save for ramen and three-day-old apples, cash was in short supply and desperately needed, and even though the last thing you’d rather do was keep watch over this kid, you also couldn’t find a job anywhere else. Besides, the pay was good. Excellent, in fact. Two hundred every Friday. You might even splurge on Chinese this weekend.

Sliding the remote off the thick, wooden table, you flipped through the channels, one-by-one, finally landing on National Geographic. The narrator was deep in discussion about the living habits of bats. Appropriate, you thought, as Elmyra flitted out of the room, make-shift cape trailing behind her and blindfold on, zoomed into the kitchen and grabbed a packet of cookies before zipping back into her room, sounding very much like a bat as she laughed in a loud, screeching tone the entire time. You did a double-take as she slammed the door behind her. Were there… other voices coming from the room? No. That’s silly. You shook your head. Crazy.

The next couple of hours went by surprisingly uneventfully; so much so, in fact, that you wondered if there was any basis in the rumors that floated around about the Duff residence being a literal “house of horror”. Some even said the place was haunted. It wasn’t until 6:55 PM, when you went to remind Elmyra that dinner was almost ready, that you got a whiff that things weren’t… quite what they seemed.

Of the menagerie loose throughout the house, Elmyra owned a total of one cat, a parrot, a turtle, and two white mice. The turtle hid. The parrot squawked. And the mice? The mice… talked.

“Narf! Hello there!” the taller of the two said, as you meandered into the room. You cocked an eyebrow and hesitantly lifted a hand to wave at him.

“Hi…,” you replied, a little taken aback.

The shorter mouse didn’t look up at you. His focus was heavily trained on a notepad rife with complex calculations far beyond your intellect. He was scribbling away as if his life depended on it. He also called you a “disposable hindrance”, albeit indirectly to his associate, something you didn’t entirely appreciate, but you also didn’t dare talk back. Not yet.

“Oooo. Munchie time! Come on, little mousies!” Elmyra cheered, and she grabbed both rodents tight around the neck with her short, groping fingers, stuffing them into her shirt pocket as she ran out of the room and in the direction of the kitchen.

You stood behind for a moment, nonplussed. Okay then.

A soft shuffling down the hallway made you turn. It was the cat. He still looked quite wary of you.

“Hey, kitty,” you cooed, gently but not in a childish fashion; more like you were simply greeting a friend. “You gonna let me pet you this time?” you asked, bending down and holding out a hand for him to sniff.

Tenderly, cautiously, the cat stepped up to you, wagging its tail slightly behind him. You narrowed your eyes. A wagging tail wasn’t necessarily a good thing, especially when it came to cats, but this was… different. The closer he got to you the more he wagged it, as if he was… excited? Curious? He sniffed your hand… and licked it. Odd. Then he peered up into your face, lolled out a long, pink tongue, and barked.

You sat back a little, wide-eyed, as the cat-dog jumped up onto your legs and actually started licking your face. It was… weird. Cute, but… weird.

After a few hearty licks, the cat, satisfied, jumped back down, scratched itself, and ran off to play with a ball. You wondered why he hadn’t come up to you before. Perhaps he still had more of the cat than the dog in him. You also now understood why some people claimed that this house was “haunted”. Two talking mice and a barking cat. Not exactly “spooky”, under your terms, but definitely unusual. You wondered what other treasures this quirky household held. Pirate bones? Dinosaurs? You had to admit it was rather exciting.

Shuffling back into the kitchen, you found Elmyra at the table, greedily shoveling the macaroni and cheese you’d made for her into her mouth as she watched a cartoon program on tv. The mice sat beside her in a little highchair, both now dressed as infants, the big-headed one looking absolutely miserable. Now and again, Elmyra would shovel a huge spoonful of mac and cheese into one or the other’s mouth against their will. Lanky mouse didn’t seem to mind it too much. Grumpy mouse turned to look at you with an expression that read: “shoot me”.

“Elmyra, be careful with how you feed your pets, okay? They might not like too much mac and cheese…,” you suggested, cautiously, frowning a little at the big-headed mouse in pity.

You knew, of course, about this kid’s harsh treatment of her pets. Everyone knew. But her parents were rich, and could probably buy out the police station and the A.S.P.C.A. if they’d wanted to, and so no one said anything. Still, as an animal-lover, you were curious. Just how badly did she handle her critters? Maybe you could do something to relieve their pain while you were there? And the situation was bad, certainly, but you’d seen worse, and there was only so much you could say besides, at least while she was awake. Too much rebellion and you’d probably be fired. That being said, you fully intended to assist in giving the poor things a little reprieve once Elmyra went to bed in an hour, and so you let the macaroni-shoveling slide… for now.

8:00 PM came and went, with little deviation from the norm aside from Elmyra quickly popping into the kitchen again at 7:23 PM, opening the freezer, and succinctly closing it before racing back into her bedroom. You shrugged at the gesture, barely turning around from the tv, figuring she probably just went to grab some ice cream. Thankfully, Elmyra not only went to bed early, but also was a heavy sleeper, so by the time 8:15 rolled around she was already obediently in bed and snoring, needing only a reminder from you ten minutes prior. The lanky mouse opened an eye as you peeked in. He was sleeping in the bed with her.

“Sorry,” you muttered, making to close the door, but the little mouse sat up.

“Wait! D-Do you mind checking on Brain? Elmyra said he went to Antarctica, but… he hasn’t been back in a while. You’ll go look for him, won’t you?” he asked, twisting his tail as he said it.

“Sure. I’ll look for him,” you responded pleasantly, and you meant it. The mouse smiled.

“Oh, thank you!” he whispered, tucking back into bed. “Good night!”

“Night,” you whispered back, closing the door softly behind you.

You frowned. Antarctica? More than likely, cranky mouse was simply hiding somewhere, but internally you promised to keep an eye out and check a few cupboards.

Several drawers, a pantry, numerous cupboards, and a couple of closets later and you still couldn’t find the little mouse. You even checked the higher areas of the house, wondering if “Antarctica” meant somewhere scalable and colder. Your first thought, of course, had been the freezer, but that was preposterous. She wouldn’t be that cruel. Would she…?

Out of pure curiosity, you headed back into the kitchen, grabbing a bowl from a cupboard as you did so. You were hungry anyway and figured that a hearty helping of ice cream before you left in half an hour certainly couldn’t hurt. You had free reign of the fridge, after all.

You set down your little blue bowl on the counter. You grabbed a spoon from a drawer and set it in the bowl. You even snatched a couple of Oreo cookies from an Oreo cookie box nearby and plopped them next to the bowl for good measure. Could never be too careful.

Noticing that Elmyra had left a box of frozen fruit pops on the counter without putting them back, you shook your head, grabbed it, opened the freezer door…… and dropped the box onto the floor with a loud plop. Hastily, you whipped off your red sweater, reached into the freezer, and pulled out a little white ball of frozen fur and whiskers.

“Oh, you poor baby,” you cooed, cradling the small mouse in your sweater as if he were precious cargo. You tittered. “Goodness. You poor thing. She actually put you in here??”

Closing the freezer door, you brought the mouse up close, pressing a finger to where his heart would be. His eyes were shut tight, and he was curled so firmly about himself that it took a little doing to get your finger up to his chest. He didn’t stir as you moved him about. There was a heartbeat… barely, faint as a whisper. It was a miracle he was still alive.

Almost instinctively, you cupped him in your hands, brought him over to the sink, and slowly turned on the faucet, checking that the water was lukewarm before carefully sticking him under the steady stream. You didn’t want it too hot right off the bat. Even a warm temperature might be a shock.

Two minutes later, after you’d let the (hopefully) stimulating mini waterfall wash over him, you turned off the faucet and proceeded to dry him off with a towel -- softly; slowly. He still hadn’t stirred, not even a little, and you gulped. Were you too late..?

8:35 PM. The stillness of the night, save for the now dimmed volume of the television, found you sitting once more on the couch, this time with a fuzzy occupant in hand. Big-headed mousie -- the… Brain… he was called? -- lay cradled in your arms, encompassed about with a very soft, very woolly blanket indeed. It was the fluffiest you could find in the house. Nothing less would suffice, in your mind. You could only imagine how frightening of an ordeal it must have been, shivering, cowering in a freezer for an hour, not knowing if the next breath you took would be your last….

A thumb gently stroked the snow white fur of the sleeping mouse, and you couldn’t help but massage that oversized head of his from time to time, muttering to him in soothing tones as you did so.

“You poor thing…. I’m so sorry I didn’t see you in there earlier,” you apologized, even though he probably wasn’t listening. He still hadn’t opened his eyes, the only indication that he wasn’t dead being the steady beat, beat, beat of his thumping heart every half a second.

“You gonna blink for me, sweet heart?”

And then, as if on cue, the little mouse sloooowly blinked, opened his eyes, and stared at you.

“Hey there, little one,” you whispered, smiling at him. “Atta boy….”

His eyes began to shift around, rapidly, and he frowned, as if trying to take in all at once where he was and what had happened.

“It’s all right. It’s all right,” you reassured him, readjusting your grip a touch as you continued to hold him close to your chest. “I’ve got you. Elmyra’s asleep. She can’t do you any harm. And if she tried I wouldn’t let her.”

He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it once more, and subsequently shut it again, as if at a loss for words. Perhaps he really was speechless, or perhaps he was still a little stiff from having been locked up in the freezer for so long. Whatever the reason, he continued to stare at you, almost unblinkingly. As you went to pet him again, he reeled back, breathing faster than normal.

“Shhh. Shhh. It’s okay,” you said calmingly, pausing a mite before resuming your soft massage of his head. “It’s all right, little one. I’m not gonna hurt you.”

And slowly, hesitantly, he settled.

“‘Antarctica’,” you mused, shaking your head. “I’m surprised you survived that. Poor thing….”

You continued to talk to him; comfort him. After a solid five minutes of being stroked and cooed to, he actually leaned into your hand. You could tell he enjoyed the massage, reluctant as he was to admit it. A heavy sigh escaped your lips. You couldn’t help but feel sorry for the little fellow, even if he had been a bit of a butt to you earlier. How often did this kind of thing happen to him? Weekly? Daily? How often did he bath in this torment? You decided to ask him.

“Does she do this kind of thing to you often?”

He nodded, gaze still trained on you.

“Like… daily?”

He nodded again. You sighed.

“I’m so sorry….”

He actually shrugged.

“It’s… my life,” he coughed out, in a deep, chocolatey voice that was a little raspy. It was almost comical that a voice that low could come from something so diminutive.

“Well, it shouldn’t be your life,” you countered. “You don’t deserve any of this.” He simply blinked at you.

“How long has she had you for?”

He shrugged again.

“Over a year..?” he guessed.

“Over a year…. Sheesh…. How are you still alive?” you asked, actually chuckling a little… and regretting it immediately after. This was no laughing matter.

“I… I don’t know,” the Brain admitted, his body vibrating for a second as it released a shiver. For once, he looked away from you. “I don’t know….”

There was something in the way that he said “I don’t know”, something in the way his voice quivered a touch as it floated off into the air, that made your heart break in two. It was as if he himself couldn’t believe they’d held out as long as they had; that they hadn’t given up all hope by this time. It was a dry admittance, a sad admittance, and he blinked rather rapidly and sniffed after saying it, as if trying to bite back tears.

Any animosity you’d had for such a creature had completely dissipated by this point. His honesty. His helpless quaver…. They’d destroyed it. With all the more tenderness, you rocked him gently to and fro, taking extra care to massage his whole little body, as best he’d let you anyway, trying to iron out every last bit of pain trapped in those delicate bones. He barely even resisted, save for asking once why you even bothered to help him in the first place.

“Because I think you needed it,” was your blunt response.

He’d looked away a little shyly at this, before turning back to look into your eyes.

“Thank you,” he muttered, and it sounded sincere.

You simply nodded, smiling at him, continuing to rub out the pain as best you could.

8:47 PM. You tossed a frown at the clock. Mrs. Duff would be back in about thirteen minutes. The time you had spent with your new charge hadn’t felt like enough. You were fully aware that you couldn’t take him back to your place for extended relief. He’d have to return to Elmyra’s room, or, at the very least, be put back somewhere in the house before the mother arrived. This posed a bit of a problem, however, for by this point he’d fallen back to sleep in your arms. You stopped rocking him back and forth for a moment to simply… look at him.

He was so small. Much smaller than expected for a pet mouse. Perhaps he’d been a field mouse in the past? A body that fragile shouldn’t be thrown around in a house by a volatile little girl. He should be cared for; comforted; loved.

8:48 PM. He was actually snoring, so quietly it was barely audible. Despite yourself, you leaned down… and kissed him on the top of his head. He stirred, but didn’t awaken.

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered again, swallowing thickly.

You looked at the clock. 8:49 PM. You sighed.

You couldn’t do this. You knew you couldn’t do it from the moment you opened the freezer door and saw him lying in there. Two hundred dollars a week wasn’t worth it. You were going to be fired and that was that. Screw the money. The thought of leaving the two mice in such a condition as this was unbearable. You couldn’t rescue all of her animals, of course, and you hated the idea of stealing, but this one had almost died.

8:50 PM. You groaned. This wasn’t going to be easy….

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Sunday morning saw you bright and early, topping off some pancakes in your dorm room with maple syrup, cutting up a few tiny pieces, and setting aside said pieces on a small napkin on a table. Two little white mice immediately stepped up. You smiled at them as you dug into your own, much larger portion of the breakfast, watching the sun rise beyond the balcony.

In the end, you’d chosen the lesser of two evils: voluntary departure. The moment Mrs. Duff had returned home, you’d politely thanked her for the payment, but regretted that you didn’t think you could continue to operate as babysitter. She’d been disappointed, but not surprised. It wasn’t the first time a new hire had quit so suddenly. The turn-over rate with Elmyra was high.

And so you left, leaving the two mice behind at the house, but had returned the next day around 1:00 PM while Elmyra was in school and her parents were preoccupied. She had a tendency to leave her bedroom window open, you see, and it didn’t take much convincing to persuade the mice to consider new living arrangements. The taller one, whose name turned out to be Pinky, was a bit uncertain, and felt bad about ditching without even a note of thanks or apology, but the Brain said it wouldn’t matter, that Elmyra would get over it soon enough and find some other tiny rodents to torture, and so Pinky relented. Not that you could blame him for being hesitant. You also felt bad about literally kidnapping them in this way, but you couldn’t think of any alternative.

Watching Pinky happily lick maple syrup from his lips, however, and observing Brain take notes on a pad while he chewed on pancake satisfactorily, you felt it had been worth it. Pinky still felt a bit guilty about ditching Elmyra so suddenly, but he seemed to adjust to change surprisingly quickly, and sweet breakfast food every morning was a-okay in his book. Brain was still getting used to you, and spoke only when necessary, but he hadn’t forgotten the freezer incident. When he did speak to you it was fairly formal and polite, and he’d even let you scratch behind his ears now and again. Pinky was undoubtedly the friendlier of the two, and you enjoyed spending time with him, talking about movies and playing board games, but there was a special place in your heart reserved for Mr. Grumpy. You figured that would always be there after what had transpired several nights prior. All you could see whenever you opened a freezer door now was an ivory, frost-bitten body trembling in your hands.

Bright sunlight was pouring into the dorm room now, alighting the chairs, the tables, the dishware…. Smiling, you stood up, plate in hand, and stepped out onto the porch, choosing instead to rest in one of the outside seats, the better to enjoy the day’s warmth.

Several minutes later, as you popped a piece of pancake in your mouth, something, or someone, crawled up into the chair beside you. You looked down. It was Brain.

“Hello,” you greeted him pleasantly.

“Hello,” he replied. He licked his lips a little timidly. “Umm….”

“Yes?”

“I…. Well, I… I just wanted to say that… you’ve…. Well, it’s… it’s nicer here than at Elmyra’s….”

“Glad to hear that. I would hope so,” you smirked.

“And… I…. Well, I… um…,” he stammered, scratching at his neck.

You smiled.

“It’s okay,” you said. “You’re welcome.”

He looked up at you, then back at the sunrise. A minute passed. Quietly, inconspicuously, he sidled up close to you, and leaned his entire body against yours, closing his eyes as he did so. Your heart warmed at this show of trust. Oh….

Gently, so as not to startle him, you brought up a hand and began massaging him.

“I love you, little one,” you whispered under your breath.

In response, he pressed closer against you. It wasn’t at all what you expected from him, but you gratefully accepted it all the same.

You both sat like that for a long time, enjoying the touch of the sun’s rays, Pinky finally joining in some moments later as he snuggled up to his friend. Brain actually wrapped an arm around Pinky... and smiled. Pinky hugged him back.

A grin tugged at the corners of your mouth as you watched them, before turning your attention back to the sunrise. Hot pancakes. A beautiful view. Soft mice. And no Elmyra. It was nice. 

As you petted the two little fuzzies cuddled up next to you, warm and full and far away from any girls who would put them in freezers, one thing became absolutely decided in your mind: no amount of money could ever substitute for this.

The End

--------------------------

Author’s Note:

I promised myself I’d never do a self-insert. Granted, that applied more to drawings, and even then I’ve made a couple of exceptions in the past, but writing out this kind of thing is still a bit embarrassing to me. I feel like it tampers too much with the canon universe, but, then again, so do AUs and even fan fiction in general. Every story is a “what if”.

This one came about, however, because I was inspired by a friend of mine, Shuun. She’d written a very sweet little story called Haven Forbid (which I suggest you check out), that was, in turn, partially inspired by a soft idea I’d had in which a young woman, taking on the job of Elmyra’s babysitter, discovers Brain trapped in the freezer and proceeds to nurse him back to health. The idea in general is one I’ve had for months and months and months. Whenever I daydream about cuddling and comforting Brain, it often comes back to this particular scenario. So, yes, it’s a flat-out self-insert. Ha-ha. I just normally don’t like sharing these things publicly, but Shuun inspired me to be brave. Heh. :)

Although this is written with a y/n perspective, the character of the babysitter is basically me. This is what I would most likely do if in this situation. Pinky, Elmyra, and the Brain is a show that I not only abhor, but that hurts my heart terribly. The pain I feel regarding Brain, watching him get beat up, tossed around, thrown against walls, choked, and all manner of other despicable things, is nigh through the roof. So dearly do I yearn to rescue him from such a predicament that I’ve literally been in tears thinking about what he had to endure in that show, even though it’s technically not canon. He can be a little butt himself sometimes, but he absolutely did not deserve any of what he was put through in that series.

Hand me a little frozen Brain and I’d do exactly what you saw in the story. Let me warm him; hold him; love him; tell him he’s not alone…. He’d probably balk at a majority of it, but, deep down, he wants to be comfortable and secure as much as the next person. I have so much love for this little fellow. A lot of the time he needs a kick in the pants, to be certain, and occasionally he’d rather be left alone than spoken to, but once in a while, even though he’d never admit it, I think he also needs a kiss to the head.

(As a side note, the title of this story was… paaaaartially inspired by the famous “Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Fire” chapter title in The Hobbit.)

#pinky and the brain #fan fiction

[arecomicsevengood]

Self-Released Comics from 2020

A bunch of zines came out this year that I liked but haven’t written anything about because I’ve been working under the assumption that my liking the artists involved is unsurprising. But I might as well, I like them more than much of what’s offered by larger publishers and they’re probably doomed to some degree of obscurity. I should excerpt images but don’t feel like doing that. All of these would be in consideration for a theoretical “best of the year” list, but I generally get conservative with those and limit it to five books that are widely available as a concession to an imagined general audience.

Gonzales, by Matthew Thurber and Ric Royer, available through Matthew’s online shop

The parties involved in this comic’s creation would probably prefer I not mention that Ric, the writer, was “cancelled” and made a pariah in Baltimore (and I believe Providence too) due to his behavior in relationships, which had a marked pattern of manipulation and psychological abuse. I don’t know how many people outside these places, in the broader comics community, are aware of such things, but certainly some people are probably buying this comic not knowing anything about it who would be uncomfortable with the concept if they knew. I support Matthew’s willingness to support his friend as an artist by collaborating with him in a context where it’s unlikely women would come into his orbit (this isn’t to imply there aren’t women in comics, only that there aren’t festivals happening right now) but not so much so I can look the other way entirely. If I had to have hand-wringing conversations with Baltimore friends, you have to have them in your head: Heads up for those who don’t like it when authors are creeps.

The comic itself is pretty good! It’s a satire about the Satanic Panic of the 1980s that basically works as a kid’s comic, where a superhero named Gonzales teaches kids to overcome their parents’ fears. Thurber’s a great cartoonist, and I don’t think he loses too much working from a script here. There’s less improvisatory surrealism and more general storytelling economy.

Everglide by Carlos Gonzalez, available through Wasp Video Roadhouse

This kinda feels like Carlos’ eXistenZ, by which I mean it’s about humans “jacking in” to video game worlds where they can run around. Also I think eXistenZ is the best Cronenberg movie, and who knows how good this comic will turn out? I like the serialized minicomic format. I do feel like the ideal format for this would be typical comic proportions, sold in retail stores monthly, and Carlos’ thin line that delineates the shape of a figure but none of its weight or texture could confront readers with its seeming amateurism. But alas! No one can afford to put out black and white genre comics in stores regularly these days. As a minicomic with so many pages in each issue, the focus on the narrative, and each issue feels satisfying on those grounds, building out its world.

Detective Double Digest by Drew Lerman and Pete Faecke, available at The Stink Hole

Drew Lerman takes his Snake Creek characters out for a detective caper with gags about pissing and a plot about cryogenic freezing. Pete Faecke, who I’m unfamiliar with, but is in the new Bubbles writing about the horse sequence in Jimbo Adventures In Paradise, does a comic where multiple people huff gasoline. It’s great. There’s plenty of jokes, an interesting tone, but also a good deal of narrative space being covered in a short amount of pages. The contrast between art styles works to the advantage of each, with Faecke sort of approximating a stiff “golden age” style while Lerman works in a scribblier cartoonier form, closer to a comic strip like Barney Google. Faecke also did a similar format split with A.T. Pratt of western comics that looks pretty good too.

Whisnant by Max Huffman, available at Motion Goods

I loved reading this comic as pages would pop up on Max’s social media feed. Honestly considered buying a page of the original art to finance the printing of the minicomic version. Improvised goofball comedy, tells a story, interrupts that story, then comes back to it, the way the gags and callbacks work is insane in this. I kinda hope he continues with it but maybe it won’t work if it attempted to function like an ongoing comic and not just a stream of consciousness thing that’s disinterested in resolution. On any given page, it feels either like Huffman is going for some weird gag or he’s exploring the form and abstracted geometry of page layout and shape. The amount of panels per page is generally pretty low, so it makes for a breezy minicomic, but reading it online a page at a time I always imagined it at classic comic book size, feeling like part of the point was the subversion of expectations of a classic “teen” comic like Archie.

Hubert by Elijah Brubaker, available at his Patreon

Elijah put up a few issues of this for free as PDFs somewhere but that might’ve been a limited time thing, and it’s worth tossing him some small amount of money to get these. They’re comedies about being an obnoxious dumbass who’s dumb and horny, sorta sitcom-y, sorta weird indie movie vibe, but with a cartoon’s sense of freedom from consequences. Strange and likable, uncontrived, honest to its world of slackers. Would be a good alt-comic in the tradition of Hate or any number of forgotten Slave Labor comics. Hubert the character’s abstracted cartoon shape is kinda like Ben Jones’ Alfe but he ends up in a house full of women and there’s a flirtatious chemistry in his interactions as opposed to Jones’ sexless goofball shenanigans. Since Brubaker’s I think most known for his Wilhelm Reich bio-comic and is currently working on a Charles Manson thing, this feels more “accessible” to a certain alienated pandemic brain looking to live vicariously through fiction while maybe the other stuff is more saleable to libraries. That may sound more cynical than I intend, I mean this comic is fun and it would be nice to encounter it on someone’s coffee table when you’re at the house getting drunk and stoned in a different era. The artist is unemployed and currently only making money from his Patreon, he deserves people kicking in donations for this thing.

Dog Biscuits by Alex Graham, viewable at Instagram for the time being

For a fictionalized document of the pandemic times we’re living in, currently being serialized on Instagram, running in sequences of panels you click through, I like this better than Crisis Zone. It seems close to wrapping up, at which point Alex will collect it into a self-published book I think will make a worthwhile purchase. As time has gone on, and the strip’s moved away from discussing protests and the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone overtly, settling in with the romantic drama of its small cast as they try to find their way in a world where it feels like every stupid asshole might have exposed themselves to COVID already and now thinks nothing of exposing you as well feels fraught as any editorial cartooning, a sense of desperation to find joy underlies a multipage XXX sequence of characters boning. The Instagram comments are lit up with people seemingly familiar with only reading YA getting really emotionally invested and being extremely judgmental of the characters, with maybe the weirdest moment from my vantage point was someone asking the author what a character’s astrological breakdown was. These reactions do bring home how thought out, alive, and well-observed these characters feel.

[kingofdirtandnothing]

@polyfacetious big ass Christmas Drabble Extravagaza: Day Twenty

“Did you know that there’s not any real appreciable difference between salt water taffy and regular taffy?” The guy in the nice suit browsing the bins of taffy looks up at Barry, cocking a brow at him. He’s been in the store for a couple of minutes now, and after a brief ‘hi, how are you’ exchange, Barry had said nothing else. Until now.

“So salt water taffy was invented in 1883 in Atlantic City, on the boardwalk. It was invented by this guy named David Bradley, I think that’s what his name is. And anyway, so he had a taffy shop out on the boardwalk. Because, tourists.”

Barry gestures around himself, to the small shop and its pristine white walls and white tile floors, to the barrels holding the candy all made of rich, dark wood. The only real pops of color in the place were the pieces of candy themselves, almost pastel behind their white wrapping paper. 

This whole street was a tourist attraction. A collection of immigrants who set up shop here right next to each other, selling a little bit of everything. Barry had seen the article about it in some tourist magazine, solely because Diego had it framed and on the wall in the front of his shop. 

And Diego’s tacos were definitely worth waiting in line for. So Barry waited like everyone else, and it meant he had plenty of time to do things like read the article that was framed on the wall that talked about ‘found family’ and ‘eclectic tastes’. Barry was pretty sure that last little bit was because of Klaus, but he wasn’t sure.

“So. Atlantic City, right? Right off the water on the pier, big ferris wheel, super cool place, even back then. But it flooded.” Barry stops, cocking his head. “I don’t think the ferris wheel was there in the 1880s.” But he can’t look right now, because he’s pulling taffy. 

That was the allure of the place. All of the taffy was hand pulled. No machines here. Barry did all the pulling, cutting and wrapping. Super boring work, but it gave him time to think when it wasn’t busy, and his biceps looked pretty sweet. 

Even right now, he’s grateful that his work t-shirt is a little tight around the sleeves as he takes the long strand of shiny white taffy and folds it back over the hook on the wall. From there, he pulls it down towards him again, lengthening the strand before he folds it back over the hook again. 

“I look it up later. Anyway. Atlantic City.” This story was all over the place, but the guy in his probably expensive and very nicely cut suit, wow he looked good, he was just watching Barry with his arms crossed, expression amused. “It flooded. Soaked the guy’s entire stock of candy. Once everything dried out, he took a bite of it on a whim.”

Barry glances over his shoulder and grins at the guy. Looks like the taffy wasn’t the only one on the hook today. “Said it tasted pretty good. So from then on, he sold it as salt water taffy. Made it tourist-y.”

He takes the white taffy from the hook and slaps it down onto the marble slab he’d cut it on. But first, he needed to roll it into something like a log. Barry always liked the way the taffy looked at this stage, with its bright sheen and its pliable nature. Like solid snow, or something. 

“But the thing is when you’re making taffy, when you’re making any kind of candy really, you’re going to boil the water with the sugar to get your base. And when you boil the water, it takes the salt right out of it. Seriously, it’ll crust the bottom of the big brass pot we use. I have to scrape it out sometimes.”

Barry folds the taffy in on itself like a big, soft pretzel and gives it a squeeze. He was going to need to punch it out a little before it would be ready to be cut. 

“So salt water taffy doesn’t actually taste any different than regular taffy. It’s just-”

“Tourists.” The guy answers, his voice low and rough, like sandpaper at the bottom of the well. “Do you tell all your customers about the history of ripping off tourists, or am I just special?” The smile, which really couldn’t be called a smile, tugs at just one corner of the guy’s lips. 

“I’m bored.” Barry grins right back at him. “But if you need someone to tell you that you’re special, I’ll be your man.” 

That earns him a small huff of laughter, and Barry finds himself proud of the sound. Yeah, he did that. “Oliver.” The guy, Oliver, holds a hand out to shake over the top of the glass separating the open part of the shop from Barry’s work area. 

“Barry.” He peels the glove off of his hand and tosses it into the trash can he keeps beneath the counter before he shakes Oliver’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Oliver.” Oliver has nice, strong hands. Callused, too. Not what Barry would expect from a guy wearing a suit that looked like it cost more than what Barry made in a month. “You read the article, huh?”

There’s a split second that Oliver looks sheepish before he settles into the conversation. “You guys get that much foot traffic in here from the New Yorker article?” Wow. Diego just had the article up, not the rest of the magazine. Barry didn’t know it was such a high end magazine that spoke so highly of their little street. Maybe that’s why they were getting so many people browsing up and down the street.

“Yeah.” It’s Barry’s turn to huff out a laugh, pulling a fresh glove out of the box and slipping it on before he gets back to the roll of taffy in front of him, punching it down before he rolls it out again into a little shiny log. “They tend to hit all the ‘greatest hits’, that’s what Tony calls them. The places in the article. But it works out for the other spots, like the book store, because then the tourists think that they’ve found some great hole in the wall that a reporter didn’t even find.”

Oliver glances down at the briefcase sitting at his feet, emblazoned with his initials and gleaming in the afternoon sun. “Guilty as charged.”

The taffy is a nice, long log now. Ready to be cut. Barry grabs the rounded cutter and starts on the far edge, his cuts swift and precise, a long practiced movement. As close to muscle memory as a person could get with something sharp in their hands.

Or at least as close as Barry Allen could get with a knife in his hand. Because the tip of his left thumb would beg to differ. 

It was fine, they sewed it right back on. It wasn’t really that big of a deal anyway. Though Felicity didn’t think it was funny when Barry suggested that the next big thing would be blood taffy. No one ever tapped into the goth market with candy.

“That’s cool, though. You came because of the article but you still adventured outside of your routine and maybe your comfort zone. I’d be proud of that if I were you.” Also, if Barry were Oliver he’d probably never wear a shirt and spend the rest of his life looking at himself in front of a mirror, Narcissus style. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re too nice?” Oliver reaches up to adjust the knot of his tie and Barry’s thumb almost makes a repeat performance. Luckily, it’s just a really thin piece of taffy and not a piece of thumb that rolls across the cool marble. 

“Oh yeah.” Barry laughs, and gives up on cutting anything else while Oliver was still here. He could go ahead and get these pieces wrapped and ready to do, and then no one was at risk of a bloodbath. “All the time. Felicity, she’s the other owner of this place, we split it fifty-fifty, she always tells me that I’m too nice for my own good.”

Then again, Barry thought Fels was way too nice for her own good. But he was too nice to say something about it, so maybe she had a leg up on him. 

“Doesn’t it bother you? Knowing that people might take advantage of you? Or scam you? Or hurt you?”

Barry is pretty sure this isn’t the kind of conversation you have with the guy who runs the taffy shop on your vacation if you have anyone else to talk to. That makes it all the more important that Barry listens. “Well yeah. No one wants to be hurt. But I think about it like this. If I keep the windows closed all the time because I’m worried about rain, then I miss out on all the good breezes I could get, too.”

It’s a weird, mixed metaphor but it seems to sink in, because Oliver is watching him very closely, and with something like respect in his eyes. Nailed it. 

Barry shrugs and reaches across the space between them, holding his hand out to Oliver, palm up. In it, a single wrapped piece of white salt water taffy, rolled up neatly in wax paper, the ends twisted inwards and fanning out, like the candy you would see in a cartoon. “Here, have a free sample.”

He had a bad habit about free samples. Barry just couldn’t help it, he liked seeing kids light up and laugh when they had their first bite. And it’s no different watching Oliver carefully unwrap the piece and pop it into his mouth, his eyes widening briefly in surprise. 

“I know, right?” Barry shifts eagerly from foot to foot, and gives in, popping that thin, misshapen piece from the end of the roll into his mouth. Taffy wasn’t complicated, when it came to ingredients. It was just a few things, and most everyone had them at home. It was the process that made something special out of the ingredients. “You’d think I’d be sick of this stuff, being around it all day. But I’m really not. I love it.”

‘It’ meant more than just the candy. It meant the shop, the street, the crazy dream that he and Felicity jetted off to follow right out of college. Barry’s life was kind of crazy and he wouldn’t trade that for anything. 

“I can see that.” Oliver doesn’t speak until he finishes chewing and swallowing his piece of candy, unlike Barry who had no problem speaking behind his hand with his mouth full. Oliver takes the candy wrapper and smooths it out flat in his palm before he places it on the top of the glass case, sliding it back towards Barry with the tip of his index finger. “And I’d like to see you again.”

Wow. That was smooth as hell. Barry needs a second to parse the fact that the very attractive businessman was looking at him like that. Like Barry was another piece of candy that he wanted to unwrap. “Barry.” Oliver’s voice cuts through all those wild, tumbling thoughts. “I want you to write your number on here.” Oliver taps the piece of wrapper.

“Oh!” Yeah, Barry was not picking up on that. He laughs nervously, ducking behind the counter and nearly braining himself on the glass before he’s able to find a permanent marker on a low shelf. Barry scribbles his name across the square, and his phone number underneath it. 

Even if Oliver changed his mind and never called, even if Barry never saw him again, this whole afternoon would be worth it to see Felicity’s face when he told her the story about getting hit on by the suave businessman in the middle of the afternoon on a Monday. 

Definitely worth it.

#ch: barry #polyfacetious | ollie #polyfacetious #v: expats row #queued #carlota's christmas drabbles

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I thought about Adventure Time: Distant Lands-”BMO”

Salutations random people of the internet who probably won't read this. I am an Ordinary Shmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons. And today, I'm going to do one-fourth of what I do best by reviewing "BMO": The first hour-long special of Adventure Time: Distant Lands. Seeing how it's been a week since the special premiered, and that most fans saw it by now, I thought I'd share my thoughts on BMO. Keep in mind, if you haven't seen the special yet, you're final warning against spoilers stops here. Because I'll be spoiling the heck out of this special, by listings everything I like, and don't like. Things like characters, plot elements, and little touches that I thought were worth mentioning. Without further ado, let's start this review off by listing-

WHAT I LIKED

The Animation Quality: You know how Steven Universe: The Movie had animation quality that was ten percent better than the original series? That's basically what the animation in “BMO” is like. It's not the smoothest I've ever seen, and probably not the best Adventure Time has ever looked, but it's still pretty good. There's definitely more attention to detail, shading, and lighting to help make “BMO” look more cinematic than the series. There is one issue I have with the animation, though. But I'll get into that with the dislikes. For now, it's safe to say that the animation is still pretty darn good.

BMO (The Character, not the special): What can I say about this little rascal that hasn't been said already? BMO is still his adorable little self, and more so. There are times when his naivety can be kind of annoying, at least to me, but I'm sure BMO fans will love how he's presented in the special. Especially given the fact that this is the most active BMO has been in the entire series. Throughout most of Adventure Time, BMO has primarily been a source for comedy as well as a tool for characters to use. Even in episodes when BMO does save the day, it's either by accident or by him not understanding the situation. In "BMO," the little robot purposefully solves many problems, and fully understands the situation. The special still manages to keep his naivety by having BMO just not completely understanding how serious the problem is. Weirdly the writers found a perfect way to make BMO a more active role while not giving him a different personality. And personally speaking, the writers executed that idea well.

Y-5: This special may be about BMO, but Y-5 is the real star here. Y-5's personality, design, and overall arc as a character was so much fun and downright adorable to see. It was so surprising because I did not expect to like any new character introduced in Distant Lands. I just assumed that any newcomer would divert attention from the main character that the special would focus on. And while Y-5 does do that, I'm ok with it for three reasons. First, BMO is not a good character to work on his own. He actually needs characters that fully know what's going on for the plot to progress. Second, while Y-5 can hijack the story, sometimes, there are still segments that make it clear that "BMO" is about BMO. Third, Y-5 is already an incredible character, so I'm not going to waste time complaining about her inclusion. She plays the perfect straight man to BMO's antics, and it was so endearing to see her grow as a more confident character. So much so, that I actually consider Y-5 as one of my personal favorite characters. Not just in the special, but in the series overall. Also, I’m sure that there’s some symbolism behind her wanting to be called Y-5, but I’m not touching it. Mostly because I have no idea what I’m talking about in that regard.

The Comedy: There's not much to say here. The jokes are all worth a good chuckle but were never funnier than anything in the series as a whole. Except for that hard-cut to the elf looking angry as he drifts off into space. That was pretty hilarious.

The Drift: I love everything about the Drift. From its design to the background characters, and even the backgrounds themselves. Everything about the Drift just screams hard work and dedication from the cast and crew. It's almost as if everyone involved knew this would be the last time they would work on Adventure Time, so they just poured their hearts and souls into it. And given the fact that they worked so hard on the first special, makes me even more excited for the other three.

Martin returns...sort of: Let's be clear: It is understood by everyone that Mr. M is Martin Mertens. He has the same voice actor, the same mannerisms, and even the same body type. However, what I like isn't the fact that Martin returns. What I love is the fact that "BMO" never reveals that it's Martin. I'm sure some fans might be upset about not getting an official reveal, but I personally don't think it matters. Mostly because it doesn't matter to BMO. BMO doesn't know who Martin is, and has very little connection to the scumbag. So making a big reveal that Mr. M is Martin would just be unnecessary. Overall, I'm ok with the fact that the writers had Martin return to be nothing more than a glorified easter egg. Because honestly, it's what he deserved.

Hugo’s backstory: Again, there's nothing much to say here. It's yet another twist reveal about how a character who seems nice turns out to be quite the twat. There are two things worth mention, though. One, Hugo's personality stays the same. Look back at all Disney twist villains who become vastly different characters before and after the big twist. Compared to Hugo, he seems like a twist villain done right. Once you figured out that Mr. M is Martin, it should be pretty clear that Hugo's not a saint to be partnered up with the guy. Plus, when it's revealed Hugo really is, he still keeps up this charming persona that he uses around people...up until he ditches them like a twit. Another thing worth mentioning is the animation used for the flashback. Dedicated fans might remember that it was the same style used for "Water Park Prank," which might be the worst episode of the series. So it's nice to see the art style used for something good rather than something...not as good.

The solution to “save” the Drift: Most people use the special as an allegory for climate change. Which is why I put "save" in air-quotes because the citizens didn't really save anything. Similar to how we all play our part to save our planet. What the citizens do, though, is come up with solutions that might work as long as they have hope. And I. Freaking. LOVE that! The lesson that "BMO" is trying to teach is incredibly important, both to children and especially to adults. It's so easy to assume that the best solution is to abandon once it gets too hard and take the easy way out. Same as how some people believe it's better to just abandon this planet we call home, rather than put in the work to save it. And to those people: Let me ask you a question. Do you really think that you'll shoot off into space with the people planning to colonize another planet? Or do you think that those people are going to be like Hugo, who will only take along close friends and the rich? Personally, I think it's more likely going to be the latter. Which is why I adore the lesson being taught in "BMO." It might be hard to save the planet at this point, but it's still worth doing. And I can hope everyone else will come to agree with that conclusion.

WHAT I DISLIKED

Olive: I feel bad for saying I don't like Olive because the truth is that I'm more indifferent to them. To me, Olive feels less like a character and more like a plot device. This is because Olive has little to no personality, and all they do nothing but be something that furthers the plot. Although, I do like how Olive can stretch, as well as how they are overprotective over BMO. Other than that, there's not much to work off of.

Inconsistency with Character Designs: This was the problem I had with the animation. At times, characters are pretty inconsistent with how they're drawn. Some scenes, Y-5's eyes are large and cute, and other times they're normal-sized. There also times when BMO's height and width can be pretty inconsistent with what scene he's in. Now to be fair, this is nothing new to Adventure Time. It's a problem that the show has had for quite some time, and fans have come to accept it. However, just because you accept a problem doesn't make it any less of a problem. If anything, it makes it worse because the showrunners still refuse to fix it.

KS-2: Is it weird that the best character in "BMO" is the daughter of the worst character? Because to me, I don't understand how someone as amazing as Y-5 came from someone so rotten as KS-2. To be fair, I get what the writers were going for. They wanted to make a mother who was just another adult that "just doesn't understand." I can see that, but the problem is that the writers went too far with the idea. The way that KS-2 just constantly berates Y-5, as well as refusing to listen, comes off as too cruel. And the fact that the father pointed out how KS-2 never said the words "Y-5 was right," does nothing more than add fuel to the fire. But what's tricky is for all I know, this could have been the intention. And if it's true that the writers wanted to make KS-2 so unlikeable, then they more than succeeded. Although, I will give the crew credit for subverting gender norms by making KS-2 buff and the dad scrawny. I just wish that good intention was put into a good character.

The first chase scene in the Jungle Pod: This is mostly a nitpick, but it's still something that bothers me. Because having BMO getting chased away from his radio, to then have him end back where he originally was, felt like padding to me. Because why else would you have BMO go through all of that danger, only to have him end up at square one. Maybe the writers included the scene to build tension, but even if that's true, there could have been a better way to do it. Like while BMO's being chased, he somehow gets closer to his goal, rather than end up in a loop. And if the scene really was just for padding, then pad that time with literally anything else. Like maybe use the time to show KS-2's gentle side, or doing more to tease Hugo's true self. I know it would only be a few minutes, but actually make those minutes count for something. 

It’s a Prequel?: After my initial viewing, my reaction to the ending was, "Oh, BMO found Finn and Jake's descendants." Then when actual smart people pointed out that "BMO" was a prequel, my reaction became "Oh, that makes way more sense." But then I started thinking about the fact that the special was a prequel, and the more I thought about it, the more holes I found. Or, at least, two holes that I found. First off, why does BMO have a heroic nature in this special? At first, I thought that maybe the years living with Finn and Jake taught BMO how to be a hero, but BMO hasn't met Finn yet. So I guess BMO felt like a heroic personality the entire time? Even though he never acted like this before in the series, unless he thought he was playing a game? Another thing I noticed is Martin's line about kids calling out their deadbeat parents. Why would he say that? Martin hasn't met Finn yet, either. Therefore Martin doesn't have the experience of being called a deadbeat parent. So does this mean that Martin has other children in the universe who calls him out on his crap? Or is it most likely that the writers wanted to give another clue that Mr. M was Martin, but briefly forgot the series timeline? I think it's most likely the latter, even though the former sounds way more interesting. And before people want to kill me because they actually love the story being a prequel, I want to point out, this is another nitpick. The fact that "BMO" is a prequel doesn't bother me too much, but I still can't help but feel confused when thinking about it.

As a whole, I give “BMO” an A-. BMO is as adorable as ever, Y-5 is an astounding character, I love the moral that the special is trying to teach, and the entire thing just screams effort. Is it perfect? No. Does it have problems? Yes, but not anything that makes me think the special was unwatchable. I enjoyed it, and something tells me that if you're an Adventure Time fan, you enjoy it too. "BMO" was a great introduction to Distant Lands, and here's hoping the other specials will be even better.

(And here’s also hoping that “Obsidian” will deliver that sweet, sweet Bubbline goodness that fans have been demanding for years.)

#adventure time distant lands #bmo #y-5 #adventure time distant lands spoilers #what i thought about

[uzuuzuking]

so this started out as just a general post about why i like cinderella adaptations, but slowly spiraled into a ranking/review of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen in my short, young life. so strap in for possibly the longest post i’ve ever made on this blog. (look, i never know how much i have to say about something until i really get going lmao)

idk why i like cinderella adaptations/remakes/spinoffs so much? most of them are garbage (especially the ones within the last 10 years don’t @ me) but fuck it i like this brand of garbage. it’s fun to watch these movies and rework the bad plotlines and dialogue in my head as i go along.

i guess i like the source material and some of the aspects of all the different adaptations, but honestly i just like re-imagining them because there’s only so much cringey script-written-for-teens-but-clearly-written-by-40-year-old-adults-who-have-no-idea-how-teens-or-even-people-for-that-matter-actually-talk-and-interact i can take in one excruciating sitting.

anyway here’s my personal ranking of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen that no one asked for. (not including stage productions because i haven’t seen any and have no opinion of them. also not including into the woods because that’s not just cinderella, but a spectacular amalgamation of fairytale mishap and shenanigan.) and reviews because apparently i had more to say than i originally thought when i first started constructing this list:

cinderella (1997) - the absolute best cinderella adaptation of all time, hands down, this is non-negotiable. this movie has it all: an excellent and diverse cast, gorgeous costume design, beautiful sets, some of the most dazzling dance numbers i ever witnessed when i first watched it at the wee age of 4, and a positive, progressive message that was accurate for its time yet also so ahead of its time. i cannot praise this version of cinderella enough, it is my all time favorite and one of my top 3 feel-good movies. if you watched it today, the effects might not be as magical compared to what we have now, but keep in mind it was released in 1997. anyway, the cast is truly amazing and so effortlessly inclusive (and honestly the fact that the prince was asian with a black mother and white father and they literally never addressed it was such a power move). i could go on about this movie forever (i’ll probably make a whole post dedicated to it in the future) and what it meant to me and many others as young, impressionable poc. in conclusion, this movie set an exceedingly high standard for me and destroyed the chances of any other cinderella adaptation even hoping to live up to that. i love it! so! much!

ever after: a cinderella story (1998) - tbh i never saw this until i was in college but i immediately fell in love. i love the flow of the story as a whole - i never felt like anything was missing. i love the costumes and i especially love how danielle and henry’s relationship progressed throughout the film. slow-burn comes to mind when i watch their interactions and we all love a sweet, sweet slow-burn. it’s romance babes! it’s Dramatic in a few scenes and all i can say is that it really works because drew barrymore’s performance is exceptional, fantastic, engaging, more adjectives to describe how enthralled by her i was. above all, her character is compassionate - she uses her voice to speak in support for those who are suppressed by the flawed government systems and law enforcers, and influences the prince to use his status and power to better his people who lack the privileges of the nobility. she’s such a strong female lead (emotionally and physically - she literally fireman carries her love interest, who is taller than her and definitely exceeds her own bodyweight) and truly the mvp of this adaptation. watch it. watch it for Her.

enchanted (2007) - amy adams and idina menzel - ‘nuff said. okay but for real this one is so unique with its transition from classic d*sney 2D animation style to the real three-dimensional world and i adore it to the ends of the earth. the music? slaps! the story? slaps! the development of the main character? slaps!! she’s so princess-y and d*sney cartoon-y and struggles in the real world, but she adapts at a good pace and i love that she learns to be realistic while also keeping hope and love close to her heart. also her mother figure / daughter figure bond with morgan is so so precious. the only constructive criticism i have for this movie is the fact that we were robbed of idina menzel singing!!! did they know all along she was destined to play the frozen queen years in the future and decided against her singing in this one?? is that it? ridiculous. it’s been over a decade and i’m still seething over this. other than that this movie is *chef’s kiss*

ella enchanted (2004) - anne hathaway’s back must still be hurting from carrying this film. (no shade to the other cast members, they’re good, but anne is a queen and i forever love her.) this is another childhood favorite of mine. the story itself is a refreshing take - hats off to gail carson levine for the source material! i’ve talked about the differences between the movie and book before in the midst of my reread of the book a few months ago, but i don’t remember how much i focused on the movie. it’s so different from the book that it might as well be its own thing. on its own, the movie is pretty decent! again, mostly because of anne. it’s funny, it’s sad (especially that scene towards the beginning between ella and areida, i’m in stupid tears every time), and it gets weird but it’s a fun time. the chemistry between char and ella is so zesty i can feel it through the screen, i swoon over both of them. tbh i probably wouldn’t like this movie so much if not for the fact that anne hathaway is truly talented and i spend most of my time watching it just looking at her. 

cinderella 3: a twist in time (2007) - i genuinely enjoyed and appreciated how the characters were written in this one. they all had clear motives and became much more dynamic through their lines and actions (drizella is arguably the most static character here but she still amuses me so it’s fine i guess). cinderella has more agency since the stakes are higher. prince charming actually has a gotdamn personality and has some of the funniest scenes and dialogue. good for him. i was kind of sad that anastasia’s story with the sweet baker boy was thanos snapped by the stepmother, but she and baker boy get a cute credits illustration together so it’s still canon! maybe i’m more biased on this one because i grew up rewatching it A Lot, but i definitely prefer it to the first and second movies.

cinderella (2000) - this one is kind of weird but i like it? the film has a really interesting vibe that i’m still trying to figure out how to describe even after seeing it like 5 times. wikipedia refers to the aesthetic style as “the glamour of the 1950s” which just might be as close as we can get. it follows the general guidelines of the cinderella plot, but the main differences were: zezolla (cinderella) was already helping with the chores before her father remarried, claudette (stepmother) was actively trying to murder zezolla’s father during their marriage, the stepsisters were much more violent and crass (they hunted zezolla’s beloved farm animals for sport and talked about getting “a man in [their] bed”), zezolla’s father was manipulated by everything claudette did and said and treated his own daughter poorly as a result, and prince valiant is honestly kind of a douchebag but seems willing to improve himself after meeting zezolla (basically his vibes are iffy but he’s willing to learn). this whole movie is pretty niche and i have yet to interact with someone who’s also seen it. and the only reason i’ve seen it so many times is because i just like listening to how the dialogue is delivered. (except for prince valiant’s random song at the ball, i kind of hated that and i skip through it every time lol).

a cinderella story (2004) - the classic hilary duff version. very cliche early 2000s high school romance, but it works for the cinderella narrative. not particularly diverse. a classic nonetheless. in my mind this is the pinnacle of the “modern cinderella movie” type. this is one of the most iconic movies for us zillennials and i’d like to think it’s known well enough for me to not go into a lot of detail about it. basically it was fresh and new for its time, had plenty of memorable scenes, and did i mention hilary duff? the film kind of plays into the “not like other girls” trope - as do a couple of the movies i listed above - but i’m just going to acknowledge that the early 2000s were Wack and simply move on. all in all, i like this movie for the nostalgia, iconic scenes, and hilary duff. also jennifer coolidge is pretty funny as the stepmother.

another cinderella story (2008) - again, an early 2000s classic, but this time with selena gomez. i liked the dancing in this one. i like selena’s quiet, somewhat timid characterization of her character, mary. and jane lynch in the stepmother role is perfection. she’s so fun to watch and is always hilarious. the story is nothing remarkable, but it’s okay and i liked it as a kid. after the hilary duff version, this one still managed to feel fresh because, though it was similar in its modern era approach, it focused more on the performing arts and dance. “cinderella” is an aspiring dancer, rather than the 2004 aspiring scholar. the “prince” is a famous popstar, not a football player. the stepmother is an outdated popstar desperate to stay Hip and Relevant with the kids, not a cranky botox lady. honestly i just love watching this one for the dancing, mary’s genuine and innocent love for the “prince”, and literally everything that comes out of jane lynch’s mouth. that woman is a dialogue gold mine.

a cinderella story: once upon a song (2011) - lucy hale is good. missi pyle is good. they play their roles and lines that they’re given fairly well. over all, it’s entertaining. lucy, of course, has them Pipes and i do like the songs in this movie. the only major downside for me was the “token best friend of color” trope. lucy’s best friend is an asian girl who’s good at sports and is there for one liners and support. the prince charming character’s best friend is a black guy who he only knew for probably a month at the most. he can beatbox, sing, and dj. basically he’s also just there as support. they really don’t do much for the plot but they’re there for diversity and whatnot. this movie is.. fine.

cinderella (1950) - the only reason this ranks so low for me is because i watched it a lot as a child when it was on vhs and it always felt like a fever dream to me. i was just really young and didn’t feel invested in any of the characters. it is a classic, though, and i would watch it again and be able to enjoy it.

cinderella 2: dreams come true (2002) - i liked cinderella’s and anastasia’s stories from this one. jaq’s was meh. it was fine.

dj cinderella or cinderella pop (2019) - netflix knows i like cinderella adaptations so, naturally, they shoved this into my recommended and, naturally, i watched it. twice. which is more than i can say for the following review... so this movie is brazillian and is pretty much the cut & mold of modern cinderella movies. but she wants to be a dj. she stars out living a perfect life as a wealthy girl with a loving family, but turns out her dad is cheating on her mom with his secretary. that’s when she “stops believing in love”. which is actually valid bc if i saw one of my parental figures cheating on the other, i honestly wouldn’t know what to believe in anymore. anyway, cíntia dorella (yes. that’s her full name.) and her mom move into her aunt’s place. a year or so passes. stepmother/secretary/cheating lady is throwing an extravagant birthday party for her daughters and hires freddy prince, a popular musician who cíntia doesn’t really like. meanwhile, cíntia gets a dj gig she’s excited for until she finds out she’s the opener for freddy prince at her stepsisters’ party. she ends up disguising herself as “dj cinderella” and freddy is super into her. it’s pretty generic from there but i was entertained enough to watch it twice. take from that what you will.

cinderella (2015) - ok so we been knew that d*sney’s live action remakes ain’t shit, and this one is no exception. d*sney within the last few years has been like 99% aesthetics and marketing. this movie was visually stunning, especially with the settings and costumes. those were the only 2 things i truly liked. everything else was forgettable. in its defense, i did read a post about the “have courage and be kind” message which is something wonderful to hold onto, especially for anyone in an abusive situation like ella. that’s valid and i respect that. i still lowkey hate this movie tho. i started getting a headache about 4 reviews ago, but remembering how much praise this movie got has reignited my fighting spirit. honestly if you like it, that’s good, you like what you like and that’s that. but this is my review and i hated how proper ella’s posture was (she’s been doing physical labor hunched on the floor for years now, how does she not slump around in exhaustion at the end of the day??), i hated how perfectly curated the whole thing was (again, that’s mostly because of d*sney and their aesthetics), and i hated how hollow everything felt. i can’t perfectly describe it, but i never felt emotionally invested in any of the characters. something about their performance was lacking and yet again i blame d*sney. i actually really like lily james, but something about the way she was directed left me devoid of emotional attachment to ella. i remember nothing about ella’s step family or the prince. that’s how much of an impact this adaptation had on me. also i just remembered the fairy godmother as i type this. i ADORE helena bonham carter, but this movie does a horrible disservice to her. if she liked working on this movie, then i’m happy for her, but even she wasn’t strong enough to sell this to me. i saw this movie in theaters and came out of it lamenting my waste of money that i could have spent on something i would have actually enjoyed. but the thing that enraged me the most, the thing i despised, i detested, the thing i seethed over and rant about to this day was the ONE (1) token black character. i don’t even know if he had a name but he was captain of the guard or some shit. if i remember correctly (but probably not tbh this movie was so forgettable), he was the one who heard ella singing and was the whole reason the prince was able to have her try on the glass slipper. this man, who had zero character development, zero relevance to the plot, an insignificant amount of screen time, is suddenly the reason the main character is able to finally connect with her love interest. um. What. i hate how the writers treated him and i will forever be filled with every last grain of salt over this. anyway he’s my favorite character and everyone else is just eh. to conclude this ungodly long review, i don’t like this movie. i tried to watch it again once but got so bored i quit 10 minutes in. do yourself a favor and watch cinderella (1997) instead. (the only reason this movie is ranked above the remaining 5 is the production quality. but i guess that’s unfair bc d*sney has the big bucks. and maybe i wouldn’t be so harsh if i weren’t sleep deprived and grumpy from a sugar-induced headache, but these feelings still come from my Chest so idk.)

a cinderella story: a christmas wish (2019) - i think we all secretly enjoy christmas-themed movies and this has got to be someone’s guilty pleasure. i was mildly entertained (but again with the cringey dialogue written by people clearly not in high school...) and i do like laura marano. but they autotuned her to hell and back - which i loathed - because the woman can actually sing and she has a lovely voice. she got to sing candidly one (1) time and i relished the experience. my ears thank her beautiful, un-autotuned voice. other than that it was.. fine. i didn’t hate it but i didn’t like it either. laura marano deserves better than this. (can’t say the same for the other actors tho because their roles were unmemorable.) also laura marano was super cute in her elf costume!

not cinderella’s type (2018) - i legit forgot about this one until after i compiled the entire list lol. i saw it on youtube and it was decent as far as i remember. it’s another modern day cinderella. i think the “prince” runs over “cinderella’s” cat or something?? i’m pretty sure it was her mom’s cat so now she has nothing left to remember her mom by. prince boy feels awful and tries to befriend her or do something to make it up to her, but she just doesn’t really like him. i think her aunt and uncle are emotionally abusive to her and prince boy does his best to be there for her without making things worse. if i remember correctly, i liked that aspect of the movie because it’s hard to be there for a victim of any kind of abuse if trying to help them could potentially hurt them more, especially minors still under the care of abusive guardians. anyway i think cinderella girl’s best friend is in love with her or something but she ends up not being into him and slowly gets together with prince boy. she eventually moves out of her guardians’ house and into the spare house at prince boy’s home (he’s rich or something). i need to rewatch this movie tbh i could be wrong about everything here lol.

rags (2012) - not amazing, definitely not memorable because i have nothing to say about its plot or writing, but it has keke palmer which is its one redeeming quality. also it’s the only one on this list where the male protagonist is the cinderella. so that’s solid i guess.

a cinderella story: if the shoe fits (2016) - this was a movie. it happened. i vaguely remember how ridiculous it was and sometimes i felt secondhand embarrassment. i don’t remember what about specifically, but i remember the emotion. sofia carson is a talented singer. i think she’s a decent actor but this script was Bad.

elle: a modern cinderella tale (2010) - i only watched this one because i was bored out of my damn mind and saw it on youtube. i felt bad for all the actors because this script was terrible. i don’t recommend this unless you’re about to sit down with your squad and make fun of it.

apparently descendants is on the “cinderella adaptations and references” list on imdb but i refuse to put it on my list because it’s not a cinderella-specific adaptation and i don’t like the descendants franchise. now, if we’re going to discuss a quality series about the children of fairytale characters, that would hands down be ever after high. but that’s a different topic for a different day.

thus concludes the ranking no one asked for but i felt compelled to make. thank you and goodnight

#summer.txt #cinderella #longpost #if anyone reads through this whole thing congrats! #i'll get u a gold star from the esteemed dollar store and bequeath it to you via uploaded photo #i didn't think i'd be typing for 4 hours straight but apparently i have a lot to say #i started falling apart at the end there lol #and around the middle bc i forgot to add cinderella 1 and 2 #god my head fucking hurts #i had a craving for sugar today but i went overboard and now i'm paying the price

[mx-ishikawa]

first self-insert story I’m posting to this blog! starring Dr Two-Brains of Wordgirl fame, because I've been quite fond of him lately... actually, fond is an understatement. XD" so I wrote this little meet-cute fanfic that was intentionally written to be cheesy (get it? haha). I tried to keep it true to the spirit of the show, while also telling it as if it was something that happened just the other day, if that makes sense. there's like, maybe five total swear words in this, so small warning for that. also, considering the context of the show, you might wanna keep watch for the words "encounter" and "infatuated". just saying. ;P

           It was just another beautiful day in the city. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and somebody was running out of the next building over screaming, but apparently that last bit was normal around here. I was just making my way over to the grocery store for, well, some groceries. I had really only been in there once before, but it seemed like such a nice little grocery store, reminiscent of the local supermarket I used to work in back home.

           I had just recently moved to Fair City a couple weeks ago after getting accepted into the art school there. It was fairly cheap and had a wide range of programs to choose from, so I was thrilled to go there. Being a couple thousand miles away from my old home didn’t bother me in the least bit. Heck, I was glad to get away. But I didn’t realize how crazy this city could get until I moved there. The place was getting constantly pillaged by a wide array of villains, some with weird powers, some with giant robots, and some who were just looking for trouble, and people let a little kid and her monkey handle all of that?? But, Wordgirl is an alien, and a very smart kid with a good head on her shoulders, so she seems like she can handle it. I was lucky enough to briefly encounter her about a week before, and the kid’s got spunk, I’ll tell you that. Not to mention Huggyface is an adorable sidekick. Yes, the city may have been safe in her hands, but little did I know the mess I was about to get myself into…

           I entered the store and looked around, trying to remember where everything was. I was probably gonna have to go through every aisle in order to find what I needed, because my memory is TERRIBLE. I pulled out my miniature notebook from my pocket, let’s see, what do I need—oop, that’s not my grocery list, that’s my villain encounter list! I turned the page, nope, that’s a bunch of phone numbers, another page, still not it, that’s school information, another page, oh there it is! Let’s see here… coffee, bread, cheese, soda, chips… I squinted at the last bit of scribbles. Goshdarnit, I can’t even read my own handwriting! What the heck is THAT?? Oh well. I made my way through the maze of aisles, trying to navigate to my needed items. It didn’t take me long for me to find the coffee, thankfully—but I also found a leak in the ceiling! I turned to the man that I recognized as the manager of the store; thankfully he was nearby.

           “Uh, excuse me, sir,” I said, waiting until he turned his head to me before continuing, “but, um, it looks like there’s a leak in the ceiling right up there, cuz there’s like, there’s a puddle down here, so uhh…” I trailed off after pointing in the respective directions. The manager immediately perked up.

           “Ah! Excellent eye! We could use perceptive people like you around here! You’re hired!”

           “I—I wasn’t—" Actually, I could use a job, but this felt too informal; I didn’t even fill out an application! “I was just trying to help y—AAHHH !!”

           CRASH!

           I cringed as the stack of pickle jars I unwittingly backed into fell to the floor with the nerve-wracking sound of breaking glass.

           “Oh my god, I am so sorry!” I immediately panicked.

           “Aw, I just put those up!” the manager yelled. “You’re fired!”

           “Oh dear…” I shifted my eyes, debating on running away from the mess I caused and never coming back, but my manners got the better of me. “At least let me help you!”

           “Well alright then,” the manager said. “I’ll handle the glass, here’s some paper towels.” He handed me a roll of paper towels that he seemingly pulled out of nowhere, and we immediately got to work. He quickly grabbed a bucket for the glass, and I worked on mopping up the pickle juice. Soon enough, I felt someone else’s presence.

           “Here, let me help, too,” a familiar, high-pitched voice said. I didn’t quite realize who it was until I happened to look up mid-sentence.

           “Aw, that’s alright, you don’t have to—ey, Becky!”

           Becky Botsford is a very smart and sweet fifth-grader that I met the other day when her art class took a field trip to my campus. If I may brag, she seemed rather infatuated with the cartoon-style art I was doing, and expressed her envy of her best friend’s art skills. So I introduced her to some artist tips and tricks. I taught her the old lines and shapes technique, which is probably the oldest one in the book, but it really works, and the two of us felt most comfortable around each other during the time her class was there. I could’ve sworn she looked familiar, but she insisted that we had never seen each other before, so that was probably my brain playing tricks on me. How funny of her to show up again; I was just starting to miss the kid.

           “Hey Light,” she said, grabbing a paper towel to clean the juice. “How’s everything going?”

           “Besides being a clumsy moron who knocks over stacks of pickle jars, life’s been good I suppose.” I chuckled nervously, which earned a giggle from Becky in response.

           “Aww, don’t say that, it happens to the best of us,” she said. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done similar things while trying to stop a crimi—I mean stop Bob from eating all the food.” Her pet monkey, Bob, squeaked in apparent disapproval. I laughed a little at the animal.

           “Hey, at least you have an excuse,” I said, “I’m just a klutz.”

           “Well, you’re not the only one,” she reassured. 

           “Thanks for lending a hand, young lady!” the manager praised as he began plucking pickles off the floor.

           “Yeah, thanks for helping out, Becky,” I added, scratching the back of my neck.

           “Oh, it’s no problem,” she insisted. She then got a little closer, as if she were about to share a secret. “Anything to get away from my mom’s coconut craze,” she mumbled. 

           I chortled. “Coconut craze?”

           “Ugh, coconuts are on sale this week and my mom keeps obsessing over them!” Becky groaned exasperatedly. “She’s infatuated with them! Like, what are we going to do with so many coconuts?!” Bob squeaked again just then, to which Becky said, “You got that right, Bob.”

           “I know how you feel, kid. My dad’s the same way with his chili. I swear to god, every time I turned around he’d be making that stupid chili even though he knew darn well my mom and I both don’t like it! He’s especially terrible with it in the wintertime, like jeez.”

           “Parents, right?” 

           “I hear ya.”

           We shared a laugh as the last of the mess was cleaned. “Phew, got that out of the way,” I said. “Anyway thanks again for helping me with that. Are you sure we didn’t encounter each other out on the street or something before the other day?” I was sure my brain was just tricking me into thinking Becky was a familiar face, but I pressed it one more time in jest. Becky giggled.

           “Nope, I’m sure you never saw me before.”

           “Encounter?” the store manager suddenly butted in. “Is that some new type of material I’ve never heard of? I could really use a new kitchen counter.”

           “No sir, it doesn’t have anything to do with kitchen counters,” Becky began. “To encounter someone or something means to meet with or bump into them, usually unexpectedly. Like how Light here and I happened to run into each other in the store at the same time. We encountered each other.”

           “Yeah!” I agreed. “Or how I’ve encountered several villains since I’ve moved here, so I made a list of all the known villains in the city and put a check mark by each one I’ve met!”

           “Wait, you have a list of villains you’ve encountered?” Becky asked. Bob squeaked in confusion.

           “Yep I do! So far, I’ve ran into The Butcher, Mr Big, Amazing Rope Guy, Tobey’s robots, a couple of Lady Redundant Woman’s copies, and I met Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy twice. He seems so nice, I can’t see how he could be evil.” 

           “Wow, sounds like you’re having a crazy time here,” Becky said. 

           “Yeah, but I like crazy, so this is awesome!”

           “Becky~! Bob~!” a jolly female voice suddenly called from a couple aisles away. “Come check out all these wonderful coconuts!” I wheezed in amusement.

           “I’m guessing that’s your mom?”

           “Yes,” Becky said flatly. “Guess I should get going,” she sighed. “But hey, hopefully we can see each other around again sometime!”

           “Yeah, see you around, kid!”

           Becky quickly jogged over to the aisle her mom must’ve been in. I still couldn’t shake the sense of familiarity from her, but maybe it was the start of a sibling-like affection towards the kid. I glanced back down at my grocery list, realizing I still had no idea where everything was at, and cautiously turned back to the manager.

           “Uh hey, uhhh, I know I just made a mess a couple minutes ago, but I’m still new here, and I don’t remember where anything is at, except for this coffee here, so uhh, could you help me out here please?” I showed him my grocery list.

           “Why certainly!” he said. “The bread is right over in the next aisle to your right, the chips are aaaaall the way over on the other side of the store, the soda’s right by there, I can’t help you with whatever that is at the bottom of your list, oh, and the cheese is right down the aisle next to the meat! Asiago is on sale, and flying off the shelves fast, so grab it before it’s gone!”

           “Alright! I’ll try to remember all of that! Thanks!”

           “My pleasure!” the manager said before I made my way down the aisle to the cheese. They had a really nice cheese selection the last time I was here, and I wanted to try some of that asiago. So I took a good long look at all the cheeses when I got to them. Oh yeah, they’ve still got all kinds of cheeses… cheddar, havarti, gouda, muenster, mozzarella… oh jeez, there’s only one asiago left… hmmm, should I take it? Or should I wait until they have more of it later and let someone else have this? I squinted at the price. Jesus, this stuff is expensive, even on sale. No wonder it’s all but gone. I shifted my eyes again, trying to sort out my mental conflict. I always felt guilty for taking the last of something… but hell, I’d been here for two weeks and I’d been proving myself to be an independent adult just fine, I deserved to splurge and treat myself!

           “Aw fuck it! I’m taking this ch—AHH!” I jumped and cut myself off as another hand joined mine in reaching for the cheese. 

           “Whoa there!” a somewhat raspy male voice yelled, sounding just as surprised as mine.

           “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were trying to—” I cut myself off again, this time with a sharp gasp, as I looked up and saw just who was competing with me for the cheese. This man was tall and slender, and donned scientist attire. He was incredibly pale, with messy white hair, piercing red eyes, pink-tinted cheeks, and a few crooked, silvery whiskers protruding from around his subtly twitching nose. But what tipped me off was the small, exposed, slightly pulsating brain nestled within the white hairs on his head. I took a step back, slightly fearful.

           “Y—y-you… y-you’re… you’re d-d—Doctor Two-Brains!”

           “Yep, that’s me,” he stated proudly, shooting me a wicked smirk. He put one hand on his hip and began casually twirling what I assumed to be one of his ray guns with his other hand. “I gotta say, I wasn’t expecting any competition.”

           “Heh, neither was I,” I said, suddenly feeling flustered. “I mean, I guess I always run the risk if I’m anywhere near cheese, but I had no idea you’d be here today!” I perked up as I remembered something. “Oh, I gotta add you to my villain encounter list!”

           Two-Brains blinked in confusion. “Your what-now?”

           “My list of all the villains I’ve met so far! Most of them are pretty nice for villains, but Tobey’s got quite the attitude problem. Kid’s too young to be having a God complex.”

           Suddenly, Two-Brains bust out laughing.

           “Oh my goodness,” he wheezed. “Tobey—God compl—ahahaha!” He clutched his sides as he doubled over, shoulders shaking. “Did you hear that, henchmen?” He elbowed the bigger henchman, who simply exchanged confused looks with the smaller one. “Oh that is rich!”

           I laughed a little myself, mainly at how amused this supposedly evil scientist was at my throwaway comment. “Well, I’m glad you got a kick out of that, haha.” I could’ve sworn Two-Brains wiped a tear from his eye just then.

           “Oh man, I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. You’re quite the comedian.”

           “Haha, well thanks, I try…”

           Suddenly, as his laughter died down, our eyes locked. A sensation akin to that of a tiny electrical current coursed through me as he stared into my soul. His eyes were so mesmerizing. It’s not very often you see such a lovely ruby shade. It was hard to tear myself away from them, but soon enough I felt nervous maintaining eye contact, so my eyes discreetly wandered to other parts of his face. I noticed his smooth, pale complexion. His rosy cheeks. His fluffy hair. His nice jaw structure, not too sharp but not too baby-faced either. Then his cute, pink lips. In that moment I was worried he noticed me gawking, so I looked back into his eyes. Those beautiful eyes, framed by long lashes. I gulped as the truth sunk in.

           Oh no. He’s gorgeous.

           I was finally snapped out of my trance when Two-Brains cleared his throat. I shook my head, damn, I probably creeped him out by now.

           “So,” he began, casually leaning his arm against the shelves, “you’re new here, huh?”

           I sputtered in shock. “H-h-how did you know?!” Two-Brains chuckled at my reaction.

           “Well, for one thing, people who are from around here don’t have a ‘villain encounter list’. Also, I come to this grocery store a lot, so I know who else comes here, and you’re definitely not a familiar face. Besides, I think I would’ve noticed you before.” If I’m not mistaken, he winked at me right then. I blushed.

           “Pfft, as if.” I smiled but waved my hand in dismissal. “No one ever notices me. Not without forgetting about me immediately after.”

           Two-Brains snapped into an upright position. “You’re kidding.”

           “Nope. I was always the weird kid that got left behind…” I rubbed my arm, suddenly feeling insecure. I wasn’t anybody, yet here I was, thinking I could talk to a guy like Two-Brains. What was I doing wasting his time?

           “Gee, that’s awful.” The doctor’s voice softened.

           I shrugged. “It’s alright. I’m used to it by now.”

      ��    “Still, it’s a shame. But let’s not talk about that!” His voice quickly returned to its regular pitch as he plucked a block of cheese from the shelves and immediately tore into it. “So what’s your name?”

           “My name? Oh, well uhh… you can just call me Light. I don’t really like going by my real name anymore.”

           “Yeah me neither,” Two-Brains deadpanned, taking another bite of his cheese. “It just isn’t who I am anymore.”

           “Exactly!” I snapped my fingers. “Like, no offense to my dad, since he picked out my name, but I needed a new identity with my fresh new start.”

           “My mom picked out my name.” Two-Brains shrugged. “Safe to say, I’m not her sweet little boy anymore.”

           “I bet,” I chuckled.

           “So why Light?” he questioned, carelessly tossing the now-empty cheese wrapper behind him and taking another block. “You got some special glowing power or something?”

           “Oh no, not at all, it’s just, the word was in my internet username, so people started calling me that and it kinda grew on me. Doesn’t really mean anything, although ‘light’ was my first word as a baby, sooo I guess that counts as something, haha.”

           “Interesting…” he pondered the thought as he munched on the cheese.

           “Hey boss,” the smaller of his henchmen interjected, “are we actually gonna steal this cheese, or…”

           “Uh, yeah, start loading it up in the cart.” He waved his hand in a “get going” motion.

           “But wasn’t the plan to threaten everyone with this big ray machine?” The henchman gestured to a very large contraption behind them. I took a step back in shock.

           “Uh, whoa.” How did I miss that big honkin’ thing?!

           “Change of plans, we’re not gonna cause a scene, we’re just gonna take the cheese and leave,” Two-Brains answered. “But fire up the ray in case Wordgirl comes around.”

           “Gee, I hate to get in the way of your, uh, cheese heist,” I awkwardly shuffled my feet. “I know you’re infatuated with the stuff.”

           “Aw, you’re not in my way,” Two-Brains cooed, “why do you think I’m changing my plans?”

           “Uhhhh, becaaauuuse… I don’t know.”

           He chuckled, leaning against the shelves again as his henchmen loaded up the cheese behind him. “You’re a little dense, aren’t you?”

           “Um, honestly, yeah, I’m really not that smart,” I sheepishly admitted, rubbing the back of my neck.

           “Hm. You guys know what I’m doing, right henchmen?” He craned his head in their direction.

           “Uhh, not exactly,” the smaller admitted. Two-Brains facepalmed.

           “Oh, you’ll all figure it out soon enough.” It seemed like the statement was directed at all of us, but he turned back to me to say it. Suddenly he was gazing at me with those eyes. My heart skipped a beat. I looked at him, then at the cheese, then the henchmen, and back to him. A crazy idea formed in my brain.

           “You know… I could buy this cheese for you.” Oh god, why did I say that?! I’m broke as hell! I can’t afford all that cheese!

           “Well aren’t you a sweetheart~” he crooned, taking a few steps closer to me. I felt my face heat up. Sweetheart? Such a word never usually struck a chord in me, but for some reason, the way he said it sent shivers down my spine. He leaned in, giving me a sweet smile, before his expression turned more malicious. “But I want to steal this cheese. Ahahahaha!” He tilted his head back and let out an evil laugh. I laughed as well, but it was more out of embarrassment.

           “Right, of course. I’m not entirely sure why I said that. Pretty soon I’ll be offering to buy Mr Big a hypnotism kit.”

           Two-Brains’ wicked cackling quickly turned into a giggle fit. Guess I tickled his funny bone again.

           “She’s at it again, boys!” he giggled. “Hypnotism—pffahaha!” He put a hand over his mouth at he attempted to stifle his laughter. I blushed. Good lord, this man was adorable. “As if he isn’t rich enough to buy all the hypnotism stuff he wants!” He shook his head as he calmed himself down. “Where did you learn to be so humorous?”

           I shrugged. “I dunno, my family? I come from a long line of goofballs.”

           He giggled again. “Well hey, the world needs more charming goofballs like you.” He made a finger gun motion with one of his hands, and I sputtered again.

           “Me?? Charming??! Haha, that’s… I think you’re the charming one around here.”

           “Well, I do what I can,” he said in a proud voice. He winked before continuing. “But I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit. You need to have some confidence in yourself!” He reached over and clasped my shoulder, making my face turn red.

           “Pfft, easier said than done, Doc.”

           His brows curved upward as he patted my shoulder. “Aw, I’m sure you’ll get it someday, sweetheart.” I let out a strangled noise that sounded like a cross between a choke and a lovestruck sigh. Dammit, there’s that word again. I’m pretty sure my entire face looked like a tomato at that point. Then I noticed he was gazing at me again. I nearly lost my breath as a realization formed in my brain.

           Wait, holy shit, is he flirting with me??! No, that’s crazy. There’s no way a guy like him would really wanna flirt with ME! Besides, he’s a villain, he probably flirts with everyone… but he’s like, being genuinely nice to me too. Could it be?

           “Heheh, you know,” I began, “you’re also pretty nice, for a villain. I mean, we just met like, five minutes ago, and you’re already treating me better than most of the people I knew for years ever did.”

           “Hey, I may be evil, but I’m not completely heartless!” My breath hitched as his arm snaked around my shoulders. “Say, could I take a look at that little villain list of yours?”

           “Oh yeah, sure! I really gotta add you to it now!” I pulled my notebook out of my pocket and handed it to him. In response, he pulled out a pen.

           “I think I’ll add myself onto here.” Two-Brains clicked the pen and began scribbling into the notebook. Then his henchmen butted in again.

           “Alright boss, the cheese is all loaded up… should we go?”

           “Bring everything to the van, boys! I’ll catch up with you two in a minute.”

           I opened my mouth to tell him how honored I felt that he was setting aside his time for little old me, but suddenly, I heard a familiar whoosh noise and an even more familiar voice.

           “The only thing you’ll be catching up to is jail, Doctor Two-Brains!”

           “Wordgirl!” Two-Brains assumed a defensive stance. He glowered as he realized she was blocking the henchmen’s path. “No surprise you’d show up eventually.”

           “Well, that big ray machine was pretty hard to miss.” Wordgirl vaguely gestured to the large contraption Two-Brains had somehow rolled into the store.

           “Impressive, isn’t it?” Two-Brains said smugly. “Just feast your eyes on what it does!”

           “Wait a minute, uhh… is she with you?” she gestured to me before he could press any buttons on the machine. I shuffled awkwardly, suddenly very aware of being in between a spunky superhero and a cute supervillain.

           “Oh, her?” he pointed his thumb at me. “This is Light, and uh, she’s only with me if she wants to be.” He threw his arm around me and winked again, a sly smirk playing at his lips. I sputtered yet again.

           “Aw, gee, I’d love to, but um, I kinda gotta keep my record clean, heheh.”

           “Shame. I’d love for you work with me.” My face reddened and I opened my mouth, but he pulled away before I could respond. “Now, back to my marvelous machine—”

           “Let me guess, it turns things into cheese?” Wordgirl crossed her arms, apparently unamused by Two-Brains’ ploy. Huggy made a noise that sounded like a groan.

           “No!... Maybe… okay, fine, yeah, it does!”

           “No surprise.” She was clearly not impressed.

           “Hey!” I butted in. “Figuring out how to turn things into cheese couldn’t have been easy for Two-Brains! Like, that’s altering entire chemical compositions here! And since he’s figured that out, I don’t really blame him for using it over and over. It’s impressive if you ask me.”

           “Thank you!” Two-Brains exhaled, throwing his arms up. “See? She gets it.”

           “Well hey, I know if I had machines that could turn stuff into cheese, I wouldn’t have any stuff left!” This statement caused Two-Brains to laugh yet again.

           “I know, I don’t have much left either, haha.”

           “Right? And honestly, I don’t blame you for stealing cheese, either.”

           “Oh boy, she’s as infatuated as he is,” Wordgirl offhandedly remarked to Huggy.

           “What can I say? It’s darn good stuff,” I said, stealing a gaze at Two-Brains. Huggy made some chirping noises, and Wordgirl craned her head towards the simian sidekick on her shoulder; he seemed to be asking her something.

           “Oh, well I’m glad you asked,” she answered cheerily. “To be infatuated with something means to be very passionate about it, and love it a lot! Like how I’m infatuated with words! Or how Doctor Two-Brains is infatuated with cheese.” She pointed towards him, and Huggy squeaked in understanding. “Or how Light there appears infatuated with Doctor Two-Brains.”

           I nearly choked.

           “Whoa whoa hold up what??! I—wha—”

           Wordgirl stiffened as she realized her mistake. “Oh my goodn— I am SO sorry! I just—”

           “What gives you that idea?? Hahahaha…” My nervous titter made it clear that I knew exactly where she got that idea from. Why did I always make things so damn obvious? I’m like an open book. I thought maybe I was doing an okay job at concealing my little crush, but even the kid was able to see right through me!

           “Well I was kinda… just trying to define ‘infatuated’, haha.” She sheepishly folded her arms behind her back, trying to make herself smaller. “Sorry about that.”

           “Well hey uh, defining words is your job, right?”

           “That and protecting the city by fighting cr—AAAHK!”

           Wordgirl shrieked as she was suddenly whacked out of her midair hover and onto the floor by a sticky, yellowish substance. Two-Brains’ wicked cackling filled the aisle.

           “Oh, did I forget to mention that my ray machine also shoots sticky nacho cheese? Bwahahahaha! Thanks for helping me escape, Light! Haha!”

           I froze as I realized that I had accidentally distracted Wordgirl long enough for Two-Brains to trap her in a nacho cheese cocoon. It must’ve been super strong cheese, too, for as much as Wordgirl struggled, she couldn’t break free, even with her superstrength.

           “Oops,” I mumbled. Two-Brains started making his way out of the store, with his henchmen rolling the ray machine away, but something made me panic.

           “Wait!” I cried, lunging forward and reaching my hand out towards him. Two-Brains simply looked over his shoulder with a quizzical expression. “I uhh… this is kinda… this is probably a longshot, with how… I mean you’re such a well-known villain so you’re probably busy a lot but… do you think we could like… I dunno… hang out some time, or something?”

           Two-Brains blinked once, as if in disbelief, before a sly smirk etched his face. “Way ahead of ya, sister.” With that, he winked, made a finger gun gesture, and waltzed away, but not before tossing something at me. I fumbled it for a moment, but I did manage to catch it somehow. I looked down, and saw it was—asiago cheese. The last of the asiago cheese. He let me have that?? I stared in front of myself in silence for a second or ten, trying to figure out if that entire interaction really happened. But I was cut from my thoughts when I realized Wordgirl and Captain Huggyface were still struggling to break free from the cocoon that was partially my fault they got into in the first place.

           “Oh. My. God. I am. SO. Sorry!” I panicked. “I swear, I did NOT mean to do that!”

           “It’s alright, nothing I haven’t been though before,” Wordgirl said. “Besides, this one is kind of on me.” Suddenly, with a grunt and a burst of strength, she burst free from her cocoon of cheese. “Ah, that’s better. Now off to find Doctor Two-Brains. I’m not about to let him get away from me again!”

           “Yeah, sorry again about accidentally aiding him… also, this is gonna sound crazy, but you remind me of someone.”

           “Oh?” Wordgirl raised an eyebrow. “Well, people have said I look like a young Dana Hill.” I laughed a little.

           “That could be it. But I feel like I know you from somewhere outside of superheroism… it’s probably just my brain being weird on me again though, haha.”

           “Probably. Also, it’s great that you and Two-Brains are getting along, but he is a supervillain, so just… be careful around him, okay?”

           “I gotcha, kiddo. He seemed really nice to me, but if he ever tries to pull something, I know who to call.” I gave Wordgirl a finger gun motion. “Anyway, I better let you get back to your business.”

           “Thanks. Now come on Huggy, let’s go get Doctor Two-Brains! Word up!” And with that, she sped away. It was then I remember the last thing Two-Brains said before he left. Way ahead of ya, sister… what exactly did he mean by that? I picked up my little notebook that had fallen onto the floor and flipped to my villain encounter list. When I looked by his name, I almost dropped the thing in shock. Not only was there a nice little signature, but written beside it was a seven-digit number, with the words “call me” and a wink face. Holy shit.

           “He gave me his number…” I whispered in shock. As it sank in, a grin slowly crept onto my face until I’m pretty sure it was ear-to-ear. “I GOT HIS NUMBER!!!”

           “Nice!” a random person from somewhere inside the store shouted.

           “Thanks!” I shouted back. I just could not believe it! Man, I really came in this store for groceries and ended up with a cute mad scientist’s phone number and Cupid’s arrow impaling my chest, huh?

           How cheesy.

#my writing #self ship #wordgirl #self shipping #dr two brains #self shipping community #f/o: Dr Two Brains #self ship fic #two is better than one

[airshipvalentine]

5, 10, 21, 29

(post)

5. 5 tv shows that cheer you up

dirk gently’s holistic detective agency - SUCH a good mystery story and SO fun & weird. also panto and silas in the second season? INVENTED love and gay rights

video game high school - ok this sounds extremely dumb but its SO GOOD and I love it so much. It’s by rocketjump who also made anime crimes division (and the story break podcast), so if you’re familiar with that its very similar. It’s a satire-y genre-mash about a video game high school. season 1 is just okay but seasons 2 and three I could watch forever

snubdub - it’s a podcast and not a tv show but i love it so I'm putting it here. it’s a mishmash of a lot of different styles but my favorites are the improv stories!! they’re hilarious and incredible. the best one is definitely ‘prove me wrong: a trans princess musical’ which is exactly what it says on the tin. they’re all amazing. (in case you’re interested, the story episodes are how to stop being a furry, prove me wrong, cutie marks vs self-worth, chasing a madman’s gold/murdered by furry pirates, cartoons and weed/cartoon all-stars, snubdub babies, forever war, and youtube christmas carol). find it on your local podcatcher!

avatar: the last airbender - no explanation needed. best show ever

legends of tomorrow - the perfect amalgamation of superheroes, period pieces, and found family. not afraid to be fucking weird and fun. also SO many main lgbt characters. it’s ridiculous and i love it so much

10. something you’ve created in the last year that you’re proud of (a playlist, a piece of art, some writing, a craft hobby, a social media account, etc)

probably this drawing of jacobi–– it was my second attempt at digital painting and I really like how it turned out

and this last one I did for artfight!

21. a youtube video you find useful, entertaining or relaxing

i go back and watch basically everything by philosophy tube! he gets really complicated ideas across in an engaging and theatrical way. his is probably one of my favorite youtube channels. my favourite videos of his are probably the one on abortion and video games, although they’re all excellent

29. a favourite easy recipe: 5 ingredients or less, or takes less than 30 min to make

CREPES. seriously. they seem very fancy but they’re so easy to make!!! gonna put the recipe under a cut just in case

recipe is from america’s test kitchen family cookbook in case ur interested! i think it might be out of print because my copy is very old but I'm sure there’s an updated version

also this is me kinda paraphrasing it

1 cup whole milk

1 cup AP flour

2 large eggs

6 tablespoons water

3 tablespoons melted butter (+ more for pan)

1/2 teaspoon salt

blend all ingredients in a food processor or blender until smooth. it says to refrigerate for 2 hrs but i’m impatient so i never do that and they turn out fine

heat a (nonstick) skillet over medium heat, add butter to coat the bottom of the pan

pour batter onto the pan and swirl it around so its ~evenly distributed

cook until spotty golden brown ~30-60 seconds. flip like pancake and cook for another 30 secs

transfer to a plate. stack crepes on top of each other.

once you have your stack, you can put cheese/meat/fruit/nutella onto it, fold it up, and then put it back on the skillet to melt the cheese/reheat. 

they’re so good. totally worth it

here’s the actual recipe too

#ask #anonymous #ask game #abt me #Anonymous

[fanaticfangirl001]

The One and Only Ms.Mercury pt 2

Rami x reader (Freddie’s daughter)

Author’s note: Let’s do this guys! 

Vocab words: Take away- delivery food. (In the Uk you can get more than pizza delivered) 

Also for future reference:  Dad refers to Freddie, Papa refers to Jim. 

Ps: This one seemed short, but it also seemed natural to stop it there. 

Thought you guys might enjoy this.

@queen-irl-af

@kiillerqueeen

@rami-malek-trash

*I guess I’ll use the same gif because the other gifs aren’t loading. 

Y/n kicks off her shoes near the front door and goes up the stairs to her room. She flops onto her bed and picks up her sketchbook from the night stand. Grabbing a pencil she sketches a simple drawing of her dad’s, based off a picture inside a little pink frame that’s laying on her desk. Y/n is sitting on Freddie’s lap. Both of them are wearing plastic tiaras and feather boas,eating cake. It’s from her second birthday.

 Her art style has varied during her four years on YouTube but it typically stays within a cartoon like style, roundish characters with thick outlines. Many of her professors hated the style but she never really cared what they said, as most of the artwork that they preferred were sad people, or too pretentious for Y/n’s liking. She didn’t really show many people her artwork offline in “real life” due to many of their “criticisms”. 

Y/n sets down her sketchbook, and walks over to her cabinet of art supplies, mostly gifted to her by the companies for reviewing it, or from art subscription boxes. She pulls out two watercolor palettes one for the skin tones, and another for bright metallic neons. Y/n tosses some fine liner markers onto her bed followed by the pallet. 

She drops herself onto the bed and starts erasing the lines lightly so she can line them with the markers. Rolling the kneaded eraser in her hands, Y/n starts thinking: This movie is going to change things. The only reason I’m not hounded by reporters is because I stay in and stay out of the spotlight. Me helping on this movie, thrusts me into some spotlight. I’m also a woman so there’s that added pressure. 

Y/n puts down her eraser and closes her sketchbook. She walks to the bathroom and stares into the mirror. She rubs the bottom of her chin, bumpy due to the acne that wanted to stick around and takes the pony-tail holder out of her hair. Spotlight, do I need an esthetician, or a glam squad when I leave the house? Am I British Kardashian? I mean I have the ass of one, and that’s from take-away. Are people going to expect me to dress like my dad? 

Y/n shakes her head of all the crazy thoughts and started the water for a nice soothing bath. She finds the four bath bubblers from Lush and crumbles them under the faucet. The bubbles and foam threaten to overfill the tub. Y/n strips off her jumper and jeans. She carefully sinks into the bath. Her phone rings to the custom ring meaning that her Uncle John is calling. Y/n carefully stands up and grabs her phone. 

“How was the business dinner?” John asks once Y/n picks up. 

“You knew.” Y/n says exasperated shaking her head. 

“You didn’t?” John adds. 

“Nope, disguised it like a family dinner. There’s gonna be a Queen movie, by the way.” Y/n adds. 

“Are you going to be on set?” John asks. 

“No I’m just gonna let them fuck my dad’s image up the arse.” Y/n sasses her uncle. 

“Language Y/n, who the fuck taught you those words.” John sasses back. 

“Did you just want to sass your niece or is there a reason for this lovely phone call?” Y/n asks 

“Luke said you seemed upset after the dinner, and I wanted to check up on you.” John says. 

“Uncle John, you’re getting sappy.” Y/n teases. 

“Let a grouchy old man care about his niece, who needs to visit him more.” John replies. 

“I’m sensing you also want me to visit because I made chocolate cake and brought it the last time.” Y/n muses. 

“Call it a consolation prize.” John offers. 

“Are you saying that you were suffering because my presence was not there.” Y/n says dramatically. 

“Severely.” John sasses her with his dramatics. 

“I’ll come by more.” Y/n adds, “ With cake.” 

The typical goodbyes are said and Y/n hangs up the phone to enjoy the rest of her bubble bath. 

She carefully gets out and grabs a towel to dry off, then puts on a fluffy purple robe. 

I need to edit, record a voice over, and then go back to the drawing. 

Y/n walks over to her desk and sits down ready to edit. The video she filmed yesterday is a review of a subscription box and using the art supplies in it. The sketch went well but as she went on to color it, something seemed off and it looked better in black and white. This sometimes happened when she worked with a supply she wasn’t familiar with like makers. She speed up the sketching and erasing portion of the video and shortened the thirty minutes of drawing down to fifteen minutes, including the initial opening and swatching of the materials. Y/n takes a sip of water and plugs in her microphone to record her commentary. 

She begins introducing the video and its main contents being the box and the challenge of using all the materials in it to make something. Y/n during the swatching section says the colors of markers: a mustard yellow, olive green, and a cranberry red might be a little difficult to use together, and that she isn’t very comfortable with markers but she’ll make the best of it. The first idea for her challenge is to draw a person but every practice attempt was erased because she didn’t like the head, or the proportions. 

Y/n finally decided on drawing a badger wearing a  yellow bobble-hat, sitting on a moss covered log, eating berries. Her commentary ranged from artistic decisions, to wonder what badgers actually eat, or if a badger could comprehend the color yellow and all it’s majesticness. Most people that watch her videos enjoy her ramblings in the background as they see a piece go from a brainstorm to a finished project, because she seems so genuine and a little odd. Y/n signs off from her video in the traditional way with “ Stay weird, Stay Mad, and always draw with Mercury.” 

She chose the name Drawing With Mercury, for two reasons: one, Y/n’s favorite Disney movie has always been Alice in Wonderland, especially for the character, Mad Hatter, and two, she wanted to use her last name since, it’s a pretty cool last name, and you only live once. She uploaded her first video and received a warm welcome from her subscribers. In the beginning there were a few mean comments but they weren’t about her appearance as she only showed her hands in her videos. 

Y/n splices the audio with the video and rewatches herself draw, erase, draw again, ink, then color her drawing. She uploads the video and waits for it to be complete which for this video and with her wifi connection it would take around an hour. She opens her sketchbook back to the drawing of her birthday with Dad and takes out her water color pallet. Dipping her water brush pen into the paint, a small tear dripped from her eyes, fell from her cheek and onto the corner of the page. 

“I miss you, Dad.” Y/n says to no one as she fills in his face with color. 

There was no copying the photograph perfectly. Freddie in the pictures, looking down at his messy daughter with chocolate cake on her face, his face shows nothing but adoration and pure happiness. It was his idea for a princess party, since every Sunday the three of them would have tea parties and Y/n always loved dressing up. Y/n looking up at her dad with same look in her eyes as his. 

Y/n rubs her eyes and continues painting the party outfits, even the feather boas and tiaras. She puts the sketchbook on her dresser letting the paint dry and falls onto her bed. She opens her small jewelry box on her nightstand and takes out her silver heart locket with a smaller heart diamond on the front. Y/n opens the locket looking at the small picture of her Dad and Papa. 

“I miss you, Papa.” She says again, to no one. 

She lightly kisses the locket and puts it back in the box, and puts it in the first drawer of the night stand. Y/n pulls the covers tightly around herself and slowly falls asleep to the rain hitting the roof.

#rami malek x reader #rami x reader #rami malek imagines #rami malek #plus-sized reader

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever been concussed? No. Lol that reminds me of Johnny Knoxville in Jackass the Movie after he fights (well, attempts to and loses badly) this wrestler, Butterbean, and he’s on his way to the ER and he’s like, “I’m feeling a little concussed.” And then later he’s like, “Is Butterbean okay?” which is funny cause like I said, Knoxville got knocked the hell out, Butterbean was perfectly fine.  Would you say The Nightmare Before Christmas is more appropriate for Halloween, Christmas or just whenever? xD It’s great for both Halloween and Christmas, but he is the Pumpkin King, after all. Have you ever seen something that wasn’t actually there? What? Yeah, like I’ve seen movement out of the corner of my eye and thought someone passed by, but no one did.  When do you find your brain is most active / thoughtful? It never shuts up. Do you assume you won’t get on with someone because of the things they like? I could get along with someone who I might not have much or anything in common with. We just might not be friends, but we could still get along. And maybe we could be friends, we don’t have to like the same things. Maybe they can show me new stuff that I might end up liking and get into and vice versa. Who knows. It is nice to have some things in common, though. I like talking about shared interests and “fan girling” over things lol.

What time did you switch your light off last night? It was like 3, I think. Did you fall asleep soon after or does it take you hours? I fell asleep some time within the hour. Have you ever started a trend? What was it? No. Are you completely disconnected to what’s popular nowadays? With some things, but I hear about a lot on social media and I have a younger brother who fills me in on some stuff. Some of things I’m just like...wtf. Kids nowadays are weird. Obviously back in my younger days things were cooler. haha. What is one trait you look for in potential friends? If we vibe, we vibe. Plus like I said, I do like to have some things in common cause then we connect and bond over those things.  How shy would you say you are? Very. Have you ever wondered what strangers’ lives are like? Yeah. Who taught you to tie your shoe laces? My mom. I remember when I got the hang of it I went around the house tying all the shoes. Are there any types of people you’re intrigued by? Who? Yeah, lots of people.  Have you ever argued with a teacher? What about? No.  Do you get annoyed when you don’t understand things? Sometimes. Especially when it came to school stuff, like math for instance. Math was a bitch and always gave me a hard time and I’d get SO frustrated. Many times I cried out of frustration and fear of not passing.  Is the internet you’re using right now wireless? Yeah. Do you feel awkward when people you don’t know talk like you’re bffls? xP I’ve had people I didn’t know or just met start opening up about their life right away and telling me things and I’m just like uhh why are you telling me this? lol. People have told me they felt comfortable talking and opening up to me, so I guess that’s why. It would just be awkward because I didn’t know them, so it was a lot to unload for just meeting and I didn’t know what to say. But hey, if they needed to just vent then I’m glad I was able to listen.  Do you flinch easily? I’m jumpy. Have you ever had an alter ego? What were they like? No. Why do / don’t you like roller coasters? I’m a scardy cat and also they’re too jerky for me, which isn’t good for my back. Have you ever wanted an identical twin? I did when I was a kid. Do you use a ‘baby voice’ when you speak to kids or animals? Yeah. What does your laugh sound like? I have no idea how to describe that. Have you ever been called a Drama Queen? Did you take it as a compliment? XD I have. I was confused cause I definitely don’t consider myself to be. Do you already have your life planned out? Not even a little. I have no idea what I want to do or where to go from here. Do you eat breakfast in the morning? What do you have? Usually. I like scrambled eggs with cheese and spinach. When was the last time you had butterflies in your stomach? Why? Recently, but not the good kind. I haven’t felt the good kind in a long time. Do you have any special skills? What like? No. Tell me a slang word from where you live: (If there is one o.O) “Hella” used to totally be a California thing, but now it’s more common. I think “hyphy” or “going dumb” might be some. I don’t know. Oh, and I’m told it’s a Californian thing to say, “Yeah, no” and “No, yeah.” Like, “Yeah, no we’re definitely not going.” and “No, yeah it’s fine.” OH and real kicker, “Yeah, no, for sure.” lol. I think also words like, “stoked” and “gnarly” may have originated here and the whole valley girl thing, too. That stuff is more common now, though.  Is there anyone who bugs you, but you don’t know why? Not currently, but I have felt that way about some people before. When in public, do you talk to random people for fun? Uh, no. That’s definitely not me. Have you ever been on medication? What for? Yes, depression, anxiety, and pain management. And antibiotics, but I’m talking about stuff I took/take long-term. Although, there was a time I was on antibiotics for a few months. Do you customize everything you own? No. What pattern / colour is on your favourite shoes? White with 3 black stripes on both sides. Have you ever worn something so much it got hole-y? Yes. What noise makes you feel sick? (Fingers on a chalk board, etc) Not sick, but eating sounds (slurping, smacking, sucking, chomping) sounds drive me inSANE. Would you be embarrassed to let your parents read your text messages? No. They’re all from them and my brother anyway, with just a few from my Nana. lol. Do you prefer platonic or romantic relationships? Uh friends are nice and a romantic relationship is nice, too. I don’t have any of those currently, though. Would you rather direct or star in a movie? Neither. Are you a member of any clubs? Which ones? Proud member of the Losers Club. ha. Describe your dream hairstyle: I just need to get it dyed and styled again. I like how it looks after I get it done. Do you own anything glow in the dark? No. What was your favourite TV show when you were a kid? I watched Nick Jr, Disney Channel, PBS, Kids WB, Fox Kids, Saturday morning cartoons on ABC like Recess and Pepperann, and Cartoon Network. What’s your favourite TV show now? I have a few. What’s your favourite flavour ice-pop? If you’re talking about what I call Otter Pops, then I like the blue, green, red, and pink ones. Do you prefer odd or even numbers? Do you have a reason why? My favorite number happens to be even, but I don’t have a thing for even numbers. Or odd numbers.  Have you ever kept a scrapbook? Yes. How many times have you moved house? Are you happy where you are now? I think 4 or 5, but only once that I’m old enough to remember. And no, I’m not. We want to move and have wanted to for a long time, but we haven’t been able to. Have you ever made an animation? What of? I’ve made gifs. How do you cope with stress? Not well. Do you prefer butter or margarine? Butter.

#personal #text #survey #surveys