#which on top of exhaustion and the usual winter depression escalation has been…neat

[novelconcepts]

Love a completely free day where I can read multiple books and make an absurd word count*

*except for the overwhelming depression sledgehammer to the head, which ensures I can do nothing more complex than lay in bed listening to podcasts.

#personal #really ah. really was looking forward to doing useful things with my time this weekend #ever since this dude at work who was my age up and died suddenly I’ve been really dancing the line #between mortal terror of not finishing what I want to do before I go #and just…utter stare at the wall blankness #which on top of exhaustion and the usual winter depression escalation has been…neat #that mood where you realize ‘ah shit I can’t put off showering because I have to be at the office tomorrow’? just. never a good place to be #there are so many levels of my depressive episodes #but the ‘I just can’t.’ level is the fucking worst #not least of which because I’m just…bored? by it? so bored with my brain for doing this #I have two novel-length stories I’m working on that I spend all day thinking about #I have a great book I’m in the middle of reading and a decent one I’m listening to #you’re really telling me I can’t indulge in any of this on a snowy Sunday? none of it? #useless fuckin lump of meat between my ears I swear to god