#which probably isnt health

[silenthillbunni]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[br1ghtestlight]

i love to say "if california wasn't so expensive" as if where im living right now isn't both more expensive and less accessible than ANY city in california or almost the entire country of america

#they're not kidding about the canadian housing crisis babes!!! #it's not so much the prices as much as bcuz the land we built on isnt like.... able to be “changed” in the way that mainland is #they physically cannot build outwards and grow the location even if people move here. it's a limited amount of space and its expensive #and a lot of canadian land is protected under government acts so it isnt as simple as like moving 300km to the west #because there ISNT 300k to the west. there isnt anything there. its either all isolated forests or oceans #vs america which as i understand it has towns and land avaliable everywhere. small towns are a THING and they arent EXPENSIVE #moving to a small town “because its cheaper” is laughable here #probably why america is a much more sucessful country than canada in terms of global reach and economic growth #so basically the main issue is immigration and american health insurance being slightly crazy #and also Money #txt

[satans-knitwear]

😷 just venting abt dumb health stuff, pay no mind

#i dont wanna go back to the doctors for my throat bc it was just test after test and absolutely no answer last time #i am/was in a lot of physical pain and it makes talking/eating/drinking and even breathing to some degree VERY uncomfortable #but after all that testing and 'investigating' a few years ago they just said it was probably in my head. #which is fair. my brain isnt good at functioning etc. but that doesnt actually help me when i am in pain #there is nothing VISIBLY wrong with my throat so they just threw it all under my ongoing mental health label i think #very clearly is an actual issue tho. a physical one. no matter the cause. bc its exacerbated by hayfever/colds/flu/recycled air/vomiting etc #i lost my voice for three months a few years back. that may have been a lot to do with my mental health. but the pain made it harder to talk #so i stopped trying to talk at one point and it all spiralled #i am very tired.

[bittwitchy]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd #but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well #just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well #which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out #which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore #its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi #see the other thing is #if i talk about my mental health at all #people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint #or feel sorry for me which i also dont want #all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all #like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff #i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly #im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares #i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to #and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one #they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored #im losing my mind steadily #and thats not even onto the physical problems #but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying #‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket #if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your #fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces #sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues #but then i talk to other women and it is #it just doesnt make sense and i hate it #but i never rly got help on private insurance either so #tbd #depression cw

[sorryiwasasleep]

I can’t fucking win but I’m not allowed to stop playing and that’s such fucking bullshit mercy rules exist for a goddamn reason someone put me out of my fucking misery

#depression #anxiety #mental illness #mental health issues #probably should trigger warning this? #I’m having a breakdown over money! #in that I have none! #and never will! #like I have 70$ in my bank account and all of that is from my parents which isnt worse than having no money but makes me feel like comps hi #because they make me feel like shit #even though i literally cannot work because THEY forced me into a degree program #when all I wanted was to fucking substitute teach and figure out my life #but now I’m fucking in my last semester of a three year program and broke as all fuck #and they don’t even really care and since they pay my rent they think that’s ‘enough’ #except I literally can’t afford groceries or gas or my other bills #so????? what then? #what about my 200$ a month I HAVE to spend on therapy so that I don’t kill myself? #who’s gonna pay that? #or the 45$ for my adderall so that I can function and hopefully graduate on time #who’s gonna fucking pay that? #cause it’s not MY PARENTS! and I can’t fucking work!!!!!

[selenealwayscries]

Day 3: Characters (Wormman)

past selene wdym a character . we all know wormman is a totally different guy !!

( I honestly didn't have a wormman design and I wasn't sure if I wanted to make him Ambiguously Zedaph or just a different guy so I went with both! )

Again, the list of prompts I made up for this month if anyone wants to do this as well:

#mcyt #hermitcraft #hermitblr #zedaph #zedaphplays #zedtober #Selene's Zedtober™ #<- organization tag !! #this month is like a double edge sword for me #on 1 hand . i have an excuse to beat all of your asses with insane amounts of zed art #the other hand . i dont know how quick this is gonna burn me out so im just trying to compile as much art i can rn #which probably isnt good for my mental health but . fuck it we ball <- not parentally advised way of dealing with mental health #i love this man i can draw him all day but also drawing this much might kill my motivation #well see how it goes lol #also he hasnt uploaded in 2 weeks . where is he . where did he go . when will he return from the great war /what #can you tell i barely slept hahaha ha h #anyways no brain cell rn gonna dip #catgirl supreme

[sanguith]

i'm glad i decided to try out a ketosis diet again (aka changing my metabolism to basically only use ketone bodies made from fatty acids for energy by reducing carb intake to max 20g/day) for a few weeks because it was a neat experiment but i'm also glad I decided to stop because now i get to enjoy life's greatest fucking simplest yet finest delicacy: mashed potatoes/sweet potatoes with melted butter and salt. i cannot understand how i could live without that. just. vegetables. keto has opened my eyes to new ways to cook foods and experiment with ingredients but i don't think i can live without carbs. i doubt that the majority of people could. also have you any idea how much good simple near-zero effort food there is out there like holy gosh darn in heaven. i don't have to spend hours cooking something to have a nice meal

#food mention #diets #actually anything carb with butter and salt. how can it be so good. call me a lazy goob but i once just microwaved corn and butter #added salt. and it was the most delicious fuckin thing ive ever eaten #i've done low-carb in the past and tried keto a few times and always it felt so great after the keto flu disappeared after a few days #but this time the keto flu did not go away. i felt so weak and awful but at the same time i had less brain fog. and never felt hungry. #but it was werid. i think it might have been because i've been kinda high carb for the last few years and the change was so strong & sudden #also electrolyte imbalances can happen on keto if you're not careful. it's complex. #anyway it got me to eat a bit healthier like (almost) completely avoiding processed foods and unnaturally high sugary stuff #which i just want to generally avoid for personal health reasons which is a whole can of worms but i just dont want to overindulge #sure i can eat an entire bag of candies or chips in an evening if i feel like it but I *feel* my body just being like “nooo” and sure enoug #the next morning i do feel a little bit extra like shit #and another thing: i think i benefit from abrupt diet changes now and then. it feels natural in a way. ye olde scavenger hunter genetics #ya know. our nomadic ancestors would probably have to do that a lot when things weren't year-round available #sometimes only meat for months on end in cold seasons/areas #sometimes basically only plants and nuts roots and seeds and stuff #it's actually remarkable how human metabolism can adapt so much depending on what's available to eat #sometimes fasting for days when food was just nowhere to be found. #i'm not saying “stress your metabolic system it's good for you'” (it probably isnt) just idk. mixing it up a bit at least works for me #btw disclaimer i HATE the whole thing about diet-pressuring and some people claiming that certain diets will solve everything #it doesn't solve all health problems magically. ”"”superfoods“”“ are not a 100% faultless scientifically proven thing. #shit like ''the paleo diet is the number one key to optimal health without medications!!'' no. shut. #on the other hand i do believe diets can help a bit like a nudge. it's just one factor out of many that affects how we feel #ANYWAY conclusion: eat what you want. do what feels right for you. find your own ways to make the food you eat help your health a bit #or don't! be yourself! love yourself! #the chosen method is gonna be different for everybody #but from now on im gonna try and eat as close to natural unprocessed foods as I can in this day and age. it feels right for me somehow. #i think *my* preferred method/diet whatever is to mainly eat natural unprocessed foods and to mix it up a bit now and then with change #for that sweet ''METABOLIC ADAPTATION'' perk that feels good for me #(why did this post become so long. nobody cares. anyway i don't care if nobody cares. i care. *I* care!!! wooopp)

[skyteglad]

the desire for people to stop diagnosing their abusers with stigmatized disorders when they are literally not a psychologist and most abusers literally do not care about psychology or therapy at all 😩 they don’t care about getting help, so how do YOU know they have this disorder without using stigma as a basis?

#i keep seeing a lot of talk about 'narcassistic abuse' and people diagnosing every abuser in their life w npd and #LIKE YES SOME PROBABLY HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED BUT YOU'RE JUST DIAGNOSING THEM USING STIGMA. THAT'S... THAT'S CRUEL LMAO. #saw a post calling everyone w npd an abuser and being the cause of people w bpd and its like... honey... #my abuser who caused my bpd? she doesn't have npd. afaik she hasn't seen a fucking psychologist since she was 16 because she doesn't care #abt therapy. a lot fo abusers.... DON'T CARE ABOUT THERAPY OR GETTING HELP. #you can BE abusive without Abusive Personality Disorder tm (WHICH ISN'T A FUCKING TIHNG BTW.) #it's so gross please guys don't speculate on people's mental health some people are perfectly neurotypical and functional... #and are jsut abusive as shit! #you don't need a mental illness to be abusive and THINKING like that is going to end with you thinking incredibly ableistly!!! #grumbles a lot #things i love value and support: self diagnosis! #things i loathe despise and hate: diagnosing others when you aren't using good faith. #sorry for rambling i'm just so mad dghfkjdkd 'everyone w bpd has bpd bc of people w npd' shut the fuck up are you kidding me kffghdkhgj #i wasn't abused with 'narcassistic abuse' as a child i was abused with physical and emotional abuse. the other thing isn't a fucking thing. #when i WAS abused with what fits 'narcassistic abuse' - it was fucking emotional abuse my guy. that's what it is. the listing of everything #you claim is this is actually fitting into emotional abuse. idk if they have npd i dont CARE if they have npd i only CARE #that i had been abused and harmed. their mental health means NOTHING to me now because they shouldn't have done what #they did no matter what and it isnt an excuse OR an explanation!!! thank you -bows- #riot.txt #i forgot all of my text tags so i hoppe that's the right one

[doggirlviscera]

also zeke is doing okay. he has to stay on fluids all week and we’re gonna go see him tomorrow but hes eating and moving again and my grandparents have a plan on what to do so he'll be okay if the hospital thing goes well

#my mama says this is probably the last year we’ll have with him #yorkies live like 12 - 15 years on average and hes around 16 hes lived a while #especially with him being a runt with health problems #and hes lived a really good life. but im like #im not ready to say goodbye to him #he isnt like owned by me but zeke is like. /my/ dog. my grandparents always said that im his favorite person and we have a special bond #which is true. and hes the last family dog that we grew up with left aside from my uncle’s dog #im not ready to say goodbye to him at all. im really not. and so close to my fucking birthday too

[floorpancakes]

fashion student non oomf went viral last year for doing this really cool extensive fashion explanation thing for a series im really into and it got me really hyped because i wanted to do a big write up on fashion too but

1. im a dropout who hasnt studied fashion ever bcs i realised it was my dream after i got withdrawn idk many terms and i talk kinda abstract

2. now that op did that piece so well i can't say anything really abt that series cause ill come off as a tryhard w no knowledge compared to the rest of the fandom

3. i have so much fashion i love to talk about but my personal taste factors directly into how much i wanna discuss it so I can't really focus all my efforts in one set direction

and the one that actually matters

4. .... almost all of how i mentally engage with fandom is transformative n nobody wants to sit down and listen to me talk about how I IMAGINE characters dressing especially if im not some popular artist or explaining my own designs vogue style or something 😭

loss....

#this isnt to come off as bitter this all got me thinking cause i thought it was so cool to see someone successfully educate and ramble about #video game anime girl fashion n stuff #idk if anyone rly values what i have to say #which sucks because all i do is talk i never stop talking #i should start a youtube channel but itd involve an insane amt of effort for probably very little returns #i just want to talk about random fun stuff but im usually limited by lack of health or knowledge and like #even if i know what im talking about or its freeform or unserious my brain has a habit of being like YOU DONT KNOW .1 PERCENT OF INFO #SOMEONE MIGHT KNOW MORE THAN YOU SO YOURE A FAKE AND YOU SHOULD FALL DOWN A WELL #yk classic impostor stuff #i should find some way to get into long form content tho #ive always wanted to learn to stream or host a manga or media themed podcast w friends #its all very unrealistic and unreasonable but it sure sounds fun

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#im seeing a new psychiatrist next week. #&when i prep for specifically these types of appts its really important for me to like. sit. w myself. &bleed lmao. #metaphorically. of course. lmao. #but its a process thats important to me bc like. i dont. want to go into an appt like this unsure about my goals #&ESP unsure about what about me i. dont want. to give up. defective or not. something can only be a mistake if it isnt useful. #whether its a cause or effect or nature or nurture doesnt matter in the end. theory isnt relevant when talking about actual impact #except for comparison which is ultimately the goal w these periods: me now vs me post-intake lmao. what makes me. idk. me? #what cant i live without? what cant i live with? what am i willing to have diagnosed&dissected&medicated? #the new doc is bc this Bad mania stint has been. bad. lmao. &it isnt making it easy to see myself thru a lense #that isnt super fucked up&broken. idk if im thinking too highly of myself or being too self depricating. #idk if anything is worth keeping if the goal is supposed to be. settling? i dont think im made to settle lmao. #my physical health would probably be a lot easier to manage if i wasnt. oh. batshit insane. lmao. so i cant fault the hypothetical. #but also i dont think i was. made. to settle. lmao. the anxiety i get when my skin feels too tight is too big a part of me. #idk who i would be without the constant. hunger. lmao. #i feel absolutely everything in extremes. obsession is like. my default setting. its also what i operate best at. #both my fear&my hope is having that. disappear. having the intensity simmer down permanently. #i am. ravenous. lmao. i can never describe this constant. feeling. w/o referencing v specifically hunger. lmao. #i know it probably isn't like. healthy. lmao. but this feeling of. intensity. that makes up like the backbone of my whole personality. #when its gone i feel. nothing lmao. #maybe its bc ive overloaded myself so much that not feeling EVERYTHING feels like not feeling. anything. lmao. #maybe its bc i. dont want. to go back on lithium. #i dont like. who it makes me. or the fact that it comes out at times like these where its easier to knock me out than deal w me #so they inadvertantly make it impossible for me to do the evisceration i need to get myself back together. lmao. #also i just. dont like not feeling. lmao. #this glorification of coldness&apathy&individualism to the point of toxicity is so. boring. to me. lmao. #i dont want to not feel. i would rather feel everything than nothing. i would keep my obsessive personality&my obnoxious intensity #if it was a choice between that or floating in a constant state of half disassociation where it isnt even worth my time #to go out&find trouble&be my favourite type of selfdestructive. lmao. #im rambling&also being horrifically overdramatic lmao. if i survived one round of the stuff i can sure as fuck survive more. #... i just would prefer not to. lmao.

[mudstoneabyss]

so much of my blogging whenever I have classes is complaining about them but erm. in my defense they're stressful and overwhelming

#So ermm to vent a little bit #i dont know how to do anything on my own so the expectance for me to be able to for these classes is a lot #Like for this thing i need to write an essay outline based on an introduction paragraph only. which i think? means i have to find sources #for the details on my own. which i dont know how to do #i do know /technically/ but i dont know whats good information and trustworthy sources and also there's so much stuff to sort through #i was never taught how to do it and now when i try its just. confusing and frustrating and exhausting and makes me too upset to even keep #trying to work #and im not even sure what all of these points in the outline means because where it probably wouldve been explained was the lecture which #was canceled and the powerpoint for this week doesnt cover it #and there's the textbook but textbooks are nothing to me i cant process and retain information from them #which hey sucks for my online classes that are wholey based around teaching yourself from the textbooks #(but i cant do in person classes due to transportation reasons + mental health reasons) #but augh #im such a guy who cant do anything by myself and getting the amount of help i need isnt an option idek how to ask for any amount of help #like yeah email my professors but tell them what? i dont know how to do the class i signed up for? #that i dont know how to do basics 101 school shit? like im confused about some of the work and by some i pretty much mean all #and eaugh its not a frustration i can push through because trying to push through it just makes it worse it tips past #''oh idk how to do this. fuck'' #into ''oh god i dont know anything about how to function im literally worthless'' #which. i think i said earlier? makes it so i cant. work on anything anymore. #but also its not an option for me not to work bc i cant fail bc ill be expelled or whatever and charged money and what then #joyousposting #negative // #anyway sorry for getting suicide ideation over school back to regularly scheduled blorboposting or whatever

[its-tea-time-darling]

so my knee has been injured and i‘ve been having physiotherapy for some weeks. my last assignment was to try the exercises again that triggered the problem in the first place to see if it has gotten better and. i did the exercise on saturday and my knee‘s still hurting 🙄

#problem NOT solved i think lmao 💩 #txt #health #also we‘re gonna have a city holiday w probably a fair share of walking which this really isnt ideal for……. #dl

[claiai]

girlies a 7$ pay raise worth losing a flexible schedule and actual responsibilities.........?

#more money is nice but.... my mental health mondays :( #plus I will actually have to teach which isnt hard but kinda draining ya know? #well nothing will probably happen for a month these people are so slow with paper work but hmmmmmmm #I dunno.... #maybe it more like 5$ I cant do math #im scared of commitment