#which you don't have to respond to!!

[ultimateinferno]

My opinion on the matter in as few words as possible and why I want Moash to persist as a character through the second half of the series.

#stormlight #stormlight archive #cosmere #cfsbf #i don't even mind the depiction of killing elhokar as a bad thing. phenomenal moment #but my issue with it is it says ''DONT DO WHAT MOASH DOES'' and doesnt even humor the respond ''then what should you do'' #my amaram essay is still floating out but currently the Moash plot is entirely defined by: #''YOU KILLING GUY YOU HATE BAD. ME KILLING GUY I HATE GOOD.'' which is such a nothingburger of commentary #killing amaram was an easy out to avoid answering the question on how you bring a man protected by the system to justice #words of radiance said killing isnt a viable option and then the following books dont tell you what is #oh just wait for the guy you hate to betray everyone and become possessed by a demon then killing him totally chill #it would have been particularly effective if it also looked at what made killing sadeas permissible #anyways. don't care that moash is a villain. only care that the books refuse to properly engage with him

[starflungwaddledee]

They called me goofy...

:'D

well i'm pretty sure they won't do it again!

> follow up of this

#i traced the swords from a render sorry! don't have time to spend going all out on a gag 😂 #and just in case i've set a precedent here by doing art twice: #i probably won't be able to respond to more of these like this but i did this one as a warmup today! #they might also have been calling another one (which i posted temporarily and deleted so you might not have seen) goofy #which was like this: #“what if morpho knight and the funny waddle dee were friends instead……. pwuldn’t that be so fucked up……………..” #but who can say! i guess we'll never know because it seems we won't hear from 'em again. rip. at least morpho sword is fast. #you know what. i'll tag it so i can find it later: #morpho #morpho knight #my sketches #asks

[soundsfaebutokay]

If you're a fic writer and you put a link to a rebloggable tumblr post in the ao3 notes of your fic, I love you I love you I love you. YES I WANT TO REBLOG YOUR FIC and yes if I feel that strongly about it I will track down your tumblr and dig through your archives just to reblog your own fic post from you so that you can see the positive tags and comments OR as a last resort I may make my own rec post but if I don't have to do any of those because there's a handy little link on your ao3 then I love you I love you I love you to the moon and back

#ao3 #fanfic #fandom etc #friends this has been brought to you by my very own utter failure to find a fic post on an author's tumblr #despite looking carefully through their mostly untagged blog for the past 40 minutes #I've found answered asks about that fic #various ramblings and such #but no post that says 'hey! here's a fic I wrote!' which I want very much to reblog so I can be like 'hey! here's a fic I read!' #because it is very good and I like it a lot #I'm so sure there's a post but I simply cannot find it #but Abby (I imagine you saying) #why don't you just ask the author where it is? #to which I gently respond: #my buddy my bestie my pal. #what about the fact that I just spent most of an hour rummaging through someone's tumblr archive #tells you that I have the social energy to ask favors from a stranger right now? #and so I must sit here and pout

[brittlebutch]

actually it's kind of funny how people will say Alex's fatal flaw is that he 'doesn't ask for help' and that it's his determination to handle things on his own that leads to his deterioration and eventual death when his whole introduction to the present-day timeline was a very literal cry for help that simply went ignored

#N posts stuff #like even if you think alex was lying throughout the entirety of season 2 and he was waiting from the Moment jay showed up #JUST to kill him (Which again i don't think makes much sense when he could have killed Tim & Jay immediately instead of #breaking Tim's leg. anyway) EVEN IF alex spent that whole time lying it doesn't actually change the fact that he would have at least #been Pretending to Ask For Help and if he wasn't lying then he was Literally Asking For Help and it doesn't Actually matter #what intention Alex had because the text is Ambiguous about Alex's honesty during season two; what isn't ambiguous is the way #other characters (specifically Jay) respond to him; like yeah - S2 Brian/Tim were never in one million years going to help Alex with shit #so sort of any argument that brings up Tim as someone who asks for/offers help is borderline meaningless in this era of the series #Jay had the 'opportunity' to help Alex (and i'll get back to that in a sec) but DIDN'T - Jay wasn't Interested in actually offering Alex #'help' bc Jay is ultimately curious about Answers and 'Offering Help' and 'Getting Answers' are two Wildly conflicting goals #Jay thinks Alex has answers and when Alex doesn't Offer these 'Answers' to Jay on a silver platter Jay gets pissed off and paranoid #and starts Stalking Alex bc he thinks it's 'Suspicious' that Alex won't give him the Answers (that Alex probably doesn't Actually have) #ANYWAY. ultimately this post is about how it's absurd when people argue #that individual character choices could have made a difference in the way this series played out - specifically wrt Alex #because EVERYONE in this WHOLE series are being affected by influences outside of their control ; including Brian Tim and Jay #so it's silly when people are like 'if ALEX had just made a different choice For Himself this could have all been avoided' WRONG. #bc Ultimately there's not really a way to 'help' someone else out of this situation - Tim tried and failed Repeatedly #the comics proved he even failed with Jessica - like MH isn't a horror situation where you can kill the big bad #'getting help' is a meaningless argument - what would successfully helping or getting help even look like? anyway. #the sub argument of this post is that Alex's biggest 'sin' is that he doesn't perform emotions the way other people want him to #like Alex is a character with a kind of flat affect - instead of LOOKING scared or grieved he LOOKS bored or angry #and everyone judges him based on that - so Alex is 'Suspicious' he's 'Lying' he's 'Guilty' but all of these deductions are predicated #on the belief that Alex isn't reacting to his circumstances the way a 'Normal' person would - so it MUST all be an act and so he's guilty #so everyone treats him like he's guilty until the end of season two when he's like 'Fuck it FINE i'll be guilty then' and so it goes #not a self-fulfilled prophecy but being Cornered Into a prophecy and then Blamed for it - SAD. anyway

[greenerteacups]

How do you generate ideas for both plot and characters? I’m one of the hundreds who is swooning and getting her breath caught at the “what’s this, Granger?” moment and I’d love to know how you came up with the idea for this in particular + how you usually come up with other wonderful moments that constitute the glorious Lionheart saga.

Oh, gosh, you're lovely. When writing is good — and this is a big conditional, because sometimes writing is like riding a horse and sometimes it's like wrestling an octopus, and you can rarely predict which — I don't necessarily think about the Process. It's sinking into the world and going, "Okay, action." There's an outline lurking behind it, and latently I'm considering some miscellaneous higher-order ideas about theme and structure, but I'm not writing the book in order to talk about those themes; the themes are in the book because I'm writing it and I'm interested in them. I can't very well help it, they're gonna end up in there no matter what. I don't have to worry about the architecture when I'm doing the upholstery, if that makes sense.

Discovering the more specific character beats and exchanges like the one in Chapter 64 are one of the ineluctable joys of creation. Sometimes, I think of a line while I'm walking down the street, jot it down in my Notes app, and carefully, meticulously develop a context where I can deploy it. Other times, I'm standing there in the scene and a guy does a thing, and I'm as startled as anyone.

#the techier way to think about this is like: before I write a moment I'm running through dozens of ways the moment could go #and trying to choose the best #i.e. if character is a set of parameters in contexts then any charater will have a set of in-character and OOC responses #so I have a box for in-character work and — occasionally! for fun — can complicate the picture with something OOC #which if done sparingly enriches and sharpens the body of the character instead of breaking it #so I'm asking: what are we doing with this scene and how far am I trying to push this character today #what's the core tension in this scene? how are they responding to it? #what is the most efficient way I can get everyone in this scene to hit their marks so the story can continue? #you don't have to ask all of these questions at once; these are just different ways to fight the blank page #lionheart spoilers #greenteacup asks

[alicepao13]

The disrespect this show gets on a daily basis, from the production to the network(s) to even the pirates who prefer to rip shows like *checks notes* Big Brother Canada (same group)...

I wouldn't be calling them out if I hadn't done this myself, by the way. People who have never ripped a damn thing can stay in their lane. I have earned my stripes, I'm not someone who wants to talk shit about those who do this, and I understand the process involved. The webrips are a different story, as they are uploaded by Amazon whenever. The HDTV rips should be uploaded on time, shortly after the network airs the show, and it's the same process as it always has been to rip them. Uploading HDTV rips after the webrips has no value whatsoever, unless someone cares that much about the promo, which of course CityTV doesn't care enough to upload themselves, proving once again what a shitty network they are.

Hudson and Rex has an international fanbase, it shouldn't be so difficult to be able to watch it as an international fan in 2024.

#hudson and rex #this is now a whining blog #but what else can it be when nothing about this show is working as intended #I've been torrenting since 2005 #I've never had the misfortune of having to wait as long as I wait for this show through all these years #last season it took them three days to upload the season five premiere hdtv rip #the rip times are unbelievably inconsistent and they have been that way since this saw first caught my eye (season two) #the fact that there is a single group that does the hdtv rips means that if for whatever reason they can't upload it then we don't have it #the webrips are actually being ripped by one of the best groups out there so I can't complain #it's just that the streaming upload by amazon happens whenever they feel like it #once again I'm drawing similarities between canadian and greek programming which is so not in their favor #(I actually thought that by the time I'd finished writing this we'd have something but nope) #(ps I just saw a rip announce of family feud canada and I just... does someone actually hate hudson and rex?) #(pps do not respond to this if you live in a country where your government is actively combating piracy)

[parabolizacja]

LOAssumption practitioners upon the slightest pushback against their community and beliefs. I wasn't even being mean exactly, just expressing my frustration. And yes, while my method is based on assumptions on the end of the day, it is still different from mainstream most popular LOA usage that you think of when you hear "LOA" that's why I'm making the distinction

My tags:

vs LOA fanatics

Why are you so fucking fragile? Just assume I don't exist lol or go shift yourself to a DR where I don't exist

Also the use of the word "bitch" for some random woman on the internet... Really telling on you. You could have at least got off anon and maybe used an account that wasn't an empty burner one lol But you're a fucking toddler so not a surprise

#Anon I hope you get fucking run over by a a car no joke #You're vile #But other than this post I won't be responding ❤️ #Proof 1 that this community is a cult #Can't say shit at all #Otherwise some braindead loser gets all huffy and puffy and comes into your anon box lol #And Question Of The Day: which part of my tags indicated I'm jealous? #Projecting much? #Because “angry”? Ok you're already overdramatic and whiny I can understand how my slight frustration could be taken for genuine anger by yo #But I don't shake and have an increased heart rate and go off the rails while typing anything on the internet lolll #Did you feel anxiety in your stomach writing this anon? did you? 🥺 #(i'm also almost sure those are the same person bc I got sent anon on Saturday and this person responded on Sunday #their account is completely empty and seems as if it was made recently) #(+ no one else got all angry and bothered literally no one else has cared so far)

[taikanyohou]

there's an alternate reality where this vegas:

and this pete:

most definitely fuck.

#i have a scenario in my head where the bodyguard disperse to find porsche and as vegas is heading out back to main foyer area #he bumps into pete and pete just looks at him with disgust and knows vegas is Upto Some Shit and porsche disappearing is bc of him #and vegas who's already Mad does not need pete to be looking at him like that so he spits out a 'what the fuck are you staring at?' #and pete just cuts to the chase and asks vegas 'where the fuck is he i know you're upto some shit.' and vegas just smirks and says 'who?' #whilst he steps closer to him until he's trapped pete up against a wall and leans into his ear and says 'who pete?' #and pete spits back in vegas' face how 'i know you've got your eyes on him. don't think i haven't been watching your every move.' #and at first it feels like a bucket of ice water has been thrown on vegas but then he composes himself and says #'why? are you jealous?' at which pete just scoffs. and then vegas tries again and says 'or do you like what you see? the thrill of it? #eyeing me just to see what i do next?' #and pete doesnt respond. just bites the inside of his cheek. bc there is a thrill to it #but he is not gonna give vegas the satisfaction. and yet all vegas has to do is look at pete as he clenches his jaw and he gets his answer #and then vegas just rakes his eyes all over pete's body and says 'you've never looked so good'. #and pete isnt gonna get distracted by the fact that vegas of all people is telling him this. so he asks again 'where is he?' #and vegas just tuts and steps even closer and presses their bodies together and says 'fuck him. i'm talking about us. #stop being so fucking good all the time pete. doesnt it get tiring?' #and pete's trying to stay focused on the task at hand here and he knows exactly what vegas is doing as vegas carries on saying #'don't you wanna be bad sometimes pete? what if i let you be that with me? no one has to know.' #and the invitation sounds so tempting. the prospect of it. that he should be with kinn doing his job but instead he's fucking his cousin #and just being the centre of attention for once. being vegas' centre of attention .... it makes pete's toes curl. #and vegas glances down at pete's mouth that's fallen slightly open. and its so pretty. so pretty that he has to touch it. and as he does #pete opens his mouth wider and vegas runs his thumb along pete's entire bottom lip. and he can feel pete breathing hard. #'you want this.' vegas says. 'look how you open up your mouth for me so pretty to have more.' #and now vegas is calling him pretty too and pete's resolve is breaking brick by brick until he moans when vegas wraps his hand around his #throat and vegas says 'i wanna taint you so bad that you'd have to wear this to cover the bruises on your neck. and the next time i see you #i'd do it all over again.' and pete asks in a barely there voice 'next time?' and vegas smirks and leans into pete's ear and says #'if its what you want. because i do. i wanna see you be bad for me. just for me. i want you to come to me only. for me only.' #and then vegas bites down on the skin there making pete clutch onto vegas' blazer and as divine as vegas looks pete wants to rip it off. #and just as he's about to do something about it vegas steps back leaving pete's arm mid air. and pete hates that. and vegas sees it all #over his face and says 'what do you say pete? you either leave with me right now or you can go back and be the good little boy they think #you are.' and vegas holds out his hand. and no one's ever treated pete like this before. so he takes it. and lets vegas take him.

[naamahdarling]

.

#this ibs flare is atrocious #i am not QUITE at the point of being set off by drinking water but i am in the neighborhood #and it sucks that doctors can do p much fuckall to stop them #and my type doesn't respond well to medication #not that most doctors are any good at treating it either #it's just fad diets and eat more fiber which yeah no if you don't even know how bad insoluble fiber is for us i think you need to pipe down #and lay off the fodmap thing it is discredited and even the guy who devised it said it doesn't work #and it's effective for some folks for reasons that overlap with but are not exclusively fodmap related #i've tried everything i have access to including bovine IgG and it has only made it bearable not better #i lost like 30 pounds when it started because I was literally eating only broth and bread and peeled potatoes #anyway no advice please #this just feels awful

[that-was-anticlimactic]

"can you stay?" + atsushi & kyouka

"can you stay?"

atsushi's voice trembles as they speak, and kyouka freezes.

"nevermind."

atsushi laughs almost immediately, blinking away the impending tears and wavng their hands in front of them. "sorry. you don't... that was stupid of me to say. i'm-"

"stop apologizing."

kyouka slides beside them, curling up against their side. she head plops on their shoulder.

they're warm and shakey, and kyouka feels soft on atsushi's neck.

"i don't mind staying."

honestly, she wanted to stay. no matter how many times she watches atsushi - her sibling by everything but blood - get stabbed, the more she fears for them.

it's a little foolish, she knows; she's been familiar with blood and death and gore since her parents died. limbs being torn off and blood slowly oozing out of the body doesn't scare her.

but it does when she sees it happening to atsushi.

(and she doesn't say anything, but atsushi isn't the only one who gets nightmares - she's just better at keeping them quiet)

"you're just a kid..." atsushi mumbles, breaths shaky and uneven. "you shouldn't have to-to comfort me."

even so, kyouka soon feels the cool pads of their compression gloves rubbing her wrist.

"doesn't matter," she says, because she knows you're still a kid, too only upsets them more.

"okay."

they whisper it so quietly the only reasons kyouka hears it is because of her assassin training.

good.

she snuggles closer still and listens to their heartbeat. it starts off quick, but gradually falls until it's steady.

and kyouka is able to fall asleep with the reminder that her sibling is still alive.

(send me a sentence (+ a ship/character) and i'll write the next five sentences)

#ela tag #here you go *hands you nb atsushi. as a treat.* #sorry you were prolly expecting this the other way around but my gut said no no no atsushi asks sooooo ijuhygtfgyhujio #went with my gut! i don't write kyouka much (i feel like i peaked with how i wrote her in my t.achi fic tbh) so hopefully it's in character #also just to clarify this is Not in any way shape or form romantic! SIBLINGS!!! platonic cuddling is ALLOWED!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN #THEY ARE CHILDREN!!! WHICH THEY BOTH ARE!!! #n e ways iouygtfgyhui #sorry it took me so long to respond - i have a horrible work/life balance that i need to work on😅 #i appreciate you giving me inspo!!! #also compression gloves atsushi is SO IMPORTANT TO MEEEEEEEE #aNYWAYS DONE RAMBLING NOW FOR REALSIES IUYGTFTGYUI #ilyyyy thank you <333 #bsd #kyouka izumi #atsushi nakajima #corey writes:) #corey rambles:)

[mcdannowave]

#h50 season 6 #happy smile #scott caan #h50 bloopers #danny williams #hawaii five 0 #cute adorable blond smiling..w/ those crinkles there just making everything better ❤ #(i don't have the same energy i once had to look from which ep this laugh from blooper is from.Still. enjoy it) #Also.just had to test a few things w/ this gif. bc my blog is still unlight ban.ed for some reason #(If you sent me a chat msg for this blog.I can't see it.Can only see it if u reblog or tag me inside posts) #and i'm still waiting for support to respond and to finally try to fix this.bc even I cant find my stuff on my own blog anymore #Still.Only the dashboard(or clicking on my name tag) works for folks to find my stuff.That if. they follow me or someone reblogged it... #urgh... #If things weren't hard enough already.Anxiety levels just rising up (again) #had to double meds just last days when Scott released a F- one hour+ new interview on YT #It's hard fam..and tiring..all of this #mine #é complicado quando duas pessoas que voce ama é ao mesmo tempo um gatilho pro seu pior estado mental

[draagu]

Hear me out...

Cherrybush :D

ok maybe I will do ship doodle requests for any ship

I wrote an essay in the notes is should've probably wrote here but lazy to copy and paste

#asks #rw shipping #if I am doing this then REMINDER #I am not prioritizing these like I did with the digitally drawn ship requests #these are more for my own little doodle enjoyments and keep me drawing when I get time #if I don't respond to your ask for like days I most likely am not feeling motivated or straight up kept forgetting to do it #I usually don't turn away asks unless you suggest something I get uncomfortable with (which happens almost never) #like I have a nightlight waiting bc I keep forgetting about it (anon I see u dw) #on that note uh #feel free to include designs if youd like with your requests #and please be patient #I am only doing these little doodles as traditional doodles #may not be the most detailed #im just having fun when I get the chance to #should I make a tag for these #probably uh #scug ships #there ya go #rw cherrybush #rw huntersaint #rw sainthunter #my art

[deadgit]

Okay, here's the post I promised based on @ocean--grey 's poll! So if anyone randomly finds this and is confused, the poll was a question about who makes Lister feel the worst about himself: Low Lister, Sebastian Doyle, or the brain-in-a-jar from "Out of Time." I went tag crazy in my reblog, and this is just what didn't fit 🤣

So, Lister was ganged up on and victimized by all of the Lows in a scene that has to have been one of the most disturbing things that ever happened to him. But one small, probably unintentional detail that I'm going to emphasize is this: all of the Lows were working together, and reasonably well. They all teamed up against him, a solid team, 4 against 1.

And so, I find it FASCINATING that this episode directly follows "Terrorform" and "Quarantine," two episodes that heavily emphasize the everyone vs Rimmer dynamic.

Social patterns can be brutal. At the end of the day, there's very little that makes people feel more together than disliking the same person, especially if they can feel justified about it. And Rimmer is extremely easy to dislike, justifiably.

But unlike Cat and Kryten, who have fairly simple relationships with Rimmer (they know they need him there, and he has a couple redeeming qualities, but they genuinely dislike him), Lister actually sees Rimmer as a human being, with feelings that matter. He wouldn't have chosen to have this guy play a huge role in his life, but he does care about him.

And, sometimes, he treats Rimmer terribly.

It's usually not just him. It's him, the Cat, and Kryten playing off of each other, having Rimmer be the odd-man-out. And he gives as good as he gets, so it probably feels fine, mostly. You can't say that Rimmer doesn't deserve to have his own terrible actions thrown into his face, now and then.

Rimmer was exhibiting some horrid behavior in "Quarantine." His treatment of the rest of the crew before the virus set in was vindictive and petty in really destructive ways. But it was also a direct reaction to his peers talking about shutting him down. (Notably, this was right after an episode where they all pretended to like him, then threw it back in his face.) He probably saw that as a genuine threat to his life, and responded to it the way he's been conditioned to, since he was a kid: weaponize rules, use every scrap of power you have, no one else will help you.

Lister has come to understand Rimmer pretty well by this point in the show. He understands that "the wrong parents" doesn't just mean that Rimmer is ambitious and vain; he knows the guy survived some genuine, serious abuse. (Notably, he's the only character who looked disturbed at Rimmer's Uncle Frank story. Even Rimmer didn't recognize how messed up that was.) Everyone has seen Rimmer at his worst, but Lister has seen him at some of his best, like in "Marooned" when he waxes poetic about friendship and sacrifice, and wants to mirror what he saw as an act of selflessness. Lister knows how badly Rimmer craves acceptance and respect, and knows that he's actually capable of being decent under the right circumstances.

But he doesn't exactly keep that knowledge at the front of his mind. Very understandable, when your bunkmate, say, locks everyone in a room for weeks without entertainment or decent food. And it's especially easy to forget about when you're with two other people who can't stand the guy.

But I think sometimes, when the others aren't there, he remembers that Rimmer is a very miserable, lonely person, who faces almost constant antagonism from everybody in his life. He brings it on himself, but I don't think Lister wants to be a person who enjoys teaming up with his buddies to pick on the group misfit.

And yet, in series 4 and 5 especially, he kinda IS that person.

And I can't help but wonder if his treatment at the hands of the Low crew (ganged up on, having his autonomy taken away, being bombarded with everything he hates about himself) wasn't, in part, a reflection of the way he feels about all that subconsciously.

#it's late so i hope this makes sense 😅 #i think that series 10-promised land lister has finally found a good balance of ribbing the guy while watching out for him #which i love sooooooo much you have no idea #please don't read this as ''lister is mean to rimmer! bad lister poor rimmer!'' #it's just musing about the cognitive dissonance of knowing that someone's behavior comes from deep hurt #but not being able to stop yourself from responding to it (particularly in a group dynamic) #which imo makes lister SUCH an interesting character

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

oh! while we're on the Appreciation Train and before i go to sleep! i would like to say that although i rarely respond to replies, i do see them! and i Do cherish them! thank you!

#the only reason i dont really respond #is there tends to be uhhhh a lot sometimes? #which is great! don't let me stop you! #but if i start regularly responding than that is a Lot of responding #& then if i only respond to One and leave the others then i feel really bad bc thats unfair! #and really i have my work cut out for me with asks ahaha #they take a Lot of energy to respond to (affectionately said) #i have to ration it out yk yk #i do try to respond to replies that have questions and such that i can Directly and Quickly answer! #that being said i miss some. i think. im betting that i do bc there's always something im not seeing #but i try to read them all! #and i deeply appreciate them!! #absolutely unprompted #just wanted to say this real quick #i felt like it needed to be said. did it? remains to be seen! we won't see the seen tho #okay i really need to sleep lmfao im seeing spiders and i have a feeling im quickly losing coherency #good night or good morning depending on where you are #good afternoon? i dont know! #whatever position the sun/moon is in: Good [x]! #me? going to sleep BEFORE the sun is up? its more likely than you think #wait... shit the sky is starting to lighten if i hop in bed and play corpse Right Now i can pass out before it reaches the horizon #OH ALSO I SEE COMMENTS IN TAGS AS WELL!!! #I LOVE TAGGED COMMENTS THEY ARE EVERYTHING TO ME!! THANK YOU! GOOD NIGHT!

[suddencolds]

~

#not snz #more musings 📝 / mini vent: #not sure why my social battery is so limited 😭 and also so inconsistent #i feel like i can't sustain the amount of... like continued/consistent enthusiasm i see others giving esp in group settings #i just don't know how to engage in that way without burning out #over the past few weeks i've been stuck in like #a strange state where i can't muster the energy to properly respond to even the people i'm most excited to reply to #which is strange?? #(and if that is you i am sorry 😭 i love you and i will get back to you) #i think i can't even like manage to get myself into the mindset of enjoying something for myself (eg. a conversation with a friend) #i think a part of it is the stress from work leeching into my personal life #i feel like i've been working so hard and for such long hours but its the kind of work where the progress i've made is very hard to track?? #:( i just want to be off of ******* work so i can work on ******* work again #i also want to get ahead enough on everything in my life so that i write y+v D: #i feel like i haven't had a properly restful day in weeks... even over the weekend i was busy attending to others' needs #i just want a break from it all... but i dont have enough time to take off... but i dont know how much more of this i can take #i remember also feeling during uni like i was drowning #like there were simply not enough hours in a day to deliver everything i promised. it's such an awful feeling #i just feel defeated. like i've felt exhausted for weeks and weeks on end and like i spend every waking hour working on something or other #but ofc there is nothing to do but to keep at it 😭 other people can handle all of this and more #there are so many people i refuse to let down

[oh-hools]

valentibners thoyghts yesterday: i love my girlfrebd and i wish i wasn't so sleepy all the time

#hooly noises #i fell asleep in call before it even if it was 4am for her and like 3pm for me #i wiiissshhhhh i had much energy to do things for ppl i love. i would like to draw ppl things and id like to hang out #i feeeeellllll a little bit selfish all the time. i feeeeeeelllll like i rarely use what energy i have for anything other than myswlf #which you knowwwww isn't the worst thing in the world. but i feel like im always distancing myself socialllyy #because i don't respond to messages or i don't give people time or i don't let people know #--- #i think when my brain found out im not technically obligated to do anything socially ever it took it too far #prioritize feeling good and going to sleep. nothing else #little bit assholish. im a little bit shittty #but i hope it's clear i still love? #sorry! im still learning. don't look at me for too long #zzz