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mainlytechnotrash · 2 years

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tw // techno situation, vent

it has taken me a long time to process everything. it still doesn't feel real if i'm honest. it still feels like he's there, just not giving us content like normal. like any minute now he'll say something in his discord or tweet something again. any minute now he'll pop into a twitch stream and say something, and that maybe he'll upload again some time soon. but i know that won't happen. i know that unfortunately he really is gone.

words cannot describe the impact he had on me. he was a big part of me getting back into writing and art, and i met so many amazing people through the fandom, the fandom he played a big part in me getting into. hes the person who introduced me to minecraft monday, and therefore all these other amazing streamers like the sleepy bois and now those on the smp. i don't remember what my first video was exactly, but i think it was one of his old skyward videos. i had gotten into watching skeppy, and youtube recommended Techno's skyway video to me and i was instantly hooked. instantly, i binged so much of his content, and fell in love with his stuff. from then on, he became one of my biggest sources of comfort. i'd run at any notification from him, always trying to keep up to date with his content, even the crumbs. he made me happy, he made me laugh, and he made me feel comfortable. he genuinely was my comfort streamer. my hyperfixation too for a while.

i'm not sure if i'm actually done crying yet, or if i'm just in another numb stage. the night the video dropped i cried for a solid 5 hours afterwards, staying up till like 6am. i cried to the point i felt physically sick with a really bad headache. i felt kinda stupid for mourning someone i didn't even know personally, but i couldn't help but cry over it. he didn't deserve to go. he was the most genuine, funny, and just overall amazing person i swear i've ever known of. everything i heard about him from other creators were always good and positive, and his content was so funny and comforting to watch. i couldn't believe he was gone just like that.

everyone manages and processes grief and loss in different ways. for me, i relate to Wilbur and Skeppy in this situation. Wilbur, who thought "why is the world still spinning? why is everyone acting normal? don't they know my friend just died?". i just couldnt process that those around me weren't going through the same grief as me. especially now since i've drifted away from the mcyt community and therefore away from its influence, it reallt did feel like everything was moving on without me. i was stuck here, crying and mourning my comfort steamer, while everyone else just went about their day as normal. it reallt is such a weird yet bitter feeling, feeling as if they're bad people for moving on so quickly, even though they never knew him in the first place. i just couldn't process how anything was the same anymore. nothing felt the same. and Skeppy, who described it as "an empty pit in your stomach". i'm not sure if pain is the correct word to describe how i felt, but instead as just this empty feeling. an empty void that haunts me and torments me and doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon. a pit that doesn't seem to end and just makes you spiral into darkness. neither of these are great feelings, but grief isn't easy.

i'm not really proofreading this. there is no point in this aside from venting and letting out my feelings. i have cried so much ever since finding out the news. watching his content is funnily enough the only way i stop crying. i'm not yet strong enough to watch his live-streams, though. those feel like hanging out with a friend, the way he'd yell at us (the chat) and make fun of us, and we'd troll him, it was just so nice. i can't bring myself to watch the streams yet, knowing that we'll never get another stream from him again. knowing that we'll never get to "hang out" with our "friend" again. i use those in quotes since i know we didn't know him personally and vice versa, but that's what it felt like at the time. looking back, that's still what those moments felt like. i'd like to think that we (or i at least) love him as much as he loved us. he truly is irreplaceable, and i'll never forget him. he was such a big influence on my attitude toward life, my sense of humor, and so much more. for 3 years, he helped me through so much, and he'll always have a special place in my heart.

it feels weird saying all this considering i've never talked to him personally or anything like that. he was a stranger i enjoyed the content of. still, though, i enjoyed watching him grow. i was there around 500k subs, and followed his journey ever since. i watched him meet all these new people that ended up becoming his friends, i watched his subs and views increase, and i enjoyed every second of it. if i could, i'd join in his journey sooner, and maybe be more active in the community. but oh well, what's done is done, and i don't regret the time i spent watching him. i don't regret the money i spent on him (tho Youtooz ALMOST made me regret it with HOW LONG IT TOOK TO GET MY STUFFFFF). i don't regret it. if Techno chose to be Techno again in another life like he said he'd do, then i'd chose to be his viewer and fan again. there truly is no one like him.

Thank you, Technoblade, for everything you've done for not only me but everyone else and the community. they say someone doesn't die till they're forgotten, and that legends never die, so i guess it really is true that Technoblade never dies. good luck in overtaking the kingdom of god, and i expect to see you sitting on his throne when i die too. so long, nerd.

i miss Technoblade. 👑🐷

#technoblade #rip technoblade #ill never forget you king #i hope youre cringing in the afterlife from all of the praise youre getting #and how sappy this all is #ill continue to binge your content when im upset and need comfort #i could honestly keep ranting about this all night but i should prob stop #before i start crying again #ily techno #<3

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vicea · 3 years

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dream merch discord recap (june 12, 2021) - disclaimer: i may have missed some things or mistakenly heard other things, apologies in advanced for that!

he has not played the new minecraft update

dream “knows” the date george is coming to florida but he’s not saying it :p

dream doesn’t have anyone muted on twitter

dream guesses his favorite disney princess is belle

sapnap has seen dream’s feet before

he’s not actually connor’s dad in the dsmp lore

dreamnap do not have nicknames for each other D:

dream likes olives but especially black olives

his mother makes homemade pickles

he doesn’t have a phone case

he has dropped his phone from his ear onto concrete in the parking lot before and the screen didn’t crack

dream has six fingers /j

he pours cereal first not milk when making cereal

dream calls sapnap nick most of the time :D

what’s your dream car? “idk the one that gets me to point A to point B consistently”

he finally fixed his sleep schedule, woke up at 8 am today

mrbeast owes dream a tesla because he never sent dream the audio file

dream is a very analytical person - he thinks with numbers/data

creativity is one his strengths that he is the most proud of

3 to 4 years ago, dream used to say george looks like shawn mendes a lot, now he doesn’t resemble him as much

patches is currently sleeping <3

swimming is very relaxing to dream, he swam the other day!

many houses in florida have pools than other places, even the cheapest houses in orlando have pools

dream has merchendise defects (misprints on merch) + milestone merch and he wants to give them away to those who live in orlando (probably to anyone but the event will be held in orlando) though he doesn’t want it to be a covid super-spreader thing so once you pick up your item you gotta dip. just all an idea though

he has been donating them to charity too though :)

dream has likely read Heroes of Olympus before a long time ago

he says that he’ll do a give away of his childhood books with his signature on it

he was obsessed with the series (Percy Jackson)

he really liked the Alex Rider series

has all of Maximum Ride books, 39 clues books

has read the legend series, the twilight series, and the maze runner

has all/read of the harry potter books, divergent, eragon

he would read all the time, to the point he would read more than one book a day (a book worm he says)

dream had a goal to read 200 books in a year and he wind up reading about 150

he doesn’t want to call it a library but- growing up he had something like that that had 600 or 700 or more books in it (privileged he admits it)

he has not read a book since he started youtube (about 2 years)

dream has a folder called Book that has his own writing in it

word count: 76000 words for one of his stories

another one he wrote 5 chapters of

he sounds very excited/embarrassed talking about the stories he wrote he’s so endearing

the very first paragraph of one of his stories (he was young when he wrote this) “What exactly is darkness? is it the lack of light? is it a pit of nothingness? ... your mind is full of darkness...” then he couldn’t continue.

the story is about a kid who wakes up in a cell and has no idea where he is with other people who are in the same situation

dream has a world building document

he has a sequel to the first book he has ever written

he found a query letter that he wrote because he wanted to get his book published- he finds it very funny

he’s calling himself a nerd but idk it’s kind of endearing

“as you can tell i’ve always been incredibly cool and not a nerd at all! ever.”

he cringes at his own old videos

dream took a lot of inspiration from witches and wizards by james patterson for writing

the story is written in a way where the main character is actually writing the story so you’re getting input from the main character during it. there’s a lot of sarcasm in it and it’s making dream laugh

very first person narrator

he feels like it’d be very cool if he were to publish his works he wrote when he was 16 on amazon or something but he probably never would because he’d have to read through all of it and it’s just embarrassing for him

dream used to video call sapnap fairly frequently- even before youtube

he strictly remembers, a very long time (at least 7 to 9 years) ago he was at his old childhood house he video called sapnap. he was wearing a (technically) suit and he remembers specifically that he was giving sap a tour...

“snazzy in a suit”

he had no reason to put on the suit (wow time is a flat circle huh)

drista is pretty close to sapnap’s height, she’s like 5′7″ but sap is still taller than her

dream filmed the whole thing when he and sapnap met but... it’s... gone because when he was clipping that one clip for twitter... it edited the whole video

he’s sure when they meet up with george they will film that too :D

DREAM IS PRETTY SURE THAT HE AND GEORGE WILL MEET THIS YEAR-- HE SAYS A 95% CERTAINTITY the five percent is like either restrictions or visa issues

dream does not play any instruments but he had a guitar hanging on his wall when he was younger...

dream is convinced they’re the same height but also sapnap is probably taller??

they had george compare his height to a door frame and dreamnap were googling for any doorframes to find any possible chance that george is taller than 5′8″ ... nothing came up

there’s a chance they’re both lying about being 5′8″

sap and george will literally just show up in stilts to prove they’re taller than each other /j

dream without shoes is between 6′2″ and 6′3″ with shoes he’s 6′3.5″

dream is talking about awesamdude’s fake height arc again LOL

dreamnap are very private people so they don’t bother each other but george doesn’t care and would just barge into their rooms and start bothering them- they were all joking about that over a voice call

he will visit europe

he thinks that greece would be a cool place to visit because sapnap’s family is from there :) so it’ll be like a nice “treat” to go back with sap :D

dream isn’t entirely sure that the dream team meet up will happen this year but he’s working out the details because he wants to make sure it’s safe

he’s talking to youtube about his face reveal

it’s up to george if he wants to eat healthy when they finally move in

dream just has a lot of meat and vegetables in his house

spinach with chicken is good

not much fruit (only apples and tomatoes)

“DRISTA IS 5″ is trending on twitter LOL (her height got cut off)

dream doesn’t want people flying to different places because he doesn’t want to encourage travel so he wants to do all of the meet ups with a two day heads up at most

he thinks that it’s awesome that ranboo and tubbo are meeting soon !! :D

it’s very cool to dream to see how far everyone’s has come since the beginning of the dsmp. everyone has done so much

dream finalized his youtube plan a couple weeks before he uploaded his video and he was talking to drista about how he was gonna be a big youtuber in a parking lot :”)

she was the first person he really ever talked to about it

dream would love to teach george how to drive it’d be really funny :D (a very good video or a livestream idea)

dream knows how to ride a bike, he used to have to bike to school

he can’t explain dnf.gay he has no clue he is not responsible. sapnap was the one who found it LOL. he is adamantly exclaiming that it was not him

dream doesn’t worry about views/likes/dislikes a lot- mainly views but that’s for the new uploads

he hasn’t uploaded in like a month and a half (*cries*)

he wants to stream at some point but he doesn’t know when

he wants to play geoguessr but not now... he doesn’t want to alt stream rn- maybe tomorrow!

he is insisting that the splash text on his minecraft home screen is by callahan

he asked callahan to send him bunch of text files that are dream team related so that the splash can rotate through it but callahan thought it was funny (it is) to put only dreamnotfound <3 so it doesn’t ever change at all and dream doesn’t even know how to change and he has asked callahan to change it but he said no (even though dream pays him LMAO)

the video referenced in the padilla’s video is still in the works, it might be handed over to sapnap though !

he has no idea if he will be in MCC pride yet

padilla got dream’s input for the video, dream found him to be a very nice guy ! :) it’s the first interview that dream did that wasn’t by a person with a negative opinion of dream

dream felt relaxed doing the interview with padilla

?????? he’s blaming callahan for his “dnfisreal” nickname in bedwars

he’s blaming callahan for a lot of dnf-related stuff

callahan runs the dream fanart account thus the liking of dnf content

he’s so insistent that it was callahan

dream admits that he was lying about the twitter and other stuff but for sure callahan did code the splash text in LOL

dream liking that tweet “the chances of george doing a hot tub stream is the same of dnf dating” was “funny” he wasnt trying to do any commentary...

the inside joke of “oh it’s all just a joke to you” originates from george and sapnap actually always fighting (like them yelling and shouting at each other) and george said something really mean and sapnap was hurt then geroge said “it was just a joke” and sapnap replied with that line and ever since then it’s been a meme LOL

he says that everyone does the hand-on-the-passenger-seat-while-reversing thing

dream is offline raiding with his chat with 6k people

dream appreciates us and will talk to us soon!

#dreamwastaken #dreamblr #long post #really long post xd #summary #not really a summary... literally just everything he said #merch discord

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childishfluff · 3 years

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The Feeling Of Family- A MCYT Agere/CGLRE fic (Regressors!SBI+Tubbo and Ranboo, Carer!Philza)

There was a very specific feeling that came to Ranboo when he met up with his internet friends. A weirdly comforting feeling, a reassurance that he had finally found his people.

It came to him with every hug from Tubbo, every teasing ruffle of his hair from Techno, every inappropriate joke he shared with Tommy. It clouded his mind every time he regressed with them, too, he didn't quite know how to describe it. But if he had to put a name to this odd emotion, he'd call it 'the feeling of family'.

A/N: get ready for a looooong ride. This was written over the course of two days, I really hope you guys like it! I haven't dropped a fic thats over 4000 words in a bit, I think. This is inspired loosely by Cypherr's (on ao3!!) fic 'four's a family', that's where I got the idea of Phil just being overwhelmed because there's so many babies to deal w/, so I'm crediting them! Though, this fic is much different then their's, but also please go read their fics they're great- anyways, I hope you enjoy! This fic is kinda (?) in Ranboo's pov (third person but like,,,you see his thoughts), but there's so much going on that it kinda feels like it's jumping around? Sorry for that, I'm used to writing w/a 2 littles max per caregiver ratio, so this was different. I've also never written Phil as a caregiver before besides his brief appearance over in my 'Mister Nook' series. okay I'm done rambling,,,enjoy the fic please!

There was a very specific feeling that came to him when he met up with his friends. A weirdly comforting feeling, a reassurance that he had finally found his people.

In an internet dad, a fellow faceless streamer who used a pig as his icon, a song writer, a bee-loving teenager, and another who was known for wearing red and white. He felt just a bit out of place in this dynamic, SBI were the ones that were close. SBI plus Tubbo wasn't an odd pairing either, and it almost seemed as if Ranboo was only there because Tubbo was.

But that doubt seemed to wash away with the welcoming energy that the car ride to Phil and Kristin's home was filled to the very brim with. Tommy and Wilbur arguing like brothers while Ranboo and Tubbo joked about. The half-joking stern look that Phil gave him through the rear view mirror when he made an inappropriate joke. The soft feeling that Techno teasingly ruffling his hair left in his chest.

This group felt like family.

Of course, he had a perfectly good set of parents back home, but this was different. In a good way, though. This home wasn't his, it was Phil's, but he was surprisingly comfortable here. He was comfortable with his close friends.

"Breakfast is ready!"

He jolted awake with a slight shock when he heard knocking and shouting outside of the door of the room he was staying in, the noise startling him from his sleep. He rubbed at his eyes and stretched his arms above his head as the sleepiness started fading from his mind, clocking the voice as Tommy's as he processed his surroundings. It was his second day at the Philza Minecraft's, the first being made up of mostly content creation.

They had all been shown to their respective guest rooms late last night after quite a few movies and a half-asleep conversation full of laughing and heartfelt emotions. Today was supposed to be a chill day, and the next they'd be exploring the area just around Phil and Kristen's home. It was Ranboo's second time in the UK, and just like last time, he wanted to explore and get a feel for the place he'd be temporarily living in.

He fished some clothes out of his suitcase, pulling them on and discarding his pajamas in a white laundry hamper he had been given for that exact purpose. Then, he sat on the bed, pulling out his phone and scrolling through it. He chuckled as he saw a picture of their entire group with a fan they had run into the day prior, just after he was picked up from the airport, remembering how many similar ones had been taken during his last meet up.

He thought back to the months he spent at Tubbo's house just a while ago, it was one of the funnest parts of his life if he was honest, and now he was right back in the UK for another long meet up. This one was supposed to be a month, at least. SBI and the Bee Duo all under one roof for an entire month! Twitter had freaked out completely when they heard of this arrangement.

During his last trip to the UK, he found out something interesting after revealing something about himself to Tubbo. He admitted to his habit of age regressing to his friend during a late night conversation, only to be met with a 'me too' and then being asked if he wanted to call some friends. This response had confused him, but he said agreed, figuring that there had to be some logic to this.

And after an hour long conversation with Techno, Tommy, Wilbur, and Phil, he learned about an ongoing secret dynamic between the group. Tommy, Tubbo, Phil, and Wilbur were all also regressors. This was a lot of information to process at around 6 am during an all-nighter, but he was glad to know he wasn't alone.

Almost immediately after finding out about his headspace, Phil insisted on taking care of him, messaging him more often and helping him regress over video calls. And over the process of a few weeks, Ranboo had been officially added to the group of littles Phil cared for regularly.

The man took the time to learn his headspace range, things that upset him, how to deal with him when he did misbehave (though the occasion was rare, especially compared to someone like Little Tommy), all in the name of making sure he was cared for. It was sweet, really, and sometimes the boy felt bad for all the man did for him.

He pushed these thoughts away as he heard his name called by his father figure from the kitchen. He groaned, exiting off of Twitter and making his way out of the room and down the hallway, through the living room and into the kitchen. "I'm coming, I'm coming," he mumbled, still tired. He took his seat between Tommy and Tubbo after entering the kitchen/dining area and was quite overwhelmed with the amount of greetings and 'good morning!'s' he got all at once.

"How'd you sleep, hun?" he smiled when he heard Kristin's voice, humming a bit, settling on responding to her instead of facing the rest of the ongoing chaos in the kitchen.

"Pretty good, I think. Still waking up, though," he admitted. He watched the woman bring a plate over to him, setting a stack of pancakes in front of him. "Thank you."

Before she got the chance to respond, Tommy was shouting all to loud for how early it was in the morning. He sounded whiny, too. "Why does he get his first? I was awake before him," he complained, earning a response from Wilbur as he entered the room, his obviously messy hair temporarily contained by a beanie.

"Maybe because he's not throwing a fit over everything like you are," He made his way over to the table as Phil shot the both of them a look. Ranboo minded his own business, digging into his food, he knew that he wasn't in trouble. The brown haired man sat next to Tommy, leaning back in his seat casually.

"Will, be nicer to your brother. And Tommy, be patient, or else both of you will be put in timeout the moment we finish eating." he threatened, half joking.

"What?" Tommy said, sounding shocked as his eyes went wide.

"I second that, none of us are little!" Tubbo finally spoke up after laughing at the situation the whole time.

"Tom-tom here is sure acting like a baby, though," Wilbur teased, sitting back up to ruffle the blond's hair, continuing even when the younger whined and attempted to shove his hand away. He only retracted it when Phil gave him another stern look.

"Stop teasing him and eat your food," he told him as Kristin brought over plates for Tommy and Wilbur. "Where's Techno?" Phil seemed like he wanted to continue talking to Wilbur, but was distracted when he noticed that someone was missing. Wilbur smirked, sticking his tongue out to Tommy, as if bragging about being let off the hook.

Even Ranboo could admit, even out of headspace, everyone seemed to fill their roles in the family dynamic well. Wilbur was the cocky middle brother who somehow simultaneously gets in the most trouble and gets away with everything, Techno is the oldest who's mostly calm but will join in on the antics when it seems fun, and Tommy's the youngest who will play the 'innocent' card at any chance he could get.

Ranboo and Tubbo's exact roles were a bit undecided, but they seemed to consist of a lot of watching the scene play out and somehow getting dragged into an argument they had nothing to do with. Phil acted as their dad, who kept peace between everyone and tried to keep things calm, while Kristen played the role of a sweet mother-type figure.

When they were little, it was a bit different, but the general feeling of family remained the same.

After a few chaotic minutes of gathering everyone up and calming everyone down, they were all sitting around the table and talking in a much more civil manner. Things got loud once again only a few minutes later when Tommy knocked over his cup of orange juice.

"Sorry!" he squeaked, "I didn't mean to!" he defended, looking up at Phil apologetically. He immediately seemed much younger, a light pout on his lips as he apologized for his clumsiness.

"It's alright, Toms." the man assured, flashing a soft smile to let the regressor know that he was alright, reaching for the paper towels across the table. In just a few moments it was like there was never a spill in the first place. "Can you get him a sippy cup, please?" he asked Kristin, who immediately set off to get the requested item.

"I told you he was a baby," Wilbur spoke up next, predictably earning protests from the clearly regressing boy next to him.

"I'm not a baby!" the younger cried, looking to his other "Techno, tell him I'm not a baby!"

"I mean, only babies need sippy cups," the other man leaned a bit closer the table, his words causing the teenager's eyes to widen.

"Can't Kristin just refill dis one?" he questioned, holding up the cup he had knocked over and looking to Phil hopefully.

"Sorry, buddy, I just don't want you to make another mess." Phil sighed, shooting a disappointed look towards Wilbur and Techno. Ranboo sunk further into his seat, trying to avoid getting pulled into the conflict. He wasn't sure how the others could handle Phil's 'disappointed look' so easily, the boy was very much scared of it.

"I'm not gonna!" Tommy whined, practically glaring at the cup that was set in front of him a moment later. He huffed and crossed his arms, refusing to drink or eat anything.

"This is what happens when you make fun of him, he gets all insecure and stubborn," Tubbo groaned, rolling his eyes as if they had been through this process a million times over.

"Tubbo's right, apologize to him," the oldest man ordered. Wilbur and Techno looked at him as if this suggestion was completely outrageous, so he added, "Now."

"Okay, okay!" Wilbur gave in, sounding defensive, "I'm sorry, Toms. You're not a baby."

"Really?" he lowered his arms, finally uncrossing them.

"No, you're just clumsy and we're sorry for making fun of you for it," Techno sounded very reluctant, but he followed Phil's orders. After these apologies, the rest of breakfast went fairly smoothly. By the end of it, Tommy was very obviously fully regressed and making a useless attempt to hide it.

It was a fairly often occurrence that Tommy slipped just for fun, acting and being treated like a kid was something he just liked. He got to be the annoying little brother and watch cartoons while he did it, it was a win-win across the board.

But Phil and Kristin knew, that whenever one of them slipped over their voice chats, anyone else in the discord call would too. And now, they were all actually together under one roof, so he was sure he'd have five littles to deal with by noon at latest.

As predicted, all of the boys ended up in littlespace, slipping one after another like a line of dominoes getting knocked over. After some reassurance from Phil, Tommy allowed himself to slip, and he dragged his best friend into a game of pretend. And the two toddler minded teenagers decided they wanted to play with Techno and Ranboo as well, and Wilbur soon followed when Phil babied him a bit to much.

At first, it was quite loud, and there was a lot of conflict and disagreements between the boys. Eventually, after everyone but Ranboo had managed to get in some sort of trouble, Phil sat the boys down to watch cartoons. Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur were out like a light one episode in. Wilbur was in babyspace, he always needed extra sleep, and Tommy tired himself out by crying when he assumed Phil was upset with him.

Tubbo, however, was just tired. No excuse, that's just how he was sometimes.

Ranboo and Techno were older then the rest of them, and far more behaved, so they didn't get quite as much attention earlier in the day. Phil was quite busy comforting Wilbur and trying to keep Tommy and Tubbo in check, and it didn't help that Kristin had to leave the house. To make up for this, Phil wanted to do something special with them while the other three took their mid-day naps.

After a while of Ranboo and Techno watching cartoons, trying to stay quiet so that their friends could sleep peacefully, Phil spoke up.

"Boys, quietly follow me," he whispered, managing to get out from under from where Wilbur was laying cuddling up to him without waking the boy up. Techno and Ranboo glanced at each other, seemingly confused but intrigued. They scrambled to get up, following their caregiver into the kitchen.

"What are we doin', dada?" Techno questioned once they entered the other room. They had left the cartoons on, so Phil was fairly sure they wouldn't be able to hear what was going on in the kitchen.

"You guys are gonna be my little helpers for snack time, okay? I got some special treats and such for everyone and we need to put everything together before everyone gets up!" the man explained in a quiet but excited tone, speaking even quieter as if his next words were a secret, "And if you guys do a good job, I'll even give you an extra cookie."

Ranboo's face immediately lit up, and he bounced on his feet as he awaited more instructions. Phil specifically chose him and Techno out of all of them, they must be special. It was like a super secret mission, just for them!

"So we're all gonna have fruit and vegetables before we get to the sweets," he continued on, going over the fridge and pulling out various fruits and vegetables, "Techno, could you wash the strawberries and blueberries for me?" he asked.

"Mhm!" he agreed, excited to be able to help. It seem weird that Phil's idea of "something special" was just putting them to work, it was more about the idea of making them feel special. They were more well behaved then everyone else, so they got extra time with Phil and a cookie.

"What do I get to do?" Ranboo questioned. He watched as Technoblade took the containers with the fruit he was told to wash over to the sink.

"Are you big enough to pour drinks for everyone?" he questioned, pulling various new sippycups and bottles from a hidden spot in one of the cabinets. The two littles gasped, completely distracted from their tasks, "Yes, some of these are for you two." he chuckled at their excitement, coming over to Ranboo and holding out a simple but cute black and white sippy cup.

"I thought maybe you could put stickers on it," Phil explained. The boy nodded quickly, practically attacking him in a hug. "Okay, go on, get to work now." he said, motioning over to the counter where the rest of them sat.

As requested, they got to work. Techno helped wash the fruit and put then on their plates, while Ranboo filled the sippy cups and bottles with whatever drink each one of them liked best. His demise came when he tried to sneak soda into his sippy cup without asking, and he managed to spill it all over the counter.

"Uh oh! Spill on aisle Ranboo!" Phil joked, grabbing the paper towels and running over to help. Immediately, the boy panicked. He was the well behaved one, and Phil was gonna find out that he was trying to be sneaky! His guilt was obviously clear to the caregiver, because the next thing he said was, "Don't worry, accidents happen."

The gentle and reassuring tone he used only made him feel worse. It only took the man a moment to actually realize what the boy had been pouring into the cup. "Ranboooo," the caregiver held out his words, sounding disappointed, "You know that you could've asked for soda if you really wanted it, right? You've been so good all day, I would've given it to you."

"Really?" he asked, pouting when the man took the cup and dumped the liquid in the sink. He then ripped paper towels from the roll and wiped up the remainder of the drink from the counter.

"Yeah, I would've," Phil affirmed, "But trying to sneak around me isn't okay. You told me you were putting juice in here. That's lying, and I know for a fact that you're big enough to know that's not allowed. " he tsked, causing Ranboo to look down at his feet.

"M' sorry," he mumbled, ready to cry over such a small thing. He knew what he was doing was dumb, Phil rarely let them have sweets like that when they were small due to the fact that they got hyper.

"Don't cry, sweetheart, you're not in trouble," the man assured with a sigh, softening his tone immediately, rinsing the cup out as he spoke. Ranboo still felt bad, despite the gentle reassurance. He glanced up to see the man filling his cup with his favorite drink besides the over sugary soda: strawberry lemonade. "Here you go." he tightened the lid onto it and held it out for him.

"Sorry, dada," he apologized again, his eyes still glassy as he took it in his hands. Phil sighed a bit, opening his arms and pulling him close.

"You're okay, buddy, I promise you." he spoke gently, "Little boys make mistakes sometimes, it's alright." The man knew that while Ranboo might've been regressed to an older age, he was still quite sensitive, and he always felt overly bad whenever he got in trouble. Even if he had managed to get away with sneaking the soda, he would've owned up to what he did guiltily after just a few sips of the drink.

That's just how he was.

"M' all done!" Techno's voice interrupted them as he finished placing the snack-filled plates in their spot at the table, besides their respective sippy cups. Phil pulled away from the other regressor and ruffled his hair, smiling at him before addressing the other little.

"Good job, honey. You're such a good helper," he complimented, before looking back to Ranboo. "And so are you." he reminded. Ranboo giggled a bit, feeling happiness well up in his chest at the praise despite any childish guilt. The giggles only increased when his caregiver tapped the button of his nose, causing him to scrunch it up.

Once he was sure that Ranboo was alright, or at least doing a bit better, he gave them their next instructions. One good thing about Ranboo was that it was easy to sway his emotions to the more positive end if it was done before any tears came. "Take your seats and eat, I'm gonna wake up your brothers and have them pick up their toys from earlier, then they'll join you." he told them, before leaving the room.

Technoblade's eyes followed Phil as he exited the room, and he waited until he was sure he was out of earshot to say anything. "Psst, 'anboo," Techno leaned close to the table, grabbing the other boy's attention.

"Wha'?" he questioned, popping a grape in his mouth and tilting his head in curiousity.

"We should scare daddy when he comes back in! It'll be so cool," he suggested, "We can wait by the door and jump out!"

"Hmm...," Ranboo looked over to where the other pointed, considering his options, "We 'posed to be eatin'." he pointed out, shaking his head.

"We won' get in trouble, it's just playin' round," he tried to sound convincing. It seemed to work, because Ranboo reconsidered, before hesitantly nodding. He grabbed one more grape and his sippy cup before standing up, Techno leading him over to the entrance of the room. They were concealed behind the wall on either side of the doorway.

They listened Phil woke the others up and helped them put the toys away, excitement ramping up as they waited. To their shock, Tommy entered first, fully ready to greet him in his usual loud tone. Techno quickly put his finger to his lip, shaking his head to signal him to be quiet. Tommy's eyes widened as he realized what was happening, deciding to duck behind the with his older brother.

It was then that Phil entered, carrying Wilbur. The boys jumped out from their spots, exclaiming different variations of "boo!" and "AHH!", breaking out into giggles immediately after. Wilbur squeaked, the sound startling him a bit, but he didn't seem upset. "Well hello, little ones," Phil chuckled, "If I remember correctly, you boys are supposed to be at the table."

"Jus' wanted to scare you! We go eat now," Techno assured, taking Tommy's wrist in his hand and pulling him over to the table. Ranboo however, peeked behind Phil to see if Tubbo was coming.

"Where Tubs at?" he pulled on Phil's shirt before he could walk away, whining a bit.

"He had a bit of an accident," the man admitted, "He's a bit smaller now, but he'll be out soon, okay?"

"Okay..." he trailed off, looking out into the living room, completely set on standing there until his best friend was able to join him.

"How about you head over to the table, kiddo?" his caregiver questioned, earning a pout from the little. "Okay, okay, you can wait here for him!" he decided, figuring there was nothing wrong with it. With a forehead kiss, Phil left him at the doorway.

"Tubbo! We gots apple slices for you!" he rambled excitedly when his friend finally did arrive, running towards him and grabbing his hand. He started to pull him further into the kitchen, but the mentally younger of the two stumbled a bit, seemingly clumsier then he was earlier in the day.

Ranboo realized that he had a pacifier in his mouth now, and he saw Phil replacing his sippy cup with a bottle out of the corner of his eye. He had worked hard to put apple juice in that sippy cup, he thought, pouting a bit.

"M' sorry, didn' mean to make you almost fall! We can go slow," he decided, earning a thankful smile from the other regressor. "Are you gonna say anything?" he asked, walking beside him. As they approached the table, Phil replied for the boy.

"He's a bit younger, bud, he might not be up for talking," he explained, "You know what it's like to be so little that you feel like a baby. Can we all be understanding? He's only a bit older then Wilbur at the moment." "

Tubbo seemed quite embarrassed as he sunk into his seat, pulling his pacifier from his mouth to eat his food. There were sounds of agreement around the table. Ranboo was curious as to what exactly made Tubbo slip so much younger then he usually did, but he didn't voice this curiosity, settling on eating his food in favor of not embarrassing his friend anymore then he already was. .

"These are yucky!" Tommy claimed, pushing his plate with carrots and ranch away from him.

"You like carrots and ranch, what are you talking about?" Phil sounded tired and just a bit annoyed.

"Don' want em," he shook his head, whining just as he had that morning when Wilbur teased him.

"If you eat them you'll get a cookie," the caregiver bribed.

"What type of cookie?" the toddler minded boy squinted his eyes, as if considering this, as if it was a negotiation of sorts.

"Sugar cookie, chocolate chip, I think we have Oreos too...whatever you could want," this definitely caught the boys interest.

"Chocolate chip?" his eyes went wide with excitement, which was only intensified when Phil nodded. Immediately, he uncrossed his arms and pulled his plate back towards him. Phil seemed satisfied with this, ruffling his hair.

The boys were still waking up, so Phil asked them to talk about their elaborate games from earlier in the day to keep them occupied. So, as they ate their snacks, they giggled about imaginary wars and adventures and argued over who won their dramatic plastic sword duels. Eventually, the caregiver gave them their promised sweets before sending them back off to play.

"Ranboo, you left your sippy cup in the kitchen," Phil tapped the boy's shoulder and distracted him from his game of peek-a-boo with Tubbo. He quickly discovered that his friend seemed much to little to participate in any games he'd usually play, so he did what he always saw Phil do with Wilbur: play a simpler one.

It was obviously much more entertaining for the littler of the two, but Ranboo was happy to hear his friend's giggles and squeaks. "Oh! Thanks, dada!" the boy reached up to take his sippy cup from the caregiver as he was sitting on the floor and Phil was standing. Ranboo gasped when he took a drink, feeling bubbles on his tongue.

Immediately, Phil put a finger to his lips and gave him a warning look. This made the boy giggle a bit as he nodded, understanding the signal. "Thank you!" he repeated, smiling when his hair was ruffled softly. The moment didn't last long, Tommy called Phil over for something, and it was back to peek-a-boo with his best friend.

Ranboo didn't mind it, though, peek-a-boo was fun. Being with everyone was fun, even if it meant he got a bit less attention due to there being so much going on. It all evened out, he got to be a snack time helper! And he got an extra cookie! If you asked him, that was pretty awesome.

In the next few days, they'd all get back into making more collaborative content, as that was the point of this meet up, but for now, it was just time to play. To spend time together, to cuddle, and giggle, and make far to much noise in the name of fun. To just be a family.

That was the specific feeling that came to Ranboo with this meet up. The comforting feeling that bubbled in his chest whenever he got a forehead kiss or his hair ruffled by Phil, or when he played babyish games with his friends when they regressed younger then him.

This was the thing that clouded his mind whenever he regressed with this group specifically, or when they were in the car, joking about anything and everything as they got closer and closer to their destination. A feeling that consistently made his life better, the feeling that brought a smile to his face everyday...

The Feeling of Family.

A/N: I really hope you liked that adorable mess of 4500 words! I appreciate reblogs and likes, but no matter what, thanks for reading to the end! Did you like the chaotic feeling that five littles/so many people brought into my fic? I kinda had to switch up my normal formulas to make room for so many characters, there's a reason I literally put three character to sleep halfway through the fic hjsikajsa. Did I write Phil well? I tried to portray how a caregiver w/so many littles would act somewhat realistically? Kind of overwhelmed but managing. Also, did you like me portraying ranboo as 'the angle little' of the group? idk I felt like it fit his personality in the scenario. If you reply with/send an ask/reblog with feedback, you can answer those questions, leave a request for something (whether it be in the universe father into the month-long meetup timeline I set up or just another fic), state your general opinions on the fic, or just leave a strand of emojis if words are hard. No matter what, it means a lot! I hope you all have a great day!!!!

#agere #agere writing #mcyt agere #dsmp agere #little!sbi #little!tommyinnit #little!ranboo #little!tubbo #little!wilbur #little!technoblad #little!wilbursoot #cg!philza #dadza #minecraft #age regression #CGLRE #mcyt #mcyt fanfiction

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marvelsimp · 3 years

Text

THE NEW KID: Leaving

Ch. 1

The New Kid Masterlist

-This is going to be a series so I’m going to do my best so that you may read it in any order. Also, I’m going to apologize in advance for my writing, any tips are appreciated.

Pairing: Peter x Lesbian!reader (Platonic duh)

Genre: ANGST, fluff

Warnings: Homophobia (being kicked out), mentions of death, vague mention of suicide, general angst, swearing (I swear fuck is like the only one I know smh)

Description: Reader gets kicked out by her homophobic parents, Peter invites her to stay with him, and reader reflects on her and Peter’s relationship.

-Takes place after far from home and Gamora, Vision, Loki, Heimdall, Nat, and Tony are still alive, Steve didn’t leave, and Mysterio didn’t reveal Peter as Spiderman. (aka my dream MCU)

Reader’s Powers: Healer, telepath, and empath.

Word Count: 2,350

“You can stay the night but, in the morning, you have to leave” You could feel it all, the disgust, the anger, the sadness. Every bit of what they were feeling was being thrown at you. You didn’t even get to tell them about your powers. You thought that maybe they would understand that maybe they would love you enough… but they didn’t. You were in shock; your parents were throwing you out because you like girls. You made your way back to your room to pack the essentials and figure out where you would go. Peter. He had told you before that if this happed or if you ever needed to you could stay with him.

(Y/n): Does the offer still stand

Peter: you told them?

(Y/n): yeah… theyre kicking me out

Peter: Im so sorry

You and Peter first met through Instagram almost a year ago. He posted some picture of him and Ned posing with a LEGO model of the Death Star. You decided you had nothing to lose so you messaged him. That was that easiest friend you had ever made, and he was the only friend you had now.

You got to know each other over the months, you would text and facetime, sometimes you would play Minecraft or Animal Crossing or whatever game you both had your hands on. You would talk for hours about Star Wars, video games, and even The Avengers. It was amazing. Then you told him.

“I’m gay”

He looked shocked at first, which scared you a little, then his shocked expression morphed into a grin.

“Now, I have someone else I can talk about girls to.”

You laughed tears forming in your eyes. You felt a huge weight come off your chest. He told you about MJ and how he planned to ask her out during the trip to Europe. You told him about your huge crush on Captain Marvel and it was perfect. You had someone who loved you for you and didn’t want anything more or less, someone you could tell everything to.

* * * * *

“Oh my god,” you thought to yourself as you put it altogether. You felt like you were going to faint or throw up or both.

Night monkey on tv had the same powers as spiderman, spiderman was from New York, and Peter was from New York… The late nights, the weird bruises, and cuts, injures; him suddenly having to leave out of nowhere. Every bit of it made sense. Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Your best friend is fucking Spider-Man.

At first you were shocked, then you were excited, then you were scared. You rushed to your phone to call him. You dialed his number and nothing... no answer. That’s when the panic started.

(Y/n): Are you okay?

There was no answer for minutes then hours. You were really panicking now, he usually texted back within ten minutes, but it was now six hours later.

(Y/n): I saw what happened are you ok

(Y/n): Pete youre scaring me please text me

You couldn’t sleep or eat or do anything, all you could think about was him. Is he alive? Is he injured? Did he lose his phone? These thoughts swirled in your head; you couldn’t breathe. Finally, fifteen hours later you heard a ding.

Peter: Im ok my phone died

(Y/n): Can you call me

Peter: Sorry Im getting on the plane to head home can I call you then?

(Y/n): yeah

Your panic calmed and you felt like you could breathe again but the fear and the anger were still there. You were furious not that he didn’t tell you, you couldn’t care less about that there were still plenty of things that you hadn’t told him yet. But you were furious at the universe, that your friend could die, that your friend could be taken away again. That you could lose that person that helped keep you stable, help keep you grounded. You couldn’t lose someone like that again, the last one almost killed you and losing Peter would destroy you.

Ten hours later he FaceTimed you.

“Hey, sorry about not answering. My phone died and all this stuff happened and- “

“Are you Spider-Man?”

“Wh-what?” He was shocked, another one of his friends figured it out. He couldn’t believe it.

“Are. You. Spider-Man.” You replied bluntly with your brows furrowed. You could barely keep the tears from flowing out.

He let out a sigh shaking his head, seeing no reason to lie so he nodded, “Yeah.”

“Are you okay?” you breathed out.

He looked up back at the screen confused, “Y-yeah I’m okay. I have a few scratches but nothing bad.”

“You could’ve died,” you grunted as your breath began to pick up.

“I’m okay Y/n. It’s ok,” he looked at you confused but mostly concerned because you were usually level. You tried your best to hide your negative emotions from others, so he only ever saw you smiling.

“NO! No, it’s not okay! You could’ve died. I could’ve lost you; I could’ve lost my best friend AGAIN. Two best friends in two years. I barely survived when she… I-I don’t even know what would happen if I lost you, too!” You were crying, you didn’t even notice, you didn’t even care.

He froze, not knowing what to say not knowing what to do. He just looked at you. He didn’t know that you never talked about your friends, he assumed you had them. He just thought you would open up when you were ready, but he never predicted this.

“Y/n, I-I’m okay. I’m alive and I am safe. I promise you that- that I’m going to be okay.” He just stared at the screen again. “Do you… want to talk about her.”

“You would’ve liked her,” you smiled while the tears were still streaming down your face. “Ava was the most stubborn person on the planet. She was kind… and talented… she was so smart… she wanted to go and help animals that are going extinct. She was my everything... and then she… she was gone.” You sobbed uncontrollably, not even stopping to breathe.

You’d never cried for her before, when you had found out it destroyed you. You were numb to everything, but you hid it with a smile always saying you were fine. Then you met Peter, he saved you and he didn’t even know it. He helped you feel ok again. He helped you feel alive again instead of a walking corpse.

“Y/n, you need to breathe.” You heard through the phone that was now lying on the bed as you continued to sob. “Please, just breathe.”

All that he wanted to do was hold you and comfort you, he knew what it felt like to lose someone. He knew that pain and wanted to help you but all he could do was talk and listen so that’s what he did.

You collected yourself, it took a while, but you did it. “I’m breathing,” you said letting out a slight chuckle.

“What do you need me to do?” he asked with worried eyes.

“Will you- could you just stay with me, till I fall asleep?”

“Of course.”

You called him the next day asking about Spider-Man. You asked how his powers worked, how long he had them, how his web shooters worked and how he made them, you even asked if the Start Internship was really just¬¬¬ him being Spider-Man. He answered every question you had and then some.

“Um, I have something to confess,” you said nervously, “I have…powers, too.”

‘WHAT,” he screamed from excitement while jumping out of his chair. “You have powers, too,” he said with wide eyes and a huge grin.

You went on to explain your powers of telepathy, healing, and empathy. You told him as much as you knew about them and how you didn’t know their limits yet. He just listened and grinned at every word you said.

“Can I tell Mr. Stark about you powers?”

“What?!?!”

“I already talk about you enough to him. Can I tell him about you powers? He might be able to make you something to help you.”

“You talk about me to Tony fucking Stark?!?!?”

“Yeah, you’re my best friend. Of course, I talk about you. So, can I tell him.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can tell IRON MAN about my powers.”

Life went on from there, you continued to talk to him like normal. Nothing had come up from him telling Stark about your powers or at least nothing yet. You had grown closer and you would talk about when you had a bad day, and he would tell you about his friendly neighborhood adventures. Then Christmas came and a few days later you deiced to come out to your parents…

* * * * * *

Next thing you knew you were on a plane headed to New York then you were in a taxi headed to Peter’s apartment. You couldn’t stop thinking about how they felt: disgust, anger, and greatest of all sadness. You felt this relief of finally being able to be your self but also the terrible pain of your parents abandoning you. You somehow made it through the plane and the taxi without crying.

Then there he was standing outside of your taxi, smiling with sad eyes. He quickly got your suitcase out of the trunk while you got out of taxi and put on your backpack. When the taxi drove away you both just stood there for a moment, neither of you knowing exactly what to say or do. There was a rush of emotions from both of you: happiness, excitement, and most of all sadness. Peter was mourning with you.

He walked up to you and wrapped his arms around your body in a tight, welcomed embrace. It was then when tears streamed down your face. You sobbed into his shoulder and neck for what seemed like days. Then he pulled away, “Let’s go inside.”

When he opened the door there was Aunt May, the only interactions you had with her where quick hellos or stupid jokes you told her about Peter. So, it was nice to actually meet her. She gave you a soft hug as soon as you came in the door.

“Thank you so much for letting me stay here,” you said pulling out of the hug. “I promise I will pull my weight and get a job as soon as I can.”

“Of course, sweetheart, all of Peter’s friends are welcome here and don’t worry about that right now we can talk about it in a few weeks. For now, you guys do what you want, and I got some work I gotta do so I will see guys in a few hours.” She gave your hand a squeeze, grabbed her purse and headed out the door.

You put your backpack on the couch, what was going to be your bed for a little while and sat down putting your face in your hands. Peter put your suitcase up against the wall, then he sat down next to you putting his hand on your back.

“I’m so sorry, y/n.”

You started to sob again. Peter just wrapped his arms around you pulling you into his chest. You cried and cried and cried. Eventually you fell asleep.

The next few days were rough for you. The first two were full of tears and crying but also full of laughing and smiling. The third day you were there was New Years Eve, Peter asked you if you wanted to go to see the ball drop, you declined. You told him the large crowd would probably overwhelm your powers and that some alone time would be nice. Peter understood so he went with MJ and Ned while Aunt May went to a party.

It was nice to be alone. You cried again but for most of the night you just laid there thinking of everything and thinking of nothing. You were worn out and fell asleep before the clock struck twelve.

You woke up early the next day, which was a little weird, but it was nice. When peter woke up, he deiced to show you around. He didn’t show you the big touristy places, but he showed you where he would watch for thieves, where he got sandwiches, or donuts, or ice cream. You just enjoyed the day doing nothing important at all.

The day after that he invited MJ and Ned over. You had never talked to them much less met them. You were nervous and excited so Peter eased your fears and told you that, “They will love you.” And they did, it went amazingly. They were both huge nerds just like you and Peter. Ned was loud and very vocal; his laugh could shake the world. MJ on the other hand was quiet, only speaking up when she felt it was needed. She was a lot like you, but she didn’t hide behind smiles like you did, she showed everything she felt even if it wasn’t very loudly. You got why Peter liked her, they fit like a glove.

Most of the night was filled with laughter and smiling. You played video games, board games, harassed Peter, and overall had a nice time. A few times you could’ve sworn you felt a pinch of jealousy from MJ, which brought you some comfort and reassurance towards Peter. It meant that he hadn’t outed you to MJ which you appreciated. You felt comfortable and safe for once, you didn’t feel afraid to talk about whatever for once. They left right before midnight, both with smiles on their faces as they did.

“We gotta go to bed,” Peter grinned. “I got some big plans for your birthday tomorrow.”

You had forgotten, tomorrow’s your birthday, you’re turning seventeen. You nodded and smiled at him. You were tempted to read his mind and find out what the surprise was but decided it might be better to just go along with it. So, you changed into your PJ’s and fell asleep on Peter’s couch.

Next Chapter

Arriving

#the new kid #the avengers #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x platonic!reader #avengers x reader #angst #avengers angst #avengers #wandavision #spiderman

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captainmazzic · 3 years

Text

Happy Halloween.

So it’s about time I gave a real fucking update instead of just dicking around being cagey about shit. I’ve mentioned a new project repeatedly. So let’s sit down and actually talk about it, friends. Pull up a chair, grab yourself some hot cocoa and strap in. Welcome to Sarc’s emotional roller coaster.

Bear with me. This is hard to talk about for so many reasons, but mostly because I’ve been belittled and ridiculed so many times in my life for liking “cringy” things or wanting to do things that other people think are stupid or childish. I hear the voice of my father telling me to “make something of my life” and “don’t squander your talents”, I hear the voice of my mother telling me I have “so much potential” and “one day I hope you get some ambition”, I hear the voice of my ex telling me to “stop wasting time with stupid shit” and “nobody is interested in failures”. I hear old teachers telling me honor roll students should go to college and study high-demand majors and anything else would be lazy and detrimental and won’t contribute anything worthwhile to society.

It’s the same shit that prevented me for a long time from posting art online. From posting writing online. From making ocs and showing them to other people. And now it’s preventing me from starting this project, and I’m so, so tired of it.

My biggest fear right now is that once I start talking about this project I’ll lose this tiny little community of people vaguely interested in my stuff that have somehow stuck around. External validation and sharing the things I love are my primary motivations with everything I do online, and while screaming into the void is all well and good, I need feedback and interaction and community. I need it so, so badly. I wouldn’t post jack shit – ever – if I didn’t need that, to be honest.

So anyway.

When the pandemic kicked into high gear earlier this year I got laid off for a few months. It gave me a lot of time to think about who I am and where I wanted to be in life, what mattered to me, what dreams I still had and which ones had fallen by the wayside.

Some of them are huge – once upon a time I was very religious. I went through seminary, got my minister’s certification, and was slated to be an associate pastor in a mega-church and rake in a six-figure income within 3 years. But I lost my faith and couldn’t stand the idea of being disingenuous.

And there was also a time when I received a full-ride scholarship to a very prestigious university that would have spanned a 12-year program and resulted in me having several doctorates and masters degrees by the end of it, in the fields of geology, palaeontology, and cladistics. But the scholarship program that was supposed to sponsor me went bankrupt the very semester I was supposed to capitalize on it. I was still accepted into the school, but the $1.2 million price tag would have all been out of my own pocket. So obviously that didn’t happen.

Those were the “acceptable” dreams. Those were the ones that parents and teachers and the general outside world approved of and thought were worthy goals. But neither of them panned out, and all I have left are the cringy ones. Like homesteading and sustainable living (can’t start without land, can’t have land without money). Like making comic books and doing art commissions for a living (it has to be steady to support myself, and I’m far too slow an artist for things to be steady). And like… playing video games.

Ha.

What’s funny is I can already envision the eyerolls and hear the snorts of laughter. What kind of dream is that? Only a handful of famous youtubers and twitch celebrities play video games for a living, and breaking into a field like that is pretty much impossible unless you already have friends in famous places.

Yeah, but… it would be so much fun. Right?

It WOULD be fun. I don’t have to become a super popular celebrity for it to be fun, right?

I don’t have to make it my day job and rake in piles of cash for it to be fun, right?

… I don’t have to actually be successful for it to be fun… right?

… Right?

… I love video games.

I’ve loved them ever since I tried and failed so many times to win The Empire Strikes Back on Atari 2600. I’ve loved them ever since I played Mortal Kombat with my cousin in his basement with the sound down super low because it was ultra-violent and I would have been in so much trouble if mom caught me playing it. I’ve loved them ever since I tried and failed to finish Strife and Hexen and Heretic without the computer crashing and rebooting to DOS. I’ve loved them ever since I had to cheat-code my way through Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II just to get past the first boss fight but then no-clipped through the wall and died anyway. I still love that game.

But I stopped playing video games for a very long time. I was intimidated out of them by an ex and a somewhat toxic friend group who were Real Gamers™. I was brought to LAN parties but not allowed to play, because I slowed down the team and didn’t know the controls. I was banned from commenting on other people’s moves or cheering people on because it was distracting and I could cost them a win. I was even kicked out of their online D&D campaigns because I couldn’t be serious enough or roleplay well enough for their standards. Even if I was playing a game on my own, I couldn’t play with anyone else in the house because I’d be ridiculed for dying a lot, or for going the wrong way, or for picking the wrong game because only certain games are “good” and most of the ones I wanted to play were “stupid” or “trash” or a “waste of time”.

That kind of thing sits with me for a very, very long time. I didn’t really play games at all for over a decade. Even after I ended up on the opposite side of the country, with a new circle of friends, I couldn’t bring myself to play much of anything.

And then I had an extended visit with a friend of mine, and he introduced me to an early version of a ridiculous little game called Minecraft. My friend was an avid gamer but also a very kind one. In the ten years before this, I had told myself that I just preferred to watch other people play games instead of playing them myself (a lie. I mean, I absolutely adore watching other people play, but I also want to play too lol), my friend saw through that and very gently encouraged me to take a stab at playing Minecraft myself. He moved his laptop over to me, and I played a whole ten minutes with him watching before my nerves failed me and I promptly died. But miraculously it wasn’t a big deal to him. It was just a game. I might have cried in relief, I don’t remember.

After my visit I shelved playing video games for like another year, despite buying a whole mess of them because other friends online loved certain titles and wanted to talk about them with me. (I never played them, just bought them. I couldn’t even handle the thought of playing by myself in my own house). But for some reason I mentioned to my brother-in-law my old visit to my Minecraft-loving friend, and he just… up and bought the game for me. My brother-in-law is also an avid gamer with a lovely and patient disposition, and he suggested I just play in creative mode and build things to start. So I did that (behind a locked door in the RV that I lived in by myself, with the lights off and the sound down low) and Minecraft was my sole video game for another several years.

Then a couple years ago another friend of mine (hi Char) introduced me to Star Wars: The Old Republic, and I fell in love. It sparked a renewed interest in video games that I thought I would never really have the opportunity to satisfy, because games were still intimidating.

Let me clarify: I… SUCK. At video games. I’m terrible at them. Learning controls is a nightmare and a tunicate evolving its own brain would learn faster than me. If I’m aiming, I can’t hit the broad side of a barn. I have the direction sense of a whirligig beetle on the back of a drunk pigeon. I die fast and I die often. I can count the number of games I’ve actually finished on one hand. Even less if we don’t count the ones I had to use cheat codes to get through. But none of that diminishes my love of experiencing them, and over this whole pandemic and quarantine thing I’ve had a lot of time to unpack and mull over my thoughts and feelings and passions about them.

… I moved my RV to a new spot literally the day before the lockdown in my state first initiated. Before this I was in a spot that had no internet other than what reception I could get on my phone, with severely limited bandwidth and patchy, unreliable service. The new spot has a steady wi-fi connection, and while upload speed is utter shit, downloading and streaming video are just this side of manageable. So I spent the first three months of the quarantine lockdown doing pretty much nothing other than watching Jacksepticeye, CrankGameplays, and Markiplier play video games on YouTube. (I honestly had no idea before this that people even did let’s plays. My internet access/speed has been shit for so long I’m totally out of the loop).

It… for fear of sounding utterly stupid yet again, it inspired me.

Like. These people really love what they’re doing. They just. Play video games and have fun with it, and I mean yeah they make money hand-over-fist doing it but the main thing is they HAVE FUN doing it. They have fun! Playing video games! In front of people! It’s wild. And the thing that REALLY got me was… they have feedback on it too. They have a COMMUNITY. They have people they can talk to about it. They have people that they can play games WITH, even, who don’t yell at them or tell them they suck every five minutes or tell them they can’t play with them because they’re worthless as teammates. They can fuck up in a game and their friends are laughing along with them on Discord instead of screaming at them to get it right or get out. They can play games by themselves in their house and then upload videos on the internet and then they can talk to other people about it! They have fun! It’s awesome! They have fun!!

I just. It meant so much to me. It meant so much to me to see these videos of these three, and then another dozen or so that I’ve followed since, play all these games and have such a good time and also be such a positive and kind and encouraging source of energy.

I know all of this is not exactly about video games specifically. It’s about coming to terms with how I’ve been treated as a person and as a friend, about how other people respect someone’s interests and passions, about how it’s okay to share your interests with other people and it’s okay to like things that other people might not care about or think are important.

And I’m so, so tired of not doing the things I love because I’m afraid of what other people will think.

So I, uh. I invested all of the stimulus money I had into a new rig and equipment like a camera, lighting, acoustic panels, all that shit. I dug out all the games I bought but never played, I made accounts on all the big gaming services like Steam and Itch.io and GoG, and I made a YouTube channel. And I’m going to be making my own let’s plays. And it will suck, and it will be cringy and awkward and badly done, and it won’t make me money or be a valid career option or be anything but another very expensive hobby, but it will be mine, and it will be something I can share with people and (hopefully) have fun with, and it will (hopefully) be an avenue for some of this positive social interaction I’m craving.

I know YouTube can be toxic and super negative and full of trolls and cancel culture fanatics and people just waiting to find something to tear you down for, but like. Come on, y’all. I’m posting this on tumblr dot com. Toxic is everywhere anyway. I just want to try, you know?

I just want to love video games again.

Someone famous that I look up to so, so much told me – without knowing that I was even listening, without even knowing that I even exist – that if I enjoy doing something, to just go for it. To just jump in and do it, and if it works then it works, and if it doesn’t, what have I actually lost?

And I’m lucky enough to have four whole offline friends that I’ve mentioned this idea to, and each of them has said encouraging things like I’d have a good voice and face and style for making let’s plays. I honestly don’t know how true that part is, but on my good days I believe them. And they also said that I should go for it, to just try.

So that’s… that’s what I’m doing, I guess. I just want to try.

I know it’s not Star Wars fanart. I know it’s not Star Wars fanfiction. I know it’s not Star Wars meta or essays or ranting about the Sith and the Jedi and the Force. I know it’s not what y’all want from me. And that’s utterly terrifying. I’m bracing myself to be alone on the internet again, because I know that when I dive headfirst into this thing, it’ll eat away into the time that I normally might be spending doing writing or art, and it’s going to be something no one else wants to see and no one signed up for. And that’s partly why it’s taken me so very, very long to get started.

The other part is more physical. Of course as soon as I decide that I’m going to put my face on a camera is when my entire face goes to shit. I’m currently waiting on a potential diagnosis for mouth cancer, while already dealing with a severe jaw infection that’s causing my teeth and gums to rot inside my mouth. They already took part of my jaw, I’m missing teeth, others are turning black, if I open my mouth even just a little it is so obvious and I look like a very, very literal zombie. I have never been more grateful that masks are socially acceptable. I have a series of twelve appointments scheduled to treat this shit now that I have dental and health insurance (goodbye paycheque), and I might qualify for reconstruction surgery too. But that doesn’t really help how I look right now.

So I just can’t bring myself to start this project just yet. I’ve been sitting on it for months now with all the other pieces in place, but I just. Can’t. Start. It’s driving me crazy, because I want to start so badly. I feel like I’m wasting time. I feel like I’ve already wasted so much time, because I haven’t even done anything else in the meantime. I haven’t done hardly any art or fanfic, nothing. My anxiety is spiking so high right now because I have all these expectations of myself, but I can’t do anything about it. I’ve been told that I could just start without a camera or wear a mask on screen, and I’ve actually done some recording doing exactly that, but I just… can’t seem to make anything I want to finalize.

It’s also frustrating because I have no way of uploading anything at home. I’ll have to go over to my partner’s house which is nearly an hour’s drive away in order to get internet good enough to upload videos, which means that upload schedules are going to be shiiiiiit and that’s also frustrating.

But. But. BUT. I want to do this.

I want to do this so badly. I want to share let’s plays and experience a love of video games with other people. I want to actually play games with other people too. I also just acquired a piano keyboard, and I want to play again on the regular because I miss it so much. I used to play piano for hours every single day, it’s so relaxing and fun, maybe I can post that too. Maybe I can post let’s draws or something, where I ask y’all what to draw and then make a video of me drawing it while bullshitting to the camera I don’t know it sounds like fun. Maybe I can post videos of my cooking because the shit I make seems to be everyone’s favourite thing on instagram, and maybe I can take my camera with me when I go to the ocean or hike up into the middle of nowhere in the mountains and film how beautiful everything is up there. Or maybe I can do none of that and just focus on one thing, I honestly have no idea what I’m doing or how to do it, but I just… I want to try. I just want to try.

I don’t know where any of this is going anymore. I’m sorry I haven’t responded to messages, or opened up commissions. I’m sorry that this isn’t what y’all wanted. I’m still going to continue drawing and writing, I’m still going to be around, I’m not going anywhere, but I have no idea how prolific I’m going to be and I have no idea even when I’ll start uploading videos, to be honest. But I just. I’m just gonna try. It might still take me a while but I’m gonna try. Wish me luck. I love y’all.

#long post #psa #sarc speaks #sarc speaks a LOT #3k words worth of a LOT #I'm so sorry #OTL

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nyxedcreation · 3 years

Text

It’s long but if you want, read my sappy, not completely edited unsent letter to mark and ethan i guess??

It all began with a black and white spiral interrupting three scary games. There was an echo of cult-like chanting and an hourglass with skulls. I was intrigued, pulled in. This strange aesthetic struck a note with me. I immediately dove in to see two videos. One was that same black and white spiral; the other was, well, it was cooking with sex toys. I was confused, and experienced my first Unus Annus induced whiplash, but more than ready to hop on what I knew would be a wild ride. Cliche and classic, but, little did I know how much those two idiots and their project would mean to me.

The year flew by faster than I would have liked. More happened this year than I expected. Through all the apocalyptic shock, there was one stable, consistent thing in my Thanos-snapped life that I found myself leaning on time and again. Their steady, every day chaos was something I think many needed, and soon realized they needed as more and more piled on our shoulders with each passing month. I am eternally grateful for this gift of a temporary thing they gave us.

Now I cannot say I loyally watched the videos every day, but I did not miss one. I found I liked letting the videos pile up and save them for a rainy day, though I knew that was not a habit I could keep forever. I peacefully played Minecraft while they went on internet scavenger hunts and validated the beauty of every woman (specifically Zak Effron). I slouched or curled up in my bed after a long day at work, giggling at their antics during collaborations and pulling things I should definitely not try at home. They brought a small, immeasurable joy in my life, which I held like one would hold a handful of fresh stardust. The warmth and humor they gave nestled itself in my veins and helped me power through so many changes that have created a whole new person I can proudly call myself.

I moved thousands of miles from my family and friends and began working my first real job. I am building myself up and working towards becoming a functional human being for once in my life. I feel myself changing and growing every day, and they have been there every step of the way-- guiding me in some, strange way.

I feel this project has inspired me in more ways than I could have possibly imagined. With each memeable, perfectly chaotic video, I learned time is precious, mortality is a gift from whatever one may believe in, and every opportunity should be taken with hungry hands and a hungrier heart.

I am excited for the future for once in my life, excited to see what I can accomplish with this new, taught mindset; excited to unleash this burning hunger and pour myself into everything precious to me. I have my own projects all lined up, waiting for me to give them color. I have a whole new internet personality to discover and support and watch grow; there is an endless hallway filled with doors of opportunity for me to open. These new things are all blooming and thriving from the decay of a digital channel. Such are cycles and life.

The day the livestream aired, I was met with jumbled nerves and a racing heartbeat. I trembled and worked faster than I ever had so I could leave earlier than everyone else (though I’m not sure if my boss was too happy). I was able to slide into bed with a light meal seconds before it started. I sat through all twelve hours, determined to see this through to the end and feel that sense of completion. I knew I would never feel complete if I missed a second. The rollercoaster of emotions were thrilling, I knew they would make for great inspiration in my writing. I laughed, cried, reflected, reminisced. I thought back to what I felt in the beginning and how my attachment grew so strong it hurt.

As the clock sped down toward inevitable doom, I passed my parting words in silent, choked back sobs and clammy, trembling fingers holding my arms in a self-embrace. The clock passed into the final minute and I leaned forward, shaking my head, a silent no on my lips, betraying my composed nature. 10 seconds, and my mind flashed back into speeding film reels of Ethan and Mark doing goat yoga, shooting archery, shooting each other with paintball guns, using neti pots, creating disgusting food and drink combos, making holy and unholy water, playing nutball, attempting to paint, pasting the face of Benjamin Franklin on a ketchup bottle, hydro dipping a baby, bobbing for chunks of tuna, running from bears, hunting HeeHoo, holding one another and saying how much they loved each other. 5 seconds and my body dropped into ice, my stomach curled into itself, my eyes widened with tears and before I could whisper goodbye, the screen violently thrust me into darkness.

I have never heard such deafening silence.

My goodbye still stuck in my throat, I slowly closed my laptop and pretended I was fine. I lapsed back into my usual coping of pretending I’m okay when I am very much not okay. The perfect cocktail of absolute elation and bone breaking sorrow has made my heartstrings refrain from playing their usual tune. All is still inside me, though the world rushes by. I know I am in mourning, and I know it will last a while.

Every time I will blink or let my mind drift, I will be met with wave after wave of memories, dripping in that golden chaos they created. I know out of habit I will look for their channel notifications, only to be met with nothing, only to remember their channel died. I know I will ask where they went when I forget that 12 is no longer marked by their uploads. It will be a journey, trying to forget Unus and Annus no longer exist in this material world. Their ghosts will haunt me for months, shadowing my every move. They will lurk in corners, watch me from afar, making sure I truly learned what they taught. They will whisper incessantly, reminding me death is inevitable and the clock is always ticking; they will chant and make mantras of nihilism until one day, their whispering will cease, and I will have lost them all over again.

Thank you, Mark and Ethan. You will never know my name, and you will never know how much your channel together changed me. The silly videos you made helped me more than I will admit out loud, and I can hardly wait for what the future holds for the two of you. I am now learning to hold hope and excitement in my own future. I am taking initiative in my life and seeing everything I take control of for myself pay off. I can only hope my future is as bright as yours. Thank you, again; the impact you have is so great and so positive. You will make history. I look forward to the end and what lies beyond. See you on the other side.

Memento Mori.

Unus Annus.

tl/dr: :( but also :)

#unus annus #we were here #memento mori #goodbye #markiplier #crankgameplays #unus annus is over party #unus annus out of context #unus annus livestream #writing #My writing #ive read this fucker like 8 times #and its still not done #anyway im sad #and happy #guess ill cry

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mimisstudy · 4 years

Text

Ash - character study

We are doing a new project called ‘write what you know’ which means writing a film about something that has happened to you or around you. Mine is about why people don’t report things straight away as this is something I see complained about a lot with #metoo

Ash is the main character ~17, and based on me. She lived with her dad who emotionally and sexually abused her, and then moved in with her mum when she was ~16.

this is a super long post btw

Personality

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? Pessimistic - considers herself a realist, prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

Are they introverted or extroverted? Introverted - was great at making friends as a kid but really struggles to since living with her dad.

What bad habits do they have? She keeps things to herself far too much - she wasn’t allowed to talk to her dad as he would make it about himself and so, despite not living with him anymore, she still internalises until she can’t anymore

What makes them laugh out loud? Shitty puns

How do they display affection? Giving gifts - listening to what they like and giving things related to this

How do they want to be seen by others? Smart (was always told she was smart so doesn’t want to seem dim)

How do they see themselves? An idiot, weak, a bad person. Then she moves. Smart, funny, kind, brave, creative/inventive

How are they seen by others? Funny, kind, smart, gentle

How competitive are they? Competitive with themselves, doesn’t care so much about competing with others but hates when she does something worse than she has before.

Do they make snap judgments or take time to consider? Indecisive but once set on a plan, she will do it to the max.

How do they react to praise? Struggles to, not used to it

How do they react to criticism? Also struggles as not used to it. Never really praised or crisitised, just sort of blends in

What is their greatest fear? Wasps. Being abandoned.

What are their biggest secrets? The abuse

What is their philosophy of life? Fuck it, might as well try.

When was the last time they cried? A wasp landed on her while she was on a hike and she had a panic attack

What haunts them? Her dad. she is starting to see him on the streets and in her dreams.

What are their political views? Prioritising people's safety and well-being over the economy

What will they stand up for? Equality, environment, women's rights, sexual assault

What quality do they most value in a friend? Honest / real

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be? Their past, though she wouldn’t actually change it. Or make themselves more confident

What is their obsession? gardening

What are their pet peeves?

What are their idiosyncrasies? Autistic. Stampy feet flappy hands.

Friends and Family

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? Small - Taylor (sibling), mum and dad. Lots of extended family but she has moved too much to bond with them.

What is their perception of family? Used to hate her mum but now appreciates her. Loves Taylor but weird sister relationship as they didn’t grow up together

Do they have siblings? Older or younger? Taylor, 3 years older.

Describe their best friend. Does not have any - struggles to bond with people long term

Describe their other friends. Mainly extroverted people that talk for her.

Past and Future

Did they grow up rich or poor? Not obviously poor (she wasn’t aware of it) but far from rich. Under the poverty line a few times but didn’t go to food banks

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected? Felt nurturing but was rather emotionally abusive

What is the most offensive thing they ever said? ‘I would like to live with mum/dad’

What was their first kiss like? Awkward school dare - she’s not that into dating but did hook up with someone while in a depressive episode to avoid thinking

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved? ‘Basically everything ever’

What are their ambitions? To help others get through what she did. set up her own music label

What advice would they give their younger self? Say no clearer

What was their childhood ambition? Be a musician

What is their best childhood memory? Camping at Tolpuddle music festival and the way the musicians interacted with the audience.

What is their worst childhood memory? The dad experience

Did they have an imaginary childhood friend? No. She would talk to her blanket though.

Love

Do they believe in love at first sight? No. She is aro/ace, she thinks

Are they in a relationship? No.

How do they behave in a relationship? She has only been in one proper relationship and this was a depressed escapism one - she was sleeping with her as a distraction from her life but wasn’t sexually or romantically attracted to her. she was nice to her but was mainly there for the sex - though she is terrified of insulting people so was still respectful and kind

Has your character ever been in love? No

Have they ever had their heart broken? By her family, yes

Conflict

How do they respond to a threat? Disassociating - she struggles to speak and is very slow. She also stims a lot which leads to rubbing her skin raw and has many scars because of this.

Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? Neither but her tongue if really having to.

What is your character’s kryptonite? Loud people/sounds

If your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? Her blanket that she has had since she was born

How do they perceive strangers? No one is trusted until they do something big

What do they love to hate? Sound design

What are their phobias? Wasps

What living person do they most despise? Certain political leaders and CEO’s that are fucking up the plannet

Have they ever been bullied or teased? No - they aren’t really noticed at all. Taylor used to tease her constantly though - mean, even for a sister, but they are far better together now.

Where do they go when they’re angry? To her garden plot. She has one away from the house.

Who are their enemies and why? She doesn’t pay attention to anyone enough to hate them that much.

Work, Education and Hobbies

Do they have a job? Yes

What is their current job? Editing music videos for a band that she knows from secondary

What do they think about their current job? She likes doing it but hates that she could mix the songs better than them - they wont let her change anything though

What are some of their past jobs? They worked at the sweet shop round the corner for a few months before she moved in with her mum.

What are their hobbies? Mixing, baking, minecraft, gardening

Educational background? 7+ (the new uk grading system) in all subjects at secondary. Working on a music and media course at college - predicted distinctions.

Intelligence level? Very smart but struggles understanding basic things often

Do they have a natural talent for something? Baking but she doesn’t enjoy it so doesn’t do it often.

Do they play a sport? Are they any good? Swimming - she’s good enough to not drown but mainly enjoys just floating around

What is their socioeconomic status? Working class. Her mum is slightly more well off (upper working) but both parents kept their money troubles to themselves.

Favourites

What is their favourite animal? Snakes

Which animal do they dislike the most? Wasps

What place would they most like to visit? Havana, Cuba due to all the music that has originated there.

What is their favourite song? We’re going to be friends - the white stripes

Music, art, reading preferred? Music

What is their favourite colour? Green

What is their password? Chrysanth3mum

Favourite food: Bolognese but the pasta separate.

Who is their favourite artist? The Crane Wives

Possessions

What is on their bedside table? (Kubrick was obsessed with bedside tables, he thought they spoke the truth about an individual). Three books: one on music theory, Percy Jackson but she’s barely got through it, and one on gardening. A bedside lamp. A mug. Her glasses. A spray. A hat. Sweet wrappers. A pen and pencil. Her journal, open.

What is in their bin? A years worth of receipts after she finally emptied her wallet. Seed packets. Tissues.

What is in their purse or wallet? Lots of receipts and business cards. A few bank cards. Lots of change but no notes.

What is in their pockets? Her phone and earplugs. Her jacket pockets are stuffed: rocks and shells she likes, seed packets, tissues, gloves, various bits of rubbish she has picked up, pens, a tiny notebook

What is their most treasured possession? Her hardrive

Spirituality

Do they believe in the afterlife? She hopes is doesn’t exist - the idea of still being alive after you die is horrifying

What are their religious views? She was into all the spiritual wiccan things at one point but fell out of it during her last depression spell. She still uses crystals and tarot cards though.

What do they think heaven is? Heaven is in the moments of bliss

What do they think hell is? The world we are currently living in

Are they superstitious? She thinks other things are out there and around us but she isn’t scared of that. She likes to leave apples outside for the ghosts and fae

How would they like to die? Either by her own hand (again, depressed) or drowning. Old age would also be nice.

What is their zodiac sign? Taurus

Values

What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? Not listen to them

When did they last lie? ‘No, its fine’ - when asked if they wanted to talk about what he did

What’s their view of lying? Lying is bad, it’s just really confusing. That being said, she is okay with it when you are doing so to protect yourself

When did they last make a promise? They don’t make promises

Daily life

What are their eating habits? They won’t eat things if they are in the wrong order. Eating is boring so she wont do it unless she is actually hungry. She has lots of ‘bad’ foods - tomatoes (puree is okay), cucumber, bananas, mushrooms, dates, oranges (orange juice is okay). Fizzy drinks. ARFID

Do they have any allergies? no

Are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder? Hoarder. Everything looks like a mess but it all has a reason for being where it is.

What do they do first thing on a weekday morning? Clean teeth, shower, water, food, pack bag, get dressed, clean teeth, check the lights and plugs, college.

What do they do on a Sunday afternoon? Edit and then do some gardening

What do they do on a Friday night? Make pizza and play minecraft and drink

What is the soft drink of choice? She doesn’t like fizzy drinks. She will have ribeena

What is their alcoholic drink of choice? Blackberry liquor that her mum makes for social drinking. She has a habit of getting very drunk with vodka and smoking to dull her mind

Miscellaneous

Who is their hero? Elton John

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? She doesn’t celebrate halloween and instead tries to do Samhain rituals.

Are they comfortable with technology? Yes but she does tape over her camera and is always using a vpn

If they could call one person for help, who would it be? Taylor

What is their greatest regret? That they didn’t say no enough. Thinks about the butterfly effect constantly though so wouldn’t change anything in her past if she could.

What would they do if they won the lottery? Split the money between her, her sister, her mum and a little tiny bit for her dad so he doesn’t hate her. She would set up her own music label and get a farm but almost the rest of it will be for setting up charities/donating. She wants one charity for helping victims of abuse, another to go to an orphanage, and then to alazhiemers and autism charities.

What is their favourite fairytale? Snow white and rose red

Do they believe in happy endings? No

What is their idea of perfect happiness? Sat on her farm, her music playing softly in the background, many cats and goats and chickens, and a bowl of soup.

If your character could travel through time, where would they go? They would stay right where they are. Although, she would quite like to tell the guy that came up with autism to not be a sexist twat.

What sport do they excel at? They are weirdly good at golf but don’t like it as it is such an unnecessary use of green space

What sport do they suck at? Frisby

If they could have a superpower, what would they choose? Invisibility or the power to change chances

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malloryslourd · 5 years

Text

The Coven As YouTubers

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Warnings: Some Strong Language

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A/N: these aren't request but i did get hit with a sudden little inspo and i needed to write it before it went away

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Cordelia Goode

Queenie and Coco convince Cordelia to make a YouTube channel as joke at first but Cordelia actually ends up using it seriously

she makes educational videos for witches/warlocks that may not have access to a school or good sources

she uploads at least once a week and has almost a million subscribers in absolutely no time

a portion of her followers aren't witches just people who are curious about what it's like to be a witch and enjoy her videos

Zoe convinces her to do Q&A's to just go the extra mile with help

on top of the Q&A's she'll host a few live-streams to answer questions and show what the coven is like

she loves to know she's helping the community- and even people outside of the community- in a positive way and she loves all the supportive messages she gets

she also looked into doing history lessons and debunking myths seeing as those are a little more fun than her usual videos

Misty Day

at first Misty wasn't going to make videos and upload on her channel

she mostly used YouTube to listen to Fleetwood Mac and watch everyone else's videos

someone suggested she make a music review as a joke and she ran with it

her subscribers watch her weekly video analyzing Fleetwood Mac songs and they love it- they loved it even more when Stevie made an appearance

every now and again she branches off and does some wacky videos with the other girls

her, Coco, and Mallory make collaboration videos of them doing stupid shit in the greenhouse

fans make compilations like "Cordelia yelling at Misty, Coco, and Mallory for five minutes straight" or "Misty and Madison about to throw hands for three minutes"

Zoe Benson

Zoe 100% vlogs life in the coven and it's a hit

along with that she kinda does things similar to Cordelia where she educates and does history lessons but only every now and again

she posts a video every weekend of everything that had a week

her titles are some variant of "Vlog #54: The Vlog Where Coco Set The Kitchen On Fire" or "Vlog #60: The Vlog Where Cordelia Disowned All Of Us"

all the girls make an appearance in her videos and everyone lives for it

she edits her video very Antonio Garza style with white lowercase text, zooms, funny stock music, and various filters and distortions- if someone says something stupid she'll zoom in on her face with Jeopardy music and text like "is this bitch for real?"

she interacts with fans a lot and has a lot of fun with her channel and there's been more than a few time where viewers have made an appearance in her videos

she'll sometimes make appearances in Queenie, Coco, and Mallory's live-streams

Madison Montgomery

Madi is a fashion vlogger, beauty guru, lifestyle vlogger, and even more in one

she makes videos like "My June Favorites And Why You NEED These In Your Life"

she has a series called "Madison Judges Your Life" where she reads fans' submissions and critiques their living styles and give them tips for better living

it isn't as hateful as you think it would be surprisingly

she does story times where she exposes everyone in the coven- she once told a story about them all going out and getting drunk and when the girls saw it they all almost died out of embarrassment

she goes live all the time to show off her life

she has the MOST fan-pages out of everyone and doesn't fail the mention it at every chance

one of her most viewed videos is titled "i'm over these hoes" and it's 25 minutes long, the thumbnail is her wearing sunglasses inside for some reason while drinking a daiquiri, and she just rants about people she hates and why they suck

Queenie

Queenie is one of the brightest, best personalities on YouTube

she's loved by all and has never been dragged into any type of drama ever (not that any of the other girls have either... yet)

she does a few vlogs here and there but mainly she does just crazy videos and is very similar to a Jenna Marbles style only she gets the other girls involved with her antics

she takes suggestions from her subscribers for what her next video should be and they do not fail her

Coco and Mallory are guest starring the most but every now and again the other girls will make brief appearances or do a video with her

as a joke she suggested that her, Coco, and Mallory start a Minecraft server and within a week's time they were doing their first live

they do those at least once a week or every other eeek and sometimes they can get Zoe to play with them

Coco St. Pierre Vanderbilt

Coco sticks to mainly vlogs and she's great at it but goddamn are they chaotic

she usually starts the vlog in some crazy angle with her like half hanging off of some piece of furniture in a fur coat and in Gucci sunglasses

her editing style is literally just throwing clips together but it works???

the amount of times that she'll be videoing something and someone yells "COCO STOP FILMING EVERYTHING" happens too many times to count in just ONE video

she gets videos like "coco st. pierre vanderbilt as the signs" or "coco st. pierre being relatable for ten minutes straight" or "coco being a trust fund baby" made about her and they're great

she's absolutely hilarious on the Minecraft streams

Queenie has to teach her how to play and it took three streams for her to learn how to play

she accidentally hit Mallory once and cried because Mallory's 800 dogs started attacking her

falls for the stupid messages in her live chat

Mallory

Mallory runs the sweetest most light hearted YouTube channel ever

she does plant videos and shows off her being a plant mom to all of her subscribers and she's proud of each and everyone of her tiny plants in the greenhouse

her and Coco do videos together about literally anything and everything as long as they're having fun

they do challenge videos and it's them crying laughing for half of the video

she can't edit so Zoe edits for her and she edits almost identically to hers so during these instances where her and Coco are just being stupid Zoe will do the zoom thing

there's a video Zoe made of just Mallory making snorting noises while laughing and she just zooms in on Mal's face and Coco's reaction and she's gonna post it on Mallory's birthday

on the Minecraft server she tames every wolf and cat she comes across and lives in the Flower Forest Biome and has about 20 horses and EVERYTHING is named

"Guys look I got another dog" "ANOTHER ONE" "NO"

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official-mr-saxobeat · 5 years

Text

N e way it has been 728 days since I last saw/had any communication from my older brother (and longer for my little brother, but I don't know the exact date bc I wasn't fucking PAYING ATTENTION.)

And you know what? I remember the day. 7-14-17. He told me he'd text me the next day and see me the next week. You wanna know how many times he's contacted me? Zero. He's also blocked me. All because his fucking CUNT parents (can you say: DIS-GUS-TENG) decided for some fucking UNKNOWN reason that our mom, sister, and I needed to be cut off completely. Literal family, disowned with absolutely no explanation. He and I were closer than ANYONE and ALWAYS told each other we were more important than anyone else to each other. He has had so, so many opportunities to contact me. Literally just sending a fucking letter could've worked. Just, "Hey, it's Tyler. Simon and I are ok. We miss you a ton. Don't send anything back." But would you guess what? Nope. Nothing. One of his friends said that he misses me, and is apparently going to text me once he's 18. But a mutual friend of ours (who's closer to him than the other one) said more recently that he hates me now! Neat. Great. Good. Wonderful. Our sister lived in a much, MUCH more dangerous house than his, and yet wouldn't you know it! She has contacted me every single time she's had the opportunity, and risked a lot for it too. Even if she couldn't carry on a conversation, she'd let me know that she was at least safe or ok. And wow! Now that she has a phone again, she texts me all the time! Almost like...if you put in the effort to contact someone you care about, you absolutely can! She's planning to drive down and visit me! (If you're reading this Pauline I love you SO HECKING MUCH HOE ASS HOE!!!!)

I even believe that our little brother would have contacted me if he knew how. He was fucking six the last time I saw him. He's turning nine this August. Of COURSE he can't contact me, he doesn't have a phone or know my address to send a letter.

Anyway. I don't know if I'll ever hear from him again. Lots of people have told me to just give up.

....

Don't they get it...? I can't ever give up. He was my everything. Absolutely everything to me. He was there, always, no matter what.

He has no idea how many times I've cried, sobbed myself to sleep over losing him. He has no idea how much sleep I've lost over him, whether it be from nightmares where he finds me and tells me he hates me and hopes I kill myself, or from not being able to sleep because I had an unexplainable feeling that he might, just maybe, come see me, and I didn't want to go to sleep for fear of not hearing a knock or the doorbell. I'd already gone through that with our sister. He has no idea how many times I've come so, so close to just texting him, telling him how much I miss him, telling him I've changed, how much I wish he'd come back. How much I wish I could just hear his voice. See his face. Hear his laugh.

I don't know what I did. I have absolutely no clue. Neither does Pauline. Or our mom. Not an inkling. I found a letter the other day from them when I was going through boxes. A birthday card. There were long messages from both of them (the cunts) inside, telling me how much they loved me, how proud they were of me and the young man I was growing into, how much they loved having me as a part of their family, etc, etc. Who knew that in less than a year and a half from then, they'd be telling me I shouldn't ever ask about going on a family trip to the beach. But not for the same reason it used to be. It used to be, "Don't ever ask if you can come with us on a family trip, you're OBVIOUSLY coming! Why wouldn't you? You are family, after all!"

Then it was, "You're so selfish. Don't EVER ask something like that. Why would you think you could just invite yourself on a trip with us? How DARE you be so disrespectful!? You should be ashamed of yourself."

I hadn't even asked to go. I had been on every single beach trip EVER with them. They were family, after all. Tyler told me they were going to Santa Monica and asked if I was coming. I said no. I hadn't even known anything about it. So I texted CUNT BITCH (CB) and she didn't respond. All I said was, "Hey, Tyler told me you're going on a beach trip on Monday and Tuesday, did you forget to invite me or should I just not come?"

She didn't respond for over four hours. Which was really fucking weird. Because she always responded to me. So I texted again. "It's totally fine if I can't come, I'd just appreciate it if you could tell me instead of leaving me on read please."

Wow! Would you guess what. CUNT FUCK (CF) (her husband) texted me ALMOST IMMEDIATELY from her phone. The message read something like (I don't have the original texts anymore),

"How could you be so selfish. Inviting yourself on a trip that's for FAMILY ONLY. (Insert rant about how I'm a terrible person and caused CB to have a "panic attack") (and yes, I know putting panic attack in quotations seems really bad, but she faked panic attacks the entire time I knew her, aka my whole life. And they got SO much worse in those last couple months.) You hurt CB so much. You know how much she cares about you, and yet you accused her of ignoring you. How could you. I'm disappointed in the amount of disrespect you are showing right now." (Side note, I went over to his house back in June, CB opened the door, didn't recognize me at first, then said, "Nope, get out!" And slammed the door in my face.)

Tyler came over the next day, we hung out, he left. When he hugged me goodbye he said he'd talk to his parents about bringing me on the beach trip, he didn't know why they hadn't asked me.

And that was the last I heard from him. Friday, July fourteenth, 2017. Never again. I don't know if he hates me. But it certainly seems like he does.

I don't know, maybe one day he'll contact me again. Maybe he won't. Maybe I'll live the rest of my life wondering what I did and why he and his parents hate me. Maybe he will contact me, just to tell me what a terrible person I am and how glad he is he was separated from me.

I don't know.

I just want to talk to him again. I want to tell him how sorry I am for being a bossy prick. For beating him up when we were little (but I mean we're fucking brothers, and that's just what we fucking did back then). For not being there on his 14th birthday. For getting angry when he won games. For being angsty all the time when I was older. For lecturing him about Homestuck all the time. For being in the hospital so much when I was younger (see: being angsty all the time). For spending more time with s/o's than him sometimes. For waking him up at 0100 in the morning in 7th grade. For being so flamboyant about my sexuality for a few years (god, that was bad). For saying TRIGGERED every two seconds. For hurting myself even after I promised I wouldn't. For not being good enough at the piano to play the Animal Crossing: City Folk museum theme with him. For not waking up early when he was over. For not making enough (or good enough) homemade gifts for him. For not having enough random gift days. For not listening to him when he said things I was doing were edgy. For making him listen to annoying music.

For not being a good enough brother.

I miss him so much. I miss Simon so much. I miss Pauline so much too, obviously, but it's different because I've been able to talk with her all the time. I know she loves and misses me. I also have a feeling that Simon loves and misses me too. He always liked/loved me more than anyone else. He hated his parents. He told me so. I was the only one that respected him. I feel like no matter the amount of brainwashing his parents did to him, he'd know the truth. I just hope he knows I didn't abandon him. That I love him so much. And that it hurts so, so much, every day. And especially on Christmas and his birthday. And Halloween. We loved Halloween.

It's 0606 now. There's 41 hours and 54 minutes until it's been two whole years.

I wonder if he remembers the day...?

I don't know.

I wonder if he'll read this one day. Probably not. But if he does I hope he knows how much I love him and how much I miss him and how much I miss our driveway talks in the middle of the night and Mario kart races and pool games and water pool games and snowmen and sledding and writing stories together and drawing maps together and listening to pop songs while making fun of them and playing the undertale song game and playing minecraft and watching markiplier and fighting and cheating at board games in each other's favor and sorting candy after Halloween and collecting shit money from a camel in that Indiana Jones lego Wii game and making characters in that star wars lego Wii game and screaming badgers at the top of our lungs and spinning in circles to the hamster dance and walking home from elementary school and learning Japanese and OPERATIONTWENTYFOURHUNDRED and Sliced and making house tour videos and other fucking stupid home videos and building legos and rebuilding legos bc of simon and REREBUILDING LEGOS BC OF SIMON and planning midnight snacks that never happened and going to the waterpark and going to the park and finally being allowed to go places on our own and practicing singing to you and seeing you at all my concerts and playing Kirby's Return to Dreamland to 100% together and making really disgusting food creations when we were really little and playing with your hotwheels and cleaning my (DIS-GUS-TENG) room together and having random gift days and all your birthdays and all my birthdays and your AMAZING peanut butter fudge banana smoothie (which I,,, still have yet to perfect) and you being absolutely blunt and truthful towards me (except about my drawing skills/drawings which you absolutely loved even though they were terrible) and going through the undertale files to try and hack the end credits so we could get through the mysterious door and having tea parties together with that FUCKING TINY tea set (I have a big one now though) and giving you fashion shows with fucking stupid clothes that were really bad and playing Wii ski together and Super Mario Galaxy together while you were Mario and I froze enemies and collected stars and playing HMTOT and playing Animal Crossing and you selling everything you caught and all your furniture (besides mario stuff, obviously) so I could buy the Gracie Grace stuff (god, I was a cunt) and EOU (YOU'RE AS BLIND AS A WORM) and essentially having our own language and reading jack and annie books when we were really little and just. There's 20,000 more things plus some but I could never list them all. Everything we've ever done together I miss.

I don't know your views on a lot of things now. I don't know what you think about gay people. I've heard that you've called me they instead of he ever since we stopped talking. That's understandable, though. I dressed like a girl and wore makeup and stuff. I was confused. I thought that's what you were supposed to do, as a gay dude. Obviously not. I'm way less out there about my sexuality now. It's not something I talk about. It's not my whole fucking personality anymore. Which is really good.

I've changed so much since I last talked to you. I'm not edgy anymore. I fucking finally hit puberty (GODDAMN IT WAS FUCKING LATE) and my voice is really deep and I've been growing quite a bit of facial hair, which is nice. I don't look like a fucking girl anymore because I stopped dressing like one and wearing makeup and stuff. I realized that being mistaken for a girl felt like shit and tumblr was shit for encouraging that, just because I'm gay. I haven't hurt myself since September 4th, 2017. So that's also good. I've seen the bad things in mom that I couldn't see before. (Even though there's literally. Nothing that should have made your fucking cunt mother and father disown Pauline and mom and I.) I've made more friends and lost a lot too. I've done more writing, but nothing too edgy. I got my shit together in school and I'm going to CCCC starting in the fall. I almost have my driver's license. One of my best friend's moms is the manager at Starbucks and I talked to her about hiring me, so I'm getting a job soon, too. I started learning the piano again, for the first time in 12 years. Since the last time your mom taught it to me. I started cooking more, and have made some pretty amazing dishes, if I do say so myself. Mom and I sent you and Simon birthday and Christmas presents every year. They always were sent back. Except for your 16th birthday. I bought you a pineapple pizza club pin and an orange dad hat with an orange on it. Those are the only things that ever haven't been sent back. I sent a note with them too. Did you read it? I hope so.

I brag about you all the time. Mostly about how smart you are. "My brother essentially taught himself pre-calculus in 10th grade, and STILL passed the class," I say. I then go on to explain that you were homeschooled and your math teacher almost never showed up to the online classes.

I've wondered often about what college you're going to go to, or even if you are going. We used to plan to go to one together. I can't even remember what I wanted as a career the last time we talked. I remember that you had no idea, though. I remember you being really good at coding. Maybe you're majoring in computer sciences? I don't know.

I really miss you a ton. Before she kicked me out, mom used to encourage me to send you a letter. I never did. I was scared. Scared of getting a letter back like the one I sent to Simon on his eighth birthday, or the Christmas package we sent in 2017. Both came back to our house with "RETURN TO SENDER!!!!!!!" written in thick black sharpie on the front. Even worse, I imagined a letter back in your handwriting. I would've been so, so ecstatic. Beyond thrilled. Then upon opening it, finding a handwritten letter from you saying that you never wanted to hear from me again and that you hated me.

It was selfish of me. To not send you a letter. I'm sorry. I texted you twice. You blocked me the second time. It was too scary to me. I should've been brave. For you. Just so you knew I was thinking of you. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I miss you so much.

After I moved back to our hometown, I thought about going to your house. I texted one of your friends. He said that he could text you for me. He said that you said you miss me. And that you'd text me as soon as you turned 18. Tyler, you don't even know my number. I don't know if the guy was lying or not, but I don't think so. He doesn't seem like the type. He said that you wouldn't have him communicate for us. I don't know why.

I don't know why your parents hate me. I don't know what I did. For the longest time, my therapist and mom and Pauline told me that I didn't do anything, it had to have been something between mom and your mom. I didn't believe that at all. If it was just mom, why did they cut Pauline and I off...? But eventually I started to believe them. That was clearly a mistake, seeing how your mom treated me when I saw her. I wonder if she told you about that. She literally slammed the door in my face. In her own son's face. Who she always told would always have a home with her. Who she always told would always have a place in her heart, no matter what happened between mom and her. So clearly I did do something. I have no idea what. Could it really be that I asked about if I had been forgotten for a trip...? Was 15 years of raising a child completely disregarded because I was curious and confused? Again, I have no clue. I doubt I ever will. But if that is the case. If that's why specifically /I/ was cut off (because I know there was something else between mom and your mom that she literally never explained. Literally all mom and Pauline and I know is that apparently mom was "abusive" for years towards your mom, despite nobody ever seeing it, her never mentioning it before I went to Oak Grove, and her saying that she "knew it happened, but didn't know what it was"), then I doubt that your parents ever really loved me. If a simple question erases a lifetime of care and love and bonds and family, then all of those things were never really there.

It's 0737. Yeah, I still use military time. Also, I wanted to do a speech (in my speech class) on why a time system based on 10's would be better for the world. Remember? You wanted that. I couldn't remember the details, though. Anyway. It's 0738. There's 40 hours and 22 minutes until it's been two years since I've seen you.

I often wonder if you think about me. I think about you all the time. Have I faded from your memory? What am I to you now? Am I your brother, your closest confidant, your best friend, and your <>? Am I nothing? Just a faint thought, a distant memory? Or am I your worst enemy? Have your parents convicted you that I'm a horrible person? I desperately hope not. I hope you remember everything. And I hope that you realize that it's been a long time, and we both have matured a ton. Going from an edgy 10th grader who thinks dressing like a girl, screaming "GAY," and looking up undertale AU's are the coolest things ever to a college freshman who finally realized that sexuality shouldn't be a personality trait, being an edgy cunt isn't cool, and responsibilities are actually important is a big difference. I'm sure you've had some huge changes too. You're almost 18. As of today, there's 2 months and 2 days until your birthday. I've been waiting for it for so, so long. An eternity, it feels like. I'm so scared. I don't know if you hate me or not. I'm going to text you. I'm not sure on what, but something. I'll tell you happy birthday. Just so you know how to contact me in case you want to talk. I have no idea if you'll just block me right off the bat. I'm hoping so, so much that Nathanael wasn't saying you hate me.

It's 0756. There's 40 hours and 4 minutes until it's been two years since I've seen you. Error 404 means...something not found, right? I don't know. It doesn't matter.

I miss you. I love you.

Please come back soon.

- E. Nikolas B.

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x-oc-blog-x · 4 years

Text

Prompt Writing: Truth (#2)

(Takes place right after Oliver gets kicked out at 18. Jack is taking Oliver to the park to help calm down. The story where Oliver gets kicked out is titled “Promt Writing: Coming Out)(TW: f slur)

Prompt from @your-writing-prompts

“Can you fill the silence?”

Pairing: Oliver Asman and Jackson Canmore.

Oliver’s POV

We enter the park and we end up walking on the trail. While we were walking, I asked jack, “can you fill the silence?” We walked a few steps before he spoke up. It was awkward, but I can’t do the quiet.

“Are you feeling a bit better Oli?” He asks me.

“Everything hurts. I thought they loved me Jack.” I respond.

“Is there anything I could do to help?” He asks. There is. Just to hold me. But I can’t ask for that.

I just shake my head. “I’m sorry. I probably ruined your day.” I tell him. He stops us walking and wraps his arms around me.

“Quit that shit. You’re my best friend. I’m not gonna let you be homeless. I’m glad I could just get you away from there before anything else happened.” He tells me. I just break down onto his shoulder. He stays there.

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to hold me.” I tell him. He looks at me.

“You don’t want me to I won’t. But I know you’re hurting. And I don’t mind hugs from friends. It’s normal.” He says. I lean back into him. “It going to be okay Oli. We are gonna figure it all out. I’m here for you man.”

We stand there for a while and just hold each other. As friends. That’s what’s it’s always been.

But as much as I want us to be something right now, I don’t want to think about being in a relationship. I’m so ashamed of who I am. I’m a boy. I want to be with a boy. I feel like garbage. So maybe not anytime soon.

We eventually head back to his house. He agrees to watch a movie or play video games before going to bed. We watch them in his room. I end up falling asleep on the floor.

————

Jacks POV

As Oliver sleeps, I get lost in thought. I feel so bad for Oli. He didn’t have the support from his parents that my mom gave to me when I came out as gay. My mom was so supportive and she only loved me more for being confident in myself. Oli didn’t get that. He got abused. He got abandoned. And he doesn’t deserve that.

Oliver and I have been friends for a long time. And I’ve liked him since I healed from my last breakup with Liam. Oli was there for me. And I’ve loved him ever since. And I’m trying my best to keep that to myself. Especially now. He is hurting. And I don’t think he wants to think about relationships during this bullshit. I’m trying to be a good friend. And not think about relationships either.

I turn off the tv, get him a blanket and pillow, and then turn off the light. I climb into my bed and close my eyes.

“I love you, Jack.” I hear a mumble in the dark.

“What?”

“I love you” Oli says in his sleep.

Oh my god. It’s both hilarious that he would dream of me, but at the same time, he is confessing love to me in his dream?

I smile a bit as I go to sleep

—.—.—.

I wake up and Oli is awake playing Minecraft. When he hears me wake up, he pauses the game.

“Im sorry. I didn’t think you’d mind me playing.” He says. I smile at him.

“You’re good dude. I don’t care.” I say.

“Do you want to play?” He asks. I shake my head.

“Maybe after breakfast.” I say. He continues playing.

“So um.. Oli. Are you aware you talk in your sleep?” I ask after a moment of silence. I want to tell him.

“What?”

“You talk in your sleep. You were talking last night.”

“Jack what did I say?” He says, pausing the game again.

“I’m not sure you’d want me to say” I tell him, laughing a bit at how serious he got.

“Jack tell me.” He says.

“You’re gonna be awkward and be blushing. Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He says.

“You told me you loved me.” I said and his face flushed. It’s so red.

“I what.”

“You told me you loved me.” I said.

“I- I’m sorry.” He says. “I didn’t know and-and-“

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Just, is it true? Do you like me Oli?”

He stumbles on syllables of words he can’t speak.

“Look. If you do or don’t, that doesn’t change anything between us. We don’t have to date if you do. Nothing has to change. We are friends.”

“Well do you like me?” He asks back. I feel my face get red. “Because I am in a really conflicted place right now. And, if you did, I-I would like to date, I I can’t. And I- I-“ he says nervously. His hands cover his face.

“I do like you Oli. But if you don’t feel comfortable right now then don’t worry about it. I can’t say I know what kind of hurt you are feeling, but I understand that if you are feeling bad about who you are, you don’t need to worry about dating anyone.” I say. He relaxes a bit.

“Jack I really like you. I do. But right now I feel like I could just die. I feel like I am what my dad said I was. I feel like I deserve to burn in hell. I don’t want to hurt anyone feeling like this. If I can’t be confident in who I am, how can anyone else be confident in me?”

“Well, I don’t want you to die. You aren’t going to burn in hell. And your dad, I know you love him, but he can fuck himself. To do that to his own flesh and blood? Nah. You’re one of the most kind and supportive people I know. And you deserve to be confident in yourself. I am confident that you’ll be okay one day.” I tell him. He comes up to me and hugs me.

“I’m sorry.” He says. He’s crying.

“Don’t be. It’s okay” I say. I hug him back. We both are standing. I rub my hand on his back. He just cries onto my shoulder.

When he is done, he pulls away from me. His face is red and his eyes puffy.

“I know this is gonna sound stupid, I’m sorry, but, is it okay if we hug, and hold hands, and that. Like a couple would, even though we aren’t dating?”

“That’s fine” I tell him. His shoulders relax after I answer. “Let’s go get some breakfast.” I say and we walk downstairs.

“Good morning boys!” Mom says to us.

“Morning.” We say.

“Pancakes?” She offers. We grab plates and get food. We all sit at the table. It’s an awkward silence as we eat. As Oliver gets up from the table to collect the plates, mom says to him “I called your mom. She said you can come get tour stuff whenever. So whenever you’re ready.” She says. She makes her way to the living room. Oli starts washing.

“Are you actually okay?” I ask him.

“I don’t want to confront my dad. I don’t want to go home. I just want my stuff.” He says.

“What if I went with you?”

“Jack I couldn’t ask that of you.”

“Seriously. I would go in with you and help get your stuff. And if your dad says anything, I’ll defend you. You don’t even have to look at him. I’ve got you.”

“Are you sure jack?” He asks. “What if he hurts you?”

“Then my mom will get involved. And the police.”

“Okay.” He responds. “Can we just get this over with then?” He asks. I nod. I tell my mom we are ready to go now. She grabs her keys. We are in the car and driving to his house when I notice him starting to shake. I place my hand on top of his as it rests on the seat. He looks up at me. I give him a smile.

We pull up to his house and we knock. His mother opens the door looking disappointed. We walk past her and up to his room.

I hear his dad shout, “Cassie! Who’s at the door?”

“Oliver is getting his stuff from his room.” I hear his mom yell back. There is silence before I hear footsteps on the stairs.

“Jack...” he says panicked.

“It’s okay. Keep packing.” I tell him. His dad stands in the doorway to his room.

“I thought I told you to leave Oliver.” He says. Oli just just looks at him.

“Mr. Asman. We are just getting his stuff and we will be leaving.” I tell him.

“You’re having this boy speak for you. Is he like you? Another abomination? You’re going to burn in hell too.” He says pointing at me.

“My sexual orientation does not matter. I’m just a friend of Oliver’s. He needed help carrying his stuff.” I say. Oliver looks sick. His face is ghost white. He’s shaking.

“Get the hell out.” Mr. Asman says to me.

“When we get done packing we will leave. Until then, I’m going to stand right... here” I say as I plant my foot in front of him.

“You can’t stop me from making him leave. I could throw both of you out of here with my bare hands.”

“If you touch me, my mother is outside. She will be informed, and she will call the police and I will charge you with assault. And if you touch Oli, I will call the police and charge you with domestic assault and abuse.” I tel him matter of factly.

He steps back from me with an angry look on his face. He goes back down the stairs. I kneel beside Oli.

“You okay?” I ask him.

“I’m scared.” He says.

“Let’s finish packing and we can get out of here.” I say. We pack the last few things. I grab some bags and we walk past both of his parents and to the front door.

“Where are you going Oliver?” I hear a young boys voice ask. I turn around and see Joel. He’s holding a fire truck in one hand and a dinosaur in the other. Oliver turns around a tear rolls down his cheek.

“I have to leave Joel.”

“Where are you going?” He asks, walking up to Oli. Oli sets his bags down and gives Joel a hug.

“I have to go away for a bit Joel. I’ll come back one day okay?”

“Okay. I love you Oliver.” He says, wrapping his arms around him.

“I love you too. Hey. Can you remember something for me?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t be afraid to be yourself Joel. You are the only you that will ever exist. And you’re amazing. And if you ever need anything, just call me. I love you” Oli says. They quit hugging and we finish walking out the door. We pack up the trunk of the car and we get in the back seat.

“Everything alright?” Mom asks us.

“No one is physically hurt. I’m sorry Oli.” I say. He wipes some tears from his face.

“I’ll be okay.” He says. Mom starts driving.

Once we get to the house, I help Oli unpack the rest of his stuff the final thing we do is hang up posters. Once we are done those, we sit on the edge of the bed. It’s a little after 3.

Oli awkwardly puts his head on my shoulder and we sit in silence for a bit.

“Jack. Do you actually like me? Honestly?”

“I really do like you Oli.” I tell him.

“Because, I know what I said this morning. But I just told Joel what I did. And I am the only me that is ever going to exist. And I need to be proud of that. I can’t change who I am. And I shouldn’t have to. So. If you want to date, we can. Because I am going to better. I am pansexual. And I’m not ashamed of that.”

“I do want to date. But if you are ever unsure, uncomfortable, or don’t feel well about us, just tell me. I won’t be mad. I won’t be upset with you. I’ll understand. Okay?”

“Okay.” He says. “So we’re boyfriends.”

“Yeah.” I say. I hold his hand as he lifts his head from my shoulder. He smiles a bit.

To be continued

#oliver #jack #oc #story #lgbt #gay #pansexual #writing #oliver and jack #fiction #part 2

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g-richm · 6 years

Text

A Moving Tribute to Net Neutrality by me with regards to don mclean

A long long time ago

I can still remember how

Those memes used to make me smile

And I knew if I had my chance

That I could make those people laugh

And maybe they'd be happy for a while

But November made me shiver

With every trump quote id read

Bad news on the doorstep

I couldn't take one more step

I can't remember if I cried

When I read about Ajeet Pijet

Something touched me deep inside

The day the internet died

Bye, bye, my browser and I

Drove my browser to the youtube but I can’t watch videos since im poor

And them good ole boys were remembering Pepe and Dogge

Singin' this'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die

Did you write Wikipedia

And do you have faith in Dogge above

If the Memble tells you so?

Do you believe in cat videos?

Can memes save your mortal soul?

And can you teach me how handle loading real slow?

I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck

With a wifi connection and no friends

But I knew I was out of luck

The day the internet died

I started singin'

Bye, bye my browser and I

Drove my browser to the youtube but I can’t watch videos since im poor

And them good ole boys were remembering Pepe and Dogge

Singin' this'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die

When the movies were found on sketchy sites for free

Buying coats worn by Pewdipie

And a voice that came from you and me

Oh and while the public was looking down

Trump stole the internet

The courtroom was adjourned

Turns out this is constitutional

And while we made memes on Marx

The people wrote socially aware hashtags on the twitter

And we sang parody songs in the dark

The day the internet died

We were singin'

Bye, bye my browser and I

Drove my browser to the youtube but I can’t watch videos since im poor

And them good ole boys were remembering Pepe and Dogge

Singin' this'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die

h, and there we were all in one place

A generation lost in cyberspace

With no time left to start again

So come on Jack be nimble, Jack be quick

Jack Flash sat on a candlestick

'Cause fire is the devil's only friend

Oh and as I watched Trump on the stage

My hands were clenched in fists of rage

No angel born in Hell

Could break that Satan's spell

And as the flames climbed high into the night

To light the sacrificial rite

I saw Satan laughing with delight

The day the internet died

He was singin'

Bye, bye my browser and I

Drove my browser to the youtube but I can’t watch videos since im poor

And them good ole boys were remembering Pepe and Dogge

Singin' this'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die

I met a girl who sang the blues

And I asked her for some happy news

But she just cried cause she can’t get famous on youtube

I went down to the reddit site

Where I'd seen the memes there years before

But the man there said the memes wouldn’t post

And in the streets the children screamed because they no longer had Minecraft

The fandoms cried, and the fanfic writers dreamed

But not a word was spoken

The twitterverse was broken

And the three men I admire most

The Orang, Chewbacca mom, and Meme Man

They caught the byte before it was expensive

The day the internet died

And they were singing

Bye, bye my browser and I

Drove my browser to the youtube but I can’t watch videos since im poor

And them good ole boys were remembering Pepe and Dogge

Singin' this'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die

#net neutrality #im crying #goodnight sweet prince

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twobrokewriters · 7 years

Text

YOI Youtube gamer AU: Level Up! (Chapter 1)

Written by: Admin Sunny

Description: Yuuri Katsuki, or KatsudoneWithIt on Youtube, is feeling self-conscious about his channel. He wants to be more like his idol and crush, the wildly popular xViktoriousx. But it’s at his best friend and fellow Youtuber Phichit’s party that something happens that changes everything for both Yuuri and Viktor....

Warnings: Uh....I don’t know? Inconsistent chapter lengths? If I end up thinking of any to put I’ll go back and put them here.

I don’t own Yuri on Ice, I just wrote this for fun. I’ll post new chapters whenever possible.

--------------------------------------------------

1: Yuuri Katsuki

If you’ve ever had a celebrity crush of any kind, you know exactly how I felt about xViktoriousx. Who’s he? Only the best, the cutest, the funniest, most amazing Youtuber on the planet! He deserves every single one of those 18, almost 19 million subscribers he’s got- none more loyal of a subscriber than me, his number one fan, KatsudoneWithIt! To put it lightly I was absolutely in love with him. I knew that Viktor Nikiforov was hopelessly out of my league...but a boy can dream, right??

Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov. That’s the name I always liked to write with a heart, just doodling on some scrap paper, while watching his videos. It sounds bad, but it’s true: My heart would always do little flips whenever I took out my phone and the notification said something like, “xViktoriousx is livestreaming: Portal 2 Speedrun! … What is sleep anyway?!?!!?” It was just...everything about him. His eyes, his cute accent, his absolutely perfect face and body, his silvery, shiny hair, and especially the way he just was in videos! I absolutely adored it whenever Viktor would do things like throw a bunny slipper at the screen when some NPC in the game critiqued his character’s outfit (“You’re one to talk, you’re wearing the same sweater as me! AARGH! AARGH! *slowed-down AARGH!*”) or waving his copy of Dalmatians 3 in front of his dog, pretending to try and get Makkachin to chew on it, and him dubbing over the dog saying in a hilarious voice, “Are you kidding me with this crap I’m on a strict diet, I’m only supposed to eat rubbish once a month and I already knocked over the kitchen trash bin last week ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME FAT VIKTOR????” (Which, by the way, when I watched that episode at about 2 in the morning, I laughed so hard I accidentally woke up Mari. She wasn’t amused at all, of course- even when I showed her the video I was laughing at! No sense of humor, some people…)

That's the kind of thing I wish I could do. I do already have a decent number of subscribers- about 7,000 right now- but I'm not even close to being in the same ballpark as Viktor. My gaming channel is...pathetic. I get really nervous before recording, and I can't even bring myself to do a face cam! I mean, why would my fans want to look at my big, fat, ugly face while I was rambling about Minecraft, or trying to talk about Borderlands 2?

··········

“I just don't understand it, Minako,” I sighed, looking at my subscriber count on YouTube. “Why are all these people subscribed to me? I'm over here like ‘Hey guyyyyys it's KatsudoneWithIt here…’”

“They just love your content!” she cheered on the other end of the phone. “Yuuko already tried to tell you this- you're selling yourself short. You deserve those subscribers! You make great videos!”

“But… I just feel like they're so lifeless and bland!” I exclaimed. “Why can't I be more like xViktoriousx???”

“Because you're not him, silly!” Minako wasn't helping matters by giggling at my YouTube apathy. “He wouldn't stand out so much if everyone made videos like his.”

“He likes doing YouTube though! He probably watches his own videos and thinks to himself about how great and hot he is all the time,” I said, staring out the window past my computer screen wistfully. “He's not a noob who has to edit out 30 minutes of him getting run over by a tank in Call of Duty!”

“Yuuri!” I almost dropped my phone from her shouting in my ear. “Why do you edit it out?? I bet the fans would think it was funny!”

“Because it's funny once, stupid the other 18 times,” I said, rubbing at my ear.

There was a knock at my bedroom door, a knock consisting of 3 very rapid knocks and 3 knocks spaced out further in timing.

“I gotta go, I think Phichit's here.”

“Bye, Yuuri! Don't be so hard on yourself!” Minako said, before hanging up the call.

I opened up the bedroom door. Phichit greeted me with a tight, enthusiastic hug.

“Yuuri!!!” he cried out.

I hugged him back, trying not to sigh morosely.

Phichit let go of me and put his hands on my shoulders, looking very concerned.

“What's wrong, Yuuri?? You didn't hug me back as enthusiastically as you usually do!” His eyes fell on my monitor.

“Are you moping about your videos again?” Phichit asked. “You're doing just fine, Yuuri! You have 2500 more subscribers than me! That should tell you you're at least doing something right.”

“Easy for you to say!” I gently shook his hands off of my shoulders and flopped face down on my bed, burying my face in the folds of my hoodie, emblazoned with Viktor's YouTube profile picture/symbol, which was a shiny, metallic capital V with wings on a royal violet background. “You still like doing your YouTube videos.”

“Yuuri, what are you talking about?” he asked me.”You said you like doing YouTube!”

“I do… But the videos just… they need something. I'm trying to be enthusiastic and funny like you and Viktor, but it's just so boring!” I said. “I don't know. I just… I don't know what happened! Why isn't it as much fun anymore? Can you help me, Phichit??”

Phichit sat next to me, gently rubbing my shoulder. “I think you need to take a break,” he said. “You're probably just burnt out. It happens to everyone sometimes! I have the perfect opportunity, too! I'm having a party this weekend at my apartment. You should come, it'll be fun!”

“I guess,” I sighed. I never really liked parties, but I did like going to Phichit's. It gave me a nice break from the chaos that often resulted from our family owning an Internet cafe. Yu-Topia, it was called, right between a cellphone store and a sweet shop, on the second floor of a shopping center in the business district of Hasetsu.

Maybe he was right. Maybe Yuuko and Minako are right too. I'm over thinking this and just need to step back and breathe.

#yuri on ice #yoi #yuuri katsuki #viktor nikiforov #victor x yuuri #viktuuri #gamer au #youtuber au #yoi fanfic #sunny writes #sunny #fanfiction #writing

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the-darling-artist · 7 years

Text

Dear Markiplier

This is an amazing idea. Thank the lord for @dogiplier am I right?! Hey Markimoo, You don't know me. Not many people do. My name is Mackenzie I'm 15 years old and I have been a fan of yours for I want to say 4 years and I have loved every minute. I do not have photographic memory like most people who write these do and i cannot remember the first video I watched of yours. It was probably drunk minecraft because I seriously love that series and have watched the space episode more times than I can count. That's besides the point. Anyway, I was fairly new to YouTube and I was looking at some videos to watch. I remember seeing the thumbnail for whatever video it was and saying to myself, "looks alright." So I watched it and I laughed so hard I cried. So I began watching others. Skip ahead a year and you started to play fnaf. I remember being scared shitless but I was obsessed. (It was actually what got me into art[i have an entire sketchbook with crap drawings of fnaf characters in it]) A little while later my life took a huge downhill spiral. My great aunt died of cancer, I was diagnosed with anxiety and was forced to see a therapist every so often (which made me more anxious), my grades fell down for a while, and all the stress made me get worse. I started to eat less and less until the only meal I would have was dinner and sometimes I wouldn't even eat it. I started to get very depressed and I had no idea what was wrong with me. For a while I just accepted that I was never going to get better. I considered suicide a few times and I'm not proud of it. Then I was at school and my friend came and showed me a video of yours. I was immediately drawn back in and I started watching all your series. Which also led me to watching jack. Youtube was my everyday routine after that. Jack, mark, bob, Felix, wade, etc. One day I decided. You know what? I'm going to eat some breakfast today. Low and behold a banana isn't much of a breakfast but it was the start to a better life. I began eating which brought down my anxiety by a mile and my grades went back up and my life was up again and I think watching all those people on YouTube be happy made me want to. All in all, I'm somewhat better now, I still don't eat breakfast as often as I should but I eat all lunch and a healthy dinner. My life is forever changed and I cannot thank you enough. You and all the other youtubers I watch have made me the happy happy girl I am today. Thank you @markiplier

#dear Markiplier #dogiplier #dogi

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sheepdogdg-blog · 4 years

Text

Almost thirteen years ago, a baby boy entered our lives. He was bright and beautiful, a bit traumatized by abandonment and ready for his forever family. There is a lot of trepidation when a person takes on the incredible role of parent for the first time, and while we hoped and prayed my sister was ready for the commitment, we also worried this boy might have a hard time fitting in and loving us.

The first few months were a difficult transition. Elizabeth had some support from my father and step-mother, but it was a whole new routine. For the first few months, my sister would wake her new son, and little Gabriel would lift his head, open his big eyes, smile, and demand “fry fry chicken.”

Truly, he belonged with us.

The first time I saw your face.

I flew to Florida to meet my new nephew, and I watched as my father very easily adopted the name we called my grandfather, Pop. I also witnessed as Jackie, my step-mother, tried to get Gabriel to call her Nana. She would say, “You’re Nana’s sunshine. Yes, you are! You’re Nana’s sunshine.”

And yes, you guessed it. Gabriel listened very intently and then began calling Jackie Sunshine, which admittedly is pretty badass.

Soon after the adoption was finalized, I found a big house in San Diego for Elizabeth and Gabriel to move into with my roommate Brian and I. For the next year, I did my best to transition from swinging bachelor to responsible uncle. There were growing pains, but I eventually got pretty adept at helping to care for a toddler. In fact, it wasn’t long before I knew all the words to the ‘Bob the Builder’ theme song. It was a time of great transition for me. Even in the tantrums of his terrible twos, my nephew taught me a lot about who I was and what my place in this world could be. I was forever changed by that time of my life.

Incidentally, this was also when I met Stella.

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When my sister moved back to Florida, I was devastated. I understood why she made the choice, but it felt like my family was falling apart. Since then, I’ve only been able to visit a few times. Whenever I appear in Gabriel’s life, I have to start again as a stranger. It always takes a day or two for him to warm up to the gigantic intruder. It’s rather bittersweet. After all, he’s my little guy. Him not even remembering who I am breaks my heart. But at the same time, the fact, we always end up being best buds by the end of the trip. . . Well, that makes me feel very close to him.

The day you moved, you got into a sword fight with Brian. He survived his wounds.

A couple of summers ago, Gabe came to visit Stella and I. Obviously, he didn’t remember his old haunts, but it was a trip for me. We would go somewhere like Disney Land, and I’d be experiencing the present with this lanky thirteen-year-old and simultaneously have the memories of a cherubic babe mirrored back from days bygone. Suddenly I felt things I’d never been subject to before. For example, I bought a whole page of tickets for him at the County Fair, and after I put him on a particularly creeky thrill ride, all I could do was stand there, watching him spinning and weaving as my body seized up in overwhelming anxiety. Fearing for the safety of this kid in my care was the most I’ve ever felt like a dad.

We ran all over Southern California, creating new memories and getting to know the young man Gabriel is growing into. We watched fireworks above the San Diego skyline, trekked into the desert to find a real-world relic from a video game, and stopped by the very spot at Sea World where my sister got the phone call where she found out they’d found a great child for her to adopt. I even watched YouTube tutorials to help with the common core math summer schoolwork. The month was too short, but it proved to be some of the best days of my life.

Today, Gabriel turns fifteen. No matter where his path takes him, he’s already made such a huge difference to this world. His becoming a Grant made being a Grant more meaningful. He single-handedly brought my splintered family back together. While we’re not always equipped to say, as he stumbles and falters, suffers from moody and hormonal bouts, and makes naïve choices with real-world consequences, the boy makes us all so proud every day. He has taught us how to love unconditionally, and there’s nothing any of us wouldn’t do for him.

As I sit here writing this, I can still remember how he would crawl into my lap as a little boy. I can still hear his tiny voice, still see his face when he laughed or cried or got scared. I can still remember the creeping feeling he’d been too quiet for too long in his playroom, and I remember just how dumb I felt when I discovered he’d somehow managed to knock down and then poop on his ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’ playhouse. I recall the first time he ate ice cream and when he drove me around the track at Autopia all by himself. I still ask Stella if she wants to watch a “foofie,” because that’s how Gabriel said “movie” when he was two. I am still present in the moment when he watched me cry while he very calmly sat in his car seat and his mommy drove them off toward new horizons.

As I sit here writing this, I think of all the Gabriels I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. Who he was when he was three, and then six and seven, nine, and thirteen. I ponder upon the gifts I picked out for him on birthdays and Christmas. Gift cards were easy and frequent, because it was difficult to keep up with tastes that evolved from Ben10 to Spiderman and Minecraft to Fortnite and bicycles to weights. I hope he knows I’m always thinking of him, and I wonder when I’ll be able to see him again I hope it will be soon. I think about who I’ll be to him when he’s grown and if I’ll still have a place in his heart.

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And now I’ve gone and made myself cry. Well, that wasn’t supposed to be what this was about. I was just supposed to wish the kid a happy birthday, and now I’m a blubbering mess. Anyway. . . uh. . . Yeah. . . There it is – in all its unedited glory.

Happy Birthday, Gabriel.

I love you.

well, this got out of hand - A Birthday Greeting for My Nephew, Gabriel Almost thirteen years ago, a baby boy entered our lives. He was bright and beautiful, a bit traumatized by abandonment and ready for his forever family.

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sphiggo · 7 years

Text

Physical appearance:

I have blond hair.(not really but it passes as blonde in here) My current hair color is not my natural hair color. I have curly hair. I have green eyes. I have red hair. I have natural highlights. I am black. I have lots of freckles. My nails are usually painted. I wear a lot of eye make-up. I have bangs. I have short hair. I wear a lot of pink.

Belongings:

I own a hair straightener. I have my own car. I have posters on my walls. I have a pet. I own a pair of roller skates or blades. I have lots of bobby pins. I own at least four bottles of perfume. I have a lot of jewelry I never wear. I own at least 5 pairs of jeans. I own Converse. I own a pair of high heels. I own a leather jacket.

Family:

I have a step-relative. I am adopted. My biological parents are married to each other. I am an only child. At least one of my great-grandparents is still alive. All of my grandparents are still alive. I am related to someone famous. I have a sibling who is in college I am a twin or a triplet. I have a sibling who is married. I have a sibling who is less than five years old. I have more than one sibling. I see my cousins often.

Relationship:

I am married. I am engaged. I have been proposed to. I have never been in a serious relationship. I have been asked out on a date. I have been cheated on. I am asexual. I want to get married someday. I want to have kids someday. I have children. I have made out with someone against a wall.

Health:

I am lactose intolerant. I have a food allergy. Someone in my family has died of cancer. I have had surgery. I have scoliosis. I take/took anti-depressants. I have attempted suicide. I have been in the hospital in the past year. I have broken a bone. I’ve had strep throat. I don’t drink enough water. I exercise for more than 10 hours a week. I wear glasses and/or contacts.

Friendship:

I have a best friend. I am used to be friends with a pair of twins. I am close friends with at least one of my neighbors. I have at least one friend who lives in a different country.

Experiences:

I have had a near-death experience. The police have been summoned to my house. I have been nearly run over by some sort of large vehicle. I have been snorkeling. I have been to at least 2 weddings. I have been to at least 2 funerals. I have been to an overnight summer camp. I have been on a train. I have lived in a different country. I have spent the night in a motel. I have written a novel. I have been zip-lining. I have been to a wedding or funeral outside of my home country. I have failed a class. I have cut class. I have gotten a speeding ticket. I have gotten a parking ticket. I have been in a car crash. I have been sent to the principal’s office. I have been arrested. I have been drunk. I have taken a ballet class. I have driven a car. I have been on an upside-down roller coaster. I have gone to school or work after a sleepless night. I have flown in a hot-air balloon. I have spent more than 48 hours without sleep. I have been in a talent show. I have read Sherlock Holmes. I have read all of the Harry Potter books. I have seen all of the Harry Potter movies. I saw the last Harry Potter movie in theaters. I have thrown up on a plane. I have worn my pajamas out in public. I have worn my hair in a fishtail braid. I have never been trick-or-treating. I have posted a video on YouTube. I have seen an episode of Supernatural. I have worn colored contacts before. I have tried out for a sports team. I have auditioned for a play. I have been in a school play. I have had a main role in a school play.

Personal:

I have a job. I am afraid of heights. I am not religious. I live in an apartment. I am extremely familiar with jet lag. I want to change my name. My first name ends with the letter “I.” I don’t get nervous before making a presentation. I have more than one citizenship. I was born in a city. I run a video blog. I know what I want to do with my life. I am insecure about my voice. I worry a lot about my future.

Education:

I am a student. I go to a private school. I have my Master’s degree. I have taken a college-level class while in high school. I have graduated from high school.

Travel:

I have been to a third-world country. I have been to the Carribean. I have been to Boston. I have visited a college. I have been to Florida. I have been to New York City. I have visited another country. I have been to Egypt.

Skills:

I am fluent in more than one language.(lies...) I have read a book in another language. I can braid hair. I can do a cartwheel. I can do a handstand underwater.

Interests:

I play Skyrim. I play Minecraft. I like country music. I like to read fanfiction. I watch Doctor Who. I enjoy hiking. I run track. I like cooking shows. I like chick flicks. I love poetry. I have written a song. I am interested in cinematography.

Likes and Dislikes:

I like lobster. I like strawberries. I hate making my bed. I enjoy science fiction. I like roller coasters. I like watermelon. I like going back-to-school shopping.

Habits:

I go to the movies at least once a month. I continuously bite my nails. I have a habit of biting my lip. I tap my foot when I’m nervous. I have a paper calendar on my wall. I often have to replace my earbuds.

lol another one

Basics

I am male I am female I am neither male or female (i am uhhhhHHHHH) I am a under the age of 18 I am 18 or older I am straight I am gay or lesbian I am bisexual or pansexual I am trans

Friendship

I have two or more friends I have one friend I have no friends I have a best friend I am close with my friend(s) I spend a lot of time with friends I have a crush on a friend I hate a friend I wish I had fewer friends I wish I had more friends

Relationships

I am single I am in a relationship I am married I am a virgin (virginity is a social construct biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch) I often date I prefer to date extroverted people I prefer to date people who are like me I prefer to date people who are unlike me I take relationships very seriously I have high standards (id like to date myself lol bye)

Negativity

I have/had depression I have cried myself to sleep I have/had anxiety I am often lonely I keep a lot of emotions inside I am scared of talking to people I want to talk more to I have/had an eating disorder(i binge eat like an animal bro does it count) I have low self-esteem I often feel I embarrass myself I feel people don’t take me seriously I am quickly jealous I feel people want me to be someone/something I’m not I have experienced discrimination

Positivity

I have become a better person I have gotten out of a bad period of time I am confident I am looking forward to something I have enjoyed myself over the past week I have met a famous person I consider myself a kindhearted person I am currently feeling relaxed and comfortable I appreciate the little things in life I have nobody in my life whom I hate I have achieved something large this year I am part of a religion that brings me peace I have a movie/game/song which cheers me up

I…

…get scared from watching horror movies …play a sport …read a lot of books …have allergies …am a feminist (well technically) …believe in love at first sight …own an instrument …can draw …am listening to music right now …value romance and friendship equally …have sneaked out of the house …am outgoing …respect people’s comfort zones and personal space …am deaf …spend money on a daily basis …want to write a book …can ride a horse …am asexual …put my hands over my face when I’m flattered …like the colors pink and yellow …own an xbox …shop at least once a week …have a drivers license …drink alcoholic beverages …get scared by unsettling imagery and screamers …eat fast food at least twice a week (im recovering from my trashy eating habits :’))))

Likes and Dislikes

I like parties I dislike parties I like perfume I dislike perfume I like “so bad it’s good” movies I dislike “so bad it’s good movies” I like playing video games I dislike playing video games I like chocolate I dislike chocolate I like having a busy schedule I dislike having a busy schedule I like laughing at my own jokes I dislike laughing at my own jokes I like compliments I dislike compliments I like heavy metal music I dislike heavy metal music I like snow I dislike snow I like taking walks with someone I dislike taking walks with someone I like people who aren’t very talkative I dislike people who aren’t very talkative

AND YET ANOTHER ONE :):):):):

1. State your name: Sare 2. State the name that your parents almost named you: Rana, my sister wanted to name me Minnoş which is a fucking pet cat name 3. Which of your relatives do you get along with the most? Uhhhhhhhhhhh 4. What was your first job? ive never had a job 5. Did anything embarrassing happen this week? i dont really remember 6.Do you miss your ex? i dont have an ex to start with alksdfj 7. White chocolate or dark chocolate? barf 8. Do people praise you for your looks? Family&friends doesnt count, they are delusional 9. What is your favorite color of clothing to wear? Blue, Green, Orange, Yellow??? Black, Gray, White??? as long as its not a disgusting warm color i would wear it 10. How do you wear your makeup? i dont wear make up i only wear face paints time to time (to humiliate myself bc why not) 11. What are some of your nicknames? Sarişa, Saroo, Saruhan 12. How many bedrooms are in your house? 2 13. How many bathrooms? 3 14. Do you have a job? no 15. Do you have a car? nay 16. Do you work out every week? yes kinda 17. Did you brush your teeth this morning? Yeah im not an animal thanks 18. Have you ever kissed someone you never saw again? Probably their hand bc kissing the hands of elderly is a strict custom here but otherwise ew no 19. Have you ever sung in front of a crowd? hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh kinda 20. What kind of bathing suit do you wear? one piece 21. Do you like your eyes? kind of 22. Do you think you are pretty? nah 23. Who was the last person you talked to in person? my sister probably 24. How much money is in your checking account? i say im poor but actually being asocial comes with its perks, i have money but i dont have anything to spend it on 25. Are you single? yes 26. Do you want kids? Ew no 27. Tell me what your back pack looks like: like a backpack, navy background has white&orange&another color i cant remember monkey silhouettes on it 29. Last movie you saw in theaters: it

#about me #i just love talking about myself lol #im pretty bland though

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