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cultivatingyourfuture · 5 months

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after hearing the pitch on your main blog, and scrolling far enough to see the tags you were putting on some posts, i am very intrigued about the everything that is going on (especially with emily) so could i get a brief rundown of the everything pls n thanks you

i spent forever trying to figure out how to tell a "brief" version of this story and this is how i settled on doing it. keep in mind this is the brief version and if you want in depth explanations/analysis on specific parts of the story i IMPLORE you to ask me about it because there is just no way for me to say everything i want to here and I STILL had to omit some details for brevitys sake. ok

content warnings: death. physical abuse. emotional abuse. verbal abuse. violence. implications of sexism. implications of misogyny. body horror. child death. child endangerment. talk of drug addiction. talk of alcoholism. obsession. stalking. kidnapping.

two fucked up siblings [paige jensen, pierre jensen] make a company (regrowth) and make cyborgs about it. first one they make runs away but the data they're still getting from it reveals their tech works like.. extraordinarily well with plant life? they build a tech empire off of this idea. they continue making cyborgs as well but the brother has so much guilt about the first go round he refuses any part in it (but still allows it to happen. his sister is the only reason he has any semblance of power, after all.) the sister continues running new experiments regarding combat and medicine and anti-aging and etc etc with her technology on a variety of subjects-- some willing, some unwilling, some already dead before they could say something either way. notable cases include toni finnigan, a terminally ill woman who engages with the project as a last resort and considers herself indebted to the siblings as a result; neil marshall, a young boy who accidentally saw the siblings first attempt to procure that first subject which went horribly ary and got the wrong guy (who was neils father); emily jyung, the scientist overseeing much of the cyborg testing at paiges discretion who decides she can't live with what she's done and seen and submits herself to the process in order to find atonement; holly pendleton, a girl who signed up for a very simple consumer test, took a wrong turn, and found paige jensen elbow deep in some poor guys chest cavity; and vallen rosamel, an addict and thief who makes the great decision of trying to hit on pierre jensen on absolutely the wrong night. pierres inferiority complex keeps him where he is in his position of power even though the weight of the cyborg project and his involvement is slowly crushing him and paiges fear of failure has her spending more and more time on it in a desperate attempt to make something of herself since pierre (charismatic. likeable. dude) gets all the credit for her (brash. awkward. woman) innovations.

meanwhile in like........ summer 2000 that first runaway cyborg falls into the backyard of this scientist with a really bad caretaker complex named francesca (i never call her francesca/frankie tbh i call her fizzle) who sees this thing with cracked glowing eyes and vines crawling out of its arms and goes oh. okay. and takes it in and starts fixing it up-- culling the plant that's affixed itself to this person's core and repairing the technology and finally fitting a voicebox onto it because it can't speak. this person(?) then relays that it has no idea who it is or where they came from, just that there were two people and this impending sense that they needed to leave, now. because of their lack of memories, they decide on a new name for them and they choosd Cherry, after the type of plant thats now in their systems. cherry uses he/she/they pronouns because fizzle (trans woman) asks him about it and she's like Oh. Um. Good question. Let's... find out? and so they use all pronouns and then never change that because those work well enough.

cherry adjusts well enough but they're really frustrated with their lack of memories because they don't even know if they consented to the process or not, they don't know if they had a family, they don't know what they left behind and what's waiting for them or who's looking (side note-- the only thing that feels any bit of familar are songs. something something foreshadowing something something playlist thats a work in progress). it doesn't help that the time they spent between escaping and coming across fizzle consisted of a lot of people being terrified of them and looking to hurt them (one guy literally shoots them like?? two days before they find fizzle????) so she's got this crushing sense that she's missing a fundamental part of herself that makes her able to be """human"""-- or, at least, accepted by humans. and she decides that whatever that is was probably lost along with her memories. so that really bothers them.

anyways a good bit of time passes and then they start picking up this high pitched frequency and fizzle can't fix it nor figure out the source of it so cherry just has to deal with Robot Tinnitus for a little bit. but they figure out that the frequency changes depending on how far / close they get to... whatever the hell the source is. so they wait till dark and they go out and Follow It, and it lands them at this dingy little nightclub juuust in time to watch someone stagger into the alleyway holding their head like they're in pain. or maybe hearing something very very loud. so cherry slowly approaches as the frequency gets louder and louder and more painful and boop! connection found.

the person she's founds name is vallen rosamel and shit has been WEIRD for him as of late. his hair started growing in a different color about four months ago the plants do that just roll with it, all of the substances he was taking just quit working one day, and theyre having longer and longer gaps in their memory every day. and now there's this SCREAMING in their EARS and oh my god. who the fuck are YOU. so after a lot of confusion and a lot of gentle explaining they figure out that vallens the same thing cherry is. which begs a LOT of fucking questions like What's up with that frequency. Who is making them. How is he just out and about. which are all very very important questions but cherry is so excited to FINALLY FIND SOMEONE LIKE THEM that they forget that for a little bit lmao. but cherry convinces vallen to let their friend do a couple of tests (which are very limited. bc the kind of plant vallens got is a citrus fruit and fizzle has a citrus allergy lmao) and what they figure out is that while cherrys got... like... a fourth of a human brain and LED eyes and cybernetic legs and a cybernetic arm and no digestive system and oh yeah NO MEMORIES, vallens got like. some brain, eye, and digestive modifications. and that's about it. the only thing he can't remember are those aforementioned memory gaps as well as however they came about being a cyborg too. sorry cherry but you haven't exactly found someone like you :( and vallen is like okay I want nothing to do with this. no ones gonna fuckin believe me so i may as well just try to live my life the way i have been (spoilers: that life's not good!) and cherry kind of talks to him for a bit. says she understands how confusing and frustrating it all is. but is also like Man you are my ONE HOPE of figuring out what happened to me can you even just CONSIDER sticking around just long enough for me to know you can't tell me anything new. and vallens like ff. fine. anyways that turns into 1 to three years I haven't decided yet. vallen and cherry (and fizzle) are kind of gay about it. it's fine don't worry about that.

anyways eventually Shit Goes Down. vallen gets activated by some other force, stops responding whatsoever, knocks cherry the fuck out and takes fizzle down too when she tries to stop them. all three of them end up in regrowth. uh oh.

cherry gets confronted by paige who has this whole speech but the basics of it are:

-she purposefully sent vallen out into the world in an attempt to find cherry. was going to just kill them originally but decided to let them linger in case she could ever Use Them for her own purposes and apparently that time has come

-never took direct control of vallen-- any connections they've made with him are more than likely genuine because paige can't handle social manipulation like her brother can-- but she was certainly keeping tabs and certainly knows a couple of things even if she doesn't say it directly (like the fact she's calling cherry 'cherry' and not. whatever his name was before. hm.)

-apparently paige has discovered some shit about pierre that 1. she thinks will DEFINITELY bring cherry onto her side and 2. has made her decide that pierre has to go NOW

-"you can either help me or ill just kill you/wipe your memories and return you to testing" and "you can either get revenge on one of us or lose to both of us" as her main points

cherry is having none of this. breaks the fuck out of her containment and runs rampant through the facility, breaking shit, knocking people out, runs into pierre at one point who just stares at her and calls him a name that........... isnt "Cherry" before she just sprints the hell away, up until he 1. locks himself in an old lab, 2. modifies her cybernetic arm by hand to attach a blaster weapon onto it (painful), and 3. escapes into a vent and finds himself in all the backparts of the facility. ends up seeing more cyborgs during testing and is like Holy shit how many people have they done this to. these people need to go home.

keeping this part brief bc the rest of this will also.... not be. I promise I'm telling the brief version here. cherry finds vallen (has to fight him. doesn't want to. does it anyway.) and gets him out of paiges control via dropping a fucking light fixture on him and shortcircuting him a bit. they find fizzle. they go from the lower parts of the facility where the projects been held up to the company building bc they figure out the servers are there and if Cherry can get into those she can find the other bots' memories (and hopefully enough info to incriminate regrowth?), free those, and get them out of there. they get up there and the buildings been evacuated which makes finding the servers much easier. cherry parses the information and also figures out her memories aren't there + her file is mostly redacted. but theres that name again! the one pierre called him!! and if the memories aren't there then. where are they.

sorry no time to dwell on that bc more cyborgs attack! cherry, fizzle, vallen get them their memories back which overwrites their protocols. good news; thats all the active cyborgs left in the building (gonna give u names right quick-- holly (foxglove), mara (hellebore), enzo (chestnut) ) cherry is like we gotta find you guys an exit. as they do so cherry comes across pierres office and is like......... hey. yall go ahead. i need to. check something. fizzle and vallen are like 🤨 but they're like okay. please be careful. and they Go.

this is the part of the story where I advise you to look at the content warnings up above very carefully

so cherry goes into pierres office and starts rummaging around, looking under placemats and taking apart photo frames n stuff, looking to the password to his computer. she finds some stuff-- other passwords, checks, an image of a girl?, but eventually she just says "fuck it," plugs into it, breaks through the password screen, looks through the files and THATS where she finds her memories. finally. after all this time.

so cherry hides under the desk and downloads all of it. all at once. don't worry about that too much right now but this is a disorienting, horrifying experience for cherry to say the least. and as if the memories themselves aren't bad enough cherry is like... why did he know that name but paige didn't. why were they on his computer. why... was a picture of me... behind one of the photo frames.... on his desk .......

and then the door creaks. and pierre sees them. and explains his side of things. we'll revisit that in a bit. so cherry is horrified and is very much ready to murder pierre. and she, uh. does. she chases him down the hall (because of course he runs. of course.), points her blaster at his head, and fires. she just kills him.

and then, because he's still pissed and terrified, he goes to find paige. paige deploys another cyborg (kudzu; dead body that paige essentially pilots and therefore not considered an "active" cyborg). cherry kills that too (lot easier when youre not trying to keep them alive). cherry finds paige. they talk. they fight. beat the shit out of each other. cherry aims and is ready to kill but realizes that's what paige wants. says she'd rather her be alive for every moment people realize what she's done. lets her go. paige watches him walk away, then gathers juuust enough strength to enter a few more commands into her main console, then collapses.

cherry, while trying to leave the building, is then confronted by a previously "retired" (see: shut down and locked up for years) cyborg, neil (lemon). cherry is horrified to see him-- so horrified, in fact, that she doesn't do anything when he approaches and impales her through the stomach with a blade built into his arms. she drops, and he walks away.

cherry then crawls her way back to the regrowth server room, plugs herself into the system, and uploads her consciousness in a last desperate bid to stay alive. they are found by fizzle and vallen later. reporters and police swarm the building, and they retrieve lemon, having found him curled up in an alcove in the wall of the main trial area for the cyborg project. paige jensen is arrested, cherrys body is retrieved to be repaired by fizzle, and regrowth is no more.

... so. ok. let's take several steps back and fill in some gaps here.

eveline ethel woode grew up in the same town paige and pierre jensen moved to when pierre was about 2 and paige was 10. daughter of a textile ceo and an ex movie starlet, she was very much under her parents thumb. her mother blamed eveline for ruining her career, since she wouldn't have had to have left the business had she never gotten pregnant, and her father's anger at the most likely heir to his company being a woman combined with his own alcoholism led to a lot of physical abuse that left eveline with a permanent limp and a broken nose. this treatment broke eveline woode to her very core. which went almost entirely unnoticed (or at least uncared for) by everyone except for one pierre jensen. because pierre-- pierre was not only perceptive (how else are you going to figure out what makes people like you?), but he was going through something similar to eveline. do you know how comforting that can be, to know you're not the only one? to see someone suffering the same way you are? neither of them deserved that. neither of them deserved to be alone in this. pierre, slowly, fixates on the idea of getting eveline out of her situation-- on saving them both. and maybe, just maybe, he'd finally find someone he wouldn't have to pretend for anymore. maybe he'd finally have a solution to how fucking alone he was, maybe he'd,

and then eveline Leaves. at the age of 16, she pulls the strings to get herself a cheap little rented home for the next year in a town far the hell away that has enough of a reputation of being where no one wants to go, and she leaves. and this... isnt how things were supposed to go for pierre. she was supposed to leave with him. she was supposed to be HIS escape, not her own. this isn't the way things were supposed to go, just who the hell does she think she is, taking his ONE CHANCE of happiness away? it's like she doesn't even care what--

eveline woode lands in a foggy little town in georgia and things are okay. she always loved flowers, and there's enough actual air in the sky here to let them grow. she's as alone and isolated as she's always been, and that emptiness never quite goes away, but at least she's safe now.

anyways, whatever funds she was able to scramble together from her parents isnt going to last forever, so she picks up some odd jobs and through that ends up meeting this guy named scott. scott is a father of two and he's been through some similar shit to eveline so he Notices The Behaviors (and she's about the same age as his daughter which makes him worry about her MORE) (also Why is a seventeen year old living on her own in this shitty town thats worrisome on its own) and slowly eveline starts to become a good family friend of theirs. she babysits his son, housesits, shes invited to things-- anything to make her feel welcomed and loved. which is... not anything eveline is used to. she tries to not think about it, considers it as just doing her job and doing what's right but like. she loves the marshalls. and they consider her as much of family as they can. mason, scotts daughter, fills her in on pop culture and his wife gives her gardening and baking tips and he shows her music he loves from his record collection (and she starts a small one of her own, too!) and theyre Happy. eveline woode is happy.

anyways meanwhile paige jensen is relaying to her brother about her New Ideas for cybernetically enhanced people and how hard it's going to be to find a volunteer willing or otherwise and pierres like ".... otherwise??" and paige is like Oh. I mean. we couldn't do that. i mean, it'd have to be somebody NO ONE cared about that NO ONE ever notices that has NO CONNECTIONS and NO and pierre sees an Opportunity here. and he suggests a target. because she can't be doing that well for herself anyways, right? not without him there. paige has already perfected memory transfers; all he'd have to do is modify them a little and then everything would be the way it was supposed to be. maybe it's a little grotesque, maybe it's immoral, maybe it's too far, but it'd be worth it in the long run. it'd be fine. it'd be fine. it'd be f

pierre finds eveline, follows her for a few weeks, figures out a path she takes at a certain time in the night that's just secluded enough for him to grab her and leave (besides. bad town. lotsa police reports go unchecked. this Can't Go Wrong)

it goes wrong. someone rounds the corner and pierre goes to hit them over the head and realizes it's a man. but the guy gets spooked and falls ass backwards and impales himself on a fence which was NOTTHEFUCKINGPLANHOLYSHIT. and to make matters worse, the guys son rounds the corner too and at 12 years old neil marshall watches his father scott die and gets a good look at pierre jensens face in the process.

so. scott dies. eveline thinks of it as some divine punishment for anything good happening to her. returns to her self isolating ways. the marshalls never see her again. December 18th 1999 pierre jensen goes to her home directly, knocks her out, and drags her away. it's not until december 24th that anyone realizes she's gone and by then there's not many leads besides some missing items, a broken window in the door, and her own blood.

so when subject 0 runs away and pierre is also faced with an ultimatum of kill a 12 year old or submit him to the same fate as his sister that's kind of when he realizes that umm. uh. maybe this was a bad idea actually. because the ONE THING he was in it for is gone and, as far as he knows, dead. but his face is on magazines and he's catapulted into popularity and he has a company to run, doesn't he? and after so long of feeling powerless, of feeling like nothing, can he really bear to give that power up?

so. additional things. neil marshall gets his memories back and ends up spending a lot of time waiting for cherry to get repaired and wake up because he needs to tell eveline he's sorry and that he misses her and also that he's sorry. fizzle and vallen kind of get the fill about eveline from neil bc the poor kids gotta talk through this shit good god. cherry gets repaired and is functional, hypothetically, but she still doesn't wake up.

so from the database he's still in, cherry is the one sending out information about the story. there's this desperation to understand why they're here and how things ended up like this and to make people know what happened to them. what happened to eveline. because cherry has lived their own life with their own experiences that have shaped her own ideologies and attitudes and shes.... not.... eveline. not anymore, anyway. and this crushes them in so many ways because things were getting so much better for eveline for such a long while there and SHES the one who deserves the friends and the family and the revenge and the peace of mind but she DOESNT GET IT. she'll never get it, because cherrys the one who gets it. because eveline woode died on december 18th 1999 and cherry is what has grown through the gaps like an infection and how much of her is even left there, really? something something commentary about haunting the narrative and being considered less of a character and more as a motivation when you always deserved better from the narrative you were stuck into.

anyways. cherry does eventually get back into their body, reconciles with the fact that eveline is not her humanity and that maybe he never was human and that's okay because it's him and that's all that matters, continues to have turmoil about it but it's. fine. rough reconciliation with the marshalls because he's not eveline but they deserve to see eveline alive again so here he is. cherry pushes on and values the life he has and can only hope that that can in some way grant evelines memory peace.

anyways cherry would be 43 years old today and i think he owns a record/head shop and still goes to therapy once a week send fucking tweet

#AUGH. ok.#sorrhy i didnt get a lot of emily in there she kind of. deserves her own post. hope this answers your question! 👍#asks #rosanqro #story tag #meta tag #horror tag #um. things i forgor #pierre doesnt modify evies memories out of guilt but still keeps them bc hes a freak #vallen is an exception to pierres 'i want no part in this' thing bc he was a spur of the moment decision made after a pretty-#bad fucking fight between him and paige so. vallen was. an apology specimen. which should tell you everything you need to know-#about paige and pierres dynamic #cherrys last name is shears because he only has songs to go off of and shears is taken from Sgt. Peppers / With A Little Help by tha beaduls #neils sisters name is mason his moms names amy. evies parents names are warren and ethyl. i have never named the jensens parent(s)#vallen has csb / hypersexuality disorder because some Shit Happened To Him which led them down the path theyre on #vallen uses he/they. eveline dies at 19 and cherrys either 27 or 29 when they storm regrowth (vallens three years younger than them.#they met in their mid twenties. chill)#pierre and evie/cherry are the same age (evie born in late 80 pierre in early 81)#emily is their most senior employee who was literally their very first hire ever #cherrys blaster arm can turn back to a normal arm at will + their right arm is exposed cybernetics while their left arm is completely human #cherrys also got exposed cybernetics on their left calf but its basically just a prosthetic that isnt supposed to come off #neil is taken in at 13 and then around the time hes 15 hes shut down and put up and just Stays Like That for 5+ years #so the last time he saw evie she was 19 and when he meets cherry theyre about 29. to give you an idea of how jarring this all is for it

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arionawrites · 1 month

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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

#aritalks #i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use #not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before #and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk #but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow #also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years #(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years #and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight #so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday #my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work #my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all #over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered #(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting #when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so #just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my #mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her #and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too #i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure #out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still #dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not #the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one #if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it #but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help #and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks #just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️

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guinevereslancelot · 1 month

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my saffron crocus didn't die :0

#i planted them last spring and they were supposed to bloom in the fall but they didn't so i thought they were dead #bc they were iffy in my growing zone and i jist planted them in the lawn w no protection like if they die they die #bc they were super cheap and im lazy #anyway they put up leaves!!! they're alive!!!!#probably they just needed time to establish #hopefully they flower this year!!#they're fall blooming :)#plus i can harvest the stamens to cook with #maybe sell some if i get enough idk #but they should flower late fall when stuff is dying back :)#would be so nice to have flowers at that time of year #i know someone in a warmer zone who's been growing them in a cold frame and not had any flowers for like 2-3 years as they establish tho #so possibly a failed experiment if they live but never flower idk #but hopefully they'll live and flower #my logic was basically that i got 30 for 12 dollars and planted them in a wide variety of locations in my yard #hoping for at least a few to thrive without protection bc im lazy #and for 12 dollars it would be worth it if most of them died to get even a couple flowers #they're hard to find in the grass but i think i have close to 20 at least!#i will share in the fall if any of them flower this year <3 #horticulture tag #gardening tag

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kendallroygf · 11 months

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the thing is. yeah kendall feels like his whole life now is worth nothing. the one thing he was always meant to do, since he was seven years old he now cannot do. he will never get to do it. so he might as well die, right? he might as well end it all but the thing is life is never that kind nor generous. so i think kendall will try and fail. and he’ll try again and again but the world will keep its grip on him and eventually he’ll just stop trying. and yeah maybe he’ll never be a whole person (we’re nothing) maybe he’ll take logan’s advice and collect sports cars or write a book or start a new company but either way he’ll be forced to start anew. kendall logan roy died it’s just kendall now. and this outcome in itself is generous in a way because circumstances out of his control have kind of forced him to hold some accountability for his own life finally instead of counting on broken promises his father made him at 7 years old. he’s actually being forced to Be instead of just living up to someone else’s name. and he actually has people around him who still undoubtedly care. he’s sick and horrible and twisted but he is still ultimately lovable. he is still a human being weeping on the dirty ground even though he has spent so long trying not to be. even though he recanted the very thing that made him Real. the world will simply not relinquish its hold on him! tragic but somewhat hopeful in a way

#like he’s never going to be happy. never ever. but being content or even ambivalent to your life is different than being happy and i truly #think kendall could get there at some point. something about the world forcing you to go on. i like how his last scene was surrounded by #earth and water. things that are Materially Real compared to kendall himself who is Not Real. like i think while some things can’t be #repaired it’s not too late for him to be a little bit involved in his kids lives. maybe a few years down the line. rava still cares about #him and offers him so much kindness even when she shouldn’t. he will have stewy forever like. stewy will love him forever. give roman a few #months. ultimately i think roman will push kendall away at first bc he spent this whole season maintaining his family out of Necessity and #i think kendall and roman have got to a place where it’s a bit sick. and roman will come around but he needs some time and so does kendall.#but ultimately they’ll be okay.#with shiv it’s like. well. god. like kendall will never ever be able to look tom in the eye ever. but i think they will not talk for years #maybe. but they’ll ache for each other a little bit. but also the resent and anger and hurt gets in the way. but i think give it like. 10 #years or idk maybe even less but 10 seems good to me. and they’ll slowly start to let each other in again. i think the three of them will #grow old together like ultimately they’ll always be kids when they’re with each other ykwim.#but idk i think kenshiv will be okay in the end jus rn it’s bleak asf. i think at different times in the next few years they will Try with #each other but the other will be so resistant but there will be a time where they’re just both so Tired and when tom dies shiv will call #kendall first even though they maybe haven’t spoken for god knows how long and he will be with her on the phone. and when connor passes away #they will hold hands again and idk. they’ll be okay. broken but okay.#anyway. i’m so over this <- girl who will never ever be over it #kendall

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lumpsbumpsandwhumps · 2 years

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Me, writing the sickest, most vile torture scenarios and psychological trauma onto my characters, breaking their bones and their will one word at a time: >:3c

Me listening to the audiobook of A Man Called Ove:

#I’ve been getting into audiobooks lately and this has been recc’d a lot #and it’s so BEAUTIFUL #and so SAD #I love books that totally fucking ruin me #I’m a little more than halfway done but I’m so excited bc I wanna watch the movie adaptation #the one from 2015 not the one coming out next year #I mean who am I kidding I’ll see that one too it’s Tom hanks #also I finished I’m Glad My Mom Died last week and oof #I’m glad home girl is thriving now (:

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nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius · 10 months

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I think I’m okayish now but everything feels so weird

#idk how to describe it. just weird #‘what would he want you to do’#not hide in the garden that’s one thing #???? girl it’s raining why are you sitting on the grass come inside and have some chocolate #he always bought me chocolate when I was a kid #when my parents went out he’d come and stay overnight with us #Days I Could Stay Up Late™️#I wish I was still that age.#i’m a uni as good as this because of him #last time I saw him was star wars celebration. he said he’d think about saving up for japan. now i’ll never go with him #I was waiting until he got back to tell him about me crashing the car #he’d have died laughing and then given me 2728153 unhelpful driving tips #ironic thing is my mum and my other uncle who lives down the road had a massive falling out years ago #and he’s been trying to decrease the awkwardness between them ever since with varying success #and yeah. you can imagine what happened yesterday #if ghosts are real his is definitely fistpumping about getting them to talk #its like everything stopped for a moment yesterday and now its started again #and im distracting myself but its still at the back of my mind #idk when itll go away

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starship21zedna9 · 2 years

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So, for the record, I am not a big POTO fan. I think it’s okay. Just okay. Honestly, kind of boring. I don’t care about any of the characters and only about 1/3 of the songs work for me. It’s continual massive success vexes me, quite frankly. It can’t all be just people wanting to bang the Phantom, can it? I mean, I like a fictional bad boy as much as anyone, but he is not interesting to me.

But, I’ve been sitting on this copy of Love Never Dies for a while now and finally gave it a watch.

It dumps all over the original. Everyone suffers character assassination. Some of the character motivations make no sense at all. There’s a 7 minute song about how the Phantom and Christine boned one time. The Phantom canonically writes stuff like ‘Bathing Beauties.’ And it was all HILARIOUS!!! 15/10. Wouldn’t change a single second of it. And that ending? *Cheff’s kiss*

#starship watches musicals #late to the party #by 10 years #10 years ooooollllllddddd #the phantom of the opera #love never dies #andrew lloyd webber #christine daae #erik #does he have a last name?#who cares

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starpros-sunshine · 2 years

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Don't talk to me I just found out about the SOS signals in the soundtracks of the divine beasts I am NOT okay

#that just made the entire thing so much more horrifiying #Revalis especially like wow that is unsettling #it comes late and it's rushed and panicked and he certainly knew he was going to die while making that call and no I am not okay #botw I love you you're my favourite zelda game ever you're a masterpiece in my eyes but please give me a break it's been five years #I will never be able to ignore this I will NEVER be able to ignore this ever again and I will have to feel that horrible disgusting feeling #i want to replay all of them now with that knowledge in mind but I haven't even played the final bossfight once #yes ik it's been five years but I'm scared of what I'll do when I'm through with this game #haha good joke I'll never be over zelda it's fundamentally shaped me so much as a person I'll carry that mark with me for life #I feel like nobody knows that I'm a massive LoZ fanboy #well know you might suspect it ig #botw and oot my beloveds #but oh god I will be seeing vah medoh and all I know will be pain #I will be seeing all of the divine beast and all I will know will be pain #just god those faint and frantic SOSs during Vah Medohs theme #CHILLS LITERAL CHILLS #and those themes are already so fear inducing and now the added context of the last calls for help that weren't answered for 100 years #and even if every help would've come too late anyways because Mipha died pretty much instantly Urbosas and Daruks aren't so prominent #and Revalis SOS is the frantic panicked last resort of someone who knew he was going to die in a matter of minutes #I am not okay I will never be okay again

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lightningfilledsaber · 1 year

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LOL I love how I haven’t gotten a chance to recover from the Christmas Spiral after all the issues w my car as I’m quickly being plummeted into the Shared Birthday Spiral

#mud rambles #this is vague as hell but to elaborate just a little #as we all know i hate christmas for a lot of reasons #mostly i have trauma and generally uncomfortable/shitty feelings centered around christmas #and as for the Birthday Thing #my incestual abuser's birthday is coming up soon and that just so happens to also be my ex best friend's birthday #because fuck my life #so before. the day had been pretty balanced out bc before everything I had someone i loved and who i THOUGHT cared about me to celebrate #on that day instead of having to think about my incestual abuser #and now this is gonna be the first year since at least like 8? that not only am I gonna have to fully deal with that #but now i have the added pain and trauma of not having my best friend anymore!#so the day compounds into bday of my incestual abuser and bday of the person i thought i was gonna be with for the rest of my life but #instead they decided to treat me like nothing. not in the same way as my abuser but yknow. both have treated me like nothing #theyre not abusive for what they did (ex bsf) but it doesnt change that what happened was fucking traumatizing #id love to not have to worry about this shit but unfortunately i dont get to choose what traumatizes me or how people treat me #i only get to choose how i react #shit sucks. it's hard. ive been trying not to think about it but so much has been fucking ass for me lately #and the timing of this shit is just. lovely. when this year marks a full fucking decade since my dad died #but hey! at least i wont have to deal with insensitive ass comments from their girlfriend on fathers day like last year!#i dont regret cutting either of them off for a second i just regret giving so much of myself to them #i regret giving them the power to hurt me like they did #i know i talk about this shit A LOT but like. what the fuck else am i supposed to do when i cant get therapy #to deal with the fact that my best friend of what? 7 years? treated me like fucking garbage and enabled their girlfriend to do the same #im not sorry for talking about it anyway. especially because this is the ONE place i can #i talk to my partner but like. I cant traumadump every single time i think about this shit so. this is the alternatibe #idk im just really. so sick of it. idk what i need to do to feel better #i get better for a bit but then shit happens and i ruminate because what the fuck else can i do #the one good thing about this stupid month is my lil bros birthday but im also sad because idk if he's gonna be able to visit =(

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deathshallbenomore · 2 years

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do you ever love another being so much they end up embodying an idea in a very “plato’s world of ideas” kind of way?

#it’s so very silly of me #but sometimes I feel guilty because at the end of a busy day I’ll remember I didn’t spare a thought for my beloved cat who alas died in 2016 #* don’t know don’t care if verbe tenses are a bit fucked up #but then I realise he was with me for so long that he is ‘cat’ the idea. as well as my beloved late cat #and I feel better because I’m automatically thinking about him when I see any cat #idk if it makes sense. to me it does in a way. maybe because his death was in a way the end of an era after 15 years together #girl help I’m so full of love I didn’t know where to put it I put it in the world of ideas to save some space #tw death #????? you never know #it’s matisse missing hours and this is clearly the last straw of pms

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jessamine-rose · 16 hours

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/vent/

#i’ll delete this later on #yeahh i’m sorry if i’ve been extra venty this part year. it’s just….yeHhh irl has been kicking my ass #at this point. this is what?? my third monthly vent in a row?? ughhhh #but yeahh anyway. guess who is tired and frustrated as hell?? MEEEEEEEEEEE #idk i’ve just been super overwhelmed even before the start of april #and with the semester wnding *sigh* it’s just been hard #it reached the point where many times. i questioned if i could finish this semester at all #i’m down to three reqs now. it should be a good thing yet it feels nothing like one #especially when i’m still figuring out how to finish all three on time #idk i guess my frustratikn is more rooted in the fact that this past month. i haven’t been able to keep up with my internal deadljnes #it’s just so hard to open my laptop and get work done. idk why i keep doing this to myself but again and again. i find myself idling in the #daytime then sleeping late so i can finish the requirement and claim i’ve done smth productive today #nvm that i’ve lost at least five days to being useless and unproductive. i’d love to call it a mental break but it’s always been hard for m #whose great idea was it for non-major subjects to give so many requirements anyway??#this week. i marked ‘monday’ as the day i’d finish my third-to-last requirement. yet here i am now. only 1/3 progress made and pushing the #internal deadline to tomorrow. knowing i can’t push it any further bc i still need time for my last deadlines #i’ve been sick the past weeks. mainly with cold and fatigue and the occasional chest pain. but i’ve only been able to minimally address it #and now it looks like i’m dehydrated. if today’s cold and sore throat and crippling unwell-ness are anything to go by #ughh what else?? a relative died today. i’m not that close to her tbh but it still shocks me. but more intense was my dread when i realized #i’d have to attend her funeral which is on/ before my deadline. sure the visit might be short but will it. rlly?? what about the time spent #processing her death?? the emotions that could follow me back to my desk??#*sigh* idk where i’m going with this anymore. it feels like these days all i can do is complain and blame myself #and it makes me guilty every time i set aside time for myself. it makes me paranoid that i’m bothering my friends and mutuals too much with #personal vents #but at this point. all i can do is continue right?? compartmentalize. submit the fcking paper and stop being a perfectionist at the worst o #times. then after all that. get the rest i need #it looks easier on text. that’s all i can say #what else?? at the end of the day. i giess i just want to say thank you to my mutuals for being here. for giving me all those little moment #of joy. thanks for your comfort. and when this sem ends and i’ve rested enough. i hope i can go back to my usual brainrots. i miss that #UPDATE:: i managed to finish my rough draft of the paper. i can’t exactly call it one but at least it counts as 1/2 progress done

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ishizizzle · 1 year

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Being in my late 20s is... my peers are younger than me and I find it hard to interact with them... I have no established boundaries... I feel like I'm running out of time, or I'm running late for life... I feel cautious all the time... I run on borrowed optimism.

Oh and all the while, old people have found the energy to tell me I'm doing everything wrong :D even though they're the ones who pump world saving bullshit into young minds as soon as they can. I gave up so much fucking freedom & time so These old assholes wouldn't get sick???

#journaling #mid twenties #late twenties #I've been keeping up with myself more. jotting. i did used to just journal on here bc it was private #oh yeah i remember now... i used tumblr to escape fb haha it was too much on fb #it me #for some reason i write it on twitter and i hate that i open twitter. i kinda want to delete it but #i'd still need it eventually for promoting my comic. am i actually going to make this thing tho... comics are still so daunting to me...#i used to draw comics all the time its what i did... its like i lost something really important and I'm scared to find it.#and I'm scared of it finding me...#oh and fuck old ppl lol these not the old ppl i did all this for bro my grandpa is who i did it for and he died last year anyway

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kentopedia · 5 months

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.𖥔 ݁ ˖ LEAVING LIPSTICK STAINS ON LEVI

fem!reader, sfw, fluff, you leave lipstick all over levi before a mission and the scouts find out, just something super cutesy & short while i work on some longer pieces hehe, pls ignore errors lol, 1.3k words

“promise you’ll come back in one piece?” you say, smoothing the wrinkle between levi’s brow with a kiss.

he glances up at you from under his lashes, crinkling his nose as a short, breathy laugh escapes him, one he tries to subdue. still, he can’t deny the happiness that slips onto his features, not when joy is so fleeting because of the life that the two of you live.

cold hands run across your back, down to your hips as you straighten his collar, kissing his sharp cheekbones, the bridge of his nose. “i’ve made it this far, haven’t i?” levi mutters, squeezing your sides gently before shifting you off of his lap.

he lifts you, sets you on the edge of his desk, causing some of the papers that erwin had dropped off earlier to crinkle. a smile graces your lips as levi stands, stretching his limbs behind him, the chair pushing away from the desk with a creak.

“i’m going to be late because of you,” levi remarks, eyes narrowed playfully, but he gives you another kiss on the lips, lingering there like it’s painful to pull away.

“then stop kissing me.” your hands splay across his chest, but you don’t push him away, feeling his heart beat under his ribcage, the melody that you will always come back to. still, levi tugs your hips forward, slots in between your legs, and kisses you even deeper. “it’s time for you to go, captain levi.”

a heavy sigh weighs against your mouth, his exhale warm as he pulls back. “sounds like you want me gone.”

“of course i don’t.” your voice softens as you play with his fingers for a moment, before he's tugging them away gently, withdrawing from your figure. “i'm going to have to find someone else to sleep next to while you’re away."

normally, you would’ve been going with levi and the rest of the scouts, but an injury from your last mission prevented you from going on any more for a few weeks.

levi snorts, putting on his jacket, fixing the leather straps across his chest. “is that all i’m good for? killing titans and keeping your bed warm?”

you make a face at him, then shrug, half-hearted as he stares back at you with amusement. then, you laugh, cheerful and free; you know levi will come back to you. he has no other choice.

levi makes his way towards the door.

“levi?”

he turns, the lipstick stains still visible on his cheek, dark against his pale skin. for a moment, you wonder if you should tell him—if he’d be mad if you didn’t.

but then you remember he’s going to meet with a squad of fifteen year olds that have all almost died alongside him. if they really have a problem with their captain being loved by you, then they don’t care about him as much as you thought.

you smile and shake your head, voice holding just enough mischief for levi to notice. “just be safe. i love you.”

he softens. there are times where levi is hesitant to say the words, still worried you will be taken from him. but this is not one of those times. not when you will be separated for days, his life once again in danger. “i love you too, sweetheart.”

within ten minutes, levi is down to the first floor, pushing into the room where the members of his squad are already waiting.

he’s only a minute late, but he feels like they must have been waiting for hours, the way that they are all gawking at him with wide eyes, connie’s jaw faltering slightly. “everyone here?” levi asks, doing a quick scan of the room, counting heads like he’s their babysitter.

no one says anything. eren’s eyes look like they might bulge out of his head, and jean covers his mouth, looking away as him and sasha let out a stifled giggle.

levi’s mouth draws into an even thinner line. “what the hell are you snickering about?" he grumbles, looking at each of them individually, wondering who will be the first to confess.

their eyes dart away dramatically, faces red. even eren, who is normally more obnoxious than the rest, seems to have run out of words to say.

his eye twitches; levi wonders if connie’s head might burst, or if sasha’s laugh will rip out of her first.

“well?” levi asks again, snapping, already tired of this mission. a hot cup of tea sounds nice, in bed next to you.

armin, as usual, is the one to speak up when no one else has anything intelligent to say. “well, sir,” the blonde says, gesturing towards his own face. “i think…”

levi touches his cheek, remembering all the places you’d kissed him earlier, wearing that pretty black dress and your dark lipstick. a sigh leaves him when he pulls his fingers away, the tips coming back, smeared with a deep red.

he should've known.

“i see," levi says, staring for a moment, before meeting eren's eyes, his lips finally widening into a grin.

“ooooh," eren sings, his expression smug as mikasa elbows him, her own features pinched tight. "the captain’s in looooove."

levi knows they are expecting a reaction, a spectacle of the fact that he adores you. but he’s never kept it a secret, and he’s certainly not ashamed of all the things he feels for you.

“and what if i am?” levi asks instead, pointedly staring eren down as the rest of the scouts watch the exchange. “honestly, i am surprised no one noticed sooner.”

eren’s jaw falters a bit; a small wave of silence falls over the scouts. you and levi don't make a point of hiding your relationship, but really, levi shouldn’t have been surprised that no one in his squad was observant enough to notice.

or so he thought, anyway.

historia’s smaller, high-pitched voice breaks up the quiet, repeating your name back to him, as if affirmation that you’re the one he kisses goodnight. a silly question really, considering levi has never looked at anyone else with the same kind of tenderness.

“it is her, isn’t it?” historia asks, smiling softly. “i only know because you’re always holding hands under the table when you think no one can see.”

levi raises his eyebrow. “clearly we were wrong about that.” though, of all the things to notice, he thought it’d be the way you kiss him after every mission, the way he’s harder on you than anyone else because he doesn’t want to lose you.

eren shrieks your name like he’s never heard it before, and levi is starting to wonder if the boy actually is an idiot. his old squad had known immediately; petra caught you sneaking up to levi’s quarters when you thought everyone else was asleep, kissing him on the cheek when you thought everyone's back was turned.

it’s been a long time since then, he supposes. maybe the years have taught you subtlety.

“how long have you been together?”

“does she actually like you?”

“do you—” connie makes a lewd gesture with his fingers. “you know.”

“connie!” jean shouts, whacking him on the back of the head. “what do you think! dumbass.”

“hey!" connie says, rubbing his head. “geez. i just can’t picture it.”

"i’d rather you didn’t." levi’s face turns sour, disturbed by a room full of teenagers discussing his private and romantic life. “bring it up again and i’ll leave you outside of the wall on the next mission.” he pauses, crosses his arms with an exasperated exhale. “and she likes me just fine. at least, she has for the past five years.”

“five—”

a new wave of questioning starts and levi pinches his temples, shakes his head, the red smear of lipstick still on his face.

levi almost wishes you could’ve been there to field the questions instead. you’ve always been better with the kids, connected with them a lot easier than levi had.

even if it was would’ve exposed his lovesick eyes, the tiny lift of the corner of his mouth when you were around.

he’s never been very good about hiding it anyway.

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vaspider · 2 years

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Pete Buttigieg is just a faggot.

It's very important to me that younger queers understand this: to the people who you're trying to be more respectable for when you say things like neopronouns set the trans movement back or you're why the cishets don't accept us or including [aces/bi people with the 'wrong kind' of partners/non-binary people/kinksters/non-passing trans ppl/furries/polyam people] just hurts us, can't you wait until we get all our rights before we talk about some of yours? -- to those people? Pete Buttigieg is just a fag.

On Sunday at Pride Northwest, some kids -- late teens, early 20s -- asked what our button I survived Reagan for this? meant. All of the queer adults at the tables making up our ad hoc counter looked at each other and sighed a little. Emet and another adult started to explain the way that the Reagan Administration handled -- or didn't handle -- the beginning of the AIDS crisis. How many people died. How much we were ignored. The Ashes Action. The Time Magazine article which explicitly blamed bisexual men for passing the pandemic to the cishet community, playing on all the worst stereotypical bullshit. The way that even when the CDC started paying attention, they were so focused on gay men that they ignored AIDS in the lesbian community, leading to the "women don't get AIDS, they just die from it" poster. And so on.

I finished counting out change and passed the last Bear Pride raised fist pin over to a bear a little older than me, then turned my head and interjected, "they didn't care until it started infecting more than just the fags." I turned my head back and handed him his change. He laughed bitterly and said, "remember when they called it 'gay cancer?'"

That what I need you to understand. The people for whom you are folding yourself into smaller and smaller boxes will never see you as anything but a freak. A queer. A dyke. A tranny. A fag.

Never.

These are people who will stand by and let you wither away and die alone, gasping for breath in a cinderblock room, and not even claim your ashes, and they will say you deserve it, because of your lifestyle. If they speak of you at all it will be by the wrong name, with the pictures you hate the most. They will curse at your lover, throw him out of the home you shared, and steal the gift you gave last Christmas to throw it in the trash just so he can't have it and they'll say Jesus loves you! while they do it. They'll feel good and righteous and blessed and holy and pure for doing it.

And for them, you spit in the eye of your sister. For them, you disavow your sibling. For their sake, you trim away bits of your heart and lace yourself up tight. Never too loud. Never too queer. Never inconvenient or embarrassing, never asking for too much.

Pete Buttigieg is what happens when your Boomer dad turns out gay. Middle America. Parents still married. Suburban-sprouted. Valedictorian. Harvard-educated. Rhodes Scholarship. Military service. More power to him: I hope he and Chasten are very happy together. Genuinely, I do.

You couldn't create a more respectable gay if you grew one in a lab run by concerned voter focus groups.

But Pete Buttigieg? Is just a fag.

That's the part you don't seem to get: when they abandoned us, they abandoned all of us. Rock Hudson was a beloved movie star and even personally friendly with that horrid pair of ambitious jackals. Nancy Reagan refused to help him get into the only place in the world that could treat him at the time, and he died.

It was 1985, 4 years after the CDC first released papers on what would eventually become known as HIV/AIDS and 7 years after the first known death from an infection from HIV-2. Reagan hadn't even said the word AIDS by the time Hudson died.

Pete Buttigieg is just a fag, and so am I. Unless I'm a dyke, which seems to depend on who's yelling what from which window and what day it is.

Yes, there will be people who genuinely love and accept you. Those people are worth all the frustration of the rest, thankfully, and they're the ones who love you in a pup mask or a leather harness and a neon jock like the ones sold by the men up the row from us last weekend. They're the ones who laugh out loud when you tell them you hid the word "dyke" in your company name, the ones who love you in all your messiness and uncertainty and the way you don't fit into neat boxes all scrubbed up and clean.

Most cishets, though... well, they don't actively mean you specifically any harm, at least not when they have to look at you. Not when you're right there in front of them. Maybe they'll be okay with you, personally, especially if you're the kind of gay who makes a good rhetorical device, and as long as you remain a good rhetorical device.

They need people to know that they don't have a problem with the gays, after all, and there you are, being all convenient. You make a nice token, and as long as you do, well. You're useful.

But they call you by your deadname when you're not around, and they put the wrong pronouns in your medical record even though they met you years after you came out, and they won't put themselves out to save you. Not one little bit.

I didn't want to be here again. The year I graduated from high school was the worst year of the AIDS crisis. The world into which I became an adult was a world in which an advisor and friend to Reagan, William F. Buckley, openly advocated for forcibly tattooing the HIV status of HIV+ gay men on their buttocks (and IV drug users on their forearms), and in which my father not only told me that when I was 14 or so, but when was told me that he'd advocated for that tattoo being "over their assholes."

(Buckley wrote that in '86, but he doubled down on it in 2005.

Fucker.)

But yeah. I didn't want to be here again. I wanted my daughter to inherit a better world. I wanted Obergefell and Lawrence v. Texas and Hope & Change to really mean something. I work for it, today and all days. I haven't given up.

I need you to know that, too. This isn't a white flag. I'm not surrendering. This isn't over. To misquote Henry Rollins, this is what Marsha and Sylvia and Stormé and Leslie and Brenda and Auntie Sugar trained us for. This is punk rock time.

But I need you to understand that if Pete Buttigieg is just a fag, if that human embodiment of a Wonder Bread, mayo and Oscar Meyer bologna sandwich is not respectable enough for them -- and he's not -- then the rest of us have absolutely no hope of measuring up. Not even if we trim away every colorful, beautiful piece of our community, not even if the Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence vanish into the ether, not even if we sacrifice the five elements of vogue on the altar of white supremacist cishet middle-class conformity: we can't trim ourselves down to something they'll accept.

The only other option is radical acceptance of our queer selves. The only other option is solidarity. The only other option is for fats and femme queens and drags and kinksters and queers and zine writers and sex workers and furries and addicts and kids and the ones who can look us in the eye and see all of us to say we're here, we're queer, get used to it just the way we did 30 years ago. It's revolutionary, complete and total acceptance of our entire community, not just the ones the cishets can pretend to be comfortable with as long as we don't challenge them too much, or it's conceding the shoreline inch by inch to the rising waters of fascism until we've got nowhere left to stand and some of us start drowning.

That's it. Either it's all of us or it's none of us, because if we leave the answer up to the Reagans of the world and all the people who enabled him in the name of lower taxes and Democrats who wring their hands, weeping oh I don't agree with it but we'll lose the election if we fight it right now, the answer is none of us.

The brunch gays can come, too, I guess.

#long post #uncensored slurs #slurs #homophobic slurs #ronald reagan's grave is a gender neutral toilet #lgbtq #queer #trans #transgender #fag #dyke #lgbt

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phoenixkaptain · 1 year

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I love it when pre Original Trilogy era shows how much effort went into making the Death Star. It took decades, literal decades, and it took so much money and so many people and it was such a secretive thing and it’s staffed by millions because it’s the size of a small moon.

I cannot express how much all of the added information makes it so much funnier that Luke blew it up.

Luke destroys literally everything Palpatine built. He blows up the Death Star, which was referenced in universe as early as the second movie. He blew up the weapon of mass destruction twenty years in the making. And he blew it up pretty much directly after it’s first and only successful attack. It was operational for fifteen minutes, fifteen minutes that Palpatine had the thing he’d been building for longer than Luke has been alive, and Luke blows it up. First day retirement, but first hour retirement.

Luke convinces Darth Vader to turn back to the light side, a feat thought literally impossible by literally everybody. Sidious clearly doesn’t see Vader’s betrayal coming. Vader’s betrayal was not in his plans, nor was it something he was prepared for. Sidious is a powerful Force user with all four limbs while Vader is a man in the tin can Palpatine put him in. If Palpatine had seen Vader turning coming, he would not have allowed it to happen.

Luke literally should not even be alive. Palpatine almost definitely got Padme out of the way on purpose, and he almost certainly was trying for her unborn child as well (there was way too big of a risk that a cute liddol bebe would bring some humanity back to Anakin, and Palpatine did not want Anakin to have any humanity) Luke living is literally the first step in Palpatine’s ultimate downfall, especially once Vader finds out that Luke is his son. His very alive son. His son that is not dead, despite Palpatine claiming Anakin killed Padme. Implying that Anakin killed Padme and she posthumously gave birth. But, she didn’t give birth on Mustafar, which was the last place Anakin interacted with her. And once the mother dies, you have to get those fuckers out fast or they die too.

I imagine Darth Vader piecing all of this together is that meme with all the math floating around his head, because how could Padme have died by his hand and then given birth like two hours later?

Luke killing Palpatine is what ultimately leads to the dissolution of the Empire as an omnipotent entity. Luke killed the Empire. Luke spends a good amount of his adult life killing Empire remnants. We see that in the Mandalorian, since he’s so recognizable that Gideon immediately knows he’s fucked just by seeing an X-wing. We read it in Legends’ continuity, where Luke terrifies Imperials because he can walk into their changing room and stand in their for a minute and they don’t even notice.

Luke destroyed Palpatine’s life’s work. Everything Palpatine spent his whole life working towards, and Luke kills all of it. He blows up not one, but two Death Stars (he may not have pulled the trigger on the second Death Star, but without him, it never would have been destroyed). He convinces not one, but multiple Sith and Dark Jedi to return from the Dark Side. He is the only reason that Obi-Wan Kenobi, the biggest pain in Palpatine’s ass ever born, lives long enough to make it to the Death Star.

Palpatine went through so much effort. And just when he had finally won, when he finally had a weapon capable of destroying entire planets with a single blast, making it impossible for any planets or peoples to go against him, Luke shows up nineteen years late to the Jedi party with space Starbucks and a droid twice his age and almost singlehandedly destroys everything Palpatine ever had a hand in creating.

Luke manages to become even worse than Obi-Wan Kenobi, the ultimate thorn in the side of politicians, and Luke doesn’t even understand any politics. He wasn’t trained in diplomacy like Obi-Wan and Leia, no, he’s a farmboy who left home for the first time in his entire life, just this morning. And he is the one to destroy the Empire.

If they rewrote Star Wars and had it entirely from Palpatine’s perspective, Luke Skywalker would be his greatest foe. Luke Skywalker would be the final boss. Luke Skywalker is the antithesis of everything Palpatine believes in and he is the one character that Palpatine cannot predict. He isn’t as moldable as Anakin, he doesn’t respond to threats very well, he’s apparently impossible to kill via Force lightning (still the funniest scene of all times, the progression of Palpatine’s face falling and him looking like “what the fuck??? Is this kid rubber??? I’ve electrocuted him eight times???”), his unwavering faith in his father’s goodness makes Darth Vader want to be a better person, Luke Skywalker is the big bad of Palpatine’s story and—

There is nothing in this world that is funnier than someone’s biggest antagonist being Luke fucking Skywalker. Luke Skywalker, who saved the galaxy with the power of love and who shouldn’t exist, by Jedi rules and by Palpatine’s own attempts, and whose best friends are literally droids, which Palpatine canonically hates!

Everything about this is hilarious, this is the funniest thing in all of media, Palpatine loses absolutely everything to some backwater farmboy who fucking likes droids.

#luke skywalker #star wars #anakin skywalker #sheev palpatine #darth sidious #original trilogy #the inane ramblings of a madman #listen i recognize that other people are important in the plot of sw #but at the same time #luke is the marble that gets things rolling #just in general #luke is the reason obi wan eventually actually kills maul #luke somehow gave yoda hope that another generation of jedi was an achievable goal #luke saved leia from being executed #luke is the sun of the series #it’s from him that literally everything grows #the story that began this universe #is one of a boy becoming an adult #and so without luke skywalker #none of the characters would exist #thus luke is the sun and we should all bask in the rays #but also in how funny it is #that this guy was more of a pain than obi wan kenobi #a feat previously thought impossible #long post

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