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#who is trying to live up to his late father’s expectations by taking fantasy ap courses
leisurelypanda · 6 years
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Steve walked into the school building on Friday feeling tired as hell. He hadn’t been sleeping well the past few days. He couldn’t stop wondering just how long they were going to last, if he could ever live up to the shame of failing his promise to Thor’s father. He should never have entered that foolish agreement. Being with Thor for a whole year… hell they had barely been together for four months! How exactly was he going to make it to a full year especially when Thor would be leaving for the summer?
Maybe I should just call it quits now, Steve said. Cut my losses before I’m in it too deep.
He needed advice. The problem was that he wasn’t going to see his counselor this week at all. He wasn’t scheduled to see him again until next week, as usual. And he didn’t feel like talking about it to his mom. She seemed happier lately, he didn’t want to ruin the mood by getting her down with his relationship troubles. And he really didn’t want to talk about it with Thor. God knew he could be clingy and he was trying to work on that.
Somehow, he found himself outside of Ms. Foster’s classroom. The room was empty except for her. She was setting up a lab of some sort for her first period physics class. Regular physics, not the AP physics he had with her at the end of the day. He decided to just go for it. He knocked softly on the door.
She turned around and smiled at him. “Steve, how are you? You’re a little early for class, I’m afraid,” she said.
“I… wanted to ask you something,” he said.
“About physics or… something else?” she replied, growing serious.
“Something else. Personal,” he replied. She nodded.
“Help me set these up,” she replied. He set his backpack down at her desk and grabbed some materials to help her out. “So, what seems to be the problem?”
He told her about his concerns with Thor. How he was afraid about how long their relationship would last, about how his father was completely against the idea, how he wondered if it was just his anxiety talking or if he really should be concerned.
“You know,” she said with a slight smile. “If this was a story that deal you made with his father would probably come back to bite you in the butt.”
He chuckled. “That would be just my luck,” he said. “Me and my big mouth.”
“It will be fine, Steve,” she said, looking him in the eye.
“How do you know?” he asked.
“Honey, you may have forgotten, but I’m the faculty adviser for the GSA,” she said pointedly. “And I happened to assign you as lab partners. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. Frankly, if you two weren’t the best in the class I would have split you up back in October.”
Steve blushed as he remembered the situation with that other student who had tried to get them to stop kissing after school let out. Then he thought about her words.
“We’re the best in the class?” he asked. She gave him a look and winked.
“You didn’t hear that from me,” she said. He chuckled at that. “Anyway, I see a lot of love struck young couples here. All part of the whole teacher gig. Most of them stop looking at each other the way you two do past the first month or so. A few make it to three months. You two have been together for four. Still early, admittedly, but still.”
“So what should I do about it?” he asked, helping her to set up the last of the stations.
“Well, I’m not exactly an expert on love,” she replied. “I just teach physics. But if I were to guess, I would suggest talking to him.”
“Great,” he drawled. She laughed at that and toasted with her traveler’s mug.
“It doesn’t have to be today,” she said. “But talking about it might be helpful.”
“What if I’m jumping the ball on this, though?” he asked. “I mean, like you said we haven’t been together that long. What if it’s too soon to think about the future?”
“You’re in high school, Steve,” she said. “You’re graduating this year. There’s no better time to think about the future than right now.”
It didn’t help to quiet his anxiety, but it was somewhat comforting. It helped him figure out what to do, anyway. That was something. He smiled as the school bell rang and rushed to grab his bag so he could get to the other side of the building for his art class in time.
“Thanks, Ms. Foster,” he said. “See you later.”
“Go get ‘em tiger,” she called after him. He walked towards the art portion of the building, grinning as freshmen and sophomores rushed past on their way to class. He ended up in front of his classroom… and Thor wasn’t there. He tried not to be disappointed. But in all honesty, he wasn’t ready for that conversation. He was trying to get through the day. They had that karaoke thing tonight.
Focus on that, he thought. He looked down at his phone before he went into class. There was a text from Thor asking if he was okay.
Yeah, Ms. Foster ran in to me earlier asked if I could help her out with something. Took longer than expected, sorry.
He put it away before going into class. Loki gave him a look that he couldn’t decipher. Concern?  Teasing? He always looked vaguely like the cat that ate the canary: smug, proud, and absolutely self-assured.
“Shall I tell your beau that he was worried over nothing?” he asked in greeting. “I’m afraid I’ll have lost my bet with Tony, though. Shame really. He was going to do something—”
“I’m fine,” he interjected before Loki could tell him what Tony had supposedly agreed to do. Those two were ridiculous.
“Thor was concerned,” he said in passing. “It was nauseatingly sentimental of him.”
“I’m sure it was,” he replied drily.
“I won’t presume to poke at your relationship,” Loki said. “But you know he cares about you.”
“I know,” he replied. He did. But that didn’t put his anxiety at ease.
Thor was trying to remember how to solve the problem in front of him for this calculus test. He was having trouble focusing on it, though. He remembered how to do it more or less, just concentrating was difficult today. Something was troubling Steve beyond him potentially going off his meds. Thor wasn’t sure what, but he could tell there was something up. Whatever it was, it had been going on since Tuesday when Steve had come home with him and told him that he might be going off his meds soon. He tried not to let it worry him. He got like this when anxiety was getting to him, shutting down, putting walls up, reluctant to let anyone in to help him. Although, he did worry if he had done something wrong during the sex they had that day, that maybe he was getting… bored.
Stop that. Focus, he told himself. He finished the test with about 15 minutes to spare and took out a book to pass the time. He knew Steve would draw some simple black and white pencil drawings. He preferred to read, especially fantasy books. It took him longer to read books than he liked to admit, but between sports, school, studying, and Steve (his favorite pastime by far) he didn’t actually get that much time to read.
Steve entered his mind again, as he usually did when they weren’t together. He was in his art class now. Thor was almost positive that Steve was too advanced for the class. He was too good, his drawings had too much detail to be getting much of anything from the high school art class. He wondered what he would be capable of if he was able to get into a good art school.
He saw Steve again when they had his history class in the afternoon. He still had that vaguely distracted look, like there were gears turning in his mind that took over everything else. He must be struggling today if it was still like this.
“Are you well, älskling?” he asked when he sat down next to him.
“‘m fine,” he replied. A lie, then. That was something at least. After William and Elias, both of whom had used him, it was nice to have a partner who couldn’t lie at all. Maybe that was selfish of him, but still.
“Do you need anything?” he asked softly.
“I said I’m fine,” Steve said a little more sharply. Thor decided to let it be. There was no point in prodding him. Steve’s walls could be really effective if he didn’t want to talk about something. One of the few difficult things about being with Steve, to be honest.
The rest of the day was tense. Thor didn’t bring it up again, however. There was no point in having a fight about something trivial before they were about to go out for the charity karaoke event. Tony and Loki weren’t going. Rehearsal had taken over their lives, like it did every year. Loki compared it to selling his soul. There was Wanda and Pietro, but he didn’t know them that well. And what exactly was the point in singing like a lunatic if the person he annoyed by doing it wasn’t going to be there? Having other people laugh and groan at his terrible voice wasn’t nearly as satisfying.
By the time the end of the day rolled around, he was feeling as tense as Steve, probably. They were planning on going to Steve’s apartment, then take the subway to the bar where the karaoke night was taking place. Hopefully they were going to be able to put whatever it was going on between them aside for the evening at least. He focused on that, their evening together.
They didn’t say anything to each other on the ride back to his apartment. Steve was stewing in whatever predicament he was dealing with Thor wondered if he had said the wrong thing the other day, if he should have been more definitive when Steve shared his concern with him. Or if he maybe said something else. It was maddening.
They arrived and Steve flopped on the couch with a sigh. Thor sat down next to him. Steve sighed again.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“For what?” Thor asked, genuinely bemused.
“I’ve been… testy the past few days,” he said.
“It’s all right, love,” Thor replied, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
“It’s not, though,” Steve said, leaning against him. He looked like he was about to vomit, the look he got when he was working himself up to say something. He was hoping that this time, it wouldn’t be about something as distressing as it was last time. He hated to see him cry.
“So what has been bothering you?” Thor asked. Steve swallowed.
“I’ve been thinking about… what comes next,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“Well… what do you plan on doing after graduating?” he asked. Thor looked at him, surprised about this turn of events.
“Well…” he said. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it much. I was thinking about going on a tour of Europe, but I do not know.”
Steve hummed. That didn’t seem to have helped. The wheels were still going. A thought occurred to him.
“Is this about me going back to Sweden in the summer?” Thor asked. Steve paused, then nodded. “Steve, that’s months away. There is no need to worry about it.”
Steve turned to look at him. There were tears in his eyes, though Steve seemed to be trying to hold it together by sheer force of will. He was afraid. Of what, Thor could not begin to imagine. It could just be his anxiety acting up. It could be another concern. It could be both. Then as soon as he looked at him, he looked away.
“Right,” he said. “Nothing to worry about.”
“Steve, if you want to talk about it,” Thor pressed.
“It’s fine,” he said, getting up. And just like that, his walls were back up. “Come on, let’s get ready for the karaoke night.”
I am an idiot, Thor thought.
Steve had his evening dose of his antianxiety med right before they were scheduled to leave for the bar and tried not to worry about what would happen if Dr. Erskine was right and his psychiatrist decided to take him off them. His appointment was for Monday morning. He supposed he’d find out then. Coincidentally, his appointment with Dr. Erskine was scheduled for a couple days after that, so whatever happened, he would probably end up talking to him about it.
Thor smiled as Steve pulled on the letterman jacket. He wore it almost every day, though he was going to have to find a way to give it back to him for a few days. It didn’t quite smell like him anymore and it was disappointing. There was something to be said about the whole smell triggering emotions and memories. If there was anything that he do with more of, it was some positive memories and feelings getting triggered rather than his anxiety.
Thor was dressed in a nice, red and black checkered plaid shirt rolled up to the elbow, a black shirt and clean, dark blue jeans. His hair was tied back in a neat ponytail and his beard was neatly groomed. Between that, his clothes, and his build, he looked vaguely like a lumberjack.
“Wow,” he said eloquently. Thor grinned and turned around slowly. Steve’s eyes fell directly to his ass, framed beautifully by the form-fitting denim, strong and tight and round and Steve’s mouth started salivating as he laid eyes on it. “Jesus.”
He caught himself as soon as he saw Thor’s smug, cocky grin. “Don’t even, babe.”
Thor chuckled. “You look sexy yourself, älskling,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to his lips. Steve blushed. His own clothing wasn’t anything special, just a navy blue button up and khakis. And Thor’s jacket, of course.
“You ready?” Thor asked, holding out his arm. Steve looked at it and chuckled before taking it.
“You’re such a sap,” he teased. Thor laughed.
“I think it’s sweet,” his mother said, taking a picture.
“Mom!” he protested.
“Oh hush, I’m getting sentimental in my old age,” she said. “Sue me.”
“You look great tonight, Ms. Rogers,” Thor said. “Do you have plans while we are gone?”
“I have a date tonight,” she said.
“You. What?” Steve asked. “Do I know him? Is it a him?”
“Now, son,” she chastised. “I’m aware that you’re not interested in women, but let me be the one to tell you that a lady has a right to her secrets.”
“Well…” Steve demurred. “If he tries any funny business, let me know. I’ll beat him up for ya.”
Both his mom and his boyfriend laughed at that. He chuckled a bit himself. The idea of him beating anyone up was honestly laughable, unless this guy was as small as he was. His mom came up to him and took his face in his hands.
“You’re sweet, son,” she said, stroking a stray strand of hair out of his face. “You two have fun tonight, you hear me?”
“Yes mom,” he groaned, smiling. “You too.”
“I will,” she said. “Now go on, you’ll be late.”
Thor dragged Steve out the door before he could protest or try to get a little bit more information out of her. Once they were out the door of the apartment, he simply walked with Thor to the subway station.
Whatever Steve had been expecting, this wasn’t it. The place was absolutely packed. He couldn’t even remember what this event was raising money for, he just remembered that it was an event that his school’s GSA had promoted. The idea that this might actually be a community event never crossed his mind. He squeezed Thor’s hand, taking comfort in his presence. Bars were hard, even when they didn’t serve alcohol. Thor covered his hand with both of his as they stood in front of the door.
“Thanks,” he said.
“We can leave if you want,” Thor said. “No one said we had to stay the whole time.”
“Right, right,” he said. He took a deep, fortifying breath. “Okay, I’m ready.”
Thor led him into the loud bar. People were already singing on stage. The ones who were actually brave enough to, anyway. Without alcohol, the more reserved, like Steve would have to suppress their inhibitions themselves. Not that he was planning on getting up and singing, not at all.
They met Pietro and Wanda sitting at a booth, waving them over. Steve hurried over, eager to seclude himself among people he knew rather than mill about with perfect strangers. He was suddenly really self-conscious. Who wore button downs and khakis to a club, anyway? Someone who had absolutely no business being in one, that’s who.
“Relax,” Thor said. “We’re here to have fun.”
“Yeah, Steve. You look fine,” Wanda said, taking a hand in hers. It was somewhat reassuring.
“Do both of you read minds?” Steve asked. “Because it was hard enough with just Thor and his entire family. Or am I just that easy to read?”
“It could be both,” Pietro said, with a grin.
“Is that Ms. Foster?” Thor asked, pointing to the stage.
Those assemble turned to look as, to their shock, Ms. Foster in civilian attire began singing at the top of her lungs to What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes. She’s… an amazing singer with a rich alto voice. The entire bar began to sing along, from the bartenders to the students who were probably all equally shocked that she actually showed up. Volunteers went around asking for donations from the patrons. Thor handed in a folded check. Steve didn’t ask how much he put on there. It was certainly more than he would ever think to give for a charity. Mostly because he was broke.
Cheers erupt from the audience as the song comes to a close and Ms. Foster bows and exits the stage. A few more people show up, doing a decent job, though there was one guy who had a good tenor voice who sang a song Steve didn’t recognize. It was nice enough. Ms. Foster was making the rounds, greeting all the students who came out to partake in the event.
“Your voice is amazing!” Wanda gushed when she showed up at their table. “I had no idea that you could sing like that!”
“Thanks, Wanda,” she said. “Any of you gonna go up and strut your stuff?”
“I think I’m the only one who isn’t,” Steve said.
“Aw come on, Steve!” Pietro said, leaning across the table to punch him lightly on the shoulder. “Live a little! It’s for a good cause.”
“Hey, Thor already donated money on my behalf,” Steve countered, drinking his coke. “Getting up to sing wasn’t in the plan for the evening.”
“I am singing on your behalf, then too,” Thor said, looking up towards the stage.
Just then the karaoke stage was empty and Thor got up to go get on stage. Steve said a Hail Mary (or some of it, anyway, he only knew the first line) as he watched Thor talk to the DJ and step up to the mic. Whistles and cheers sounded as soon as he was under the spotlight and a strange combination of jealousy and smugness stirred within Steve. Jealousy over people ogling his boyfriend and smugness that he was his boyfriend.
Not for long if he goes back to Sweden, a stray thought told him. That stopped him cold and he started doing a brief meditation exercise, focusing on the here and now rather than stray, unwelcome thoughts.
“This one’s for you, love,” he said, not indicating where Steve was in the crowd. The twins and Ms. Foster all turned to smile at him and he blushed, pulling his jacket around him. Ms. Foster sat down in the seat Thor abandoned and looked up at the stage eagerly.
“I bet he has a great baritone,” she said. “His voice is certainly deep enough.”
“You’re not wrong on that one,” Steve said. Meanwhile, Wanda had taken out her phone to record him.
The song began. It was an 80s rock song that immediately elicited cheers from the crowd. Even Steve knew this one. He groaned as he thought that his boyfriend might ruin Africa by Toto for everyone.
Bizarrely enough, the crowd got really into it. People were singing along, even the people at his table and Steve found himself singing as well. It was one of the few songs from the 80s he actually knew. He even laughed when Thor belted out, I bless the rains down in Africa every time the chorus came.
Eventually the song ends and the crowd cheers, even Steve for once, even though Thor’s voice remained absolutely terrible. He was beaming the way he always did when he sang. Ms. Foster and the twins stood when Thor approached. They all hugged him, laughing at his antics. Steve smiled and hugged him as well.
“Have you come around on my golden pipes yet, Steve?” Thor asked.
“Ehhh, the jury’s still out?” Steve replied.
“Maybe I need to go up again tonight,” Thor laughed. “I will convince you of the beauty of my voice yet.”
“What have I ever done to you, Thor?” Steve joked.
“You stole my heart, of course,” Thor replied, kissing him lightly on his forehead.
“All right, that’s enough sweetness for tonight,” Ms. Foster said, walking towards another group of students. “I’m going to have to call my dentist in the morning.”
The rest of the evening was spent laughing and singing, though Steve never got up to sing himself. Wanda and Pietro did a cover of Don’t Stop Believin’. They were among the few people who were actually good tonight, most everyone else was either terrible, nothing special, or decent, which Thor assured him was how most karaoke nights were. He did eventually get up to sing Eye of the Tiger, which he didn’t have the voice for at all. Just like last time, Wanda took out her phone to record his performance. He seemed to have a thing for 80s rock songs. Actually, that seemed to be a theme for the crowd in general.
Around midnight, though, Steve was starting to fall asleep on Thor’s shoulder. He awoke when his boyfriend shook his shoulder gently and yawned loudly.
“Ready to go home?” Thor asked. Steve yawned again and nodded.
“Five more minutes,” he said, laying his head back on Thor’s shoulder. Thor kissed the top of his head.
“Come, my love,” he whispered, shaking him a little harder. “Let me take care of you.”
Steve hummed and opened his eyes. The twins were smiling amusedly at him and he blushed. Thor helped him up and guided him towards the door. It was a cold night. The bustling sounds of the city, people chatting, cars driving, honking, street performers plying their trade, fell around him like a river over stones, smoothing away his worries and his weariness. Thor came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him. He breathed in his scent, wood smoke and pine, and leaned back into his chest.
“Come, my älskling,” he whispered. “Let’s go home.”
“Whose home?” he asked.
“Whichever one you want, love,” Thor replied.
Steve opened his eyes and tilted his head up to smile at his boyfriend. Thor kissed his forehead as they stared into each other’s eyes.
“I love you,” Steve whispered.
Thor smiled and kissed him again. “And I, you, Steve.”
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victory-cookies · 3 years
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One of my AP Lang classmates might dm a dnd campaign for the class 👀
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