#whoo i have been sitting on this idea for ages actually even

[sems-diarie]

Sem I had the most weird interaction with a coworker/friend

so like we’ve all been WFH the past few months and in my job i was hired during this time. We started a hydbrid system like last week right?

And since we were all WFH everything was on google meets (we basically had to be in a meeting at all times with our team in case we needed help/to build connections etc) and this one dude (not in my team, we’ll call him Al) would jump in my team if his team was off (part timers basically had set hours where full timers wouldn’t and me and him had same part time shifts) and we lowkey became work friends bc we’d always be on at the same time right?

So Al is like 40 or smth (i didn’t know this bc he didn’t have a photo on our work comms app and he never had his camera on) and so i had no idea what this dude looked like but he knew what i looked like (cause i had photos + sometimes in meetings if a few people had their camera on, i would too).

Anyway, i met him in office for the first time yesterday and he kept messaging me like “i see you” and like mentioning what i was doing and stuff and it was funny at first but then lowkey weird bc i’d look around and couldn’t see anyone right? and idk what he looks like so i didn’t even know who i was LOOKING FOR

Then my work ‘bestie’ came in to start his shift (his nickname is Tits - i will not elaborate) and me and Tits are actually really close friends bc we highkey bonded over our shared traumas lmao and have hung out before. And Tits comes up to me, gives me a hug and sits down. all the usual shit.

Suddenly i feel someone legit cover my eyes and go “guess whoo” and i knew it was Al cause i immediately recognised his voice. Turned around to say hello properly and get swooped into mfing bear hug and he goes on about how he’s SO happy to finally meet me and how he’s been waiting for this day FOREVER. My ass finally manages to step back to actually look at this dude and i’m like whatever the hug is cool but a little unexpected but i like hugs so i’m fine.

and Tits is like “yo who this” and Al introduces himself as “this lil girls hot older friend” and fucking WINKS. and then turns to me and is like “i gotta get back to my team but it was great finally meeting you, gorgeous!” and this old man pulls me into another hug and kisses my head before skipping off. I legit stood there for a solid minute like 🧍🏽‍♀️

Tits just looked at me and was like “that was… weird. you good?” and idk?? like a part of me was all maybe he’s super friendly and that’s ok but also??? we aren’t even close like that- we’re friends at BEST and i was thrown off that he was like in his 40s too bc idk why but age never came up?? ever? I only found out about his age yesterday when i asked lmao and at first he was all “does it matter?” idk sir you’re like 20 years older than me and a bit too touchy feely for work friend

idk if i’m overreacting and he’s just nice and very touchy or it was weird? I told one of my friends of this and they pointed out that Al and me started our shift at the same time but he didn’t reveal himself until another dude hugged me like 5hrs later

you’re not overreacting. it made you uncomfortable, and that’s enough. he cannot overstep your boundaries, no matter how long you’ve known each other or how close he thinks the two of you are.

you should tell him that you didn’t like his behavior—just so he can know not to repeat that fuck shit again. and if it persists (hopefully it doesn’t) take him straight to HR. i’d say let someone in HR know now just so it’s on file.

are you okay? :( do something sweet for yourself because that’s a very unpleasant feeling to sit with, baby.

#vent baby! — ꨄ

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

Hello :) Welcome back to another episode of Smol Copy-Pastes A Ramble/Rant From Discord And Calls It A Tumblr Post. This week, we’ll be looking at one of my Crying Over Nishiki sessions which ALSO became a full on rant against Kazama! Whoo! Here we go, gonna be another ‘read more’ cause a) spoilers, and b) reeeeally long unhinged ranting about fictional men :D

“LOOK I COULDVE FIXED HIM, EVEN AFTER HE SLAPPED REINA, I'D HAVE BEEN LIKE 'LISTEN BBY I LOVE U IM HERE FOR U BUT GET YOUR ASS BACK OVER THERE RIGHT NOW AND APOLOGISE TO REINA!!!!!'

BUT NOOOOOO EVERYONE JUST HAD TO DECIDE TO BE A HUGE BITCH TO HIM AND BECAUSE THE DUMBASS LASHED OUT AT ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE HE HAD LEFT AND PROBABLY FELT LIKE HE COULDNT GO BACK AND APOLOGISE CAUSE I THINK HIS SELF ESTEEM IS ALREADY LOW ENOUGH BY THEN TO NOT EVEN THINK HE DESERVES HER FORGIVENESS AND THEN YUKO FUCKING DIES BECAUSE KAZAMA IS A FUCKING SHIT DAD AND EVERYONE IS A DICK TO HIM UNPROMPTED AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

point is i want to rip Kazama's spine out with my bare hands

hate how the game acts like he's so cool and good when he's really not he failed his kids so so badly ACTUALLY NO THEYRE NOT HIS KIDS HE'S THE ENTIRE REASON THEYRE ORPHANS”

(at this point I moved to the spoilers channel to continue my Unending Kazama Hatred)

OKAY SO TIME TO SCREAM ABOUT THAT MOTHERFUCKER KAZAMA AND HOW THE GAME SUCKS HIS DICK do you have ANY idea how much i hated when they go to Tojo HQ so Tachibana can pay em to leave his sugar baby alone and the old fucker who weve never seen before is like 'u know i'd have paid a billion yen for Kazama when he was ur age. are u worth that much? are u as good as him?' LISTEN HERE CUNT HE IS A BETTER MAN THAN KAZAMA EVER WAS AND EVER WILL BE!!!!!!!

WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHIN SEEING AS HE'S REALLY ANNOYING IN THIS GAME like okay i get it Kazama is a yakuza and ex-hitman i EXPECT him to have done bad shit and it's very nice he set up the orphanage n all but it also isnt cause like bro you murdered these kids parents!!! and idk anythin about their life in the orphanage i'll admit but as an active yakuza i cannot imagine him being the most hands-on, tender, loving parent ever, yknow? ALSO ALSO like i know he tried to stop Kiryu and Nishiki becomin yakuza im just saying YA COULDVE TRIED HARDER MATE!!!! THEY WERE SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD, THEY WERE CHILDREN FOR GOD'S SAKE. KIRYU WAS LIKE 'WHY WONT U LET US BE LIKE U YOURE A YAKUZA U GET A COOL CAR AND PEOPLE RESPECT U LET US TRY AND HAVE THAT' YOURE LETTING HIM SELL HIS SOUL TO A LIFE OF CRIME BECAUSE HE WANTS A FUCKING CAR?????? I DONT CARE HOW STRONG THEY WERE IN THAT FIGHT YA FUCKIN SIT THEM DOWN AND GET RID OF THE ILLUSION OF GLAMOUR!!!!! TELL THEM THEYRE WORTH MORE THAN JUST GRUNTS WHO ARE GOOD WITH THEIR FISTS AND NOT MUCH ELSE, ONE FIGHT IN THE RAIN AND YOURE LETTING THEM JOIN, ABSOLUTELY FUCK RIGHT OFF WITH THAT 

AND THEN HE'S SHOVING THEM OFF TO ANOTHER FAMILY BECAUSE OF SOME POLITICAL BULLSHIT IDK BUT FINE FAIR ENOUGH YA DONT WANNA PLAY FAVOURITES BUT I FUCKING HATE THIS WHOLE 'OH SEEMS DISTANT AND UNCARING BUT ACTUALLY HE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING AND HAS THEIR WELLBEING IN MIND' I JUST- JUST FUCK OFF!!!!!! 

MAYBE YA SHOULD PLAY FAVOURITES WHEN ONE OF YOUR CHARGES IS DYING VERY QUICKLY AND HER BROTHER HAS NO ONE FOR SUPPORT. INSTEAD OF FUCKIN LETTING THE GUY THEY APPARENTLY SEE AS BIG BROTHER FUCKING REPRIMANDING THE GUY CAUSE HE CANT GET CONTROL OF OR RESPECT FROM THE PEOPLE YOU ASSIGNED HIM AND SEEMINGLY KNEW THEYD BE DIFFICULT!!!!! HOW IS MY BOY MEANT TO ""PROVE HIMSELF"" WHEN HES DEALING WITH THE TRAUMA OF TAKING A LIFE (EVEN IF THE FUCKER HAD IT COMING), THE GUILT OF LETTING HIS BEST FRIEND TAKE THE FALL, AN ACT OF PURE KINDNEES IN CONTRAST TO HIS OWN BRUTAL IRREVERSIBLE ONE, THE STRESS OF TRYING TO SAVE HIS SISTER WHO IS DYING (MAYBE CONTRIBUTE SOME EXTRA CASH KAZAMA??? MAYBE???) AND DEALING THE AFOREMENTIONED DISRESPECTFUL FUCKERS AND LASHING OUT AND HURTING THE ONE PERSON HE HAS LEFT AND BURNING THAT BRIDGE, AND THE GIRL HE KILLED A MAN FOR HAS LOST HER MEMORY AND VANISHED (WHICH YOU HELPED WITH KAZAMA!!! YOU KNEW SHE WAS SAFE!!!!), 

AND THEN THE GRIEF OF LOSING HIS SISTER FOR NO. FUCKING. PURPOSE. HE SOLD OUT HIS REMANING MORALS, HIS PRIDE, ANY RESPECT OTHERS MAY HAVE HAD FOR HIM ALL TO SAVE HER AND IT FAILED. HE WENT THROUGH ALL OF THAT ALONE. YEAH I'D HAVE FUCKIN TURNED EVIL AS WELL!!!!!!!

im not sayin Nishiki is fully free of blame, obviously, he made his choices, and murdering Reina after using her love for him to further his own ends AND killing Shinji and ALL of the shit he pulls in Kiwami, yeah, completely fucked up, horrible, his choices, he did that shit. im just saying that i dont know, maybe if ya wanted to step in at any point in the last ten fucking years Kazama (preferably before that too), ya couldve and fuckin SHOULDVE”

I’ll be honest with ya lads, I stand by every word of this cfvgbhnjkgvbhnj

#smol speaks #smol plays yakuza #akira nishikiyama #anti shintaro kazama #idk is that a tag? idk if he has fans or not i dont wanna go upsettin people #yakuza spoilers #long post #holy fuck that IS a long post i TOLD yall i went off on one cgfvbhjnkm

[uglypastels]

Slide In // Frat!Tom

(a/n) I’ve never written this au before, in like a full fic i think, so i have no idea if this is good, but i had this idea in the middle of the night and yeah. I hope you guys enjoy. this may or may not have been inspired by a certain post @duskholland made about Tom and his mirror selfies <3 how amazing that he literally just posted one today lol

word count: 16.7k

warning: drinking, mention of drug use (weed), school, social anxiety, some smexy innuendos. i made some big last minute changes, so i hope its all coherent. 

DEEPFAVE: Liking a photo (or any post) from over a year ago.

It was a cloudy morning, and it was early. Really really early. Not even the birds felt up to it, it felt like. The campus was slowly awakening or going to sleep (depending on if you had been to last night’s Delta Kappa party, of course). 

It was cold, and the leaves fell off the branches with each huff of the morning breeze. The grass was wet from the previous night’s rain, and it soaked your ankles as you ran through the small grass field, in hopes to cut a bit off the distance to your lecture hall. 

It had not been your fault that you overslept. You had gone to bed early; your backpack was already packed for the next morning. It was supposed to be a relaxing morning, perfect for easing back into it after a week of sleeping in and celebrating the holidays. How could you have expected that your roommate would barge into your dorm at 2 am, still whoo-ing her drunk ass in the corridor with other wasted idiots? 

And it wasn’t like you were against all that partying and drinking. You would have gone yourself to the frat party, but it just didn’t sit right with you. A giant house full of intoxicated strangers- the anxiety running through you just thinking about it was making you shake. 

So, instead of “living a little”, as your older brother called it, you preferred to stay in bed most evenings, either watching Netflix or reading a book. Yet, still, you had been kept awake for so long last night that you slept through your alarm. What was supposed to be a calm morning turned out to be ten minutes of rushed panic. Eventually, you had decided to skip most of your morning routine, including breakfast, brushing your hair or even putting on a decent outfit. You ran out of your dorm, clutching on to your bag, phone and keys.

Your hair was reasonably alright. It was still in the braid you had made before going to bed, but a lot of hair had fallen out during your slumber. When you looked in the mirror though, you saw that it looked decent so you let it be. Not so much could have been said for your outfit. You kept on the same shirt in which you slept in, which was a slightly oversized grey graphic tee from a random indie concert you had been to ages ago. Unfortunately, it was so cold that you couldn’t just go outside in your shorts, so had to spend a precious minute slipping into a pair of sweatpants that were actually not as bum-looking as you had feared.

Luckily, the walk (or in this situation, run) to the lecture hall was short. So, you survived with only a thick sweater over your arms. 

And so, just like that, you were running through campus. The cold air was piercing your lungs as you inhaled deeply. Each breath started with this whistling sound, as you tried to ignore that pain, and ended in an exhale of a cloud of condensation. Maybe you weren’t in the best shape, but even this horrible experience would not make you sign up for the campus gym. No way. 

You could see the lecture hall doors, the wide wooden panelling already towering over you, and you slowed down. You were trying to catch your breath and composure. As always, the doors were heavy and to add to it, the wood could not handle the temperature, so it was even harder to open them. 

“Oh, let me,” you suddenly heard behind you, almost making you jump. The voice sounded familiar, but it wouldn’t click to a particular face just yet. 

“Thanks,” you breathed out as an arm extended from behind you, clad in a leather jacket, and pushed the door open with ease. You followed the arm up with your eyes and saw how it connected to an actual person. Yes, you definitely recognised him. But what was his name again? 

T- something starting with a T. 

He smiled at you politely, nodding the gesture for you to go inside. 

“Thanks,” you said again, before finally moving. 

“No problem,” he was walking behind you but quickly caught up to your side. You saw in his hand a Starbucks coffee, which almost made your mouth water. 

“Professor Dowling’s lecture, right?” he asked, before taking a sip. Your eyes unconsciously followed the movement as the need for caffeine was growing. 

“Uh, yeah. Yeah,” you shook your head, focusing on anything but the delicious rich smell that you could sense coming from the cup—dark roast. 

“Well, good to know I won’t be the only one late,” he chuckled. Troy? Was that his name? No. He didn’t look like a Troy. 

“We’re not that late,” you checked your phone and cursed internally, “only… nine minutes.” 

“Dowling doesn’t care if it’s nine minutes or nine hours. Late is late.” He took another sip. You had to look away before your stomach realised how empty it really was. 

“True, I guess. Well, it was nice knowing you.” You sighed as you had reached the second door leading to the lecture room. Ty raised an eyebrow. No, his name was definitely not Ty. What was it?!

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, Dowling is gonna kill us, isn’t he?” You explained, and he nodded in agreement. 

He was again the one to slowly and quietly opened the door, giving you insight into the room. You almost yelled out in excitement when you saw that the lights had been somewhat dimmed for a slideshow that the professor was giving. You have Tim (nope, not Tim) a knowing look and smile. You had been saved. Then, the two of you slipped into the room, letting the doors close themself. You saw a few people turn their heads as you walked by together, searching for a seat, but you didn’t think much of it. You would have looked too if someone dared to be late for one of Dowling’s lectures. 

Finally, you found an empty seat. Two, actually. It was in the back of the class, so you hoped that once the lights would go back on, Dowling wouldn’t immediately notice the addition of two more faces. The mystery guy, as you were too tired to think of more names and decided to give up, sat down next to you. He pulled out his laptop and turned it on, quickly putting it on the lowest setting of brightness. Just before he had opened it up, you noticed a few stickers. Between a few references from tv shows and movies, you saw the logo of Delta Kappa. You only recognised it because you had been seeing the logo on almost every notice board the last few days together with the campus-wide invitation for last night’s party. 

So he was a frat boy. 

You looked up to the side at him as you pulled out your laptop and notebook. The notebook was more for doodling than anything. But also to write down some more of the essential or just entertaining parts of the lecture, since you had come to realise that writing things down by hand helped you remember better. 

Your heart stopped beating for a second as you opened your laptop, praying that no embarrassing tabs were open or, even worse, you still had Spotify playing on full blast. But you could let yourself relax when the laptop just showed you your desktop. 

Right then, you could hear your stomach growl of hunger. 

“Here,” suddenly T, as you decided to call him for the time being, slid over his coffee to your small desk. You looked up at him in confusion. He had a cap on, so there was not much you could see in the dark shadow, but you saw his sincere smile. 

You thanked him before grabbing the cup. Since it was Starbucks, you hoped to learn his name finally. But instead, in black marker, was written “Holland”. Last name. Well, that was something.

_________________________________

“Thank you,” y/n said before grabbing the drink, taking a look at the name written on it, and taking a big sip of it, although she quickly pulled it away from her lips, her face distorted in a sour expression. 

“Sorry,” Tom apologised, “my hand had slipped when I was pouring in the sugar.” 

“Yeah, I can tell,” she whispered, still a bit disgusted, but it didn’t stop her from taking another large sip. “How can you drink this stuff?” 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.” Tom grinned. 

Times weren’t exactly desperate, in his case. 

The party had been a massive success. Everyone seemed to have had a great time, and this time, not even at the cost of any of the frat house furniture. Sure, some people might have thrown up in the cooking pans, but that could be easily cleaned up by one of the pledges. 

It all ended around 2 am, which was fairly early, but it was, of course, a school night. Tom remembered to drink water before going to sleep and woke up with only a mild headache. A few painkillers solved that pretty quickly. He got up, stumbled a bit over the mess around the house and was on his way to class. 

He was sure he would have made it on time if it wasn’t for his usual appetite and need for coffee. Yes, he could have made it at home, but for some reason, the coffee from that machine always tasted like piss. And Tom did not want to find out why. So, it had almost become routine for him to stop by the Starbucks that was on the way from the house to the lecture halls. 

What he had not expected was the giant line of customers inside. More people had felt the need for coffee after a wild night of partying. He recognised some girls, still wearing the same dresses they wore to the party. A few guys who looked like they were on the verge of death were sipping their drinks in the corner of the room. The two baristas were running around behind the counter, trying to make the drinks as fast as possible. As fellow students, they knew that there were a lot of people rushing to get to class, at least. 

Tom had even looked at his phone, checking the time before he decided to step into the queue. He had majorly misjudged the time it would take the baristas to make the few drinks before it was his turn to order. In the meantime, people would walk up to him, also recognising him from the party, to tell Tom what a great time they had last night. 

Finally, he got his drink and made his way over to the second station and poured in some sugar. For that extra kick of energy, but also, secretly, because he could not stand the bitterness of coffee. Then, it was really time to leave the crowd. Tom never really minded people and was definitely what you call a “social butterfly”, but there was always a limit. And the limit on a Monday morning was minimal. Even smaller, if you are still trying to get rid of a hangover. 

He had just reached the main square of campus when he saw the big clock. He was already late, so it wouldn’t do much to run. Professor Dowling did not care for excuses or how late you were, even if it was a second. So he could as well just take his time. 

Others had different ideas apparently.

Tom watched as someone ran across the grass, clutching on to their backpack. She stopped at the same door that he was heading for, so he got to have a good look first. The first thing he saw was the back of her head. Hair made up in a braid that was falling apart. A large black sweater, probably her boyfriend’s, was covering most of her frame. 

She was trying to pull open the door that had the word PUSH on them, but Tom didn’t say anything. It was early, and by the looks of her, not that he was judging, she didn’t have a great morning. 

When they had made eye contact, he recognised her from the lectures but did not think he had ever heard her name being mentioned. Professor Dowling loved interacting with the class, no matter how large, and often called out people to answer his absurd questions. She had never put her hand up to answer. Tom was sure of it; he would have remembered her name. 

It interested him to see her pull out, not only a laptop but also a notebook. Did people even use those anymore? Even the dim light he could see the words scribbled on the cover. The decorative style did kind of make it hard to miss it. 

Property of y/f/n.

So that was her name. Tom couldn’t help but smile to himself. 

Having already missed the first ten minutes, he tried his best to focus on the words of the professor, but some things just couldn’t go unnoticed. 

By the look y/n was giving his coffee cup, he could tell that she had not had any herself and the sound of her empty stomach as they sat next to each other only confirmed his suspicion. So, it only felt like the right thing to do to give her some. And the smile he got in return definitely made it worth it. 

His attention was entirely gone by that point, as he watched her open her notebook. It was filled with little drawings. Some were more distinct than others. There were the classic five-petal flowers and the single mysterious eye with no other entity attached to it—also a few little scratchy tornadoes and random filigree. Patches of just lines and different patterns filled up the corners and extended out to the middle of the pages. Tom also definitely recognised a few attempts at bringing back the Super S in there. 

But what also filled up the page were little characters. She must have drawn them during the lectures around Halloween because he recognised a little witch, stylised to the perfect amount of cuteness. There was also a cauldron of bats flying off to the side. 

Tom could have looked at it for much longer and still find some more doodles in there, but unfortunately, she flipped the page. This one was blank. She took out a pen and started to doodle mindlessly.

First, a straight line, to which she attached little ovals. Lightly, but the lines got darker, the more she went over it. Then she made some more lighter lines across it. It made him chuckle when he recognised what it finally was—a piece of wheat. The way she stopped drawing for a second, Tom thought that she had not realised what she was drawing either. It was just a random coincidence where a few lines suddenly could make up an existing object. Then she continued. 

From time to time she’d stop to make a note somewhere in the middle of the page, something that professor Dowling said that made her giggle. It was adorable to hear. 

“Now, this,” Tom could hear the professor say from his little podium, the two little words shook everybody in the room awake because those they were code for IMPORTANT. As Dowling kept on talking, y/n closed her notebook and pulled her laptop closer to type. Tom had to pull himself together to focus on the actual lecture.

Then the sound of her stomach pulled him out of that. That was followed by the whisper of an angry “fuck”. Tom looked over to y/n again. She was trying to type something out, but her shaking fingers kept pressing the wrong buttons. She was crumbling apart from hunger. 

Crumbling… 

Suddenly, Tom remembered. He leaned down to look in his bag, hoping it was still there. It was.

“Hey,” he nudged her side, making her look up at him once more, with caution. He grabbed the small pack of Oreos and slid them over to her desk. She looked perplexed. Then she pushed the, slightly flat-looking, cookies back to Tom. He frowned. 

“I thought I’m not supposed to be taking candy from strangers.” She whispered. Tom chuckled and pushed the pack of four cookies back to her. 

“Well, good it’s not candy then. Eat. I can tell you’re starving.”

Y/n looked at the Oreos, not sure whether to take them or not, but her stomach answered for her.  She opened her mouth, but then she closed it again and turned away. Tom understood it. It would have been the fourth time she would have said: “thank you”. By now, he got the message. As she opened the packet of cookies, Tom went back to listening to the lecture. 

_________________________________

You hesitated before taking the cookies. Were they some kind of prank? You knew how frat guys loved to pull jokes on everyone, even if they were no better than middle school hijinks or cheesy April fools clichés. But the silver packet, except that it looked a bit flat, seemed to be untouched. Most likely because of getting squashed by something in his backpack. 

You opened it and were immediately hit with the delicious whiff of chocolate. You took out one cookie and didn’t bother with the usual way of splitting it open to eat the filling first. You needed food. Now. Even if it were just four broken Oreo cookies. It was better than nothing.

Obviously, you were still hungry and in need of a proper breakfast, but the small snack helped you hold out for the rest of the lecture. 

But now that your stomach was sorted for, you had another problem concentrating. Your new, still unnamed, friend tended to type very loudly. At first, you looked over in a bit of annoyance, which made you actually notice his hands. There was nothing special about them. They were naturally just hands, but the way he moved his fingers across the keyboard… it made you look back in that general direction a few times more.

Probably because of all these distractions, the usual hour and 45 minutes felt much shorter. Before you knew it, professor Dowling was saying his goodbyes and everyone around you started packing up their things.

Needing to get some food ASAP, you packed up your things and practically ran out of the room. Only as you were nearing the cafeteria did you realise that you had never said goodbye to your snack provider. 

Shit.

_________________________________

“Hey, so I was thinking-” Tom was going to suggest grabbing a bite for breakfast together, being somewhat hungry himself, but when he looked up y/n had already packed her things and was on her way to the stairs, following the other students out the door. 

Tom sank back down into his seat. 

“Any problems, Mr Holland?” Tom’s head shot forward to see professor Dowling looking up at him. When he looked around, he saw he was the only one who had not started packing up. 

“No, everything’s alright, sir,” Tom said before getting up with his laptop. “Great lecture. Learned a lot... and stuff.” 

“Good, good,” Dowling said. His glasses were slipping off his nose slightly, so he pushed them back up with his middle finger. “I did not expect you to have heard anything, by the way you and miss y/n were chatting.”

The professor’s words made Tom’s cheek burn up as he pushed the laptop back into its place in his bag. That man saw everything.Suddenly he felt as if he was in middle school again.

“Try to not make it a habit.” 

“No, sir,” Tom said.

Dowling just nodded, meaning the conversation had ended and giving Tom permission to sprint out of the room. 

He wasn’t sure why he was in such a hurry. Maybe he was hoping to find y/n waiting outside the doors. He didn’t even know why he wanted to see her there. He just did. He had this urge just to watch her doodle in that notebook of hers. There was something so endearing about it. 

Alas, no one was waiting for him outside that door. Or even in the proximity of it. There was no one but groups of students making their way from and to class. 

Then, Tom realised that she must have run off to the cafeteria. Still, he decided against going there. As much as he wanted to talk to y/n again, he didn’t want to come off stalkerish. Besides, they’d have another class tomorrow. He could speak to her then. 

“Ayo! Holland!” Tom looked over to a group of people he recognised to be his friends. They were gathered around one of the large windows that was open in the hallway. He waved to them before making his way over. 

“What’s up, man? You looked like a lost puppy.” Jacob said. 

“No nothing, I just zoned out a little, I guess.” Tom shook his head, clearing it off thoughts of y/n. 

“Well, we were thinking,” his best friend and fellow Delta Kappa resident, Harrison joined in on the conversation, “There is this new bar opening next week. The… something- shit, what’s it called again?” He looked over at the rest of the group. 

“The Sterling,” it was Zendaya that answered. She was sitting on the window sill with both legs in front of her, not living much space for anyone else to sit. She had something between her fingers, and Tom could not make out if it were a regular cigarette or a joint. (The smell insinuated at nicotine, so that answered for itself.) The fact that they were on campus did not make much difference to them. She took a drag and blew the smoke out, before handing it to Harrison. 

“So, Holland, you’re in?” 

“Yeah of course.” There’s nothing like the hysteria of drinking yourself sick in some new dingy place across campus. A new one would open up every few months because its predecessor would get shut down after too many accounts of selling alcohol to minors. It had almost become a game for younger students to see how quickly they can destroy a business. Tom and Harrison had been record holders for a while. Five weeks. Tom wasn’t exactly sure how anyone could tell they were the reason for The Six-Ball to close, but it didn’t matter. (“With a name like that, they deserve to shut down,” Harrison had joked before ordering two Long Island Iced Teas.)

Now that they were of the legal drinking age, of course, maybe it wasn’t as fun to go to those shitty holes in the wall, but with the right people, they made it a party every time. 

“Nice! So-” Jacob started talking about how he thought the night had to go, but Tom was already zoned out again. Between Zendaya and Harrison, he had the perfect view of the small grass field. Some people had sat down there with their friends to enjoy the midday, but most people still considered it too cold to sit outside. But what Tom was looking at was behind the grass field. It was the cafeteria doors. He saw that large sweater again. y/n walked out, holding something that looked like a sandwich. Tom smiled to himself. 

“What are you smiling about?” He got nudged in the ribs by someone. 

“Oh, you know, the uhm-” he had no idea what the rest of his friends had been talking about to include in his lie.

“I know,” Harrison said, lounging his arm across Tom’s shoulder to point in the same direction that Tom had been looking at. Tom froze up when he pointed straight at y/n with his finger. 

“Angela Pikowski.” 

“What?” It took Tom a second, but indeed, right in front of y/n, stood Angela with her own group of friends. She laughed at something, whipping her bottle bleached blonde hair across her shoulder. He understood too, how Harrison had caught her so quickly in his vision, for she had her jacket open and her shirt was pretty tight and low cut. How did that girl not catch pneumonia or some shit? 

“You ain't slick, bro.” Harrison patted him on the back. Tom, not wanting to get into it more than he needed, just grinned awkwardly. When he looked out into the square, Angela still stood there, but y/n was gone. 

_________________________________

The campus food was never that good, but it didn’t matter. The feelings of having actual food in your body felt so good that it might as well have been a five-course meal from a three-star Michelin restaurant. While, in reality, it was just a little bacon, egg and salad sub on stale bread. 

It did not matter. 

You enjoyed your breakfast as you walked down the path, back to your dorm. After that horrendous morning, and the pretty… interesting lecture, you were ready to lock yourself up in a room and do nothing but watch Netflix. And thankfully, due to having only one morning class, you could actually do it too.  

You said your polite “Hi”s and “Hello”s as you passed some other people you recognised from other classes. A bit hopefully, you were on the lookout for your (still nameless!) friend from the lecture. You really had to figure out what his name was. 

By the time you had reached your dorm building, your sandwich was gone. A part of you was still hungry, but you ignored that. You were probably just bored anyway. 

The dorm hall was basic in every way, from the carpeted grey floor to the plainly painted walls. But the inhabitants, of course, did try to give it some life. They hung up posters and banners, flags and lights. You reached the door that was decorated with a collage of different 80s glam rock artists and walked into your room. That college had been a little bonding experience with your roommate, Marie, during the very first week of Freshman year.

When you walked in, your eyes were immediately drawn to the lump on one of the beds. A groan erupted from underneath it when you switched on the light. 

“Ruuuude,” Marie yelled out. She came out from beneath the sheets. Her hair was bigger than ever, and you could see the mascara and eyeshadow stains under her eyes, and there was still some glitter on her. 

“You know, you should take off your make-up before going to sleep,” You said as you took off your sweater. 

“You know, you should put some on before leaving the house,” she said before diving back underneath her sheets. 

“Ouch,” you both laughed. But you couldn’t help but take a look in the mirror as you passed it. Maybe you could have used some concealer under your eyes, but it wasn’t that bad. Right? 

The room the two of you lived in maybe wasn’t big, but it wasn’t small either. You were definitely one of the luckier people in the building. Your room, after all, had just enough space for the two beds, desks and closets to mirror each other on each side of the room. You also went the extra way to put up some extra shelving on your side above the bed, since one closet was not enough. 

“Didn’t you have class this morning as well?” you asked as you sat down on. You could hear something coming from Marie that resembled an “Mhm”. Not in the talking mood, got it. 

So, in quiet, you pulled out your laptop and searched for something that did not look mind-numbingly dumb to watch, eventually settling for a show you had probably watched five times out of pure overwhelming of choice. After a while of moving around in your bed, you found a comfortable position at last and turned the show on, ready for a day of uninterrupted laziness. 

_________________________________

Tom got home a bit later than he had hoped. After making plans for the next night, his friends were determined to go out for lunch as well. What he thought would be just a quick grab-and-go, turned out to be a full two-hour lunch where they talked about anything and nothing. 

He loved the company of people, but not on Mondays. Mondays were his day to do nothing except for going to class, and Tom felt like he had already done too much. 

When he did get back, people were still busy cleaning the aftermath of the party. It had gone a bit wilder than Tom remembered. Some jackass had decided to spray paint one of the upstairs hallways, and the colour was not easy to get off. Luckily, it had become almost a custom for all the house members to lock their doors during a party. For privacy sake firstly, but like anything at Delta Kappa, it turned a bit into a game. 

The first two unlock their door, either if the person was too tired to stay at the party or wanted to bring a guest into their room, was obliged to do something horrible. It was up to the rest of the house to decide what. Fortunately for Tom, he had not been the first to unlock his door that night. That luck fell on poor Billy.

Even if it came to be so, the rule didn’t make sense because no one could check who the first one was to open their door and even if- it was not an official Delta Kappa rule. That meant that, even if the person got caught to be the first, they could simply deny the dare. They would be known as Head Chicken, of course, but there were worse things in life. 

Tom moved up the stairs, saying hi to a few of his roommates, feeling very lucky as one of the senior members of the house, he did not have cleaning duty. Most of that was up to the pledges anyway. 

He remembered when he had to do all those tasks and shit to get into the house. It was so stupid; he didn’t even understand why he chose to be in a fraternity, in the first place. 

He did think the other guys had gone a bit softer on himself and Harrison since at the beginning of it all, they had been chosen by the sorority of Alpha Zeta Zeta as the favourites. Still, some unspeakable things had been done that year. 

But now that he lived in a giant house with some of his best friends, it all felt like it was a bit worth it. He had a great time at Delta Kappa. 

One of the best pros, by far, was that he had his own bedroom. Spacious for everything he needed plus a bit more. A large, unmade, bed waited for him when he opened the door. That, and the happy barks of Tessa. 

“Hello, darling,” he bent down to pet her as she jumped to his knees. Tessa was the official mascot of the fraternity, but she had very early on found a great liking to Tom. It only took her a few days to get settled in his room, and from then on, she wouldn’t sleep anywhere else. 

Tom moved up to his bed, and Tessa gladly joined him. She patted down a circle before lying down with her head on his chest, letting out a satisfied huff of air. Even if he wasn’t comfortable, Tom had no way out anymore. He was stuck. With nothing else to do, he took out his phone and went through his notifications.

Some texts from Harrison and Jacob, a missed call from that girl he made the mistake of giving her his number. People were getting Wi-fi again because he got at least twenty different Snapchat pictures and videos from the party. 

What else there was plenty of, were Instagram mentions and tags. He went through the photos, smiling. It really had been a great party. Then, something popped up in his mind. 

Property of: y/f/n 

y/f/n

Could it be that easy? He could just search for her and hope to find her account. He typed it in. Her first name was already enough to get plenty of results. As always the profile pictures were too small to really make out a true identity, so he made his way through the accounts. 

He only needed three tries, though. The picture already resembled her, so with hope, he clicked on the account. 

This account is private. Follow this account to see their photos and videos. 

Tom sighed. Not so easy after all. Then he saw the bio. It was a bit vague, just a few random emojis. But what interested him was the Followed by and the fifteen mutual followers that she had. It couldn’t be anyone else. 

For some unknown reason, his heart was beating in his throat as he clicked on the blue Follow button and watched it turn grey. Now it was just a matter of waiting until his request got accepted. Or maybe denied. Who knows. 

_________________________________

Watching a show for the fifth time got a bit boring. You could still laugh at the jokes, but at the same time, you could also almost flawlessly quote it as the scene went along. So, a few episodes in you took out your phone and started scrolling through various app feeds.

Marie had fallen back to sleep since you could hear her snore in her bed. And you were falling asleep slowly too. It was so warm in your room, and your bed was so soft and comfortable. Your eyes were getting heavier by the second. 

Then a notification popped up, brightening up the screen in your hand. Half-awake, you tried to read it. 

(your account): Tom Holland (@tomholland2013) has requested to follow you. 

Tom? Your mind took a moment to process. Then the face finally clicked to the name. Tom! His name was Tom! 

Without much further thought you accepted the request and before you even put your phone down, you fell asleep. 

_________________________________

Not to sound desperate, Tom waited for a good half hour before rechecking his phone. He clicked on the Instagram app and the search icon. Her account was still the last one from the recent searches he made. Tom clicked on the account and, to his unexplained surprise, he was greeted with a gallery of pictures. 

He had noticed earlier that the count on top of the page said 53 Posts. Interested, he clicked on the first one. It was a picture of a coffee cup. It wasn’t tagged, but Tom recognised it to be from that café Le Moulin. He saw the distinctive black windmill on the napkin that could not be missed. 

He scrolled down. 

It was a selfie from last summer. The filter slightly enhanced her bright smile on the picture, but Tom could tell it was more to show off the warm atmosphere of her holiday destination. The next photo was from the same holiday, he assumed, of her and a group of friends. He recognised the girls from campus. When he tapped the picture for the tags, he saw their names. @tiffani.btx @bonne_marie @lucywithnodiamonds 

He thought to have spotted that Marie chick at the party. She was French if he remembered correctly. She was definitely a wild one. Might have even grinded up against him during one of the better songs that were played. 

There were some more selfies, solo and with friends, sunsets and landscapes. The picture quality got worse as he scrolled down. It matched with the timeline. People should not be keeping up their pictures from seven years ago, especially not with all those fucked up filters they used back then. Tom was, of course, one of those people. 

He scrolled to the last picture; it was of a dog—one of the cutest little labrador puppies. 

Out of nowhere, Tessa barked in her sleep, making Tom jump up. This sudden movement, in its turn, woke the dog up completely. Tessa kept barking. 

“Right, I think it’s time for a walk, what do you think?” He patted Tessa on the head as she tried to lick his arm. Tom got up and was about to leave his room when he realised he almost forgot his phone. The screen hadn’t turned off yet, so he looked at the puppy again. But something was off this time. Something had changed. 

The little blank heart under the image- it was now pink. 

He accidentally liked her oldest picture. 

_________________________________

There were two types of naps. Those that made you feel amazing and refreshed by the time you got up. And those that made you feel like you had fallen asleep on a bed of rocks. You felt even worse than before when you woke up. Your head was throbbing, and your bra had pushed itself into every possible part of your chest, making it that much more uncomfortable. 

“What time is it?” you asked Marie, but she was still asleep. 

The light of your phone almost blinded you, so you quickly put down the brightness. It was around four o’clock. Meaning you had slept for a good three hours. 

Besides the time, you checked your notifications. There were not a lot of them. A few spam emails, a few texts in a group chat you never responded too and… a like on Instagram? 

tomholland2013 liked your photo. 1 h 

You had to think back to the moment before your nap to remember that he had in fact requested to follow you. And you had accepted it. 

You clicked on the notification, and it sent you to the liked picture. To your surprise, it was the picture of your family dog, Spot. Your family had picked the name even though he was a completely yellow labrador, loving the irony. 

It was your first-ever picture, from over seven years ago. Had he been stalking your account? Why the fuck would he do that? 

Well, you thought, it was only fair if I do it too. So, through the like, you made your way over to his account. 

First thing you noticed was the number of followers he had. 15.7k How the fuck do people even get those numbers? Well, it’s easier if you’re a hot frat guy, of course. 

His profile picture was a mirror selfie, and clearly, it was his favourite composition, for at least five out of the first nine pictures in the gallery were the same style. All full-body reflections, with him holding the phone in his right hand, leaning his head a bit to look at the screen as he took the picture. His lips weren’t exactly in a smirk, but there was that cockiness in there. He really was feeling it, that was obvious. 

The first picture was a classic mirror pose- A black jacket and a black hat: the same outfit he had been wearing in class. You looked at the timestamp and saw that he only posted it an hour ago. Already it had dozens of comments and a low thousand amount of likes.

You scrolled down. A denim jacket and beanie in the mirror; a grey t-shirt and sweats in the mirror; a black suit in the mirror, the list could go on. There were other pictures, mostly from the frat house parties and other events where alcohol played a significant role. There were also the occasional front camera selfies. 

You couldn’t help but look at those a little bit longer. There was something about that small tight smile that he made that was so cute. In one of the more saturated pictures, with a deeper shadow, you noticed that his nose actually had a little bump in it, most likely from breaking it in the past. 

But just from likes alone, you could tell that the mirror was a public favourite. 

There was something about the confidence that the pictures portrayed that spoke to you.. He knew he looked good, and no one could deny it. Except, he looked so much better than good. 

It was interesting to be scrolling down his posts because it was like a trip back in time. At first, it didn’t wasn’t that obvious, just maybe a change in temperature during the year that was referenced through his clothing. Then it showed a bit more as his hair started to get shorter by each picture taken. It got shorter and shorter until his hair was not much more than a buzz. The reason for the drastic hair change was explained in the next picture. 

You had already scrolled down four years worth of pictures, and this one was of him (taken by someone else). Tom was standing in a victory stance on a grass field, which you recognised to be the campus square. He was only wearing boxer shorts and on his chest was painted, in bright blue paint, 𝜟K. Underneath the post, read the caption: Delta Kappa babyyy! with a bunch of other hashtags. One that was included was #deltakappapledge #initiated. Of course, it was during his pledge period. 

You kind of hoped that he had to do more than just shave off his hair because he didn’t even look half that bad. It even suited him actually. Hoping to find some more evidence of that embarrassing period, you scrolled on. 

The sound that came out of your mouth as you scrolled to the next picture was inhumane. Keeping to tradition, it was a mirror selfie. Behind him seemed to be some workout equipment, possibly from the campus gym, but no one would look at that. Everyone would be too focused on what was in the foreground. 

It was Tom standing in front of a mirror, chest glistening with sweat as his hair draped in front of his eyes. Instead of the usual pose, he stood sideways, showing off not only his flexed bicep as he took the picture, but also the outline of all his other muscles.

Completely forgetting what you were doing, you double-tapped the post. How could you not? Only a second later, did your monkey brain realise what you had done. You had made that exact same mistake as Tom. Except while he had liked a picture of a cute dog, you had made your mark on a shirtless selfie.

As the pure humiliation flooded over you, you threw your phone to the other end of the bed with a squeak. 

What’s done was done. 

_________________________________

Tom came back from the walk with Tessa after an hour. They both enjoyed a long walk around the park neighbouring the campus, just to then pretend like they were too exhausted and lay in bed the rest of the day. Well, Tom pretended. Tessa seemed legitimately tired. 

They went back to their position on the bed. Not sure what else to do, Tom got back to Instagram. There was no reaction to his accidental like yet. Not even a follow back from y/n. A bit rude but okay, maybe she hadn’t seen it yet? 

He shook his head. He didn’t like this weird side of him. Where had it even come from? Since when did he wait for anyone to respond to him? And they weren’t even having a conversation! 

Having nothing else to do, he searched through his phone gallery for a good picture to post. He chose one he had taken during lunch, on his way from the bathroom. It was still crazy that his friends wanted to go to a place where you needed to take an elevator to go to the toilet. 

He didn’t care for editing, so he went through the usual Instagram process of making a post, thought of some dumb caption and send it out into the internet. Soon enough, as if they had a notification on for his activities, the likes streamed in.  For the first few minutes, he tried to look through them, again hoping that y/n would be one of the likes or the heart eyes emojis in the comments, but quickly it became too much, and Tom couldn’t keep up. He still enjoyed reading the comments.

Of course, it was all one big ego boost. The praise and compliments, even if it was for something as shallow as his looks, definitely gave him a good kick of dopamine and all those other happy chemicals during the day. 

Tessa was snoring and drooling on his belly as Tom went through his timeline and explore page. There was not much exciting happening in peoples’ lives, but it made the time flow by faster. An hour had gone by probably when he decided to recheck his activities. His new picture already had a few thousand likes and was close to reaching a hundred comments.  He went through some of them and either liked them or responded with a matching emoji. 

But as he scrolled through the activity, he saw a like that was to a different picture. A rather old one too, just from the beginning of college. And who might have liked this picture? y/n 

She liked a workout selfie, huh?

With the confidence that the like gave him, Tom clicked on her account and the message button. He thought about what to send for a moment but decided against overthinking it and went with a simple- 

_________________________________

(tomholland2013): Tom Holland: Hi 

You looked at the notification for a while. He definitely saw you had liked his old picture. Was he going to make fun of you? Tease you how you had outed yourself for thirsting over him? 

But maybe he just wants to talk? You tried to sound optimistic to yourself. After all, he did like an old picture of yours too. You were kind of in the same boat.   

Putting all worries aside, you clicked on that damn nerve-wracking notification, and without much more thought send out the reply. 

(y/n)

Hey :) 

Before you could even send out the smiley, the message rose to reveal “SEEN” beneath it. Was this happening? Was it? You could see he was typing. 

(tomholland2013)

After stalking me you could have at least followed me back lol 

(y/n)

Right sorry just a lot of mirror selfies. Thought i’d seen everything there is to see 😂

(tomholland2013)

Rude Seen anything you like though? ;)

Uhhh, of course, you have. You liked it. A lot. But you weren’t going to give him that satisfaction. 

(y/n) 

No not really 

Quickly change the subject. 

So what are you up to? 

Good enough subject? 

(tomholland2013) 

Just lying in bed with Tess

Tess? Who was Tess? Did he have a girlfriend? If he did, he would have posted something on his Instagram, right? That’s what couples did? Unless it was just a one time fling. You couldn’t even call it a one-night stand since it wasn’t even night. 

Wait, why did you even care about that? You had literally only said hello to each other and shared a coffee during class. 

But the curiosity was gnawing at you.

(y/n) 

Tess? 

(tomholland2013)

Yeah, she’s falling asleep on my chest. Kinda tired her out lol

You looked at the text, unsure how to respond, or even if to do it. Was he telling you about his hookup?  It didn’t sound like the nice guy you had met in front of the lecture hall, and that gave you his leftover coffee and Oreos. Your face wrenched into a grimace, not sure anymore what to make of this conversation or of what had happened during class.

He was typing again. 

Wanna see? 

Jesus Christ, this was a mistake. You didn’t respond, but he still sent you a picture anyway. It was a timer, unfortunately, meaning you had to click on it to see what he had sent. But he could see you got the message and that you were online. The longer you took, the more prominent you would make it that something was wrong, and you didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He had given you his coffee. 

The curiosity got the better of you once again, though, and you clicked on the little bomb. What popped up was almost what you expected- but at the same time, so not. Before your brain properly processed what you were looking at, you were scared that he had sent you an unsolicited dick pic, but it was the furthest thing from that. 

What you saw was a POV shot of his chest and legs. He was indeed lying on his bed. On his chest, however, was the head of a grey silver dog. “Tess” had her eyes closed peacefully as she slept on. 

Of course, it was a dog. 

You decided to be honest. For the benefit of the conversation, if anything. 

(y/n) 

Omg 💀 

(tomholland2013)

We just came back from a long walk, so she’s pretty knackered  What?  Did you think I meant something else? 

Embarrassment kicked in anyway. 

(y/n) 

No... lol 

(tomholland2013)

You sooo did lmao Jealous much ;)

(y/n) 

Of the dog maybe

(tomholland2013) 

Cause she gets to be here with me? 

(y/n)

No I meant it like  She’s so cute  I want one

(tomholland2013)

Relax  I was just messing with you  But if you ever wanna come over

(y/n) 

Maybe another time 

The response came out in a panic. Had he invited you for what you thought he did? No, there was no way he did. Besides, you couldn’t go to his house. You barely knew the guy- your mind kept on whirring about it. But the conversation continued.

Soon the sun had gone down, and it got dark outside, but the messages kept coming in. At one point Marie finally woke up from her hangover slumber. Drowsily she got up and headed for the shower with a towel and toiletries bag in her hand. Before she left, though. She asked you if you could prepare something to eat for dinner since she was starving. You being you, agreed.

(y/n)

Hey, I think I gotta go for a bit. Gotta make dinner for my roommate

(tomholland2013) 

What’s on the menu? 

(y/n) 

Probably spicy ramen? 

(tomholland2013) 

Damn. sounds good But can’t she make it herself? 

_________________________________

A part of Tom wanted to send another message. I want to keep talking to you. But that felt like a bit much. She was typing again anyway. 

(y/n) 

Because she’s still hungover from your party lol Thank for that btw 

(tomholland2013) 

You make it sound like i am personally responsible 

(y/n) 

Well your the only guy from DK i know so  you’re**  💀fml. There go my chances of an english degree 

(tomholland2013) 

Nah babe YOU’RE good ;)

 _________________________________

Your heart fluttered at the little word, for no reason. It was just a text message. He probably called every girl he texted that. Still, the sentiment was there. Also that winky face of his. Could he stop? 

He started to type again. 

(tomholland2013) 

But if you ever wanna meet the other guys, you really are welcome to come over. 

(y/n) 

I’m good thanks. 

Going to a frat house alone? You felt like that could easily be the start of your personal horror movie. It would absolutely crash at the box office, but that didn’t matter. And it was the second time he invited you to come over. If it was a hint, it wasn’t a subtle one. It didn’t stop you from doubting it.

(tomholland2013)

No need to be scared. They’re pretty chill dudes. 

It was cute how he could read your mind because you were undoubtedly scared, but what he probably did not think was that you weren’t interested in meeting any other frat guy because there was only one on your mind at the moment. 

(y/n) 

Maybe another time  ttyl? 

You had sent the last message in the hopes that he had as much fun talking to you as you did with him. You watched eagerly as the three dots danced around on the screen while he typed out his answer. 

(tomholland2013)

 Absolutely

_________________________________

Tom turned his phone off with a smile covering his face. He had just spent talking a good two hours to y/n, and he had to admit, he hadn’t had that pleasant of a conversation with anyone in a long time. It was just so easy to talk to her. It might be partly because it was only texts. But still, she was funny, sweet, and so pretty...

Unbeknown to himself, he was falling a little bit for y/n. Although, maybe he did feel it coming. The idea of getting another text from her made his face heat up. The idea of seeing her in class the next day almost made him… giddy. And it’s only been a day. 

“Hey, man,” there came a knock on his door. “Better hide anything that would make it awkward between us cause I’m coming inside in 3-2-1-” 

“‘S all good,” Tom said right as Harrison walked through the door. 

“We’re gonna order pizza, what do you want?”

“Just the usual, I guess,’ Tom shrugged. Honestly, he didn’t really feel like eating pizza but to be the only one that wasn’t having any wasn’t a good strategy either. 

“Alright, then.” As quickly as he walked in, Harrison was also leaving the room. But he peeked his head through the door once more before actually walking away. 

“Hey, are you sure you’re good?” Harrison looked at him through narrow eyes.

“Yeah,” Tom answered as he prodded himself to sit up. “Why?” 

“I don’t know… Nevermind.” And with that, Harrison left to share Tom’s order. 

It was a rare occasion that all the house members would be at home on a night that wasn’t reserved for a party. That night, when it came to dinner, it was around 8 of them. Everyone was already sitting on the couches when Tom came downstairs to grab his pizza. He grabbed a chair and his box and sat down. A football game was playing on tv, and it made Tom roll his eyes. He still had no real idea of how football was supposed to work. He always preferred golf or basketball, or even baseball. 

The guys cheered at a touchdown or whatever but all Tom could focus on was his phone. He kept checking if there were any notifications from y/n. So far, there was nothing. She was probably busy, he told himself, not wanting to feel too disappointed. 

 _________________________________

“So who were you texting back then?” Marie said as she slurped on her noodles. You were playing around with your own portion a bit, not really in the eating mindset.

“Huh? No one.” you shook your head.  

“So it is someone. C’mon. Who is it?” She extended her leg to poke yours. She kept going until you finally gave in. 

“Just this guy from Dowling’s class.” you finally took a bite of ramen. 

“Aaand does this guy have a name?” Marie kept on asking. 

You looked up from your cup of noodles. “Tom… Holland.” 

Marie gasped, almost dropping her food onto her lap. “Tom Holland? As in Delta Kappa Tom Holland?’ you nodded your head yes. “No fucking way.” 

“What?” Not the most nuanced reaction, but it would do. 

“No way you have a crush on Tom fucking Holland.” You always noticed that when Marie cursed her French accent would show up again. Just the slightest bit. This time, however, what you stayed on was her statement. 

“I do not!” you said as your cheeks were heating up. 

“Ohhh, you do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have said ‘nobody’. Everybody knows that ‘nobody’ is code for either crush, boyfriend, or drug dealer. And I think we can exclude the last option.” you were going to protest, but you would have only been fooling yourself. 

“So, hypothetically, let’s say I do have a crush on him. Why did you scream out ‘No way’?” You bit your lip, a bit scared for an answer. 

“No, no, no. I didn’t mean it like that.” Marie put down her ramen on her desk and came to sit down next to you on your bed. “I didn’t mean that you, like, don’t have a chance with him. Please, if anything, you’re too good for him.’ you both chuckled. “I just didn’t think he’d be your type.” 

“What, hot?” You raised an eyebrow to which she slapped your shoulder. 

“You’re being difficult. I mean, so… out there. You know, he’s basically the leader of that frat house, he always parties, always has stuff to go to. And you’re… well, pretty much the exact opposite. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Completely not. I just don’t want you to put yourself in any positions that you’re uncomfortable with to impress him or anything. Remember, you are too good for him.” 

“Thanks.” you hugged her from the side. “But don’t you think that it would be good for me to go out once in a while? Out of my comfort zone?”

“Sure, if you’re actually doing it for you. Not some guy.” 

“He is really nice, you know.” you smiled, remembering what had happened that morning. You went on telling Marie about it. 

“Oh, so he’s got a crush on you too, huh? That works out perfectly. ” She finally said when you were done telling your story. You looked at her with wide eyes. 

“What? Noooo,” you said, letting an awkward laugh escape through the no. 

“Fine, whatever,” Marie moved back to her own bed and grabbed her cup of ramen. “But I bet you that if you check your phone now, you’ll have at least one message from him.” 

You rolled your eyes again but grabbed your phone either way. And, fair enough, you had two notifications from ten minutes ago. 

(tomholland2013): Tom Holland: Heyy

(tomholland2013): Tom Holland: I hope the ramens good

Holding in your smile, and ignoring the smart ass comments of Marie, you replied quickly. 

(y/n)

It was :)

_________________________________ 

The speed at which Tom checked his phone when he felt the vibration in his pocket could have caused someone severe whiplash. He responded to the text and got up. Ultimately, he had hoped that he could slip out the room unnoticed, but he never got what he wanted, did he? 

“Where are you going?” It was Dave that saw him get up. Tom stopped in his tracks like a little kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

“Just up to my room. Feelin’ a bit tired.’ He explained. This answer received several strange and confused looks, but Tom ignored those and just walked upstairs without saying another word. He plopped down onto his bed. Tessa was still downstairs under the table chewing on some pizza crusts, so he was finally alone. 

The texting continued through the whole night, and Tom had wholly lost the sense of time. He didn’t even feel tired. If it wasn’t for y/n saying that she was about to fall asleep, he wouldn’t at least. Like that, the windshield crashed, and he felt the fatigue from the hours of messaging and staring at a screen overwhelm him. He just about managed to send out goodnight before his eyelids were too heavy to open up again. 

_________________________________

The next morning you woke up feeling much better than either time the day before. Fresh and energised, with plenty of time to get ready before class started. Not that you really put much effort into how you looked for the morning lectures. It was more mental preparation. With enough time to eat breakfast, shower and brush your teeth, you felt excellent walking out the door. Dressed in a sweater that was warmer than two jackets and some loose jeans. With your bag over your shoulder. 

You always thought the walk from your dorm to the lecture halls was delightful. The path leading toward it was enveloped in a tunnel of trees, and during the end of the year, when the leaves were turning into their auburn and golden shades, it almost felt warmer than in summer. Because the harsh wind still kept up with its schedule. It blew in your face as you walked, rubbing against your cheeks. 

When you got there, the lecture hall was still relatively empty. Only a few other people had taken their seats. This was the crucial moment of choosing your seat. Against all your own instincts, you walked down to the bottom of the auditorium, into the fourth row. You had never sat that closer to professor Dowling’s podium, too scared you would be too easy to notice and called to answer a question. But something in you told you to be brave. 

Besides, you had the idea that Tom wasn’t eager to sit there either.

As much as those butterflies in your stomach fluttered at his mention, you didn’t want to talk to him now, not during class. You needed to pass this class badly and to do that, you needed to focus. Something you could not do with him sitting next to you. 

That’s what you told yourself. It was, of course, true, but the bigger problem was that you were scared. Tom sounded like a nice guy, a very good looking nice guy, but Marie’s words played in your head. He was from a completely different world. And it was a scary one. Why not keep a bit of a safe distance at first?

So, you kept your head buried in your notebook as people started to stream into the room. One by one, the seats around you were getting occupied—none of them by Tom, for better or for worse. 

_________________________________

It had taken Tom a while to find y/n. He walked into the room, thinking he had come in with plenty of time to spare, but as he was making his way down the steps, the professor was already making his way to the podium. Tom tried to look around the room as quickly as he could, but he could not see her. Where was she? 

Professor Dowling coughed loudly, indicating for everyone to shut up and sit down, so he could start the lecture. Tom took the first empty seat he saw. An aisle seat somewhere around the 8th row. The course started, but Tom’s eyes stayed on the seats, looking for that braid. 

It wasn’t a brilliant plan, because he had no idea if she had actually kept that braid in for another day. And she had not, in fact. He noticed her, sitting somewhere at the bottom of the class, as she grabbed her hair and was pulling it up into a bun. She did it so quickly, so smoothly, without ever letting her attention get away from her. Focused on the class. He could really learn something from her. 

And he tried to take a page from her book as he finally looked ahead of him to see Dowling write an entire essay on the blackboard. He cursed himself and quickly started to type everything over. His fingers went in fully automatic mode, and he had no more idea what the words he was typing actually meant. 

His mind had wandered off once again. He couldn’t stop feeling that disappointing pull at his heartstrings. He had hoped they could have had a repeat of yesterday. She apparently thought differently. Or maybe she had hoped he would sit next to her, but he was just too slow? 

The lecture went on forever, felt like. Tom’s fingers were cramping up from typing so much, and he could feel his back beginning to hurt in the uncomfortable chair. He kept stealing quick glances at y/n, hoping to catch her in doing the same, but she had not moved once. 

He had to get a grip. They had known each other for one day, spoken maybe ten sentences to each other in person. The rest was all through text. And nothing was the same via messages. Maybe all his feelings were coming from the entirely wrong place? Perhaps she was just polite, and he had misinterpreted it for casual flirting? Besides, there was that sweater of hers yesterday- what if she had a boyfriend? 

But a part of him still wanted to ignore all those signs and go for it. So, when the bell rang, and professor Dowling finally dismissed the class, Tom made sure he was one of the first ones outside. The large hall had two exits, so he stood against a wall, somewhere in the middle between both doors, hoping to catch y/n as she was walking out. 

The loud rumbling of thunder caught his attention momentarily. 

It was just a second, he swore to himself. But the second was enough to miss her. Somehow she had escaped him, nowhere to be found.

_________________________________

You had seen Tom waiting out in front of the room, and you felt horrible for walking the exact opposite direction. For the sake of your own feelings, you didn’t look back at any point on your way to your second lecture. 

As Professor Phillips spoke, you felt your phone vibrate. 

(tomholland2013): Tom Holland: where are you? :) 

The little smiley made heat up in the cheeks, but you tried to ignore that as you typed out a response. You didn’t even click the notification to go to the app, just responded through the shortcut. 

(y/n): had another class

Another notification popped up not long after. 

(tomholland2013): Tom Holland: wanna meet up later? 

(y/n): ngl I don’t feel well, will probably head back home right after

(y/n): but i’d love to chat

You shut off your phone, too scared to see the reply. Maybe it wasn’t the best move since you could not think about anything else for the remainder of the class. When you checked your phone again on your way back to the dorms your heart was lifted. 

(tomholland2013): Tom Holland: of course. hope you feel better <3

_________________________________

Tom tried to think that she wasn’t avoiding him. After all, they texted almost every possible second that they had the time for the past week

They had talked about pretty much anything and everything. And it felt great. The way they spoke to each other, or at least Tom to her, was as if they had known each other for ages. 

Tom only wished he could do that with her from across a table, or a on a bench. Where ever, he didn’t care. He wanted to be able to look into her eyes as they talked and see her smile. Hear that lol and not just imagine it. 

Unfortunately, y/n was kind of giving him the cold shoulder in the real life. She ignored him during classes, and was gone before he could get the chance to talk to her. Whenever he asked if they could meet, she’d give him some reason she couldn’t. If it wasn’t for the fact that they had actually already met in real life, he had vary valid reasons to think he was being catfished. 

Another reason could have been that she sounded too perfect.

It was the next Tuesday already, and Tom was waiting eagerly for the lecture to end. It had been a full week and he had decided, while copying some of Dowling’s notes, that he would talk to y/n today. After class. 

Tomorrow would be the opening of the Sterling and he wanted to ask her if she wanted to come.Or at least to know if she wanted to hang out ever. If the truth came to be no, he would be fine with that. He respected that. He just needed to know. It wouldn’t take away from the fact how great it was to have someone to talk to, even if it was only through text bubbles.

The bell rang and Tom sprinted out. He kept his eyes on both doors as best as possible and finally saw her. 

_________________________________

“Hey, y/n!” you heard your name being called from behind you. It was from Tom. He waved to you so would come over. Taking a deep breath, you decided to wave back, but your legs were frozen in place.

You felt absolutely terrible for ignoring him and denying his various invitations to hang out or to go anywhere, but it was just too terrifying. You were scared of fucking it up. Of it to turn out to be one big joke. You had heard of frat guys using dates and hookups as dares and shit. You didn’t want that. You couldn’t let that happen.

But when you saw Tom smile at you, those worries suddenly disappeared and your legs moved without connecting to your brain. Suddenly, you found your spot next to him.

He had been leaning against the wall with one foot, his arms crossed. You decided to lean against it with your shoulder. Even though you had your sweater, you could feel the grizzly texture of the bare red brick. He smiled and mirrored your movement, so you were only a few inches apart. ,

“Hey,” he said, still with the smile on his face. 

“Hey,” you replied. 

Tom uncrossed his arms to brush his fingers through his hair. As you watched him do so, you couldn’t help imagine how it would feel to play with his hair. It looked so soft. 

“I just wanted to say,” he licked his lips. You were so close to each other that you could see how pink and chapped they were. Focus. “How much fun I had the past week. It’s bee really great talking to you.” 

“I had fun too,” you said. It really was nice talking to Tom. Especially now, standing so close to him, you could smell the coffee he had consumed that morning. Was it pumpkin spice? You felt stupid for not letting it happen sooner.

“Great, that’s- that’s really great to hear. I said great already, didn’t I?” He laughed, shaking his head, “Anyway, I was thinking: a couple of friends of mine are going to the opening of this new bar, the Sterling, it’s probably going to be a bit boring, but I thought, maybe you’d like to come? With me?” He looked at you with those big brown eyes. Your mind started racing a million miles an hour at his words. The fuzzy warm feeling that you got from looking at his smile was dispersing and setting in for anxiety.

He wanted you to go to a bar with him and his friends? Would that be considered a date? For the sake of your dignity, you decided against asking for clarification. It didn’t matter. You couldn’t go to some dingy bar with strangers, even if one of them was Tom. You could already feel your body heating up in anxiety as all the horrible scenarios played out in your head. 

You realised you had been quiet for a while and Tom was still looking at you hopefully. 

“No,” you blurted out. “I mean, I can’t. Sorry.” 

“Oh, that’s fine. Totally. Maybe another time? Or if you don’t wanna go there, we could go somewhere else?” 

“Uhh,” you couldn’t breath. All his suggestions were so sweet, but it felt too overwhelming to answer. Thankfully, the clock tower at the other end of campus rang and indicated the quarter of an hour. Your next class would soon start, and it was about a five-minute walk to get to. 

“I have to go.” you pointed back and started walking, but Tom grabbed your hand gently, just enough by your fingertips. 

“Sorry, I just- if you don’t want to hang out with me, that’s totally fine. You don’t have to pretend to like me, no hurt feelings. I don’t want you to-” 

“I do, Tom,” you told him with a compassionate smile. Then you looked back at the clock. “But I really got to go.” 

“Right, sorry.” he let go of your hand, and you ran off to your next course. 

 _________________________________

“Who was that?” 

As soon as y/n ran off, Tom heard the voice coming from next to him. Zendaya popped up out of nowhere, an unlit cigarette hanging between her lips as she leaned in the same spot y/n had. 

“Just a friend,” Tom shrugged. That’s what they were, after all. If even. He hoped he could describe someone he had mainly only spoken through texts with as a friend. 

“You sure about that?” Zendaya smirked. “Cause by the looks of it, she’s got you pretty hooked. You were basically begging her to go out with you, bro.” 

“Yeah, well, forcefulness isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac, is it?” he sighed then almost turned pale at the words he had said. Zendaya didn’t say anything, just nodded and took out her glittery lighter. 

“Could you not?” Tom pulled the cigarette out of her mouth before she could light it and put it in his pocket. “We’re inside, for fucks sake.” 

“Fine, but tell me who this friend of yours is.” She nodded her head back into the direction that y/n ran in. 

“I don’t really know. I mean I do, but- Basically we met last week before class. Then I found her on Instagram and DM’d her-” 

“You slid into her DMs? Bro,” she laughed. 

“Call it what you want, it was the only way of reaching her I had.” 

“Fine, so you like her, yeah?” 

“I guess.” Tom didn’t like sharing his feelings. It put him in this vulnerable position that he was not used to. Zendaya knew that, yet still she pushed him to do it almost every time they talked. 

“For what it’s worth, I think she likes you too,” she said. 

“How so?” he questioned hesitantly. It wouldn’t have been the first time that Zendaya had pulled that trick on him to date someone. And it had not ended well. 

“Well, body language for one, she felt comfortable enough around you to stand close to you, facing you; she smiled at your rants which, props to her, is hard to do.” 

“How long had you been watching us, exactly?” Tom asked a bit freaked out. Zendaya ignored the question.

“Believe me, she likes you. She’s just scared.” she pulled out another cigarette from her pocket, “also, taking a girl to a shithole like the Sterling for your first date? I’m glad she said no. Set some standards, man.” And with that lovely comment, she walked away. She didn’t have to see Tom flipping her off, she knew he would do it, and she replied lovingly in the same way. 

That’s what you got for being friends with psychology majors. 

 _________________________________

The first thing you did after walking out of your second class was to check your phone if you had received any messages from Tom. There was nothing. So you decided to message him yourself. 

(your account) 

Hey  Sorry I ran away like that  And basically anytime after class and making those dumb excuses not to meet up Just so you know I do really wanna hang out with you I’m just not really great with crowds or with places like bars and stuff And ive also never really been asked to go anywhere with anyone, like personally  Idk why im telling you this. I’m definitely rambling Texting is definitely easier than talking huh Sorry for all this 

It took Tom two minutes to see your messages and to respond.

(tomholland2013)

It’s totally okay. I get it And sorry if i made you uncomfortable with all that.  Can i come to your place tonight? Or how about we go to Le Moulin?

Le Moulin. You had been there before. You could do that. With trembling fingers of excitement, you replied

(your account) 

Deal. Around 7?

(tomholland2013)

Sounds perfect. See u then 

 _________________________________

Tommo: Hey guys, sorry but im gonna have to skip on tonight 

This short message was seen and very much not appreciated by his friends. None of the replies could be seen as appropriate for day-time television. Except for the one Zendaya had sent him through their personal chat. It was simple, 

Z: 👍

With the entire afternoon off, Tom made sure he looked somewhat decent for the night. He took a shower. Washed his hair and made sure it was extra soft. He wasn’t sure what y/n thought of it, but from past experiences, he knew that usually, girls loved his hair. Thinking about other girls was probably not the best mindset, though. Still, his hair did look really good. He brushed his fingers through it. 

It had not yet stopped raining, which was a bit of a problem, but he hoped she wouldn’t mind getting a bit wet. For the sake of it, he took an umbrella with him. Luckily it wasn’t very windy, so it actually came to good use. The walk from the frat house to the dorm that y/n said she lived in wasn’t too far away, and fortunately on the way to the place he had in mind to take her to. 

On his way over, he thought about what Zendaya had told him. 

Was y/n scared? Of what? 

They had talked about that kind of stuff briefly, during the weekend, and she and said that she suffered from anxiety. Tom just thought it was stuff like giving a presentation in class. He hadn’t even thought about the more social aspect of it. And here he was pushing all those things at her like going to some bar with strangers. Jesus, why did he have to be such a dumbass? 

The dorm complex had a buzzer system like a regular apartment complex, so he searched for her name on the long list, and pressed the button next to it. 

“Hello?” It was her roommate, Marie, that answered. 

“Hey, it’s Tom. I’m here to pick up y/n.” He could hear some indistinct giggling coming from the other side of the line. 

“Of course, c’mon up. But I’m afraid you’ll have to wait a bit.” Next followed the buzzer, and the doors opened for him. The number on the button said 54, so he assumed it had to be on the fifth floor. When he walked up to the door with that number, he was greeted with a colourful collage of rock bands whose hair was probably more impressive than their vocal range, which said a lot considering Queen was on it. 

He knocked and waited for someone to open. y/n was the one to do it. She stood frozen in the door, only a towel wrapped around her body. 

“I thought we said seven?” she said, her voice a bit higher than usual.

“It’s quarter past seven!” Marie shouted out from inside the dorm. y/n cursed. 

“Shit, sorry, I lost complete track of time. Give me ten minutes, okay?” she held up a finger so he would wait here. Tom nodded and let her close the door again. He could still hear her yell at Marie as to why she had not told her she was running late, to which Marie only responded with hysterical laughter. 

“Holland?” someone in the hallway asked a few minutes later. Tom turned in the direction to see a guy with a head full of bed hair poke out of his doorway (which was covered in pictures of death metal posters and my little ponies). He stepped out in the hallway to reveal he was wearing nothing but a pair of tiny and tight briefs, leaving little to the imagination. 

“Oh hey… Crocker,” he called the guy by his preferred nickname. 

“Hey man, what are you doing here?” Crocker asked. The way his eyes were almost ruby red and the stench coming from his room, Tom presumed that the guy was higher than a kite. 

“Oh you know, waiting for a date, heh.” He said a bit awkwardly, pointing back to door 54. 

“Ah, getting some of that French jay nehsuh gwaa.” 

Tom looked confused. He wasn’t sure he had ever heard someone butcher a language that badly. Well, probably, but he didn’t remember it. He kind of understood what Crocker meant, though.

“No, I’m here for y/n. Not Marie.”

“Damn? Really.” Crocker started to giggle, which might as well just have been a side effect from whatever he had smoked up in his room. 

“Yeah?” He wasn’t sure how else to react. Crocker just shrugged and walked back into his room, smashing the door closed. Tom turned slowly, not sure what exactly had happened just then. And he turned right on time too, because the door of dorm 54 opened and y/n walked out. Wearing a raincoat over a sweater and jeans. She also had a pair of black ankle boots on. Tom could not help but smile at the sight of her. 

“Sorry about that,” she said, the nervousness in her voice was unmistakable. 

“First,” Tom spoke, remembering one of his earlier worries from days ago, “you don’t have a boyfriend, do you?” The question made her laugh.

“I very much do not. Why did you think that?” 

“The sweater you wore when we met. It had that whole stole-it-from-my-boyfriend vibe.” 

“No, I haven’t had anyone to steal clothes from in a long time.” she shook her head. Tom extended his hand for her to take, which she gladly did. It felt amazing.

“So what will you be ordering?” 

“Ice cream,” Tom answered, almost matter-of-factly. 

 _________________________________

“Ice cream?” you asked to make sure you had heard him correctly. He nodded in agreement. “Don’t you think it’s a bit cold for that?” 

“No.” He said bluntly, which really sold the case for you. You were on your way again.

You could hear the rain pound against the main door before you even reached the ground floor, and it only got harder and louder the nearer you got. Tom, being a true gentleman, opened the door for you, but you were a bit hesitant to walk outside. 

“Oh, shit. Sorry,” he let you hold the door so he could step through the threshold and push open the umbrella. You noticed it was a Delta Kappa umbrella. They really made merch of everything. As he put the umbrella up, he extended his arm for you to intertwine yours through. Then, you walked. 

Though it was relatively early, the sky was pitch black because of how early the sun set those days and the dark clouds that had been pestering the sky that entire day. Not a star was to be seen. The rain tapped heavily against the umbrella, and you tried to stay as close to Tom as possible. The excuse, of course, was to not get wet but really you wanted to enjoy the warmth that he was giving off. At one point you had changed position from just having your arm over his, to him wrapping his arm over your shoulder. 

You walked down a brightly lit path, so you could see everything around you. The trees, the cars passing by, the building. So, when you saw the little café at the end of the street, you squealed. 

While there were plenty of bars, pubs and clubs to go to around town, so there were restaurants and cafés. And while restaurants really weren’t your thing, you loved to sit in one of the cosy coffee shops with a cup of tea or coffee and read a good book. Another fun thing about all those places was that they were very internationally orientated, speaking to the wide variety of students that the university had. Le Moulin was of course based on a Parisian café. You had actually found it together with Marie, in hopes she could have something that felt a bit closer to home. Though it didn’t come close to the real magic of the French capital, it still had plenty of its charm in it. Not to mention, the pain du chocolats were to die for! 

Yet, you had never actually had ice cream from their menu. 

You still weren’t sure if today would be the day for it. By the time you wear under the little entrance roof, you were freezing, and so was Tom, visibly. 

“Are you still sure about the ice cream?” you asked him as he closed the umbrella.

“Hot chocolate?” he suggested, suddenly fluent in your love language: chocolate and hot drinks (it was a very simplified version of said love language). 

This time Tom got to be the real gentleman as he let you walk inside first. He dropped the umbrella in the stand, together with a few others. When you looked around the café, you saw that a few more couples were enjoying the cosiness. A sweet melody was playing from the speakers. The rain had also softened outside, and together with the vintage sounds of guitar and vocals, it gave the perfect atmosphere for the night.

You had barely stepped inside when one of the waiters walked up. He smiled and said: “Your table is ready,” which surprised you, but Tom took you by the hand, and you both followed the waiter to one of the tables next to the wall, where one side had a couch instead of the usual chairs. You sat down first, taking off your jacket. Tom was going to sit opposite you, but now it was your turn to grab his hand. 

“Slide in.”

He smiled and sat down. He probably didn’t need any convincing and just wanted to hear you say that you wanted him to sit next to you. You didn’t mind that. 

“Should I prepare the order?” the waiter asked as you made yourself comfortable, again confusing the hell out of you. 

“Actually, scrap that. We’ll have two large hot chocolates.” Tom said. 

“With cinnamon!” you added. 

“One with cinnamon.” Tom corrected. The waiter nodded and walked off. 

“Don’t like cinnamon?” you quizzed, to which Tom shrugged. 

“It’s alright, just not a big fan.” Both of you looked around the room. You had never been in the café at night, so you hadn’t even realised that the walls were covered in soft gold lights, giving it all that much more the feeling as if you had stepped into a fairytale. 

“I didn’t know this place took reservations.” 

“I’m not sure either,” Tom replied, you noticed he had his arm draped around you again, “I just called to be sure.”  

“Really?” That split you up into two. Your heart skipped a beat at the thought that he had made a special call to the café to get, probably, the best seat in the house. On the other side, you were freaking out for a few reasons. He had put in quite the effort in an almost last minute notice of plans, while you were fifteen minutes late. That was embarrassing enough. And this reservation basically put you in a spotlight for the entire business, which was really not ideal. You didn’t want to be noticed. 

“Hey,” he whispered and squeezed his grip around you lightly, “everything okay?” 

“Huh? Mhm,” you nodded your head and smiled, trying not to think about how the waiters might be judging you. 

“I saw you had posted a picture from this place on your Instagram, and I used to come here a while back, so I thought it would be cool, but if you don’t like it-” 

“It’s perfect,” you made up your mind. In the end, it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. You felt safe, sitting on the little couch, next to Tom. 

Soon after, the waiter came back with two mugs of hot chocolate. When Tom ordered large ones, they delivered. The mugs might as well have been cereal bowls, topped with a peak of whipped cream and cocoa powder, and a cinnamon stick in your cup to distinguish the two drinks. 

“Et voila!” the waiter put the cups down. You thanked him, and he was gone again.

There were spoons, but you decided to stir your chocolate with the cinnamon stick. 

Still with his arm around you, Tom took his mug up to his lips. With the feeling of having him so close to you, you wondered what this really was. What if he just wanted to be friends and spend some time with you? Had he noticed how sad and lonely you were, and did he want to take his pity out on you? Were you a charity act for him? God, you hoped not. You really really hoped not.

“Tom?” You looked at him, to see his eyes dart in your direction. His top lip was covered in whipped cream. You gestured it to him, slightly giggling, and he wiped it off with the back of his hand. How was someone that hot, so adorable? 

“You were saying?” he said, putting the mug down on the table in front of you.

“I was just wondering,” Be quick, get it over with, you’ll feel better when you say it. “is this a date?” 

“Do you want it to be? It doesn’t have to.” He added the second part quickly after.

“I- I think I do,” I smiled. Though he had just put his mug down, he picked it right back up, you did the same.

“Then a date it is.” You clinked cups. Still, something felt off. You were holding the cup up to your lips, but just far enough not to be able to drink from it. Your eyes glazed over as you focused them on the mural in front of you. It was of the Paris skyline. With the Eiffel tower in the middle, the Arc de Triomphe a bit to the left, on the other side stood the two symmetrical towers of the Notre Dame cathedral. It was probably geographically inaccurate, just good enough to keep everyone who had never been to the City of Love satisfied. 

“Okay, something’s up.” Tom brought you back to the date. “What’s wrong? And, please, be honest.” 

“I don’t know,” you huffed out a laugh. “But before you start to freak out, it’s nothing to do with you, I swear.”

“So, you kind of know what it is about.” he raised an eyebrow. He had a point. If you knew what it was not, it meant you knew what it was, indeed. 

“I, uhm,” suddenly you felt very much aware of everything and everyone around you. Were they listening? “Well, I really want to apologise for being so distant outside of Instagram.” 

“There’s really no need for that, darling,” he said. “I understand it, and should have been a bit more considerate. I should have realised sooner that bars and shit aren’t your cup of tea.. or hot chocolate.” 

You both laughed. 

“Yeah,” you were smiling, but the word came out a bit as a sigh, conveying your all the troubling thoughts that were going on in your brain.

“There’s more, isn’t there?” Tom saw through it. You bit your lip, not sure how to say it. You didn’t want to say it. He would probably think you were a joke. Besides, all those people around. Some of them from your school. They could probably hear every word you were saying.

“Do you maybe want to text it to me?” he suggested with a kind smile. You hadn’t realised when he had moved, but he had let go of your shoulders, and his hand was now on top of yours. His thumb moved slowly over your skin, reassuring you that, whatever it was, it was okay. 

How you hoped it was. 

You grabbed your phone and started to type out your message, taking a deep breath before sending it to him. You heard the vibration in his pocket, and with it, your heart skipped with anxiety. Tom kept holding on to your hand as he took out his phone and read the text. His eyes shot wide open. 

“Wait, really?” 

 _________________________________

“Never?” he asked, to which she bit her lip and shook her head. 

No, it wasn’t possible. 

“How has no one- nooo,” 

“It just… never got far enough- No, I mean, ugh,” she finally took a sip of her hot chocolate. Tom had to admit that it was cute how that was her go-to frustration action. She wiped off the whipped cream from her lip. Tom couldn’t stop looking at them, they were just so perfect. He wanted to feel her, to taste her. He wouldn’t even mind the taste of cinnamon that would have remained on them. 

“There was just never a guy that made me think, oh yeah, I want to kiss him,” she said after another sip of the hot chocolate. 

“So, you’d want to kiss me?” 

“Shut up,” she said glaring, but just to hide the big smile on her face. 

“Sorry, I just can’t believe you’ve never been kissed.” She flinched a bit at his words. “I don’t mean it in that way. You shouldn’t be ashamed of never being kissed. Sometimes it happens early on, sometimes it doesn’t. If it wasn’t for my pledge, I don’t think I would have had my first kiss till last year.” He confessed. y/n looked at him with eyebrows that had a twist of disbelief in them. 

“Yeah, right.”

“I swear,” Tom laughed, putting his hands up. “So really, no judgement here.” Then he leaned in to whisper into her ear, “and I definitely won’t mind breaking you in,” He couldn’t keep a straight face saying it, and neither could she. He had thought it would make her nervous or flushed, but she just slapped him on his arms teasingly. 

“In your dreams, Holland.” 

“Fuck, I hope so.” That made her freeze, just for a second though. “Shit, too much?” He asked, afraid he had finally taken it too far with his inappropriate humour. 

“No, you’re good.” She took another sip of her hot chocolate, allowing Tom to do so as well. 

“See, just because I’ve never been kissed, it immediately puts me under this label of being a prude or something, but I’m really not. I’ve just- had a really shitty love life.” Or just a complete lack of it.

“Well, I hope to change that.” He leaned in again and pecked her cheek. That finally got him the flushed reaction he had hoped for. 

“You already did.” 

 _________________________________

Your hand moved up to your cheek, hovering above the area that he had kissed. You felt like an idiot, but with Tom, it didn’t even feel like a bad thing. 

“We’ve known each other for less than two days, and I can already tell you, you’re way up there in the list of good dates.” 

“Way up there? Give me stats.” He nudged on. You thought for a second. 

“At least… top ten.” 

“Top five? Oh C’mon, babe, I think I’m a bit better than that. Not to toot my own horn, of course.” 

“Top five.” You said, ignoring the butterflies that had escaped in your stomach. He glared at you. You glared back, keeping your eyes on each other for another moment until he had dipped his finger in his hot chocolate and pressed it against your nose. You blinked in confusion. 

“That just moved you down to number six.” 

“Well, shit.” Tom leaned in and licked the whipped cream off your nose. As disgusting as it should have been, you burst into a fit of giggles, hiding your face in his chest to not disturb the rest of the restaurant. While you were trying to calm down, you felt Tom kiss the top of your head a few times. 

Finally, you sat up again. 

“Top three,” you stated. It was good enough for Tom. For now. 

You drank the rest of your drinks in the best silence possible that could be kept as both of you kept laughing at each other. Finally, the mugs were empty. Tom paid for everything and let you take the lead to walk outside with the umbrella. When you opened the door, however, you saw that the storm had now passed over into a light drizzle. You kept the umbrella closed. 

You were already letting yourself get taken up by the rain when Tom was outside. You thought he would come to join you, but he stayed under the little roof, watching you with a big smile. 

“Not afraid of the rain, are you?” you asked. “Or are you made of sugar?” 

“All I can say is, come and find out for yourself.” You were already a few steps away, so you hopped over to him, took his hand and took the final step, so you were touching chest to chest. His other hand found its way on your hip. You saw his eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips. You smiled and pulled him in closer, making you take a step back and exposing him to the weather. 

“Mutherfucker!” He gasped, not having expected that. “Ohh, you’re good.” 

Before you knew what was happening, he had picked you up by the waist and spun you around. You squealed from surprise before the both of you started laughing again. Eventually, he had to put you back down again, and your eyes widened in horror when you saw him walk to a large puddle. 

“No, Tom! No, no, no.!” He put you down right next to it. Probably an inch from the water edge. 

“C’mon, I’m not that mean.” he pouted. 

“Nah, you’re a softy,” you poked his cheek. He grabbed your hand. 

“Oi, I wouldn’t go that far.” then kissed the tip of your index finger, which you had poked him with a second before.

“Too late, I guess.” 

“You sure about that? You’re still really close to that puddle babe. We wouldn’t want any… accidents!” He gripped you by the waist again, and the sudden movement made you feel like he was gonna throw you down into the puddle. You shrieked but soon felt his arms still around you and no parts of your body were soaked (only moderately wet from the light rain) or on the ground. He was still holding you. 

“You never answered me,” he said, his sweet laughter was gone, and his eyes were on your lips again. 

“Answer what?” you kept looking at his face as a whole, taking in every detail. The way his nose scrunched when droplets of rain well on it. How one of his eyebrows was more bushy and irregular than the other. The dimple in his chin, his freckles- everything. 

“If you wanted to kiss me.” 

His golden-brown eyes were so warm, even in the dim street lights at night. His wet hair was sticking to his face, but framing it so nicely. His jaw was sharp, it didn’t seem like it should be real. 

“I do.”

His lips. Though thin and a bit chapped, they still felt so soft. The sweet taste of chocolate, mixed in with the rain that had fallen in the few moments that you stood outside. His hands cupped your cheeks, pulling you in closer to him. It felt so good. So right. 

You pulled away but with no idea how much time had gone by. His stands stayed in their position, his eyes searched yours for a reaction. Nothing came from it since you were still in an emotional daze. 

Tom chuckled. 

“Fuck, I should have slid into your DMs sooner.” 

“Way to ruin the mood, Holland.”

“Oh, you love it.” He said before pulling you into another kiss. 

The END

> song played in Le Moulin: Rendez-vous sous la pluie (Jean Sablon)

> Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed

> please leave a comment or ask with your thoughts. i love reading them and let me know if you want to see more of this au cause i really enjoyed writing it :)

> if anyone has a comment about how it had only been a day since they met etc. i wrote this 15k story in the span of 24 hours. i wish i could have added more to it but at this point, i am physically and emotionally exhausted and do not want to make it even longer. 

>masterlist and link to taglist in bio

tagging:

@definitely-not-black-cat @artemisiaarm @nerdyhockeygirl @miraclesoflove @justasmisunderstoodasloki @thefridgeismybestie @m19friend @creative-happenings @parker-holland-osterfield @fanficparker @fanficscuziranout @peterparkoure @xxtomxo @happywolves81 @captainbuckyy @tra-gicx @qxeen-of-hearts @varshavisuu @kangaroobunny @petersunderoos96  @the-lost-fairy-tale @nerd-domland @sleepybesson @rissa067 @the-queen-procrastinator @scarletteclipze @screeching-student-unknown  @spiderrrling​ @captainpeggy40 @tomhollanders2013 @miraclesoflove @playinonaloop @queenoflostspirits @roses-hxlland @hereiamhereigo @sunnydays0803 @averyfosterthoughts @moorehollandplz @beiroviski @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @peterparkerbabyyy @multifandomlover21 @lmaotshollandd @badbitchydecisions @tikapollak @awesomehritz​ @madzleigh01​ @oh-what a beautiful-parker @taciturnspidey​ @quaksonhehe​ @mountainsforwords​ @harryfobter @peepeeparkerr @viagracex​ @ethereal-beauty-p​ @slytherin-chaser​ @worldoftom​ @moonysoftt​ @peeterparkr​ @wazzupmrstark​ @saintlavrents​ @peachybloomss​ @blissfulparker​ @chloecreatesfictions-archive​  @fallinfortom​ @bitchydecisions​ @okokimfreakingoutahh @cicicantblog​ @musicalkeys​ @joyleenl​ @multifandomdoodles121 @awkwardfangirl2014​ @marvelouspeterparker​

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #frat!au #fratboy tom #college!tom #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #imagine #stranger to lovers #college!au

[tinyboxxtink]

"Doppelganger" *Part 23*

WHOO, y'all. I don't know what it is about this story but I am just...rolling it all out with the tragic backstory. No angst, I promise-- It ends happy chill out. But damn. Maybe I'm working out my own issues in here...lulz.

This gif will make so much sense you have no idea.

PART 22

Part 24

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

------

“....And how did that make you feel?”

You tried not to laugh out loud as the question left Dr. Crestview’s mouth. Did she really just ask you that?

“...I mean it makes me ‘feel’ bad,” You rolled your eyes with a laugh while looking out the window. When you turned back to the doctor she was not laughing, and she was writing something down.

“...That was a joke,” You clarified.

“Oh yes, I get it,” She nodded as she continued writing.

“Do you?” You asked her frankly. The question caused her to stop writing and look at you.

“Mrs. Barba--”

“Ms. YLN,” You corrected. “I’m not married yet,”

“...Hmm, interesting,” She wrote something down. Seriously? She even had an insight on what-- technicalities?

“I’m sorry, was that some sort of test?” You asked sarcastically.

“Actually, it was,” She said to your surprise.

“Excuse me?” You looked at her, baffled.

“You know when most women get engaged, they start imagining their last names as their husbands. You know such as changing their signature, gathering documents, and the like,”

“...Are you serious?” You laughed again. “This is 2021 lady, half the women I know didn’t even take their husband’s last name at all,”

“And is that what you’re going to do?” She asked. “Keep your last name?”

“...If I say yes are you going to psychoanalyze that too?” You crossed your arms.

“In my experience Ms. Y/L/N, women who don’t want to change their last names tend to do so because they want to keep their independence, their…’identity’. They think taking a man’s last name is ‘giving up’ something. Giving up their identity,” She explained.

“...And?” You gestured with your hand as if waiting for her to continue.

“And in my educated opinion, it also signifies a woman going into a marriage with one foot out of the door already,” She simply stated.

“Wow,” You shook your head with a sarcastic laugh. “Did I come here to resolve my trauma, or for marriage advice?”

“I think they’re one and the same, Ms. Y/L/N,” She stayed completely calm and emotionless.

“Are they?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Given what you’ve told me in our last few sessions, you’ve given off a tone that you don’t think you deserve good things. Maybe you’re keeping on foot out of your relationship so that when it falls apart, you’ll be ready,”

“Wow....wow,” You started to stand up and storm out of the office, but she stopped you with a question.

“I’m sorry if I offended you with my observation Y/N, but be honest. Am I wrong?”

You thought about all the talks you had with Rafael about ‘not being good enough’ for him, or ‘stealing his love’. And on the one hand you felt that you were ‘connected’, you felt safe and secure. After everything you’d been through, it was almost impossible not to be, right? Right?

“....And what is your magic solution to this feeling, doctor?” You crossed your arms.

“You need to forgive yourself,”

“...Jesus Christ,” You rolled your eyes with another laugh as you paced the room. “Really? That’s your solution? Telling me something I already know?”

“No, my solution is this: You need to apologize to your parents,”

“EXCUSE ME?” You practically screamed.

“You blame yourself for their death, correct? You think that because of their desire to make you happy they risked their lives driving into the city and therefore got into their accident,” She looked over her notes from past sessions with you.

“...Right,” You looked down at the floor.

“And I don’t think that you have ever forgiven yourself for that. And in not doing so, you haven’t forgiven yourself for anything you’ve done since then. All these things you say you’ve ‘done’ to Mr. Barba that you should be ‘punished’ for-- he doesn’t see it that way. Other people don’t see it that way. Your parents' accident wasn’t your own doing, getting kidnapped wasn’t your fault. I think that you need to find closure with your parent’s death before you can even begin to ‘forgive’ yourself for whatever transpired between you and Nevada Ramirez,”

“....So you want me to apologize to my parents? How are they going to ‘forgive’ me?” You asked her.

“I think you’ll find Ms. Y/L/N that just the act of apologizing will bring about its own form of forgiveness,” She smiled.

“.....Right…” You tried not to sound condescending, but for a shrink she sure sounded crazy.

“Or don’t listen to me, I can’t force you to do anything. But that is my advice,” She shrugged.

“Noted. Thank you, doctor,” You nodded and walked out the door.

----

You walked out into the streets of the city from your doctor’s office and thinking about just how or when you’d have a chance to go to your hometown where your parents were, when you were stopped by a young girl on the street.

“Oh my god...you’re Y/N!” She gasped.

“...Yes?” You stared at her blankly.

“You’re that girl who killed Nevada Ramirez!” She squealed, causing a few people to stare and take pictures of you as they walked past.

“Oh good lord…” You muttered nervously. “Yeah well um--”

“Can I get a selfie with you?”

“Um--” You looked around, not sure of what to do. You wanted to run down the street screaming, but you thought better of it. You turned back to her with the fakest smile you could form.

“Sure!” You threw an arm around her and smiled as big as you could as she snapped a selfie with her phone.

“Thanks!” She beamed at you. “ And by the way, your fiancé is REALLY sexy,”

“Oh girl I know,” You faked a laugh and a toss of your hair as she walked away with a laugh.

It really creeped you out that girls were ‘fangirling’ over your fiancé. As if you weren’t worried about keeping a hold of him all on your own. Also how did she even know what he looked like?

The article.

You grabbed your phone and did something you told yourself you’d never do: You googled yourself.

The first thing that popped up was an article on the NYTimes.com front page:

“Fairy Tale Romance Or Horror Movie?”

...What the fuck?

The article contained your video as the main focus. Then under it the article basically dictated the video, with Tasha’s opinions thrown in here and there. Then most of the photos from the photoshoot of you and Rafael were at the bottom of the page. They were gorgeous, you had to admit. Granted you were both airbrushed to hell, but Rafael in a suit drove you nuts. Even if it was just on a screen. You dialed his number as you continued walking down the street.

“....Hola, mi amor. How is my pinguino feeling?”

“Well she’s currently feeling like she’s got the sexiest man in New York City,” You grinned.

“Oh really? And why’s that?” He asked you curiously.

“Check out the picture I’m texting you,” You grinned as you texted him one of the photos from the spread.

“Oh Christ…” You heard him mutter through the phone, causing you to giggle.

“Oh yes, you even have your own fangirls now,” You rolled your eyes with a smile.

“No I do NOT,” He argued in disbelief.

“Yeah I’d be careful leaving your office there counselor, a group of tweens might be waiting outside,”

“Oh my god...they’re breaching the doors!” He acted terrified, making you laugh harder.

“Oh I think I see one,” You whispered as if you were sneaking up on someone. “She’s holding a ‘Barba 4Eva’ poster board,”

“You better be kidding,” He warned.

“No, in fact I think she’s right outside your door,” You bit your tongue with a smile.

“Oh well I’d better call security then,” He chuckled as he sauntered over to his office door and swung it open.

“Oh my Gooodddddddd it’s Rafael Barba!!! The sexiest ADA in New York City!!” You giggled wildly, jumping into his arms like a crazed fan.

“I should definitely look into some armed guards at my door,” He laughed as he pulled you into his arms and kissed you.

“Oh most definitely, wouldn’t want to let the crazies in,” You nodded as you kissed him again.

“Well I think it’s too late for that…” He teased you while tousling your hair.

“Shut up,” You playfully hit his hands away.

“Speaking of crazy, how was therapy today mi amor?” He asked cheekily.

Wowwwww, sexy AND sensitive, how did I get so lucky?” You rolled your eyes. “Actually, she gave me homework,”

“Did she?” He inquired.

“Yes,” You suddenly got very serious. “She um, she told me I need to go see my parents,”

“...Your parents?” His eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah, something about needing to ‘apologize’ to them or some weird shrink thing like that,”

“....Do you think it will help?”

“I mean...” You sighed and looked out the window. “I don’t know. But I’d like to try,”

“Bueno,” He nodded walking closer to you and kissing the top of your head. “So are you going to go now or--?”

“Well I was kind of hoping you’d come with me,” You bit your lip. You didn’t know if asking him to come along on your shrink homework assignment was allowed, but you knew you couldn’t do this alone. Maybe that was the point.

“Really?”

“I mean, I met your family,” You half laughed, trying to make light.

“Right,” He nodded his head with a chuckle. “Well then, let’s go,”

“...Now?”

“Why not?” He started to walk towards the door.

“Don’t you have a job?” You pointed to his desk.

“Oh they just like to pay me to sit in here so nobody robs the place,” He joked as he grabbed his coat. “I have nothing going on today baby, they won’t miss me.”

“Okay then,” You shrugged uneasily. “Guess we’re going to Jersey,”

----------------

After a train ride and a taxi later, you arrived in your small town of Shallow Meadow.

“Christ Almighty, I knew Jersey was in the dark ages, but not even having Uber??” Rafael grumbled. He hadn’t been in the back of a dirty cab in such a long time, and now he remembered why.

“Alright Daddy Warbucks, chill,” You laughed as you started walking with him through town.

It was a quaint little town; one stop light, one grocery store, two bars, something out of an old movie really You know the movies where the car breaks down in the tiny shitty town and all the townspeople are flesh eating zombies or something. The people of Shallow Meadow were pretty much like that. Well, to you anyway.

“So why didn’t we just have the Mayberry Express drop us at the cemetery?”

“...Because we don’t have roads you can drive on up there,” You answered with a nervous smile.

“...Right,” He shook his head as he noticed people coming out of shops to stare at the two of you. “...Do I have some kind of weird sign on my back that says NEW YORKER or what?”

“No, but that thousand dollar suit screams “moneybags” out here,” You smirked. “Besides, they’re not staring at you they’re staring at me,”

“...What? How do you know that?”

As if it was answering his question, a girl with bright red hair dressed in farm clothing and holding a baby on her hip came sauntering up to the two of you.

“Well lookie here,” She smirked. “Miss Prissy Pants brought back herself a Prissy Papa,”

“Excuse you?” Rafael was taken aback by such rudeness by such a poorly dressed person.

“Marla back off,” You scowled at her. “Just because you’re upset I found treasure and you’re stuck with trash--”

“OH, is that what we are now? Trash?” Marla spat. “You have a lot of nerve coming back here and saying that, murderer,”

“WHOA,” Rafael stepped in front of you. “I’m sorry, what-- what did you just call her?”

“Did she not tell you the story? Oh no wait I bet she did, her version. The version where she’s the victim and we’re all just the villains. Isn’t that right, Prissy?” She glared at you.

“...I never said you were--” You tried defending yourself.

“Really?” She scoffed. “Then why did you not even bother to show up to your folks’ funeral? Their ONLY daughter, the ones they DIED for. Couldn’t even be bothered to leave her high rise in the city to pay respects to the parents she KILLED,”

“It wasn’t like that and you KNOW it, Marla! And why was I going to come back? The only two people left in this town that tolerated me were gone--” You got up in her face.

“AND WHY IS THAT, Y/N?” She got back in yours, her baby almost falling out of her arms.

“Alright lady I don’t know who you are, but you’re going to back the hell off my fiancée--”

“Oh good God, your fiancé?” Marla laughed. “You would find yourself a sugar daddy, since you killed yours,”

“Alright you know what we’re leaving--” You grabbed Rafael’s hand and stomped away towards a huge hill that had a sign reading “CEMETERY” at the top.

“I hope you’re heading up there to beg their forgiveness Y/N, ‘cuz you sure as hell ain’t getting any down here!” Marla yelled angrily after you.

--------------

“...Well I think we just figured out where your forgiveness issues came from,” Rafael tried making light of the situation.

“Ya think?” You nodded.

“This whole time,” Rafael shook his head. “This whole time I thought you just had it in your mind that you were responsible for their death. But-- but you had an entire town telling you that,”

“...Yeah,” You shrugged.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything, baby?” Rafael took your hand as the hill got steeper.

“Because I thought they were right, Rafael!” You said in a ‘duh’ tone. “Why would I tell you that an entire town thought that I was a murderer? That’s not really a selling point on a partner,”

“...You thought they were right?”

“...Well, yeah,” You nodded softly with a small smile.

“And now…?”

Before you could answer, you reached the entrance of the cemetery. Luckily it wasn’t that big; you were ashamed to admit you didn’t even know where they were buried. But you found them in a small corner under a shade tree. You walked up to their mutual headstone:

“Y/M/N AND Y/D/N: Beloved Husband And Wife, Mayor and First Lady.”

“...Mayor?” Rafael looked at you in surprise.

“Yeah, well--” You shrugged. “You see why they were so beloved, and I was the hellish daughter that killed them?”

“Y/N…” Rafael put a hand on your shoulder.

“I was supposed to want to ‘take over the city’, like I would ever want to be in charge of anything in this stupid backwards hick ass town,” You scoffed angrily, tears stinging your eyes.

“...But didn’t you say that your parents wanted you to go to Juliard? Pursue your dreams?” Rafael asked in confusion.

“They did! My grandparents-- they had a different view,” You shook your head. “The...the hierarchy here it’s-- well it’s not really a democracy,”

“...How so…?” Rafael raised an eyebrow.

“Because everyone just loved and accepted my family as, I don’t know, the ‘royal’ family?” You felt so stupid comparing your family to the Royal Family, but you didn’t know how else to explain it.

“The Mayor and First Lady titles were just...passed down, in my family. And not because they were dictators or something,” You quickly added the last part, you didn’t want Rafael to think any less of your family than he probably already did.

“People here are just...simple,” You sighed. “They accept things the way they are, they hate change. So it was just assumed that my family would always be... "the family’,”

“But you didn’t want that,” Rafael said again.

“Of course I didn’t want that!” You scoffed. “I didn’t want to just get a high school degree and then marry some ‘Cletus’ redneck man from here and have ‘heirs’ just to keep the family going!”

“But your parents understood that,” Rafael reiterated.

“It didn’t matter what my parents did or didn’t understand. My grandfather had more clout with the townspeople here,” You rolled your eyes. “My dad was the ‘mayor’, but his dad controlled everything. His father had been the mayor for over thirty years before he passed it onto my dad, who didn’t really want it either” You walked up to the headstone and ran your fingers over your father’s name.

“....So when he tried to ‘save’ me from that life, my grandpa wouldn’t hear it. He blamed me for...for manipulating them into giving me anything I wanted, like I was a spoiled little child. He blamed me for them giving me their life savings to go to Julliard instead of putting it back into the town treasury. Then he blamed me when they got killed, and he just reinstated himself as mayor! Which, I haven’t checked but I’ll be damned if he isn’t still rattling around his old ass bones in our house! He’ll just haunt this place forever!” You threw your hands up and looked down angrily at the town down below.

“Carino…” Rafael came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist from behind. You took his hands in yours and kissed them before turning to face him. You looked into his sparkling green understanding eyes for a moment, before directing your attention back at the headstone.

“....This is Rafael Barba, mama and daddy,” You pulled him gently forward. “We’re getting married soon,”

“...Nice to meet you folks,” Rafael said awkwardly.

“...Raffi they’re dead,” You smiled jokingly.

“Right, right,” He shook his head with a small laugh.

“...He’s a very good man, daddy. I know you always wanted that. And he’s very handsome, so you’ll have beautiful grandchildren mama, just like you wanted,” You smiled while Rafael softly chuckled.

“...I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come,” You finally said with tears rolling down your cheeks. “I should have been here sooner,”

“But you’re here now,” Rafael softly rubbed your back.

“Yeah…” You nodded softly. This was the hard part.

“...I’m---I’m sorry, that I made you feel like horrible parents that night,” You tried not to cry, but the memories of that night flooded your memory the more you spoke.

“I’m sorry that you thought you needed to come see me, that you weren’t good parents if you didn’t,” Your lip trembled, you fell to your knees.

“...I’m sorry the last words you heard from me were ‘I hate you’,” You finally broke down sobbing.

“Y/N…” Rafael knelt down next to you and held you in his arms as you cried.

“Do you get now why...why I don’t think I deserve you? Why don't I think I deserve anything? Why I think I have to take everything? Fake everything? Because I am such a terrible person my own parents died thinking I hated them because I was that horrible to them!”

“They didn’t think you hated them, carino,” Rafael rocked you back and forth. “They knew you loved them, I know they did,”

“You know you’re probably right, Rafael. But it--I needed them to hear it,” You nodded at the gravestone.

“And?”

“...And I feel a lot better,” You smiled as Rafael wiped tears from your face.

“Really?”

“Yeah…Really,” You chuckled. “I guess that therapist really knows what she’s doing,”

“She should for the amount of money I pay her,” Rafael shook his head with a laugh as he helped you stand up.

“...Thank you for doing this with me, amor,” You sniffled, pressing your forehead against his.

“Of course, penguino,” He kissed you softly. “And, for what it’s worth--” He added as you two walked back down the hill towards town.

“I think that if your parents were alive, they would be proud of you,”

“Oh, I know my mother would take one look at you and be DAMN proud,” You both laughed at that.

“And I also think they would be appalled to see how their townspeople treat their daughter,” He glared at the town.

“Yeah well,” You shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Not anymore,”

“I’m glad to hear it,” He took your hands as the sun started to go down in your sleepy little town. “Now can we please get back to the city before I catch something out here?”

“Yes,” You giggled, staring at him lovingly.

“Let’s go home,”

#rafael barba imagine #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba #rafael barba fanfiction #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction smut #doppelganger

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Heathers | Sweet Pea

A/N: Part two! Taglist is still open if you’d like a spot on that! Just lemme know. 

Act one - Act two 

Words: 2684

Pairing: Sweet Pea x Reader

Warnings: cursing, angst, mentions of alcohol and parties, heartbreak 

Act two: Big Fun 

“Are we going to have a problem?” Cheryl nearly shouts as she starts her battle with Toni. It’s been weeks since the first rehearsal and we’re off book and in costume, now setting everything on the stage. Cheryl and Toni have been fighting during the entire rehearsal process. I knew they were together, but I have no clue what the fight is about. All I know is, that it’s incredibly unprofessional to fight on stage when Toni clearly has some good choreography. Cheryl even pushes Toni to the side, making her stumble into Peaches ‘n Cream – another one of the Serpents or now the Pretty Poisons. I do not keep up. When the song ends and the Heathers are in their pose, nobody claps. All of us are just staring at them in confusion and utter awkwardness, unsure of what to do. “That was … something…” Kevin says, and then Cheryl storms off in a rage. “Kev, can we do that number again, please?” Betty asks the director in despair. “Vee and I really need to get the steps right.” Without saying another word, Kevin looks at me, knowing I’ve learned the song by heart, and I can keep up with choreo by just seeing it once. So, I nod and get up from my seat between Sweet Pea and Margot. “I am doing the full explicit version. So, please, no duck-duck-goose and doorknobs,” I warn them in advance before nodding to the music department to get started on the music whilst I hold onto my croquet stick. The Heathers behind me nod and Toni goes to sit back down with her Pretty Poisons. “Are we gonna have a problem? You got a bone to pick? You’ve come so far Why now are you pulling on my dick? I’d normally slap your face off And everyone here could watch But I’m feeling nice Here’s some advice Listen up, biotch!” The three of us get into the choreography Cheryl had just done with them, but I alter it a bit and add some of Toni’s steps, which Betty and Veronica follow in. “I like! Lookin’ hot Buying stuff they cannot I like! Drinkin’ hard Maxin’ Dad’s credit card I like! Skippin’ gym Scaring her Screwing him I like! Killer clothes Kickin’ nerds in the nose!” I look back at the two other Heathers. They’re both so concentrated on the choreo and the song, that they forget to have a good time. “If you lack the balls You can go play dolls Let your mommy fix you a snack” “Woah!” Betty and Veronica sing on cue. “Or you could come smoke Pound some rum and coke In my Porsche with the quarterback” I need to find a way to have them make fun while they’re doing this. Because this is the most fun song to do, apart from Dead Girl Walking, if you know what I mean. “Woah! Woah! Woah! Honey, whatchu waitin’ for? Welcome to my candy store Time for you to prove You’re not a loser anymore Then step into my candy store” I walk backwards, lining up with the two other Heathers rather than staying at the front. “Guys fall” Veronica and I sing together, locking eyes. I give her a smile, and her mouth curls up a little for a split second like a little spasm. “At your feet Pay the check” Betty sings by herself, unaware of what I’m trying to do. “Help you cheat” Veronica goes. “All you” we sing in unison, and I lock eyes with Betty as she sings her next line. “Have to do” Then I sing, “Say goodbye to Shamu” while waving as part of the choreo. “That freak’s” “Not your friend I can tell in the end” The smile reappears on Veronica’s face again as she looks at me whilst singing. “If she” the three of us sing in unison. “Had your shot” Betty sounds a lot happier too and when I look at her, there’s a grin playing at her lips as well. A happiness wells up in my stomach as the three of us sing in perfect unison. “She would leave you to rot!” Betty walks a little forward to where I would be as Veronica and sings the next part. “‘Course if you don’t care Fine! Go braid her hair Maybe Sesame Street is on” “Woah!” We all go before Veronica then steps up next to Betty and sings her line. “Or forget that creep” “And get in my jeep” The two smile at each other, and then I step in between them. However, their smiles stay. “Let’s go tear up someone’s lawn” Especially during the next chorus, all three of us are actually having fun singing the song and doing the choreography. It’s almost as if they don’t have to focus as hard on everything as they did in the beginning, and they can have fun doing it instead. Just like I wanted them to. “Woah! Woah! Woah! Honey, whatchu waitin’ for? Welcome to my candy store You just gotta prove You’re not a pussy anymore Then step into my candy store” “You can join the team” I sing, walking towards where I’d be marked as Veronica Sawyer. “Or you can bitch and moan” Betty and Veronica walk up to me. “You can live the dream” “Or you can die alone” They pretend to stab themselves in the gut and glance up at me as I sing the next line before they join me in singing too. “You can fly with eagles” “Or if you prefer” “Keep on testing me” “And end up like her!” I know I then have a spoken line, along with Martha, but since we’re focusing on the song and the dancing, I don’t do that one and instead, the three of us continue singing. “Woah!” “Honey, whatchu waiting fo—” Betty sings, getting ready to pretend to do the high note, but then I come in with my favorite line of all. “Shut up, Heather!” Betty raises her eyebrows with an amused smile on her face. The two of them continue to sing the song normally whilst I hit the high note Jessica Keenan Wynn does so well in the cast recording and in the off-Broadway show. “Step into my candy store! Oooh woah! Woah oh oh!” I then join Betty and Veronica again in singing the last part of the song perfectly. “Then step into my candy store! It’s my candy store It’s my candy It’s my candy store It’s my candy! It’s my candy store It's my candy store!” This time around, everyone gets off their seat and begins applauding and cheering loudly. “That was so much fun, Y/N!” Veronica exclaims, clapping her hands like a school child. “That’s what I was trying to teach you! Sure, you need to get the steps right and sing the right tune, but it’s so much more important to have fun while you’re doing this!” I say with a smile as all of us walk off the stage again for a small break. “And I loved how you intertwined Cheryl’s choreo with mine,” Toni then adds, a thankful face plastered on her face, “Thanks for that, Y/N.” “Since it’s Friday, Evelyn and I thought it would be a good idea to get the entire cast together for a grand big fun party tonight at her place,” Kevin then informs us as we’re nearing the end of rehearsal. “Starts at nine, Evelyn will text you the address.”  

“Dad says act your age, You heard the man, It’s time to rage,” I hear Evelyn sing as I walk into her house a little after nine. I roll my eyes at them. I can’t believe they’re doing the Big Fun number when not in rehearsals. “Y/N!” Evelyn exclaims as she hands me a shot of tequila and a lime whilst Kevin is holding a saltshaker. “It’s salt, then shot, then lime. Very important to get the order right!” she tells me. I nod as Kevin shakes out a little bit of salt on the back of my hand. I lick it up, then chug the shot and put the piece of lime in my mouth. “Whoo!” I exclaim, shivering a little at the sourness of the liquor and the lime. “Thanks, Ev and Kev!” Before I can say anything else, Fangs has already taken my hand and twirls me around. “The party's hot, hot, hot It's time for big fun! Big fun!” I actually sing along now. The song always gets me dancing and singing. I mean, it’s Heathers, come on. “You need a jello shot!” Sweet Pea says to Fangs and pats him on the chest before walking off. I can’t help but let my gaze follow him. Suddenly, I see his smile falter and walk off a little less cheerily than before. He takes a left instead of a right where I’d seen the bar when I walked in. His antics make me curious, so I decide to follow after him since I don’t really feel like dancing too much tonight anyway. “Hey,” I say when I find him outside on a lounge chair near the pool. He looks up at me and gives me a saddened smile. “Mind if I join you out here?” he signals for me to sit down next to him, and I do so. A careful few inches between us as he stares down at his fingers, plucking at the skin. “Not a party person?” he then asks me without looking up from his hands. “Not really, no. I normally just go for milkshakes at Pop’s after rehearsals with some of the cast,” I explain. For some reason, I suddenly feel nervous. I’m not sure if he’s the one making me nervous. But there’s a tingly feeling in my stomach and my hands get clammy. “I’d much rather be at Pop’s right now than here,” he mumbles, but I catch it loud and clear. “Let’s get out of here then,” I suggest. He finally looks up at me, hope displayed in his eyes. “Yeah, come on, let’s go! Neither one of us wants to be here, so why do we stay?” he nods, agreeing to my statement and both of us get up from the chair outside. “I’m just quickly going to tell Fangs I’m leaving,” he informs me, and I nod as I wait for him for a moment. The cast had gone to regular music and just dancing like normal people instead of the theater people. I’ll admit, if I do go to a party, it’s a theater party and we’d only sing musical soundtracks and do the choreography. But this time around, I really don’t feel like doing it. My eyes fall upon Fangs and Sweet Pea again, and I can see Fangs looking back at me with a smirk on his face. I give him a little wave as a smile tugs on my lips. Sweet Pea then walks up to me again, and tells me we can go. “What made you want to leave all of a sudden? You looked like you were having fun?” I ask him when we’re sat in a booth at Pop’s, both with vanilla milkshakes in front of us and a basket of curly fries to share. He slumps in his chair. “Josie and I had a thing this summer, and she told me we couldn’t start something serious because she wants to focus on her music career, but then I saw her making out with Archie Andrews at the party,” he explains whilst popping a fry in his mouth. My mouth drops open slightly. I did not see that one coming. I thought it was something Southside-Northside related or something, but it was mainly just a love thing. I wouldn’t peg Sweet Pea as the relationship-type of guy. He looks more of a fling kind of guy. Someone who just goes for one-nightstands. Not that anything’s wrong with that. “Maybe she was just drunk?” I try to reassure him, but he shakes his head. “She’d just gotten there, and Josie doesn’t drink. I think they’re actually serious,” he shakes his head at his own words. “Can’t believe I was that stupid to fall for her.” I reach forward and place my hand on top of his. “You’re not stupid, Sweet Pea. You don’t decide who you fall for. That’s the thing that sucks about love. If we could decide who we fall and don’t fall for, there wouldn’t be such a thing as heartbreak.” A small tear escapes from my eye as I think about my own ex and how much heartbreak he’d caused me. “Why did you want to leave the party?” he then shoots the question back. I take a deep breath first. “I’ve never been a big party girl. I was never invited to any of the cool parties since I’m the theater nerd. But then Reggie and I dated for a while. At the first – and last – party he took me to, he tried to get me in his bed when I didn’t want to… Ever since, I didn’t even dare to show my face at parties, let alone at school. Reggie had damaged me, really broke my heart. So, being there tonight reminded me of that one party, especially since Reggie was there too.” “So, we’re both kind of avoiding terrible exes then?” he questions, and I nod in response. “Yep, but at least we got the most important roles in the musical, and they didn’t,” I say and hold up my glass. Sweet Pea grabs his too and clinks it with mine whilst looking me in the eyes. A shiver sends down my spine as our eyes stay locked when we’re taking a sip. “Can I ask, is Sweet Pea your real name?” Sweet Pea places his glass down as he shakes his head. “It’s actually Noah, but my mother, before she died, always called me Sweet Pea after her favorite flower. So, ever since she died, I told people to always call me Sweet Pea, as to never forget her. To always have a part of her with me.” A single tear rolls down his cheek as one does down my cheek too. “See, now I’m crying too. You’re not alone,” he says, and it reminds me of one of the songs we have to do as a duet together. “You're not alone” I sing softly, making him look up and then sing the next part as if on automatic pilot. “And when the morning comes” I give him a small smile and echo, “When the morning comes” “We'll burn away that tear, and raise our city here,” he sings. A sparkle flickers in his eyes. “Raise our city here” I echo again, and then we sing the next line together. “Our love is God” The both of us stop there. I doubt a diner is the right place to rehearse a song together and belt out the lyrics. “You’re a great singer, Y/N,” he then compliments and a smile tugs at his lips before he wraps them around the straw and sips from his milkshake again. “Thanks, Sweet Pea,” I say, not being able to stop a blush from spreading on my cheeks. “You’re really good too. You should join the drama club. We’re in need of some strong male lead vocals.” Sweet Pea chuckles as I grab another fry. “I don’t think drama club is for me,” he replies with a grimace. A pout pulls at my bottom lip. “At least come by sometime? We don’t come together during musical, but when all this is over, I’m taking you to a drama club meeting and you’ll see that there is a place for you.” “You know what, I might actually take you up on that offer.”

#Sweet Pea #sweet pea x reader #sweet pea au #sweet pea imagine #sweet pea fanfic #riverdale #riverdale au #riverdale heathers #heathers #heathers: the musical #betty cooper #veronica lodge #archie andrews #jughead jones #fangs fogarty #toni topaz #josie mccoy #cheryl blossom #peaches n cream #reggie mantle #kevin keller #evelyn evernever #veronica sawyer #jd #jason dean #heather chandler #heather mcnamara #heather duke #ram & kurt #martha dunnstock

[nish-with-no-niche]

When No One's Around...

Chartered accountant!Jaebeom x Software engineer!Reader

Summary :

Ever wonder how much alcohol tolerance can Jaebeom have for you? Read till the end to find out ;)

Warning :

1) This chapter.....is a long ass ride.

2) I know some people prefer using their name, but I only realised it later that instead of (Y/N) I accidentally gave reader-nim a name, i.e, Yeseul. So kindly bear with me as it's my first time writing a 2nd person perspective and just imagine your own name in its place. Thankyou and.....enjoy!

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You finally had finished your board meeting and were heading out of the office building with your co-workers to retire to your humble abode.

"It's 7:37 pm ladies and gentlemen, and we are finally free for the night.", said Sarah, one of your close colleagues.

"Aaaand we're leaving 2 hours later than the designated office hours. This is over time!", exclaimed Kyunghwan, your senior, and sales manager. It was totally unusual but justified for everyone to feel this way. After such a heated discussion about the proposals everyone was exhausted and acted dramatically. Even though they were your seniors, almost everybody still treated each other without the honorifics outside of work; albeit they could seem eccentric given the time and place. You yourself had experienced it first hand and maybe tonight had just a little bit more in store for you.

" Everyone, I totally understand how you must feel.....", stated Mr. Yoon-ho, the team director. "We, are not getting paid enough. Let's go to a restaurant and give ourselves a well deserved treat. The person who is wearing blue today will be the ones to pay up!", came his suggestion.

Hearing his sudden offer, each person constituting the 8 people group cheered and hooted but started checking their dress colours as the realization hit in. 'Oh thank god, I'm wearing anything but blue today' , everyone thought simultaneously.

However everyone's eyes landed on you as you were the only one wearing a turquoise blue ruffle shirt with beige coloured cigarette pants. And everybody knew exactly where that suggestion in the director's mind had come up.

' Oh lord, it's Yeseul again.'

Firstly, Yoon-ho was a huge-ass spend-thrift. Even if he knows he wont eat or use something, he would still spend money on it. Especially when it's someone else's money.

And secondly, he despised you. You and your intelligence. And the fact that you were humble made it even worse for him.

Atleast one can hate on arrogant people for their arrogance. As for humble people, we can't even hate them for anything, much less like. Tch.

Sarah, concerned for you asked if you were okay with that. Not that you really had a choice in the first place.

But you had stopped listening-in to their conversation, midway. Because your eyes were solely fixated on this unexpected visitor, standing right across the road, leaning against his car and looking right at you.

Im Jaebeom, your soon-to-be fiancè, in all his glory was right in front of you and you had no idea what he was doing there.

"Sarah, I'll see you later."

Coming to your senses after 3.57 seconds, you waved back at him and quickly crossed the road to reach him.

" Yeseul, hey" started Jaebeom.

"Uh, hi! I didn't know you were here. How have you been?", unsure, you asked him.

"I've been good. I got off work early today so I decided to pick you up like a responsible boyfriend", smirked Jaebeom.

He had his hands in his pant pockets the whole time, was wearing a suit with his hair gelled up and looked like the epitome of a perfectly successful banker.

"How long had you been waiting?", you questioned. "Not too long, about 20 minutes? .... Yeah. Don't worry though, I was busy on my phone." He lied. He knew you'd feel even worse about the truth because in reality he had been waiting for you since two hours thirty-seven minutes and sixteen seconds.

But even then you insisted, " Now this makes me look really bad. You didn't have to come all the way here. Why didn't you call me?"

"I wanted to be here", he replied cheekily and pat your head. "And it was a good surprise, wasn't it?"

(Sighing) "what if I already went home or I was staying in late?"

"Well then lets just say I got lucky" he smiled.

You were about to say something further, but he cut you in, " By the way, your...... colleagues, they seem... expectant?" Looking back at them you see them all wide-eyed and smiley-faces as if they just didn't come out of an exhausting office day. Realizing their expressions , you turned and asked Jaebeom, " oh, um, Jaebeom-shi, you're not too tired, right? Have you eaten something?"

"No, not really, why?"

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" HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! WHAT A NIGHT MAN, WHOO!!" roared a drunk Mr. Yoon. "Wow, Yeseul, you have such a nice boyfriend, he's a keeper, hahahaha. Everyone! say, 'THANKYOU IM JAEBEOM-SSI!'.

Bashfully, everyone complied, giving you sorry smiles and yet enjoying the food and drinks in front of them as if it was their first time eating.

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Since the time the talks of you about to being engaged rounded up in the halls of your office, everybody had been eager and curious to meet this Mr. Perfect who they had only seen in photos. Everyday not only the women but also your male coworkers would come over at your desk asking you to set up a get together with him.

They all wanted to know who this mysterious person was, taking a liking for someone as stoic as you. They never imagined you being in a relationship with anyone- always holding the title of 'Fashion Femme Fatale'.

So now here you were- with Jaebeom- and a gang of 8 people who were doing nothing but wasting Jaebeom's hard earned money.

Yes, he offered to pay up in your stead.

Ah! So chic!

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You were getting really uncomfortable because you felt bad for Jaebeom who was nothing but sweet to everyone all this time. You were barely starting off in a relationship and now he had to witness all of ....... this.

You wanted to just take your bag and run away with him.

"Hmm, Yeseul , how long has it been since you guys started dating?" Asked Yoon-ho.

Huh?

" uh, it's been about...... 2 months?" you replied looking at Jaebeom for confirmation. After getting his nod of approval you continued, "why do you ask though, sunbae-nim?"

"Ah! I didn't get to congratulate you. First of all....... let me pour you a drink!"

"What, out of nowhere?"you retaliated.

"Ahem! I'm your superior."he countered. "You didn't even touch anything yet, Drink~ bottoms up~~".

In the midst of his coercions, you contemplated- 'Why... do I get intimidated by Yoon-ho ssi? .... Soju's too strong ...... Jaebeom won't be able to drive if he drinks it.... house is far tooo. *sighs* it's over for me if I get drunk and act like an idiot in front of them.... hhnnngg. But if I refuse, the mood will get cold.... last time I was fine for the first few drinks, right?-"

"Give it to me."interceded Jaebeom.

"Huh?"

Turning towards the crowd, he stated, "Yeseul's bad with alcohol. I'll drink for her."

"Ooo~ hahahaha~~"

"playing the knight for your girlfriend ? ~~ "

"so cool!! Whoa~"

Sighing you looked at him, starting to get a little worried. But suddenly everyone chimed in- "still! We're not satisfied with one drink!"

"Let's get Yeseul-ah drunk~!"

"Me too!"

"You cant resist our drink! We're your superiors!"

"Aah~ now, let's not push her too hard. Take it slow. Slow~" said Yoon-ho, giving you his ever so sweet smile.

'It is you I hate the most!' You thought.

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"Aah~ Jaebeom-ssi drank them all"

"~Food is great here!"

"Heard this is the hidden place for gourmets."

After a while things seemed to settle down, your thoughts again wandered towards Jaebeom-

'He keeps on tapping his fingers and feet.... all the while maintaining his smile. I wonder if he's getting bothered by them..... ' -

"Hey~ she cant take her eyes off her BOYFRIEND!" chirped Yujin( colleague, same age as you). Following suit everyone got started off- "He's good looking right?" " you didn't even glance at the others ~" "what ? No, when did I.. " you tried to defend yourself. Sarah who was sitting next to you all this time whispered, "don't take them too seriously 'seul- ah, they're only teasing you, and you know everyone is as good as drunk."

Suddenly Kyunghwan, who was sitting opposite to you, waiting for the right opportunity slipped in~ " You can take mild Brandy right?"

"Ah yes, I can"

"NO." Jaebeom interceded. Again.

He took the glass from his hand and drank it.

"Aish intercepting it all, gosh!"he exclaimed.

But leaving no stone unturned, he kept pressing, "hey! You guys are a couple, atleast show us a kiss!" And everyone started hooted demanding such a public display of affection.

Hearing this, your ears flared up, " oof, what's with you all? Dont you think it's too much? ..... please stop it already. I dont really want to do it. ........Why do we have to do it in front of you?"

Now this... was just too much. Right when you were about to give them a piece of your mind-

"Okay."Jaebeom announced.

" ...... "

" ....... "

" ....... "

What.

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The truth is that both of you had never really kissed before, the closest form of affection you were able to showcase for now was simply a hug, that too only when you were alone. You had no idea what went through his mind when he agreed to everyone's plea. Was he finally drunk? You had never seen him drunk before, all though a few of his friends that you had met told you he had a strong temperance. Maybe this was okay for him?.... Did he probably hear it wrong? Not being able to make head or tail of the situation you questioned him, "Jaebeom-"

"You....... and you." Cutting you off, said person pointed at Kyunghwan and then at Yujin.

"If you two do it, we'll do it too. In fact, it doesn't matter if any other two do it either." explained Jaebeom with a smile.

And then you realised what he was actually doing.

"Don't want to, right?..... I stink of alcohol and 'seul said she doesn't want it. Moreover, it won't look good, if a lady's colleagues at work would act like this, much less her seniors."

"Uh. . . . " a flustered Yujin tried to speak.

" Well I wasn't going to force her to do that" resigned Kyunghwan with a pout.

"Yeah let's just forget about it, okay guys? ", Sarah spoke.

"Wow~ get married already Yeseul, reqally" Said Yoon-ho.

"Such a perfect couple. Tch" mumbled Yujin.

However, when everyone went back to their own, Kyunghwan caught Jaebeom giving him a side glance with a poker face who then turned to look at you. Even though such a gesture unnerved him, the alcohol immediately brushed off that feeling.

You on the other hand were getting more and more worried about Jaebeom, you lost count of how many glasses he must've had on your account, and tried one more time to check up on him- " are you alright? You've been really drinking a lot." But he only gave you a smile in return.

(Sighing) 'He drank way too mu-' *plop*

His head suddenly on your shoulder now, he spoke, " I want to rest."

Looking at you Sarah whispered," He must be tired, you should go home now, don't worry, I'll take care of it here."

"Okay. Jaebeom-ssi ....... Jaebeom? Let's go home now, ok?" You asked.

"Seul."

"Yes?"

"My head aches."

"What? Headache?"

"Its too noisy here..... my head aches.....". Alarmed by this sight you wondered ' 'why's he like this ? Since the start he seemed a bit off. Is his head hurting from being drunk? This was such a bad idea."

You see him gently lift his head up and stare at his hands. Or the table. Or the plate? You see jaebeom blink.

"..."

And he blinked again.

'Ohmygod,he's definitely drunk.'

" uhh, hey- let's go get some fresh air, okay?" You asked holding him by the shoulders. You never witnessed something like this before. But he just stared at you.

'Answer me already.' You thought. Helping him stand up you took your bag, "okay, Sarah, we'll be leaving now, I'll catch you tomorrow, take care!"

"Yeah, you too, goodnight~" returned Sarah.

Once outside you tried to remember where the car was, since the restaurant didn't have a parking lot. You walked a few meters and then stopped. Due to him leaning on you, your back and neck hurt a little, so you decided to sit on the nearby bench. 'Ah, I'm out of strength.'

You both just sat next to each other like that for a while and then you asked him where the car was kept.

But he just smiled at you.

Heaving a sigh, you stood up and started searching around. "Just sit here, and dont move Jaebeom- ssi, I'll be right back." He saw your retreating figure as you left.

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After about 10 min you find the car at the backside of the building and return to where Jaebeon was.

"I found the car, give me the keys and I'll drop you off home" you said.

"Yeseul."

"Yes?"

He smiled. Again.

"Seems like you won't get up for a while." So you sat down. Did he even listen to a word you said? And no sooner than you did, he reached his hand out to touch your face, whereas you instinctively moved back. He paused for a moment, mid air, and then touched your cheek. "You look tired", he said thoughtfully.

Well he wasn't completely wrong.

He let his head drop on your shoulder, and again with the same sweet, mellow voice recited you name," Ye.seul.ah."

"Yes, yes I hear you." You laughed.

"I should've just left with you after work was over rather than come here. Everyone just wanted to meet you so bad. I'm sorry."

" . . . "

"Plus I didn't want you to pay for those guys." You confessed.

"Pay?", queried Jaebeom. "seeing how they sat and behaved with you , it's obvious that they were trying to leech off." He finally spoke.

" Yeseul, I want you to be very cautious and smart about who you associate yourself with in that work place and any where else. I won't always be around you, so you must be wary of people like Kyunghwan. Got it?" And then he lifted his head up to stare straight ahead.

So that's what was bothering him.

Trying to lift the strange tense atmosphere you spoke in childish wonder, "how dare they think of you as a pushover! In fact, why did you even drink whatever came my way, I could've handled-"

"What would you have done?" Cut in Jabeom.

You fell silent.

"Those two men and that woman, those three were your seniors. And anyone could notice how they exploited their position. I understood you couldn't do much from where you stand", he reprimanded you.

After a pause he continued, now in a smaller voice- "I dont think I can drive, how will you get back home?"

" Well thanx to a certain someone, I'm completely sober. So I'll drive your car to your house and drop you off. Then I'll take a cab to mine."

" 'seul?"

"Hmm?"

"You like me right?"

"Huh", you sat up straight, taken off guard by his question.

"You're sincere to me right? Whatever I do, I have always been sincere towards you."

Suddenly flustered by this uncharacteristic side of him you just tried to avoid his question, staring straight ahead.

"Just give me the car keys, let's go home now..." you said in a daze.

'Its definitely the alcohol in his brain.'

"Yeseul!"

"Ah, yes-"

chu!~~

"Wha..."

Chu!~~~

Jaebeom kissed you.

And the realization hit in.

Huh.

Huh???!!

" #$%@&**?! Jaebeom-!!! "

" ? "

"What are you ?! Why did you?!-"

"Hm? What? No one's around."

And he kissed you again. This time properly. Making you feel nothing like ever before.

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Sadly, he ended up passing-out right after and you drove him back to his house, aided the house-helper lay him on bed, took a cab, went back to your home, changed into your night clothes, slipped in your bed and you laughed. You laughed until sleep graced you with her presence.

Except she never came.You were awake the whole night, rewinding and playing the scene again and again with the thought that would nag any other girl in your shoes- 'How do I see him after tonight! '.

Adjshklllajsldgddhddfffff !!!!!!

Eeeek!

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

That's the end readers! I hope you enjoyed it my very precious people. If you did then do like and comment. Feedbacks are highly appreciated 🤧🤧

And I wish for your good health in such times and hopefully I was able to help make this quarantine maybe a little more bearable for you. Thanx for reading and dont forget- You Da Best!!!

#got7 #g7net #jaebeom #im jaebeom #jaebeom x reader #lim jaebeom #park jinyoung #kpop #kpop au #kpop reaction #kpop scenarios #kpop icons #got7 jaebeom #got7 jaebum #got7 bambam #got7 jinyoung #got7 jackson #got7 fanfic #got7 yugyeom

[dyscrasia-eucrasia]

Part 8

<<Prev | Next>>

Demie stared at the phone in his hand for a minute, utterly bewildered. The mentions of the Goatman had made him angry, but he hadn't expected Angel to just hang up on him, for a couple of reasons. 

First, if Angel had actually suspected him of being the Goatman, he would've thought Angel would ask more questions. He'd never actually talked to any of the cryptozoologists that came poking around the woods, but from what he could tell about them, they didn't give up easily. 

Second, even though he'd only known Angel for a few days, he could tell that Angel was talkative, and very interested in what Demie had to say. It didn't seem like him to just suddenly hang up. 

Which left Demie wondering if he'd said something wrong. He knew he didn't have the best of social graces - he could blame it on the isolation he'd grown up in, but Marius didn't have any problem with being social, so that couldn't be it - but he thought he'd been doing well with talking to Angel. He was angry, and a little nervous about being exposed as non-human, but not so much that he wanted to stop talking to Angel. But maybe he had sounded too angry? He couldn't tell - the only person he talked to on a regular basis was Elaine, and she was a complete asshole, so maybe she'd rubbed off on him. 

That was about as far as he got in that thought when Elaine started shouting for him. 

"DEMIE!" She called from her room on the other side of the trailer. 

"WHAT?" He shouted back. 

"DEMIE!" 

"FUCKING WHAT!?"

"COME HERE, JACKASS." 

He frowned. There she went, being an asshole. She could just tell him what she wanted, but no, she had to make him come to her. He got up off his couch, grumbling, and ambled out of his room and across the living room. 

"HURRY UP!" She yelled as she spotted him through her open door. She was sitting at her desk, in front of her computer. It and the TV in the living room were the most modern pieces of technology in the trailer, and even they were a few years out of date. 

"What?" He asked, stopping at the threshold of her room. He never went in there. There wasn't a rule against it or anything, he just didn't like going in there. She had a ton of anime posters all over the wall, and they gave him the heebie-jeebies. Something about the big glossy eyes were just so creepy and alien. 

"Come over here, there's something you need to watch." 

"What is it?" 

"Just get your ass over here!" 

Demie grumbled again, but walked over to the desk. As he did, Elaine got up from her chair and patted it. Demie took a seat. 

"Ugh, gross, it's all warm," he said. 

"Oh, I'm the gross one? You don't fucking wear pants." 

"It's not like I don't wash my ass or something," he shot back. 

"Shut up and watch this fucking video," she said, leaning over and moving the mouse, clicking play on the Youtube video she had pulled up. 

"WHAT'S UP, CLAYKIDS," an athletic white guy in his early 20s with perfectly coiffed hair shouted. "WE'RE IN WEST VIRGINIA, ON PART FIVE OF OUR QUEST FOR CRYPTIIIIIIIIDS!" 

"This guy is way too fucking loud," Demie mumbled. Elaine shushed him. 

The camera zoomed out of the guy's face to show him standing in some woods. "AND TODAY, WE'RE ON THE HUNT FOR THE GOATMAN!" 

A chill crawled up Demie's spine, and his blood went cold. He watched in horrified silence as the man continued to shout about the history of the Goatman and how it was said to shapeshift and terrorize campers. 

The camera cut and Demie gripped the arms of the chair. The man - joined by a crew of five other, almost identical white guys - now stood in the middle of a crumbling asphalt road. To either side of them were short brick buildings, only about eight in total. Demie recognized it instantly as Billy Brook, West Virginia - the town about twenty minutes from the trailer. 

The video spent a few minutes on the crew ambushing various townspeople, sticking microphones in their faces and asking them about the Goatman. 

"Oh yeah, that Goatman, he killed my dog," an old man said. 

"Everyone knows you stay out of the woods," said a middle-aged woman. 

"Yeah, I heard about the Goatman," a man in his twenties told the camera, "my buddy Mike at the video store has seen him." 

"WHOO!" One of the crew hooted, pulling the camera around to get an extreme close-up of himself. "Eye witness, baby!" 

Demie shivered. Please don't go to the video store, please don't go to the video store, he thought. 

Immediately, the video smash cut to a small, whitewashed building with a hand-painted sign that read: 'Video Store - VHS - DVD - XXX.'

"This video store has been in operation since 1985,' a sleepy-sounding voiceover said. "No movie theaters in town, most people don't have internet, so we stay in business pretty easily." 

The video cut to the inside of the store, the camera slowly sweeping over the shelves. 

"This place is LIT, fam," one of the crew said. "Yoooo, check it out, this place has porn!" The camera fixed on a shelf in the back of the building, though the covers of the videos had been pixelated out. 

"So tell us about the Goatman," the first white guy said, the video cutting to a strung-out young man in flannel with a name tag that read 'Mike' standing behind a counter. 

"Oh yeah, the Goatman, he comes in here like once a month," Mike said. 

"Does he buy any videos?" 

"Oh yeah." 

"What kind of videos does the Goatman buy?"

"Uh, y'know, splatter gore horror stuff. Sometimes he gets some musicals. Oh, and a lot of porn." 

"What kind of porn does the Goatman buy?" The guy asked, laughing. 

"GOAT PORN!" Someone shouted off screen. 

"Nah, man, he gets like… big titty blonde chicks." 

"What does the Goatman look like?" The main guy asked. 

"He's like… seven feet tall, man. He's got like really long hair and a beard, and these big ass curly horns." 

"That doesn't sound like any Goatman I've heard of," a different person said from off camera. 

"Nah man, he's real. He like, lives out in the woods and shit." 

Demie sank into the chair, lifting up his hands and covering his face, though keeping his fingers open to watch the video. "Shit," he murmured. 

"I told you going to the video store was a bad idea," Elaine said, words dripping with vitriol. 

"Mike is always high out of his fucking mind," Demie said, words muffled by his hands. "I didn't think he'd even remember that I was ever there." 

"Keep watching, it gets worse," she said. He moaned in horror. How could it possibly get worse? 

The video cut again, this time showing the crew out in the woods. The sun was beginning to set. 

"Check it out, no trespassing," one of the crew said, pointing to a piece of sheet metal nailed to a tree. The words had been hand-painted on. Demie sank lower into his chair. He'd made that sign himself. 

"Trespassing in the Goatman's woods, yeah boyyyy," another member of the crew said. 

"So, where's the Goatman?" Another asked. The main guy tried to shush them, but they kept talking as they stumbled through the woods, jumping and then laughing at every snap of a branch or rustle of leaves. 

And then, out of nowhere, a crack of gunfire interrupted their buffoonery. The entire crew became silent. A few moments passed, and another shot could be heard. 

"OH SHIT!" The main guy shouted, and the camera work became a dizzying blur as the crew began to run. 

They came out of the woods onto a dirt road, where they began to laugh. 

"Jesus, we almost got murdered by fuckin' hillbillies!" One of them shouted. The other hummed a few bars of 'Dueling Banjos'. 

"Alright, well, that was a bust, but we'll keep looking," the main guy said, grabbing the camera and pointing it in his face. "Be sure to like, comment, smash that subscribe button, and buy our merch, Claykids!"

The video ended and Demie sat there in silence, eyes glued to the computer screen. "We're so fucked," he mumbled.

#writing #writers on tumblr #original characters #original fiction #lgbt fiction #gay fiction #wright's writing #w:demie and angel

[motleycrueimagine]

This Ain’t a Love Song - Part Eight - Nikki Sixx Fan Fiction

Words: 1477

Warnings: Language, alcol, drugs, soft smut

N/A: I know it took ages for me to update, but I'm really struggling through my first semester as a University student and time flew by like nothing. I hope you like it, feedback is appreciated as always <3

Huge thanks to @blonde-shamrock

Summary: Maya Prescott has done anything possible to fix her life. It was 1977 when she left her groupie life: no more parties, no more concerts, no more drugs, alcohol or casual sex, just to achieve a full standard life. Now it’s 1981 and after a four years disappearance  Maya Prescott unexpectedly shows up to the party of one of the most promising emerging bands of the LA’s rock’n roll scene: Motley Crue. But what should be her last ride is destined to change her life in so many unexpected ways.  

TagList: @motleycrueee  @babygal-babygal@unknownoblivion @sweetshutter​ @sparxx27​ @bandaid-rainbow​

Masterlist

Nikki’s POV

She was walking a few steps in front of me, the sound of her black heels on the sidewalk was all I could hear. We had taken a secondary road in order to avoid the mass of people that every night gathered down the Sunset Strip. Here the music was only a light background noise.

“Why are you running?” I asked as my lazy ass struggled to keep up with her. Maya stopped, waiting for me.

“You’re as slow as a sloth, and you’re not even wearing heels,” she mocked me, sliding her arm on the low side of my back, taking possession of my personal space; not that it bothered me anyways. I did the same embracing her shoulder, despite the height difference provoked by her pumps.

“I was afraid you were running from me,” I jokingly said, or at least I tried to make it seem like a joke. It had been almost a week since our ‘almost fuck’ and she had literally disappeared from our place. We had barely talked after that and she was making it pretty clear that she was not really into the idea of doing it, at least in the near future.

“I would never run away from you, Sixx!” her fake outraged voice was enough to make me laugh.

“Oh yeah? As if you hadn’t run away the other morning…” I liked to poke the bear every now and then. In the meantime, we were getting closer to the liquor store, the neon sign illuminating our path.

She rolled her eyes while a light, kinda bitter smile grew on her lips; it seemed like she was trying to find the correct reply to my words. It never took her too long to collect sarcasm.

“Well, to be fair… I wasn’t running away from you, but from the situation. I told you I don’t want to have sex with you that’s it.” She let go my hip trying to deviate towards the entrance of the store. I did the same with her shoulders, but I couldn’t help but hold her wrist preventing her from entering. She stopped, looking back at me, and lifted a brow “What?”

I gently pulled her closer, she didn’t bother to resist. “Well, to be fair,” I imitated her with a smirk “You asked me to fuck you.”

Her big blue eyes wandered around my face with an annoyed frown. She didn’t like to be contradicted.

“You were naked and you were touching me,” she pointed out, “I never denied that you’re attractive, I’m just trying to be a good girl; not sleep with every fucking human being that turns me on, and buy some fucking alcohol. Do you think I’ll get through all these tasks at least for tonight?” she listed with a straight face. I didn’t let go her arm; my curiosity was having the best of me.

“I think I’m gonna let you go through the last one if you tell me what is preventing you from having the most memorable night of your life with me.” I was not expecting an answer I just enjoyed too much messing with her.

“Well I don’t wanna risk you getting a crush on me for how well I ride your dick. That would be a problem.” She tried to hide a smirk by biting her lower lip. My imagination flew toward the picture of her getting wild on top of me. How come that I always ended up with a boner when I was around her?

“I bet It would be the opposite.”

She shook her head, “I’m not gonna bet with you, course then we’ll have to try and see and that is not gonna happen.” We looked at each other silently for a while; studying each other’s profiles as if we were both unsure whether to say something else or not, for a split second I almost considered pushing her to the wall and fuck her in the middle of the street.

“Let’s go buy some booze, Sixx,” she whispered, taking my hand, finally entering the shop.

We wondered the store buying as many bottles as we could, and dragged them on the way home.

-

Maya’s POV

The day of the shooting Vince had offered to drive me to the studio. There I met the photographer: his name was Robert Greiner and surprisingly he was not as creepy as the previous ones that I had met. He was pretty young, I wouldn’t have put him at more than thirty years old - definitely good looking, very caring too and interested in knowing what I was comfortable doing and what not. For the whole afternoon we shoot different photos under Vince’s watchful eyes, at times way too watchful.

“They’re gonna be amazing,” Robert reassured me for the tenth time after we were done. “If not, that means we’re gonna do them again, okay?” I nodded moving my hair to the side.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that is very important for me,” I apologised while with the eyes I followed his hands as he was storing the lensed he had used for the photoshoot.

“Your boyfriend is gonna love ‘em too,” he added with a playful but discrete smirk, I looked back at my blonde escort, I cleared my throat.

“Uhm, Vince is just a friend… but yeah I’m sure he will.” I smiled back. An awkward moment of silence stepped in as he was processing that new information.

“Well,” he zipped up his bag, “I’m gonna call you as soon as they’re ready.”

“I want a copy of each one of them!” was the first thing Vince told me once we headed out of the building towards the car. I lightly laughed shaking my head in disbelief.

“Do you think they were good?“

“I don’t think they were good, I know they were good! I mean if those pictures were the cover of magazine I would definitely buy it.”

I playfully pushed his shoulder and then took him by his arm and reached the car. The ride home didn’t take too long. When we arrived, we were still debating about the supposed interest that, in Vince’s opinion, Robert had shown for me.

“Well if that smile didn’t make him hard then the guy has a problem,” he was trying to make a point, failing miserably. We stepped into the apartment not even bothering to acknowledge the presents in the living room.

“Vince, darling you are not a very good term of comparison, you’re always hard.”

“That’s just because I’m always available to satisfy a lady in need. My dick is donated to society.”

“They used to call him the master at the grand entrance,” Beth’s voice didn’t seemed too pleased, while Vince looked pretty surprised to see her at the Motley house.

“Babe, I thought you were at your mom’s place.” I frowned, my eyes following Vinnie as he started arguing with the love of his life, till they moved towards a more private space.

“Why does she have to freak out every single time?” I asked the two boys that were sitting on the couch, but none of them answered. Instead Nikki studied me for a few seconds before questioning me.

“By the way… what were you two doing you together?” he wondered nonchalantly.

“C’mon she babbled all morning about this fucking shoot, man…” Mick, stiffly seated on the couch, intervened. It surprised me that he had actually listened. I pointed my finger at him nodding.

“See? Somebody actually cares about what I say!” I exclaimed while arranging the table for dinner.

“As if I had any choice,” the guitarist scoffed in his classic stoic way. He fixed his sunglasses up his nose and went back in silence. Nikki rolled his eyes before approaching the table to pick inside the In-N-Out Burger bag that me and Vinnie had brought. I slapped his hand as he tried to pick up a French fry.

“Hey!” I protested trying a second time and I slapped him again. His hazel eyes, unusually uncovered from his hair, widened, “Do that again and I swear you won’t be able to sit for the entire dinner!” he warned me.

“Is that a threat or a promise?” I jokingly teased, moving the bag away from his clutches.

“Both,” he replied with a douche-like smirk.

“I think I’m gonna throw up,” Mick intervened again. I turned towards him ready to gift him with a sarcastic answer.

“Whoo French fries!” Tommy, who had appeared form the hallway stole a pack from the bag, interrupting me.

“What’s wrong with you guys!” I pushed both hands through my hair. “Vince! Beth! C’mon they’re gonna eat everything!” I called out to them, as I let the bag go, allowing the hungry animals, known as Motley Crue to start devouring the burgers.

#Motley Crue #MotleyCrue #motley crue fanfic #motley crue fanfiction #motley crue imagine #nikki sixx #nikki sixx fanfiction #douglas booth! nikki sixx #nikki sixx imagine #nikki six imagine #Tommy Lee #tommy lee fanfiction #tommy lee imagine #Mick Mars #mick mars imagine #mick mars fanfic #Vince Neil #vince neil imagine #vince neil fanfiction #The Dirt #Shout At The Devil #the dirt imagine #the dirt fanfiction #mgk fanfiction #mgk

[jungshookz]

*kicks open door* kiNDERGARTEN TEACHER!TAEHYUNG THAT HAS A FAT CRUSH ON THE HOT SINGLE MOM HE SEES WHEN SHE COMES TO PICK UP HER CUTEASS KID

→ pairing: kim taehyung x reader

→ genre: kindergartenteacher!taeHYUNG aka THE FLUFFIEST FLUFF like i don’t think i’ve ever felt so SOFT in my entire life great googly moogly please prepare yourselves 

→ wordcount: 3.3k

(gif isn’t mine!)

“shit shit shit shIt shit” you curse to yourself as you vEEr right into the first parking spot you see

you immediately crank the brake and unbuckle your seatbelt

“i was going to park there, asshole!” you hop out of the car to see an angry looking mother glaring at you from her minivan and you give her a sheepish smile

“i’m sorry!!!! my kid just got off from class and i can’t be late because i need to drive her to ballet and-“ you’re definitely oversharing with this stranger and she obviously doesn’t care because she rolls her eyes and flips you off before zoOming off to find another parking spot

soccer moms are so aggressive

you double check that you have everything with you and you fish your parent lanyard out of your backpack and sling it around your neck quickly as you approach the front doors

you thought that once you became a mother you would instantly become more responsible more organised more matuRe

obviously you were mistAken because you’re still late to almost everything you go to

some things never change!!!!

you hurry your way down the hallway and pick up the pace when you see the swarm of parents standing outside the classroom

as you approach the crowd you get up on your tip-toes to see if emma’s been excused yet

you accidentally bump into a couple and a bit of your coffee splashes onto their shoulders and they turn around and give you a dirty look

“oh, sorry!!!! ….fridays, am i right?” you joke and they both scowl before shuffling to stand somewhere else

oof

tough crowd

none of the parents here like u that much

which is a real shame because you think you make greAt company

you’re just,.,, there’s a big age gap between u and most of the parents here

you’re one of the younger parents in the class

actually you might be the youngest

min yoongi and his wife (you forgot her name whoOps) are pretty young but they’re still a couple years older than you

and side note their daughter is adoraBle

emma is actually friends with hwayoung so you talk to yoongi sometimes

it’s nice to talk to someone who’s around your age

he’s just veRy businessman-y so it’s difficult to joke around with him

but he’s still a nice guy!!

speaking of yoongi and hwayoung

a bright smile makes its way onto your face when you see yoongi nudging hwayoung through the crowd of people before grabbing onto her small hand

“yoongi!” yoongi looks up and he smiles politely

he’s still dressed all spic and span in his suit from work

“ah! good afternoon, y/n. hwayoung, say good afternoon to auntie.” he hums before bending down to zip up her backpack that’s just wiDe open

relatable

“good afternoon, auntie!!” she looks up at you with bright eyes

she’s sO CuTE

“hi, hwayoung-ie!” you bend down and pinch her cheek before reaching into the pocket of your coat and fishing out a little caramel “don’t tell your dad,” you joke and yoongi snorts in response

“thank u!!!!!” she snaTches it immediately and you coo before pinching her cheek again

you get back up onto your feet “you guys on your way home now?”

“mhm. is emma still available for a playdate this sunday?” yoongi swoops hwayoung off her feet and props her up onto his hip and she immediately rests her head against his shoulder

“affirmative, sir.” you salute and yoongi rolls his eyes playfully “i-“

“emma y/l/n?” you perk up when you hear emma’s name being called

“yeah, we’ll see you sunday! have a nice night!” you turn to squeeze your way into the crowd and once you make your way to the front your heart immediately starts going boom-boom because

it’s taehyung

emma’s teacher

kim taehyung is uh

whOo

putting it simply he is a very attractive man and he’s only a couple months older than you so like you’re preTTY sure this is god’s way of telling you it’s meant to be

the only time you’ve really talk to him is during the parent-teacher conference and even theN you can barely get a word in because emma’s a little chatterbox (one time she almost let it slip that ‘mommy dressed extra pretty for you!’ and you were literally about to pounce on your child in the middle of a classroom)

he’s really sweet n nice and when he smiles that boxY grin you can’t help but smile aNd he’s endearingly dorky and super charming aND funny and he’s so good with the kids and OH my god his voice is like..,., silky smooth dark chocolate.,,.,. rich caramel.,, that u want to driZZLE all over your BODY

okay no R-rated thoughts when there are children present don’t be weird

since he’s your kid’s teacher so you’re not sure if that’s even allowed

the whole parents dating teachers thing

anyways

he looks so soft today

he’s wearing a crisp button up with a pair of jeans

he obviously let the kids mess with his hair because he has a little sproUT in his hair

and you’re pretty sure you have a glasses kink because you’ve never felt this way when seeing someone with their glasses sitting on the top of their head

“hi, yeah, that’s me- i mean, that’s not me, but that’s my child- you know what i mean” you blow a strand of hair away from your face before adjusting your backpack with a sheepish grin

woW what the hell was that lol  

taehyung presses his lips together to keep himself from bursting into chuckles

you’re so awkward sometimes but he supposes that’s just part of your charm

he wants to tell you you look real cute in your periwinkle sweater

and it’s endearing how the laces on your converse shoes are undone

no doubt from your frantic running down the hallway (he notices everything)

but of course he has to keep it professional because you are the parent of one of his students it doesn’t matTer that you’re the same age as him and that he’s very very very veRY attracted to you

“hi miss y/l/n.” taehyung smiles kindly before ticking next to your name on the clipboard “emma’ll be ready in a minute! we did finger-painting today so the kids are taking a little longer to wash up. how was your day?” he suddenly remembers the little ponYTAIL in his hair and he yanks the hair tie off quickly

“oh, y’know, the usual. i don’t know why i thought it’d be a good idea to keep studying after four whole years of studying.” you snort before pulling your own hair tie from your ponytail and letting your hair down

“i admire that! education is important.” taehyung hums

your hair looks so soft

it probably smells good too

o god he’s being creepy stop being creepy

“i suppose you’re right. what else happened…uh… had a really good caramel macchiato and a mediocre turkey sandwich for lunch-“  

“mommy!” you snap out of your little trance when emma suddenly ziPs out of the classroom

her little backpack bounces against her back

“hi baby!” you grin and swoOp down to scoop her up into your arms

you smoosh kisses against her chubby cheek while she giggles away before you plop her back down onto the ground

it takes everything within taehyung not to mELT into the ground because even tho he sees you do that basically every day it never fails to turn him into a pile of mush IT’S SO CUTE

“we finger-painted today!” she cheers and holds her paper up for you to look at

“yeah, mr kim was just telling me-“

“that’s me, n that’s you, n that’s mr. kim!” she grins and points to the third figure in the painting and almost immediately bOTH yours and tae’s faces go bright red

you think you might actually be on fire right now (even tho this isn’t the first time this has hAPPENeD) ((ur referring to the time the class made play-doh people and emma made one of you and one of tae and the play-doh versions of you two are holding hands))

“oh! that’s, heh, uh, that’s nice! that’s so good, you did a good job, baby” you clear your throat and your eyes flicker over to taehyung

he tilts his head and offers you a meek smile

“will you put it up on the fridge when we go home?” she asks as you tuck it into her backpack for her before ziPping her bag up

“mhm…” you get back up onto your feet and dust your knees off “say g’bye to mr. kim”

“bye mr. kim!” emma turns around and hugs his legs

her face is like on the same level as his knees so he’s basically kneeing her and are u an awful mother if you kinda laughed at that

“goodbye, sweetheart!” he replies with the same level of enthusiasm as he gets down onto his knees so that he can give her a proper hug and she gives him a sweet lil kiss on the cheek “have a nice weekend, hm?” his eyes flicker up to you and you feel your heart skip a beat 

emma pulls away from him and skips over to you 

“oh, and don’t forget to tie your laces, emma.” taehyung hums as he gets back up onto his feet 

you look down because you remember putting emma in slip-on converse this morning not- 

“he means you, mama.” emma not-so-subtly whispers and you look down at your undone laces before looking back up at taehyung who’s looking very amused at the moment 

there it is again 

that fuzzy feeling in your stuPid heart 

u know what you have to get over it because it’s never going to happen 

you’re an adult 

you can get over it fine 

you’ll be finE 

this is just a silly little crush

“how do you feel about spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner?” you clutch emma’s little hand in yours as you guys make your way down the empty hallway

“yummy! with extra cheese?”

“it wouldn’t be as yummy without the extra cheese… but we obviously have to go to our usual place to get a hot chocolate first…” you’re rambling on and on about hot chocolate but emma isn’t really paying attention

because she has concocted a sneaky plan in that tiny brain of hers

she knows you like mr. kim

and she’s positive mr. kim likes you back

you always get so red around him

and he always gets so red around you

and red is the colour of love

which means that you must love mr. kim and mr. kim must love you

and she’s been trying her hardest to try and get you guys to hold hands or touch butts or whatever it is grown-ups do to prove they love each other

but each time she does something she’s never successful!!!

she tried to tell mr. kim about you dressing extra pretty for him but you smacked a hand over her mouth before she could get it out

she made a play-doh mommy and a play-doh mr. kim and presented them proudly to you and mr. kim and the both of you just laUGHED in hER FACE

do you people think she’s just a SIMPLE F O O L

and she has to admit the painting of you and her and mr. kim is probably one of her weaker moves but it’s better than nothing

and u know what

she just wants you to be happy

because she loves you a lot

and you’re a good mommy

and good mommies deserve to be happy

SO

this next part is all part of her evil plan and she’s positive that this time something will happen

all of her peers (including herself) have their own cubbies in the classroom

emma purposely left her snack box in there so that you’d have a reason to go back

AND she left a little note in there for you and (hopefully) mr. kim to read

emma is your child after all

meaning she’s a very verY clever girl

she just has to wait for the right time.,.,.

and the right time is noW

“mommy, my snack box is still in the classroom!!” emma stops in her tracks and you nod before pointing to the direction of the classroom

“go ahead, go get it”

“but i need to pee.” she squeezes her legs together and makes a face of discomfort “you need to get the snack box, mommy”

“i-“ you look back at the closed door of the classroom “mommy can wait for you to finish peeing and then you can go-“

“no, no, you need to go get it i need to pEE” the next thing you know she’s spRInting towards the washroom and you’re left standing in the middle of the hallway with question marks floating around your head

what in the hickory ham is going on

“gO GET MY SNACK BOX MOMMY” you hear her voice echo from the washroom

“alRIght alright” you snort before turning and heading back to the classroom

you don’t know why you’re suddenly so nervous

you’re retrieving your daughter’s snack box from her super attractive teacher that you definitely have a crush on there’s nothing to be nervous about

hi tae! emma left the ol’ snack box up in here!

whaddup mr. kim! mind if i just pOP right in??

yo Yo yOOoo have u seen a purple box anywhere?? because it belongs to emma and i need it

o god

all of these options are terrible

you need more time to rehearse your lines-

you’re about to reach up to knock on the door when suddenly it swiNgs right open and you stumble back in surprise

“oh shit!” taehyung reaches out and grabs onto your waist before you can fall flat on your aSS and you let out a squeak

in the midst of your almost-fall you’d grabbed onto his bicep and now.,.., he has an arm…, wrapped around your waist.,., while you have one hand on his bicep and one hand curled around the nape of his neck.,,,..,.,

the two of you snap out of your respective trances when you hear a door open down the hallway and you immediately leT GO of each other

also tae was right ur hair does smell really nice

“hi. sorry about that! i was on my way to the washroom and i didn’t know you were outside…” he clears his throat and prays to god he’s not as red as a tomato right now

“no, no! it was my bad, i’m sorry.” you reach up and scratch the back of your neck “i, uh, emma said she left her snack box in here.” you breathe out

“oh, uh, come in! i’ll help you search for it. it’s probably in her cubby. she’s always leaving things in there.” taehyung falls back into his ‘mr. kim’ persona as he leads you towards the cubbies in the back “let’s see… emma… here~” he bends down and you follow suit

oh my go d he even smells good is this aLLOWed

you perk up when you spot emma’s box

“hey, you’re right! here it is-“ you reach in and grab the box but you’re surprise when you notice the piece of paper stuck to the back of it

it’s an A4 piece of paper with a little card stuck to it and a note written in crayon on it

you recognise the card

it’s the business card of that little cafe you take emma to every friday after school

the one that you’re supposed to take her to right noW

‘mommy’s faveriate drink is karomal makkiatoe and mr. kim’s faverieote drink is hot chalklate’

“huh.” both you and tae are kinda just staring at the note

the gears are click-click-clicking away in both your guys’ heads

and then it hits the both of you at the same time

oh.

oh.

taehyung isn’t typically a ballsy guy but like

he’s feeling vEry brave all of a sudden

“can i take you out sometime?” he blurts out and your eyes widen in surprise

oh

well

you certainly weren’t expecting that

the both of you get back up onto your feet and you tuck emma’s box into your backpack

your cheeks flare up and you let out a little chuckle before scratching the back of your neck “i… uh…”

“i mean, don’t feel pressured to say yes just because i’m emma’s teacher!” taehyung stammers “i just, y’know, i don’t want to overstep here but i think you’re a very beautiful woman and-“

“i would love to.” you clear your throat and take your bottom lip in between your teeth “yeah, i would love to. actually, uh- emma and i, we usually go to this cafe every friday - if you’re free right now, maybe you can come and join us?” you rub your slighTLy damp hands on the back of your jeans and taehyung immediately lightS up and nods quickly

“i would love that. yeah, just… just gimme a second to clean up real quick! i’ll meet you and emma outside?”

“great! yeah, totally. she’s just.. she’s peeing right now so i should probably go check and see that she hasn’t flushed herself down the toilet or anything” you joke as you make your way towards the door and tae splits off to head to his desk “i’ll see you outside!”

you shut the door behind you and you have to quickly press yourself against the wall and you nearly bite your bottom lip off to keep yourself from screaming

your heart is going a million miles an hour and there are butterflies just having a raVE in your stomach

as soon as you leave the room taehyung pumps a fiST into the air in victory because Y E S  HE DID IT

“did you find my box?” emma’s sitting outside the washroom as you approach her and you raise a brow before nodding

“mhm.” she gets up and grabs onto your hand before looking back at the classroom door

huh

did her plan not work

she knows she’s not supposed to say bad words but what the h*ck

she really thought her plan would work!!!!

“mr. kim’s joining us for hot chocolate today, by the way. hope you don’t mind.”  you add casually and a cheshire-cat grin takes over emma’s face

the whole time you and emma and tae are at the cafe emma can’t help but feel proud of herself

you and mr. kim are sitting very vEry close to each other in your booth chatting away while she sits opposite of you two quietly nibbling at a scone and taking small sips of her hot chocolate

S U C C E S S has never tasted so good

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

masterlist

#bts #taehyung #kim taehyung #uwU #requested drabbles #taehyung fics #taehyung fic recs #taehyung fluff #taehyung cute #taehyung cute gifs #taehyung fluff recs #taehyung smut #taehyung smut recs #bts fics #bts fic recs #bts cute

[mautadite]

june book round up

18 books this month! this is late because i just couldn’t find the time to sit down and write it but it’s finally here! and i completed my reading challenge! whoo! mostly e-books and audiobooks once again, and also a good few arcs. (i’m still so proud to be able to say that lol.)

the 7 1/2 deaths of evelyn hardcastle - stuart turton ⭐️⭐️⭐️ a murder mystery/thriller that takes place in the midst of a house party. kind of a groundhog day thing; the same day repeats over and over, and one of the guests wakes up in the body of a different guest EVERY day, and will do so until he solves the mystery. this was one of the cleverest books i’ve ever read, seeing everything come together was so good. but the last reveal left me kinda like... was THAT the point of all of this?? also one part of this book is grossly fatphobic.

breeze of a spring evening and other stories - yu dafu ⭐️⭐️⭐️ collection of short stories written and set in 1920s china/japan. there was a lot of examination of men’s desire towards younger women which bored me. but the writing was good, and i really enjoyed when the writer talked about being chinese and living in japan; that feeling of isolation of loss of self and country,

her lady’s honor - renee dahlia ⭐️⭐️ first arc of the month! historical f/f romance set after wwi. one character is a vet (in both senses of the word, she served as an animal doctor during the war) and the other is the daughter of the first character’s old captain. i wanted to like this a lot more than i did but the writing was dull, needed a better edit, and the structure/plot was just all over the place. the characters were fine, but not hugely compelling, and i didn’t fall in love with their romance.

his cocky cellist - cole mccade ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ really good m/m romance about a cellist/masseur and a young billionaire who end up becoming entangled. fictional billionaires are the only good ones. this had really pretty prose (sometimes a liiiiiiiiiiiittle bit purple), great characters, great chemistry, and just a lovely romance overall.

his cocky valet: after story - cole mmcade ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ cute coda to the first book in the series. a HEA in a way that works for these specific characters.

night owls and summer skies - rebecca sullivan ⭐️⭐️ another arc, another book i sadly didn’t enjoy much. this is ya f/f, about a girl who is sent unwillingly to the camp that she attended in childhood. the bare bones of the writing was fine, but it tried to be a romantic comedy in ways that just didn’t work. a lot of the humour was a total miss. and the book dealt a lot with bullying, while also letting the love interest get away with some truly shitty stuff. 

arms wide open - donna jay ⭐️⭐️⭐️ contemporary f/f romance about a married couple going through some rough patches, who decide to try to spice things up by inviting a third person into their bed. it was cute, not spectacular. while i liked the characters a lot, because the book opened with them already in love (having problems, but never OUT of love) this book was missing what i love about most romances: the falling in love bit!

my heart’s in the highlands - amy hoff ⭐️⭐️⭐️ another arc and oh man this is an extremely generous rating for a book that really wasn’t that good, but hit the spot for me in specific ways. it’s historical f/f time travel romance about a woman from the 19th century who travels back to the 13th century and falls in love with a gruff highlander warrior woman. this is not very well written, has so many unexplained plot points, (how did a woman from the 19th century build a time machine? none of our damned business) didn’t seem too concerned with historical fidelity, and had some dubcon, which, bleh. but i still REALLY liked parts of this. i’m just so weak for historical f/f romance.

when all the world sleeps - j.a. rock and lisa henry ⭐️⭐️⭐️ contemporary m/m romance between a chronic sleepwalker who lives in fear of the things he does when he’s sleeping, and a cop. this was fine. sometimes sad and sweet, sometimes weird and overdone. the police character was fine most of the time, but he also reminded me of why i don’t like reading romances with cops. especially In These Times. every tiny abuse of power made me want to snap. the actually romance was good, but i’ve read better.

yellow jessamine - caitlin starling ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ another arc! fantasy sort of horror with some f/f leanings. really wonderful prose, AMAZING characters, and really lush, unsettling horror. i don’t read/enjoy a lot of horror but this was great. i adore complicated women so much

where the forest meets the stars - glendy vanderah ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ on a genre scale i guess this is contemporary/mystery? a moving novel about a biologist (who’s a breast cancer survivor) who meets a little girl claiming to be an alien who comes from the stars. it didn’t go the way i was kind of expecting it to, and i enjoyed it. it had an m/f romance that i liked... mostly? there were some tropes i coulda done without, and it was really lazy in the way it addressed trauma.

silver ravens - jane fletcher ⭐️⭐️⭐️ yet another arc! i really enjoyed fletcher’s celaeno series so i was excited to be approved for this f/f fantasy/adventure novel. an out-of-work IT professional is swept into fairy world with fae and mystery and intrigues aplenty, and a mercenary captain she falls for. the writing was fine, but some of the world building really bugged me, and there wasn’t enough romance imo.

second nature - jae ⭐️⭐️⭐️ f/f paranormal romance about a writer who’s begun to have strange dreams about a society of animal shifters, and the liger shifter who’s been tasked with finding her, and if need be, killing her. this could have been a great book (i especially really liked the characters and how they were described, and the plot) but the writer did one of the things i really hate: giving us the pov of the villain from the very beginning, letting us know his plans, motivations, EVERYTHING. it felt like we spent the entire book waiting for the protags to catch up, and it just wasn’t entertaining.

dragonoak books 2-3 - sam farren ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ the last two books in the dragonoak series, an f/f high fantasy series. they were too long, the plot was shaky, and there were some irksome bits but holy crap, i loved these books so much. SO MUCH. they have some of my very favourite characters and tropes EVER. lots of queer ladies, lots of trans characters, necromancy, batles, found families, friendships, damaged characters, REALLY EXCELLENT ROMANCE.. the book had flaws aplenty but i’m ready to forgive them all. (

when i was you - minka kent ⭐️⭐️⭐️ i don’t usually read thrillers, but i decided to try this out on a whim after seeing the cover and it was... fine. it helped that i didn’t read the blurb, bc that meant i had no idea where it was going. after the first huge twist it did become kinda meh tho.

the hole -  hye-young pyun ⭐️⭐️⭐️ psychological horror about a man who survives the car cash that killed his wife. he ends up paralysed, and is living with his mother in law, and one day he looks out the window and sees her digging holes in the garden. this was an EXTREMELY slow book. it took ages for anything to really happen. there were a lot of flashbacks and internal monologuing. the absolute best part of this book came at almost the end, where there was a big sorta revelation and the writing became really crisp and cutting and just really good. it had a really fitting end.

the silvers - j.a. rock ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ m/m sci-fi romance. humans are in search of water for earth, which is running out. they come across intelligent life on a new planet: a race of people called silvers. the captain of the mission and one of the silvers develop a close relationship... this was really good; i loved what it had to say about humanity and nature and the ways we can and do hurt each other. very interesting, i don’t think i’ve ever read anything like it.

and that’s it for june! i ended up reading a fair few things out of my usual comfort zone. for july, i think i’m going back to a majority romance; i’ve missed that. currently reading to have loved and lost.

#book talk #long post

[turning-the-kaleidoscope]

“Thaw” (Chapter 1/3)

It was supposed to be a fun afternoon. 

Neither of them could’ve expected it to end up like this.

Written for @mookybear12404‘s MP100 Sims!AU, which is wholesome in all kinds of ways but almost turned into a complete disaster with the latest installment. Stay away from precarious railings near the ocean, kids! 

[Part 2] [Part 3]

Arataka has only known Shigeo for the span of a month and can already say beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would walk through hell and back, fight an army of thousands, and tear the world apart if it meant Shigeo would live a long, safe, happy life. Shigeo is by far the best thing that’s happened to him and he wouldn’t trade him for anything.

That said, he doesn’t know the first thing about parenting. He’s sure he’ll get it eventually, that things will ‘click’ some way or another, but it’s already been a month. He would’ve hoped to have at least a few clues by now.

“Hey, it’s almost the weekend,” he says into the apartment one Thursday afternoon, kicked back on the living room couch. The couch is too small to fit him, really; his legs dangle over one end and his head rests on the other; but it’s all he could afford at the time of purchase. “You wanna do anything special, kiddo?”

“Like what?” Shigeo asks, looking up at him. He’s sitting on the rug, dangling a string that Dimple has been chasing around for the better part of an hour. The cat has this… sickly green tint in its fur that’s always been there, and if Shigeo hadn’t asked so innocently and Arataka wasn’t such a damn pushover, the cat would be in a shelter. As it is, though, the cat is theirs.

Arataka gives a shrug. “I dunno, something. We’ve never been up to the mountains before, have we? I heard they’re calling for snow, it should be a lot of fun.”

Shigeo blinks at him twice. He isn’t moving around the string anymore. “What should be fun?”

Arataka sits up. “I mean, going up there and playing in the snow. We can build snowmen and have a snowball fight and stuff. We have a weekend to kill.”

Shigeo looks down thoughtfully and Arataka prays he hadn’t said the wrong thing (even though he has no way of knowing or even guessing what that could’ve been). The rope swishes across the floor and sharp claws scramble after it.

“Who’s going to take care of Dimple?” Shigeo asks.

“I’m sure the neighbors wouldn’t mind,” Arataka says, and now he’s guessing, but at least there’s some logic behind it this time. “They’ve looked after him before. I’ll drop by later and ask them. In the meantime… what do you think?”

Shigeo pauses for a moment to think. He likes taking time with his responses, thinking over each word carefully before he speaks them. Arataka is a patient man, but right now his nerves are kind of getting to him and he hopes he answers soon.

“I think that’d be fun,” Shigeo says at long, long last, turning to him with the smallest of smiles. “I’d like to go, I think.”

The butterflies in Arataka’s stomach high-five, and soon he’s grinning, too. “Great! Then let’s do it!”

As it happened, “killing the weekend,” as Arataka put it, ends up having to be more of a “kill one Saturday afternoon because whoops there aren’t any cabins up there and it’s too cold to pitch a tent, which would be out of the question anyway because of the bugs, Shigeo, the bugs,” but Shigeo doesn’t seem too disappointed. If anything, he’s happy that they won’t have to leave Dimple behind for long and still have time to play in the snow. It’s a win-win situation as far as he’s concerned.

And with Shigeo in such a good mood, Arataka can’t find it in him to be upset for very long. They load up the car (a rental; Arataka can only hope and pray that he doesn’t wreck it because whoo boy he’d have to sell their entire home and probably his soul to pay that off), and once Shigeo says one final goodbye to Dimple and has given him a tight squeeze, they board the vehicle and disembark.

Shigeo sits in the passenger seat, facing forward, hands folded loosely in his lap. Arataka glances at him whenever he dares to look away from the road, keeping tabs on his posture. Things are never obvious when it comes to Shigeo; everything’s subtle, barely there, but noticeable if you take the time to look for it (and know what to look for).

Right now, Shigeo looks relaxed. Some of the tension in Arataka’s shoulders eases, too.

“So.” Arataka drums a finger against the steering wheel. “Snowball fights.”

“You’re going to beat me,” Shigeo replies, like he’d been called on in school to answer a question. “You’re better at stuff like that.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Arataka says, shaking his head. “I haven’t had a snowball fight since I was your age. That kind of puts us on a level playing field, doesn’t it?”

“Not really.”

He has. No idea how to talk to this kid. Which makes sense considering how short a time they’ve been together, but still. He really needs a guidebook for this sort of thing because he doesn’t fill the “parent” shoes very well at all.

Or would that be “shoe” because he’s a single father? What is he doing?

“Well, I’m sure we’ll have fun either way!” Arataka says finally, much more chipper than before. “It won’t be long now before we’re there. I’m surprised we haven’t seen any snow yet.”

“I’m sure we’ll see some soon,” Shigeo says hopefully, voice lighter than it’d been a second ago. Arataka’s smile grows wider, and he reaches over to ruffle Shigeo’s hair. No matter how the weekend actually turns out, he’s certain it’ll be fun. As long as they’ve got each other.

Except, it doesn’t actually snow. It just gets really, really cold.

Arataka parks the car in what seems like a safe spot for now, but the second he gets out of it he kind of wants to go back in. The wind drags icy fingernails across his cheeks and a shiver spirals down his spine. They’ve bundled up, at least, but still. They’re close to the ocean, close enough to hear it from where they’re standing, and while the air is fresh, it’s cool and crisp all the same and makes for an unpleasant tingle in the back of Arataka’s throat.

“Oh.” Shigeo looks up at the cloudy sky, standing beside Arataka with his scarf blowing gently in the breeze. His eyes are wide. “It isn’t snowing.”

Arataka feels a twinge of something in his gut. “Yeah, I know. Stupid weather report, steering us wrong… sorry, kiddo, we might just have to come up here some other ti—”

“What’s that?”

It’s now that Arataka realizes Shigeo isn’t looking up at the sky, but instead, up at something closer to the top of an incline, silhouetted against the sun filtering through the clouds. He squints.

“... I don’t know what that is. Maybe a lighthouse?”

“A lighthouse?” Shigeo looks spellbound. “I’ve never seen a lighthouse…”

Arataka shakes his head with a sigh. His breath fogs for a moment before vanishing into the air. “They’re not much to look at, honestly,” he says. “And as far as I know, that one’s not in operation anymore. You’d probably be disap—”

“Let’s go check it out!”

And before Arataka can finish his thought or even sputter out a “Huh?” Shigeo has taken off. Sprinting.

It leaves him dumbfounded, and then the dumbfoundedness leaves him. Blood returns to his stiff limbs, and he kicks off and runs, too.

“H-Hey, kid, wait up!”

“Come on!” Shigeo throws a smile over his shoulder, eyes gleaming. “If it gets too dark we won’t be able to find our way back!”

“Okayokayokay I get that, just—! Slow down—!”

Shigeo doesn’t slow down, and Arataka doesn’t shout for him again. Even though his lungs burn in protest and his throat is made raw by the ice in the air, he can’t help but smile. This is the first time Shigeo’s been this openly excited about something. He can’t mess this up.

“There it is! It’s right up ahead, look! Looklooklook!”

Arataka is so occupied with breathebreathebreathe for so long that Shigeo actually retraces his steps, just to grab him by the arm and haul him forward. Running is fine, but running uphill is a lot less fine. Nonetheless, Shigeo surprises Arataka yet again and drags him up closer to the lighthouse.

It isn’t a shadowy shape in the distance anymore. Now, it’s a towering pillar of stark white, with a concrete patio wrapped around it, a door, barred shut, and a rusted metal railing guided along the edge of the cement, overlooking the ocean on a precarious cliffside. The spot is abandoned, now, and not quite as glamorous as it’d once been, but he can imagine how it used to look.

“Oh, it’s amazing!” Shigeo gushes brightly, starting forward. He flattens his palm against the side of the lighthouse and looks all the way up toward the top, beaming. “Wow, I never thought they were this big… they’re so cool...”

Shigeo is so thrilled by the simple lighthouse that Arataka doesn’t even miss the snow anymore. He smiles and moves to stand beside Shigeo, following his gaze toward the top. He can’t see it at this angle, but he can imagine the lighthouse’s beams as they used to be, guiding ships to dock.

A thought strikes him.

“Hey, we should take a picture together!”

Shigeo rounds him, wide-eyed. “A picture?”

“Yes!” Arataka is already whipping out his phone, tugging off a glove with his teeth so he can use the screen. “Okay okay okay, hold on… oH NO FACECAM, NO FACECAM—okay okay, here we go, here we go! Let’s stand in front of the lighthouse, c’mon!”

He takes a knee and winds an arm around Shigeo’s shoulders, pulling him to his side with the phone held at arm’s length in front of them. Shigeo doesn’t even stiffen at the sudden motion, and instead moves as close as he can and puts on a smile for the camera that looks every bit as genuine as Arataka knows it is.

“Smile!” Arataka chirps. The phone focuses, Shigeo throws up a peace sign at the last second, and he takes the shot. With a click!, the photo is saved and the memory makes itself a special little home somewhere deep in Arataka’s heart. Regardless of the photo quality, this is one memory he’ll always cherish.

“Can I see?” Shigeo, still pressed against his side, peers closer.

“Yeah, yeah, of course!” Arataka says, holding the phone out for him to see. “What do you think of that? That’s a good picture!”

Shigeo takes his time examining it, like he takes his time with everything, but before long his smile has returned with the sparkle in his eyes. “I love it!” he says, beaming.

Arataka’s heart seizes in his chest and god, if there’s one thing he’s learned about being a father, it’s that he absolutely loves it.

“Here, let’s take another one!” Arataka says, re-opening the camera. “A goofy one this time, make a silly face.”

“A silly face?” Shigeo asks, tilting his head to one side. “Like what?”

“Like this!”

Arataka pulls one.

Shigeo reaches out and taps Capture.

The result is.

Flattering.

Aratata chokes on something caught in between a snort and a sharp exhale. It’s not long before he’s laughing.

“Shigeo why—”

Shigeo snaps another one.

“OH MY GOD STOP, STOP—!”

Shigeo goes in for another one but Arataka is only slightly faster, pulling the phone his way just as Shigeo’s hands reach for it. Shigeo’s hand lands on his wrist. Arataka underestimated just how much he’d moved, and loses his balance and topples sideways; Shigeo, fingers curled around his wrist, is tugged off-balance as well, and they land in a crumpled heap on the cold cement.

Arataka’s shoulder throbs a little when he lands on it, but he can’t stop laughing, and Shigeo is giggling, too, arms around tight around his waist with Arataka’s arms still around his shoulders. The phone is on the ground, forgotten.

Still scant of breath, Arataka breathes, “Holy crap, kiddo…” and Shigeo laughs softly, tightening his hold. Arataka returns the favor, struggling to replenish his poor lungs. Except, the air doesn’t sting nearly as much as before. Or maybe he’s just stopped caring.

“... Oh, look.”

Shigeo moves first, pulling out of Arataka’s arms before he’s ready to let go. Arataka sits up beside him and is just about to ask what’s wrong, when he feels it against the tip of his nose. A flake.

Shigeo points up at the sky and Arataka follows his finger. “It’s snowing!”

“... Would you look at that.” Arataka smiles, leaning back with his palms pressed flat on the cement behind him. “It is...”

“Can we look at the ocean before we go?” Shigeo says, hands clasped together in his lap. “I know it’s getting late, but we’re so far from the city, and I’m sure the view is really pretty from all the way up here, s-so…”

Arataka takes in the atmosphere for another moment or so. “Are you cold, Shigeo?”

Shigeo shakes his head. “Not really, I’m okay. I’ll be alright for a little while longer, I think.”

“Well, if you’re sure you’re alright, then I don’t have a problem with it,” Arataka says, beaming, rising to his feet. “Here, though—” He unzips his jacket, shrugs it off. The wind bites a little deeper, but it’s not more than he can ignore, and he settles the jacket around Shigeo’s shoulders. “Wear this, alright?”

“O-Oh, a-are you sure?” Shigeo asks, hands coming to clutch it around his shoulders. “Y-You don’t have to, I’m really fine, honest.”

Arataka ruffles his hair. “S’alright, buddy,” he says, rising to his feet. “Don’t worry about me. I just wanna make sure you don’t catch a chill. C’mon, you wanted to see the ocean, didn’t you?”

Crisis forgotten, Shigeo nods eagerly and slips his hand into Arataka’s. With a squeeze of his fingers, they round the lighthouse, along the edge near the guardrail, until the mountain is behind them and the ocean is before them. As far as the eye can see, off the edge of the cliffside, the water stretches like a great, sparkling blanket. The current is relaxed. There aren’t any crashing waves, no storm on the horizon. Only the snow, the lighthouse, the ocean, and them.

Arataka wishes he could bottle this feeling. The wind an icy chill against his skin, the sunbeams warm and bright, Shigeo’s hand in his, the ocean as it rolls like gentle pastures. He wishes he could bottle this contentment, this warmth, this light.

It’s been hell for the both of them, but suffice to say, every step of the way has been worth it. He’d do it again in a heartbeat.

“... The ocean’s really pretty,” Shigeo says, stepping forward closer to the railing. He lets go of Arataka’s hand, whether or not he means to. “Do you think we’ll see any seagulls?”

“Maybe, who knows?” Arataka steps up beside him, ignoring the bite of cold against his skin. It’s a little worse, now. They probably shouldn’t stay much longer. “It might be a little cold out for them, but you never know.”

Shigeo hums with a small nod, eyes glued to the sky, and Arataka leans on the guardrail to look out into the ocean.

In hindsight, he should’ve stayed as far away from that guardrail as he possibly could. He shouldn’t have let Shigeo anywhere near it, let alone lean on it himself. It’s precarious no matter how you look at it. There’s nothing good about the guardrail. Rusted, old, even broken in parts.

He doesn’t think about that, though.

He leans on it.

It snaps.

The ground isn’t beneath him anymore. The ocean is.

From a distance, he hears Shigeo’s voice shout his name, an octave higher than Arataka’s ever heard it before. The wind had nipped at him before, but it tears through him now like the talons on an animal, every slash a deep, penetrating wound that seeps through every ounce of his body. The ocean is coming at him. He tastes salt.

Somehow, he rightens himself. Somehow, he thinks about how he should land. Somehow, he thinks about the diving he’d done in high school, and he brings his limbs close, tight against his body, he puts his palms over his head, he—

He breaks the surface of the water, and the overwhelming chill nearly breaks him too.

#Sims!MP100 AU #Sims!MP100 #cloud writes #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #fanfic #im !! #big love this au!!! #so much wholesomeness #i love it #dad reigen #to the maximum

[danbensen]

…or how tracking my life told me I was abusing coffee and social media

So there I was, my nails digging into my palms, my right molars pressed into each other. The air hissed in through my nose as my vision narrowed to a point. It was like hurtling down a roller-coaster. It was was terrifying, and I had no idea why it was happening.

I’d be doing nothing especially ominous – sitting down on the couch, carrying my younger daughter, thinking about bread – and suddenly I’d be gripped by this intense sensation of danger. BREAD! The image of a whole-grain loaf gained the mass of a church bell. DOOM! It rang. Toll the yeasty knell, oh brazen fate, for all men shall one day die. Die, oh, mortal flesh. Die and meet thy baker. (whoo! I am so sorry about that pun. Deep breaths now…)

Tiny drops of steam Ebb and flow before the light With each of my breaths.

It was ridiculous, but of course knowing that it was ridiculous didn’t help. I was like a cat, freaking out for no reason. Or was there no reason? Aren’t I supposed to listen to my body, now that I’m meditating and whatnot? But what exactly was my body supposed to be telling me? Avoid carbs? Run from the couch? Something about my daughter…? Yeah, If I searched hard enough for a reason to be terrified, I’d surely find one. Now there’s a reason for fear.

So I meditated more. I stopped using social media. I took my daughters to the park and watched the sky as it changed from brass to rose and the street lights blinked on. I talked to Pavlina. And I realized that over the course of the past month, I’d gone from drinking two cups of coffee a day to four.

The trees turn black and The sky, indescribable. Look up and it’s changed.

Scheduling is hard. My older daughter’s in first grade now, and school starts at 8:10 in the Center. The younger one’s in kindergarten, which starts at 8:30 in Levski G. At some point, it would be nice if Pavlina and I could go to work, which is back in the Center. If we want to have breakfast and drink our coffee in peace, we need to wake up at 6:15. Three hours later, I’m finally in the office and I’m tired. That scares me because I associate being tired with being sick. Fatigue=death.

I’m supposed to listen to my body, but my body is a stupid animal. It’s not going to say, “you’re drinking too much coffee.” It says “coffee reminds me of being happy!” and “not being productive scares me!” It says “I’m tired! I must have cancer again!” It’s up to me to keep track of what I’m doing, cut out the distractions, and give myself enough mental room to notice the patterns.

Right. So that’s why I’m not doing social media any more. Because part of the reason I was too distracted to notice I was drinking too much coffee was the last newsletter I wrote. I posted it on facebook, which made me want to check facebook for likes and comments. And once I was on facebook, why not see what other people are posting? Oh. Oh. That’s what they’re posting. Oh no.

I debated writing this explanation. Why not just stop using social media? Why talk about it on social media? But my litmus test for whether I should write something is “will this help people?” Maybe this is helpful: social media is distracting and depressing. It fills my head with noise. Maybe you have the same problem and this is the solution.

The sky at seven The color of hope that hurts And the crying swifts

I’ll continue to post my work on my website (including these newsletters) and mirror or link to those posts on Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook. Readers are welcome to like and comment, but I’ll only read those comments once a week (Friday seems like a good day). Comments on my website, PMs, and emails to me will get my attention earlier. I won’t read any content that isn’t sent personally to me or that I didn’t sign up for. Hopefully that means I’ll still get news from people I care about, but not about tragedies that I have no power to solve. That way, I can continue to function from hour to hour.

What do you think? Is this going to work? Can I stay connected without sacrificing my mental health? Let me know in the comments. Or even better, email me.

In other news, I had some good writing stuff happen this month. Interchange has hit its 2/3 mark and, more importantly, its rhythm. I’ve managed to block off a fairly reliable 90-minute chunk of time in the mornings, which I use to meditate and then “speedwrite,” which means writing without thinking about what I’m doing. I generally end up with a single element of a scene, such as the conversation the characters are having, how they feel, what’s going on in the environment, or what actions the characters are taking.

Then I usually have some time after lunch (and my second and final coffee), and I can layer those scene-pieces onto each other and smooth the edges. If I have more time, I do research, which usually involves shooting messages to generous experts. In this way, the inestimable and inspiring Thomas Duffy helped me tie a ribbon around the center of my book, in which a biologist’s subconscious belief that she owns the environment she’s studying leads her to destroy it. As the forest crumbles around her, she blames herself…then makes exactly the wrong decision about what to do next. Yeah! Fiction! Thomas, I’m going to send you roses or cacti or something.

Another new tradition I’ve instituted is spending my Friday mornings not working on Interchange. It’s a little release of pressure, a chance to play and remind myself that writing isn’t just another chore I have to do. The first week, it was a short story. That one turned out so well, I’m going to try to publish it. It’s called “The Sales Event” and it’s about smart phones and general relativity. Do you want to beta-reader it?

I got another couple of “no”s from publishers about The Sultan’s Enchanter, but one of them was that very gratifying “no” that comes at the head of a long list of things I could do to fix the story. Making those fixes will be educational, even if that particular publisher still passes. Wealthgiver is rather like The Sultan’s Enchanter, after all, and the lessons I learn from one will be important for the other. The world needs more books about amoral Balkan people!

Yeah, I’m still working on Wealthgiver’s neo-Thracian language. I even posted a little of it on Tumblr. But don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten my little goats!

Kapt kapēnon ainē kesa / byźai darsai ypo dēsâ. Ēbron, aiźi, byźâs kâ / skalmon, bleptē, bystâs kâ, As tae yper iatśikan / kapâ pe ta ve abbrinkan.

There were at one time / brave goats under heaven. A kid, a nanny, and a billy goat / clever, loyal, and tough, Who would dance up / a hill for to make themselves fat.

Dâ ispilsen opē rinkon strymē / parân ân, śân târâ dymâ. Iśē iserpa źēryntē / źymlē mērē urdēnē. Byźulâs ada pyrân źilmân / dâ bolvarâs pia rhobton saimân.

But a quick-flowing river blocked / the path with an evil guard. There coiled a beast / a great water-dragon. A goat will eat green grains / but a serpent will slurp blood

Peskēnon ērga ēbron do. / Pliskon ērga śân negō. Źymlē zē semân iglytsa. / “Kis ēs tu?” Neston iglâtsa. “Semâs manon ēm ēźo.” / “San ar ēsti? Abadam so!”

First comes the kid. / It splashes with its hooves. The dragon heard this. / “Who are you?” she roared. “This only am I.” / “Is it so? I will eat you up!”

Things are heating up! I’m still not entirely comfortable with the articles and deitics, but I do like that last line. And the orthography is shaping up nicely. I love googly things over letters.

Another potential conlanging project for that other hundred years I plan to live: Western Hellenism. What if the Greeks had conquered Iberia?

And finally, PROTECTOR! This is the comic project I’ve been working on for literally six years. Words by me and Simon Roy, inks by Atryom Trakhanov, colors by Jason Wordie, and lettering by Hassan Otsmane-Elhadu. What a crazy, fun, glorious process this collaboration was!

Protector is a post-apocalyptic scifi story about a slave who stumbles across “a demon of the Profligate Age,” a military cyborg who’s been in hibernation for the past thousand years. The post-human robots who are terraforming the Earth are not amused, and send in some sweaty future-vikings to put a stop to these shenanigans.

There will be five issues, and issue one comes out in January. If you’re interested, please order a copy, or better yet, tell your local comic or book store to order lots of copies! Give us some numbers that will convince Image to ask for a sequel

And finally, some books and stuff

Daring Greatly by Brené Brown – this book wasn’t as transformative for me as it could have been because I’ve read Brown before and I already agree with her. Shame is bad. Vulnerability is the cure. Bam. What I like about Brown is that she collects good data, lets it prove her wrong, and suggests how the lessons from the data can be usefully applied. It’s not just science, it’s engineering.

Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold – I think this was the third read. What happens when GM humans become obsolete? What happens when an engineer has a spiritual epiphany? It wasn’t quite as much fun as some of Bujold’s other science fiction, but it has a lot of heart.

Spooky Action at a Distance by George Musser – an excellent physics book, examining the concept of space, which lies at the center of the contradictions of relativity and quantum physics. If space didn’t exist, the universe would be chaos, but a lot of experiments only make sense if space _doesn’t_ exist. Great stuff, and it inspired that short story I’m so proud of.

Death by Water by Kerry Greenwood – a refreshing splash of chilly New Zealand sea spray. Phryne pursues a jewel thief and has a little bit of sex, but a lot of good food, drink, and dancing. There’s also a hakka.

Wicked Prey by John Sandford – it was actually a little boring. The police’s side of the story didn’t hold up as well as the criminals’. But this is a relatively early book in the series, which means Sandford is improving.

The Upright Go Pro – it’s a little device that you glue to your upper back so it will buzz at you when you slouch. Immediately after I put it on, I realized I have little tiny tyrannosaurus arms that don’t reach any table or counter-top. It ran out of batteries one day and man did my back hurt that night. So I guess it’s working.

Gravity by Against the Current and Brighter by Patent Pending – Good Interchange music.

Be Kind to Yourself by Andrew Peterson – It makes me feel better.

Song of Durin by Clamavi De Profundis – I haven’t gotten goosebumps from a song in a long time. It’s about dwarves.

The Twits by Roald Dahl – I read it to my older daughter and boy howdy did Roald Dahl know how to write for children. Everything seems utterly ridiculous but it all somehow satisfies. Like eating dirt cake.

Steven Universe – My younger daughter found me rewatching it on my phone and made me cast it on the big TV. Now it’s all “I wanna watch Steeben dabout a Giant Woman. I’m Pearl.” No, younger daughter, you are not Pearl. Pearl is my older daughter. My younger daughter is Amethyst. Nobody is more Amethyst than my younger daughter. (I’m Peridot)

#mystuff #newsletter #simon roy #thomas duffy #Artyom Trakhanov #writing #mental health #science fiction #thracian

[honeybee-babe]

Press Conference Part 4

Part 4 of my collab fic with @hargreevesstyles featuring allergic Klaus snz and Luther snz!!!!

Twenty minutes later, Klaus sauntered into the break room, looking very disheveled, yet very content.

“Klaus, where the hell have you been?” Diego demanded.

Klaus just winked at him and sat back down in his spot on the couch next to Luther, and leaned back with his legs spread far apart. Diego got his answer when Maya came in from the other door with her hair down and her blouse no longer tucked into her skirt. But still smiling from ear to ear.

“Sorry about the delay! Technical difficulties.” She cleared her throat; did her voice sound a little hoarse? “Okay, Vanya, you’re up next! Are you ready?”

The smallest Hargreeves nodded and wordlessly followed her out of the room.

“Whoo!” Klaus leaned back in his chair. “That was a -hih!-hihh’enNGTshiehh! snf! That was a good interview!”

Luther turned to face Klaus. “What the hell took you so long?” He demanded.

Alison scoffed, “Isn’t it obvious. He fucked her!”

“Hey! Watch your crude language! We m-hih! HhheNXTshyuu! Hh’nkgt-n’kt! We made love,” Klaus grinned, earning a high five from Diego.

“Whatever you did you reek of her perfume, can you please move over there?”

Klaus joked, “If I have to suffer then you have to suffer with me.”

“You’re the one who made the conscious decision to fuck her! I don’t want her or that perfume anywhere near me!” Luther was beginning to get pissed off with his brother again. He knew how badly this stupid perfume was affecting the both of them yet he went out of his way to get coated in it.

Allison said, “Seriously, Klaus, out of all of the girls here you decided to fuck the one covered in perfume?”

“There were some cute boys here too, might have to take another break with one of them. There was a really cute brunette working the coffee station,” Klaus noted. He ripped a tissue out of the box on the table and stifled five sneezes into it. He groaned afterward. “This sucks.”

Luther snapped, “You don’t get to complain! You put this on yourself, now can you please move away from me like I asked you to!”

“But I’m so comfy-”

“Jesus fucking Christ, I’ll move then-”

Suddenly, Allison’s voice interrupted him. “Klaus, I heard a rumor, that you really want to sit on the other side of the room and stop antagonizing Luther.”

Klaus’ eyes washed blue and he stood up wordlessly, moving himself to a chair far away from Luther. He seemed to have nothing to say now.

“Hh’eNGXTshiew! HhhiNGK’shuh!” Luther sneezed into his elbow. He was running out of tissues from Allison’s travel pack and he really didn’t want to deal with any flack from Klaus if he had to take some from his box. Although, Klaus had offered them kindly earlier when they were waiting outside.

Part of him wanted to be annoyed with Klaus just because that’s what he was used to during his whole entire childhood, but he understood Klaus more now. Luther didn’t feel as far away from Number Four as he used to when they were kids. He couldn’t say the same for Klaus, but he thought there was at least some level of it between the two of them. They seemed to be on opposite teams, growing up. Klaus went against anything and everything that Reginald said, and Luther took every word that came from their dear old dad to heart.

It was no wonder they were so different several years later. Still, there were odd things that made them the same. Like how they were both allergic to the same perfume and other oddities of the sort.

Luther was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of Klaus sneezing again. Luther was better off because he had been without Maya for quite a while and the leftover perfume on Klaus wasn’t enough to give him too bad of a tickle, but he was still irritated. He could feel the congestion in his head thicken, the pressure was still getting worse. His head also hurt from how strong the perfume was, it was overly floral and Luther could feel the chemicals fuzzing up his brain.

The twenty minutes for Vanya’s interview felt like an hour to him, but to the others, it felt like five minutes.

But no, it had taken exactly twenty minutes for Vanya and Maya to return, only for Maya to beckon them back to the big set. Luther was complaining about his headache to Allison when Klaus overheard.

Klaus didn’t have a headache. He was high enough that every sneeze felt a little better than normal but he wasn’t feeling the other symptoms yet. He didn’t mind the congestion and he loved how relieved he felt when he blew his nose.

“Hihihh'engtshieww! God, don’t you guys just love sneezing?” He asked. He had popped another pill while no one was paying attention in the break room. “It feels so good to just get it out of your body.”

Luther rolled his eyes. “Only you would say that right now.”

“I’m serious! Just…gasping for breath and some sort of relief and you literally lose control as it comes out of you. Yeah, it can get a little annoying but it just feels so satisfying and boy am I one for satisfaction,” Klaus ranted.

Over in the middle, Vanya looked uncomfortable as ever. She had her head down and she was trying her hardest not to listen to her brother talk about the thing she was most attracted to.  And Luther looked agitated. He hated sneezing, and not just because it often made his congestion worse rather than giving him any sort of relief. From his perspective, not only was it a moment of weakness, but it was a temporary loss of control over his body which, given his abilities, gave him a lot of anxiety.

“Why have you two been sneezing so much? The pollen’s not too bad around here,” Maya asked.

Diego rolled his eyes at her ignorance. “It’s your fuckin’ perfume!” He spoke firmly.

Klaus gasped. “Is it? I had no idea!” He lied through his teeth.

Maya had a delayed reaction. She brought her hands up to her mouth. “Is that why you’ve been sneezing more when you’re closer to me? Oh my god! That’s so funny, I can’t believe it. Who would’ve thought!”

“Is she–are you fuckin’ serious right now?” Diego asked. “You did not notice at all? Nothing seemed a little odd to you?”

“Diego’s right, how could you have missed that? It’s not like your perfume isn’t noticeable?” Allison’s voice had a dark tone. She was very angry.

Luther begged, “Please, Allison, let it go. It’s okay. We’ll be fine, let’s just wrap this up so we can all–hih! Hh’eTSHiew! Hhhn’gxt–go home.”

At this, Allison rolled her eyes but stayed silent. Diego scoffed a bit at how easy it was to dissuade her. “Wow.”

“Diego, it’s okay,” Klaus said. He gave Diego a calming look and a small nod toward the camera.

Surprisingly, Diego took it well. He cooled off. He most likely knew that the cameras were rolling and everything he said was being captured. Ever since a young age when The Umbrella Academy had first started, Reginald had always taught them to be poised and professional on camera. They had to hide emotions after missions when they were featured on the news. They had to keep themselves contained when Five disappeared, and when Ben died. They were always in the public’s eye and they knew when to draw the line.

“I’m sorry, I was really distracted, I was so starstruck. I didn’t even think about it,” Maya said, sounding sincere for maybe the first time since Diego had spoken to her.

He was about to respond but a sharp sneeze aimed into Klaus’ elbow cut him off.

“Sorry…about that,” Klaus murmured. “didn’t mean to ruin the moment.”

“There was no moment to ruin,” Diego answered quickly, and Maya shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “What are we even back here for anyway?”

“Just closing thoughts! Any last things you wanted to say, it’ll only take a few minutes,” Maya assured, a little bit of her bubbly personality coming back now. “It might be nice if you all left a message for Five. You know, so he might see it if he’s still out there.”

“You think we haven’t tried that?” Diego sneered.

“That’s a great idea!” Klaus clapped his hands. “hhn’inxtshiehh! I’ll start.” He proceeded to give what was essentially a very “heartfelt” plea for their missing brother to please reach out to him, whether he was still alive or not. He had to restart three times. The first time he turned to the side to stifle an itchy trio. The second time Luther turned to his side to stifle a congested double, amplifying the pressure in his head and also ruining the take. The third time, everyone laughed at Klaus’ terrible acting. Except for Luther, who squinted his eyes shut tight at the loud noise. But the final product ended up pretty convincing, and Klaus’ leaned back in his seat with a grin and a very liquid sniffle.

Maya decided it would be easiest to go down the line in the opposite order since they’d started with Klaus. Klaus was now too high to stifle his sneezes, and Luther’s stifles were getting progressively less successful. Which meant a lot of ruined takes.

It took about twenty minutes for them to get through their three siblings’ messages for their brother. Diego’s was cold and stoic, Vanya’s was gentle and genuine, and Allison’s was grandiose and just as overly emotional as Klaus’ (though hers was actually pretty well-acted).

The last person to go was Luther. His head was so clogged up that every sneeze just built more and more pressure. He felt like he was suffocating in the cloud of perfume as he sat down next to Maya, who didn’t seem to care or feel any sympathy for him (it was all reserved for Klaus). She gestured to the camera and Luther let out two hard sneezes into his elbow. He sniffled and then started to speak.

“Snf, Five, if you’re out there we need you back. We worked well together as a team, but even more than that you’re our family,” Luther started strong but his words were clouded by congestion, while his throat was starting to host a dull ache. “You didn’t deserve to go completely off of the grid when you were just a curious kid trying to figure something out.” His voice cracked on the last word. He gave another sniffle and pressed his finger against his nose to try and quell the tickle until he finished.

“You’re a little stuffed up there, bud,” Klaus said. “It’s kinda hard to understand.”

Diego gave a quick laugh. “You’re one to talk there, Klaus.”

At Klaus’ words, Luther’s cheeks turned pink. He asked, “Do I have to start over? Should I?”

Maya shook her head, “We can clip different pieces together if you want. Don’t worry, you weren’t completely unintelligible.”

Her phrasing made it hard for Luther to tell if she was comforting him or delivering a cleverly disguised insult.

He blew his nose, cleared his throat, and continued, “Five, you deserved to experience the world with us as we grew up and figured it out. I would say that if I could go back and convince you to stay I would, but time travel is what messed this all up in the first place.”

That was about all he could give while being completely meaningful yet not making an utter fool of himself even more than he felt he already had.

He nodded at Maya to let her know he was done and he ducked down into a tissue. “Hh’ngksHIEW!” He tried to stifle the first one but the pain that seared through his skull instantaneously was enough to convince him to let it out. “Hhh’ehhKSHIEW!”

“Bless you,” chorused Allison, Maya, and Vanya.

Klaus was in his own world and Diego didn’t really feel like talking.

“If you don’t like it, we can always scrap your parts and leave them out. Only if you think it’s too hard to understand,” Maya said.

Allison rolled her eyes. “Remind me, what was the reason why they keep sneezing?”

That shut Maya up and slapped an embarrassed blush onto her cheeks.

“Hey, stop being rude to Maya! It’s not hihhh! It’s not her fault!” Klaus defended his hookup, then immediately snapped forward into a tissue. “HihhihhiECKshyuu! Hihheh'ingxtshiew! Heh'atshyuehh!”

The fact that he said it wasn’t her fault absolutely sent Diego over the edge. He laughed coldly, “Seriously, Klaus? Are you hearing yourself right now?”

“She didn’t know! How was she supposed to know?!”

“Stop yelling!” Luther commanded from the other side of the couch

“No one’s fucking yelling,” Diego hissed back, and then abruptly raised his voice. “THIS IS YELLING.” Vanya flinched next to him in response. Luther winced and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Really, Diego?” Vanya spoke up for the first time since her goodbye to Five, though her voice was still just a fraction of everyone else’s volume. Allison reached across her and slapped Diego on the arm.

“That was so uncalled for. Grow up.” Then she turned her attention back to Luther. “Are you okay?” He started to nod, but the gesture was cut off by a stifled sneeze, which seemed to push him over the edge. With a small sigh of defeat, he shook his head “no” instead.

Allison turned back to the group. “Are we good to go? I think he needs to get out of here.” She stood up beside Luther and gestured for him to follow suit before anyone could respond.

“Oh, yeah, you’re good to go!” Maya piped up.

“Sorry,” Luther smiled sheepishly, though he was still squinting, “Thanks for having us.”

“Oh, thank you two for sharing your stories with me! It was touching and I really enjoyed talking with you!”

“That makes one of us,” Diego grumbled under his breath, then yelped slightly when Klaus pinched him on the arm.

“I’d give you a goodbye hug but I don’t think that’s such a good idea for you, Luther. Allison, do you-” she cut herself off when she realized Allison had started leading Luther out the door without turning back.

The door slammed audibly, just as Klaus’ breath hitched wildly.

“Hih..hih…hiehehhEDSchiew-nxgt-hi'ishyuu! Hihhheng'ktshiuu! Hihhihenhh….ihh? Hihihh'iGKTshyuu! Whoo, my nose just won’t quit today!” He was out of breath after all of them.

“Klaus, it’s getting bad again” Diego condemned. “I think it’s time for you to-”

“Wait!” Diego held a finger out to Diego, his other hand still hovering in front of his face. His breath hitched as if he wasn’t already out of breath already. “Hihh..? Ihh? HAH!… Oh fuck, the tickle won’t go away. You know when you can feel it -heh!- right there but it just won’t go over the edge?” Vanya suddenly shot up.

“I think it’s time for me to go, too,” she said quietly, and shot Maya a quick wave. “Thanks for having us.” And then she bolted out of the room. Diego ignored her.

“Bye Van! Love you!” Klaus called out hoarsely, wheezing in between words.

“Klaus,” Diego’s tone was stern. “It’s time to go.”

Klaus frowned, “I don’t want to go yet.”

“We have a shower downstairs!” Maya blurted.

“And?”

“Shush, Diego! I think I know what she’s getting at,” Klaus grinned.

Diego rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “No way. I’m not waiting here while you two have shower sex. Come on, Klaus we’re going back to my place.”

Before Diego could grab Klaus and yank him out of the building Klaus flashed him his puppy dog eyes. He begged, “Please, I-I think it would help if I showered now, too. Your place isn’t the closest and my lungs are feeling kind of tight…”

“Fine. But hurry!” Diego gave in. He always gave in.

“Goody!” Klaus clapped. “We’ll be back soon!”

They were not, in fact, back soon. Klaus came upstairs an hour later, giggly, relaxed and exhausted (yet finally sneeze-free). If Diego hadn’t fallen asleep waiting for him, he would have read him the riot act. Instead, they walked back to Diego’s place, both yawning and rubbing their eyes the whole way.

#tua #luther hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #klaus snz #luther snz #luther whump #klaus whump #allergic klaus #allergic luther #snz #snz kink #tua snz

[alienatedhooman]

Starling

A/N: So this is like my first ever tumblr one shot post but I’m no writer I just did this for fun 😂 Anyways please take it easy on me and enjoy 💕

Tags: @chims-kookies

— 🌟 —

“...and cut!” The director, Beverly Abbotts stated, a wide grin spread across her face. The cameraman who we called Michael for fun grabbed the clapboard nearby him and clicked it, signaling the other staff around us that the music production was finally finished.

“Whoo!” Annika, my manager and mother like figure clapped her hands as she cheered me on, making her way over to me. I got off the set and she handed me my (f/c) robe to cover up and gave me a bottle of water. “Stunning as always.” She complimented.

I opened the cap, taking big gulps and sighing in relief afterwards. “This water tastes delicious,” I stated wiping my mouth. “Hey Miss Melrose do you mind if I spend the rest of the day at Damian’s?”

Annika gave me a stern look. “What if you get spotted by the fans? What if something bad happens to you?”

I playfully rolled my eyes and chuckled, “I’ll be fine Miss Mel! I’m really good at sneaking out, even you know that.” I commented referring to the times where I’d go out late at night just to sightsee.

Annika still didn’t look convinced. I gave my best puppy eyes at her and it looks like I got a gamer win. “Fine, but come back as soon as you can. You’ve got some upcoming interviews in a little while.”

“Thank you!” I shouted in glee as I rushed into my changing room. As I opened the door, I grabbed my phone out from the table littered with different kinds of makeup. I scrolled through my contacts until I found Damian and then started typing.

Me: Hiya lovie!

Dami 💓: Hello, beloved. How was the filming?

Me: It went really well. Are you busy today?

Dami 💓: No I happen to be free. Is there anything you need?

Me: Coolio, and no, wanna hangout today though?

Dami 💓: Always habibi ❤️ Would you like Alfred to pick you up?

Me: Yeah that sounds great :) See you in a couple of minutes, I love you 💘

My cheeks started hearing up and I looked at myself in the mirror, looking like a blushing mess. I changed out of my revealing outfit, feeling glad I didn’t have to wear it anymore. I went over to my closet and wore a blue gingham tube top, pairing it with high waisted cuffed shorts. I grabbed my backpack filled with all my belongings and necessities, slipping on a pair of white white shoes the heading off.

As I peeped through the covered windows of the building, I noticed a swarm of actors, singers, staff and others alike rushing to get to their designated areas like bumblebees going from one flower to another. I opened the door, the Gotham sun immediately blazing my skin and just in time Alfred came rolling up in his limousine.

I smiled as I quickly opened the door, not wanting him to get out and do it for me, “Hey Alfie!” I greeted and waved at him from the back.

He looked at his mirror and gave me a warm smile, “Hello to you too, Miss (L/N). How are you doing?”

“Peachy,” I stated as I set my bag down and put on my seatbelt. “What about you?”

“I’m alright, thank you,” he replied as he started driving. “I must say, Master Damian is very pleased to see you.”

— 🌟 —

“Damiaaaan.” I whined as I rolled over to my side, laying down on my belly as I kicked my legs up and down on his bed.

“This will only take a minute, beloved.” Damian responses as he typed away on his laptop, standardizing emails to send out to his employees discussing the events occurring for the next few weeks. Damian was in his early 20s but he sure knew how to run a business.

“But you promised.” I said with a pout, placing my palms on the sides of my jawline and letting the weight of my head on it.

He continued to type, the sounds of the keys clicking filling the silence in the quiet room. I frowned as I changed my position and sat up, crossing my legs and arms.

“I’ll ask Bart if I can hang out with him then.” I joked around, getting up and pretending to leave as I headed for the door.

Bart and I are pretty close friends, he’s saved me a bunch of times from paparazzi and mobs, speeding me away. Damian wasn’t too pleased at the idea of me running off with him, afraid of losing me.

In a swift manner Damian stood blocking the door, eyebrows knitted together as he looked defensive. In the back of my head I was laughing like a madman and I tried my hardest not to let out a laugh.

“Fine.” He stated in defeat, finally giving in.

“Yay!” I squealed like a little girl, bear hugging him. Damian hugged back, wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on top of my head.

After what felt like hours we pulled away. Damian gave a quick peck on my lips, kneeling a bit to reach my height. “I’ll go grab my phone,” I said as I went to go fetch it from my bag laying on the ground.

Damian sighed but smiled afterwards. They didn’t spend a lot of time together due to their schedules but he savored times like these. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was truly a lovesick puppy.

— 🌟 —

“Hey guys, it’s (Y/N) and today’s special guest is my lovely boyfriend!” I said as I started drumming on his desk, hyping up Damian while he sat down on his chair looking emotionless. “He doesn’t talk much.”

Damian gave you a soft glare, huffing a little bit, “Yes I do, that’s absurd.”

“Anyways,” I say as I grabbed the container filled with many papers cut into small rectangles, “we’re gonna be reading thirst tweets today as requested. Would you do the honor?”

“Tsk.” Damian uttered saying his alternative instead of tt. He pulled out a random paper and gave it to me.

“Okay, let’s read the first one,” you began to read the paper out loud. “(Y/N)’s body is a temple and I want to bust her walls down.”

My boyfriend’s eyes suddenly widened as his jaw dropped and I started cracking up. He’d definitely try to track these people down afterwards for sure. “This is harassment!” He declared beginning to throw a fit.

“Lovie it’s fine, it’s like not it’s gonna happen in real life.” I snarkily remarked and it felt like I could feel people’s hearts breaking after what I announced.

“Moving on,” I proceeded taking out a paper myself, “I’d run around a cactus field and set myself on fire if it means you could sit down on my face for 8 seconds.”

Damian and I looked at each other and slowly looked at the phone, blinking our eyes open and closed ever so often. “Thank you, next.” I phrased from one of my songs.

After a few more tweets getting weirder and nastier each second, we finally got down to our last down. “Final one, boys. Let’s read what it says.”

“I want (Y/N) to shove me against my locker so hard just like how she did it with Troye Sivan in her music video.”

I gasped at what the anonymous tweet said, “That’s actually so mean.”

Damian chuckled as he wrapped his arm around my back, “Should’ve thought about that when you were filming.”

“It wasn’t under my direction!” I stated defensively.

With his other hand, Damian squished my cheek as I tried to puff them up and look tough, “You’re cute when you look all hot and bothered.” He commented with a smirk and all of a sudden I started blushing again.

“W-well there you have it folks! See you next this. This is (Y/N) and Damian signing out.” I said in a hurry, ending the live as quick as I could.

“It’s been ages since we’ve properly hung out, do you have time to go out tonight?” Damian inquired as he held me closer.

“I have a couple of interviews but I’m not doing anything afterwards.” I spoke, testing my head on his chest hearing his heart beat.

“Meet me up by the rooftop? Our usual spot.” His emerald eyes looked into my (e/c) orbs, face leaning dangerously closer to mine.

“You can count on it.” I planted my lips onto his, wrapping my arms around his neck as he carried me onto the bed. It may be hard not seeing each other for months and having busy schedules but when we’re together there’s never a dull moment.

#damian wayne x reader #damian wayne #batfam #batfamily #jason todd x reader #dick grayson x reader #tim drake x reader #damian and you #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #robin

[jocelynships]

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I got into Marvel and how at first it was just a silly little obsession and how it turned into something that ended up meaning so much to me.

So, I apologize for this sounding so sappy and for how long (it’s really long and I apologize greatly) and emotional this gets, but here:

Warning: Talk of past mental abuse and thoughts of self-harm/suicide

So here’s the funny thing, when I was between the ages of 10-13 I wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with Marvel. Everyone was talking about it and I will admit I was a bratty kid and if something was popular I had to Hate It™️. I’ve grown from that mindset and I’m SO glad I did. But anyways, not the point of the story.

When I was a little kid I watched the first Spider-Man movie with Tobey Maguire and Fantastic 4. I watched a lot of Spider-Man cartoons too. I can’t remember if I ever watched X-Men or not, but I remember seeing them in a few Spider-Man episodes. My dad liked Marvel and he’d play the movies (this was all pre MCU I should mention) and I think I’d watch bits and pieces of them while I played with whatever toys I had in my parent’s bedroom or living room (when I was a kid if my dad was home I HAD to be around him). So I had a VAGUE understanding of superheroes and who they were. I’m certain I could have named a few of them when I was younger, I just didn’t necessarily care.

So Avengers came out when I was finishing up 8th grade, and all my classmates were talking about it, but it annoyed me greatly. My best friend, Rebecca, had seen it already, and was freaking out about it with some of our other old friends. I made a comment like “is it really good or are you guys just trying to be cool like everyone else?”

And Rebecca goes, “Jocelyn, you really need to see it. I think you’d actually like it.”

“Superheroes are so overrated!”

“At least watch the trailer!”

So Rebecca pulled up the trailer on her iPod Touch (god I feel old just saying that), sat me down at one of the benches by the basketball court our tiny private school had, and I watched the trailer. I was kinda interested, but not totally sold. I decided the guys were hot, and if I would go if asked.

Then when I got home from school, I was looking for something to watch like most kids were. Nothing was on, but Disney XD was playing some Marvel cartoons and out of simple curiosity and not really liking anything else that was being played, I turned it on. And holy shit I ended up getting hooked.

So a few days later after watching these cartoons I suggest seeing Avengers to my dad. He gets this look on his face like, “who the hell are you and what did you do to my daughter because she hates superheroes?” He asks me if I’m a Marvel fan now and I mentioned the cartoons, so he went and rented the movies leading up to the Avengers, and I wasn’t actually expecting to like anything, I just wanted to see it because I thought the guys were hot.

So I ended up really enjoying the movies, and my dad and I started seeing the other MCU films that came out. I told myself I was only interested in the Avengers and Spider-Man really (the Amazing Spider-Man came out the same year as the Avengers and my dad took me to see it). I told myself didn’t really care about any of the other hero teams.

BUT THEN I GET INTRODUCED TO THIS REALLY COOL FACEBOOK MARVEL GAME! They sadly don’t have it anymore which in my opinion is BULLSHIT, but it was called Avengers Alliance and they had a shit ton of characters in it. My goal was to get them all but I never did bc it got shut down (listen I would kill to have it brought back okay THEY HAD A BUNCH OF X-MEN CHARACTERS) But basically I saw all these characters I had no idea existed and me being me, my mind went “I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM”! I really don’t know everything about them and I’m still discovering characters but that’s okay!! The Marvel universe is HUGE and I love learning new stuff about it!! But anyways back to my original point!! I remembered I really liked the Fantastic 4 when I was younger so I started watching the original two movies again (I haven’t seen the 2015 remake nor do I plan to ever). Then I saw we had the first two X-Men films, okay lets watch those. Oh, who’s Daredevil and the other Defenders? They seem cool!! Ghost Rider? Hell yeah, a skeleton on fire how cool is that?! Agents of SHIELD? I loved Phil Coulson, I had to watch it! Hey, the Guardians of the Galaxy are really cool too! I know nothing about Doctor Strange but he was in some Spider-Man cartoons and he seemed awesome! Blade, a vampire that doesn’t sparkle? SIGN ME UP!

Basically from the time I was 14-17, I was just basically running down an aisle at a grocery store picking out characters I thought looked cool. I also learned a lot about the characters from some mobile games I downloaded bc hey, I like games.

But at the same time as I was going through everything, I started developing some extreme anxiety and depression problems. I didn’t exactly realize it WAS anxiety and depression, I just thought I was extremely sensitive and did a bunch of shit wrong, so I assumed I was just a screw up whenever my mother yelled at me for getting a B in class or blamed me for her being late to work when I was ready to go and she was just getting in the shower. It wasn’t until my senior year did I realize something was wrong with the way she was treating me and the way I was feeling. But again, I brushed it off as nothing.

I went through my senior year feeling anxious and depressed a lot. But I was a SENIOR! I was almost done with high school! I had a great group of friends and we’d hang out on the weekends and go off campus for lunch to the Taco Bell down the road! Things couldn’t be bad!

But tensions were rising high at home. I was sort of oblivious to a lot of it and to be honest, I’m a little upset with myself for not noticing it sooner. My parents were fighting a lot, and halfway through my senior year of high school, my sister and niece had to move in with us because her ex husband was an alcoholic and was getting abusive. (She ended up going back for about another year, but left permanently the second time she moved in with us) And needless to say things were really rough since there was now five people in a two bedroom apartment and my sister and my niece stayed in my room with me. Which was difficult since my niece was 4/5 at the time and had quite the temper, and I was also her favorite person, yet I was occupied with school work.

My anxiety and depression got worse, and it got to the point where I was having meltdowns in class and would have to leave school early or just stay home. After a month or two and a HUGE fight between pretty much everyone (except me, they only stopped when I had a massive panic attack), my sister moved back.

And things were slightly okay again. During that break I got reintroduced to X-Men through a couple different things: my best friend, @rosyinlove, X-Men Apocalypse was coming out, and my brother gave me his old Xbox 360 and the game Marvel Ultimate Alliance. I’ve seen the first two movies at this point and I was already kinda curious about them, but wasn’t until that year did I realize “hey these guys are kinda cool!” So I played as them in Ultimate Alliance just because they were the most fun to play. And while he sadly wasn’t a playable character, Nightcrawler was a character and you had to rescue him in a quest (or kill him and save Jean instead, I had a dilemma over the very idea of killing him and this was BEFORE I started shipping with him!) and he fascinated me. IDK if it was my brain just liking him as a character or going “WHOO BOY HE’S HOT”, but my interest in him was growing and I was kinda sad he wasn’t a playable character!

And with Apocalypse coming out the day after I graduated high school, I decided I had to see it, so I impulsively bought the other movies and well... the rest is history. I started watching the cartoons and while I didn’t get my hands on any comics, I read bits and pieces online.

And for some reason, the X-Men just spoke out to me in a way I can’t explain. I loved all the other heroes I came across, but there was something about the team of mutants that really pulled me in. Maybe because I related to the fact of being outcast? But in any case, I was drawn to them and I latched onto them and just didn’t let go. Even when 70s and 80s pop culture was the main thing on my mind in 2017, I still had the X-Men in the back of my mind and I thought “oh hey, this song reminds me of the X-Men”, “Kurt would like this song”, or “omg this movie would be a cute AU for me and Kurt!”

But anyways, the summer of 2016 was kind of rough. My mother was getting onto me for every single little thing and even yelled at me in front of my friends once for asking her to bring some some soda after she OFFERED to get us some. My friends pulled me aside and said, “hey, that’s not normal”. And I was in a really bad place. I loved my mother, but I felt awful being around her. I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around her. If I said the wrong thing I’d be punished. I was afraid of her.

So I noticed whenever I got anxious or depressed I would turn to the X-Men movies and cartoons and I’d feel a little better. Then I started writing dumb little stories and made silly doodles of me hanging out with them. It was something that was fun and made me calm down when I was getting anxious.

Then August of 2016 came around.

I came home from spending the night at a friend’s house, and I was feeling really tired so when my dad asked for me to sit down and talk to him about something, I tried brushing him off because I just wanted to shower and go to sleep.

But he said, “it’s really serious” and whenever someone says that my anxiety shoots through the roof and I think of the worst case scenario, such as someone was dying or was dead. So I sat down with him and I’m expecting him to tell me someone was dead, but he just goes:

“Your mother and I are splitting up.”

Basically my world came crashing down at that point.

My mother started getting more and more irritable and began yelling and screaming at me over the smallest things. And she was convinced I was going to stay with her and she talked to me about all her plans she had for us, but I was going to move out with my dad. But I didn’t want to tell her because I was terrified of how she was going to respond (she lashed out when things didn’t go her way), and I said, “I still haven’t made up my mind on who I’m going with”. That still caused her to lash out.

So she screamed at me and told me things like “I was leaving her to die” or “I was a horrible daughter for abandoning her”. And from that she just lashed out over everything. Not to mention my sister and my niece moved back in that September.

So my mother was constantly fighting with my dad, berating me, and my sister and my niece never gave me any alone time despite being in my first semester of college. I had very little time to work on homework and would stay at school for longer than I needed to be there just to work on homework without my sister and my niece bothering me. And I also got stuck watching my niece quite a bit because my sister was running off with a guy she had just met. And I get that she was going through a really rough divorce as well and really liked this dude, but it happened every night. I needed an escape from it all.

So I started binge watching Marvel movies and cartoons every chance I got. Mainly X-Men. I fantasized often about Kurt bamfing himself and the X-Men into my apartment, sternly telling my family I was going with them and they couldn’t stop them. I wrote and drew more and more of my silly self insert stuff because it was a way to forget about all the bullshit that was going on at home.

Eventually things just got worse as the time for my dad and I to move out got closer, and my mother would start up fights with my dad just about every night. And she did this when I was in the next room and could hear everything. She also got physical with him and while my dad could have easily defended himself and fight back, he didn’t because she was trying to get him fucking arrested.

So I was having difficulties dealing with their constant fighting and my mother trying to pull me into the middle of the drama. My dad told her to keep me out of it since none of it had to do with me. Needless to say she kept pulling me into the middle of things and tried to get me to side with her and would scream her head off if I didn’t want to talk about it. I got called selfish for having anxiety and depression, and she threatened to hit me on multiple occasions. She never did, but holy shit I got so scared every time she held her hand up like she was going to smack me across the face. I showed up to class crying quite often and when my classmates asked what was wrong I’d brush it off and tell them it was nothing. 

And as time went on I had falling outs with everyone on my mother’s side of the family and both of my siblings (I have made up with them separately, but things are tense between them still because they don’t like each other’s spouses and it stresses me out because they shit talk each other to me and I have to act like I’m on their side), and my dad and I were struggling and I felt like a huge burden on him. Needless to say it got to the point where I felt like I was doing something wrong, that everyone would be better off without me, and I wanted to end it all.

I actually did go to grab a knife once when no one was home bc I was having urges to hurt myself, but the instant I grabbed the knife a little voice in my mind just went into panic mode and screamed, “Captain America wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself!”

And then that voice kept listing off as many heroes as it could, and when I started thinking about the X-Men not wanting me to hurt myself, I just dropped the knife into the sink and had a breakdown.

And still to this day when I do get those thoughts I always think about how a certain fuzzy elf wouldn’t want me to hurt or kill myself. I haven’t cut (I have participated in other self destructive behaviors in the past I don’t wish to discuss, but I’m fighting it), and honestly it’s because I don’t want to worry the X-Men.

They may not be real, and I’m not sure they would really care about me if they were, but still the idea of having a group of people who also come from fucked up families and are outcast from society acting like a family to each other really helps me get through all of this.

I just keep telling myself that if all these superheroes could go through hell and back, then so could I. Sure, I’m not fighting villains hellbent on taking over the world or struggling with having superpowers I can’t control, but still it’s inspiring to see them continue on despite their hardships. If they can do it, then why can’t I?

And the X-Men have really helped me through that. Like I said, they aren’t real, but they are extremely relatable characters. Especially Kurt. I’ve been outcast before and while I do have my group of close friends, I still feel like I don’t belong. He’s been outcast and shunned by society for his appearance. While both of Kurt’s parents are awful and my mother didn’t try to kill me (to be honest I was afraid she was going to snap and kill my dad a couple times), we both have kinda fucked up familes. But despite all of this we still try to see the good in others and do good for people. And I want to help him through his hardships and have him know he can always come to me for comfort.

When I started the Night Roses and the Jocelyn and the X-Men stuff, a lot of it was coping. I wanted to be rescued by Kurt and the X-Men, and I wanted to help them overcome their issues. A lot of the Night Roses relationship is being each other’s support system. The idea of not only having Kurt comfort me, but me comforting him helps me so much. It gives me something to live for. When I was going to therapy, I told my therapist about it and she said it was a great coping mechanism and a way for me to practice self love and acceptance.

And while he’s just a comic book character, I sincerely hope I can find someone just like Kurt in real life one day. He means so much to me, and I hope whoever I get with in the future will understand that.

I apologize for this being so long, but really, Marvel means the absolute would to me, and it’s really hard to explain to people why and I often get written off as an obsessive nerd who has no grasp on reality. But I know how I feel and I know the people who matter understand how important Marvel is to me. Honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without Marvel. I probably wouldn’t be here. I’m still struggling with a lot of issues, but I know I can get through it thanks to the X-Men and the other superheroes of Marvel. ❤️

#long post #personal stuff #i really apologize for this being so long #if you read all of this thank you #i may or may not be crying right now #this was difficult to type out #and i still left out a bunch of stuff #but anyways here you can have this #this is okay to reblog idk why someone would want to but it’s okay to interact with