#why I do I feel like John Mulaney cheated on her

[watchtowerindistress]

we are not our demons (17/25) - bruce wayne x batmom

Author’s note: What can I say? Damian is veeeerrry competitive.

Let's see if you can detect the John Mulaney reference. It was pretty subtle, or not.

Writing that Bruce scene was harder than I anticipated - that dialogue and even setting up that scene. I think the theme of grief was hard to grasp because I wanted to do it justice and not like a half-hearted attempt. Damn it, that's what happens when you're watching Aaron Sorkin films and want to stay realistic. [Read more at the end.]

Beta-read by Heidi.

Words: 3.1k

Warning: grief

Please reblog/leave a comment.

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You hate to feel like you’re being controlled, oh

Sorry if I squeeze too tight, I really hope you know

The reason I’m so scared to let you go, ooh, is

I’m gonna need something to hold on to

- Something To Hold on To by Emily Warren -

Nope, not in the Batcave.

Ellie shook her head when she encountered only Alfred’s back and a variety of work tools lined up in front of him when he tended to his duties as butler/caretaker/technician extraordinaire. He meant business, judging by the dark-gray work apron he was wearing.

She turned away and walked back to the elevator which would be leading her up to the ground level. There was no real urgency to find Bruce. Ellie was mostly curious about his whereabouts when her contemplative thoughts were enclosed with the non-existing sound from the elevator.

Enthusiastic murmurs extended to her ears as soon as the intended floor was revealed to her. The commotion grew more distinct the closer Ellie tread to the living room.

“I’m gonna kill you, Grayson!”

“Yeah, right. You’re still behind. I’d like to see you try.”

Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see the gaming console switched on, with the colorful and familiar racing environment of Mario Kart 8 running on the flat screen.

Ellie’s eyebrows rose at the moment she was witnessing. Dick and Damian sat on the couch—both furiously pushing the buttons on their control pads—while Tim couldn’t be bothered with their theatrics. He was reading a gray-hued book in the armchair which was located crookedly on the right side of the couch.

Ellie crossed her arms, focusing on Damian’s character throwing a banana peel behind him and hitting Dick off the meadow track.

“Ugh, stop with your … frigging bananas, Damian!”

Damian’s eyes were gleaming with madness. “Never! Just choke on them and despair,” he cackled.

“Having fun, guys?”

Dick’s eyes stared right ahead when he answered, “Eh, Damian’s a cheat. Does that answer your question?”

His youngest brother rolled his eyes, snorting. “You knew what you were in for, Grayson. Why don’t you just lie down and let me drive over your corpse, huh?”

Ellie’s eyes widened at Damian’s idea of trash talk. “Oh my.”

“Oh really? See those cows on the track? You know what I’m gonna do? I’m going to buy a cow, place it in the Batcave and let it grow into a stunning creature. Then when you love it, and you can’t imagine your life without her, I’m going to make her an honorary member of this family, train her as a vigilante and let her take your place as Robin. How about that?”

With her lips pursing in utter bafflement, Ellie’s eyes met Tim who glanced up from his book. He voiced her thoughts. “They’ve been at it for hours.”

“Sounds like a stimulating conversation then,” Ellie mumbled softly.

Or more like an absurd form of trash talking.

“Do you know where Bruce is, by any chance?”

Dick paused the game as hesitation crossed over his face when he sent Damian a long glance. “Uh, why do you ask?”

Ellie’s eyes barely hid her mounting suspicion, especially after noticing Tim listened attentively. The same could be said for Damian tilting his head, although he didn’t give much away, other than the tension building in his shoulders.

Something was definitely in the air, Ellie contemplated, and put her hands on her waist. It looked like she was forced to play baseball. Or hardball. Whatever fitted the context.

Ellie banished that thought away as soon as it came before she turned back to the heart of the matter. “I asked first.”

Dick sputtered, “What can I say? Maybe Bruce is painting the town red. Not literally, of course. I mean, those days are behind him, to some extent. And it’s 10 in the morning—”

Ellie raised her eyebrows admonishingly. “Richard John Grayson—”

“Yes, ma’am?” Dick asked out of reflex and with reverence laced in his voice.

Damian’s game pad was clinging loosely in his left hand while the palm of his other hand shielded his face in utter embarrassment for being associated with his stepbrother in the first place.

“Anyone here willing to spill the beans?” Blinking slowly, Ellie waited patiently for one of them to crack.

Dick’s uncertain eyes roamed around when he spoke up, “Our dad’s … not here?”

Ellie hummed quietly and licked her lips. “I figured. Are you keeping secrets from me?”

“No?”

Damian wasn’t known for taking pity. One of the reasons why it astonished her so much when he replied, “Father is near the burnt-down premises of the old manor.”

“Uh huh,” she phrased it as a question, not yet getting the reason behind this strange secrecy of Bruce’s disappearance and his children backing him up.

Damian resumed, “He’s at the family mausoleum.”

Dick’s head whipped around in utter bafflement, a movement which prompted the younger boy to shrug his shoulders. “What? Father could never kill me. We’re family after all.” Damian was on the receiving end of expecting eyes shifting towards him. “You know what I mean, my blood lineage is flawless. I shouldn’t have to remind you.”

Ellie was still processing that tiny nugget of insight Damian just offered before Dick replied in return, “Sometimes you make it so hard to even like you, Damian.”

He shrugged, like he couldn’t care less about being favored in the emotional sense. An adorable frown twisted on his forehead. “Only sometimes?” he muttered under his breath.

Tim filled in the gaps. “It’s the anniversary of Bruce’s parents’ death.”

Exhaling loudly between her lips, she closed her eyes while throwing her head back. “Thomas and Martha Wayne.” Ellie’s eyes focused on nothing at all when she muttered, “Why didn’t Bruce think to tell me?”

Dick supported his arm on the back end of the couch and leaned towards her. “Usually, he wants to be alone. Don’t take it personally, alright?”

Profound anguish bubbled up inside her at the thought of Bruce having to go through that alone.

He pursed his lips and seemed to have discovered something in her sorrowful eyes, judging by his next words. “But … Bruce could use some company for this day. Who knows, maybe he’s going to appreciate you being there for him?”

Bruce’s insistence on not telling her in the first place came to mind, yet what she said was, “If you say so.” Her open palm hovered between them in an invitation. “Lead the way then.”

Dick walked backwards, keeping the manor in his sights and sustaining a mixed expression of reluctance and wit on his face. His hands were leisurely hidden in the pockets of his jeans. “I don’t know how to feel about leaving Tim with Damian.”

“Afraid he’s going to incite him to chaos and mayhem?” Ellie threw Dick an incredulous glance, willing to have some faith in Damian not to corrupt young Tim.

Dick sighed deeply, like that thought had secretly entered his mind. “More like Damian could corrupt him into experimenting on some pedophiles in that Bat-Lair.”

Ellie pursed her lips in real contemplation. “I’d actually like to see tha—” Dick’s raised eyebrow and brightening eyes made her instantly backtrack. “I mean, horrible. Absolutely bad idea.” She adamantly shook her head, letting wavy hair spin around her.

Dick’s snorting was complemented with a tilt of his lip corner. “Yeah, right. No wonder you two get along so well.”

Ellie shrugged, feeling the corner of her mouth twist into a shrewd and crooked gesture. “Something like that.” Brown eyes furtively roamed over the side of Dick’s face. Not knowing if Ellie should even mention what was going through her head, she still felt trepidation slowly rushing through her once her mouth opened. “I’m sorry about Babs.”

Dick’s head promptly turned at the mention of her name. His eyes barely focused on her, they just fixated on a spot near the ground while he hid his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “Yeah, me too.” A strained smile lingered on his lips as his head turned straight ahead, content not to look at her when he said it.

“You’re taking it pretty well. You barely seem fazed.” Ellie’s voice sounded almost hesitant; she was trying to at least get someone in this family to talk about their feelings.

Dick’s shoulders haphazardly rose and revealed some sort of indifference to how he was perceived. “Looks can be deceiving,” Dick said, with a casual air. They were walking for some time when out of nowhere, his body stepped in front of her. “What I don’t get is why she didn’t tell me.”

His outburst stunned her into unnerved silence. Dick’s blue-eyed stare was glowing fervently when waves of frustration rolled off of him. A crow cawing in the distance slightly added humor to the tense awkwardness she found herself in.

“Uh, probably too awkward for her. I think she used the word ‘complicated’.”

Dick snorted loudly and rolled his eyes. “So what? Why not add a dose of more complicated? Jesus, dude.” And with that, he shook his head and tread forward.

At the mention of Dick’s love-afflicted misery, Ellie smiled fondly at him. Feeling like they were kindred spirits in need of guidance in all questions of love. “We’re kind of a mess, aren’t we?” Her elbow playfully nudged his side—this tall child be damned.

Dick’s warm breath ghosted over her scalp when he hardly needed to lean down to reach her. Ellie felt touched at the sensation of his arm interlacing with hers, like she was his Victorian companion. Their bleak environment of the high grass and the trees, which had lost their leaves halfway, surrounded their path, like they were truly just taking a walk in the countryside. Ellie was filled with gratitude as she leaned against his side.

“Oh please, your Bruce-related issues don’t even count as issues. Not by a long shot.”

She was begging to differ, since their initial issues had been spurred by their emotional mentality. In the end, she believed that all she needed was time to move past her obstacles of trust. Ellie craned her head back to gaze up at him. “Ditto. Try not to be too hard on yourself, Dick.”

He sighed deeply. “Easy for you to say. I messed it up with her years ago.”

A lop-sided smirk formed on her lips. “You know what they say, acceptance is one phase on the way to recovery.”

Ellie would associate the soft emotion in his eyes when they wandered into the distance with homesickness. “Maybe. One day.”

His pace slowed once the illustrious mausoleum appeared in the distance—a grim construction under the gray-blue skies and sitting next to the marble statues of weeping angels. The ‘Wayne’ name was inscribed underneath the roof, a scripture that seemed almost illegible with the moss growing on the rooftop and extending further.

Ellie exhaled, barely noticing how her fingers clenched on the cuff of Dick’s dark blue—almost black—wool overcoat to ward off the autumn breeze that rustled the trees and swept through her hair.

After coughing nervously, she brushed the strands away which had gone astray on her forehead. Ellie felt the raven-haired man’s concerned gaze on her face, kindling the side of her face.

“You okay?” Dick whispered with a barely audible voice.

Ellie’s wordless nod was coupled with her hand caressing his shoulder. “Thanks for showing me.”

His hands curled into the pockets of his jacket, already moving back. Dick’s thumb pointed in the direction of the path they just wandered on. “You know where to find me.”

Ellie tilted her head, sending Dick a teasing look. “At home? Ensuring that the boys haven’t flooded the place by now?”

His eyes widened at the mere idea before they narrowed again. “Please don’t make jokes about that. Ever.”

Taking pity on the guy, Ellie pressed her lips together to quench her budding smile. “Noted.” With a wave goodbye, she turned around and only heard Dick’s receding steps as he left her to her own quest.

It wasn’t really nervous energy rushing through her, with her stomach tensing or anything like that. To be honest, it felt like anticipation. Bruce seemed to do that every year—mourning his parents on his own, feeling content with it even. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t need someone to lessen the burden of grief.

Without knocking or notifying him of her presence, she twisted the handle and pushed against the heavy hardwood door. The squeaky noise echoing through the vast space made Ellie wince.

Especially when she heard Bruce’s haggard voice before she even saw him. “Not now, Dick, please. I’d rather be alone today.”

Ellie’s head careened around the corner, finally seeing him for the first time. Bruce was lingering in the shadows and stood between two graves. Bouquets of wildflowers adorned the inside of the jars by the engraved stones.

Dismay rose in her at the fact that she wasn’t wearing her glasses to decipher the inscription. She felt her eyebrows furrow when Bruce’s bowed head shielded his expression from her.

“Mind some company?”

Bruce whipped his head around at hearing Ellie’s cautious voice. His wide eyes only emphasized the shock he was experiencing from seeing her at his parents’ resting place.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be alone right now,” Ellie admitted in a whisper.

Bruce furrowed his eyebrows in deep contemplation as his body faced her head-on. “Who told—?” A frustrated sigh left him before he threw his head back with a low groan. “Ugh, Dick.” His hand brushed over the side of his face and exhaled loudly once he realized the person responsible who had babbled his secret.

Ellie closed the door behind her with finality, shrouding the crypt in dreary surroundings, except for the natural daylight streaming through the small arching windows. Ellie’s steps were guarded when she advanced into the sacred crypt. “I thought misery loved company?” She phrased as a question, hoping that her attempt at humor wasn’t that out of place. If anything, her sarcastic nature only intensified in situations where she didn’t know what else to say.

Bruce’s rigid shoulders tensed even further with his next inhaling breath. “I wouldn’t know. Maybe you should ask Kent.”

A confused frown scurried over her forehead. “Are we still talking about happy-go-lucky Clark Kent?” Her feet nudged forward until she was standing on Bruce’s right side, studying him with rapt eyes.

His hands hid in the pockets of his wool coat and his shoulders shrugged morosely. “You should see him when he’s not … celebrating Independence Day.”

Ellie’s befuddlement over the pause was pushed to the edge of her mind. “Okay.”

Her eyes met the inscription on the graves of Martha and Thomas Wayne—the year of 1981 marked as their death caught her eye.

Of course, anyone who grew up in Gotham and called it their home, knew of the infamous day when the golden couple was brutally murdered in Park Row—now dubbed Crime Alley. An event that only amplified the already prevalent criminality rate and extinguished any remnant of hope with their murder.

Her eyes met Bruce’s empty expression and hanging head. “You do this every year? Mourn the death of your parents all alone and without the presence of the others?”

Licking his lips, Bruce replied, “After a while I got used to the solitude I inflicted upon myself. Besides, I’m not the kind to ask for company.”

Ellie gnawed on her lower lip once she heard his confirmation. “If you want me to leave, you can tell me, you know?”

Bruce’s expression of incredulity made her heart swell. At least his loyalty, the need for her comradeship towards her always remained.

“We don’t even have to talk. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. I mean, I thought it’d be nice to talk about your parents. What were they like?”

Bruce’s long silence gave off the impression that he was going to keep quiet before he whispered with an almost unintelligible voice, “I barely remember their faces. It’s been over 30 years and my memory of them is getting hazier little by little.”

Ellie was listening intently while Bruce spoke wistfully, not wanting to interrupt him when he was so deeply engrossed.

“I recall my mother’s hair tumbling over her shoulders. The color of her eyes.” His jaw clenched at the mention when he reluctantly paused. “Martha Wayne was an elegant woman. Had a kind heart for being a socialite. My father was the polar opposite.”

His humored words brought a soft smile on both of their faces. “Rough around the edges.”

“How surprising for a Wayne,” Ellie retorted and tilted her head playfully until the waves of her hair fell like a cascade over her left shoulder.

The corner of his mouth tipped slightly. “He adored her. Loved her relentlessly.” His eyes softened as nostalgia settled over his features. His soft expression focusing on her stunned her into silence. Just imagining their love sounded like a dream.

“They were perfect.”

The fond memories Bruce had of his family reinforced the sentimental feelings Ellie felt rising in her. Being labeled as orphans never felt clearer than now. No wonder they seemed like kindred spirits.

In retrospect, she didn’t know if she would call the marriage of her parents a perfect union. If anything, she could only recall their screaming fests behind closed doors.

The total opposite of her Aunt Mallory and Uncle Nolan which was an appreciative relief to not having to walk on eggshells in the safety of their family. In the end, they were more her family than she could have ever hoped for, and she wanted Bruce to remember the worthwhile moments he shared with his parents.

Ellie turned her body until her eyes gazed up at his scruff. “Hold onto that memory. You may think your memory of them is waning, but it’s the little things that are important. The Wayne legacy won’t die with them. Remember,” her fingers carefully sneaked on the inside of the palm of his hand before they interlaced with his. His skin felt callused against hers, a sensation which awakened her senses.

Bruce’s eyes didn’t even glance down between them, instead they kept on dwelling on her with that piercing yet molten stare. One of his soul-searching abilities Ellie should have gotten used to by now.

“You’ve got a whole litter of Bat-kids at home. Without question, they’d stand behind you, no matter what.”

Despite the dreary mood, Ellie lips curled from witnessing Bruce’s wince at the mere mention of so-called Bat-kids.

He tolerated her playful acknowledgment, but chose to tighten his hold on her, exhaling deeply. His warm breath blew over her scalp and ruffled her fine hair. Content to merely bask in their shared silence.

A/N: Yay, first mention of Bat-Cow. I don't even even know if I'm going to include her, I just wanted to bring some easter egg/nostalgia. As I researched, I realized that Damian became a vegetarian the moment he met Bat-Cow, unlike my series, but I appreciate how he secretly adored animals and that's why he chose that eating lifestyle.

Dick's idea of trash talk was kinda inspired by Jane Lynch in Glee who didn't want to stoop to a cat-killing joke. Well, same here. I don't want to hurt Bat-Cow.

Tagging: @mellowstatesmanhandsempath​ @ravenmoore14​ @alwayshave-faith​ @ikranfuad​ @daydreaming-gemini​ @bluegalaxyprime​ @liadamerondjarin​ @steph21369 @andrewswifes-blog​  @yanna-banana​  @blackmagicwoman

#steph writes #watchtowerindistress #we are not our demons #batfleck #batfleck x oc #bruce wayne x oc #bruce wayne fic #bruce wayne imagine #bruce wayne imagines #batman x oc #bruce wayne #bruce wayne fanfiction #batman imagines #batman imagine #damian wayne #dick grayson #tim drake #bruce wayne x batmom

[notfknapplicable]

Team Anna Marie Tendler.

#why do I feel like I need to choose sides? #why I do I feel like John Mulaney cheated on her? #This news has been shockingly triggering for me #really reminds me of the last guy who dissed me #my life fell apart #I was dumped for someone way prettier than me #who had a famous indie rock musician dad #I lost friends #my entire life changed #for the better but still #it was traumatic #and if he did anything to hurt her then he's lost my support #honestly he's already kind of lost it #look at her insta #he did something #and he was so anti-baby when he was with her #but now he's gotten Olivia Munn pregnant? #Hmmmmm #that shit was quick too #he cheated #I really think he cheated

[nugnthopkns]

i’ll tell you i was wrong if you dance with me

word count: 3.3k

warnings: explicit fem!reader, slightly unhealthy relationship moment (lack of communication), mention of infidelity, cursing, alcohol consumption, a fair bit of angst

recommended listening: fred astaire | adam brock

a/n: communicate with your partners!!! also yeah this is the song from lady bird. it’s a banger

This seriously isn’t happening. 

You never fight with Travis. Communication comes easy between the two of you, but you also make it a priority to talk about your feelings. It keeps things from boiling over; both of you are known to unleash wicked tempers on occasion and have found being direct stops issues from occuring. Arguments still occasionally happen, but they’re typically over trivial things like what movie to watch or where you’re spending the holidays. Travis apparently forgot about the fact you talk to each other about things. 

He’d been upset when he came home from practice, but you were pretty sure he was fine after he woke up from his pre-game nap. Knowing he’s a superstitious person and has a lot of pressure on him to put up points, you had made the choice not to ask about what was bothering him. Throwing off his routine could have detrimental consequences. Tonight's game is tighter than it should have been, but the Flyers come out on top. Travis spends a bit more time in the penalty box than you would have liked, but everyone was getting chippy by the start of the third period. Claude tries to talk to him on the bench but he gets shut down. Whatever Travis was upset about before is still clearly bothering him, and it’s affecting his game. 

You’re following Travis home from the game, and can tell he’s uptight from the way he’s gripping the steering wheel. As you wind through downtown Philadelphia you try and prepare yourself for any bomb that could drop. Chances are that when you reach your apartment things will explode. Maybe it’s nothing; Travis is fine and just wants to be a responsible driver for once. You pull into the free spot beside his car and see him walking towards the elevator, suit jacket balled up and tucked under his arm. This won’t be good. Trying to buy yourself some time, you take the stairs. Seven flights later you arrive outside your door; he left it unlocked, which gives you a sliver of hope things will be fine. 

“Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” you call into the darkness of the apartment. Your sneakers are left at the door and to retreat towards the bedroom, looking for a sign of life. You find one in the bathroom: the light is on. A gentle push on the door reveals your boyfriend is in the shower and ignoring you. 

“Trav?”

“Yeah,” he huffs, words muffled by him tossing his head back to rinse the shampoo of his hair. Apparently the shower isn’t as relaxing as he had hoped. 

You don’t bother to tread lightly, upset that he’s acting like a child. “You’re being an asshole. I get that you had a bad day, but you can’t take it out on me. I just want to help.”

Travis turns the water off suddenly. “Can’t help if you’re the problem,” he scoffs. 

His statement doesn’t make sense. You’ve done nothing out of the ordinary the past couple of days; nothing that would warrant the behaviour you’re receiving. “What do you mean?”

Shouldering passed you to exit the room, Travis doesn’t bother to respond. You’re beyond frustrated: partners in healthy relationships communicate, not show emotions like grade schoolers. “You’re not giving me the fucking silent treatment Travis. You gotta talk to me.” The bedroom is dark when you enter and you flick the overhead light on to see better.

“You really don’t know?”

“Of course I don’t know,” you seethe. “If I did know we wouldn’t be in this predicament because we’d be solving the issue.”

The glare you receive is sharp enough to cut stone. He pulls on a t-shirt, anger clear in the aggression he does it with. “Why did I have to find out from Carter that you’ve been getting coffee with your TA?”

You’re shocked. In no way is it what he thinks it is. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you sigh, upset that Travis would take someone else’s words at face value and not talk to you about it. 

“I’m dead fucking serious Y/N. You preach communication, but it looks as though you’re the one who hasn’t been doing enough talking.”

The room around you starts to spin. You can’t comprehend what he’s insinuating. “Wait, you think I’m cheating on you?” you ask. There has been a gross miscommunication error somewhere; never in a million years would you think of having an affair.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well what the fuck did you say?”

Travis tugs at the roots of his hair in frustration. He doesn’t answer immediately, pacing the length of the bed a few times. “I just–” he struggles to articulate his words. “I just said that you’re being a bit hypocritical, don’t you think? You’re standing here yelling at me because I didn’t voice my concerns, but you haven’t been talking to me about what’s going on in your life.” Travis’ tone is sharp, and it stings. 

It’s your turn to show how upset you are. Your hands curl into fists at your side, and you squeeze your nails into your palms before releasing them. “I do tell you what goes on in my life Travis,” your breathing ragged as you try to not lose your cool. “I ran into my TA at the coffee shop yesterday, and he paid for my drink because my card wouldn’t work. Didn’t think it was breaking news, sorry I don’t send you every single fucking life update that happens. What’s gotten into you?”

“You could have been cheating!” 

“But I wasn’t!” you scream, no longing caring about keeping up appearances. You can’t believe Travis would think that. It hurts. “And I never would! You know this”

He turns his back to you, like it pains him to look at you, but you don’t understand why. You're not the one suggesting infidelity. “That’s it? That’s all you’ve got to say?” he seethes. 

“That’s all there is to say! There’s nothing to explain, no secret to uncover. I’m not in the wrong here.”

“And you think I am?”

You look at Travis like he has three heads. “Are you serious? You’re the one who’s so fucking upset over a situation that could have happened to literally anyone.” Your tone suggests that you’re exhausted with the conversation, and Travis gets the hint. 

He slinks towards the door, still visibly angry. “I’ll take the couch tonight,” he grits out before tightly gripping the doorknob and shutting the door with more force than needed. 

The bed doesn’t look appealing, full of much happier memories, but fighting with Travis has knocked any and all energy out of you. You gingerly pull back the covers and slip underneath. Tears trickle down your cheek as you toss and turn, trying to fall into some sort of slumber. However, your mind has other ideas, replaying the blowout. You can’t begin to understand why Travis is so bothered by the instance, and more importantly why it caused him to disregard a fundamental part of your relationship. There’s little movement from beyond the door, but you can hear the faint noise of a Johnny Cash record playing from the speakers in the living room. After hours of staring at the ceiling your eyes close and a fitful sleep follows. 

You might have gotten nine hours of sleep, but you wake up feeling exhausted. Fighting with anyone drains you, but fighting with Travis is especially terrible because it rarely happens. There doesn’t seem to be any movement from the other side of the door; maybe he’s still asleep. You refrain from heading into the kitchen, unsure of what will happen if you see him. After nearly twenty minutes you can’t wait any longer to start your day and pad into the main living space. It’s empty: no sign that Travis has been there for many hours. Guess you don’t have to immediately deal with the fallout of last night. 

A post-it note is tacked onto the fridge handle and your heart skips a beat. In Travis’ chicken scratch it reads I’ll see you at the gala tonight. We’ve got media all day and I won’t be back in time for us to go together. There’s no mention of the fight, and you can’t judge from a two sentence note whether or not he’s still pissed off. 

“Fuck,” you groan. “The gala.” Tonight’s the annual Flyers Give Back gala, and you’re expected to be in attendance. It’s not even a charity event; the organization is offering a chance for business men to chat up the players in hopes they continue to donate. You find things like these unbearable and tedious, but Travis does his best to make them enjoyable. Not knowing what page you’re on with him is going to be terrible. There’s a pretty good chance he’ll ignore you if he’s still upset. 

As if someone is reading your mind, the better halves group chat starts to explode. Everyone is chattering excitedly about tonight, and under normal circumstances you’d be excited to see them in such a relaxed setting. It’s been a while you’ve all hung out, but you can’t find yourself to contribute to the conversation. You mute the notifications and do your best to move on with your day. The rest of the morning is spent working on your thesis; mind numbing work that almost makes you forget about everything that happened in the past twenty-four hours. Once you’ve hit an acceptable word count for the day you shutdown your computer and make lunch. 

The grilled cheese sandwich you eat while watching a John Mulaney comedy special fulfills your appetite but doesn’t curb your dread. You decide to call your sister, hoping she can be a welcome distraction. Dialling her number you sink further into the couch cushions, wrapping yourself tightly with a blanket so that only your head is poking out. “What’s up?” she asks, and you hear her shuffle in the background, presumably to move somewhere more private. It isn’t normal for you to call her unannounced. 

You hold it together for approximately two seconds. The tears start and they don’t stop. Every emotion you’ve felt since getting home last night comes to the surface, and before you know it you’re sobbing into the receiver. 

“Woah, slow down,” she says. “Y/N, take some deep breaths.” When your breathing returns to a somewhat regular level she continues speaking. “What happened?”

It takes you nearly twenty minutes to tell the whole story because you’re so distraught. No detail is spared, and you go back much farther than is probably needed. You recount what happened after yesterday’s practice, pretty much the entire game, and the fight that followed. “I just don’t know what brought this on,” you sniffle. “We don’t fight, we talk about things. I’m not sure if I’m more upset at what he insinuated or at the fact he broke a cardinal rule.”

Your sister sighs, and you hear her breath fan in slight annoyance. You’re worked up about something kinda stupid, you know, but you can’t let it slide. “It’s probably a bit of both. So, what are you going to do?”

“What can I do? I know that we need to talk about what happened, but a public event is not the best place to do that. I also can’t not show up or ask Trav to ditch in order to figure this out. We have to be there.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it figured out then.”

You really don’t. “What happens if he ignores me the entire night?”

She laughs and tells you to not to anything stupid, and to take your mind off of things tells you a story about your nephew eating dirt. It does the trick; you’re momentarily distracted and forget about Travis. You talk for a while longer before she has to go. “Miles is crying, will you be okay if I let you go?”

It’s your turn to laugh. “I’ll be fine,” you insist. A glance at the clock tells you it’s time to start getting ready. “I’ve gotta shower and start the process. Beauty is time consuming you know.”

Against your better judgement you open your text messages to see if there’s anything from Travis. His text thread is the same as it was yesterday and you’re disappointed. You had hoped that maybe he’d get bored between interviews and check in. With no new notifications you exit out of the application and pull up a playlist you hope will brighten your mood. The steam from the shower relaxes your tense muscles and warms you up. It’s comforting in the way a cocoon is; you practically have to drag yourself out of the bathtub. 

Your bedroom is cold and doesn’t offer the same respite as the bathroom. The music continues to float in from the hallway, and you allow yourself to get lost in it. It’s been a while since you danced around your room; it worked to cure sadness when you were a teenager. Hopefully the magic hasn’t worn off. You flail your arms, not caring how silly you look since no one is here to see you anyways, and scream along at the top of your lungs. After a few songs you feel better and return to the task at hand. The dress code is labelled as ‘black tie’ on the invitation, but that isn’t what you’re worried about. You own a million dresses for situations like this after being with Travis for so long. You don’t know what he packed to wear, and there’s a decent chance you’ll be pushed together for photos. Clashing colours will look terrible.

A quick glance through his side of the closest leaves you no clues, so you decide to be as literal as possible. Black is a flattering colour and works well with every colour combination. There’s a jumpsuit hanging in the back that catches your eye and you think it’s the perfect choice. After pulling it on you move back into the bathroom to do your hair and makeup. Everything is natural and relaxed; once again for the sake of potential photos. The clock strikes on the hour and you realize it’s time to leave. A pair of heels are slipped on and you order an Uber before locking the apartment and heading to the lobby. You had thought about driving yourself, but on the occasion that things don’t end well with Travis you’ll probably have more than a couple of drinks. 

The entire way to the venue your leg bounces up and down. It’s been years since you’ve been this nervous about being around the team. You’ve been with Travis for a few seasons now, and the organization has become a second family to you. No one is going to know about the fight and you worry they’re going to talk about your solo arrival. The outside of the convention centre is sharply decorated, and your driver lets out a low whistle at the extravagance of it all. “Thank you so much,” you gush, and exit the car. Thankfully no photographers are set up outside, and you dart inside without being seen. 

Once in the main event space, you scan for the bar. There’s no sign of Travis, which should make you more relaxed but doesn’t. What if there was an accident on the way to the venue? You have no idea where he was all or who he came with. Overthinking distracts you from your original goal, leaving you standing aimlessly in the middle of the room. 

“You look like you might need one of these,” Ryanne chuckles, handing you a champagne flute. You gladly accept and down it in two gulps. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, eyes scanning to see if your boyfriend has made an appearance. 

She sees right through your facade of calm and wraps you in a tight hug. “What’s going on?”

For a second time today you explain what happened last night. There’s no judgement from Ryanne as there might have been from your sister because she understands. Dating a professional athlete isn’t easy; things like this happen much more frequently than you’d expect. Perhaps it’s all the time spent apart that makes the occasional lapse in communication so apparent. She listens quietly, full attention on you. To your credit you don’t cry this time, slightly more numb to the situation to due more time passing. It still hurts a tremendous amount. 

“He’ll come around,” Ryanne insists. “TK is a little moronic sometimes, but he’d never jeopardize his relationship with you. You’re quite literally the most important thing in his life.”

 “I know. I’m just upset because the whole thing could have been avoided.”

She offers you a sympathetic smile. “I know.” Ryanne links her arm through yours. “Let’s go find something to snack on.”

You spend most of the night with Ryanne, and occasionally Claude when he can get away from the hot-shot businessmen. Travis eventually came in, flanked by Nolan, but was immediately pulled into the politics of the night. The two of you occasionally sneak glances at each other and you tell he’s uncomfortable. You can only hope it isn’t because of your presence. It’s nearing eleven; the party has become a much more relaxed affair, and the DJ is playing sappy love songs in an attempt to get the media team some good photo ops. An intern asks the Giroux’s if they’ll dance for an instagram story and they both look hesitant. “Go on guys, I’ll be fine,” you reassure. It’s the subtle push they need to enjoy a quiet moment together. 

As if he can sense you’re lonely and feel out of place, Travis approaches you. It’s tentative, like he’s petrified you’ll turn him away, but he comes regardless. Drinks are in each of his hands and he extends one to you. When you don’t take it he sets it on the table behind you. “Hi,” he says sheepishly, fiddling with something in his pocket. 

“Hi Travis.” You’re determined not to let his presence crack your resolve; last night illuminated a big issue and it needed to be dealt with. It’s proving to be difficult because he bumps a shoulder against yours and all you can think of is kissing him senseless. 

The song changes to a Bruce Springsteen ballad, and you recognize it instantly. It played at the coffee shop on your first date with Travis all those years ago. One look at him tells you this isn’t an accident, that he had requested it specifically for the two of you. “Dance with me?”

You sigh deeply, looking him in the eyes. “Trav, this isn’t going to magically fix things.”

“I know, baby, I know,” he pleads. “I fucked up so bad last night because I was being an idiot. I wrote down everything I would do differently if I had a time machine, look.” A hand reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a piece of paper filled with his nearly illegible print. “Just one dance, and then we can go home and talk about it like I should have suggested in the first place. Let me know we’re still okay.”

If you hadn’t been in public you’re sure Travis would have been in tears. It’s not necessarily a good look to cry in front of hundreds of sponsors. He has a reputation as the goofy boy who takes no shit to uphold. “You have a lot of talking ahead of you,” you say, and let him drag you onto the dance floor. Swaying in his arms you realize things are going to be just fine. Travis loves you and you love him; there’s nothing the two of you can’t work through. 

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

taglist: @jamiedrysdales​ @kiedhara​ @tortito​ if you want to be added shoot me an ask :)

#travis konecny imagine #travis konecny x reader #travis konecny fic #philadelphia flyers imagine #hockey imagine #hockey fic #nhl imagine #nhl fic #cwrites

[himbo-buckley]

Intimacy, Sex and Buddie (better known as I have a lot of feelings about this show, some of which are related to the before mentioned topics) - Part 2

G’day friends, family and lost travelers! Welcome back to another instance of: I read too much into things!

This is where we really dive into the Character analysis and it’s gonna be a fun ride!!! (well, maybe. For me at least because thanks to 3.16 I am living! That episode validated me so much and now I truly believe I am right)

This is part two of a three part Meta / Character Analysis, and while you probably don’t need to read part 1, I would recommend it, so here is the link:

part 1

Also:

I should preface this by saying this meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics.

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney* voice we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something?

This Meta will so far have three parts (this is part two), one for each season and is organised by episode so you could technically follow along

So here goes nothing, Season 2: (Also called „Why is Ryan naked so much?“)

Episode 2.01:

I’m not gonna talk a lot about this episode, because I feel like it’s been analysed to death already. Important to know is that Buck hasn’t yet given up on Abby coming back (see the shower scene), he is very lonely and there is a lot of homo- erotic tension.

Basically this episode goes like this:

Buck *after meeting Eddie*: nooooo, Dad, I don’t want a brother! He’s better than me! Put him back where he came from!

Eddie *takes one look at Buck*: Ui, you guys lied, he’s an ass - I like it! This is way better! We’re gonna be friends!

And then Buddie decides to something stupid to prove themselves (to each other) and they end up saving the day and bonding.

Also Eddie saying: „You guys hungry?“ after the Ambulance blows up? Iconic! He is such a little shit.

Episode 2.02 / 2.03:

(I’m putting them together because two-parter)

This episodes truly proves how hard they’ve already bonded, despite Buck not even knowing Eddie has a kid yet, especially from Eddie’s point of view: I actually think he started seeing Buck as his partner first. 

I love how he always takes charge, even in his first episode and expects Buck to go along with it - which Buck does (after some initial reluctance), because Buck is good at following orders and trusts Eddie. It might be an army thing, probably is an Eddie likes control thing. What is truly unique about Buddie, is the fact that Eddie defers to Buck’s judgement as needed, something he doesn’t do with anyone else, I think, unless the chain of command tells him to. Just look at how annoyed he is by Ali and her interfering.

That being said it really isn’t all to relevant for this meta, except to say: Interest- ing how fast they trusted each other and became a unit - I guess it’s true what they say: birds of a feather flock together.

Episode 2.04:

Here we get our first real insights into Eddie’s character (aside from that he is a little shit and likes to take charge) as well as some very nice shots of the man’s body, proving my theory that someone in charge really wants to get busy with Ryan Guzman. Which I am not exactly complaining about.

I do think however it’s a very noticable shift from the way they treat the other young, attractive guy in the cast. I talked about this a little in the first part of this Meta, how they went out of their way to hold Buck accountable and make him relatable, but refused to bank on his sex appeal, aside from a few scenes which mostly were about explaining why Abby reached out to him (and uh, we do not need to talk about how creepy that really was, do we?). Eddie though really gets sexualised from the get go. Or maybe that’s just me and I missed something? (Someone with more insight on such topics take the wheel? Because that really isn’t my area of expertice and I don’t wanna say anything false)

A main difference between Buck and Eddie at this point (or in general) is that Buck is always looking for connection. He craves emotional intimacy but it scares him because he cares too much and people keep leaving so he searches out physical intimacy - or he used to. Actually by Season 2 Buck is actively looking to connect emotionally with another person.

Eddie on the other hand isn’t even on the same level as Pilot!Buck, because he avoids both physical and emotional intimacy (except with Buck because, you know, steam engine). The episode implies that it might be caused by Shannon leaving, but the rest of Season 2 and specifically Season 3 show us that it’s an Eddie thing (likely caused by his upbringing if you fast forward to 3.15). And it really makes me want to know how Shannon and Eddie met and how long they had been dating before she got pregnant. Probably not that long tbh.

One thing to notice about the episode is that it parallels Eddie both with Buck (neither wants to date one of those girls, both deflect about their reasons) and with Abby - watch 1.03 and 2.04 back to back, both are about a character taking care of a special needs family member, both have another family member consider them stuck when they themselves do not and both feature Buck trying to help (passively by talking to Abby on the phone vs. actively by having Eddie and Carla meet)

Also as I pointed out in another post the conversation about dating is kind of similar to the car conversation, and I really am clowning now - which is why I will not try and parallel the conversation between Maddie and Buck with the one between Bobby and Buck in 1.09!

I still don’t fully understand the need for that scene (you know which one) aside from being another instance where the boys get sexualised and giving us our first insight into Eddie romantically and also the first time he uses Christopher as a shield (also not the last).

The general take away from the episode is that Eddie is bad at asking for help and Buck is bad at asking for permission which means they fit really well - because Eddie doesn’t have to voice his needs and Buck doesn’t have to feel bad about steamrolling him.

In terms of the overall theme of this meta your main takeaway from this episode should be:

Buck - no longer substituting physical intimacy for emotional intimacy but also not seeking out emotional intimacy, both because he has a connection through Maddie and is building one with Eddie but also because he still considers himself spoken for, though the episode ends with him realicing he might not be (and then he keeps realising, because he is one stubborn mf).

Eddie - avoiding both physical and emotional intimacy and using Christopher to deflect, mainly because he doesn’t have the time for either (but still getting a connection through Buck, thanks to someone just punching right through his boundaries)

Episode 2.05:

no relevance, our boys are barely in it

Episode 2.06:

Well, if you want to write about Buddie crumbs than yeah, definitely important. Also, you can draw a definite parallel between Abby and Taylor, because Buck knew both their voices before he saw their faces and built an emotional connection to those voices. This fits because, well, Buck is afraid of emotional intimacy, but when it’s just a voice it’s easier for him to let himself be vulnerable cause it’s not an actual person.

Plus, considering the thing with Taylor is one sided prior to their meeting, he isn’t actually cheating on Abby. Or so Buck thinks. (Also Taylor doesn’t have a chance to hurt Buck and leave him because you know, she is not aware he exists?)

Also Eddie talks about becoming a firefighter because he missed the camaraderie of the army - aka the emotional connection he had with his squadron (is that the right term?). So technically he did actively try and seek it out - to a point at least. Because, as I will discuss in Part 3, Eddie may consider the 118 his family but his relationship with the other three firefighters in not on the same level than the one he has with Buck.

Episode 2.07:

Let’s all give a warm welcome to Shannon Diaz! I like Shannon, I think she is great (I also think she and Eddie are similar because they both run away from problems which is why they would never work out - unlike another possible relationship mentioned sporadically in this Meta, hint hint ;) ... okay, moving on)

We learn that „not in the picture“ means Eddie is still married, which begs the question how much Eddie has told Carla and the 118 about Shannon up to this point (as little as possible), what they assume about her (probably the worst) and if Eddie ever sets the record straight (I’m assuming yes, because while Eddie doesn’t share - Eddie is also protective of his family and Shannon is his family for better or worse - I really wish they didn’t kill her off and instead played out the divorce storyline because there was so much chance for growth! Although that was probably too similar to Athena and Michael, which is why they didn’t do it. So they fridged her. Damn, and I am still salty about it.)

I really love when she comes to the house, because we learn so much about them as a couple. Like how her eyes grow warm when he opens the door but Eddie’s don’t but then he goes in to hug her (and you can really tell that Ryan Guzman is an athlete in the way that he always acts with his whole body and conveys so much through movement). And the fact that Shannon immediately pushes to meet Christopher (probably because with Eddie you need to push, because he is very stubborn and also in need of control), and her saying she never thought Eddie would be into something so fancy? Yet another insight into Eddie’s character and into his upbringing, which while probably not poor seems to have been fairly modest.

Also love how they fight almost right from the get go, implying that it is their normal (as proven in 3.15). They really never stood a chance!

There is a lot of backstory we get through their fighting, both at the house and at the school, most notably that even in marriage Eddie was never able to fully open up to Shannon - aka be emotionally intimate with her. Which made her feel very alone.

And I don’t wanna defend Shannon and her actions because other people have said it before and this is not what this Meta is about but I can see her point of view. With Eddie and the way he just always needs to be in control and make the decisions she probably thought she had to do something drastic to get him to notice her and her struggles.

Interestingly enough Eddie is emotionally vulnerable with Shannon at the end when he tells her that he understands why she left and that he misses her, but then he immediately kisses her and look, we don’t know what happens next  but we can guess from the latter episodes.

And look, tbh with Eddie it’s a little bit harder to draw the line between physical and emotional intimacy than with Buck because Eddie’s love language is touch and actions, so technically in a way he is always emotionally intimate when he is physically intimate (probably why he didn’t wanna go out with any of the girls in 2.04 - Eddie, different to Buck, can not just separate feelings from sex, while Buck has a hard time reconciling the two)

On Buck’s side of this Meta he finally comes to terms with Abby leaving, which doesn’t have too much relevance for this meta except there are a lot of parallels between Buddie in terms of: how long is too long to wait - because while Eddie pretends to have given up on Shannon, he actually hasn’t, whereas Buck outwardly is still waiting for Abby but on the inside has given up hope - something they both come to terms with in this episode

Episode 2.08:

Fun fact: The german title of this Episode is Lovestorys. Can you guess if there is anything of relevance in it?

Okay, first off for the millionth time, in case you haven’t read part 1 or you aren’t convinced yet or maybe you just forgot: Evan „Buck“ Buckley was never a sex addict. Kay? Good.

Also, remember when I said the show doesn’t sexualise Oliver the way it does Ryan? Yeah, this episode exactly. Buck has sex twice and we see less of his body than of Eddie just getting out of bed. Is it a contract thing? Was Ryan always running around naked on set? Did Oliver refuse to take his shirt off? Is he always cold because he’s vegan? Should I figure out Twitter just to ask the cast these questions?

(Also, remember when I said with Buck it’s mostly Girl on top, yay, it stays true)

In terms of actual relevant story, there’s that woman on the freeway (highway? Idk guys, I’m not from the US) reinforcing that Buck has finally accepted that Abby and him are over and then there’s the Taylor Kenny - story, which is sort of just beating the bush of sexual vs emotional intimacy with Buck trying for the latter and only finding the former (remember the Brunette from the Pilot? Yeah, that’s why I’m reminding you).

What I like is the fact that, after spending so much time calling out Buck 1.0 (and they should, because stealing a fire truck? Twice? Babe, for realsies?), this episode went: look, maybe girls like meaningless sex, too? Although, technically they have been telling us from the the beginning, that those girl were using Buck in the same way he was using them (again with the Brunette) - Buck just never understood that until Taylor.

We also get the soulmate scene with the very sweet couple, once again, rein- forcing how lonely Buck is and how much he is craving love and a connection and stability. That really is what his character boils down to at the end of the day: a lost kid trying to find his place in the world. And now I’m sad.

As for the Ali storyline, oh man, I’d really rather ignore it? Not because I have anything against the character per sey it’s just - we get to see their first meeting and then 5 episodes later their first date and by the end of the season they are in love love except by Season 3 she is gone? And in between she is hardly ever mentioned? So I really don’t know how to comment on their relationship in terms of this meta and what it means for Buck except: I think it was one of those right times right moment kind of things and Buck is sort of transfering a lot of his wishes and needs and feelings onto her, but their relationship has a weak foundation, which is why it ended so fast (except we don’t know how fast it ended because there is a 5 month gap between Season 2 and 3 and the breakup gets mentioned one (1) time. Soooooo...)

And Eddie, well, he was in the episode.

Episode 2.09:

I like this episode a lot and it tells us so much about Hen’s issues, but in terms of this meta: no relevance!

Sidenote: I do always forget they did Hen before they did Chim. Then again this episode in general feels very disconnected because there was no prompting, no connection to the present.

Episode 2.10:

Ah, yes, that one! The gift that keeps on giving in terms of Eddie and this meta (and also Buddie, but I’m trying not to be ship-y around here)

(One tiny sidenote though, I do think we see Eddie roll of off Shannon, and, while I don’t want to reinforce some stereotype about Top and Bottom, because I am not a gay man and therefore not qualified to comment, with Buck it’s generally girl on top? So Buck usually lets his partner set the pace while Eddie prefers to be the one in control? Okay, you know what, let’s just say it fits with their characters and maybe they match and leave it at that?)

(also, again with the Ryan shirtless, I mean, not that I am complaining, it’s just ... yeah, please, someone who knows this stuff come talk to me about it and explain because I don’t know and maybe I am seeing things?)

(sidenote #3 with actual relevance: They did not mention Buck’s girlfriend even once. They never do until the final.)

First of, this episode proofs what I said before: With Eddie there is no separating Sex and feelings. It is interconnected („We are working things out.“).

Also there is a point to be made about Eddie and control. So far we have always seen Eddie be the one in control and make decisions and this is our first real indicator that it actually bothers him, that maybe he wants someone else to tell him what’s right or wrong, too.

I’m gonna fast forward a bit, because we are nearly at the end of Season 3 irl and so far we have seen Eddie ask for help several times but only with two people - Buck and Lena - he actually takes the advice. I don’t want to say too much because it really fits better in Season 3, but wether you ship them or not, it is noticeable that out of everyone Buck is the one Eddie let’s help the most. The one he trusts the most.

(Man, they are both just two lost boys looking for their home, aren’t they? (and now I am sad again.))

There is also the topic of trust brought up, which you know, we hear about a few times from Eddie, and it really is such a big thing for him, isn’t it?

To fast forward again, that is one big difference between Eddie and Buck. Both struggle with self worth and trust but while Buck’s biggest problem is that he doesn’t trust people to like him, if they actually get to know him (or if they even want to get to know him), Eddie just plain old does not trust people? Because Eddie is a pessimist, so he doesn’t even try to connect, while Buckeroo trusts way too much and too easily and he is such an optimist and gives away everything and then he still isn’t enough - and then and only then does he give up hope (which is something we see happen in canon maybe twice? With Abby, maybe with Ali, and with Christopher, but again, Season 3 you guys!)

These two really are the different sides of the same coin, huh?

In relevance to this Meta, Eddie is trying very much this whole episode to be open and vulnerable and he struggles so much because he is very scared. The main issue with Eddie is always (and specifically with Shannon) by making himself vulnerable, he opens Christopher up to getting hurt as well (and vice versa because he can’t let Shannon into his son’s life without letting her into his own life) and this is what we see him struggle with in this episode and also what intensifies his already existing issues with intimacy throughout the show in general, his need to protect his son. 

It should be noted that in the end Eddie puts Christopher’s wishes above his own well-being which is in fact what he will always do because Christopher is the most important person in his life.

As for Buck in this episode, well, after having so much development in his last episode, he really was there more as a sounding board for other characters. However I will mention that, after the show points out the whole thing is none of his business twice, Eddie then turns around and makes the Shannon thing Buck’s business, because well, connected and all that. Trusting and giving up control. Emotional intimacy. Just repeating myself now.

Episode 2.11: No relevance.

Episode 2.12: No relevance.

Episode 2.13: No real relevance.

There is the scene in the hospital between Buck and Eddie that reinforces the peas in a pot thing they got going on and a reverse from the Christmas Episode when Eddie asked Buck about what he should do. Here Eddie acts as the sounding board (even though Buck has already done the thing but then so has Eddie by hiding Shannon).

This is also yet another instance of Buck trying to help another person with no regard for his own safety but I’m with Eddie here: I have sisters as well. I too would do countless stupid things to save them with no regard to my own safety and I’m a girl - I was not raised on the believe that is was my job to protect them from harm like both Buck and Eddie probably were (because gender rolls).

Also Buck thinks it’s his fault that Doug even found Maddie and Eddie explains to him why its bull. To reinforce the whole connection thing, it is very noticeable that these two always give each other exactly what the other needs - with Eddie from the get go always working on building up Buck’s self worth and Buck always lending a hand to Eddie and taking control when needed (remember Carla? That was Buck taking control for Eddie because Eddie didn’t know what to do).

There is also the short scene when Shannon comes to the hospital and it prob- ably did a lot to help rebuild Eddies trust in his wife.

Episode 2.14:

STOP MAKING EVAN BUCKLEY WORRY ABOUT HIS FAMILY 2k21 (because it’s too late for anything before that)

It’s also our first real: Eddie can be a dumbass, too sighting and there is that one scene (you know which one) which in text is not shippy at all, but ended up in every gifset because Oliver is looking at Ryan like he wants to eat him alive.

Aside from that, this episode really isn’t about them and that’s okay.

Episode 2.15: Crime is hard. That is all.

Episode 2.16: No relevance.

Episode 2.17:

First of all, Eddie is not shirtless? At the beach? Damn, what’s wrong, 911? Is it because Gavin was there? Have you used up all your contracted shirtless scenes by now? Did Ryan find out he was the only one running around set half naked?

Also poor Eddie, you know, you’d think getting married your done having those: what are we - conversations and then bam: there it is again. He really can’t catch a break, can he?

Also I know it’s been said before, but I’ll say it again: Eddie Diaz is not in love with Shannon. Maybe he has never been or maybe he just stopped at some point, but right then and there he isn’t in love with her. He does however love her deeply (she is after all the mother of his son) and she is his family which is sort of where the problem in their relationship lies. Because Eddie, who has problems with trust and intimacy, frankly doesn’t care enough about Shannon (and also doesn’t trust her enough) to try and be open and vulnerable with her, which is what he needs to be in order for them to work, a fact that Shannon seems to be aware of and have accepted.

(Because if you have to wait for a sign on what to do in your relationship, yeah, you already know - you’re just not accepting it.)

And this episode is so heartbreaking and I just had to stop myself from ugly crying because Shannon loves Christopher so very much. And I just hate that they killed her off, so in my mind I have already half plotted a fix it fic in which she survives because that was just unnecessary angst.

Though that’s the topic of another post.

In terms of the relationship-story I am similarly floored as I am by the „Help!“ scene because (at least for me) this is the first time I have seen media really address that yes, you can be a good parent and still not be ready for a serious relationship because those two things are very different. Sure, you sometimes see examples of it through subtext but never before has it been so outright stated.

And I like that both Shannon and Eddie ask themselves that question, but come to a different conclusion - or actually they don’t. Like I said above, for Eddie this relationship fits because it’s easy and he doesn’t have to change or better adapt. He can just keep avoiding the hard stuff (being vulnerable) and still have the good stuff (sex). And then Shannon might be pregnant again and look at his speech at the restaurant: He is basically saying our child is awesome, so we should get back together because if we make such awesome children than we can’t be that bad together. And that is so very wrong, which Shannon understands.

The problem is, that Eddie doesn’t fully understand why their marriage hasn’t worked in the first place. If you tie it into 3.15 Eddie Begins, I think for Eddie, the reason why Shannon left him was a little to get back at him for leaving her and a lot about feeling left alone and being unable to cope with raising their child alone, but all of that is gonna be different now because he will be there for her physically and emotionally as he is no longer in the army! So the issue is solved. They should be a family again. Even without a new kid. After all: they love each other.

And look, those are all fair reasons and true but the thing Eddie doesn’t understand about relationships in general and his marriage to Shannon in particular is that she also needs him to be emotionally vulnerable with her. Shannon needs Eddie to let her be there for him, just like he is trying to be there for her. Because relationships are always a two way street.

SO obviously this is where the episode ended. There were no more scenes af- ter that. Nope. Bit weird how it was so short but you do you, 911, you do you!

And well, Buck was there too.

Episode 2.18:

I’m just gonna come out and say it: Ramon and Helena are bad parents. Flying to your daughter-in-law’s funeral only to bad mouth her and then try to take your son’s son away again? Yeah, I do not like your style. I wonder how much of Eddie Begins was already planned at this point or if they built that plot about his family for 3.15 based on this episode. Huh. We might never know. (except Twitter)

Also me thinks Eddie choose LA because of Pepa and Abuela, not because of Shannon. She was probably just a bonus.

As for Buck (and Ali): the actors seem to have had fun doing those scenes? I guess? Other than that it’s a little cringy and very out of nowhere and probably more caused by the show having money left over and deciding to built a new set. ANd damn what a set. I wonder how Buck is supposed to be able to afford that because that apartment has probably about 50-75m2 considering there is a kitchen and a living room as well as a room behind the living room and probably an extra room in the upper floor as well (someone do a floorplan and also tell me why Buck needs so much space and wether they think I could move in with him. My apartment is not this nice and LA isn’t that long a commute).

Point being I don’t know why they brought Ali back in the first place, especially in this episode. She was never mentioned after their first date, so why? Just to give people something to discuss during hiatus?

There was no point to have those two incredibly lovey dovey scenes only to have that scenes about what he wants to do next because all those scenes? Would have worked just fine with, you know, his sister (except a little different because incest). Who actually has the what if you can’t go back to being a firefighter - scene with him. So why have a girlfriend you barely introduced and never used before? I’m not mad, 911, just confused! (Fuck me, I really am getting twitter)

As for the topic of this meta, there really isn’t much too tell. Ali honestly doesn’t figure into things except to create more abandonment issues.

I should point out that this episode reinforced the whole Buddie connection thing - from Eddie holding Buck’s hand the whole while he’s pinned to saying „Almost (back to normal)“ to Buck going to Eddie’s ceremony despite probably still being on somewhat of a bed rest.

Other than that, that’s it for Season 2. Whew!

Before I let ya’ll off the hook, though (look, you’ve read it this far, you can now just bear it a bit longer) I wanna comment real quick:

Compared to Season 1 Buck barely had any character development (mainly because he had so much in Season 1 and sometimes stuff like that needs to settle - real life would be the same way)

Eddie however has nearly no development at all and in fact as of Season 3, not a lot has changed in that regard. His issues just became more obvious. Which is something I actually like a lot, because one: he went through a lot of shit in a fairly short amount of time and two: he is such a stubborn and reserved character, anything else wouldn’t be in character and ultimately feel rushed. Plus, because this is his personality it’s feels like we’re actually getting to know him like you would a person in real life? Piece by piece, no unnecessary exposition. Or maybe that’s just me, I don’t really know anything about storytelling.

I also want to comment on Buddie real quick because it would be dishonest if I didn’t and also it’s just glaring me in the face:

The thing is, while I do not necessarily believe they have any intention of making them romantic (because I have been burned too often and just recently by a show that liked to praise itself for its diversity (so a heartfelt fuck you to Sera Gamble and who ever decided to kill off Quentin Coldwater, because that character mattered so much and you destroyed it)), I do think we are right when we talk about connection and parallels and being each others person and just generally being each others closest relationship. Because they parallel their stories so much and they connect them so often and they did do it from the get go like as early as Episode 4 - which was already written and probably already shot by the time Episode 1 aired. So there. I said it. Buddie is real, wether it’s platonic or romantic, it is real. And that also matters!

(although of course if they went with romantic? That would matter a bit more! Tim Minear, listen to me, you could make TV history! This would be bigger than Supergirl making the sister gay in the second season! Ya’ll would be legends, revered by fans for years to come! Also I’d bake you a cake?)

And there you have it! Season 2! We made it! And only like 2000 words more than Season 1.

Can you believe at this point I have written nearly 10.000 words on these two exceptional characters and their issues? And it’s technically only one issue, like I’m ignoring so much stuff just glaring at me right now!

(also on a side note, this is where I tag @angelcamael , who asked me to do so and @greyhello because she inspired me to write this meta in the first place and while it is now ... no longer about that original topic, I’m still gonna tag her)

#buck meta #eddie met #911 meta #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck #buddie #911 #911 fox #mine #textpost #season 2 #buddie meta #meta #my meta

[piracytheorist]

So, thoughts.

Because this is a thing I do, in case you’re new to this blog!

So, I don’t like Gordo’s character very much, mostly due to where they’re taking him. The way he talked about Trudy in that dinner in John’s house, like, he started with talking about how glorious and beautiful she was and how entranced he was by her, and immediately started saying how he “hasn’t looked away” since meeting her. And even the look on Trudy’s face said a lot.

The last part is obviously a lie. How much of the previous stuff did he mean?

When he asked her to come back with him, he made it obvious that he was asking for an actual connection, not just for the cameras and such. He actually asks her to try things again with him. They kiss, passionately.

But it can’t be the same anymore. 

And though he doesn’t immediately join (almost) everyone else in partying and actually seems to respect John for standing by his beliefs, it doesn’t take long for him to initiate operation “bang the fangirl”... or at least, take a couple steps towards that.

If anything, his “I’m a married man,” mostly sounded like he was trying to remind himself of that fact. Patricia made clear how little she cared about his married status, and a few words from her had him stripping and getting in the pool with her.

And I mean, technically, it still is cheating. He may not be betraying Trudy’s trust - he’s already done that, apparently - but by asking her to come back and stay with him, he’s putting her life on pause - and remember, it’s 1959, she will want to become an astronaut herself but NASA will be like “LOL we hate women bye” and her dream will be crushed - and instead of respecting the sacrifice she’s making, he goes out there and prepares to sleep with another woman.

Though it was interesting how they had the other guys minus John already be in the game, while Gordo was approached by Patricia who told him “You look lost” and like, not that she seems to care much, but she has her way of plucking at his heartstrings. And we did see that he’s not at his best state. From drinking himself to unconsciousness (and whump!) to losing his friend and apparently missing his daughters... guy’s a mess and he fell for the one woman who knew to touch him right there.

In any case, this is not a face of a man who feels bad about betraying his wife’s trust. Not that it’s any surprise, we knew of the actual Gordo’s character.

All that said, while it certainly had its merits, the pool scene made me a bit uncomfortable (how typical of me to love Colin acting out whumpy scenes but hate scenes where all he does is almost cheat on his wife, I’m literally the John Mulaney No Yeah meme). And the music, too... it highlighted the emotion of this is wrong but also it’s your guilty pleasure, we know you like it.

And like, idk. I appreciate the angst, Colin’s face acting it is simply wonderful, but it’s... you know. Everything that doesn’t have to do with Trudy - mostly because I’m being reminded of how much he is getting out of the deal while Trudy is the one making the big sacrifice and for what? - is... me likey. Waking up hungover, with his hand bleeding? Priceless. Coming back to an empty house, fresh with grief from his friend’s death, missing his daughters? Yes please. That last scene from 1x03, where he sees the rocket explode and it hits him so hard he actually cries? Jesus take the wheel. Like even the moment where Gus humiliated him in front of the other guys and Patricia had me like “You poor bastard. You deserved that and I liked seeing you get some shit back.”

So, it’s not like my sensitivities are being shooketh by the fact that he’s that 👌 close from putting his dick above his decency (I mean, do you even know who I am) it’s just that every angsty moment he’s in that’s connected to his marriage has me like, bruh, Trudy has it and will keep having it worse than him, why are we making this about him. It’s the whole reminder of it all. 

So yeah, I just thought I could share some thoughts. Maybe the focus will shift in later episodes. Who knows. I’m still having fun enjoying Colin’s face and the things he does with said face and also voice and to be honest, it’s not like I expected any more, lol. From what little I deduced from Gordo’s character and the subject matter, I was prepared to not be very into this, but it’s a good pastime at least, the show is good enough for me to enjoy Gordo’s scenes as they stand from a creative perspective (including acting, cinematography, directing, dialogue, etc etc) and at the end of the day, it’s Colin. How bad can it be? ;)

#lillpon rambles #trs spoilers #trs meta

[imaginethathaikyuu]

! PLEASE NOTE: this masterlist is severely outdated. FOR A COMPLETED LIST OF MY WORKS, CLICK HERE. !

- karasuno -

hinata shoyo loving on his s/o’s stretchmarks   fallingforyou nsfw  nsfw headcanons 

kageyama tobio after sex cuddles  throwing him a surprise party for winning a big game  walk home  introducing s/o to his mother  headcanons riding headcanons nsfw lap dance headcanons nsfw headcanons 

tsukishima kei  after the shiratorizawa game   heated argument   s/o is insecure about her shortness and flat chest  s/o’s underwear are left in the boys bathroom at training camp slight nsfw  he refuses to come to terms with his crush  he accidentally teases his s/o’s insecurity  comforting s/o  study date lazy day cuddles  unaffected  kinda dominate and very teasing nsfw morning sex nsfw   reaction to “tell me why i should date you”  gender neutral s/o does jumps hurdles in track headcanons  how he acts when his s/o asks him to hold her boobs headcanons  taking care of sick s/o headcanons  s/o gets turned on in a movie theater headcanons slight nsfw   riding headcanons nsfw nsfw headcanons  “i never want you to feel like you aren’t good enough” drabble “i thought maybe we could do more than just kissing” drabble slight nsfw  “i didn’t know you were so sensitive” drabble nsfw   “can i take my shoes off before you pounce on me?” drabble nsfw “stay quiet” drabble nsfw

yamaguchi tadashi after sex cuddles  ”you’re one of the most important things in my life”  comforting you after you’re harassed on a walk home headcanons  nsfw headcanons

tanaka ryuunosuke  giving him a flower crown   beach boy (1)   before you can ask him to dance, he asks kiyoko (but she says no)   after sex cuddles falling for his best friend headcanons  best friend headcanons  nsfw headcanons   more nsfw headcanons 

nishinoya yuu giving him a flower crown after sex cuddles  falling for his best friend headcanons s/o gets turned on in a movie theater headcanons slight nsfw   nsfw and general headcanons  more nsfw headcanons  “she’s not my girlfriend” drabble 

sugawara koushi birthday snuggles how you celebrate your joint birthdays together comforting an s/o with chronic illness  reaction to “tell me why i should date you”  nsfw bath time   the team reacts to catching him and his s/o in the storage closet headcanons riding headcanons nsfw   lap dance headcanons  “try to stay quiet” drabble nsfw

asahi azumane after sex cuddles his intimidating bf meets the team  asahi gets jealous and protective  nsfw headcanons   “i thought maybe we could do more than just kissing” drabble slight nsfw 

daichi sawamura  first kiss after sex cuddles riding headcanons  nsfw boyfriend headcanons 

ennoshita chikara  s/o is nervous about him going down on her nsfw 

ukai keishin  nsfw headcanons  

takeda ittetsu   nsfw headcanons

- nekoma -

kuroo tetsurou first kiss comforting you after a coworker is a creep  dating a “stereotypical modern girl”  angsty fight   after sex cuddles  neighbors (bokuto and akaashi) bring weed over, s/o tries it for the first time stargazing date   reacting to s/o’s new braces he gives you a special birthday gift nsfw   what age he lost his virginity headcanon  his s/o wants to wait till marriage for sex headcanons older brother headcanons taking care of sick s/o headcanons introducing s/o to his mother  headcanons he gets jealous headcanons  edging headcanons nsfw s/o gets turned on in a movie theater headcanons slight nsfw   riding headcanons nsfw headcanons  “you’re soft and warm and i dont want you to move” drabble  “i’m supposed to be making you feel good” drabble nsfw  “can i take my shoes off before you pounce on me?” drabble nsfw “i’m trying not to kiss you senseless” drabble nsfw

kenma kozume after sex cuddles  this must be my dream  petting zoo date  “i like saying your name” drabble   what age he lost his virginity headcanon older brother headcanons kenma with more experienced s/o headcanons nsfw 

yamamoto taketora  giving him a flower crown

yaku morisuke  he helps you with period cramps  

- fukurodani -

akaashi keiji  comforting you after learning about your self harm scars  he’s a pro volleyball player and your husband  family vacation on a cruise   how he reacts when you propose before he can  making it up to you after a fight   secret dating because he works for your parents   dating a “stereotypical modern girl” first dance at wedding   proposing to you  husband akaashi surprising his kitten with a kitten  parents keep asking when you two will have children   poly bokuaka   being a sweetheart on your birthday   art boy au   after sex cuddles  study date   reacting to s/o’s new braces he’s your “deliveryman” nsfw   loving sweet “i miss you” sex nsfw  mild pet play and a very dominant akaashi nsfw  sub wife tries dominating him nsfw buying lingerie for his wife slightly nsfw  getting it on in a closet  nsfw  very nsfw scenario   s/o has a bad day headcanons his s/o wants to wait till marriage for sex headcanons domestic, married life headcanons  how he acts when his s/o asks him to hold her boobs headcanons older brother headcanons akaashi as a newlywed headcanons  random headcanons    part 2  edging headcanons nsfw  his s/o wears glasses slight nsfw riding headcanons  submissive akaashi headcanons nsfw  

bokuto koutarou  comforting you after learning about your self harm scars he helps you with period cramps   playing a volleyball game after breaking up with his s/o  doing his daughters hair every morning   sneaking out for a stargazing date  comforting his young daughter after she has a nightmare   your daughter has her first date  him comforting your son after lossing an important volleyball game   domestic morning with short s/o  poly bokuaka   after sex cuddles s/o is insecure about her shortness and flat chest  s/o has a nightmare   attending s/o’s graduation jealous, loving and protective sex  nsfw  daddy kink nsfw  riding headcanons nsfw   what age he lost his virginity headcanon how he acts when his s/o asks him to hold her boobs headcanons older brother headcanons bokuto as a dad headcanons   introducing s/o to his mother   headcanons nsfw headcanons  “if you’re bored, i know other ways to pass the time” drabble nsfw  “you’re so perfect, i’m so lucky” drabble nsfw 

- aoba johsai -

the team protects you on your walk home 

oikawa tooru  birthday plans are ruined by the weather dating a “stereotypical modern girl” friends with benefits but oikawa develops feelings angsty fight   after sex cuddles  male reader gives him flowers, can control their growth  s/o is southern   s/o wakes up and he isn’t in bed  comforting s/o  soulmate au seeing each other after a fight   male interviewer interviews oikawa  study date  lazy day cuddles  attending s/o’s graduation  edging a submissive oikawa nsfw what age he lost his virginity headcanon forgetting his birthday headcanons  being lovey on his birthday headcanons  his s/o wants to wait till marriage for sex headcanons  s/o is insecure about muscular build  headcanons  jealous/possessive headcanons dating the team manager headcanons  reaction to “tell me why i should date you”  standing up for gf who uses crutches headcanons  edging headcanons nsfw riding headcanons  lap dance headcanons  nsfw headcanons  “i love kissing you” drabble  “oh god, do that again” drabble nsfw 

iwaizumi hajime  comforting you after learning about your self harm scars he helps you with period cramps   hes there for a girl who was cheated on   baking him a birthday cake  reader goes through break up with oikawa  part 2 part 3 part 4  riding headcanons nsfw   what age he lost his virginity headcanon competing with kyoutani for the same girl  headcanons s/o is insecure about muscular build headcanons  dating the fem manager headcanons  “do i love you? yes. do i like you? still up for debate” drabble

kyoutani kentarou  giving him a flower crown angsty fight   reacting to s/o’s new braces  s/o is nervous about him going down on her nsfw competing with iwaizumi for the same girl headcanons riding headcanons  nsfw  nsfw and sfw relationship headcanons 

matsukawa issei  420 headcanons

hanamaki takahiro 420 headcanons 

- shiratorizawa -

ushijima wakatoshi comforting sad and anxious s/o  s/o is insecure about her shortness and flat chest  s/o is nervous about him going down on her nsfw how he asks out his crush headcanons  nsfw headcanons   “i know you didnt mean it, but it still hurt” drabble  “shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend?” drabble 

tendou satori  after sex cuddles   everyone thinks he’s a badass but he’s soft with his s/o  standing up for gf who uses crutches headcanons

semi eita cuddling with a short s/o   him and s/o smoke weed together s/o is insecure about muscular build headcanons  edging headcanons nsfw riding headcanons  nsfw

shirabu kenjirou  confessing to his crush

kawanishi taichi  riding headcanons nsfw 

- date tech -

futakuchi kenji  dating a more reserved s/o headcanons 

- johzenji -

terushima yuuji  everyone thinks he’s a badass but he’s soft with his s/o  s/o has a bad day headcanons  riding headcanons  nsfw  nsfw headcanons 

- haikyuu as... -

vines  john mulaney quotes runway menswear 

[sophiepowers]

since @petrlosingwendy is mad about me talking about jordan here’s my anger in an essay under the cut

All right, Petunia. Wish me luck out there. You will die on August 7th, 2037. That’s pretty good. All right. Hello. Hello, Chicago. Nice to see you again. Thank you. That was very nice. Thank you. Look, now, you’re a wonderful crowd, but I need you to keep your energy up the entire show, okay? Because… No, no, no. Thank you. Some crowds… some crowds, they have big energy in the beginning and then they run out of places to go. So… I don’t judge those crowds, by the way, okay? We’ve all gone too big too fast and then run out of room. We’ve all made a “Happy Birthday” sign… Wait. You get that poster board up, and you’re like, “I don’t need to trace it. I know how big letters should be. To begin with, a big-ass ‘H’. Followed by a big-ass ‘A’ and… Oh, no! Oh, God! Okay, all right. Real skinny ‘P’ with a high hump, and then we’ll put the second ‘P’ below the hump of that first ‘P’, sort of like a motorcycle sidecar situation. And now I have no room for the ‘Y’, so I’ll do a kind of curled-up noodle ‘Y’. Block letters and cursive look good together.” And then you go to write “Birthday” and you totally forget the lesson you just learned with “Happy.” You’re like, “Yeah, but the past is the past. Big-ass ‘B’. Surely more letters will fit in the same space.”You’re very friendly here in Chicago. I mean, we’re all violent here, but you’re very friendly. No, really. And I don’t like confrontation, ’cause I’ve never been in a fight before. Though, maybe you could tell that from the first moment I walked out on stage. I don’t give off that vibe. Some people give off a vibe of… Right away, they’re like, “Do not fuck with me.” My vibe is more like, “Hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you.” When I walk, for real, my feet go out like this. I’m so open and vulnerable. I look like a doll that you point out molestation on. “Show us on this white comedian where the man touched you.”It’s been a while since I’ve been home to Chicago. I got married since then. Thank you. I married my wife. I love saying “my wife.” It sounds so adult. “That’s my wife.” It’s great, you sound like a person. I said it even before we were married. We were just dating, and we were once getting on an airplane, and Anna’s ticket didn’t say anything and my ticket said “priority access.” It doesn’t matter why. But we were getting on and I said, “Uh, can my wife board with me?” And they were like, “Yes, of course. Right this way.” And I was like, “Oh, that is so much better than all those times I was like, ‘Can my girlfriend come?'” And, yeah, I shouldn’t have said it that way, but still. “My wife” just has some kick-ass to it, you know? “Get away from my wife! No one talk to my wife!” Marriage is gonna be very magical. “I didn’t kill my wife!” That’s like, “Ooh, who’s that fella? I bet he did kill his wife.” Being married is so nice. I never knew relationships were supposed to make you feel better about yourself. That’s not really a joke, that’s just a little sweet thing I like to say. ‘Cause I’d been in relationships where I got cheated on, like, long ones. I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a long relationship where you got cheated on, but it changes your whole worldview. ‘Cause when I was a kid, I used to watch America’s Most Wanted. You know how kids do. And I would always think to myself, “How could another person kill someone? How could a human being kill another human being?” And then I got cheated on, and I was like, “Oh, okay.” “I’m not gonna do it, but I totally get it.” And I don’t mean in that way of, like, “No one else can have you.” I don’t care about that. It’s just creepy to have an ex out there after things have ended badly. They have a lot of information. Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die. I can’t have them roaming around.I talked to a lot of people before I got engaged, you know. And I heard this expression about whether or not you should get married. This is an old expression. People say this. They say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” You ever heard that before? It’s a bananas insulting expression… to an entire gender. But also, it makes no sense. “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” You’re not allowed to milk a cow that you don’t own. That’s not even a situation. Was that a problem at one point? Like, in the dairy community? Was that happening a hundred years ago in some village? Some Dutch prick was sneaking in at night being like, “Ah-ha-ha, I take your milk.” And the farmer was like, “Well, then, this is your cow now.” And he was like, “No, no proof of purchase.” And he ran off into the night. That sounded Dutch, right? You know what that… you know what that expression means? It means, “Why would you marry a woman if she’s already having sex with you?” Which has nothing to do with what relationships are even like anymore. Now, it’s like, “Why buy the cow?” Uh, maybe because, every day, the cow asks you when you’re gonna buy it. And… … you live in a really small apartment with the cow, so you can’t avoid that question at all. And also, the cow is way better at arguing than you are. And the cow grew up in a family that knows how to argue. “Why buy the cow?” Uh, maybe because every time another cow gets bought, you have to go to the sale and you have to sit next to your cow at the sale, and your cow looks over at you the entire time like… And does not enjoy the sale at all… even though she’s the one that wanted to go to the sale. And she’s especially mad because that farmer and cow met, like, eight months after you guys met. “Why buy the cow?” Well, let’s be real here. You’re very lucky to have the cow that you do have. “Roping in cows and getting milk out of them was never anything you were known for, John.” By the most liberal of estimates, there have been about eight cows total, several unmilked, and… a lot of people think that you like bulls, and if you just bought… They assume it. When you search your name, the third thing to come up is like, “John Mulaney bull?” And if you just bought the cow, nobody would say that anymore. They’ll still say it. ‘Cause there are those guys who, they buy a cow, and then on the side, total matador, but… But, for real, Chicago, why buy the cow? Let’s be real. Why buy the cow? Because you love her. You really do. And, yeah, yeah… Sure, she’s a bossy little Jew, but… … she takes care of you. And you don’t wanna be some old man stumbling around, like, “Hey, you seen any loose milk?”My wife is Jewish. She’s a New York Jew. I did it! Now, I was raised Catholic. I don’t know if you can tell that from the everything about me. My wife is Jewish, I grew up Catholic, so we got married by a friend. Being married by a friend is a beautiful ceremony that alienates both families’ religions, while confusing the elderly people at the wedding. “What’s the name of the bishop?” “That’s actually stand-up comedian Dan Levy. He was the host of MTV’s Your Face or Mine?” I saw a lot of Catholic weddings, though, because I was an altar boy… And a hush falls over the room. Isn’t it weird how that became a scandalous thing? That was just some boring shit I had to do on weekends. But now, it’s like saying, “I was a French maid for a period of time. I was treated well in my day. I worked for a variety of sirs.” No, being an altar boy was just a boring gig, you know? You’d serve Mass and then you’d serve weddings sometimes. My brother was once an altar boy at a wedding, and he was standing there with another altar boy in this big, packed church in Chicago where we grew up. And the bride was coming down the aisle, and the organ was playing, and all the pews were filled, and the bride got all the way to the altar, and the groom lifted the veil off of the bride, and right at that moment the other altar boy said, “Aw, she’s ugly.” And then they looked, and they were right next to the video camera. And I know that’s awful, but wouldn’t you give a million dollars to see that wedding video? It was the best moment of this stupid woman’s life, and she’s walking down the aisle, and the organ’s like… And she gets all the way to the altar to her betrothed, and he unveils her to the world and to the eyes of God. And right at that second, for no reason at all, some Cheeto-fingered, rat-mustached, 13-year-old prick decides to go, “Aw, she’s ugly!” Hopefully the videographer knew some sound editing so he could fix it to be like, “Aw, she’s beautiful. She’s enchanting.”I grew up Catholic. I don’t go to church anymore. But I went on Christmas Eve with my parents, ’cause you know how you lie to your parents. So… we go into the church and I was like, “I got this under control.” And then I got schooled because they introduced a bunch of new shit. No, I was going through Mass and I was batting, like, .400. And then in the middle of Mass, the priest said, “Peace be with you.” And everyone said, “And with your spirit.” And I was the one pre-Y2K asshole going, “And also with you. What? Huh? What? Huh? What? When? When?” For those of you that aren’t Catholic, I don’t mean to exclude you, even though we love to exclude you, but… There’s a part in church where the priest says, “Peace be with you.” And for many, many years, we all said… – “And also with you.” – Very good. But they changed it to “And with your spirit.” Because that’s what needed revamping in the Catholic Church. That was the squeaky wheel that needed the grease. In Rome, they were like, “Let’s see. What problems can we solve? Problem one. No.” I’m actually glad they changed that, though. I never liked “And also with you.” I always found that clunky. “And also with you.” That’s not how you talk. – “Have a nice day.” – “And also you having one.” It’s just a little bit wrong, isn’t it? It’s just a little off. Like, when someone’s like, “How are you?” And you’re like, “Nothing much.” And it sort of makes sense. Never begin a sentence with “And also.” You just immediately sound caught off-guard. It sounds like if at the first church ever, like, they weren’t expecting it. Like, the priest was like, “Hey, this is the first time we’ve ever had church. I just wanna say, ‘Peace be with you.'” And they were like… “What? Oh. Uh, yeah. And also you should have some.” “Hey, that’s good. Let’s keep that for 2,000 years. And then change it to trick John.”My wife and I don’t have any children, we have a dog. We have a little puppy named Petunia. She’s a tiny little French bulldog puppy. I like having a puppy that’s a bulldog, ’cause it’s like having a baby that is also a grandma. Her body is young, her face is as old as time. She definitely saw the Nazis march into Paris. She always gives me this look of like, “Oh, the things I have seen, you cocksucker. You have no idea. The Gestapo threw my printing press into a river. But, go, tell your fucking jokes. Bring me my dish.” She said that. Petunia… Petunia is my best friend in the world. I give her a million kisses a day. She does not like me, and barks at me and bites me all day long. We had to get a dog trainer into the apartment because Petunia is a bad dog. We tell her that every day. We go, “Hey, you’re bad at being a dog.” So, the trainer came into the apartment. Sorry, didn’t even walk into the apartment, walked into the threshold and went, “Oh, okay.” Like she was an exorcist or something. She said, “I see what the problem is.” She said, “Petunia has become the alpha of the house.” And then she pointed at me, she said, “You are no longer the alpha of the house.” And in the back of my head, I was like, “I was never the alpha of the house.” I turned to my wife, I was like, “Let’s pretend. It’ll be fun. Yes… My title of alpha, which I once had, how can I reclaim it? Because that was a thing that existed at one time.” She said, “You need to show dominance over your puppy.” These are things people say to me. I said, “How do I do that?” She said, “Well, let me ask you this. Who eats dinner first, you or Petunia?” I was like, “Petunia eats dinner first. She eats dinner at 5:00 p.m., ’cause she’s a foot long and two years old.” She said, “No, you need to eat dinner first. Because the king eats before anyone else eats.” Oh, yes, and what a mighty king I will be, eating dinner at 4:45 in the afternoon. “Look upon your sovereign, Petunia, and tremble. My lands stretch across this entire one bedroom, and I eat dinner whenever I choose, as long as it works for the schedule of a dog.” She said, “Now, you don’t actually have to eat dinner before Petunia. You just have to convince Petunia that you’ve already eaten.” So… for the past month, I shit you not… before my wife and I give Petunia her dish, we take down empty bowls and spoons, and in front of her, we go, “Mmm, dinner. Mmm, good dinner.” Like we’re space aliens in a play about human beings that they wrote, but they didn’t work that hard on. “Mmm, we’re eating dinner.” Meanwhile, Petunia’s just staring at us with her Paul Giamatti face, like… “You’re not eating dinner, cocksucker. Dish, now.”I have a wife and a dog, and we just bought a house. We have a new house. It was built in the ’20s, but it was flipped in 2014. Which means it’s haunted, but it has a lovely kitchen backsplash. Actually, we didn’t buy a house. A bank bought a house, and I’m allowed to keep my shirts and pants there while I pay it off for 30 years. The woman from the bank came over and she showed me my mortgage broken down month by month for 30 years. And she said, “So, for instance, this is what you’ll pay in July of 2029.” And I burst out laughing. I was like, “2029? That’s not a real year. By 2029, I’ll be drinking moon juice with President Jonathan Taylor Thomas. I’m not gonna be writing you a paper check.” I like having a house, but I loved looking for a house, ’cause I love real estate agents. I mean, they are the true heroes. They really are. Have you ever watched HGTV? Real estate agents have to deal with the dumbest people in the world making the biggest decisions of their lives. Every episode of HGTV is like, “Craig and Stacia are looking for a two-story A-frame that’s near Craig’s job in the downtown, but also satisfies Stacia’s need to be near the beach which is nowhere near Craig’s job. With three children and nine on the way, and a max budget of $7… let’s see what Lori Jo can do on this week’s episode of You Don’t Deserve A Beach House.”I loved our real estate agent. It was so fun to hang out with her. It was like hanging out with my mom. ‘Cause, you know, real estate agents always look like your mom. And they have various Chico’s accoutrements. They always have kind of fun mom energy. And they’re always, “So excited to see you two.” We would have little conferences before we walked into a house. She’d go, “Let’s talk. Let’s talk before we go in.” We’re, like, two feet from the door. “So, there’s no toilets. And I know that was on your list. But I think I can get him to budge. Let’s go.” So, we’d have a real estate agent, and then, like, the house would have a real estate agent who’s just some guy sitting in a big chair. And these two always hated each other. They’d be like, “Hi, Tony.” “Hi, Kim.” It’s like, “Jesus Christ! What, were you two in the Eagles together? What is the animosity about?” Our real estate agent wanted us to have a baby more than anyone else in our lives, more than anyone in our family. She hinted about it constantly. Every room she walked into, she’d be like, “So, this could be an office.” “Or maybe a nursery.” “Yeah. No, like we said, we don’t know if we’re gonna have… ” “No, no. I know, I know, you know. You don’t know if you’re gonna have ’em, but you know. You know, you never know. Sometimes you don’t know what’s gonna happen, and then… you know, something happens.” “Well, yeah, that’s how all of life works.” “Okay, all right. Okay. Uh-huh. Mmm. This is an on-fire garbage can. Could be a nursery.” She showed me a backyard once. She goes, “I don’t even like this backyard for you.” I was like, “Oh, do tell.” She said, “It’s all pavement. I think you should have some grass out there. You know, in case you have a couple… little guys… running around in the grass.” And I got offended on behalf of my imaginary kids. I was like, “Hey, lady. I went outside about as much as Powder from the movie Powder. My children are not gonna be playing out on grass. They will be up in their rooms playing violent video games and catfishing pedophiles. These are my children. And that’s my wife!”I didn’t mean to make it sound like we don’t want children. We don’t, but I didn’t mean to make it sound like that. See, I just don’t think babies like me very much. Sometimes babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all. Like, I’ll be on an elevator, and a baby will be there in its big, like, stroller activity tray, just, like, working on one Cheerio with Bobby Fischer-like intensity. And it’ll look up at me and go… I like to lean in and go, “Stop snitchin’, motherfucker.” And then walk off. ‘Cause you’re never too young to learn our national no-snitching policy. My friends have babies and I don’t do so well with them. I had a run-in with a two-year-old girl. I know there are better ways to start that story, but… My friend, Jeremy, has this two-year-old girl, and I really like her. She’s a sweet kid. I really like his daughter a lot. But I was over at his family’s house for the Fourth of July, and he had his daughter on his knee. And it was a very lovely day. His whole extended family was there. And he was bouncing his two-year-old up and down, and he pointed at me and he said to his two-year-old, “Do you know who that is? That’s your Uncle John.” And I was like, “Oh, my God. That’s so sweet. I’m her Uncle John.” And then the baby pointed at me and said, “Uncle John has a penis.” I thank you for laughing, because no one did that day! Fell deadly silent, is what they all did. Hey, do you know what you’re supposed to say when a baby points at you and knowingly says, “He has a penis”? No, I’m asking, ’cause I don’t know what to say in that situation. Here’s what I went with that day. I said, “Oh, come on!” I don’t know. I thought that’d be good. But then it just made it worse, ’cause it sounded like the baby and I had an arrangement not to talk about it, and she had violated my trust. Like, the baby had been like, “Do you have a penis?” And I was like, “Yes, I do, but you’re a baby, so discretion is key.” And then the next day she goes, “He has a penis,” and I go, “Oh, come on! Someone can’t keep a secret!” Luckily, Jeremy’s wife saved the day. The baby’s mom saved the day. She came in and she picked up the baby, and she was like, “It’s okay. She’s just going through that phase where she says penis and vagina a lot.” Aren’t we all? And, by the way, it would’ve been a totally different situation if the baby had said vagina. Like, if a grown woman had walked in the room, and the baby had been like, “She has a vagina,” the woman could be like, “Yes, I do, and it’s magnificent.” And we would all be like, “Hooray! You are brave!” No one wants to applaud the penis of a 32-year-old weirdo.It’s fun to be married. I’ve never been supervised before. I’m supervised. She studies what I do. Like an anthropologist. She’ll be like, “Sometimes, he will watch a movie on TV even though he already owns that movie on DVD. Pointing this out to him confuses and upsets him.” I had no supervision when I was a kid. We were free to do what we wanted. But also, with that, no one cared about kids. I grew up before children were special. I did. Very early ’80s, right before children became special. Like, I remember when milk carton kids became a thing. When they were like, “Hey, we should start looking for some of these guys. I don’t think they’re just blowing off steam.” No one cared about my opinion when I was a little kid. No one cared what I thought. Sometimes, people would say, “What do you think you’re doing?” But that just meant “Stop.” They didn’t actually wanna know my thought process. They didn’t want me to be like, “Well, I was gonna put this bottle rocket into this carton of eggs, so that when I lit off the bottle rocket, the eggs would explode everywhere.” “Oh, well, that’s very interesting. And what brought you to this experiment?” “Oh, well, thank you for asking. Well… you know how I’m filled with rage? I’m so horny and angry all the time… and I have no outlet for it. So… eggs.” Your opinion doesn’t matter in elementary school either. It matters in college. College is just your opinion. Just you raising your hand and being like, “I think Emily Dickinson’s a lesbian.” And they’re like, “Partial credit.” And that’s a whole thing. But in elementary school, it doesn’t matter what you think, it just matters what you know. You have to have answers to questions. And if you say, “I don’t know,” you get an X on your test, and you get it wrong and that’s not fair, ’cause your brain has never been smaller. Also, that’s not how life works. I’m in my 30s now. If you came to me now and you were like, “Hey, John, name three things that the Stamp Act of 1775 accomplished.” I’d go, “I don’t know. Get out of my apartment,” you know? But when you’re a little kid, you can’t say, “I don’t know.” You should be able to. That should be an acceptable answer on a test. You should be able to write in, “I don’t know. I know you told me. But I have had a very long day. I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.” Or if it’s one of those true or false questions, you should be able to add a third option which is, “Who’s to say?” Kids are much more supervised now, but also, they have a lot of rights. Like, that’s the biggest civil rights increase I’ve seen in my lifetime. The rights of children have gone through the roof. I had no rights when I was a little kid. I remember, one time, I walked into a supermarket by myself, and I walked in through the double doors, and the woman behind the register just looked at me and she went, “No!” And I went, “All right.” And I turned around and left. That’s how broken I was.And there weren’t special things for kids the way there are now. Like, we would just go see movies. Any movie. Like Back to the Future. That was a movie everyone could see. Kids could kinda see it. Great movie, right? I rewatched it recently. It’s a very weird movie. Marty McFly is a 17-year-old high school student whose best friend is a disgraced nuclear physicist. And, I shit you not, they never explain how they became friends. They never explain it. Not even in a lazy way, like, “Hey, remember when we met in the science building?” They don’t even do that. And we were all fine with it. We were just like, “What, who’s his best friend? A disgraced nuclear physicist? All right, proceed.” What a strange movie to sell to be a family movie. Two guys had to go in and do that. They had to be like, “Okay… we got an idea… for the next big family-action-comedy. All right, it’s about a guy named Marty, and he’s very lazy. He’s always sleeping late.” “Okay. Is he cool like Ferris Bueller?” “No. But he does have this best friend who’s, you know, a disgraced… nuclear physicist.” “I’m confused here. This best friend, this is another student?” “No, no, no. No, this guy’s either, like, 40 or 80. Even we don’t know how old this guy’s supposed to be. But one day, the boy and the scientist, they go back in time and they build a time machine. Whoa!” “Okay. I think I see where you’re going here. They build a time machine, and they go back in time, and they stop the Kennedy assassination.” “Ah! Oh, wow, that’s a really good idea, I mean, we didn’t even think of that.” “All right, well, what do they do with the time machine?” “Well, now I’m embarrassed to say. Ah, well, all right, all right, all right. We thought… We thought it would be funny, you know, if the boy, if he went back in time and, you know, he tried to fuck his mom.” “I don’t know. We thought that’d be fun for people. But, no, good point. No, he doesn’t get to, he doesn’t get to. ‘Cause this family friend named Biff, he comes in and he tries to rape the mom in front of the son. The dad’s gotta beat the rapist off of her. And also, we’re gonna imply that a white man wrote ‘Johnny B. Goode.’ So, we’re gonna take that away from ’em.” “Well, this is the best movie idea I have ever heard in my life. We’re gonna make three of them. Now, you say they go to the past. How about we call it Back to the Past?” “No, no, no. Back to the Future.” “Right, but they go to the past.” “Yeah.”Kids have it very good now. My friend’s a teacher. She told me that, uh… the parents will take the kids’ side over the teacher now. That’s insane. That never happened. My parents trusted every grown-up… more than they trusted me. I don’t mean coaches and teachers. Any human adult’s word… was better than mine. Any hobo or drifter could have taken me by the ear up to my front door and been like, “Excuse me! Your kid bit my dick.” And my mom would be like, “John Edmund Mulaney, did you bite this nice man’s dick?” And I would be the only one who’s like, “Hey, doesn’t anyone wanna know why… his dick was near my biters… in the first place? Isn’t anyone curious… as to how I had access?” Don’t get me wrong, my parents love us. They just didn’t like us. We weren’t friends. People are now like, “My mom’s my best friend.” I was like, “Oh, is she a super bad mom?” My parents didn’t trust us, and they shouldn’t have trusted us. We were little goblins. We were terrible. I remember, one time, we were going to this resort for a vacation when we were little kids. Three weeks before we went to the resort, my dad sat us down and he said, “All right, we’re going to a resort, and I’ve just been informed that the man who owns the resort only has one arm.” And we were like, “Oh, yes! Yay! Yes!” “Now, I’m telling you three weeks in advance, so that you will not freak out when you see that he only has one arm.” “Oh, we’re gonna freak out so bad!” “Yes, John, you have a question?” “How did he lose his arm?” “That’s exactly what you won’t ask.” And then I did ask. I went into the kitchen one day, and I was like, “So, how’d you lose your arm?” And he was like, “Well, I was born with only one arm.” And I was like, “Nah.”No, my parents loved us. It’s just, like, they were the cops, you know? And we were criminals. So, we didn’t get along. We only got along in that way that, like, cops will sometimes be chummy with criminals. Like, when my dad and I would talk, it was like that scene in the movie Heat, when Robert De Niro and Al Pacino sit down in that diner. We kind of had that rapport of, like, “Hmm, we’re not so different, you and I. You have your law practice, and me, I have all these fucking markers.” “I guess we both have responsibilities when you look at it that way.” My dad would respect it if I could get away with breaking a rule. We had a rule in our house, you were not allowed to watch TV on a school night. So, every school night, I would 100% be watching TV. And I would hear my dad coming, I would immediately turn the TV off and grab any book, magazine, periodical, anything. And I’d open it and pretend to be doing homework. My dad would walk in the room and he would go, “What are you doing? Are you watching TV?” And I’d go, “No, man. I’m not watching TV.” And the TV wouldn’t even be dark yet. It would still have, like, a neon green halo around it. It’d be sizzling like a glass of Pepsi. And I would look my dad in the eyes and go, “No, I’m just reading this Yellow Pages.”My dad loved us. He just didn’t care about our general happiness or self-esteem. I remember, one time, we were really little kids. I have two sisters and a brother, and all four of us were in our family car ride for three hours going to Wisconsin. My dad was driving, going down the highway in our white van with wood around the side. ‘Cause you remember when you wanted your car to be made of wood? You remember that era? Where we were like, “How much wood can we get on this car… without it catching on fire?” But then the big announcement. “We here at Plymouth-Chrysler can put a saucy stripe of wood safely on the outside of your car, for all those times you’ve looked at your minivan and thought, ‘Huh! It needs a belt.'” So, we’re going on the highway. We’ve been on the road for three hours. And in the distance, we see a McDonald’s. We see the golden arches. And we got so excited. We started chanting, “McDonald’s! McDonald’s! McDonald’s! McDonald’s!” And my dad pulled into the drive-thru, and we started cheering. And then, he ordered one black coffee for himself. And kept driving. And, you know, as mad as that made me as a little kid, in retrospect, that is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. How perfect is that? He had a vanload of little kids, and he got black coffee. The one thing from McDonald’s no child could enjoy. My dad is cold-blooded. He once shushed a kid during Lion King on Broadway. That actually happened. We were at Lion King on Broadway, and there was a five-year-old behind us going, “Look, it’s Pumbaa! Look, it’s Timon!” And my dad turned around and said, “Are you going to talk the entire time?” He’s my hero.The weirdest thing when I was a kid was how much they scared us about smoking weed. They scared us about it constantly. And I’ve been on tour this year… Marijuana is legal in 18 or 19 states in some form or another. It’s insane. Yeah, well… All right, don’t “whoo” if you’re white. It’s always been legal for us. Come on, sir. We don’t go to jail for marijuana, you silly billy. When I was arrested with a one-hitter at a Rusted Root concert, I did not serve hard time. I think I got an award. Eighteen or 19 states. And, by the way, I agree, it’s a very good thing. But it’s also a really weird thing, because this is the first time I’ve ever seen a law change because the government is just like, “Fine.” You know? I’ve never seen it before. Like, gay marriage and healthcare, we have to battle it out in the Supreme Court, and be like, “Gay people are humans.” And they’re like, “We’ll think about it.” But with weed, it was just something we wanted really badly, and we kept asking them for 40 years, like, “Excuse me.” And then suddenly the government became like cool parents, and they’re just like, “Okay, here. Take a little. We’d rather you do it in the house than go somewhere else… blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” Those stupid parents. And that’s a big deal because they scared us about weed constantly. It would be on our sitcoms. We’d be watching Saved by the Bell, we’d be having a great old time. And then, suddenly, a character we had not seen before would show up with some weed and the episode would stop cold in its tracks. And they’d always hold the joint… The bad guy would hold the joint in a villainous way. They’d always offer the joint in a way that no one ever holds a joint. Like it’s a skull in a Shakespeare play. And now it’s legal, and that is great news. Unless you’re a weed dealer, and then it is terrible news. And I don’t just mean because they’re about to lose out to Amazon.com. I more feel bad for weed dealers ’cause they’re about to find out that we only showed them a certain amount of politeness because they had an illegal product. And we don’t show that same politeness to people who deliver legal products. Like, when the Chinese food delivery guy comes, we don’t let him hang out after he’s delivered the Chinese food. And we don’t look the other way when he says weird shit to the girls we’re hanging out with… to try to preserve the relationship. And we definitely don’t give him some of the Chinese food. He’s never like, “Hey, can I get in on those dumplings?” And we’re like, “Yeah, we’re all friends.”What are you, on your phone? Hey, V-neck. Hey! – What’s your name? – Sam. Sam? Cool! What do you do to afford V-necks, Sam? Typing numbers. Ah… numbers, the letters of math. I’m sorry to bother you. I don’t mean to single you out. I hate when people get pulled out of the audience. Like, are you familiar with the Cirque du Soleil, Sam? They’re a group of French assholes that are slowly taking over America by humiliating audience members one by one. We once went to see Cirque du Soleil at Navy Pier when I was a kid, and my brother came, and he was 12 years old. You remember being 12, when you’re like, “No one look at me or I’ll kill myself.” And these French bastards come into the crowd, being like, “Le volunteer!” And they pulled my brother up on stage, and I was like, “No!” And they brought him up, and they reached into his sweatshirt, and they were like… And they had planted a bra, and they pulled out a bra and they were like… And everyone at Navy Pier was like “Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!” And my brother was like, “That’s great!” I have had other jobs besides comedy.I was an office temp for a while. I really miss that. I loved being a temp, because I would just go from office to office and be terrible at a different job for a week. And then you just get to retire like Lou Gehrig. You’re like, “Thank you. No one will ever see me again.” And they’re like, “Goodbye!” I worked at an office once on 57th Street in New York City. I was there for a couple weeks. I was in a cubicle next to this other cubicle. This woman named Mischa sat in the other cubicle. I want to get the number right. I think Mischa had… about 900,000 photos of her daughter up in her cubicle. Almost like she was trying to solve a conspiracy about her daughter, A Beautiful Mind-style. I think about Mischa two times a week… because of a phone call she had next to me one day. It was one of my first days, and I was sitting next to her. And her phone rang, and this was her call, and I’m quoting. Her phone rang and she said, “Hello? Hush!” And then she hung up. Think about that two times a week. And I didn’t know her well enough by then to be like, “Hey, what kind of a person are you?” You know? Who could she have been talking to? “Hello? Hush!” This was a place of business. My only thought was that it was the CEO of the company being like, “Mischa, help. I’m doing a crossword puzzle. I need a four-letter word for ‘be quiet’ right now.” – “Hush!” – “You’re promoted.”I temped at a little web company on 25th Street in New York City. It was a small web company owned by this old man who was old, old, old money New York. His name was Henry J. Finch IV. Like old, old, old money. Like, his money was in molasses or something. He owned this web company. I have no idea why he owned this web company. I think he won it in a rich man’s game of dice and small binoculars, or something. Mr. Finch wore linen suits. He had suspenders, he had a bow tie, he had a hat, he had a cane with an ivory handle. I’m giving you more description than you need, ’cause I need you to believe me. This was a real person I knew in the 21st century. Mr. Finch was in his 70s. He had an assistant named Mary. She was in her 50s, she was Korean. I don’t know why he had an assistant. He did not need one. Unless he needed someone to be like, “Remember, Mr. Finch, at five o’clock, you need to keep looking like a hard-boiled egg.” One day, Mr. Finch came into the office. It had been raining. Everything I’m about to say to you was said in front of me on that afternoon. Mr. Finch walked into the office, and he was wearing a raincoat, he was wearing a rain hat, and he had his cane. And he walked in and he said, and I’m quoting, “Ah! One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet! And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!” And then Mary yelled, “Ooh, ducklings!” To which Mr. Finch replied, “Too old to be a duckling. Quack, quack.” And then walked into his office. I think about that every goddamn day. I mean, imagine you’re me. You’re a 22-year-old temp, and you’re so hungover, and you just wanna die every day. And then that happens in front of you, and I don’t know, gives you hope? And I did that a little fast. Let me break that conversation down for you. Mr. Finch walked in, and he began a conversation the way anyone would. “Ah!” “One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet!” The rain. “And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!” Now, that’s debatable. But rather than debate that point, Mary brought up a new, separate, but interesting point… which was, “Ducklings!” But Mr. Finch, ever the realist about his own age and mortality… said, “Ah, too old to be a duckling!” As if to say, “My duckling days are behind me. Mary, don’t you see? I’m a duck now. And to prove it… Well, I’ll say just about the most famous catchphrase a duck has… ‘Quack, quack.'” And I knew right at that moment, by the way, that it meant nothing to Mr. Finch, what he had said. Crazy people are like that. They have unlimited crazy currency. Like, if I had gone into his office a couple weeks later and been like, “Hey, Finch, you remember that time you were like, ‘Too old to be a duckling. Quack, quack’?” He would just be like, “Ah, perhaps I did quack! But such is life for an old knickerbocker like me.” Like, he’d say something else crazy.That’s the wonderful thing about crazy people, you know? Is that they just have unlimited currency. The things they say mean nothing to them, but they mean everything to me. I was once walking into Penn Station in New York. I was walking down 31st Street towards Eighth Avenue. I’m walking down 31st, there’s this woman standing at Eighth and 31st. I have my little roller suitcase. You can all imagine. I’m walking towards her. She’s smoking a cigarette that is not lit anymore. She’s watching me walk, kind of scanning me up and down, as if she had Terminator vision… where she could see little bits of data, like, “Little honky ass,” and could read information. As I walked past her, she said this to me. I walked past her and she said, and I’m quoting, “Eat ass, suck a dick and sell drugs.” Very dirty, yes? A very upsetting thing to hear, yes? I’m sorry you all had to hear that, but at least you all got to hear it as a group. I was alone out there that afternoon. And she said this totally unprompted. “Eat ass, suck a dick and sell drugs.” It wasn’t like I had paused in front of her and been like, “What should I do with my life?” So, I walk away from her with this to-do list. And I like structure, I like a to-do list. It did dawn on me that that list of things does get better as it goes along, when you really think about it. ‘Cause it starts in a pretty rough place. It starts with just about the worst task a to-do list can start with. But by the end, you have your own small business. And isn’t that the American dream when all’s said and done? That if you eat enough ass and suck enough dick, one day you can sell drugs. Imagine you did all that to sell drugs and then they legalize drugs, and you were like, “But I…” This has been a real thrill to perform here, by the way. I just wanna say that in all sincerity. Thanks for coming to this. Really, really appreciate it.I wanna tell you one more story before I get out of here, about the night I met a guy named Bill Clinton. Now, I don’t… Some of you know who that is? For those of you that don’t, he was President of the United States from 1993 until 2001, and he is a smooth and fantastic hillbilly who should be declared Emperor of the United States of America. Now, I know you know who Bill Clinton is. But I was doing a show at a college, and I mentioned Bill Clinton, and, like, they kind of didn’t know who he was. Like, sorry, they knew the name, right? But they only knew this 2015 Bill Clinton, who’s a very different Bill Clinton. Have you seen his ass lately? What the hell is he trying to pull? He’s all thin now, and he wears these little tight suits, and he’s got these grandpa reading glasses, like, “Hey, I can’t do nothing to nobody no more.” “Oh, me? I’m just an old, old man. I don’t have the appetites.” You know? And he’s always flying around the world with Bill Gates trying to cure AIDS.That is not the Bill Clinton that we all signed up for 20 years ago. Our Bill Clinton was like a big, fat Buddy Garrity from Friday Night Lights-looking guy, who played the saxophone on Arsenio, and his work in the STD community was not in curing anything at that time. That was the man we all elected president. That was the Bill Clinton that I met. I got to meet Bill Clinton when he was Governor Clinton in 1992, when he was first running for president.And I got to meet Bill Clinton because my parents had gone to the same college as Bill Clinton. They’re a little younger, but they went to the same college. So, when he was first running for president, he would have all these big, like, alumni fundraisers, and everyone who went was invited to go. Now, this was really cool for a couple reasons. One, I got to meet Bill Clinton. But two, I got to watch my parents watch someone they went to school with become the president. And that is super funny to see, ’cause think about some of the people you went to school with. Now imagine they’re becoming the president. Imagine Sam was becoming the president. It would stir up strong emotions. And my parents had very different opinions on Bill Clinton.My mom loved Bill Clinton, ’cause Bill Clinton was always a really charismatic, handsome guy. I mean, think about how many women he got in the 1990s when he looked like Frank Caliendo doing John Madden. Now… imagine him as a college student. And my mom tells me that there was this sort of chivalrous policy on campus back then, where, late at night, if female students were leaving the library unaccompanied, male students were encouraged to wait out in front and offer to walk them home. That sounds good, right? So, my mom tells me that Bill Clinton would be out in front of the library every single night… just being like, “Hey, can I walk ya home? Hey, can I walk ya home? Hey, can I walk ya home? Hey, can I walk ya home?” And one night, my mom was leaving the library, and Bill Clinton was like, “Hey, can I walk ya home?” And my mom was like, “Hell, yes.” So… This is absolutely true. My mom, little Ellen Stanton, walked arm-in-arm with Bill Clinton to her dorm. And she was like, “You know, I wanted to invite him up for a beer.” And I was like, “Thanks, I’m nine.” But… her roommate was upstairs, so she lost her chance with Bill Clinton.Now, my dad, on the other hand, hated Bill Clinton, because my parents were dating during this time. And also, my dad’s a much more morally-upright, conservative kind of guy. He always told me that he hated it in college that Bill Clinton could, quote, “Get away with anything.” Can you imagine how he felt later?So, one day, this invitation arrives for a fundraiser where you could meet Bill Clinton. My mom opens it first and she goes, “Oh, we have to go. We have to go see Bill.” And without looking up at her, my dad just says, “Why? It’s not like he’s gonna remember you.” One black coffee. Same motherfucker. So, my mom says, “Fine! I’ll go and I’ll take John.” And I was like, “Hell, yeah.” And I slid in the room in my First Communion suit, ready to go. ‘Cause I loved Bill Clinton. I was ten years old. If you were a kid when Bill Clinton was first released, it was the most exciting thing ever. We’d never seen a cool politician before. And he would go on MTV, and he’d have cool answers to kids’ questions. They’d be like, “Governor, what’s your favorite food?” And he’d be like, “I don’t know, fries?” And we’d be like, “Yay, we eat fries!”I learned to play his campaign song on the piano. It was “Don’t Stop” by Fleetwood Mac… from Rumours, an album written by and for people cheating on each other. He let us know who he was right away. So, I went with my mom, as her date… to reconnect with Governor Bill Clinton. We walked into the ballroom. It was a big hotel ballroom. It was the Palmer House Hilton, big Hilton hotel ballroom. Walked into the ballroom, it was packed with people. It’s actually the ballroom from the end of the movie The Fugitive, remember? So, that ballroom. So, my mom and I walk in, it’s packed with people, the… Sorry, the end where Harrison Ford, as Dr. Richard Kimble, bursts in to confront Dr. Charles Nichols, right? Okay. So, that ballroom. So, my mom and I walk in, it’s packed with people. Why does Kimble confront Nichols? Well, I know we all know this, but… No, no. But, but, but… Kimble, he found out that Nichols, along with Devlin MacGregor and Lentz, who has mysteriously died, they had hired Frederick Sykes, the one-armed man, to kill Kimble. Kimble’s wife wasn’t even the target. I know we all know this. But they were gonna kill Kimble because he wasn’t gonna approve certain liver samples to pass RUD-90. So, Kimble finds out about all of this, and, of course, he’s furious. And he bursts into the ballroom and he goes, “You switched the samples!” And Dr. Nichols is like, “Ladies and gentlemen, my friend, Dr. Richard Kimble.” What accent did that guy have, by the way? He goes, “You switched the samples! And you doctored your research! So that you could have Provasic!”Anyway, so it’s that ballroom. So, we walk into that ballroom. It was packed with people. It was packed with people. A real Who’s Not of Chicago celebrities. Walter Jacobson was there. Walter Jacobson was the local Fox anchor. He’d do fun things where he’d go undercover as a homeless person. And he’d be like, “Oh, what time is the soup?” And they’d be like, “Man, you’re Walter Jacobson.” He was there. Everybody. And on the far side of the ballroom, under a spotlight, we saw a little bit of silver hair. And it was him… Bill Clinton. The Comeback Kid. But he was surrounded by reporters, and photographers, and Secret Service. So, what are you gonna do? Well, if you’re my mom, you ball up the back of my sport coat, and you push me forward like a human shield. And then you start jogging while yelling, “This ten-year-old boy has to meet the next president of the United States!” Kind of implying that I might be dying. My feet were not on the ground. She was swinging me like a snowplow. I was just mowing down fat Chicago Democrats. I pushed past all the reporters, I pushed past all the photographers. We pushed past all the Secret Service.We land at Bill Clinton’s feet. Bill Clinton turns, looks at my mom and says, “Hey, Ellen,” ’cause he never forgets a bitch, ever. My mom melts. She goes, “Hi, Bill.” Then it is revealed that she has no plan. So… she pushes me towards Clinton and she goes, “This is my son, John, and he’s also going to be president.” And I was like, “What the hell are you talking about? I’m not gonna be president.” And I know now that I’m definitely never gonna be president. Not unless everyone gets real cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly. Based on my ten-year-old memory, Bill Clinton is about 13 feet tall. And he leaned down, because, well, I was wearing this button that I bought outside the fundraiser. It was a cartoon button of George H. W. Bush, and it had a quail flying over his head, and it was shitting on his head. And it said, “Bird-brained.” And I thought it was very funny. And Bill Clinton leaned down so that only I could hear and he said, “Hey, man, I like your button.” And I said, “You can do whatever you want forever.” And he took my advice. And… it was the best night of my entire life.And I got home that night… I got home that night, and my dad was still awake, like, reading angry under one lamp, just like… And I went up to him and I went, “Hey! I’m gonna be a Democrat.” “And I’m gonna vote for Bill Clinton.” And without looking up at me, my dad just said, “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.” You know, how you talk to a child. So, here’s the end of that story. That was 1992.Let’s flash forward five years to 1997. It is now 1997. I am a sophomore in high school, Bill Clinton is in his second term as president. And on the morning that the Monica Lewinsky scandal breaks on the cover of The New York Times. It had been on the Drudge Report, and then it was on the cover of The New York Times. That morning, I wake up to the newspaper hitting me in the face. I am a teenager asleep in bed, and the newspaper hits me in the face and falls open on my stomach. And I open my eyes to see my dad standing there dressed for work, and he says, “The other shoe just dropped.” And then my dad went in to work to find out that his law firm had been hired to defend Bill Clinton.Good night, Chicago. and thats mulaney for ya

#loml: fish #jordan fisher

[impossiblyizzy]

2020 in writing

Tagged by @feeisamarshmallow :)

Tagging anyone who never gets tagged in things but wants an excuse to do this!

1. List of works published this year

Kiss Me Twice (’Cause it’s Gonna be Alright)

A secret bonus chapter of Boyfriends From College

After the Party

This Time is Different (I Really Think You Like Me)

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

Wired Differently

Prospect Heights

City Folk

Fresh Start (Superstore)

Over and Over

2. Work you are most proud of (and why)

It might be cheating to talk about my original writing on here but I wrote a novel this year and, while it needs a tonne of work, I really love it and I’m proud of managing to write it. Don’t let me start talking about it because I’ll never stop!

3. Work you are least proud of (and why)

I would like to throw prospect heights directly into the sun! It’s not that it’s bad it’s just that it’s... not good. Also, not finished.

4. A favourite except of your writing

From Kiss Me Twice:

‘I did some research,’ Amy says. 

‘Was it porn?’ Jake says. ‘Porn research? Because women watch that, as I recently learnt.’

‘Some of it was,’ Amy admits.

‘What did you learn?’

‘Um,’ Amy said. ‘Not a lot, honestly.’

‘Porn is useful as an erotic tool,’ Charles says. ‘But it doesn’t represent actual lovemaking.’

‘Well, exactly,’ Amy says. ‘Which is why I also read some articles.’

Jake loves them so, so much.

I like how in-character this feels, even in a situation that’s so far outside of canon.

5. Share or describe a favourite review you received

Every single comment has made me so happy! If you’ve commented on one of my fics, know that I love you. All the comments on Wired Differently are especially lovely because it’s such a niche and personal fic.

I love everything about this! Your writing style, the way you portray the characters, how you describe having ADHD and ASD in subtle ways. How you connect the ideas together and everything makes sense. This was so so relatable and sweet and it made my whole day. Please keep writing, you have a really special talent and its helping people. 💗

- @keepholtingon on AO3

Also I have to shout out the person who commented ‘mom please come back’ on Prospect Heights XD

6. A time when writing was really, really hard

Time? Don’t know her.

2020 has been like a sine wave - there have been times when I was really on a roll, and times when I haven’t written anything at all. I couldn’t tell you when those times were though!

7. A scene of characters you wrote that surprised you

John Mulaney makes an appearance in Boyfriends From College, which I think makes it a foray into RPF? Definitely didn’t expect that!

8. How did you grow as a writer this year

In all the ways. I’m constantly improving my dialogue, characterisation and, most surprisingly of all... plot? Okay, I still don’t know how plots work, but I’m getting there.

9. How do you hope to grow next year

I just want to keep up the momentum I’ve had this year (or for most of it), to keep practicing and getting better. Maybe I’ll write a plot?

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta of cheerleader or muse etc. etc.)

@zeldalookslonely, obviously.

@charlottemadison42, for making me jealous of your writing abilities with every new chapter of Shotgun Wedding.

And of course, @feeisamarshmallow for always tagging me in things. I really appreciate it! I have so many of your fics marked to read later, and I know I’m going to love them once I get round to it XD

11. Anything from real life show up in your writing this year

Wired Differently doesn’t draw on my life in terms of specifics, but I’ve definitely been thinking and learning a lot about neurodivergence this year. It’s obviously a big, important part of my life and I love being able to use these characters to explore it.

‘I think I might be autistic,’ Charles says.

‘Cool,’ Jake says. ‘Do you wanna go to the bagel place or the deli? Ooh, I meant to tell you, the other day I was at the deli near my apartment and I saw this guy I used to know from – wait, it was probably a big deal for you to tell me that. Sorry. Do you wanna, like, high five?’

‘Yeah,’ Charles says, and they do.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers

I used to think I was doomed to spend my life starting things and never finishing them, but what writing fanfiction taught me is that you just have to find something you really love and care about. When you enjoy writing something you’ll be more willing to spend time on it, and time is how things get finished. Write whatever you want, and just keep writing it.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year

Revising my novel and working on a new original project! I have eight thousand fanfic ideas as per usual but no particular plans to start any of them.

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year

I always end up talking about it the most, but I really like Kiss Me Twice.

15. Year word count

57,179 (noice!)

#oof long post #izzy says words

[hcurly]

♡ 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚖𝚎(𝚖𝚎) — 𝚘𝚘𝚌 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚎.

In which Nikki could not get all three of her muses in one gif and @ariagrans comes through. ( @hollywoodland-hqs​ )

How long have you been roleplaying?

I feel like I was roleplaying before I even knew what it was. So, 10 years, probably.

What are your hobbies outside of writing?

I am the most boring person ever. Lately I just work, sleep, and play Animal Crossing. I have a horrible attention span for some things, but I do enjoy reading when I have the energy to pick up a new book, watching TV shows (I love Barry and rewatched it a couple times, and have SNL playing a lot) and movies, faves being drama, horror and comedies. I also admittedly watch John Mulaney’s comedy specials far too often, is that a hobby?

Do you have any pets? Tell us about them!

I live with my 5 year old dog Lucy (demon diva pug) and my family’s dog, Misty (wholesome black lab/pit mix pupper who is actually 9). We also have my sister’s ancient rabbit, Oliver, and our even more ancient turtle Speedy living with us.

If you had a month of free time to learn to do something new, what would you choose?

Sadly, I just had this and didn’t do it.. but, if I had a month of free time AND ambition / a will to actually do something, I’d love to relearn guitar and ukelele. I own both and I’m clueless to them now. I also would love to get into photography. Anything creative, I guess!

Do you listen to music while you write? What are three songs on your playlist?

Most of the time! Which is why my replies are probably a mess sometimes, oops. I have playlists for different ships, and am slowly working on muse playlists. Most of the time, though, I just listen to what I feel like at the time. Three random songs I’ve listened to most recently: Falling by Harry Styles, Liability by Lorde, everything i wanted by Billie Eilish. Yes, I’m a sad bitch sometimes.

What’s a favorite recent youtube video/channel?

I love Dylan Is In Trouble and his movie commentaries cheer me up. I also enjoy watching a lil bit of Buzzfeed Unsolved because Shane and Ryan are everything and true crime / the supernatural is interesting to me.

Tell us one random fact about you!

Some people know this already, but my only tattoo is on my forearm and it’s in Harry Styles’ handwriting. It says “all the love” and I got it just over 5 years ago. Dedication to my muse, check. 

Who is an FC you’ve always wanted to use but haven’t yet?

Uhhh. I most recently picked up the ones I would’ve answered for this, so. Probably a female FC, but I’m not great at playing them therefore there’s always hesitation. Sophie Turner, perhaps. I also have FCs I’ve played years ago and would adore playing again for nostalgia, but I don’t think I’d get a good grip on them again. I guess that one would go to Brendon Urie.

What’s a plot you’ve always wanted to write but haven’t yet?

MORE ANGSTY STUFF. IDK.

Do you have a favorite plot you’ve seen someone else in the group do?

The Evan/Billie plot had me all whaaaaat. So, maybe that! But I genuinely enjoy seeing everyone’s muses and/or ships blossom, no matter what. ( @evanpeaters​, @goodlourd​ )

Who on the dash makes you smile?

Is it cheating to say literally everyone? I think of this group as a family and am really happy writing with everyone. Some I’ve been writing with forever, and others I just simply love dearly. I’ll tag a few URLs I remember off of the top of my head, but this truly goes for everyone. ( @ariagrans​ , @ohlizzo​ , @itsgenevievegnt​ , @jocklowden​ , @hqnessa​ , @diannahq​ , @larsonhqs​ )

What is your favorite memory in the group?

I’ve been here since day 1, and seeing this place open and strive to become a safe haven in the RPC has to be the best memory. But from then on, I’ve loved stuff like group trips that allow everyone to interact.

What’s your favorite thing about your celeb(s)?

Harry Styles: I love how kind this man is. He truly has a heart of gold, and I try to showcase that as much as I can through writing him. I’ve stanned my lil Harry for so long, and seeing him become the person that he is makes me happy.

Bill Hader: This guy. I just love him, idk man. I could listen to his dumb laugh on repeat and the talent that he has amazes me. Cliche answer, but my favorite thing about him would be his personality. He can be serious but he also has that silly, funny side everyone loves and I think he’s well rounded and just such a delight. I adore him.

John Mulaney: I really like how open he is, especially with things that he’s struggled with and how he’s overcome them. I know he gives a lot of people hope that whatever they’re going through, it can be possible to come out on the other side. Watching him do stand up gets me out of dark times and I truly love him with my entire heart. One of my favorite people ever.

What’s a plot you miss?

I miss playing Joe and having Jack be savage as hell to him. I just miss playing him so much in general sometimes. #RIPJoe ( @jocklowden​ )

What would you love to see this group do in the future?

Group events are my favorite, so, stuff like trips, etc, never get old to me. I love having all my muses in one place and having some stuff sprinkled out during the week that they can chat about and get everyone involved. Maybe something like a Hollywood Land yearbook would be fun, a blog of some memories and superlatives that match our muses. To play off what Ina said, completely AU work projects that everyone could be on together sounds fun, like a movie with a random plot with directors, writers, actors, musicians on the soundtrack with a premiere at the end of it. I HAVE NO IDEA? Just... lovely group things that make my heart go whoooosh and make people feel loved and involved. 

#( out of styles ) #( ooc meme ) #( appreciation week )

[boydsfm]

❛ ✶ ( ALEX WOLFF , CIS MALE , HE/HIM )  —  did you see LUCAS BOYD walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the NINETEEN year old SOPHOMORE . from what i know , they are studying COMPUTER SCIENCE and are a part of PHI KAPPA DELTA . they come across as + KIND-HEARTED but also - TIMID , which makes since because on their instagram ( LUCAS.V.BOYD ) it says they are a VIRGO . when i see them , i think of A DESK COVERED IN EMPTY COFFEE MUGS, DANDELIONS GROWING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK, THE UGLIEST GODDAMN SWEATERS YOU’VE EVER SEEN. the most interesting thing i’ve heard about them though , is the fact that REDACTED  , but don’t tell anyone i told you that . ooc info . ally . 22 . est . she/her .

hello hello hellooooooooooooooo. i’m ally, i’m from canada, and i’m addicted to tik tok i’m so excited to be here!! this has been an opportunity to bring back an old and beloved muse of mine, one lucas victor boyd ! if you like this, i’ll hyu on discord, or you can hmu at known simp harry hook#3923. 

statistics.

full name. lucas victor boyd  nickname(s). just lucas. not luke or lou, just lucas.  occupation. undergraduate student, beaumont campus tech support  age. nineteen. date of birth. september 2nd, 2001.  nationality. american. ethnicity. ashkenazi jewish, scottish. orientation. gay. gender & pronouns. cis male; he/him/his.

height. 6′0”. weight. 145 lbs. eye color. hazel. hair color + style. dark brown; usually messy and curly. he gets it cut short at the beginning of the semester and then by the end its a mop. really doesn’t style it.   dominant hand. right-handed. distinguishing features. distinctive nose, lanky figure, messy curls, undereye bags, that cute li’l mole. 

background. (tw alcoholism, death of a parent) 

SO. lucas was born in portland, maine, to a pretty lower middle class family. his father left when he was two years old, and he was largely raised by his mother, florence weber. 

florence was a hardworking and loving mother, but she was also quite depressed her entire life. she was a recovered alcoholic when she met judas, lucas’s father, but once he left, she slowly slid back into her old habits. 

by the time lucas was eight, he was having to start to pick up some household responsibilities. cooking, cleaning, packing his own lunch. waking his mom up in time for her shifts at target. 

by the time he was in middle school, he’d learned how to forge her signature on cheques, he’d applied for unemployment for her after she got fired, and he was taking any odd job to make money. 

school was his favorite distraction; he was always a brilliant kid, and if it weren’t for the fact he was already a terribly shy and awkward kid, he could have skipped a couple grades. he threw himself into schoolwork to avoid everything; his mother’s worsening condition, his crippling loneliness, his fear that he might be as gay as every one of his bullies insisted. 

this was, also, around when he picked up his most lucrative but troublesome odd job; hacking into the school board network to get test answers. he could get fifty dollars per person per test, and he was able to buy groceries besides beans and rice, was able to buy new clothes for himself and his mom. he felt awful about it every day, but... he still did it.

(death tw) at sixteen, when he found his mom motionless and cold on the floor of their apartment, he buried himself in his work, too. he couldn’t help but feel guilty, though; it was his work, his taking care of everything that had allowed his mom to keep her addiction up for this long.

so, yeah. there’s a very good reason why he doesn’t go back to portland anymore. he spent last summer in cambridge. well, that and his Secret. 

since the beginning of his freshman year, lucas has had something of a glow-up. he signed up for the school’s counselling services before he even got to campus, and he’s been making great strides. 

additionally, he pledged phi kappa delta, which... he never saw himself pledging a frat, ever in his life. but all the guys there were so... cool. and so supportive and nice and... and they’re like the brothers lucas never had. having that little family has helped him gain that much more confidence in himself. 

personality. 

if there was an onion headline for lucas’s life it would be Nervous Wreck Slowly Becomes a Functional Human Being.

very virgo, very type a. but also a pisces moon cancer rising. so he needs everything to be in alphabetical order or he’ll cry.

ever since he’s started college, he’s transitioned from being As Plain As Possible to being more outwardly soft as he’s gained confidence in himself. he wears the dorky sweaters and neat socks he likes, he has a small collection of plants on his desk, he knits scarves for his friends. big hufflepuff energy. again, this comfort largely comes from the acceptance he’s found at phi kappa delta.

slowly getting over his Big Anxiety. slowly learning how to talk to people. still awkward at parties. still has panic attacks every day during exam season. but he adores his therapist and takes his zoloft every day and he’s… he’s doing alright.

there are things he is sure of. his intelligence, his diligence, his ability to get shit done. he’s recently mastered asking fellow customers to please be kind to servicepeople.

still he’s that guy who doesn’t want to tell the waiter they got his order wrong.

he’s literally highkey fucking brilliant. he’s literally at the top of his class in one of the most difficult programs at one of the most difficult universities in the country. 

a chronic people pleaser up until the point that it breaks his moral code. like if you want him to help you cheat or help you toy with someone he will put his foot down. he’ll do it very softly, but he won’t budge.

(though he is known to do mathematics and computer science homework for his friends when they’re overtired. he’s always the one to offer in that case, though.)

the rare gay who is extremely capable in math. legit he gets so excited about math it’s actually really cute.

theres a part of him that still believes in magic, to some capacity. he still wishes on shooting stars and pennies on the ground and dandelions. 

his greatest strength and fatal flaw is that he sees the best in people. even if he knows you tried to hurt him, he will give chance after chance.

(but he works in tech support rn So. he’s slowly losing his belief in humanity.) 

in conclusion, here are some tik toks that describe lucas 

him in kindergarten

he can’t write i’m so sorry

 just.... the Vibes 

wanted connections. 

skinny love. lucas is extremely shy, especially in romantic situations. he cannot flirt to save his goddamned life. he also probably thinks this person is out of his league. (honestly i want a romantic plot for him so bad gimME) 

close friends. GIVE HIM FRIENDS FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD he’s such a good friend he just wants to love people.

lawyer for real life. based off this john mulaney bit. someone who reminds lucas that someone is mistreating him.

lab partner. idk man i just like that easy camaraderie. or maybe they make lucas do all the work in which case he will eventually snap.

tutoree. someone that lucas basically helps out of the good of his heart.

bad influence. someone get this boy TURNT

manipulator. lucas does have a bit of a backbone, but he is incredibly naive and very easily manipulated. basically he will do your stats assignments for you if you say he’s your friend.

academic rival. lucas is not typically an antagonistic person, but having someone be so obviously smarter than him grinds his gears a little bit. his mood when talking to this person is :))))))))))

literally anything pls i’m desperate and he’s baby

#bu.intro #alcoholism tw #death tw #just realized this edit clashes with my blog but #what !!!! ever yk

[richukisbb]

Girl you know good & well we wanna know more!!

Haha okay! A continuation from this post!!

Please feel free to stop by my inbox! Thank you for letting me relive this day ❤️💕❣️

So I was sitting fourth row from the court and then these five boys came in but they didn’t know who should sit where and then richard took the initiative to sit first then chris. At the time I didn’t know that they were CNCO (please don’t come for me 😔)

But I knew they were somebody by the way that they dressed and came in together. Surprisingly their managers weren’t there like frfr who let them do these things alone?

So my dad and I were talking and he didn’t know who they were, just thought maybe they were the next Menudo… I realized I left my bag at the venue restaurant and I was freaking out. That meant I had to pass them in order to exit the row. 

I passed Richard then Chris and here’s how you know Chris be a fucking friendly flirt because as I’m passing him, he looks up at me and is like, “Hi mami.” 

I HAD NO IDEA WHO HE WAS AT THE TIME SO I’M INTERNALLY SCREAMING LIKE “Whose child is this?”

Again I didn’t know who I was talking to so I just waved at him and said hi back lmaoo.

I come back to the seats (I GOT MY BAG BACK BTW!!) and my dad is like “You should say hi to them now because they might not come back for half time.” But I didn’t wanna say “hi who are you?” 

So when they were doing their IG stories, I was fucking squealing to my dad about JOhn Mulaney bc he walked in with Pete Davidson and you can hear me on richard’s story like “OMFGGG ITS JOHN MULANEY” whom I dont really care for but I wasn’t aboutta fan girl over pete.

I kept peeping Richard’s phone and it lit up with CNCO updates from twitter then I was like 😱😱😱😱😱

Also their WhatsApp groupchat is a very real thing lmaoo 

I texted a friend who was a fan “bro i think im sitting next to cnco” and i seent her those pics of Chris and Joel. 

I sent her this photo so she could tell me who I’m sat with.

Then my dad was like “you really need to say something now if you want a picture.”

With any ounce of confidence i had, I was like “Are you guys CNCO?”

And they all collectively, ten eyes and five heads turn to me like “YEAH!”

I told them “you all dressed like one unit and I figured that you looked familiar” PLEASE DONT EXPOSE ME TO THEM THAT I ONLY KNEW REGGAETON LENTO AT THE TIME 😩

No one had come up to them yet so I guess they were really excited that someone recognized them. 

Then I asked for a picture and my dad took it.

SO THIS IS HOW AND WHY IM IN RICHARD’S LANE! It just happened that i talked to him the most because we sat next to each other. 

Rich and I talked about being from New York and if he misses home. Then we talked about how they were doing promo things but after the NY trip they were headed, I think, for a short vacation. We talked about basketball and this game is our first game so he high fives me. 

Then we stopped talking for a little bit but yall this man’s leg was 

P R E S S E D against mine the whole time!!!

I was like “am I dreaming this or is he really not gonna move his leg off me??”

But also I hadn’t seen my ex in five months because we were doing “long distance” so any amount of physical touch from a guy i was aboutta 🥵🥵🥵

Then half time rolls around and they all leave. When the break is over, they actualluy don’t return and my dad was like “at least you got the picture.”

bc most celebs don’t stay past half time, it’s mostly to show their faces and then bounce.

bUT OUR BOYS COME BACK Richard and Chris are drinking beer I think. So I jokingly said to richard, “Oh, you're legal?”

I SHOULD’VE KNOWN THEY WERE BUT I DIDN’T

And hes like “Yeah shortie!”

So they’re also doing their IG live at this time (I have videos I took while they were Ig-ing live but tumblrwont let me publish onto this doc) You can kind of see me in my blue shirt in some frames. 

I know word gets out that CNCO is at the game so the venue asks if they could be on the jumbotron and of course they say yes. The song they play to introduce them was reggaeton lento. CHECK OUT THIS LINK! I TOOK THIS VIDEO OF THEM!!

Im fucking laughing bc my dad kept pushing my back to get me into the frame of the jumbotron, which again you could see my blue shirt on it. 

Anyway it’s time for them to go and they leave the game a little early because they dont wanna be caught with the crowds. They’re all super nice and turn to say bye to me.

But real quick I ask richard if I could get a hug

and he says “Of course, baby.”

I REMEMBER THIS BC MY DUMB THEN BOYFRIEND HADN’T CALLED ME “BABY” WHERE I FELT LIKE IT MEANT SOMETHING.

So another man calling me baby, I’m like: damn I’ll be your baby any day of the week.

Which in all seriousness, even though he’s richardcamacho, there was a gut feeling of “this stranger (okay so hes a celeb but so what) shouldn’t have such an impact on me if I’m getting enough love from my boyfriend.”

ANYWAY we hug and I accidentally tip off his hat. 

They come behind our seats and I shake Erick’s hand which is where I told him that he had pretty eyes and he’s like “oh! thank u!!”

And that’s pretty much my story with how I met them 🥰🥰🥰

BONUS CONTENT:

I told my ex that I hugged Richard Camacho and HE BLEW UP ON ME lmaooo.

HE was like: how would you like it if I hugged a random B list celebrity? 

YA KNOW I’m at fault for hugging a fucking billion+ streamed latin artist but he can go and fuck around with six other women during our whole relationship???

AYEE

So we broke up and it started because he was jealous of Richard, which is so fucking dumb. But I’m glad it happened yk? Otherwise, I’d still be in the relationship. 

But at the time I didn’t know he was cheating until a week later I was thinking “There’s no way we broke up because you got jealous over a celebrity” and sure enough he was fucking with 6 other women. I have screenshots, pics, voicemails... the hardest part is he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. 

To his deathbed, he believes that he was a devoted and true boyfriend. 

I’m clearly still hurt and angry, healing too. But healing isn’t linear. Some days are better than others. 

When I first found out about the cheating, all I listened to were the CNCO albums and drowned myself in interviews.  I read imagines, blurbs, and fell for witty comments that y’all be posting on their photos. 

I’m truly so thankful for my CNCOwner family.

I hope we all get to meet our boys. I’d tell them how thankful I was that they went to that game and how much their music has impacted my life; for it lead me to all of you 💕💕💕

#I cry #im emo!Richard now #siiigh #cnco #joel pimentel #zabdiel de jesus #richard camacho #christopher velez #erick brian colon #mun

[openforjean]

Spare me the time

Warnings: swearing, angst & cheating (im sorry, thankfully angst weekend is over)

A/n: continuation of Goodbye

I ignored all of Sebastian’s calls, he left dozens of messages and voicemails. I sat on the couch clicking the tv remote endlessly, I tried looking for something to distract me from focusing on the pain. 

The words of his friends replayed in my head.

“Why are you even with her man?”

“You could do so much better.”

“She doesn't compare with your exes.” 

“She’s only using you for your money cause she has none.” 

My thoughts were interrupted by footsteps. I heard the sound of keys jangling, I snap my head towards the door and see Sebastian opening it. He looks mad, fear overtook my body and I fell numb. He stomps to me, he yells “What the fuck happened?”. My ears turns off and I watch him yell. The anger in his face was there, I could tell what he was saying by the way his lips moved. 

Where the fuck did you go?

You made me look like a goddamn fool

I was so scared 

This was the first time he was expressing himself this way, he paced around as he continued to rant. I observed his face and saw his lips were a different shade, like red lipstick. I quickly stand up and squint my eyes to his neck and there is a barely visible kiss stain. It would’ve hurt me but I’m used to the pain. He stops pacing and looks at me with a confused look. 

I stare deeply at him, I can sense himself shrink. I licked my lips and pointed at the stain. 

“Did that happen before you called me?” His fingers graze over the stain, he looks at me with shame. 

“I left because I heard what your friends are telling you. I believed what they were saying was true. But now, its me who deserves better. I don't deserve to be treated that way, I don't deserve to be cheated on. You don't deserve me, Sebastian. I cant believe I saw a future with you, I’ve fallen so hard for you. I can tell you don't feel the same so spare me the time and say goodbye.”

send me an ask if I should make another one cause I have ideas for a possible next one

tagging: @buckmesideways22 @bluedazefangirl @ultramarvelslug @mcusholland @gmzparkr @whynotawsten @violetthoughts97 @givinggoodvibes @thewintersoldier1124 @nikkixostan @sdciopo @the-spidermania @moxleysbaby @yellowbutblueposts @charles11700 @fk12b @straycuties9 @cutie1365 @averyrogers83 @bitch-ass-nerd @mybabyjenny @dandelionqueen @chofisok @awkwardfangirl2014 @savagethepanda @shield-agent78 @kickassbucky @kindazombie @dtftheavengers@s-trawberryv-eins @libbymouse @imdiegohargreeves @stanyaboystan @babygurl8840 @bxxbxy @awwhhsnapple @smutgatherer2000 @chubbybunnybenny @freshprincessofwakanda @saliarheva @misswatson99 @mapreza1 @babygurl8840 @chxmpuniverse @chanelxberlinstark @seb-ass-tian-stan (I luv john mulaney sm bro) @tomhollandcanlikegetit @lustfulholland @nsfwsebbie @hailqueenconquer @asmilinghopelessromantic

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan one shot #sebastian stan headcanons #sebastian stan angst #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes headcanon #bucky barnes smut #bucky x reader #bucky fics #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Calling to a) the Spoopy season and b) the best AU fic I have ever fucking read (co shout out to @koortega for the gifset): What does Halloween look like in the Post!Confidence Trick household :D Ethan and Amy are probably adorable and get all the candy, amiright?

This is the adorable Halloween prompt I didn’t know I needed! Thank you darling! And HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYONE!

Confidence Trick is my Mafia Garcyatt AU based on a gifset by @koortega.

Flynn wasn’t paranoid, no matter what Lucy and Wyatt kept telling him.

He just thought it was only wise that they take extra precautions for the day. A bunch of people walking around in masks? If he was a hitman tasked with taking care of Lucy and Garcia Flynn, former mafiosos for the most powerful Russian crime family in the books, he’d pick a day like Halloween to do it. Everyone was in costume. Nobody would even suspect.

Lucy was much more concerned with getting Ethan and Amy’s costumes right. Amy wanted to be a pirate. “Pirate king,” she would say, in her best imitation of Kiera Knightley’s voice, when anyone asked. Ethan wanted to be Patch from 101 Dalmations, his current film obsession. Flynn knew that entire animated film by heart now, and Lucy and Wyatt liked to pretend it annoyed them when he would sing “Cruella DeVil” under his breath but he had overheard Lucy telling Wyatt it was annoyingly attractive so check and mate to him.

Wyatt’s concern was the house decorations. “We never did stuff like this when I was a kid,” he explained when Flynn asked him if buying so many fake gravestones for the front yard was really necessary. “My house was kind of out of the way and so we never did anything for Halloween. And my dad never let me trick or treat.”

As usual, when Wyatt mentioned something that hinted at his awful father, especially when accompanied by a blush and that slight pout, Flynn went softer than melted butter. So Wyatt had decorated the entire damn house, inside and out (the first floor, anyway, Flynn was not having bats or spiders in his damn bedroom) so trick or treaters could wander through and have an age-appropriately scary haunted house to walk through.

“Flynn?” Lucy called. “Darling? My love? Light of my life?”

“Yes?” Flynn stuck his head out from the kitchen, where he was trying to find where he and Wyatt had hidden the Halloween candy for the trick or treaters. They’d had to hide it, because this was their fourth attempt at buying said candy.

Lucy had eaten all three previous attempts.

The woman herself marched in, holding up Amy’s gorgeous dark blue pirate coat. “Why did I find a GPS tracker in the collar of this coat?”

Busted. “Um...”

Lucy set the coat down and slid her hands up his chest. “Garcia. They’re going to be okay. You and I will be with them the whole time. Wyatt will be at home if something goes wrong.”

“If someone comes after us--if they find us--you know we look away for just a moment and they’ve run off somewhere, on tonight, of all nights...”

“Nobody will come.” Lucy sounded so sure. “It’s going to be okay.”

“But we don’t know that.” Flynn ran a hand through his hair. “I know it’s ridiculous. I know it’s been a decade. But it just--it helps me to--to feel better, to know that I took precautions. The last time I didn’t take precautions, I lost my family. And I could never lose any of you.”

Lucy’s face was soft, her eyes glittering as she gently fixed his hair. “All right, darling. If it’s what you need.” She paused. “Wyatt found the cameras you put up, by the way.”

“That’s not for mafia hitmen, that’s in case some teenagers decide to get smart and try to swipe anything.”

“What could they possibly swipe?”

“Family photographs?”

“Family photographs.”

“It’s the one thing you can’t replace,” Flynn said, grinning, and Lucy smacked his arm.

“Every day I regret letting you two watch John Mulaney. Every. Day.”

“Tata!” Amy yelled. “Where’s my coat! I wanna be a pirate now!”

Flynn was well aware he was an absolute sucker for his daughter, thanks. “Right here, little mouse!”

“I’m not a mouse, I’m the pirate king,” Amy said, stomping into the kitchen with her pirate boots already on. Ethan trailed behind her, his puppy ears affixed to his head but his makeup not done yet.

“Are you ready to go too?” Lucy asked their son.

“Ruff!” was Ethan’s response.

“I’m gonna fucking die,” Wyatt said, entering with--oh, huh, he had the Halloween candy, no wonder Flynn couldn’t find it. “They’re too fuckin’ cute.”

“I’m not cute, I’m the king!” Amy protested. “Daddy, don’t say I’m cute!”

“Apologies, your majesty,” Wyatt said solemnly. Flynn bit down hard on the inside of his cheek to stifle his laugh. “Of course you’re not cute, you’re very imperious.”

“What’s imperious mean?”

“Frightening but in a kingly kind of way.”

“Yessssss.” Amy let Lucy put her coat on. “I’m gonna get so much candy!”

“A hyperactive nine-year-old,” Wyatt mumbled. “Just what we’re gonna love dealing with at ten at night.”

Flynn kissed him, and tasted peanut butter. “Sneaking Reese’s?” he murmured.

“Says the man who tastes like Skittles.”

“Fair play.”

“Okay, okay, let me do Ethan’s makeup and we’ll get pictures!” Lucy said.

Ethan and Amy groaned dramatically. “Why?” Ethan asked.

“Because your fathers look very handsome and they’ll only let me take a picture if you’re in it,” Lucy replied.

That seemed to be all right with the kids. Lucy put white and black makeup on Ethan’s face to fully puppify him, and then they all gathered for the photo. The three of them had thought about doing a three-way costume, but it was difficult to find something that worked for all of them, and Wyatt was going to be at home the whole time anyway. Instead, Lucy and Flynn had gone with Morticia and Gomez Addams, and Wyatt had opted for Peter Quill because he figured a friendly face would help the smaller kids who were scared by the decorations and also Flynn had once sarcastically told him he “sure was mature enough to be Peter.”

Flynn would never, ever tell him that he looked cute as fuck in that leather jacket and with his tiny little Groot sticking out of his pocket.

Pictures taken, the kids were squirming with impatience. Flynn double-checked that the cameras worked (they did) and that Wyatt knew how to find and hit the silent alarm (he did) and that the kids’ GPS trackers were on (they were).

“What the hell are we going to tell the neighbors if they ever find out about shit like this?” Wyatt asked as the four of them bid goodbye before hitting the neighborhood (or, in Amy’s case, “pirating the neighborhood, avast!”).

“That we’re spies,” Lucy replied simply. “Do me a favor, sweetheart, and try not to start too many rumors about who’s cheating on whom while we’re gone?”

“It’s not my fault they decided I’m the single one!” Wyatt protested. “You’re the one who nearly got into a fistfight with whatshername when she tried to flirt with me!”

“Just be good,” Lucy responded, and then she was taking their kids by the hands and leading them down the street.

Flynn surreptitiously snapped a picture of the three of them walking hand-in-hand, a dopey grin on his face. “You heard her,” he told Wyatt. “Be good.”

“I’m always good,” Wyatt retorted.

“Sure you are.”

“Tata!” Amy shouted. “I can’t pirate without my first mate!”

“Coming, Pirate King!” Flynn yelled. “She’s gonna be a holy terror when she’s older.”

“You say that like she’s not a holy terror now,” Wyatt replied. “Go, catch up, I’ll see you guys in a couple hours.”

Flynn kissed him softly and then hurried after the rest of his family, scooping Amy up and making her shriek and giggle. Lucy smiled at him, that same warm, adoring smile that he still couldn’t believe he’d earned, as Ethan barked at other people who walked by and tried to wag his tail.

It was going to be okay, he told himself. It was going to be a fun night.

It was.

#mads answers things #mads writes stuff #garcyatt #garcyatt fanfic #timeless #timeless fanfic #li'l ficlet #confidence trick #brassmama

[shawn-mendes-post]

Secret Relationship

A/N: Hi, I do not own anything. I just had this idea. Sorry if you don't like certain celebrities that I said. I tried to have a range so there at least would be one celeb. Also a oneshot.

Y/N being a famous actress and singer was currently getting ready for an interview with James Corden. She is hoping it would just be an interview, but with James you can never be 100% sure. She put on a sexy sequin lace mesh embroidery backless dress that left very little to imagine.

She sits in the pink room, roaming Instagram, hearting different post. She smiles as she sees a picture of her boyfriend, Shawn. They were currently dating for a year and no one had any idea. It was for the best because they didn't want to deal with media taking things out of proportion.

Y/N being an American Horror Story and being a romantic interest to Evan Peters would not be good for the relationship. She did wished they could be open about their relationship and didn't have to see fans shipping him with Camila Cabello.

Sighing, she hears her name being called. She stood in high heels, wobbling from standing so quickly, makes her way to the stage. She waves and high fives the audience members that were close. She could already picture the surprise on her boyfriend's face since he was helping James out for the week.

" Hello! I can't believe you are actually here. " James said, giving her a hug. " Well, I couldn't deny your invitation. I love your show so I immediately said yes," she replied, glancing at Shawn's shocked face. They both move to sit down, ( Y/N) smoothing out her dress.

" It's amazing that you moved to America from London when you were 16. How do you feel?"

" Homesick at times since most of my family is in London. I'm also grateful for this opportunity to work here and meet some wonderful people. I do go back to London when I'm touring. So it's been a roller coaster from being a simple girl and now going on tours or shooting in movies. It's been fun and I can't wait to see what happens in the future ."

The audience cheers as James looks at the cue cards. " Yes, I understand. We know that you have many and I mean many celebrity crushes," James said, laughing lightly as he watches her blush. " Who is your top 5?"

" Oh, that is hard. I love all of my crushes," she said, glancing at Shawn, wondering if she could say them. She knew he would get jealous at times when she rambled about one of the celebrities.

Shawn nod his head slightly, knowing he can't stop her from answering James. He didn't understand why he didn't know she was going to be on the show. 'She never said anything.'

" Harry Styles would be one because he is simply amazing. I never really listened to one direction, but when he went solo, I was falling. I actually have his album and would listen to it nonstop." Her cheeks flush as she bites her lower lip. Chuckles could be heard in the audience as they knew how that must have felt. " Emma Watson because why not? She is amazing and a role model to other little girls. I grew up with her and always wanted to meet her. "

" Ah, you a Harry Potter fan? You know Shawn is?" James asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Y/N laughs and nods her head as she admits she is a big Harry Potter fan. Shawn could feel his cheeks heat up at the mention of being a fan of Harry Potter. The two of them would always have a marathon with the movie when they both weren't so busy.

" Bill Skarsgård because he is hot. Like I love Cumberbatch, but Skarsgård has more sharp define cheeks. He has a jawline for days," she said, seductively, eyes flutter as she says the line from AHS. Cheers could be heard from the audience when they hear the familiar line. James was laughing at how she said it so wonderfully. " Wow. Amazing. "

Shawn shift as he felt a little jealous that she hasn't mentioned him. He knew that she was trying not to let anything slip about the two, but it still hurtled him listening to her talk about other guys.

" The last two? You are almost done. Then we could move on to the game we are about to play. "

" I would say Tom Holland,but I have a family member who loves him. So for respect to them I won't say him. Let me think. " She ponders, thinking about the last two people she would say. " I feel like if I say any one of my Costars it would be cheating. I do love Evan Peters, Sarah Paulson, Jessica Lange, etc, but I would not count that. "

Her eyes lit up as she knew one person she didn't say. " I can't believe I didn't say his name. Nick Robinson because of Love, Simon. I would watch that movie all the time and always cry for about a good hour or 2 after the movie was done. My boyfriend always asked me why I put myself through the pain. I just love the moive and I love the message behind it," she sniffled, not really thinking about what she just said.

It was silent as Y/N tries to contain her sniffles. She looks at James as he stares at her in shock. Tilting her head, she didn't know what she said wrong. Turning to look at Shawn his face was completely white as if he saw a ghost. " Did you say boyfriend?" James asked, knowing he heard correctly.

Freezing, she stared at Shawn with big doe eyes filled with fright not knowing what to say. She then glance at her manger, Liam. He was shaking his head as if not to say anything about it. " Well, I wouldn't say boyfriend..." she started, trailing off as she didn't know what to say. " We are just really close friends who hang out a lot. Most of my friends tease me about him being my boyfriend. I just say boyfriend so it is easier to introduce him," she said with a shrug, smiling fakely at James.

" That is a load of shit. How can you say you dont have a boyfriend? Maybe, I need to hook you up with Shawn. I mean you are hot, he is hot. The two of you would be smoking together," James said, giving her a look. He turns around to face Shawn to see Shawn's face was completely red. James didn't know if it was from embarrassment or anger.

" Let's move on. " She wiggles in her seat as she tries to get away from the topic. She could already see Shawn's mad face and knew they would fight as soon as they got home. " Lastly, it's hard to pick one more. I mean I love Eddie Redmayne, Nick Kroll, Pete Davidson, Callum Turner, Dylan Minnette and more." She groans as she nibbles on her lower lip a bad habit she picked up when she is nervous. " I guess John Mulaney because he can make me laugh. There is just something about him that can make any awkward conversation into something funny. I feel like it would be amazing to hang out with him. "

James nod as he knows what she is talking about. " Well, that was more then 5. I did make a mistake telling you to only pick 5. Next we are going to play Flinch with Shawn Mendes and Y/N.

After the show Y/N stayed around taking to James because she didn't want to go home yet. James was always laughing and joking which made her feel more calm and relaxed. Her manager came saying they need to get back because she will be busy in the afternoon. The drive was silent between the two, not awkward but a comfortable silence.

" Will you be okay at home? I saw how Shawn looked. "

She turns to her manager and laughs slightly. " I'll be fine. I'll call you if I need you." She slips out as she makes her way to her flat she had. Outside, she could see the lights on and that worried her.

" Shawn?" She asked, entering the flat, dreading what is about to come. Shawn was currently on the couch, arms crossed as he watches the door. " I'm sorry. I didn't mean to slip up. I wasn't thinking. I didnt even know I was going on James's show until to late. Baby, dont give me that look. "

He looked like a kicked puppy, staring with his hazel eyes. " Why didn't you say my name? I can forgive you for slipping up. I can't believe you lied about our relationship. Just friends right?"

Grunting, she takes off her shoes, throwing them to the side. Her hands run through her hair a habit she picked up from Shawn. " I panicked. I knew you didn't want others to know about our relationship. "

" I didn't want that? No! It was you who said to keep it a secret. I want everyone to know we are together. I want to go out on dates with you. Shower you with love! Tell everyone that you are mine." Shawn yelled, getting frustrated.

" I'm sorry, I didn't want others to know. You know how the media will react. Especially, when I'm working with Evan. You could barley watch the little clips I show you. You know a lot of people ship me with Evan. As many fans ship you with Camila."

" I don't care about that. I love you and I am with you. So what. I'm the one that kisses you for real. I'm the one that makes you moan my name," Shawn spoke, moving closer towards her. He leans and captures her lips agaisnt his in a rough kiss. His hands on her hips, bring her closer towards him.

He pulls back, leaving a trail of kisses down her neck. Nibbling as to leave his mark on her. " Everyone is going to know you are with me. " She moans as he bites her sensitive spot. His hands trailing under her dress as he flicks a finger against her clit.

To be continued....

Maybe.

#shawn mendes imagine #shawn x reader #shawn mendes x reader #shawn #shawn mendes #reader insert #reader #sexy #james corden #james #tv show #tv #love #anger #secerts #shawn Mendes x Y/N #Y/N #Shawn peter raul Mendes #Shawn Mendes fanfic #shawn Mendes fic #shawn Mendes one shot #imagine #imagine Shawn Mendes #shawn Mendes concepts #shawn Mendes requested

[literally-lydia]

Popular Vines (RP Meme):

[Add “Reverse!” For Your Muse to React to Mine!]

“Road Work Ahead?” - My muse goes on a road trip with yours, only to be delayed by traffic, weather, and/or construction on the road. Your muse had planned the trip and still thinks it’s a good idea, but mine is ready to pull over and find a hotel for the night or just wants to go home.

“Gimme Your Fuckin’ Money!” - After a night out on the town, our muses are tired and ready to call it a night. As they leave the club (or location of choice), they turn to go through an alley and end up getting a knife pulled on them. They’re about to get robbed! They have three options: throw their wallets (à la John Mulaney) and run, quietly listen to the demands of the person mugging them, or FIGHT. However, their time is on the clock, so they better make their decision fast. 

“What’s better than this? Guys been’ dudes.” - Your muse is at my muse’s house: comfortably cuddled up under some blankets on the couch to keep warm. Both of our muses have been pining for each other for quite some time, but neither have ever spoken up out of fear of being rejected by the other. Our muses decide to bro out over a scary movie, but what happens when my muse gets scared during a jumpscare and clings to yours?

“Girl, you thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.” - Our muses and absolutely hammered, when yours finds strength in their liquid courage and drunkenly hits on mine.

“Zach, stop… Zach, stop… You’re gonna get in trouble.” - My muse is making disastrous decisions and/or being a drama queen. Send this to stop my muse from being reckless.

“Two bros chillin' in a hot tub…” - Our muses are the last two people left at a pool party; awkwardly sitting across from one another in the jacuzzi. Send this to make awkward small talk and get to know my muse under the odd circumstances of a casual setting being just a touch too intimate for two acquaintances.

“...Hello?” - My muse had finally fallen asleep when yours called in the middle of the night? Why did your muse call-? Is it important? Is it a booty call? Did they forget about timezone differences? Or do they simply have no concept of time? The choice is yours! My muse just wants to go back to sleep.

“What the fuck is up Kyle?” - Send this to pick a fight with my muse. Simple as that.

“Stop! You almost made me drop my croissant!!” - Send this to scare the heck out of my muse. Send specifics if you’d like, otherwise… it’s up to my muse to explain what’s frightened them.

“I thought you were bae. Turns out you’re just fam.” - Send this to suggest breaking up with my muse. We can plot specifics of why or I can just run with it and write up a little backstory.

“Anything for you, Beyoncé!” - Send this for my muse to be absolutely infatuated with your muse; whether it’s carrying their books in the hallways or committing murders, my muse would do absolutely anything for your muse if they phrase things just right.

“I love you… bitch.” - Send this for your muse to confess their feelings to my muse. 

“Saw you hanging out with Kaitlyn the other day.” - Send this for my muse to suspect your muse of cheating on them.

“I smell like beef.” - Send this for my muse to let you borrow their cologne/perfume. Maybe even a full makeover could happen, but at the very least… your muse will smell a bit better. My muse can’t let yours just walk out like that.

“Um, I never went to oovoo javer.” - Send this for your muse to share a cab with mine. 

“Oh my fuckin’ god, she fuckin’ dead.” - Send this to find my muse unconscious and bleeding. Is she going to die-? Is there enough time to get her to the hospital-? Guess you’ll have to find out!

“I don’t care that you broke your elbow.” - Send this to have your muse say something offensive (that they may not really mean) to my muse.

#I DID A THING #is this cringe? sorry! #I Wouldn't Care . || Meme . #roleplay meme #rp meme #indie roleplay #vine meme #vine roleplay meme #vine rp meme #rip vine #writing prompts #rp writing prompts #roleplay writing prompts #: ) #i hope this is alright! #if you want to use this don't worry about our muses interacting!! please just use this as you please!! #meme

[onetruejonsey]

Decade In Review, by Samuel Richard Sinbad Gandalf Jones

So as the ‘Teens’ come to a close (I’m writing this with 3 hours left on the clock!), Gabby has insisted that I copy her, and do a highlight reel of my last decade. Now I’m not on YouTube yet, so this’ll be more of a REALLY REALLY long post, but go ahead and read it, then read Gabby’s on her page (@mist-over-water), and see just how boring I really am!

2010-

Well this year was boring as hell, clearly. I CAN’T REMEMBER MOST OF IT. But I was part way through my first year of A-Levels, and boy oh boy, was I failing them, I’d gone from being a straight A student to screwing everything up! Didn’t stop procrastinating though…..

2011-

Okay, now things get a little interesting, I got my first big job working at a really pleasant and mature restaurant….AHAHA just kidding I got a job at my local McDonald’s! It took me three attempts to get in there, not because I sucked, but timing sucked, I think the universe eventually saw me and just said ‘Oh fuck it, have the job’. But I wanted to earn some money to take me to university, and this seemed like a good idea at the time! And my first paycheck was spent on a brand new guitar! So I was a happy Sam!

I finished my A-Levels, and when I got my results, I was crushed, not at the results, they were pretty good. All my university choices rejected me, and all my friends made it. It was my own fault to be honest, but I’ll never forget just how low that made me feel. I was pretty angsty back then, so this just added to my pile!

I decided it was best to stay at work, go full time, get waaaaay more money, and try again next year. This proved to be a good decision, as it led to me being invited to my first ever work party, I got drunk, and there was karaoke, and I gave my best rendition of Basket Case by Green Day, and to this day, there are still whispers of my singing prowess. Even though I’m a bit shit.

2012-

I started 2012 with a pinch of determination, and it paid off. I re-applied for university, and all my choices accepted me, so now it was down to me to make my final decision. I’d had my eye on one in particular, so off me and Mum go to Northampton, 2 and half hours later, and the sat-nav took us to a primary school (I’ll never forget the shopkeeper on the same road-‘Looking for the uni? You’re the 4th person today!’). I fell in love with the whole place, and as soon as I got in the car I looked at Mum and said that I had to be there. I accepted the offer within a minute of being home.

Now from the good to the bad. Something happened to me this year that still sticks with me, and to many, this may seem stupid. But my dog died. Sounds stupid right? Jazz was the best dog I have ever known; loyal, unwavering, had the gift of the gab, and never left us alone. I was convinced she was actually a human reincarnated, she looked after Mum when she was ill, she looked after me when I was miserable, and she loved Dad. What made it more heartbreaking was that she never let us know that she was ill, no, that she was dying. When we got her to the vet, they originally thought it was a little infection, nothing major. The next day we had to rush her in as an emergency, and they found a tumour in her stomach the size of a baby’s head. How we never knew about it I’ll never know, but they operated, and got her all cleared up, and yet it wasn’t enough, she died within the hour, and I buried one of my best friends. This led to a vacuum in our house, we’ve always had dogs and the house felt so wrong without one, so Mum and Dad decided, one day without telling me, to go and get our current doggo Indiana. AND TALK ABOUT GOING FROM ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER. If Jazz was the best dog ever, Indy is definitely the worst. But we love him, still today as a grumpy old man.

2012 saw me do something that I honestly never thought possible, and dead serious moment here: I genuinely never saw this coming for me, and was convinced that I was not the guy who would be in this situation. But I got a girlfriend, and it was my first relationship. Not ‘first major relationship’, like people who would bounce from quick fling to the next, but my first relationship. To me, a relationship is no small matter, you date me, I’m in it for the long term. Sam ain’t no quick and easy thing! Oh god why am I still such a dork. Anyway, so, yeah, my first relationship, and dear god was I clueless about what to do! And oh shit, I was leaving for uni in September, so would this work long distance? Am I boyfriend material? Will her parents like me? Will my parents like her?....ah fuck it, I WAS 19 AND IN LOVE. I DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT. And whilst we spent some of it long distance, we made it work.

2013-

Now that bit where I was really excited for university and all I’d learn in my 3 years there? Yeah I left after the first year. Cool. My finances were screwed over and I didn’t get my money, so I couldn’t go back, but I guess it was meant to happen for a reason.

Leaving university meant I could focus more on working back home at McDonald’s, so I tried for a promotion, got it, and lost it the day after because of bullshit. But I still carried on, because money’s nice right? I could buy nice things with it, like more stuff for my guitar collection! And many presents! But my my, I think I was getting into a world of pain staying there!

But while we’re on the subject of work and stuff, I got punched in the face by a shitty customer. And it broke my cheekbone. Which I didn’t find out about until a week later when I practically passed out and my girlfriend at the time rushed me to hospital! Since that’s happened I’ve always had a little problem with headaches, lately it’s been really good, to the point I’ve spent pretty much all of 2019, with no headache at all!

Still, finish a topic on a good note, I had my first ever trip to London, it was just me and my girlfriend, and we visited a bakery show. But London itself wowed me, and I fell in love with it, and I always knew I would be back there, just….not how I imagined.

2014-

Starting off, I went back to London! My girlfriend bought me tickets for me and my best friend to go and see Halestorm. MY FIRST CONCERT. And it was epic, I’d ben obsessed with Halestorm for some time already by this stage, so to see them live was a pivotal moment for me. The opening acts were shit, but my god, as soon as Lzzy belted out Love Bites…..oh, ohhh, OHHHHHH my god. The night itself was hectic enough, my friend and I didn’t think to book a hotel. Soooooo we had to run like fuck to make it back to the train, lest we be trapped in London for a whole night!

One big change in this year was my girlfriend and I moving into our own place, granted it was a static caravan, but it was ours, decorated, a bit cold, but it was home. Now, here’s a weird bit, I was home alone one night, and was just getting into bed, when I heard someone at the door. I thought it was my girlfriend home from work, but she was on a night? So, what’s the deal here? Oh wait that’s right, it was Gabby, drunkenly mistaking my caravan for hers! I heard muttering as she left, probably something along the lines of ‘Shit, not my caravan’. But if fate was starting the wheels turning, god she made it a slow fucking burn!

It took me a lot of years to pull this off, but I had my first ever holiday abroad! Rhodes, one of the Greek isles! I recall getting drunk a lot, really good food, and severe heat! But it was my first holiday in forever, and I went away with my girlfriend, her mum and her friend.

Aaaaaand then everything fell apart. I never expected myself to be in a relationship, but once I had one, I didn’t see it ending the way it did. And I’m not airing any dirty laundry, I wasn’t and am still not perfect, but I’m not bitter or twisted about it anymore, it just sucked at the time.  I was cheated on, and to anyone who’s had it happen to them knows that it does a lot of damage, it can take a lot of time to recover, and I was lucky to have the friends I had to help me.

The latter half of 2014 saw me drop into a real dark place, I contemplated suicide, and one day I considered it, staring at a packet of tablets for about 6 hours. It took my best friend randomly appearing at my house, practically kidnapping me and taking me to see Guardians of the Galaxy to snap me out of it! But both him and that movie saved my life, so I’m forever grateful to the pair of them. Also I started drinking heavily, at an unhealthy level but, like John Mulaney said, we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

2015-

Back to having a bit of a dull year, but only a bit. I knuckled down and got on with work, and proved myself time and time again. I remade myself, sorted my drinking out, and did a lot to make myself better, or at the very least, less of a fuckup.

I also managed to cram in three more concerts this year, saw Halestorm again with my best friend and another friend, and we loved one of the supporting acts, Nothing More. AND I GOT TO MEET THE SINGER AND HE WAS THE NICEST ERMAHGERD AND I STILL HAVE THE TICKET WHICH HE SIGNED. Then it was Theory of a Deadman later in the year, and they were phenomenal. But by far, the cherry on the cake was seeing Nothing More again, as a VIP! I got to meet the whole band, watch them from close up, got a crapload of merch, and just have the best damn concert experience I could ever have!

2016-

I started this year a little bit worse for wear, I was a little downbeat about things, and was a little bit lost with my choices in life. So I got a cat. Meg the Merciless. And she is a total bitch, mostly disobedient, attacker of unwatched feet. But she is one hell of a companion, and she loves me and Gabby, we can always rely on her to show us a little love and affection when we need it. But as long as it’s on her terms.

Only one concert this year, but it was a biggie: Sum 41 in London, with the same two friends I go to concerts with, aaaaaand we were bruised and injured from surrounding mosh pits, I think Jacob got a cracked rib for his troubles, and I got a smack in the head, so fun times all round!

I tried again for a promotion at work, and made progress! So that was good, my life’s going forwards, what else could happen to make this year more awesome?

OH THAT’S RIGHT I MET GABBY. Yep, thank you Plenty of Fish for giving the option to exercise my social awkwardness from a screen, because that makes me feel so much better! Anyway, yeah Gabby and I started talking on there, I seem to recall the conversation starting off about surviving a zombie apocalypse? Darling, please correct me if I’m wrong! But we started off strong, and carried on strong from there, I was able to open up to her, which made me feel amazing, confident about being in a relationship again, and then we finally met. And our first date was amazing, it may have been a simple idea, drinks, dinner, walking, trying to be a gentleman and not look at Gabby’s butt. Being told by Gabby to look at her butt, giving said butt 2 thumbs up. The usual stuff you know? But the thing that marvelled me most? Her honesty. Gabby hasn’t had the best life, and she has told me so much that any one thing might break some people, and yet Gabby has endured it all, and she is still one of the kindest people I have ever known. She was worried that I might’ve been scared off with what she wanted me know, but it made me love her more, because she trusts me to the point that she’ll tell me all of this. I visited the zoo in October with her, had an amazing first Christmas with her, met her nieces, who are all adorable, met her friends, had a blast, and had a somewhat awkward time introducing Gabby to my parents!

2017-

After nearly 6 months, Gabby was offered the chance to move in with me and my parents, because her home life was…pretty terrible. After suffering psychological abuse for 7 years at the hands of a total scumbag (side note, I find it really hard to hate people, but if this guy died? Fine.) and going away with me to London for a few days, she made the choice to move in. And I think she’s finally realising how terrible a choice that was, because this house is a total nutfest, and she is now a part of it AND CAN NEVER ESCAPE. But she’s embraced it, and has become a better person with her new environment!

Sticking to the topic of Gabby, she landed a job working with me at McDonald’s. And we became one of the greatest working couples in the whole world, people loved us there. Well, most people. I loved working with her, but the managers were becoming total dicks at the time, and Gabby was being discriminated for her mental health, which pissed me off. And thanks to my shitty advice, she quit in November. So go me!

I realise that so far, my 2017 has been largely about Gabby, AND THAT ISN’T STOPPING ANYTIME SOON! I made a post before about this, but Gabby took me to LFCC, my first ever convention. We went to London again, had a ball, met Glenn from Walking Dead, and Crowley from Supernatural! Later in the year we would also go back to London for MCM Comic-Con, which was more spectacle, but I preferred LFCC more, there were more famous people, and I’m a sucker for meeting the famous!

I saw Sum 41 again with my best friend, and we learned our lesson from the last concert, so we got seats up top, and watched from relative safety, and thank god for that because my hearing went to crap after that night! Gabby bought me tickets to go and see Nothing More again as well, and to show her my world a little more, I took her with me! God they know how to put on a show!

The year ended on the shitty side, and I was a pretty shitty boyfriend with this. But Gabby’s nan fell ill, and it wasn’t looking good, and when Gabby needed me after going to be with her mum at the end of the year, I wasn’t there. So I will be spending the rest of my life trying to make up for it. Sorry sweetheart.

2018-

A shit start to be honest. Gabby’s nan died, and it was a stressful time all round, Gabby and I had a massive argument, and I nearly drove her to self harm. Way to go Sam, you prick. I was convinced that after that, we would be over. Why would Gabby want to be with someone who drives her mental health into the dirt? So naturally I was surprised when she told me she still loved me, and still wanted to be with me, and when she moved back, and got a new job, I saw this as a chance to get things going back in the right direction, for the sake of us, and to show Gabby that I will always love her.

NOW FOR A BIG DRAMATIC CHANGE IN SAM’S LIFE. I quit McDonald’s. And looking back at it, thank fuck I did. I was gunning for another promotion, and I got so close to becoming a manager, only for it to be taken away. Yet another opportunity snatched by arseholes. So that was it, fuck ‘em. I quit, and thanks to Gabby finding it, I got a new job working in the same company as my dad, and I can safely say I have not regretted that decision. I love my new job to pieces!

Now, back to Gabby. AND YET ANOTHER DRAMATIC CHANGE IN SAM’S LIFE. In August, on Gabby’s birthday, I wanted to take her to the zoo, with her mum and nieces in tow. And that was the day I lost my girlfriend. AND GAINED A FIANCEÉ SEE WHAT I DID THERE TUMBLR? SUBVERT YOUR EXPECTATIONS OH YEAH. I proposed, and she said yes! I’m going to be a husband! I’m grateful for everything Gabby does, she teaches me so much, and sometimes doesn’t realise it, so to hear her say yes has to be the greatest thing she has done for me so far, because it shows that she wants to spend the rest of her life with an overweight, greying, eccentric, potty mouthed nerd.

I started learning to drive this year, because goddamn it, if I’m going to get somewhere with my life, I needed to drive, I needed a car. So I found a driving school, and got to work. Now it took me going to a different driving school to find out that my first instructor was just trying to bleed me for money, but I enjoyed the driving all the same. But when I had to find a new driving school, I saw that as an opportunity to procrastinate my arse off again. Well done Sam, well done. You prat.

2019-

I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST. After getting in with a new driving school, I got on really quickly, and passed first time, and in May, after Gabby passed her test as well, we got our first car. Moss, the (nearly) 18 year old Nissan Micra. He’s old, a bit clunky, but he’s an amazing car, and I couldn’t picture a better car for us to start with. Mainly because he’s small and really easy to park.

After getting my butt into gear, and sorting out some crap on my end, Gabby and I really got into planning our wedding, we set the date, and from there, we decided on venues, transport, Gabby chose a dress, everything was coming together in the planning phase. However, we didn’t anticipate that we would have already booked over ¾ of the wedding before the end of this year! Seriously, our wedding is in 2021, and we are practically done. WE BOOKED OUR HONEYMOON A FEW DAYS AGO FOR GOD’S SAKE. So yeah, 2020 may be a little less exciting!

Now for a little bit of a shitty part of 2019. I found out a friend of mine died, and that left me feeling down as hell. Of all the people, I never imagined my friend Jay would be one to go so soon. He was a massive character, big heart, and a bigger laugh to match. To hear him pass was frigging heartbreaking, and I don’t think I’ll stop visiting him anytime soon.

 Do I know what the next decade holds for me? Not a clue, but I’m glad I’m not alone for it, with Gabby at my side, and our wedding not that far away, I’m ready to make her the happiest woman alive, to start the family that we both want (I mean, apparently we’ll have twins when we have kids, so that’s going to be fun!), to live the lives that we want to spend together. To spend time with friends, new, old, and really old. But most importantly, to have her for all of it.

#personal #personal post #life #ten years #decade in review