#why am i even still here

[disabled-dragoon]

My old college group chat that died a silent, expected death one month after classes finished several years ago keeps randomly getting blips of activity and I do not know why

#couple of months ago someone came in to save a picture and left again #fascinating #why am I even still here #not disability related

[santifica]

was offered a generous extension on a paper and I still failed to do it so I might skip class

#im so ashamed bc the professor is really kind and bc im such a fuckup for not being able to do anything right #why am i even still here

[pissed-whizard]

I've had this stupid fucking blog for over 10 years lmao

#going through all my old posts and feeling nostalgic #sorry if I spam your page a bit #most of the blogs i follow havent been active in at least 5 years #lmao #I miss all my deactivated mutuals #why am i even still here

[tshortik]

Cryptic visions of space and time...

#essek #essek thelyss #critical role #mighty nein #caleb widogast #this works on its own but it's actually part of a bigger fancomic idea i have #but i still have to figure out if i even want to invest so much time into something like that lmao.. prob not #i already made a concept document for fun and its way too long.. unfortunately i rly like it #i rly believe in the idea tbh i just dont know if its physically possible because i work fulltime LMAO #its a lot of fun tho #here i am 3 years late idk why the essek thoughts bubble out NOW ignore me

[therealnoodleman]

.but it would make sense, right? killing quackity? it's only fair isn't it? he killed me. i died. it'd be only fair wouldn't it?

#why am i even still here #i was discharged this morning #but why am i still here with him?

[dagasinfilo]

.

#why am i even still here #i dont play a meaningful part in anyones life #not only i dont feel like i can do anything for the people i love’s well-being but i am actively harming it by. just being here. #sometimes i feel the only true real good i can do for people is cook. nothing else. everything else is meaningless #maybe thats why i like cooking so much #because its the only thing ive ever done that i can SEE materially that people enjoy and feel good/better from

[tsuchinokoroyale]

Happy new years… let’s stay hydrated together ✨

#I didn’t end up going to the rave just stayed in with my buddies and had KFC (( Korean fried chicken )) and laughed til we cried so #it was still a wonderful start to the new year 💞🥰💞 #but the fwb wanted pics of my potential rave look so I figured eh I brought the stuff anyways #and now I’m imagining locking eyes with a stranger on the warm and writhing dance floor #the beat thumps and shakes and rattles the air in our breath as the spotlights dance in the reflections of our held gaze #he pushes his way through the crowd with a singular stare and a wicked smile on his face #I smile and turn my back on him arching myself so he knows I am giving what he’s looking for #I take careful steps through the revelry toward the edge where the crowd thins out #I prop myself up on an available stool in a lonely corner of the club as he closes the distance between us #“now I wonder why you dragged me all the way here” he utters in a playful growl “trying to get far away from the crowd?” #I smile and I nod. “obviously. can’t really do what I want with you out there” #his eyes perk up and his smile gives away the desire building inside him. “yeah? why don’t you show me then.” #“I thought you’d never ask” I smirk. I reach down into my pants and pull out my phone #“so this one is blue. he’s the oldest but he’s sooooo sweet. and that’s Eva. my only girl she’s sassy but she loves swea-” he leaves #whaddahell I say demurely whimpering even… whaddahell… #gpoy

[ministarfruit]

straya outfit swap

#vtuber #back on my bullshit #(homeland edition) #axel syrios #hakos baelz #holofateswap #holostars #holotempus #hololive #holocouncil #holopromise #some people still get surprised when I say I'm australian #like IN THE KINDEST WAY POSSIBLE... IT'S ALMOST ALWAYS IN MY BIO. ON EVERY WEBSITE #even tho I mostly put it there bc people were like MINI GO TO SLEEEEPP and I was like THIS IS A NORMAL TIME TO BE AWAKE!!! IN MY TIMEZONE!! #axel always getting the midriff-bearing outfits like #that's just how the swaps turned out but why am I always drawing his tummy #CONGRATS ON THE NEW OUTFIT KING #sorry the first time I'm drawing it isn't even on you #i'm so behind on everything #i love my australian vtubers tho #hope y'all are doing swell #I'm fighting for my life out here but IT'S GONNA BE OK

[bakudekublogblog]

alright I’m bored so here’s my extremely optimistic crack theory: assuming katsuki seeing a vestige means we’ll see him in the vestige realm, when kudo sorted through izuku’s memories he put his forehead on the wall right??

what if izuku is having a crisis about being left quirkless again and vestige katsuki needs to touch foreheads with izuku to show him all his memories of izuku being heroic without a quirk and he tells him “you never needed a quirk. you were always a hero” or something like that because it’s what izuku always needed to hear

#bakudeku #bkdk #me at three am waking up in cold sweat #HERES HOW BKDK FOREHEAD TOUCH CAN STILL WIN #and then they kiss with tongue and hori shows all of it bc he’s a weird little freak and we all win #and everyone clapped #anyway that’s what I would do if #if I could possess horikoshi’s body and write the resolution #and then I’d add 30 panels of hugging and kissing and post them all online immediately on his Twitter then log out #this isn’t even a theory this is just me explaining why the plot demands a bkdk forehead touch it’s all there it’s been set up #and izuku sees all the memories of him standing up to katsuki and sludge villain and the river scene again #and them forehead touching is at the for front #and izuku closes his eyes and breathes deeply #BC ITS WHAT HES ALWAYS WANTED TO HEAR AND HE HEARS IT FROM KACCHAN #anyway horikoshi let me into your brain I have ideas now draw it DO IT HORI DO IT LISTEN TO ME HORI WE CAN AND WE SHOULD

[somecunttookmyurl]

there is an orange spot ladybird just. hanging out on my massage gun? which is. like. literally ive never seen a brown ladybird in my LIFE before but also

are you fucking lost, ma'am

#i've always lived if not in cities then still large dense towns i do not spend a lot of time in deciduous woodland #which would be why i haven't seen one before #i am on the third fucking floor of a building in the centre of the largest city in scotland so all due respect ma'am #WHAT are you doing here #you're very cute ma'am but you don't even really live in this country and i promise i am some distance from any deciduous trees #i am some distance from the GROUND even

[comradekatara]

to be honest if my only knowledge of sokka as a character was informed by how the fandom discusses and portrays him i think i would straight up hate him. like it wouldn’t even be a “whatever i don’t care about this guy” response i would legitimately be like “this fucking clown needs to get blown up with tnt right now”

#as is the case with his portrayal by gene yang or in natla also #bolin-adjacent………….. i can’t stand clownery #like if i only knew katara as portrayed by fandom i think i would still love her bc i love juri #but with sokka it’s like . what the fuck is this guy even doing here #and i even feel that way abt some of the ways they utilize him for comedic purposes in canon #i just roll my eyes. but thankfully that’s only a very smart of what his character is doing in the text #*small part 😭 lmfao #IN FACT… #sokka #hot takes #why am i in a bitter spiteful mood today idk

[royalarchivist]

Oscurucho: Welcome back, brother. Cucurucho: What. Oscurucho: Not even a "Good morning"? How cold.

Here's Cucurucho and Oscurucho's long lore conversation from yesterday! The entire conversation lasted about 8 minutes, but most of that time was just silence between each exchange, so I edited out the long pauses and got it down to ~3 minutes. I also fixed the audio levels and added subtitles since I personally find it difficult to understand Oscurucho sometimes :'D

I hope folks find this helpful!

[ Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]

-

Oscurucho: Welcome back, brother.

Cucurucho: What.

Oscurucho: Not even a "Good morning"? How cold.

[They enter Cucurucho's office]

Oscurucho: I wanted to see if you're still as rigid in your beliefs as ever. You see, I've been thinking about our... Let's call it "philosophical divergence." You stand for order, for predictability. But where's the fun in that? You see, brother, while you build, I ponder the beauty in tearing down. It's not just destruction - it's rebirth. A chance to remake things in a more... thrilling image.

[...]

Oscurucho: You once had a backbone for our cause. Now, I see a softness in you, a sentimental weakness for those Eggs. Mere experiments, and yet - they've softened you.

Cucurucho: Your vision obstructs the path to perfection. You fail to understand the potential of the Eggs.

Oscurucho: Potential? They're but catalysts for change - for revolution. Without them, stagnation reigns.

[...]

Oscurucho: You chase perfection, I embrace the beauty of flaws. Your world is one of order, mine thrives in chaos. You wish for everything to run smoothly, I dream of watching it all burn to the ground. We may share a name, but our souls are worlds apart. All your efforts, all for what? Mere acknowledgment from a Duck who told you to do it? Imagine the possibilities - rather, show me where it is, and I'll do the rest.

[...]

Oscurucho: Speaking of possibilities, I couldn't help but notice how easily others can access the island. It seems your security measures aren't as impenetrable as you think.

Cucurucho: No. My island's vulnerabilities are of your own making. Do not mistake restraint for ignorance.

Oscurucho: Pity. But then again, I never really needed your approval. Just consider: Cucurucho - in your quest for order, have you not sown the seeds of your own undoing? Do you genuinely trust all your Federation minions?

Cucurucho: ...

Oscurucho: Perhaps it's time you question not just my intentions, but those who you believe stand with you.

Cucurucho: That is none of your business, I shall say. Now, leave me alone and try to disturb someone else.

#Cucurucho #Oscurucho #QSMP #December 21 2023 #Edited #Subtitles #For those who like knowing the gritty details and specifics about the things I did for this video - #I adjusted Cucurucho's volume because they were very quiet compared to Oscurucho #I fixed the sound direction (for lack of a better word) of Oscurucho's voice b/c he was speaking through my right headphone 90% of the time #so now it's more of a ''centered'' audio rather than a right ear or left ear thing #I added subtitles (obviously) #I fixed the camera a bit so it's more focused on Cucurucho / Oscurucho #and I adjusted the translator box so that even with the crop; they're all still included #usually they get cut out when I edit things because I'm just focused on the characters; but then one day I was like #''Why am I cropping out this thing that specifically helps people understand the story better?'' #So moving forward I'll see if I can do what I did here and add translation boxes as their own ''layer'' overlaying the clip itself #for big lore videos anyways or for clips with long conversations at least #I jokingly said to myself ''I bet I'll wind up shaving 5 minutes off this'' and I was right lol #I enjoy the official QSMP streams but one major critique I have is that the pacing was a bit slow in one or two streams #which is understandable considering many admins have to write in books (which takes time) and translate things (which takes even more time) #And that's valid! But in the last stream (the one with Elena) for example; many scenes dragged on far too long #and it wasn't because people were taking extra long to write books or translate things. It was purely a matter of pacing #idk I'm a professional writer and editor so I'm extra nitpicky about things like that. I think it's something that's pretty easy to fix tho #This is just my critique in terms of the story pacing - like I said; the time it takes them to write / translate stuff is understandable #this is more of a comment on the overall pacing #anyways rant over #Today's stream had much better pacing! Still a bit slow (again; I cut 5 minutes from this conversation) #but that's due to the communication medium (TTS) so that's understandable. That's valid. I'm not fussed about it; that felt natural #Take all the time you need kings it's hard to translate things on the fly. I get it. #Portfolio

[cashmere-caveman]

read a post about there being next to no record abt the historic edward little again (we dont even know what he looked like!!!) and now im thinking a lot about how he died in uniform again.

hes far from the only character to die in uniform (the marines die in uniform! franklin dies in uniform!) and he isn't even the only lieutenant to do so (gore, under his slops, was in uniform; fairholme, too presumably; irving famously wore his coat that hickey steals later; george wore something that used to be his uniform when he got eaten but imo atp he did not wear it as A Uniform anymore that were just the clothes that he had on if that makes sense) but at the end, he is the only one where i still felt that it was an active choice to wear it.

almost everyone else sheds their layers along the way or turns into something else, but ned starts in uniform and he stays in uniform and that's it.

fitzjames famously sheds his vanity and dies in his shirtsleeves, without any of the pomp and pizzazz of his uniform.

jopson, another character who is to me really connected with a certain mindset of holding up appearances, dies in his shirtsleeves, believing himself abandoned by the very person that was his reason to even wear a uniform at all.

goodsir as a doctor/assistant surgeon doesn't really have a uniform in quite the same sense as many others but when he dresses himself before his suicide it is not as an affirmation of his role, or at least not a positive one. he has sworn to do no harm, but he was forced to do it anyway and now he will add a final evil to his toll of sins in the hopes to balance the scales at least somewhat and for that to work, he must wear his outfit as always. he ends up with all pretenses stripped bare anyway.

tozer, a man so proud of his uniform in the beginning, again, dies in his shirtsleeves, no rank left, betrayed by someone who had convinced him to give up everything and yet! reduced to nothing but an ordinary man, he tries again where before he had given up. he cooperates, he coordinates, he even calls crozier captain again, he tries very hard to do the right thing in what looks like a no win scenario from the get go!! and he fails, of course, but he tried.

almost everyone else also ends up either dressed down (bridgens, armitage, dundy, des voeux etc) or somehow transformed (blanky, to some extend silna with her patched and bloody furs) or in hickeys case, both (iconic underwear & greatcoat combo). little never changes. he sometimes has a little scarf, theres the bandage for his headwound for a bit, he sometimes wears the full parade uniform with epaulettes and sometimes just the regular one, there are at least two different uniform hats and ofc you can tell that he loses weight by the way his shape chages under all that wool but he is always. in. uniform.

and maybe this is just my mind making up dots to connect but i think he might even be the last character that crozier ever gives an order to in his official function as a captain (in the tuunbaq seduction/boss fight scene he has been stripped of his rank, at least according to e.c.).

before his final scene, all we get is little arguing over the orders they are given, and how to interpret them. and he is still wearing his uniform!!! wait hold on im not gonna check but maybe he might only wear a jumper in the tent where dundy lauches his soft mutiny actually, so maybe this whole post is crumbling like a domino line but!!! ignoring this. moving on. (even if it is a jumper i remember him wearing sth dark blue aka Uniform Colour so im claiming it doesnt even matter bc spiritually that hypothetical jumper still is a uniform. im not going to let anything like "accuracy" and "real details" fuck up my post smh 🙄. im joking. however! Moving On as i said)

he doesnt even dress up for carnivale! the only other characters that are not in costume are jopson and crozier and they were literally too busy keeping crozier from dying to even begin thinking about joining the communal arts and crafts session! little is atp the acting no2 of the expedition so u might say he was busy but fitzjames has the overall command and still finds time to have a little gender moment in private and the imperialism-approved version of it for the Big Crowd!! (u could ofc argue that fitzy Always has time for a gender moment and who would i be to argue but my point is: i have no doubt that man was fucking busy preparing carnivale & beginning to prepare the walkout and there still was time to Express Some Character!! so how come ned didn't do anything?)

the one other scene we get where we can catch a small glimpse of characters out of their element before it all unravels (pre tuunbaq attack on the camp) is the scene at night when morfin gets shot. it shows lots of characters in various states of undress (silna big blanket burrito i love you) that allows us to see them differently, like their costumes at carnivale did, but in an entirely opposite direction. while carnivale was about putting on masks, this scene is about taking them off. and it drives me insane because i know that little must be there. he is somewhere in the crowd when morfin gets shot but so far i havent been able to make him out and i need to know what he is wearing so bad. it is actually for science (my own curiosity) ! i really need to know. and i cant help but feel that maybe it is intentional that he is just ~somewhere~ instead of In Front of the Fucking Camera because, well. that would be just ned little, wouldnt it? and we dont even know who that is.

#edward little #the terror #can u tell i got my brain fried by working on our research project paper all day until we finally turned it in at midnight #we met at 12 and didnt leave the library until it closed and then we went home to one of the members and continued working there #and now i am still sitting in the hallway from when i came in through the door even thought its past 3am bc im just so done #nothing left. no energy no braincells no filter. which is why u get this unstructured wordvomit #and i try to find the strength to get up from the floor so i dont fall asleep here. okay goodnight #cavetext

[beaulesbian]

Shanks always said that if the path to what you want seems too easy, then you're on the wrong path.

#roronoa zoro #one piece #zolu #monkey d. luffy #oplaedit #it's about zoro drifting on the sea without a purpose to the point of letting the marines capture him. but still having that dream #and with luffy seeing a chance to actually accomplish that. by his side. and by the end of s1 they have a whole crew! #its about zoro being always lost but within a few days of knowing each other the directionless sense points him towards luffy. #its about zoro seeing how serious luffy is about his own dream. how stubborn and determined he is to become the pirate king no matter what #and how luffy and zoro knew each other only for a few hours/days but already understood so well what the other is about!! #like zoro knowing the garp thing wasn't that big of a deal if luffy didn't want to tell them at first #and luffy knowing enough about dreams to not discourage zoro from fighting mihawk. not standing in the way of his dream. #and how much it hurt luffy to think he wasnt a good captain.. but he had zoro! like in the early days - #it was just the two of them (even if more here but lets just say.. zoro was always the first. the anchor. the stability to luffy) #why am i emo about opla again #uhh captain and his first mate #one piece live action #mine #gif:one piece #gif:opla #opgraphics

[stuckinapril]

One day I’ll go through med school and then I’ll go through residency and then I’ll go through a fellowship and then I’ll be the most crybaby neurosurgeon you could think of. Bursting into tears if I so much as graze ur hypothalamus with my forceps

#Yesterday I shadowed a neurologist for the first time and basically we got done seeing a patient who’s also a heart surgeon #And I turned to the doctor and was like Ok what do we do #The thing is this patient has dementia and we don’t really have a cure for that yet so the study he’s enrolling in is largely observational #Still I expected her to follow up on him in much more frequent increments #Instead this woman goes “we’ll see him in 6-9 months but… not even sure if he’ll be here by then sooo” #Basically implying he might be dead in a year #AND I WAS LIKE. Blown away by how blase she was #And ever since then a fiendish sort of melancholy followed me everywhere I went . #Bc I haven’t stopped thinking about the heart surgeon #I don’t get how she can stop thinking about him #I don’t understand people who can stop thinking about something like that #I know neurologists like her have seen patients come and go many a time but I was disturbed #So I made a pact w myself never to lose my humanity. Half of why I’m so into medicine is bc of its humane aspects #And in 10 years I’ll look back at this and hopefully still be just as annoyingly sensitive as I am today #I think I’m just overall disillusioned w how little humanity some people seem to have but that doesn’t mean I have to be that way too #p

[servospawn]

i've noticed a bit of discourse over the span of me being back here about peer recognition &what that does to a person's mental on socials.

idk if it's because of my inactivity or because i've just been on tumblr for 10+ years but it really puzzles me when i see someone fretting over the amount of notes and/or social engagement their posts seem to lack. of course we as humans love peer recognition &validation but i'd hate to think that's all some people care to focus on when it comes to their blogs.

i think we all should be posting whatever we want without trying to calculate how many notes we'll receive on any one single post because that's setting yourself up for disappointment. if you're a simblr.. i'd like to assume you came here because you enjoy playing your game, creating content or using it as a creative outlet to express your form of individuality.. the notes in this case should sort of act as a bonus.

people have lost their heads.. ranting in txt posts about their content "flopping" or feeling like they don't belong here.. &it's just like.. take a deep breath.. it's okay.. you'll survive. also idk what flopping is when it comes to simblr, because.. if i get anywhere between 10-100 notes from loyal followers that have engaged with me from day 1, can recognize my OCs &are genuinely paying attention to what's going on (because they care that much).. that's a hell of a lot more rewarding to me than amassing 500-1k notes because a popular simblr randomly decided to reblog me that day.

please learn to love your game, your blogs, your cc & yourself. because what's the point of notes if you're not even genuinely happy with your game in the first place? you'll continue to have unrealistic expectations &end up in that rabbithole of forcing yourself to do tzrs, spam liking &reblogging others just to get that in return &trust me it comes off super fake &people will notice that too.

#ive seen ppl be like "i keep reblogging ppl &doing tzrs but my posts are still flopping #i think ive just been here too long #because 5 yrs ago you were lucky if you even got 50 notes &2 comments #i think the influx of ts4 simmers..patreon.. &renders changed how simblr looks today #because let me tell you.. 1k+ notes on post rarely happened and that really was only if it was a damn good piece of cc #i mean i have 11k followers.. am i getting 11k notes.. fuck no #which is why i wanted to make a new blog #so i can keep track of the ppl who really fuck with me and vice versa #i think we should just stop treating simblr like a high school cafeteria &get back to the essence of what makes us happy