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#why am i just now hearing this
andthebeanstalk · 10 months
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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puppetmaster13u · 4 months
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Prompt 101
 The Fentons have created a machine! A wonderful machine that will reveal a ghost’s true form! So that everyone will see their trickery! They’ll see that the monsters they really are! 
 Now, to know what all went wrong, one would have to know some things about the ghost zone, and more specifically the area the Fentons had managed to punch through to. 
 For one, ghosts do not age like humans. Oh they might take a form similar to that of their death, which may appear as an adult or teen or something similar, but with how they can only die by the complete destruction of their core, theoretically a ghost could live forever once formed. 
 In fact, the equivalent of eighteen years for a ghost was one-hundred realms-years dead. And those years don’t always sync up with the years of the living world that one might open a door into. Thankfully, the Fenton’s world, being one of those synced closer to the Realms, only had a time dilation of a few seconds. 
 That being said, the area their portal had ripped into was incredibly rich in ectoplasm. And areas like that, were where newborn ghosts were formed and arrived. A ghost daycare of sorts, almost akin to a toddler area of the zone. 
 Which meant that when they shoot the Phantom-menace and other pesky ghosts to revert them into their true form, it isn’t exactly monsters that appear. Instead, there are now several ghost toddlers- or in the phantom-trio’s case literal babies- flying around. Very unhappy ghost toddlers. 
 What a horrible time for the Justice League to arrive. Though perhaps some would say it was actually perfect timing. 
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bakudekublogblog · 2 months
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alright I’m bored so here’s my extremely optimistic crack theory: assuming katsuki seeing a vestige means we’ll see him in the vestige realm, when kudo sorted through izuku’s memories he put his forehead on the wall right??
what if izuku is having a crisis about being left quirkless again and vestige katsuki needs to touch foreheads with izuku to show him all his memories of izuku being heroic without a quirk and he tells him “you never needed a quirk. you were always a hero” or something like that because it’s what izuku always needed to hear
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@just-my-latest-hyperfixation once again knocked it out of the park with that last chapter of Possession. I have been literally haunted by this image for days now but I finally managed to capture it to my satisfaction!!!
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uncanny-tranny · 1 month
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Passing as a trans man is a nuanced and complex topic, but one thing I have been noticing as somebody who is a cis-passing (white) trans man is the way I'm treated when there is conflict.
I've noticed that in conflict, people are almost meek around me, willing for me to try working with them up until a woman is involved. When a woman (or, really, anybody who the other party assumes is one) is part of the conflict, they direct all their anger and rage to them. It's fucking insane the way a woman is treated when there is conflict, even if it isn't her fucking fault. These people are fundamental cowards for seeing my manhood as the only reason they can't be openly hostile to me, but it reveals a lot about how a misogynist thinks on an almost primal level.
I'm watching the women and people around me I care about being torn apart by people, and that's unacceptable. I can't sit around to watch it, and I don't want to do that. I need other people to perhaps read this and remember to not stand by if there is something that you can tangibly do to help, even if it's to lend a listening ear or let the person vent.
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itsalwaysforyou · 1 month
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WHAT???????
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dailypokemoncrochet · 2 months
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Okay so we're at 623/1025 Pokemon done right now that's 60.78%, and did you know that each 1 (one) new unique crochet brings us .09% (NOT EVEN A /TENTH/ OF A PERCENT) closer to 100%. That's 402 more Pokemon to go (currently) (not including ones that have different variants/forms). That's so many. Whoa. Wow.
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miniagula · 25 days
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WHY AM I JUST FINDING OUT ABOUT ONE HELL OF A TEAM
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I will make your weird masochist friend call you a tsundere and beg for you to hit him
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realmbrekker · 4 months
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Netflix cancelled Shadow and Bone and told us we'd never get a Six Of Crows Spin-Off, it's been two days and I still cannot believe it. I sobbed, got angry, tried repressing emotions, I honestly don't know how to get through this.
I am losing all my favourite characters and ships at once.
And for what.
We fought and trended so many times on twitter, we were #1 on the platform for like a week in many countries, what else do you want Netflix ? If this wasn't enough, then what would be ?
A great show like this, with good representation for poc, disabled people and LGBTQ+.
Those stories has helped me go through so much trauma that I cannot even begin to explain it. It has been what kept me alive for years, now. And to see them rip it off so emotionlessly makes me mad as much as it breaks my heart.
They don't even have the decency to contact the actors and writers, they all learned it through socials. This is how Netflix treats their employees and subscribers. So disgusting.
But again, we've been there again and again, I was there for Anne With An E, I was there for The Society, for Julie And The Phantoms, First Kill, Winx Fate, Lockwood & Co, Warrior Nun, only one of those fight lead to something. And I am tired.
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gildedmuse · 5 months
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Fandom rookie here. Could you please walk me through your Zoro/Law and Zoro/Ace HCs? Love your humor btw!
Ahhh! A little fandom greenhorn! So cute!
You have asked the wrong person the wrong question, newbie.
ZoLaw:
Zoro is from the East, and while he isn't use to Winter Island Cold, he naturally runs hot. Law is from the North and while he HATES being stuck on Summer Islands on hot days, he naturally runs cool. They balance each other beautifully when they share a bed.
Up in the North Blue, it's considered weak to admit that you're cold. Weaknesses gets people killed in the North Blue, so having someone imply you need an extra blanket is a direct insult to a person's ability to keep themselves and their loved ones alive. So obviously Law would never need the extra heat.... But he MAY find himself scooting closer to Zoro-ya on the chillier nights.
The handle of a katana isn't the only thing Zoro can talk around.
...
(Cock. He can talk around a mouth full of cock. And Law LOVES it. Its the only time he can stand one of the Strawhats yapping on).
Look, Law is scientifically minded and likes to believe he is very rational (that's open to debate). He's seen Zoro-ya in the sea and knows he doesn't have a devil's fruit. But sometimes it feels like he does. SPECIFICALLY, one that somehow manages to undo every single one of Law's plans. Because the problem certainly isn't in Law! His plans are complex and perfect. But anytime he comes up for one about how to, say, ask Zoro-ya out it always somehow manages to go terribly wrong. It MUST be a devil's fruit ability.
The first time Zoro actually properly asks Torao out, he first bows to and addresses Kikoku. Since it's imperative he has the curse blades permission to touch his master (especially with all the touching Zoro has planned).
Law doesn't get jealous. That's petty and below him
Law has personally threatened at least three shichibukai and one very (also highly annoying) horny yonko. Not because he was jealous, they just need to step off and stop looking at HIS Zoro-ya that way.
If you ask the boys when they started dating, you get VASTLY different answers. Law would argue that while he'd of course taken notices of the other Supernova back on Saboady, the boy then disappeared for two years and besides Law had a lot of plans that he needed to focus on and execute perfectly. They didn't really see each other again until after Punk Hazard and of course Law was very distracted until after Doflamingo..... Then the horrors they saw on Zou, though, admitedly he may have found himself distracted by Zoro-ya once or twice even at the time.... You know, he would say it was Wano. It was Wano when he realized what an idiot the other boy was, and how he absolutely needed Law on the ground watching after him or he would do something amazingly stupid like... Like listening to Law's plan for instance! When Zoro-ya endangering his life was CLEARLY not what Law intended! Yes, that is when Law decided this boy simply couldn't be considered safe unless Law is there to watch after him..... Also, it's sometimes nice when Zoro-ya looks after him as well.... SOMETIMES.
Zoro would say "Did you see Torao cut that island in half?" And that is all he has to say on the subject of when they started dating.
Law has noticed that Zoro-ya doesn't seem to pay much attention to what he wears, just picks up what is nearest and easiest and throws it on. On an unrelated note, Law has been "accidentally" making sure to strip down right by their bed, and leaving his shirts right there. His shirts with his jolly roger.
Nico Robin had to use not just her ability but her most Teacherly voice in order to separate Luffy and Law when Zoro shows up with the Heart Jolly Roger on his shirt. Law's smirking about it (while Zoro remained utterly confused through the entire fight) didn't help.
Zoro is super weak to people playing with his ear. This goes double when it's Torao and his stupid, sexy hands. He already wants to squirm whenever he watches Torao do that stupid switch-switch thing, but once Torao starts to sit closer and, even while reading his fingers seem to find their way to Zoro's earrings..... Twirl twirl twirl, TUG. Its enough to break Zoro's brain.
Historically, Northern denizens tended to have shorter and much more dangerous lifes compared to the relatively safe and stable East Blue, leading to them having a much different view of things like romance and marriage. That's part of why tattoos are so popular among North Blue denizens. However short your inevitably short life is, a tattoo is permanent. You can't change your mind or take it back. It's a way of wearing your loyalty.
Right behind his ear, the same side as his piercings, Zoro has a small black heart tattoo. He got it on their way up to Wano.
Usopp still doesn't understand how Zoro got lost on a submarine. He didn't see him for a whole four days! What's so funny, Robin.....
I actually have a number of HCs for these two that basically boil down to "Each Island should have its own culture, and by extension, each Blue should have its own culture the way each state has its own culture but the USA also has its own general culture." This can range from things like what I mentioned above, about North Blue having historically shorter lives due to the harsher environment or being more technologically advanced. But I also had smaller things like Law kissing Zoro-ya on the nose, since up North that was how you showed affection to family or younger friends and acquaintances. I also went the entire opposite direction of "smaller" and invented an entirely Shinto derived religion that's customs and kami differed based on the Blue.
I even came up with particular weather that happen almost strictly up North (Ice Storms which are incredibly deadly at sea and Black Mist, a yet unexplained phenomena that seems to choke the life out of any one who gets caught outside) and then wrote up an entire "Old North" mythology that explains the two phenomena and why they often follow each other even though one happens strictly on land and the other typically at sea. I pretty much full on created a whole religion and mythology and wrote individual stories just so Law could have a whole culture that belonged to HIS blue. The myth in question involved a human falling for a siren, and just like actual myths I created multiple retellings and versions where the characterization changed depending on the message the storyteller was trying to express. But in most every version the Siren, Isa, had green hair (because of course the North associates green hair with fertility; oh that's another thing, I created a whole sex profession hierarchy for the North Blue with the one common feature among different types of sex workers being they typically dyed their hair green, like that was a way to physically depict that you were fertile and later that you were, you know, open to being fertilized) and regardless of how they are depicted they end up turning into the shards of an Ice Storm either because they accidentally take human captain's life, do so and then regret their hunger, or are told they have killed them and in turn kill themselves. Law was told the latter version as a child and so always felt bad for Isa, who didn't know they were eating the captain's life force but the crew could have just told him and he would have left and instead because he is "different" they think it's better if he simply destroys himself. It's a character Law can both identify with but also see aspects of Zoro in; both his physical appearance which I'm sure to Law he just pictures Zoro now, but also in his loyalty and honor which aren't as important values up North which instead values survival and strength.
As you can see if I presented an accurate list of my HCs for these two, it would be insane and make no Earthly sense. I just really enjoy world building, especially when that world building leads to two hot sword boys pining after one another.
Oh, did I mention the whole "green hair = sex worker" association and just how personally All Hearts Law takes that when applied to his Zoro-ya?
Yeah.....
ZoBurn FistRo PortZoro
ZoAce:
Upon meeting him during Alabaster, every single non Luffy Strawhat was - at least a little -totally into Ace. He just seemed so cool (and also hot.) He's like a sexy Luffy and the whole crew wanted some.
Zoro wanted it the most, bitches
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goldkirk · 3 months
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I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.
Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.
It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.
still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby
#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards#among other things#but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY#I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR#OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE#THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT#why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time???#just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN#you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough#by attempting to go another route#you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully#and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do#and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY#you fucking DID YOUR BEST#YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER#YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME#it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc#YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME#MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK#if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out#had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier#they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions#instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such#you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive.#isn't that enough?#isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough??????#god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets#and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go#will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone
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stormkobra-5 · 2 years
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*shaking*
Oh my fucking god.
Guys.
He fucking knows.
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Edit:
WAIT DOES THIS IMPLY HE HAS FUCKING GOOGLED HIMSELF AND READ SOME OH MY GOD—
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gunstellations · 10 months
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rk800 💙 rk900
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nerdymariamania · 2 months
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Before "The Book of Bill" is released, I wanted to finally put out my thoughts that have been plaguing me for years now.
Bill's repentance from the axolotl, is being sent to "another place, another time."
And his statue is in our world, just as he is in their world. But in the Graphic novel, there are two instances of ciphers that say "Cipher lives." Along with Stan acting very off during the duration of the Cipher Hunt.
Tons of people believe in Same Coin Theory...
But, I have an even crazier theory!
[Preface: We know our universe is "canon" (as Canon as it can get) to the Gravity Falls universe, because at the end of Journal 3, it's basically spelled out to you that once Ford dropped the books into the bottomless pit, they ended up here. Alex and Rob Renzetti both said that the journal is as Canon compliant to the show as it can be (the show being the end all be all of canon.)]
In our world, Stan and Soos don't exist. But we hear them constantly throughout the clues of Cipher Hunt. Stan is even singing "We'll meet again." Which Bill sang in the finale. And the axolotl specifically stated "another place, another time." For Cipher only. Not Stan and Soos as well. So, why do we keep hearing them? Bill is shown multiple times to be perfect at imitating voices. He imitates Soos in Dreamscaperers. It's implied that he imitates Dipper in Sock Opera. Etcetera, etcetera!
What is a bigger penance than introducing yourself to a gigantic platform, as the villain, and even showing that you lost. That you were destroyed. Not by magic, just by a man who cares about his family. And in this new world, that man shares a few things in common with you. Well, the main thing he shares, is the same voice. Stan Pines and Bill Cipher share the same voice. Or more importantly, the same voice actor. Who is also the creator of the hit TV show Gravity Falls.
So, my theory is that Bill Cipher got sent to our dimension. And to not shirk the blame, but to show our world what a monster he is, showed us his downfall as a villain. So yes, in the Cipher Hunt, we hear Stan acting not himself. But here's the thing, that wasn't Stan. It was Alex. Bill was using Alex to create the Cipher Hunt, the literal headstone of Gravity Falls, Bill's final resting place. Bill was imitating Stan and Soos' voices, but not because he was imitating them, he was using Alex's vocal abilities. Who set up the Cipher Hunt? Alex. Who created Gravity Falls? Alex. And what is my damning pieces of evidence? In the Cipher Hunt treasure box, a drawing of Stan, Soos, and McGucket on there, all with their signatures. And when you shined a blacklist on it, Bill was drawn there too, with his signature, saying 'Stay Paranoid.' And on a card, all of the characters, in blacklight, had Bill's eyes. You know the last signature on both drawings? Alex Hirsch. To announce his own Reddit ask me anything, Bill sent out several tweets on Alex's Twitter. And even said he made a deal with Alex at one point.
Throughout the Weirdmageddon trilogy, not only at the end of the credits, the backwards whispering is Bill saying "I'm watching you." It also says instead of created by Alex Hirsch, created by Bill Cipher.
And what is at the end of the TV show, Gravity Falls? A flickering video of Bill's statue, the first clue of the Cipher Hunt. And if you find him and shake his hand, like "Stan" told you to, he might not need penance. He might not need one man's body. He already has a legion of worshippers in this universe that "Alex" helped him obtain. Why not put them to good use?
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redportrait · 2 days
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Disaster. There is a Russian deli just a 5 minute drive from my second job, and not only do they sell delicious filling cabbage or potato pirozhkiy, but they are only $3.50 each. And like 1 fills you up. That is unheard of pricing in these parts ($15 buys a small meal here. Hell city). Anyway when my doctor asks if I'm eating well the answer will be "well I am eating pirozhkiy. Lots."
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