#why cant i just remember sob

[wolfywolfy]

Genuinely I love Julian's route in The Arcana so much. The potential of it, this inherent pull towards someone and you don't understand why -- he's admitted guilt to murder yet you can't help but feel this strange insistence that he's innocent. You don't know how, but your body, mind, & soul are screaming at you that this man that you have never met before is good, he's not what others say he is, he's not what he himself says he is; and then you learn that he doesn't even remember what happened, he just assumes he's the guilty party because he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he was. Why else would he forget unless it was an unbearable guilt he couldn't bear the weight of?

And, on top of it all, he has this same strange familiarity with you. How does he feel when he sees you in the shop and his heart stutters? When suddenly his aimless searching for something feels resolved, when he looks at you and everything feels right? He doesn't know you and yet his body remembers.

The mutual amnesia of people who used to be extremely close. He sees you for what he thinks is the first time ever, but his body is telling him no, we know them, we miss their touch. And you, the apprentice, slowly realizing you're feeling the same things? You immediately trust him because, before you forgot, he was your partner. Your mentor. Somebody you were so incredibly, incredibly close to, but you died and he blamed himself and everything crumpled and he made himself forget so it could never happen again and then --

There you are. And neither of you remember, but at the same time, some part of you does. The muscle memory never left. He touches you so casually, pats your arms and grabs your hand and leads you around the alleys as if it's second nature because it is. He dreams of your face and his torment and of losing you, and doesn't realize that it was real, and that his body itches to hold you because that part of him can't bear to lose you again.

I am obsessed with it. How many little tells are there, really, that the two of you share and hint at it being an old habit from times forgotten? How many little touches used to be daily routines? How many flutters of visions aren't just passing thoughts and wishes, but memories?

You think of how hard it would be to kiss Julian with a plague mask on, and his response is "Imagine trying with two of them," because he wanted to kiss you when you were his apprentice, when you were both desperate and tired and aching and tortured by the plague with only each other's company as a comfort. Maybe that's why you had the thought of kissing him in the first place, too -- but neither of you know why the subject was brought up, neither remember, yet some parts of you do.

Ugh. I love it. And when Julian finally does regain his memories? And he realizes you're real and you're here and you've been here, and he has been able to touch you and hold you this whole time, but now he can truly appreciate it, but he's also horrified with the weight of losing you all over again. Oh my God. It's so good. The potential underlying thoughts and emotions are so good.

#im rambling #im just obsessed with past lovers who have mutual amnesia #but they both feel this weird sense of /rightness/ when they find each other again #and everything starts moving so quickly and its too quick to be comfortable yet it is more than comfortable #its natural its instinctual because you both fit #youve always fit you just dont remember #the tragedy the beauty the intimacy #the love shared inherently between people who cant remember why #but their bodies know they miss each other #and touching one another comes as easy as breathing even when everything around them is telling them no this is dangerous this is not sane #he is a murderer he is a terrible person he will hurt you #but your body says /no/ #because its whispering /i know him/ #grabs my heart and sobs into the pavement #im so sorry im rambling so much i just. its so good. i wish we had more books like this #not the one sided amnesia trope but the TWO sided amnesia #you dont remember what happened you dont remember who you used to be but your body is screaming /its them its them its them/ #sigh #julian #julian devorak #the arcana #the apprentice #arcana #arcana apprentice #spoilers #julian spoilers #Julian route spoilers #ilya #ilya devorak #Wolfy speaks

[skrunksthatwunk]

FINISHED GAIDEN

#rgg gaiden spoilers in tags #GUH. SNIFF. GUH. BUHHHHBUHBUH. FUCK #!!!!! EUGHHHUGHHH #WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME GAIDEN WAS GOOOODDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #AUUGGUHEHGEHHVBBBBGHHG #SOBBINGNH BAWLING THROWING UP SHUDDERING SNIFFLING LIMP DREADFUL UGHHGHUUHH #EUGHHHHHHHHHGYUGHHHHHGGH #SORRY I WAS GONNA REFLECT BUT I CANT STOP TEXT GROANING LIKE. HYUGHHHGGGHHH GUHHHHHH #SOBBING INTERNALLY REALLY REALLY HARD RN... #it was such a good final sequence... like the whole final fight was so good #AND UFHGEYHG EVERYONES REACTIONS TO KIRYU COMING BACK.. AND HIS TO THEM ... #majima veing like yeah ywah ok sure thing joryu just. just don't run off too soon arright? GUHHHHHBWAUUUUHHHGGUUGUUHHBBBHHHHHHHHNNGGGHHHH #WET PILE ON THE FLOOR #and it's such a good final fight and final occasion for what's probably gonna be kiryu's final solo finale yknow? #captured the spirits of the others while getting the emotion and the hype in a way i havent felt with the past couple antags #yumi ring post credit sequence..... awhhhh 🥺🥺🥺 ...... he loves her.....🤧🤧🤧 #GYUGJH so glad to see rgg finally remembering yumi oughhguhhh and theres at least one papa kazama substory #and obv Tonight is there so like. the trio have been acknowledged which is nice #anyway very happy to see ichi again i miss him OH THE HIDDEN CAMERA SHIT. HRNGHHH NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THATTT #HGUHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNMMNRHRGZGZHJDBDBD BAWLING BAWLING BAWLIGN BAWLIGN BAWLING FUCKIGN SCREAMING‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ #nooooooooooooo god it's so fucking sad dude... houghrhhgh like kiryu just crying and whimpering for a few minutes and the screen getting #more and more covered with his tears (and snot oops) and just. hububububhhhhh AND THE WAY HE LAUGHED WHEN THEY SAID NO ONE BELIEVED HE WAS #REALLY DEAD AT MORNING GLORY.. CUTE. YEAH WE ALL KNOW YOURE BAD AT DISGUISES I LOVE YOU FOREVER JORYU SUZUKI TAICHI #my heart.... kiryuuuuuuu kiryu i love you so much forever and everrrrrrrrr kiryujuiuuuuiu. GHRBMRNRNBSHAHSV #sad. sad sad sad. but not empty. never empty. #hhhnngnhnnn and like just. pshhhUGH i really liked the side characters this time around. akame and tsuruno and shishido and nishitani #BOY WAS I HAPPY TO SEE THE (LITERAL) BLOODLUST RETURN JDGDJS THAT SCENE WHERE HES LIKE joryu you got me ROCK HARD and tsuruno's like #p-patriarch?? LAUGHING MY FUCKIGN ASS OFF THAT SHIT WAS SO GOOD. THEY CALLED HIM A CAT IN HEAT STOPPPJDGSJSHS #and the lighting was pretty and the environments were gorgeous and i really liked everything i did #theyre starting to make the dragon engine combat good lol

[martyrbat]

Bodies in Motion and at Rest – Thomas Lynch

[TEXT ID: It hurts so bad to think I cannot save him, protect him, keep him out of harm's way, shield him from pain. What good are fathers if not for these things? Why can't he be a boy again, safe from these perils and disasters? Lately I'm always on the brink of breaking.]

#SOB.... #when i read this at first i actually had to go stand outside for a moment and take a breath because oough.... #bruce & jason #cryptcites #how can he be expected to save a city and other men's sons when he couldn't even save his own? #but he has to try. he will always try. in jasons honour. in his memory. #thinking of that moment just after. no one to turn to to mourn with and grieve. the own guilt and your worst fear happening. your son dying #the what if's and million scenarios you imagine. what if you never adopted him? what if he never became robin? what if you told him you #loved him more? what if you didnt have that conversation with alfred that led to him running away? what if you tracked him down faster? #what if? how you could save him a million times but itll never be reality. then bruce carrying the photo of him to literally give #him a reason to keep going and a reminder of why he still has to save the others. just :((( #THAT ONE LEGENDS OF THE DARK KNIGHT PANEL #WHERE HE'S CRADLING JASONS CORPSE AND REMEMBERING HOW HAPPY HE WAS TO GET THE COSTUME #AND TELLING HIMSELF HE CANT ERASE THAT MEMORY HE CAN'T ERASE JASON'S LIFE AND HAPPINESS AND REPLACE IT WITH THE IMAGE OF HIM DEAD #I THINK IT WAS ISSUE 100? SECOND STORY. VERY :(((

[ladysqueakinpip]

not me lying wide awake at 5:30am on a sunday on my day off bc after almost a full year I finally FINALLY realized the implication of the end of remember them from the cyclops saga

#that song has one of the most powerful ending crescendo sequences ive heard in maybe all of musical theater #so it. always felt incomplete after ALL that buildup during the I AM THE INFAMOOOUS #only to just drop to SILENCE. no music. no fanfare. just ODYSSEUS! #he doesnt even really sing it he just sort of... shouts it #and then its followed by the faintest sound of ocean waves #its poseidon. listening. THATS why athena said DONT #poseidon heard that declaration and came back to get him later #😬 #i just looked up the lyrics for ruthlessness too and poseidon basically spells it out 😂 #ive only listened to that song once or twice tho and i guess i wasnt too focused on the words #anyway i relistened to the songs on friday and theyve been rotating in my mind like a 7/11 hotdog #the whole cyclops saga especially is just.... so so good #they truly dont make music about bashing peoples heads in like they used to #the first 3 songs of the saga especially... oof #how they blend one into the other back to back and end up making like a 10 minute narration of events #the whole thing is so bone chilling #it gets my heartrate up lol #PLUS the theme of pain and vengeance bring more pain #EVERY time polyphemus says 'what gives you a right to deal a pain so deep' #and when odysseus says 'what good would killing do when mercy is a skill more of the world could learn to use' #rocking back and forth sobbing crying #remember them the next time that you DARE choose not to spare! remember them... remember us... remember me! #cant wait for everyone to turn their back on this musical in 5 yrs #like they did with hamilto.n #hamilto.n never stopped being good actually #yall are just embarrassed about being weird fanatics over people who rly existed

[pavlovers]

actually nvm im not emo anymore 🤧

#will i ever be truly content with the ending ? no 💀 but ! everyone looks so cute nd im happy that my fav freaks are able to be silly :p #i have mixed feelings on chifuyu narrating this chapter tho lmao 😭😭 #i mean its great that he somehow remembers everything that michi went through nd their friendship wasnt lost #BUT I CANT GET OVER THAT LIKE. ONE TAKEHINA KISS PANEL AND ITS JUST HIS UGLY CRYING FACE AT THE BOTTOM 😭😭 #i kinda love that for him tho like shit make their day all about yourself king #i wouldn't have taken the whole takehina ending seriously either way #tokrev aint even about them at this point its about the collection of freaks takemichi collected along the way 😭 #what other thoughts can i put out there... #omg sanzu being an influencer is such a slay. i love how he looks exactly the same as he did in the bonten timeline #he just slays online now instead of yknow with a katana in real life ! #kazus adorable. izanas adorable #I LOVE THAT SOUTH IS JUST THERE. IDK HOW THEY MET IN THIS TIMELINE BUT FUCK IT YEAH HES INVITED WHY NOT #seeing timeskip mikey again just confirms my initial feelings towards manila mikey which is that he was ugly 😭 #IDK THE SHORT HAIR DOESNT SUIT HIM IMO 😭 I WAS HOPING THAT WAKUI WOULD GIVE HIM A NEW HAIRCUT THAT WE HAVENT SEEN BEFORE #its ok tho im happy that hes actually happy ! and that the future he wanted with emma and draken and their baby came true 🥲 #WAHH THAT TOO 😭 THE FACT THAT THEYRE MARRIED AND EMMA IS PREGNANT WITH THEIR FIRST CHILD LITERALLY SOBBING 😭 #its what theyve deserved this whole time !!!! #what wakui did to naoto was a crime tho 😭 why does he look like thatttt #bring back detective naoto 😭 current naoto looks more homeless than takemichi that doesnt sit right with me 😭 #im rocking with long hair hanma. shuji just some guy hanma 💀 #wakui making mikey looking at takemichi like that the opening panel like we know what they are 🙄 just had to remind us #thats all i think... its finally over 😭 i may have my grudges but i truly loved reading this weekly for over a year it was so much fun 💗

[hella1975]

georgia by phoebe bridgers is MY song and if she plays it when i see her live then i'll scream and throw up but alternatively if she doesn't play it i will tear my hair out so i'm in a bit of a dilemma here folks

#and by my song i mean it's taob zukka's song #im claiming it #i remember the first time i heard georgia i actually heard the session where she's wearing the lesbian flannel #and i just listened to it on loop and genuinely fucking SOBBED #like i could not figure out why it was making me cry i just could not handle it #'if i fix you will you hate me' like to this DAY i still cant quite figure out what it is about this line #seeing it live would be the vocal equivalent of a bat to the shin i think #phoebe bridgers #hi bam ur gonna have to deal with this im going to grab you and start shaking

[thepavementsings]

One time I read a post that said Pierre “wasn’t an compelling main character” because he’s one dimensional and “doesn’t have an interesting emotional interior arc” I think about it everyday. Every. Day. 

#sorry youre stupid xoxo #literally mexico last year after free practice 2 i remember it so clearly i was shook as fuck #like. ??????? #of all the arguments #and then I think about literally anything he's ever done ever. #literally WHAT #i cant remember who it was because i blocked their existence out of my brain and then never went in the pierre tag ever again #but HELLO #so now every time i whisper to myslef #no compelling emotional interior as I sob into my kepyboard for thr 321423q time #youre literally stupid if youre reading this x #i mean why would you be if im a pierre blog #but just in case youre still out there

[fallowtail]

i try not to let it get to me but the knowledge i am always going to be The Stupid One in every situation i’m in just…really, really sucks. sigh. oh well. i stay silly :3c

#cant even blame it on being audhd because everyone else i know who is #is smart and talented and their brains work alright 😭 i'm just stupid and incapable #i feel like i’m the only person out there who does not get to experience any of the benefits or joys of these things #for me it is nothing but brain damage and endless suffering with no brightside or intelligence or anything #but then everyone tells me i’m the bad guy because if there was a magic button that would make me not audhd i would click it immediately #like why am i wrong for not wanting to suffer #everyone else seems to have a special interest or a fixation and they can remember information about those things but i...dont. i can't. LO #i do not experience the autistic joy everyone else talks about. i dont have the adhd focusing on what you like superpowers or whatever #my autism made me barely pass highschool and i couldnt handle community college and i had to drop out and i can barely handle having #an entry level job that everyone patronizes me about #i'm barely verbal and i am losing my ability to function to brainfog and everyone around me treats me like i'm their little pet idiot #but wanting to change that about myself makes me evil and bad or something i guess #sorry to whine on tumblr like the good old days but twitter is sick of my shit LOL 😭 #pmdd making me spiral worse than usual #one of those times where i'm realizing that if everyone else experiences these things totally different from me than maybe that was never #what was wrong with me in the first place lol. maybe i dont have an explanation and i'm back to being 10 15 19 24 sobbing wondering why im #like this. why i'm so stupid. not even in a self hating way in a legitimately proven way that i am functioning below average intelligence. #ok im done sorryyyyy god i forgot how good tumblr is to vent on #z

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

#diary #personal #mmn. yeah the pain is definitely causing a meltdown or something. #bc. i was somewhat okay earlier today. but now im like. definitely not. #and by earlier i mean like an hour ago. #idk if ill be able to do anything today. like i think ill be able to play splatoon. but beyond that probably not. #um. just to try and describe this to myself. i feel like basically sobbing. and im holding my breath inadvertently to prevent that lol #my like chest/diaphragm feels sorta squeezed. but its different from the normal anxiety. it could be the coffee tho. #and i think it was the pain that caused it. bc i was getting rly distressed by it when i was using the washroom. #bc i couldnt take painkillers right then #i wanted to not take painkillers again so ive been holding off. and i think its subsiding. so i probably wont rn. #but im sorta zoning in and out rn. like i remember doings stuff. but then poof! i remember im here all of a sudden. #my fave feels tingly. and my headphones on my head too. #idk. maybe the somg im listening to is making me sad. #idk. i just wanna hit my shoulder where it hurts. or just my legs. #or be wrapped rly tight in a blanket. i think ill lay down under my weighted blanket in a bit. #but i wanna take my inhaler. and thats delaying that. and maybe thats distressing me more? #idk. all i rly know is i feel bad. and i can tell my thoughts are weird. and i feel like crying and idk why #and its making me feel distreased #and i just feel like screaming. but i cant move around and make noises n bring attention to myseld bc i dont like that #so all i can do is stay as still as i can and get progressivly more distressed bc of it and really just sorta dissociate #im not sure whats going on. idk why im so... something. everything feels very funky. and i cant explain it #everything looks weird n fake. i feel so weird. its like im high or something but im sure as shit not. #my arm hurts a lot i think. idk. when its like this it always feels like i just lost feeling in my arm. #like. i can feel and know is there but jts also not. #idk man. im exhausted. im really tired of existing. its such a pain. quite literally. #idk. i just. everythings bad. idk. idk whats going on anymore. so time to try n play splatoon. #but i also rly just wanna listen to this one song with my headphones on that block all sound. but. theyre low on charge. #im never rly sure what to do when im distressed like this. so i usually either ignore it and do what i planned on/feel like. #...which usually causes me to get progressivly more and more distressed until i blow lmao.

[cinnabeat]

elliots death will always be upsetting to me but it will never match the actual sobbing i did when break died

#it was wild that first time #elliots death still makes me upset whenever i read it like tears and all #but breaks death like made me sob for HOURSSS bro i was so upset like #full on grieving #but if i read it now its like normal levels of upset #ill cry bc its sad but im pretty sure i cry more when reading elliots death than vreaks now #like i remember being sooo upset and then the second i read that part where break is like #i dont want to die?? i remember i like started crying so hard man #idk why that hit me so hard lmao i was like fuck dude i too want to be alive #i think it was that realization that fuck theres so much i want to do? im not ready to die? #like its so unfair #and its just the juxtaposition between break constantly talking abt how his body is gonna give out one die like THE ENTIRE MANGA #and then the moment it happens hes like wait im not ok with this at all actually #elliots death is so fucked up tho like peak tragedy #and then to have the only witness to his death and the person who hears his last words #is vincent fucking nighteay like god damn cant even have the dignity of being a badass in front of people who could appreciate it #'humpty dumpty i deny all of you' panel is sooo #oh my god #peak composition #michi tag

[more-complicated]

Sorry but it really does upset me sometimes seeing childrens/teens emotions just being boiled down to being a kid.

Like. For a lot of people the struggles theyre going through and even just emotional ones will effect them for the rest of their lives.

And at the same time I get it like theres stuff that seemed so important to me as a teen and that I grew out of and gained perspective on but also like... There was so much i was stuggling with that was very real and practical concerns and it just like all got dismissed.

And it just upsets me so much. Because I'm still carrying all that with me and its like I would watch people say well you'll grow out of it you'll get over it and I fucking havent that shit was real and just because i was a teenager doesnt mean I didnt know what I was feeling. And it hurts so bad too because so much of it I just didnt have the vocabulary/exprience/perspective to fully understand or explain what I was feeling but it didnt stop me from hurting. And that also gets dismissed.

#vent / #sorry :( #im always sorry. because im already guilty even if i didnt do anything. because im waiting for you to get angry at any moment. #so sorry i said sorry please dont be mad #i cant even articulate the ways my mother fucked me over and im still here and i still care about her and it wasnt even ''that bad'' enough #to justify why I'm so traumatized because i cant just explain it #i cant just make it make sense. #but the drop of a hat and im right back there. #and im still so fucking scared and i dont rhink i can do anything #you know im so scared pf nreaking dishes and glass #because she would scream at us as children if we did it #and i was really clumbsy #and it got the point where i would already break down sobbing if i broke anything #and so she stopped yelling #but im still scared. #i still try to catch them even if it means the shards are just gonna cut me #so where does that put us? #i cant even remember it all do you understand #i cant remember but im LIKE THIS #i almost posted to main then decided against it

[saltinesinsoup]

god. man.

#jayventing #absolutely fucked driving earlier good lord. got stuck behind a truck and i couldnt merge into the lane next to me and there were cars behin #behind me and i was crying and i felt like my mom would not stop yelling at me even if she wasnt and then i cried even more when i got onto #another street with tight lanes and because my mom hasa fucking suv for no goddamn reason it was so fucking big and my mom kept yelling at #me and i asked if there was somewhere nearby where we could pull over because i was fucking crying and didnt want to drive and she was like #no youre gonna get us home. and then i got home and sobbed. and im still teary about it. and now i really dont want to go driving anymore #like. if there was a license that was just. drive myself around to a few various places that dont involve the highway and there were no cars #and all the lanes were a good size and i had a small car i think i could do it. #but oh my god. that was fucking horrible #i think i need to just get a driving instructor instead because driving with my parents is the worst fucking thing ever #im remembering now why i was so hesitant to start driving in the first place (fear of. fucking crashing) #so uh. god #and i also have math i dont understand so im gonna get some help for it tomorrow because i cannot fucking handle the godamn polar grid today #and also like. i clearly Was Not as ready as i thought i was and instead of letting me switch so i wasnt fucking crying while driving my mom #made me keep going. i cant do this man

[ymiko0]

A/n: request! I had to delete the draft so I unfortunately dont have the ask...but I do remember what the ask is about!

Tags: breeding, creampie, afab!reader, mating press (guess my fave position lol), mentions of pregnancy, unprotected sex (I dont condone this action),

He grips your thighs harder, your knees almost touching your ears as he continues to drill in you. Your eyes swelling up with tears and sobs escaping your sore throat.

Dazai moaned, unrestrained as he kept slamming his hips against yours, his balls slapping against your slicked bum, the air filled with the smell of arousal and wet slaps.

He loved the way you felt around him, your walls fluttering around his shaft, providing the warmth he oh so longed for. He cages you between his arms, placing his weight on you as he pounded into you with much more fervor.

He cant stop— he doesn't wanna stop. The feeling of needing to fill you up everytime just grows as he does so.

Dazai was never a man who wanted children, he thinks it's a ridiculous idea for a man like him to have offsprings.

Thats why when you asked him to cum inside you— he hesitated. He was afraid of what might come after. The thought of having children scares him.

" O-oh..! Fuck—! "

But your reassurance gave him the push to spill inside you.

And he was ecstatic.

His eyes rolled back as his hips stuttered and jittered, it felt amazing. Filling you up while feeling your walls clamp around him was euphoric.

Is this why some people loved to have children so much? Because he sure is convinced. This practice made him feel so much closer to you, he grew to love it so much to the point that he doesnt waste his release anymore,

He wants it inside.

—his excuse? Lesser mess.

" Haah..— oh fuck—, fuck, fuck, fuck—! " he let out breathy moans, he was nearing his release again.

" ah—! O-osam—..h! "

you interrupted yourself as you felt him rub your clit, your legs shaking from his hold as his pace began to loose consistency.

He kissed your swollen, red lips, a subtle action thanking you for this moment.

" Oh! Fuck— fuck fuck! y-y/n! Oh gosh you're so— "

You felt his pace falter and hips shake, he let go of you legs and placed them on his shoulder, kissing you once again as he stilled inside you, deep and felt his essence paint your insides.

He stilled his hips against your entrance, still folded in half and still clinging onto him.

You both bask in the aftermath of the climax, feeling his cum spill out of your abused hole, muttering a few words of praises against your ear.

But after a few seconds of composing himself, he began slowly rolling his hips again.

he whispered to your ear as he began to pick up his pace.

" ....just one more yea? Bella'? "

Hes addicted.

A/n: I personally think dazai doesnt want children...but would think about it if his spouse wants them! Very ooc as usual h a h a.

Fuck counter: 8

#bsd smut #ymk0》works! #bsd dazai #bsd x reader #dazai x reader #dazai smut #ymk0》asks! #dazai osamu

[melomacaron]

I can't make my freaking vent thing so venting in the tags of my blog with less followers it is

#♡. broken music box #fucking HELL i cant even think of what to say i just. im tired. #i just. im sobbing and i dont know why #ughhh i just. #its hellish to have the shit that you think about doing to yourself be encouraged and mocked #like im just.. a silly paper doll to be torn apart #maybe i want to be torn apart #hell ive already been torn apart. i cant sleep well‚ i cant eat unless j dont think about it otherwise it becomes gag inducing‚ my #hallucinations and paranoia increased 10 fold‚ and the safe space i made for myself to get away from my abusers has been compromised #i dunno i just. #i deal with a lot just Normally at home. #my dad is mentally abusive to me n my sibling‚ my mom just complies with it‚ and my sibling was my past 'main' abuser #as much as i love my mom. i dont think ill be able to see her as anything more than my abuser #i feel like it was tne same w my sibling‚ but to am ucj lesser extent bc of somethingthat happene d #no no not again i dontlike remembering this #that? whatever i just eant it to stop please make ot stop #i rememberseekmf them in that hospital bed andthey just laughed like nothing happened. k tjjmk they were in shock or maybe they just didnt #wwana treat it seriously or something but #that was the scariest thing of my life #thehospital was so still that day. it felt empty like kt was onlyme and her and the employee #i didntcry even thouhh i shouldve #been crying #buti didny #i didnt crya single time wjen it ess happened #i cantrllt remember tjat day anymore #or anything that caneafter #i just esnt kt to stop plesse make ktstop #vent #ask to tag

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

#oh this is so soft. how nice #diary #personal #im. absolutely exhausted. and the amount of stuff i had to do/deal with today was a bit too much so im like. on the verge of tears #its from overstimulation/exhaustion so im fine this is sorta normal ig. its just. taking the bus. talking to ppl. #and having to take care of my bunny while like. barely able to force myself to move. #i think ill have some coffee b4 work tomorrow bc it does help curb this sadly. #i dont like having a lot of it but i honestly cant fucking function #im also very upset bc i wanna book my therapy appointment but im so overstimulated and exhausted i cant. ugh. #and im so tired i just wanna sleep. cant play games #drugs tw #and like. this is sorta why i drink/get high after work. bc after i cant function. and it lasts at least 24h. #so what does getting high do for me? it numbs out my senses a little so i wont get to the point im sobbing bc the bus is too crowded #its... rly hard. this is why i dont like working. bc it sorta fucking destroys me. and it hurts a lot. #and every week it feels like i have to relearn it. and i worry im not doing well and im acting weird or something #on an upnote tho my binder is super comfy n soft and i forgot i was wearing it tbh. id remember n be like #anyway thats my limit rn imma go watch vids n stuff n go to bed.