#why did we not get a scene with cake and Cassian

[isa-beenme]

I'm currently writing three things at the same time, but I felt a need to write something sad, something to break my heart and break all of you along, I can't be sad alone, thank you

The plot is basically: every bat boy's mate deal with depression in a different way, or "three different approaches of depression to three different brothers" (I felt so funny when I thought about this one)

So... do we want a part 2?

Trigger Warning: Self-destructive thoughts, depression

Prompt: Prythian saw the way that Rhysand's mate fell into depression but tried her best to get better. They saw the way that Cassian's mate fell into depression and turned it into pure anger and self-destruction. But... what if Azriel's mate simply... doesn't care?

What Was I Made For?

Sometimes I wish I didn't exist.

Not in the sense that I want to die. Far from it. I dread the thought of my own death. If I stop and imagine what happens afterward, I feel on the verge of panicking. Not death. Never death.

However, I like to think about how everything would be so much easier if I simply didn't exist. The number of responsibilities I could just let go of. The countless times I wouldn't have to rush and cry out of despair for feeling so useless would simply diminish. I would be so happy if I didn't exist.

I started thinking about this when I was 14.

It's been 500 years, and I remain the same.

Five hundred whole years where I feel inclined to ask the Mother to not exist.

But I do exist.

And that's what intrigues me.

I don't know who I am, and I just can't find something I like. There's nothing that keeps me here. Really.

That scares me.

A lot.

I mean, I spent my whole life studying in the Day Court, participating in politics, and learning from the High Lord Helion himself. I was supposed to be his successor. But then Lucien came into the scene and I became his spare. Or second in command. Works the same.

My objective was easy enough, everything I knew, I should teach him. And I did. We had fun. I guess. And then his father made a party to invite his "friends" for a celebration. He told me they weren't really his friends. I understood that feeling.

The Inner Circle of the Night Court sat across from us at the table. It didn't take long for the mating bond to snap between me and the Shadowsinger. The celebration became even bigger when he smiled at me.

And I smiled back.

I mean, how couldn't I, right? He seemed gentle and caring and his face was very pleasant to look at.

He courted me. He flirted, sent gifts, and traveled to the Day Court's capital every often to see me. I'm not sure what love means but I'm pretty sure it's something close to what I felt inside of me every time he looked into my eyes and smiled.

And yet, I feel I could not exist and it wouldn't change a thing.

But if I could make him happy maybe I would understand everyone's desire to be alive. I would understand what it is like to fight for your own life with the necessity to live another day.

That's why I accepted the mating bond.

We had a party. A dinner. A house. Vacations. Damn, the tower of gifts we had to open after almost three weeks of pure sex took me a month.

And yet, I feel I could not exist and it wouldn't change a thing.

We moved to Velaris. My role in the Day Court was long forgotten. I mean, I just said I don't care about anything, how could I care about a job I had just because I was good at it?

Being good at something doesn't mean I really need to live for it.

If so, I would be a dancer. Because I'm amazing at it, I have trophies, experience, and talent. But I'm not a dancer.

If so, I would be an actress. Because I'm amazing at it, I participated in hundreds of pieces, and interpreted tons of characters. But I'm not an actress.

If so, I would be a cook. Because I'm amazing at it, I'm the one in charge of making every meal and every cake for people's birthdays. But I'm not a cook.

If so, I would be a warrior. But I'm not a warrior.

If so, I would be a painter. But I'm not a painter.

If so, I would be a singer. But I'm not a singer.

If so, I would be a seamstress. But I'm not a seamstress.

And when I came to Velaris, almost two years ago I became Azriel's mate. And I hate it.

We easily fell into a routine with his Inner Circle. And now, there's no family that makes me want to keep on living. In fact, most of the time I feel even more exhausted when I'm with my family. Or Azriel's family, if I'm being real.

I feel suffocated by an enthusiasm and freedom I can't keep up with. My family isn't bad, not by a long shot, and certainly not up close. They are great. They stand up for the right causes, love to have fun, and are very liberal about any topic.

Except when the topic is me.

I'm the newest but also the oldest among all the female mates. And that kind of put me on a pedestal I never asked for. Something like: "If she did it, you could too, Feyre"; or else: "Even she couldn't do it, Nestha, don't worry about it"; I'm not a unit of measurement, but sometimes it feels like I'm nothing more than that.

Except when I'm with Lucien. He is the exception to the rule of 'I feel suffocated within the family circle'. I'm his favorite friend, obviously, but that's not the reason why we are so good together. He understands me and seems to grasp the feeling of not wanting to exist, even though we've never talked about it. So, he just exists by my side. And that's exactly what I need.

I don't worry about depression.

Or should I?

I am happy. Truly happy.

Not that people with depression aren't happy.

They must be.

I hope they are.

But sometimes I imagine myself going to a healer's office and pouring out everything I feel. But I never know where to start. So, I stop imagining.

I'm usually happy. Very happy. And this happens with my friends. Or anywhere away from my family. Everyone annoys me in some way. Except for Lucien.

Even when I'm alone, I feel extremely happy. Especially when I'm alone. Whenever I'm alone.

I actually hate studying. Which is basically my job.

But if that means staying away from my family, I seriously consider doing volunteer work at the Library during vague hours. Get a full-time job. Anything to keep me away. And contrary to expectations, I don't feel bad about thinking this way. I don't care.

And that scares me even more.

I don't care, and I don't react. Sometimes, I fall into a vast abyss of overwhelming emptiness, unable to separate reality from what's happening in my mind. I don't feel inclined to react with jokes or anything else. I don't care if they argue with me, yell, speak ill of me in the room next door, or debate on how to 'punish' me when I'm three steps away on the sidewalk.

It doesn't matter.

Nothing matters.

I've made my friends cry trying to prove a point I believe is right. It doesn't matter.

I've cried in front of friends so they'd accept what I was saying. It doesn't matter.

I also have the terrible habit of always wanting to be right. In everything. It doesn't matter if I'm wrong, it doesn't matter if someone will get hurt. I ALWAYS have to be right.

Sometimes I imagine I'm going too far in this abyss to the point of hurting myself. Or others.

And here's another characteristic of mine. I imagine too much. Most likely, I have three or four books written somewhere in my room. But I don't feel inclined to publish them or continue writing. It was just a phase. Just like everything else.

Just like my mating bond with Azriel. I love him, but… I'm not like the High Lord's or the General's mates. They… live for them.

I mean, Feyre is an amazing person, she's such a sweetheart. But as High Lady? I swear, she's more like a city mayor than anything else, she can barely read a full sentence without getting a headache from too much effort.

And Nestha? What a fearless female. She's amazing! But being the General of the Valkyries? Come on. They can't possibly think that, just because they cut a miserable string, they are actually able to fight as a battalion. Right?

Maybe I'm mean for thinking like that. Maybe I'm stupid. Or hateful. Or fake. Or cruel.

So I never say anything.

I keep imagining them. Every day.

It's fun.

Sometimes I like Azriel more than I like myself.

But I like most people more than I like myself.

Sometimes I hate myself.

Sometimes I like myself.

There's a thin line between my two states of mind.

Sometimes I think it's my fault.

Sometimes I think it's my mate's fault.

I don't feel bad about hating him whenever I feel anger spread through me. He also triggers the emptiness in my chest sometimes. He can be annoying with all his senseless conversations. The way he lives his life annoys me even more. Because he can do everything.

He's Azriel, the Shadowsinger, the Spymaster, the poor thing, the one who didn't grow up in a good place, the cute one, the funny one, the pretty one, the hot one, the smart one, the-

I don't know.

If I let the anger get me it will soon vanish. Just like every other feeling I ever let myself have.

You know the feeling of losing something you never knew you actually cared about? That's how I feel about my freedom. Not that Azriel took my freedom meaning that he restrains what I do or like I miss my single life (if I'm being honest I was never a lover to no one, Azriel was my second or third). But this bond took it from me.

I used to float around, doing different things every single day, but now I just fall down and down and down into my inner abyss. I could've been a dancer, an actress, a cook, a warrior, a painter, a singer, or a seamstress because I had the freedom to try it. Maybe I don't want to live for it but I want to live with it. Now I'm… his mate.

I used to know I was empty, but I'm not sure now that this bond keeps flooding itself with love and fear and pain and happiness.

I don't know what I was made for.

I don't know how to feel secure. But I wanna try. I don't know how to feel truly happy. But someday I might… Someday I might… try.

When did it all end? All the enjoyment. All the feelings.

It doesn't matter.

None of this matters.

Since I was 14, nothing matters.

And I wouldn't mind just not existing.

But I want to know what I was made for.

That's why I'm leaving.

#spotify #acotar #azriel × reader #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel/reader #azriel x oc #azriel x reader #azriel x female!reader

[inkedstarlight]

Bittersweet: Chapter 15

Summary: It's Elain's birthday, and the whole gang is celebrating at her and Nesta's apartment. Nesta and Cassian bond. Read it here on AO3! Warnings: mentions of previous self-harm Bittersweet Masterlist

Just one more tattoo, and it would be done. It was a small area, too. Nothing that would cost too much. The Gods only knew how much Nesta had spent on tattoos since the age of eighteen.

The first one – she’d gotten it a week after her eighteenth birthday – was inked on her right forearm. The snake coiled from just beneath the crease of her arm, all the way down to her wrist. Flames accented its scales, its tongue out in a deadly hiss. It was heavily shaded; all of them were. That was the point.

When she began self-harming at twelve years old, Nesta knew it would leave irrevocable scars. Why would she care, though? At that point in her life, she didn’t think she’d make it past high school. Marred skin was the least of her worries.

But then she survived through middle school. And high school and college and now here she was as a graduate student, still very much alive, with countless scars to show for it.

Except they didn’t show. She’d spent thousands of dollars, countless of hours in uncomfortable chairs, to make sure of it. The bumpy texture would never completely disappear, but with the power of ink and art, the pinkish-brown marks did. Despite the persistent voice inside her that’d always told her she deserved it, Nesta regretted what she’d done to her body. She spent years hiding under long-sleeved shirts in ninety degree weather, years of avoiding the beach, of privatizing every part of her body, to keep her secret safe. Up until that horrible day, the day she’d never forget no matter how much she tried.

Nesta had a full sleeve on her left arm, a couple large tattoos on her right, and both her thighs were covered as well. All of them were darkly shaded; a far stretch from the delicate fine lines that inked Feyre’s arm and hand. There were just two scars that remained uncovered on her right bicep, discreet enough that most people didn’t notice, visible enough that she did. She didn’t quite know what to put there yet, but she was determined to get it done soon.

Nesta sighed, turning away from the mirror. The clock blinked two o’clock in the afternoon. The sun glared off the snowy ground and into her window, and Minx was enjoying himself in the sunspots on her bed. She needed to start preparing for tonight. It was Elain’s birthday, and she’d insisted that she and Nesta host the party at their apartment, much to Nesta’s dismay. Elain felt bad they hadn’t yet hosted a potluck, and this was her remedy, the gods-damn angel.

Nesta looked around her room. Her closet was spilling out with oversized sweaters, her many pairs of shoes were scattered around the floor, her bed was atrociously unmade. Tomorrow, she told herself. She’d clean it up tomorrow. It wasn’t like the party would be in her room.

With that settled, Nesta stalked out of her room toward the kitchen.

She only made it a few feet before stopping short.

Oh, hell no.

“Elain, what are you doing?”

Her sister turned around to face Nesta, cake batter on her nose, cheeks flushed pink. She looked guilty. As she should.

Nesta took in the scene and let out a strangled groan, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. “Tell me you’re not making your own fucking birthday cake.”

Elain’s lips formed an O. “I’m… not making my own birthday cake?” It came out as a question.

Nesta stifled the urge to stomp her foot like a child on the tiled floor. “What did we tell you?”

Elain looked down at her pink-polished toes. “You got it taken care of.”

“Yes. We got it all taken care of. You’re not supposed to lift a finger for this celebration.”

“But⸻”

“But nothing, okay? Let us do something nice for you.”

Elain nodded reluctantly before looking back at the bowl of cake batter on the counter before glancing back at Nesta with concern. “So, are you going to make the cake…?”

Nesta heard the skepticism in her sister’s voice. She puffed out her chest in a challenge. “Yeah, maybe I am.”

“But Nesta,” Elain bit her lip, her voice lowering to a whisper. “You can’t really cook.”

Nesta opened her mouth to retort, but nothing came out because Elain was right. She couldn’t cook for shit. Thanksgiving proved that to everyone.

“Please just let me make it,” Elain pleaded with those irresistible puppy eyes. “I already started; there’s no point in wasting the batter.”

Nesta eyed her.

“C’mon, you know I’ll enjoy baking it,” Elain teased with a wide grin. She wiggled her eyebrows. “And you’ll enjoy eating it even more.”

“Okay, okay,” Nesta conceded. Even she couldn’t argue with that.

*                      *                      *

Three hours later, the apartment was shining with glittery décor, the smell of freshly baked cake wafting in every room. Elain was just finishing getting ready in her room, Nesta lighting some mood candles, when the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it!” Elain bounced out of her room excitedly, smacking a big kiss on Nesta’s cheek as she passed her to get to the door.

Elain was wearing a beautiful pink sundress that fell just below her knee, a generous slit on the left side showing off her cream-colored thigh. Her golden hair tumbled down her shoulders, butterfly clips framing her face perfectly. She’d applied a light layer of rosy blush, her lips shining with gloss.

Azriel was damn near going to shit himself when he saw her.

“Elain,” Nesta called out quietly before her sister could open the door. Elain turned back to face her.

“You’re beautiful.”

Elain beamed, making Nesta’s heart squeeze. “Look in the mirror.”

Nesta gave her a small smile in return. Elain had miraculously convinced her to wear a dress. When she saw the dusty sage material hanging in the back of Nesta’s closet just an hour ago, she squealed in delight and asked Nesta to try it on for her. And because Nesta couldn’t say no to her sister on her birthday, she agreed. When she put it on, Elain had tears in her eyes.

And now, here she was. The silky fabric hugged her hips, helping to hide the weight she’d lost. For once, her wavy hair wasn’t pulled back into a ponytail. The golden-brown locks flowed freely, complementing the color of her dress. As she faced the foyer in the kitchen, Nesta was starting to regret the whole thing while Elain greeted everyone at the door.

The urge to bolt back to her room and change was overwhelming, but a familiar, raspy voice called out her name before she could escape.

Amren was waltzing to her in a velvet dress, a look of bemusement on her perfectly made-up face. She stopped in front of Nesta and let out a low whistle.

“Have you really been hiding this,” she nodded to Nesta’s dress – or more accurately, her body – “from me this whole time?”

“Hello to you, too.” Nesta could only chuckle awkwardly and wave away the compliment, turning the attention back to her friend. “Where have you been?” She hadn’t seen Amren in what felt like weeks.

Amren crossed her arms with a quirk of her eyebrow. “Where have I been? You haven’t come to one of the potlucks since New Year’s Eve.”

Nesta cringed inwardly. She’d been avoiding those ever since the night Tomas came into Rita’s. After the incident, she’d thrown herself into work, picking up stray shifts whenever she could.

“Sorry, I got a new best friend.”

Amren gasped in mock horror. “You didn’t.”

“She listens to Bring Me the Horizon,” Nesta offered.

“And she’s not here, why?”

“Stop by Rita’s next Friday; I’ll introduce you.”

Amren gave her a look. “I’m holding you to that.”

While they’d been talking, everyone had slowly trickled through the foyer. Nesta spotted Elain in the kitchen holding a bouquet of flowers in her hands, beaming at Azriel, who was looking down at her like she was the sun. One of his hands reached the small amount of space between them to stroke her cheek, which was now flaming red. Giving them some privacy, Nesta looked away, only to find herself face-to-face with Cassian.

He was holding a half-empty beer in his hands – Gods, he’d just gotten here – as he peered down at her. He wore a dark Henley shirt; two buttons popped open like he’d gotten ready in a rush. His hair was pulled back into a low bun, a couple flyaway strands framing his perfectly structured face. It was infuriating how good he managed to look all the damn time.

And the way he was looking at her… Nesta cursed the flush that ran down her neck as Cassian raked his eyes up and down her body, hugging every curve. His gaze caught on her unbound hair, and Nesta took a small delight in the way his nostrils flared. She swore his hand clenched tighter around the beer bottle.

When their eyes met, though, the heat morphed into a lazy swagger so quickly that Nesta wondered if she’d imagined the whole thing.

“Don’t look too excited, sweetheart,” he greeted her, sweet arrogance coating his every word. “I know seeing me makes your day.”

“Sorry, sweetheart,” she threw back at him dryly. “I would hate for you to think I don’t worship the ground you walk on.”

The bastard clutched his poor, empty heart. “My love language has always been words of affirmation. How ever did you know?”

“Oh, Feyre didn’t tell you?” Nesta feigned shock before her lips curved into a cruel smile. “I can smell when a man is insecure with his masculinity.”

Cassian’s lips pressed together in poorly concealed amusement. It was then that Nesta realized Amren was still there, her eyes bouncing between them like she was watching a tennis match.

“As entertaining as this is,” Amren interrupted their back-and-forth with a smirk, “I’m going to grab a drink. You two have fun doing whatever this –” she gestured between them “– is.”

Nesta felt the deep rumble of Cassian’s laugh in her lower stomach as Amren sauntered away.

Now it was just them. Great.

“So… you did really well at Illyria,” Cassian observed, tilting his head down to look at her. “Will you be joining us again?”

Illyria. It’d been a little over a week since Nesta and Emerie walked into Cassian’s gym. Nesta hadn’t yet admitted to Emerie how much she’d begrudgingly enjoyed their kickboxing session. The day after, she’d been pleasantly sore, and her back muscles felt less tense. Her body wasn’t used to physical activity, and it needed to replenish itself with nutrients. So, for the first time in months, she’d actually eaten something for breakfast the next morning.

But Nesta simply shrugged, a portrait of indifference. “We’ll see.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

As per usual, she ignored him, opting to grab a glass of wine from the kitchen island. Gods only knew she would need it to get through the evening.

Feyre approached her as she took a gulp from her glass. It was Snoop Dogg’s red blend, the bottle both inexpensive and delicious. Nesta had bought three bottles in preparation for the party. She couldn’t help it; Snoop knew what was up.

“Great job with the party,” Feyre complimented, casting a glance to the decorations around them. Her face softened. “Elain seems really happy.”

Nesta hid her surprise, treading carefully. She never knew if Feyre had a second agenda. “Did she tell you she made the cake?”

“Even after we told her we’d handle it?”

Nesta nodded, and her youngest sister rolled her eyes. “Predictable,” they both said in unison, casting a strange look at each other before laughing. A moment of silence passed between them.

“I like your hair like that,” Feyre murmured, bringing her tattooed hand between them to playfully curl a strand around her finger. Nesta couldn’t help but flinch at the contact, cursing herself when Feyre took notice. Her sister quickly dropped her hand, confusion and concern swirling in those blue-grey eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to –”

“Oh, I think Cassian is calling me over,” Nesta interrupted. Gods, why did I say that? Amren is right there –

“Did someone rub the magic lamp?” Cassian sidled up behind Feyre, throwing an arm over her shoulder. Her sister gave him a strained smile, her attention returning to Nesta.

“Uh, you mentioned t-that you, um…” Nesta struggled for words. Think of an excuse, think of an excuse, think of –

Cassian must’ve read the panic in her eyes because he smoothly finished for her. “Ah, yes. I wanted you to give me a little tour of the place. You were especially excited to show me your bedroom.” He shot her a saucy wink.

Gods-damn him to hell.

Nesta forced a smile, the promise of murder in her eyes. To his credit, Cassian’s smile didn’t even falter.

“Right,” she said through gritted teeth before turning to her sister. “I think we’re eating soon; we’ll be right back.”

Feyre didn’t even get the chance to reply, as Cassian was already beelining for Nesta’s bedroom, the latter right on his heels.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Nesta sputtered, trying to pass Cassian to block the closed door. The bastard shot a grin at her over his shoulder.

“I’m getting a tour.”

Nesta shoved his arm with all her might, hoping to derail him from his course, but he didn’t even falter.

“You can’t be serious. I’m not actually giving you a –”

She was cut off as they reached her bedroom door, Cassian’s hand clasping the rusty doorknob. Nesta was breathing heavily, levelling a glare at him.

“Oh, I’m deadly serious, sweetheart.”

She scrambled for an excuse. “It’s a mess in there.”

“You clearly haven’t seen pictures of Rhys’s dorm room freshman year.”

His eyes shone with determination. Somehow, Nesta knew that Cassian wasn’t backing down. Not when he’d already made up his mind. She’d wager all her money to bet that he always got what he wanted.

Damn him.

“Five minutes,” she conceded, her tone final.

Cassian’s grin was blinding as he twisted the doorknob and entered.

It was dark, save for the moonlight that seeped onto the hardwood floor through the window. Cassian quickly found the light switch mounted next to the door frame, illuminating her room.

Her entire body clenched in anxious anticipation as Cassian took in everything before him; there wasn’t much. The cream walls were bare, her bed unmade, trash bin to the point of overflowing, and cardboard boxes littered the floor. There wasn’t a single picture in sight. It looked like someone had just moved in yesterday.

Nesta and Elain had moved into the apartment six months ago.

Cassian hadn’t yet said a word, and Nesta wanted to push him out of here and never talk to him again. A surge of anger rushed through her. Where did he have the right to barge into her private space? Who did he think he was? They weren’t even fucking friends. She could sense the judgement, the disgust coming from him. It had her blood boiling.

Just as she was about to snap at him to get the fuck out, Cassian turned to look at her. His face, it wasn’t full of disgust or pity or judgement like she’d expected.

No, his lips were tipped up in the smugness he carried around everywhere. It didn’t quite meet his eyes, but she didn’t have the chance to read into it before he spoke.

“You know…” Nesta braced herself. Cassian pointed to the empty wall that her headboard rested against. “I have a 23 x 12 inch headshot that would look great right here. It has a glossy finish, so it would really pop against the blandness of the wall.” He let out an idyllic sigh. “You would get to wake up to my smiling face every morning.”

Words escaped Nesta, her jaw nearly hitting the floor as Cassian gave her a dazzling smile.

Then, she laughed.

It wasn’t one of the half-assed chuckles that’d replaced her real laughter in the past six months. No, it was a raucous bellow that spilled out of her lips, uncontrollable in the best way. Nesta clutched her stomach, the deep laughter making her belly cramp.

Cassian watched her with astonishment; he’d never heard such a beautiful sound. And soon, he found himself laughing just as hard.

“Please tell me,” Nesta got out between her amused howls, “you don’t really have that big of a headshot in your possession.”

“Come over to mine, and you’ll find out,” he winked flirtatiously.

“I could think of a thousand other things I’d rather do, one of which includes being struck by lightning,” she shot back. Her laughter subsided, but the lightness in her chest remained.

*                      *                      *

After dinner, everyone gathered in the living room, drinks being poured and passed around one after another. The cake Elain had baked turned out delicious; there wasn’t a single slice left. But perhaps that had more to do with the boys’ unending appetites.

At this point in the evening, Elain was flushed and giggly, a telltale sign that she was tipsy. Azriel sat next to her (like he’d done all night), eyes gleaming with amusement. Elain didn’t often drink, so Nesta assumed this was Azriel’s first time seeing her like this. He looked absolutely enraptured.

Everyone had their fair share to drink, Nesta included. She had a hard time not indulging in Snoop’s fine wine. Her body was warm and buzzing against the soft material of the loveseat as she listened to the conversations around her.

When she looked to her right, she noticed that Cassian was sitting beside her, eyes twinkling.

“You’re not Amren,” Nesta stated the obvious. She swore it was Amren on the loveseat next to her just moments ago…

“No, sweetheart, I’m not,” Cassian murmured, laughter in his voice. “She got up about ten minutes ago for a smoke.”

Nesta’s attention homed in onto his lips. They were full and soft. “Are you drunk too?”

He licked his lips, and Nesta wanted to slap him for tempting her. Even if it was wholly unintentional. “I will be when I finish this drink.” He gestures to the half-empty drink in his hands. Whiskey. She could smell it on his breath.

When had they gotten so close?

Nesta’s legs were curled underneath her, and she was facing Cassian, her head resting gently on the couch. Her dress had ridden up, hitting midthigh to show off the skulls and flowers tatted there. Cassian sat just inches away, his feet planted on the ground, knees gravitating in her direction.

Cassian opened those mesmerizing lips to say something, but a fluffy black ball leapt onto his jean-clad lap before he could get the words out.

Minx.

The traitor sat on his haunches facing Cassian, tilting his head up for scratches. Cassian laughed and obeyed, his large hands nearly swallowing Minx’s face as he rubbed his ears. “He likes me,” Cassian smirked. He knew Minx was her cat, how possessive she was of him.

Nesta scoffed. “He likes everyone.” Lie. Minx was not a people person. The brothers just seemed to bring out the best in him.

“Hmm,” Cassian rumbled deeply. He leaned down until he was face to face with Minx. Nesta tried to contain her shock when Minx closed the space between them and booped his nose with Cassian’s. He only ever did that with her.

Cassian shot her a look of victory from the corner of his eye. Nesta stuck out her tongue in retribution.

“Cass, come take a look at this!” Feyre called out from where she and Rhys sat together on an armchair. They were both looking at Rhysand’s phone, cracking up at whatever video or article or post was pulled up. Cassian downed the rest of his drink and set it on the coffee table before making his way over.

Nesta’s attention returned to everyone conversing around her. Everyone was in their own little group, laughing or talking animatedly, and it was then that the realization hit her. She wasn’t like them. Rhysand still avoided talking to her, Feyre only made small talk when they were forced to interact, Azriel had Elain and vice versa, and Mor hadn’t done more than introduce herself and her wife. Half of them had to pretend to like her. Even though tonight had been different than most, Cassian was still a thorn in her side. She had Amren, but… this would always be her choice. Not Nesta, Feyre’s estranged sister who could barely talk to anyone the first couple of months she lived in Colorado. No, that was hardly realistic. All of them belonged together.

And Nesta? She was just there.

----------------------------

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#bittersweet #my writing #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #acosf #nessian #elriel #feysand #sarah j maas #fanfiction #acomaf

[vidalinav]

This whole time I thought the feeding each other to accept the mating bond was a way to eventually lead up to the tradition of a couple feeding each other cake at their wedding or at least play off of this idea in an actual mating ceremony and that eventually it would lead to this in some way for Nessian. But not only is it more sexist than it tends to be portrayed, considering the entirety of everything that happens for women in this series. It is also not tying anything together. It still does not have any purpose or logical reasoning outside of “because” dot dot dot.

Okay Janet.

#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #anti acosf #anti acotar #why the fuck do we still not have a couple who says let’s feed each other #…….. #rolls eyes hard core #my new sure Jan #my girl likes cake #why did we not get a scene with cake and Cassian #????? why not Janet?

[elriel-sparkleshadow]

Elriel Month Day 6 - Field Of Flowers

I wrote this some time ago and I think it fits the theme of the day perfectly. Since it was said in ACOSF that Cassian is allergic to flowers I always wonder about it happening.

Hope you like it! @elrielmonth

After Elain and Azriel have a picnic in the middle of a field of flowers, Azriel returns home covered in pollen, which causes an allergic reaction in Cassian and generates distrust in Nesta.

“A blindfold?” Azriel looked at Elain, arching an eyebrow as she smiled and nodded.

“In the bedroom the rules are yours” she walked to a stop behind him and placed the fabric over his eyes, pinning it. “But in the gardens the rules are mine” she whispered the last part in his ear and he can't help but smile maliciously, as he pulled her forward and intertwined their hands. “So I hope you will guide me”

“We just need to winnow to the field of flowers that I showed you these days” Elain stood on tiptoe and gave him a quick kiss, feeling the shadows surround them as Azriel pulled her closer and winnow up to the flowery hill she had shown him earlier in the week.

Elain had prepared a picnic at sunset, with Nuala's help and when they arrived everything was already prepared. Smiling, even more, she guided Az to the towel and asked him to sit down. When they were both seated, she took a flower crown to put on her own head and placed another on his.

“Can I look now?” he asked impatiently, but a smile threatened to appear on his mouth.

‘Yes, you can” Elain bit her mouth while Az released the fabric and looked around, surprised. “ You liked?” she held her breath waiting for his answer.

Azriel laughed happily, noting the flower crown on his head, and approached Elain. "I like everything you do, El." The setting sun lit Elain's golden brown hair, and Azriel admired her for a long time as she opened the picnic basket and arranged the items on the towel.

They spent the next hour eating the cakes and cookies that Elain had prepared, and between laughs and stolen kisses, the night was falling. It was difficult to be able to spend so much time together without the others being suspicious, but with the trip from Rhys and Feyre and Cassian and Nesta from Nyx nannies, they could extend this improvised meet a little further. A strong wind almost pulled the flower crown from Azriel's hair and Elain quickly got to her knees in front of him and held the accessory in place.

“You really liked to see me with that.” Az said and when she gave him a kiss on the cheek he took the opportunity to pull her onto his lap.

“Yes. You look beautiful.” she gave him another kiss and he felt his skin heat up, his cheeks turn red and it just seemed to encourage her even more. When they realized, Az was already lying on his back on the grass and Elain was over him, filling his face with kisses and repeating that he was beautiful.

Gradually the kisses were getting slower, while Elain was running down with her mouth for his jaw and neck. One thing was the touches and caresses they exchanged in bed, but it was different when they were outdoors and the touches were not sexual, he had never been with anyone like that and his heart was racing. Elain felt his tension and pulled away enough to look him in the eye.

“Az. Something is wrong?” her eyes were nervous and he stared at her for a moment.

"No" he whispered, sliding a hand down her arm and Elain raised an eyebrow, waiting for a better answer.

“This is something new for me, El. But I liked” Azriel placed a lock that was loosening from her hairstyle behind her ear, attention still in her eyes. “Go on.”

Elain smiled and came back with the series of kisses, while he held her tightly around the waist. Something inside him opened, as if a light had been illuminating the darkness he had been carrying for ages and Azriel hugged her tighter when she buried her face in the curve of his neck and sighed.

“Can we stay a while longer and watch the stars?” she spoke against his skin and he nodded.

“We can” and when she smiled and turned around, laying her head on his chest. Azriel could have sworn she shone brighter than the stars in the sky.

He took the hand she left on her chest and intertwined her fingers, bringing them to her mouth and leaving a kiss there.

When Azriel flew to the house of wind, after leaving Elain at the river house, Nesta and Cassian were having dinner and trying to feed a Nyx who seemed more likely to play with the food. Az stopped at the door and watched the scene.

Cass tried in every way to get the little one to eat, but Nyx just tapped his hand on the spoon and spread the soup everywhere, Nesta watched with her arms crossed, murmuring what he was doing wrong. After two attempts, Nesta gave up the words and took the plate of food from Illyrian's hands, and surprisingly the baby gladly accepted the next spoonful. Az laughed and approached, drawing everyone's attention. He gave Nyx a kiss on the head and patted Cassian on the shoulder.

“He beat you” He said and Cassian shook his head.

“How can it be easier to command armies than to feed a child?” Az laughed at the words.

“I'm finding it super easy” Nesta says when Nyx clapped his hands and eat some more.

Az laughed softly, his shadows swirling with the sound and he tapped Cassian on the shoulder, which at the moment was itching, which made Nyx start laughing.

“Stop it, Cassian” Nesta warned, trying to get Nyx's attention to feed him. But Cass

continued to itch, eliciting more laughter from their nephew.

“I can't ... Something, something gave me an allergy.” Cass got up and sneezed out of the dining room.

Azriel was looking in the direction of the door Cass had come out of when he felt Nesta's gaze on him and turned to face her. She looked at him suspiciously and even ignored Nyx who was throwing soup all over again.

“Where were you, Azriel?” Nesta asks and Az shrugged, with his best poker face.

“Talking to one of my spies. Why?” it was not a complete lie, but Nesta continued to stare at him.

“In a field of flowers?” she raised her eyebrow and Az felt his throat dry.

“Where did this idea come from?” he laughed and shook his head.

“Cassian only has allergies to flowers and he was fine before you arrived.”

Azriel walked away to the door, putting his hands in his pocket and a subtle smile on his face.

“It's spring, Nesta. I'm sure it was the wind” and with that, he left the dining room and went to his bedroom to take a shower and remove any trace of pollen that was in his body. He and Elain should start to be more careful with this, but at least he and Nyx managed to laugh a little at Cassian's allergic reaction.

#elriel #elriel fanfic #elrielmonth #elrielmonth21 #field of flowers #since it was said in ACOSF that Cassian is allergic to flowers I always wonder about it happening #please sarah j maas #elain #azriel

[aelin-world-walker]

Some headcanons I have post-ACOSF

(don’t ask where this comes from i’m just aching because i finished rereading acosf and thinking headcanons is my coping mechanism)

(i wrote “some” in the title but they are like a million????)

(like now this is a master list of headcanons i have...)

BE AWARE OF ACOSF SPOILERS!!!

*Probably I’ll edit it pretty often because headcanons come whenever they like.

*i’ll probably add feysand headcanons in the future but not now because there’re A LOT out here but know I have some like feysand beign parents is too cute to ignore.

*sorry if there are some spelling errors, English is not my first language.

The cabin headcanons

(yes the cabin has its own subtitle)

Cassian takes Nesta to the cabin after their mating bond ceremony and then happens chapter 55 but Nesta adapted. There’s no soup but a biscuit.

When Nyx is a little older he starts participating in the snowball fight. Rhys, Cassian and Az let him win.

In one of her visits, Feyre paints her sisters and Nyx’s eyes beside the IC ones, because they are now part of the Court of Dreams (this one made me cry a little honestly)

Whenever one of the IC’s couples wants to take a break they go to the cabin. Sometimes Az goes too to play chaperone. Spoiler: it doesn’t work (especially NOT with Nessian) (this one made me laugh)

Nesta likes the cabin’s vibes to read, so she goes often. Sometimes Cassian joins her but he bores to death so he wouldn’t let her read (if you get what i mean)

I can imagine the IC visiting it, long nights bonding in front of a fire and playing board games. Rhys, Nesta and Azriel are so competitive that stay awake til one of them wins. (actually Rhys and Azriel competitive spirit over board games is canon) (i just imagine Nesta playing the courtier to win) (then she loses and is cranky for a day). Meanwhile, Mor and Cassian drink themselves silly, and Feyre and Elain play with Nyx. Amren just purrs sitting in Varian’s lap. (Amren as the house cat)

The girls decide to do their own snowball fight honestly i don’t know why this is not canon yet. One year they decide to do girls vs. boys. The girls win and the boys don’t want to play against them again.

Nyx and his cousins learning to fly in a summer vacation there. (yeah because nessian’s children are happening in the future and they are in some of my headcanons sorry)

Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie go there sometimes (not so often because they prefer staying with the House please never forget they are all friends) and go hiking.

When Nyx and Nessian’s children are older and misbehave their parents send them to the cabin. Then whoever of them didn’t got to be grounded slips alcohol to the ones inside. (Actually i can see them doing this??? Rhys and Mor did the same. Also I can see Nyx and his cousins having a relationship similar to Rhys and Mor’s and Aelin and Aedion’s)

Inner Circle couples and the sauna. Not gonna say anything else, but just know it’s hella weird there’re no scenes in there...

The House of Wind headcanons

(big house deserved its own headcanons)

Nesta installs a dance studio in there and whenever she can she goes and dance for hours.

Nesta, Gwyn, Emerie and the House start a monthly sleep-over in the private library. The House always conjures the miniature pegasus without being asked.

Can we talk about the fact that in the future the House of Wind will have a nursery???? because i have to talk about it. don’t know if i’ll be able to do so without crying but just- nessian’s babies nation

When Nessian’s children are born the House would conjure anything just to please them and will protect them at all costs. The House as a babysitter and mother-hen.

The House starts talking to Cassian and recommends him smut books. He reads them and find them pretty interesting. He also recommends the House books but as they are of warfare the House finds them boring.

When Cassian and Nesta fight the House would be angry with Cassian for some days and would serve his food cold.

The House of Wind is Nyx’s favorite place in the city. Cassian and Nesta even give him a room when he is older. He loves it for the same reason Rhys did: flying. He also likes asking the House ridiculous things -the House loves his petitions-

Azriel keeps his room of course, but playing the chaperone is useless now (it always was)

Mor befriends the house and together they plan jokes to Cassian.

Feyre loves going to the House because it reminds her that her sister is happy and will never be alone.

Nessian headcanons

(of course there are nessian’s headcanons)

While sleeping, Cassian is very restless while Nesta sleeps in a ball, but they make it work. Also, Cassian takes all the blankets so Nesta ends up beside him and his wings.

The two of them loves sleeping in. Cassian would never admit it because he would never hear the end of it from the ic. (i know he said in acomaf that daylight is precious but now that he has found his mate he has change a liiitle his opinion about that. like now wake up beside his love is more precious than anything!!!!!)

I think it’s not fair we didn’t got a smut scene in the bathtub.

And in Windhaven.

Aaaaand in the cabin.

When Nesta has a nightmare, Cassian would hug her and comfort her while remind her it was a dream, and now she got out, and is loved and cherished by a lot of people.

Nesta loves that Cassian strokes her head, more when her hair is down. (i really like that nesta prefers updo hairstyles tho)

Nesta sitting on Cassian’s lap. That’s all I need for a next book. (i also need more domestic scenes between them like the one in Winter Solstice when Nesta hangs their coats) (also i need to read nessian from another pov i want to know how they look like from outside their pov)

Nessian dancing into the darkest hours, losing themselves into the music and their embrace. (i need a slow dancing fanfic thx)

Nesta is still a little uncomfortable to venture into Velaris so she asks Cassian to fly her over the city whenever she needs to go out and doesnt want to tangle in the multitude.

Cassian reading an Illyrian report while Nesta reads a romance book. Domestic mates part one hundred.

Nesta loves flying (WHY THIS IS NOT CANON SARAH) (like i would have been awesome to read nesta liking flying after that scene with rhys in acowar)

I love that is canon they like chocolate cake idk just wanted to say that.

Nesta headcanons

(my daughter deserves them)

Every Starfall, Nesta would take the stairs down and up just to remind herself the way up is long but by the end she would find happiness.

She is really protective over the House. She wouldn’t let anyone spill anything or mess around.

She starts taking dancing lessons again, even though she doesn’t need them. It’s her favorite part of the week. I can imagine Gwyn joining her. Emerie prefers watching them and smirk while drinking tea.

She visits her father’s tomb more than her sisters, and tells him every aspect of her life because she didn’t do it when he was alive.

She doesn’t like the Court of Nightmares, but the Winter Solstice ball in there is one of her favorites events of the year.

She goes back to being a courtier/emmisary for the Night Court and loves tormenting the people she has to deal with. (just imagine Nesta in Vallahan, they would sign the treaty in a second)

She continues working in the Library because she is still healing and the Library is such a big part of that. She continues fighting with Merrill too (gwyn is please of that)

Also she starts practicing with Amren to use her powers, even if there is not a lot to master (tho i think she is still very powerful but let’s wait for the next book to confirm this)

ALSO Nesta as a mother: she gives her children a lot of love because she remembers how it is to have a cold mother and doesn’t want to repeat the story.

Nessian’s children headcanon

(tho i imagine they have at least a daughter so she is gonna appear a lot in my hc sorry)

I can imagine them having an unexpected pregnancy idk why they would be very happy tho (like chaolene’s) (not so soon after acosf, they would enjoy some free-of-babies-years)

Now I want a fanfic about nessian finding out they are pregnant please writers do it

Tho I can imagine its during training.

Nessian’s baby would sleep between them. Cassian loves that and even though Nesta says the contrary, privately she loves it too.

Nesta teaching their daughter to dance, while Cassian teaches her to fly. Together, they teach her to fight. Their daughter wants to be a Valkyrie like her mom and aunts.

Also Nesta reading her daughter to bed and then getting asleep. Cassian would find the two of them sleeping and would cover them with a quilt.

Their daughter loves to hear the stories about Nessian’s Blood Rites, and would ask everyone about them.

Their daughter is their number 1 fan im crying in softness

She also wants to hear the stories of her uncles and aunts even though some are sad, because she knows they are happy and together now.

I can see Nessian wanting another baby tbh but let’s stop in one until Sarah shows us the contrary.

But just imagine Nessian’s children + Nyx playing hide-and-seek on the House of the Wind and the House helping them hide.

Nessian’s daugther loves hearing Gwyn sing, and is particularly obsessed with Emerie because she sees herself in Emerie (like they are both Illyrians i’m crying nessian’s daughter doesnt understand why her aunt can’t fly).

She has spring allergies too.

#thinking headcanons is my coping mechanism #in case you didnt notice i sink with nessian #i sink with nesta too #azriel didnt even try to be a chaperone #a court of silver flames #nesta archeron #cassian #headcanon #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and ruin #a court of frost and starlight #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #feyre archeron #rhysand #inner circle #night court #nessian #feysand #the house of wind #velaris #azriel #acosf spoilers

[talkfantasytome]

Part of my attempt to re-post answers I've given, without the context of specific links to posts based on this feedback and advice.

Anon Asks: I found something that says the map in ACOSF is foreshadowing for E\ain because the compass looks like the Cauldron, there are roses and vines around the map where it could have been something like flames if it was meant to be about Nesta, there are flower petals among the stars (proving Nesta belongs in the Night Court), and Koschei's castle and lake are added to the map.

So, I'm actually going to start off by complimenting the person that came up with that theory. While I disagree with it, it's definitely very interesting and may not be entirely wrong. It's also not a theory that proves E\ain's book would be next, just that E\ain was heavily considered in making the map, which is likely the foundation of the map they'll use for all three of these books.

However, that is A LOT of focus on E\ain. And, I'm sorry, but I can't imagine they would make the map to be all about E\ain when she'll be one main character of six in this set of three novels. Yes, they redid the map, as they redid a number of things for ACOSF. But that map is not solely about E\ain.

I'll explain why I disagree, based on the summary of points:

- The compass: remember the lore Rhys said? That some great goddess created Prythian/their world with the Cauldron. And in Tamlin's house there was, like, a stained glass window or something with a design that looked like the Cauldron was pouring out Prythian...like, the liquid being poured from it created Prythian. The Cauldron is an incredibly important object in their world, and you absolutely should not forget about it, of course. But, like, also, of course there would be a reference to it on the map. It's not solely a direct reference to Nesta and E\ain becoming Fae. It's a reference to the object that supposedly created their world. And, sorry, that takes the cake to two Fae, even two powerful ones like them.

- Roses and Vines: this series is called 'A Court of THORNS and ROSES', which you can find on vines. The maps always had vines on them. What they did when they redid the map was make it a lot more artistic. Let's remember the old map:

This is pretty plan, especially in comparison to the new one. The new one they decided to make more artistic. In the new map, the roses are a reference to the actual name of the series, the book that started it all. And then, you have representations of each court in the map. In the four corners, a symbol for the seasonal courts - interesting that, for Spring, they picked a ROSE specifically...don't tell me that the roses mean E\ain, and then just skip the fact that the Spring Court symbol was a rose when it could have been any flower. And then, in the center of the map, to represent the Solar Courts, you see a moon, a sun, and then at the bottom a sun covered with cloud, that could easily represent Dawn.

To help, here's a large image of the new map. Open it in a new tab, and you should be able to see the full size version:

- Flower petals at the top: those aren't flower petals. 👀 Do what I suggested, open the full image, and zoom it in. You'll see that they aren't flower petals at all. They're faeries. That concept of little, winged creatures that look almost like butterflies. I'm sure you can guess why they'd put faeries there. 🙂 They're not floating down, but flying around the sky.

- Koschei's castle: Cassian and Az literally go to where Koschei is. Of course it gets added to the map. So you know where exactly they were in that scene.

They don't redo maps or make additions to tell us what's to come. In fact, maps typically like to avoid giving us information that we don't get in that book. The old map I shared is the ACOMAF map. The ACOTAR map didn't include the extra detail about Velaris, the Night Court mountains, Court of Nightmares, or the Prison. It also added in the Weaver's Cottage and Adriana. All places Feyre goes to in ACOMAF. And the ACOWAR map added in the Forest House in the Autumn Court - a location Feyre passes through - and the Dawn Court Palace. I'd also note that the Faerie Realms on the continent also become expanded in each map. There's nothing in ACOTAR, ACOMAF adds Vallahan, and ACOWAR adds Montaserre. Because those get mentioned in those books. But, they're not that important.

In conclusion, no, the map is not attempting to foreshadow anything with the additional locations. Those added locations solely tell us the locations that will be prevalent or come into play in this book. The symbolism is clearly very symbolic of Prythian, possibly to remind us that that's the main land, still, since the map is expanding. And this map is not going to be created to focus solely on one character like that. That's making one character, a character that has yet to be an MC or even get solid development, the center of attention.

Again, this a very interesting theory! And I'm not going to say that it's definitely wrong. I'm also very certain E\ain's book will be about Koschei. That's why I'm positive she'll get book 6, because Koschei is going to be the final plot. Sarah wouldn't build him up in book 4 as an overarching thread, then have that plot come to a head in book 5, and then have book 6 be something else. So, yes, that will happen. And maybe the map is trying to tie things together to let us know about that, but it doesn't change which book would be E\ain's.

However, I don't believe the map is foretelling that. I think it's all coincidence that it seems tied to E\ain, which is most likely just because she will have her own book and a very large plot that is also the overarching plot. But, I'm guessing that the map is doing what it always does, telling us what has happened.

The anon also included two other links with posts that are unrelated, but essentially saying or assuming that book 5 will be E\ain's. I'm not going to post those answers again, as I feel like I already have answered them and shared my thoughts and beliefs on that and how E\ain's journey will be a lot more on-page than it has been, which is why I can't imagine she's book 5. 🙂

#ask box #acotar thoughts #antielriel #anti elriel

[darklove9314-blog]

My Best Friend reading ACOFAS for the first time:

-She assumes the meeting between Tamlin and Lucien didn’t go well,

-She feels bad that Devlon is being hard on Cassian,

-Everytime Rhys and Geure talked about sex in this book/did it she sent me the throwing up emoji, she’s more anti Feysand than I am,

-She asked me if Rhys ever thinks about anything besides sex.

-She wants to give Cassian a hug,

-She said fuck no to the fae period thing,

-She laughed when Mor come blecked Feysand.

-She definitely agrees with me on Nesta and how something broke inside her that day in Hybern

-She was also angry at Feyre for bringing up their dad like I was.

-Rhysand is pissing her off. She called him a stupid dumbass.

-She likes Nesta and Amren’s friendship,

-She was like “leave her the fuck alone” when it came to the IC talking about Nesta’s sex life.

-She states that she could never be mad at Azriel. (Honestly he was one of the very few who didn’t puss me off in this book as well)

-She didn’t mind what Amren told Cassian about Nesta.

-She feels like if Nesta and Cassian do have a mating bond and Cassian kept that from her than Nesta is entitled to be pissed about it because so many of her choices have been taken from her and it’s only fair if Feyre got to do the same with Rhys when she first found out.

-Her blood boiled when Feyre told Amren that it had been months since their father died and the war, she says it was hypocritical of Feyre because she also took months to heal as well. So she didn’t want to hear Feyre’s judgement on it,

-She said poor Lucien,

-She states that she loves both Ndsta and Lucien and thinks they get way too much hate from the fandom because they react like most people would in their situations.

-She states that Vivenne better be high lady because she deserves it.

-She also wants Lucien to learn that Helion is his father.

-She hates the way Feyre is treating Lucien, and thinks they were both shitty friends to each other.

-She still says fuck Tamlin, but doesn’t think Rhys is much better

- She states that she doesn’t blame Elain for being upset about the mating bond/Nesta.

-She also states she can’t believe she’s agreeing with Mor about anything but does agree with Mor when she tells Feyre to let her sisters deal with things in their own way.

-she laughed at the snowball fight,

-She cried slightly when Elain was explaining the cake,

-She got mad at the lingerie thing like I did,

-She cried actual tears during the fight with Cassian and Nesta because she feels like they’re both right in some ways and wrong In others and it’s hard for her to be mad at either one of them when they’re both at fault for how their relationship is. She also sess a lot of similarities between Rose and Dimitri and Nesta and Cassian. Like I do,

-She found it kind of weird that Rhys’s mother made all of Feyre’s gowns

-After reading Feysand’s sex scene she never wants to do it against a wall. And sent me a bun th of vomit gifs.

-She thinks haunted by Adona is Nesta’s song right now. We talked a lot about our Nessian playlist,

-She also understands why this is my least favorite book in the series. It’s hers too but we still love Nessian because we’ve both accepted this as part of the storyline set up

#nesta archeron

[secretlynestaarcheron]

Chapter Seventeen + Eighteen

Okay, this is a nice filler chapter with Domestic Nessian because it will make me happy to write :)

The Selection AU

Tagged: @justgiu12 @blxckbeak @justabunchoffandomtrash-blog @swagbookmaster @my-fan-side @heyitsrhysand @lovelynesta @acourtofmarauders @illyrianwitchling13 @sjm-things @superspiritfestival

lmk if you want to be tagged 

Chapter Seventeen:

Nesta wiped the sweat off her brow as Feyre and her finished carrying one of the bed frames up the stairs. Feyre leaned over her hands on her knees as she caught her breath. “I haven’t done this much labor since the last move,” Feyre huffs.

“So, never?” Nesta replies as she shakes her head and grabs the bed frame again. “Okay, let’s take this to your room.”

Feyre sighs in content, “My own room, we’re really climbing up in the world, Nes,” she chuckles as she grabs the bed frame and they begin moving again. “Soon we’re going to have to move ourselves into a palace, now that is going to be a sight. Can you imagine me tracking my muddy boots through the palace?”

Nesta rolls her eyes as they drop the bed frame in her spacious room. The house was smaller than the one they had when they were fours but it was almost too big for them now. Nesta didn’t know how they would fill all of the rooms. She had gotten so used to sleeping next to her sisters, she felt like it would be cold and lonely by herself.

“Where do you want this?” Cassian calls pulling her from her thoughts as he walks past the door with Mor. It was their father’s desk, Nesta remembered the late nights she would find him huddle over books and scraps of papers.

Feyre pops up next to her, “Put that in the room across from Elain’s, I think we’re turning that into a library,” she pipes up, Nesta turns to look at her in surprise. “What? It’s about time you have a place to put all of your books. I am tired of finding them littered all over the place.”

“To the library it goes,” Cassian exclaims, giving Nesta a wink. She rolls her eyes in response, she definitely wasn’t at the point of ignoring him anymore but she wasn’t sure where she stood with him. She didn’t even know where to begin when she thought about him, they could both be killed or imprisoned if she ever voiced the thoughts she had of him.

Mor let out a chuckle from the other room and it crashed the little bubble Nesta had placed him in, it was just a reminder that he wasn’t Nestas. Throughout her time here Nesta wanted to hate her for how she joked with feyre, chatted with Elain, and made Cassian laugh so loud it filled the house. Nesta hated how tolerable she was, how Cassian deserved someone that would actually admit they had feelings, who could admit out loud how they felt.

“You okay?” Feyre asks, peering over her shoulder at Nesta as she pushes the bed frame against the wall, right by the window that looks over the forest that borders their house.

Nesta gave her sister a tight smile, she couldn’t let anyone know these thoughts, these were her own to bear. She couldn’t hurt anyone else, not now that everything was finally coming together. “Just thinking about how we will have to head into town to get you some new art supplies, this window gives beautiful light to paint.”

Feyre beams, making Nesta return the smile as her sister talks about everything her sister wants to paint from a portrait of them to the castle gardens to their little shack in caste seven. Despite the pain and misery they felt they would always have each other, they were survivors.

The girls work hard to finish up the bedrooms before nightfall, Nesta moving through the rooms to make sure everything is in the best spot, she needed them to be happy before she could even begin to think about her room. It would be weird to sleep so far apart, they had always slept in the same bed since moving to caste seven.

She peeks through the rooms as she moves down the hall, everyone must have made their way downstairs. She stops at the end of the hallway, where the master bedroom sat, she wanted it to be a guest room or a studio but both Feyre and Elain refused. She opens the door, her mouth dropping when she sees the bedroom set up, Feyre and Elain both curled up on the bed, their heads close together.

Nesta smiles at the scene, making her way over towards the bed and sitting down on the edge. Elain eyes blink open and she smiles at Nesta. “It doesn’t feel real,” she mumbles half asleep. Feyre stirs but doesn’t wake. “Not since you went away, I feel like I am going to wake up and it will all be gone.”

Nesta lays down next to her sister, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. “I know,” Nesta replies, a ghost of a smile on her lips, her world was finally looking up. She looks at her sister's faces in the moonlight peaking through the curtains. They hadn’t been in the home for long but she could see the peace on their features. She realized that she didn’t need to cause any agony by saying anything, all she needed was them.

She listens to them breath while staring up at the ceiling before letting go of Elain’s hand and moving downstairs. The kitchen light is one and she hears someone moving around, peaking in she sees Cassian by himself with a bunch of pans surrounding him.

She leans against the doorway, watching him intently, as he moves around the kitchen without seeing her. He moves to grab something off the stove, swearing under his breath as he grabs the hot plate with his bare hand. “Need any help?” she asks, pushing herself away from the doorway and steps through.

He turns in surprise laughing when he sees her looking at the mess surrounding him. “I was trying to make you guys a welcome chocolate cake, I remember Feyre mentioning to Rhys that it was her favorite,” he replies, running a hand through his hair leaving a trail of brown flour through his hair.

She chuckles lifting a hand to dust it out of his hair before she realizes what she's doing, she smiles sheepishly dropping her hand and turning towards the counter. “Are you following a recipe?” she asks, looking around for a piece of paper.

He takes a minute to answer and she wonders if he was stunned by her actions as well. “Uh, well-, here’s the thing,” he replies, looking around at the mess. “My adopted mom used to make this amazing double chocolate cake growing up, I used to watch her. I thought I could remember.”

She moves to the pantry where a few of her mother’s recipes were placed in a box on the shelf, she moves through them looking for the card she wanted. “Here,” she says, handing it to him. “Probably not as good as a double chocolate cake, but it’ll do the job.”

He smiles in thanks, reading over the card before beginning to gather the ingredients from where they littered all over the place. She can’t help but think about his parents as she gathers some dishes to clean, he had never mentioned them to her, which wasn’t completely odd. They didn’t know each other that well, but she did find it curious how he was adopted. That was rare in the caste systems, most kids were placed as eights and had to fend for themselves.

She was curious, she wanted to ask more but she bit her lip, finishing up the dishes and turning to see him putting the cake batter into the oven. “Round two was a success?” she asks.

He laughs, “It was more like round five, but I’ll let you decide once it's cooked if it was a success.” he replies, looking around the now clean kitchen. “Are you heading to bed?” She doesn’t even respond before he’s moving across the kitchen and rummaging through his bag.

She leans against the counter, watching him look through his bag before pulling out two packages. He turns to her looking down before extending the packages towards her. She takes them from his outstretched hand, eyeing him slightly before ripping the parchment on the first one.

“Their house warming gifts,” he announces as she pulls off the paper and flips it over to see a picture of her at the palace. She was cuddled up in the back corner but all the other girls were out of focus, it was just her in the back looking out at the moonlight with a book on her lap.

“Did you take this?” she asks, peering up at him, his embarrassment answering her question. “I didn’t know you enjoyed photography, you’re really good.” She rubs the glass, that was the second night at the palace, before they even were introduced to the prince. This was before she even had a conversation with Cassian.

“Rhysand asked me to sneak in and see how you all act, a professional photo that you all submitted was one thing but he wanted to see some candid shots,” Cassian replies before looking up at her and running a hand through his hair. “You were the only one not all over me to know anything about the prince.”

She chuckles, smiling down at the photo before looking back up at him. “Is that why I got such a warm welcome from you when we first ran into each other?” she asks.

“I think you actually physically ran into me on our first encounter,” Cassian retorts back to his own normal chipper. “I’ve been taking some of your family throughout the week. I can get them printed if you’d like.”

“I would like,” she replies realizing how oblivious she had been, she hadn’t even seen him holding a camera this whole time let alone snapping photos of her and her sisters. He nods his head towards the other gift and she begins to open it.

It was an old book, the binding was falling apart and the ink was fading, she couldn’t even read the title. “It’s a copy of the original princesses diary,” Cassian says as she looks up at him curiously. “She was the one who instilled the first schools, built and managed the palace library, and traveled the world collecting the books that fill it.”

“Really, I didn’t know any of that,” she replies, flipping through the pages as if she could just absorb the memories.

“History books and magazines mostly pride her on her fashion sense but I thought you’d enjoy her story,” Cassian says, his voice soft. She had never seen him this soft before, so open and relaxed, it was always stern and forced while at the palace.

“Thank you,” she says, looking down at the gifts before looking at him again. “For the gifts and for staying and helping.”

He was right in front of her, the kitchen only lit by a few candles, the smell of cake cooking in the oven. She felt like she was a kid again, back with her mom reading in the kitchen while her mother baked goods for the lower castes. She could see the look on his face too, he was safe, she couldn’t help but feel glad that him being with her made him feel this way.

“Nes?”

She turns abruptly away from Cassian, she is lost in her thoughts again, imaging something between them that did not exist. She turned to see Feyre in the entryway, rubbing sleep from her eyes. “What’s that smell?”

Nesta laughs, “Of course the smell of cake would wake you,”she retorts as the timer goes off and Cassian moves to take it out. Nesta couldn’t help but want to stay like this forever. She was truly and utterly happy.

~*~

“You ready?” Cassian asks, and Nesta notices a new air to his voice, there was something different between since last night when he gave her the gifts and everyone woke up to enjoy the cake. They had sat in the living room way past dawn. Mor fell asleep in the rocking chair and Feyre, who practically scarfed down half the cake, complained of a stomach ache until Elain helped her to bed.

Nesta and Cassian had sat side by side on the small sofa, their shoulders brushing whenever they flipped a page of their respected books, hers the diary and his one of her father’s old business textbooks. Their knees would brush whenever he switched which legs were crossed and she would have to reread the page again wondering if he had felt it too.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” she replies as Cassian takes the bag from her and moves to put it into the car. It didn’t mean much as she turns back to see her sister’s on the porch, she moved to them quickly to embrace them, she wasn’t ready to leave them. “I am going to miss you both.”

Feyre chuckles, as she pulls away from the hug first, straightening her shirt. “Please, once you’re back in the palace library or eating your bodyweight in pastries you’ll forget all about us,” Feyre retorts.

“And the prince wrote to Feyre, he doesn’t know when we can visit but he wants all the families to come after the ball. We will see you soon,” Elain adds. Nesta raises an eyebrow and turns to Feyre who’s cheeks had turned a light pink, she wouldn’t meet her sister's gaze. Better her than me, Nesta couldn’t help but think.

“You could see me sooner if I didn’t go back,” Nesta says, if they agreed she would, she’d turn around and send them off without her. Send an apology letter to the prince and spend the rest of her life here with them.

Feyre shakes her head, “Not possible. I am still rooting for you to win,” Feyre exclaims. “I would look great in a tiara.”

“Who said anything about you wearing a crown?” Nesta asks, crossing her arms and peering down at her sister. She meant to tell them when she was home that there wasn’t a possibility of her winning but with moving she didn’t find a moment alone with them to share, she doubted the prince would allow her to anyways. Feyre might be wearing a crown soon if her red cheeks had anything to do with what was in the letter.

“Obviously being the sister of the Queen would make me a princess,” Feyre replies with an innocent shrug. Elain rolls her eyes at her sister, Feyre had a mind of her own and nothing they say would go against it.

“Speaking of not knowing anything about monarchies-,” Nesta begins earning a grunt from Feyre. “I have a tutor coming once a week, to help boost your studies now that we are three.”

Feyre groans and yells after her as Nesta moves down to the car. “I hope you know I am eighteen now! Do I really need a tutor?”

Cassian props the door open for her and she moves down the sidewalk. “I like them,” he says as he follows her into the car. She smiles out the window where they were waving wildly. “I like them too,” she murmurs.

~*~

“What do you want, Nesta?” Cassian asks, his voice just below a whisper as he turns to face her, she knew he was only that close because Mor was asleep in the seat across from them but she couldn’t help but take every inch of him in. She didn’t know when she would see him with such detail once they stepped foot back into the palace.

She can’t help but roll her eyes when she thinks of the question: What did she want? She wanted a lot of things. She wanted to take a hot bath with lots of bubbles after the trequious journey back to the palace, she wanted the next diary, she wanted a hot meal, and of course, she wanted him. Unfortunately, she couldn't have that last one.

“That’s a very loaded question,” she replies, she wanted to be able to reach out and push the strain of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes that she wanted to stare into for the rest of her life. “I want to house the homeless, I want to end hunger-,”

He chuckles, but to stay quiet it's breathy and she had never heard anything like it before. She wanted to bottle it up and save it for a rainy day when she was back home. Her sisters married and she was alone with her books so she could remember that he was real. “Don’t patronize me, sweetheart,” he replies. She wanted him to call her that, for the rest of their long lives. “What fuels Nesta Archeron, what’s her deepest desire.”

“Do I get to know yours, sweetheart?” she asks, her eyes piercing straight into his dark ones, which had an emotion she couldn’t pinpoint. He gives her a small smile and then nods. “Okay, what I want to do, what I truly want to do-,”

“Stop stalling, darling,” he says. “This plane is going to land any minute.”

She bites her lip before she continues, “I want to teach, I want to take my books to the lower castes and I want to give them a chance.” She doesn’t know why she feels embarrassed to tell him, she hadn’t even said it aloud to anymore before, she didn’t have the means, the books, or the funds before.

He chuckles and she narrows her eyes. “I am not laughing at you, I promise,” he replies, shaking his head an expression of fondness embracing his features as his eyes meet hers again. “You surprise me, Nes. I am glad I met you.”

He’s close to her now, but she knows he’s not going to kiss her this time, but she wants him too.

A sound chimes and the pilot announces that they would be landing soon, Cassian pulls away reaching across the aisle to nudge Mor awake. “Good morning, sleeping beauty,” he says, leaning back in his seat as she smacks his hand away. He turns to Nesta with a mischievous grin, “I am not sure if you know but Mor, Rhy, and I all grew up in the castle together. Rhys and I used to pull the worse pranks on her to wake her up.”

Mor shakes her head from across the aisle, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and patting down her hair, she still looks effortlessly beautiful despite being asleep in an upright chair. “Traumatizing, I have slept the same, always on edge,” she retorts. They continue to joke, Nesta quickly feeling out of place as the plane lands and the security guard come on to help the exit through the crowds.

She’s quiet as they maneuver through the crowd, saying hello and taking pictures with a few girls, the crowd thickens and she feels a firm hand placed on her back. She turns to see Cassian grinning at her, “Wouldn’t wanna lose you in this crowd,” he says over the cheering. She nods turning back towards their destination.

The car was quiet, all three of them squished in the back, she wondered if the King had sent such a small car because he didn’t want her to come back. Mor sat in the middle, telling tales of them as children, but Nesta hardly listened. When they were alone she was sure that Cassian was hers but in reality neither of them were available from the outside point of view, especially her.

“You’ve been quiet, you feeling alright?” Mor asks as they step out of the car and Cassian moves to help the guards unload the bags.

Nesta smiles in thanks, “Of course, just tired,” she replies, “You share a lot about your childhood, did you not stay local for your later years? Did you travel?”

Mor lets out a breath, “Let's just say the King and my father didn’t approve of who I chose to spend my nights with,” she says with a wink. “They sent me to a school across the sea.” Nesta eyes widened, of course she knew, she had wondered about Elain who barely acknowledged any boy who came her way but she had never heard of someone being sent away.

Mor looks back and sees Nesta’s expression. “I hope I didn’t offend you,” Mor replies but doesn’t seem like she would have actually cared if she did.

“Of course not, I am shocked by how they responded not by you,” Nesta replies with an ease. Mor sends her a smile and Nesta is glad, the last thing she wanted for Mor to not feel comfortable around her. Nesta couldn’t help but celebrate selfishly, so Cassian wasn’t with her.

“You two standing there all day? We have a feast to attend!” Cassian exclaims from where he was hauling a few bags and trunks up the stairs. Mor laughs after him before turning towards Nesta. “Since I was honest with you, I hope you can be honest with me,” she begins and Nesta nods a wave of anxiety pulsing through her. “I’ve known Cassian for years, there’s only been one girl in his life and he was hurt by the end. I saw you two in your kitchen before we all came down and I heard bits and pieces of your conversation on the way here.”

Nesta’s face burned, she didn’t have anything to be embarrassed about, she hadn’t said anything that would get either of them in trouble. “I am not going to say anything, Cassian is a brother to me, I want him to be happy. He seems happy with you but you’re apart of-,”

“The Selection, I know,” Nesta finishes and turns away from Mor. That explains the embarrassment, she didn’t want Mor to think that she was leading him on, but could she trust her enough to tell her what was really happening. “I wouldn’t lead him on if I knew there was no way I could be with him.”

Mor purses her lips but she seems happy enough with Nesta’s answer. “Okay, that settles that then,”

she replies putting an arm through Nesta and leading them towards the stairs. “I think we’re going to be great friends.”

Nesta rolls her eyes and wonders how she ever thought she could hate this girl over a guy.

She moves down the hall towards her room, wanting to fall into the soft bed and never wake up. “Hey!” she turns to see Cassian jogging down the hall towards her. “Where are you headed? The feast is that way.” He points behind him.

“But my soft bed and warm bath is that way,” replies pointing towards her door.

He catches up to her and they fall into a nice silence. “So,” she pipes up as they step in front of her door. She thinks about that night he walked her back from the library and awkwardl it had been, that was only a week prior, time was moving so quick.

“So?” he questions stepping in front of her like he did that night.

She crosses her arms, “You never told me your deepest darkness fuel-worthy desire,” she retorts. “I told you mine, so you get to tell me yours.”

He smiles down at her mischievously, “I guess it’s only fair,” he returns, glancing up and down the hallway to make sure no one was nearby. “You can’t laugh and you can’t tell another soul.”

“Laugh? Like you did to mine?” she retorts with an eye roll but nods nevertheless. “I promise.”

He steps forward, his face dropping low so his mouth is right by her ear, she wanted to pull away but she couldn’t. “My fuel worthy desire-,” he says, pausing, making her heartbeat with anticipation. She was ready to shove him if he said anything stupid but the word that falls from his lips stuns her. “You.”

Her breath catches, as he pulls away enough to look her in the eyes, she blinks up at him. “Did I scare you?” he asks, worry laced through his tone. He moves to pull farther away but her hand reaches up to catch his coat. She shakes her head, swallowing the lump in her throat, as she pulls him closer towards her. He doesn’t take long to meet her halfway, neither of them caring in that moment who sees them.

“You just keep surprising me, Nes,” he murmurs, pulling away slightly, pressing his forehead into hers.

“Good surprises I hope,” she replies, fighting the urge to pull away, she had never been this vulnerable in front of anyone before. He chuckles, shaking his head, as he reassures, “The best.”

Chapter Eighteen: 

Cassian sprung awake to the sound of pounding on his door, he groaned, pulling away the covers and slipping on a shirt as he moved towards the door. It was probably Amren, welcoming him home with a pile of work. He opens the door reading to start the morning off with a quick wit comment but it falls short from his lips when he sees the King standing there. 

The King takes in Cassian’s appearance practically pulling him apart with his eyes. “You weren’t at the feast last night,” the King replies, stepping through the door and looking around Cassian’s room, before turning to face him once more. “You missed the announcement of guests staying with us before the ball, I would think the Captain of the Guard would want that information.” 

“I was catching up on the work I missed while away, my apologies,” Cassian begins, looking around to make sure there was nothing incriminating, even if there wasn’t the King would find some way to scold him about anything. “My second in command, Amren, was there. I trust her to have the list ready for me to go over.” 

The King hums but doesn’t move. He was here for another purpose. Cassian wishes he would just outright say it without making Cassian guess. “I can go speak to her first if you would like,” Cassian retorts, hoping that would satisfy the King enough that he would leave. 

“Are you sure there isn’t another stop you would like to make?” The King asks his eyes narrowing to watch Cassian’s expression which lucky for Cassian was simply pure confusion. He racked his brain for anything that happened before he left, he hadn’t made the list yet, perhaps the King was waiting for the names. 

“I am not sure-,” but before Cassian can finish the sentence the King extends a magazine towards him. He grabs it looking at the cover. It was when they were arriving home, Cassian stood behind Nesta while Mor was taking a picture with a young girl. Cassian’s eyes narrow. “What am I supposed to take from this?” 

The King lets out a breath of frustration, pointing to where Cassian’s hand was placed firmly on Nesta’s lower back. That’s when the headline caught his eye, “The Selection Affair?” 

Cassian can’t help but worry, had anyone seen them last night? He had been foolish to kiss her out in the open where anyone could report back to the King. “There was poor security at the airport, I didn’t want to lose her,” Cassian replies with a shrug that he hopes didn’t come across too relaxed. “Rhysand is one of my best friends, even you can see that, I wouldn’t ruin this experience for him. If you don’t believe me, even you know I value living more than I do a girl.” 

The King chuckles and it irks Cassian. “I don’t believe you, but I have no proof not too. Just know, if you do find yourself in a relationship with one of the selected, you won’t be dying,” The King replies and as he steps out the door, he turns back towards Cassian and with a crooked smile says, “You’re a prisoner to me, Cassian, and I found that killing your girlfriends fuels you. Don’t test me.” 

Without another word the King strolled down the hall as if not just dropping a bomb onto Cassian. He knew the coincidence for beginning a relationship with a selected member, but when he was near her, all he could think about was her. He always thought subconsciously that Rhysand would protect him but not even Rhysand could help him when he didn’t even know the extent the King had on Cassian’s life. 

He shut the door, turning back towards the dark room, he wouldn’t be able to go near her ever again. He slammed his fist against the wall next to him, blood dripping down his knuckles as he did it again. He couldn’t even tell her why he had to stop. 

It would be easy enough, he told himself as he made his way to his office where he would have to do the work he left behind. He would be so busy with the ball that he would make every excuse in the book not to be near the selected. He let his mind trail to after the ball when the girls who start dropping in numbers to the point where he would have to talk to her or if she was picked, if she became Queen he-

He stopped his escalating thoughts, he knew she wasn’t the type of girl that would play them both. She wouldn’t have kissed him if she still wanted Rhysand. He couldn’t let himself think of her like that even if it would pull him away from the thoughts of her. How she felt in his arms, how she tasted, how-

“Welcome back, did you have a nice vacation?” He turns to see Amren moving down the hallway with a stack of folders. “New recruits, you still know how to do your job, right? Didn’t lose your touch on your week and a half vacation?” 

He rolls his eyes as she drops the stack in his hands. “It was a blast, I even got a tan line from sunning myself,” he retorts, unlocking his office and shoving the door open. 

“I hope you are nice and recovered, because I did absolutely nothing while you were gone. Have fun with your massive workload,” she taunts. 

He chuckles as he drops the files on the desk. “Don’t be jealous, Amren. One day you’ll feel joy again, I believe it,” he responds, his eye catching on a note that was tucked under his door, it was caught under a cabinet. 

“I prefer to do my job then run off with a selected,” Amren responds leaning against the door frame and reaching into her pocket to pull out a parchment. “I also have the list of the prestigious guests that will be staying at the palace leading up to the prince’s birthday ball. I have a star next to the ones already here.” 

Cassian moves around his desk and grabs the list groaning at the first name. “Did you really think he wouldn’t be here? He’s the prince's cousin,” Amren pipes up knowing exactly what name he was groaning about. 

Cassian shakes his head, scanning the rest of the names, before looking back at Amren. “I was hoping that he would at least go home, why does he need to stay at the palace the whole time?” he asks. Amren purses her lips as if hiding something. “What do you know?” 

“It’s all gossip, I wouldn’t think too much into it, especially when it comes to Tamlin but apparently some guards saw him with one of the selected while you were gone,” Amren responds with a shrug. “They were seen embracing last night, I am not sure who the girl is, but it’s Tamlin so who knows if there’s any honesty, however-,” 

“Tamlin would also do something like this and not care about the repercussions, the King can’t kill his nephew,” Cassian finishes for her. He hated Tamlin for putting Rhysand in such an uncomfortable position, but wasn’t he doing the same last night? Embracing one of the selected? It didn’t matter, he would never be able to talk with Nesta again. “Do we know who the girl was?” 

Amren shrugs half-heartedly, “No proof, we know it’s not Nesta, and they were seen in the south wing so that most likely scratches every girl that’s in the north wing,” Amren retorts and before Cassian can even ask her to make him a list of the girls and their rooms she pulls out another piece of parchment. “Honestly, I should have your job.” 

“Trust me, Ams,” Cassian says looking over the list, “You do not want me as your second in command but I will see about getting you a raise.” 

Amren rolls her eyes, both of them knowing that the King would never think of giving her a raise or even prompting her, he barely wanted her in the spot she was in. “How about fixing the hot water instead, I am tired of taking cold showers,” Amren replies. 

“Consider it done,” Cassian says, giving her a smile as she moves down the hall lifting a hand in goodbye. Cassian pulls the door shut, grabbing the envelope, and ripping open the seal. Someone must have slipped it under the door before he left in a hurry to be with Nesta and her family. 

Whoever wrote it was in a hurry as he took in the rushed writing, the ink smeared together blurring some of the words. “I know you're looking for the spy, your suspicions are correct, we do have a mole hidden in the selection. I’ll let you figure that one out, Cas. I will let you know that we have something big prepared to celebrate the prince’s birthday. ~T” 

Cassian wants to crush the paper in his fist but he needed it as proof for when he ruined Tomas Mandray’s life. Threatening Cassian like this, purposefully taunting him, this was all a game to him. What did a well established man have to do with a rebellion besides being bored? 

“Captain,” a small voice says from the doorway, a young maid barely sixteen stood staring up at him with frightened eyes. “The King wanted me to give you a message.” 

Cassian slips the piece of paper under a stack of books, not ready to show anyone else the contents especially a young maid scared of the King. “Very well, let’s see it,” Cassian says, trying to soften as best he can not to scare her anymore. 

“He wants me to tell you that he wants extra guards during the week, while everyone gets ready for the ball, especially on the selection,” the maid squeaks out barely looking at him. 

Cassian’s eyebrows furrow, of course Cassian would set up extra guards so the King had sent her for another reason. “He wants the ladies to be extra protected, particularly, Nesta Archeron,” the maid responds flinching at the name. Cassian wonders what the King had told her about Cassian, why she was so scared. “He has requested you be Nesta’s guard, he sees potential in her and wants his best guard to protect her.” 

He swallows the anger, “Very well, if the King comes to you again let him know that I received his message and will implement it by tonight,” he says, falling back into his chair, the girl stayed there staring at the ground. 

“He wanted me to make sure you had everything you needed,” the girl responds. “Is there anything I can get you?” 

Cassian rolls his eyes at the twisted gesture in this cruel game. He noticed how she looked like Nesta with the dirty blonde hair and light eyes and wondered if the King had chosen her because of those reasons based on her fear and the King’s reputation he had his conclusion. “No, thank you,” Cassian replies seeing the relief flood through her. “Thank you for giving me the message, you are free to go.” 

She hurries down the hall without another word. 

~*~

The guests that had already arrived as well as the selected girls were at dinner. Nesta had smiled at him as soon as he walked in but he turned away from her, his eyes hard and unfazed as he turned to say something to Rhysand. 

He didn’t miss how her shoulders fell. 

He stood behind her through dinner, catching the King’s gaze many times, who was more entertained by the scenario that he had put Cassian in than the Prince of Spain's conversation. He didn’t look at her too long, only keeping her in the corner of his eye, enough to make sure she was ok without letting himself get lost in the thoughts of his hand in her hair or fading into her eyes. 

Those eyes that the gentleman sitting next to her complimented often. 

Cassian’s teeth clench as he heard the drunken words slip from the gentleman’s mouth, his feet urging him to step forward as he saw Nesta move her seat farther away from him and his wavering hands but as soon as he was going to risk it he glanced up at the King once more, seeing his lips curl up in a cruel smile at Nesta and the handsy ambassador. 

Fury filled him as he realized that the King was setting him up. He was waiting for any physical proof to send Nesta to her death. 

The dinner moved slowly as Cassian fought every muscle in his body as he watched ambassador Handsey talking loudly to Nesta about her appearance, he was glad when Rita came over to chat with Nesta pulling her away from him. He watched the ambassador give up on intruding in their conversation and move on to another group, Cassian doesn’t miss the disappointment on the King’s face. 

The crowd begins to disperse as soon as the Queen takes her exit, Cassian wavering as Nesta continues chatting with Rita and laughing. Even the King takes his leave, his eyes burning into Cassian’s before he disappears into the hall. Nesta says her goodbye, before turning and leaving, Cassian follows behind her not wanting Nesta to know that he was assigned to her. 

It would be easier on the both of them if they didn’t have to talk. Nesta circles back, moving away from her room and towards the south wing. Cassian brow furrows as he watches Nesta move down the hall, looking over her shoulder to make sure no one is following her. If she was the mole they gave her no training whatsoever. 

She stops short, moving into the shadows, but Cassian can see her clearly looking down the hall. He wonders what made her hide but Tamlin and Rita appear down the hall moving towards her door. They’re whispering to one another but it doesn’t look like a lovers quarrel. Rita seems angry and Tamlin, as always, is taking it like a joke. 

“I am not giving you anymore information, your going against the plans, this isn’t the Tamlin show. You can’t use us to get back at your cousin or his friends,” Rita snarls before opening the door and slamming it shut behind her. 

Tamlin lets out a string of curse words, moving to knock on the door but deciding against it and moving to the hall out of sight. Once the hallway is clear, Nesta moves from her hiding spot, back down the hall towards where Cassian was. 

She would see him whether he wanted her too or not, so he stepped out into the light, causing her to jump back in surprise. “Cassian? What are you doing here?” her tone was not as welcoming as he wanted it to be. Realization hit her and she crossed her arms, “Did you follow me here?” 

“Yes, but only because it was King’s orders. I am assigned to guard you,” Cassian explains, deciding not to go into anything else the King commanded him to do. He couldn’t believe that Tamlin was the T in the letter, it had to be him. “Why did you follow Rita?” 

Nesta rolls her eyes, “I don’t need to tell you anything,” and her voice is hostile, he knew she was building a wall between them and it hurt, but he knew in the long run it would protect her better than he could. “Rita was weird tonight, I wanted to make sure she was okay.” 

Cassian felt guilty for thinking she was the mole, he wasn’t even following her that well and she barely noticed. All she cared about was making sure her friend was okay. “Are you walking me back?” Nesta asks, he couldn’t quite grasp the tone. He stays silent. “I don’t know why you’re acting weird but after overhearing that conversation I don’t really want to walk back alone, you can even do you ten steps behind me.” 

He couldn’t say no. Nesta wasn’t the kind of girl to ask such questions so he gives her a curt nod watching as she moves down the hallway before walking behind her.

#dont worry them being happy wont last forever #nessian #acotar #cassian #nesta archeron #nessian fanfiction #acotar fanfiction #sjmaas #rhysand #feyre archeron #the selection au

[wingsandfics]

Wings and Shadows || Azriel - one

Azriel never thought he'd have trouble finding his words, but when a knife flew inches past his head and implanted itself into the tree mere steps behind him, they failed him. He took in the attacker, a young female Illyrian with jet black hair that fell near her collarbone and eyes the darkest shade of Onyx he had yet to witness in his over 500 years of existence. Her face expressed such a cruel beauty that he couldn't tear his eyes off of her. She wasn't beautiful, not in the mundane way of it anyway. Her face was rough shaped and angular, eyes a little too big for her face and lips a sensual pout, her nose somewhat turned upwards, was slightly crooked to the side, from training he assumed, and her cheekbones were prominent yet elegant. The look on her face, however, was anything but. She looked at him with wicked delight, a predator's smirk spread on her slightly tanned face, showcasing her white teeth.

The man next to him froze. Devlon, usually ready to strike a male down with his words seemed at a loss too. Cassian was the first to speak, breaking the awkward silence. His brother's voice made him tear his eyes off of the girl. It sounded cool and calculated, but he knew better than to believe his act. He saw the look on his face when that knife flew past his head. He was in downright shock.

"I take that as a no." His grin was a weak attempt to deflate the conflict.

Devlon found the nerve to speak at last and pinned the girl down with a stare. She didn't seem impressed by him or his attempt at being in control of the situation.

"You are in no position here to say no, girl." He paused a second, probably bracing himself for her response but she just fell into a killing calm that sent chills down Azriel's spine. She looked like she could split them open with a slash of her knife. He didn't know if he found that comforting or not.

The fact that she looked so much like a warrior meant that the girls were finally training like they were supposed to and how Rhysand had ordered. Or at least she was, but the way she carried herself make him uneasy. Not sure what to expect.

"The General and the Shadowsinger will stay in your house, since it belonged to the High Lord long before it belonged to you. You will move your things to one of the tents and if I hear you complain or make a scene out of it you will not be allowed to train for the period of time these two here are to join us. Understood?" His tone was cold and had a somewhat lethal undertone. The fact that he acknowledged Cassian's and his positions was rare and Devlon probably did so with the intention of convincing the girl.

It didn't seem to work.

She stared him down, her gaze moving past Cassian and examining him too, then Devlon and turning back to him. Nothing short of ruthless could be seen on her face. Azriel's breath hitched.

"It is your fault that they are dead. Let me mourn them, live in the house that they used to once fill with their presence. That house and everything in it is all I have left of them. And it is your damn fault. Find them another house. There are plenty free, you just want to punish me for disobeying you, but look where following your stupid orders got me?" She pointed an accusatory finger at Devlon who seemed to stop breathing. He seemed surprised at her outburst but managed a forced laugh.

He hadn't known. When Devlon told them that their usual house was occupied and that it might be tricky to free it, he didn't let himself think as far as that. He heard about the rebel attack that killed a good number of Illyrians from Devlon's camp. That is why Rhys send them here, to oversee the training of both males and females and make sure such outbursts and loses don't happen again.

"That's more words that you deigned to speak to me in weeks. We're making progress, it seems." He mused his next words for a few moments and then added with more authority than before. "If you do not wish to move out, don't. But they will stay in that house regardless of you throwing knives at us all night." There was little room for argument in his tone and the girl seemed to understand that too because she just gave him a look that promised nothing but a painful death and took off without another word.

The sound of her wings followed him all the way inside the house where a slightly sweet smell struck him dead in his boots. There was food on the table already, some sort of soup and something that looked and smelled like steak and a cake with a piece missing. Everything else looked clean and neatly arranged. Cassian dropped in a chair at the table and already started eating when Azriel spoke, his voice a little rough from not using it for the majority of the day.

"Do you think she cooked all this?" He sent some of his shadows to look for anyone else in the house while he carefully sat himself at the table. When they returned, he started eating. One of them curled around his hand, up his arm and stopped when it reached his ear.

No one here, master.

It whispered and then went to join the others in the dark corners of the room and at his legs.

Cassian replied at last, after emptying his bowl of soup. "Probably. Don't think anyone else bothered to sneak in here and cook for us." He grinned, remembering probably all the other times he had to cook when they came up here. "She seems interesting." He mused. "At lest we know the girls are training..." he laughed. Azriel was about to reply when the door opened and closed shut hard enough for them to pick up who had entered. She probably wanted them to. Her steps were soft when she entered the room and discarded her weapons on a chair not bothering to acknowledge them. She was about to take off the knives she had across her chest, one missing from its slot, the one she threw at him earlier, when the door slung open again and an angry male voice echoed through the small house.

"You bit-" before the male had the chance to finish his sentence another knife flew through the air and found its mark near his ear, slightly cutting him. He stopped dead in his boots, his Illyrian leathers dirty with mud.

"Get out." Her tone was cold and lethal, a warning for the male to back off while he still could.

"If you think you throwing knives at me all day will stop me from kicking your ass for the stunt you pulled with me earlier... you're wrong."

Another knife flew and implanted itself in the wall behind the male, between his legs, low enough to miss him but still close enough to make the male stop talking and go deathly pale.

Azriel had to give credit to the girl, she knew how to throw her knives. And her calm was unrelenting, it unsettled him. The temperature in the room seemed to cool despite the burning fire that cracked in the corner.

"Your are disturbing my" she seemed to fight the next word out "guests." She finished glancing briefly at him and Cassian, then her attention focused again completely on the male. He seemed to acknowledge them then and turned even paler. He seemed to want to say something but she cut him off again. "Now, if you have a problem with me kicking yours ass in the ring you should stop throwing your bullshit at me. I suggest you go before my next knife finds its mark." She winked at him with a feral smile spread across her face, her features darkened a little, and her eyes seemed to gleam in the subtle light of the candles. Shivers ran down Azriel's spine at the sight of her. He could tell Cassian was equally impressed by the girl.

The male, to his credit, seemed to understand the message and took of quickly, with a look that promised death speed across his face. When he turned to Cassian, the exact same look was displayed on his face as well. Azriel and Cass grinned at each other before turning to face the girl.

"Rhys is going to be pissed when he finds those holes in the wall." Cassian mused with amusement playing in his eyes. He seemed to genuinely like the girl despite her previous outburst when her knife was aiming for Azriel's head.

"Yes, well, I'll patch it up if that will shut you up." She grinned at him and at last unstrapped her knives from her body and put them on the chair next to the other weapons. She made for the wall and took out the other two knives.

"Thank you for the food." Azriel said at last, trying to seem unfazed by the fact that she honestly seemed she couldn't care less that they were going to be sharing this house for the next few weeks. He decided he liked her for that. "It was really good. Who taught you how to cook?" He realized his mistake when the girl stopped in the middle of the room and gave him a killing look. All amusement from before gone.

"My mother." She replied in a cold tone and continued to make for the stairs. "The first room on the right in mine. You can take the others." She murmured and silently walked up the stairs.

"Good job, brother." Cassian patted him on the shoulder and made for the stairs as well, after putting his plate in the sink.

They wished each other good night and Azriel made it to his usual room, the second on the right, passing the first one with careful consideration, trying to pick up any movement but got nothing. When the door to his room closed shut and he dropped onto the bed he heard it then. The sobs.

She was crying. So soft that it was barely audible. But still, she was crying. That mask she so utterly unfazed displayed was so strong he found himself caught off guard when the sound of her uneven breathing reached him.

He didn't know why he felt the urge to send his shadows to comfort her.

#acotar #acowar #acomaf #acofas #sarah j maas #sjm #sjmaas #azriel #az #cassian #cass #morrigan #mor #amren #rhysand #rhys #feyre #nesta #elain #feyre archeron #nesta archeron #elain archeron #rhysand x feyre #azriel x elain #lucien #a court of mist and fury #a court of thorns and roses #a court of wings and ruin #a court of frost and starlight #elriel

[vidalinav]

So...

Am I correct to assume that Nesta’s birthday is going to be a bash after ACOSF? Because it should be lol. 

Though Headcanon #978: Birthday Edition

~

Cassian wants to throw her a party because it’s his MATE’s birthday. Their first birthday together. Like hell he’s not going to make a big deal about it. He has the week planned. It’s Nesta’s birthday week. 

He has breakfast in bed, a bath run with rose petals, he spent two weeks getting her a gift (not sure what it is yet). He got a giant ass red ribbon because he plans on wrapping himself in it when the night is over.... (wink wink wink lol) I imagine that he actually does try to have every day focused on Nesta, like one gift everyday or something leading up to it. I also imagine things going intensely awry, like he’s called to Illyria. There’s trouble in this place. Yadda Yadda, so all his plans are moot and he’s more upset about it than Nesta is because Nesta didn’t even know. But he’s at least there for the day before and the day of Nesta’s birthday. Nothing is going to stop him for those two days. He’s like die another day, nothing is going to keep him from celebrating the birth of the love of his life. 

I still imagine that Nesta likes attention. I feel she would hate her birthday on principle. But she’s very excited this year to be celebrated, because she has best friends and a mate and a magical house and it’s an entire new year when the last few sucked. So, she’s like yesss, celebrate me, love me, feed me cake.  

But Nesta is also very adamant that she does not want to make a big deal about it. She wants him to make a big deal about it. But she does not want a huge party (i.e. She does not want a family celebration-group get together-----Still sure they are not friends, her and the IC, Idfc it doesn’t make sense) But Cassian is like “You deserve a big party. After all you’ve done” but that’s precisely why she doesn’t want it. Because they don’t love her, they love what she did for them. So Nesta concedes and tells him fine they can have a party, but she only wants Emerie and Gwyn to be there. Because Gwyn and Emerie have already made plans with her about this day. 

They’re going to have another sleep over. They’re going to fill the room with balloons. It’s going to be a giant ball pit filled with sacks of helium. There’s going to be a cake that towers to the ceiling. They’re going all out.  

Cassian is like what about Azriel? And Nesta goes fine, if Azriel is here and he wants to come for a bit then he can. Cassian concedes to this. 

BUT then they have a family dinner, because those occur weekly, and Feyre brings up her birthday and she’s like uhhh... I already got plans. She tries to use Cassian as an excuse, and he lets her because he knows why, but they’re like nah Cassian you don’t mind do you? And Cassian just looks at Nesta like what do you want me to say? But Nesta doesn’t know how to tell them that she doesn’t really want them to come. Especially to her sister who she’s trying to turn a new leaf towards. The problem though is, it’s not going to be just Feyre and Elain who come, because she doesn’t mind only them. But Feyre comes with the rest of the group and then it becomes huge and she really doesn’t want that. And also her friends are not their friends. She’s lived separate lives, and she doesn’t really want them to mix. 

But she can’t necessarily lie. But she can’t tell the truth. So she’s like trying to keep everything separate. So, she’s like well why don’t we have a small outing in the morning or something with just the sisters, but then fucking Rhys is like WE ALL want to celebrate your birthday. He plans on getting her several gifts. He already knows what they are, and Nesta looks at him disturbed because she really does not want to know what they are. But then Azriel is chiming in because he already knows what’s happening and he’s a butt sometimes and he knows Nesta is trying to avoid them, so he’s like yeah Nesta, we ALL want to celebrate. She gives him a mocking look, he smirks. Nesta realizes he’s a lot more annoying than she thought he was... she wanted to have a threesome with this guy. Big mistake ever thinking that. But then Amren chimes in also, and then Mor not really wanting to be left out is like.... I got you a gift already. Nesta is very surprised about that and also horrified. Is Mor lying? Only the fic will tell. 

So... this happens in two ways one that is fluffier than the other. Okay? 

Option 1: Angst version/Drama version

They show up uninvited after Cassian expressly says that she wants a small birthday party and that they’ll have their own personal one the day of, and then the next day they can have a party with the IC. Two days of parties, which Nesta is fine with. 

But they ignore those wishes and end up showing up on the day of and Cassian is upset about that, because this is Nesta’s day. He wants her to be comfortable and happy and no arguments at all or weird feelings. Nothing. Nesta has been through a hard year, this day is just for her. But them showing up uninvited makes it about them. 

They bring many gifts that Nesta doesn’t want to open really, because Emerie and Gwyn are there, and she doesn’t want them to see how impersonal the gifts are. Because they’re impersonal. They don’t know Nesta, and they grasping at straws. Nesta knows this. She just wanted one day of not pretending that they’re utterly fantastic. But it’s because Nesta is self-conscious, prideful, and she has tendency towards embarrassment in the book I noticed, where she doesn’t want to be judged or looked at in a way she doesn’t want. And she abhors the idea of Emerie and Gwyn seeing her act differently around her family or seeing her family around her and then deciding that she’s as rotten as she feels. Old insecurities die hard you know. BUT mostly, it’s also because Gwyn and Emerie don’t know them, and Nesta doesn’t want them to be uncomfortable either. She didn’t expect them to come, or she would have asked them if it was okay. I have this hardcore headcanon that Nesta is chill with almost everything as long as you ask her, but I imagine her as a boundaries type of person, that she’s okay as long as you respect her boundaries no matter how odd they may seem to people more open than her. 

She spends the night more subdued than Cassian would have liked, kind of smiling shyly but also maybe more apprehensive. Which makes him angrier that they showed up. (I love grumpy Cassian I don’t know why). 

But you know she’s polite. It’s just a tad awkward, and the IC start getting pretty defensive, because Cassian gets mad when they’re about to leave. I imagine they start dismissing his feelings, like Nesta seems fine with it. Why do you have a problem? I want the old IC to come back and all of those problems from previous books, because damn do they dismiss Cassian many many times. Bring that shit back, I was entertained.

The sisters exchange parting words, and its civil and nice, but they do note that Gwyn and Emerie are going to stay and Nesta seems excited about it, and when Nesta talks to them, she’s a happier person, and they kind of resent that. More Elain I feel than Feyre. Feyre’s just more sad about it but she understands because she also has friends who she considers closer than her sisters. She’s just content that Nesta has people now who Nesta feels open and happy with. Elain is like straight up annoyed. (Personally if Elain is going to be pitted against Gwyn (I sure hope to god not) I would rather it not be about a man and more about Nesta and her relationships). But Nesta again is like turning a new leaf, so she’s like are we still going out tomorrow for breakfast or whatever? And Feyre’s like yeah! I don’t know I feel she gets more that Nesta is trying than Elain. Elain doesn’t have an arc, so I imagine this would a be a start of an arc, these conflicts. 

But yeah, you know that scene in ACOFAS, where it was Nesta looking through the window and seeing all of these happy people who are so together, who left her out even when she was just starting to push them away. I want that again in the opposite direction. Where it’s the IC/sisters who look at Nesta and her group of friends, and Cassian, and Azriel who you know stays because he lives there, and thinks that they are not a part of that happy group and they resent that, because whatever did they do???? 

Anyhoo. 

Option 2: Fluffier version (For Nesta anyways)

Is that Nesta concedes to them coming to her party. Gwyn and Emerie are told that they are coming, but again they are not staying for the night, but Gwyn and Emerie will stayover. So the cots are set up and they’re in the family library. They have a bunch of board games set up, romance novels everywhere.

They’re blowing up balloons when the IC/Sisters come and they have helium, because you know who gives af about rules of this world when SJM doesn’t so, there’s helium. And Nesta is a little tipsy. The House has given her wine, but is monitoring the intake, and Nesta is doing pretty good about it, because addiction wasn’t that big of a deal in this book, so we just gonna trek on. Nesta is a giggly drunk. Who knew? She’s also a flirty drunk so she has clung to Cassian many times. She’s giggly and touchy touchy. Cassian is having the time of his life seeing her this way. It’s cute and he kisses her nose and she wraps her arms around his middle and just hugs him constantly. Like a Koala. You know. 

But when the IC/sisters get there, Nesta actually answers the door, and again she’s pretty loose. So she’s smiling and very happy to have her friends, so she’s like okay, come on in. They go to the library and Emerie and Gwyn are inhaling the helium and Nesta laughs at the voices, but they quickly get up when they see their High Lord and Lady, and they try to like say hello, but their voices are still changed, so Nesta laughs again. 

And the IC/Sisters note the giant ass cake in the middle of the room. All of the balloons. The streamers. The signs that look so messy. And they’re like this is... not what they were expecting. Because it’s not formal at all. Very casual even and they did not expect that from Nesta. 

Emerie and Gwyn give her their gifts early. Not sure what they are, but Nesta absolutely loves them and she shows them off and is just like super proud to have these friends and she’s like bragging about them freely. And Emerie and Gwyn are just kind of like holding her and hugging her and being all fond too about her, because affectionate drunk Nesta, but also because her friend group dynamic is affectionate and loving. 

I feel Cassian does actually gift her a weapon, mostly because I want to see it. I feel like Nesta would appreciate that. I know she has her own technically, that are magical. But a women needs more than three weapons ya feel? So the one he gifts her has opal on it, on the hilt and encrusted through the blade. Because it looks like the sky perfectly and it’s gorgeous. Freedom, Flight, and Fight you know. And it’s like the shiniest steel sword with markings engraved, and it’s very thin and light because Cassian made sure that it was suited for Nesta. That it would be comfortable for her height and weight. It’s crafted in the Day Court, because well he gets all his gifts there now. Helion indulges him in hopes that it will somehow make him look more appealing to Nesta Lol. 

Mor actually does give her a gift, because if this is the fluffy version than Mor and Nesta have had a moment before this dealing with Keir in which Nesta is a bit of a confidant and someone who sides with Mor which validates Mor’s feelings because Keir visits, which maybe I will make a post about later. But they’re... frenemies. Not enemies anyways. They understand each other a bit more. SO she gifts Nesta a music box, the one with a little ballerina that dances. It was actually hers when she was young. She explains that she tried to find a new one but all of them just didn’t seem like her and the one she had had more sentimental value that she felt Nesta should have. This makes entirely more sense if you know the context. But Nesta just stares in awe at this present. It’s gold and images are carved out on the lid and sides and the music I imagine sounds like Once upon a December from Anastasia. It’s very magical. And Nesta is extremely surprised. Everyone is because Mor’s presents suck. But this present doesn’t suck at all. Nesta’s touched, but Mor kind of brushes it away, she’s kind of embarrassed about the reaction. 

But eventually everyone leaves and it still ends on a somber note, because her sisters and even the rest of the IC, really do notice that they are not completely a part of Nesta’s life. They come and they go. She doesn’t ask them to stay, which may be overreaching since they haven’t done anything to warrant the closeness, but they do start realizing that they may have caused some things that are not fixable because Nesta is civil but she’s not close with them. And they almost want to be close to her, because of how warm and comfortable the home she created is. They don’t understand how that could have happened without them. But it does end up being something that everyone doesn’t know whether they should resent, or decide that they just need to try harder to be a part of Nesta’s life, not so much Nesta fitting in with theirs. I like to think that they don’t know the extent of the ramifications that they caused by being bitchy to Nesta when she was not in a good place. You can’t necessarily ask to be loved when you are not so lovable, since that’s essentially what they put on Nesta. 

Oh how the turn tables. 

#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #long post #nessian headcanon #nessian hc #vidalinav

[imsfire2]

Writing meme

RULES: List the openings of the last ten stories you published. Look to see if there are any patterns that you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any! Then tag some friends.

I was tagged by @atthelamppost – thank you for tagging me!

1 By stardust and moonlight

“I know you’re out there,” Jyn Erso says to the open door, and the wolf beyond it. 

The creature’s been hovering round her cottage all day, and so far has made no attempt either to hide itself, or to attack.  It’s no normal beast of the wild woods, this, though she’s not yet sure what it is.  But talking to it is certainly worth a try.

Her home stands on the edge of the forest, in a dell sheltered from the north-east wind by the embrace of the trees, and hidden from the eyes of soldiers, and worse, by the hunched spine of moorland and the broken land and marshes in the south.  Any company she needs, she goes to; no human soul comes here, not without her permission, and very precise directions.  Yet the place tends to attract strange creatures like this; the place, or she herself.  There’s probably a shine of magic on her like a full galaxy’s light, could she but see it.  But though the stardust of her power makes her fingertips tingle and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, it’s invisible to human vision.

2 A table at the wedding

“We shouldn’t have been put here,” Jyn hisses. “We’re near the front.  It’s not right.”

Her neighbour leans down a little to answer.  Okay, perhaps more than a little.  Cassian has had a few drinks and his hair is in a mess, his collar open, his eyes mild and smiling. “Not right? - how?”

“Up here it should be – close friends.  We ought to be on the back table.”

At least she’s not so drunk as to say family.  The groom has none and the bride has only her brother.  Besides Han and Leia, and Luke acting as best man to both bride and groom, the top table is occupied by Chewie, Mothma and Admiral Ackbar, and Threepio embarrassedly passing dishes to and fro.

3 Epiphany and cake

The first thing that hits Cassian as they come out of the terminal, hauling their wild assortment of luggage and looking around for the promised eight-seater mini-bus-cab, is the temperature.  It must be a good 16 or 17 degrees C here.  And okay, that isn’t hot; but after weeks of northern European winter temperatures, culminating in the astonishing beauty and fairy-tale sparkle of a snow-bound German Christmas, the temperature he confidently described as cold in October now feels astonishingly warm.  Balmy, even.  It’s comical; within minutes he’s perspiring in his jacket, and he hasn’t so much as looked at the parka stuffed in the top of his cabin bag. 

The sky had gradually cleared as they flew south.  First there were small breaks in the white, that allowed him glimpses of the Croatian coast with its lace of islands; then another bank of solid cloud, as brilliant as the snow over Saxony, and for over an hour the ground was hidden again.  But as they started to descend the cloud cover broke for good, like a clean line swept across the air, and the mountains came into view, rough gold and grey, bleakly rocky and definitely snowless.  Every ridge seemed to be lined with wind turbines, turning steadily in the clear air.  The valleys and coastal plains were startlingly green, the sea an assertive deep blue; fine golden roads looped between small towns like red and white tile mosaic, with an occasional glint of turquoise glass where a swimming pool caught the light. 

4 Out of darkness (Solo Quiero Caminar fic – all the rest are Rogue One)

So, he watches her.

The street is dark, and she is walking into the dark; he isn’t quite sure where the borders of the darkness lie, in the pools of streetlight or in himself.  His eyes aren’t working quite right anymore, and he clings on to the last sweet thing he will see, clings to the sight of her walking, as his brain clings to the last sweet thing it will know, the memory (remember me remember me) the memory of her body her lips the sadness in her eyes…

The blood running down his hip and pooling in the plastic seat is sickly, stickily hot and he is beginning to feel numb inside, the pain putting itself at a distance from him.

The street is dark, and Aurora walks into the dark, and he goes into the dark watching her.

5 In the mountains

There’s still snow on the ground at this altitude, and the grey cloud cover seems to come steadily closer to her as she climbs.  Steadily, and faster than it properly should.  It’s almost as if it’s creeping downslope towards her.  Pretty soon she’ll be enveloped in it.  Already the damp in the air is snaking inside her jacket, pinching at her old throat.

Well, so serve her right for volunteering.  All very well to acknowledge the twitch of guilt that comes when she looks at them, that tiny remnant of the Resistance, a few dozen beings with fear and hope in their eyes, without letting herself get sucked into joining them.  She could just have commiserated and offered a few quiet supply routes.  Instead of putting on her stoutest boots and actually marching out.  Time was, when she was a settled businesswoman, she’d have had more common sense.

Time was, she could have paid someone young and fit to do this job.  Why the hells the old fighter had to choose a place like this for a hideaway…

6 Home is where you start from

Jyn holds her hands out to the official.  Waits patiently and with a face of practiced unconcern while they scan her palms and the pads of her fingers. 

She has to discipline her expression slightly more when she’s offered a swab and a sealable tube.  There were too many years of hiding for it to be easy even now to surrender this data casually.  Even more than her hand-prints, her DNA could be used to identify her.  But the records-search can’t be completed without a clear and unequivocal ID.

Cassian, beside her, reaches out under the counter-top.  He squeezes her tense right hand briefly as she takes the swab in her left.  Jyn gives him a quick smile. 

7 Shh…

She’s muttering Shh, shh, shh sleepily, rocking in the old upright chair, and there’s a sudden warm light and movement in her peripheral vision.  She looks up, to Cassian leaning in the doorway, watching them. 

Esperanz has fallen asleep again, his nightmare gone, the warmth of her body a safety and a strength to ease his little heart.  She rocks him very gently as he clutches reflexively on her shirt.  Tiny toddler fingers, iron grip.  Heavy limbs, heavy head, sweaty brow pressed into her collarbone, sweaty curls under her hand.

The lamplight streams round Cassian and silhouettes him, but she can tell he’s smiling even in the shadows. 

8 Advice

All the Jedhan survivors look to Chirrut and Baze as parental figures and sources of counsel.  Outside of senior command levels elders of any race are in short supply in the rebellion, and sometimes you need the advice of an elder, both for personal questions and for practical things you simply don’t know how to do.  Things it would be hard to ask an admiral, even one as approachable as Ackbar.

It can be a little awkward at times. 

Baze does his best, patiently determined either to have an answer or to find one, or to find someone else who can.  He never knows when someone may turn up, hovering at his side, with their anxious eager eyes and random medical questions, and moral and domestic and childcare questions and Oh, it’s frustrating but he does what he can…  Stain removal, how to cook Argussian spinach, can you still eat old cheese if you cut off the mouldy bits?  Sometimes it flat-out stuns him, the things people think he’ll know.

9 A custom of poetry

Jyn is writing, and for a few moments, with the tip of her tongue caught between her lips, she feels as though she can do this.  How hard can it be to say what she has to, in a poetic way?

She reads through the handful of words on the screen.

Winces.  Deletes.

Tries again.

10 Pain

It galls Jyn to admit it, but she’d find her injury easier to bear if it had happened in the line of duty.  But to have taken up a bed in med-bay and a doctor’s time, to be using precious analgesics, when all she did was over-extend helping to move a console out of the briefing room; it’s just humiliating.

Right now, she’s doped up like a tantaun on a transport.  She can move about her quarters, she can walk and lie down, and bend into a seat if she takes her time about it.  Just.  But her back isn’t going to get better for a good while, and krif it, it’s no good, she needs the painkillers.

(I’m ignoring “Fifty words from a journey underground” because as that follows the fifty single-sentence mini-fics formula it doesn’t really have a beginning in the normal sense).

So...

Patterns/common themes/shared qualities errrr

I’m finding it surprisingly hard to spot any.  I seem to like to start either with description, or with a line or two of dialogue and then description immediately after.  Scene setting rather than jumping straight into action or plot.  Also I tend to open with one of my weaknesses, a rather long sentence.  

Tagging @gloriouswhisperstyphoon, @skitzofreak, @thenewleeland, @bright-elen

#writing meme #patterns & common themes of fic openings #interesting meme #thank you for tagging me

[tintinnabulary]

Archeron Ambrosia

Chapter Three

AN: Thank you all for the amazing support you’ve given me the last two chapters! Here’s another one that I wrote, and hopefully I’ll start posting a chapter every Friday. Luckily, I think the scene is finally fully set and developed, so from here forward I’ll be doing cute (and maybe eventually smutty???) goodness for you all to enjoy!

Don’t forget to comment, and let me know if you want to be tagged in any of the future chapters!

Masterlist

Feyre readjusted her heavy backpack on her shoulder as she glanced down at the directions Nesta had given her to get from Velaris University to the new storefront they had been working on for weeks. While working at a bakery was never the plan for her life, Feyre was quite content being a cake decorator--and equally glad her capstone supervisor, Alis, let her turn in photographs of her cakes as part of her artist portfolio.

Feyre heard a male voice calling her name in the distance and picked up her pace. Since starting her final year at VU last semester, another student named Tamlin had been trying to ask her out and learn more about her. At first, it was flattering having someone take such a keen interest in her. But then the obsessive behavior became more and more alarming, and Feyre had no doubt it was his voice calling out after her. Not wanting to be so easy to catch up to, Feyre ducked down a side road and began zig-zagging her way through businesses. Her heart rate picked up as she heard his steps pick up on the concrete behind her.

Feyre quickly diverted to the main road, and saw the bakery a few blocks down on the side. As she looked over her shoulder to gauge her distance from Tamlin, she ran right into a stranger. Without thinking, Feyre blurted out, “Pretend you know me, please.”

Feyre looked at the stranger, who’s beauty struck her near speechless, and noticed his violet eyes looked at her, flickered over her shoulder, then hardened slightly which didn’t match the smile that sprung up on his face. He threw his arm around Feyre’s shoulders, then loudly declared, “There you are. I’ve been looking for you.” He winked down at her, equal parts flirty and conspiratorial. He glanced at the paper in her hands, his smile seeming to turn a tad more genuine. “I was supposed to walk you to the bakery. Why didn’t you wait for me?”

Confusion clouded Feyre’s eyes eyes before settling into the role he had built. “You were late. I had to get to work. Couldn’t be late on my first real shift.”

“Well, I’m sure Elain would understand.”

Fear coursed through Feyre’s veins. How did he know her sister’s name? Did she just get herself into a worse situation with this stranger? He leaned down to her ear and whispered, “Calm down. I met her earlier today. I work next door. I’ll explain later when this guy leaves.” Feyre nodded slightly, placing a smile back on her face and relaxing slightly.

At that moment, Tamlin caught up with Feyre, his eyes setting into a cold, hard stare at the mystery stranger.

“Hello, lovely day isn’t it?” the stranger said, a playful and dangerous smile adorning his face.

Feyre tried to match the man’s smile and tone when she said, “Hey Tamlin, This is my boyfriend.”

“Rhysand.” He held out his hand. Tamlin stared at it before crossing his arms and looking at Feyre.

“How come I’ve never heard of him before?” The smug look he wore, like he caught Feyre in a trap, made her want to punch him.

“Because I like to keep my life private, Tamlin. Now, is there a reason you’re here, or can I finish my walk to work?”

Tamlin fumed, but spun on his heel, walking away as Rhysand yelled, “Nice to meet you!” at his retreating form, shit-eating grin on his face.

Feyre spun out from under his arm, grumbling a “thanks,” then continued walking towards the bakery.

“ Hey wait,” it didn’t take long for Rhysand’s long legs to catch up to her. “You work at Archeron Ambrosia, right?” Feyre only glanced up at him. “Your sister, Elain. She came by my our shop and brought a cookie sampler tray. They were delicious. Did you make them?”

Feyre snorted. “No. I just decorate them. Nesta does all the baking.”

“I didn’t meet her. She’s another sister?”

“Yeah. The oldest.” Feyre stopped outside the bakery. “So I take it you work at,” she looked around Rhysand to see the sign, “Illyrian Inscribed?”

“It’s a tattoo shop.” Rhysand shrugged, placing his hands into his pockets. “I own it with my two brothers, Cassian and Azriel. And my cousin Mor works the front desk. So, if you ever want to get some work done, I’d be happy to give it to you.”

“Maybe, we’ll see.” Feyre smiled at him, then moved towards the door, running into a shaggy haired man leaving the store, smile lighting up his face. “Oh! I’m sorry. The second person I’ve run into today.”

“Speak of the devil.” Rhysand smirked. “This is my brother, Cassian. Cassian, this is Feyre. She works at the bakery too with her sisters.”

“Hi.”

“Hey! Your sister, Nesta, she’s a firecracker.” Cassian ran a hand through his hair, “I hope you’re not as tough.”

Feyre laughed, “No, she’s the toughest of us all. I’m a nice, middle of the road kind of girl.”

Rhys cocked an eyebrow at that, and Cassian roared with laughter. “Good, good. I’m glad this little place has moved in next door. I think it’s going to make things quite interesting.” Elain came rushing out of the tattoo shop, blush coloring her face, as she rushed past the group and into the shop. “Very interesting.”

“And on that note,” Feyre declared, adjusting her backpack again. “I’ll see you guys around.” Feyre moved towards the door.

“See you around, Feyre darling.” Feyre looked at him, where he returned the wink, and she scoffed and entered the bakeshop.

“Oh man,” Cassian laughed, clapping a hand on Rhysand’s shoulder. “We are in trouble. Let’s go find out what Az did that made that little doe-eyed girl turn so red.”

~~~~

Feyre walked into the shop, bells jingling, and moved behind the counter. She set her backpack in a small storage area beneath the cash register, tossed her directions into the trash, and began putting on her black and blue night sky themed half-apron. Hearing voices from the back, Feyre made her way into the back to see Elain talking animatedly, blush still adorning her cheeks, and Nesta calmly measuring cream and butter into a large electric mixer.

“And he stood so close to me, and reached around to grab a cookie. It was so intimidating. He was so tall and mysterious and handsome and I just don’t think I can ever go over there again!”

“Who are we talking about?”

Both heads whipped up at Feyre, then relaxed. “Azriel! Az? I don’t know what to call him. He works next door at the tattoo shop.”

“Oh yeah. I met Rhysand and Cassian on my way here. They both seemed nice.”

“And handsome.” Elain sighed. “How are all three of them so attractive? That really isn’t fair. Or real. Real life is not full of men that devastatingly beautiful.”

“You can say that again.” Nesta mumbled.

“What was that Nes?” Feyre asked, smirk firmly in place.

“Nothing.”

“I saw you met Cassian. He said you’re a firecracker. Started ballbusting right from the get go?”

“He needed to be knocked down a few pegs.” Nesta blew at a strand of hair that was falling into her face. “Coming in here with all that swagger and confidence like I’d just throw my panties at him” She blew another breath at the strand. “That’s probably what he expects from all of the girls.” A third frustrated breath had Elain coming over and tucking the strand behind her ear. “Thanks.”

“No problem. That’s the first guy to ruffle your feathers though, Nesta.”

“He ruffled nothing.”

“Well, Azriel ruffled something with me.” Elain laughed, and Feyre joined in.

“Well, Rhysand came in like a knight in shining armor, saved me from that awful guy Tamlin that I haven’t been able to shake. I literally ran into him on my walk home.”

“That’s just like a romance novel” Elain sighed. “Three of us, three of them. Triple dates?” Elain perked up, and Feyre laughed at the face Nesta made.

“Elain, you might be jumping ahead. You might want to work on a conversation with the guy before you plan your children’s names.”

“Or,” Nesta interjected, “We could focus on all of the cakes we have to make. And making sure this business succeeds. And not worry about what the people next door are doing.”

“Nesta,” Feyre leaned on the counter. “They have a successful business. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to talk to them about what they’re doing to get business in this little corner of the city.”

Elain leaned next to her, “And if you happened to get a date out of it, would that be so bad?” She batted her doe eyes at Nesta, and Feyre burst into laughter. Nesta’s face scrunched up and she leaned across the counter, facing her two sisters.

“Would you two please, for the love of the Mother, get to work on your decorations?” The two burst into laughter.

“Alright, alright.” Feyre stood up, and moved towards her airbrush kits in the back corner of the room. “Elain, let me know when you’re ready for me to paint those fondant flowers you’ve got for the Spring Court cake, and I’ll work on the wood patterning on this cake for Mrs. Alias’s party. I’ve got to get it right since it’s the first in my portfolio she’s going to see up close and personal.”

“Fine.” Elain grabbed a slab of fondant out of the industrial fridge and slapped it on the counter. “But we’re not done talking about a triple date.”

“We’ll talk about it when you can hold a conversation with the guy.” Nesta said, blowing hair out of her face as she poured her batter into cake pans.

Tag List:  @tragically-broken, @bluephoenix222,  @alicethelonerabbit,  @court-of-fandoms-and-art

#archeron ambrosia #acotar #acomaf #acowar #nessian #feysand #elriel #nesta #cassian #feyre #rhysand #elain #azriel #my fanfiction #chapter three

[laufire]

Name a ship that most represents your type of ship.

Isabelle and Raphael from Shadowhunters, hands down. (Beware: this turned into a long post that talks at once about all my current -and some not-so-current- otps).

-LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. “Why are you helping me?” “I don’t know.” – Shadowhunters

Half my dash must be tiring of hearing this, but I adore this trope. I love how it moves things along: the character is already in love -automatically, the relationship goes into Intense™ territory, you get swept into its groove, whether you like it or not (another reason why these ships, when they raise hate, the RAISE hate xD). Emori and John in The 100, Matt ~sensing Elektra across the room in Daredevil, Wes seeing Rebecca for the first time in HTGAWM, Derek and Jesse in TSCC (I want to start re-watching that show soon so I have that ship very present *sniffs*), Bruce and Selina in Gotham (and IIRC, every BatCat adaptation worth something has this in some form -it is a MUST).

With Rizzy, like with other ships (Caroline and Klaus in TVD, Bellamy and Raven in The 100), it might not be literally at first sight, but the result is the same: they might know of each other, but it is the first time that they really MEET, that something HUGE happens (Raphael feeding on Isabelle, Klaus offering Caroline his blood, Bellamy and Raven’s first time), when you can feel it. I love these cases too, because it offers the possibility of including a messy history/start/etc. (something that you can see at various points of this list lol), while simultaneously giving me the opportunity of experiencing the LAFS moment on present time, instead of in flashbacks (Elektra and Matt) or references (Harvey and Scottie in Suits).

-UNPLANNED, UNFORESEEN, UNWITTING. “But it doesn’t make any sense, it came out of nowhere!!” – the fandom lol

This is somewhat related to the LAFS point, and a criticism I’ve seen time and again about more than one of those ships, but in this case is multiplied by a hundred xD 

And I wanted to make a separate point for this because, lbr -you rarely see this complaint (or at least not as generalized) when a PILOT ShowTP goes for LAFS. But that is something I love about these ships: it wasn’t in the original plan, there was no “build-up” that could have pointed at it, and it’s likely that the writing team behind it never had an inkling of the effects the ship could have on the writing. Some of my favourite cases are Bellamy and Raven, Caroline and Klaus, Bonnie and Kai, Emori and Murphy… these ships irremediably alter the foundations of their ‘verse, they re-shape the story. I love that something that came “out of nowhere” can have that effect. I love it. 

This meta by @candyumbrella does a great job explaining this (far better than I could, and besides, this post is already getting longer than I expected ^^), and it even does it through Isabelle and Raphael. Her Ted and Tobin’s posts in general have been illuminating wrt how tv writers work, and in relation to this post, I’m more aware now of what makes me ship certain things, why something that on paper should be appealing to me falls flat, etc. I’d recommend them all, but beware because they will take hours of your life XD

-STAR-CROSSED LOVERS. “If it takes fighting a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it.” – Hamilton

Was there anyone who did not FREAK THE FUCK OUT with the “at the brink of war” line? Because I don’t believe them.

Look, it’s obvious. It’s cliché. I don’t care. I live for this trope. Allison and Scott from Teen Wolf was one my favourite instances of this trope (my bbys ;_;); it was one of the things that interested me of Allison/Derek too, as a crack ship; it was the whole premise of Still Star-Crossed and I’m not even gonna pretend I didn’t shamelessly enjoy every second. It was what instantly made Rosita/Waverly my OTP in Wynonna Earp, aka the most impossible out of all my rareships xD. Priya/Sierra and Tony/Victor in Dollhouse (I never know wtf to call the people on this show istg) had this element too, even if it was in a “us vs the world” sense, more than “we’re on different sides of a conflict way bigger than us and everything is stacked against us fuck” lol. Cassian and Jyn could go there too.

And obviously, Isabelle and Raphael as a ship have this written on its DNA, given how the ‘verse positions Shadowhunters and Downworlders. Outside the 219 scene (*_*), I think 213’s meeting in the alley managed to showcase it really well.

-EX-SOMETHING, EX-MAYBE, EX-ALMOST. “Well never be done with each other.” – Shadowhunters 

I loooooove exes. Actual exes, proto exes, centuries-old exes. Something I love even more is “bitter exes that still have a special connection no one else gets or beats” (Camille and Magnus, Carlos and Kisa on FDTD, Elektra and Matt, Harvey and Scottie -and on the bitterest, most fucked up side, with ships like Katherine and Stefan on TVD or Derek and Kate on Teen Wolf. I even consider Rosita and Waverly could belong here, idc if it was one simple kiss okay xD). Obviously Isabelle and Raphael aren’t bitter, but they might get there, if I’m lucky! A girl can dream! (weird thing to say about an otp? I don’t care xD)

And one thing that is significant of these types of ships, and obviously of Raphabelle, is that, whether they’re together or not (hell, Izzy and Raphael have never really “dated”), narratively speaking, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make any difference. They’re still connected, one simple scene where they merely look at each other across a crowded room can resurrect the ship after years not even speaking to each other. Hell, with Caroline and Klaus it only took one phone call xD 

-CAN’T QUIT EACH OTHER. “I’m just asking for a little taste.” – Shadowhunters

I guess this relates somewhat to the previous point, but I wanted to reference the addiction plot because for me it isn’t a bug, it’s a feature xD I’ve seen people say things like “I know they started out as problematic™ with the addiction, but now that they’re over that, they could be a gr10 ship!!”, and fuck that¸ tbh xD They’re a great ship because of the addiction storyline. It adds this messed up layer of wonder, of doubt, over the ship that I love. And obviously, there’s the appeal of “we’re bad for each other but we can’t stay apart!!” angst. My lizard brain likey. And it’s definitely a huge part of the appeal of Matt and Elektra, BatCat in general…

-SHARING SECRETS. “Nobody knows. Except for you.” – Shadowhunters

Things like Isabelle admitting she doesn’t feel strong, Raphael revealing the story about her sister, Bellamy telling Raven about how he felt about his mother’s death, Harvey confessing about Mike’s fraud to Scottie even if he knows it won’t make any difference, or only being capable of admitting to her voluntarily that he’s seeing a therapist… That kind of thing gives me so much joy :D

And lbr, the “except for YOU” part? HUGE draw, yup. 

-CHARGED INTIMACY. “#they might as well have been alone #were there other people in the scene? who cares. they were all irrelevant. – @magalimoons lol

Any shipper would know what I’m talking about. That moment where Isabelle leaves mid-conversation with Alec and Meliorn in 214 to go to Raphael, or when they talk at the end of 210, or when they talk in 219. Bellamy and Raven in 413, when he’s telling her how much they need her and everyone and everything else disappears of the room (that’s the scene referenced above lol), or when A.L.I.E. posses Raven, and despite everyone else being one room away without even a door separating them, this feeling of intimacy falls over the scene. Caroline and Klaus looking at each other when he appears during the graduation event in 423, Root and Shaw in PoI. Literally everything about Rizzy in 209. 

*Swoons*

–BLOODSHARING. “they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It’s like a whole big sucking thing.” – Buffy the Vampire Slayer

This has been one of my favourite tropes for-fucking-ever, guys. I think my first experience with it was Blade? Or Angel and Buffy? I’d say Blade. In any case: it changed my fucking life. The fact that Rizzy includes it is the cherry on top of this beautiful ship-cake.

On another note: blood transfusions totally count xD Furiosa and Max come to mind, for example.

There are other things that add to the ship for me: Raphael’s aceness (I project a lot onto him even without it so), the weird catholic/heretic themes xD, how beautiful they look together (I once was accused of “only” liking them because they looked hot together, which. LOL at the only, given this post and every other I’ve written about them, but also. OFC I like that they look hot together. That’s not only a good thing, it’s an IMPORTANT thing, among other reasons, because if the writers like your ship, they will look hot together xD).

And it’s not that if it doesn’t have any of those I won’t like a ship XD; in fact, some of my biggest OTPs lack some or even most of these traits (Gabrielle and Xena, Brigan and Fire in the Seven Kingdoms Trilogy, Clark and Lois in some versions), or that there aren’t other romantic tropes I love that don’t fit Rizzy (the Unholy Matrimony trope is one of my favourites, for example), but well. I know what I’m about xD

#rizzy #raphabelle #isabelle lightwood #raphael santiago #shadowhunters #anonymous #talking to the void #my thoughts #sh thoughts #favourites: love at first bite #favourites: love is the drug #favourites: the powah of lurve #you WISH your faves could ever #long post for ts #why is this so long lol

[theladyofdeath]

Castaway. {ACOTAR/Chapter 4}

Word Count: 3,168

Summary:  A modern-day University AU, from the A Court of Thorns and Roses universe. All characters belong to Sarah J. Maas. The idea for this fanfic hailed from prompts sent in by Anonymous, and @queen-archeron. You can read previous chapters here.

Author’s Note: Decided to switch it up and add some scenes told buy our favorite baby bats. I want to remind all my (beautiful wonderful magnificent) readers, especially before we dive into the next few chapters, that this story deals with some sensitive content (see Castaway masterlist for details) and is intended for mature readers. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and I would love to know what you all think! :)

September 5 – The day after I got punched in the face. Again.

I consider myself a forgiving person.

I don’t always come off as the nicest around, but I do my best.

I’ve been dealt an interesting hand – we all have.

And yet, we’ve tried our best to get away from our pasts. To move on. To make something of ourselves.

But my past keeps following me around.

Everywhere I go, he’s there.

It’s not that I’m scared of him. I’m not.

But my skin crawls at the sight of the him. Bile rises in my throat with every word that comes out his misogynistic, hypocritical mouth.

And the thought that he has someone like her – kind, smart, beautiful – the thought that he kisses her, beds her….

It’s revolting.

I don’t think I will ever get the sight out of my mind of her fear when he lost his temper.

Still waiting for the day karma comes to claim him.

 Sincerely,

Orphan boy

 Rhysand read over the rubric. Again.

Summary of project: Ten paintings, five by each member of the pair. They must be submitted by the deadline, November 1. This is part of your final, and will count as twenty percent of your final grade. Paintings will be added to your portfolio.

Guidelines: Each member must complete five paintings of their partner in various poses. No two paintings should look alike. Be creative. Do your best.

Rhys threw the paper across the room before he could read any more. Feyre wouldn’t even look at him for the remainder of the class period – how were they supposed to work together?

His head fell into his hands, causing him to flinch. Shit.

That morning, he had woken up to a pounding in his head and the loss of sight in his left eye, due to the swelling. He had a thousand reasons to hate Tamlin, and the night before was just the icing on top of the cake of utter hatred.

His roommate threw open his bedroom door, and froze at the sight of Rhysand sprawled out on the futon.

“Fuck, mate,” he said, eyes growing wide. “You look like shit.”

Rhysand blinked, with the one eye that could. “Thanks. So do you.”

Kallias glanced down at his red, silky boxers. “Viv got me these for Christmas last year. She thinks I look sexy in them.”

Rhys just grinned.

Kallias and his girlfriend, Viviane, had been together for nearly two years. Rhysand was waiting for the day he would ask her to marry him, and he knew it was coming. But, the two had been roommates since freshman year, and he would secretly be somewhat sad when the semester was over and the two would graduate, Kallias moving on to marry the love of his life and start a family. While Rhys will get his degree in architectural engineering……and that was it.

He had no more plans after that.

“Viv and I are going to dinner tomorrow night. Care to join?”

“And be the third wheel?” Again?

“Bring a date,” Kallias suggested. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

It had. Rhys hadn’t even kissed another girl since Amarantha – she had scarred him a bit too deeply. It’s not that he was in love with her. He loathed the woman. But, she kept coming back. And Rhys….he had trouble getting away. She was seductive, and captivating. Beautifully manipulative. After he had finally said goodbye, and considered her a part of the past, Rhys had a hard time getting close to women. He’d gone on a few dates, but didn’t take any of them back home with him.

“Who would I bring as a date?” Rhys scoffed.

He ignored the first face that popped into his mind as the throbbing in his eye worsened.

“Anyone. Come on, mate. It’ll be fun. You may even enjoy yourself.”

Rhysand grumbled. He couldn’t remember the last time he truly enjoyed himself. “I’ll think about it.”

He knew he was in a mood. He knew he was feeling sorry for himself, and probably seemed pathetic, but he couldn’t help it. Kallias didn’t seem to mind, though. He had seen Rhys at his best, and his worst. He gave his roommate a pat on the back before heading to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water.

The door to their apartment swung open and Mor swept in. It was always a dramatic entrance with that one.

She took one look at Rhys before halting. “Your face.”

“I’ve noticed,” Rhys muttered.

“Did you at least hit him back?”

“No, I handled it like a mature adult,” Rhys proclaimed. “After telling him to fuck off and throwing a certain finger in his direction.”

Mor shook her head, suppressing a wistful smile. “What are we going to do with you?”

Rhysand threw his hands in the air. “I wasn’t the one throwing punches!”

“Good morning, Mor,” Kallias smiled, directing the conversation away from his mutilated face, to Rhysand’s relief.

The stares he had received on his way to class that morning were much different than the usual stares of adoration he typically received.  

“Good morning.” She openly observed his silk undies. “Viv certainly is a lucky lady, isn’t she. Is she here?”

“At work,” Kallias explained. “Should be here soon, though. She worked the night shift. She’s been doing a lot of overtime lately. She said they just hired a new nurse, though, so hopefully things will go back to normal. She’s exhausted.”

Mor frowned. “Hopefully. I haven’t seen her in weeks.”

“Morrigan,” Rhys interrupted, smiling when Mor grimaced at the use of her whole first name. “Not that I don’t love your unexpected presence, but aren’t you supposed to be in class?”

She rolled her eyes. “Cancelled. Professor got food poisoning.”

“And you didn’t have anything better to do than come stare at Kal in his silk panties?”

Kallias winked as Mor rolled her eyes at her older brother. “I’ve come with a note for you from a certain roommate of mine.”

Rhys sat up and grabbed the folded-up paper from in between Mor’s fingers. “Did you read it?”

Mor blinked. “Of course I read it.”

Kallias leaned over the back of the futon as Rhys opened it up, and read out loud, “We will meet at your apartment. I will be there tomorrow night at 11. We will begin then.” Kallias took the note and read it again, silently. “And here I was, thinking you haven’t gotten laid lately.”

Rhys snatched the note back and read it for himself. “I haven’t. It’s for a project.”

“Awfully secretive for a project,” Kallias crooned.

“That’s because she’s O’Brien’s girlfriend,” Mor informed him.

Kallias stared at Rhys. “She’s Tamlin’s girlfriend?”

Rhys nodded.

“As in the one who gave you that.” He gestured toward his roommate’s face. “Not to mention everything else the bastard has done.”

“Feyre isn’t to blame,” Rhys said, simply. “She probably doesn’t even know about……Tamlin’s cunning. He puts on a good show, we know that. But, yes – we got paired together in the elective I’m taking.”

Kallias whistled. “You’re entering dangerous territory.”

Rhys shrugged. “I stopped being scared of Tamlin a long time ago.”

“Why don’t you just drop the class?” Mor asked. “Or ask for a new partner?”

“That’s a bit much, don’t you think?” Rhys laughed. “It’s just an assignment. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Mor blinked. “Have you looked in the mirror today?”

Rhys rose to his feet and balled up the note, tossing it across the room into the garbage can in the kitchen. “Like I said. I’m not scared of Tamlin.”

 The fashion world was new for Azriel. He was a mechanic. His hands were calloused, and often dirty, considering he was used to working with grease and various automobile parts. It was always a relief when Elain gave him a task that didn’t have him handling the clothes…..He was always afraid he would ruin them in one way or another before they even made it onto a rack.

But today, he built shelves.

“It’s looking great, Elain.” Azriel glanced around The Fawn, admiring all the work they had put into the small boutique over the last month. “Have I mentioned how proud I am of you?”

He caught Elain blush just before she turned away from him, to hang up another dress on the rack. “Once or twice.”

“You deserve the praise,” he said, watching her for one second too long. “You’ve got a date tonight?”

“I do,” she faltered. “I’m thinking about wearing this. What do you think?”

Azriel watched as Elain lifted the knee-length, olive green dress up to her body. “I think you would look beautiful in that dress. But you will be beautiful in whatever you wear.”

Elain hesitated – Azriel caught the look in her soft, brown eyes as she stared at him. He told himself he should look away, but he didn’t. Neither of them said anything as they watched one another in the silence of the boutique, the humming of their air conditioning the only sound that could be heard above Azriel’s nervous breathing.

“Would you like to come over and help me get ready?” she asked, her voice quieter than it had been before he’d said what he did.

He cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

He didn’t know why he said it. No, he didn’t want to help her get ready for a date with Lucien. He wanted to come over, hang out, and watch movies while they ate a bunch of junk like they usually did.

Neither of them said anything else as Azriel turned back toward the shelves he was hanging.

And as he attached the wooden shelves to the wall, he couldn’t help but think of all the other things he would like to do with Elain Archeron.

 Cassian waited.

He’d taken a cab because he didn’t want to bother Azriel, as he knew he was helping Elain at the boutique all afternoon.

After the cab dropped him off at the curb, he hobbled down the brick path, toward the center of the park, where a small pond was surrounded by trees and paths and benches.

On one of the benches sat an elderly couple. They were holding hands and whispering into each other’s ears. Cassian wondered if it had always been that way – if when you find the love of your life, every date is like the very first one.

The other bench had a homeless man sleeping on it. Cassian had removed his jacket and laid it over him. He didn’t even stir as Cassian went on his way after slipping a five-dollar bill that was left in his jeans into the man’s new coat pocket.

He’d occupied the last free bench, sitting just off the side of the main path, staring at the pond. There were ducks swimming, and he’d wished he had brought something to feed them while he waited.

He knew it was a lost cause. He knew there was a slim chance that she would actually show. But, he went anyway.

And he waited for her.

After thirty minutes passed, he had perfected a duck call to communicate with the furry, swimming birds.

After an hour passed, he had already scrolled through every social media feed on his phone at least twice.

After two hours passed, he attempted to balance one of his crutches in the palm of his hand. And failed fifteen times before becoming successful.

And, after two and a half hours had come and gone, Cassian rose to his healthy foot, and took the crutches under his arms.

He didn’t know what it was about her – Nesta Archeron – that made his palms sweaty, and his heart race at unhealthy levels. She was rude. She was incredibly difficult to talk to. And, she had not given him any indication that she had any sort of attraction to him.

Except when her slim fingers had lingered when she was helping him out of that damn hospital gown, and when she had blushed when he’d called her his future wife.

And yet, Cassian felt a tug in her direction. There was something about her that he couldn’t stop thinking about.

She was different.

But, after three hours, Cassian hobbled back down the brick path. He didn’t bother trying to get a cab before he hobbled two blocks back to Azriel’s apartment.

 Azriel knocked on her door just before seven.

“Come in!” he heard a soft, sweet voice from the other side.

A small, black cat greeted him as soon as he opened the door. “Hey, Shadow.”

The kitten gave him a soft meow before brushing up against his shins, and lying on his boots once Azriel had discarded them by the welcome rug.

“Elain?”

“Bedroom!” she called.

“Are you decent?” he called, and hated himself for the tingly feeling in his gut as he awaited her answer.

Elain laughed. “Yes, I’m decent. Come in!”

Once Azriel turned the corner that led into her bedroom, his mouth fell subtly open.

She looked stunning. The olive-green dress hugged her frame in all the right places. She wore a silver necklace that dangled in between the deep neckline of the dress, the long sleeves hiding the tattoo of a sunflower she had on her forearm.

Azriel loved that tattoo. He was there with her when she got it, and held her hand the entire time.

She caught his gaze in the reflection of her floor length mirror and smiled. “What do you think?”

Azriel cleared his throat as she turned to face him. “You look beautiful.”

Her smile deepened as she patted her mattress. “Sit. Help me with shoes.”

This wasn’t anything new. Azriel had helped her get ready for dates before, but it was early in their friendship. Elain hadn’t dated anyone for years. Neither had Azriel. Over time, he had come to care for Elain more and more.

He had begun to fall in love with her.

She was perfect. She was beautiful, smart, kind, graceful…..any man would be a fool not to see the beauty she had, inside and out.

But, they were friends. That’s how Elain saw him, and he didn’t want to mess that up. Didn’t want to destroy the bond that he cherished so much, that they had created between the two of them.

“How about the brown ones?” Azriel suggested, taking a seat on top of the fluffy, purple comforter.

“The wedges or the flats?”

Azriel blinked. “The…..brown ones.”

Elain laughed, taking two different brown shoes out of her closet. One had a thick heel, the other did not.

He pointed to the ones on the left, the ones with the heel.

“Wedges,” Elain confirmed, giving him a wink.

Azriel grinned. “Noted. Next time I’ll be sure to correctly label your shoes.”

Elain sat next to him as she strapped on her wedges. It was then that Azriel caught a better glimpse of the necklace she wore.

“It’s my favorite,” she said, when she caught him looking.

He’d gifted it to her for her birthday, the year after they had met. A small set of silver antlers hung from the chain.

“You reminded me of a deer,” Azriel said, and when Elain raised her brows, he continued with a smile. “Graceful. Beautiful. Peaceful. Could kick a guy in the face if feeling threatened.”

Her serious expression faded, and she began to giggle. “That’s true.”

“As long as it’s not me.”

“Don’t threaten me, then.”

Azriel smiled, and reached up to brush a curly lock of golden-brown hair back that had fallen from her braid. He froze, midway there.

Elain looked as if she’d stopped breathing.

Azriel let his hand fall back to his lap. “You…..a hair, um, fell loose.”

Alarm filling her eyes, Elain waltzed back to the mirror.

“Well,” Azriel stood, and rubbed the back of his neck. “I should get going. Cass has been gone all afternoon. I’m beginning to worry.”

“Oh, okay,” she said, giving him an encouraging smile through her reflection. “I’m sure he’s fine. Let me know when you find him?”

Azriel simply nodded before coming up behind her in the mirror.

They were complete opposites. Elain looked like a beaming ray of sunshine, while Azriel….

He was darkness. Thick, dark hair hung over his hazel eyes. His black jeans were ripped in the knees, and his black and gray plaid shirt revealed the tattoos on his forearms, on his chest. He wore fingerless gloves to hide the scars on his hands.

The only people who had ever seen his hands without the gloves were his family.

And Elain.

“Want to take Shadow for the night? She needs some love. I’ve been gone a lot lately.”

When she turned toward him, after fixing her braid, he nodded. “Of course.”

“Great.” She took one last look in the mirror, and he had to force himself to push his jealousy aside.

“You look perfect,” he promised, before backing back out into the hall. “Have fun, okay? Tell me how it goes.”

“I will,” she said, and maybe it was his imagination, but she almost seemed sad to watch him go.

After one last smile, Azriel turned around and walked away.

He didn’t look back as he grabbed Shadow, and his boots, and went back to his apartment across the hall.

Cassian was passed out on the couch when he entered, and Rhysand was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of leftover pasta from Azriel’s fridge.

Azriel blinked. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Rhys said, mouth full. “We just got here.” He motioned to Cassian with a nod of his head. “Caught him walking here from Harris Street Park. Chasing after some girl. Again.”

Azriel chuckled. “Sounds about right.”

Rhysand put down his fork, and lifted an eyebrow at his brother. “You don’t look so good. You okay?”

“Yeah,” Azriel promised, sounding much more confident than he really was. He set Shadow down on the floor before unbuttoning his plaid shirt, and throwing it in an armchair that sat in the corner.

“I don’t know why you don’t just ask her out,” Rhys said, taking yet another bite. “You two are made for each other.”

“She doesn’t see me like that,” was all he said.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Like that.”

Rhysand just shrugged, as Shadow curled into a ball under the table at his feet. “Never know until you try.”

But he wouldn’t try. Elain meant too much to him. He couldn’t lose her.

He didn’t deserve her, anyway. Elain Archeron was a rare gift in this cruel, obscene world. She deserved someone……better. Someone with a good job. And a good, normal family. And a nice car. And whatever else she had named that made Lucien seem perfect on paper.

She deserved someone that could give her everything she ever wanted.

And Azriel….

He was nobody. He didn’t make much. His car was crap and his family was beautiful, to him, but surely not normal. Not even his parents loved him. He didn’t even love himself.

So how could she?

Chapter 5 coming soon.

 @wingedillyrian @throne-of-ashes-and-beauty @photofeesh @southern-by-gods-mercy @randomfanficshit @high-lady-of-perranth @ifinallygavein@xmanorianx @eleniherondale @eye-of-elena @feyreismeiamfeyre@littlehoneyybee @turtlesnook @willsrune @gcarroll@tiny1hallie @iwouldtrusthagridwithmylife @my-parabatai-is-a-herondale @highlady-of-slytherin @fireflyangelxx @theantisocialbookworm310 @redqueenfandom @aelinxfeyre @saybell1994 @nofantasynolife @priyahayes@fireheartbitch @live-the-fangirl-life @rishorro @literarynonsense @thebookqueen01 @highlady-of-night @beaches-and-books

#nessian #elriel #feysand #lucien #tamlin #acotar #acomaf #acowar #fanfic #fanfics #fanfiction #fic #my writing #my fanfics #castaway #chapter 4 #chapter four

[royreadingco]

Book Review #3: A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas

Welcome back to Roy Reading Company! Today, I'm very excited to be reviewing the second book in the "A Court of Thorns and Roses" Trilogy, A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas. This book was dense, a whopping 626 pages, but 626 pages of pure magic. If you read my review of A Court of Thorns and Roses, you'll know how blown away I was by book 1, but book 2 was even better!

*Warning: This review contains spoilers. Read at your own risk.*Right off the bat, what stood out to me about this book was the realistic depiction of emotions. The guilt and shame that Feyre felt was so described in such a realistic way, you could actually relate to her. The way Maas described Feyre's struggles, it almost seemed as if she was going suffering from PTSD, which wouldn't be surprising considering what she went through Under the Mountain. The physical symptoms, like her vomiting and intense nightmares, as well as her mental ones like her lack of interest in things like painting, suggest the degree to which her time Under the Mountain effected her. I felt that Maas did a really lovely job of making these symptoms true to life, and in an age where mental health awareness is super important, it was great to see Feyre work through these struggles. 

At the beginning/middle of the book, I found myself getting a little frustrated with Feyre in regards to Tamlin. Yes, Tamlin was not helpful at all in helping Feyre heal and recover. Terrible of him, that much is obvious. But while Feyre was in Night Court she seemed to only focus on how awful Tamlin was, and completely forget about all of the good times they had together and how much she loved him at one point. Sure, he may have been going through his own struggles, but they could have worked together to make each other better. But by the end of the book her hating Tamlin was totally justified. 

First of all, can we talk about how he only used her for sex? Props to Maas for actually including sex in a YA book, and it was impactful. Tamlin acted like he really only cared about having sex with Feyre, not helping her get better. Contrast this with Rhys, who was totally willing to wait for Feyre to be ready, and we have a pretty important message. Maas contrasts Tamlin and Rhys, to show that there's a difference between being in love and making love. He clearly didn't care about her enough to see that she was literally withering away in front of him, and didn't try to help her at all. Also, why did you not realize and accept that she was developing powers? Tam, you could have helped her hone her skills and become a more powerful fae. But know let's lock her in my mansion, right? WHICH REMINDS ME: How DARE you lock her in that house?! Who in the mother do you think you are? It's clear that he was so wrapped up in his issues and trying to protect her that he just lost it and turned into an oppressive maniac. He also tells her that there's no such thing as a High Lady, so she can't be seen as his equal. Utter. Crap. I think what hits me hardest is his history with Rhys and how he helped his father hunt down members of Rhys's family. Just scummy. 

Let's also talk about this wedding. That dress was horrible. It didn't even seem like Feyre cared about the wedding at all, she wasn't invested in the planning and didn't care enough to object when things bothered her. It was destined to fail from the start. Ianthe had wayyy too much control in the planning of this wedding, and made it something Feyre utterly didn't care about. I would have walked away too. 

Ianthe. The utter wraith that she is. Though I hated her guts, I can see her importance to the story. She was integral in Feyre's rise to power later in the series. But she is also really important in spreading a message about consent. Ianthe was notorious for taking advantage of people like Rhys and Lucien, and Maas uses her to show that consent is important. 

Now let's talk about Feyre's time with Rhys. When he first winnowed her away to Night Court, and let her heal, I knew he wasn't so bad of a guy. And when he did save her from Tamlin's insanity, I saw right away that he actually cared about her, despite his teasing and taunting. But even with his teasing, it opened opportunities for Feyre to be her spitfire-self again. I liked that he started by helping her learn how to read, and how to protect her mind, skills that would be vital to her. I did wonder that while Feyre was in Night Court, why did Tam never try to get in contact with her? He must have had some inkling. 

But I was really glad he didn't because I fell in love with Velaris, Rhys, Mor, Az, and Cassian. Mor, Az, and Cassian were way more open and honest with her from the beginning and actually offered to help her train and befriended her outright. Lucien wasn't necessarily a bad guy, but he never stood up to Tam's mistreatment of Feyre. The people of Velaris all made a conscious effort to make Feyre feel welcome and to help her feel better. I thought one of the especially touching scenes was when they were training with Cassian, and it dawns on her that she should have been one of the Fae to die in Amarantha's court, and Cassian helped talk through her emotions while Rhys reacted so strongly, and so kindly and telling her that she should never feel that way. It was evident that Velaris was a much healthier environment for her to live. 

While she was there she not only healed from her experiences Under the Mountain but was also able to grow into her new life as a Fae. She was able to be an active and useful member of Rhys's team and was able to help infiltrate Hybern's forces. 

I've spoken so much about Maas's world building, but I have to touch on her creation of the Illyrian culture. The customs and traditions that she developed were so interesting. To learn with Feyre about a whole other species was really interesting. From hearing about how they are raised and trained from an early age, to the treatment of their women was fascinating and really set Night Court apart from the other courts. Along the same vein, it was both heartbreaking and emotional to learn about Mor's past in the Illyrian legions. It helped me feel more sympathetic towards her and relate to her even more. 

I really liked that we got to go into Summer Court and Adriana. I am really intrigued by exploring the other courts and seeing their different cultures come to life is one of my favorite parts of this series. Paired with Feyre being able to tap into Tarquin's powers to help Rhys was really one of the first instances of Feyre actively helping to take down Hybern. 

I really loved the idea of a hidden city of Velaris, that no one knew about for hundreds of years. I loved that it was a sort of paradise or Eden hidden away from all of the horrors going on in the rest of Prythian. The word Velaris actually comes from the Latin verb to cover or to veil. I love significant word choice in books. The desctiption of this city was lovely, and the detail was phenomenal, and really brought the city to life. What was also really lovely, was how important Velaris was to Rhys and his family, how they wanted to hold onto their piece of private paradise to escape to. 

And now for the good stuff. 

Rhys and Feyre were a match made in heaven (literally). I thought for a long time that I would never want Feyre to be with anyone other than Tam, and boy was I wrong. From the moment he rescued her, to the teasing little notes that they sent each other, they were perfect. When he sent her into the Weaver's cottage to get the ring was such a sweet idea, and how it all tied into his family and their mating was so well done. Even their scenes in the Court of Nightmares and that little Illyrian inn were some of my favorites in this book. 

But what takes the cake, without any doubt, has to be the cabin scene. But first, why in the holy hell did the Suriel spoil the mate thing? If he knows ~most~ things, wouldn't he know that Feyre didn't know yet? So why would he spoil it? I'm glad he did because cute things happened. I can also understand Feyre's frustration with people waiting until they thought she was ready to hear the news, when she was so involved. But I wanted her to be a little more happy about it and not just be mad at him. I thought it was fitting that she just took some time for herself to be alone, to paint, and process everything. I also liked that he chased after her and made sure she was okay (something Tam never did). I (as I love the different culture and tradition) thought it was so sweet that offering him a meal is the signal that the mate bond has been accepted. 

Maas really showed her finesse as a writer, when all of the little instances that had taken place over time had connected and entwined to build their mate bond from the moment they met. To create such an intricate plot, that was so well executed is inspiring and that is how a true, sophisticated novel is written. The fact that Rhys was the one to send the lullaby to Feyre's cell under the Mountain took me by surprise because I had assumed that it was thanks to Tam. The whole mate relationship between Rhys and Feyre was so spectacularly done, I was blown away. Overall I could not be more satisfied with the way Maas portrayed the mate bond between Rhys and Feyre. 

Some final thoughts. In the end of the novel, I have one thing to say. TAMLIN YOU SUCK YOU PIECE OF SLIME. That is all. The mortal queens give humans a bad rep. What is Amren really? The significance of Rhys's knee tattoo was amazing. The slight undertones to the Hades and Persephone story were super cool, and I love Maas showed her literary prowess in basing her original stories on classic tales. 

In summary, I apologize that this review is so long but for such a lengthy book, how could I not? It would be an injustice to the book to leave anything out. I felt that this book was phenomenal, extremely well done and showed how sophisticated Young Adult literature can be. 

I give this book a 📚📚📚📚📚 out of 5. I would highly recommend this book to any YA lover, and it might have made the series for me. What did you think of A Court of Mist and Fury? Let me know in the comments!

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-

Kayla

#acomaf #a court of mist and fury #feyre x rhysand #feyre archeron #rhys #night court #sarah j maas #YA #High Lady of the night court #books #bookworm #bookish #book review #book blog #booktube #book tumblr