#why do i keep lying about things

[rainbowpufflez]

“If I could go back, one thing I would do / Try to unravel, cut down, and unscrew / The first double helix that links me to you”

Wow, get a load of these guys. What’s wrong with them?

Also song inspo if anyone would like it! It’s where the top quote is from!

#drawing Gus sad made me feel like I was kicking an already sad wet cat why do I do this to him #supposed to be a weird dream sequence thing about a year later after the Geosenge Incident #believe it or not this piece is about Gus learning to move on #like my thought is that Gus has been trying to move on but he keeps finding Lys’s stuff or references to him #and after dreaming of Lys burning up (literally) and not being able to save him #he wakes up and finds he’s holding Lys’s coat #which finally leads him to finding all of Lys’s stuff around his apartment and throwing it all in a box to get rid of #and it would end with him finally grabbing the photo of him and Lys #and finally cutting him out of it #anyway I love them so much #I NEED THEM IN PAIN AND TORTURED #Gus gets to be happy and moved on later I promise #Lys either got his ass immortal or is dead beneath the rubble 💙 #idk what happened tho I heard one song and got locked in and had to draw toxic doomed pokemon yaoi #what the fuck is wrong with me? #yeah I have so many thoughts on those stupid guys fr #I WOULD LIKE THEM OUT OF MY BRAIN THO #PLZ LEMME GO I WANT OFF THIS TRAIN #professor sycamore #professor sycamore pokémon #augustine sycamore #lysandre pokemon #team flare lysandre #pokemon xy #Spotify #rainbowpufflez art tag

[skrunksthatwunk]

why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.

#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance #i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines #and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone' #gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK #i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it #in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day #and it's still not done. GUHH #I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE. #MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING #THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head #going to work on it some more. fuckk #the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal #themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it #sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time. #i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l #go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow #so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff #i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum) #eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit) #i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh #why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)

[kyeterna]

I had rewatched durarara a couple of months ago after like never finishing the second season when it first came out (I have always had a really hard time keeping up with ongoing shows) and assigned memes to some characters, here's the result.

#durarara #sketchterna #i really liked durarara as a 14 year old but watching it in 2022 I liked it but had some issues with some of the characters #ESPECIALLY the orihara twins good god #the funny thing is that i liked izaya as an edgy 14 year old because oooo he is so cool and evil he controls everything he is a puppetmaste #but as a 22 year old I liked izaya because he is a pathetic as bitchless person who copes with his loneliness by pretending he is not huma #like sir I see right through you #i get it #you pretend you are included by acting as the puppetmaster- that you are in control of everything #sure you are intelligent but you dont fool anyone by acting as if you don't care about anyone #we all know how much you actually care about shinra's opinion on you #i can't put everything into words but like izaya is a very lonely person and he is not particularly a fan of his loneliness #and instead of actually doing something healthy about it he keeps lying to himself and doubling down #sure he doesnt care about most people and he does derive joy from tormenting teenagers but there are people he cares about #but he just pushes them away. Everyone point and laugh #also my mom instincts just made me crazy watching the main trio do what they do #like SIRS YOU ARE JUST 15 CHILL OUT #WHY DID NONE OF THE ADULTS JUST GRAB THEM LIKE KITTENS AND SAY #“YOU ARE LITERALLY A KID- CHILL OUT- GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK OR SOME SHIT-” #rambling over

[dangerousdan-dan]

I invited a friend over and the moment he stepped into my room he said "wow, this is like a geek shrine" and I'm not sure if that was meant as a compliment or not

#to give you a visual: i have books and comics everywhere. my walls are covered in prints and posters from videogames and dc and other stuff #i also have figurines lying around along with other weird things #and the pièce de résistance: the skulls #(they're not real. most of them are made of clay but still) #he also seemed fascinated by the fact I still have CDs #i think it was like a museum visit for him. we were supposed to play videogames but he found his surroundings more entertaining i guess xD #but this also made me wonder about how popular the “minimalist” aesthetic is and how now it's “weird” to have stuff you enjoy in your space #like it's immature or something #all these trinkets make me happy so I'm keeping them forever. thank you :) #“but you're an adult. why do you still have posters and toys??” because i don't want to be boring like you #(< not something my friend said but something I've heard before) #besides look at it this way. if hundreds of years from now an anthropologist finds my stuff #they'll think I'm the most interesting btch in town #what would they think about your minimalist space??? what objects could tell them the story of who you were and what you loved?? #dan is rambling again #(tbh dan is a little tipsy too)

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[gammija]

ive been trying for 30 mins to write a post about why the Web's plan is still confusing, but I think I should face the truth and admit to myself that it's not that it makes no sense, it's just... so convoluted

#they needed jon to kill jonah cause it seems like only he could call him down #and they couldnt go through with the original plan because.... tbh still not sure on that one. at least not with the reasoning annabelle #gives. assuming that how everything works out now is how they intended it to #which it must be because if jon was ever ever going to consider 'letting anyone else feel that guilt' he sure as hell wasn't now that he #got introduced to the plan while a giant spider dangled his boyfriend above a pit. not conducive to jon cooperation #so originally spidermartin would have driven him to burn the archives and kill jonah. but theyre bond is too strong now so even if martin #would be spiders Jon wouldnt do the plan. .... huh #i just dont get that leap #why does their bond being stronger make jon less willing to burn it all down. so to say #would he want to keep his promise to martin and not become the pupil? but he did! he does! he does even when martin ISNT spiders! aaah #one thing that could make everything more elegant is if Annabelle wasnt telling the whole truth. she says they need to kill 'the pupil' #jon has been described as 'the pupil' as early as s2. and why would the Fears follow his voice on the tapes #and not just stick with his voice in jon the person? #solution; not only does the pupil have to die and the archives burn down at the same time #but jon has to be the pupil when it happens #... except that ALSO doesnt work because according to Jon Annabelle wasnt lying when she said that this would allow them both to 'survive'! #so unless we read the transcript in very bad faith and assume that she was talking about the hypothetical scenario of íf the fears leave; #then youll live; (but for them to leave youll have to die) this solution is out as well #but it would mean theyd need martin unspidered because hed be the only person able to kill jon when hes the pupil because 'it feels right' #(throwback to 178) #tma #tma meta #joos yaps #delete later #a mag a day #tma s5 #one nearly incoherent ramble later..... #if anyone has a good Watsonian solution to tie everything up neatly plz link me to a post

[bumblingbabooshka]

What if Neelix wormed his way into the hearts and minds of Tuvok’s entire family? What then??

#Tuvok's Mother: Tuvok you should invite that talkative gentleman over for tea. #Tuvok: I don't see why I should. #(they stare at one another - jumpcut) #Neelix: -playing with a baby- Thank you for inviting me over for tea Tuvok~!! #Tuvok: Of Course............ #thinking about smilesobriens tuvok/t'pel/neelix thing bc it makes me laugh /positive /genuine #specifically bc I keep thinking of Neelix developing a crush on T'Pel and being like o h nnooh no Tuvok's go nnafuckingkill me. #Meanwhile Tuvok is lying on the living room floor staring at the holo-phone and T'Pel's like why don't YOU just call HIM?? #and Tuvok's like I Never Call Him. //He// ASKED if I would be home at this time and I said I would TRY and yet he is FOUR minutes late I ca- #and then the holo-phone beeps and Tuvok picks it up after two rings with a sigh like what do you WANT Mr. Neelix =_= #(sorry I'm late!!! were you waiting??) No v_v #tuvok/t'pel/neelix...can a tsundere kuudere and genki girl ever truly find love?? ...yeah!

[arklay]

WIP DAY.

tagged by @girlbosselrond @morvaris @aartyom @risingsh0t @phillipsgraves @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine & @denerims over the past month! sorry it's taken me so long to get to anything at all, i'm sure you guys have heard me address it enough, but thank you all so much for continuing to tag me in things while i've been inactive ♡

tagging @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @florbelles @jendoe @lightwardens @liurnia @nokstella @nuclearstorms @shadowsofrose @shellibisshe @steelport @swordcoasts @wrymbloods @voerman & all of those who tagged me again cause i'm so behind + anyone else who'd like to share anything they're working on, not just writing! ♡

i haven't written anything since the last wip game i did, but i started trying to put diana's timeline together at the start of january, so i mean... i'll show that instead. as you can see, fatigue hasn't let me do much with it even though i've got all of her timeline already done and strewn about all over the place.

started with 1995 onwards cause it was originally going to be an ewskers timeline situation, but then wanted to include all of her backstory so i went back to the start and still have the late 80s and early 90s to get through before then, but yeah :]

it's going to include like all little moments i've thought of between the ewskers just for me and placing them on the timeline, so you can imagine how long this is going to get if i have to go to 2021 for village... like just 1996-1998 is going to be so much... she's very special to me if you couldn't tell already lmaoo

never sharing this though, it's just for me, and like will help for when i do her timeline page (more in-depth version of what's on her oc page) to just run through canon events and brief descriptions and whatnot. you understand.

everything is blurred out besides 1995 ewskers momence and the years, just cause like idk her i feel weird sharing her in-depth backstory unless it's in dms or something, just cause there's lots going on there and yeah. things. idk

i also made a carrd for twt if you wanna have a look at that :] there's some cheeky subtle things with the two resi items i used as pics hehe

actually, you know what, i'll give a lil bit from where i left of with that rewrite anyways, even though it's been months since i wrote it. but why not

Wesker left a fleeting kiss behind her ear then reached around her and hooked his fingers beneath her coat, prompting Diana to glance back at him. But all he did was gently pull it from her shoulders. She watched him from out of the corner of her eye as he hung it up on the rack by the door, his movements careful and almost calculated, until he turned back towards her, and the warmth of his body returned once more. He pressed up against her side this time, as opposed to her back, and one of his hands found a home on her waist. The way the arm it belonged to was resting firmly against her as he began leading her towards the kitchen was comforting, secure, yet unmistakably possessive. And she revelled in it. He had quite the knack for handling her just the way she wanted.

#tag games. #keep going to do picrews and just zoning out 😭 i'm so behind on literally everything but it's fine it's okay (lying) #i'm having a day and a half even though i woke up feeling okay but oh well. my last month has just been like watching videos during the day #or playing games when i have a bit more energy but like i can't do anything that requires me to actually read or write things like words #are just not computing in my brain at the moment but it's okay like i'm just exhausted and hoping soon i can get back to writing because i #still have over 30 wips going lmao but yeah it's been a time a half with lots of appointments and seeing specialists again and trying to #sort things out. i've been more active on twitter which i've mentioned before but it's just because like it's easier for me to sort of just #like and rt things and not having to do my organisation tags and things like i know that sounds so just small and simple but that's how #i've been lately like to my brain rn that seems like a really big task. so i just keep coming on here randomly for a few minutes then #disappearing so i'm sorry that i've definitely missed so much and i haven't been around to just show my appreciation and love to your #creations!! also just everything that happened in december and then a bit at the start of january too like i'm just a lil paranoid about #being on here honestly so i'm trying to get back to it and be okay with posting again and i'm going to make a promise to myself to actually #filter more tags i think? just to help me with like not exposing myself to things that do make me feel uncomfortable in any way!! i'm #rambling now but sorry sometimes i just need to lmaooo idk but yes so cute lil subtle things from my carrd i wanna talk about cause why not #i didn't have to change the blue herb from re0 besides making it brighter because it's already teal toned which is so sexy but i shifted #the hue on the spade key like SLIGHTLY like it was so little. but anyways. i use this emoji ✨ on my twitter name and yes cause sparkles but #also. three stars. the s.t.a.r.s. badge and logo :] then blue herb because i will have no poison in my safe space!!!! take a blue herb or #leave please!! only good vibes and safe space here!! spade key because i'm ace <3 i was going to include the diamond one in there as well #because am demiro and like those are the symbols in the community. ace of spades for ace. diamond for demis (both orientations) #but wasn't sure how to weave the pink through the rest of the carrd even though cyan and pink together is so pretty omg

[stereax]

woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way

but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D

anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎

#sterechats :) #09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway #what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again? #probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D #10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire #like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it #I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring! #but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3 #11:00 pm - I need to get out of here #I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me #everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense #why am I even writing these tags what does it matter #I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing #maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore #I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha #11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one #how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good #everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now #here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah) #11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive #in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love #I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day #maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it! #maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead... #1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am #not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep #and I don't want this to post when I'm awake #I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always #because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really #I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay

[moonscape]

emery just told me about breloom's plot in explorers of the sp!rit THAT'S SO FUCKING STUPID LMAO

#bwark #oh noooo breloom is so badly done to. he got kicked out of the guild for not doing his job. chatot is so cruel. fuck offffff #people saying that chatot pawns off work is such a stupid fucking take #like. you're part of the guild it's LITERALLY YOUR JOB #do you think chimecho wouldn't be kicked out if she just refused to provide meals one day? because she's clearly accomodated help????? #that's so fucking stupid. i haven't even played the game but everything ive heard about it sounds like the creator wants to feel justified #in hating chatot so they make shit up about him. that's a problem with pmd fans in general tbh #no chatot doesn't steal money from you. he's ordered to by the exploration federation #no chatot doesn't pawn his work off on you. he's just assigning tasks?? that's his job??? he's just a manager apply your logic to the real #world please #no chatot doesn't call you a liar over the bad future. wigglytuff literally says that chatot believed you from the start #and no it wasn't to test the guild's bonds. chatot was so obviously lying idk how that's missed so much #like chatot's behaviour throughout the game makes it clear that he likes to keep it professional (because lbr wigglytuff isn't doing shit to #help run things) and it's not unreasonable to for him to think that personal emotions would get in the way of that #that's literally why he lied during that scene. he doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve. it's not some personal vendetta against hero and #partner lmao #like im not saying you're not allowed to dislike him or that he's right for the perfect apple incident and not putting his pride aside after #the dark future (god forbid a character has flaws that he makes up for during the brine cave incident). but like nothing annoys me more than #spreading blatantly untrue information just to justify your hatred of him like. you're allowed to just not like him you don't have to make #it deep or anything #also if it seems like im more defensive of chatot than i should be it's because somebody has to i guess #nobody in the pmd fandom knows how to be normal about him and so mamy people don't want to read between the lines with his character #also im still reserving proper judgement of eots until i play it but everything ive heard from it so far doesn't sound good at all #i can respect it for what it's achieved as a fan project. that doesn't automatically make it good though

[minarcana]

thinking about my wol urianger au while i was at work and making myself sad

#the way shb works there is that the secret hes convincing exarch to keep while exarch tries to summon the remaining scions is #that uri fully plans to die and made exarch agree to send him to the rift and abandon him once the lightwardens are all dead #hes tired of watching other people die and would rather do it himself especially in this verse. of course. gwaha simply doesnt let him at #the end. you ever have two suicidal guys trying to arm wrestle about who gets to die while also trying to keep all their friends from #realizing thats the endgame plan is someone trying to sacrifice themselves #he still stays in il mheg for a while trying to study titania but its nowhere near as fervent as in canon because hes just. oh its fine. #ill die and then itll be done. #me lying on my back on the ground #me: hey uri are you ever gonna like go to ye olde therapy for that ptsd? #uri: nay why? #me: thats what i thought youd say you fucking elf #also the arr bit where you have to kill a bunch of soldiers while fighting rhitatyn. bad for wol au uri. thinking abt that also #laurel views things like that as a natural byproduct of war and idealism so shes not as fucked up about it #meanwhile this clown-- #ooc

[wayfayrr]

WARS IS A CALICO?!!!! moss.... if you have the others.... plz lemme know, I'm on my knees begging T-T

I've only really thought about wild and wars 😅 because I am so very normal for the two of them <3

Wild started as me coming up with ideas for his self aware fic (which I'm more than happy to go into if you don't mind spoilers for whenever I write it it was meant to be soon but dfvdcsdc the many requests I have rn say otherwise) now it's grown from that though

Wars being a calico though? It just fits his vibe, to begin with he's such a pretty man??? and calicos are pretty hbju for more reasons - male calicos are rare and so they're quite highly valued - like how cia sees wars this account also just - mauri gives me wars vibes??? I can't really explain it

#I have a to-scale poster of wars in my uni apartment #I'm lying about being normal for him #the main thing with wild is now I also get treated as a catperson #the wonderful result of everyone seeing you as the same person on discord #there is a concerningly long list of why I'm wild #THAT KEEPS GETTING LONGER #although I will admit the potato and apple argument I had could literally be something wild would do #moss✧rambles #moss✦answers

[oscill4te]

there are days where i think laying down in the grass will fix me

#just need to find a place in this suburban hell where i can do it without others seeing me #genuinely i think it will reconnect me with my surroundings. looking up at a graycast sky with grass uncomfortably poking into my skin #and the bugs.. crawling all about you. cute but mysterious #i think it will genuinely ground me. it will help retrieve me out of freeze state/dissociation #something about this modern world just feels so dystopian and broken and idk how much longer we can all do it. #by we i mean my stystem but also.. every other human being out there too. how are we going to do it? #every new thing i learn just sends me into a spiral and i further dissociate. i keep avoiding my reality. i dont know how to stop #oh well. instead of lying in the grass i am drawing technicolor animals on ms paint as per usual. #i keep thinking about microplastics recently too. i dont know why that freaks me out so much. i keep worrying about my cognition too. #i think something simple like this will help me (and probably many others) remember... its the little things you must keep living for #txt

[rillette]

I've yet to actually read anything centered on Hal but regardless from a distance I can say I'm getting distinct seagull vibes. Loud, annoying but earnest, flight, will steal your food and bed if you're foolish enough to be kind to him, ultimately really funny. Thoughts?

definitely that's how hal is portrayed in like. the dcau and popular fanon, but in the comics he's more dog that you found on the side of the road that just keeps getting in comically tragic situations. like u take ur eyes off of it for 2 secs and suddenly it's head is stuck in an arizona iced tea jug

#asks <3 #ty for the ask!! #he is not loud nor annoying he's a bit reserved lol #that thing where u pretend to throw the ball for ur dog and it gets really excited and goes running only to whip around and stare at you in #disappointment but it falls for the same fucking trick like 2 mins later #that's hal trusting the guardians only to get lied to and then he goes WHY do you keep LYING to me i HATE IT HERE and then he forgets #about it immediately and goes omg the guardians my masters the guardians <3 #<- i am not being facetious he genuinely calls them that like deadass. hal u are in a CULT!!!!!!!

[icewindandboringhorror]

‘being one of the only people in your entire area actually still taking the pandemic very seriously and following safety measures while every single person around you rapidly decides they completely no longer give a shit’ moodboard

#my bastard in hell i have fucking health conditions #maybe you want to gamble your shit but I simply cannot take those risks dude #and it is increasingly hard to interact with literally any other human being when it seems like we both live in alternate realities #AND if they won't even give the basic respect of just being careful around ME #just a basic 'okay I know we apparently disagree somehow but at least while you're around me could you take these precautions #to help protect me' then it's immediately just *deeply personal reason against it* *argument entirely based on how the person #feels and not any actual current data or pandemic statistics* *random personal anecdote* *reckless nihilism based in #reasonable and understandable exasperation but still missing the point and not ultimately practically helpful in terms of genuinely preventi #ng things from getting worse and simply worsening the conditions that foster the nihilism and exasperation in the first place* *ableism* #*the weirdest fucking argument you've ever heard in your life* *some other entirely personal sentimental reasoning* #*some argument that basically boils down to the fact that they don't trust or respect or care about you and your boundaries or health* #like gHHHGhhhhhhhhhh #JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME AND WEAR A MASK FOR 30 MINUTES whY does it have to be a debate WHY is that SOO hard #also people I know keep planning stuff and trying to force and guilt trip me and others in my household to go do stuff with them #and are like planning vacations and all this stupud bullshit and now I'm constantly having to put up with it and seem 'mean' or whatever #one of my roomates is fine but the other one is more emotionally volatile and definitely prone to being pulled in by being Lonely #or wanting to do stuff with loved ones and compromising on safety because they're being manipulated by the people around them #into feeling like they're being a burden by asking people to wear masks or etc. so its a constant trust issue where I have to just desparate #ly hoep that when left on their own they're ACTUALLY going to stand up for themselves and stick to their beliefs #and not just like come home and lie about following sfatey measures then secretly give me covid or something.. hhh... WHICH wouldnt be a pro #blem if EVERYONE on the earth wasnt just acting like the pandemic is over and deciding to be reckless - because then it's a matter of #social conformity and peer pressure and following the Culture instead of the data and even people who were safe before will see everyone aro #und them taking things less seriously and decide maybe now it's reasonable to do the same thing themselves or etc. etc. #and it's like... nothing with the VIRUS ITSELF changed lol.. the response changed and the culture changed but the part that matters is the #SAME....the virus isn't looking around like 'hey people seem more chill about this now - maybe I should just relax a little bit and not #infect people for a while. i really dont want to get in the way of their pool party summer vacation and all of that. i'll just step back' #HHHHHHHHHHHHH anyway.... oi am goin inshane lov........... #covid mention #covid tw

[oatbugs]

whenever i think/talk abt a "you" it's at least 5 different people usually

#ive been thinking about how you separated the star of david into triangles and taught me about the equilibrium about as above so below #are we in equilibrium? ive been thinking about the star of david and the rest in peace beneath it #fuck the fascists and fuck how they took you and fuck how theyll take everyone. am i good at analysis? #it turns out weve all been lying a lot. it turns out the person weve all lied the most to was ourselves. #ive been thinking about your 5 journals and a whole week of crying just to realise our sin. you felt like a nucleus inside a fuzz of #electrons and i felt like the fuzz of electrons. we caught a ribbon and followed it past the point of discomfort #this is how you breathe so that you dont die and this is how you breathe so that you do. on your own terms. #i am going to be a good architect. i am going to be a good engineer. i am going to be a good neuroscientist. i am going to be good. #i reserve the label for being a let-go-of-labels person. i am going to be the one who lets go of identifiers #and make it my identity. how do you achieve constant bliss? separate the nucleus and the fuzz. #suffering from the impact of the self and the self-image، you told me about the bliss of separation. #okay. let them hate the cloud. youre inside of it all. i am nothing. this is not a label for the self. mereology is a lovely thing. #baby you are ripping through all these spiderwebs just to live. this is part of the normal developmental process. i am surrounded by people #who throw sums of millions out of their mouths like any other lovely word. i cant stand the thought of your loss #except only in theory. ive been thinking about the bird with the broken wing in florence and how we stood around it until #two friends picked it up and took it home in hopes of nursing him back to flight. ive been thinking about how we are designed to care #for each other. tomorrow you will have your dreams crushed. the day after you will keep going. we are sharing #in the wonders of being perceiving beings. isnt that enough? why do you need to perceive the monstrosity of your own soul? is it #because i love you? is it because you love yourself? you love yourself enough to allow yourself to feel the terrible corners of you. #you can finally stand on your own. you can only stumble forward until you walk for the first time.