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#why does he text like a middle aged professor im screaming
coleconnerhq · 4 years
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ツ ✉️ ☎️
messages: M. Sakamoto
Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text.
[sent]: Of course we can go for a run together![sent]: I’m really glad you asked :)
Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT.
[draft]: I’m so sorry, Mary, for so many things I can’t ever expla
Send “☎” for a RUSHED text.
[sent]: Hey, I’m stopping by the room to drop something off for Val, I hope you’re there so I can say say hi!
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guckies · 3 years
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Quotes from Tommyinnit’s 23 dec stream bc I keep track Bitch now featuring 3/4 of sleep bois inc
These are all Tommy unless said otherwise
But these are all....
“I’m back to streaming and I need to become a terrorist” ....
“No one ever talks about the good diseases, I have those.”
“I’m on a diet”
“I’m living the life all I’m missing is hot ladies.”
“I don’t die you do bitch.”
“I’ve got steroids of the mind. My mind is powerful”
“It’s like a community center except it’s less of a community and more of well shit” (this one is a bit wrong)
“Look at this I look like a bit of a hacker”
“AHHH WOMAN AHHHHH”
“FUCK RUN FROM THE LADY SHE CAN NEVEr SEE ME”
“Specifically woman not because I’m scared of them”
“Ah I’m being mauled” *walks away from his computer*
“What does a 2 look like”
“Sometimes I forget how awesome I am”
“We have to build an ah fuck why”
“Why is terrorism much harder than I thought it’d be” (bit wrong again bc man speaks to fast)
“This is more mind terrorism so it isn’t that bad”
“Ummm.... I guess I have a way with words”
“I had a really good way of saying things to people while I had a poo but I forgot it”
“Slash claw what do you mean this makes me a furry”
“Operation zoo eee mama *disappointment”
“What is this about the comfort streamers ? I want my streams to be so uncomfortable”
“I want people to watch my streams and die”
“I want to be the confrontation streamer”
“Intimate and destroy”?
“I’m part of the streets now, I see a man and I slash they throats”
“The death of hundreds of innocent men, except they aren’t innocent because they are men”
“Operation slash claw innit”
“ I kill doctors when I see them”
“It’s been pretty shady they got rhinos” -Ponk “WHaT?!?!” - Tommy
“What’s up Betty you’ve got beautiful green eyes”
“Hi meat moth”
“I AM NOT INVISIBLE TO WOMEN”
“What would wilbur say”
“No I’m not afraid of anything” [minutes after screaming bc Niki saw him in dreamsmp]
“Cool text faces.... oh that is terrible”
“What is the vegan teacher?”
“Phil can I joke about vegans and vegetarians?”“Yeah sure why not”- Philza
“If my role models get I high then I should get high”
“Any GeorgeNotFound viewer cannot say my streamer can see colours”
“I’ve never been gaslighted. I am the lighter.”
“You’re just an middle aged man from Newcastle.”
“I did the math. I am the math boy” (thought he was a man but okay?)
“Phil I’ve been to Harvard”
“I was the one I was the one from the video. I was the professor”
“I do not clean things. They clean themselves or they die.”
“I was there with him while he was writing the thesis” - Wilbur
“You always divide or times by 2 depending on your mood”
“Okay ask me a question but divid by two don’t say it faster just lessen it”
“It is tropical..... you’ve just changed my perspective”
“IM FROM FUCKING HARVARD WILBUR AM I EVER GOING TO BE WRONG”
“I make more then you do in a minute”
“That’s what all men say”....
“Back in my day you could say”
“Worlds changing”(something else mans talked to fast again lol)
“When I was on speedrun.com”
“Illumination... ah yes the minions”
“If lin Manuel Miranda don’t sing it I don’t want to hear it”
“I’m just not down with the kids”
“I grew up”
“Cant hear you over hayloft”- Wilbur
“Cant hear you over the current trend”- Tommy
“Why am I the eldest here”
“My daddy’s got a gun chat” - Philza
“Website different and shit”
“*hums the able sisters*”
“Gun time for daddy” - Philza
“It’s an incredible compliment”
Bitch chose your words wisely. Cause now I’m just keep track of your words.
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samingtonwilson · 6 years
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Relationship Tutor: (9) Intermediate Repression
relationship tutor masterlist
Summary: College AU. Bucky, a relationship novice, asks for your help in dating your friend. Unable to say no to him, you agree despite everyone and everything telling you not to.
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: language, lil angsty if u look hard enough
A/N: lol im sorry
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Eight hours at the library circulation desk made it so that your ass felt like… well, nothing. You couldn’t feel it at all— not that you were always hyper-aware of the presence of your ass, but you knew it was comfortably there. Like this, it was as if your body ended at the lower border of your torso and began once again in the middle of your thighs.
You couldn’t stand the idea of sitting once again to drive back to your apartment, scowling the whole way back and wondering if truck drivers could be paid more for the constant numb-ass they must experience. After all, you would want to be paid more if you permanently lost feeling in one of your body parts— a body part you were particularly proud of, too.
Once the door to your place was unlocked and open, you walked in with the most dramatic sigh and threw your bag aside so it hit a leg of the circular dining table. You picked up the mail Sam must have brought in, skimming through the mostly useless letters. “Someone could really shoot me in the ass right now from close range and I wouldn’t feel it.”
You looked up from the collection of bills, grocery coupons, and horribly written advertisement cards to see Natasha and Sam smirking at you in a bit of surprise.
You laughed nervously, sending the latter a quick glare. “You’d think that would embarrass me considering that you and I aren’t very close, Nat. But someone spilled coffee on me at the beginning of my shift,” you continued, pulling your jacket off and revealing a large brown stain down the front of your formerly off-white sweater. “So I’m all maxed out.”
She shook in silent laughter, her fingers tightening their grip around a pastel pink mug so her pale skin grew even paler.
“You pull it off well,” Sam complimented, a corner of his lips lifted in a playful smile. “Looks like a New York Fashion Week exclusive on you.”
“It’s an original from the Elie Saab collaboration with Starbucks,” you said with a laugh. “I’m gonna go change. You heading to Steve’s soon?”
He nodded, calling as you disappeared down the hall, “You comin’, too?”
“I’ve got an assignment to finish first,” you shouted back, shutting the door as you yanked your sweater over your head and threw on the first thing you could find.
You looked down at the clean sweater to see it was inside-out and sighed a loud, “What the fuck?”
Sweater finally on correctly, you pulled your door open and started down the hall again. “Why am I such a goddamn mess?”
“D’you have an unstable childhood?”
You snorted and rolled your eyes at Sam. “No, Freud, did you?”
“I’m gonna leave before she gets worse,” he told Natasha, rising from the edge of the coffee table he was perched atop. “The sarcasm, fake smiles, and general unpleasantness just escalate once she gets started.”
Natasha cocked an eyebrow the same shade of red as her shoulder-length wavy hair. “So you’re just going to leave me here with her?”
“And talking about me like I’m not here will really alleviate the issue,” you mumbled as you reached down to pick up your bag from where you’d thrown it, stopping while still awkwardly bent and raising your eyebrows. “Huh, it really does just escalate.”
You sat on the floor across from Natasha’s spot on the couch once Sam left and the two of you got to work, Natasha periodically helping you with your assignment for a general education course she’d previously taken and you doing the same for her.
The minute she cracked her nutrition course reader open, however, you raised a single eyebrow in interest and attempted to look nonchalant as you glanced over your laptop which was set atop the coffee table. “That’s the class you have with Bucky, right?”
She looked up from her book and nodded with a small smile pulling at her lips that had a natural berry shade, her green eyes holding a particular sparkle you thought you might be imagining. “Yeah. The one with the deathly boring professor.”
“Speaking of Bucky,” you burst out after a few seconds of silence, scolding yourself mentally for the terrible transition. “How’s it going with you two?”
She eyed you strangely for a moment, her head tilted slightly as she sat back against the couch cushions. “It’s going well.”
“Yeah?”
She hummed and looked down at her book again. “Yeah, he’s nice. Funny and cute, too.”
“He’s alright,” you said with a dismissive wave of your hand. “You’ve been dating for a bit. Any plans to label it yet?”
“Not really. It’s going well enough like this.”
You felt your heartbeat change. “You don’t wanna lock it down? Tie that sucker to you? Brand that ass with your name?”
She snorted, setting her book onto the table and shutting it with a black mechanical pencil as a placeholder. “Do you want me to brand that ass with my name?”
“I mean if you’re hitting it on the reg’ you might as well.” You nearly rolled your eyes at yourself hard enough to have them fall from their sockets. You didn’t think it was possible to sound more like a middle aged man attempting to recapture his youth if you tried.
“No one’s hit anything yet, actually.”
“What?” you breathed, clearing your throat and looking away to control the loathsome smile pulling at your lips. The selfish part of you seemed to be having the time of its life. “Really? But you’re both so hot.”
“I think he’s taking it slow.”
You traced the subtle frown over her lips. “Are you unhappy about that?”
She shook her head. “No, no. Of course not. It’s nice to meet someone our age that isn’t trying to jump into bed at the drop of a hat.”
“But…” you prompted.
“But nothing— it’s nice.”
Natasha always needed a bit of pushing. “You know, I’m not going to run off and tell him anything. I just like knowing things.”
She narrowed her eyes at you speculatively before sighing heavily. “But I want to get to it already! He wouldn’t even kiss me until after Clint’s party. And that didn’t turn into anything more than a teenage makeout session.”
Clint’s party.
There was another shifting in your chest and you pressed two of your fingers against the plush of your lips, tapping them there as if that could do away with the tingling memory of his kiss.
You wanted to roll your eyes at yourself, maybe scoff a bit and laugh ruefully— and you would have, had you been alone.
After all, Bucky wasn’t yours. He wasn’t yours to kiss as you pleased, wasn’t yours to have such juvenile and cliché complaints about— he especially wasn’t yours to feel such fiery jealousy and betrayal over.
You should have actually been pleased. You should have found joy in the fact that your half-witted, borderline-absurd relationship lessons were bearing such fruit. You should have been overjoyed that Natasha wanted more of Bucky than this stage usually called for. You should have been blissfully elated that you were one of the reasons two people you cared about so much were so happy together.
Yet you felt devastated. Completely and utterly devastated at the reminder that the guy you’d fallen in love with, the guy you tried to pour every bit of that love into during the kiss you’d carry with you until your chest mended itself, wasn’t yours.
Maybe the heavy impact of this cruel reminder was due to the timing of it all. Maybe it was the thought that only a few hours after he’d written his name across whatever blank pieces of you remained, he was scribbling those same letters onto pieces of Natasha. Maybe it was the idea that Bucky’s steps only grew lighter and more graceful mere hours after something that was powerful enough to send you to your knees. Maybe it was the fact that hours after something akin to hope blossomed inside of you, the leaves wilted and the petals browned beyond repair.
“I think he just wants it to be more meaningful, you know?” you asked, hoping she didn’t notice the higher pitch of your voice.
“Has he said anything about it to you?”
You shot off a quick text to Bucky, ignoring every unread message that glared up at you, and flashed Natasha a small, tight smile. You noticed the faint trembling in her fingers, your smile faltering when you saw her usually cool and collected exterior slip a little. “He told me he wants to build a foundation with you first.”
She barked a laugh, shaking her head. “God, what does that even mean?”
You smiled genuinely and shrugged. “He just wants to be totally sure and wants you to be totally sure before you invest anything into him.”
She frowned in consideration and nodded. “He’s either inherently a saint or someone did a great fucking job raising him.”
“Ah yes, the ol’ nature versus nurture debate.”
Though Bucky lived only a few minutes from you, you were always surprised at the speed with which he reached your place.
When you opened the door for him, you offered him a smile despite the intense urge to scowl and scream in his face— his stupid, horrible face that looked at you with features so gentle that you thought you might melt.
You opened the door wider. “Come in.”
He smiled at you in what appeared to be apprehension, fingers raking through his hair and tugging at the ends. “Listen, Y/N, we should—”
“Hi, Bucky,” Natasha greeted from where she sat, her eyes narrowing at you accusatory. “This is a surprise.”
“Isn’t it?” you asked, tossing your things into your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. “So I’m going to head over to your place since Steve’s been texting me non-stop about helping him with Greek myth. I know you said you wanted to do nutrition work with Nat, so stay as long as you want.”
Bucky’s eyebrows were knit together when you looked at him again, his mouth hanging open before he sobered up and gave Natasha a timid wave. He then followed you back to the entrance, grabbing your wrist before you could shut the door behind you. “I came here to talk to you.”
“For what? We talk everyday.”
He narrowed his eyes, slate blue an almost metallic shade. “We haven’t for the last three. I’ve been texting you, trying to get ahold of you.”
“Notifications are turned off,” you told him, waving your phone. “It’s midterm season.”
“It’s midterm seas—” he sighed out a mirthless laugh, shaking his head. “We still have to— We need to—”
You took your wrist from his grip. “We need to what, Bucky?”
“Talk,” he finished, a pink dusting over his cheeks and the tip of his nose. “Something happened here and we need to talk about it.”
“What happened?”
“You know what happened.”
“All I know is that I have to help Steve with Greek myth and Nat needs your help on nutrition.” You leaned in a bit closer to him. “She’s also kind of getting impatient on the physical front, if you know what I mean. So I’d get on that.”
When Bucky continued to stare at you in a mix of incredulousness and utter confusion, you sighed softly and shrugged a single shoulder. “You don’t have to feel guilty— what happened didn’t mean anything.” You paused. “Then again, you were using that classic Barnes charm.”
“I don’t feel guilty.”
You nodded and looked away from the shift in his expression. “Good. Well, it was my fault anyway. So I’m sorry. Sleep deprivation can really fuck someone up.”
“I should go,” you continued. You took a few steps back and gave him the biggest grin your trembling lips allowed. “You can use my bed but make sure to put a tarp down wherever your bare ass will be. Have a nice time!”
PART 10: BASIC FOOTBALL STUDIES
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