#why does our family try to deal with everyone by themselves and when I try to react out it doesn’t work

[headspace-hotel]

some times i see people talking about the Earth and climate change saying things like "now i know it is difficult to deal with utter hopelessness, terror, and visiting the thoughts of death"

and it's like wow I am so deeply sorry about the suffering. but...concern. Concern. Tell me, am I missing something important? Why do I feel a sense of hope for our planet? Am I a lonely fool? Have I been consumed by naïveté and misguided optimism?

That would be weird. It feels weird. It feels like I would be well suited to despair. My natural temperament is Mortal Terror making my body crushed for a thousand years at the bottom of the deepest trenches of the ocean. I've thought before "I can't live any more. This exceeds the tensile strength of the human spirit."

And then? After irreversible catastrophic failure of the soul, there is...what?

We try to imagine the future where we fight to save our home and it is very painful. The resistance feels so small and the machine of death feels so vast. But something's missing.

Everyone else is missing—the plants, trees, bugs, beasts, and creatures. Hello? Are the other humans seeing this? Nature wants you to know that she is not a princess in a tower. Look! Look at the chaos moving through every cell! Iterating! Adapting! Becoming! Thriving! Watch the pollinators tirelessly at work, observe the mycorrhizal network in the forest floor distributing the rich fruits of decay and photosynthesis for every inhabitant! Pay attention! We belong here too. They feed and shelter us, give us the very air we breathe, and in return we plant and propagate, cull, thin, and burn, shape, trample, till, shepherd and sprout seeds. Our species can look toward the future, to the world of our descendants. We can call every plant and animal by name and teach our children to use and care for them responsibly. We can feel this anger, pain, and grief on behalf of the family of Life, OUR family, and we can love the smallest beetle and the humblest moss.

Look at it! This thing is nothing like me, it does not benefit me, it has no use or purpose for me, but LOOK at it! Look at its intricate structure! Look at the marvelousness of its behaviors and biological functions! Look at its uniqueness throughout the whole universe! Look at it, and see its infinite value!

I saved a baby tree from the scorching hot gravel of a parking lot. I watched it grow and thrive in the hands of its caretaker. Many more followed, trees and herbs and flowers, rescued and carefully placed in cups and old tubs that once held yogurt and sour cream. This is so strange, I thought. They're everywhere, offering themselves for free, and no one thinks to take them. Everyone thinks transplanting a tree is hard and that nothing grows on the edge of the pavement but weeds. But it's so easy??? This is weird. Plant Nurseries Hate Her: Get Free Plants With This One Weird Trick.

I protected an old barren garden patch where nothing had thrived from being mowed and weed-whacked, and transplanted little plants that I found. I marveled at the bees that came. Chicory bloomed, then asters and goldenrod. I shed actual tears over a spicebush swallowtail. I ordered some milkweed from the internet, and the monarchs came for them. Less then twenty-five bucks for a divine experience like this. Wow, everyone else really needs to know!

I started volunteering at a nature center, and was allowed to transplant flowers where they sprouted in inopportune locations. I collected tons of seeds all fall and winter long.

There is much, much more, all of it bigger than I ever would have imagined. But this spring there were more birds, in number and in species, than I'd ever seen in my back yard before. Chickadees, swallows, finches, nuthatches, jays, cardinals, warblers, sparrows, woodpeckers of every kind...I remembered just a couple years prior when all I ever saw out there was a couple grackles or starlings or robins, with the occasional sparrow. Those birds come in flocks rather than couples now. And then the bumblebee arrived. An American bumblebee, endangered now, a queen. For a few days she was always out there, would fly out and buzz around me when I came out to tend to my now-innumerable plants. It's nesting time for them. She chose this place I was creating. She saw that this place would take care of her.

A week ago, I discovered wild strawberries growing in my Mamaw's driveway. I found lyreleaf sage growing beside a gravel road. I've become a master of transplanting; I took several of each home. Yesterday, I saw a tiny, metallic blue bee, an Osmia mason bee. Today, I saw an oriole and a strange, very fancy fly. I see something new almost every day. Every day I am being irreversibly changed as a person. How did I ever fail to see how much this matters?

I said I feel hope...do I feel it? I don't think it's a feeling, I think it's a practice. It's being part of our communities and our ecosystems. Nature's interconnectedness is both reality and example: to survive, we take care of one another. And when one member of the community helps another thrive, it creates a cascade that increases the thriving of all. Just by existing, you help us all survive.

You can only take care of so many plants before you have to give some away. You can only hold so much knowledge before you have to give it away. I gave seeds to a dozen different flowers to my next-door neighbor and she invited me inside and wouldn't let me leave without food, and we talked about plants and trees. A family friend lets me have goats' milk and heirloom vegetables in exchange for help around the farm, and I listen to him talk about trees, bugs, and soil and learn so much I feel like I'm about to explode from knowledge.

Being a caretaker is unavoidably a community-oriented, community-forming thing. You can't grow plants all by yourself. Your garden will make too many tomatoes. Share them. Your milkweed will make hundreds and hundreds of seeds. Spread them. Wild blackberries invite you to take and eat. Your lonely retired neighbor invites you to talk and keep her company. Once you grow delicious fruits or little oak trees, you always have a reason to greet someone and say, "Look, it is a gift!"

We're not alone. We are not separate. We take care of each other. Every species, every individual. A single action of caretaking creates a cascade effect of thriving. A single unapologetic love for a creature creates a blossom of curiosity and fascination in everyone surrounding. It's so powerful.

As my chemical romance says "I am not afraid to keep on living"

#nature #community #plants #gardening #you are not separate from every other thing #the wonders #caretaking #plantarchy

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Kinda sick of the racism from nonblacks (i say nonblacks because it ain't just the whites tho it's mainly them!) in the spiderverse fandom because why does black ppl centering themselves in fiction (you know cuz we never can have ANYTHING) bother them so much??

"Hobie would choose a white girl over you" "why does miles have to be with someone black" "why does he always have to have a black reader" like Ummmm DO Y'ALL NOT HEAR HOW DUMB AND IGNORANT YOU SOUND?

We gotta gatekeep the black characters in this fandom until ppl know how to act right and stop getting besides themselves

PREACH!!!!!! CAUSE LIKE -- People out here are really disturbed that they *checks notes* were reminded black people exist? black people being found specifically attractive in a way whiteness is CONSTANTLY.

Anti-Blackness, Hobie, & The Black!Reader -

[A SHORT rant about people who have an issue with Black!Readers]

I ALWAYS find it where when people beef with Black people who want to date other Black people.

Because it's 100% racism.

If you think that a Black person dating only Black people is wrong - Anti-blackness is probably the root.

Just kidding it is the root its literally the only solution and explanation hehehe

Because as a trans person - when someone says they're T4T, everyone is fine with that.

Cis people can understand that they will never understand the trans experience, and that trans people may be attracted and want relationships with people who can understand on a personal level.

But when a Black Person say they're 'Black4Black' suddenly that's wrong?? We can't do that??

It's like non-whites cannot grasp that anti-black racism is a very VERY specific experience that we deal with all our lives and we may want partners that can not only support us but relate too. Partners we don't have to explain race shit too.

No- blackness is an experience that HAS to be available to them. Black people's experiences, minds and bodies HAVE to be available for there consumption or we're in the wrong.

We are either there to be consumed (like Hobie is) or ignored (like the Black!Reader is).

All my life I've seen the default OC and default reader be a white person. Readers that don't speak AAVE, that show no attempt at culture outside the 'normal' heteronormative American family.

And suddenly we try to change that for ourselves and that's not cool.

Also - people who say that about Hobie are just outright uneducated.

Hobie is from 1978.

Racial Discrimination in the UK was outlawed in 1965. Regardless of whether you think he's 16 or 19 - Hobie Brown grew up under racial segregation from ages 3-6.

He grew up seeing it - experiencing racism. Living with and being raised by and surrounded by a community of older black people who lived under segregation.

And even after the bill - Racist attitudes would still be surrounding him realistically speaking.

HE'S NOT FROM NOW.

Acting like Hobie has no opinions on that, or experiences, or coping mechanisms or TRAUMA from that - is fucked up.

That's black trauma LOOK AT IT.

So YEAH, A guy who grew up under segregation and a police state would have trauma from it.

But they (racists) wanna sidestep that.

They'll talk all day about Hobie's police related trauma - but not the race thing......okay. Okay, no it's fine. I'm fine.

The idea that Hobie might have unsavory experiences with race makes them uncomfortable. The idea that Hobie would seek out Black Spaces to GET AWAY from white people - makes them foam at the mouth.

Not all white people are racist - but a white person can never understand anti-black racism from a personal view the way Hobie or I or you do.

That's just a fact.

But the idea that there's a special outlet we alone understand about Hobie, and connect with him through, they dislike that.

Anti-Blackness. It's everywhere.

YOINK!! I'M TAKING HOBIE BACK TO THE ANCESTORS. LETS GO.

#spiderman #atsv #spider man #marvel #across the spiderverse #hobie brown #spider punk #spiderpunk #Racism #anti-blackness #hobie x black!reader #hobie brown x black!reader #hobie x reader #hobie brown x reader #atsv analysis #antiblackness #discrimination

[justsome-di]

Now a Pulitzer Prize winning book (don’t fact check this, just trust me) and featured on Obama’s 2023 Summer Reading List!

You should be reading Nobody Ends Up Dead in a Bathtub, Everyone Keeps Their Organs! Why? See above.

It’s a good story if I do say so myself. And if you read it, you’re a cool kid. Don’t you want to be a cool kid? This is something called peer pressure, and it usually works.

But for real, if you read Nobody Ends Up Dead then you’re going to go on a good adventure with good characters I guarantee you will love. Not to brag, but it is a pretty good story. There’s funny one-liners, a cute plot, and relatable characters that have been developed for years. Just heed warnings at the beginning of chapters. NEUD deals with some heavy topics such as eating disorders.

NEUD is officially all online for free. But you can still access bonus chapters and short stories on Patreon for only $4.

Links: 

AO3

Wattpad

Patreon (Patrons had early access to the whole novel and also get exclusive short stories with the characters and sneak peaks for new projects!)

Netflix Previews

Characters’ Playlists

You can also check out my carrd if there are any updates to how/where I post, it’ll probably be the most accurate place to find new or updated links.

Transcript under cut:

The Story is Dope

A New York office worker and a sex worker get set up on a date--one thinking it's a real blind date, the other under the impression it's an ordinary appointment. After realizing it was all a shitty prank, they set out for revenge. Their plan: show up to an upcoming Halloween office party as a genuine couple, convincing the pranksters they genuinely fell in love and refusing to let themselves become the butt of the joke.

Our main characters are Alex, an awkward admin assistant for a medical company who hasn't been on a date since he was a teenager, and Damián, a sex worker who seems way out of Alex's league but keeps insisting on spending time with him so they can perfect their revenge scheme.

The novel features a diverse cast and explores sex positivity. I also like to believe that it portrays sex work well. Damián is a hardworking man, doing what he loves, and meeting mostly great people along the way--but he also would benefit greatly if sex work was decriminalized and therefore had better resources at his disposal.

If you're looking for a story with LGBT characters that's mostly light-hearted but still packs a punch every few chapters, this is it! Overall, it's a happy story.

The Characters!

oh boy the characters!

we got Damián who's hardworking and doting on his lil bro but oh wow does he have some angst

we got Alex who is nothing more than a burning ball of anxiety trying his best--all too relatable

Leo, Damián's bro, is an ally, and he will make sure everyone knows. Also has angst.

Eve, Alex's lil sister, is an edgy teen who's failing calc and runs a queer book club

together, they're a weird lil dysfunctional family

I'll be honest. There's a lot of love in this story. From me and among the characters. The characters love each other, and I think the readers love them, too.

It touches on a lot of loneliness--inspired by how I've felt since Covid started--and a lot of the conflicting emotions that come with being gay. What happy endings do we deserve? What about happy middles?

It's a touching book about learning to be a better person and finding people who love you--platonically and romantically.

Here are some of my fave parts:

And then there was a streak of gray hair that shocked Alex. A streak of gray hair off to the side, nestled close to a salt and pepper beard. Textured hands held cocktails. Little, subtle lines creased when mouths laughed. Alex held his breath. On the packed floor, they were the only people Alex could see. They were laughing and holding each other and enjoying themselves, firmly in the place they knew they belonged. Flashes of teeth pressed against each other, disappearing for long seconds at a time.

--

“Sorry,” Alex said. “Your arm got heavy on top of me.” “You’re a little mouse of a man. I didn’t mean to crush you.” “I’m what?”

--

“A dog!” Damián cooed as he sat across from the lesbians. “His name is Yam,” Martin said.

“His name is Yam,” Damián cried. Kris and Clara released Yam and gently nudged him to Damián. Ecstatic, Damián picked him up and set him on his lap. “His name is Yam,” he repeated to Alex. “I heard.”

--

But he couldn’t deny that he was having a good time. It was like intense yoga with the perk of having a cock shoved up his ass. He was going to feel limber as fuck after.

--

“Can I do anything?” Alex asked. “To help cheer you up?”

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’d like to. If you let me.”

--

“Wow this sounds great where can I read it?”

Tumblr @justsome-di

Watpadd @justsome-di

Patreon @just some di (link on Tumblr)

AO3 @justsome_di

Updates every friday!

#writeblr #writblr #nobody ends up dead

[pancakes4two]

baby please come home

happy holidays everyone! i wanted to write something short for @watchmegetobsessed​‘s fanficmas to close out the year. i’ve had the best time writing a bunch of concepts these last few months so... here is an ode to the first harry i wrote this year & the most recent 💗 enjoy!

preview: Harry disappears from public view until January, wanting to close out the year in private. He does, however, decide to share a photo of the three of you sitting under the tree on Christmas. You’re grinning at the camera, leaning close to Harry. Beau is sitting in your lap, fuzzy antlers sitting atop his head. His entire body is turned towards Harry, big brown eyes glittering as he stares as his dad and reaches for him with tiny hands. Harry’s smiling so wide his eyes may as well be closed, his face flush with nothing but pure joy.

He captions the photo: Christmas Morning. Harry’s House. December, 2022. It gets 10 million likes in 24 hours.

MASTERLIST | TALK TO ME

1. christmas with dadrry (from this blurb!)

Harry is playing his last show of 2022 when he decides to have a little fun. He’s been in Brazil for the past couple of days, closing out the Latin American leg of Love on Tour. Three stops ago in Argentina, he’d sent you and your son off on a plane home to London. With the two of you now being 5,000 miles away, he can’t help but ache for home a little more than usual, despite the fact that he’ll be joining you at home soon. A sign at the barricade reminds him of this fact, as he prepares to give a speech to lead into his encore.

“So…” Harry says, popping out his hip dramatically, “Before we move on to our last couple of songs, there’s a sign up at the front here that I want to address.”

The arena explodes in chatter as a spotlight comes down from above, searching for the flashy poster board. Harry squints and twists his microphone cord between his fingers, (he mentally notes that next year will be the year he finally starts using a wireless mic) and points when he manages to spot the sign he had noticed earlier.

“Right, this sign says,” Harry pauses as a cameraman beside him zooms in on the sign, projecting it onto the large screens behind the stage. “We came here for Y/N and no-one else.”

The crowd bursts into collective laughter and hoots, and Harry sees a few phone shoot up in the front row, eager to capture the obvious fan interaction that’s about to take place. He walks closer to the edge of the stage, and kneels down directly in front of the two fans that had brought the sign.

“Let me just start by saying how could you,” Harry brings a hand to his chest, squeezing his fist and trying his best to school his expression into one of dramatic anguish. One of the fans belly-laughs, while the other takes his reaction more to heart, waving her hands in the air and trying to rationalize the statement that had been written on their sign. “Only joking! But I am a bit hurt. It’s my name that’s attached to the tour, the posters, the merch, after all...”

“Sadly, I do have to inform you that Y/N has left with our son to go back home,” Harry squints out at the audience. The crowd groans loudly at that, and the sound of Mitch’s laughter comes through his in-ear monitors.

“Soooo, you’ll have to deal with it just being me up here!” Harry points a thumb at himself, turning around to give Mitch the finger with his other hand. “It is, however, close to Christmas, and I must admit I’m missing my family too. So we’ll see if we can do something about that.”

Harry gestures for the production lead then, and the fans that make up the first couple of rows in the stadium look to each other curiously, wondering why Harry’s suddenly gone off-script. While they whisper amongst themselves, the production lead runs up on stage and hands Harry his phone. He wiggles it in the air, brandishing it in front of the crowd. They cheer in anticipation for what he’s about to do next. The screen on Harry’s phone turns on in response to all his movement, and the stadium unexpectedly gets a glimpse of his wallpaper. It’s a picture of you and Beau, taken not more than a month ago, posing in front of Foro Sol in Mexico City. Beau’s wearing a Love on Tour shirt that’s comically large on his tiny body, sucking on a pacifier as you hold him to your chest, pointing at the massive screen displaying Harry’s name behind you. The entire crowd coos upon seeing the image, and even more phones shoot up to record the moment. Harry smirks knowingly, as if to say: adorable, isn’t it?

He holds his phone to his chest then, hiding it from view as he types in his passcode and swipes through his apps. He opens up your contact card and presses the FaceTime button, shushing the crowd when the call goes through. It’s late enough at night back home in London that he’s sure Beau’s asleep already, but you’re still awake and will be able to pick up his calls without disturbing the sleeping baby. The screen takes a moment to load before your face pops up, slightly pixellated and makeup-less, but beautiful nonetheless. Harry turns his phone back towards the crowd, and they can’t hold in their excitement when they see your face projected onto the stadium screens.

“Say hi everyone!” Harry waves at his phone, grinning at how the crowd has welcomed you. “Y/N, everyone’s been missing you, and now that I’ve got you here, it only seems fitting that I sing something special tonight...”

You give Harry a confused look through the phone, and he says nothing in response, just smiles and cues Pauli in. Pauli twirls a set of mallets between their fingers and begins to play a xylophone in front of them. They count themself in, and the starting notes to Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You sound through the stadium. 

Harry can’t hear you over the noise of the crowd, but he sees you shake your head at him and swears you yell out, “Shut the fuck up!!!” as he starts to sing.

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need. I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know, make my wish come true... all I want for Christmas is you!”

Harry prances around the stage with you on his phone, directing the lyrics to your smiling face on the screen. The crowd dances along and Sarah points and laughs when Harry passes by, fondly admiring just how much of a hopeless romantic he is. As the song continues, Harry decides to leap across the catwalk, determined to make this performance as extra as humanly possible. The crowd reaches for him, but in this moment he only has eyes for you. He brings his phone out in front of him as he shimmies in front of the camera, reminding you that, “Baby, all I want for Christmas is you.”

When Harry launches into the bridge, he points up at the sky. A loud pop sounds through the venue as cannons that had been rigged onto the stage release tiny pieces of confetti that had been shaped into snowflakes. The paper rains down onto the crowd, blanketing the entire stage and floor into a sea of white. The pretend-snowflakes continue to cascade through the sky, glistening under all the stage lights, and Harry ends the song by running back towards the main stage and collapsing backwards onto it. He moves his limbs up and down through the confetti that now covers the surface as if to make a snow angel. He looks up at your smiling face, still watching him sing through his phone, and it’s almost as if you’re there with him. It’s only been a few days and yet he still misses you like crazy. Harry gets lost in the moment for a second, before the crowd drags him back down into reality. He sits up, brushing the confetti out of his hair, and smiles at the sea of people looking at him adoringly.

“Hope you didn’t mind that little switch-up, there,” Harry beams, “just felt like singing a Christmas song tonight.”

“Now, we’re gonna say bye to Y/N,” he continues, placing his microphone behind his back so he can speak to you privately. The crowd boos in response, and you laugh. 

“Let me talk to your fans!” you say, wagging a disapproving finger at Harry.

“You’re a demanding bunch!” Harry jokes, putting his microphone back under his phone speaker. Your voice comes through over the venue speakers, a little tinny, but understandable. 

“Goodnight everyone! Hope you had lots of fun tonight, and thank you so much for the surprise. Take care of H for me so he comes back home all in one piece,” you blow a kiss to your phone and Harry catches it, keeping it in his back pocket.

“That was for the fans, you idiot!” You laugh, and Harry throws his hands up at the crowd when they start to laugh at him.

“Okay, no more listening privileges for you lot if you’re just going to make fun of me,” he sighs jokingly, hiding his mic behind his back again. He brings the speaker up to his mouth so you can hear him properly.

“Be home soon,” he says, “love you so much. Sleep well and text me when you’re up.”

“Love you too, goodnight, H,” you smile, hanging up the call. Harry turns back around and sees his crowd looking disappointed at the fact that they weren’t able to hear the last bit of your conversation.

“Don’t look at me like that! Some conversations are better left private,” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, and Mitch throws a guitar pick at him, having heard the conversation and knowing that it had not gone at all like what Harry was implying. “Anyways, onto the encore...”

LONDON, A FEW DAYS LATER

Christmas morning arrives in a blur. Harry’s finally sufficiently rested after battling with jet lag, though he still finds himself waking up slightly earlier than usual. The sun is only starting to rise, and it had snowed the night before. He looks outside the window to see the landscape painted in a winter glow. The Christmas lights that you’d put up after coming home are wrapped around the trees and shrubs outside, providing some warmth to the otherwise blue atmosphere.

Harry makes his way into the living room, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He finds you awake already in the kitchen, with Beau on your side, heating up a pot of tea. Beau is looking determined, sucking on a baby bottle with force as he clings onto his mother. You both notice Harry at the same time—you look up at him and your features soften, while Beau drops his bottle on the counter and reaches for Harry, babbling for his dad.

“Alright, alright; there’s more than enough me to go around,” Harry laughs, taking Beau from you. “Good morning. Happy Christmas.”

“Mm,” you hum while Harry kisses you. You pour two cups of tea, putting milk in sugar in one mug for you and just milk in the other for Harry. You hand his mug to him, and the two of you head over to the tree. It’s placed right in front of the largest window in the living room so it catches the most light. In the early morning, the entire space fills with a cozy light, the ornaments shining softly under twinkling lights. Both of you had decided on not giving each other gifts this year, preferring to absolutely spoil Beau rotten instead.

“Let’s open your presents now, Beau-bear,” Harry coos, bouncing the infant gently in his arms. It’s crazy, how much his life has changed in the last year. He looks at Beau, who’s looking curiously at the box in Harry’s hand, and you, quietly sipping on your morning tea. Harry’s chest swells with a whole host of emotions that he doesn’t necessarily know what to do with—but he does know that this is exactly where he belongs. He’s spent the better half of the year away from home and written an entire record exploring the idea of home. But he knows now that this is it. This is home: Christmas morning spent with the love of his life and his child. The presents that fill the entire space underneath the tree, a Christmas album playing over the sound system in the living room, Beau in a reindeer onesie, you wrapped up in a wool scarf, the snow that’ll decorate your lashes later when the three of you go out in the snow.

Harry disappears from public view until January, wanting to close out the year in private. He does, however, decide to share a photo of the three of you sitting under the tree on Christmas. You’re grinning at the camera, leaning close to Harry. Beau is sitting in your lap, fuzzy antlers sitting atop his head. His entire body is turned towards Harry, big brown eyes glittering as he stares as his dad and reaches for him with tiny hands. Harry’s smiling so wide his eyes may as well be closed, his face flush with nothing but pure joy.

He captions the photo: Christmas Morning. Harry’s House. December, 2022. It gets 10 million likes in 24 hours.

2. christmas with young harry (from this blurb!)

“Y/N!” You hear someone call out distantly from your bedroom window. “Y/N!”

The voice gets closer, and you realize it belongs to Harry. Abandoning the notebook you were currently writing in, you cap your pen and run down the stairs. Once you’ve turned the corner into your living room, though, you see that your parents have already let him in. Harry waves at you from the front door, pulling off his shoes and dusting snow off of the knit beanie resting atop his head. He hands a tin of what could only be Christmas cookies to your mom, and she pulls him into a hug.

“Happy Christmas,” Harry grins, “Mum said she liked the cookies best plain, but I think they’re better with warm milk.”

“We’ll have to try them both ways, then,” your dad responds, clapping Harry on the back. “Happy Christmas, H. Did you bike here?”

“Yeah,” Harry responds a little breathlessly. You notice that his cheeks are more pink than usual due to the cold, and the parts of his hair that weren’t covered by his hat were curling in all different directions, blown out of place by the wind. “Wanted to give Y/N her present before dinner.”

“How lovely!” Your mom coos in response, “We’ll leave you to it. Don’t forget to keep your door open, Y/N!”

Harry laughs while you roll your eyes exasperatedly at your mom. The two of you head upstairs, him trailing slightly behind you with a careful hand on your waist. You hadn’t realized earlier, but he’s wearing a backpack. It looks rather full, like the zippers are about to burst from the size of whatever he’s stuffed inside it.

“What are you planning on giving me, a bomb?!” You joke, poking at the bag’s exterior.

“Shut up!” Harry groans, “of course not! I couldn’t bring a bigger bag with me on the bike, so like, I had to make do.”

“Only joking,” you giggle, opening the door to your bedroom. Harry takes off his jacket and hangs it on the back of your desk chair before flopping onto your bed. He’s wearing a navy-colored crewneck that’s too big for him, and the sleeves go past his hands. His skin is still flushed from the temperature outside, and you think he looks absolutely adorable like this, all cozy in your room. You sit across from him and tangle your legs together. The two of you have been together for almost four months now, thanks to your friends leaving you in a room alone and basically forcing you to confess your feelings to one another at the end of the summer, but you can’t help but still be a little awkward. Harry’s your first boyfriend, and you’re still trying to make sense of the magnitude of what you feel for him. It scares you a little, how much you’ve started to care for him and how you find yourself wanting to know more about him always, from the big things down to the tiny mundane details of his life. But it also brings you comfort, knowing that you can hold so much fondness for someone else, and have those same feelings be reciprocated.

The two of you have been looking forward to Christmas—you got together too late in the year for Harry to be able give you what he had called a proper, boyfriend birthday gift, and Harry has yet to celebrate his own in February. Both of you were excited to exchange gifts as a couple for the first time, somehow, they just meant so much more to you now that your relationship had evolved beyond just friendship. October had barely ended before you started thinking about his gift. You wanted it to be absolutely perfect.

“Were you doing homework before you came?” Harry asks incredulously. He must’ve caught a glimpse of your notebook when he set his backpack down. “How do you still have work left to do?”

“It’s for next term,” you reply sheepishly, “I got bored and wanted to plan out the classes I’m taking starting January... I figured I might as well get a head start while I’m home...”

“Ever the bookworm,” Harry looks at you fondly, reaching over to ruffle your hair. You loved that about him, the fact that he never made you feel badly about anything you did. Between the two of you, you were definitely the more academically-inclined one. While you sat diligently at the front of class taking notes, your boyfriend preferred to sit near the back, cracking jokes until your teacher got annoyed and focusing more on making the setlist for his band’s latest gig, instead of his assignments.

“Wonder if I can convince you to do my homework for a month as a gift,” Harry pulls you closer to him, cupping your face in his hands. He’s about to kiss you when you turn around suddenly, forcing his lips to meet only your cheek.

“No can do,” you smirk when he pouts at you, obviously disappointed that his act of affection didn’t go as originally planned. “We both know you’re meant for bigger things than school, H, but you just need to stick it through for a few more months and before you know it, you’ll be all done with GSCEs.”

“I suppose,” Harry huffs childishly, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning up at you. You kick at his arm with a socked foot, giggling at him. He reaches for your hand and unzips his backpack, pulling out a large, misshapen object that’s been tied together with ribbon. You’re not sure what the gift is meant to be—the Christmas tree-patterned wrapping paper is folded and bent in ways you didn’t know were physically possible, and there’s several pieces of tape stuck to the sides of it, patched on in an attempt to cover places where the gift wrap had ripped.

“I wanted to wrap it myself,” Harry explains, pulling at a non-existent thread on his sleeve, “but it obviously didn’t go too well.”

You laugh as he hands the gift to you, looking sufficiently deflated. “You get full marks for effort.”

“Before you open it,” Harry adds, watching you pull at one end of the ribbon. “I tried my best to get you something you really wanted, but I didn’t know if, like, someone else had already bought it for you, or anything... so there’s a receipt in there for you to exchange it for something else if you’d like.”

“Don’t be silly,” you reassure him, taking extra care to tear the paper carefully. The gift feels delicate in your hands, as if the item inside were made of something soft and pliable. You pause on opening the present for a moment to press a gentle kiss to your boyfriend’s knuckles: the last thing you’d want is to make him think you’d ever be disappointed in anything he gifted to you.

You finally manage to pull away at the gift wrap and tape, and your hands land on a cream-colored cardigan. You gasp and look at Harry, who’s looking between you and the object in your hands fondly, like he’d known exactly how you’d react all this time.

“There’s no way...” you say, turning the cardigan over in your hands, running your fingers along the careful stitches and admiring the tortoiseshell buttons. “But this is so... it costs so much... how?!”

Harry smiles at you, watching you unbutton the sweater carefully. “Well, I remember how much you liked it when you tried it on in the shop, so I worked some extra shifts at the bakery at the beginning of Christmas hols. I made Gem drive me down to the city yesterday and got it for you. It took a lot of convincing. She’s making me do her laundry for the next month.”

“It’s so perfect,” you say sincerely, enveloping Harry in a hug. You wish you could stay like this forever, safe in the embrace of a boy who makes you feel so massively, his arms locked behind your waist and his heartbeat steady against your chest. “I love it so much. You’re just the best.”

“Glad you love it,” Harry says softly, kissing your forehead and tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. He watches you intently as you reach under your bed and procure a holiday-themed bag. You hand it to him, tapping on his knee while he plays with the tissue paper inside.

“Your turn.”

“Did you gift me a bomb?” Harry jokes, weighing the bag in his hand and pretending to drop it because of how heavy it is.

“Like I’d kill you off after that incredible present you just got me,” you retort, kicking at him impatiently. “Enough stalling. Open it!”

Harry pulls away at the tissue paper and pulls out a large vinyl record, covered in plastic wrap. He shakes his head and looks at you with wide eyes. “Y/N. You didn’t.”

“I did,” you reply, grinning at him as he continues staring at you in amazement. Over the summer, Harry’s parents had accidentally donated his copy of Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours to a charity shop along with a box of his old clothes. You knew how much that record meant to him, so you’d gone to a small record shop the last time you were in the city and picked up a replacement.

“Y/NNNNN,” he drags out your name dramatically, peppering your face with chaste kisses.

“Come on, look at the bottom of the bag, there’s more,” you say, playing with his hair. Somehow, the two of you had ended up shifting closer and closer to each other in your excitement, and now you’re basically sitting on top of Harry, eagerly waiting for him to finish opening his gift.

“No way, two gifts?” Harry clutches his chest dramatically, “you must really like me.”

He pulls out a book from the bag, checking to make sure there’s nothing else inside that he’d accidentally overlooked. The cover is made of linen and bound together with ribbon. Stuck to the front is a polaroid of the two of you on Harry’s bike, you sitting behind him as he poses for the camera, both of you brandishing massive scoops of mint chocolate ice cream.

“What is this?” Harry whispers, flipping through the pages. Each page is covered in memories of the two of you, filled with pictures and tiny souvenirs from places you’d gone together.

A picture your mom had taken of the two of you asleep on the living room couch, your head enveloped in Harry’s chest. There’s a blanket covering the two of you, and in the distance, a TV is playing the ending of The Notebook--you’d obviously fallen asleep before getting to the best part.

A ticket stub from the first concert you’d gone to together. You still remember how you felt that night, colorful lights streaming down from above as music filled your ears, Harry dancing and singing loudly from right next to you.

A picture you took on your computer when the two of you were meant to be studying together in the school library, Harry sticking his tongue out at you while you flip him off playfully.

A picture your friends took of the two of you holding hands on the bus. The two of you dancing in Harry’s garden. The two of you running through a corn maze at the local farm. Harry waving at you from outside your bedroom window. A photobooth strip of the two of you: a vignette of him looking at you, a vignette of him turning your chin towards him, a vignette of your lips meeting.

“I figured, next year, when you’re off to the X-Factor and you get all big and famous, you can keep this with you when you’re away and it’ll remind you that I’m always thinking of you,” you say shyly. “You know, so you don’t forget me while you’re away.”

“How could I ever forget you?” Harry asks, and his voice is so sincere that it cuts straight to your heart. “I’d never get big or famous enough to forget about you. But this book, Y/N, it’s amazing. It means so much to me that you made this for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“Mhm,” you respond, smiling at him.

“Of course, you’re going to feel silly when they send me home right after auditions, and it’s back to me being your average boyfriend.”

“That’s not going to happen,” you say, and you mean every word of it. “Whole country’s gonna know your name soon.”

“Well, then I couldn’t be more grateful that you were the first one to know,” Harry says, pulling his phone out from his pocket. “Let me take a picture of us and tweet it to my two fans.”

You laugh then, and run your fingers through your hair to tame it. You pull yourself into Harry’s chest and he brings his phone out in front of the two of you. He kisses the top of your head, smiling through the action, and the digital camera clicks. You watch as he attaches the photo to a tweet and begins to type up a caption.

Christmas with my number one fan. Lucky she doesn’t know I’m her biggest fan, too. 

Harry presses send on the tweet and locks his phone. For now, no one sees it except for his sister, and the four other friends who actually follow his Twitter account. But twelve years later, when the whole world knows his name, a fan will find the tweet on his account, buried under thousands of other messages, and tag him in it. He’ll open it in the morning, with you asleep still beside him, and smile to himself as he remembers your first Christmas together. He’ll pull you a little closer as snow falls silently outside, brush your hair aside and listen to you breath steadily in his arms. He’ll lean in and whisper, Told you I could never forget you, and count himself lucky for all the holidays he’ll get to spend for the rest of his life with you right there beside him.

TAGLIST: @crazygirlinthisworld​ @grapejuice-rry​ @b-reads-things​ @s8tellite @michellekstyles​ @vrittivsanghavi​ @alienorknight​ @flwrmuse 

#fanficmas #fanficmas2022 #fanficmas 2022 #watchmegetobsessed fanficmas 2022 #watchmegetobsessed fanficmas #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfic rec #harry styles fanfiction rec #harry styles fluff #harry styles headcanon

[criminalisticonsultant]

I disappear for a month and the great johnlock break up happens with great drama between the two mods :0

how do I always manage to miss these things smh

mod post

Don't worry. Apparently, it's not over. You can sit back and enjoy more drama. I'm still unsure how anyone can really defend John's acctions;

John now is having fun doxing people and claiming people are who they're not. Putting emphasis on DID when I never wanted to say that, I don't even have DID. Insisting people are 1 person because they both might have similar disociative disorders. Doxing private blogs, showing private chat logs, harassing and playing mind games against mostly Sherlock's mod.

He also kept insisting Sherlock's mod and the rest of us are obsessed, despite Jay and Kin saying on their respective blogs they will not speak on the subject anymore and have left interacting with the others in the group. There's no drama between Jay and Kin and the rest, our hand is declining and we've had to even be hospitalized now. I don't want to see the drama, I told John that when it first started happening, I ignored it and wrote my statement, and turned my back to move on, as I suggested everyone do.

Mostly, my friends seem to have taken my advice. John just continuously obsesses over this despite us mostly being silent for a week or longer now. He keeps escalating for no clear reason. We have done nothing to warrent this, even if you want to remain neutral and think John's just "reacting to unfairness" or something.

I ignored this ask yesterday and was going to delete it, but woke up to messages of John's latest "stunt". I'm unsure how many more people I have to block or otherwise leave groups/ignore/unfriend, but I am not interested in the drama. I'm just not.

John is harassing Sherlock's mod, and dragging along others who have defended Sherlock's mod. It hurts my heart my friend (Sherlock ) is dealing with this, but I'm not in a condition to help. I just had surgery yesterday and I'm still feeling weak and I have two more scheduled. I'm trying to focus on real life and recovery, but I can't imagine what it must be like to be living this as Sherlock's mod who desperately wants to move on continue their own roleplay in peace.

I'm not upset at any asks I get here (Unless they're disrespectful I suppose ) but I am just giving insight on why I am quiet. I have a family and I am currently battling a plethora of health issues. I don't look at Johns blog, it's really best to ignore tantrums and let them wear themselves out, but it does suck to be in the path of destruction.

-Jay, the mod.

my mod account please direct asks there > @jaymesyourplaything

#jay #mod #mod post #mod speaks

[daeyeol4you]

The Chay Rewatch

As part of my KP Rewatch, I’m going to be commenting on each episode and analyzing the different Chay scenes. He’s my favorite character, and I thought I’d put down my thoughts (as well as timestamps for his scenes) as a fun way to express that.

Episode 1

Our first glimpse of Chay as a character is the baby photo at the 17:24 mark when the camera pans over an old family photo – the next photo shown is Porsche and Porchay, much older – speaking to the role Porsche was forced to take on as a young child and the clear love between the two.

Time: 17:40- 19:28 - My favorite boi appears!!

Chay being the designated family nurse – he’s never the one hurt but he deals with every single hurt his family goes through, constantly shown that everyone is putting themselves at risk while he just sits there

Arthee saying “If not, Chay would’ve been hurt.” as if he and his gambling issues aren’t the direct cause of the financial troubles Porsche has that caused the rent/debt payments to be late – Porsche’s blind eye that he turns whenever someone close to him does something bad is wild to me, but I digress, this is about Chay

The look on Chay’s face during the whole conversation about paying Chai is very important as he’s clearly a witness to what happened off screen, but he stays silent even during an exchange where he definitely would have something to say. He silently reassures Porsche that he’s okay, but its like he’s biting his tongue because anything he’d say would cause an argument or burden Porsche.

One of the many times we see Chay completely shut down his natural reaction and feelings, something that happens a lot around Porsche. He’s usually so upfront about what he thinks, wants, and feels, so this moment of quiet self-censorship is very telling, to me at least, in how Chay tries to protect Porsche or lighten the load. Chay clearly feels a lot of guilt about how much he’s costing the family.

His first words: “Hia, I’m sorry.”

This whole scene is such an interesting intro because Chay is here to show exactly what Porsche is fighting for and what he has to lose. Without Chay, Porsche doesn’t join the mafia. Without Chay, Porsche doesn’t end up falling in love with Kinn.

Time: 25:45 – 17:18- the celebration pizza scene!

His Shirt: Today is a good day – the costumers really weren’t going for subtlety here

The costumers really like putting Chay in white, maybe to show his innocence or that he’s Porsche’s one light before he falls for Kinn.

Porsche getting to squish Chay’s face – hate to see others living your dream

Chay with the milk, I’m sorry I laughed

Porsche really still sees Chay as a baby – he will have a heart attack if he ever learns that Chay was drinking at a club and nearly took drugs

Time: 31:50 – 32:25 - The Call

Chay I love you, but why would you tell your brother this? I understand he called you, but my dude… just say you’re in the bathroom

shows a lot of Chay’s childishness alongside how unaware of the mafia world he is

His Outfit: Not really distinguishable, but I’m assuming its the same shirt from later on in the episode

Time: 42:53 – 43:33 - Post Disaster Chay

Chay cleaning up the records is honestly so sad. They’re not something he or Porsche would buy as Chay likes idols and Porsche doesn’t seem that interested in any form of art, and the record player looks like the one my dad has in his childhood bedroom (ie that shit old) which means that these are their parents’ records. Chay was barely a toddler when they died meaning he has no memories of them. Porsche, however, does and has elevated their parents to a near god-like status throughout Chay’s life to justify how he pushes Chay to succeed. Chay cleaning those records first when the rest of the house is a mess is him trying not to spare Porsche even just that tiny bit.

Also I wonder if Chay’s love for music stems from these records. Maybe Porsche put them on and said our parents loved these records so that Chay could at least share something with them.

Look, if I were Chay and my brother disappeared the night after saying hey was it Kinn’s people who destroyed the house? I would simply try to find out who Kinn was.

Chay’s outfit: I’ve seen other’s discussing this but the statue of Nike on his shirt continues the trend of the costumers choosing the weirdest thematic shirts to put Chay in.

Time: 48:06 – 54:58 The Beach Bar

Sidenote: all of the trinkets in this house are so thematically interesting

Nefertiti: She shows up in 2 different trinkets. There’s replica of the famous Nefertiti bust, and there’s a picture of the bust in the collage next to the computer. She’s one of the most famous queens in history and one of the most famous pieces of art from Egypt (honestly only beaten out by Tutankhamen’s gold funerary mask, Tutankhamun is also her son – read from this what you will). Korn later contemplates the queen piece as he states that all of the pieces are complete.

The white bird statue on the bookshelves: Nampueng is painting a white bird when she meets Porsche and Porchay (I think) and white birds symbolically usually signify freedom

The silver knight chess piece: this I’ve also seen commented on, but I genuinely think this is so important for Porsche’s role in Korn’s game. Porsche has the symbols of the most famous queen in Egyptian history and a knight chess piece so heavily connected to his home. Also silver is the same color as the Major Family's signet rings. I’m definitely going to keep an eye out for these going forward.

Chay’s Outfit: still in the Victoire de Samothrace shirt, and honestly this entire scene is full of so much history and antiquity in the set and costume design it has to be intentional right??

This whole scene is honestly the best brother scenes in the show, Apo and Barcode are the best at portraying fictional brothers. Chay’s judgmental looks whenever Porsche does something weird to make him laugh – that’s Barcode and Apo full stop.

On a serious note, this scene shows that Chay doesn’t always want to follow Porsche’s path, even though he eventually respects his brother and listens to him. He’s a teenager, and try as Porsche might, he’s not as naïve and innocent to the world as Porsche, who tends to only see the baby in his baby brother, would like. He knows that his schooling is causing a lot of trouble, and he’s trying to pull his own weight. Which Porsche sidesteps in the way only a parent with a crying kid can do.

Sidenote: Porsche refusing to move out of the house is very telling about his character. He was forced to grow up very quickly, but he’s holding onto the house and his parents’ ‘dreams’ (as if their parents didn’t want both their children to go to college and be happy) in a vaguely childish manner that isn’t talked about as much. He wants the life he couldn’t live, and since he can’t have that, he’ll hold on to the idea of it.

Chay’s cries way too many times throughout this series, and he makes me tear up a little bit every time. This scene in particular because its such a realistic scene. Barcode definitely draws a lot of himself up when filming these crying scenes which is why it hurts so much.

Chay Crying Counter: 1

“Don’t forget, you’re not alone in this. And you’re not the only one fighting.” – Chay is constantly bringing up how Porsche isn’t alone, how there are two of them in this family (pool confrontation speech anyone?), but I think this also says a lot about Chay’s character throughout the show. Often times, non-main characters (I’m not gonna say minor even though technically Chay’s screentime puts him closer to minor when compared to other characters) get treated like dolls who exist only to forward the main pairing’s story. Chay states right from the get go that he’s his own person not just an extension of Porsche. He’s fighting as well. He’s a driving part of this story too. (I may be getting a bit too passionate about this one quote, but c’mon! I love when characters assert their own autonomy within the narrative!)

Chay trying to involve himself in Porsche’s troubles (and the narrative), trying to get Porsche to let him in only to be gently shut down and then not so gently left behind. IDK I love analyzing the different Chay’s we get because like Kim & Wik, Chay has different personas that he puts on with different people. With Porsche, he’s the sweet, agreeable baby brother who has to live out their parents’ dreams. He gets good grades, and he goes to the university interview because that is what Porsche wants. And yet, the second he’s no longer in front of Porsche or where Porsche can keep an eye on him, he drops the mask and allows his real emotions to show (I’ll do more analysis as we get to later episodes because this is getting long)

Chay is so attentive to Porsche’s dreams. The beach bar is definitely something he’s pieced together from different things over the years. Porsche talks a lot, and Chay definitely listens. They’re like that Into the Spiderverse meme.

Chay how tf do you not have neck issues. His head is literally laying on his shoulder while he’s laying on the bed.

Not me also analyzing the jazz posters on his walls – Chay was definitely in the Jazz band in school which is why he needs guitar tutoring. He probably plays the saxophone. Most of the saxophone players I know are unhinged in fruity and delightful ways so this is a compliment.

Chay’s Outfit: His satin matching pajama set compels me even though it does not fit his character at all. They definitely realized he needed pajamas and stole something from the costume rack for the major family. They would wear satin pajamas (Kinn does wear satin pajamas I think at one point)

The first thing Chay does when he leaves his room is call for Porsche, somebody sedate me. But what was he trying to do? Was he trying to continue the conversation from the night before? Does Porsche normally wake him up for school? I need answers…

Chay reading the note breaks my heart because its so clear that Porsche is lying. The morning after Chay brings up them running away to run a beach bar and Porsche is suddenly going to an out of reach beach bar? Chay knows this is bull because Porsche would have said something the night before. Chay knows Porsche is doing something so bad that he feels the need to lie to Chay. The deep sigh Chay let’s out as he stares into the yard biting his lip (or pouting? Idk) shows that Chay isn’t fooled. He’s aware that Porsche is in deep shit, and he’s upset that Porsche has gone on his own to fix it. But Chay can’t outwardly express that because he’s spent his whole life being the perfect baby brother trying not to be a burden. So Chay just sits and sighs in his empty house away from the narrative his existence kickstarted (because Porsche would have never joined the family if he wasn’t so desperate to take care of Chay)

Chay is so interesting to me because he is so important to the plot as a whole, but he is constantly kept far away from the main plot. I saw someone say once that he’s in a completely different genre from the mafia story he’s a part of, and I agree.

Overall Chay Rating (Chrating): I give this episode an A- 

 It’s a great intro into Chay’s character by giving you a lot of setup for his character, particularly in relation to who he is around Porsche. There’s no Kim, but I like that we got introduced to Chay before his romantic interest comes onto screen. Chay’s styling this episode was cute, but not my favorite looks. This episode stockpiles Chay fans with lots of Chay screentime to survive the harsh winter (the episodes without him) coming for them. It’s not the best Chay episode, but its definitely up there.

#kprewatch2023 #kinnporsche #porchay kittisawat #my ramblings #kinnporsche the series

[allthefoolmine]

Happy season 3 of young royals to all who celebrate!

(It’s me I’m celebrating)

On to episode 5, which I didn’t watch this weekend due to knocking my computer off my couch and cracking the screen about ten minutes in. Totally my fault, but I also want compensation from Lisa Ambjörn personally, y’know?

Anyway, on to episode 5! Hope all who have finished the season enjoyed themselves, and looking forward to getting there myself.

Reactions / commentary / flailing (please dear God let me not break my computer this time) under the cut for spoilers / avoidance purposes.

- oh god the opening of this episode. Why did August tell him that about Erik. Why?! What was the point of that? It just seems needlessly cruel.

- and Wilhelm not telling Simon. Will he ever? This fool says nah, our crown prince is not in good-decisions-mode.

- August is such a shit! Vincent is a total dick, but blowing him off in that smug and dismissive way…legos underfoot are too good for him. Thumbtacks? Marbles? PORCUPINES?

- having just said I hope August has something very painful and embarrassing happen to him, I do really want to know what’s up with his letter.

- so hard to see Wilhelm and his Dad talking about Erik. Which begs the question—why does Wilhelm believe August without question? It really seems like he just accepts this information about this brother and I’m not sure I understand it.

- Wilhelm turning down Simon’s call. BAD DECISIONS MODE activated, huh? Oh, and now we’re quitting choir??? Buddy, sunshine, pal, YOUR LOVELY BOYFRIEND IS RIGHT THERE TO TALK TO HIM. (I wasn’t expecting him to actually to do it? He talked! And Simon said something helpful! And Wilhelm just, wow, buddy, wow. That stupidity is gonna come bite you.)

- fucksSAKE August, leave Sara ALONE.

- oh we get friendship time with Felice, oh good.

- Good luck Sara! OH. NO. Very upsetting to see her father let her down like that.

- Simon looks so cute in a suit! And his Mom continues to be everything you would want a mom to be. “It shouldn’t be this hard” is such an important message.

- Simon, good, yes, hug your sister! You two need to be friends again please!

- oh seeing Wilhelm remove the purple nail polish, my friends I am in PAIN.

- oh some CUTENESS. the birthday muffin! The birthday muffin! The birthday muffin, I may yet live.

- “maybe it was stupid to tell you about Erik” YA THINK ASSHOLE?!?

- oh the sports foundation SUCKS. Give the man an LGTBQ charity PLEASE.

- oh the weird birthday song. Bless them they are trying! I love Simon’s little look of wtf through it all. Perfect.

- August is a complete mystery. Going to the party after being sent home like that? I for one would not. I’d be on tumblr, licking my wounds, or something. Instead he’s chugging red wine in a white suit.

- I like the “tale of two dinners” format

- Simon is doing his best but I can only imagine how hard this is for him.

- August “leave her alone” challenge. You absolute walnut.

- I would not have hugged him, I would have punched him. Sara is much nicer than me.

- Wilhelm, I get that you’re having a crisis but think about someone other than yourself, *please*. Simon does not deserve to deal with your family shit without your support! Simon, you do the right thing for you, buddy! You go home!

- Simon’s side eye when Wilhelm goes off is everything.

- Simon, gtfo, love. This is above your pay grade.

- “love shouldn’t be this hard”

For everyone who has sat with that for a week…oof.

Ow.

#a fool watches young royals #young royals #young royals season 3 #young royals s3 #young royals s3 ep5 #simon eriksson #crown prince wilhelm #wilhelm x simon #young royals spoilers

[lokiwhitewolf]

Red Hot Winter

Chapter 1- Running Out of Excuses

“What is this? What is happening?” Asked Elena, waking up in a car that she soon recognized.

“You’ve managed to make all of Mystic Falls mad, and frankly I took pity on you after watching the Salvatore boys torture you all day, and I happen to like you like this” Rebekah replied, on the driver's seat, offering Elena a blood bag that she gracefully accepted.

“So where are you taking me?” Said Elena, after drinking all of the blood.

“New Orleans. Remember that wolf girl Hayley? Klaus got her pregnant and Elijah wants to protect her and the baby, and Klaus wants to take the city back.”

“Wait, back? What do you mean?”

“We founded the city, me and my brothers Elijah and Klaus. That city was ours to rule, even though there was the witches faction, the wolf faction, and of course the humans”

“The humans knew about you?”

“Of course they did. Or at least their leaders did. We needed the blood and they needed the money.”

“I can’t imagine the wolves or the witches just bending to The Original's will.”

“Oh, they didn’t. Sometimes they forced our hand. We couldn’t be killed, but that never stopped any of them from trying”

“But why are your brothers coming back now?”

“According to Elijah, a witch named Jane Anne Deveraux did a spell and linked her sister's life to Hayley’s baby, forcing my brothers to make a deal with the witches.”

“But why would the witches do this?”

“Back in the day, my family took in a boy named Marcellus Gerard. He used to be a slave, but Klaus freed him from his owner by threatening to kill him. When he grew up, Klaus turned him into a vampire after he almost died by a bullet.” Rebekah said, looking out the window, her voice breaking.

“You loved him,” Elena said.

“This is not important.” Rebekah blurred out, giving Elena another blood bag. “After we fled New Orleans, running away from our father, Marcel took over the city and now he is claiming to be king. The witches know this, that’s why they are forcing us to act. But when Klaus came to the city to talk to Jane Anne, Marcel killed her in front of his lackeys, and now Klaus wants the city back to himself”

“So Hayley and the baby are just leverage by the witches”

“Yes, they are.”

“Then what am I doing here Rebekah? You couldn’t possibly pity me because Damon and Stefan were torturing me to get my humanity back, and as far as we know, Elijah knows that my humanity is off and so does Klaus”

“Well, I’m taking you to New Orleans because you, my dear Elena, are gonna be our leverage,” Rebekah said, smiling.

“What do you mean? By this time, everyone in New Orleans knows Klaus can’t be killed and is a hybrid. Probably the witches themselves know he did the ritual and almost killed me”

“Well, they all think the doppelganger is dead. They think Elena is dead. Katherine Pierce, on the other hand, is not”

“You want me to pretend to be Katherine?” Elena asked, turning around to face Rebekah. “Should I remind you it didn’t take Elijah five minutes to realize I wasn’t Katherine?”

“Well, that’s because you were not prepared. Marcel thinks that Katherine is running from Klaus for five hundred years, he has no idea it was Katherine that tipped my brother off about Jane Anne. We’re gonna make him think that Katherine is helping us because Klaus compelled her to do so.”

“There is one small break in your marvelous plan. What about the real Katherine?”

“With you out of Mystic Falls, it won’t take long for her to make her move on Stefan. C’mon love, you were not in love with him anymore, were you?” Said Rebekah, smiling. “And besides I compelled her to stay in Mystic Falls until I said otherwise and to not come looking for you.”

“What about the Salvatore brothers? What if they come looking?”

“Then I’m sure my brothers will deal with them gladly, but with all the problems related to the cure, I’m sure they’ve got a handful.”

A few hours later, Rebekah and Elena got to town. Rebekah parks her car in front of a french quarter bar. Elena gets out of the car, and they both walk into the locale, only to be met by six vampires that immediately try to kill the original vampire. One of them freezes once they recognized Elena.

“Miss Pierce?” But the brunette doesn't have time to answer. Rebekah ends all of them with ease.

“I thought we weren’t killing anyone tonight” Said Elena

“Oh well, they did come at me. And thanks for the help by the way.” Rebekah says ironically.

“You were doing so well, didn’t wanna stop your rhythm.” Counters Elena. “What are we doing here anyway?”

“Looking for Sophie”

Both of the vampires find the witch in the bar's kitchen. 

“Rebekah Mikaelson. Katherine Pierce” Said Sophie, almost sounding too scared.

“You’ve heard of me,” said Elena, trying her best to sound Katherine-ish.

“You got my sister killed!” Exclaimed Sophie. The lights flickered.

“Don’t blame a girl for trying to get an original off her back.” Elena said, smiling devilishly “And besides, it didn’t work, did it?” 

“You girls can sort yourselves out later.” Said Rebekah “Sophie, I need to find Elijah. Can you do a locator spell?”

“Witches are not allowed to do magic. One of Marcel’s rules. And your brother said he’d help us. It’s been two months and he hasn’t shown his face around here” 

Rebekah sighs. She knows exactly what has happened to Elijah.

“Let’s go, Katherine, I know who we should talk to next”

Elena follows Rebekah out to her car. As soon as they both get inside, Rebekah starts driving away from the city. 

“What happened to Elijah, Rebekah?”

“Klaus happened Elena. He daggered Elijah”

Sometime later, they both arrive at a white mansion. 

“Please tell me this was not a plantation house,” said Elena.

“Of course not. We are vampires, not savages. We’d compel the help we needed around the house.”

They both walk into the house. 

“Sister! So nice of you to finally join your family! And you brought company.” Said Klaus, meeting them in the living room. “So Elena, still have your humanity off? Should we expect the Salvatore brothers next?”

“I’m here of my free will Klaus” Replied Elena “Rebekah freed me from the torture session Salvatore was promoting on me, and ask me to pretend to be Katherine while I’m here”

“Oh sister, that’s a bright idea sister! After all, it was Katerina that told me that my kingdom was stolen from me by Marcel”

“Klaus, where is Elijah?” Asked Rebekah. 

“Straight to the point sister? I have daggered him” 

“We figured that much. She meant to say "Where are you keeping him?” Elena asked.

“Since when are you my sister's guard Elena?” Asked Klaus, smiling.

“Klaus, just tell me where he is” Said Rebekah, almost desperately. 

“I gave him to Marcel as an act of good faith. '' Klaus finally replied, pouring himself some scotch.

“What?” Elena and Rebekah said at the same time.

“Marcel needs to think we are on his side. Giving him Elijah will assure us that much.”

“There is a flaw in your plan,” Elena said. “Six vampires attack us tonight. They didn’t know who Rebekah was, but one of them thought I was Katherine.”

Klaus ran to Elena and touched her face

“Rebekah, it seems like your plan might be just what we need to take down Marcel”

On the next day, Elena dressed up in the most Katherine way possible, complete with heels. After spending some time curling her hair and painting her pink streak, she was walking around town. Klaus had even got her a bracelet that would protect her from the sun, just like her doppelganger. 

“Miss Pierce,” said a vampire, stopping her dead in her treks.

“Oh hey!” She said smiling.

“What are you doing back in New Orleans?” He asked. “Marcel is not expecting you so soon.”

“Heard the Originals were back in town, and I wanted to see my favorite one,” Elena said, smiling. “But I can’t seem to find him anywhere. Wouldn’t you happen to know where he is?”She asked, touching the vampire’s chest, trying her best to charm him.

“Marcel would kill me if I tell you..” He said, looking at her mouth.

“It will be our little secret, Marcel doesn’t even have to know.” She said, holding his face, batting her eyes.

“In the attic of the church.” He said, before making a move to kiss her. She kissed him, but only briefly. 

“I’ll find you later,” she said. 

It wasn’t hard to find the church. People seemed to know who Katherine Pierce was and did whatever Elena wanted. 

As soon as Elena walked into the church, she quickly found the attic. It appeared to be a teenager's room, but nobody was there besides the original on the coffin. 

“Katherine,” said a voice, “you came back!” 

Elena looked up. A girl was looking at her, smiling. The vampire found her name by seeing the signature on a drawing hanging on one of the walls.

“Davina! Of course, I came back for you” 

“Come in! I missed you!”

Elena got into the attic. Davina immediately hugged her. 

“I missed you too,” Elena said. They both sat on the bed. Davina talked to her about how she felt Jane Anne making the spell.

“It must be really hard.” Said Elena.

“It is. But Marcel said that now the Originals are here, and they might be working with the witches.”

“How can Marcel be so sure?”

“I don’t know. I just know that Marcel told me to keep an eye on one of them.”

“One of them is in the coffin?”

“Yes, Elijah, the noble one.”

“Can I see him?” Asked Elena, without thinking.

“Why do you wanna see him?”

“We used to have a relationship. We didn’t leave on good terms.” Which was the truth. 

“You can see him. I trust you.” Davina said. smiling.

“Thank you, Davina.” Elena gets up, opens the coffin, and sees the desiccated original, looking as tied up as ever. Elijah opens his eyes and looks at her. 

Elena touches his hand and blacks out.

“Elena,” said Elijah. They’re both back at the Mikaelson mansion, on the ball the family threw. She’s wearing a sequin dress with gloves. The song is playing, but there seems to be nobody but both of them on the dancefloor.

“Elijah”

“Tell me, what did my brother do to get you away from Mystic Falls?”

“He didn’t do anything, I’m here on my own free will.”

They started to dance. 

“What are we doing here Elijah?” 

“That little witch is playing with my mind. I needed to be on a memory we both shared”

“Out of all of them, does it have to be this one?”

“What can I do? I thought you looked magnificent that night, and it took everything in me to not steal you from either of the Salvatore brothers for a dance”

“Then why didn’t you?” Elena said, smiling and looking at his eyes.

“Once I’m out of here I might, since you are here of your own free will,” He said, repeating the same move he did when they met and smelled her neck. Something flickered inside of Elena, and Elijah noticed.

“Tell me how to help you, Elijah”

“Davina doesn’t know how to control her powers yet. I need to explore that. I need you to find my mother's grimoire. I’ll use one of the spells to help Davina.”

“Help Davina? What about you?”

“She’s going to set me free”

“But what about Marcel? He’s gonna wanna kill you!”

“She’s not gonna help him to kill me. She loves him, but not to that point. Bring me the grimoire. I’ll teach Davina how to manage her power”

“How do you know so much about this?”

“I used to be a witch before I was a vampire Elena,” He said smiling.”Welcome back, Elena.”

“How…How did you know?”

“I’m an original, I know.” He said “You should go now, and you should know, the vampires in New Orleans think me and Katherine are a couple. So when I come back, we might have to put on a little show for them.”

“Something tells me that it won’t be much pretending,” Elena said. 

“I’ll come back soon Elena. Wait for me, and please look after Hayley. I don’t trust Klaus.”

“You have my word”

Elijah smiles. He kisses Elena on her forehead.

Elena wakes up.

“Katherine!” Davina says. “Are you okay?”

“I am. I truly am in months” Elena replies.

#elijah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson x elena gilbert #elejah #tvd fandom #tvdedit #tvd fanfiction #the vampire diaries #elena gilbert #the originals #klaus mikaelson #elijah mikealson x reader #rebekah mikaelson #hayley marshall #tvd universe #vampire #vampire aesthetic #vampire diaries #originals #original vampire #elijah mikealson imagine #redhotwinter

[indiaalphawhiskey]

Hello India!

I would love to hear your opinion on the Louis dm thing as I always love to hear your thoughts. Personally, I totally understand the fandom frustration but at the same time its nothing new. Why is this the last straw for so many people? If you don't answer its totally fine, I'm just curious. Have a lovely day!

Hello, love!

I’m currently away with my family, so I’ve been getting a very specific streamline of information from blogs I trust and friends who have their own ways of verifying things. Also, I have no particular interest in exhaustively digging into info from every angle when it comes to stuff like this, so please know, I’m answering this question with the very limited information I have from a set of trusted but very like-minded sources.

I also can’t speak for larries as a whole, so I’ll speak for myself: why do I think this is the last straw for some people/why am I, personally, feeling affected by the situation?

Well, because every relationship (romantic, platonic, even parasocial) is marked by thresholds. We draw lines in the sand that, while not unmoving or unadaptable, still exist. They’re different for everyone (a red line to me may be a yellow line to someone else) and can be flexible depending on the circumstances surrounding the situation. But, each time a line is toed or crossed, it’s natural to re-evaluate a relationship and decide whether or not there’s personal value in staying. That’s the mark of healthy self-worth and a healthy level of distance in any relationship: being able to recognize that there are goal posts everyone (even celebrities we love and adore with all our hearts) has to meet in order to continue having access to our energy.

Now, operating on the theory that this DM is real, there are many things that we now have to come to accept. One of the biggest is that, if Louis does see everything that happens in fandom (like he’s said he has before) and still played a hand in throwing Larries under the bus (some would say again) knowing what kind of hate it would get us, what does that mean for Larries’ relationship with Louis?

Of course this question varies depending on the circumstances. How much control did Louis have over this decision? What was the justification for it? What was the negotiation like? Do the ends justify the means (like, if this is a step towards ending BG)? Was it necessary to deal with the situation this particular way?

These are all questions we ask every time both Harry and Louis make a decision we don’t agree with or that hurt us as Larries. Unfortunately, we usually don’t have the answers to those questions, and we never will, so the only thing we, individually, can decide, is how generous are we each willing to be with them?

Personally, Louis has proven to me, time and again, that he is a good person with a good heart and good intentions. Nothing he has ever done has struck me as unjustifiably cruel or intentionally destructive, and I maintain that closeted people cannot be blamed for the difficult decisions they are forced to make to protect their closet. Navigating how to survive an abusive situation is not freedom, and viewing it through that lens means that whatever decision that was made, it can never be said that it was made with 💯 control.

That said, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to be made the scapegoat, yet again. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to have being a Larrie diminished like that by one of the people we’re trying so hard to stand up for. By one of the people we take risks for, and insist on loving out loud for all that he is regardless of the mistreatment that love comes with.

And for some larries, no matter the justification behind the decision, those are their red lines, and what they do once those lines are crossed is a decision only they can make for themselves.

#iaw ask #iaw anonymous #stunt discussion #bg discussion #bg tw #Bentley’s mom

[anthurak]

I’ve talked before about one of the big reasons I DON’T think Loona and Octavia are actually going to have the straightforward ‘wholesome sisterly relationship’ that a lot of fans seem to have latched onto and might be expecting. But more than that, I’d like to talk about the main reason why I just don’t like this interpretation of Loona and Octavia, at least outside of AU settings, and why I don’t think we should be expecting it from the show itself.

What I feel a lot of fans don’t seem to quite grasp is that possibly the greatest strength of Helluva Boss’s character writing is the use of contrast.

Helluva Boss is a show set in actual Hell, with all of the misery and torment that implies, and that’s not even going into how Hell is deliberately written as a dystopic, crapsack world to live in. Our main characters are a company of assassins, hired killers who murder humans for a simple paycheck. And most of them are fairly miserable people with deep-seated traumas and very messy and dysfunctional relationships.

But it is precisely all that negativity which those positive emotional moments hit all the harder. It’s what makes Moxie’s and Millie’s relationship seem all the more special and wholesome when it seems like they are the only couple in Hell to have found such a genuinely and unconditionally loving and HAPPY relationship. It’s what makes the times Blitzo is able to genuinely bond with Loona and the M&Ms or Stolas is able to connect with his daughter feel special because it’s clear this is NOT an easy thing for them to do.

So if we start trying to ‘sand off the edges’ and downplay the uglier, painful problems that our characters are dealing with, or even try to pretend they don’t even exist, then we start depriving these characters of precisely the things that make their successes so meaningful. Like the big thing that makes Blitzo’s and Stolas’s relationships with each other and their respective daughters so compelling and interesting is BECAUSE these two are such utter disastrous WRECKS as both parents and people in general. Of course, that’s not to say they have to STAY miserable and dysfunctional messes in order to stay interesting. Just that the way they should be getting out of this mess should be through hard-earned character development and not simply having the writers or audience wipe the problems away and pretend they don’t exist just to create some arbitrary ‘wholesome family dynamic’.

The whole reason Loona’s and Octavia’s scene together in this latest episode hits as well as it does is because we know what both these girls have been through. We’ve seen the kind of trauma and baggage they’re both carrying around. So when they finally find SOMEONE who they can truly relate to, someone who they know actually GETS what they are going through, it hits SO much harder. We’ve seen Loona be this very mean, confrontational, incredibly abrasive and extremely guarded person who seems to can’t help but keep both a physical and emotional distance from basically everyone she meets. So when we see her finally let her guard down and show this incredible openness, empathy and warmth to Octavia, it makes both the scene and the blossoming friendship between these two feel all the more special.

And this all leads back to my issue with how a lot of the fandom seems to expect Loona, Octavia, Blitzo and Stolas to form some straightforward wholesome, homogenous family unit.

Because that’s just NOT the kind of show this is.

Everything we’ve seen of Helluva Boss paints this show as the story of people with a LOT problems. Hang-ups, baggage, deep-seated traumas and dysfunctional relationships. Yet it also seems to be the story about how those people yearn for happiness and fulfillment, and can one day even find that happiness. That certainly seems to be the story the show is playing out with Blitzo and Stolas.

Helluva Boss seems to be a show about people finding themselves in weird, unconventional and even dysfunctional relationships, yet ultimately finding a way to turn those relationships into some happy and fulfilling. I mean, just look at the M&Ms. The whole narrative point of Moxie’s and Milly’s relationship is to show these two oddballs in the middle of actual Hell who nonetheless clearly couldn’t be happier with each other. Despite all conventional wisdom of those around them, these two have found a way to make their relationship WORK.

And it’s for that reason that I just don’t see Blitzo and Stolas winding up with some straightforward ‘happily ever after’ where they’re married and raising their two daughters like a lot of the fandom seems to be expecting/hoping. Can these two ultimately be happy together? Of course. It’s just going to take a whole lot of WORK from both of them. And it’s NOT going to be easy OR pretty. And I highly doubt it’s going to end with Blitzo and Stolas forming some idyllic nuclear family with their daughters.

Like that’s not even touching on the fact that Loona and Octavia are clearly NOT kids anymore. Loona is already freaking 22 and the story seems to be view Octavia MUCH more as a young adult than ‘just a kid’ (more on that in an upcoming post). So by the time Blitzo and Stolas are able to work out an actually happy, healthy relationship, they’re NOT going to be two dads raising two daughters, but rather two dads with GROWN-UP daughters who have probably figured out their own lives independent of their dads.

I do think we are ultimately going to see Blitzo and Stolas in a genuinely happy relationship together, and find a healthy, functional relationship with their daughters. It’s just not going to be tight-knit family unit that I think a lot of the fandom is expecting.

#helluva boss #helluva boss analysis #blitzo #stolas goetia #loona #helluva loona #octavia goetia #moxxie #millie #helluva millie #helluva moxxie #stolitz #rambling about the value of tonal contrast #rambling on how fandom can get too fixated on everything being sweet and wholesome

[a-tale-never-told]

An Apology.

//Greetings, everyone. I completely understand what you might be thinking at this moment, upon looking at this title. You might be thinking "Is he going to repeat another self-deprecating rant about his insecurities about writing and venting on the blog?". To that commonly referred question, the answer is actually no, surprisingly.

//You see, over since yesterday night, I finally came to a realization of just how damaging my own actions were to this entire story blog, and how much of an absolutely selfish asshole I'd become within the past few weeks, and I am greatly ashamed of my behavior towards all of you and how I treated you all during this blog. That was wholeheartedly never the intention to make you all feel uncomfortable with my own mental health issues and anxiety and stress issues, while also placing the burdens of my self-deprecation on you all, especially those who are dealing with other mental health issues themselves.

//Yesterday, I came to a realization of the numerous key reasons why I end up going on these long, venting rants about my writing qualities and why multiple people have felt put off by the story, and I came to a conclusion: It wasn't just the writing quality, but my constant venting and self-deprecation over the issues of my personal life and my rather embarrassing ways on how to handle my depression, as well as several other factors that we'll get into later.

//I just want to elaborate a bit on why I acted this way in particular and why I'm absolutely terrified of my own insecurities: I fear being abandoned in life, both with my loved ones and with my friends, hence why I get constantly paranoid whenever I trust or talk to someone because you never can officially confirm if you can place your absolute trust and faith in that person, even your own closest loved ones. Throughout my entire life, I've been betrayed, manipulated, lied to, and humiliated by those that I considered close to me in my childhood, with my family being the only ones I could definitely trust.

//While I did make a few friendships back then, I certainly wouldn't call it a friendship as we often fought with one another, then we officially made up, and then we had another argument again, and the cycle repeats itself. I honestly never truly felt what it feels like to even have a friendship with another person or human being, as I've never really experienced any true bonds with others. Most of the time, I'd often get shamed, bullied, and harassed by my fellow classmates for the most ridiculous of reasons, and I, unfortunately, had to take it like it was completely normal, even when I tried to give those people the benefit of the doubt and repair our relationships.

//These types of mental behavior that I exhibit are something that I think most of you are familiar with, Social anxiety disorder. Social anxiety disorder is essentially characterized by sentiments of fear and anxiety in social situations, with blushing, trembling, and nausea, as well as having an overwhelming fear of humiliation and embarrassment. When you have that disorder, you start to feel anxious about how people might judge you or if they treat you with scrutiny whenever you interact with them, thus leading you to fear almost any social interaction, especially things like dates or talking to random strangers.

//I'm not saying this as an excuse for my self-depreciation and venting posts, because there are absolutely zero tolerable excuses for that, but it does offer a rationale or explanation as to why I become so mentally unstable to begin with because I never truly had any form of positive interaction with a human being outside of my family, and it wasn't untill this year where I try to overcome my disorder and tried to socialize more with others, though the mental and cognitive social issues still exist. It's just the fact that I get extremely afraid of other people abandoning me and leaving me alone to rot away, so that's why I become extremely paranoid whenever I see others.

//Another main issue is actually what Mod Bubbles pointed out in our conversation together on DMs: Hormonal teen angst. It's no official secret that we, as teenagers, tend to have those periods in life when we often like to complain and beat ourselves up for every single mistake we make in our lives. That's unfortunately part of the development process of becoming a teenager, and the ways I handled it were... less than splendid to say the absolute least, if the vent posts were any indication to go by.

//And speaking of the vent posts, I finally realized that I officially need to stop making these posts, as not only do they add endless filler to the entire blog, but I realized that it's starting to genuinely make all of you rather uncomfortable with how much I self-deprecate and rant about my insecurities towards a group of strangers and burden the rest of you with my own issues, which is definitely not what I wanted to do, but that might officially stem from another problem that I have.

//It's no secret that I've stated countless times that I'm insecure about my own writing, and how I've been writing this arc, while also being mostly a little jealous of the successes of The New Future and especially A Student Out Of Time, which is incredibly ironic when you consider I owe a lot of the inspiration for this blog to ASOOT and his storytelling, and these feelings of inadequacy and jealousy stem all the way back to my younger years, where I would feel jealous that no matter how much effort and hard work I put, I wouldn't become famous as my other classmates, who essentially became popular due to the growing trends of the late 2010s era. Granted, I had zero idea as to what those societal norms were, but it still infuriated me to see these lazy, selfish, bullies become so well respected, while someone like myself had to bear the brunt of their torment.

//Obviously, Bubbles and Freeze are most certainly not those kinds of people, and I respect them tremendously for being talented in their writing skills, but that feeling of jealousy from my middle school years hasn't really shaken off, and whenever I see an like on those two blogs and look at myself, I always return to those years back in middle school, and that instinct to let out my anger of years of being discarded and treated horribly often comes up.

//However, I have now come to a realization that I cannot continue living my life like this, to constantly be in this never-ending cycle of self-loathing and hatred, as this obviously benefits nobody in the end, and only serves to create more hardship for everyone in this space, and making myself look uncaring towards your feelings and acting like an entitled, narcissistic asshole, which is the complete opposite of what I want to convey.

//So I've decided on a new way to constantly improve my behavior and change for the better, and that's the fact that I will do my hardest to improve myself as a person and a human being. Throughout all of this, I have been discarding your attempts to help me with my mental issues, foolishly thinking that I had it all under control when it had become clear to every one of you that I didn't. And I realize that by continuing this downward spiral of self-hatred and frustration, I'm ending up unintentionally hurting the ones who are trying to help me get better, which was not even the intention at all, and I honestly feel tremendously guilty for doing so.

//If there's any form of advice that is relevant to this entire situation that I need to take, it's that I need to be kind towards myself and others. That means that I'll completely devote myself to giving myself time as well as others the time to reflect and cope with their own mental issues, as well as not constantly thinking poorly of anyone for small things, giving you guys space, showing compassion more frequently, and trying to show you all that I'm not some heartless weirdo that doesn't value your insightful advice on things.

//Two sayings resonate with me throughout this entire time I've been writing this post: "You have to love yourself before you can love someone else" and "Actions speak louder than words", both of which are very important to me not only for my mentality but for my own genuine belief as a person, that we should let our own actions, moral or immoral, speak for ourselves rather than just meaningless, hollow words. It goes a long way in improving relationships with other people, and I feel as if I have been constantly repeating the same phrases and promising that I'm going to better myself as a person without actually showing it. That's going to change, starting from this post onward.

//From now on, I take a personal vow to endlessly work and improve myself as a better human being and a better moderator as well, always trying to take your valuable advice at heart, trying to listen to whatever issues you might have, and constantly offer my advice and support to anyone that needs it here, being far more compassionate and understanding of any problems that you guys have, giving you the time and space whenever you need it, and the most valuable and important life lesson of all is to learn to love myself and stop burdening myself and others with my own socialization issues and mental problems.

//I just want to thank everyone who has constantly stuck around throughout this entire journey, despite my constant venting and ranting about my insecurities and childhood issues. A massive shoutout to people like @freezethunder @creepercraftguy @poisonrozen and especially @a-student-out-of-time for helping me and trying to get me out of those constant depressive stages, always being understanding of my problems, and trying to give valuable advice to heal my mental state. You all are amazing people, truly, and you don't know how much your comments and insightful ways of being compassionate towards others mean to me.

//I absolutely hold full accountability and responsibility for my actions, as I believe that my way of handling the situation was idiotic and at worst, hurting the rest of the fanbase. My sincerest apologies if this post was obviously not what you were all expecting from me today, as I originally never planned to make this today, but rather tomorrow once I finished the Kazuichi asks. But I could no longer put my own mental well-being and the well-being of others around me with my constant self-loathing and endless venting and rants about my failures as a writer. Remember that mental well-being always comes first, and for such a year that was absolutely stress-inducing and nerve-wracking on my physical and mental state in 2023, I felt as if I needed to address this issue because this type of selfish, irresponsible behavior needed to stop at some point, and it's better that I address all of this in one single post rather than let this become a gigantic issue later on.

//I hope you all can accept my most sincere and honest apology, from the bottom of my heart. But I know that these words don't mean anything if I can't show that I've changed and put hard work and effort into bettering myself, and I'm making that commitment to change, starting now!

//This is Mod Sam from A Tale Never Told, signing out. Have a wonderful rest of your afternoon, everyone!.

#mod talks #a tale never told

[mrmustachious]

For Gordon’s birthday, I decided to put together a rec list of a bunch of Gordon fics I love! There are so many more I could rec, so these are just a few of the amazing fics out there. Feel free to add your faves too, whether that be your own ones you’ve written or fics by others you love! I’m sure Gordon would approve of sharing the love 💛

List below the cut because it got loooong

AO3

-Stars in the Sea by Fyoex

The Tracy family thought the hydrofoil accident had been left far behind them. But head trauma is a fickle beast that isn’t quite ready to let go.

-Scenes from Gordon’s Bedside by @gaviiadastra

One-shot exercises, connected by a family grieving, hoping, and trying to make sense of why. Blended Universe

-Gordon & Explosive Device & Storage Unit by @strongerwiththepack

Gordon's in trouble when an underwater storage facility explodes with him still inside.

(Note: I requested this so I am a little biased!)

-Risky Rockpools by @strongerwiththepack

The Tracy family get a reality check when they remember that living on an isolated island in the middle of the South Pacific ocean isn't actually all that safe.

-Being Gordon Tracy by @psychoseal

Gordon’s life story!

-Malfunction by shadowfox8

Gordon is enjoying some time in the ocean when Thunderbird 4 decides to play some tricks, giving our loveable prankster decompression sickness.

-Where the mermaids live by @fallenfurther

Gordon decides to cheat on an important test but is caught by the school bullies. They are happy to let him keep the grade as long as he does something for them. Gordon knows he's getting in deeper than he should, but the consequences go far beyond what he expected.

-The Most Dangerous Game by @godsliltippy

Scott and Gordon find themselves unwilling participants.

-Motionless by @godsliltippy

One can never expect a rescue mission to go smoothly when Langstrom Fischler is involved. Gordon knows this and yet, that information does him no good when lives are at stake and it's his job to get everyone out safely.

-Every time it snows by allandmore

A simple mountain rescue goes wrong for International Rescue. Gordon battles the elements and his memories, and Scott has a tough decision to make.

-An Aquanaut Walks Into a Bar... by Corby

Gordon has a conversation in a bar, and Virgil has strong opinions about that. Childhood memories, and the stories we tell ourselves and others.

-Picnic by ThatGirlSix

Every Tracy has a type of job they hate, be them car crashes, hotel fires, mine collapses, whatever. Gordon absolutely hates tornadoes with a passion. No, really, he hates tornadoes. His life would be so much better if they never did another tornado job ever again. The rest of the family is starting to think so, too.

-Consequences by @tracybirds

Gordon is in a bit of a bind, and the older bros will need to help him out of it in a big way.

-Tears Of The Ocean by @janetm74

The ocean is a harsh mistress and Gordon has been burned by her. Will Scott be able to help him get through this? A pre-iR, military bro's fic.

FF

-No Accidents by Glazier Blue

Gordon thought the Hydrofoil crash was behind him. But there was a lot more to his "accident" than his family realised. It looks like the past with WASP has come back to finish what it started. Now Gordon's life hangs in the balance. Can his family stop history from repeating it self?

-Conformity by Figure in black

It was nothing...just a small boy grasping onto his understanding of language. He would soon grow out of it...

-My Brother’s Pain by FABThunderbird

Virgil and Gordon are both exhausted after a dangerous rescue. On their way home Virgil notices that Gordon is not only dealing with an injury, but he sees his brother struggling to open up about what he had witnessed during this rescue.

-Look Before You Reach by nhsweetcherry

Gordon experiences trouble on a rescue - all because he dropped his watch!

-A Tangled Web by crystalquirt

Something has caused heat and trace amounts of radiation in the deep sea. Thinking it volcanic, Gordon takes Thunderbird Four to be sure after John detected an unusual amount of dead sea life in the area. The water around the phenomenon has turned brownish yellow, all the way up to the surface. One species still thrive there.

My Fics!

Well I couldn’t make this without dropping some of my faves that I’ve written!

-Birthday Surprise

It's Gordon's birthday and the first one since his dad came home. He deserves a great day, doesn't he? Maybe not.

(Note: It’s his birthday, I had to include this one!)

-Into the Spider’s Nest

When Gordon comes across something he was never meant to see, he ends up tangled in a potentially deadly web made up of his worst nightmares. His chances of getting out dwindle with each passing day, but when he finds someone just as stuck as he is, they may end up becoming each other’s lifeline, as well as their only chance to make it home.

-Not Ever

Gordon has a confession to make, and Penelope feels like the worst girlfriend ever.

-Just Keep Swimming

A nice, relaxing day on Tracy Island leads to Gordon discovering something that shouldn't exist.

-Breathless

The one scene that was missing from the finale, plus all the scenes that led up to that moment.

-these drugs, they separate me from my mind

Gordon has big dreams. He is going to make it far, and knows he has what it takes to get there. Until one day he is offered an easier, faster way to get to where he wants to be. The only problem is it goes against everything he believes, but maybe he should take the opportunity whilst he has it?

-Sleep Under the Fish

One day, a strange boy appeared on Penelope's beach. And then he disappeared. Little did she know about the world that lived beneath the sea, and what that one encounter would open her up to. A Thunderbirds/Luca AU

To-read Recs

So I have yet to read any of these, but they are just a few of the fics I have marked for later that seem interesting! And I thought it would be fun to rec them in case others find them interesting too (yes I am behind on a lot of fics!)

-Live and learn by Scherzandro

Scott and his brother have been at odds since Gordon joined International Rescue a couple of months back, but when the pair are stranded in hostile territory they might just learn a thing or two about each other, if they live long enough...

-One Word by alchemistsarego

If Gordon Tracey was asked to describe his current situation in a single word, that word would be ‘uncomfortable’. Now of course being trapped in a volcanic cave with only his radio as a source of light while covered not only in his own sweat but his blood also, the word didn’t quite do what he was experiencing justice. In fact, there were many other words that would describe it better. Claustrophobic. Terrified. In agony, perhaps.

-Tracy Seaside Orchard and Farm by @gaviiadastra

An alternate universe. Gordon has a successful farm... and seems to have nothing to do with this International Rescue thing.

-The Heart of Te Fiti by Eraman

So this is gonna be a major AU which will mostly follow the plot of Moana/Vaiana with many changes. Gordon hears the sea calling him, but with his three older brothers missing and his father forbidding him from going near the ocean what is Gordon to do? He knows there is something he and Alan has to do, something only they can do but how can they when they are not allowed to leave?

-Terrors in Space by @godsliltippy

Just a routine space rescue. Sure. "Routine"

There’s soo so many more fics I could add here, but I need to stop at some point lol. But like I said, if anyone else has any more recs, they can drop them below. I’m sure there’s many fics even I haven’t read yet! Anyways, I hope at least someone found something here they like, and if you did, be sure to drop a comment on whatever you read 💛💛

#thunderbirds #thunderbirds are go #thunderfam #gordon tracy #fic recs #thunderbirds fanfiction

[cherry-pop-elf]

🥀 : Ok. I got this AU idea That i wanna throw into the world, as I’m drawing art for it. It’s called “ReallyHogwarts” it’s a dumb meta AU of Harry Potter

🥀: The premise is that JKR did pull a Rita Skeeter, and made a prophet off of Harry Potter. And of course tweaked it and edited ir to meet her own agenda of course.

🥀: By the time the Ministry was aware of it, it already became to big of a deal. Meaning if they got involved, so many eyes would be on them

🥀: So they did a sneaky. They FED INTO IT. They have muggleborns work at the infamous Harry Potter World, and Harry Potter Locations. Feeding into the idea that magic is fake. That if anyone saw real magic, they wouldn’t even believe it themselves. Along with be seen as insane by others.

🥀: The main setting for the AU is at Harry Potter World. Where real wizards pretend to be ‘actors’ and such. Mostly muggle borns, as they would be used to the muggle world. Able to be able to ‘act muggle’ if you will.

🥀: One of the biggest reasons the wizards work there, is also because dark wizards try and take advantage of the fact muggles think it’s all fake. So it’s a breeding ground for dangers. Hence why another reason wizards work there. Governmentally assigned even as agents.

🥀: Doesn’t mean you can’t have other characters outside of the setting. That’s just where it ‘originated’ if you will. It’s a AU. HAVE FUN!

🥀: Here are some stuff I’ve gotten the ideas for. And hope you guys can add on and just ya! And tag me to! Pls! I wanna build this fun world with you guys!

🥀: Fred and George are very aware, and honestly have the most fun with it. They even straight up snuck a floo network inside of the Fake WWW. Hidden behind a fake door, that’s suppose to look fake. Like a prop. They love being ‘face characters’ and just kinda have their fathers spark about the muggle world

🥀: The HPMA cast is there to. Of course. Since Daniel is a muggle born, he works there as a ‘Potion’ master. Which is running a kid friendly bar in ‘digaon alley’ that has a happy hour for adults

🥀: Cherry is a ‘Durmstrang student’ there, and loves showing off his fire breathing. Since they are governmentally assigned to HPW they are allowed to use magic. Encouraged if anything. But he won’t lie. Being told the ‘special affects are amazing’ kinda gets old

🥀: Lottie does character’s there, and loves being able to see so many new faces. Along with hear stories, and see how happy their world makes muggles. She loves to also doodle her fellow wizard family constantly

🥀 : The likes of Cassandra and the twins more so go there to be a menace and tease them at the park. Which looks like just ‘acting’ to muggles themselves

🥀: Another trick they have at the park is when doing a thing where they pick people out of the audience, they’ll typically pick actual wizards. As to keep things safe. They do pick out muggles here and there, to avoid suspicion, but it’s mostly wizards

🥀: Wizards do also work at HPW, but it’s mostly muggle borns/half borns. As they know the lingo and body language to keep from being to uncanny. Along with not fucking up with their magic at the wrong time

🥀: Of course the actual cast of Harry Potter pop in now and again. Fascinated by it all, and playfully pointing out what’s wrong and what’s wrong. Like how Harry and Draco are 100% together, and find it comical that everyone on the fandom is painfully aware of or. That even JKR couldn’t write the gay away

🥀: Guess you can see this AU very meta. How the fandom literally took HP away from JKR and made it its own entity. How we just re wrote things, and accepted that. How her canon isn’t our canon. A love letter to the fandom if you will! : D

🥀: When using this concept, the hashtag is “ReallyHogwarts” it’s fun and simple. Along with effective! Please tag me if you make art/writings about it! It’s a fun little meta AU where you pretty much put your OCs/Canon characters in a setting like this. MC’s as well! Where they are following YOUR canon, and just hijinxs of wizards working in a place where muggles think it’s all fake.

🥀: Have fun with it! Let me see what crosses your mind! I’m excited! I’ll have art for this soon! : D Thanks for reading my little silly thing! Ask me any questions you have! Please!

#ReallyHogwarts #harry potter magic awakened #magic awakened #harry potter #hpma #hpma mc #hpma oc #roleplay #hp oc #harry potter oc #durmstrang #hp #hp magic awakened #Harry Potter au #au #meta #meta au #screw jkr #fuck jkr #our fandom now #our canon #jkr is trash #jkr slander #alternate universe #harry potter mystery #hogwarts fanfiction #hogwarts mystery #hogwarts legacy #harry potter fandom #harry potter fanfiction

[fanastraea]

Analyzing VegasPete as a Writer, Pt 2: Pete

Please check out the Part 1: Vegas post. I define some of the terms I’ll use here in that post. It also covers all the introductory stuff and usual disclaimers (my anxiety about sharing my opinions).

I’m excited and nervous to get to Pete. He doesn’t come out and say a lot of stuff the way that Vegas does. We don’t know as much about Pete. He’s also more self-aware than Vegas, which I discovered made his want and need a little more nuanced. So this took more interpretation and sometimes just speculation. A lot of room for different opinions. There are some things I’m less sure of here, but I’ve done my best to see how I can make the puzzle pieces fit.

Pete’s Character Arc

COMFORT ZONE

I want to talk about Pete’s character arc in general, first. I wanted to see if I could fit it into Dan Harmon’s Plot Embryo, which is a modified version of the Hero’s Journey that I really like. It doesn’t fit perfectly. It was never intended to. But I always find this exercise helpful in gaining insight into the characters. It has also helps me as a writer understand how to use a formulas as a tool, not as a strict, literal outline. The Plot Embryo is helpful because it’s a big picture template and different kinds of structures can fit within it, but has limitations since it was designed by someone who mostly writes formula-driven episodic tv shows.

At the start of a character’s arc, they’re in their comfort zone. They’re living with their False Belief and their Fear. The coping mechanisms they’ve developed are basically working for them. They can succeed in this environment with those coping mechanisms. It works for the character, but only up to a point, because they’ll never grapple with their False Belief or overcome their Fear if they stay here.

For the first 9 episodes, Pete is in his comfort zone as a bodyguard for the main family. It’s the status quo for his life. The status quo is also stagnancy, which is why characters need to be pushed out of it so they can change. Pete is fine here, but he’s not GOOD. It’s just comfortable. Unchallenging. Why? Because everything he knows how to do to get by works for him here without pushing him to grow. That’s what a character’s comfort zone is. They’ve learned to deal with life in this place.

Pete is well-liked, respected, he’s a good bodyguard for the main family. Nothing here, in and of itself, will force him to change. No one really wants to see deeper than surface level. Pete wears a mask with everyone, using his big smile and cheerful demeanor to hide other parts of himself. It’s beneficial to him in this context, where there is an air of professional distance even among friends, and Tankhun (bless him) isn’t interested in or capable of pushing Pete into showing more of his genuine self. They all clearly care about each other, but it’s not an environment that encourages digging any deeper.

This is one thing I look at when I’m trying to articulate a character’s False Belief. What is it that’s working for Pete? He doesn’t reveal a lot of himself to others. He covers up a lot with a smile. We see that in a lot of different contexts so we understand that it’s not quite 100% genuine even when it isn’t 100% fake. He is hiding a lot of his real thoughts and feelings from others. So his False Belief has to be connected to why he hides himself. It has created a fear related to showing his real thoughts and emotions.

Michael Hauge refers to this as a character living in their Identity. Their identity is the version of themselves that they use to protect themselves from getting hurt (as opposed to their Essence, which is who they really are). It’s “emotional armor.” Pete’s Identity has two aspects: first, that he is a bodyguard, and second the mask that he is always happy, optimistic, cheerful. To understand a character’s Fear and False Belief, we have to try to understand how their Identity is protecting them. It’s another clue for our analysis.

INCITING INCIDENT, TRANSITION INTO CONFLICT ZONE

In episode 10 we get the inciting incident that pushes Pete out of his comfort zone and forces him to enter the conflict zone. For the character’s emotional arc, the important thing is that their coping mechanisms, their Identity, don’t work here. They will fail to achieve their goal if they stay in their Identity. If they cling to their False Belief, if they don’t overcome their Fear, they will fail to change and they remain stagnant. They won’t get what they need. The conflict zone isn’t a physical place. In a romance arc this zone is usually their relationship with the romantic interest. The conflict zone for Pete is his relationship with Vegas. This is the context in which he will face his Fear and change so that this conflict zone will become part of his new comfort zone in the end.

For Pete, the torture scene is the transition into the conflict zone. Dan Harmon originally called these zones Order vs Chaos. Pete has a sense of order in his life as a bodyguard. But when he is at the safe house with Vegas, he’s no longer there as a bodyguard. Vegas forces him out of that role by going outside the accepted rules of engagement. A bodyguard can be tortured for information, can be killed. Pete knows this and is prepared.  When Vegas takes him to the safe house for his own personal gratification (disobeying his father’s orders), he’s going outside the system that Pete has felt secure in, where there is a sense of order. Where Pete knew how to survive and cope in his Identity.

THE STRUGGLE/SEARCH

The next phase of the character arc is the struggle or the search. The character is searching for the thing that they want (knowing this will help identify what Pete wants vs what he needs when I talk about that later). The character has to adapt to the conflict zone, but they will fail while they still fall back on their old false belief and give in to their fear. Or while they still live in their Identity. For Pete, this is in episode 11, when we see him struggling as Vegas’s prisoner. The inciting incident has given him the goal to either escape or die. That is what his Motive Goal, the thing he wants, the thing that drives him to act after his inciting incident. He tries different strategies to achieve this, but he will always fail as long as he is still in his Identity.

We see how Pete’s bodyguard skills don’t help him with Vegas. He tries to escape, but Vegas is just playing with him. He tries refusing to cooperate. He’s acting like a prisoner, the way a bodyguard should be acting. This gets him punished and severely injured but kept alive for Vegas to use to vent his anger.

The beauty of how Pete’s character arc works within the VegasPete romance arc, is that his Identity as a bodyguard, doesn’t work here because it’s exactly what will help keep Vegas in HIS emotional armor. Pete putting up the bodyguard front is exactly the excuse Vegas needs to keep taking out his pain on Pete. To use him for “emotional projection.” This is what I love about great romantic arcs. This is what I always loved about the romance genre. To show how two people are going to be perfect for each other, we also see that they are the worst for each other if they stay in their Identity. Their Identities complement each other, reinforce each other, and without change they could stay right here indefinitely.

ADAPTING

The character now has to start adapting to Chaos or the Conflict Zone. A couple things help this along for Pete. First, Gun keeps visiting to slap his son around and call him a failure. And Pete’s health deteriorates which prompts Vegas to make the choice to take care of him. Pete’s health prevents Vegas from using his usual level of physical violence for a while. This gives both of them some space to actually deal with one another. Pete learns more about Vegas, which allows him to adapt and start to have some success in the Conflict Zone (his relationship with Vegas).

Pete has obviously already dropped the pretense of being cheerful in the face of the abuse Vegas is inflicting on him. That’s one reason I know that particular mask isn’t the Identity he’s really hiding behind. It’s just one aspect of it. It’s one of the masks he wears. It’s the first he drops because it serves no purpose here. That’s part of why this conflict zone is so difficult and frightening.

The first real success is when Pete can also start to drop his Identity as a bodyguard. Vegas shows a little bit of his own vulnerability. In this scene, he connects with Vegas as a person and shares something personal about himself. He’s not The Bodyguard Prisoner or Smiling, Harmless Pete. It helps Vegas gain more insight into his own situation and starts to help him connect to Pete emotionally over their similar experiences. We see that this will also help Pete contextualize the way Vegas is treating him. I think most importantly for their relationship, Vegas is also receiving Pete’s empathy, the sort of understanding that he probably hasn’t experienced before.

CHANGE OF HEART

This isn’t enough, though. We know Pete has already been able to reach out to people this way because he does the same with Porsche a few times. This isn’t growth for Pete, though it is the start of his adapting to the Conflict Zone.  Throughout the rest of the time in the safe house, Pete continues to drop more of his mask. When he gives up the opportunity to escape and chooses to stay with Vegas, he is taking a huge step forward away from his Identity and into his Essence. He isn’t acting as a bodyguard here. His responsibility, his duty, is to return to the main family and tell them where to find Vegas. He’s starting to move away from what he wants and toward what he needs.

About halfway through a character arc, the character finds what they want and they either get it, or realize that they no longer want it. They have adapted to the Conflict Zone and learned how to survive there. They are still in the Conflict Zone, but this is when they transition from False Belief into a New Truth.  I’ve also seen this called a Change of Heart. In the Hero’s Journey this is called Meeting the Goddess. If we throw out the outdated gender stuff in the Hero’s Journey, the core of this is that the character finds the other half of themselves that give them something to make them whole. In the Plot Embryo, the Change of Heart is a moment when the character gives up their False Belief and comes to understand it was a lie. They’re able to embrace the truth. They can then start to have successes in the Conflict Zone. This is when the character stops losing to an antagonist, stops reacting to what the antagonist is doing, and starts being proactive. They win at least some of their battles now.

For Pete, this is when he chooses to stay with Vegas despite the opportunity to escape. They have a moment of connection and then they literally join together as two opposite energies, whether you want to call it dominant and submissive, or active and receptive, masculine and feminine, etc. In the Hero’s Journey terms, you could say that Pete is actually serving as the Goddess archetype for Vegas’s character arc, because he is the one providing a moment of nurturing and wisdom.  But since this is a romance story arc, it’s important that Vegas is doing something for Pete, too. Pete is joining with HIS opposite, the one who will help him see that his False Belief is a lie and will allow him to be his true self.

THE FALSE BELIEF AND THE FEAR

Now that we’re halfway through Pete’s character arc and over 2k words into this meta, what is Pete’s False Belief and his Fear?

Pete’s False Belief: My true self will not be accepted and loved by others.

Pete’s Fear: If I am useless, I won't have a place to belong because I won't be loved just for myself. What is it that Pete believes about himself that works for him with the main family but not with Vegas? It’s the way he guards himself from being known and understood with the main family. He drops the superficial part of that mask with Vegas. At first it’s not because he’s realized his False Belief is a lie, or because he’s gotten over his fear. That would be too quick. It’s because he has no need to be accepted and loved by Vegas (not yet). His goal changed when he entered the conflict zone. But he still relied on his Identity as a bodyguard to meet his goal.

The way Pete’s backstory contributes to his False Belief is more subtle than Vegas’s. We only get a hint at it.  Pete was never loved for who he was by his father. Whether Pete won or lost at boxing, his father took his anger and self-hatred out on him. We can guess that this violent childhood is what made Pete the way he is, that he probably had to be very cautious and observant to avoid his father’s anger to the extent that he could. We can speculate that he had to hide the abuse, too, behind a cheerful smile. And that he became afraid that if anyone saw what he was really like, what was really happening, they wouldn’t like what they saw. Maybe they wouldn’t be able to handle it. This eventually solidified into his False Belief.

FEAR

The False Belief leads to a specific fear. Pete gives us a hint about his fear when he tells Vegas that he feels useless. That he’s always been useless. If you have a character who doesn’t think his real self will be loved or accepted, being useful is one way for that character to secure a sense of belonging with others, especially if they are looking for the safety of a stable life. And it’s part of Pete’s nature to want to belong. Pete could never gain his father’s love and acceptance, even if he was useful, so at some point he became a bodyguard for the Theerapanyakul family. There, being useful was exactly what helped him succeed.

I think that with these deep fears, they are so frightening because part of us thinks that our fear is already reality. Pete is obviously not useless as a bodyguard, but he grew up feeling useless to his father. Some part of him will always feel useless, and it makes him afraid because that will lead to the loss of the relationships and stability he’s found in his life.  This is the problem a character has when they continue to believe in their False Belief. They live in this fear.

Pete’s change of heart is handled subtly. What indicates that he’s finally seeing his False Belief as a lie? I think it’s mostly symbolized in the actions he takes. First, he gives up his Identity to act in his Essence – his true self – when he stays to comfort Vegas instead of escaping. How does he show that he’s realizing the lie of “My true self will not be accepted and loved by others?” By giving his true self to Vegas. The side of him Vegas wants to see (“How do you like it?”). The self he presents to the world wouldn’t kiss Vegas, mafia’s most canceled problematic person. He definitely wouldn’t so enthusiastically give himself to Vegas, known bad person. But he does. He shows Vegas his real feelings in his desire for him. Symbolically, giving Vegas the rope to tie his wrists, letting Vegas bind his ankles with chains, his eager gripping of the chains, is Pete giving Vegas his real self, being completely vulnerable to the rejection he fears most. He trusts that Vegas, at least, will accept him.

Want & Need

At the start of his character arc, Pete wants to belong with the main family. At the start of the show, his want is actually being met, but it’s taken away when he leaves his comfort zone. Unlike Vegas, Pete had what he wanted and could have it again after he escapes. But what Pete wanted wasn’t what he needed. Think about the way food is used in Pete’s story – he breaks the rules to eat food from his Grandmother. Food that he loves. From someone he loves, who loves him. It’s food for him. Contrast with food provided by the main family to the bodyguards. Purely functional. Pete accepts it, but doesn’t enjoy it. Then Vegas is the one to give him food that he loves. Made for him, to care for him. Food as an expression of love is something that Pete values and something he lacks with the main family. He gets basic nourishment from the main family but he’s not really nourished.

What Pete actually needs is Vegas’s love, just like Vegas needs Pete’s love. (We know this partly because it’s a very good romance plot and that’s just how they do). Pete doesn’t have to be useful to have Vegas’s love (again, just like Vegas doesn’t have to earn Pete’s love). Pete can belong to Vegas, because Vegas needs someone to take care of. Each needs to have what the other is finally capable of giving once they’ve left behind their Identity.  Getting this need met is now in sight for Pete.

SACRIFICE

But Pete’s story isn’t over yet. The next section of the Plot Embryo is Sacrifice. Our character has had their revelation they have to pay a cost for their final victory. This is where the hero in the Hero’s Journey often has a symbolic (or literal) death. Think of every time the hero of a movie appears to die to achieve their final victory and then turns out to actually be alive. This is the symbolic death the journey requires for true growth.

This is where it gets really interesting for Pete. Pete has a sort of false sacrifice when he finally leaves Vegas and the safe house. He’s giving in to his fear of being useless (he has nothing to offer Vegas except himself, and Vegas’s emotional abuse is taking a toll on his ability to do even that). He fails to truly shed his bodyguard Identity. He tries to return to it. It’s a setback.

But it’s the right thing to do.

Because as I said in Part 1, Vegas isn’t ready to overcome his fear either. Vegas is panicked at the thought that Pete will leave him. And while he starts to take a step to allow Pete his freedom anyway, he’s obviously too fragile to allow Pete true choice. In a way, Pete goes through an emotional death here, as he sacrifices the self he can be with Vegas to try to return to his Identity. But he isn’t instantly reborn like Indiana Jones climbing back up from the cliff, alive after all. Pete spends enough time in this death to realize what he’s lost, and he isn’t reborn until he resigns as a bodyguard.

Resigning will be his true sacrifice. The cost of having Vegas will be giving up his life with the Theerapanyakul family.

NEW NORMAL

The Plot Embryo is a circle. A cycle. The hero returns to the comfort zone from the conflict zone. But once the hero has achieved their goal and gotten what they need, their comfort zone has changed. It now includes what used to be the conflict zone. Because a story like this is about a character learning how to adapt and succeed in the conflict zone. Think of it like learning to swim. A deep pool is a conflict zone for someone who can’t swim. Going into the water is going into this conflict zone. But once they learn how to swim, their comfort zone includes deep pools. It doesn’t mean they don’t have any more problems. But they have a higher quality of problem. Like: the ocean.

In the Hero’s Journey, this is often called The Road Back. It’s not an easy path. There are consequences of going through their ordeal in the conflict zone.

Pete is on this path when he escapes from the safe house.  He does know how to succeed in the conflict zone, in his relationship with Vegas. He knows that being himself, letting go of his Identity, and being real with Vegas is what will work with him. But there are external forces working against them as well as their emotional conflict. They just don’t have the opportunity to choose one another yet, but when they meet behind the bar I think Pete  moves into his new normal. They won’t kill each other. There is an acknowledgement of their feelings, their desire for one another. Only external forces (the man taking garbage out from the bar) can interfere. They might still have some things to sort out but they want to.

RESURRECTION (FINAL SACRIFICE)

The Plot Embryo simplifies and smooshes down some of this back half of the Hero’s Journey, but Pete doesn’t take any shortcuts so I had to go back to the original. Here there is one final test of the hero. They have to prove they learned what they needed to learn in their conflict zone. Pete proves that here by resigning his position and using what he learned to connect with Vegas as only he could. He gave up his Identity as a bodyguard because he learned it wasn’t what he needed. He overcame his fear when he asked Vegas to take care of him. He couldn’t truly connect with Vegas by being useful (“I’m here, Vegas”). Instead, he had to give up his reliance on being useful and ask Vegas to take care of him.

FLOURISH

The hospital scene. We get one final moment for Pete to officially tell Vegas he wants to stay with him. And we get a view of the way the story has all been worthwhile. Here the character is in a happy period. There will be new problems, but not yet. For now they get to enjoy the rewards they earned by overcoming their fears and letting go of their Identity.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS (MY SOAPBOX)

On first viewing, I understood that they had constructed an incredible romance plot but it wasn’t until fully diving into it that I saw just how beautiful the story is.

This is why calling a fictional relationship PROBLEMATIC, or toxic, or talking about it in terms that would apply to real life people fails to get at what a story is actually doing.

The torture and abuse Pete goes through symbolically represents the breaking down of his emotional armor to allow him to confront his False Belief. Yes, the story uses dark, violent imagery for this. But that’s often how it can feel when someone is pushing past the defense mechanisms we have in place. Changing ourselves, growth, letting others in to see us, all of that is absolutely terrifying. It can feel just as frightening as physical violence.

Stories are not real life. Characters are not real people. Even entertaining, “silly” stories can be vehicles for writers to share ideas about human nature, what it means to be challenged, to face our fears, to grow, to have relationships. We do learn from fiction, but not simple moral lessons. By experiencing what a character experiences, we are also, in a way, helping ourselves to deal with our own conflict zones. By seeing how a character faces their False Belief, we can get a glimpse of our own. Stories can help us learn a lot about ourselves and about other people. But not through surface-level declarations that something is problematic or has toxic relationships.

End of soapbox rant.

Finally, here is a picture of some horny VegasPete kissing as thank you for reading down to the end.

#vegaspete #kinnporsche the series #pete phongsakorn #vegas kornwit theerapanyakun #KinnPorsche meta #VegasPete meta #Character Analysis #Over 4k words #who let this happen #I am obsessed with this relationship #stop describing fictional relationships as problematic challenge

[phantomdecibel]

Thank you so much <3

Personal answers aren't for anon, unfortunately :/

I think that I'm bothering a few people, both on here and irl, who are too nice to tell me that I'm annoying them. Because irl I see their expressions when they think I'm not looking. It doesn't seem like I'm wanted around.

And on here, well... I don't know, it seems like I'm troubling people every time I go say hi, or @ them in something, stuff like that. They have their own lives and I'm just, well, here

Sorry if it's a lot

-🌺

Aw shit :(

I get that – feeling unwanted can really make you feel awful and mess you up. It can be good to keep in mind that the only way to know what they’re thinking is to ask (which yeah, that’s terrifying haha). Sure, you can’t know if they’re thinking anything good about you, but you also can’t know if they’re thinking anything bad! Unfortunately there is always the risk that someone we adore doesn’t quite feel the same (I mean this platonically if that’s not obvious lol), but there could also be a million reasons why they’re making faces!

They could be working themselves really hard outside of when they see you, and are exhausted, but don’t want to bother you, so they try and smile and act like nothings wrong, until they think you can’t see them, because they don’t want to worry you, or bring down the mood.

It could be that they’ve got work or school or a sport they don’t want to do or they’re going to visit that one family member who always pushes their buttons whenever they see them after they’re done hanging out with you, and they’re thinking about that, and when they’re not talking to someone who makes them smile, it really distracts them and they make a face

Maybe that’s just their face, when they’re not really making any expression it looks like they’re frowning, or annoyed, so they always try to smile whenever someone’s looking. There’s a thousand different maybes

And here on tumblr – everyone has their own writing style, you can’t see expressions, etc etc. If you’re worried you’re bothering someone, send them an anon asking if they mind being @ ed or answering asks. I’m positive that the people you talk to care a great deal about you, and absolutely don’t mind you interacting with them :], we’re all just kinda hanging around

People can be exhausting, and terrifying, and confusing, but don’t give up on them, or yourself. Relationships of any kind take work and effort, even with the people you click with. You didn’t say you were going to and you didn’t ask for advice, so sorry if this a a bit unsolicited, but from personal experience, don’t try and pull away from them (unless you don’t like them or the relationship is toxic). If they’re still hanging out with you then they probably do still like and care about you, plus, there might be comfort in loneliness, but it also hurts more than you ever expect. It really is terrifying, but communication can go a long way, even if it’s just asking them if they’re in the mood to talk, or listen to you talk, or if they’d prefer to just hang out in silence

And most importantly – we are human. We are here to annoy and bug our friends and family. Everyone hates to hear it, but we are here to be, at least somewhat of a burden. That is what friendship is; to hold and to be held up by others. Everyone wants to be there for the people we love but never let them do the same – but that’s not how a good, healthy relationship works. It is a mutual give and take, it works both ways.

Being a burden or annoying at times does not make us any less loved. It is not a bad thing. We, as humans, are meant to be held up by those who love us. We are meant to have a shoulder to cry on. We are not perfect, and we are loved regardless

Even if it doesn’t feel like it you are wanted. And as you grow and live, people will leave, and people will stay, and you will find new people to want you

And one day, you will laugh, and you will stare up at the stars and see that they are never alone, no matter how far apart they are, just like you. And you will smile, and you will call someone you love, and you will be wanted.

#nothing to apologize for dw!

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

This is basically a rant. So the post is going to be long.

I wish that the reason why Izuku doesn't hold a grudge on Bakugo was explain. Because he had tormented him for approximately ten years or so and I don't know anyone who would ever forgive their bully if they went through this personally.

On the subject of bullying. It's seems that everyone has different perspectives on it and I think this is Horikoshi's fault when he only showed a few moments of the bullying. There are those who probably believe that all Bakugou did push or shove Izuku around, which would have still made Izuku's life a living nightmare. And others who think that the bullying was more serious and I personally am on this side. Why? Because the first chapter opens up with five Bakugo and his friends beating up the defenseless Izuku. This implied to me that the bullying that Izuku would receive is serious. If Bakugo, at the age of five, resorted to gang up on Izuku to beat him up, then what's stopping him from continuing to do so as he gets older. When they are middle school, Bakugo does nothing more than ya know tell his victim to suicide. And yes, Horikoshi does say that he regrets writing that scene. But what the Bakugou apologists don't understand is that when Horikoshi was writing that scene, he had done it because he thought that Bakugou would actually do it. I mean it's his character isn't it.

This has many implications. First of all it seems that Bakugo had changed his bullying method from beating him up to emotional and mentally bringing him down. This doesn't mean that the bullying had gotten better. No I would say that this is way worse.

What I'm trying to say is that regardless of how severe you think it is, you have to acknowledge that what Izuku went through was nothing to joke about. Bullying seriously ruins a person life or the way they view themselves. It's not mutual bullying, in which the two people in this situation are equal, it's vastly one-sided.

People generally forget about the physical harm that they went through. Even if they do, they wouldn't remember the pain. But hurtful words will never be forgotten. The damage caused by verbal abuse is irreplaceable. Horikoshi does show this when he made Izuku refer to himself as "useless Deku." I hate that he thinks of himself this way. If Izuku's useless, then what does that make of Bakugo. Because last time I checked had done so many things that impacted the people in his world positively than Bakugo who spent this time yelling at others.

And to those who complained that the people who say that we don't read the manga or should stop complaining about Bakugo's redemption because Bakugo isn't our bully. Do you hear yourself? Do you not have characters that you hate as well? Not everyone has the same interpretation and stories are made in mind so that the audience can relate it to in some way. Like of course those who have been bullied are unsatisfied with the way that Horikoshi deals with the abuser and victim storylines. This is because he only gives introspection into the abuser and never focuses on the victims feeling.

The Todoroki family drama wasn't so bad because Horikoshi write Endeavor to have actual consequences. Such as the entirety of Japan finding out about his abuse and his popularity diminished. Even Hawks, his most loyal fan and hero partner, acts differently around Endeavor. Secondly, his family openly puts the blame on him and he doesn't try to argue back because he understands that it's all his fault. Thirdly, Endeavor wants his family to be happy, even if that means he has to be out of the picture, and he is ready to commit to it. Which are all real consequences. Call me an Endeavor apologist, but you have to understand that I don't think Endeavor is a goody two shoes who has done nothing wrong. He is an abuser and that cannot be ignored and I have no problem if someone doesn't like Endeavor because his arc isn't all that perfect. Horikoshi could have written it better. The only reason why I brought this up is because this is a better redemption arc that Horikoshi had created that I would be inclined to acknowledge as an actual redemption arc.

But Izuku and Bakugo's storyline is absolute dumpster fire. Izuku is only allowed to feel or say anything towards Bakugou that would help further his arc, not Izuku's. Izuku's feelings are also important in this redemption arc and without addressing them, it's not an actual redemption arc. It's an arc that only serves to uplift the abuser by not giving them actual consequences. Bakugo's ego being hurt here and there is not a part of his redemption arc. Even if Bakugo had become a better person than what he was before, how does that redeem him? Sure he's grown as a person, but what about how he treated Izuku? Because a pathetic apology is not going to fix the damage that he contributed to. Where is Bakugou putting in the effort to treat Izuku better? Has he told him that he was never a "useless Deku" and that he is a heroic person at heart, who deserves his spot in U.A? This wouldn't fix the damage that he had caused, but it would really help them to start over. But Bakugo still has to face the consequences of his actions until he has proven to everyone that he is willing to treat Izuku as a better person.

I'm not against redemption arcs, but if it's as poorly executed like this then there's no point to it. Keep the character the way they are.

Also a well written bully-victim dynamic would not make the victim as one of people at fault for what they went through. That's not how bullying works. All the blame should be on the bully.

Funny thing though, I really didn't have an opinion on Bakugo, until he fucking apologized in the most pathetic way possible and people took that as his redemption. It came out of nowhere with no build up and it still doesn't excuse his actions. I can't believe that I have to say that.

All of this. Beautifully said. I don’t need to add anything to this cause you explained why people hate Katsuki and why his story sucks.

#anti katsuki bakugou #anti bakugo katsuki #anti bakugo #anti bakugou #mha critical