#why is the i hate my spouse trope so common in media

[cometrose]

Exactly the only thing different is the genders, if they were reversed everyone would be on his side like you said we've seen this story a 100 times, not that there isn't a lot of misogyny in fandom spaces like all spaces and dramas still have room for improvement when it comes to female characters in general but the way fandom has changed these last few years is just crazy, no nuance no complexity nothing interesting just perfect characters or they will get eaten alive and when it comes to romance, all they want is endlessly devoted men the women and their actions don't even factor into it it's all omg he's such a green flag and she fell first he fell harder we've completely lost the ability to engage with media, everything becomes morality discourse for fake people. I don't remember how they phrased it but someone said the way these people engage with media is because the only activism they know is online they haven't done anything in real life which is why they think fictional characters and their actions are tantamount to what real people believe...

ooh this is such a good point and I agree truly.

Bullied by in-laws? Ignored by spouse? In any other story people would be rallying for HW to get on the quickest flight out of there (I mean I was lol)

There is still a lot of misogyny within fandoms and dramas themselves so I always try to be thoughtful when discussing female characters but god you're so right. We just want perfection from these characters all the time and some many people just want perfect tropes perfect characters and perfect stories all the time its exhausting.

I am repeating myself but I do like how they aren't hopelessly devoted to each other all the time. I've watched two dramas this year, Marry My Husband and Perfect Marriage Revenge, and both male leads are knee-on-the-ground, would do anything for their respective female leads and while i do like those boys I also don't mind a male lead that has contradictory emotions for his partner.

Like the biggest thing here is nuance, the truth is obvious from the beginning that Hyunwoo clearly loves Haein he has just buried that feeling under all this frustration and resentment that he can no longer recognize it. These people don't have perfectly good feelings or behaviors towards each other and I think that's fine.

Plus this is a story about an estranged married couple like how would there be drama if they were perfectly perfect partners to each other all the time? Even though they may love each other that love isn't enough to be a happy couple. Haein says that she did not write Hyunwoo in the will because she wished to marry him as soon as possible and had to get through her mother first essentially leaving him high and dry but they were so in love it didn't matter. Like noooo these complexities are interesting plus it is so common for spouses to grow to hate each other and seeing there relationship grounded in some aspect of reality is a fresh change. I welcome it.

Don't get me started on morality politics on social media, the first two eps dropped I went on twitter saw one discussion tweet and knew I couldn't stay there it would drive me crazy. People are always trying to idolize someone these days, to find some perfect thing or unproblematic item to worship unconditionally instead of just accepting some things are fundamentally flawed and discussing their strengths and weaknesses.

#queen of tears #like its so hard to talk about less than perfect characters when everyone defaults to extremes #oh hes not perfect? he must be abusive and you like abusive dynamics NOOOOOO NOOO NOOOOO STOPPPPPP #like i do wish to see if their love can overcome this situation #the situation in question being themselves #like im defending hw because this is hypocrisy! you guys would be on his side if you switched the pronouns around guys!!! #ive read too many webtoons #sheesh

[lesbian-in-leather]

I know I say this all the time but I am obsessed with Nadja and Laszlo's relationship

Laszlo gets drunk as shit and all he wants is to see his wife

Nadja, mad with power, argues to overturn her own sentence just so her husband can win a case

They're so in love and for such an unwholesome pair, their love is genuinely so soft and pure and I'm never going to be over it

#why is the i hate my spouse trope so common in media #when instead we could have countless iterations of whatever the fuck they have going on #nadja and laszlo are on par with mortica and gomez #i adore them #wwdits #wwdits season 3 #wwdits spoilers #nadja of antipaxos #laszlo cravensworth #nadja x laszlo #laszlo x nadja

[nancylou444]

I tried to be nice

Replies to this post:

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Became this:

THEM:  hi! thanks for the answers I really appreciate the discussion. normally if someone ships something I don’t like or something like that, I’ll just leave them alone but.. just to be clear I completely respect all of your opinions, even agree with some of them, even if we might disagree on the incest and Castiel haha. So I don’t mean any disrespect with this at all, please let me know if I’m out of line though!  

 But... I saw some things you said, and they come across to me in a way that I don’t think you intended? I feel really awkward sending this haha, you’re very nice and I don’t think you said anything on purpose, but I just.. wanted to let you know that some of the things regarding your opinion on certain characters come across not very well? I don’t think it’s intentional or anything, and I don’t mean to call you out at all which is why I didn’t want to point it out in the replies y’know?  

 Don’t get me wrong though, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not liking castiel or destiel. I’ve been watching the show for a while with my dad, and he isn’t a huge fan either, I don’t think that’s a problem :) 

I’d continue without waiting for a response but I don’t want to say something you’ve already been told, or continue without knowing if I’ve said something out of line already 😅

ME:  I'm kind of distracted dealing with my Mom's rehab center. But you can keep going.

THEM: Alright! I’ve tried rephrasing this a million times but I don’t know how to make it seem not antagonistic. I promise I don’t mean that you’re doing it intentionally, it’s just, uh a lot of your criticism of spn feels like it could be read as homophobic? Again I don’t think YOU are I just wanted you to know it kind of reads that way!

That sounded so confrontational. I really don’t mean it that way 😭

ME: HOMOPHOBIC? Really? A lot of the 'proof' your fellow shippers use border on stereotypes but you think I'M homophobic? Considering my top two ships are Wincest and Malec. Yeah, sounds confrontational.

THEM:  I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I guess there’s no other way to say it, but I understand why you feel accused. What do you mean by proof..?

Also I don’t really think having gay ships means you can’t be homophobic. *I* used to be homophobic years ago, and I’m a gay person!

ME:  How old are you? https://nancylou444.tumblr.com/post/154098904136/a-guide-to-dean-winchesters-imaginary-bisexuality

THEM:  yeah this is starting to get frustrating. I’m gonna be real with you, why does it matter if people think dean is bisexual? like, bottom line, that is my question for you

and your answer will determine if your veracity is homophobic. why does it matter that some people think dean is bisexual. not the fans or actors or writers or anything. why does it matter that some viewers will watch, and they will think dean is bisexual?

ME:  My problem isn't that some people think he is bi IN FANON, my problem is that they want CONFIRMATION OF A FANON SHIP. And that some people DENY how the show ended. These same people think that fake weddings are more canon than the FINAL EPISODE.

THEM:  I get what you mean, but how is it a fanon ship when it’s confirmed romantic from one side, and interpretable as mutually reciprocated in Latin America? (I’m going to disregard the bit about the wedding, because I’m a firm believer in Neil Gaiman variety death of the author. Also that’s just people having fun with fanon, who cares?)

ME:  Confirmed romantic?By whom MISHA, who wanted to sell necklaces? Have you never said 'i love you' to a FRIEND or FAMILY member? The dub is not canon, so don't even try using that as proof. Death of the author is just another way of saying MY VIEW OF THE SHOW IS SUPERIOR TO HOW THE CREATOR WANTS TO SEE IT. Jensen has said many times that the ship isn't canon and that Dean is straight. But it's better to believe what Misha says because he agrees with you. You think somebody is bi because of how they sit or the color clothes they wear? That would make YOU homophobe.

THEM:  LOL You know what? I change my answer. I looked through your blog and you ACTIVELY and viscously hate Cas, Charlie, Claire, Kaia and the implication that Jack may not be straight. You’ve said Cas coming out as gay and in love with dean makes the rest of his actions predatory, compared him to a teenage girl, called him creepy, and openly rejoiced in your idea that dean looked ‘disgusted with him’. You said that Claire is awful, that Kaia is a wooden plank, that they ‘shoved them together’ for ‘woke points’ and said that Jody saying Claire was IN LOVE WITH Kaia ‘doesnt count’ and called it ‘lip service’. And it doesn’t end there! After all this, you said that you preferred the old better s4 Claire. Is it because she was ostensibly straight? Are you uncomfortable with queer women? And then you have the audacity to use these characters (Claire and Kaia and Charlie) as reasons to epicly own the Hellers and claim they already have represention. You are a completely disingenuous bitch and I don’t care to be nice to you anymore! I don’t feel AT ALL charitable toward you anymore, and I don’t care if you have gay ships. Gay people aren’t here for you to fetishize! You CONSTANTLY mock and ridicule jokes made by queer people regarding deans bisexuality or Cas being gay or any number of things. You constantly reaffirm that Dean is straight and call people who think otherwise delusional and disgusting, while you think dean is in romantic sexual love with his male sibling. You are openly hostile to the idea of non-binary jack and were pissed that Alcal endorsed that. You devalue Jack’s value and relationship to Cas who is, textually, his father figure. I have NO reason not to think that you are homophobic. I don’t care anymore! You’re a huge bitch and, judging by your prior responses and posts, a genuine dialogue regarding queerness in spn is impossible. You regard any instance of canonically queer moments ‘lip service’ and so regard it. You actively hate every canonically gay character and degrade them using traditionally homophobic tropes and stereotypes.

Feel free to explain how you aren’t homophobic. I’m so sorry if I got the wrong impression.

ME: Wow I see your true colors have come out HELLER.

THEM:  Idc if you think I’m mean. Go ahead and make a post about me lol, have fun with it. Give me a moment to respond to your paragraph it’s... a lot to dissect.

I’ll touch on your comments about the dub and the Spanish language in a moment. First though

I ’m gonna be real with you, I don’t think you know what death of the author is. Neil Gaiman’s variety of the dead author principal is that once canon ends, the story belongs to those that consume and engage with it. That’s... also literally the theme of supernaturals final season. Anyway I really recommend you read up on death of the author and Neil Gaiman’s takes on fanon. It’s a fun way to consume your media, and in the end that’s what I’m here for.

I don’t care what Misha says, and I don’t care what Jensen says! I think they are both queer because I have eyes and watched the show. I think it’s a lovely narrative that is supported by canon, and it’s fine if you disagree with that

On your last sentence there... lol. It’s a common joke in queer circles that gays can’t sit properly, specifically bisexuals. Same thing with the clothing, it’s a SUPER common joke for example that lesbians wear flannel. Maybe you need to go outside and talk to some normal, non-incest shipping queer people. But what do I know!

And finally... ‘the Spanish dub isnt canon’

I am literally cuban. My first language is SPANISH. my entire household speaks Spanish, and my family past 1st cousins don’t speak any English. My Boricua cousins have watched supernatural in full for years, and they watch it in Spanish. Do you think America is the center of the universe? Do you think our media is somehow less than yours, that our interpretations of English language media isn’t valid? What, do you think we are idiots who don’t know how to analyze literature and media? Do you think the people who work at Telemundo, people employed as dubbers and translators, you think they do a worse job than the American crew?

Why, because they aren’t American or don’t speak English? ‘Te amo’ said to a non family member is, in 99% of any instance, ROMANTIC. it’s something you say to your spouse in serious situations like weddings!! Even MARRIED people don’t normally say te amo, everyone uses te quiero unless it is very serious or romantic in context.

All of my family who are Spanish language, they heard dean say ‘y a yo ti, cas’ and think that they were in romantic love. Sorry dude! The United States might be the center of your universe, but Latin America is HUGE. Spanish is one of the most spoken languages in the WORLD. In fact, more people speak Spanish than English. Sorry that you seem to hate gay characters SO MUCH you have to say an entire language somehow isn’t valid to consume media in!

ME: 

Obviously this heller is batshit crazy. 

Some of those things she thinks I said just show she has no idea how to follow a tumblr thread. 

You are a completely disingenuous bitch and I don’t care to be nice to you anymore! I don’t feel AT ALL charitable toward you anymore, and I don’t care if you have gay ships. Gay people aren’t here for you to fetishize! You CONSTANTLY mock and ridicule jokes made by queer people regarding deans bisexuality or Cas being gay or any number of things. You constantly reaffirm that Dean is straight and call people who think otherwise delusional and disgusting, while you think dean is in romantic sexual love with his male sibling.

Wow. 

I have NO reason not to think that you are homophobic. I don’t care anymore! You’re a huge bitch and, judging by your prior responses and posts, a genuine dialogue regarding queerness in spn is impossible. You regard any instance of canonically queer moments ‘lip service’ and so regard it. You actively hate every canonically gay character and degrade them using traditionally homophobic tropes and stereotypes.

Where have I hated canon gay characters and degraded them using tropes and stereotypes? The bitch has me confused with HER FELLOW SHIPPERS. 

Gotta love how she is defending the Spanish dub. Hit a nerve did I? 

It’s a common joke in queer circles that gays can’t sit properly, specifically bisexuals. Same thing with the clothing, it’s a SUPER common joke for example that lesbians wear flannel. Maybe you need to go outside and talk to some normal, non-incest shipping queer people.

Now who is using stereotypes? 

#destiehellers #batshit crazy #your headcanon doesn't mean shit dean is straight #dub doesn't make it canon

[lilikags]

That’s My Decision.

ೃ‧₊› a b o u t  t h i s  p o s t° ➮ Pairing: Kenma Kozume x fem! reader ➮ Series: Back to Me ➮ Tags: fluff, royal au, reincarnation au ➮ Part: 9 ➮ Word Count: 1602

-- Kenma's POV --

His mom had given him a week to decide- a week to settle on a lifelong partner. That didn't really seem like much, but to most people during that time, getting a choice would be a blessing. Most marriages were often arranged by parents, who took several factors into consideration when choosing a partner for their child. It was common belief that one should trust their parents, and the parents must choose a partner best for their child. Children sometimes had a say with the decision, but it really depended on the family. In any case, it was rare for anyone to choose their own spouse.

Kenma had an easy decision- really there wasn't anything to "debate" on, really. Sure, Langelica could probably help him with his work better than y/n, but he figured he and y/n would be able to figure it out. After all, y/n was responsible (enough), and nothing really seemed to change too much. He felt no connection with Langelica, and he couldn't really care. Probably, with y/n's last letter to him describing her and Langelica's recent pleasant conversations, he'd have her as an advisor or something; that would be good. Plus, he and y/n were soulmates, shouldn't that be enough of a reason?

He absolutely hated where he was going- well, more like what he was going to do. He knew he had the final say, but it was just really hard to say, "I chose y/n and that's it." He absolutely knew his mom was going to try to persuade him to choose someone else, probably Langelica or even Daphne- he saw his mother show some partialness to Daphne at some times.

As he entered his mother's office, he took a look at one of the guards with a nervous face, which almost said, "Uh-", and took a seat on one of the fancy chairs she kept in this room. She got to him right away after she sent a guard to deliver some papers she had just signed.

"You've decided, yes?" she started, with a serious expression. Anyone could tell she was expecting one of the few people in her mind. "Yes. y/n- I chose y/n," Kenma said, expecting some sort of look of disappointment from his mother's face. The queen wasn't particularly surprised, but she was definitely thinking, "Why?" She knew y/n and Kenma had seemed to share some kind of bond, somehow, which she never really understood, other than thinking that it must've had to do with the whole soulmate thing. "Oh? Why?" she crossed her arms and leaned back, ready to listen to a whole story of "excuses".

Kenma brought out the reasons he had brought to the table, while being interrogated by his mother. She was sharp, always finding some sort of hole in the argument. Most debatable topics had some sort of hole, weak point, etc.- and she had the ability to find that weakness in the point. One could say it was perceptiveness. The more he talked about y/n, the more he revealed about the bond you two had. He tried using the soulmate excuse, but his mother wouldn't believe in the whole excuse thing. Even though she had heard it herself from the High Priest, she still believed that a Queen was to be made from hard work, not something decided by the Goddess. She still believed in her, as that was her religion, but she was not as religious as everyone else.

Kenma had brought up the point of "y/n knowing him very well", and his mother crossed her arms once again, "Oh?" He knew he messed up and had to tell her. Well, it would be a good argument point anyways. So, he lowered his guard, and started to tell her his whole past- the secret he and y/n had shared. He was nervous about telling her, but it would really help him win the argument. With telling the story, actually quite messily but still getting the point across just fine, his mother started to believe him a bit, especially with the "it happened because we're soulmates" reason for reincarnation.

The Queen still wasn't sure if her son was making it up- she had no idea why he would choose y/n out of all the options he had, and she didn't necessarily trust y/n as much as Langelica. It could have been a scheme by her parents, people whom she didn't trust as much as well. Giving up on the position long ago and suddenly working hard for it- seemed suspicious to her.

-- Y/N's POV --

You were reading some novels in your room. It was the closest you had to anything immersive; video games, social media, light novels, anime- those weren't available and that was just sad. Well, there wasn't anything you could do about it anyways. The only thing you could do was do the best you could and find an interesting novel to read. The most popular trope these days was the one about a commoner becoming a princess- which probably described the mass's desire to become rich and royalty. Well, having money would be nice, you supposed.

"Lady y/n, her majesty has arrived," Elisa informed you.

"Wha-" you blinked, not expecting this at all. Results were supposed to come at around this time, yes, but it was to be sent out by mail. For what reason would she have to come here herself, in person?

You hurried to the front door to greet her immediately, not caring how frantic you looked to the servants. You told them to prepare some tea in the guest room, anything was fine. You caught your breath as you neared the front door, as to not look as frantic in front of her highness, and greeted her with a curtsy, "Welcome, your majesty."

She greeted your back with a quick nod, less than what she would usually do. That really couldn't be good. You led her to the guest room, anxious to hear what she had to say to you. The small amount of words she was speaking was unusually small, which was definitely scary. The two of you sat down and the tea was served.

"I have a question," she started off, taking a sip of her tea. You nodded. "How close are you with Kenma?"

You took a long sip of your tea. Does she know? Did he tell her?  You really didn't have much of an idea, but the look in her eye told you "I know something here". So, you decided to start general, and work your way to the point. You started off with what people already knew, so the lady sitting across you changed her question, "Do you believe in soulmates?" With that question, you were really sure about what she wanted to know. Lying would definitely be counted as treason, and the punishments for treason.... were not pretty to say the least.

And so, you told her like you would a story. You started from the beginning, working your way through your history. At first, you started off a bit general; there wasn't much need to go into much detail anyways. You described how you first met when you were at school. You saw him around sometimes, but you really never talked to him that much, until you joined the boy's volleyball club as their manager. You didn't really want to be interrogated; it would be best if you could say as much as she wanted, but no more and no less, though you did get a bit sidetracked and told a couple more than enough funny stories of little antics and pranks that happened within the team. You started to talk with more affection, expressing your care for each one in the team, especially for Kenma when you got to him. You also ended up expressing your gratitude to Yaku, who literally saved your sanity by taking care of the rest of the rambunctious boys on the team.

She listened on with a straight expression on her face, which one could tell that she was also thinking about Kenma's story. She was definitely thinking about how they lined up; this wasn't made up at all. And some of the ideas described and lifestyle were so different than in the kingdom that she doubted that anyone could come up with a life like that. One would need to be an extraordinary author to do so, especially because it just seemed so foreign to the ideas of the time of the kingdom.

By the time you were done, it was already time for dinner, and you could smell the food waiting for you. It was one of your favorites, (fav meal), and you couldn't wait. You invited your guest over for dinner and she refused, saying that it was time for her to head back to the palace. You waved her goodbye, and headed to the dining room for dinner.

A couple of days later, you received an invitation to the palace. You headed there, expecting to see all the other remaining candidates there, but you were the only one led into the waiting room. Perhaps she wanted to see you individually. After a few minutes, Kenma walked in, surprisingly, and sat next to you. Her highness showed up too, and smiled warmly, "Congratulations." He rested his head on your shoulder, continuing to fiddle with the marble maze thing that he had discovered recently. You smiled softly at him, missing the physical affection the two of you had before.

『••✎••』 Extra Info * ˚ ✦ ⇢ If you haven’t read the other parts, find them here! * ˚ ✦ ⇢ Taglist: [n/a] If you would like to be on my taglist, send me an ask! // if you do not specify what you would like to be tagged for, I will be putting you on my general taglist!

A/N: I FINALLY GOT THIS DONE OAJEAISJEOFJSOAFJOSEJAJ I totally didn't put up an ask event on my tumblr and it was totally not only one person who participated... Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter and the series is nearing its end, wow

#back to me #kenma kozu #kenma kozume x read #haikyuu x reader #soulmate au