Holy shit! Doom spiral.
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So this lottery ticket case is almost as dumb as the ugly baby one… Is this gonna be a regular occurrence in this book 💀
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10 characters I am attracted to!
Tagged by @densofyarrow ... ten days ago.
This is really hard because I am rarely attracted to fictional characters? I didn't manage to find ten... also many of them are... thin cases. Also I ship many of them with other characters which will instantly mute my attraction. XD ... so no guarantee about the order.
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#10 ??????? idk I’d probably find another One Piece Character. Maybe just Oscar from Syberia? But then I kind of ship him with Kate so that would be weird too... idk.
#09 Bobby Fulbright - Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies (don’t question this............ Bobby ;_; we hardly knew you... or maybe we did.)
#08 Boromir - Lord of the Rings (Book version ... yeah... when I got older he became more interesting? idk)
#07 Vimes - Discworld books (like... It’s him or Vetinari if you’re into men, let’s be real! But also Vimes/Sybil = OTP)
#06 Hannemann - Fire Emblem Three Houses (I do ship him with Manuela but... I dig the gentleman scholar vibes.)
#05 Ponder - Discworld books (I like my men either lawful and/or loyal and/or good and/or so fucking nerdy that couldn't function in the real world)
#04 Vice-Admiral Momonga - One Piece (There is just something about him... idk)
#03 Dedue - Fire Emblem Three Houses (There is a trend of me enjoying to romance the right hand man of the "main characters")
#02 Kuririn - Dragon Ball Z (so the adult version... fml I had a real crush on him... I just remembered that I got really upset when I learned that he was together with Android 18... lmao. I was young. Also in reality I’m more attracted to men who are around my own height... so... that was the first indicator for that?)
#01 Mr. Husbando: Frederick - Fire Emblem Awakening
Please I need me a freak like that. And with freak I mean a battle butler who loves fire as much as I do and is too loyal for his own good.
Damn I wish he was real and I could have him.
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I tag no one, because I don’t want to annoy anyone. But you can always tag me, I don’t mind! Thank you!
Oh wait... @burning-peanut if you want to?
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your desires are already here. and that's a fact.
some of y'all are stressing over manifestion too much that you're not even seeing your desires. guess what? you already had your desires. there's NO point of getting to a void, know millions of techniques of manifestions and it doesn't work for you. you are the method.
stop thinking your 3d is where your ''desires'' manifest''
your 3d is just a reflection or some say a mirror of your entire life while 4d is a higher version of you but all your thoughts, desires manifest fully. Here's the problem… you only manifest in the 3d because your mindset isn't like ''oh, I already have it in my 4d, why should I manifest it in my 3d?''. the reason you're not seeing your manifesting is just because you're not acknowledging the fact you already have your desire no matter WHAT happens.
yes, it's so discouraging to see that your 3d isn't like your 4d and I get it, frustrating. but you already have your desire? so why are you still complicating the fact you don't? tell your conscious mind that you have all your desires and is a fact. you could be stressing out '' oh why don't I see my desires? I tried everything but nothing works?'' it's not you that you did something wrong…you're just not thinking how everything is already yours.
let's get an example rq
say you want to manifest a whole new book…but wait. you already have the desired book, so why should I manifest again?
say you want to manifest for an all full pencil. but wait, you already have a pencil, so why should you manifest it again?
put those two examples with your own desires. why would you keep on manifesting on it when you know it's yours? even if the 3d literally hatreds you, everything you think literally manifest quickly. that's why you're a master manifestor.
''the methods don't work like magic because you're not magic, but you are magic because you are the method.''
methods of manifestion only work when you have the ability to work with them. no I'm not saying some people have the ability to manifestation (which is silly since everyone manifests no matter if they like it or not) the thing I'm saying is that…you have the ability to work with any method is when you finally know all you have to do is work on you. say you tried the 369 method for the first time but it didn't work. now you tried the 555 method and it didn't work. now you're asking yourself ''did this method is just trash or what?'' the methods aren't trash, you are just the ''problem''
why would you think everyone that tried the 369 and the 555 method for what reason? they know that the method isn't writing but them own selves. you can be the method. you can change your own life just within a second. you can change your reality so easy that all you needed is YOURSELF.
why should you be spending HOURS on affirming the same thing repeatedly when you can change when you only change your thoughts to how you got your desire and it's an entire fact?? just affirming isn't going to get you NOWHERE. it might do something but not the result you expect; you have 4d and 3d. you make up stuff in your 4d because it is real TO YOU. if it's real to you, then it's real in the 3d. easy-peasy.
“All you can possibly need or desire is already yours. You need no helper to give it to you; it is yours now. Call your desires into being by imagining and feeling your wish fulfilled. As the end is accepted, you become totally indifferent as to possible failure, for acceptance of the end wills the means to that end…''
Neville Goddard, Feeling is the Secret
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While I'm writing things that I've been intending to write for a while... one of the things that I think that a lot of people who haven't been involved in like... banking or corporate shenaniganry miss about why our economy is its current flavor of total fuckery is the concept of "fiduciary duty to shareholders."
"Why does every corporation pursue endless growth?" Fiduciary duty to shareholders.
"Why do corporations treat workers the way they do?" Fiduciary duty to shareholders.
"Why do corporations make such bass-ackwards decisions about what's 'good for' the company?" Fiduciary duty to shareholders.
The legal purpose of a corporation with shareholders -- its only true purpose -- is the generation of revenue/returns for shareholders. Period. That's it. Anything else it does is secondary to that. Sustainability of business, treatment of workers, sustainability and quality of product, those things are functionally and legally second to generating revenue for shareholders. Again, period, end of story. There is no other function of a corporation, and all of its extensive legal privileges exist to allow it to do that.
"But Spider," you might say, "that sounds like corporations only exist in current business in order to extract as much money and value as possible from the people actually doing the work and transfer it up to the people who aren't actually doing the work!"
Yes. You are correct. Thank you for coming with me to that realization. You are incredibly smart and also attractive.
You might also say, "but Spider, is this a legal obligation? Could those running a company be held legally responsible for failing their obligations if they prioritize sustainability or quality of product or care of workers above returns for shareholders?"
Yes! They absolutely can! Isn't that terrifying? Also you look great today, you're terribly clever for thinking about these things. The board and officers of a corporation can be held legally responsible to varying degrees for failing to maximize shareholder value.
And that, my friends, is why corporations do things that don't seem to make any fucking sense, and why 'continuous growth' is valued above literally anything else: because it fucking has to be.
If you're thinking that this doesn't sound like a sustainable economic model, you're not alone. People who are much smarter than both of us, and probably nearly as attractive, have written a proposal for how to change corporate law in order to create a more sensible and sustainable economy. This is one of several proposals, and while I don't agree with all of this stuff, I think that reading it will really help people as a springboard to understanding exactly why our economy is as fucked up as it is, and why just saying 'well then don't pursue eternal growth' isn't going to work -- because right now it legally can't. We'd need to change -- and we can change -- the laws around corporate governance.
This concept of 'shareholder primacy' and the fiduciary duty to shareholders is one I had to learn when I was getting my securities licenses, and every time I see people confusedly asking why corporations try to grow grow grow in a way that only makes sense if you're a tumor, I sigh and think, 'yeah, fiduciary duty to shareholders.'
(And this is why Emet and I have refused to seek investors for NK -- we might become beholden to make decisions which maximize investor return, and that would get in the way of being able to fully support our people and our values and say the things we started this company to say.)
Anyway, you should read up on these concepts if you're not familiar. It's pretty eye-opening.
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Why have I tried to create love that isn’t there?
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Hey bestie whats a narrow boat? I saw you tag that on something you reblogged and I'm pretty curious now!
- Terry Darlington, Narrow Dog to Carcassone
A narrowboat (all one word) is a craft restricted to the British Isles, which are connected all over by a nerve-map of human-made canals. To go up and down hills, the canals are spangled with locks (chambers in which boats can be raised or lowered by filling or emptying them with water.) As Terry says above, the width of the locks was somewhat randomly determined, and as a result, the British Isles have a narrow design of lock - and a narrowboat to fit through them. A classic design was seventy feet long and six feet wide. Starting in the 18th century, and competing directly with trains, canal “barges” were an active means of transport and shipping. They were initially pulled along the towpaths by horses, and you can still see some today!
Later, engines were developed.
Even after the trains won the arms race, it was a fairly viable freight service right up until WW2. It’s slow travel, but uses few resources and requires little human power, with a fairly small crew (of women, in WW2) being capable of shifting two fully laden boats without consuming much fossil fuel.
In those times the barges were designed with small, cramped cabins in which the boaters and their families could live.
During its heyday the narrowboat community developed a style of folk art called “roses and castles” with clear links to fairground art as well as Romani caravan decor. They are historically decorated with different kinds of brass ornaments, and inside the cabins could also be distinctively painted and decorated.
Today, many narrowboats are distinctively decorated and colorful - even if not directly traditional with “roses and castles” they’ll still be bright and offbeat. A quirky name is necessary. All narrowboats, being boats, are female.
After a postwar decline, interest in the waterways was sparked by a leisure movement and collapsing canals were repaired. Today, the towpaths are a convenient walking/biking trail for people, as they connect up a lot of the mainland of the UK, hitting towns and cities. Although the restored canals are concrete-bottomed, they’re attractive to wildlife. Narrowboats from the 1970s onward started being designed for pleasure and long-term living. People enjoy vacationing by hiring a boat and visiting towns for a cuter, comfier, slower version of a campervan life. And a liveaboard community sprang up - people who live full-time on boats. Up until the very restrictive and nasty laws recently passed in the UK to make it harder for travelling peoples (these were aimed nastily at vanlivers and the Romani, and successfully hit everyone) this was one of the few legal ways remaining to be a total nomad in the UK.
Liveaboards can moor up anywhere along the canal for 28 days, but have to keep moving every 28 days. (Although sorting out the toilet and loading up with fresh water means that a lot of people move more frequently than that.) you can also live full-time in a marina if they allow it, or purchase your own mooring. In London, where canal boats are one of the few remaining cheapish ways to live, boats with moorings fetch the same prices as houses. It can be very very hard for families to balance school, parking, work, and all the difficulties of living off-grid- but many make it work. It remains a diverse community and is even growing, due to housing pressures in the UK. Boats can be very comfortable, even when only six feet wide. When faced with spending thousands of pounds on rent OR mooring up on a nice canal, you can see why it seems a romantic proposition for young people, and UK television channels always have slice-of-life documentaries about young folks fixing up their very own quirky solar-powered narrowboat. I don’t hate; I did it myself.
If you’re lucky, you might even meet some of the cool folks who run businesses from their narrowboats: canal-side walkers enjoy bookshops, vegan bakeries, ice-cream boats, restaurants, artists and crafters. There are Floating Markets and narrowboat festivals. It’s generally recognised that boaters contribute quite a lot to the canal - yet there are many tensions between different kinds of boaters (liveaboards vs leisure boaters vs tourists) as well as tensions with local settled people, towpath users like cyclists, and fishermen. I could go on and on explaining this rich culture and dramas, but I won’t.
Phillip Pullman’s Gyptians are a commonly cited example of liveaboards - although they were based on the narrowboat liveaboards that Pullman knew in Oxford, their boats are actually Dutch barges. Dutch barges make good homes but are too wide to access most of the midlands and northern canals, and are usually restricted to the south of the UK. So they’re accurate for Bristol/London/Oxford, and barges are definitely comfier to film on. (Being six feet wide is definitely super awkward for a boat.) but in general Dutch barges are less common, more expensive and can’t navigate the whole system.
However, apart from them, there are few examples of narrowboat depictions that escaped containment. So it’s quite interesting that there is an entire indigenous special class of boat, distinctive and highly specialised and very cute, with an associated culture and heritage and folk art type, known to all and widely celebrated, and ABSOLUTELY UNKNOWN outside of the UK - a nation largely known around the world for inflicting its culture on others. They’re a strange, sweet little secret - and nobody who has ever loved one can resist pointing them out for the rest of their lives, or talking about them when asked to. Thank you for asking me to.
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(yandere! prison warden x gn! inmate reader) (FYI idk how the law works ok so DON'T come after my ass) (im the type of lawyer that gets ur sentence increased instead of decreased fr💀💀)
"can i kiss you?"
"dude, i literally threatened to kill you."
"so?"
he stares at you with a raised eyebrow, pouting slightly as he leans against the bars of your prison cell. you choose to ignore him, instead opting to play with the plastic fork from your lunch tray.
damn it, you should've known better than to be caught. now you're stuck in this lame ass prison with this warden you don't even like.
curse that stupid lawyer who got your sentenced increased from fifty years to life imprisonment. dude sucked at his job and still got paid 💀
for some context, you were in prison for tax evasion, fraud, and multiple cyber crimes you shall not name. you got caught by accident and now you were here. sentenced to life imprisonment in jail. in a private cell.
you know, it isn't even half that bad as compared to some other crimes others have committed! so you haven't a slightest clue as to why you were placed in a private cell with no one to keep you company!
i mean, you did try befriending your warden but he turned out to be delusional and turned out to be one of the people you scammed. love-scammed, to be specific. which is why he might've been delusional...
"baby why'd you have to leave me? i was so sad..."
see? this is what you mean! he seriously didn't get the hint that he was scammed! even when you told him straight to his face that you never did actually love him!
god damn it. now you have to hear his yapping 24/7. you're starting to think that he might've been the one to report you. i mean, isn't it a little too convenient? he's a prison warden, you've got a private cell-
"hey! are you seriously not paying attention to me?!"
he hits the prison bars lightly to attract your attention. thankfully, it did. or else he might've thrown another tantrum. and you did not have the mental capacity to handle it. come on! if he did it would've been his third tantrum of the week! and it's only monday!
you cock your head at him, rolling your eyes as you acknowledge his presence. your annoying prison warden instantly lights up at the small gesture. oh well, at least he's in love with you to the point where even you acknowledging him makes him happy...
"babe! you've gotta stop ignoring me! it makes me sad..."
"i don't actually care."
"baby!"
damn it, maybe you should've just bribed the judge to let you have a death sentence instead.
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seven storms (jjk) (m)
summary: As a young woman of considerable wealth, it has always been your father's expectation that you would marry one of the local aristocrats once you came of age. Your family's stable hand? Certainly not an option.
pairing: Jungkook x Reader
rating: 18+ (MINORS DNI)
genres: forbidden love, angst, a bit of fluff, also a bit of smut
word count: 9.0k
warnings: ambiguous time periods, oc’s mom passed away when she was a child, parental strain and turbulent relationships, it’s not explicitly stated but bang sihyuk is oc’s dad, find the ‘seven’ reference, BRIEF SMUT (in the form of missionary, cowgirl, and implied unprotected, which you should not do)
a/n: this one is for the obs discord server, who came up with this plot and then flattered me until i agreed to write it lol
MASTERLIST // Read on ao3
It begins with a clap of thunder.
The dark clouds had rolled in quickly during your morning ride, the rain holding off on its looming descent even as the wind picks up and throws strands of hair across your face. You try to cling to every minute you have left before the downpour, savoring your alone time and the peaceful quiet of the morning. It may even be worth getting a little wet, you think as you watch the new stable hand effortlessly sling a bay of hale over his shoulder, for the chance to savor every moment of your daily ritual before the weather inevitably forces you back inside.
You love the simple pleasures of fresh air and the soft rustle of the grass.
Jungkook glances at you from afar as he continues his work, and even at this range, you can see his muscles shifting under the fabric of his shirt. It’s been roughly a month since your father hired him to tend the stable on your family’s estate, and while he hasn’t been unpleasant, giving you a friendly but silent nod each day as you prepare for your ride, he’s mostly kept his distance.
Today, however, is a different story entirely as a boom sounds out above your head. Your horse, a young stallion named Bam who is still being broken, startles at the noise and begins to nervously pace, tamping down the dirt under his hooves. The reins wrap tighter around your fingers as you attempt to take firmer control, but when a second crack emanates through the sky, the horse begins to buck in an attempt to throw you off.
The laws of physics cease to exist, time simultaneously speeding up and slowing down as you work to maintain your balance, clenching your muscles around the horse's back. A particularly violent whip of his head rips the reins free, and all you can do is try to flatten yourself to his back and hold on for dear life.
A pair of unfamiliar hands shoots into your peripheral vision, stroking firmly at the stallion's head and neck until he's easing back down, his erratic motions steadying until you can safely sit back up and face your rescuer.
"Are you alright?" His eyes scan your body for injury, moving from your face all the way down to your toes and back up.
You use the time to perform your own appraisal. The first thing you notice is that while he had immediately struck you as handsome when you first saw him around the property, he’s even more attractive up close: all soft eyes, perfect lips, and a tiny scar on his cheek that only adds to his allure. Add to that strong arms, broad shoulders, and a section of clearly-chiseled chest peeking out of his shirt, and you have to admit to yourself that you’re already halfway gone.
“Y/N?” His eyebrows dip as he frowns, clearly suspecting some kind of head injury as a result of your silence.
“You know my name.”
His expression turns quizzical at your bizarre answer. “I work for you. Of course I know your name.”
“You work for my father.”
“And you by extension.”
Your spine stiffens with rebellion. “I have no interest in bossing men around.”
“Why not?” He taps his knuckles on the saddle. “I see you come out to ride every morning. I could certainly tack up a horse for you in advance.”
“Because I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself.”
His perfect lips curl at the edges. “I don’t doubt that.”
Your heart stutters a rhythm behind your ribcage, voice muted by the appearance of a dimple that dips into his left cheek. It’s not often you find yourself speechless, and the sheer unfamiliarity of it has you on the brink of a flight response; you begin to gently guide your horse back towards the stable, Jungkook walking at your side. To your surprise, he doesn’t stay quiet.
“So how long have you been riding?”
You peek down at him, but he’s not looking at you as he scratches the stallion under his muzzle. “Since I was five,” you say. “My father arranged for private instruction after my mother died. Thought I could use the distraction.”
You figured he already knew about your mother’s passing due to her absence from the estate, and his unfazed expression seems to confirm as much. Still, in a gentle voice he says, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You didn’t make her sick.” Another low rumble echoes through the sky, but Jungkook is prepared, already smoothing his hand over the Bam’s neck again. “What about you? How long have you worked with horses?”
He chuckles, and your belly warms. “Since before I could walk. I grew up on a ranch. Have probably spent more time around horses than people—not that I’m complaining.” A shrug pulls his shirt tight across his bulging shoulders. “Animals are better company, in my opinion.”
“You say while striking up conversation with a stranger.”
Pink blooms on his cheeks, but, to his credit, he recovers quickly. “Beautiful women are the exception.”
Heat rises to your own face, and you choose to ignore his comment as much as it has butterflies taking off behind your bellybutton. “I understand what you mean though. That’s why I’m out here every day.”
“You like the outdoors?”
“Very much,” you say. “The smell of the wind, the feeling of the sunshine on my skin and the earth under my shoes. I like to ride down to the sunflower fields and watch how they turn themselves towards the light. There’s a strange sense of kinship there.” You’re not sure what drives you to share all this with a man you’ve just met, but the way he nods along as if he agrees sets your heart at ease. “And the horses are, in fact, good company.”
He laughs again, tipping his head back to look at you. His dark hair brushes his forehead, jaw cutting so sharp a line that the temptation immediately hits to trace it with either your fingers or lips—you’re not sure which. You don’t even care if you’ll bleed.
It strikes you at that moment that you’re in a world of trouble.
The skies open up, the rain instantly pouring down in fat drops as you briskly rush your horse the rest of the way into the stable, Jungkook hot on your heels. You dismount once you’re inside and begin to untack the stallion, moving the reins up and over so you can remove the bridle first. Jungkook quickly steps in to help unhitch the saddle, and while you’d normally be inclined to make a fuss about how you can handle your own gear, you find that you much enjoy his quiet companionship. You like watching the way his gentle hands artfully work to simultaneously manage the equipment and relax the horse, giving the sense that he’s offering assistance only because he loves his work and not to patronize you as a woman (you’ve seen one too many men try to step in because they believe you to be incompetent).
Once Bam has been settled into his stall, you turn back to your companion and are met with big brown eyes already gazing at you, hands stuffed into his pockets.
“Thank you for your help today,” you say. “I may be an experienced rider, but that also means I know enough to understand that you likely saved me from an injury earlier. So thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure.” He looks suddenly subdued, nervous now without the horse as a buffer. “And if I may be forward, I hope I made a good first impression. I wouldn’t want a beautiful woman like yourself to think I overstepped.”
“That’s the second time you’ve mentioned beautiful women now. You speak with them a lot?”
“Not recently,” he says, dimple making another appearance. “Only one.” His voice drops a decibel, flirtation giving way to sincerity. “But truly, I do just like to help. I am sure you are perfectly capable, but just because we can do something doesn’t mean we always need to do it alone. If I can help ease a burden, then I would like to do so.”
Warmth floods through you like the rain currently running off the roof, and before you can even think about it any further, you find yourself nodding. “Very well.”
The smile he gives you brightens your day more than a hundred miles of sunflower fields ever could.
“I won’t keep you then.” He begins walking backwards towards the troughs where most of the horses have currently congregated. “But I do very much look forward to seeing you tomorrow.”
You do, too. And when you show up to the stable the next morning (and the next, and the next), you already have a horse saddled up for you, a single sunflower resting on the seat.
Raindrops clatter in endless sheets off the metal roof of the stable, the ringing sound blending with the blasts of thunder and lightning overhead to mask your groans as Jungkook steadily thrusts into you.
It’s been three months since your flirtation culminated in you asking him to join you for a ride one morning.
Three months since he accompanied you down to the sunflower fields, pulled you into their depths, and kissed you like his life depended on it.
Three months since the rain became your closest friend, providing you the cover you need for your more intimate moments—such as this evening when you’d arrived at the stables to find him laying down a fresh layer of straw, the flex of his arm insisting that you needed him now.
The patter of the rain ensures his moans are for your ears and your ears alone.
“Do you think the horses mind?” he mumbles into the sensitive skin of your neck as he presses even deeper into you and steals your breath, his hands cupping your ass as he grinds his hips.
“I doubt it,” you gasp, digging your nails into his back. “They’ve kept secrets for me before.”
He laughs, and you relish in the feel of the vibration of his chest pressed to yours, as if the sound is being passed directly from his lungs to your heart. “Am I your secret then?”
“My favorite secret.”
He pulls back to look at you then with wide eyes. You don’t know when it happened, when he became the absolute center of your universe, but you also know that you’ve never been this happy in your life, never felt as whole as you do with him. So you stare at him right back, absorb every angle of his face as he brushes the hair away from your eyes and kisses you with an unusual delicacy in comparison to the rough pace of his hips.
“I love you.”
It’s not the first time he’s said it, but your blood heats as if the words are brand new.
He rises up above you then, leans back so he can bend your knees to your chest and pound into you in earnest, and you’d swear the roof has disappeared and you can see every star in the sky. Galaxies swirl, planets align, and it’s not long before you’re falling over the edge and he’s following you with a deep groan—a harmony to the thunder that surrounds you.
The two of you collapse into a heap, and he pulls you into his side, your cheek pressed to his still-heaving chest. It’s serene, the consonance of his breathing alongside the tapping of the rain and the occasional snuffle from the horses.
“So, the horses are keeping secrets for you, huh?” It’s a quiet question, vulnerable as he gazes at you with tender devotion. The same stars you saw minutes ago twirl in his eyes. “Can I be told one?”
“Are you a horse?”
A breath of a laugh: “Well you’ve certainly ridden me before.”
He has a point there.
You hum to yourself as you think before asking, “What is your dream?”
“What does that have to do with—“
“Answer mine, and I’ll answer yours.”
Calloused fingers trace patterns on your hip, a faraway look taking over his expression as he envisions some distant future. “To own my own farm,” he says. “I want to be my own boss. No more having to serve others.” A smile dances at the corners of his mouth. “And I’d be able to provide for my family—have a few kids and teach them the ropes, just like my dad did with me.”
Your brow dips in confusion. “You won’t inherit your father’s farm?”
“No, it’ll go to my older brother.” He squeezes your hip on a sigh. “If I want my own farm, it’s up to me to earn it.”
“You’ll do it,” you say, and you believe it with every fiber of your heart. “I know you will. You’re the hardest working man I’ve ever met.”
It’s not a lie by any stretch. You’ve spent plenty an afternoon telling your father that you’re going to read out on the veranda as it gives you an inconspicuous way to watch Jungkook work. He’s diligent, tireless, and you’ve often used the need to bring him water as an excuse to go down and spend time with him, seeing the sweat drip off his forehead as he single-handedly trains and cares for the horses.
His eyes become glassy, a gruff clearing of his throat as he pushes the tears back and grazes his lips over yours in a gentle kiss instead. “Thank you.” But before you can deepen the kiss and distract him, he shifts ever so slightly away, a glint in his eye. “Now you.”
You puff a sigh into his chest—bold of you to think you’d be able to sneak one past such an observant stare. Still, your secrets don’t usually come forth easily, buried deep within the cavity of your ribcage so even you don’t have to dwell on them too long.
Something about those doe eyes, though, render you ever vulnerable.
“Mine is similar to yours. I want to be my own boss.”
His brows pull together. “No one would expect a lady like you to work.”
“Not for a job, for my life,” you say, irritation forcing the words from your lips now. “I don’t want my father to dictate the path my life takes. I want to choose it, whatever it is, for myself. To be in charge of my own fate.”
Jungkook is quiet for a long moment, teeth dipping into his lower lip as he considers your words. It’s something else you’ve grown to love about him, the way he stops and thinks before he reacts. So unlike your father who has always been nothing but big emotions and snap judgments.
“What would you choose?” is the question he eventually comes out with, and the pads of his fingers trace the jut of your hipbone like he’s memorizing it.
Well that’s another matter entirely. “I don’t know. Just not what my father wants for me.”
“And what would that be?”
“To marry one of the rich dandies in town,” you blurt, and his hands still. “That’s always been the expectation that’s been set since I was a girl—that my family would arrange a suitable match for me.” You’re practically spitting now, anger simmering through you. “Suitable, of course, meaning wealthy.”
“Is that so bad?” He asks it quietly, insecurity poorly masked in the way his voice trembles ever so slightly. “Some people would do almost anything to be in your position.”
You scoff. “There’s more to life than money.”
“Like what?”
“Fresh air, sunshine, the smell of the morning dew.” You tap his chest with everything you list off, as if they’re all housed within the framework of his torso. “The sound of the rain bouncing off windows, the bright yellow of sunflowers after their first bloom, watching a foal get its legs under it for the first time. Love.” You press your hand to his heart with that one, feeling the strong beat of it under your palm. “That’s the greatest thing.”
He snags your fingers, bringing them to his lips and kissing each one in succession before his hand slips into your hair so he can join his mouth with yours. The kiss is slow, thorough, his tongue trailing along your lower lip with determination as he drags you across his body until you’re straddling him.
“You’re right about that,” he murmurs before gripping your waist tightly so he can push back into you, the rain pouring on and on.
“No!”
Your father stands up so suddenly that his chair topples over with a crash, Jungkook sitting across from him wearing a look of even-keeled surprise; his eyes widen a fraction, but his overall posture remains resolved and confident.
“You dare have the audacity to even ask—“ He chokes on his words, spit flying from the edges of his lips, before pointing a finger towards where you stand stunned in the corner. “And you! You’ve been fraternizing with this riffraff? After everything I’ve taught you? Everything I did to raise you? You go and choose to associate with this—this—“ You’re worried his eyes might fall out of his head with the way they bulge as he grasps for a word, vein in his neck visibly thumping as he finds it. “Lowlife!”
“You’re wrong!” you scream as Jungkook continues to sit quietly at the dinner table. You’ll be damned if you’d just stand by and allow him to be spoken about in that way. “He’s an incredible man. He works hard, he’s respectful, and he loves me, Father. Not because of my money, but because I’m me.” Your steps echo off of the tall, looming arches of the ceiling as you move closer to Jungkook. “And I love him.”
“No, no, absolutely not. You’re only twenty years old. You don’t even know what love is,” your father barks before turning his beady eyes on Jungkook again. “You’ll never marry my daughter. You do not have my permission nor my blessing. That’s final.”
“Father—“
“You’re also fired,” he spits. “You can say goodbye and that’s the end of it. I want you off my property.” Then he’s storming out of the dining room, leaving you and Jungkook in heavy silence.
It’s only a handful of seconds before Jungkook is rising to his feet and striding from the room and out the front door, you hot on his heels. The steady drizzle soaks your clothes in a matter of moments, but you don’t even feel the way they cling to your skin, focused solely on the man in front of you.
“Jungkook!” you call, but he doesn’t respond, doesn’t turn to face you until you manage to grab ahold of his hand and tug.
You thought he’d be distressed, angry, perhaps even crying. Instead, you’re met with intensity, a fierce determination simmering under the warm brown of his irises as his gaze bores into yours and almost has you faltering.
“Jungkook, I…” You wring your hands in front of you, watch the rain run in rivulets off the ends of his hair. “We can make it through this. I can convince him—“
“You can’t.”
You huff in frustration. “Then we’ll run away together! I’ll come with you and we’ll—“
“No, Y/N.” He stills the frantic movements of your hands with his own, drawing you towards the warmth of his body until you’re nearly chest-to-chest. “I have no savings right now, no way to support the two of us. We’d be out on the street in a matter of days.” He shakes his head, brushes a kiss to your knuckles. “No. You need to stay here for now. But this isn’t the end of us, I swear to you. I am going to work myself to the bone—until I have nothing left to give. Until I can buy my own farm, my own house, and give you everything you need.” Your foreheads press together, drops of water clinging to his lips and drawing your eye as he speaks. “I will provide for you someday, love you to the best of my ability. Just give me time.”
The heavens open above you, the relentless downpour backed by the cacophony of the skies as you finally move to kiss him. He tastes of rainwater and sweat, the fragrant aroma of sunflowers and nights spent tangled together in the stables. You savor the feel of his lips against yours, commit to memory the way his tongue begs for entrance, the way you grant it with a groan that feels like both a prayer and a curse.
With a final, resounding crack, he’s pulling away as you cling to the rough skin of his fingertips until the very last fraction of a second, arms stretched to their absolute limit. And when he turns his back on you, shirt plastered to his skin, you’d swear you can hear the horses raging in the stable, the rumble of hooves and agitated whinnies ringing in your ears long after he’s disappeared from view.
The first letter comes on a Wednesday roughly six week later, written on carefully folded parchment paper in small, neat handwriting. It surprises you, coming from a man who spends all day tending horses and tossing around hay bales. You receive the letter from the carrier quietly, rushing it up to your room and waiting to read until the concealment of night has fallen and you’re confident your father has gone to bed.
My Love,
I must admit that I am not quite sure how long it has been since I last saw you. Perhaps only a handful of weeks, surely, but every hour, minute, and second has felt like an eternity. I miss you, sweetheart. I miss the sound of your laugh. I miss the way you’d look each morning, strolling down from the house with a bounce in your step and the early sunshine bouncing off of your hair. Or perhaps you are just that radiant. I would believe it, you know, that light emits from your very smile, and I know I feel warmer whenever I am around you.
Look at me; look at the man you've turned me into. I've always considered myself a simple being, glad to indulge in the dirt and physical labors of the outdoors, and yet you have me waxing poetic like one of the men in those romance novels you would always pretend to read on the veranda. (Yes, my dear, I noticed. Your stares are not so subtle.) I am lovesick, homesick, and it’s all because of you. Because my life truly began the day I looked up and saw Bam struggling with you on his back and just knew I had to help you (tell that dear beast that I miss him by the way).
Now, I must live my life forlorn, but not without purpose. Please know that I am doing everything in my power to get back to you, and I will not rest until I am holding you in my arms again. I have secured a job at a ranch several towns over; it’s good work with decent pay, and every cent that does not go towards the barest necessities is being saved for us. One day, my love. One day we will have a house and a farm, and I will be able to love you openly, with no need for secrets or the cover of rain.
In the meantime, just know how terribly I miss you, and though we are separated by distance, I hold you in my heart each day. On my way each morning from my lodgings to the ranch, I pass by a field of sunflowers. I know it cannot possibly be true, but it feels like every golden face turns towards me as I go, and darling, I’d swear I see you in every one.
One day, my love.
Until then, always yours,
J.K.
It becomes something of a ritual: while you used to spend your days out on the veranda pretending to read so that you could watch Jungkook from afar, you now settle on the front porch with a book each afternoon in the hopes of catching the local mail carrier. Jungkook’s letters come slowly but consistently every couple of weeks, and each time a letter does arrive, you spend the night drafting your own by candlelight to send back to him.
He tells you about his new job, how he’s working on a larger farm now with several other laborers. The veterans are kind to him and teaching him a lot, he says, and it eases the ache in your heart a fraction to know that he seems happy where he is and well taken care of. You write back about your favorite books that you’ve been reading and how the horses have been (you insist that you can tell Bam misses Jungkook too). But both of your letters are saturated with sentiments of love and how dearly you miss each other, reminding yourselves that every day that passes is one day closer to you two being reunited, whenever that may be.
Your father, meanwhile, proceeds as if Jungkook never existed, hiring a new stable hand who begins his work mere days after Jungkook has left. This man is middle aged, gray already streaking through his hair, and you can’t help but feel it’s a deliberate choice on your father’s part lest you fall for another lowly laborer. And though you know it is not his fault, you barely speak with the man outside of a few curt pleasantries when you go for your ride each morning.
You persist in your morning rides out of habit, but you find that they don’t bring you the same kind of joy that they used to. The grass isn’t quite as green, the air is often stifling, and the sunflowers droop where they used to stand tall against the blue skies. On one day, roughly six months after Jungkook’s firing, you’re once again forced back inside early due to rain, the storm dampening your already dreary mood. It takes a turn for the worst when you hear your father call your name the moment you step in the door and plummets entirely off a cliff when you trudge into the dining room to see a man sitting at the table.
Seokjin is not entirely unfamiliar to you—your families run in the same circles after all—but he is ultimately little more than a stranger, the two of you having only exchanged a handful of polite words at dinner parties and the like. All that you truly know of him is that he is the heir to the wealthiest trading company on this side of the country and that his father is expected to transition the entire operation to him over the next few years.
Even so, Seokjin greets you with a sense of intimate familiarity, standing at your approach and brushing his lips against the back of your hand before you can stop him.
“A pleasure to see you, Y/N, as always.”
You know that social etiquette requires you to return the sentiment, but instead, you find yourself looking between Seokjin and your father, trying to figure out his purpose here.
“What is going on?”
Your father grimaces at your rudeness but opts to ignore it. “Seokjin has come here with a rather exciting opportunity, Y/N, if you would take a seat and listen to him.”
However, you remain standing, spine stiff and wary eyes shifting to the man in front of you with his finely tailored clothes and perfectly combed hair. He, for what it’s worth, doesn’t cower under your stony gaze, maintaining an air of utmost confidence as he states, “Y/N, I would like for you to marry me.”
“No.”
Your answer is immediate and blunt, coming so quickly that Seokjin barely reacts—only the tiniest dip of his mouth as if he doesn’t believe he heard you correctly. But your father leaps to his feet, face red with shock and frustration.
“Y/N, you sit down and listen to the man.”
“I don’t need to listen,” you snap. “My answer is no.”
Seokjin registers your words then, face morphing into a deep frown of disbelief as your father hurries to intervene, grabbing you around the arm to pull you out of the dining room and turning on you the moment you are out of earshot.
“Insolent girl! That man will soon be one of the most powerful in the country—nay, the world! Do you understand the opportunity he is offering you? The life he is offering? How dare you refuse him!”
“Whatever life he is offering is one I want no part of,” you argue, pulling your arm from his grasp to wrap them across your chest. “I have no interest in being married to a man like that. I want to be with someone who loves me.”
He goes deathly still for a moment, drawing connections in his head until you see the moment the realization hits him. “This is about that lousy stable boy, isn’t it?”
You say nothing, only hug yourself tighter and try to swallow down the sudden lump in your throat.
“That’s it, yes? You’re still holding onto some hope that he will come back for you and what? The two of you will go off and live in some hovel? What could he possibly offer you?” he snarls. “No, Y/N. That vermin is gone. You have a chance—a real chance—at a future here, and I’ll be damned if I let you throw it away for the idea of some lower class scum.”
As his words sink in, a chill passes through your body that’s quickly replaced with a white-hot anger, your hands dropping to your sides as you straighten your back in defiance.
“Whether Jungkook returns or not,” you assert, “please be assured that I will never, ever, marry one of your suitors. I will die before I become a mere pawn for your business deals.”
Your father stares at you incredulously, eyes practically bursting from his head. “Business deals? I am looking out for you. So that you can live the luxurious life a child of mine deserves.”
“The life I deserve is the one which I want,” you exclaim. “And these rich dullards are not it.”
Final word given, you spin on your heel in emphasis and march off to your room, leaving your father to clumsily patch things up in the dining hall with a humbled and deeply befuddled Seokjin.
The letters stop two years in.
A month passes, then two, then three before you begin to really worry. Another four gone in a blink before you start to consider that you may never actually hear from him again.
For a while, you continue to write to him, thinking that at the very least, if he’s moved to a new job, someone from his old ranch may forward them along if they know where he’s gone to. But after a year of silence transpires, the mail carrier shaking his head at you each day as you rush to meet him outside your house, true dread sets in.
Your address hasn’t changed, which means that he’s stopped writing to you for some reason. Is it possible that he’s moved on? Met another woman perhaps and chosen to settle down? Or…could it be something worse? Your mind hesitates to even go down this path, the terror seeping into your bones, but the thought creeps in late at night when you’re at your most vulnerable that something may have happened to him. Work accidents, illness—any number of dangerous things could have taken him from you without you even knowing. Then again, he sounded healthy in his final letter to you, no word at all of him being ill, and you’d like to think he would’ve arranged for someone to contact you if some tragedy had befallen him.
You conclude, then, that he must have given up. And really, after years of hoping for a shift, for some change in fortune for your futures, you cannot entirely blame him. If anything, you just wish you had seen the signs sooner, sensed some kind of shift in tone that would have prepared you for his sudden silence. His last letter, though, had been much of the same—more updates on his ranching job mixed in with poetic phrases about his love for you. You read it endlessly, poring over the words for some indication that his feelings for you had waned, sitting huddled in a hidden corner of the stables as rain pounds down against the tin roof. Instead, it just makes your heart ache to remind you of love found and lost, his final words haunting you as time continues to drag on to your dismay.
As the months tick by, you keep your promise to your father, steadfastly refusing each suitor that comes to call for you: Jung Hoseok, Kim Namjoon, and even Min Yoongi, who shows up in your dining room every evening for a fortnight before finally accepting your refusal. Meanwhile, you move through your days as if by design, going through the motions without feeling like you’re actually alive. Food is tasteless, your books void of thought, and the skies have certainly lost their color. You find that you actually prefer rainy days now, often taking walks through the drizzle and allowing the droplets of water to slide over your skin and caress you as he once did. Sometimes, it almost makes you feel as if he’s there beside you—memories of thunder and slick kisses enveloping your thoughts and soaking you from the inside out.
No fewer than seven years pass this way, with you haunting the premises of your home while your father begins to complain about you becoming a leech and a burden. You begin to question it yourself, wondering if it may be too much to waste away like this, when, three days after your twenty-seventh birthday, a discovery has you running from your father’s house and never looking back.
It’s another dreary, rainy day, and you, wanting to soak in the full effect of the emblematic weather as it pertains to your mood, have once again parked yourself on the front porch with a book. Your father passed you on his way out earlier, casting a scathing look that you didn’t even bother to grant any attention—you’ve long grown accustomed to his contempt and futile glares.
A little past midday, you glance up at the sound of a person approaching, their footsteps ricocheting off the front steps. Park Jimin comes to a halt under the porch’s cover, gazing at you curiously as if wondering why you are outside in this weather at all. However, if he finds your behavior strange, he doesn’t say anything, a choice which comes of no surprise to you. One of your father’s youngest business partners, you’ve always liked Jimin during the times that you’ve interacted with him. He’s quiet, polite, and has never made an attempt at courting you, always respecting the boundaries that many other young men have tried to cross over the years.
That being said, you’re inclined to at least offer him a greeting, acknowledging his presence with a mannered, “Hello, Mr. Park.”
“Good day,” he responds with a small bow in your direction. “Is your father at home?”
“No, he had to attend a business meeting with Mr. Kim this morning.” You frown as his face falls, a touch of panic widening his eyes. “Is something wrong?”
A delicate finger rises to rub at his temple. “Ah, I’m supposed to be finalizing a contract with Hybe Trading Company later this afternoon,” he says. “Your father told me to come pick up the documents beforehand.”
“He may be back soon,” you guess. Your father didn’t give an indication of exactly when he would return, but you do know his meeting with Kim Taehyung wasn’t supposed to last all day.
“I may not be able to take that risk.” He chews at his lip, thinking. “Is it possible that he left the contracts for me somewhere? Might you be able to check?”
Your jaw drops a fraction at his request—you could count on one hand the number of times that you’ve been in your father’s office. “I don’t think—“
“Please, Y/N,” Jimin begs. “We can’t afford to lose this partnership.”
The desperation in his expression has you acquiescing, and so you lead him inside and tell him to wait in the entryway as you head to your father’s office on the second floor.
The room is arguably the grandest in the house, with magnificent windows that give a full view of the estate’s grounds and tall bookshelves packed with your father’s collection of texts. The finest rugs protect the hardwood under your feet, and at the center of the room sits a monstrous yet beautiful mahogany desk with a plush chair at its back.
You move to the desk first, skimming the documents scattered on top for something that has the trading company’s name on it. But all you see are invoices, shipping records, and maps of different trading routes marked with your father’s notes, and lightly shuffling through the papers comes up fruitless as well.
The first desk drawer you open contains a series of highly-organized ledgers, so you quickly move on to the second, which has the same. The third drawer reveals a reserve of desk and writing supplies, while the fourth, finally, contains a mess of paper.
You rummage through the clutter, still not finding anything that seems to be the contract Jimin is looking for, and are about to give up when a stack of letters buried at the back of the compartment has you freezing, the small, neat handwriting chilling you to the bone.
Pulling the stack out with shaking hands, you quickly realize that there are a few dozen, all postmarked no more than two months apart between each one. Collapsing backwards into the desk chair, you read frantically, quickly realizing just how wrong you were about Jungkook giving up on you:
My Dearest, it’s been a while since I’ve heard from you, but I pray your letters were simply lost in transit…
I’m incredibly pleased to let you know that I’ve received a promotion. The owner of the farm, Mr. Lee, has taken a liking to me and has shifted me to a more considerable role with additional pay. I’m saving every bit I can…
My Love, I miss you deeply. And while your silence pains me to no end, I hope it is a mere misunderstanding. If you do not wish to hear from me ever again, only say the word and I will stop writing to you and remove myself from your life entirely, albeit with a heavy heart…
I still have some ways to go, but my savings are increasing exponentially, and I am learning more than ever. Mr. Lee has been teaching me about the business side of things and helping me make connections. What a wonder to have a boss who fully supports your aspirations! He insists he will be able to help me in my endeavors, and call me naive, but I believe it to be true. Rest assured, love, that I am steadfastly working hard for you, for us, and for our future…
My Darling Y/N, my heart aches to not read your words and hear your thoughts. But since you have not yet rejected me outright, I can only assume that your silence is involuntary or that it comes with deep hesitation. Whatever the reason, please know that I love you, I miss you, and I am not giving up on us unless you tell me so…
And finally, the shortest letter dated almost year back:
Y/N,
I don’t have the words to describe my feelings so I will keep it brief: I did it. If this letter finds its way to you and you wish to find me, I eagerly await you at our home…
The location is scribbled in a tangle of text, his usually neat writing askew as if he was shaking when he wrote it, and the words land with the force of a thousand bricks in your chest—the weight of seven years apart, the agony of your separation, finally culminating in this revelation.
The door to the office bangs open, and you look up, heart already racing with the discovery of the letters, to see your father looming in the doorway, face painted with rage.
“What in the hell are you doing in my private office?!”
You’re on your feet in an instant, storming across the room and shaking the final letter in his face. “What is this?!”
He pales a fraction as he registers what you’re holding before stepping further into the room and slamming the door shut. “I should have burned them,” he sneers. “I did what I did to protect you.”
“From what?” You wave your arms wildly, anger and adrenaline winding their way through your limbs. “From happiness? From a man who has spent years working hard to be able to provide for me?”
“I have worked hard to provide for you! And I will not see my legacy be thrown aside for some silly crush!”
Steeling yourself, you pull in a steadying breath for courage. “Then you won’t.”
“And what does that mean?” your father scoffs, trying to look dismissive and intimidating, yet seeming smaller than you’ve ever seen him.
“You won’t see any of it. I’m leaving.”
“What?”
Time stops for a moment, your declaration holding the air in the room hostage as your father fully absorbs your words.
“You ungrateful idiot girl!” your father suddenly exclaims. “After everything I’ve done for you? Fine then! Go live with the dogs, with the filth and slime you apparently love so dearly. I have had it with your thanklessness and impertinence and will be relieved to have you from my sight.” He steps into your personal space, pointing a finger directly at your face so close that you can feel the heat of his ire radiating off of his hand. “But know this: the second you step out of these doors, you will never be welcomed back. Never.”
You waste only two seconds longer, locked in a stubborn stare-down with your father before you rip your gaze away and tear from the room with Jungkook’s letters still in hand. Rushing to your room, you gather his other letters from your desk and stuff them into a bag along with the modest sum of money you had accumulated in case you ever needed to run.
And then you’re a bird in flight, sweeping down the stairs and out the door with nothing but a simple, “Good day, Mr. Park,” as you pass an absolutely bewildered Jimin in the front hall.
The rain is cold and heavy as it soaks through your clothes and hair almost immediately, but you barely feel it—the freedom in your heart and the scribbled location in your bag more than enough to keep you warm as you charge towards home.
The house is beautiful.
Modest, compared to the mansion you grew up in, sure. But arguably more beautiful—with a compact two stories, white wood, and neatly painted green shutters. There’s a wrap-around porch overlooking the acres upon acres of farmland, and even through the rain falling in sheets and blurring your vision, you spy two rocking chairs sitting side-by-side under the awning.
It’s been a long two weeks of journeying to get to this spot, relying on the kindness of strangers to help you navigate to the location Jungkook had written down. Now, standing at the end of the dirt path leading up to what is presumably your new home, you think that you would do it all again in a heartbeat. The past two weeks, the past seven years, all worth it to experience the hope currently blooming in your chest like the sunflowers you spent so much time admiring in the past.
You’re trudging up the path, the dirt and mud smearing along your shoes, when a darkened figure steps out from the fields to your right, hand raised in greeting.
“Good afternoon, miss. Are you lost? I—” He grinds to a halt like he’s walked straight into a brick wall, eyes wide and lips parted as he absorbs the sight of you soaked and disheveled on his property.
“Y/N?” he says it like a prayer, like he believes you’re some kind of hallucination—a phantom come to haunt him through the haze of rainy memories.
You stare at each other through the downpour, and you find yourself studying him, observing the changes that have taken place in the time you’ve been apart. He’s taller and broader than you remember, shoulders stretching wide and drawing your gaze down towards biceps that protrude below his drenched shirt. The lines of his face have sharpened with age—losing some of the youthful roundness that had endeared him to you so quickly—but he’s still starry-eyed as ever, the charming young man from your memories undoubtedly gazing back at you.
“Jungkook,” you murmur, and the spell is suddenly broken. You surge towards each other, meeting in the middle with a flash of lightning. Your arms go around his shoulders, and Jungkook pulls you into him so desperately and with so much force that he lifts you right off your feet, your mouths coming together with a heated urgency.
He’s everything you’ve dreamed of, every desperate memory you’ve been clinging to come back to life. And with every touch, every pass of his hands over your body, you feel yourself rapidly coming back to life too—joy making its way into your lungs and through your bloodstream for the first time since you were twenty years old and kissing this man in your family’s stables.
“I’ve missed you,” he breathes against your lips when you finally part. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
“You have no idea–”
“I do. Jungkook, I do.”
“You stopped writing—”
“My father,” you rush to say. “He intercepted the letters. I thought you stopped writing. Thought you gave up—”
“Oh, my love, never.” His hands rise to cradle your face. “I never stopped thinking of you. Never stopped dreaming of this.” He kisses you again, slowly this time, savoring every movement of his lips against yours.
You shudder against his chest, the thrill of your reunion rattling your nerves just as a cool wind blows through, and Jungkook pulls back with worry.
“You must be freezing,” he murmurs sweetly. “Come. Let’s get you warmed up inside.”
With an arm wrapped around your waist, as though he’s scared you’ll disappear if he doesn’t keep a hand on you, he guides you the rest of the way to the house, up the front porch steps, and through the front door.
“Welcome home,” Jungkook says.
You’re met first with the smell of pine and cinnamon and an impossibly comforting warmth. The first floor is comprised of a wide-open space, with a small kitchen and dining room to your left and a sitting room to your right that has tall windows and a fireplace that is currently roaring. You move around the room slowly, taking it all in, and when you notice the vase of bright sunflowers sitting in the middle of the kitchen table, you just about melt to the floor.
“I know it’s smaller than you’re used to,” he sheepishly mumbles from the doorway. “But we can expand in the future—”
“It’s perfect, Jungkook.” And it really is, every panel and floorboard evidence of how hard he’s worked, how fiercely your love has endured. “It’s absolutely perfect. I love every bit of it.”
He brightens at that, smile stretching wide. “I’m glad.”
“How did you find it?”
“Well, I bought the property after finally saving enough money. Mr. Lee helped me with the buying process.” He shrugs. “And then I built this.”
You freeze, absolutely stunned. “You what?”
“I built it,” he says simply. “I had some help, of course. But the design is all mine.”
“I…you…” It makes your thoughts spin—the idea that he did all of this. He built a house for you.
“Here, look.” He takes your hand and pulls you into the living room, gesturing at a set of empty shelves against the back wall. “For your books.”
You laugh incredulously, fully overwhelmed at this point. “I didn’t bring any with me.”
“Then we’ll start you a new collection,” he says softly, drawing you towards him.
You reach up to trace his jaw, his brow, his cheekbones—memorizing every line of this beautiful man who dared to make your dreams a reality. “I can’t believe this. Can’t believe you. The things you’ve done.”
“All for you, my love.”
Your heart thumps a steady rhythm in your throat, love and the relief of finally—finally—having him in front of you overpowering your senses until all that exists is you and him; the strain of your former life feels worlds away.
Hands find his chest in a slow migration downwards as the chill of the rain gives way to the heat of the fireplace, and it’s not long before his large hands are wrapping around your hips, a darkness in his irises that wasn’t there a second ago.
“There’s an upstairs, too, I’m assuming?” you whisper, fingers teasing a button on his shirt.
“There is.” He swallows, and you watch the bob of his Adam’s apple like a lure. “Would you like to see it?”
You lean in, skimming your mouth below his without fully joining your lips. “Please.”
Tangling your fingers in his, he practically runs upstairs with you trailing in his wake.
Finally, you think, as he pulls your clothes from your body, climbs over you on the bed, and presses into you with such tender deliberation that you think you’ll combust.
Finally, as you spend the rest of the night wrapped up together, endlessly whispering I love yous back and forth.
Finally, as you wake up in his arms the next day, his face the first thing you see.
Finally, as he pulls out a small box at breakfast, the dainty diamond ring easily the most precious piece of jewelry you’ve ever possessed.
Finally, as he takes you out on the farm and shows you the small field of sunflowers he planted just for you.
Finally, you think, as you sit in one of the rocking chairs on the porch and watch him work from afar. I’m home.
Years Later…
“Mama! Mama look!”
You glance up from your book to where Jungkook and Haneul are currently journeying in the yard. It’s a bright sunny day—the wide expanse of blue sky above unmarred by even a single cloud. Sunshine beams down onto your son’s smiling face where he sits on the back of one of the horses, a too-big cowboy hat on his head and his father at his side for support.
“You’re doing great, sweetheart!” you call. “Just be sure to listen to Papa!”
Jungkook flashes you a grin, the excitement radiating off of him in waves. He’s been talking about teaching Haneul to ride since the day he was born, so you know this means a great deal to him, especially seeing your son’s own energy and enthusiasm. Haneul has always liked the “horsies,” toddling happily around the stables ever since he could walk.
Then again, given who his parents are, that wasn’t much of a surprise.
Jungkook and Haneul finish their loop around the yard, and you hear your husband shower the boy with praise as he lifts him off of the horse’s back.
“Again, again!” Haneul cheers, bouncing in place and causing Jungkook to laugh.
“We will! Just let me check on your mother first.”
He moves comfortably, leisurely as he climbs the porch steps and comes to a rest in front of where you sit. Looming over you, he leans in until he can press a gentle kiss to your lips, reverent in his motions.
“How are you feeling?” he asks. His fingers brush lightly over your belly and its new curve.
“I’m alright,” you say, guiding his hand until his palm is resting flat. “This one is kicking up a storm though.”
As if on cue, you feel a tiny jolt—Jungkook giving a breathless chuckle as he feels the jab himself.
“Go easy on your mother,” he says in the direction of your stomach, rubbing a soft circle into your flesh. “No storms. Clear skies and sunshine.” Then his eyes are back on your face. “Speaking of, I have something for you.”
He reaches behind his back and produces a single sunflower, tucking it behind your ear before giving you one more kiss.
“I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you, too.” More than the day you met him. More than the day he left. And more than the day you finally made your way here.
“Now I should get back to Haneul before he starts yelling for me.”
You laugh out the brightest sound that’s ever come from your lungs. “Go.”
A warm breeze ripples through the trees, the sound of your son’s giggles and Jungkook’s cheerful exclamations finding their way back to where you sit.
What a beautiful day, you think, setting down your book and getting up to join your family in the golden sunshine.
a/n: thanks for reading! pls don't forget to like, reblog, and/or comment if you enjoyed!
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🍂Cozy observations 🎃
Itssss fall you guys!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰 It’s actually super hot still where I live but that won’t stop me from living my cozy era. Anyways, I want to avoid collecting posts on my drafts for centuries so here’s more general observations!
work by astrobydalia
🍂Aquarius placements are simultaneously the most understanding and empathetic people ever and the biggest assholes out there. I don't know how they pull that contradiction off but it's true (I mean this in the best way possible btw)
Moreover, I’ve noticed Aquarius placements are way more appreciative of kindness and social harmony than Libra tbh. Libra's desire for harmony can be just for the sake of keeping appearances but they are actually very judgmental. Aquarius on the other hand tend to appreciate authenticity and have a “live and let live” philosophy where they accept people unconditionally that’s why they attract popularity. Underdeveloped Aquarius tho do have a tendency to break social harmony due to pick-me behavior
🍂 Cardinal moons are serial daters. I swear every person I’ve met who had a rather active love life or were always crushing on someone was more often than on Cardinal moon
Also, Cardinal moons are always very dominant people even when don’t intend to be. They have a very summoning aura/personality that just demands engagement. They also tend to be social butterflies, even when they’re introverted they always end up surrounded by people somehow
🍂 I like to think Pisces is the final movie while Virgo is all the behind the scenes and editing
🍂I've seen this endless times where people with Mars in Libra or 7th house always end up either in law or business (mostly creating their own business, freelancers, entrepreneurs, etc)
🍂Any Venusian influence on the MC/10th house/6th house indicates a career or job where you’re required to dress up and appear very put together, having a certain aesthetic can be important in your career
🍂Saturn square or opposite MC/10th house ruler indicates the native was forced into a career they never chose/wanted in the first place or they had to wait a long time to finally have the opportunity to pursue their ideal career OR the path towards the career they chose could have been harder/more unfulfilling than they expected
🍂 I also like to think Taurus stops to smell the flowers and creates a flower bed for herself. Virgo studies the flowers and learns all about photosynthesis and shit. Capricorn creates a flower business and monopolizes the flower market
🍂 Those with Mars influence on their moon (Moon-Mars aspects, Aries/Scorpio moon) are really good at throwing shade but they’re unable to take it themselves. They don’t like to feel called out.
🍂 Mars in the 12th house people will 👏🏼hold 👏🏼 grudges 👏🏼
🍂 To be quite honest with you, every single Virgo sun I’ve met had a very standoffish personality.
🍂 Saturn retrograde individuals raised themselves. That’s why this placement is known to have issues with authority and discipline because their parents didn’t really parent them at all, so they had to set their own boundaries, rules and systems to navigate life. Getting their life together and materializing their ambitions could take extra effort for them
🍂 I usually like Capricorn Moons cause I always find that they are very loyal to everyone (friends, family, partner, etc) but honestly they are not as emotionally mature as you might think. They have a really hard time moving on from the past to the point where they can stay stuck in their wounded child self and spend a big chunk of their lives trying to overcompensate this with work, productivity and success. Tendency to depression, low emotional intelligence and being emotionally stunted. Deep down they feel like the victim of their own story
🍂 Aquarius sun+Scorpio moon: I’ve met quite a few people with this combo and with all of them I’ve noticed they always have a cult leader kinda mentality towards their friendships and connections (might apply to Aquarius+Scorpio combos in general). You’re either with them or against them. If you're not a follower they’ll hit you with the "cool kids table" attitude
🍂 My mom has Mercury in the 4th house and she once said "I don't mind moving abroad but I can't live in a place where people don't speak my native language. I need to hear my native language"
🍂 When it’s said that Venus in the 1st house people know how to make themselves look good it doesn’t mean just physically. The know how to present themselves as a more virtuous person than they actually are...
🍂Mutable risings, Mars in a mutable sign/house: their motto is “work smarter not harder”. Their first instinct will always be to find a way around challenges and difficulties. They usually aren’t the most action oriented people, but they are cunning. Their way to success is basically beating the system to make things easier for themselves.
🍂I can easily recognize Taurus Sun because they always ooze BDE. Also they always tend to have very rugged and bold physique/features
🍂From what I've seen Gemini Venus is a placement that easily makes someone stereotypically extroverted. Golden retriever energy
🍂Has anyone else noticed that succedent houses (aka fixed houses) are all related to money and wealth in some way?
2nd house: your resources, what spend your money on
5th house: gamble
8th house: shared resources, investments and debt
11th house: production of wealth
🍂All Gemini and Cancer risings I’ve met had some sort of hypersensitivity to stimuli. Gemini rising is more mental; anxiety, overthinking, information overload, etc they easily get triggered by immediate stimuli, specially noise around them. For Cancer risings this manifests more in the senses (photosensitivity, very sensitive to smells, flavors, etc) and heightened intuition just like Spiderman with spider-sense
🍂I’m sorry but why are Cancer Mercuries so elusive in their communication??? Everything they say has this "well, maybe. I don't know" or "I guess" undertone to it, they never openly say what they really mean. They are good listeners tho
🍂Underdeveloped Taurus placements feel entitled to use and dispose of people to benefit themselves. Tend to be very selfish and stingy. They do something for you they'll hang it over your head forever and act like they have ownership over you. You do something for them, they owe you nothing.
🍂Pisces Moons grew up in their own little bubble. It's very likely they missed out on 'normal' mundane experiences and this makes them feel very separated from the rest of the world and the rest of the people which is why they often come off as clueless and disconnected. They often give off the impression they've been living under a rock or a parallel universe. A perfect example of this is when Kim Kardashian said she's never been to a grocery store💀
Every single Pisces moon I’ve met never ever wanted to have kids and if they do have them they tend to not be too present in their kids’ lives. The harsh truth is pisces moons are not reliable, generally they are the ones who want to be saved and cared for
🍂I've noticed earth Venus and Venus-Saturn aspects are a little bit too good at showing contempt. To some degree they always remind me of Disgust from the Inside Out movie 😂
🍂 When I see Moon-Saturn conjunction in a chart I flinch a little tbh cause idk what’s worse the fact that their mothers couldn’t be bothered to give the native any sort of emotional comfort or the fact that these natives have normalized conditional love as the only kind of love possible. I've also noticed they grew up with strong authoritarian values and were never allowed to question hierarchies or status
Also, natives with Moon-Saturn conjunction are extremely shady people if you ask me. It's true they are insanely observant but what people don't seem to notice is that they are observant in a Joe Goldberg or Light Yagami kind of way without the murder They do be having inner monologues like that. They come across as calm, intelligent, respectful and trusted. Can use emotional expression (theirs and others') in strategic ways to influence others. Big tendency towards materialistic, utilitarian and/or elitist mindset too. I can't quite put my finger on it but I've met a lot of people with this aspect and the deeper I dig the more I keep feeling something very dark and/or disingenuous about them
🍂Venus square Neptune people and their lack of self-respect… 🙁
🍂Aquarius Moons always give off the impression of having a rather lazy or passive personality. I'm not talking about their productivity but the fact that they seem to always have a "meh" attitude towards everything to the point where they can feel a bit disconnected similar to pisces moon
🍂Virgo risings often have freelance jobs due to Aquarius ruling their 6th house
🍂People with Industria rx (389) may actually dislike their work environment even if they like their job. I’ve noticed they often find the industry they work in to be toxic, depleting or too demanding
🍂Enterprise rx (9777) might always feel unsatisfied with their position, they might be the type to always want more and more
🍂 Aries Moon women and always attracting very immature and selfish men omg I've seen this time and time again
🍂 Scorpio moon/Moon 8th house is an underrated wealth indicator imo. I've noticed they always have a "from rags to riches" kinda life story. They however often face issues with fraud or debt along the way cause they have a tendency to take huge financial risks
🍂 you ever heard about the crabs in a bucket phenomenon? Well Ive actually observed underdeveloped 4th house placements do tend to have this kind of clingy and envious behavior particularly towards people that are really close to them. You can also experience this with people you have 4th house Synastry with; you get too attached to the comfort zone they provide to the point where they stifle your growth
🍂Pisces placements 🤝 falling for people who are bluntly abusive, controlling and narcissistic. They want to believe they’re living a beauty and the beast love story when in reality they’re trauma bonding
🍂Libra/Taurus Mars people ARE problematic and petty as fuck, they’re just good at the social game and making it look like they didn't do anything. Underdeveloped Venus energy is the opposite of peaceful, it gives major mean girl vibes and Mars being debilitated in these signs easily brings out this hostile side of Venus. The type to passively instigate drama just to make themselves look better. Very hypocritical
🍂What natives with Saturn in Taurus will consider first when choosing a career is make sure that it is well payed and gives them financial status. Other factors come second
🍂Fixed+cardinal combo in the luminaries is hands down the best sun-moon combo I've seen tbh (specially fixed sun+cardinal moon), they're a force to be reckoned with. Very charismatic, outspoken and confident people with healthy ego if developed. Most people I've met with this combo were very extroverted and/or excellent leaders
🍂Sagittarius placements 🤝 this pose 😜✌🏼
🍂Libra/7th house Lilith have a tendency to judge a book by its cover all the time
🍂I've noticed Pisces MC/10th house natives aren't very ambitious. They seem to not really care about things like self-development or being on top. From what I've seen they mostly aspire to have a pleasant and glamurous life that frees them form real life mundane worries and could desire to retire as early as possible. In some cases I've seen they could want a "princess" kinda lifestyle where they literally have no responsibilities. They want a career that liberates them from any pressure of achieving material expectations and allows them to just go brain dead all the time following a higher power/inspiration/knowledge. That's why many artists have this placements and I've also seen cases of Pisces MC people who wanted to be nuns and nurses. I've noticed that when they genuinely don't care about recieving recognition or achievements but rather do things bc it aligns with their soul that's when they become successful
🍂Scorpio placements have a tendency to be very cynical I've noticed, specially mercury and mars
🍂Gemini/3rd house Lilith can spot lies from miles away and will not be sacred to call it out
🍂As per my observation the water sign that gets idolized the most is not Pisces but Cancer 100%. Yes Pisces does get idolized but I’ve noticed that’s actually very short-lived, people tend to switch up on them SO fast cause they project a deeply unrealistic image on them and eventually fall off the pedestal. Cancer placements on the other hand are not infantized like Pisces, they are consistently very sought after people I’ve observed. They always come across as emotionally reliable even when they’re not, people always go soft for them while simultaneously respecting them so they’re always seen as perfect,kind,charming,etc. Their personality naturally portrays an energy of unconditional love and understanding so people easily get obsessed and addicted to them
🍂I always find that Pisces Venus natives have a very whimsical and juvenile personality. They also have a very extravagant taste they may like anything with bright colors, glittery shiny stuff, squishy toys, etc. they have a tendency to be a bit tacky and corny I’ve noticed
🍂Every fixed moon I've seen avoided any sort of emotional rehabilitation like the plague unless it’s strictly necessary. They believe no one can begin to understand them better than themselves and they got it all figured out already. Now this is more my opinion but I feel like they low-key underestimate the amount of healing they actually need to do cause they really struggle taking emotional accountability. They have a tendency to act like their needs and feelings justify everything so there's not much to "fix" or heal
🍂People who have at least 2 out of their big 3 in cardinal signs are often seen as the golden girl/boy
🍂Capricorn/Virgo moons will be literally the best at what they do and make it seem so effortless. If you ask them how they got so successful they'll be like "idk I guess I just practiced a lot"
🍂I’ve noticed your 8th house sign(s) represent themes that people are consistently using against you as the fastest way to tear you down, so you always end up feeling powerless here at some point. That’s why you tend to resent this energy and have toxic dynamics with people who have their planets here. This house is literally the death of you (8th from 1st), but it can also be the source of your empowerment once you claim this energy so it's best that you keep this house to yourself as much as possible. Some examples:
Gemini 8th house: using what you say against you. you could have a hard time with people believing your words, what you say is always scandalous and/or rubs people the wrong way. Gossip or information that makes you look bad. People always think you’re lying or deceiving or have ulterior motives
Cancer 8th house: you could struggle with getting sympathy and emotional support from people. Others think you’re just being vulnerable and complaining for clout. Any display of emotion or care will be seen as manipulative. People trying to break or ruin your relationship with your family or closed ones
Capricorn 8th house: you struggle with people respecting you, others don't take you seriously and don't see you as a valid authority. Any attempt to make yourself respected will be seen as dictatorial or elitist behavior, any desire to succeed will be seen as you being power hungry. People try to dismiss or belittle your achievements
work by astrobydalia
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nct dream as… / fanfiction aus 𓈒✳︎🏡
[take the quiz here to see which one you get!]
✰ MARK — childhood friends to lovers!au
ever since you've basically known your name, mark has been the boy next door. there was the cheeky, red letters of "lee" painted on the mailbox, the windows were adorned with the same coloured curtains, and the same doormat has been sitting in front of their door for ages. you have loved mark ever since you two have met. there wasn't a day where you wouldn't think of him, and there hasn't been a day when you haven't loved him. it was like a vicious circle which you couldn't get out of, because those stupid feelings would destroy the oh so precious friendship of yours, and you cannot let that happen, right? i mean, that's what you've thought for far too long, since this friendship meant more to you, than the fragile feeling of love - you didn't want it to get to the point where you would rather spit on each other, than talk it out. maybe that's why you pushed him away from yourself? maybe you just did that because you weren't too sure of your own peace of mind? no matter what, you knew the decision itself was wrong, only to realize it way too late. damaging the friendship and crying yourself to sleep was all your fault, after all, being way too proud and scared, stupid even; when you came back to the town where you two grew up, the least thing you wanted was to meet mark lee, mainly because you wouldn't have been able to look him in the eyes after all these happened. but you had to, so soon you even got a little surprised. it's been a while since the last time you have been home, your bedroom seemed way too unfamiliar at that point, just like the vhs tape placed directly in the middle of your bed. one which you haven't seen yet. it didn't have a title, the white label completely empty as you picked it up. you were a little bit cautious when placing it in the system, waiting for it to play whatever is on it, not having such large imagination to expect anything. it was a home video montage, full of videos of you and mark: playing together, getting ready for the first day of school, going to the movies, the way you two got engaged in middle school as a joke, and the omnious day of prom... you got teary eyed, with one thing on your mind - you have to go and save whatever's left now. maybe you're not too late.
✰ RENJUN — soulmate!au
life had been pretty much grey and dreary until you found The One. the other half everyone had been so obsessed to find. you were never big on all this stuff, because you were convinced you'd be able to live as a single half for you whole life, and don't need anyone else to feel complete. deep inside you knew that all of this is bullshit, truly, and all that was coming out of you was true bitterness and constantly ongoing unsuccessful confessions, making you believe in your delusions. with every passing second, you had to see people find their other half, while you were left to deal with the grey world you were left in, not as a choice but as fate instead. you felt like a loser, a big zero, who doesn't even deserve a soulmate. you thought you were destined to die alone, maybe compensate with something of brilliance: be a composer or a singer, write or paint something extraordinary, lord knows what, just something of importance! you were looking for yourself in every corner of the world, not for a lover or a fling, not for an other half, fully ignoring the law of attraction. it might have been some reverse psychological trick, effecting it all. and this may have been the reason behind why you had to leave that horribly boring theatre play, sneaking out and bumping into The One, who handed back your accidentally dropped bag, slowly looking into your eyes. he might have worked at the theater as he was wearing a name tag on his elegant shirt - huang renjun, it said. but it doesn't even matter, because his eyes were brown! brown! not grey, brown! everything cleared up. you did find the half - with brown eyes and a smile so bright.
✰ JENO — coffee shop!au
it was pretty much bittersweet to step foot in your favourite café: it was getting dark out there, and although the rain has stopped pouring, you got absolutley soaked to the core along the way there, rain replacing the tears on your face by then. your hair was sticking to your forehead uncomfortably, your body trembling without stopping, as you entered. the bell placed above the entrance was ringing lightly, gathering everyone's attention to you, although there wasn't too much people there except for the baristas, maybe two wandering souls, working on their laptops or reading in a cozy corner. well, maybe if it wasn't for getting dumped literal minutes ago, you wouldn't be here either, but it was still the most reasonable choice compared to going to a club or a ruin bar, gettig incredibly drunk, Plus! a good espresso might be able to clear the fog in your head, which you were in need of during this stupidly stressing period of life. you expected hyuck to greet you by the coffee machine, grinning ear to ear, as he always does when you visit between two lectures, but there was a completely new face behind the counter. it's been a long time since you've last seen a new employee here. his smile was sweet and rather warm, eyes conveying a sense of concern as you took one step closer, rubbing your eyes while getting your purse out of your pocket - you discreetly looked at his name tag, right on his black apron: lee jeno. whatta name... by then, you were way to hopeless to try and guess how the day would go, but life had to surprise you, fate deciding funnily against all odds: next to your cup of coffee, there was a napkin, hiding a telephone number on it, messily written down with a short message as well: "would you go out on a date with me, darling? :)"
✰ HAECHAN — rivals to lovers!au
lee donghyuck's name rushed through the hallways of your music academy just as quietly as a whisper, and you never knew why was it all like that ever since you've stepped foot into the school. you couldn't even hide the way too obvious rolls of your eyes every time you heard it. lee donghyuck was one of the biggest prodigies at the academy, no one could even be considered as a rival for him, this is mainly why he was such a big living legend amongst the students - you couldn't even hide how annoyed this made you, especially because he made sure you knew this ever since you two were little. music played a huge part in both of your lives, and somehow, you two always seemed to be at each other's throat, the first place at being the best always changing between the two of you. you could never get rid of each other either; your dad, always being so positive, once said, on your way to the academy sometime between sophomore and junior year, that the only reason behind this is that you two are equally good at what you're doing. you were pretty much skeptic for the longest of time, and felt as if you were destined to be the forever second next to him. you've had enough of always bumping into walls, since hyuck was the one who could stand at the first place ever so proudly. in kindergarten, in middle school, and even in high school, every. god damn. time. and that infuriating smile was plastered all upon his face even when you two were asked to not perform alone on the annual charity gala of your academy - you two had to perform something phenomenal, putting the childish jarring aside, growing out of the silly phase of hating each other, which was all made up by you, and you only, pushing the poor boy away from you. the boy who had always been so obsessed with you, utterly and completely. he won this time again, isn't it right?
✰ JAEMIN — photographer!au
when jaemin brought up the idea of making the last parts of his portfolio with you (which basically means about you), you were a little bit skeptic at first. you loved jaemin dearly, since he was a really understanding friend, but... you were simply terrified of cameras. you didn't really like the idea of being captured at all, you hated looking back at yourself on pictures taken of you, and you couldn't even think about how high quality his pictures would be with that hyper super machine, focused on all the little flawed details of your face that you absolutely despised. no, you couldn't even bear the idea of this whole project, and you stood by this decision of yours, jaemin waiting patiently the whole time, not pushing it too hard. since he wanted to work with you no matter what, giving up on his plan wouldn't be too typical of him - the fight didn't last long but it was pretty heated, him highlighting so many known things that needed to be said finally: it's childish how you reflect on yourself, and your delusions stop you from way too many things. the way he said straight into your face how beautiful he thinks you are, inside and outside, and that he wants the whole world to know how ethereal you are, made you tear up a little - especially when he said his heart breaks every time you speak so lowly of yourself. he truly thinks you're the modern manifestation of aphrodite, that you are his own venus, the muse of him, someone he can adore... that he's way too in love with you to let go of this, and-; the kiss you gave him was short, yet gave him exact answers. answers to hundreds and thousand of unsaid questions he kept hidden in himself for years and years on end.
✰ CHENLE — blind date!au
you clearly didn’t brace yourself for this whole fiasco proposed by donghyuck himself, foolishly believing his reasonings behind how perfect of a matchmaker he is. of course you knew that what he way saying was partly stupid, plus you were like a seventy percent sure he wasn't even sober when he set up a blind date during that omnious frat party he wasn't invited to. you didn't have to worry or anything, that's just how you were - overly anxious of such things, even if you weren't meeting a psychopath. you were only a bit vary of the awkwardness this whole new experience would bring, both of you rushing home way too soon from the date, trying to forget about it as soon as possible. these misconceptions about how the night would go stayed straight until you stopped in front of the restaurant to wait for your - then late already - date. you were a little nervous he stood you up, and you got yourself into the most beautiful piece of clothing from you wardrobe for nothing, but it was worth it, looking back at it, as zhong chenle arrived and you two simply just... clicked? automatically? not to mention you two decided to leave the place after the hors d'oeuvre, since you both found the place a little too fancy at that moment, going to a simple ice cream parlor instead, taking a walk in the park after, talking about anything and everything that came to mind: family, politics, movies and the most embarrassing memories from your childhood came up too, as you couldn't help but laugh at how chenle dropped his ice cream cone on the ground, while he simultaneously promised you that he wouldn't drop the cone on the next date - and you smiled, so happily.
✰ JISUNG — secret admirer!au
you were head over heels for jisung and his undying love for dancing. but, thinking a bit deeper about it, while writing that foolish, teenager like love letter for him, forced into the role of his secret admirer, there were much more of those things that made you feel head over heels for the boy: he showed you what persistence was, he spent the whole of his youth with you, and he wasn't afraid to spend the rest of his life with you, helping you out anytime you're in need of it, since he couldn't not do that as you "best friend". he couldn't be evil with you, he was never able to leave you and he couldn't even envision a future in which you weren't by his side. but the border he made up between the two of you, was never crossed - you two were friends, not more, not less. you were so torn deep inside, as you were helpless, being in the never ending limbo you would rather push forward, but he kept on tugging it backwards; the idea of writing letters was originally from your mother, who had enough of your obvious agony. she was positive you would write every feeling of yours out, making it easier as time goes by. their number kept growing, however, one letter becoming a dozen soon enough, maybe even more in the meantime, while not writing a name on any of them, referring to yourself only as a mere secret admirer. they suddenly disappeared from the bottom of your drawer one day, though, realizing way too late that the ringing phone in your pocket was in fact park jisung, the picture of him taking up the screen of your mobile - did he know?
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WHEN THEY'RE DADS
and they take their children to the work
pairing: dad & husband! cyno, kaveh, lyney, wriothesley x fem! reader
cw: original characters, slightly ooc to fit the plot, parenthood, domesticity and fluff. not beta-read.
reblogs and comments are appreciated ♡
x
Cyno
If the Matras had ever dared to think that they'd see a softer, more relaxed side from their general since he had become a father, they could not have been more mistaken as Cyno remained as ruthless and as sternly faithful to his beliefs as he had always been.
In fact, the birth of the twins only served to intensify his sense of morality and justice; his desire for preservation and security not only applied to the Akademiya' laws, but now extending to the well-being of Aryan and Isaar as well.
Even so, it was still common for many to still try to test their luck in deceive the General Mahamatra and risk cheating the system believing that they'd get away with it in the end. After all, what are the chances of their actions being noticed by Cyno when he already had so many duties to worry about?
Even if he was working, surely the well-being of his sons came as the first priority, right?
That was what they thought.
With the little ones babbling and fidgeting uncontrollably on his torso, it wasn't difficult to assume that Cyno would focus all his attention on his children rather than his surroundings, giving the advantage of a perfect loophole for some scholars of Rtawahist Darshan to escape into the desert to do use of forbidden knowledge — too unaware of the reddish irises that were also watching them attentively.
“They never learn,” he sighed in irritation as he adjusted Isaar into the sling to his chest and Aryan to his back, “Looks like we have a long day ahead of us, little ones. Dad will show you what happens to those who dare defy the rules.”
A cute laugh escaped his babies' mouths bringing a soft smile to Cyno's face at their reaction. Well, it seemed like he couldn't let his kids down now, could he?
On that day, Cyno had returned home early with a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment; his twins babies, although remarkably happy, were already sleeping snuggled by their father's warmth, very exhausted from the day's activities.
On the other hand, the scholars who had dare challenged his abilities learned that Cyno's judgment should never be tested ever again. His frightening reputation was not something to take so lightly. However, there was something even terrifying about being stopped by the General Mahamatra while he takes care of his children.
They took notes to never doubt a dad' sense of responsability ever again.
Kaveh
There was something so absurdly attractive about Kaveh carrying your daughter in his arms as he discussed a construction project that you could do nothing but revel in the sight of.
The seriousness in his eyes, his slightly disheveled hair and the professionalism in the tone of his speech were three of the main characteristics that made you fall in love with the architect. But the addition of your baby girl sleeping snuggled against his chest definitely served to leave you — and all the other women present there — enchanted by him.
Perhaps this was the reason why his clientele had increased so much in recent months and the number of scams had dropped significantly, consequently also increasing his workload. Not only had fatherhood served to boost your husband's reputation and diligence, but your daughter had unwittingly become the architect's lucky charm as well.
While it wasn't unusual for both you and Kaveh to bring the baby with you to your respective jobs, the frequency with which Zahra accompanied him to the sumerian streets intrigued you. Not that you doubted your husband's ability to provide the necessary security and well-being for the little one, no. When it came to his daughter, you knew that Kaveh wouldn't think twice about risking his own life if it guaranteed her smile. It was more your uneasiness as a mother and wife speaking louder that even your husband's reassuring smiles couldn’t appease.
But in the end, you could only laugh to yourself at how worried you were for nothing because both Zahra and Kaveh were doing very well.
Kaveh's serene expression told you how calm he was and you assumed that negotiations with the client were also going well. Although Zahra was still sleeping, your little princess caught the attention of the citizens around them who cooed at the sight of father and daughter, causing some to approach them and taking an interest in Kaveh's work in the process.
Or in the case of some ladies, taking an interest in the handsome dad who was giving them some decorations advice and a bright smile for free.
Who would've thought that to become such a respected professional you only needed to bring your cute daughter to work, huh?
You just hoped that these potential clients would see Kaveh's beauty and dedication beyond appearances, otherwise you’d have bad news to tell your husband. And a lot of spinsters to put in their place too.
Lyney
“Ok, kids. Remember to listen to dad and aunt Lynette, and no runs. Especially you, Quenn. Stay by your sister’s side, please,” you tell your twins who are getting ready to leave with their father.
Quentin only giggled and Corinne nodded in agreement like the good girl she was. You could already imagine the antics that were going on in your son's head now that he was somewhat aware that he’d be going out alone with his father, although you also knew that Quentin was a well-mannered boy and would do everything he could not to cause problems for his parents or upset his twin sister.
It wasn't your children's first time accompanying their father to a rehearsal at the Opera Epiclese, but it was definitely the first time that you wouldn't be around to watch them since you had personal matters to attend to. Even if you didn't worry about your husband's ability to care for and keep the children safe, you still liked to remind them how they should behave to avoid possible accidents as the twins had also reached the dreaded curiosity phase.
Furthermore, this reminder not only applied to the little ones but also to the magician, who had a heart as genuine as those of his children and could often be more playful than them.
“Don’t worry, my love. I'm sure the little ones will behave very well”, Lyney assures you, placing a kiss on your cheek and bringing the twins into his arms, “Ready to see daddy's new magic tricks?”
Luckily for Lyney, it wasn't a busy day at the theater; his team was already carrying out their duties even before his arrival and Lynette had already tested all their new magic items for the performance that’d take place in a few days.
Corinne and Quentin, despite being too young to understand what was happening around them, couldn't help but love watching all the preparation for what they knew would be a huge spectacle. Their little amethyst eyes sparkled like two pairs of jewels as they saw the stage being set up and, of course, their father starting some illusionist tricks.
Seeing the sweet curiosity on his children's faces, a warmth spread in Lyney's chest as he felt truly happy to be able to share his passion with his family.
And taking advantage of the twins' focus on him, the man created a small and brief exclusive show where he took a deck of cards from his pocket and manipulated each one of them so that they appeared and disappeared from one hand to the other. When the entire deck was gone, Lyney giggled at Corinne and Quentin's shocked looks. But when it reappeared once again from under his sleeves and the cards were thrown up, transforming into dozens of crystalflies soon after, the children's joyful and melodious laughter echoed throughout the Opera Epiclese bringing a smile not only to their father but everyone there.
At the end of the day, when the whole family was back home, Lyney proudly shared with you how a good boy and a good girl your kids were; listening carefully to their father and aunt, and respecting the other employees.
But, well... it wasn't like you needed to know that the reason behind their behavior was because Lyney had barely worked; instead, he preferred to spend all his time in the company of his two favorite people in the whole world.
Wriothesley
The Fortress of Meropide’ veteran residents already knew Cameron as you and Wriothesley had no problem taking the little boy on your respective patrols.
In fact, many of them looked forward to meeting the Duke's son and being able to interact with the docile and laughing baby. Cameron's melodious giggles could melt even the hardest of hearts, and you and your husband appreciated the affection the prisoners showed your son.
However, when it came to the new inmates, you and Wriothesley had a mutual agreement to prioritize Cameron's safety before introducing him to the unfamiliar faces. After all, you can't be too careful, and the information documents about the detainees that came from the Palais Mermonia did little to say what kind of people you’d be dealing with.
Fortunately, to this day you or Wriothesley have never had to use your strength to educate newcomers and you hoped it’d stay that way.
That day, however, Wriothesley had no option but to take his son to welcome the new “residents” who were arriving. Normally you’d have stayed behind to look after your son, but you were also suddenly summoned to a meeting at the Court of Fontaine and left in a hurry after saying goodbye to your family.
“It seems it’s you and me again today, buddy,” Wriothesley said to his baby as he finished changing his dirty diaper and dressing him in appropriate clothes. When finally secured in the sling, Cameron cooed in delight.
Wriothesley smiled fondly.
“Yes. That's right, Cam. We’re late. Time to welcome the new residents.”
Now, although it was common knowledge that the current director of the Fortress of Meropide was nothing if not a fair and respectable man, there were still rumors about his strength and ferocity in combat that frightened even the most brutish of men. The fontainian citizens still harbored a certain fear of him and the prison's residents, so his reputation on the surface was not a pleasant thing to hear, even though Wriothesley didn't seem to care what these people thought of him either.
Thus, the prisoners who'd arrive that morning were already preparing for the worst when they went to meet the Duke; from physical punishments to psychological torture.
What they didn't expect, however, was to be cordially received by the director himself, who was carrying a baby that looked a lot like him trapped on his chest. While it was no secret that Wriothesley had a wife and son, the sight in person was shocking.
In the end, the reception had ended well for both sides. The new prisoners were given all the essential information about the prison system and its administration, and Wriothesley was able to get to know them better. It seemed that people became unconsciously more honest in the presence of babies.
Hours later when you returned home, your husband was enjoying a cup of tea while Cameron happily drank his formula while enjoying the warmth emanating from his father's arms.
You could say they had a good day.
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everything you need to make your own personal beauty binder 🎀
disclaimer: this post is heavily inspired by @tomb-of-ligeia and @daphne-dauphinoise, and early 2010s beauty youtubers. it’s always kind to credit your inspo <3
inspired by the lookbooks and makeup charts used by makeup artists designers at high fashion runways shows and childhood bratz coloring and activity books. the law of attraction is at use heavily with this binder (writing down goals and wishlists)!
you should be keeping diy recipes you find in here.
*you don’t need a physical binder. some people function better with digital mediums. i prefer anything physical and concrete. but you can do all this in something like a notion, or your notes app, etc.
why? 🎀
a cute girly hobby (esp for type A, anal retentive, or analytical personalities/extremely creative, hands on people) to keep track of your routines, motivate you to keep yourself maintained, and figure out what works best for you. it’s nothing too serious, just a girly pastime for people that maybe buy too many products, slip up on routines, or don’t what looks best on your features. have fun!
what to record in your binder? 🎀
an intro sheet 10 different topics divided by tabbed sections: your personal features, makeup, body, fashion, skincare, hair, fragrance, nails, treatments/procedures, salons/spas/referrals/contacts 🎀
intro sheet 🎀
here, you should keep your goals, desired look, and how you want to perceive yourself.
your personal features
a chart of your color season. mine is cool winter. you can use color season for whatever, i choose to apply it to my makeup.
your natural body shape. this will help you choose the best clothes to flatter your silhouette.
a close up, unfiltered clear photo of your bare face. note your skin type, color, undertone, and any other things that stand out to you.
note what you wanna enhance and what you wanna improve. this will help throughout your binder.
makeup
put on a light layer of every lipstick/lip gloss/etc. you have and make kiss shaped swatches in your binder. note the shade, brand, and finish. then the mood/occasion in which you’d wear it.
swatch all your lip liners, again leaving the details of the product.
swatch your foundation shades. note the finish, name and brand.
make a sheet dedicated to all your “holy grail”, essential products.
swatch your eyeshadow palettes. i have all my shimmer pigments swatches and it’s the prettiest thing to look at.
do you have any go to makeup looks? your casual look, going out look, no makeup makeup look, etc.? do these looks and take high quality pics. make personalized face charts by printing them out and noting the steps and products you used.
take c*nty pics of your lashes after trying on all your mascaras/falsies. note the effects and when you would be most likely to wear them.
print out any pics of interesting makeup looks and products you wanna try.
try on lip combos and kiss swatch them. i’m doing this because i do amazing lip combos all the time but i forget which products i used, and it’s hard to replicate the look.
body
take a stick figure-esque picture of yourself and print it out. any outfit you want to buy, print and clip it out first and see if it’s something you’d wear and actually like.
are you experiencing any skin issues on your body and trying any products? keep track of the issue and how the products are doing.
if you don’t already have one, brainstorm workout routines and general wellness/fitness goals.
what are your fav body products? what products did you buy, and hate? TRACK THEM!
any detoxes/diets you’re doing should be recorded in this section.
record “beauty enhancing” foods and drinks here. mine include matcha, lemon water and acv shots.
fashion
outfit planning! take pics of pieces you already have and clip them out. (i’m doing this currently and keeping them all in a little pocket in my binder).
make a moodboard of your personal style(s). how do you want your closet to look? try to see what details, colors, additions are consistent throughout. when shopping, these are what you should keep track of.
print out your signature clothing color palette if you want to have one.
dedicate a page to accessories you have/want, and how you’d style them.
*this can be expensive but the fashion girls will prob love this* go to the fabric store and buy little swatches that you like. take note of what the fabric is and why you like it.
dedicate a page to all your signature details. all the little specific things that scream YOU and NO ONE else! that means do not write pink, girly, etc. here. that is not exclusive to you, hun.
skincare
take a current filter free photo (make it glam! tie your hair up in a ballerina bun and put on some cute earrings) of the state of your skin. if your skin is perfect, i’m jealous and how does it feel to be god’s fav? if not what problems are you experiencing?
log your current skincare routines and how they’re working.
make a page for your skin type, how it feels when you wake up and how it feels and looks by the end of the day and research tips to deal with your personal skin type.
skincare wishlist! list any products you wanna try and what they are for. sample them from ulta or sephora if it’s possible.
dedicate a page to the skincare ingredients your skin loves the MOST! mine are retinol, bha, and vitamin c.
i have a page for all the extra cute little skincare devices i want. on it there’s a stainless steel gua sha, an ice pack, facial steamer, and pink foreo.
hair
what’s your hair type, density, porosity and curl pattern?
write down any hair goals you have. mine is frizz free tailbone length caramel brown hair with honey blonde highlights by the end of this year.
what’s your signature hairstyle? do you have a signature? brainstorm here.
clip out hairstyle inspo from pinterest and insta and try to recreate all the looks!
what are your fav hair products? i keep track of the best curling creams and leave in conditioners for my hair personally.
take note of any trending products you wanna try.
fragrance
make a moodboard of how you wanna smell. after this, research notes and how they work together.
now track your fav perfumes, your most complimented, etc.
note what fragrances go with what occasion and how they make you feel.
make your perfume wishlist! my fav part!
nails
swatch all your polishes. label them and their finish.
what’s your signature/go to nail look?
do you have any pics of your fav mani + pedis? print them out and write the details you loved the most.
write down your at home mani and pedi routine and it’s frequency.
write your fav colors and styles to wear on your nails. mine are glittery pink, pale pink, white, cream, french tip and pink frenchie. a hyper girly twist on the classics.
treatments/procedures
take note of any surgeries or procedures you want done and what they do.
anything you leave the house to have done regularly, keep track here.
don’t limit yourself! forget your budget! what are some high maintenance treatments you wanna experience? manifest it.
references
write down the sources of which you find great info for beauty and fashion
keep addresses of your fav salons and spas.
keep business contacts of your fav estheticians, stylists, nail techs, etc.
use my branding yourself guide to assist in your beauty binder! so much inspo and so many good resources! 🎀
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As long as you want / Joel Miller x f!Reader
As long as you want - Joel!Miller x f!Reader
Part two
words: 5.3k
Summary: When you're injured in the stables one morning your patrol partner and enemy Joel Miller is the only one there to help.
Tags: Enemies to friends/lovers, Kissing, Mentions of Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, Mentions of Scars, Medication, Mentions of violence, Joel POV in parts, mentions of 'baby', Tooth-Rotting sweetness in parts, mutual pining. NO y/n.
a/n: Originally gonna be part of my ‘So Much to Lose’ story, but the characterizations didn’t feel right for it, so I made a few tweaks and now this is a one-shot.
Dedicated to @katiexpunk because she took the time to send me the sweetest most encouraging message filled with lots of advice and just damn fine support for a woman who sometimes feels invisible on this platform.
-----------------------------
On mornings you wake up earlier than usual it's because of anxiety.
You never know when it's going to hit because it's never logical. Sometimes it's a day you have patrols, sometimes its days you have nothing at all.
You've been an inhabitant of Jackson city for almost fourteen months. That's plenty of time for your nervous system to adjust, to know that you're not being chased by the infected or fighting malnourished raiders.
But your brain doesn't seem to grasp that yet. Every few months it wakes you before sunrise leaving you breathless and terrified until you adjust to your surroundings and remember that you are in your home. That you have a real home with a soft bed and easy access to food.
And yet those days, like today, you can't go back to sleep. You can't force your body to relax again. You're all nervous energy and you need to calm down.
Thankfully you've discovered one place that gives you that sense of calm; the stables with the horses used on patrols.
You shower and pull on your clothes and are out the door quickly. It's so early that Jackson city is still slumbering and the sky is still dark and will be for a while longer. So it's just you and the dirt path that leads to the stables for company.
You see your favorite dark brown horse Milly, the one you ride for patrols. The one who keeps you safe while you and your patrol partner survey the nearby areas.
The patrol partner that apparently can't sleep either because as you approach Milly you see him inside the stables petting Glimmer gently behind the ears.
Joel Miller.
Of course he's here, the annoying man. Not one moment of peace is possible for you today.
The patrol partner you've been stuck with for the last year. The man who vacillates between mute and mocking when he's around you.
You hold in a scowl as you view his shoulders flexing as he smoothes his large hand down her mane, murmuring in a low rasp.
He's an austere figure in Jackson. Aside from his brother, sister-in-law and Ellie you don't see him interact with many people. You don't even think he has a girlfriend.
Not that you would care if he did.
Not at all.
Well, sure when you first met him on patrols in his form fitting jeans and shirt that positively strained over his broad shoulders you had been intrigued. And the face wasn’t half bad either - strong nose, captivating eyes and under his patchy beard…
Don't think about his mouth.
So you'd introduced yourself, citing that you were excited to be working with a man of his reputation. Because he was already a legend in Jackson City before you arrived - Joel Miller was ruthless, a crack shot, a prolific fighter.
He'd blinked in reply at that before he'd opened his pouty mouth and all the burgeoning attraction that had been building came crashing down.
"Don't know why they stuck me with a newbie."
It had only gotten worse from there: Cutting remarks about how you held a gun, sarcastic observations about your riding. By the end of your first patrol you'd officially decided you hated him.
Over your time together the animosity had morphed from all out mutual derision to a comfortable dislike between you two. An antagonistic relationship built on banter and irritation.
The only truly good thing about Joel is Ellie. She’s funny and brash and you love chatting with her. Plus when you see then together that dark countenance Joel maintains gives way to a soft kindness that radiates from him.
But Ellie isn't here now in the stables. Only Joel with his salt and pepper curls and lean neck.
"Hey Miller," you say with an exasperated sigh. He turns abruptly, his dark eyes narrowing on your face.
"The fuck are you doin' here this early?"
"Could ask you the same," you mutter as you give Milly a pat.
"Couldn't sleep."
"Me neither."
Joel hums a reply, turning around to fully face you before leaning back on the stable wall. He watches you petting the horse and takes in the dark circles under your normally expressive eyes.
"You look like shit."
"How charming," you muse darkly. "It's a wonder you're still single."
Joel huffs a laugh, his mouth curling into a crooked grin.
That fucking mouth.
When it's not curled into a sneer or a smirk aimed in your direction you can't help but notice it's so soft looking. Plush, pink lips that don't fit the rest of his stern face.
Stop.
"I do just fine in that department don't you worry," Joel offers in that typical confident yet abrasive way of his.
"In that case you should ask out Martha next," you say in a voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm sure she'd love some one-on-one time with Jackson city's most mysterious and handsome bachelor."
Martha is one of Jackson's kitchen workers. She's almost seventy and has a very obvious crush on Joel because she mentions how handsome he is at every opportunity.
You smirk to yourself at the thought of him taking her to dinner. You don't even notice that he's drawn over to you petting Milly until you feel his breath on the back of your head.
"So you think I'm handsome?"
It comes out of Joel in an exhale, raspy and amused when he sees you sputter. You glance at him over your shoulder, eyes wide. He's close, close enough to touch.
"No. I-I mean, it's just that- that's what Martha says," you say, feeling your cheeks heating. "About you being handsome and stuff. Not me."
Joel rarely looks this amused in your presence, but right now he's grinning so broadly a dimple has appeared in his right cheek. He's so close you can feel the warmth of his body.
"You sure, darlin'?" He teases his voice dropping to a purr. "You’re gettin' mighty flustered."
Darlin'.
That's new.
You hate how your pulse hiccups at the sound of it.
"Get over yourself, Miller," you manage in a shaky scoff before letting yourself into the pen with Milly, desperate to escape Joel's proximity.
You feel his eyes on you and in a panic you move behind Milly to reach for the hairbrush propped on the fencing.
"Watch it-" Joel starts.
It's your own fault what happens next.
Milly makes a terrified whinny and kicks out her back legs. You feel a sharpness in your side that takes your breath away, knocking you into the side of the pen. Milly makes another jolting motion and you feel Joel's hand pulling you back sharply as you yelp, clutching at your ribs.
Joel guides you out of the pen with a hand on your shoulder, dark eyes peering into your face when you both exit.
"Why the fuck did you move behind her?"
"I wasn't thinking," you groan, doubling over and resting your head against the nearest wooden stall. "Fuck."
It's a miracle you weren't too close. If you'd felt the full weight of Milly's power you wouldn't still be standing, albeit curled.
Joel stares at you, noting that you're white in the face, your spine bowed. You're clearly in a lot of pain.
"C'mon," Joel says, tugging the loop of your jeans, trying to prompt you into continuing to walk. "S'go."
"Where?"
"The clinic," he answers gruffly. "Stop wastin' time. C'mon."
"I can't move," you tell him, tears of pain slipping down your nose as you double over. "It hurts too much."
Joel mutters something under his breath before he strides away from you and out of the stables. You wait a few moments and when he doesn't return you feel a shocked puff of air escape you.
He just left you. Abandoned you in some of the worst pain of your life. You knew Joel Miller was an asshole you just didn't realize how much.
You fall to your knees, clutching at your side, the scent of hay and horse suffocating you. You wish you'd never come. Never tried to bond with another living creature.
Your head moves up slowly when you hear voices and footsteps from outside approaching. To your shock Joel and a tall woman with silver hair are there and Joel is murmuring to her.
"..n't sure if I should move her."
"Good you didn't," the woman assures him. "Could've done more damage."
The two of them move over to you and the woman urges you to breathe deeply after she introduces herself as Gemma the town nurse. You do, wincing loudly as a sharp pain nips your left right side.
"Fuck!"
Joel is standing back by the stables, petting Glimmer absently. When he hears you cry out his brows rise.
Gemma urges you to lift your shirt so she can see if there is swelling or bruising. You try but cry out in pain so she quickly lifts the hem of your shirt, tugging it up to just under your breasts. You panic when you realize you don't have a bra on.
"A bit of swelling," she tsks as her calloused hands sweep gently over your midsection. You whimper at the sensation, every swipe feels like agony.
You flush when you realize Joel is staring over at you and his eyes linger along the bare skin of your abdomen on display. He catches your attention on him and quickly looks away, nonplussed.
"Nothing's broken from what I can tell," Gemma hums thoughtfully.
"Doesn't feel like it from where I'm standing."
Gemma smirks and you think you catch a hint of amusement cross Joel's features.
"Likely a bruised rib," Gemma says with a concerned furrow of her brows. "You shouldn't be doing patrols. Not for a few weeks until this heals. You need plenty of rest, fluids and ice."
A strange feeling overtakes you then. Something between elation and disappointment at the thought you won't be going to do patrols for a bit. You don't understand why. You and Joel rarely get along, you should be thankful for the break. But you suppose you'll miss the consistent schedule.
"I brought a few painkillers I could spare," Gemma offers, rummaging in her coat pocket. She opens the glass bottle to reveal less than a few dozen white pills that you don't recognize lining the bottom.
"Is that all we have for painkillers?" You ask, concerned. "For the whole town?"
"For now these and a few dozen bottles of aspirin," Gemma nods. "When there's less snow we'll be able to scour around for more."
You look at the paltry selection and shake your head. "Nah, I'm okay. I'll just go home and rest."
"You'll take one right now," Gemma orders. "And you'll take a few more to get you through the night."
"I'll take two total," you negotiate, taking the first and swallowing it dry. The second goes into your jeans pocket.
You wait a few moments until the pill begins to take effect. It could be psychological but you feel like it makes it manageable to start walking.
"When you're getting up and down hug a pillow to your middle," she instructs. "Helps lessen the pain of the strain."
"Okay," you nod as you begin to shuffle. "Thanks a lot."
"Joel," Gemma turns to the lurking figure at the end of the stall. "You'll walk her home?"
Joel nods just as you shake your head.
"That's not necessary."
Gemma fixes you with a look she must have given dozens of obstinate patients over the years.
"Have you ever tried to climb stairs with a bruised rib?"
"No."
"Thought not. Let him walk you home and get you into bed."
You go to deny this but Joel is already herding you towards the path that leads to your neighborhood.
"S'go."
You walk slowly, shuffling down the street after Joel who walks at least three paces ahead of you. You don't mind, you don't really feel like chatting.
"Why'd you try to turn down the painkillers?" He throws over his shoulder as if just to annoy you.
"Because there weren't that many," you say grimacing. "And I'm not in that much pain."
He pauses, waiting for you to catch up. His dark eyes survey your hunched stance.
"Liar."
You keep shuffling, trying to ignore the irritation you feel at his curious expression.
"Yeah it hurts a bit but it's nothing compared to Chester's broken leg from chopping wood last month is it?" You reason, starting to feel a bit spacey from the drugs. "And what if something like that happens to someone else and I took up all the supplies because of a bruised ribi brought upon myself? I'd feel terrible."
"You shouldn't have been in the fucking stables to begin with," Joel says darkly. "Then you wouldn't have had to use any."
"I wanted to see the horses."
"They ain't pets."
"I’m aware," you throw back angrily. "But being with them in there makes me feel calm."
"Try meditatin' next time," Joel bites out.
You've arrived at the bottom of your front porch steps and you're all out of patience for Joel Miller.
"You can just leave me here. G'night."
"I'm followin' the doctor’s orders," Joel snipes, taking you by the arm so you can lean against him as you walk. "S'go, I don't have all day."
You grumble as you lean into his muscled arms, hating that you need to rely on him in any way.
"Quit complainin'," Joel grits out. You wince in pain and embarrassment as he slips an arm around your waist, the other hand on your free forearm helping you up the stairs.
"Slow," Joel murmurs. "Slowly now."
His voice is low and rumbled. You feel his breath on your temple as you take each step, wincing at the pain.
"Yep, just like that," Joel continues, his fingers curling around your hip as you take another step slowly. "Good girl."
Good girl.
It's the same way he talks to the horses. That gentle, husky coo. You know he doesn't mean it sexually but that doesn't stop it from hitting you directly below the navel.
You unlock the door, confused when Joel follows you inside. He scans the humble single story home, eyes falling on the paintings on the walls, the guitar by the fireplace.
He didn't know you played guitar. Or painted.
Joel knows you like to read, that you had a brother who died when he was young. He knows that your hair knots easily in the wind and that you hate the porridge in the dining hall. He's passively gathered information on you over the months patrolling together. But this? This is all new information to be stored.
He glances at you hobbling towards the bedroom and feels a mixture of irritation and pity go through him at the sight. He hates seeing you in pain and he feels a wave of protectiveness seep into his bones.
"Don't go in the pens anymore," Joel instructs. "I'm serious. It's not safe."
You turn around just so you can glare at him properly. He's standing by your table, acting as if he belongs there.
"You don't give me orders in my house, Miller," you say without thinking. "You're just mad I won't be around to deal with you on patrols and you'll have to do them alone because no one else in town can stand you."
The second it leaves your tongue Joel's face goes pinched and a cold. A cold, sticky sensation crawls along your insides at the sight of it.
"I'm sorry," you say quickly. "Fuck. That was such a shitty thing to say. Especially since you went and got me help. I'm just tired and in pain."
Joel nods slowly, his face as always, unreadable.
"Really, I didn't mean it,” you insist. “I'm sorry."
"I know you are," he huffs.
"So you forgive me?"
"Nothin' to forgive," Joel offers in a tired rasp. He takes you by the waist again, shuffling you into the bedroom. "C'mon."
He eyes your bedroom as the two of you shuffle into it, taking in the dried flowers in the window, the scattered books on the end of your bed. He smiles to himself at the sight.
"Couldn't decide what to read?"
"Read 'em all," you say walking slowly to the bed. "No new ones that interest me at the library so I was seeing which one I'd re-read."
You go to lower yourself onto the mattress but stop when Joel frowns at you and his hand taps your shoulder gently.
"You're gonna sleep in your clothes?"
You shrug. "I'll manage."
"You're covered in mud and hay," he states flatly.
You go to grumble that you don't particularly care when you feel Joel's large hands land on the buttons of your jacket.
"What're you-"
"Hold still," he murmurs with his eyes on his fingers as he unbuttons all ten of the fasteners on your long jacket. You wince when he pulls it off of you, delicately.
He's being gentle with you.
Joel is never gentle with you. He’s caustic and points out when you fuck up. He makes you carry heavy lumber with him when repairs need to be done. But now he’s touching you as if you’re made of spun glass.
He drapes your jacket over the chair by the window before returning to see you fighting with your jeans button. It hurts to move your arms like that right now. Every inhale is like a stab. Frustrated tears are sliding down your cheeks.
Joel doesn't like the sight of your tears. It makes him close the distance between the two of you quickly, chocolate eyes soft.
"Let me," he says business-like. "We'll do this quick and you can get into bed."
You want to deny him but you know he's right. You don't want to wake up tomorrow even more stiff, wearing dirty clothes and unable to undress yourself enough to shower. His fingers are at the waistband of your jeans and you're impossibly thankful he doesn't make the fatal mistake of meeting your glassy eyes.
Joel's fingers deftly pop your jean button then slowly lower the zipper. You hear him take a soft inhale before his thumbs curl at the waistband, dragging them over your hips and letting the denim fall to your knees.
You look to his face and you see his eyes flit from yours back down to his boots.
"Sleep clothes?"
"Dresser."
He nods, turning from you. Your cheeks burn, your heartbeat picking up the pace. Fuck, it must be the pill.
He pulls out a cotton nightdress as you clumsily step out of your muddy jeans. You cover your front with your hands the best you can, feeling shy standing there without pants in front of Joel of all people.
"Feels weird to be going to bed in the morning," you offer in the awkward silence.
He's back, eyes on your t-shirt, trying not to notice the high cut of your panties or the fact that you look so fucking enticing standing there with your shapely legs on display.
Joel is uncomfortably aware that he's not gonna be able to take off your t-shirt without getting hard and he doesn't want you feeling worse than you already are. He knows how much you despise him.
"T-shirt is clean," he reasons. "Can probably sleep in that."
"Yeah totally," you agree quickly looking between Joel and the bed.
You groan and blink a few times because a strange fuzz has started in your brain.
"You should go," you swallow, trying to ignore the arousal building in your core. "I'll be fine."
"I'm makin' sure you get into bed alright."
"Then what? You gonna read me a story and tuck me in?"
You're surprised when a soft giggle escapes from you.
"Stubborn brat," Joel mutters, even though his mouth is fighting against a grin. "Get in the fuckin' bed."
You feel oddly relaxed, even fond of the annoying man when you watch Joel pulling back the blankets of your bed for you. Regret and shame quickly follow when you recall your hard words from earlier.
"I'm sorry about what I said," you tell him quietly.
“You already said that.”
"Lots of people like you in town."
"No they don't," Joel says with a shake of his head and a grim smile. "My brother and Ellie are about the only ones who like talkin' to me."
"And me," you add with a yawn.
"Only cuz you got stuck doin' patrols with me. You gotta talk with me for those."
"I don't mind talking to you," you tell him honestly. "Sometimes I think you're funny."
Joel straightens, noticing the soft dreamy quality to your voice. He sees you swaying as you stand and he approaches you quickly. He peers into your face, seeing your pupils like large saucers and holds in a chuckle.
The irritation you feel towards Joel has been replaced by a dizzying bliss that has you smiling dopily as he nears.
"Drugs are workin' I see," Joel observes and his voice seems far away even though he's standing so close.
"Mhmm," you purr, leaning back before wincing and grabbing your side. "Oh fuck."
"Take it easy," Joel grumbles and his dark eyes swim into view. Have his eyes always been so pretty?
Joel I think..." you mumble something after that. You don't even know what you're saying. It's possible you're just making gibberish noises.
He leans closer, eyes squinting as he tries to parse the unintelligible stream of random sounds. His mouth is so full, his lips so sweet looking.
Something about his face so close and the lack of inhibitions from the medication has you feeling bold.
You move your face towards his so quickly he doesn't have time to shift back. Your mouth crashes into Joel's, lips slotting between his.
His lips are so soft. Full and soft and warm. You groan in delight as your hands go to his collar. You try to deepen the kiss, your tongue trying to slip between the seam of his lips but Joel is pulling back, his hands taking yours from his collar.
"The fuck are you doin'?"
There's a part of you that knows what you've just done is insane. But that part is so quiet, so far away. All you can feel right now is contentment and you smile up at him with eyes almost closed. He drops your hands.
"Mmm...Your lips are soft."
Joel is staring at you, mouth hanging open in slight surprise. You want to kiss him again but you're so fatigued from the medication you just give a yawn and feel your eyes shut firmly.
"M'tired."
"C'mon now sleepin' beauty," Joel chides, guiding you by the small of your back to the bed. He sits you on the edge of the mattress before placing a pillow into your arms.
"Squeeze it as you lay back."
"M'kay," you say doing as he asks, your eyes still closed.
He watches you, grimacing himself when you let out a soft yelp as you lay back on the bed. He waits for you to unclench before taking the pillow from your arms and tugging the blanket up to your chest.
"Lips are so soft," you say again as his face hovers above you. "How are they so fucking soft?"
Joel tries to hide the amused grin on his face. You're so loopy it's quite endearing. He can't wait to tease you about this when you're back at patrols. He can picture your scowl now, the flush that rises on your neck first and then your cheeks when you're embarrassed.
"Are my lips soft?" you ask in a concerned voice.
Joel licks his lips subconsciously, replaying your mouth on his. A sensation he's trying not to fixate on.
"Yeah," he finally relents in a husky whisper. "Real soft."
Plump and soft and sweet and everything he's been imagining they would be.
Without thinking he reaches over and brushes the hair from your eyes, taken by surprise when your hand weakly takes his wrist.
"Kiss me again, Miller."
"I can't."
"Please," you beg, your eyes cracking open. You start to whine and shift towards him in the bed before the pain hits you sharply and you wince.
"Fine, just lay back," Joel grumbles even as his heart picks up its pace in his chest. You do as he asks, sleepy eyes glancing up at him.
He leans forward and gives your cheek a chaste kiss before pulling back. He has to hide the amused chuckle when he sees your grumpy face.
"I wanted a real kiss."
"That was a real kiss."
"I meant on the lips."
"Tell you what," Joel says, greatly amused. "If you can look me in the eyes tomorrow when you're med free and ask me to kiss you, I will."
"Promise?"
"Yep and I'll make it a good one."
"Okay," your medicated self agrees quickly. "I'll ask tomorrow."
He knows you won't. You won't remember anything. He takes a seat at the edge of your bed, watching you slip into slumber.
Joel knows that he doesn't have to sit here any longer. He's got you in bed, you're drifting off, his job is done. And yet he lingers, watching your face go placid before you seem to wake yourself up.
"I've wanted to kiss you for so long, Miller."
"Uh huh," Joel says with disbelief clear in his voice as he plumps the pillow next to your head in case you need it. "I'm sure."
"You don't believe me?"
"Go to sleep."
"Member that day we went on patrols by Westons?" You slur eyes half closed. "And there weren't enough horses and we had to share one?"
Joel is surprised that you remember that. It was almost eight months ago.
"Uh huh," Joel nods, leaning back from where he sits at the edge of the bed. "Yeah, I remember."
"And we got to that clearing and you helped me down so we could do a perimeter check?"
"Yup."
"Yup."
"I wanted to kiss you then," you share. "When your hands were on my waist and you were smiling ... down at me. I thought... You were... so ... Handsome and... You smelled so good... Like leather n'..."
Joel sucks in a lungful of air slowly as he watches you fall back into a light doze. Your hand on your abdomen rises and falls as you begin to snore lightly.
Joel remembers that day at Westons. He remembers the way your arms felt wrapped around his middle, your body tight against his back as he rode with you on the horse.
He remembers that his horse was taller than you were used to riding. How you'd hesitated asking for his help to get down because he knew how prideful you were.
He had rolled his eyes, holding out his arms to you before you'd even had to ask him.
"C'mon now. Stop wastin' time."
You'd said something scathing back to him before allowing him to pull you into his arms.
He remembers the sound of your breath in his ear and the way your sweet scent enveloped him. You'd clung to him, slowly sliding down the length of his broad body before standing on the ground. His hands had lingered on your waist, smiling down at you in amusement at your discomfiture.
But then the gaze had lasted a little too long when he realized at this proximity he could see so many details in your face. The length of your lashes, the deep color of your eyes, the beckoning curve of your lips.
He'd always thought you were pretty. From day one he'd been enraptured by your smile. An attraction he hadn't felt since Sarah's mom. A frightening feeling that had him scowling at you and turning from you.
He remembers how he went home that night drunk on the memory of your soft body against his. He remembers how he fell asleep aching at the memory of your lips and eyes.
He remembers how ever since that day he's tried to convince himself he isn't attracted to you. That he isn't excited every day he has patrols with you because he gets hours of you to himself.
It's the reason he was at the stables so early this morning. Knowing he'd be on patrols with you tomorrow had him keyed up.
Joel doesn't like people getting close. It's easier to have most everyone hate him. And even as the months went on and your wit and humor broke through his outer wall, he still worked to keep you out.
But now you've all but admitted how you feel about him. And even if you forget it all tomorrow, he heard it tonight. The truth revealed. It makes his legs feel weak to know that the attraction exists on both sides.
"Joel?"
Your voice is soft but he sees the furrow of your brow. You're awake and anxiously looking for him in the darkness. Something about that small action makes his breath unsteady.
"I'm here, baby."
The soft smile you shoot his way makes Joel's insides turn to jelly. He doesn't even cringe when he belatedly realizes the pet name. You won't remember it.
When your eyes find his silhouette in the fading darkness he sees you visibly relax.
"I was worried you were gone."
"Nope. Been here the whole time."
"Good," you breathe before yawning so widely your jaw cracks. Joel sidles closer to you on the bed, his dark eyes scanning your face.
"You feeling okay? Any pain?"
"No pain," you say dreamily. "Just sleepy."
"Go to sleep then," Joel soothes, unable to keep the affection from his voice. "Doctor’s orders."
You nod and he thinks you're nodding off when your hand reaches for him.
"Come lay next to me," you say with a cracked voice. "Please?"
Joel hesitates before he sees you trying to sit up to convince him. You're gonna be in worse pain tomorrow if you keep that up.
"Fine fine. Just stop squirmin'."
He toes off his boots and slips off his jacket, placing it over the chair holding yours. After a moment of hesitation he lowers himself onto the mattress next to you, overtop the blanket. He hears your soft sigh as your head tilts towards him.
He rolls onto his side so he can face you, seeing your eyes closed languidly.
Your sweet face is highlighted in the dawning sun coming in from the window and Joel feels his heart throb at the sight. He sees you fighting sleep, eyelids fluttering.
"Go to sleep, baby," he murmurs. His fingers rise between the two of you coming to trace along your cheek. "Just go to sleep."
You give a soft exhale.
"Feels good having you here, Joel."
Joel feels himself melt at those words, his long fingers finding yours on the bed. He takes your smaller hand in his, rubbing your knuckles with his calloused thumb gently.
"Will you stay for a while?" You whisper, your eyelids growing still as your body goes sluggish.
He smiles over at your placid face and answers you even though he's fairly certain you've fallen back asleep.
"I'll stay as long as you want."
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1st LORD IN HOUSES
1st house is the house of self. It represents appearance, first impressions, identity, goodwill.
1st lord in 1st house
this is strengthening the 1st house. So native here will be attractive, and will possess an attractive body. People will like them and they will also leave a good impression. People with 1st lord in 1st house tend to have a dominant presence. But this placement makes the person indecisive and many times confused. They also can get too much into physical appearances.
1st lord in 2nd house
Natives here tend to earn a lot. This is also because they spend a lot of time wandering how they earn money. They have a good family background and their parents also support them. They also have many amenities. This is considered lucky for business as however they plan to earn, it will be successful. This placement also grant the natives good eyes
1st lord in 3rd house
Natives here have good relationships with their siblings. They also are social person and are liked by other people. They also are hardworking, intelligent and are very concentrated on their work. They can be successful in work where they have to communicate or travel. They also are brave and can be athletic.
1st lord in 4th house
Natives here will have a good relationship with their mother. They will also get some kind of benefit from her. It is believed that people with this placement are good at driving. They will also have a lot of fixed assets like houses, cars. School education must have been good. They also tend to be homebodies as self is in the house of home.
1st lord in 5th house
Natives here will be religious or spiritual. They will also be intelligent and creative. If Rahu/Ketu is not in 5th house then people with this placement loves kids and may want to have their own. They will also be able to graduate from a good college/ university. They also tend to be in many relationships and have a natural charisma which is one of the reason why many people get attracted to them.
1st lord in 6th house
Natives here will find peace by working for society. They might be inclined towards career related to law or medical. They will also have many enemies like people who don't wish well for them. They will also be highly concerned about their health so they may be inclined towards working out or doing self-care. However, they might have weak immune system.
1st lord in 7th house
Natives here are very focused on forming relationships and partnerships. They tend to develop self-identity through them. Their focus is more on serious relationships like marriage. People with this placement are good at communicating socially.
Observation: People with 1st lord in the 7th house tend to love their partners more. (but only in serious relationships).
1st lord in 8th house
Natives here are mysterious and good at secret-keeping. They are inclined towards spirituality. It is believed that people with this placement tend to live long life. There might have been also several circumstances where they had to share their things with others like inheritance. They also go through a lot of transformations in their life.
1st lord in 9th house
Natives here are considered extremely lucky since the house of self is going into the house of destiny. They will be able to do Masters or post-graduation from a good college/ university. People will respect them a lot. People with this placement tend to have a self made life. And person here always works according to their values and morals.
1st lord in 10th house
Natives here have good relationship with their father. He will also support them a lot. They also tend to have self-made life. They achieve lots of success in their career. Person here is motivated to be in a leading position. Generally, people with this placement find it difficult to work under people.
1st lord in 11th house
Natives here have good relationships with their elder siblings. This placement is considered as wish-fulfilment. It is believed that people with 1st lord in 11th house tend to live a long life. The person here has a huge social circle. They may also be inclined towards donating for the betterment of society.
1st lord in 12th house
Natives here can live in a foreign country. The person here is religious and philosophical in nature. They may also find peace by being with themselves and trying to know their self. They have good intuition and are very imaginative.
Observation: People with 1st lord in 12th house tend to be unhappy with their physical self. Like either they get sick easily, unhappy with their body or anything.
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