tell me something you think about often but seldom talk about
personal/family history. I mean the really nitty gritty memoir worthy reflections and replays that pop up in my head way too often w/o my consent. stuff I’ve never told anyone and never will bc I can’t imagine how it wouldn’t demean me to share it or be used as a weapon against me. maybe not even an active weapon anyone would use but like. one they would have on hand bc I forged it and put it in their hands. it’s a good thing previous attempts to open up to ppl have been met w indifference tbh bc it’s saved my very mouthy when angsty self a lot of complication. it happened. irregularly and not linear and painfully random but I dealt w/ it. I did a beautiful job even if no one else thinks so or notices or cares. and the burden of being more willfully weighed down by this history and these patterns that the family who experienced it too but from different angles choose to dismiss and ridicule me for paying attn to so they can cope better but in exchange never learn better (not that it matters, life treats them all better too so these are not skills they need to have ig) has to pay off. I have to offset the paralysis and stress of that awareness and overseriousness by making the blooming and withering stages of my life grow into polar opposites to what my baby self had to witness and be taught unintentionally to look forward to. If I get married it will be a fairytale/beyond beautiful and blessed and beneficial compared to anything I could dream up now. If I ever work full time to support myself it will be with hefty experience behind me and a strong foundation and enough drive to never regret trying not to betray myself and become somebody else’s problem despite my own capabilities. If I find the kind of companionship that I don’t yearn for but have been told I should, it’s still going to be childless. If I grow up and get to live alone I am going to have real true blue similar in thoughtfulness and synced in social battery IRL friends who don’t stress me and prove to me my best bubbly reliable capable self I haven’t been able to wake up in too long is still in there just being THEMselves. I will never again have to be suffocated by people who dismiss and ridicule me at every turn and feel like I am just putting up with every interaction for a greater good that excludes me. I will not always be made to be the weirdo or the moody one or the uncool lame NPC with nothing to say that anyone can disrespect. etc etc etc. if I don’t have these things I’m still building and I owe this mindset to the despicable truths I was forced to learn as a child at the hands of ppl I could not feel more complicated abt. It made no sense for me to see it and it was fucked but that’s why I’m going to make it make sense and control what I can. I’m rewriting life bc as of now I can’t shake the perception that it’s truly rotten and not worth it. Idk what u would call this paradoxical motivation. It’s not spite it’s smth else. a prolonged last mad dash to a destination that’s mythical in quality but plausible. not impossible
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hello followers who enjoy hsr btw 😁 as im in the limbo of interests i might draw more of those guys so i hope you will have a good time here 🫡
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my younger sister made a comment over the holidays where she said something like "every time i come home for a holiday, you always have a new weird thing you're really into" (she said this in an impressed way, not a mean way)
and i mean. its true. i've had bnha, fnaf, bill and ted, wrestling, (etc, i cannot remember everything LOL) and several different craft projects/hobbies, all things i'd previously shown zero interest in until suddenly it was smth i was thinking constantly about
but now i feel kind of bad bc this time she's coming home again and i have absolutely nothing new (that i can share w her) and i feel like its expected at this point FDSJKL but i've got ... nothing to show her
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me when i can't decide what to draw so i do a bit of everything (VERY rough sketches under the cut)
a peek into my drawing process fhdkdl just blocking out the bottom one, and actually going into forms and proper posing for the top right, and top left has had me struggling all evening and i still have to mess with it a bit more ( ╥ω╥ )
i realized tonight that most of the flustering I've had going on in drawings has been juno flustering guz which is so funny bc i am the easiest person in the world to fluster so why haven't i drawn more of that,,, i think maybe i just wanna make that boy blush DBDJDKL
also it seems Too Obvious maybe to draw him flustering me,,, makes it a little more interesting to have big bad guz.ma being the one who's flustered (≖ᴗ≖๑)
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Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: 龍が如く | Ryuu ga Gotoku | Yakuza (Video Games)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Kiryu Kazuma/Majima Goro, Kiryu Kazuma & Sawamura Haruka, Majima Goro & Sawamura Haruka
Characters: Kiryu Kazuma, Majima Goro, Sawamura Haruka
Additional Tags: Domestic, Babysitting, Family Drama, Kissing, Sleepy Kisses, Denial of Feelings, Kiryu has trouble being open with people, Majima is Good With Kids, Light Angst
Summary:
Kiryu is seriously rethinking his choice of babysitter, but it's not like he has many options. Luckily for him, Majima is a man of many talents.
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I’ve decided my new hobby is scouring the Internet for fetus 5SOS pictures people might not have seen before. Apologies if it gets annoying lol
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I don't have like, a ton of followers or anything, but just fyi I'm making efforts to compartmentalize myself a little bit less! So I'm gonna be reblogging things here more often (mostly/especially art!!!!)
if you want to see TONS of shitposts tho, I will still be maintaining my blog @waveknight2 which is 100% reblogs and lots of them.
Also if you're an artist who is seeing this, reply (with your art tag if you have one but if not thats ok too) so I can look through ur blog and share some stuff
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