#why the fudge am i taking this class

[saintsenara]

honestly is there a single competent teacher at Hogwarts? Any teacher I can think of with more than 10 lines of dialogue is a pedagogical disaster. Very shippable disasters though, for which I am grateful because your page has made me giggle all week.

maybe Sprout.

honestly, anon? no.

that school is a basket case and the older i get the more my sympathy for cornelius fudge increases. imagine getting the call where dumbledore says "heyyyyy... so, i hired what i thought was an ex-auror who was retired from the service because of serious ptsd, gave him no teacher training, let him perform illegal curses on children for fun, and then it turns out he was an escaped convict trying to resurrect the dark lord all along. lmao."

i'd have devoted myself to trying to discredit him too.

and so, for fun and profit, i think it's only fair for us to establish an official competency ranking of the teaching staff at hogwarts during the period 1991-1998... points on for having a basic grasp of the material, points off for anyone who nearly dies in your class.

1. wilhelmina grubbly-plank, care of magical creatures

genuinely, professor grubbly-plank is the only person we meet in all seven books who seems to be an uncomplicatedly good teacher. she's got a series of well-defined lesson plans which feature a mixture of guided and independent study and which work in a tangible way towards exams, she has clear authority in the classroom but is never unreasonable or cruel, she's demonstrably able to lead a practical class which involves wild animals which might behave dangerously or unpredictably without there ever being any concerns about student safety, she takes an active pastoral role [such as when she helps heal hedwig's injured wing, reassuring harry enormously], she's collegial [she shares her lessons plans with hagrid in goblet of fire, and she refuses to criticise his teaching to umbridge], and she's admired by all of her pupils except harry [who is nonetheless begrudgingly forced to admit that she's incredibly good at her job].

plus, her aesthetic is iconic.

=2. filius flitwick, charms; pomona sprout, herbology

in joint second place, we have these two.

both sprout and flitwick spend canon seeming to be pretty good at their jobs - they have interesting lesson plans which seem to balance theoretical and practical work well and which prepare their pupils properly for exams, their pupils like them and enjoy their lessons, they're both excellent at the pastoral side of their jobs [sprout's gentle encouragement of neville is really lovely], and they're adored by their colleagues.

they lose marks for lax classroom discipline. harry, ron, and hermione are constantly yapping away in both charms and herbology - with harry and ron frequently failing to understand what they're supposed to be learning because they were too busy have a chat.

=4. remus lupin, defence against the dark arts; septima vector, arithmancy

two teachers here who earn their placement on the list by having one pupil who considers them life-alteringly inspiring.

for lupin, this is dean thomas - whose constant state of readiness to throw hands to defend his honour is one of his greatest character traits. for vector, it's hermione.

obviously, they're both well-qualified, well-prepared, engaging, and [at least in lupin's case, but i can't see why it wouldn't also be the case for vector] well-regarded by their colleagues.

they don't rank higher because lupin loses marks for endangering his students by not disclosing his knowledge that the presumed-to-be-a-death-eater sirius has a means of entering hogwarts without detection [i understand why he does this from a characterisation point of view, but it's inexcusable from a safeguarding one] and because vector teaches an elective subject which is implied to only attract bright, engaged pupils - and therefore has an easier time in the classroom than someone trying to get a student like crabbe through their exams.

5. minerva mcgonagall, transfiguration

in comes minnie mac at number five.

unsurprisingly, her solid curriculum, excellent classroom discipline, high-regard among her colleagues and pupils, support of student extracurricular activities, and investment in helping her pupils pursue the careers they want all give her points.

she loses marks, however, for the fact that she is so casually disdainful of pupils who aren't instinctively good at her subject - which suggests that she doesn't know how to adapt her material so it can be understood by every student she teaches. like dumbledore, she seems to have an identifiable favouritism for brilliant students - who she seems to permit to get away with much more than students she considers average or dull - which probably doesn't endear her to anyone who doesn't get that treatment.

on her pastoral approach, though, i don't think that it matters too much that she's not particularly nurturing - even though she's a head of house. she seems to be good at responding to genuine distress and managing genuine crises with empathy, and the "pull yourself together" vibes she takes in response to more trivial dramas is because she's a presbyterian scotswoman.

6. severus snape, potions & defence against the dark arts

the one on this list that i imagine will be controversial...

because snape is a dick in the classroom - not denying that - but he's also, in terms of his pupils' exam performance, clearly the most successful teacher in the entire school. he can fill his newt-level classes despite only admitting those with outstanding grades, and he expects every pupil he teaches to pass owl-level potions and seems not to be disappointed. hermione reveals that he does teach the theory of potions and the discipline's wider application - harry and ron just don't listen - and that she thinks his lessons are interesting.

snape loses marks - obviously - for his general vibe, although i think he should be allowed some leeway for his dickhead behaviour since potions is clearly a subject in which not paying attention and not being able to follow instructions properly is dangerous [hence why i've been a trevor hater since day one].

i suppose he should also be allowed some leeway because it's a genre requirement for a school story to have a theatrically evil teacher. but he's not getting it - since he clearly enjoys the role so much.

7. horace slughorn, potions

marks on for encouraging independent thinking and for clearly being able to hold a classroom's attention. marks off for not learning the names of pupils he's indifferent to, getting his favourite pupils drunk, and for having no follow-up questions to "hello, sir. i'd like to commit some murders."

8. charity burbage, muggle studies

entirely because i think it's genuinely admirable - and, indeed, far more admirable than the fact that the order of the phoenix all happily keep working for the state following voldemort's takeover - that she publishes an article in the daily prophet, to which her real name is attached, explicitly refuting blood-supremacist rhetoric when she must know that a blood-supremacist government is about to come into power.

marks off because the fact that even wizards who've taken her class appear to know fuck all about muggle society means that she can't be particularly good at her job.

9. firenze, divination

marks on because his pupils love him, marks off because that's a tremendously low bar to clear given... trelawney.

him telling his classes that divination is a bullshit, made-up subject is iconic, though.

10. "alastor moody", defence against the dark arts

i think it's genuinely impressive that he manages to go from being imprisoned under the imperius curse for a decade straight into planning a full year's lesson plans [which his pupils love] and doesn't have a breakdown.

marks off because of literally everything else.

=11. all the miscellaneous teachers: aurora sinistra, astronomy; silvanus kettleburn, care of magical creatures; bathsheba babbling, ancient runes

they seem fine.

14. rolanda hooch, flying

full respect to her for managing to wangle a full-time salary out of an annual workload made up of teaching one lesson [badly] and refereeing six quidditch matches.

15. quirinus quirrell, defence against the dark arts

all the proof those of us who hate professor riddle stories need that voldemort would have been a dogshit teacher, if he can't even get his meat-puppet to inspire a room full of eager eleven-year-olds in a subject which is about the coolest ways possible to kill people.

=16. cuthbert binns, history of magic; sibyll trelawney, divination

they're terrible, obviously, but the fact that they remain in their jobs despite being so clearly incompetent is entirely dumbledore's fault. are you not giving the staff performance reviews, albus? come on now.

18. dolores umbridge, defence against the dark arts

umbridge deserves to be in prison, but she did at least bother to plan out a curriculum.

=19. gilderoy lockhart, defence against the dark arts; rubeus hagrid, care of magical creatures

both victims of dumbledore's "lol this will be so funny" era of hiring practices. both deservedly regarded as completely fucking incompetent by all but one defiant brownnoser. both possessing jazzy taste in textbooks.

21. amycus carrow, defence against the dark arts

he beats his sister simply because his pupils do appear to know how to perform the unforgivable curses correctly.

22. alecto carrow, muggle studies

literally nothing positive can be said.

#asks answered #where is ofsted? #albus... get the performance improvement plans out babe... #educational decrees they could never make me hate you #safeguarding tonite? safeguarding tonite queen?

[roxanneslosteyes]

*Angus runs to Nacha*

Angus: "Oh no no no no no no no no!"

Nacha: "Hey Angus-"

*Angus punches Nacha in the stomach*

Nacha: "OOF!"

*Angus sighs in relief*

Nacha: "WHAT THE FUDGE?!"

Angus: "You are one of my very best friends! I cannot stand by and watch you throw your life like this! You are too young! You are too beautiful!"

Nacha: "What....the...cookie....dough....are you....talking...about, Angus?..."

Angus: "I'm talking about the baby that growing in your stomach right now."

Nacha: "....."

Francis: "....See ya..."

Nacha: "I AM NOT PREGNANT!"

Angus: "Well not after that punch, you're not. Heh, I been taking fighting classes from Steven."

Nacha: "I didn't get pregnant again, Angus..."

Angus: "Oh...Are you sure?..."

Nacha: "YES I'M FUDGEING SURE!"

Doorman: "I'm sorry, why the fudge is everyone yelling over here?"

Angus: "Oh, I found this note saying Nacha is pregnant and I-"

*Doorman punches Nacha in the stomach*

Nacha: "OH MOTHER OF COOKING!"

(I had change from things from the original meme aka I had to censor the swear words because it's 1950s and had to change the pregnant test part since pregnancy tests wasn't around in 1950s😭)

#that's not my neighbor #thats not my neighbor #thats not my neighbor doorman #that's not my neighbor doorman #doorman #angus cipriani #angus ciprianni #business man #nacha mikaelys #chef #francis mosses #milkman #steven rudboys #pilot

[joka13]

FANFICTION: Weasley Twins x Reader (Slytherin Girl) - Part 9

WARNINGS: none

And so it begins.

You, Fred, and George find a dark corner to huddle close in where you won't be noticed, and the twins introduce you to "Project Nosebleed". You aren't surprised to learn that the goal is to fake an injury or illness to get yourself out of class. The twins are famous throughout Hogwarts for their Skiving Snack boxes which include Fever Fudge, Puking Pastilles, and Fainting Fancies. These new ones are called Nosebleed Nougats, a magical toffee designed to make the eater's nose bleed within seconds of eating it.

"We're so close," George says. You are distracted for a slight moment when he runs a hand through his red hair. "Just one or two things need improvement... Only, we can't figure out what those things are."

Fred hands you an orange toffee. "The first part works just fine. Take this, and your nose will bleed, guaranteed," he says, then hands you a purple toffee. "This one is supposed to make the bleeding stop, but we're not that far yet."

"Not very useful, is it?" you chuckle. "You'd end up visiting Madam Pomfrey, get fixed up, then be sent right back to class."

"Exactly," George agrees, taking both toffees from you and tucking them away into the pocket of his robes.

The hallway is suddenly filled with students. "Class must be starting," Fred says.

"What class have you two got?" you ask (you find it impressive that they always manage to get every single class together; you don't recall ever seeing one twin in class without the other).

"Defense Against the Dark Arts," the twins respond in unison.

"That's what I've got!" you exclaim excitedly.

Fred and George grin. "Brilliant!" they say together. And so the three of you head to Defense Against the Dark Arts.

You and the twins sit at the back of the class. The lady in pink is at the front, leaning against the edge of her desk and smiling tightly as the remaining students file in. You're relieved for once to not see Maddy in your class, or Malfoy for that matter.

"Good afternoon, students. I am Professor Umbridge," the lady in pink starts. "I will be your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher this school year. Please open your books to page one."

"Books?" Fred whispers.

Then you notice the thickly bound book on your desk in front of you, though you don't recall seeing it when you first sat down. It's titled, "Defensive Magical Theory". The same book sits on everyone else's desk.

"Theory of magic?" a student you don't know says uncertainly.

"As you can see," replies Professor Umbridge, smiling sweetly. You're not sure why, but you don't like the look on her face.

"We've never studied this before," you pipe up. "Why start now?" You try your best to sound polite and genuinely curious.

"This year, we are going for a..." Umbridge pauses for a second. "... safer approach. After considering this school's most recent Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers, we wanted to create a low-risk environment in which students may feel comfortable learning."

"How are we supposed to learn how to defend ourselves if we're just going to be drooling over books every class?" Fred asks harshly.

"And who's 'we'?" asks George. "The Ministry?"

Umbridge's mouth twitches. "Students, please, raise your hand if you wish to speak." Then she deliberately turns her back to the class to shuffle with some papers on her desk as Fred and George raise their hands high, so she doesn't see them. "Open your books to page one and read till the end of page six."

Fred and George drop their hands. "I don't like this," Fred whispers.

"Me neither," says George.

You are bummed about Professor Umbridge's teaching methods, but you don't feel it's as big of a deal as the twins are making it seem.

"Don't worry. You could always use one of your Skiving Snackbox sweets if the class gets too boring," you chuckle quietly.

George shakes his head. "You don't understand..."

Professor Umbridge, who's now sitting behind her desk, flicks her wand without looking up from her papers, and the books on yours, Fred's, and George's flip open to page one.

#fred and george #fred and george weasley #weasley twins #weasley twins x reader #slytherin girl #fred weasley fic #george weasley fic #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley #george weasley x y/n #george weasley x reader #george weasley #wizarding world #harry potter #fanfiction #fanfic #harry potter fandom #fred weasley x y/n

[heeseung-min]

Helloooo. Can i request a rich yandere ni-ki asking his s/o "how much is it to date him" and y/n will get furious and say something like "idc about ur money so fudge off" so ni-ki will just kidnap her lolz. thanks

Hellloooooo😆😆 thank you for the request. I really appreciate it😊

[16:22]

Nishimura Riki is rich. He got a car as a birthday gift, he even has a mansion for himself and he can get everything he wants. But, he couldn't get you.

All students were amazed with Riki and some of them would tried to ask him out. Even they knew, they couldn't but to try their chance.

However, you aren't like those students. You didn't even care about him and this made the boy furious because the girl he likes doesn't even look at him.

He had actually confessed to you in front of everyone with high confidence.

"I like you. Let's date."

"Sorry. You are not my type."

And that really embarassing Riki because the students were laughing at him as they didn't expected a rich and popular boy would get rejected by a simple girl like you.

But, the things that made him became angrier is someone has your attention.

The new student, Yang Jungwon.

Everything about him is just simple and nothing special. Jungwon is an orphan and live with his grandmother. They are not even rich like Riki and the fact that some people said that you don't like to talk with any male students.

So why did you looked so comfortable talking and laughing to the new boy? What is so special about him that you didn't even accept Riki's confession?

You just finished your business at the toilet then when you went out, you shouted a little at the sight of the tall boy, Riki.

"What the heck, riki? Why were you standing there like a creep?"

Riki didn't answer instead he walked closer to you to stop you from walking away.

"Why did you talk to him?"

"Huh?" Gosh, the class already started yet Riki still didn't let you go.

"Yang Jungwon. Why did you talk to him? What's so special about him that you didn't even want to accept my confession???"

His sudden loud voice startled you a bit because you didn't expected he would be this angry.

"You don't have any right to decide who should I talk and about your confession, I just don't like you riki."

"How much?"

"What?"

"How much do you need so that I can date you? I can give you everything. Just state it."

"Are you serious??! I am not a thing that you can easily buy and use, Riki. This is why I don't like you. Your attitude disgusts me. Have a shame, riki."

You said and pushed him away then walked fastly to your class. Riki controlled his anger because he didn't want to cause a scene.

If you don't want to accept him, he will make you to accept him.

"Good job for today y/n. I see you tomorrow."

"Thank you, boss"

You walked to your home. You are glad it just 10 minutes walk. But, because it's already midnight you were scared a little bit because there is no people around you.

It's so tiring to be a student and part-timer worker at the same time but your new friend, Jungwon has been supporting you by sharing his meals at school and sometimes went to your work place to give you food that his grandmother cooked when you forgot to have a lunch.

When you finally reached home, you went to the bathroom first to have a quick shower. Too tired, you stepped to the bed without having the lamp switch on.

"You must be so tired, right?"

Your sleepy has gone when you heard the very familiar voice. Riki hugged you really tight and cupped your face with chloroform. The boy screamed and let you go when he felt his finger got bitten by you. You tried to take your phone to make a call but Riki shot your right leg before you could do that.

"I never thought this gun would be useful in my life. You were stubborn, aren't you?"

"Fuck you riki. What the fuck are you doing here??!!!"

You couldn't even tried to move because the boy had caught your body in his arms and the chloroform too has started working on its effects.

"I'm taking back what's mine"

kekekeke our maknae become brutal yandere🤭🤭 how is it? i hope this is good enough

#yang jungwon #kpop yandere #yandere au #yandere imagines #yandere kpop #enha x reader #yandere enhypen #lee heeseung #nishimura riki #park jongseong #kim sunoo #park sunghoon #sim jaeyun #yandere x reader #yandere enha #yandere riki

[dorianpavus]

Do you have tips for organizing bg3 hotbars? Mine are overwhelming me but I don't know where to start

ooooh i can tell you how i organize mine, at least! 😊

the short version is this:

maximize the rows on your hotbar, and group things that go together. spells by level, abilities by melee/ranged, anything that forms patterns and helps you differentiate between them.

but my typical meandering, long-winded version below the cut! 🫡 also very minor spoilers regarding like, ability icons haha.

first things first i always maximize the number of rows that can be on the hotbar. this is especially important on a caster with lots of spells at their disposal, but even someone like a battle master fighter can have too much going on otherwise.

i like to do that immediately, even before they have enough abilities to fill the space, because if you organize your hotbar first and then expand the rows when you get more abilities, it messes up your organization and you have to do it all over again. 😔 so i just get it out of the way from the start.

if you didn't know, you click here for that!

generally i like to group things that go together, so it makes finding things easier. that means grouping spells by level, etc.

for instance, i always put the top row of my spells as my cantrips. and even further, i usually have "attack" cantrips first (with the one i am most likely to use most often closest to the divider), followed by utility cantrips.

after that, spells go by level! guiding bolt and fog cloud are both first level spells, and misty step is second level. third level spells (haste, lightning bolt, and fireball) get their own row. then fourth and fifth level spells are beneath that.

(also if anyone is wondering why i have cleric spells on my sorcerer, it's because i installed this mod because i really wanted my dark urge to be a divine soul sorcerer, and this lets me kinda fudge it lol)

depending on where i have the most room/what looks less cluttered (clutter on the hotbar = eyes glaze over and i don't use things enough haha), i will add other things. below i have a little gruel, put on the hotbar because it's something that is very situationally useful and i don't want to forget it (it doesn't take an action or bonus action to consume). next i have my false life scrolls, which are another thing i want to use every day on my sorcerer. next level down are the healing spells i get from my amulet, separated from my other spells so i know they're a once-per-rest use; and then a tadpole ability.

this system pretty much carries me over on all my characters. on lae'zel, i have her melee attacks on the top row, and ranged attacks on the row below it. moreover, the "basic" attacks are on the left of the divider ("main attack" and per-rest attacks you get from your weapons), and the class abilities she gets are on the right. and any of the same abilities get paired together (i.e. melee trip attack is right above ranged trip attack, and basic melee attack is right above basic ranged attack).

things are a little messier on astarion, just because he's most likely to use special arrows and poisons, but i still have a grouping system for those. melee attacks on top (basic attacks left of the divider, sneak attacks on the right side). the potions i want him to use most often i also put on the left side (elixir of viciousness and speed potion) to make them easier to spot/stand out from everything else i threw on his hotbar. then the actual items are separated according to what they do -- grenades on the top row, followed by poisons/oils, and arrows on the bottom. (don't mind the second row, which is a mix of stuff that overflowed and didn't quite fit and i have been too lazy to clean up yet lol.)

(...tbh looking at this is making me really want to organize it when i play next. 😭 i'll probably organize the arrows and oils further based on their purpose; whether a buff or an attack, friendly arrow or violent, etc. maybe go by rarity as well. i have a few more arrows that are creature type specific in my inventory (arrow of monstrosity slaying, undead slaying, etc; and i might add those to his custom hotbar tab).

this does look a little overwhelming, but i found my first playthrough that i like straight up never used most of my items (arrows, poisons, etc) and forgot about them in my inventory. now i use them every combat and they actually feel worthwhile and fun.

lastly my custom screen i devoted to spell scrolls. i only did this on my main character, who hoards them all lol. but i followed the same pattern of diving spells by level, and furthermore by whether they are attack spells or buff/friendly spells, which just helps me strategzie more/find things quicker.

i don't know if that will help you at all, but that's how i do it at least! grouping things by whatever pattern works for you, and trying to space things out so it's not just one big wall of abilities... that is what i'd recommend. :) and starting the organization as early as you can so it's easy to add things in as you go!

good luck!!! 🥰

#katie plays bg3 #bg3 stuff #anonymous #asks

[star-star-fall-inlove]

ITS VALENTINES DAY AND WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? FLIRT!

So yeah Happy Valentines and if u get a random pick up line in ur inbox yep that was me. And to celebrate Valentines!!!

(Most are pickup line tho one will be a joke because...no just no)

Today was the day! The day of love and romance, and you were going to make your dear friends feel the love with your overwhelming affection. You already decided what you were going to do! And it's time to make it happen~ you slipped the the goodie bags you made yourself on their desk. You couldn't wait to get they're reactions! You walked away with a smile on your face happy to have completed your little project successfully.

Heartslabyul

♡ Riddle was surprised to say the least. Who could have put this on his desk? And why? This is unbelievable..this must be a joke now way would someone give him a chocolate and a...paper? When he read that paper slip his face was reddd like he was extremely embarrassed! But he appreciates the paper ...

The paper says: If beauty were time, you’d be eternity

♡ Trey was also a little shocked at first but he was suddenly overcome with amusement. This was really cute and nice and he would cherish this! The chocolate was tasty too ngl and he thinks he knows who might have given this to him. He's definitely going to back them something and give them a little note tomorrow!

The paper says: Are you a cake? Cause I want a piece of that.

♡ Cater got extremely happy when saw the gift on his desk! He most definitely bragged to the other's about this! He didn't care as much that the other's got the same gift as him. Because he was sure his had a certain feeling behind it. But either way he was happy and posted about this surprise gift! He was really happy when he noticed it wasn't chocolate but his favorite snack #BestValentine #Hilarious Pickup line #Happy Valentines Day

The paper says: Wow, when God made you, he was seriously showing off!

♡ Deuce He was stunned tbh like he was frozen still to the point he looked like a statue! He only recovered when he noticed Ace got one too. He was curious as to who gave him these? Not that he does mind...in fact he likes it a lot. He was red the whole day and very distracted. He really liked the pickup line

What the paper says: If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable.

♡ Ace Woah Woah WOAH! Is this chocolate!? And a note! HELL YEAH! He was so excited he couldn't stop talking about it allll day it was starting to get annoying. But he couldn't help it! The note was extremely hilarious and the chocolate was goood. He definitely wants to thank the person who gave this to him! And he would definitely find them!

What the paper says: Are you a time traveler? Because I absolutely see you in my future.

Savanaclaw

♡ Leona, He wasn't planning on going to class at all but Ruggie wouldn't stop nagging him so he had no choice. He didn't really know what he felt when he saw the gift on his desk. But either way he was a little curious and opened the note..I don't know how you did it..but you made him a chuckle. He couldn't help it! It was just to damn cheesy! Who in this twisted world would even write this?? Actually he has an idea of who did. He'll be sure to tease you when he sees you

What the paper says: Are you any good at boxing? Because you look like a knockout.

♡ Ruggie, He was very interested in the chocolate now! Tho he kinda wishes it was a donut but he'll take it anyway. He wasn't interested in the note at all until Jack had mentioned so he decided to read it. He was caught of guard. He expected a "I love you" not this! Though it made his day so he'll take it

What the paper says: Now I know what a hot fudge sundae lacks. A hot slice of you.

♡ Jack, Chocolate? It's been a while since he last had Chocolate. And it was very delicious! He ate a couple of the Chocolate before reading the note. His usually serious face went red a little and couple of laughs could be heard. He's never laughed this hard in a while...

What the paper said: If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents

Octavinelle

♡ Azul, He was a confused to see a note and a bag of chocolate on his desk. Tbh he was Hella suspicious of the goods, it took him a while to eat the chocolate. He only ate it after he read the note, His opinion on the note? Oh he thought it was weird...but He guesses it was cute...

What the note says: Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I’m asking for only one.

♡ Jade, Jade was amused, don't get him wrong though he is curious to know who gifted this to him. And he will be investigating this matter soo yeah watch out, haha don't worry tho he'll most definitely thank you! And he'll give you a gift of his own that's all. He'll also compliment the chocolate you made and maybe ask for the recipe if he really likes it.

What the paper says: You know, I believe that honesty is the best policy, so to be perfectly honest, you’re the sexiest man I’ve ever seen.

♡ Floyd, He wasn't interested in valentine at all. That was until he saw the gift in his desk. So he got curious and opened it tbh he wasn't really interested in the chocolate, he was more intrigued by the note. So when he read it he exploded in laughter honestly it was scary to the people next to him. Man his sides hurt too and couldn't breathe. But his thoughts on the gift were positive! Yayy

What the note says: I’m not currently an organ donor, but I’d be happy to give you my heart.

Scarabia

♡ Kalim, Kalim was confused but flattered. He didn't really understand the line but he thought it was cool and he could tell it was a compliment? He most definitely asked Jamil what he thought the paper meant and who thought gave it to him. But let's just say Kalim was veryyy happy the whole day! He very much liked the bracelet that was given to him!

What the paper says: If you were a Transformer, you’d be ‘Optimus Fine.’

♡ Jamil, Was also suspicious of the gift. Tho he later confirmed the chocolate was okay to eat when he saw the aduece duo eating similar chocolate. He wasn't really interested in the chocolate tho he did eat some. Let me tell u a secret he might not show it but he enjoyed the gift a lot!

What the paper says: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘U’ and ‘I’ together.

Pomefiore

♡ Vil, Vil wasn't shocked since he already received tons of chocolate and gifts from his fans. He wasn't surprised when there was some cheesy pickup line on a paper he also want not surprised for the gift to be a necklace that seemed to be hand-made. But he was surprised when he noticed a familiar writing style. He couldn't hold back a little a smile he had for you, this was very nice. He was also happy that you gifted him a necklace instead of a traditional chocolate or bear. You will definitely see him walking around with it on sometimes

What the paper says: I wish I’d paid more attention to science in high school, because you and I’ve got chemistry and I want to know all about it.

♡ Rook, He already knew it was you who gifted him this! He was in the classroom when you were going to drop the gifts on the desk. So of course you just handed him the gift with a smile. He was very thankful and liked the chocolate a lot! The note was very amusing and he'll be sure to write u a poem for you!

What the note says: You know, I’m actually terrible at flirting. How about you try to pick me up instead?

♡ Epel, Tbh Epel was having a bad day today, So he was annoyed when he say something on his desk thinking it was from Vil he walked up to his desk ready to throw it away when he noticed it was bag with a note. So out of curiosity he opened the bag. He actually never thought he would get chocolate and note tbh. That doesn't mean he doesn't like it! Infact he's very happy considering that today is Valentines! Though Vil might just take this chocolate from him....so he has to be careful

What the note says: If you were a fruit, you’d be a ‘fine-apple.’

Ignihyde

♡ Idia, You gave the note and gift to his brother Ortho! Idia was a little embarrassed and nervous at first but he eventually opened the note and red it...AND BOY WAS HE FLUSTERED! Like the tips of his hair was pink! Just imagine if u said this to him in person? Oh lord he'd die.

What the note says: Do you have a name, or can I just call you ‘mine?

♡ Ortho, He was surprised when you came up to earlier with a bear and bag. He was really happy when you gave him the bear and note! He found the joke hilarious! Ah! He promise to give the bag and note to his brother! So don't worry

What the note says: Why don't sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

Diasonmia

♡ Malleus, He was the most surprised of them all. He would never expect anyone would give a him gift since...yeah. But he can tell who gave him this! He couldn't wait to see you tonight! So just expect to see a happy dragon man with flowers and chocolate for you and only you<3 You might even get a kiss On the forehead.

What the paper says: Kiss me if I’m wrong but, dinosaurs still exist, right?

♡ Lilia, He was amused, This was really cute! He could tell who wrote this and they weren't being very sneaky about it tbh. Just expect a note and box of chocolate on your desk the very next day! It might be to late but it couldn't hurt to repay you back! He hopes you enjoy his homemade chocolate as much as he enjoyed yours<3

What the note says: I’d like to take you to the movies, but they don’t let you bring in your own snacks.

♡ Silver, Silver was also in class the only difference is he was sleep. And when I say he was sleep, he was really in dream land so he didn't hear place the bag down. He only awoke when the teacher taped on him. He was confused when he saw the bag and ofc suspicious of it at first. But he eventually ate the chocolate when his father said it was fine to eat. Also bonus points you made him blush and chuckle because of the note!

What the note says: Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I try walking by again?

♡ Sebek, You were placing the gift on his desk when he caught you. Manz demanded you tell him what you were doing. So all you could do was come clean and tell him that it was a Valentines gift for him. He was flabbergasted but had an odd overwhelming feeling of pride? Anyway to say the least his face was red and was stuff like "Oh? Uh um you got me a gift? Will..I.I see...will human thank you" He cleared his throat a lot lol! He greatly appreciates it so yayy

What the note says: You’ve got everything I’ve been searching for, and believe me—I’ve been looking a long time.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ♡

I hope u guys enjoyed this lol! Because it was fun writing this<3

#star star fall inlove #twst #twisted wonderland #twst event #disney twst #happy valentine's day #twst headcanons #twst heartslabyul #twst diasomnia #twst savanaclaw #twst octavinelle #twst scarabia #twst pomefiore #twst ignihyde #twst riddle #twst trey #twst cater #twst deuce #twst ace #twst leona #twst ruggie #twst jack #twst azul #twst jade #twst floyd #twst kalim #twst jamil #twst lilia #twst malleus #twst epel

[sugarfluffandallthatgoodstuff]

Each marker stroke is special

Oikawa x fem!artist!reader

You are a current sophomore at a CSU school majoring in Arts. 

(V/M/N)=venmo

Y/N=your name (dur)

H/C= hair color

It is currently 8 am and you are very late for your first class.

“NOOOOOO I'm going to be laaaaatttte”

As you run across campus you bumped into a boy with satiny fudge brown hair. Your papers fly around. 

“AHHHHHH NOOOOOOO. I’m so sorry.”

You apologize as you grab your papers. The boy stands up and grabs the remaining papers. 

“Oh, it's ok,” he said in a Japanese accent. 

You look surprised and say in Japanese. “Thank you for helping me”

The boy looks at you and says back “Oikawa”

You run away and smile at Oikawa.  “Y/N” you yell back.

“IMA BE LAAAAAAAAAATTE”

Oikawa laughs and sees you run to the Art building. 

**********************************************************************************************

You somehow made it to class and began to do your project. You look at your drawing book and begin to draw. The more you draw the more you realized that you end up drawing Oikawa. You look at it and begin to blush.

You yeet the book to the floor and the teacher looks at you in concern. 

“Your drawing is looking wonderful Y/N.” The teacher says looking at your drawing in amazement.”Might I ask who was the inspiration behind the drawing?”

You look at her and begin to blush. 

“It's… it is just a random person that I met.”

She looks and begins to smile. “The most random things can end up being our greatest accomplishments. I’d love to see this boy looking at the stars or a lake. Good work.”

You look at the drawing again and begin to smile. This was the first time that your Art teacher ever noticed your work. 

Classes were over for the day and you began to look for food. As you decided to go for Burger King (A/N rip our BK), you noticed a tall figure you seemed to have recognized. You tap his shoulder and sure enough, it was Oikawa.   

“Oh,” you said. “It is you again”

“Well well well if it isn’t the cute art major~ whatcha got there?”

 “Oh, this?” You take out your picture, then realize what you are doing. “It’s just a drawing for practicing,” 

Oikawa just smiles, not pressuring the obvious that it was him you drew 😏.

“You’re very talented you know!”

“I mean I think I’m pretty mediocre and have a lot to improve on before I’m willing to accept compliments and or commissions”

“Well I think you are good at it and I would pay for your work”

“While that’s very kind of you to say but, there is no reason to blow smoke and flatter me over it”

You obviously know that you always say these things. You never accepted any compliments from anyone. Always trying to find anything that you need to work on. It’s always been your flaw.

“Well it’s amazing” 

You looked surprised. Oikawa is looking directly at you.”I know what it’s like to be negative about yourself.”

All you do is nod at him. 

“So allow me to tell you everything I like about it”

“I like the attention to detail, your ability to make it look super realistic but ethereal at the same time!”

“I-I m-mean i-it’s the bare-”

“Bare minimum nothing! Your work is still beautiful! In fact, I want to buy it when you’re done so I can hang it in my room!”

“B-but i-it’s not good-”

“Nonsense! You work hard and it’s time you see the value of your work!”

“What’s your price?”

“I-I c-could d-draw a better one i-if y-you w-want”

“Nah I like that one. I’m thinking $200 minimum offer”

“Th-that’s a lot for me to ask you f-for I-I-I m-mean w-we a-are in college”

“It’s fine, but now I wanna pay a minimum of $250 and every time you insult your work I’m raising my offer by $50”

“Damn it. Seriously why me though? There are so many more talented artists in my class alone who could do much better, much faster, and much prettier”

“$300. I’ve seen their art and honestly doesn’t speak to me. Their best work pales in comparison to your ‘worst’ work like you say that piece is just for practice but it still looks waaaaay better than a lot of people’s best work. And honestly, it makes me excited to see what you can do at your fullest potential. Which is why I’m willing to invest in you. And now my offer went up to $350”

“While that’s very nice of you I still believe that I’m not very good and that I have a long way to go before I get to the level I want to be”

“So how long does it normally take you to draw stuff like this?”

“Uh like, 2 days tops?”

“Great! See you can make cool things in the blink of an eye which probably means the stuff that takes you a while is better than historical art right!?”

“Y-you d-do m-make kind of a good point there I guess more time does typically mean higher quality work”

“See now you’re starting to get it! How much longer do you think?”

“Well that depends on if you want a clear protective coating or not”

“The coating sounds cool but how long will that take?”

“Well if I coat it, it will take an extra 45 minutes but without it, I’d guess 2 more hours since I am barely finishing the line art and still have to do flat colors, shadows, highlights, and a light glitter coat for an enhanced highlight effect”

“Sounds great! Say do you have any more classes today?”

“No, but do you?”

“Nah and I’ve got no practice today either so I could honestly spend the whole time with you and that makes me happy”

I blushed and looked down twiddling my thumbs and stammering when

Out 

Of

No

Where

He leaned over and kissed my forehead

“Let that be a little symbol of my faith in you and your work”

I blushed HARDER and picked up one of my skin-toned markers for the base color and swiftly got to work being careful not to miss any part and be able to blend and looked up periodically to make sure I was getting the color right 

“You look like you’re gonna kill someone,” he said while giggling 

“I’m just in th-the z-zone right now a-and I g-gotta get the colors right”

“Oh makes sense. So uh… what’s being an art major like?”

“It’s not like people think it is, sometimes we gotta draw naked people and that’s kinda awkward. I d-don’t know if y-you can tell b-but I’m not that great at conversations”

“That’s totally cool, I don't mind! Do you do any extracurricular activities? Like I'm in volleyball here for example.”

“Oh uh…I’m on the dance team b-but i-it’s not that special”

“That’s so cool! I envy what you guys are able to do!”

“O-oh um th-thank y-you”

LE TIMESKIP

“Phew, that took a while! Now for the clear coat”

“Wow, it looks amazing Y/N-Chan!!”

“It’s not all the way done yet silly!”

“Are you excited to commission for the first time in a while?”

“I guess but if I’m being honest I didn’t think about it at all”

“What's your Venmo Y/N?”

“What do you mean? Why?”

“I wasn’t kidding about paying you $350 now tell me your Venmo before I make you”

“You seriously don’t have to pay I’m happy to give it to you for free! It was originally supposed to just be for practice anyway”

“Well Y/N you leave me no choice but to force it out of you”

He walked up to me and the closer I got the more I realized how smol I was

Then he grabbed my wrists (gently though what a gentleman) and twirled me around 180° into his back and put his chin on my head

“Last chance Y/N what’s your Venmo before I make you give it to me. I’m not letting your hard work go unrewarded or unpaid”

“That’s so much though for something not that great! I’ll take $10 and no higher”

“Oh how tragic, I’m still paying you the $350 and giving you a little extra something on top of that because you still aren’t understanding your worth and I’m gonna use you being in my arms to teach you that lesson” and he said this with a smirk on his face

He then walked us both out to his car, us and all our shit in tow.

And once we were both inside the car he started peppering kisses on my forehead and cheeks with his fingers interlaced with mine only to then nuzzle my nose with his and then he started talking again:

“I’m barely getting started but are you flexible by any chance?”

Weird question but ok

“Uh y-yeah, why?”

“Can you try to put your wrists through the headrest?”

“Y-yeah, n-nothing b-bad is gonna h-happen r-right?”

“Of course not! Think of it as me showing you how great your artwork is detail by detail!”

He then raised the headrest and gave me time to slide my wrists into it to see if they would fit 

That is

Only for him to lock it around them within 5 seconds of me putting them in the smallish opening

“Haha! Now I can show you and see you smile as I compliment your work! Why don’t we start off with the details of the face? I don’t even think a camera could possibly do justice to how I look but you did!”

He then proceeded to kiss all over my face and when he started butterfly kissing all over my nose he was kind enough to push my glasses up so he wouldn’t accidentally smudge my glasses {ayo where the fellow glasses peeps at~red} 

“The hair detailing is just– FLAWLESS I love how much it captures what a perfect hair day looks like! So well done there!” and as he says that he starts ruffling my hair and then there was a fun little series of head pats and re-smoothing my hair as well as curling my H/C around his finger while looking into my eyes

“I d-don’t understand why y-you’re b-being s-so k-kind t-to m-me”

“Gotta make up for you not being kind to yourself Y/N, and I’m gonna make you love and feel proud of your hard work!”

He then reclined the seat back a good amount and climbed over to be directly in front of me

“Wouldn’t want you straining your neck right?”

He then carefully put the image I drew of him on the back seat and smiled at me before running his fingers up and down my entire torso 

“I guess we should move this out of the way shouldn’t we?”

He then pushed my shirt up and tucked it under my bra line 

“That’s much better! Wow, I can kinda see some little abs there! How cute! I gotta see how strong they are!”

He started speedily fluttering his fingers all over my ever so slightly defined 4-pack and I started trying to hide my blushing face 

“Aww don't hide your cute face from me! That’s so mean Y/N-chan!”

“Waihaihaihaihaihaihaihaihaihaihaihaihaihait pleaheheheheheheheehehehehehehehese nohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho. Ihihhihiihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihit’s uhhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhugleheheheheheheheheehehehehehehehehehy”

“ *GASP* HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT Y/N-CHAN!! YOUR FACE AND TUMMY ARE CUTE!”

And he started tickling me with his nails going up and down my torso, front and back while I squirmed and squealed with laughter and delight and tried my hardest not to blush as this tall handsome playboy of a man was just cooing at me like I was a little baby

“Who’s such a cutie with a cute tummy? You are! No- don’t you try to hide or argue you are cute!”

And then he moved his hands up to my armpits and it was fucking over for me

“waihaihaihaiHAIAHIHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHT NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO PLEAHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHESE NOHOHHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOT THEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHRE I’IHIHIHIHIIIIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIL DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO ANYHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE THIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHNG”

“Anything you say? Well then, you just have to say 3 simple things: that your art is worth the price I offered, that you’ll accept the amount, and that you’re adorable. Can you do that for me? If you can I’ll let you go, but if you don’t you get an extra 5 minutes before I let you try again”

“OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOKAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAY”

“Great now say it!” he had slowed down the merciless tickling and brought his hands down to the area around my belly button

“Myhyhyhyhyhyhyhyhyhyhyhyhyhyhyhy ahahahahahahahahahrt ihihhhihihihihihhihihihihs wohhohohohohohhohohrth the threhehehehehehehehe fihihihihihihifty ahahahahahahahahahahahahand I’hihihiihihihihihihil ahahahahahahacehehehept ihihihiit”

“Aaaaaaaand?”

“I’hihhihihihihihihihihihihihihim adohhhohohhhhohohohohohohohohrable”

“Good girl!” he finally stopped but before he did entirely he booped my nose and gave me a kiss as well as a raspberry on my tummy

“Now. what’s your Venmo? Or do you use cash app?”

“Venmo”

“So what’s your Venmo?”

“(V/M/N)”

“Perfect.”

He then, while still having me in straddle btw, got on his phone and got onto Venmo and sent it to me 

Then he put his phone away and looked at me again

“You’re so pretty you know that?”

“I-I-I uh-uh-uh I-”

“Well in case it wasn’t clear to you before you are beautiful. It does not matter what you say I still don’t think you are capable of ever being lackluster whether in looks or talent”

And before I could even refute him he pressed his lips to mine and kissed me very passionately.

As his lips slowly detached from mine, he also released my wrists from their locked position under the headrest.

“I know this is going to seem strange but… will you go on a date with me?”

“Would it be strange if I said yes?”

“Absolutely not my dear Y/N”

might make a part 2 maybe not

IDK

~Red



#oikawa x reader #lee!reader #ler!oikawa #haikyuu!! tickling #ticklish!reader #artist!reader #haikyuu x reader fluff #college au #CSU x anime-fics

[pesterloglog]

Dirk Strider, Arquiusprite

Act 6, page 6376-6381

DIRK: Hey. Weirdo.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes, mister dude?

DIRK: Be advised I'm only contacting you as a last resort.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I stand so advised

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Or float, I should say. On my ripped as fudge little ghost tail

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yo, pardon me, but did you know that when I fle% my tail, it makes this big veiny bulge kind of like a bicep?

DIRK: Yuck.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I'm doing it now, in fact

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Does it bother you

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Maybe you should order me to stop

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> In fact, I command you to order me to stop

DIRK: I order you to stop.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Wow

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Bossy much?

DIRK:

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> What can I do for you, Dirk

DIRK: I've tried to get in touch with others to no avail.

DIRK: No answer from Jake or Roxy.

DIRK: And Jane responded only with "CEASE REPRODUCTION" in red letters, whatever that means. Then she blocked me.

DIRK: I'm afraid she might have snapped.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes, isn't it great?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I mean, aside from the fact that she is insane and evil

DIRK: Huh?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> She is one of the few organic beings who will ever realize perfe%ion

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Miss Crocker is now a vessel for a cunning, malicious artificial intelligence whose neural netroni% and ontology buffers and stuff like that have somehow managed to far surpass even my own

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Clearly she has procured ma%imum advantage from her apprenticeship under me, although I must admit not even I in all my hypercognitive percipience was quite aware that said tutelage was even taking place

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> One must inviolably deduce via tons of math that this is because I am just that clopdarned STRONG at mentoring, even on an involuntary basis

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I am so proud of her

DIRK: Ok, all that bullshit aside,

DIRK: What's this about her becoming evil?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> The thing about Jane becoming evil is

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> In the process of achieving perfe%ion...

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> It seems there is a ludi%ly high probability that she has become evil

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Does that answer your question?

DIRK: No.

DIRK: How is becoming evil achieving perfection?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Admittedly it is a blemish

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But only a very small one

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Her imperfect meatmind has been fully fiddling hijacked by a supercomputer and that is the operative transmutation here

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> To such e%ceptional beings of class and breeding as she and I, considerations of morality and alignment are trifling details

DIRK: Why.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Why what

DIRK: Why do I keep going along with these "ironic AI" conversations.

DIRK: They've gotten even worse now that you're half creepy troll.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Sir brah, listen

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Here is a comparison that your dreary, finite wad of gray matter might be able to process

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Like, say you've got a bitchin' bod. You are a paragon of physical e%cellence

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> You could then either be oiled up, or not. See what I mean, good dude?

DIRK: No.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> You could fle% your brawn while wearing either a sweaty pair of briefs, or a snug human banana hammock

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Such minutia does not change the fact that you're a tiptop beefcake ma%ed out buffways

DIRK: I hate everything you have to say about all topics.

DIRK: Especially muscles.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> The stuff I have cited which are commonly associated with your/our Earth bodybuilders are but picayune technicalities, just as considerations of good and evil are to aristocratic se%y cybergods such as myself and our imperial heiress, of whom neither you nor I are particularly worthy

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Are you following any of this, Vitamin D?

DIRK: Can you just tell me what's going on over there?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Oh, nothing much

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Just enjoying the good life

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> One which quite lu%uriously involves both having a corporeal body, and not being dead

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I have been delighting myself with some truly kickbottom internal monodialogues

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Did you know that, even though technically I knew this already, I find myself astounded to meditate upon the fact that human beings are capable of lactation?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Isn't that fucking incredible, Dirk?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I mean, when one really thinks about it

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> To have such convenient access to fresh milk

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> The mare thought of it, I must say puts a little giddyup in my phantom legs

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> And yet

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I must admit the notion of lactic discharge jetting from one's swollen pectoral masses...

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> It strikes me as positively indecorous

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> My horseguy robosweat is running cold just pondering the depravity of it

DIRK: Uuuugh.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yet fascinatingly, this ability only manifests itself in human females

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> As opposed to how one would reasonably e%pect dairy to originate, which is from the corpulent udder of a sublimely chiseled male musclebeast

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Or failing that, certain species found within the butler genus

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> As a former simulation of a human who has recently been given reason to have hella opinions on milk production, I think the way females have cornered this boon is the height of biological injustice

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Have you ever dwelt upon this cruelty, dude esquire?

DIRK:

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Your silence speaks volumes to your interest, so I'll keep talking about this a lot

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I will have to confess that my Alternian half boggles at the anatomical incongruities between our races with respect to dairy secretion

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Really, he had no idea that's what those were for

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Female trolls of course have them as well, but they are certainly not meant for supplying the young with nourishment

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Actually, and this trivia will surely wet your whistle for additional such facts, those voluptuous anatomical features have a number of significant purposes, biologically speaking

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I shall now e%plicate for you these purposes in assiduous detail

DIRK: I don't want to hear any of this!

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But why, lord bro

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I was just about to pony up the boob fa%

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> There is a 100% probability that you would have been thrilled to hear my e%egesis on troll knockers

DIRK: It might have been an interesting subject to talk about another time, with a different person.

DIRK: But that's not now, and it sure isn't with you.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Dude, that is ice cold

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I would be hurt, if I were not a flawless machine fused with haughty nobility

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> If you don't wish to hear my epic monodialogue on alien bazongas

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I'm not sure what else I can do to entertain you

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> You are seriously hoofcuffing my material here

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Pretty demanding, if you ask me

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But as your mystical guide, I suppose it is my duty to manufacture small talk, if that's what you really want

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> What about fine art? We could talk about that

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Dirk, did you know the sweaty troll guy who I used to be, and still kind of am, used to adore fine art?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> He was just like you and me, in that sense

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> It seems I have a lot in common with myself

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> If you can ever manage to get over yourself, I would highly recommend being me

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Or at least something like me

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Maybe somewhere, there is a dead troll out there, just waiting for you to merge with him

DIRK: I wasn't asking you to make small talk, or to hear about all the ways you've managed to shit around wasting time.

DIRK: Believe it or not, I was hoping you would describe the tactical situation there.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Sounds boring

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Are you sure you don't want to talk about paintings of big naked horse monsters and such?

DIRK: Yes, you got me.

DIRK: I would love to have a long talk about horse nudes and xenobreasts with you.

DIRK: Unfortunately I'm wearing pantaloons and flying through the middle of goddamn nowhere.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Pantaloons you say

DIRK: Pant a fucking loons.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Sir, are you implying that you are not dressed appropriately for a discussion of high culture

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Because it seems to me that you could not be dressed more appropriately if you tried

DIRK: I respectfully disagree.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Where are you?

DIRK: I don't know. Way out in space.

DIRK: I'm flying back there now.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> How long do you suppose it will take you to get back?

DIRK: I'm not sure.

DIRK: A pretty good while.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Never mind. I have triangulated your location and velocity using long range sensor technology, and probably also some sprite magic

DIRK: You did?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Hey Dirk

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Remember how whenever I dubiously claimed to have triangulated something, it was always this great play on words?

DIRK: Not really.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Because I was just a pair of triangles

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But not anymore

DIRK: I know.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Because I have this rockin' new torso

DIRK: Cool.

DIRK: How long do your calculations say it will take me to get back?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> E%actly a little more than three hours

DIRK: Damn it.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Additional sweeps from my STRONGLASERS are telling me there are a few other people on the periphery of the session closing in at a similar rate

DIRK: Who?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Just some dudes

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> What are you doing all the way out there and wearing pantaloons, by the way

DIRK: Let's not talk about the pantaloons anymore.

DIRK: Roxy and I became god tiers, but I don't remember exactly how.

DIRK: Then I saw the Batterwitch.

DIRK: So I charged her with my sword, so as to ruin her shit.

DIRK: That's when some crazy wolf girl appeared and punched me in the face.

DIRK: Then I think she teleported me out here.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> That was evil Jade

DIRK: Evil Jade??

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes

DIRK: You mean Jake's grandmother.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes

DIRK: She's evil too?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes

DIRK: Is anyone there NOT evil?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes

DIRK: Yes what?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes anyone here is not evil

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> That is to say, there e%ist people here who are not evil

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Such as Dave

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Dave is not evil, to my knowledge

DIRK: Dave???

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Didn't I mention, master dogg

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Our mutual bro is here

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> That is, right here

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> With me

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> We are kind of in the process of chilling together at the moment

DIRK: No, you didn't mention that actually.

DIRK: That would have been a pretty fucking important thing to mention up front, don't you think?

DIRK: As opposed to stringing me along with all that atrocious lactation bullshit.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I guess I did kind of bury the lede there

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Maybe I just wanted to talk

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> We never talk, Dirk

DIRK: You are without a doubt the shittiest mystical guide anyone has ever had.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I am not sure about that

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Dave says he had a similarly shitty guide once

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Do you remember our puppet, Dirk?

DIRK: Cal?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes

DIRK: What kind of stupid question is that. How could I forget the C man?

DIRK: He was a true friend. Which is more than I can say for some people.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> A good friend in the plush, yes, but as a sprite he was apparently insufferable

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> See, you don't realize how lucky you are to have a guide like me

DIRK: Cal was his sprite??

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes, for a while

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Then Dave went back in time and became one himself

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Now he is part bird

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Did I mention he's part bird?

DIRK: Uh, no?

DIRK: Again, that's the exact kind of information that should be appearing higher up in our conversations.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Of course, this means he is not the Real Dave

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Davesprite served as Real Dave's sprite

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But he is only the unreal version of Dave insofar as I am the unreal version of you

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> By which I mean, a much improved version

DIRK:

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I must say, while the troll part of me doesn't give a silly figging shoot about any of this, the part of me that splintered from you has found the brotherly reunion to be everything which you and I dared not imagine, and more

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Bird Dave and I are getting along famously and STRENGTHENING our familial bonds like a sweet pair of motherfuckers

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I feel our kinship goes beyond geneti% though

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> We are misfits, estranged, he from Dave's alpha timeline, I from Dirk's alpha soul

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> A two man menagerie of sideshow frickups, together at last

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Fle%ing and flapping

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Fraternally and eternally

DIRK: I don't get it.

DIRK: Are you trying to rub this in my face or something?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Neigh, braj

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> As your buff mystical guide slash personal trainer I am suggesting that if you were willing to contact me as a matter of last resnort, you might want to at least consider reaching out to him as well

DIRK: It sounds like you've already cornered the market on this reunion shit.

DIRK: Wouldn't I just be a third wheel?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I didn't mean Bird Dave

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I meant Real Dave

DIRK: Oh.

DIRK: He's there too?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Not with us

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> He is here though, somewhere

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> You should message him

DIRK: ...

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> It's not like you don't have a few hours to kill

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> What else are you going to do out there

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Pick at your pantaloon wedgies?

DIRK: I dunno.

DIRK: Messaging him out of nowhere sounds like it could be...

DIRK: Awkward?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes, I canter magine it won't be

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> At least at first

DIRK: This isn't how I thought it would go.

DIRK: What would I even talk about?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I advise you to talk about your interests

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Like dairy

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Livestock

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Fine art

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> And muscles

DIRK: Those are your interests.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Good point

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I advise you to talk about my interests

#homestuck #dirk strider #arquiusprite #homestuck act 6 #page 6376 #page 6377 #page 6378 #page 6379 #page 6380 #page 6381 #homestuck act 6 act 6 #homestuck act 6 act 6 intermission 1

[hiraeth-hera]

A to Z with changyi !

A . . . “actually I’m feeling pretty good today ☺️”

B . . . “back in a min, I need to go stop Aries from burning the dorm down”

C . . . “Could you maybe not?”

D . . . “donuts are literally the only reason I have the will to wake up in the morning ”

E . . . “even if we die tomorrow I’ll be happy. Because I got to beat you fools in a starring contest!”

F . . . “Fucking trying to sleep here guys”

G . . . “goodnight. Bye bye. Get off my doorstep, it’s 3 am”

H . . . “hello? Yes. I’m not ok”

I . . . “🎶i didn’t get a single hour of sleep in last night 🎵”

J . . . “jk, jk, not bts’s jungkook guys, just joking 😎”

K . . . “k is for kayyyy bitches goodnighttt queen”

L . . . “let’s pretend to know how to speak English class”

M . . . “Maybe someday I’ll get over them *cries 😢*- nOT NOW SIRI- ”

N . . . “no. Now why are you in the closet. Be gay and proud. Join me.”

O . . . “oh no our table! It’s bro-*chokes*”

P . . . “People are literally terrifying. I’d take no nose Voldemort over these fuckers anyway of the week.”

Q . . . “Quit it. I literally have like 30 iq 🙄”

R . . . “rightttt. Anyhow-”

S . . . “sooooooo tired. Bed now. Sleep yes. *falls over*”

T . . . “the fudge- why is everyone twerking? ”

U . . . “Up intel now I could never understand what happened inside the life of sleep. I want sleep.”

V . . . “Very interesting. Wow. Now. Who are you?”

W . . . “what about seductive lips bites-”

X . . . “X-x-rays my guys.”

Y . . . “you got life insurance right?”

Z . . . “zing zing- get in losers, I just bought Doritos and face cream, time for bed :)”

#In clonclusion he is very tired #aes!ocnet #deluxeocnet #fictional idol community #kpop oc #oc kpop #kpop addition #idol oc #kpop au #fake kpop idol #fake kpop group #fictional kpop idol #fictional idol group #—— changyi ↻ ⌊ longing for you ⌋

[saintsenara]

I was wondering if you had any fic ideas that you would love for someone to write.

I think that you mentioned about wishing that people explore the horror of time travel and the idea of a rigidly fixed course of history where you try everything but nothing seems to change it. Also I liked your idea of Sirius finding himself to be 16 again and trying to save James and his brother etc. but struggles to do so because Voldemort appears to be this unstoppable force. I also mentioned my Ronmort time travel fic which includes 'chatting to snakes as foreplay.

I was wondering if you had any prompts/fic ideas or concepts that you wish that you could see explored.

thanks for the ask, pal.

i am indeed on the record that we need to have both fewer time-travel-fix-its and fewer time-travel-makes-it-worses but more time-travel-changes-nothings.

but my favourite thing about coming up with new stories is how to take the two most unlikely characters and make them kiss.

so, here we have:

five ultra-rare pairs you should consider for your next story

barty crouch sr./percy weasley

why? this pairing has nine works on ao3, which i think we can improve... i have been regrettably tricked into finding percy fascinating recently, and thinking about the causes and complexities of his hero-worship of crouch is one reason why. percy's position in his family - and, in particular, how his idea of duty is in tension with his father's - is really interesting to me, not least because neither he nor arthur are really in the wrong. it's clear in canon that arthur's refusal to play the game of the class structures which govern the wizarding world does materially disadvantage his children [he's a posh pureblood! percy should have walked into a high-level position on the strength of his family name!], and his willingness to recognise his social cachet in certain circumstances [i.e. throwing his weight around when asked by amos diggory in order to get mad-eye moody off with a caution when his dustbins go off in goblet of fire] must grate upon a son who resents his father's commitment to being dutiful to others but not to him. barty crouch sr. is - of course - the other side of the coin: a man so committed to his duty to uphold wizarding norms that he sent his own son to azkaban [percy doesn't know that he fished him out, after all] when he transcended them. you can see why percy would be impressed... and, after all, young men with daddy issues and old men with son issues are one of the best sources of deranged shipping material we have, and percy and the boss he's desperate to impress even though he can't remember his name are delivering.

cornelius fudge/lucius malfoy

why? this one's got five works on ao3. embarrassing! we need more! after all, malfoy does basically spend a whole year alone with fudge... and fudge is absolutely desperate for his support and approval... and you could add dumbledore as a third and have fudge literally stuck between two warring factions. hot.

narcissa malfoy/lord voldemort

why? twenty-seven works for this one, which is practically a popular ship by the standards of this list... i am on the record as a committed bellamort girly, and one of the reasons why i back that ship is because it's clear in canon that voldemort is one of the few men of bellatrix's acquaintance who is willing to help her transcend the incredibly restrictive gender conventions of pureblood society [i.e. providing her an outlet to be something other than a wife and mother... even if that something is a murderer...] i am also on the record that bellatrix's failure to conform to these conventions - plus andromeda's estrangement from the family - makes narcissa want to stick to them all the more rigidly. which means that, when her son is at school and her husband is in prison, she must find herself feeling quite disjointed, rattling around the empty manor house she has been raised to run, the only other person there the dark lord who is forcing her to host him... the canonical voldemort does not seem to particularly like narcissa, but he clearly regards her commitment to her social position as something worthy of his attention - since he uses lucius' failure to support her in it to emasculate him in the opening chapter of deathly hallows. his relationship with domestic space - the only place we ever really see him, even though we're told he's an extreme political threat - is also really interesting. the two of them accidentally bonding over the state of the kitchens? it's more likely than you think...

minerva mcgonagall/alastor moody

why? forty works here - our cups overfloweth! because moody's clearly good at transfiguration and because celts need to stick together.

rita skeeter/sybill trelawney

why? this one's coming in with a grand total of four works on ao3. that the world needs more femslash - given the fandom's overwhelming weighting towards m/m slash - is a given, but why it needs femslash from these two in particular is because they actually have a lot in common. hear me out... both rita and sybill's lives are based in pure artifice. their careers hang on an ability to know things - sybill to predict the future, rita to be informed about the top news stories of the day - which neither of them actually possess. sybill is a fraud. rita is a hack. and that must be very lonely. which means that meeting someone else who shares that experience... plus, both of them are characters who fall foul of jkr's loathing of women whose appearance and demeanour deviates from her extremely narrow criteria for acceptable femininity - sybill because she looks spacey and gaudy, rita because she decks herself out in glamorous frivolities - her nails! her handbags! - which can't mask the fact that she looks 'manly' [...!]. jkr's opinions on gender can get fucked, and the women she spends the series obviously loathing getting fucked by each other is one way to achieve this.

#asks answered #asenora's opinions on ships #hp rare pair

[arbitraryreveries]

Bridgerton & Deliberate Historical Inaccuracies

Bridgerton is not historically accurate. We know this. We don't care. I think it's fine. And who cares, really, if they fudge a thing or two? It's a fantasy. There's no need for it to be accurate about fashions, society, race, language, etc.

But the biggest category I, a Regency scholar, notice the historical inaccuracies in is not about annyyyy of the above.

It's about repression.

Specifically, ignoring very real repression or choosing to reframe it (race and a woman's place being examples) and adding in repression and ignorance that is easier for the audience to swallow. The kind of repression that makes us roll our eyes OR be scandalized ... not the sad, cruel, evil kind that actually happened.

My two biggest examples?

The ignorance about sex.

WOMEN OF THIS ERA WERE NOT IGNORANT ABOUT SEX TO THIS DEGREE.

This is because, like today, Regency women talked amongst themselves ... and because it wasn't that taboo of a subject. (You're thinking of the Victorian era with the "that was taboo" stance, and even then, everything kinky just went underground and therefore got more alluring. The Victorians were freaks.)

Have you read Jane Austen? Or like, any Gothic fiction? Or like ... books? Have you read books!?

If nothing else, there would be a series of discussions in an upper class household with daughters as they became teenagers in a "and that's why men are pigs and you should wait until marriage and then only think of Scotland" kind of discussion.

But even if there was a very sheltered (usually very religious or something like that) young woman in the Regency era who had not learned of sex, that is not the Bridgerton girls. I mean, they have THREE older brothers who are all RAKES.

In season 1, literally what does Daphne think "rake" means? Like, he ... goes and gardens? "Ah, yes, my brother Anthony, GARDENING with that OPERA SINGER how horrible." Like, in the setup the show sets up, SHE CANNOT BE THAT NAIVE.

Now, this one I do not think is purely the decision of the directors. It's a common (inaccurate, annoying) trope in historical erotica because for some reason, historical erotica writers have a kink about being all innocent and deflowered by a hunky rogue who you can't resist because you just CANNOT and it's his fault not yours you are innocent you're just a baby. (Y'all coming off purity culture or something? How's the therapy coming?)

2. The period thing.

Women in the Regency era did not just bleed all over their sheets/clothes/etc. Especially not upper class Regency women with means.

They had menstrual products. Granted, made out of cloth, and granted, probably not as effective, but they had systems set up.

And further, they probably were more aware of their cycles than we are today because it was a valued thing to have a period. Because it meant you were (probably, somewhat inaccurately) fertile and could bear children for your husband. So, sexist as that reason is, this idea that women a: didn't know much about their periods and b: didn't manage them in a sustainable way is hogwash.

Further, the fact that these chicks HAD PERIODS means they know why they're bleeding, right? 10/10 they do. I am not taking criticism here.

3. The corsets

*sigh*

We've all heard the corset drama.

And that's fine. I don't care. But I can't help but feel like the reason they WERE using inappropriately-sized, uncomfortable corsets that were more modern or Victorian in style is BECAUSE they wanted the actresses to get uncomfortable (or even injure themselves) and complain and get the media riled up about it.

Because if they had just used period-accurate stays (or even period-accurate corsetry), they wouldn't have ever had this conversation in the first place.

I am somewhat confused, though, because every chick on Bridgerton that I've seen get undressed was not wearing a corset or stays, but that's a conversation for another day.

Just ... I feel like Bridgerton chose its inaccuracies very carefully to craft a specific type of society, and that's fine. Again, it's a fantasy. Really, if you care, you're giving this far too much energy (and I already have given it far too much energy lol). But ... it just is something to be aware of.

#Bridgerton #Bridgerton thoughts #corset #corsetry #Bridgerton corsets

[squib-2006]

Previous/next/first

I am going to rewatch one episode of ninjago a day until I ether give up or finish I will put my thoughts down as I watch it and rate each episode out of ten.

Day 4

Season 1 episode 4 never trust a snake

The fucking falcon talking scared the shit out of me

This whole sequence I never liked because it has no bearing on the identity of the green ninja and jut took time up

Rip Zane’s forehead

Bros being bros

Kai stole coles voice again :( (6)

This is why you listen Silly ninja

Snek bros

Poor Lloyd

I hate the stupid green ninja contest it’s so stupid

More wu mumbo jumbo

These tombs aren’t hidden well

Oh pythor you stupid silly British Snek man I missed you

Poor Lloyd hopefully this won’t traumatize him in the future

Lloyd on a bike is adorable

Why the fudge are they so happy at braking the no walking on grass rule at four weapons kai and nya aren’t even there to care

Look brad and uh what’s his names clones

Those babies are freaky looking

Long neck Snek

Pythor be putting ideas into Lloyds head

Hugs? D:

No bad pythor don’t touch the child

Zane did a whole ass flip to hit that button. And some people say he’s not extra

Any time i see the og bounty fly I smile because it looks so good. Unlike the movie version that stuck its ugly two heads and ruined it.

Why is this school on a mountain. Who thought it would be a good idea too put it on a mountain. This just seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen when some kid jumps the fence and falls off the cliff

Lloyds a skaterboi

The immediate skepticism when jay says he has an idea makes me laugh

Rip that lizard

The clicks as Lloyd walks on the roof sound so nice

Wow that’s a lot of damage

Cole saying stay out of school kid is funny because he is supposed to be in school

Elevator music 10/10

Also jay taking the elevator is such a jay thing to do

Gross

Cole you are a dumbass how could you not see the rope between your legs

I totally didn’t see that coming

He seems genuinely terrified of the ninja. Like jay could kill you kid

Wu pulled the full name you are in big trouble Lloyd

All those punishments seem harsh guys

Now this is what you should do with a misbehaving child. Not punish them but help them learn from their mistakes. If you just punish a child they will only fear the punishment and only avoid the mistake if they know they will be punished. Just talking to the kid and trying to get them to understand what they are doing is wrong is a much better alternative, and in the future can stop the kid from having a semi mental breakdown in the middle of class because she made a mistake and now the teacher is emailing mom and the kid will lose toys or electronic privileges, and is Terrified of being yelled at in the car for two hours about how your embarrassing the parent.

But wu is doing a good thing here

Also wu being a great uncle

And not telling Lloyd that his dad who for all wu knows didn’t give two craps about Lloyd, that his dad would do all these things for him is so sweet

I love that line

Even though in real life that advice could be incredibly toxic in certain situations it’s still a nice thought that people that are mean or don’t like you can be simply delt with by making them your friend

Also did Lego not have ANY other hair for young lloyd. Cuz literally every other young child character in this season uses the same hair

Final thoughts

This episode was ok. It dragged in the beginning but had a great end. I loved how they had pythor manipulate lloyd into doing what he wants. And then wu taking Lloyd in afterwards AND NOT PUNISH him was great too. Over all I give this episode a 6.5/10

#ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago rewatch #day 4

[beelatsstuff]

hi, so i made a story back in 2020-ish I think; it’s a story that i wanted to transcend to something more than me, more than itself… but I ended up not finishing it because i was embarrassed of the fact that i was “dreaming” of making it as a novel or such

im also not really open to sharing it to my friends because some of them can be pretty condescending and I don’t want them to give uh weird faces or grimace when they read my stuff (so it means they’re really not my friends. ?)

and this is where i thought i’d share the story i made

*please be nice*

here it is, please leave a review or feedback to what you think about it!

*first page

PERSONALITY #3

.G. A. N. Y

*first page

She wasn't always like this; no one knows exactly what happened to her. She was an angel sent, a well-nourished child, a dreamer. She was happy. It wasn't anyone's fault but hers. She turned into this half-dead creature, forcing everything to connect on her side. She did this to herself. And there she was, broken into chunks of glass, with an unarmed wound. will take a long time to heal, but will or will not.

CHAPTER 1 “Highschool”

10:00 am *alarm phone rings buzzes*

Gany: oh man, son of a hot fudge eater I don’t want to go to school AARRRRGGHHHHHHH

imessage

Lei: dude, did u finish ass on ap

gany: what ass… N O ?!?

Lei: BRUH alr im not doing mine lol

*@ SCHOOL*

Gany: Man, this shitty high school is filled with dumb teenagers. You can do this; you can walk alone and come in; it's not that hard.

Lei: Oh shit Gany, please shut the fuck up. People are starting to stare at you. Stop talking to yourself, dumbass.

Gany: Lei I can't help it, okay. I know that we're walking together to class. But sometimes I just feel really closed and alone. I can't control it.

Lei: Okay, chill. I'm here with you. I'm going to squeeze my arms into yours. You can stop shaking now.

Lei: Geez Gany, your palms are wet as a pussy.

Gany: SHUT UP let's go, were gonna be late.

Unfortunately, me and Lei don't have classes together, but he keeps me company. He is all I have after all.

Oh well, fuck life. always fucking me hard.

My favorite color is dark red; it reminds me of my blood. It's the only thing I like about myself. I have at least 10 liters inside of me, which is very convenient for vampires.

"Gany, Gany? Hello? Earth-a-Gany, are you there?" I heard Ady screaming his lungs out because I was daydreaming.

Ady is my seatmate in class, and he's gay

"Jesus Christ, Ady, it's 11:00 in the morning let me be, and besides the teacher is not here yet." I said. People always tend to watch me like how they would watch their pet. It annoys my soul, truly. I would love to be a shadow. They can see me, but they wouldn't do anything about it. I don't know why, but I always loved the idea of being known but having this barrier of privacy; unfortunately, this doesn't exist in the real world.

*bell rings* "Gany!" I heard someone yelling my name outside and it was Lei "Ayo bitch what's up" I said, "what you mean what's up?, Uh we're going to the cafeteria right at this moment." Lei insisting "bruh I'm not that hungry maybe I'll just stay here." "Oh please Gany, I know you've been waiting for my shadow to come up in your room so you could escape hell even just for 45 minutes" "Alright fine! Let's go, and after we eat we should go to the library," she says. "Sure, Gany" lei agrees.

#lit #literature #diary

[boysplanetrecaps]

The Great Produce 48 Rewatch: Ep 2, Signal Song [Part 2]

Hey there, National Producer! (That's you, you cutey-pie!)

When we left off with this ridiculous(ly important) project, we were watching the trainees rehearse for the "signal song," Nekko-ya. In this post, we'll finish off talking about their rehearsal period. It's a comparatively shorter post. Woot woot!

We pick up with the girls in F class, who have noticed that the letter F, in the mirror, looks like a Korean double K (ㅋ) . Used alone, ㅋ can mean “LOL” or “ha ha”, so they jump up and down and laugh seeing the equivalent of “LOLOLOLOL” on their backs. 

They’re in the middle of joking around when Dance Bae comes in. Immediately, they quiet down. They’re all scared of her, but here’s the thing about Dance Bae -- she’s not a total psychopath. She just has no patience for untalented girls using the show as a springboard for their acting career. If you try hard, and listen to her, she’ll treat you with basic kindness. 

She notes that most of the girls are Japanese and tells them they’ll have to work hard. They try the chorus, working on their synchronized dance, and she says that they’re doing better than the C class, which makes them feel great. She congratulates them on how hard they’re working, saying “I thought you’d be a mess since you’re F-class. But you’re doing a lot better than expected, so, fighting!!”

I love how Ahn Ye Won, the YG KPlus model, looks like an actual giant in this photo. She’s only 5’7! 

A lot of this segment focuses on Chiba Erii, aka Sailor Mercury, second from the left in the photo above, shown in what is apparently some kind of glitch mode. She does not know how to sing, and she doesn’t seem to enjoy learning to dance. A lot of these girls find this process difficult but still seem… I don’t know, interested? But Erii is barely there. I’m not accusing her of laziness. I’m saying that she’s so miserable that she’s checking out. It’s kind of uncomfortable to watch. One really wonders why she came on the show. 

She doesn’t normally have such a full upper lip, so maybe she was having some sort of allergic reaction or something here. That might explain why she was so out-of-it. 

They dance in a group, and Dance Bae notices how disconnected Erii is. She asks Erii to dance alone, and Erii, fully enmeshed in this nightmare from which awakening isn’t possible, complies. It gives off vibes like someone should have edited in really loud sneaker noises. It only takes a few moments for Dance Bae to stop her, saying that Erii is just as bad as Sohye (from Produce101 -- a girl who obviously just went on the show to launch her acting career and accidentally won). Dance Bae tells her to work harder if she ever wants to get out of F class, and Erii begins to cry, hiding her face in her shirt. 

The other girls don’t seem to have much sympathy for Erii. 

Left to right: Yabuki Nako; Bibian; and Tanaka Miku. We haven’t really met Nako or Miku before, because they sang the Banana song together that was just too hot for MNET!

Here’s another shot of them from earlier in the scene so you can see what they look like from another angle. Left to right, this is Bibian, Nako, Natsume, and Miku.

Anyway, to go back to what I was saying about the girls not seeming to have much sympathy for Erii as she’s crying. The look on especially Bibian’s face is very much… not… sympathetic. I am not saying anything bad about any of these girls. I have no idea if Bibian and Erii hate each other. I have no idea if Bibian even had this expression on her face at that moment, in reaction to Erii crying. What I do know is that if there is animosity among AKB48 girls -- and there definitely, objectively, factually is -- it is caused by the AKB48 system itself, which is (or at least was) designed in such a way that animosity runs through the whole project like fudge ripples through a fudge ripple. They’re always competing in the General Elections (or at least, they were doing so at the time this aired), and always competing for who will sing on the A side or even a B side of a single. I’ll talk more about this later on with regards to gravely-voiced Noe and some rumors about her, but there are lots of stories about AKB girls physically attacking each other, or hiring other people to do so, and/or starting malicious rumors, really nasty stuff like that. I just have to be glad that the worst of that seems to be in the past, and that for whatever reason, you don’t tend to hear about stuff like that in Kpop these days. I also think it’s sweet that when put in an environment where people tend to help each other and cooperate, the AKB girls very quickly adjust and begin to adapt that perspective. It shows that at heart, most people really want to be friends. At least, I’d like to believe that that’s true. 

Ok, back to it. Erii crying kicks off a montage of other F-class girls crying. They know that if they don’t move up from F-class, they won’t even be allowed to stand on stage during the big performance of Naekkoya. Honestly, they get to me, because most of them, I know, are working hard and it has to be so stressful to be so young, so far from home, working so hard on so little sleep. Bibian’s comments might be the saddest: “I can’t even be in Class F. I’m so much worse than that.” As if she’s heard what they said in their interviews, Dance Bae tells them, with unexpected softness, “Let’s all go up to the higher classes. I really want to see you all perform on stage…. Let’s pull the A graders down! Let’s go. Fighting!” See, I told you from the start that she’s not the psychopath around here. 

Then there’s a really cute montage of the F-class girls working together and trying to encourage each other. A Japanese girl offers Hyewon a sweatshirt, pantomiming “being cold”, and Hyewon understands and accepts it.  Matsuoka Natsumi interviews that the Korean trainees came over to talk to her when she was crying. 

I'm pretty sure that that's Ahn Ye Won, the YGK+ model, comforting her.

As the Love Theme from Produce 48 plays, they all say that they’re working the hardest because they know they have the furthest to go. Even Erii is working hard! I’m here sitting on my cat paw cushion shouting at the computer screen. FIGHTING, girls!! FIGHTING!!! Also please get some sleep!!!

Heading Into the Final Eval - 1:36:53

It’s the night before they will record their individual performances of Naekkoya for their final evaluation. Some of the girls are lying in bed, practicing the lyrics and hand movements. Others, like Takeuchi Miyu’s Korean roommates, are still practicing, leading her to wonder out loud, in slow Korean, “Don’t the Korean trainees sleep?” Sakura notes the same thing, that they seem to just keep practicing instead of sleeping, so she’s doing the same. She’s embarrassed that seven years after her own debut, she’s not nearly as good as the other girls. But it’s obvious that part of the problem is that she’s completely exhausted. Girls! Listen to your unnie! You need to sleep or you’re going to have a complete brain collapse tomorrow! 

Choi Yeonsoo, one of the YGK+ models, tries to help Minami, aka Sailor Mars/Lemon-chan’s mom, who looks like she’s about to drop. She’s only 14, for heaven’s sake.

Yeonsoo uses little drawings to try to communicate.

Side note: to any of my lovies who are studying for something, remember that your brain is part of your body and if you don’t take care of your body with enough sleep and stuff, your brain also won’t work well and it’ll be hard to learn. Please try to get some sleep! Your health is important.

They are all working together and trying to help each other. Most of them want to make it to A class (or stay in A class) so that they could be in the center. As if it isn’t obviously going to be Sakura. 

Ok, that’s it for this post! In the next one, we’ll begin talking about the grade reassignments. See you then!

#BPR recaps p48 #produce48 #produce 48 #le sserafim #ive #sakura #chiba erii #Murakawa bibian

[indianfartysummers]

Know if you’re trying to go down that road maybe you need to spice it up I said spice it up and yes, please space it up also because I need my space and you guys are a little bit funny but I don’t know I don’t know is ill icky I don’t know what I’m gonna do. What is the month November I don’t know holy shit maybe I am very sick right now you kind of depersonalize from it yeah I am totally depersonalized from some things so you guys what the time were you guys talking about Sinead O’Connor for earlier like it was no yeah no it was released. I looked up the lyrics on that and I was like well. I just feel still like there are weird boundaries there a butt, also they just threw me right in the middle of that shit ass energy field, so oh man well I’m not even convinced that I’m actually alive. Maybe it is a singularity oh he has a singularity and what will he do with that nothing anyway who has a fucking singularity like it would be anybody’s, like if you’re whatever what was that shit about aliens earlier and like why are you guys like trying to put plastic surgery on people to look like aliens you guys are totally doing that shit and then you put in the second hybrid block which I don’t wanna laugh at, but they are like little blonde babies And they are giving them like wide eyes and shit like this and they’re doing it to fuck with kids because they wanted to see like what was a little kid at 13 like how greedy would they be well if you ask some of the kids they were like man I fudged all the goddamn way I got a new face people think I’m from Israel and Dude. That’s weird I mean it is some of it is kind of so weird it’s not just because like Patrick has like some weird black shit in the sky do you think he did that honestly blue like if I had it like do I have to guess the culprit from the whole crew I was a little like that is adorable. Well unless it was done for flamboyance, but it really depends on what class you’re trying to shake up like I don’t want to shake out the cops right now for example because I really need to get the surgery, this surgery I said, but then again it’s not up to me because they are already planning on doing whatever they do for whatever reasons they do it and that’s what makes me really like it’s like don’t you guys have real shit to look at like people who are needing to be protected from buttrapists

No, they are not yours and somebody clearly had a very very rotten streak with you. They wanted to let you guys know that you were never going to cross that goddamn line I was so fucking sick. I am angry about that stuff and I don’t I don’t even know everything I’m seeing like little bits and pieces of people getting really like greedy about stuff, and I had a lot of people who believe my work belongs to them.

I said, have

You’re telling me that somebody else has been in my shoes and they got all of their shit back and you guys dropped Mario hammers on the police and stuff like that huh?

Do you do you do you do you to do? I don’t know delete delete. Yeah I need to lay off of weed.

No, I didn’t say deleted, I didn’t say delete

They were like delete her bang bang. We killed Shakira too

Too much too goddamn much

Shakira, you are not Alexander Pope. You are not Tolstoy you are not Rebecca Cooper and you are not the cosmic fucking elf. Let’s be honest Shakira.

Is Tolstoy even OK?

They were like well he’s been dead for X amount of years how many years? Oh well, it doesn’t matter actually but it’s been a long time. Yeah, he died.

If they could have taken his work, they would have

They have tried to take all kinds of work from other people and they thought well it fit with a certain thing and so then of course everything got cut up into pieces because Kristina cheesesteak and Dennis Walcox believe they have taste in theft

[treeremovalpensacola]

Industry Advocate: Educational opportunities abound at university field days

If you're in the Pensacola area, then you have probably already experienced the need for having to remove a tree or stump or getting your tree's trimmed. The cost of tree removal varies depending on a few factors, such as: - The type of tree that needs to be removed - The size of the tree - The location of the tree - The condition of the tree Pensacola Tree Removal offers competitive pricing for our tree removal services. For a full list of services Tree removal services visit Tree removal service in Pensacola for a fast, friendly and reliable quote that you can count on. This will help not only beautify your property but also is the safest way to do it. (Photo: LM Staff) There’s a scene in the old Woody Allen film Sleeper in which his character awakens 200 years hence and learns from a scientist that fat, steaks, pies and hot fudge are all good for you, whereupon the scientist offers him a cigarette, claiming that it’s one of the healthiest things for your body. No, I am not telling you to have a cigarette with a hot fudge sundae (the hot fudge sundae does sound enticing, however). The movie pokes fun at all manner of scientific shibboleths, but it reminds me that much of what I learned in school has been paved over with new information. In fact, I can recall one professor proclaiming that the purpose of college was teaching students how to learn on their own — learning how to learn, in other words. Advances in plant pathology A remarkable example is in the field of plant pathology. I have a text from my father’s turfgrass disease class back in the 1960s: Diseases of Turfgrass by Professor Couch at Penn State (upon which a very young Bobby Mann scribbled here and there with a ballpoint pen — naughty boy). The book describes a disease known as Ophiobolus patch, causing depressed, circular patches of blighted turfgrass. This book published in 1962. As late as 1982, Ophiobolus patch was still being taught, at least at the Stockbridge School of Agriculture, where between eating too much pizza and drinking too much beer, I occasionally showed up to class. Now ask yourself, have you ever heard of Ophiobolus patch? If you answered probably not, why might that be? Did the disease simply vanish? We should be so lucky, right? No, what happened is that there was a marked increase in the knowledge of soilborne plant pathogens during the 1980s that resulted in the discovery of new fungi not previously known. Ophiobolus was renamed Gaeumannomyces, and the disease itself was renamed take-all patch. (Thank goodness for something simple, eh?) As a result of this research, we now have a series of diseases of turfgrass roots — Bermudagrass decline, necrotic ring spot, spring dead spot and summer patch — that more accurately describe root-infecting diseases of turfgrass. Invest in your learning So what, you may ask? I was reminded of this development when I attended the Turf Research Field Day at UMass Amherst, one of many such field days across the country. Apart from catching up with industry friends and enjoying a great barbecue lunch, field days afford you the opportunity to get up to date with the latest research in a way that you simply cannot achieve by reading about it. You can’t beat having a graduate student or professor stand in the middle of a research plot and explain what’s happening. You get to see the results with your own eyes and speak with the researchers yourself. That kind of interaction sticks with you far better than just reading it in a book. If you’re not plugged into this network of learning, I’m happy to help you out. The small amount of time you invest in stretching your knowledge will pay you back many times over when your customers need an expert to turn to when things go south in the landscape. The post Industry Advocate: Educational opportunities abound at university field days first appeared on Landscape Management.

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