#why the weird reactions to steve’s love journey | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eiightysixbaby · 4 months

Text

i’ll be home for christmas

PART FOUR: Merry Christmas, Darling

previous chapter || series masterlist

word count: 7.4k

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: eddie’s return sends you through emotional turmoil. can things go back to the way they were?

cw: angst, there’s a lotttt of feelings in this chapter whew what a ride, mentions of alcohol consumption, brief mention of reader’s parents - they aren’t described it’s just mentioned that we go to see them, reader’s nickname is ‘sunny’

author’s note: the final part is here!! thank you all soooo much for coming on this little journey with me. i’ve had so much fun writing this fic, and i appreciate every kind comment i’ve received. keep your eyes peeled in the coming weeks, there’s an extra something i’m working on for this universe :)

Present Day: Christmas Eve, 1989.

Eddie. You’re staring at Eddie, that much you know. He’s standing right in front of you, yet it all feels hazy. There’s a ringing in your ears that won’t stop, a sickness in your gut that won’t ease. You say nothing as you step aside to let Dustin and the rest of the kids rush to the door to greet the man before you.

He looks at you, desperately, before being swarmed by everyone else.

“Eddie! Holy shit!!” Dustin yells, throwing his full weight at the man and barely giving him time to get his bearings.

“What are you doing here!?” Lucas asks, pushing Dustin out of the way to get his own hug.

“Slow down, you gremlins,” Eddie laughs. Oh, god, his laugh. It makes your stomach churn. What was once music to your ears is now an unfamiliar sound. You’d know his laugh anywhere. But you don’t feel like you know him anymore. “How’s everyone doing? I missed you fuckers,” he says, ruffling Max’s hair.

“We missed you,” she says, rolling her eyes as if she can’t be bothered. Eddie knows it’s just an act.

You move out of the doorway, feeling like you’re in a daze as you walk back to the living room.

“Did you guys know about this?” you ask Nancy, Robin, and Steve once they turn expectantly to catch your reaction to the whole surprise.

“Yeah, he got in a few days ago. We wanted it to be a surprise,” Robin says, biting her bottom lip in an attempt to cover a smile.

“Right,” you say, not matching her excitement as you sit down in an empty chair. It explains why the girls were acting so weird during your baking session. It explains why you made the stupid raspberry cookies.

You can feel Jonathan’s eyes boring into you, watching your every move. You don’t look at him, knowing you’ll break if you see the concerned expression you know will be on his face. Nancy’s about to say something when Eddie and the teens come swarming in, Dustin already blabbering his ear off. You go stiff in your seat, not meeting those gorgeous brown eyes and instead keeping your face trained on the floor.

Jonathan stands, moving to greet Eddie as he’s the only one who hasn’t yet. “What’s up, man? You back for good?” he asks.

“Yeah. Yeah I think I am,” he says. “It’s good to see you.” You know everyone’s eyes are on you, including his. You know they’re waiting for you to say something. Your silence is ear-splitting, and it feels like a bomb is about to go off.

Everyone moves to surround Eddie, except you, but you can’t blame them. They ask him for all of the details about Chicago, his reasons for moving back, anything and everything. You catch him looking around their faces, trying to get you to look at him, but you avoid his eyes every time. You thought this was what you wanted. You thought seeing him would fix everything.

But it didn’t.

If anything, your heart feels even more shattered. He thinks he can just come home, show up at this party without warning and you’re just going to fall into his arms? Confess your love for him? Act like nothing has happened?

He’s too nonchalant, the way he talks to the group. The way he sits casually on Steve’s sofa, the way he grabs cookies and a drink to indulge in.

A part of you wants to be upset with your friends for hiding this from you, for giving you no warning, but the other part of you knows they were just trying to make you happy. This was supposed to make you happy. You’re unhappy without Eddie, and now he’s here and you’re still unhappy. What is wrong with you?

It’s too much, your head feeling like it’s going to cave in as you listen to the chatter around you. Eddie’s voice is grating in your ears, and you can’t bear to look at his face — you know you’ll just burst into tears. He’s in the middle of telling a story about his attempts to land a recording gig when you stand from your seat, stopping him mid-sentence.

Without a word, you walk quickly to Steve’s back door, letting yourself out to the backyard. You can hear Jonathan call after you, but you don’t want to be bothered. The cold air hits you harder without your coat on, and you wrap your arms around yourself to keep as warm as possible. Steve’s covered pool is coated with a layer of ice and snow, and the lights from inside make the snow sparkle. Inhaling deeply, the icy air burns your lungs, but at least you’re feeling something definite. Your emotions are all over the place, none of them clear or easy to work through.

Maybe you should just go home. Just slink off to your car and go, because you certainly can’t be here with him. As if on cue, sent by some fucked up force in the universe that loves to put you through the wringer, the door slides open.

You hear shoes crunch on the snowy ground, bulky steps that can only come from heavy boots. A deep breath is taken but it’s not enough, you feel like you can’t get any air when he’s taking it all from you. Standing still, you stare straight ahead, your back facing who you know is right behind you. You can’t bear to turn around, to be the one to face him first.

“Sunny,” is all he says. His voice is soft, but it raises every hair on your neck. You’re back to a year ago, to that horrible place he took you to and locked you away in.

You steel yourself, preparing for the floor to fall out beneath you and trying your damndest to be ready for it.

“Please, look at me.”

Turning, slowly, your eyes lock with his. He looks the same as he did the last time you saw him, except now his face fills your mouth with a sour taste. You don’t like this feeling.

“I missed you,” he says, quietly.

His hands are tucked in the front pocket of his jeans, his face barely visible in the dark. He looks at you almost expectantly, like you’re supposed to do something here. Like this isn’t insane.

“I can’t do this, Eddie,” you say, barely above a whisper. Your voice is failing you.

He hears you anyway, his ears so attuned to anything and everything you have to say. You don’t look the same, the usual fire behind your eyes is gone. It worries him.

“Please, just… I came back for you. I’ve never stopped thinking about you.”

“Please don’t. Don’t do that, Eddie,” you warn, tears burning at your eyes.

“Do what? Be honest with you? I’m sorry Sunny. I’m so sorry. But it’s the truth. I’ve never stopped missing you,” he presses. His tone isn’t harsh, but passionate. You know he’s being honest, and it makes you want to throw up.

“So, what? You’re just going to walk in here and act like everything is normal? Like this isn’t fucking weird?” you ask, getting progressively louder as you go. He’s standing not even a foot away, silent. What can he say?

“You’ve been gone for a year, Eddie. You left me, you barely gave me a warning!” you hiss, stepping further away from him. Retreating into yourself, protecting yourself.

He takes a step toward you, chancing it. Reaching a hand out as if to grab you and comfort you. You don’t let him, slinking out of his touch.

“Sunny, please. Can we talk about this?” he asks, his voice desperate as he pleads with you.

“You didn’t want to talk it over when you made the decision to leave,” you spit. “So maybe I don’t want to talk things over now. I’m sorry you thought I’d just fall right into your arms again, but it’s not happening, Eddie. This? Whatever it is we had? It’s done, it’s gone. You can thank yourself.” You brush past him, slamming the door shut behind you once you’ve entered the house again. Anger and hurt blaze through your veins in a deadly concoction, your vision blurry with the hot tears that sting in your eyes.

Eddie follows after you, hot on your trail, emotion-strained voice calling out from behind. “Sunny. Sunny!”

You don’t give him the satisfaction of a response, simply putting your coat on and grabbing your purse. “I’m leaving. I’m sorry, everyone,” you say curtly, and then you’re heading towards the front door, stepping outside into the cold night with nothing more than the slam of the wood.

Eddie stands in the living room, forlorn as everyone just looks around, unsure of what to do. Of all the ways this reunion could have gone, they certainly didn’t expect this. They thought it would make you happy, not make everything worse.

“I have to go get her—” he starts, frantic as he pats down his pockets for his car keys.

“Eddie, I don’t think that’s the best idea,” Robin says warily, standing from her seat on the couch.

“I let her go once!” Eddie yells, a painful twinge to his tone. “I can’t let it happen again.”

He looks like a kicked puppy, scared where he stands in the middle of Steve’s home. The looks everyone gives him are pitying, and it makes him scoff as he starts to pace, running his hands through his hair.

“You need to give her space, man,” Jonathan adds, trying to calm him down. “If you bombard her right now, it’ll only make her more upset.”

Eddie looks at him, saying nothing. His eyes are glassy, tears threatening to spill but he doesn’t want to let them. The impulsive part of him wants to tell Jonathan to fuck off — he used to know you like that. He used to be the person that knew everything about you, and now Jonathan has taken his place. Even if only platonically. He bites his tongue, reminding himself of the unfortunate truth that it’s his own fault you aren’t close anymore.

“I— I just need some air,” Eddie settles on, turning around and going back out to the backyard.

He isn’t out there for long before he hears someone else join him. Turning, he’s a little surprised to see Jonathan. He’d expected Steve, maybe Dustin.

“Hey,” Eddie says, his hands in his pockets as he stares out across the yard.

“Hey,” Jonathan replies, taking slow steps closer to him. “Listen, Eddie,” he starts after a pause. “You put her through a lot this last year,” he says. Eddie can tell by his tone he’s not trying to be unkind or sour, but it still hurts. It’s hard to admit that he was so incredibly wrong, and that his actions are having major consequences. He never wanted to hurt you this badly. Everything had spun out of control, and he’s to blame.

��I know, man. I know,” he replies. “I’m sorry about it.”

Jonathan just looks at him, watching him carefully. There’s a brief silence, before Eddie takes a deep breath and a little leap of faith.

“Can you talk to her for me?”

He looks at the man beside him, breath hitched in his throat, nervous.

“Eddie—”

“Please, man. She… she trusts you. In a way that she doesn’t trust me anymore. And I know that that’s my fault, but…” he takes a shaky breath, furiously swiping at his wet eyes with his thumb. “I want to earn her trust back. I want her back.”

Jonathan thinks this over, running his tongue over his teeth behind his top lip as if collecting the taste Eddie’s words leave in his mouth. Meeting Eddie’s eyes, his gaze softens when he sees the pain sitting on his face.

“Okay. I’ll try to talk to her,” Jonathan says finally, and Eddie lets out a relieved breath. “But. I’m not promising anything. If she wants to cut ties with you, that’s her business, and I can’t force her to do anything. You screwed up last year, Ed. I’m not trying to rub salt in your wounds, I just need you to understand why this is so hard for her.”

Eddie almost wants to laugh. Jonathan has a way of saying harsh things — of giving you the truth — yet not making you feel like complete shit while he does it. Eddie knows that he cares, he just cares on a level that not everyone does.

“I know. Trust me, I know that,” he sighs, blowing out a puff of air as he looks up to the dark sky. “I know you can’t force her, and I don’t want that. I just… I want her to know how sorry I am. If nothing else, I want her to know that she’s the most important person I’ve ever met and that I’m a moron for what I did last year.”

Jonathan does laugh at this, and then Eddie starts laughing with him. And it feels good, if even for a fleeting moment.

“I’ll talk to her, okay? I’m glad to have you back, man,” the younger man says, giving Eddie a soft fist to the shoulder. There’s a smile on his face, just enough for Eddie to notice.

He smiles back. Jonathan doesn’t need words to hear the ‘thank you’ that lies behind it.

•

You don’t feel any better after your outburst towards Eddie. You wanted to be with your friends tonight, not sitting alone at your apartment. But you’d left on impulse and now… here you are. Sitting alone on your floor because it felt right to sit on the floor and now you’re spiraling.

You don’t know what to think, or what to feel. You’d been sad for months over Eddie’s absence and now he’s here and you go and have a meltdown. Frustration boils inside of you, your heart twisting in your chest. Being angry at Eddie doesn’t feel any better than missing him had, it’s not like being mad allows you to just forget him.

Before you can think yourself into oblivion, your phone rings. Groaning, you stand to retrieve it. Your heart pounds in your chest — what if it’s him?

Steadying your breathing, you let it ring a few times before you convince yourself to answer.

“Hello?” you mumble, not quite ready to find out whose voice will come out on the other end.

“Sunny. It’s me,” Jonathan’s voice comes through the receiver, relaxing every muscle in your body. “Are you okay?” he asks.

“Honestly, Jon? I have no fucking idea,” you say, with a slight laugh at the end. There’s no humor in it, though, you simply feel like you’re going mad.

“Can I come over?”

“Jonathan, no, stay at the party—”

“Sunny. Can I come over?” he tries again, not wanting you to put him first in this situation. He wants to be there for you.

“Okay. Yeah, fine. Door’s unlocked, just come in when you get here.”

Clicking the phone back into its place, you pace the floor slightly, chewing your nail.

Did Eddie really come back for you? Is this all for you?

Your heart aches at the thought of it. You just don’t understand how he expected everything to be just fine the second you saw him, and all you can picture in your mind is the look on his stupid fucking face the second you opened Steve’s door.

He looked at you like you hung the moon. He looked at you like you were everything.

You think about last year, you think about the kiss. The way his lips felt so soft against yours, like they were made to be there. You dig the heels of your palms into your eyes, rubbing at them with a frustrated sigh. Taking a seat on the couch, you await Jonathan’s arrival.

The door opens quietly before his figure slips through the gap, his cheeks rosy from the cold. You’re curled in one corner of the sofa, and you must look pitiful because his eyes soften the second they land on you.

“Sunny…” he says, hanging his coat on your coat rack before instantly coming to sit by you.

“What the fuck is happening, Jonathan?” you croak, moving to lean against him. “I thought this was what I wanted. I wanted him to come home I… I still miss him…”

“I think he just surprised you. You’re feeling a lot of things at once, and that’s okay. Every single emotion is valid,” he says softly, rubbing your back with a gentle hand.

“I’m just so mad that he walked in like it was nothing. He sat down and talked with everyone like there wasn’t a giant elephant in the room to address,” you say, that anger still lingering in your voice. “But I’m not proud that I walked out on him. I didn’t let him talk, or anything. I told him we’re done,” you sniff, letting tears drip down your face. “I don’t know if I really meant that.”

“Do you think he’s just gonna give up on you? I promise you he’s not, Sunny. He was ready to chase after you the second you left.”

You think this over, a pang in your heart making you cry more. A small part of you wanted him to chase you, although you wouldn’t admit it in your anger.

“He’s really sorry, Sunny,” Jonathan sighs, squeezing you closer to him. “I’ve never seen him this beat up over anything. He’s devastated. You have a right to be devastated, too. I just want you to know that he knows he screwed up.”

“Did he tell you to tell me this?”

Jonathan pauses, takes a breath. “He asked if I would talk to you, yeah. But I had every intention of coming over here, anyway. I think you need someone to talk it out with, that isn’t him.”

“Is that all he said?”

“He said he’s a moron for what he did,” Jonathan adds, smiling when he gets a watery laugh from you.

“He is a fucking moron,” you admit, wiping your nose with the back of your hand.

“And he said that you’re the most important person he’s ever met. There’s no doubt in my mind that he means that. He really adores you, Sunny.”

“I feel the same about him,” you say, lip wobbling. It’s true. You’ve never met anyone else who’s impacted you quite the same as he has. He’s everything. That’s why this is all so earth-shattering.

“So what are you gonna do?” Jonathan asks, waiting a beat. “You don’t have to decide now. I’m not here to change your mind or tell you how to feel. You don’t have to talk to him anymore if you really don’t want to. But I saw how happy you were with him last year, Sunny. I want you to be that happy again.”

“I need to think things over,” you say meekly, letting out a sigh. “Can we just watch a movie?” you ask, looking up at your friend.

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “We can watch a movie. Give yourself all the time you need to think.”

Present Day: Christmas Day, 1989.

The night had been a restless one. Tossing and turning beneath your heavy comforter, your mind racing with a million thoughts. A million things you want to say, a million things you should say, to him. He hurt you, and he can’t take that back, but you didn’t even hear a single thing he had to say. You didn’t hear him out, and that’s not how you’d typically behave around him. Maybe nothing involving him was “typical” anymore, but you couldn’t sleep restfully knowing you haven’t had a real conversation with him.

All you’d wanted, for 12 months, was for Eddie to be home, to apologize. You realize now that your anger has eased that you need to talk to him. Nothing will improve if you don’t speak to him. You know for a fact it would eat you alive every day if he was home in Hawkins, seeing your friends, and you had to avoid him. You have things you need to get off your chest, stuff you want to say, and as you laid awake blinking into the darkness, you’d decided you needed to go and see him.

Christmas morning arrives too bright and too early, your body curled beneath blankets as you rub your eyes and yawn. It feels like you fell asleep for maybe an hour or two, your mind still racing with thoughts that seemed to never stop. Immediately, you’re throwing the covers off and getting out of bed.

There’s still time to fix things. There’s still time to talk to him, to have a good Christmas. You deserve a good Christmas.

The shower water pours hot out of the faucet, steam filling your bathroom as you undress. You let the water coat your skin, making you feel more awake as you shampoo your hair and scrub your body. You feel like you can’t move fast enough, anxiety swirling in your stomach coupled with your eager need to see Eddie.

You get ready in record timing, hair done and outfit donned, teeth brushed and everything else in between. You bundle up for the weather, as one look out your window told you it was definitely a cold one, a hefty layer of snow coating the ground. You can feel yourself tremble as you get in your car and start it, nausea creeping back in as you worry the whole drive to Eddie’s.

Your boots crunch on the snow-covered dirt, your hand pushing your car door shut with a reluctant creak. It’s been so long since you’ve been here, at the trailer park, standing in front of this very trailer. It looks the same as you remember it, though it looks like Wayne got a new wreath for the door.

It’s early, god you know it’s so early, and you only hope you won’t be disturbing the sleep of the two men who inhabit the home. But this is important, you think to yourself. You have to do this.

Taking a deep breath, your hand trembles before you bring it to the door in a repetitive pattern, knocking firmly. There’s no answer for a moment, and you worry that maybe coming out here was a mistake. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to you, after all. Maybe Jonathan was wrong, and you’d pissed him off, and he’s done with you.

Maybe it’s too late.

You’re about to resign, to get back in your car, when you hear footsteps on the inside of the door. It swings open in front of you, revealing Eddie’s sleepy face and his sleep-tousled hair.

“Sunny?” he asks, rubbing one eye with his hand. He reaches off to the side, yanking on a coat before coming to stand outside with you.

“Sorry, uh… Wayne’s still asleep otherwise I’d—”

“I miss you, Eddie,” you cut him off, making his eyes widen for a split second. “And I’m so fucking mad at you, but it turns out being mad at you doesn’t make me miss you any less.”

He blinks, looking down at you but not speaking, as if he’s too scared to say anything at all.

“You really fucked me up leaving last year, you know that?” you ask with an icy laugh, looking off to the side. “I missed you every single day you were gone. All I wanted this whole time was you. And now you’re here, and— and, you think you can just show up and everything will be fine. Everything’s not fine,” you ramble, voice cracking at the end of your speech.

You’d tried to ward off any tears, but they’re running warm down your cold cheeks before you can stop them. You wipe furiously at them with your fingers, trying to hide your emotions from the man in front of you. You hadn’t planned on getting this emotional, but then you suppose you can’t really fully plan for a conversation like this.

“Nothing— is fine, Eddie,” you croak. “I missed you so much,” you start to cry harder, collapsing against him as he readily accepts you into a sort of hug as you let it all pour out of you. He holds you against his chest, and how you missed being pressed close to him like this. Your chest aches with every single second of those 12 months without him that you can’t get back. “How could you do that to me?” you ask him, fist clutching the fabric of his coat, not wanting to let him go.

He squeezes you so tight, he doesn’t know what to say. He didn’t expect you to come here, especially not so soon.

“I’m so sorry, Sunny,” he says quietly. “I’m so sorry. I’m the dumbest man alive for leaving you. I really am.”

“At least you know that,” you sniff, the tiniest laugh rumbling in your chest amidst your tears; reminding you of what Jonathan had told you the night before. That he’s a moron.

“I’ll let you tell me that every day for the rest of my life,” he says, brave enough to crack the smallest smile. “Just please don’t give up on me.” Gripping your shoulders, he coaxes you just far enough away so he can really look at you. “All I want is you, Sunny. Chicago… didn’t change my life. Not in the slightest. I thought I needed to get out of here but… I couldn’t have been more wrong. And I’m so sorry you had to be caught up in my dumb mistake,” he says earnestly. “It was never a problem with you. My feelings for you were always real. Are still real.”

You’re silent, taking a couple breaths before you speak. “I’m sorry Chicago didn’t work out. But the selfish part of me was hoping it wouldn’t…” you confess, looking down at your shoes.

“It’s okay. I learned my lesson, that’s for sure,” he scoffs a little, his expression downtrodden.

“This year was so hard, Eddie,” you tell him. “Nothing has been the same without you.” The pain in your voice feels like he’s been stabbed in the heart, and he so horribly wishes he could take everything back. But he can’t. All he can do is be better for you, now.

“I know, sweetheart,” he says, his big chocolate eyes so apologetic. You missed his pet names, missed the way sweetheart rolls off of his tongue specially for you. “Please tell me you didn’t mean what you said… when you said that we’re done.”

He doesn’t look at you as he says that last part, not the entire time at least. His eyes dance nervously around, his voice wavering with anxiety. It makes tears spring to your eyes again, the thought of going on without him. Of spending every day for the rest of your life without him.

“I can’t do this without you, Eddie,” you say. “But you have to promise me you’re never going to pull something like that again. You’re never leaving again, unless it’s with me,” you steel yourself, not letting yourself get too emotional until he can make this promise. Until he can prove himself.

“Never. Never, I swear. I don’t want to be anywhere you aren’t,” he breathes, moving closer to you. “Please let me make it all up to you. I’ll spend the rest of my life being the best I can be for you.”

His hands cup your face, warm against your frosty cheeks. He wipes a stray tear from your face with a gentle thumb, smiling so softly when you lean into his touch. All at once it hits you, your overwhelming affection for him that you’d had to shove down all year. It gnaws at your chest, clawing its way out of you triumphantly. He’s still the same man you knew then. He’s still the only person you want first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

“Eddie…” you sigh, letting your eyes flutter closed, your hands holding his forearms.

You can feel how close his face is to yours, his nose nearly ghosting over your own and his breath warming your skin. The broken pieces of you are being glued back together one by one the longer he stands holding you.

“I’ve thought about that kiss every single day for the last year, you know that?” he says softly, your eyes opening once more to look up at him.

“Me too,” you breathe. “I’d started to think that maybe it was a mistake,” you admit sadly, watching the way his expression changes. “But it was the best kiss I’ve ever had.”

Both of you go quiet, eyes saying so much without words as you look at each other. He’s so close, his face right against yours as you stand in the freezing cold morning. He starts to shift even closer, and you feel like his lips are about to close the distance to yours when the trailer door swings open.

“Is that my little lady?” Wayne’s gruff voice calls out.

You and Eddie break apart abruptly, Eddie rather reluctantly letting you go as your head swings to look at his uncle.

“Wayne!” you beam, moving instantly to accept his hug. You glance back at Eddie, heart thumping in your chest as you watch him watching you.

This is how it should be. This is how you always want it to be.

“Get in here and out of the cold. I missed you, you know that?” the older man says to you, pulling you inside.

You have a lot of catching up to do. That second kiss will have to wait.

After a mug of hot cocoa and a lot of reminiscing with Wayne and Eddie, you find yourself alone with Eddie in his room. There’s a tiny bit of awkwardness in the atmosphere, both of you getting your footing together after so much time apart. It almost feels wrong to be in his bedroom, but then you remember you spent nearly every day here not so long ago.

“I’m sorry it’s a mess,” he smiles weakly. “Unpacking hasn’t exactly been my top priority.”

“Don’t apologize,” you insist, standing in the doorway as he kicks his messy suitcase to a corner of the room. “Was it ever clean before you moved?” you tease, more and more of that weight being lifted off your shoulders with each lighthearted comment, each joke and laugh and smile given and received.

“Sometimes!” he defends, immediately relenting. “Okay, no, it’s always a mess.”

“I really need to get going, Eddie. I need to see my parents at least for a little bit today,” you tell him, glancing at the clock.

“Will I see you back at Steve’s later?” he asks.

“I was hoping I could hitch a ride with you,” you say shyly.

He beams, pearly white teeth shining at you. He could light the entire city with that smile.

“Of course you can. I’ll pick you up, say around six?”

“Six is perfect,” you smile, moving toward him to give his arm a squeeze. “I really fucking missed you.”

He exhales, taking both of your hands in his. “I missed you more than I can even say. I hope you believe me. If I could take this whole year back, start over, I would.”

You don’t reply, just nod at him with empathetic eyes. You know he means it. You do believe him.

“I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Okay,” he says. “Be safe getting to your parents, alright?”

You nod again, smiling at him before you put your coat back on, saying goodbye to Wayne and walking out into the cold.

•

Opening gifts with your parents was a good reprieve from the emotional whirlwind of a morning that you’d had, simply sharing in their joy and having lighthearted conversation. It felt good to feel good, that was for certain.

To have a happy Christmas, a happy day, finally. There was still much to be discussed with Eddie, but you felt at ease now that you’d finally poured your heart out to him. You can’t really stay angry with him, because your heart knows he never meant to cause you so much pain.

Six o’clock rolls around surprisingly quickly, a knock sounding at your door as you give yourself a once over in your mirror. Smoothing down your velvet skirt for a final time, you turn to leave your room. As you’re about to flip off the light, though, your jewelry box catches your eye.

You walk over to your dresser where it sits on the top, opening the lid. Eddie’s necklace sits with its broken chain on top of the other miscellaneous jewelry, the initialed pendant gleaming right at you. There’s another knock on your door, and you hurriedly rummage through the clutter to find a spare chain, one that hadn’t been ripped in half.

You let the pendant fall from the old chain, slipping it onto the new one as you walk quickly to the door.

Swinging it open, Eddie’s sweet face greets you on the other side. The things you would’ve given to see him greeting you all those torturous months when he was gone. And now he’s here. He looks gorgeous; wearing what might be his only pair of black jeans that aren’t ripped, along with a deep green flannel that slightly pokes out beneath a dark gray sweater. You want to devour him, you realize. But that will have to wait — the time will come eventually.

“Oh, thank god. I was starting to think you weren’t gonna answer,” he jokes, playing off the comment with a slight laugh. You can see in his face that a small part of him really was concerned you’d bail.

“Sorry, I was looking for something,” you say, stepping aside to let him in.

“Oh? Did you find whatever it was?”

“Mhm. Would you mind putting it on me?” you ask, holding out the necklace to him.

He looks at it, his eyes softening when he recognizes the pendant.

“You still have this,” he muses, surprise evident in his tone. Like he thought you’d get rid of it. You truthfully never could have.

“It’s important to me,” you tell him, glancing up at him through your lashes. “I… broke the original chain. One night when I took it off. I-I’m not proud of it and I’m sorry. Because this gift is so important to me. It was the only piece I had of you,” you admit, pouring your truth and your heart into his open hands.

“Sunny, you don’t have to apologize. You still have it, I’m so glad you do.”

He smiles, a warm and wonderful thing, before he motions for you to turn around. He drapes the pendant over your head, letting it rest on your chest while he fidgets with the clasp at the back. You nearly want to cry as he puts it on you; you didn’t get the chance for him to do this when he’d gifted it to you. You’d put it on alone, in painful tears, wishing it would bring him back.

“Okay, I think it’s good,” Eddie murmurs, his gaze soft when you turn back around to face him.

“What do you think?” you ask, biting on your lip.

“It’s a beautiful necklace for an even more beautiful person,” he says, calm and collected, his words steady and meaningful. “I’m just sorry it took me this long to see you wearing it.”

You feel your cheeks flush, smiling as you pull your coat on and grab hold of the bottle of wine you’d bought to bring to Steve’s.

“Ready?” you ask, shy beneath the way he stares at you; like he never wants to look at anything but you.

“You know it,” he says, jingling his car keys before opening the door for you.

Your foot taps nervously on the floor of the car the whole ride to Steve’s home, butterflies twirling in your stomach at the thought of your arrival with Eddie. After your outburst yesterday, you were admittedly a little embarrassed, and now to show up with the man you’d just walked out on… well, what a roller coaster. Tension hangs thick between the two of you, the mutual acknowledgment of what maybe almost happened earlier before Wayne had interrupted blinking like a neon sign. He had definitely almost kissed you, and the thought makes your stomach swirl.

Neither of you really talk much, not knowing what to say. Sitting in silence and enjoying the company of the other feels like enough, for now. You can’t help but smile to yourself as you look at the pretty decorated houses that you pass, heart soaring with the knowledge that you have Eddie back, and with it comes the holiday cheer you’d been missing.

Before long the clunky van is pulling into Steve’s driveway, parking behind Nancy’s car. Eddie kills the engine, telling you to stay put so he can jog around to your side and get the door for you. He extends a hand, helping you down into the slippery concrete as you clutch the wine bottle tight in your other hand.

“Why thank you,” you giggle, not missing the way his cheeks grow pink.

“Anything for you, m’lady,” he salutes, reaching in behind you to grab your purse for you.

You take a deep breath as you start to walk up to the front door, arm tangled with Eddie’s so you don’t slip and in the slushy mess. You can sense his nerves, too, as he knocks on the door. You glance to the side, smiling at him and watching him return the gesture.

Steve opens the door, wearing reindeer antlers and a red Christmas sweater. He stops in his tracks when he sees both of you, a smug grin spreading on his lips.

“Well, would you look at that?” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. “I missed seeing you two attached at the hip,” he jokes, stepping aside to let you both in.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie says, squeezing the other man’s shoulder. What you don’t see is the way Steve gives him a celebratory fist bump, mouthing a silent “yes!”.

Heads turn the second you and Eddie are inside, and you watch as Nancy and Robin beam at the sight. Jonathan gives you both a pointed but subtle thumbs up, and his smile says it all.

“Look at you two!” Robin exclaims, and you unravel your arm from Eddie’s to give her a hug.

“Okay, guys, we’re the spectacle of the evening, we get it,” Eddie laughs, giving her a hug after you.

“I won’t lie, I missed seeing you two arriving places together. You used to basically be conjoined,” Nancy jokes, taking the wine from you. She moves swiftly into the kitchen, getting out a few glasses to pour some. She hands you a glass, along with one for herself and Robin.

“Wait, hey, let me catch up!” Eddie says, grabbing a beer for himself from the fridge.

Steve and Jonathan gather around with their drinks, too, everyone raising their glasses and bottles high.

“Cheers, to Sunny and Eddie,” Nancy says, smiling brightly as everyone clinks their drinks together before taking a sip. Her toast makes you flustered, heart beating rapidly in your chest.

The wine goes down easy, warming your stomach with a pleasant tingle. This is how things should be. The hole in your friend group filled by the person you’d all been missing. The energy in the room is brighter, better. Eddie is needed here, not only by you.

Robin puts on one of Steve’s many Christmas records, letting the music fill the room along with your blended voices chattering happily. You’re talking with the girls, filling them in on what happened since last night. Your eyes keep wandering to wherever Eddie is, noticing him standing in the sun room with Steve. They’re talking about something you can’t hear, looking out the window into the snow covered backyard. You start to walk towards him, telling the girls you’ll be back in a bit, but stop at Jonathan first where he sits on the couch.

“Thank you. For helping me sort through my feelings,” you tell him, giving his hand a squeeze.

“I hardly did anything. You made this choice yourself,” he says, squeezing your hand right back. “I’m so happy for you, Sunny. It’s good to see you happy.”

“You’re the best, you know that?” you ask him, giving him one last grateful look before walking away.

“Gentlemen,” you say, announcing yourself as you step into the other room with the two men. You hope you aren’t interrupting anything too important, but staying away from Eddie is the last thing you want right now.

“There she is,” Steve says, pulling you into his side. You laugh, reaching a hand up to mess up his hair.

“Hey, hey— watch the antlers!” he defends, slipping out of reach.

“Do you mind if I have a minute alone with him?” you ask Steve, motioning to Eddie with your thumb.

“No, no. Of course not. Behave yourselves,” he winks, slipping out as he takes a sip of his beer.

“What’s up, sweetheart?” Eddie asks, moving in on you, wrapping an arm tentatively around your waist. His expression eases up when you relax into his touch, smiling blissfully up at him.

“I just thought we should pick up where we left off earlier…” you say, poking his chest softly with a finger and letting it trail down.

“Oh? And where exactly did we leave off?” he smirks, pressing his body closer to yours.

“I think… that you were about to kiss me again,” you murmur, hooded eyes looking up into his.

“Interesting theory,” Eddie jokes, placing a hand to his chin as if pondering this. You slap him lightly on the arm, giggling like a schoolgirl at him. “You might be right about that, sweetness,” he admits, dropping his face down closer to yours.

Your noses brush, the smell of his cologne and shampoo overwhelming your senses. He still uses the same stuff he did a year ago, turns out.

Your eyes focus in on his soft lips, the way his tongue darts out to wet them slightly. And then you let your eyelids flutter closed, feeling his other arm wrap around you, pulling you impossibly closer. His lips press to yours, so soft and hesitant at first, before gaining more confidence. You hold the back of his neck with one hand, fingers tangling in his curls, taking in his warmth and softness. Your mouths move together perfectly, two pieces of a puzzle finally brought together. The same fireworks you felt that first time go off again, yet this time they somehow feel even brighter. You’d waited so long for this, wondered if you would ever get this, and now it’s happening.

His tongue prods gently into your mouth, ever so slightly dancing around yours. His lips are so plush and gentle, and he smiles into the kiss with a soft little laugh. Pulling away, he rests his forehead to yours.

“You can tell me I’m crazy for this if you want to, okay? If it’s too soon, I get it. But I have to know if you’ll be mine,” he says, eyes darting back and forth between each of your own.

“Eddie,” you breathe, smiling wider than you have all night. “I’m all yours. I’ll be yours forever,” you promise, wrapping both arms around his neck and pulling him into one more passionate kiss.

“Okay, lovebirds!” Robin calls from the living room. You both turn your heads to see everyone watching you, and your cheeks flush.

“Didn’t know we had an audience,” Eddie says softly, only for you to hear, making you laugh again.

“Are you guys coming out to make a snowman with us, or what?” Steve asks, hands on his hips as he waits.

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll be right there!” Eddie calls back. “We’re just making up for lost time,” he adds, winking at you before planting a wet, sloppy kiss to your cheek.

You feel whole in this moment, with Eddie’s arm around your waist. What you thought would be a horrible Christmas turned out to be the brightest one, and having Eddie home is the best gift you could’ve asked for; even if it was a rocky start. He’s yours, and you’re his. This is the way it should always be, you’re undoubtedly certain of that now.

“Let’s go, sweetheart,” he says. “Forever starts right now.”

taglist: @hellfirenacht @writethrough @littledemondani @prettyboyeddiemunson @trashmouth-richie @succubusmunson @likedovesinthewnd @tlclick73 @mrsjellymunson @idkitsem @svbrbnlegends @eddiesxangel @munsonzgf @hereforshmut @eggo-segual @joannamuns9n @lavendermunson @leenameh @micheledawn1975

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #i’ll be home for christmas #support banner by cafekitsune

282 notes · View notes

sosa2imagines · 5 months

Text

I know where I belong. Part 1

----------------------------------------------------- Warning- Angst, This time we hate Steve 😭😂 ----------------------------------------------------- Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 ✅ -----------------------------------------------------

Thanos took a toll on all of you but thankfully everyone were back safe and sound. Everyone expect for Steve the love of your life. He had his dance and he did return back to you and his friends but something was off.

He was clearly not happy. You all thought maybe it is because of his journey to the past. For two days straight he was grumpy it went on onto the third day then on the fourth day things were different Steve came back to the tower in a happy mood. Everyone was curious as to why the captain is all of a sudden in such a good mood. That night he slept like a baby cuddling you and you were content that he is finally back to being normal. Oh how wrong you were! Since that day Steve would go out daily and come back with a satisfied grin that would last until he saw you. You were confused by his reaction but brushed it off not thinking much about it.

From the third week onwards he was rarely in the tower. Most of the times he would stay in his Brooklyn apartment. He barely spoke to you, he avoided you as much as possible. Nat was worried about you, she found it weird and you tried to cover it but she was having none of it. It killed you when he would talk to everyone except you, day by day you felt the distance between you both grow. Steve would sleep far on his side of the bed. His cold behavior was shattering you.

Having had enough you decided to visit his apartment. And that's when you found out why he was avoiding you, you were greeted by the view of Steve balls deep in Sharon who was making stupid weird noises and Steve moaning whatever he can. You were standing there numb tears flowing freely you gave them few more minutes before opening your mouth "are you done?"

Steve scrambled up to cover himself cursing while Sharon smirked pulling the sheets over herself. Steve cursed under his breath "Y/n it's not" "Don't you dare" "Let me explain y/n you we" "Explain" you cut him off gesturing to come straight to the point. "You were not supposed to find out like this" "Then how was I supposed to find out ROGERS!?" You yell at him making Steve flinch. "I was going to tell you" "How long Steve" "Y/n please" "HOW.LONG?" you spat each word. "After I came back, three days later I bumped into her and we just clicked, we talked about our past and, I'm sorry Y/n I'm in love with Sharon" You knew about their past, you also knew how she had left him after he had found her cheating on him on his bed. "She had cheated on you" you remind him voice small trying to control the urge to cry more. "She has changed I can feel it after all she is a Carter" You didn't say anything else just stood there staring at him and to his surprise you gave him a tight slap on the face even if it pained your hand. Sharon was quick to get up giving you a 'what the fuck' look and boy she had it coming you launched at her your fist colliding with her jaw and another breaking her nose. Once you enter the tower you walked as fast as you could in desperate need of air, hoping you wouldn't run into anyone as you dashed down the hall, your eyes trained on the floor, throat closing in on itself painfully, not noticing Tony looking at you in concern only for you to bump into Nat. “Y/n? what’s wrong?” You wanted to talk but you were struggling "He...he..How could he do this to me Nat?" You sob into her arms "Y/n calm down who did what?" Tony rushed to your side Nat looked at Wanda who was quick to read your mind she gasped "that bastard", thank god for her powers she made it easy for you, Wanda told them everything. "I should have known" Nat hissed. Tony and Sam exchanged looks. You were like a sister to Tony and Sam even though you were best friends and partners in pranks. Their blood was boiling not able to believe the golden boy lost his mind.

Wanda was hesitant to leave you alone in your old room but you begged her and she agreed not before making you promise that you won't do anything stupid. After she left you fell on the ground bringing your knees to your chest and you cried your heart out. All of your dreams crushed and thrown out the widow because all of a sudden he was in love with his ex.

Few days later when Bucky finally arrived from his vacation he was more than excited to see you, his bestfriend after Steve obviously. But when he entered the common room he was greeted with silence, he instantly knew something was wrong. He could feel the negative vibe. He saw Tony and Nat who were avoiding his gaze, he asked them if something happened but both were quiet not knowing how to tell him what his best friend did. But that did not stop Sam from opening his mouth, he told Bucky everything without any filter. Bucky was blanked he couldn't wrap his head around the fact Steve who was a shy kid would do something like this. Clenching and unclenching his fists Bucky was shaking. "Where is she?" "In her old room" Nat told him and he ran towards your room.

You were lost in your own world when someone knocked on your door and thank god you opened the door you were shocked eyes glossy and as soon as you whispered "Bucky" he was quick to hold you in his arms and you cried and cried in Bucky's protective hold.

----------------------------------------------------- (So here is the first part for the alternate version, I hope you guys like it and feedback as always is appreciated. Lots of love to you all, take care and enjoy 😊❤️) ----------------------------------------------------- Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 ✅ -----------------------------------------------------

#sebastian stan characters #chris evans characters #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader angst #bucky barnes x reader fluff #steve rogers angst #bucky barnes fluff

174 notes · View notes

messedupfan · 3 years

Text

Infinity & Beyond (Wanda Maximoff x Reader) Chapter 4

Summary: This chapter focuses on the journey of the reader during the five years without Wanda.

A/N: Thank you for the likes and reblogs! Hope that you are all enjoying the story.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wake up a few months later in the Avengers compound once again. This time with your memories intact and feeling unbelievably disappointed. “She found him,” you find yourself saying to whoever was in the room as you involuntarily sit up on the bed. The nurse brushes it off as some weird superhero thing and not something to address. But then you repeat yourself again and again until she alerts Bruce who grabs the attention of the other remaining Avengers.

"What do you think she means?" Natasha questions as you make the statement again.

"Maybe she's talking about Wanda and Vision?" Steve chimes in with a concerned look on his face and his arms crossed over his chest.

"Why would she be talking about Wanda and Vision? Vision was an advanced robot with a stone in his head, he had no soul for Wanda to find. If any of that exists," Bruce points out.

"I don't know then," Steve shrugs. Then you repeat the phrase again. "Maybe it's Wanda and her brother? I don't know, maybe we're too focused on the cloudy eyes thing. We could be thinking about this too hard."

Then Rhodey comes into the room to inform the members that the radar has picked up a signal of an unidentified flying object. He thinks that Carol might be back. "Just say UFO," Natasha rolls her eyes as she follows the guys out of the building. On their way out she spots a worried Pepper Pots and quirks her lips into a reassuring smile. "I think she found him," she says to the woman and leads her to the landing zone of the compound. It's only then that Natasha realizes what you meant. Sure enough, a woman is carrying a ship into the landing zone with Tony Stark and someone named Nebula. Pepper wraps her arms around Tony in tears and relief. He is quickly brought to the medical wing where you remain. Somehow having watched the whole thing from your bed.

When you come out of it the nurse informs you that your eyes had gone cloudy for a moment and you had predicted the return of your father. "He isn't my father," you grouched. Huh, must be another ability, you think to yourself.

Later, after passing a few diagnostic exams with flying colors, you are discharged from your hospital room and are eating across from a very serious Thor as people argue and yell at each other. It was weird to eat actual food. Thor was almost amused watching you figure out how to hold your sandwich.

Tony is then rolled into the room with a furious energy. You can tell that he is really hurting from this loss, that he is frustrated and you can even feel betrayal radiating off of him somehow. Of course, it's not until he's shouting at the Captain that you realize you are feeling his emotions. You were feeling everyone's defeated emotions and it was beginning to suffocate you. As you try to distract yourself with the food, your mind wanders to how overwhelmed Wanda must've felt being able to read people's minds. That leads to the memory of Wanda slipping from you and it's almost too much to handle. You toss the plate in front of you, disrupting the ongoing argument. You’re squeezing your skull as the tears come and you scream for it all to stop. Natasha and Steve fall to your side as they do their best to calm you down. Once the memory leaves you and you've settled, everyone in the room gets serious about finding Thanos.

Nebula is useful as she provides the only lead to finding Thanos and you join them on the spaceship, brushing off everyone's concerns. The talking racoon asks how many of you haven’t been to space before, you raise your hand among the others which seems to be enough to make him laugh. You don't understand why until the ship rushes off to space.

Arriving just outside the planet, a floating woman you hadn't been introduced to yet appears at the front window and is surprised to report that the planet is just Thanos. Along with everyone else, you are heart broken to find out that he had destroyed the stones. You feel for Thor when he says he went for the head and shed another tear for the woman that Thanos had taken from you. It feels like you just lost her all over again.

The first year is the longest. The days feel never ending and drag on. Most nights were spent jolting out of bed in a cold sweat as you're being haunted by memories. It often felt like you were back in the hands of Hydra being electrocuted and injected, spoken to in a language you didn't know, probably German. Everything that was done to you in the time you were captured, everything that your mind had originally suppressed, was attacking you each night. Going through it alone made you miss Wanda even more. So once you could remind yourself that you were safe, you had also been reminded that you were alone. Lots of tears were shed in the night.

After Tony built up enough strength to leave the compound he did but he never stayed gone long. He would return often to attempt to build a relationship with you. It wasn’t easy trying to let him in, the lack of sleep being no help, so you didn’t. Your resistance never stopped him from making the effort to get to know you. Now that he knew you existed, he wanted to be part of your life. Tony knew that you needed family and he was all you had left, even if you didn't want to accept it. He promised to never abandon you ever again.

That didn’t mean he stopped living his life. Within a few months of his recovery, Tony invited you to his surprisingly low-key wedding which you begrudgingly attended with Natasha and Steve. They had been helping you out a lot with coping and figuring out whether or not you wanted Tony in your life. Steve often joked about fighting him again to get him to back off, but you never took the offer. You did your best to enjoy yourself at the wedding but it only reminded you of what you couldn’t have.

You smiled your way through the night as you thought about Wanda.

Her smile, the dress she would’ve worn, her laugh, that look in her eyes that is so full of love and only reserved for you. Your mind went even further back to a time when Pietro was alive and how they would’ve danced together and how happy he would have been for the two of you. You even imagine the wide grin he would have walking Wanda down the aisle and the single tear he would shed. Once he found that ring of yours he was constantly harassing you about when and how you were going to ask his twin. Even giving unwanted advice and ideas. It was all so consuming. That night you fell asleep crying in Natasha’s arms.

Months later, while Tony was visiting you he included you in on a secret. Pepper was pregnant. You didn’t exactly give the most joyous reaction but you were happy for him and Pepper. “When she’s born, promise me you won’t come back here,” you find yourself saying.

“Well I don’t know if she’s a girl yet but… why don’t you want me to come around here?” Tony asks as he returns the ultrasound image to his pocket.

“I want the three of you to be happy. I don’t want you to worry about me. Besides, I’m thinking of asking Nat to start assigning me to missions. I probably won’t be around as much and I really just need to get my mind off of the things I lost and the things I can’t have.” You keep your eyes on the promise ring Wanda had given you on your first anniversary. “But I want you and Pepper to be happy. Enjoy your life Tony. You don’t need to make things right with me to do that.” Tony disagrees but hugs you as he says his goodbyes and you find Natasha for your first assignment.

You are there for the birth of Morgan Stark. You forge her a special necklace from your powers and smile at the little bundle of joy. “Congrats you guys, she is so precious,” you say as you hold the baby.

“Thank you, Y/N,” Pepper says with hooded eyes and a tired smile. You hand the baby back to Tony and leave before thoughts of Wanda could invade and cloud your head. She always wanted a family. She used to fantasize about the kinds of parents the two of you would be. The types of kids you guys would raise. Baby names… Being away allowed you to forget her. But moments like these threatened to tear you down.

More years pass and Natasha is forced to ground you from missions because you have become too mentally unstable and a major liability. Steve drags you to his group therapy sessions but you hardly pay attention or contribute. You just miss Wanda and you allow yourself to feel that pain because running from it has only made it grow. For the most part you spent your time sitting in meetings with Steve or Nat. You preferred being in Natasha’s meetings since they were about mission updates and strategy and not about people crying over first dates. Shortly after that particular meeting Steve began to hint that maybe you should give it a try, you shut him down and turned it around on him. He quickly dropped the subject.

Among that daily schedule you would end your nights curled up on your bed in the room Wanda stayed in while she was waiting for you to come back to her. You would hold some clothes that still smelled like her to your nose as you listened to sad songs. For a while you’re stuck listening to Little Talks wondering if her spirit was lying by your side trying to reach out to you. Some of the things you felt were too painful to keep around and you had them stored at a special place far enough from here. One of them being the old computer. Well, they had been stored away for you but sometimes you convinced yourself that you made the call on your own. Not that Natasha arranged a team to steal most of your belongings.

Tony was generous enough to copy every video and photo file from the computer and put them into your phone. They helped you go to sleep at night.

Then one day, a man you swore had to have been on the vanished list that Nat viewed often, appears at the gate. “Is this old?” Steve asks.

“This is live,” Natasha says. They let him in and the three of you stand around as he explains how he can help. You, Nat, and Steve are skeptical but not so much that you guys don’t have hope it won’t work. Immediately you guys are on the road to find Tony Stark.

Over the years you tried to visit between missions, when you could. Not for Tony but for Morgan. You couldn’t help but fall for the little girl, she was your sister and you wanted to be the best big sister you could be for her. You also wanted to make sure she knew how many people cared for her and that she would always be safe and protected. Natasha was also captivated by her and would sometimes join you on the visits. You girls would play once she was able to run around and you even showed her some of your powers. During this time you finally allowed Tony in and even established a healthy relationship with him and Pepper because whether or not you wanted to accept it, they were your family.

When you arrive at the cabin, Morgan jumps out of Tony’s arms and runs into yours. “Y/N/N!” She shouts happily. You greet her with just as much energy and take her into the house to let them do the talking.

Pepper prepares some drinks and has you take them out to everyone. You re-enter the kitchen to help her with lunch. “Why aren’t you out there with the rest of them?” Pepper asks conversationally.

“Because my powers are connected to my emotions and if your husband says no… I might accidentally blow him into bits and pieces,” you sigh.

Despite herself, Pepper laughs a little. “You know,” she starts. “If you called him dad, he won’t have any other choice than to say yes.”

You shake your head, not this again. “Not going to happen.” Tony hasn’t directly asked you to say it but Pepper has and she keeps bringing up how much it would mean to him to hear you say it. “Besides with what we’re trying to do there’s a chance that he might lose all of this. I’m not even sure if I want him to say yes.” Your gaze lands on Morgan playing with her toys. Pepper follows your gaze and smiles softly.

“Hey Morgan, sweetie?” Pepper calls attention to her daughter who curiously looks up at her mother. “You should go out there and rescue daddy,” Pepper says. The little girl's face lights up as she stands to run to the front door. “Knowing Tony, he will find a way to protect everything he loves and save the world. Even if it kills him,” there is something in the way she says those words that causes the two of you to share a look. A hopeful let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.

She then gives you a hug and tells you to stop by more often, she wishes you luck, and you leave the warmth of the home to the frowns of your rejected friends. You don’t look at Tony when you bid him goodbye.

Next you find yourself in Bruce’s diner and watch as Scott Lang fails to be recognized as Ant-Man by some kids. Bruce is willing to give the time travel a try and on the day the test run is done, you begin to lose hope again. You eat your taco near a window as you observe Scott set up in the landing zone. You laugh when Nebula and Rocket arrive blowing away his food. You almost can’t believe that is the guy who had access to the closest thing they had to a time machine. Steve walks in smiling at your laugh, you don’t do that often, with Tony barking orders behind him. People get to work on the machine and that pesky flicker of hope is restored.

As you work on things Tony is by your side teaching you about every part you are using and putting together. You just let him rattle on and on as you let yourself fantasize about holding Wanda in your arms again. Before you know it they are doing the first test run with Clint Barton. He disappears and instantly reappears with a baseball glove and a stunned expression. “It works,” he says and that feeling of hope causes your heart to pound in your chest. You are going to see her again. Now to find out when to travel to.

“See you in a minute,” Nat says with contained excitement. She is just as excited to complete this mission as you are. After a lot of thinking and planning they separated into three teams of people. Tony, Steve, Bruce, and Scott leave to 2012 to retrieve the tesseract, scepter, and the time stone. Nat, Clint, Nebula, and Rhodey vanish to 2014 to grab the power stone and the soul stone. The last team is just Thor and Rocket to grab the reality stone that is apparently inside of Thor’s former girlfriend. Tony, Steve, and Nat wouldn’t let you go on the mission because they still think you’re a liability. You argue that Thor isn’t exactly the picture of mental stability but they point out that Thor is the only one on their team that knows Asgard and where that stone is.

So you sit and pout in a chair for the quick minute that everyone is gone. Part of what has you so pissed off is that you didn’t get to experience time traveling. All because of a few bad missions. You watch them disappear and stare at the platform but time seems to drag on and you look down at your phone with a sigh. In that second everyone has returned with their stones and your heart drops. You notice one person missing and frown. “Where’s Nat?” You ask. Clint wears a broken expression and takes a breath before explaining how he received the stone. “Oh,” is all you can come up with.

Clint felt that it should’ve been him and you didn’t disagree but you understood why Natasha sacrificed herself. She confided in you a few times about how she felt like a monster because of what she was forced to do when she was being raised in the Red Room. She even talked about the mandatory hysterectomy and hated that she could never carry kids of her own. You did your best to try and cheer her up by telling her that adoption was always an option. “No agency is going to allow a former assassin to adopt a kid. Trust me… I tried.” She then boasted about Clint and his family, she loved them as if they were her own family. “I’ll deny it if you tell anyone but I cried like a baby the first time his daughter called me aunty Nat,” she got teary eyed and you passed her another shot of vodka.

Natasha missed them so much and you knew she would sacrifice herself to get them back. She wouldn’t have been able to live with herself if his family came back and she had to inform them that he died to save her. She probably would have felt like a bigger monster than she already thought she was. You stood up and left the room to collect yourself and get as far away from everyone’s grief as possible. Natasha had easily become your best friend these past few years. In the past year that you’ve been stuck at the compound there were days when it felt like all you had was each other. You can’t believe she’s gone but you have to hope that there is still a way to bring her back.

Banner finds you later and makes you some food and Rocket sits with you and the rest of the guys sit by the dock to talk. You force the comfort food down despite feeling too sad to eat and notice Nebula walking back into the time machine area. They call you into another room where they’re going to put the stones together but you ignore them and follow Nebula. They let you go, assuming that you’re still upset about losing Natasha. The first time you went on an actual mission with Nebula, you were put off with how serious she was so you came up with random nicknames to call her. She was annoyed initially but eventually she mentioned how funny she thought it was. Her tone had remained emotionless as she told you that and you had to refrain from laughing because it felt rude to do so as she was opening up. Nebula was still a very serious person to be around but she loosened up a bit around you, even called you her friend.

“Hey Neb-Neb!” You called out after her but she ignored you. “Bu-Bu! Hello?” You followed her to the control panel, “Nella, what’s going on with yo–” she cuts you off by wrapping her hand around your throat and speaking to you through gritted teeth. There was definitely something off about Nebula but you couldn’t quite figure it out. So you fought back because you weren’t fighting your friend, you were fighting a stranger. The two of you go hand in hand until she slips out of your hold and goes back to the control panel. You move to stop her but are too late. Next thing you know, you are waking up in rubble.

With a groan you sit up and dust yourself off then quickly panic, you don’t even know if they had time to do the reverse snap. You crawl your way out of the rubble and find Steve, Tony, and Thor speaking in hushed tones. “Did you guys do the snap? What happened?” You ask frantically, you need to know that you’ll be seeing Wanda again. Losing her a third time was simply not an option. Then you see a very alive Thanos just sitting there. That’s when it connects in your head. It was a different Nebula and she was getting a past version of Thanos into this present. “Please tell me you guys did the snap,” you look at Tony and he nods. But the look on everyone's faces told you that they didn’t know if it worked.

You join them as they attack Thanos but he is powerful and not easy to bring down. You’re tossed into another pile of rubble and shake your head, annoyed with yourself because you felt useless. Your powers were failing you and you couldn’t fathom as to why. Out of nowhere you see portals open up one by one, the people that had vanished and the people that hadn’t stepped through each portal. Then an enormous Ant-Man emerges from the ground and drops off a few more people that must’ve been trapped from the destruction of the compound. You gather with the rest of them and really focus to activate your powers as Steve grabs Mjolnir and shouts, “Avengers… Assemble!” Despite the unsuccessful attempt, you still charge along with the rest of them to fight against Thanos’ army.

Without seeing her, you could just sense that Wanda is among the rest and as much as you want a reunion, saving the world takes precedence at the moment. You could practically hear her telling you to go be a hero anyway. As you fight against Thanos’ army, using the hand to hand combat skills Natasha and Steve taught you, a part of you is still distracted and searches for Wanda. Regardless of where you want your focus at the moment. You make your way around the battlefield hoping to knock into her or something so that you don't get yourself killed trying to find her. Then you hear her.

“You took everything from me,” her tone is heavy and her eyes are glowing. You come to the conclusion that she must not know whether or not you are alive. So you don’t let her know and wait to find out what she does.

“I don’t even know who you are,” Thanos responds, angered by the woman's threatening glare.

“You will,” she says before she starts attacking him with her powers. Discreetly killing off a large gathering of Outriders hurtling towards you, you watch Wanda as she comes very close to killing Thanos herself. He calls for the ships to rain fire on everyone and that’s when you finally make yourself present to her. You jump from your spot and land right beside her and create a force field to protect the both of you. Other members are being protected by the sorcerers and it isn’t until Captain Marvel comes flying through that the bullets stop coming down and people are trying to get the gauntlet out of there. You turn towards Wanda and feel her mixed emotions, you wink at her with a smile as you let the barrier go.

“It’s time to be a hero right now, love. We can say hello later,” you tell her before you go back into the fight, the adrenaline rushing through you as your powers have finally activated. Each member does their best to keep the gauntlet out of Thanos’ reach but sadly no one succeeds and he holds the extreme amount of power once again. Carol fights him with as much power as she has to keep him from snapping his fingers but eventually gets tossed aside. You step up next using everything that you have inside of you, using abilities you had no idea you even possessed. But in the end you are tossed onto a metal rod that had been protruding out from the destroyed building. It had stabbed you through your side making it difficult to breathe. As you fight for air you look around to watch Thanos and his army disappear. Tony collapses beside you. “No,” you cough out weakly. You reach out for him and luckily he was close enough for you to touch his shoulder. “Tony,” you gasp as the tears sting your eyes. His eyes follow the sound but you can tell that he’s not actually looking at you.

“Mr. Stark, we won. Mr. Stark,” Peter says as he tries to grab Tony’s attention. Rhodey lands beside his best friend with understanding and sadness in his eyes. Yours tighten shut for a moment as your tears start to fall. You want to wake up from this horrible nightmare but this is reality, a piece of you knew that you couldn’t avoid. Then Pepper arrives and pulls the boy in the spider suit away from her husband. You look up and see that he has finally returned somewhat enough to recognize his wife.

She tells him that he can rest now, then she looks over to you so that you know that now is the time to say something so you don’t regret it later. With a weak grip on his shoulder you nudge him to return his attention to you. It looks like he’s trying to smile at you but is obviously far too weak to do as such. You offer him the best one that you could muster in your current state. “I love you, dad. It’s okay, we’ll be okay,” your hand lands in his and he gives it the lightest squeeze before it falls limp.

Wanda makes her way over to you and panics at the amount of blood you’ve lost but at the moment you don’t feel anything. Not even the pain of losing your father. You just feel… numb. It dawns on you that your body must be failing but that doesn’t scare you. She takes your hand as your loud thoughts of just letting go enter her mind. “No,” she starts through frustrated teeth. “You can’t leave, Y/N. Please, keep fighting. This can’t be our ending. I need you, please don’t leave me,” she sounds so broken but equally determined to keep you alive. As you hold her gaze she lets out a broken sob and tenderly whispers, “I love you to infinity.” She continues to beg, depositing small kisses to the back of your hand. As her words sink in, you find the strength that you need to fight off the thoughts of letting go. Then, with your heightened vision, you look around and find every remaining Avenger kneeling out of respect for your father and you have the urge to join them. You struggle to get up from your position, Pepper and Wanda try to stop you from moving but all rational thought has left you.

“I’m not dying right here,” you grumble as you reach behind you and cut the rod. You shift your position and Pepper sprays your wound to close it around the remaining bits of the rod that was still in you so that the bleeding would stop until you could get it properly treated. Then you kneel for your father to show your respect for him in his death that you failed to show while he was alive. You think about how grateful you were for the last five years and how much you appreciated that he never gave up on you. You silently thank him just as the adrenaline leaves your body and it succumbs to the full extent of your injuries causing you to collapse and pass out.

Chapter 5

#wanda maximoff imagine #wanda marvel #wanda x fem!reader #wanda x you #the scarlet witch #wanda mcu #wanda x y/n #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff #fanfic fanfiction #fanfic #mcu #marvel

140 notes · View notes

not-close-to-straight · 3 years

Text

FATWS Episode 4

I’m finally fucking getting time to watch this thing.

Dramatic reactions, incoherent ramblings and spoilers under the cut.

Right off the bat I’m feeling like the only thing I really remember about Episode Three is vaguely not trusting Sharon Carter. I’m really supposed to believe Peggy Carters Niecey, defender of Captain America and dismantler of Hydra really is selling stolen art in Madripoor? Seems fake, but okay.

Let’s get into it.

Have I mentioned I love Karli’s freckles? Her hair and her freckles kill me, I never understood people who don’t think freckles are cute. They are actual dots of delightfulness

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AYO AYO AYO She is so ridiculously beautiful wtf. I’m shaving my head TOMORROW so I can be half as amazing as her.

Wait is this a Wakanda flashback? Six years ago... ohhhh look at my goatherder Jesus Bucky, let that baby rest. WHY IS SHE SAYING THE WORDS? LOOK AT HIS EYES PLEASE STOP. This is hurting my soul. Oh god homecoming, and it’s the moment he knew Steve. Oh the tears, I can’t. I CAN’T. “You are free” I’m already crying and it’s been 1.2 minutes.

Damn right the White Man doesn’t understand anything of their loss and shame. LISTEN TO BUCKY SPEAK WAKANDAN. I LOVE IT. Urgh she’s so beautiful. Her murder strut is impeccable. I’m in love and I’m swoooooooning.

“It was sweet of you to defend me” Zemo take ten to twenty percent off the top there, This isn’t a date.

Hey, I feel like I don’t love that they refer to Karli as “Karli”. If she was a man, it would be Last Name Basis. “She’s a kid” “she’s a supremacist.” hmmm seeing a parallel between Wanda and Karli and the way they were treated. “She’s a kid?” She’s actually ridiculously powerful but thanks for that. (no Wanda hate here, just pointing it out)

“My TT” ITS HIS AUNTIE BUCKY YOU’D KNOW THIS IF YOU WERE EVER INVITED TO THE COOKOUT

Uh Zemo, maybe we don’t be the creepy guy in the coat offering children candy. I mean, the tactic worked but you could literally not be creepier right now. Honestly I don’t know why I’m so surprised he’s keeping the Donya thing from them, duh he’s a villain, but I’m still surprised?? The sugar daddy role got me FOOLED

Sam being the one that understands what it means to be fighting to be on the other side of the “barbed wire fences” is so sad.

BUCKY’S MAD. Sam has something against head tilts, that’s so funny to me for some reason. I DON’T TRUST SHARON.

Why do I smell some foreshadowing with Karli’s talk about destroying the shield and how it’s a relic of a bygone era and a symbol of everyone that was left out

“take it easy before it gets weird” SAM.

John Walker literally looks more sketchy every time we see him. Also, if you can’t say “son, just don’t” and everyone stops in their tracks, you are NOT Captain America. Its worrying me that Battlestar (battleship? lmaoooo) is starting to side with BuckySam because if there’s one thing literally every movie has taught me, it’s that the person who switches sides ends up dead and if I have to watch a POC first be relegated to sidekick and then killed I might actually riot

It’s so good to see Sam being Counselor!Sam. I think that gets so overlooked with him and I think it’s one of the most defining traits of his character. He’s not just a soldier, he’s not just brave, he’s seen the loss and he knows the struggle and he chose to help others through it while also being equally willing to suit back up and save the world.

“Don’t patronize me” stop acting like a damn child. Why is John so twitchy, I don’t like it. OH is he really gonna say “this is easy for you, all this serum running through your veins” as if Bucky had a say in anything about in his life beyond Azzano.

GET HIM BITCH punch his raggedy ass!

Oh look at Bucky jumping, Winter Soldier, more like Winter Squirrel PARKOUR. Goddamn Zemo with his gun, oh no look at all that super soldier serum! I mean, you have to commend the guy for never wavering from his path. JOHN WALKER AND THE SERUM! It’s supposed to amplify what’s in your heart?? AND HE SUCKS OH NO.

The power broker texts her “little girl” that’s so gross.

“Separate them and kill Captain America” three months ago I would have howled at that line, now I’m like...meh.

Sam wouldn’t have taken the serum-- not surprising. He’s a good man all by himself. No serum needed. Have you seen those arms? Actual Cannons of Freedom and Justice. “What about bucky” I love that he’s thinking about Bucky. Someone please protect these boys.

Aw Bucky baby you’re not crazy. It’s funny to see him drink cos he definitely can’t get drunk. It’s the equivalent of some diva drinking a white wine spritzer.

WHY IS JOHN WALKER BACK.

THERE’S MY WOMEN OH MY GOD I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED IN MY LIFE. Do not shake her hand. John Walker, she will bite your hand off. Pointy Sticks, the Dora Milaje have jurisdiction wherever they want OMG HE TOUCHED HER omg. Look at Zemo sipping his drink LOOKING STRONG JOHN I CANNOT I CANNOT.

“Lets talk about this” Bucky is so calm. Bye bye Zemo. Oh GET it Sam with those fancy moves.

...what just happened with Bucky’s arm. what just happened. “James” oh man waht does that mean?! Has Wakanda left him? Has he dishonored Them? My brain is moving too fast for this.

I would like to have a moment of silence for John Walkers ego because he, a White Man (tm) and Solder (tm) and American (tm) just got his shit actually handed to him by a Black woman and he sat there and tried to more her “pointy stick” and couldn’t and then she full on did the shield kick thing while he sat on the ground and looked up at her and you know what? i think that’s very sexy of her, I will be watching this scene on repeat for the next hundred years wtf.

Also ALSO? This is it. This is the moment where The Man (tm) can’t handle being beat so he goes and does something stupid, this is it, isn’t it? The Man Pain he just can’t tolerate?

Oh my god Bucky’s face with his arm. I mean, it makes sense his arm would come off but to have himself literally disarmed (get it) in a fight is so... I mean it’s violating in a way, and its almost a betrayal as well but at the same time maaaaaaybe it’s a relief? Maybe its a relief to know he doesn’t always have to be a Soldier, he can take the arm off and just be Bucky??

Also I had to pause the show to write about this because my hand cramped up from trying to type too fast ughhh

Back into it

ARM PORN NOISES I LOVE THEM

Whats an El Chapo? Oh wait, I figured it out.

I love Lemar’s voice. He’s so confident talking about the serum but lets be perfectly honest, Karli Morgenthau and Steve Rogers are basically the same person a hundred years apart. If you don’t think Steve Rogers would have singlehandedly led a revolt against a world government he thought was wrong, you are 100% incorrect. Not that I think he wouldn’t have resorted to bombings etc, but also... that sort of life does awful things to people.

WHY IS SHE CALLING SARAH. “My world doesn’t matter to America” oh sweetheart, I feel that in my soul. Sarah knows who Sam is. She knows he’s not working for John Walker. This is the first time I’ve been anti-Karli. I know she’s desperate but you don’t threaten someones babies.

HEY LOOK THERE’S ME NOT TRUSTING SHARON AGAIN

It actually makes me angry to even see Walker carrying the shield like that. I’m aware it’s an overreaction, but your honor, I hate him.

...Lemar?

Don’t make me watch a POC die for some White Man’s story arc, don’t do that.

Oh. Shit.

Sam do something. SAM DO SOMETHING. HE’S NOT GOOD SAM!

My god do I love watching Bucky fight. Those Kicks of Vengeance will never get old. CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKER use them wings Sam.

Oh Hoskins is okay. Alright.

Bucky with the good knives, I LOVE HIM. The fight scenes are always so well coordinated in WS. We see you definitely not killing when you absolutely could.

OH FUCK HOSKINS WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT WE WEREN’T GOING TO DO THIS WHAT THE FUCK

...this makes me so mad wtf. We couldn’t have done this journey without pointlessly sacrificing a POC? No? Have to drag that trope out? Gonna make me watch another Black man be killed just so the White Guy can move his story forward.

oh shit Walker is MAD.

Fuck he just-- he just murdered someone with Steve’s shield. he just MURDERED SOMEONE WITH THE SHIELD AND EVERYONE WAS WATCHING.

And look at him, he feels no remorse. He feels perfectly justified. He is DARING them to say something to him. He is America (tm) brutally silencing protests and rebellions and taking his own issues out on people he feels disrespect him and you can’t tell him he’s wrong because he can justify every drop of blood by making it about how he felt “they beat me and they weren’t even super soldiers. they disobeyed me. they should have listened to me. they killed my friend.”

I keep hearing preserum Steve saying “I don’t like bullies” and then imagining him beating the shit out of Walker.

...That visual of the shield with blood on it... it’s so... shocking isn’t even the right word. Horrifying. Its horrifying.

I don’t even know what to say.

This episode was a whiplash. The writers of this series need to be commended. Also the stunt men and the fight choreographers. Fucking kudos, and now I need a stiff drink and a good cry because this episode took it OUT of me.

#falcon and the winter soldier

38 notes · View notes

phdna · 3 years

Note

Curious about your thoughts as a long time comic fan: what do you think of the whole White Wolf narrative that marvel seems to be taking with Bucky in the MCU?

I simply love him and his arc as the WS in the comics, and am unsure about making him the white wolf, even though it's very clear that his journey to becoming the Winter Soldier in the movies is quite different from the comics. Idk, what do you think?

Yeah, so. I do have Thoughts about it. I started writing about it and ended up writing you a whole novel, sorry lol

The tl;dr version would be that I don’t know that I vibe with the White Wolf thing. The longer version... is long.

Since I grew up reading about perma-dead Bucky, his Winter Soldier arc in the comics was always going to be a hard sell for me - how can you convince me that undoing decades of canon is Actually A Good Choice and not just a gimmick? Ultimately, what won me over is how careful Brubaker was to pick a theme and follow it across its many facets. We see Bucky as a child struggling with the shame and regret of feeling like he can’t live up to his father’s orders. We see Bucky as a teenager being trained to follow whatever cruel order the army gives him because it’s For The Greater Good, and at the same time, we see how desperate he is for Steve’s approval at all times and how that’s tied up in his head with respect and authority and a lot of unresolved issues with his father. Then comes the Winter Soldier, and Bucky’s entire existence becomes about following orders, even though there are some orders he can’t be made to follow. Then comes the BuckyCap days, in which he more or less feels like he has no choice but to pick up the shield, but he starts exploring his agency in small and big ways. And then he becomes the Winter Soldier again, but - crucially - this time he’s taking the name that represents him at his most powerless and he’s reclaiming it in a wonderful way because only Bucky can be the Winter Soldier - there’s no other hero I can think of who has the gruesome skills and the modus operandi of an antihero combined with the idealistic, almost naive attitude of a Golden Age hero. For me it works because it’s amazing to have Bucky figure out that his identity includes everything he’s ever been while at the same time being something he can choose by himself according to what he wants and needs from life. It really is just a very beautiful way to wrap up this entire theme.

Now, the MCU. For all the changes the MCU has made to Bucky’s character, they’ve done a decent job of keeping this theme more or less alive throughout his appearances imho, which makes me very happy! It’s less well-developed because he’s not given too much screentime, but even fans who have never picked up a comic book got the theme from the subtext in the movies - how Bucky’s story is about agency. TFatWS explored it further. But I just don’t see what the White Wolf adds to this theme? I mean, it sure is a way of having him leave the Winter Soldier mantle behind for a while before he’s ready to take it up again. But he could, y’know... be Bucky. There’s no need to come up a whole new identity to him.

The thing is, imho, that people who aren’t into comics don’t have any reaction to the White Wolf because it’s not a household name, and people who are into comics are like “Why. He has nothing in common with 616!White Wolf.” Nobody is going to hear “Bucky is the White Wolf” and go “Oh my god that is awesome I’m gonna go talk to all my friends about this right now!!!” So the MCU really needed to develop the White Wolf angle like they do whenever they introduce a new mantle to the MCU, but they never do develop it, they just seem to expect the fans to come up with a plot in their heads with almost no clues to work with. To be honest, I’m still not even 100% sure whether White Wolf is a hero name or a civilian nickname! Because titles in Wakandan culture seem to be a big deal and come with a specific duty, but Bucky is implied to have been essentially a civilian under royal care and protection, not someone who was expected to do anything in particular. I had initially guessed that was just a code name to avoid other people finding out his identity, but if it’s a code name, then Marvel sure is clinging on to it more than they’ve ever done with other code names used in the MCU. (”Natalie Rushman” doesn’t follow Natasha all over the MCU!)

Of course, if we had a movie exploring Bucky’s days as the White Wolf, or even if we got a single poignant scene specifically about what being the White Wolf actually means, then sure! That could’ve been interesting and meaningful. But almost all of the White Wolf saga happens offscreen, so imho this detail doesn’t explore anything as much as it adds a random unconnected subplot to the Bucky’s main plot. And I don’t think everything in the MCU has to be Very Important! For instance, I think these random name drops could’ve worked if they were just fanservice, you know? It’s hard because Bucky doesn’t have many mantles, but I don’t know, maybe have him be The Sargeant and people would guess that’s a reference to The Captain or whatever - at least it comes from his corner of the 616 instead of stealing a Black Panther character who has nothing in common with Bucky.

Basically, I find the whole thing to be WAY more confusing than it’s worth being. I’m sure there are fans out there who are making amazing things with this concept, but it’s just not for me. I wish Marvel had 1) developed this mini-arc better, 2) picked another name and made it just a fun easter egg or 3) not given Bucky a Wakandan title at all and just let him spend his time between HYDRA!Winter Soldier and hero!Winter Soldier as Bucky Barnes.

So. Yeah. I have many thoughts and they’re not very positive! I can’t say that it bothers me enough for me to spend much of my time feeling bad about this storyline (the way I do with other storylines I dislike), but whenever I do stop to think about it I just have a hard time understanding where this story even came from and why Marvel keeps bringing it up. I don’t think it’s even a bad idea, it’s just so random that I find it more... weird than awful, I guess. Thinking about it doesn’t make me go “THIS SUCKS, I HATE IT!!!!” just “...okay. sure. why tho.”

...now I’m thinking about it, this whole post could’ve just been “???????????” and that would’ve summed up my feelings just as well.

#uh #marvel negativity #i need a marvel confusion tag #where i don't have anything negative to say #but i sure have a lot of questions

20 notes · View notes

finnyboywolfhard · 3 years

Text

‘Tis the Damn Season

Steve Harrington x Reader

summary: based roughly on ‘tis the damn season by Taylor Swift. Reader comes home for the holidays after two years of being away.

warnings: cursing, angst, fluff

a/n: literally less than a minute into me hearing the song for the first time, I knew I needed to write this so pls enjoy ❤️

word count: 2.2k

Y/N loved going to school away from Hawkins. Getting to experience a life away from the small town that sucked the life from her and drained her happiness after a while. It had been almost two years since she had made the journey from her state school in California back to Indiana. It wasn’t like she didn’t miss her family, but it was just easier, and in all honesty better for her to stay there all year round. There was inevitably downfalls to that, having to work a full time job and also go to school, most holidays were spent alone and she had no idea what was happening in the lives of her old friends or her family for that matter. They would come visit every so often and there was frequent phone calls but it was never enough.

“Knock, knock!” Y/N said as she opened the door, her mom flying from the kitchen to wrap her daughter in her arms.

“Oh how I’ve missed squeezing you!” Her mom said through a squished face. The girl started laughing at her mother’s reaction. The two exchanged small talk while they waltzed from the front door back to the kitchen.

“So what’s new in the world of Hawkins?” Y/N said pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting at her kitchen table, glancing to her mom every few movements.

“Same old, same old, not much happens and not much changes. Mrs. Click retired last year, I know how much you loved her class.” The girls mind was flooded with memories of him. Steve Harrington, her first and maybe only love. She thought of all the times he would arrive to class late and then sloppily eat his bagel while Mrs.Click was trying her best to pull nearly every girls attention away from him. Maybe that’s why Y/N attracted him, she never stared the same way every girl did.

“Maybe I’ll send her a letter or call her to see if she’d want to chat sometime. Anything else? Any new couples?:

“That Robin Buckley came home last Christmas with a girlfriend.”

“Wait she finally came out to her parents?”

“You knew?”

“Uh, yeah. I’ve known since the whole mall fiasco.” Her mother stayed silent as she continued to move with ease around the ever so familiar kitchen.

“Do you want to settle back in or would you want to come to the store with me?”

“I can go with you, let me go change into something else, I’ve been in these clothes since I left LA.’’ The girl ran up to her old bedroom, grabbing the suitcases from the bottom of the steps were she had left them. As she entered the room, she was hit with a wave of memories. Pictures of Y/N and Steve covered her walls, she let out a sigh.

I won't ask you to wait if you don’t ask me to stay.

“Y/N, stop, you’re being over dramatic.”

“Steve! No I’m not! I got into my dream school, where I’ve wanted to go for practically my entire life. You’re not supporting me!”

“It’s not that i don’t support you, I don’t want you to leave!”

“We can do the distance! We can call and i will come back for breaks, we can write letters! We can make it work, I don’t want to chose between you or my dream.”

“Well I want you to.”

“Steve…”

“Y/N chose.”

“Then leave Steve.”

Sure, Y/N could pretend that the reason she didn’t come home was because she would see Steve and become overwhelmed by everything that happened between them. Sure she could pretend that she doesn’t still think of him every single day. Sure she could pretend that if Steve asked she would do anything for him. But she wouldn’t let herself. She did what was going to be best for her future. He didn’t matter if he didn’t support that. Her mind snapped back to what she was supposed to be doing.

“Shit.” She mumbled to herself as she realized how long she must have been zoned out for. She got dressed and ran downstairs. Her mom was standing at the door, placing items into her purse.

“You ready?” She glanced at her daughter who was pantin from how quickly she tried to get down the stairs.

“Yup!” The two piled into the car and began driving through town. Y/N shivered, no longer being acquainted with the colder weather that seemed permanent in Hawkins.

It’s the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass, But I felt it when i passed you, There's an ache in you, put there by the ache in me

Y/N attention was brought back to reality as they drove past the Family Video and he was outside getting into his car. The two made eye contact as the car moved past, the eye contact remaining unbroken until they physically could not see each other anymore. She felt a tension in her chest, he looked so good, but he also looked hurt. He didn’t have that same spark that drew her to him in the first place. And it shattered her to know that it was her fault.

“Taking in the sights?“

“Mom!” Y/N yelled out of embarrassment

“Oh please,. Rumor has it he hasn’t gone out with anyone since you left. He’s apparently turned down every girl that’s asked him out.”

“I mean, i haven't dated anyone since I've left either. I’ve gone on dates but nothing but flings.’

“Maybe you should reach out.’

“Yeah, sure.” She rolled her eyes and her mom changed the conversation to something about her dad. For the rest of the night, she just spent as much time as she could attached to every member of her family’s hip. These moments were making her regret not coming back sooner a little more.

Now I’m missing your smile, hear me out

She found her way back to her bedroom and found a photo of her and Steve that one of the kids took.

“Steve!” The girl giggled out as the boy pulled her tightly to his body, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her cheek. Through her fit of giggles, his smile still shone brighter than her own. To Y/N, anything he did was brighter than hers and she was more than alright with that. Everything he did was perfect, he was the dream boyfriend. She loved each and every inch of him, no matter how often he annoyed her or how often he would say something that made little to no sense, it didn’t matter. If it was Steve, it was perfect.

“What? You don’t want my kisses?” He faked a pout. She rolled her eyes and turned her face to look at him and touch her lips to his own. His eyes gleefully filled up with joy and he overdramatically said “you want my kisses!’

‘I’ll always want your kisses.” She said smiling, and he smiled back making pristine eye contact, only a flash tore their attention away from one another.

She pulled her eyes away from the photo in her hand, setting it down where she had just picked it up. She put her pajamas on and got comfy in her old bed.

When she woke up the next morning, for some reason something was calling her to just go for a drive.

I parkеd my car right between the Methodist And thе school that used to be ours

She drove around the town observing all of the vaguely familiar settings, remembering each moment she had connected to the setting. As she parked her car a little down from the high school, she focused on her breathing for the first time in a while. She got out of her drivers seat and out of the car, grabbed a book from her backseat and went to sit on the lawn sprawled beside her. As she walked down the hill, she noticed a figure. As she approached, the figure became clearer and clearer. Steve.

“Hey.” She called out to him, his head snapped up to look at her standing over him.

“Hey Y/N, long time no see.”

“Two years.” She said, she waved her hand a bit to ask if she could sit next to him and he nodded his head yes before he continued.

“How have you been?’

“Good! Busy as hell, but good. What about you Stevie?” The nickname slipped out without much thought at all.

“I’ve been doing my best. I am now manager at Family Video, Keith left.”

“Damn, for real?’ He nodded his head yes and she shook hers in disbelief. “I heard about Rob’s girlfriend. Well, I heard that she had one.’

“Oh! Yeah! Her name is Marie and she’s really nice. They’re a good match, she’s just as smart as Robin, I can barely keep up with them.”

“Who could realistically ever keep up with Robin, let alone Robin and someone just like her.” The two let out dry laughs, which helped to relax some of the weird tension between the two.

“How long are you here?”

“Just for the holidays, I’m only staying with my parents until the second week of January.”

“Ahh.” The tone of his voice switched to one much sadder. The air hung still, neither of their voices filling the space anymore. She spoke before she could think.

“Would you wanna drive around later? Look at lights? For old times sake?” She looked at him with pleading, hopeful eyes. He looked back at her, searching her face to make sure it wasn’t a joke.

“Uhh, yeah. I mean...I’m meeting Robin and Marie at like 9 to hang out for a little bit, but I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you tagged along.”

“I don’t want to intrude.’

“You’re not intruding if I’m inviting you Y/N/N.” For a moment, it felt like the past. It was as if they teleported back to when things weren’t like they were now. But what’s stopping them from letting things be like the past while she’s home? The only heart that would be breaking even more would be hers.

We could call it even, you could call me babe for the weekend, ‘tis the damn season

He rang the doorbell a little after eight, and she rushed to her door before any of her family. She yelled out a goodbye and they walked out the door and over to his car.

‘So, school? How is that?”

“It’s hell, but what else was to be expected.”

“And you’re still a film major? Nothing has changed?”

“Yes sir, still a film major.’

“You’d be impressed, I am starting to actually remember the names of movies!’

“That’s a big step for you, consider me proud.”

“Thanks babe.” It slipped out of his mouth without a thought. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that it just kinda came out.” She let her hand reach out and rest on his thigh.

“It’s okay, we call each other babe for the time being, no big deal.”

‘Tis the damn season.” Steve let out in a huffed breath. The two kept chatting and the car got more and more comfortable, they fell into their old rhythm. It felt like the road she chose to go down, didn’t ruin everything. He pulled up to the diner they were meeting Robin and her girlfriend at and sat patiently in Steve’s car. Their heads were leaning back against the head rests and they were looking into each other’s eyes. He reaches over and grazes her face. She pulls in a breath as he shows her the eyelash now sitting atop his finger.

‘Make your wish.” He said gently, she closed her eyes to think for a second and blew the eyelash from his finger softly. She looked back up into his eyes and smiled. The neon lights shone down from the sign through his windshield and grazed his face, framing it and shaping it with a red hue. He looked angelic.

‘What’re you thinking about?” Steve asked quietly, not entirely sure why he was being so quiet.

“Nothing.” She said, trying to push past the feelings building inside her. She fakes a smile.

“Don’t do that, you know I can tell when you’re lying. What’re you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking about how beautiful you look and how much i want to kiss you, but I know I shouldn’t.”

“Maybe that’s the reason why you should.” He reaches his hand over to cup her cheek, rubbing his thumb against her cheek as her leans closer. Their lips meet in the middle, colliding with a gentle passion that filled Y/N with relief. Although the pain of the past hung around like old perfume, it seemed to be patched by this kiss. His lips were plump and soft, his hands against her skin were rough but tender. He fit with her perfectly, and there was no one on earth who she likes kissing more. As they pulled apart, their eyes never lost contact.

It didn’t matter in that moment that she was leaving again in a month, or the fact that Robin had gotten there in the middle. Nothing mattered in that minute. Because all of those moments where they missed one another were mended right now. And somehow, even though she chose a different path, it still led her to her hometown. It led her to Steve.

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x you #stranger things x reader #stranger things x y/n

78 notes · View notes

cevans16 · 3 years

Text

Choosing Between Two Loves Part 6 ~ Endgame - 2

Summary: You were a Goddess named (Y/N), who had powers similar to Thor and even stronger, you joined the Avengers back when Loki had tried to take over New York. You were great friends with most of them. Tony Stark was someone you were always in love with even though you knew you could never have him. However that all changes when you get to know a certain super soldier....

You were in the compound, Banner had come along to try to crack travel through quantum physics but had yet to be successful. Scott had gone through various phases in his lifetime in the span of a few minutes, you tried your best not to laugh at the situation, especially seeing Steve’s reaction. “It’s not funny” Steve said to you, “I’m sorry but it is just a tiny bit” you replied, “I’ll be outside” he said annoyed.

You walked outside to apologize to Steve, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have laughed” you said genuinely, “It’s okay, I don’t know what else to do, we all lost someone and there’s nothing I can do, I thought Tony would help but....”, “I think he will Steve, you just have to give him some time, Tony is restless, he’s been through a lot” you explained giving him a gently squeeze on his arm. He turned to smile at you, “I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me about Bucky” he said, “Give him time Steve, at one point I didn’t think I would” you said, “Right, you hated me” he said laughing, you laughed along with him, “I did, I didn’t think I could ever hate you but look where we are, it’s going to work Steve, I know you miss Barnes and Sam and everyone else, we’ll find something” you assured him. You were quiet for a few minutes until Steve spoke again, “Do you still hate Bucky?” he asked you, “Ehhh that is debateable, he did stab me remember” you said to him. Deep down you didn’t hate Barnes but no one could know that, it was a weird feeling for you. “You know he thought you were, these are his exact words, ‘the most beautiful woman he has ever seen’” he explained, “Oh shut up” you said blushing, “I’m not kidding and he’s not wrong -” he was continuing until you heard a familiar car come inside the compound racing towards you, “Speaking of the devil” you said smiling. Sure enough Tony pulled up to you guys in his famous Audi, “Why the long face? Let me guess, he turned into a baby” Tony teased, you burst out laughing, Steve rolled his eyes, “Among other things” Steve replied. Tony got out of the car, “I just want peace” he said motioning the peace symbol with his two fingers. You turned to Steve in a ‘I told you so’ way, “I’ll give you two a minute, please keep it PG” you joked while heading back inside the compound, “Nice to see you too (Y/N)” Tony said.

--------------------------------------------

Everything you had exactly told Steve would happened with Tony ended up happening, they were able to squash their differences and focus on bringing the others back. You were ecstatic to have the team back, however something in your gut told you though that this would be the last mission where you would all be together.

-------------------------------------------

Thor and you were hanging out per usual, you guys always had deep conversations about the journey you both had in common. “Do you think we’re going to do this?” Thor asked sincerely, he knew about your captivity with Thanos, Thor knew everything about you and you knew everything about him. Tony called you both the dynamic duo, he was glad to see you happy to have your best friend back.

“I don’t know, I wish I knew Thor....” you said honestly, you turned to look down at him since he was on the floor relaxing, “I know that it’s not going to be easy but we are in the greatest hands, surrounded by the best we can have....promise me one thing Thor” you said, he looked back at you, “Yes?”, “If it all goes wrong and I don’t make it, promise me that you will live your life to the fullest, no matter what” you said, Thor’s eyes filled up with tears, “Don’t say that to me.... I can’t lose you (Y/N)” he said sadly, “I know but I’ve lived my entire life fighting and just know that I will do everything I can to save this world” you explained. Thor got up to face you, “You and I are going to make it, we all will, and then we will finally enjoy our lives, you’re my greatest friend” he said genuinely, “I know, I love you a lot Thor”, “Who knows, maybe one day you’ll find your mate” he added, “Ehhhh I don’t know about that” you said laughing, “Maybe we’ll find YOU one Thor” you teased.

--------------------------------------

You guys suited up, you had skipped your usual warrior outfit for a suit Tony had specialized for you all to be able to travel through time. You guys lined in a circle around the machine, you looked around at each member of the Avengers; Nat, Steve, Clint, Scott, Rocket, Banner, Nebula, Tony on your right and Thor on your left. You hoped everyone would make it back safely. Steve made his usual motivational speeches that made you all want to go to war with him. He finished it off with “This is the fight of our lives”.

-------------------------------------

Thor, Rocket, and you traveled back to Thor’s realm, Asgard. You had to extract one of the stones from Thor’s ex, Jane, you were excited to meet her even if it was the past Jane. You guys arrived trying your best to not get noticed by anyone. Next thing you knew, Thor was having a breakdown about being back home, you understood him, on the other hand Rocket slapped him, trying his best to motivate Thor, you guys turned around for a second and Thor was gone. “Looks like its just me and you warrior princess” Rocket said to you. You walked by his side, you needed to give Thor his space.

A few minutes later you were able to spot Jane walking into a room. You tiptoed slowly before entering the room. “Excuse me? Who are you?” Jane asked when she noticed you. “I’m a friend of Thor’s, look this isn’t going to make sense but you have something that we need and.....”. Next thing you knew Rocket was launching himself onto her knocking her out when she fell and hit her head. “Are you serious right now?” you yelled at him, “What, am I not getting what we needed?” he replied sarcastically, “I thought I left Tony back in New York” you muttered to yourself.

You guys walked out of the room, only to find a group of Asgardians waiting for you two. “Stay where you are!” they yelled, “We’re friends of Thor’s” you said cautiously, it didn’t work, they ran towards you and Rocket, “Rocket GO!!” you said to him. You stood in defense to fight the group of seven men coming towards you, all those years of training paid off, you got them all down in a matter of two minutes. You picked up a spear before running towards Rocket, who was surprisingly waiting for you a few pillars down. “That was... wow, you want to join the Guardians? Well whatever is left of us” he said. You smiled at him, “Come on, we need to find Thor”.

You guys walked further down the corridor, the palace reminded you a lot like your old one where you grew up.

You finally spotted Thor, he was talking to a woman. “Hey Thor, we got what we needed” Rocket said to him, Thor turned to look at you guys, there was tears in his eyes, he gave you a look telling you that was his mother. “It’s a pleasure to meet you my lady” you said to the her while bowing your head, “Ohhh you are just wonderful! Thank you for keeping an eye on my son” she said giving you a strong hug, you embraced her back, hugging her tighter. “(Y/N), we need to go” Rocket said, “Hold on, give me a minute” Thor said, you and Rocket looked at each other a bit confused, then you knew, Thor was waiting for his Mjolnir, “I’m still worthy” he said smiling to himself.

----------------------------------------------

The three of you traveled to the present, when you landed you noticed most were already back. You looked over at Clint, he looked heartbroken, you felt a pang in your heart, Nat was missing.

“Did she have any family?” you heard Tony ask, “Yeah....us” replied Steve. You were in disbelief, Nat, the strongest woman you had ever met was gone. “Why are we acting like she’s dead?” Thor said annoyed, “Thor.....she’s gone” you said breaking down in tears, “It was supposed to be me” Clint said angrily. “She’s not coming back guys, we need to do this for her” Banner said. You held a small ceremony in her honor, she had done so much, she needed at least something in her sacrifice.

--------------------------------------------

You were all back inside the compound in the room Tony had built specialized for when you would snap the gauntlet to bring everyone you can back. You had changed back into your warrior outfit, you had to be prepared for anything that could come with messing with time. Banner had volunteered to do it, you all stood around him, shielding yourselves for the impact it could make once he snapped his fingers. The moment he did, he passed out on the floor, “Banner!” you yelled running to his aid, he was conscious but took a nasty burn, luckily Tony had his tool to freeze over what was burnt on Banner’s body. You got up to look around to see if anything had changed, it was eerily silent and then it all went pitch black.

#Choosing Between Two Loves Part 6 ~ Endgame - 2 #Choosing Between Two Loves #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes Imagines #Bucky Barnes Imagine #Bucky Barnes #MCU #Sebastian Stan

17 notes · View notes

that-damn-girl · 4 years

Text

Freed

(Oneshot)

Pairing: Platonic!stucky (aka Steeb and Bonky) x Gender-neutral!teen!reader (later becomes adoptive!sibling)

Words: 4600+

Type: lil angst (for introduction and back-story), Fluff, platonic.

Warning: lil angst, a couple of bad words.

A/N: This is in answer for my first request! I really had a fun time writing it. Thank you sweet anon for your lovely request! Hope I didn't disappoint. Would love your feedback!

Summary/Request:

Those eyes, just like his own once.

Bucky looked down at you as you took up a defensive pose in front of him, trying to act menacing and the heartless soldier you were molded into. Act, because he looked at your eyes and immediately understood that unfortunately, you had a better understanding of what would happen to you if you so much as dared to show your target a negligible fraction of mercy or hesitated to attack and render yourself weak.

He knew because he saw himself in the pair of eyes he stared into. Once new to this ruthless predicament you were in, he understood that following commands and surviving yourself was a higher priority to you than caring about any other thing in the world at that moment. You had no other choice and were helpless. Just like HYDRA wanted it's puppets to be.

He took in your stance; legs spread wide, both arms bent at the elbows, one at shoulder level and the other raised in front of yourself. Atop a body covered with black garments sat a head with such a sneer he would've thought you were an animal caged inside a human's shape. Because that's how HYDRA had treated him, just like an animal.

You looked young to him; really young. He couldn't help but drown in pity for you. Oh, a child of only fifteen, maybe sixteen, too young for the horrors he supposed you would've witnessed and gone through while in their hold.

He kept up his gun poised steadily at you, though he hated himself for threatening a kid, and tried to think how low could HYDRA have gone to kidnap yet another innocent soul and turn it into a killing machine. He then realised that they didn't really know any limits. It was a bottomless pit. They grabbed at anything and everything beneficial to them, not thinking even a bare minimum amount of others. They never even had a conscience to begin with.

He then noticed that one thing almost unique only to you. At first he thought it was some sort of new mobile weapon developed by those horrendous scientists, but then was horrified as he corrected himself that - no, no that couldn't be a weapon, at least not a mobile one since it literally jutted out from between your knuckles. Three metallic blades on each hand with the luster of his old metal arm, nearly six inches long.

What in the hell have they done?

On the way over to this HYDRA base, Bucky had sworn he'd burn this place to the ground and not let any of these beastly people live. But he couldn't go through with that after watching you. He couldn't do that to a victim just like him, a child nonetheless.

"Hey, kid," He cautiously took a step forward, gun still raised, slow and calm enough to show you he didn't mean any harm but alert and stiff enough to show you that he wouldn't hesitate if you wouldn't. "I don't wanna hurt you."

"You never can." You spat back and stood your ground.

Steve's voices cackled through his earpiece, "What kid?"

Ignoring Steve for now, Bucky kept forwarding towards you slowly, "I know what they do to you, what they will keep doing to you." Bucky didn't exactly know that, but he could make nearly accurate guesses. He gauged your reaction. You tried to remain as stoic as possible, but the slight furrow of your eyebrows encouraged him to continue, "They had me once too, but I was broken free. I am not like them. I can help you, trust me."

You charged forward and tried to strike at him with your dominant hand, but he ducked. You tried again but he dropped his gun and grabbed both your elbows to criss-cross them in front of your chest, your back pressed to the wall. Your looked at him for a hard moment before sneering, "That's what they told me."

Bucky saw in your eyes that you badly wanted to believe him, but he supposed a past incident had given you enough wisdom from outright trusting any stranger, "They made me think that they had helped me too."

This time round you couldn't help your eyes from narrowing. Confusion sat blankly at your face, though the fight to break free still persisted. He hated to admit that he had to work in order to restrain a teenager. No doubt that they had experimented on you too.

Bucky gestured to his arm. Only then did you realise that it wasn't a part of his costume - one black left sleeve of the burgundy jacket, which you had thought to be in the dimly lit hallway. No, it was not an extremely fitted sleeve; it was his arm, black and gold and made of metal, you realised.

They replaced a whole arm with metal?

Your eyes widened and the struggle in you began to subside. Bucky continued, "They captured me, tortured me, but there were these people who helped me break free. I am with them now, let us help you."

You looked at him, trying to decipher whether he was lying, and after a careful and slow moment you found out he wasn't.

Bodies of HYDRA agents, either dead or unconscious, were scattered front and back. The stench of their blood filled the air. You had seen him destroy those bodies when conscious with an unparalleled vengeance you didn't understand. You concluded it to be his fighting style, but then you understood the reason behind it. If he was saying the truth and your perception of body language hadn't gone rusty, you believed he fought with rage and a want for revenge for all he was put through when in their control. You believed him.

Yet you couldn't be too sure, "Why?" Your timid voice asked.

He smiled, "Because I don't want another soul to go through what I did." You believed him this time too.

Bucky led you to the quinjet, where everyone had already assembled. Everyone was skeptical of you, everyone but a brown haired girl who seemed only a few years older to you. She reminded everyone of something along the lines of her being in your shoes a few years past.

By the talking you heard, you found out that the brown haired girl could read minds. So they had experimented on her too, you thought. They wanted Wanda to take a peek in your head to be assured that you wouldn't try to be clever with them. You grew uncomfortable with the idea, but the metal armed savior said that they could only help you if they trusted you, and the girl assured you that she would only look into the parts necessary and wouldn't pry for more. You agreed, because you were desperate for their help, desperate to be free of the horrid people who had tormented you to no end. She looked and you were approved.

Everyone was curious to know more about you, a potential addition to the team in near future, but kept their inquisitions to themselves. Before reaching the jet, you had retracted your blades into your palm, and Bucky had watched flabbergasted as the skin between your knuckles healed immediately, leaving no trace of the deadly weapon now inside your body, but decided not to comment on it.

You had naturally chosen to sit beside Bucky on the way back. He gave you a vibe, one which you hadn't felt in a long, long time; of safety and security. For so long you had spent in that dirty den of monsters, without once being taken care of, doing whatever immoral things they commanded you to, or receiving punishment for not doing it. You'd receive punishments even when you did complete the task, because they somehow always seemed to point out a flaw in your execution which didn't exist.

You saw a man sit on the other side of the metal armed man, blond with blue eyes and a similar built to Bucky, you learnt. A weird name, you thought, but cute as well. You told him his name shyly when he asked.

You wanted to know more about the Bucky and Wanda, who seemed to have been under HYDRA's clutches previously, but felt too nervous to initiate a conversation with strangers. The fact that almost every team member of the Avengers, they seemed to call themselves, was present on the quinjet and crammed the space didn't make it any easier on you. Neither did the fact that you had no idea about what your future would hold.

Bucky noticed your anxiety and wasn't sure if you'd be okay with it, but he took a chance and patted your shoulder reassuring you, "Everything will be fine." You believed him yet again.

Throughout the journey, a few words were exchanged, complimentary with a few smiles. You felt even more safe and at ease with Bucky than before. Perhaps it was due to the fact that he was the first person in a long time to want to help you genuinely. Perhaps it was due to the fact that you knew you and him had somewhat same shared experiences of torture by nearly the same people, so your mind assumed he would know and understand what and how you felt. Whatever it may be, you were glad to have someone generous enough to offer to help you out when every nerve and muscle of your body had intended to harm them.

When the jet landed, others went for debriefing while you were sent to the med bay. You didn't want to go alone into the unknown space, so you set your pleading anxious eyes on Bucky, who without another word accompanied you after sharing a look with the blond, Steve. Dr. Banner and his team took various scans and tests, all with Bucky by your side because you refused to let him be out of your sight.

Meanwhile the team discussed on how to handle the situation. After all, you were still a child to them. They knew it would be how it was with recruiting Wanda all over again, a scared teenager ripped apart from normalcy trying to find a place and meaning with all these people who were anything but normal. She had Vision by her side, and now you have Bucky.

Everyone saw your immediate closeness with Bucky, and the slight protectiveness Bucky had taken over you. Since you felt more at ease with Bucky than anyone else, it was a unanimous decision to let him handle the progress you made with the team,

And, of course, Steve too. It was an unspoken rule. How could he not not be involved anywhere where Bucky was?

After all the tests and scans, you were given a clean set of clothes and were guided to a washroom where you could freshen up. When you went inside the shower, you expected the shower of water to be cool as you turned the knob. Surprise was the understatement of the century when you felt soothing warm droplet fall over you.

You checked out the various items placed by a small counter in the shower with labels which you could read but didn't know what they meant. You looked across at the large mirror. For the first time in a very long time again, you could really take yourself in. The dips and curves of your body, or the lack thereof; the proportions of yourself. It felt weird not exactly knowing what your own self looked like. Despite the presence of mirrors, you never had a chance to ponder over your looks, even while bathing. Your body and skills and the blades were what was the most important to them; never your looks.

All of this newfound freedom felt so overwhelming, you broke down and allowed yourself to pour your eyes out and sob the pain of all those dreadful memories out of your mind, something which you were never allowed to do before.

As the water ran cold, you stepped out of the shower and into the clean clothes provided. When you met Bucky outside, he noticed your red and puffy eyes, but didn't say anything.

You later met everyone in a large sitting area. Dr. Banner and his team were extremely efficient. They had informed everyone of the special abilities you had as a result of the experiment. You had a very high metabolism and extraordinarily fast self-healing abilities, much higher than that of the super soldiers present.

Moreover, your palm looked normal superficially only. In reality, the metacarpals and carpus of your palm were connected to the radius and ulna of your palm in such a fashion that they accommodated six inches long and one-fourth of an inch wide plates, three in each arm, made up of an alloy yet to be named (adamantium, you learned very later on), but they found it to be similar to titanium. Their purpose was a mystery to them.

When confronted about it post your shower, you didn't know how to explain, so you opted to simply show them instead. You jut them out, piercing the skin between your knuckles. Everyone looked at you stunned. They realised that they weren't metal plates which Bruce talked about; no, they were blades. Feeling overly self conscious, you retreated the blades and pulled your arms by your side, palms on your knees, sitting uncomfortably stiff and straight like the perfect soldier you were trained to be. As soon as the blades were back inside your flesh, the pierced wounds amongst your knuckles weaved back into your skin faster than one could blink, showing no evidence of even a slight scratch.

Some sat open mouthed and some couldn't form sentences or words other than, "Wow" , "Woah", and "Holy cow". You blushed hardly. No one had ever looked at your way and given you such amazed reactions.

Sensing your discomfort once again, Bucky wrapped an arm around your shoulder and asked everyone to move onto other important things. Seeing a little super soldiers with great powers, they wanted to recruit you to the team, but only if you wanted and when you were mentally healthy.

Of course you wanted to join them after learning of their purpose. You had done many bad things and wanted to do something good with the weapon you were cursed with. Bucky and Steve loved and appreciated the fact that though you weren't sure of who you were exactly yet, you were sure of all the good deeds you wanted to do despite experiencing only the worse.

Later that night you were given your own quarters, right next to Bucky's. You were utterly thankful for it. When you proceeded to sleep on the bed, you found it too soft to relax enough to sleep. Having only known mattresses as hard as the ground it was kept upon, you hadn't known that a mattress could be as soft as your were given. You were conflicted between being grateful and vexed.

Regardless, you didn't sleep that night. You decided to step out of your room and into the common balcony of your floor to get some fresh air. You stayed there for a few minutes and realised bringing a jacket would have been a better idea if you wanted to spend your night away staring at the shiny and sprinkling stars above.

As you walked back the length of the hallway, Bucky suddenly appeared in front of you. Filled with shock, you instinctively drew your blades and took up a defensive position, blades placed in front of his neck.

"Hey kid, calm down. I'm not trying to heart ya." Bucky put his hands up to show he was harmless.

Ashamed and guilty, you drew your blades in and looked down at the floor and shook your head, "Sorry...I was just surprised, I guess."

"It's alright, kid. Sorry, I shouldn't have been that quiet." You didn't understand why he apologized for what was his nature, but you gave him a little nod nonetheless.

"What are you here, by the way?" He looked inquisitively at you.

"Couldn't sleep. I wanted to get a jacket to sit down in the balcony." You still didn't meet his eyes. He understood the unspoken words; that you couldn't adjust to all this with just a clip of your fingers.

You felt awfully bad for how you reacted to someone who had thought more good of you in a few hours than the beasts you escaped from had in all your lifetime. Still overwhelmed from all the new and good possibilities your future could hold, tears sprang to your eyes.

Bucky wanted to comfort you, to assure you that you were safe here, that him and the others would look our for you. He tried to make himself as small as possible and gently asked in a soft voice, "Is it okay if I hug you?"

You looked up at him with wide eyes. Bringing your here and freeing you from those varlets; he had already done so much. Why did he want to go out of his way for your comfort? Whatever the reason may be, being gentle touch deprived all your life, you didn't want to turn him down. You nodded.

He smiled and slowly took a step forward. He encircled you in his arms. You broke down again at his soft touch and laid your head in his chest, not quite as tall as him. He used one palm to pet your head, whispering sweet words to assure you that you are well and everything would be fine.

When you calmed down enough, he asked, "Would you mind if I accompany you?" You nodded again.

After getting your respective jackets, you sat down in the small couch placed in the balcony. You leaned into him. He put an arm around you and you both looked at the stars above wordlessly.

This continued for a few nights. You'd come to the balcony and he'd already be there. You'd keep your head on his shoulders and stare into the night sky. You'd dose off and Bucky would remain in the same posture, afraid to wake you. Sometimes he would be lulled into sleep too by the beautiful atmosphere. You both didn't need much sleep, thanks to the serums in your bloods. You'd wake up in a couple of hours, refreshed and back into your rooms.

In the daytime, you were assigned to therapy and sharpening you skills in the gym. Steve would take care of that. He'd help you correct your techniques and style with pushing you much, in a soft and gentle way. You were grateful to him too.

On your fifth night on the balcony, Steve had joined you guys too. You didn't know the reason why, he just came and sat on your other side and slumped down enough to rest his head on the back rest and eyes on the twinkling night sky.

After a few moments he spoke, "Beautiful, isn't it?" Words of confirmation were exchanged, and so you three began talking.

Steve and Bucky first shared their stories of the previous century, after hearing which you were surprised to know Steve had survived through all the 'idiocy' stuff he did. Bucky's words, not yours. Feeling comfortable enough, you told them the things you hadn't even shared with your therapist. Bucky held your hand and Steve stroked your back as you went through a roller coaster of emotions. Bucky told you about his own time under HYDRA's control, sparing the gruesome details, to give you a hint that in a way he understood all you had gone through.

You felt really good, as if a weight had been lifted off of your chest. As the conversation died down, so did your conscious pulling you into a deep peaceful sleep.

Being with you, taking care of you, Bucky and Steve were reminded of a sibling they had too little time with. They liked this unofficial care-taking role.

After the talk that night, or rather early morning, you seemed very cheerful and elevated for that day and the days to come. You started to initiate small conversation with everyone, smiling gleefully at everyone you passed in the hallways, opened up more to your therapist, and gave Steve your best while training.

Soon you were cleared for missions, accompanied with Bucky, Steve and Sam. You were exceedingly excited for your first mission; to start doing things right with the advancements you were given to do only the wrongs. Bucky and Steve had given you a lengthy talk about keeping your safety in mind, to not overexert yourself and not be too rash in your decisions. You calmed them down with a long hug to each, assuring them you would take care of yourself.

Almost every mission from there onwards, you were paired with at least either one of them or both. In the compound too, you had become inseparable from them, or maybe they from you. Movie nights had been introduced, where they would show you all the hits from your own generation which you had missed or from their own, along with those which the others had shown to them.

They soon took over a pair of protective older brothers' role. They wouldn't let Sam or anyone else mess with you, except for themselves. They started calling you all these crazy and funny nicknames to tick you off. In retaliation, you started calling them Steeb and Bonky. They hadn't looked happy.

When you started dating, they would give murderous glares to anyone you were with, which would give them a clear enough idea not to be in your bad books. Steeb would keep his hand on his hips, broadening his shoulders and flexing his biceps. Bonky would make the presence of his metal arm even more obvious by doing everything with it and whirring the plates constantly to make enough noise to give your date a hint.

Then came the ever dreaded 'talk'. They felt that since you had started dating, things between you and your significant other would escalate quickly either now or in the near future. They felt it was their responsibility to give you 'the talk'. You had been ever grateful for their presence in your life up until then. All three of you ended that conversation with faces red enough to rival Bonky's burgundy leather jacket.

Once Sam had approached you to prank them. You were eager to do whatever Sam had planned. The end result had been Bonky's arm and Steeb's shield adorned with stickers of various mindless things stuck with a strong adhesive. They had had a field day in scrapping and removing the glue with a shitload of acetone.

Your birthday was coming in a few days. Steeb and Bonky wanted it to be special; your first birthday outside of HYDRA. You didn't remember celebrating your birthday ever, so when the day rolled around you didn't suspect a thing when Steeb and Bonky offered to take you to Coney Island. You hadn't even remembered it was your birthday.

You spent the day in disguise so as to not be recognised, hopping from one ride to another and stuffing your face with anything you found appealing. Though you had a higher metabolism than the other two super soldiers, they didn't think eating the way you were was a good idea, but they couldn't say no to your puppy dog eyes and the cheeky grin you put on in victory afterwards.

You had stopped on a shooting stall to play, but Bonky cast you aside before you could even fully reach there, paid the amount and started shooting. Shoulders slumping, Steeb sighed loudly.

He was an excellent shooter - hell, he was a sniper in the WW2 and is currently one for the Avengers. Everyone knew that, but to not make anyone suspicious of his true identity he purposefully hit the first few shots wider. The stall keeper watched with a smug smile, convinced the last shot wouldn't be any different cause it hardly ever was. Steeb hid his smirk with the pretense of clearing his throat as Bonky hit bullseye, earning a giant [whatever you want] for you. You squealed as you accepted it, hugging and squeezing it to your chest after hugging Bonky.

By the time you had reached the compound, your faces were lit up with a hundred watt smiles. You had thoroughly enjoyed the day to its best and didn't think it could have gotten any better. Laughing your asses off, your heart came to your throat as you stepped out of the elevator and everyone yelled, "Surprise!"

A banner hung from the ceiling written, 'Happy Birthday Y/N'. You were momentarily surprised as you gaped at it open mouthed. Balloons and string lights were scattered beautifully across the living room. You didn't register who took Bonky's win from your arms and who hugged your limo form, wishing you. When it finally registered, you were teary eyed as you looked at everyone's genuinely happy expression.

You were determined not to cry but all hell broke loose when Wanda brought in a small and cute cake with icing piped in her trademark way, candles lit. You broke down then and there, crying into your elbow. Bonky and Steeb instantly hugged you from both sides. Petting your head, Steeb said, "Aw kid, don't cry."

You felt elated. No one had ever thought of or cared for you enough to organise a little something behind your back for your birthday, so that you were happy. You had hugged everyone as you thanked them, still overwhelmed. Candles were blown and the cake was cut. A big portion of the icing was in your face. You didn't complain though; you felt appreciated and loved.

A few weeks later you were graced with a mission where your right lung got punctured and a few ribs got broken. Even with your abilities, it took you a day to gain consciousness and another three for all your injuries to heal completely.

Steeb and Bonky had lost it when you fell into their arms when you got attacked and wouldn't wake up in the quinjet. The next day until you were conscious, they hadn't slept or left your side after the required surgery. They had been soft with you until you were discharged, but as soon as you got okay, they blew up your head with unending scoldings and lectures for you to be safe. They crushed you to their chests later, telling you how scared you had made them.

Though you felt bad for worrying them, you couldn't help the happy beats in your heart to know people actually did care about your well being because they care about you and not your utility.

Many instances happened in your life, some happy, some sad. You had had Bonky and Steeb by you side, and knew you would later too. Ever grateful for their presence in your life, you looked forward to life with renewed vim and zest.

~~~

Blog’s Main Masterlist || Taglists

Thanks for reading!

219 notes · View notes

queer-polyam-emperor-penguin · 3 years

Text

So, a short update.

I have some health conditions that I've mentioned her before.

Both pre-serum-steve and Princess are still in my life and friends...

The meta who kissed Princess about a month ago now is not in mine or Princesses life, due to some really cruel words said that by her that crossed boundaries. She said them while in a bad place and was upset from grief, but that doesn't change the crossed boundaries and the wounds and Princess and I made the separate decisions to take space... her before I did, because I struggle with loss.

In saying that, about two weeks later, for completely unrelated reasons, Princess and I broke up. Ultimately my decision.

I've been openly polyamorous since I was a young teenager, I'm now in my 20's. I have more experience in polyamory than most of the in person community around me, but with limited life experiences in other areas. I'm also a hopeless romantic who can be blindsided and naive when it comes to NRE. Especially because my optimism and my willingness to commit to things that I expect to bring long term happiness don't merge well with my trauma responses of fawning and freezing.

I realised after an intense therapy session that I was still holding a lot of my childhood trauma as a safety blanket, never really trusting, always wanting control of a situation by refusing to be vulnerable in my emotions by relying purely on facts. Because emotional vulnerability isn't very well accepted in my family, it's pushed down a lot. I love emotional vulnerability in polyamory, a place where I can safely express my love and affection and care for others without judgement or being seen as weird... polyamory is a safe place for my emotions.

But I don't treat my fears and hurts and anger and anxiety the same way I treat other emotions, which makes it hard to be vulnerable.

It is so so hard to be vulnerable when you treat every emotional response like a science experiment and play 'what chemicals do I need to balance to no longer feel that and how do I do that?' Or what I did for a while there 'How much do I need to feel to process and emotion enough to re-bury it and stop my emotional response.' Neither of which is the healthiest reaction.

So when I realised that I was responsible for the struggles I was having in my relationships, when I realised that I can't fix this while I'm in a relationship that had very established patterns and I was tiptoeing to avoid disrupting the routine, that I didn't like who I was becoming and didn't believe it was good enough for her or for me... I decided it was time to walk away and salvage the friendship and respect and love that we could before we went down a path that I was afraid would lead to resentment and hurt.

I haven't been single in a long time and part of that was just overlap and being young, also the fact I tended to get into long term relationships. It's been over 6yrs since I was single for more than 4-6mnths.

At 22, inching closer to 23 now, I've spent nearly a quarter of my life invested more into the version of myself I felt like I needed to be to preserve the relationships I was in, over the person I could become to make myself happiest... which was the reason I opened up about being polyam in the first place. If I wanted to spend my life catering to someone's ideal version of me, I'd be the perfect Christian daughter my parents wanted instead of the bisexual polyamorous trans-man who's polytheistic and practices witchcraft and is a little bit of the family disappointment. So I don't want to spend my life catering to the perfect person of someone else's fantasy version of me; especially because I don't want to have been part of why that exists by being unable to express the vulnerability they need from me.

So I'm taking some time to heal and I might post about this journey a little bit and I hope it helps others.

Polyamory doesn't mean perfect, people aren't perfect and circumstances will change. Sometimes adapting means stepping away to grow into a better you, a version of you that you love, that's the important part.

1 note · View note

heli0s-writes · 5 years

Text

II. The Binding

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes Summary: You return to the newly dubbed Avengers Tower after two years. The Words find you with a surprise. A/N: Part 2 of Mystery of Love.

It took a few months for you to settle in and find a new apartment, but soon enough you were back on a regular schedule. Your work continued to be well-reviewed and circulating, which was a good sign because it meant you could still make a living off it. The merchandise in your store was steadily being bought and it certainly helped that you still had quite a bit of money left over from your last few paychecks. There were invitations in your inbox for exhibitions and requests to purchase original files of your work. For now, you were leaving them unread.

You visited your parents once, to talk to them, but you felt strange in their home. The longer your conversation went on, the more you realized that your parents couldn’t comprehend the importance of your work to you. Nor did they understand why you were no longer enamored with the idea of a soulmate. To them, you were meandering around the world to pursue a hobby, luckily it made you quite a bit of money, but you needed to settle down and find your other half. He was in Manhattan, they believed, so you needed to stay put. When you scoffed and said that it could very well be a “she”, they asked you to leave and think about your actions for a few days.

On a sunny May morning, as you reviewed the hundreds of pictures from your journeys, you received an e-mail from Ms. Potts. She hoped you had a fun trip, and that she’d like for you to come by for another assignment. She promised that there was a surprise.

You thought the surprise was that the Avengers Tower was now called Avengers Facility and was outside of town. It wasn’t. The surprise also wasn’t the chauffer who pulled up the next day to drive you there.

You balked at the size of the estate upon seeing it. She met you once again at the door, first to give you a hug and ask about your travels, then as if she’d done something wrong, Ms. Potts bashfully straightened her skirt and led you in. You laughed and returned the hug, thanking her for the bonus; it had gotten you through more than 5 countries in almost two years, after all.

The contract she slid under your nose was entirely review same guidelines as before. There were new specifications, however, four new Avengers: Samuel Thomas “Sam” Wilson, James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, Pietro Maximoff, and Wanda Maximoff. You had heard about Sokovia while you were travelling- it happened while you were in Thailand, and Sergeant Barnes’ investigation and trial was on the news during your entire stay in Saudi Arabia. It was very, very recent.

“I thought you might like an additional photo to your Peculiar Pairs Series,” Ms. Potts smiled, “Wanda and Pietro are bonded,”

Your eyes must have looked like saucers. You’d never seen it before- soulmate twins! There were old folktales, of course, but you didn’t think it was real. You gasped in disbelief and ransacked your brain for an appropriate response. What kind of words would they have said to each other? Babies don’t have a concept of language? What was it like growing up together- what is their relationship with each other like? What did their family think?

You sputtered.

“I… Only with their permission, of course!”

Pepper laughed, “Yes, of course. Come on, let’s go see everyone.”

It was then that a wave of nausea hit you, thinking suddenly about Captain Rogers and the awful feeling your stomach gets around him. It was such an embarrassing thing to admit and be helpless to control. You often wondered to yourself if you were reacting so extremely because he scared you? No, he didn’t. Did you like him? Well, you didn’t know him. You were attracted to him, yes, but who wasn’t?

Captain Rogers had been in your textbook since you were a little girl. You went to the museum in Brooklyn multiple times and gazed at his uniform and peered at his photographs alongside Sergeant Barnes. He was handsome in such a honest and gentle way, someone once upon a time you might have dreamt of being your soulmate. He had beautiful blue eyes and a boyish grin, even as a man. You always thought even before the serum, you could have liked him. It wasn’t like you were a very tall woman, anyway.

You rubbed your sternum discreetly as you slipped behind Ms. Potts.

“Please call me Pepper,” she said abruptly, as if she were letting out a too-big breath of air, “Please. And Tony would love it if you’d call him y’know, by his first name too.”

You blushed. You’d just never been that way. But you promised her to try.

“I understand we’re all much older, but just get into the habit, yeah? Wanda and Pietro are your age, and wouldn’t it be weird to call them Mr. and Ms. Maximoff?”

You agreed.

After a few long hallways, the turn led into a large sitting space illuminated by an entire wall made of windows. A large sectional was placed in the center of the room along with some single sofas and bean bags. There was a bookshelf along one wall and a flat-screen across from the seats. All eyes turned to you when you entered. You recognized them- Tony, Natasha, Steve, Bucky Barnes, the Maximoff Twins, and Sam Wilson. Apprehension flooded your core at the sight of the Captain. Sergeant Barnes, who sat beside him, seemed to be glaring.

“Ah! There’s my favorite little P.R. twerp!” Tony Stark cried as he slid across the rug, arms outstretched, “Missed your photos, kid, I’ve got one of me blown up in the master right now. It’s fantastic.”

“Thanks, Tony,” You replied shyly, feeling a bit silly for taking so long to make the switch. Tony gasped dramatically and pretended to be on the verge of tears, punctuating his display with a loud, “Finally!”

Natasha came to hug you as well, whispering a greeting in your ear and congratulating you on all the good fortune with your travels.

The twins regarded you wordlessly, both giving curt nods and gazing at your camera bag. You returned the gesture, placing your hand on the strap to move the bag out of view- you didn’t want to take their picture until they were ready, regardless of what the contract stated. Sam Wilson came to shake your hand and introduce himself. He was very charming, you noted, and definitely knew how to hold a conversation- maybe being the most normal person here.

“I’m such a fan of your work,” he said with a smile, “It’s such a refreshing take on an old, trite thing.” You thanked him in response, grabbing the strap of your camera bag nervously. It was a habit you were trying to let go of, but receiving compliments was still something you handled poorly.

Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes had been standing since you and Pepper entered the room. You noticed that the Captain cut his hair shorter than you’d seen it before. Two years ago, it was longer on top and brushed to the side. He tentatively gave you a small smile and waved, unsure of your reaction.

When you smiled back, he exhaled loudly, “It’s good to see you,”

“You too, Captain”

There was a sudden sensation prickling at your flesh. At first it tickled, like a brush, but then it hit you like a staccato of needles stabbing into the skin of your chest. Your face contorted into an expression of confusion before the pain hit, hands pulling the strap of the camera bag down roughly to investigate the source of your agony. You backed up into a chair. Natasha and Pepper rushed over. The sweltering feeling grew as you struggled to unbutton your shirt, finally giving up and tearing it halfway down the middle.

As the buttons scattered, you watched in horror as black words appeared on your sternum, all capital letters running up your chest in a straight line: it’s good to see you.

Captain Rogers groaned audibly and fell backwards onto the couch as he frantically rolled up the sleeve of his shirt to see your words appear on his left bicep, cursive script running in a circle to disappear and return around. The room was filled with gasps and clattering chairs as the watchers began to realize what was unfolding. Sergeant Barnes leaned down to examine his friend, fearfully looking back and forth between the two of you.

“Jesus Christ!” He cried, as the Captain’s handwriting stopped carving into your skin. Your gasps were beginning to subside when he called out, but when those words left his lips, you began to feel it again, this time overtaking your arm. You couldn’t remain balanced on the chair any longer as you doubled over in pain, sliding onto the floor, just out of reach of Natasha’s steadying hands on you.

Underneath the loose sleeve of your speckled navy and white button up, the Sergeant’s words appeared in thick, heavy strokes of half-cursive, half-print: Jesus Christ.

The room froze in disbelief. Everyone looked from you to the Captain, to the Sergeant. Even your tears subsided for the time being while your heart hammered in your chest. There was ringing in your ears as you tried to still your panting, your hands trembled as they touched the newly formed Words on your left arm.

Sergeant Barnes slowly rose to his feet, staring at you. The Captain did the same. The three of you knew why this was happening, but not quite what it meant, or what it involved for your futures. Captain Rogers extended his hand first, and you slowly slipped shaky fingers into his large palm. It engulfed your hand in a compassionate but strong grip, and you couldn’t help but admire the way his arm flexed ever so slightly as he pulled you up. The touch had an immediate response. It felt like the first time you stepped on warm sand, or the feeling of an ice pack on your head in the throes of a fever. In Captain Rogers’ eyes, you could see the same emotions overpowering him.

“Say something to him,” he whispered. You gulped, looking at the Sergeant, waiting by his side, lips parted in anticipation. You shook your head wildly, afraid. Your first words to Captain Rogers were so dull already- what could you say to the Sergeant? You were racking your brain for phrases you’d memorized over time when he spoke up.

“Say somethin’, please,” Sergeant Barnes’ icy blue eyes urged you with a frantic plea, “There’s nothin’ that wouldn’t be just exactly how it should.”

Your stomach turned again and you reflexively placed a hand to your torso, suddenly reminded that your shirt was undone, your breasts barely covered by the sides of fabric. Captain Rogers pulled it shut for you, sliding one seam over another, and lightly touched your collarbone before letting his hand fall back to his side. It was a deliberate motion; the desire to pull you up into his arms and hide you away in his room was riotous in his mind, and it was taking all of him to be still.

“I’m not so bad, am I?” the Sergeant took a step forward, expression faltering on the cusp of sorrow. You opened your mouth to speak but couldn’t find what to say. He was a complete stranger- just another legend you grew up with, like the Captain, like soulmates and the idea of love. But he was right now in front of you, he was proof that the legends you’d been disregarding for the past 4 years existed, as much as you wished they didn’t. His hand brushed your cheek, tucking a strand of loose hair behind your ear, and leaving a tingling path in its wake.

“This… can’t be real,” You gasped absentmindedly as his thumb traced a line down your jaw. When your eyes started to fill up again with tears, you didn’t know, but they were cascading down your face as Sergeant Barnes sucked in a sharp breath. His full bottom lip rolled between his teeth as he unbuttoned the loose Henley. Your eyes travelled slowly down each button. At the edge of the slit in his shirt, there they were, the Words… your Words: this can’t be real. They were in the same position as Captain Rogers’ Words on your own chest. Sergeant Barnes exhaled shakily as the letters finished their scorching trail on him. The three of you stared at each other, heaving in unison, panting, steadying the furious butterflies in your stomachs.

Sam Wilson was the first to speak up, shattering the silence with the question everyone else thought, “What just happened?”

It shook you from your daze. Both of Pepper’s hands were clasped over her mouth. Natasha looked astonished, but intrigued. Tony slowly made his way to Pepper and pulled her hands down, gripping it tight in his, his eyes remained transfixed on the three of you on the floor the entire time. The twins sat in silence, fingers intertwined with pleased smiles.

“This is incredible,” Pepper sighed, “I’ve only heard stories,”

“You... all are soulmates?” Sam asked

You looked back and forth between the two men at your side, unsure of how to answer. You could only think of the time you met John in Prospect Park with Francis and Marilynn. Tony seemed to recall that photo as well and spoke up in clear voice over his shoulder.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., pull up the Peculiar Pairs photo gallery on the T.V.” The flatscreen hummed to life as Tony scrolled to the last images of the set. There were three elderly people sitting on the bench together, holding each others’ hands. Francis on the left, John in the middle, Marilynn on the right, all smiles. Tony traced the Words on Francis’ wrist and Words on Marilynn’s collarbone. John sat happily between them, two sets of words etched on the same spaces: wrist and collarbone.

Tony pointed to you, “Same thing,” he said with a slight jerk of his neck, “You got Capsicle’s words on your chest, Count Buckula’s words on your arm… and he’s—” a slide to the right of his finger, pointing to Captain Rogers, “—got your words on his arm… and those words are on his chest…” the finger slid to the other side, at the Sergeant.

Both of Tony’s hands came to rest on his hips as he regarded you almost proudly. “I can’t believe it, kid, you got two soulmates.” It seemed like the speech would end there, but Tony’s eye began to twinkle mischievously, and a deviant smirk overtook his previously harmless smile, “Oh my, my, my, my, my, aren’t you three going to be having some adventurous s- Ah!”

Pepper had punched him before he could finish his sentence, and began to twist his ear, dragging him out of the room with a very sympathetic apology. The rest of the Avengers followed suit, loudly clearing their throats, offering you congratulations and smiles as a dark pink blush spread over your cheeks. The Maximoffs were the last to leave. Pietro strode casually to the hallway but lingered in the shadow as Wanda put her hand on your shoulder with a knowing smile. She pulled up the sleeve of her flowing blouse and showed you her brother’s mark--- a long curved line, punctuation with a frenzy of dashes and dots at the end. “Do not worry. It is meant to be how it is meant to be,”

At her brother’s bidding, Wanda slipped away as well, following him down the hall.

You were left alone with them. The two men standing in front of you stiff like statues, hands clenched tightly at their sides. You didn’t know what to do with your own body, either, as it hummed and positioned to their frequency. There was a vibration that was unmoving, a tune that was noiseless, a thread hanging onto all three of you, stringing you together. Your legs were beginning to shake.

Sergeant Barnes noticed and led you to the couch as Captain Rogers pushed two loose sofas closer so that they could sit facing you. He was careful to give you as much space as you needed, so long as it didn’t entirely take you away. The very sight of you now, etched with his Words gave him the clarity he’d been searching for nearly his entire life. He didn’t need verbal verification to know that Bucky also felt the same way.

Your gaze slowly traveled up to the sandy-haired man sitting in front, leaning forward with his elbows resting atop of his knees. You’d known this man for years, but somehow in this moment, he looked so strange and unfamiliar. His brow creased with curiosity. You were sure this wasn’t how he – either of them- must have imagined meeting their soulmate. You were just some kid. Christ, fifteen minutes ago, you were still rejecting the idea of soulmates!

The markings on your body began to feel heavy with each acrimonious thought. Your chest tightened up again, stomach squeezing itself inside of you. Tears started to fall from your eyes as the room caved in. Your heart felt so full, as if it could burst from your chest at any minute if you let it. Your hands moved on their own, grabbing at your chest and arm, scratching wrathfully at the Words’ inscription on your body. You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t want it. You refused it.

In the darkness of the chamber, you heard someone say, “She’s having a panic attack, Buck,”

A warm hand found itself against your back, rubbing large lines up and down your spine leisurely. Another hand was rubbing against the narrow plane in between your breasts, but it was cold and made you shiver. Someone’s hands were tucking your hair behind both ears, sweetly wiping away the tears that ran freely and gathered under your chin. You felt so small against them, leaning sadly into the warmth, shuddering sobs shaking your frame.

“Breathe… breathe, there you go, hon’, you’re doing great,”

The blackness soon began to fade, and you struggled to follow the rhythmic directions being whispered into your ear. New tears were shushed away gently by another voice, like an ocean breeze blowing away sand. Your hands clenched severely to your thighs, but soon were peeled away and held in a grasp that burned like a furnace. When the light returned to your field of vision, you could make out the Captain and Sergeant giving you encouraging smiles.

“I’m.. sorry,” you wheezed hoarsely. You hadn’t experienced one of these since early college.

“Don’t apologize, it’s a lot to take in,” Captain Rogers spoke, squeezing your left hand in his. At the sensation, you looked down to see your small hand, once again, engulfed in his and laughed loudly, surprising them both. They were glad to see you laughing, at least, and only raised their eyebrows to question it. You shook your head, not knowing where to start, pulling your hand away and wrapping both arms around your legs. You didn’t notice Captain Rogers’ expression.

“How does this work, Captain?” You asked, murmuring, in hopes that if they didn’t hear you, maybe you could just avoid talking about it forever. “There’s… two of you… the Sergeant, I.. this… we’ve only just met.” You squeezed your puffy eyes shut, feeling your poor head starting to hurt.

“Please,” he called, “Please…” it was pleading, soft and slow, so, so desperate, “Call me Steve, please.”

You swallowed, trying the sound out over your tongue gently, “Steve,” You chanced a look over to his left, where icy blue eyes wandered over your face.

“You’ve got more options with me, hon’” a smile graced Sergeant Barnes, and you started to notice just how much more handsome he was in person. All those museum photos could never capture the sharpness of his jaw, or the way his stubble worked to frame his face, or the dip in his chin that seemed to make his rather intense features so agreeable. His long hair was much nicer in person than it was on all those breaking news broadcasts. His blue gaze was brighter than you could have ever imagined from those black and white reels. You licked your lips idly, and flushed pink when both men followed the trajectory of your tongue and lingered on your mouth.

“Bucky work for you? If not, you can call me James,” “That’s his government name,” Steve quipped, getting smirks from both of you.

You tried both, and promised you would try to settle on Bucky. Neither of them felt right anyway, since you’d grown up categorizing any information you knew of him under “Sergeant Barnes”. You relayed the information to them, and added that frankly, it unsettled you to call Steve by his first name too. They, in return, promised to be patient.

“What if… its’ wrong?” Your face contorted, your eyes were flashing from Steve to Bucky, back to Steve, back to Bucky. Your brain was revving up, “I mean, soulmates, you know? What is that? Right?” God, you were rambling, but you couldn’t stop. “Shouldn’t we choose who we love? We’re… god, we were born decades apart. You guys are… superhuman.. and I’m just 23…! Compared to you, you’re legends, you’re Avengers, you save the damn world? Oh my god, I just take pictures of people.”

“I’ve never even kissed a boy.” You said suddenly, squeezing your eyes shut. There were flashbacks to all the times you’d run away from boys, or during the speed-meets when you’d stare longingly into someone’s eyes for the good span of five seconds before having to do it again with someone else thirty more times, or in undergrad, when you tried to go on a date with Nathan Young but when he dropped you off at home and put his hand on your thigh, you bolted.

Bucky and Steve laughed in relief as you slid your head in-between your hands. They shared a knowing look with each other before Bucky slid his hooked finger under your chin and turned you upward to gaze at him.

“Sweetheart, you don’t gotta kiss anyone unless you want to,” he assured, “We just want to be with you,”

They laughed again in unison. Bucky leaned back on the sofa and put both arms behind his neck, letting Steve explain.

“We’re eager, but we understand. I’ve waited for so long. We’ve tried to ignore fate… with dating,” A snort from Bucky confirmed his fact, “It never worked out.” Steve continued, “I feel it, in my gut, this is right. Can’t you? Buck and I, we’ve known each other since we were in diapers; there are no secrets between us.”

You placed a hand on your stomach, feeling it settle strangely, wondering if the sickness you’d experienced in the past around Steve was a sign you wrongfully chalked up to your anxiety. He seemed to hear your thoughts and nodded, letting you know that the fateful day in the conference room, when he reached his quarters, he had developed an angry red rash across his arm. He was curious, but since you were keen on avoiding him, he let you have your space. Now, as the three of you sat in each other’s company, you couldn’t help but wonder if the universe needed all of you together for the Words to work.

You asked them for their patience. You needed to go home, let the information settle, do some work to calm down, maybe. You could tell that Bucky was hesitant to let you go, but Steve assured him it would be fine. He asked for you to return soon, because as you knew, soulmates who were already bound to each other with Words, suffered each other’s maladies, and he was honest in letting you know that it would hurt him to not be close to you.

When you quietly got ready to leave, Bucky broke the silence by asking your name- a fact you’d forgotten to give in the chaos of the Binding. He repeated it, over and over again, tongue touching the top of his mouth in deliberate flicks, as if it was holy. Steve walked you to the car and watched it until you disappeared into the horizon.

Upon returning to the lounge area where Bucky sat, pained expression casting harsh shadows on his face, Steve placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder. Bucky understood the implication of the hand—a request to keep his promise of patience. He wanted to, for you. He wanted to do anything for you.

“She’s gotta come back, Stevie,” he muttered, hand reaching up into his shirt to trace the words. Steve assured him that she would. “I can’t stand it, Stevie, all those times in the chair, when they were scrambling my brain,” his voice dropped low, “I was thinkin’ about her. I could feel her somewhere, not knowing what she looked like or anything, but just feel her. Can’t stand it that she doesn’t want to be here now.”

Steve didn’t need his friend to finish the sentence to know what he meant.

“Buck, if we push her, we’ll lose her. I want the same thing, but she needs to come to that conclusion on her own.”

That night, as you fell into your bed, a message blinked on your phone- an e-mail from Pepper. It was the picture you took of of John, Francis, and Marilynn- from Prospect Park, beaming on that old wooden bench next to the birdbath. A single question was written beneath the photograph.

It worked out for them, didn’t it?

Next Chapter

#Steve Rogers #Bucky barnes #stucky x reader #steve rogers x reader #Mystery of Love heli0s #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #mcu #marvel #soulmate au

1K notes · View notes

ninainthetardis · 5 years

Text

AVENGERS ENDGAME SPOILERS + MY THEORIES & COMMENTS

It's been a week since I saw Endgame and I think it's really the time for me to write some comments about it.

The First Part of the Movie

- It was kinda smart as in a couple of minutes it foiled almost every theory ever made about it.

- It was good as they showed us our heroes humanity, the way they struggled to move on after the snap and how alone, responsible and broken they felt.

- It was too long: they could've used half - or at least a third - of that time to cover some of the plot holes left at the end of the movie, or to show us something more interesting. For example, Imagine if there was no scene about Hulk taking pictures with his fans and instead of it we'd got Steve's meeting with Red Skull. Wouldn't it be amazing? Yes.

- Thor and Hulk were destroyed. Those characters went on a journey since we first met them, and starting from Ragnarok to finish with Endgame, they ended up going backwards instead of moving forward. They were hilarious in some moments, yes, but mostly they looked ridiculous and ooc. I mean... Hulk's dab dance? WTF?! Thor spending his days playing fortnite? It looked a little excessive to me honestly.

- I loved the way Natasha and Steve kept counting on each other like the family they were supposed to be. They give each other strength and support, and love. They were amazing. Truly.

- Tony's speech almost made me cry. Of course I knew that was not his end, - it was too soon -, but I almost cried anyway. Watching him suffering pained me. I was trying to figure out how they would manage to get out that situation when Carol showed up and I almost screamed. And CAN WE TALK ABOUT TONY LETTING NEBULA WIN, PLEASE?!

The Time Travel Thing

Basically, Ant man came back to our world to find out half of the population had been wiped away, and he has this idea of time traveling because why not? Let's mess with our minds a little more.

They explained that if they went back, their past would not change anyway, but at the same time Bruce says that when they remove an Infinity stone from its timeline, they create an alternative reality. Now, sure Steve put them back to where they belonged when they were not of use to the Avengers anymore, but still, there's a Loki who fled with the Tesseract in 2012 and I don't think that Steve faced him and fixed it on his own: I mean, it took the six of them to defeat him the first time! So, didn't that create a different reality? There is an Infinity stone out of place after all.

Still, I can't see how Thanos could do the snap if his 2014 version is dead. All I'm saying is that the timeline we saw remains unchanged, but we can't actually know whether there is an alternative timeline in which IW never happened or not. I like to think there is because this would mean that there is a reality where Nat, Tony and Steve are still alive, together and maybe happy. Just we'll never see it. Unfortunately.

Plus, the soul stone. A soul for a soul, right? Given that Steve returned the stone, couldn't he get Natasha back?

Tony. I expected Tony to die at the end of this movie but seriously guys that hurt too much, I was not ready at all. He finally had the family he deserved and wanted but could not sacrifice half of the living beings on earth just to keep his happiness. WHAT A CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. He started from fighting for himself to almost sacrifice himself in Avengers 1 and to actually do it in the end. Chapeau, Iron Man.

Steve. And here the thing gets complicated. I expected Steve to die as well,though his death would have broken me, - you know, favorite character and so on. We were ready for just one of them to die, so the only way to completely destroy our hearts was to kill both of them off. They didn't, and somehow this was even worse.

It's like we were robbed of our proper goodbye to Cap. I am, of course, happy he got the love of his life back (though I can't see how this will not affect the timeline tbh), but up to Endgame, things happened. First of all, Sharon Carter. And here everything gets weird. Secondly, he made a journey during which he changed and came to accept what had happened to him. In the end, it was all thrown away. It's kind of ooc for me that he just left Bucky in the present, friends who needed him, and went back to the past. And at the same time I can't actually see him just sitting there when he could prevent shit to happen. Though he promised Nat to move on, and maybe, after losing Nat and Tony, he realized that the only way for him to move on was to go back. Because yes, I think he wouldn't have come back if they had been alive. And Bucky followed his own path after CW, so they had already gone on separate ways.

As I said, it's tricky. A lot.

It's like Tony learnt from Cap to sacrifice himself and Cap learnt from Tony to put himself first for once.

"See you in a minute".

Natasha's death. That I didn't expect. Well, actually I did, being her my second favorite character and being used to watching my favorite characters die all the time. But you know, I thought that the soul stone required the soul of the one you love the most, and there was no way that Clint loved her more than his family. So I thought he was the one better suited for the sacrifice. And instead that wasn't the case and she died. But I didn't want any of them to die anyway. And it hurt because she said "see you in a minute" and then she didn't come back. And Steve's reaction when he realized she was gone forever. My poor heart.

This movie truly messed up with me.

Random comments

- Pepper was amazing and the scene of all women fighting side by side was MARVELOUS. I wish Natasha was there though.

- Poor Morgan lost his father, they were so cute and happy, my heart can't handle this.

- Thor giving away his throne was... I don't know, that's tricky as well. His whole path was about becoming worthy and gaining the awareness he needed to be a just king. So it makes sense he didn't feel like ruling at that moment, he lost himself and needed to find the right path again, but giving the throne away? Sounds too much to me imho. But I also don't think we've seen all of Thor, so... Maybe they'll fix it later on.

- Gamora. 2018 Gamora is dead, 2014 one is alive. What. About. Her? If the past remains unchanged, does it mean that she has only four years left to live (in perfect final destination style)? Or maybe she died when Tony snapped? Or she just run away to follow her own path again, as originally in 2014 she left Thanos and changed from a bad to a good guy, doing we don't know what exactly. Maybe she's meant to do it again, (just in the future) before meeting Quill again.

- The Scarlett Witch is FIRE. Can't wait to see her show! (Also, Loki's. I wonder if it will start from him fleeing with the Tesseract or if it will be a prequel like the movie about the Black Widow)

- Ronin. It was like Natasha and Clint's position were reversed and this time it was down to Natasha to save him and she did it. She's so loyal to her friends, her family, the family she found in the Avengers. She deserved so much better.

- I expected that they had to face either Loki (the one who fled with the Tesseract, after he did it), as a sort of coming back to the start, or Thanos from the past. It was Thanos and I was happy. I still hope we'll see Loki with his character development intact again.

- The final battle was INCREDIBLE. AMAZING.

- When I was at the cinema, I was 99% sure there was no scene after the credits. I waited anyway. And it was only when I saw that black screen that I realized it was really, really over. That was the moment I had to repress other tears.

- I'm gonna stop now. I just want to say that, in spite of all the plot holes and things I don't agree with and that were done, or things that I thought could've been done better, I loved this movie. It's the end to an era that meant - and still means - a lot to me and it was AMAZING. I will bring all those characters and those stories with me forever. Nat, Steve and Tony in a special way. One day I'll come to terms with the fact that this is all. But not today.

Love you 3000.

#avengers #avengers endgame #avengers infinity war #avengers engame spoilers #avengers earth's mightiest heroes #captain america #captain marvel #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #romanogers #iron man #tony stark #thor #hulk #bruce banner #hawkeye #clint barton

163 notes · View notes

infinitycaprogers · 5 years

Text

Midnight Train (B.B.)| CH 4

Pairings: Bucky x Reader General Summary: As the winter soldier is at large, a new neighbour pops up who never intended to be your friend. But as luck turns out, you’re quite the charmer. (This idea popped in my head while listening to Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing.) Chapter summary: Warnings: none A/N: oh my God I AM SO SORRY. It has been a year. It’s been a busy one, but it’s no excuse. I come bearing gifts though! A chapter full of intrigue and fun. Word Count: 2.3k

Masterlist

Previously

“What is it, Barb? Not ready to handle the truth?” you added, firing back her own words as you turned and walked away.

“I’ll see you around, Jen.” You said over your shoulder.

As you turned the corner you could see from your peripheral vision that Barb was staring at you wide-eyed, baffled with your argument.

The last thing you heard was a “Holy crap.” being whispered by your best friend.

You arrived home after walking a few blocks from work, your win still resonating in your mind.

Even though you didn’t know The Soldier, you felt a sense of righteousness coming over you when you heard Barb talking about him like that. You had always hated people who judged others by how they were portrayed by the media. Newspapers look for sensation, just like people do.

The Winter Soldier was sensation.

It didn’t matter that Barb was right or not. She didn’t know him, just as she didn’t know how to keep her trap shut. Every time you heard her say something, it was some gossip or an opinion that didn’t help anyone.

Maybe this time she’d finally learn to not talk about people she didn’t know anything about.

Shouting welcomed you as you finished the last step to your floor. You sighed, already knowing where it came from.

Can they stop for a second or is this their way of communicating?

A door opened. You needed to make yourself scarce.

Looking down to the floor, you went as quickly as you could, chanting the same sentence in your head repeatedly.

“It’s not your business, it’s not your business, it’s not your bus- “

You bumped into a broad chest, making you stumble back and fall on your behind. You started apologizing while still focusing on the sore spot from falling.

“Shit, Steve. I’m sorry. I should’ve looked up when I heard a door open.”

“Uhm, no. I’m sorry.”

Well butter my nut, that’s not Steve.

“Oh!” you exclaimed as your eyes widened. “Sorry, you’re not Steve.”

“Not the last time I checked, no.” he chuckled.

You eyed his appearance; dark hair that reached his shoulders by the tips, with blue eyes, clear as day. his biceps bulging out of his red Henley.

A fine specimen indeed.

Your eyes reached his again, and you noticed his eyebrows furrowed.

You have to say something.

“y/n!” You stated.

“Bu-... James.”

“Bujames?” Weird flex but ok.

“No. Just James.” He said as he went through his hair with his hand covered in a leather glove. You couldn’t help but wonder why.

“Well, Just James. I’d love to chat, but you seemed to be going somewhere, slightly angry may I add. So, I’ll let you be.”

His brows went up, remembering that he was indeed storming off to wherever he was going, although he didn’t really seem to know where that was.

“Right! Yes. Going… somewhere. Right. So, I’m just going to… go now. Ok. Great.”

He backed away, gave you a small wave before putting his hand in his pocket and turned himself around. All the while you stood there until he was out of sight. You might have smiled a bit to yourself thinking about your new acquaintance.

Bucky’s P.O.V.

As Bucky went down the stairs, he couldn’t help but wonder who she was.

She looked familiar, although he couldn’t place her. Maybe Steve knows?

No. He was still mad at the little punk; though he could hardly still call him that.

Steve grew up a lot since the 40’s. The super serum gave him amazing abilities, but it was still Steve at heart. He claimed that a great man once made him promise to always remain the same;

Not a good soldier, but a good man.

Bucky tried to live by the same words now. He realized that being on the run wasn’t going to be easy. With Steve by his side, he might pull it off.

But was he worth saving?

Bucky couldn’t answer that question. Even now, the thought of killing people who could betray him entered his mind far too easy.

This was why they had their latest fight.

After Steve went to talk to y/n, Bucky couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. His friend said it was because he had to look over his shoulder all this time, but his gut told a different story. Bucky said to eliminate her. It was an unreliable string that could lead to a lot of people who were searching for them to his hideout. But Steve wouldn’t hear it. He said that there was no way that they could do that.

This arguing had been going on now for the last two days. Until Bucky had enough of it and stormed out.

That’s when he bumped into you.

You.

He couldn’t kill you even if he wanted to.

He decided that he needed to get to know you.

You looked just like her.

Over a few months' course, you and James grew closer.

It started by greeting each other in the hall several times. Sometimes you even chatted a bit. Luckily you seemed to have the same schedules since you almost saw him every morning. You learned his nervous tics, his likes and dislikes. You could even get a laugh out of him sometimes.

There was that time where you came up the steps of your apartment after a long shift at the hospital when you saw your dark-haired neighbour shouting profanities at his door;

“Goddammit! How long do I have to stand here putting my freakin’ key in your hole until you let me in?”

“Jesus, James, at least buy me dinner first.”

He looked up at you, his eyes still set in an angry tone.

How long had he been trying to get that door open?

“y/n, hey. My door won’t open. I- I’d stomp it open, but I really can’t afford to get a new lock. Or anything for that matter.” He laughed sheepishly, raking his leather gloved fingers through his hair.

You learned it was a way to tell when he was nervous. Which was basically every time you saw him.

“Why don’t you just come over at my place? At least until Steve gets here.”

He smiled at you, nodding in agreement, and followed you to your door.

“Welcome in my humble abode. Take whatever you want from the fridge, though I doubt you’ll find much.” you smiled as you turned around and plopped yourself on the couch.

“Watch out for the little rugrat, by the way.”

“Rugrat?”

Bucky hadn’t even had time to say more or Nancy came in, wagging her curled up tail as best as she could. She made a sprint for the unfamiliar man and started sniffing his pants, panting as she arrived.

“She likes you.”

He crouched down to ruffle her little head and smiled up at you.

“The feeling’s mutual.”

You both sat down and watched a movie together. He started asking you about your life and what you do for a living, which you thoroughly enjoyed since you didn’t get to do that a lot. You only really had one friend in New York. Since you did everything together, she already knew what happened in your life. He seemed to listen intently at what you were saying as if he wanted to know all of it. When you asked him about his life though, he acted evasive, directing the conversation back to you.

After a while you both sat in comfortable silence, enjoying both the movie and each other’s company. When you heard the jingling of keys outside your door, it indicated that a certain super soldier arrived home.

“I better get going then.” James broke the silence, gesturing at the door.

You nodded in understanding, feeling a bit sad that your time together had ended already.

You knew you didn’t want this to end, but what could you do?

“Coffee!”

His eyebrows scrunched together. This is not how this was supposed to come out, y/n. make a sentence, dammit.

“Have coffee! W-with me, I mean.” You stumbled over your words. “Would you like to go and grab coffee with me? Sometime?”

His face relaxed, calmly starting to shake his head.

Uh-oh. Not good.

“Y/n, I’m sorry but I can’t.” It’s obvious he saw your reaction turning sour because he started panicking for a bit. He held out his hands in front of him, trying to soften the blow for you.

“It’s not that I don’t want to! I do! I just don’t really go outside that much. I try to... eh… avoid it.”

Well, at least it’s not because he doesn’t want a date. God, y/n. Stop thinking like that.

“Oh! Well, what if we have coffee at our own little coffeehouse?” you suggested. “I make a mean cappuccino.” You winked, trying to make light of the conversation. Realization dawned on him. He seemed to be into that. He agreed to each make something to go with the coffee, meeting up the day after tomorrow. Since you were meeting up with Jenny in the morning you had to skip a day.

He was starting to grow on you, though.

“I’m still amazed y/n, okay? The woman needs to stick her nose in her own business and you telling her to do it was even better!”

The cold crawled in when a bell jingled at the door. Chattering around you started to pick up, indicating the rush had reached its peak. A whiff of ground coffee beans came into your nose. A barista shouted out names left and right.

You loved the smell of coffee in the morning.

“We all know Barb can be a gossip. She just had to be told who we should talk about. Which we don’t, of course.”

Jenny leaned back, coffee in hand. You could tell a smirk was starting to form on her lips.

“Who knew you could talk back like that? Maybe I rub off on you, after all.” She winked. A sign of how proud she was. She’s weird like that.

“Okay, we get it. I can mouth off. “It wasn’t like you to put someone in their place like that. But something came over you when Barb was talking bad about the Winter Soldier. Not like he needed protecting. “Can we just drink our coffee in silence if you’re going to talk about this for the rest of the time being?”

“Right! Ok. Sorry.” Jenny apologized, moving on to her next topic of choice. “Did you meet anyone new in your apartment, recently? Like a cute guy?” Her eyebrows wiggled, obviously indicating more than just wanting to talk about Mr Renly’s plants getting ruined by a mystery cat who found her way up to the fifth floor.

What else did she know about James? Sometimes you felt like she knew things were happening to you before you even knew it. Best friends do have a secret link.

“Well,” you began. “James couldn’t open his door, so he had to wait until Steve helped him out. I let him in.”

You saw her smirk getting even wider at that, but you began to protest. “I couldn’t just leave the guy in the hallway, Jen! It was cold!”

“Sure. I’d let a guy in my apartment as well if he was this god of a man.”

You drank the last of your coffee, setting the mug down and crossing your arms. Honestly, you could act like you didn��t see it. Who were you kidding, though? He looked like he was in the prime of his life and spent every day in the gym. Without spending every day in the gym.

“yeah, okay. So maybe he is. But that’s not why I l- “

You were interrupted by your phone ringing in your pocket. Checking your screen, you saw your father calling you. You sighed before accepting the call.

“Hey, dad.”

“Y/n. I’d like to come over sometime.” His measured voice didn’t predict much good.

“Why? When?”

“This Week? Say Friday.”

Two days till he comes. You can prepare.

“Sounds good. Will Callie come with?” you’d love to see your sister again. You Facetimed, but it’s not the same as in real life.

“Yes.”

“Okay, great! See you then. Love you.”

“You too.” came through the phone, while an immediate click followed, ending the call. You put your phone back in your pocket. Jenny looked at you with worried eyes. She shouldn’t. It’s always like this.

“My dad is coming over.” You said. Not that it needed to be said. Your face talked for you.

“I heard.”

“He’s bringing Callie.”

Jenny tried to lift your spirits. “That’s good, right? You can see her again! It’s been some time.”

You stood up, letting Jenny know that the conversation was over for today. “Time to get our nursing on.”

She knew you were a bit rattled, so she let it rest. Only one thing could help.

“Sleepover tonight?”

“Sleepover tonight.”

Read Chapter 5 HERE!

feedback is always greatly appreciated xoxo

tags: @marvel-fan-queen @buckybarnesbeans @superhero2552

#bucky x reader #james bucky barnes x reader #james buchanan barnes x reader #bucky x you #midnight train #on queuer left #they took the midnight train going anywhere

15 notes · View notes

lovelykhaleesiii · 5 years

Note

awwww a drabble where your friends tease you by linking you with one of your good-looking guy friends without knowing you and Bucky are already in a relationship and Bucky overhears?

omygosh this angst is what I liveeee forrr

“Let’s see, who can we picture our lovely Y/N with!”

“How about that guy, the one who works in the engineering department, shit! What’s his name???”

“Ben? No way. You guys can do better,” You swiftly shrugged it off.

It was incredible how friendships work, you thought. You can say things knowing you won’t hurt their feelings. You loved that, you loved your friends... But some things needed to be kept hidden from them... Say like your relationship with a certain Winter Soldier?

Your friends knew of him, they knew of the things he’d done in his past, heard of his “journey” and all from being trained as an elite Hydra assassin, from the media of course. They did mention a couple times, how they thought of him as to be a little “frightening”, somewhat intimidating, in their exact words “His definitely not the type of guy, I’d mess around with.” Thinking about it now, it made you laugh. Bucky wasn't at all like that, unless he needed to be...Yet still, you felt it wasn't the right time to spill the beans. It was still early into the relationship to really make it official. The only people that knew you two were a thing, was Steve, and that was only cause he'd walked in on you two “fonduing”...

“Hmm, OH! I’ve got it, what about David! You guys seem pretty invested in each other,” Y/F/N giving you the most obvious, sly wink. If only they knew...

“Yeah I don't think so... He’s just a close friend, least to say like a brother actually. I’ve known David for years now! We both started working for Stark enterprise roughly at the same time. It’ll be too weird!”

However, your attempt at trying to dissuade the conversation was an absolute failure.

“So typical. That’s what everyone says when they’re crushing on a little someone someone...”

“Whatever makes you sleep at night, Y/F/N... Now can we please change the subject? C’mon I haven't seen you guys in like 2 months, and this is what you’re most curious about? Let’s talk real stuff...”

***

After your lovely catch-up session with your friends from the morning, you’d looked everywhere for Bucky... Hoping to have at least spent some quality time with him before the day had ended.

He usually was close by, but now? He was nowhere to be seen, seemingly it felt like he was avoiding you on purpose.

“Steve-” You keenly whispered, making sure no one else was to able to decipher what you were about to ask next.

“Have you seen Bucky? I’ve been looking all over the place for him?”

“Yeah he’s in my room... Said something about you not thinking to look their for him? Is everything okay between you two?”

“I’m about to find out...”

***

You didn't even bother to knock: you didn't want anyone to catch you mysteriously wondering into Captain’s quarters. It would raise eyebrows, then people would start talking, and you knew Bucky would get upset. So you just waltzed in, and immediately you were presented with Bucky just laying comfortably on Steve’s bed, with the television on, however he didn’t seem too concentrated on it.

As the door whisked open, once he’d realised it was you, and not the resident, he immediately sat upright.

“Bucky, what the hell? I’ve been looking for you this entire evening!”

“I needed some space, Y/N. It’s not big deal-”

“Well then why were you avoiding me? Surely, I must have done something I’m very much unaware of, so it would be really helpful if you could just-”

“I overheard you. I overheard you and your friends... How they were trying to set you up with other guys.”

You were stunned to say the least. There was no doubt that would trigger some sort of envy in Bucky, he hated the fact that because this wasn't yet official, people continued to remark about your “love life.” He hated it.

“Bucky, I- They’re just like that. They were joking around, that’s just how they are... You believe me, right?”

You took on short step closer towards him, yet as soon as he shot you glance, you felt yourself stop. You weren't sure what his reaction would be, you couldn’t read Bucky that well yet, like most couples can... This one was complicated.

“I believe you, of course Y/N... It’s just, I get real mad when I hear people talking about you in that way, like your something to be shared around with. It’s not right, your with me.”

“I know that Bucky, of course-”

“I want you to know that. It would be the worst if they convinced you otherwise...”

You'd never seen Bucky so emotionally affected like this before. It made you instantly realise that you’d shared the exact same feelings to. Bucky was your’s... And if it was someone else romantically talking about Bucky, it sparked the same upsetting feeling in you.

“How about we make it official, Buck?-” You instinctively felt yourself moving closer towards him, until you seated yourself closely next to him. Your arm swung over his broad shoulders, just managing to reach to the opposite site: you loved his body close against yours, you felt the warmth emitting from him... You couldn’t help but completely disagree with your friends’ view of Bucky, he was an absolute angel.

“I’m ready to, and it seems like you want to as well, babe? What do you say, huh?”

“Let’s do it...”

11 notes · View notes

lamptracker · 5 years

Text

FIC: Your Guide to the Afterlife

I know, I know, my inbox. But I also have this to publish, so.

And I don’t know where I came up with this so be gentle.

FIC: Your Guide to the Afterlife

Pairing: Female Reader/Harrison Osterfield

Summary: The reader dies. Harrison is her guide to the next step in her eternal journey. This is all fluff.

Also I’m going to be redoing my taglist like real soon-ish.

You have no idea what you’re doing here.

One minute, you were driving down the road; you’d been out celebrating your best friend’s birthday. You were the designated driver, so you were sober; you had just finished dropping off your last passenger.

The next thing you knew, you’d heard screeching tires, crunching metal, breaking glass; the smell of burning rubber, gasoline, and blood filled your nostrils. You remember feeling weightless for a moment, like you were flying; the earth soon rose up to meet you.

The last thing you remember thinking was: what is happening?

Now you’re in a small room. Everything is white - the walls, the carpeting. You’re sitting on a white overstuffed couch. A small white vase sits atop an end table (white wood); three white lilies peek out from the top.

Your first thought is: Where am I?

Your second thought: Why is everything white?

“Hello?” you call out. Despite the carpeted floors, your voice echoes slightly. “Is anyone there?”

No answer.

Sighing, you lean back onto the cushions and close your eyes. You open them a short time later; seated to your immediate right is a young man.

You jump in surprise, because he definitely wasn’t there when you sat down. Your eyes go wide as you study him.

He’s about your age, if you had to guess. His close-cropped hair is dark blond, curly. He has piercing blue eyes and the brightest smile you’ve ever seen. He's clad in all black, a stark contrast to your surroundings - black button down shirt, black jeans, black sneakers.

“Oh, hello, (y/n),” he says, in an air that suggest he’s been waiting for you the entire time. “My name is Harrison. I’m sure you have a lot of questions right now.”

“Where am I?” you ask, voice shaking slightly. “And how did you know my name?”

Harrison smiles. “I’m what they call a psychopomp.”

Your brow furrows in confusion. “A what, now?”

“A psychopomp.”

You groan quietly. “Okay, um… Harrison, was it? Look, you can repeat it all you like, it’s still not going to make me understand it. Now, what on earth does that mean?”

Harrison laughs. “Oh, basically I’m a guide,” he says. “A psychopomp’s job is to guide newly deceased souls to the afterlife.”

Your eyes grow wide again. “So...so you mean I...I’m... “

“Dead?” Harrison’s eyes seem to light up at this. “Yes, the car crash. You were hit by a drunk driver going the wrong way. Ironic, isn’t it? Designated driver gets killed by a drunk driver? You didn’t die straight away, but you were gone before they got you to the hospital. If it makes you feel any better, the other driver died on impact. But he’s not here, that gets you straight to Hell.” He makes a low whistling sound while doing a weird sort of downward pointing motion.

“So… I’m dead.”

“Yes.”

“I’m dead?”

“You can repeat it all you like,” Harrison says, mimicking your earlier statement, “but it’s still not going to make it any less true.”

“I can’t be dead!” you exclaim, springing from your seat. “I’m not ready for this.”

“Nobody ever is,” Harrison says, voice slightly misty. “Even the ones that say they are? They’re really not, they just say that to try and help their loved ones feel better. But they’re just as terrified as you are.”

“I have so much to do,” you continue as you pace the room. “So much I didn’t get to do. I never got married-”

“Jake was all wrong for you, anyway,” Harrison says.

“I never had kids, I never even graduated from college, I never got to go to Paris.”

“Paris is overrated,” Harrison says. “The people are stuck-up and it always smells like stale bread. And you were going to fail that Statistics final anyway.”

You roll your eyes. You’re about to continue your lament of all the things you never accomplished, when a realization hits you:

“So… if I’m here, and you’re here,” you start slowly, “does that mean you’re dead too?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah.”

“Am I… am I allowed to ask how you died?”

“Attacked by a mountain lion.”

Your eyes grow wide again. “Really?”

Harrison groans, his head hitting the back of the couch. “No. But it sounds way cooler than ‘anaphylaxis during knee surgery,’ doesn’t it?”

“You… huh?”

“I tore my ACL while I was training for a marathon, and when I went into surgery to have it repaired I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and… now I’m here.”

“Well,” you say, smiling. “We all gotta go some way.”

“But my way sucks.”

“So does mine.”

Harrison sighs as he leans forward, his elbows coming to rest on his knees. “I guess there’s really no good way to go, is there?”

You shrug. “I’ve always thought heart attack during sex would’ve been kinda cool. Or, I don’t know, died saving someone I loved. Fell into an active volcano, maybe. Definitely not something as bland as a car crash.”

“At least you didn’t die during routine knee surgery.”

“Fair point.” You look around the room for a moment, drumming your fingertips on your thighs. “So, um… how do I get there? You know, to where I’m going?”

Harrison smiles at you again. “Oh, you already know how to get there. You just… get up and start going, your soul knows where to take you.”

“Hmm. Okay. So… why are you here?”

“The journey’s a little long,” he explains, “and it can get lonely. So… I’m a guide, yes, but I’m also a companion. I’m here to… keep you company.”

“Wow,” you reply. “That’s actually kind of nice.”

“So.” Harrison stands, offering you his hand. “Shall we go?”

“I… I guess I’m ready.” You gently grasp his extended hand, and the two of you start down a long, narrow corridor.

He was right - your feet seem to know where they want to take you. You’re still slightly scared of what’s on the other end of the hallway, but you have Harrison now.

So the other end of the hallway doesn’t seem quite so daunting.

“What happens next?” you ask. “Where am I going?”

“I… okay. It’s a little weird-”

“Trust me, Harrison, nothing about this place could qualify as normal.”

Harrison chuckles. “And it’s a little hard to explain, um… you know the DMV?”

You wince. “Oh, God, I’m doomed to an eternity of waiting in line to get my registration renewed?! I was a good person! I mean, I did go in the side door to avoid the Salvation Army bellringer once, but...”

Harrison laughs shortly. “No! No, nothing like that. It’s sort of like the DMV. But it’s not. Um… it’s just this room that you go to, and the guy in there - Mort, you’ll like him, really - he looks at everything you’ve done during your life and he assigns you a position. I was always friendly and good with people, so he assigned me to be a psychopo-guide. Guide. I forgot, psychopomp is kind of a big word.”

“I always thought that when I died I went right to Heaven and St. Peter stood there at the gates,” you say.

“And he had a clipboard and checked things off of it?”

“Yeah!”

Harrison laughs. “Common misconception, I’m afraid, and far from the truth.”

“So you’re telling me St. Peter is actually a dude named Mort?”

“I… sort of. Only St. Peter decided whether or not you got into Heaven, never gave you a clue what you were supposed to do when you got there. Mort actually gives you something to do. Hey, maybe you’ll be a guide like me.”

You ponder it for a moment. “Maybe. I always did like meeting new people.”

The two of you walk in silence for a long time. But, you notice, it’s not that kind of eerie silence that you think you need to fill with idle chit-chat. It’s a comfortable silence, like when you’re with someone you’ve known forever. You don’t need to fill that type of silence; it’s the kind that feels safe, comforting.

Just having someone with you is all you really need. It makes the journey seems less scary, less dreadful. You’re actually looking forward to what’s on the other side.

“So it was your best friend’s birthday, yeah?” Harrison asks.

You nod. “Yep. And I was named the designated driver because I was just getting over a sinus infection but was still on antibiotics. Really don’t want to mix those with alcohol.”

“Yeah, I learned that one the hard way once. How long were you friends?”

“Since we were eight. I’m going to miss her.”

“I miss my best friend,” Harrison says wistfully. “His name’s Tom, we’ve been friends since we were fifteen. He was the sort of mate that’d drop anything to help you. You know how everyone needs a hype man? Tom was mine.”

“Hannah was mine too,” you reply. “Do you think I’ll see her again someday?”

“I think so,” Harrison answers. “We all meet up with our loved ones sometime or another. I got to see my granddad not long ago. I do this, yeah, but we also have time to be with our loved ones. It’s a good balance.”

You’re comforted by that.

As the two of you walk, you steal the occasional glance at him. Maybe, if you two were still living, you’d date him. He seems your type - friendly, a little goofy, tall (but not too tall) and handsome.

“Did you have any pets?” he asks.

“A cat named Steve. He passed away a few years ago, do-”

“You will probably get to see him again, yes. Pets end up here too, I had a dog named… wait, Steve?”

“Steven Grant Meowgers. I thought it’d be a funny name for a cat. I was actually looking at adopting a puppy, I even had names picked out. Bark Ruffalo for a boy, Kelly Barkson for a girl. Anyway, your dog?”

“Right, Monty. He was the best dog, I miss him too. I think he’s with my sister right now, but one day I’ll get to see him again.”

“Will I get to see you again?”

Harrison smiles softly at you. “Maybe. There’s not really dating up here - at least, not like there was on Earth - but the concept of soulmates follows you up here. If you didn’t find them on Earth, you’ll find them here.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t know, exactly. You almost never find out your first day, though. And you definitely don’t find out before you even get there. But… but maybe you’re mine.”

“I could think of worse soulmates.” You wink at him as he pretends to look wounded; the two of you soon dissolve into giggles.

You walk on for another long while. You ponder what a weird turn your day has taken. You woke up this morning, alive and well, ready to celebrate your friend’s birthday.

Now, you’re dead, with no idea what you’ll be doing in the afterlife, your eternal fate resting in the hands of a guy named Mort.

But you have a guide - who might be your soulmate? You don’t know.

It’s all a lot to comprehend.

But somehow, you’re not feeling the least bit overwhelmed by any of it.

You do know that having Harrison with you is a big help. You feel comforted, reassured, like maybe this isn’t so bad.

When you were alive, the thought of dying, the thought of this, terrified you to no end. What would happen to you? Where would you go, what would you do?

You’re here, though, you’re dead… and it’s okay. It’s really okay.

“Well… here we are.”

You look up at the doorway. You’d heard so much about the so-called “pearly gates.” This door, like everything else, was white; only this had a shimmery, iridescent hue. Almost… like a pearl.

“Mort’s expecting you,” Harrison says quietly. “I’m going to go and visit with my granddad for awhile, but I will see you soon I hope.”

“I hope so too.” You smile at him. “Hey, um… thank you.”

“For what?”

“For all your help. For making this not seem so scary and terrible. For being here. I’ve been dead for less than a day and I’ve already made a friend.”

Harrison returns your smile with a bright one of his own. “I’m glad I was able to help you. See you around?”

“Yeah. Hey, um… can I have a hug?”

Wordlessly, Harrison folds you into his arms; you wrap yours around his waist. You’ve hugged people before, and you’ve been hugged before, but this feels different. Warming, calming, not like any other hug you’ve ever had.

You never want it to end. You could think of worse fates than getting to hug a cute boy for all eternity.

“I guess I’d better get in there,” you say as you finally pull away. “See what ol’ Mort has planned for me.”

“I should leave you to it. Talk to you soon.” Harrison flashes you one last grin before starting the long trek back down the hallway.

Holding your head up confidently, you open the door and step inside to determine your fate.

#harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield fanfiction #harrison osterfield imagine

38 notes · View notes