#will financially and time wise not be able to keep this up even though I wish I could

[tarjapearce]

Chapter 5: Another Pillar Crumbles

WARNINGS: Emotional distress, confrontations, awkward truth and talks, mentions of adoption, Implied mentions of abortion, character background, No Proofread.

Summary: Karma has begun it's harvest.

A/N: Thanks for the wait, had so much fun writing this one ❤️. Feedback is highly appreciated ☺️.

As much as hiding temporarily from society and their stigma seemed a too comforting getaway, the world and time didn't stop. Ever perpetual, ticking unceasingly through your daily basis. Withering and eroding everything within it's endless realm.

A pregnancy was just one of the many creative ways human beings had came up to measure the unstoppable force. Ten weeks. You were now ten weeks pregnant, even though baby bump was barely noticeable, you knew a creature grew and latched within. Depending completely on you.

Blissfully ignorant on the fact that you depended on many other things to keep you and itself alive. You sometimes yearned that blissful sort of cluelessness back. But plucky you had managed through the tides like an unwilling champ. Reluctant but victorious.

Alot was a limp and short statement of what you've gone through, but MJ, your rock, voice of hope and invaluable help have kept you afloat when you were drowning in a sea of uncertainty.

With a sigh and somehow nervous hands, you smoothened back the rebel baby hairs in the sides that stood proud and open to meet the air and sun. Image code still vividly present in the current underpaid job.

Once you were done looking less spooked and anxious, you entered your manager's office, to try and get some knowledge about the perks of your current condition and see if there was any changes, income wise. Maybe the benefits were as good as you've heard through indistinct conversations around the cafeteria, and mindless talk passing by your work station.

And perhaps you'd have the chance to actually increase a number on your paycheck or at least, see if you had any chances in that administration program.

Gotta dream a bit.

-----

Unlike the outcome of David and Goliath, David, meaning you, weren't able to defeat the giant behind the corporative desk and machines filled with shared data.

You didn't give details, just shared enough to get what you needed. Even though sharing pregnancy news before the twelve week mark was considered a tabboo and bad luck, it was merely out of precautions to deem the pregnancy certain and safe to continue.

Like an official confirmation since miscarriage lurked hard around during those weeks, you wanted to see if staying in Alchemax was worth the criminally offensive side eyes you'd get either from Dana or Miguel.

But this Goliath had been merciful enough to spare some slack and explain you a couple of tiny benefits that would serve somehow in a future. If you ended up being elegible for it that is.

Twelve weeks of paid maternity leave, protected job and reintegration to labor as soon as it ended. But even so, the talks about a raise were futile and the program had been postponed until further notice.

Optimism was lacking in big strides, not that you used it by feeling it constantly, but in this predicament you needed it. Specially upon looking at the expenses of giving birth to a baby the other day after MJ left.

Thousands after thousands over birth. If it wasn't for the community women care centers that helped you to ease the blows in your wallet, you'd be inevitably and irremediably financially fucked. Insurance could only cover up so much, and accepting aid from it's irresponsible sperm donor wasn't a choice.

Like if I would.

In truth, you hoped he'd forget about it and leave things as they were. It was clear Miguel didn't want you or his mistake snooping around his already tarnished illusion of a perfect man, for once you were mindful of his needs and kept yourself away in every possible chance, going to the extent to look up into his schedule to avoid him, even if accidentally for your mental sake.

The answer was clear so try and reason with him was a waste of breath. Not that you needed him, and if you did,  you'd get help somewhere else. Nueva York was full of willing hands to aid.

As soon as you came out from the manager's office, your phone buzzed, MJ's contact number shining in your screen as you took the device and opened her message.

Got some interesting adoption program's information you might like to take a look.

Just as she had promised, her help was unwavering, solid as the role she played in your crumbling life. Adoption didn't weight on your shoulders, after all, it was an all too familiar yet difficult old friend of yours.

Only one family from the previous five you had sojourned in had met the requirements for the paperwork, back when the sixteens were still a thing on you. But even so, the adoption wasn't available since mother was nowhere to be found to relinquish the full custody of your rights.

Eyes raked over and over the screen, rereading and learning unintentionally the message as your feet guided idly back to your work spot through the long and devoid of people hall, the sound of heels clicking echoed through closer and closer, but you didn't pay attention to the road ahead, until you collided with an unexpected someone. The smart device slipped off your hand to bounce on the floor.

"Shit-"

"No, no. Let me."

Dana wiggled her hands to prevent you from squatting as she quickly picked up the phone as she held a clipboard on the other hand. Her own meeting in the agro-market department had just finished, and she took the hall as a shortcut. Mind filled with mental notes of what she just discussed with her peers that quickly vanished upon stumbling on you.

Throat went immediately dry as the palpitations in your heart rumbled within the bone enclosure of your ribcage. Eyes darted downwards while accepting the trinket back, unable to meet her eyes; stomach churning at her undeserving and selfless act. Your eyes darted both ways of the hall, there was none around to prowl over the conversation that unavoidably was about to unfold.

You knew Dana was looking, seizing your presence with perusing eyes. Neither of you moved, either too unsure and stunned on what to do next, or too aware of what the accidental meeting epitomised.

Dana's lip twitched to speak but stopped, instead her hand rubbed her face, an habit Miguel had projected on her after so many years of living together.

Your jaw had clenched so hard your teeth ground together, breath hitched on on your windpipe. Palms began sweating, and still no visual contact.

Dana braced herself, and averted her sky blue eyes away from you for a second, only to land at your abdomen. The burn of her unceasing stare made you cover that area in a meek attempt to conceal your shame.

"Nine weeks, right?"

A shaky breath was released from you, to finally nod. Her shoes were the same as that fateful day you released her from her curse. Voice nearly a hushed whisper only you were able to hear.

"Ten, actually. But... I'm so sorry, Miss D'Angelo."

"Stop. Jesus, stop apologizing."

Blue eyes adorned with wispy eyelashes blinked away the emerging tears, to stare at your face.

Blameworthy, ashamed, confused and definitely scared. The remnants of her slap long vanished; and still you looked ready to take another.

"Sorry for the slap. Should've-" Dana swallowed with difficulty. The name in her mind brought too many memories that she still struggled to flush away out of her system through an emotional detox. Mess still way too piping hot to swallow. But even so, guilt from that slap had chipped away her conscience.

"Should've slapped Miguel again."

"It was never my intention to come between you two."

"I know. I" She paused before heaving a defeated breath, "I believe you. You didn't fight back. I wished you did though."

Of course you didn't, if one thing you were taught through your different stays at the fosters homes was to own your mistakes. Even if them costed you big time and consequences were hard.

"That way I wouldn't be feeling guilty for hitting you."

Dana's lips pursed once she locked eyes with you. Both pairs full of mutual pain and a twisted sense of understanding, empathy and a guilt. Her once misdirected hatred and resentment had returned to the original source, leaving her with a cautious and curious gaze when it came to you.

"You... Will you get rid of the baby?"

You had to blink a couple of times before eyes widened at her, to then look down. Letting the new wave of shame wash over you with its coldness. The windows rattled softly as a gust of air blew over them, dividing your attention in their direction for a second before returning to the woman before you.

"I-I tried."

Dana couldn't help but let the tears she was trying with all her might to keep inside to flow, quivering mouth covered with her dainty palm, while her perturbed gaze turned into a judging one that faded on your next words:

"But I couldn't. I... I can't." Another sigh, "I won't."

The brunette voice cracked as she wiped her eyes, "Why?"

"Not to spite you, that's for sure. I was too much of a coward to do so."

"Then why keep the baby? It makes no sense, unless-"

"No, no. Let me stop you right there, Dana."

She flinched at the way your voice pronounced her name. It wasn't disrespectful but rather firm, drawing a boundary she clearly was pushing by the implicit accusation between lines.

"I've worked in this place for two and a half years. In those years, I've never seen Miguel. Hell, not even you knew who I was until you heard my conversation with him in the parking lot."

Dana's throat also became arid upon remembering that all too vivid scene she hoped to forget one day.

"You really think I'd like to involve myself with him after what he did? Miguel never explained what truly happened. Hell, I was on contraceptives and he used protection, but here I am, knocked up. You really, really think I'd want someone like that?"

Dana kept wiping away her eyes the more she listened to you. Truth permeating her to the core, and it proved to be too much for her squishable heart.

"I don't, and I mean it. I don't know what kind of relationship you two had, but I'd never, ever would pursue something with a compromised man. Let alone with one that was about to get married! I just wanna be left alone."

Your hands moved while gesturing as Dana's hand raked a bit rough on her scalp. She wanted to rip her hair and cry until her tear supplies were dry. She had been the winner to wear the fool mask Miguel invested upon her.

"You think it's easy to see you around? Knowing that you'll be a mother of the man I loved?"

Although her words were clearly trying to provoke, you didn't bait into them, since you knew that she was also having issues assimilating these too hard to swallow pills.

"I know you're angry. I understand, but  what would you do if you were in my position? Let's stop being hypocritical and pass the blame ball to eachother for a moment. What would you do?" Dana's arms crossed on her chest, she was now the one unable to meet your eyes

"I'm not scared. I'm terrified! I wanted to disappear forever when I saw the results. But that won't solve shit. You think I don't feel bad? I feel dirty, ashamed, used even!" The hushed whispers evolved into a firmer tone

"Cause every time I see you, I feel like a fucking homewrecker! But I had no idea!" You hissed, trying to keep the conversation between the two of you, "And now I am to see how the fuck I'm gonna deal with all of this mess the coward of your ex did, cause he was thinking with his dick, until adoption comes."

"A-Adoption?"

The word alone had frozen the brunette's raging and conflicting emotions almost instantly.

"You're-"

"I'm giving the baby for adoption."

This made Dana stare almost too incredulous at you.

"A-Are you?"

Your head gave a brief nod.

"I promise that I won't come close to you or Miguel. I truly don't want anything to do with you or him."

"No, no.... You... You must keep the baby. I could never-"

"You could never, that's true! You. But not everyone wants to be or knows how to be a mother, Dana. I'm so sorry if you aren't able. I wished, believe me, I wished this" you pointed at your abdomen, "Was where it belonged. Inside you. Not me."

Dana's reasoning bubble had been popped with your words. An abysmal difference from your own progenitors. While yours had tried to strangle you in a frenzied and abstinence episode from her addiction, Dana's was brushing her hair and showering her in affection.

"Not everyone is a good mother. And keeping the baby to find out is not only selfish and stupid. But so very damaging, you have no idea" Your own voice cracked, trailing off  in a muffled whimper upon the last syllables, it took you some seconds to regain the strenght in your tinge, "That's why I'm giving it for adoption."

The pain behind your final choice prevented her from doing more questions. Your own musings had tugged  her heartstrings.

"I'm truly sorry you had to know this way. I wanted to tell you but, he always intimidated me."

Dana truly didn't know whether to thank you or shut you up, because every time you opened your mouth to speak, a new trait of Miguel she never knew and he never exhibited appeared. She had been gulled the past few months to believe that everything was going alright.

But she didn't need convincing words from others, not when she had experienced and heard in the very front seats, live and on spot, the true colors he hid underneath his sultry exterior.

She was about to marry a liar, deceiver, cheater and phony coward, that attempted to pay you to erase his biggest fuck ups. And now, said outcome gestated within you, growing stronger and taking shape with each passing day.

Dana wondered briefly if the baby would look like him, but the road ahead you had started to pave was everything but  easy. The implications of your disturbing awareness made it clear there was something else in between lines, but it would mean to push a boundary she had no right to cross.

Not when you were assuming the consequences, unlike Miguel, that had tried to talk her through it. Really believing he still had a chance to win her back.

Dana knew that there were times when Miguel thought her stupid, but bright enough to keep his ego stroked on the constant praise she gave at his intelligence, that rightfully had earned him a spot at the lab research department.

Her father, Darko D'Angelo, was one of the council members in Alchemax. One of the few that actually had a final say on everything. He'd demote Miguel to a lesser charge, but sadly, firing was not an option for him. The eldest O'Hara had proven to be one of the most proficient agents within.

Sadly, his personal life was an ugly and jagged mess, and if anyone knew, many things surely would change.

"I don't know the reasons, nor your circumstances, but good luck."

It was all Dana could say before leaving you alone in the hall. Each parting in opposite ways, the talk had been talked and hopefully this gave a better perspective on each. Your feet hurt from the standing.

She wanted a child, but you didn't. Yet was civil enough to empathize for a moment with you to not pry further behind your choices.

You returned to the reception and Dana to her office.

--

The elder men didn't understand why they were gathered in one of the meeting rooms, instead of a lab.

The projector was turned on as each was given a fresh copy of a paper file by Miguel. Some of the higher ups had greeted him with enthusiasm, others were genuinely confused at their presence there, but were polite enough to remain quiet and watch the exposition unfolding before them.

The Biosynthesis of Insulin Within The Human Body

The title said. The window's electric curtains were drawn, leaving the room in a dim light to redirect the focus back on the enlightened board.

Miguel stood proudly on a side, with a laser pen, ready to show his investigation through.

"Good evening, gentlemen. Thanks for making a time in your busy agendas to be here this evening."

The men smiled politely at him, one of them took a swig of the bottled water as Miguel continued talking.

"I've been working on this research on my own for quite a time. And now that it has reached it's completion, it's fair to share it with you. Let us begin."

The sterile air in the room was polluted by the variety of colognes trying to make their presence known, some smelled like expensive whiskey and cigars, others like sweat and anxiety, but most smelled like power. A smell Miguel sure believed it'd be better on him.

He was already the third in command in the lab, a manager of the sorts, but he wanted the chair the old retired man left vacant. That's where he felt more comfortable in.

Not his simple and secluded office, like the rest of workers. He deserved more, so it was his turn to get it. Miguel was set to get that chairman position, and his confidence only grew when he saw Darko among the powerful lot.

He started the exposition by giving a simple context that slowly and with the right words evolved into something that would definitely make Alchemax a main supplier to a bunch of pharmaceutical chains.

Miguel then explained the pros and cons, and how the pros weighed more than the cons. In simple words, how using a bacteria would make them richer.

And all thanks to him. Miguel's heart bounced in joy whenever he saw the higher ups discussing and making numbers, and nodding to eachother.

Almost there.

He could already feel the different airs of a new office in the upper floor, the vacant spot for a new assistant, and the new title in his paycheck.

He was already Dr. O'Hara, a PhD backing him up, hung on his dull white office wall.

By the time the presentation ended, the round of applauses filled the room. Miguel's lips stretched in a fake modest yet proud smile.

"In my long career years here in Alchemax, never have I known a collaborator that offers so much potential, like you do, Dr. O'Hara."

Miguel ignored the collaborator part and nodded politely at the chairman as they shook hands.

"It's one of the many projects I have under my sleeve, sir."

"Oh please, I'd be more than willing to put this one in my agenda. Have you presented this to your boss?"

Miguel stared at the shorter man, confusion fogging his mind.

"Excuse me, uh, what? What boss?"

"The Chairman from the Lab Research department."

An awkward titter escaped Miguel as he removed his glasses.

"I... I think there must be a mistake, as far as I know, the chairman position for the Lab department is still available, right?"

Most of the men before him frowned briefly to then chuckle, finally getting the hint at where his words and the whole thing was going.

"Oh no, Dr. O'Hara. That position has been already occupied by Dr. Delgado."

De todos los que pudieron elegir, escogen a ese pendejo... (From all they could've picked, they choose that dipship)

Miguel forced a gentle smile in his face, "Ah, I see. Excuse my confusion-"

"Still, I'm sure this project would make a fantastic addition to the main files in the headboard."

"We'll let you know about the upcoming meeting."

Darko spoke as Miguel tried with all his might to not look as rigid as the marble statue in the corner of the now emptying office.

Some even dared to pat his shoulder and congratulated him for being a remarkable employee. That only fueled his rage.

One of them, Sully McCain, the one that had fed his hopes up approached cautiously, with a sigh.

"I tried my best to suggest you-"

"Suggest!?"

Sully flinched visibly upon having Miguel’s glare on him.

"You think that we're all taken in consideration when it comes to big decisions? Ha..."

The elder man pulled a small whiskey container and took a nervous swig.

"That's not how it works, Miguel."

"You said that I was going to be the next chairman."

"That until the rest had a secret meeting and the new chairman for your department was picked."

Sully shrugged nonchalantly.

"I really tried to bring you in, but-"

"But what?! You think I worked on this to get a well done star on my fucking forehead, Sully?"

"I think you are starting to forget one little detail that can screw you over."

Miguel's hands fisted into tight balls in each side of his hulking and ready to pounce form.

"Are you threatening me, Sully?"

"No. I'm just reminding you that even though we're somehow colleagues, I can still fire you."

Sully didn't know if it was the alcohol pushing a bit of more bravado in his veins, or the constant push and trample he often received from the rest that finally made him lash out. Miguel's arrogance had been the last drop.

"But let's not dwell into it. I'm sorry that I couldn't fulfil your goal. But based on your reaction, I can tell you're not ready for such responsibility yet."

Pouty and meaty lips gaped in disbelief, Miguel could only watch Sully go, leaving him alone with his turmoil.

Without knowing, McCain's talk had touched a sensitive nerve within. A nerve that had him heaving infuriated breaths, baring his feet to none in particular but himself and his mind racing with so many things it was impossible to shut it off.

Fuck him.

Shaky hands squeezed the projector's remote a bit too tightly to turn it off, to then be passive aggressively placed where it belonged.

Paper files long forgotten on the desk, except for one. All of it a waste of his money. He threw one at the trash.

His resources, he tore another. But most importantly, his time. He slammed the rest of files to the trash.

All to waste. His shoulder's rose erratically as he closed a bit too forceful the briefcase. The insides of his cheek were chewed to the point of copper blooming in his taste buds.

The petty in him wouldn't share the project, in fact, he'd make sure to delete the emails with the digital copy he sent to the old bunch. If they wouldn't have him as an equal, they wouldn't have his ideas nor his intellect.

But Sully, oh fucking Sully McCain. How could he be so gullible enough to fall for promises of power when not even he was considered in the decision making of Alchemax. When he was mere a public figure that occasionally displayed the little power he had.

But how dared he threatening him? How that old sag of flesh and bones had dared to threaten with firing him?

One of his main pillars crumbled, the opportunity of growth he was promised when he started working for the multinational, laid shut in a casket, that he was forced to bury, since the rest just gave him a pity but mocking look.

He was the fool for them, a buffoon to believe in such politician-like premises. And now, he was left empty handed, intellectually drained and physically strained.

Idle walks wired his way to the parking lot. Steps nearly turned into jogs, he needed to get away from that office and from the building. His car came into view but also something else. You.

Too absort with the bagel in your hand and eating against your car's door that didn't notice his glaring across the parking lot. Eyes raked over your stomach.

Have you gotten rid of it? Probably. You couldn't also fail him in being even more stupid, but a little voice in his head, echoed inside his mind with a simple word.

Karma.

He scoffed while deactivating the alarm in his car.

He didn't believe in such foolishness. To what people called karma, he just called it people being stupid and taking the wrong decisions. Maybe he was stupid to believe that a weakling in the chain of command would get him places instead of trusting in his instincts.

But the adventurous and subversive part of his brain that harbored his intrusive thoughts, wondered if everything was more than a coincidence.

It is not.

It was not. He refused to believe in anything that wasn't measured, quantifiable or supported by facts.

You had supported every single word that came out that pretty mouth he enjoyed devouring, but that now bit him and his ego so hard that he could still feel the wound pulsating and

He wasn't whoring around like you assumed. That's why he had Dana for. He was selective, even when it came to women, and to his luck, you had been exactly just that. His type. Gorgeous and ready to get what you wanted.

It only added a new wave of heat to his already scorching fury.

You weren't his karma. And certainly didn't believe in such buffoonery that had people acting righteous in order to avoid it.

No, the people he had the mistake to confide in were simply morons to not take him instead of that Delgado guy. Aaron Delgado. He had worked with him before, and if there was something life could give Miguel some credit for, was that he actually worked unlike the bastard that surely had to sell out either his ass or his competence to get that position.

The bootlicker could finally brag about it to the rest of the lab. The briefcase was tossed in the passenger seat, while his eyes remained on you.

You looked concerned, but the little piece of bread smeared in something sweet seemed to comfort you enough while you now scrolled through your phone. Cheeks a bit chubbier than the last time he recalled, a natural process of pregnancy, but even so, you looked good, lovely even.

He glared.

You'd get rid of it, he knew so. You had to. Even if the rest of his life was taking a sour turn, he knew you would get what you needed to live your life the way it was.

If he could, he'd pat himself in the shoulder for such feat. If he was a different kind of man, he wouldn't even had offered his help. You got inside your car while taking a call.

He huffed, and got inside into his. He had to pack in and return to his old place. Roomier and more to his likings, secluded from prying and judging eyes.

Maybe one day this whole fiasco would be forgotten and he'd find a better position within the Alchemax hierarchy.

But right now, he needed to get some plastic containers to start officially his move out. Even though relearning how to manage on his own proved a tiny inconvenience, he was more than capable of surviving alone.

His engine purred alive, and he drove off, hoping that Dana's place was alone. He didn't have the mind for her accusing yapping.

But little did Miguel knew that life had him on his sight, and karma had already indicted him. And he was found guilty.

---

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[argentinagp]

ALEXANDER ALBON CAREER PRIMER Reblogs are appreciated and if you want to post it in other website you can as long as you give credit! Enjoy! 🫶🏻 Also thank you to the fantastic @hungriestheidi for beta reading this mwah!

Alexander Albon Ansusinha has always had a passion for motorsport. When he was very little his idols were Valentino Rosso (MotoGP) and Michael Schumacher (Formula 1). But the Ferrari driver was by far the number 1 for him, his entire room was red from his bed to the curtains and the rug. He always cried when Michael lost and his mom had to put a race from a VHS where Michael had won. His first word was ‘rrari.

But his first encounter with a kart, at the age of 4, was not ideal:“The first time [in a kart] I was in tears I hated it. I was in Disneyland I think. I still remember crying about it but I just remember stepping into the car, it was like a mini F1 car” - Beyond the grid 2019

A few years later though, when he was 7 years old, his dad bought him his own go-kart:

“We lived in the country back then. Next to our house there was a field on which my father laid out a figure-eight layout with stones. That's what I messed around with every day after school.” from Top Gear. And then at the age of 8 he was finally allowed to drive on a real track, back then it was just him and his dad, Nigel Albon, who was his driver coach, mechanic, etc, and who also was responsible for getting him into racing.

His first year in karting was difficult, he struggled with performance and lack of experience, and, because of his financial situation, it was almost from race to race and he had to adapt very quickly to progress. But, then, he went to Malasya to do one race for the first time away from the UK and he finished that race 4th which gave him a lot of confidence. And this was a turning point in his karting career. After that year and a half, he started to score podiums. It was becoming serious. In 2006 he went on a higher level and his father had to stop being the one to help him and a professional team took over, even though he remained alongside him through all his karting years.

With strong results and titles in England he moved up to KF3 from 2008 to 2010, where he was noticed by Red Bull Junior Program.

“2009 was a good year,” he recalls. “I remember competing against guys like De Vries, Marciello. Then, in 2010, I got signed by Intrepid and went against drivers like Verstappen and Gasly to become European and World Champion. - The Race Box. In 2010 Red Bull Motorsport took him under its wings through its Thai division, they were keeping a close eye on him and more so when he switched to KF1 before being integrated into the Junior Team for 2012. “What’s important to remember is that I was at a stage in my life when I was able to stand up a little, thanks also to my double-nationality. I realise today how lucky I am to be part-Thai because of the interest that it created. There’s no denying that I would not be racing up to this day if it wasn’t for that too.” - The Race Box, 2nd part.

2012 was, as he described it, the most difficult year of his life. Career wise, he started Formula Renault, with Epic Racing thanks to Red Bull, but the whole year he spent the entire year at the back of the field, even if he had some good qualifyings. And this was in part a reflection of his private life problems. “But then at some point it turned and I think, I had some family issues a few years on when I was about 14/15, we like to call it my mom went on a holiday, that changed me. [...] the financial support was gone completely,” - High Performance. In the podcast he also says that this changed the way he approached racing. In karting he was not the most competitive kid and because he had the financial support, racing for him had no real pressure, he didn’t feel like it was a need. But after what happened he did feel the need to perform, he described it as a ‘survival feeling’. Because of all of this his first year in Formula Renault didn’t go smoothly and as a consequence of this he was dropped from the Red Bull Junior team at the end of the year, and he felt like the dream was becoming over.

All this also had consequences on his confidence, “I think I lost a lot of genuine confidence when I had this issue. I went from karting to cars, I struggled with cars, didn’t have the feeling, didn’t have the knowledge of single seaters to begin with. I struggled with genuine life confidence, went from having a lot of friends to no friends, started to be a lot more introverted, so everything started to fall away a little bit, becoming a little bit more fragmented in just how I was as a person.” - High Performance.

In 2013, though, he was picked up by the Gravity Junior Program linked to the Lotus F1 Team, which only lasted for one season. Alex considers it as his first proper year in single seater. It didn’t go well, but he did show signs of potential, a big jump from 2012. “After a tough 2012 Lotus helped get the sponsors to race,” revealed Albon. “I most probably wouldn’t be driving if it wasn’t for them, so I am very thankful for what they have done!“Apart from helping find sponsors, I frequently visit the factory in Enstone where we have our physical assessments as well as individual programs made. We also have a sporting manager at each test/race who is there to speak to the team and drivers, giving advice to both” - The Checkered Flag.

Even though he stayed with them for one year, this allowed him to join the KTR formation in 2014 and he finished in 3rd place in the championship. It was also at the end of 2013, just before 2014 started, when he started to regain the confidence he had lost the previous years, “I just remember there was a winter test, it was in December after quite an average season and suddenly I was now quickest in this test, it was in Portugal, and I was like well okay and and and honestly from that point on just I was quick” - High Performance.

In 2015 he signed with the Signature team making his way to the European Formula 3 Championship, all thanks to his links to Lotus in Formula Renault. He finished 7th overall that season and then moved to GP3.

He also competed on Macau for Signature this year

In 2016 he signed for ART to compete in GP3 (alongside an familiar face, Charles Leclerc). He exceeded all of ART’s expectations by integrating himself instantly into the company and fighting for pole positions and victories from the first race weekend (words from team principal Sebastien Philippe for motorsport.com). “He didn’t need a period of adaptation to become one of the best drivers in the category and he didn’t stop progressing throughout the year. He missed the title by very little and it was through no fault of his own, either sporting or personal, why he didn’t clinch it”.

After finishing 2nd, he continued with the team but now in Formula 2 in 2017. He ended up in 10th place for the championship with only two podiums.

“After the bad results of 2017, I knew there was something wrong. I wasn’t sure of what but I could feel it,” he says. “I stayed with my opinion and didn’t let the team tell me I was in the wrong when they were in the right.” - The Race Box, 2nd part.

One of the problems he faced this season was due to an injury, he broke a collarbone whilst out on a mountain biking training ride and missed the Baku round.

Also this is because I am a chalex enthusiast: in Abu Dhabi he was winning for the entire race before being overtaken with a controversial move in the last lap by Charles. [To learn more about chalex click here and here by @vegasgrandprix]

In 2018 Alex found himself again in a tricky situation: “There was 95% chance I would not race in 2018 until an arrangement was found with DAMS and it really paid off,” he remembers. “I went to the tests, kept pushing and was the fastest on track in one of the two days. Still, I was unsure just a few days before the first race of the championship. And it was like that for the first three weekends and even until June. It was a race-by-race situation.” - The Race Box, 2nd part. Not being considered as a priority choice made him angry to prove himself to the team and he came as one of the strongest contenders for the championship despite the season being made of ups and downs. 

This Formula 2 season in particular encountered problems, not only for Alex, with the introduction of the new Formula 2 car, due to a not great clutch system. This made Alex lose lots of positions in the early stages of the races.

But he could prove his value, he had 8 podiums and 4 wins, finishing 3rd in the championship behind Lando Norris (2nd) and George Russell (1st).

“It’s true that, for most of the season, it has been about Lando [Norris, ed.] fighting against George [Russell, ed.] but I was always behind or in between them for much of the year. Obviously, I think that it’s just the way the British media portrayed their battle. Don’t get me wrong, the two are very-talented drivers but it was nice for me to be up there too.”  - The Race Box, 2nd part.

In the middle of the 2018 Formula 2 season, Alex started to look for options to become a professional. His dream still was to become an F1 driver but offers were not appearing and after calling up Helmut Marko (who had kicked him off from the Red Bull Junior program in 2012) and being told that all seats are full, he signed with Formula E team Nissan alongside Sébastien Buemi.

“The level of competition in the series is intense, and I’m looking forward to testing myself against some of the best drivers in the world,” - Motorsport.com. 

He tested the new, at the time, Gen2 car in Calafat during the off season but he didn't make an appearance during the official pre-season test in Valencia. This is all because in the final race of the 2018 F2 season he received an offer from Helmut Marko to drive for Toro Rosso in 2019.

“It came to the last race of the year and Helmut Marco got me back again. So the one who told me ‘there's no space’ inquired about my simulator Services, that's what he said, he got his PA to come over and speak to me and say do you mind just popping into Helmut's office at the circuit and we had a chat about simulator work, I was actually at the simulator for Mercedes doing work for them, he wanted to know how much I got paid. He agreed to my terms on my simulator contract and then, I don't know what it is, I think it's just something he does occasionally, he was speaking about this contract and as I was kind of walking out the door he was like ‘by the way,  what's your position with your formula e contract, can you get out?’ and the one thing I did make sure in my Formula E contract was to have a clause in it that if I had a Formula 1 offer I was good to go and, I said well you know that's the way it is and he said ‘okay, let me get back to you’ and then within 24 hours it was almost pretty much all done.” - High Performance. 

It wasn’t till this moment that he believed that he could fulfil his dream of becoming an F1 driver: “It was not that clear to me formula one was this obvious pathway that I could achieve. I don't think I'm a normal driver in that sense where Formula 1 was this thing and that's all I thought about that's all I wanted to be, of course I wanted to be a Formula 1 driver but for me to believe it, after everything that I went through, I had to almost prove it to myself, I needed to see it. And I would say, only until I got to Formula 2, until I got the call that I was going to be in Formula 1  did I actually realise you know, I'm in it” - High Performance.

He went to his first year in F1 with 0 days in an F1 car. His first day was in Barcelona pre testing where you do a day and a half with your teammate and then go into the first race. He describes it as the most stressful time. 

And the first time in the test was not a good one: he spun on the first lap. It was due to no fault of his own, the car had a steering issue. He says that when he went back to the pit lane and a hundred photographers were waiting for him, it finally hit him that he was in Formula 1.

As the season went on, he started to get comfortable at Toro Rosso and started to have good races. He scored his first points in his second race in Bahrain. But then, after summer break, a change came through, “I was kind of living in this dream where the pressure every race was becoming less and less. I knew after the first race that I belonged, I knew, you know, I've got what it takes and and I do generally believe in myself, and then summer break comes around, had a great start of the Season, great rookie year so far, enjoying my racing more than I ever thought I could, and then I get the same guy, Helmut Marko, call me back to his office this time in Austria, so that's a bit more serious” - High Performance. He remarked that the conversation went the same way as the previous one, with Helmut dropping the news at the end of the meeting, “This is the number to speak to, this is going to be your engineer, maybe give him a call and figure it out. You can't go to the factory right away, because it's shut down but you are going to be announced in about two hours” - High Performance.

After being with Toro Rosso for 12 races he was promoted to the Red Bull Racing team, replacing Pierre Gasly. The team said they would “use the next nine races to evaluate Alex’s performance” and “make a decision as to who will drive alongside Max in 2020.” (BBC)

He of course wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass but he was not sure if he was ready or not for this, and how it was going to be being Max’s teammate. 

“[...] two weeks now or nothing, just thinking about this opportunity but I can't drive I can't get into my happy place, I can't get my helmet on, I've got to just prolong this anxiety out, but, of course, I went into it with more confidence than I did the first time. But it's these opportunities, you just have to take them because Formula 1, the way it is, it's so cutthroat but at the same time I thought to myself there are so many drivers who would kill for this opportunity, there's so many drivers who wish they could have a spot at a top team and within six months you have got that already, you're not going to reject it and with all, even with the ‘am I good enough’, of course there's this deep inner belief that ‘yes, I am’ and you got to go for it. So I am a little bit self conflicting in myself but deep down yes, of course, let's give it a go” - High Performance.

He ended his debut season 8th in the WDC with 92 points, 76 being scored during the last 9 races at Red Bull compared with 97 for Verstappen in that same period, which solidified his place on the big team for 2020. He also won the Rookie of the Year award at the FIA Prize Giving Ceremony.

The following year, though, the car changed quite a lot and it became much more tricky to drive for Alex. He says that it was specially the lack of experience what made it so difficult for him to overcome the problems and he didn’t really know what direction the car needed to go. And for his teammate it wasn't a big issue. Alex started to overanalyze and was overcritical in his performance and he spent so much energy in trying to find a solution to the problems he had and he says that he should have “taken a step back a bit and trusted myself a bit more”- High Performance. And from there it all started to snowball and every time the car became sharper and sharper and he started to become more tense.

On top of it all, one of the things he struggled the most was the media side of being on a top team. Not only because he was on a top team, but also because of all the noise around the swapping seats. Every mistake he made got criticised. Plus all that it is social media with the memes and he became almost a joke, and as much as he could ignore it, on Thursday, media day, he had to go answering questions about his performance and who could replace him. 

Back then he didn’t have any structure, didn’t have a team behind him. “I think Red Bull, especially, they have one extremely quick driver but they're not that used to having young drivers in their team. So, you know, there was help and there was advice when needed but it's not that obvious actually. And so I was with my trainer, we kind of looked at sports psychologists just to see if I need to get that confidence back and that that inner belief back, but I think people don't realise that Formula 1 as much as it is a team sport, it's still very individual, you have the team and the team do care about you, and they do want the best for you, but it's a strange sport where you have your little circle, it's a team within a team, and you have your little support network which for me is my family and at the time my trainer and that was it. But I realised in time that that wasn't big enough and actually, you know, I didn't have a manager at the time or, you know, even anyone to kind of handle the social side of things so I went quiet on everything.” - High Performance. 

His results this season were not ideal, even if he had two podiums (being the first asian f1 driver to do so). Alex finished the season 7th in the WDC with 105 points to Verstappen’s 214. And as a consequence he was replaced by Sergio Perez the following year leaving him without a seat for 2021 and as a reserve driver for Red Bull.

The news of being replaced were delivered to him by team principal Christian Horner when he went to his office in the factory. He knew it was coming because of all the noise from the media. “I do genuinely believe that Christian and Helmut, they really wanted it to work, the reason why I was told so late was because they gave me to the last race to try and show my worth, so, for that, you know, I genuinely do believe they wanted the best for me, but it just didn't work out and, you know, obviously ‘Sergio is going to take your place and we'll keep you as a simulator driver if you accept, we'll try to find you a place for the year after’ and so that was it” - High Performance. 

As much as the 2020 season was painful, he didn’t find the relief he thought he would because all he wanted was to get back again.

On the year away, he had two clear objectives to work on. On one side, he worked on being less of a yes man like he was at Red Bull and prioritising himself. And on the other just performance wise, where were his weaknesses.

The first two months he used them to find the structure he needed, “I need to actually live and figure out where my money is going, what am I doing kind of thing and get the network going, so I had a true team. And I chose people that were, maybe not the most experienced in their role but would fight for me to the death and these are the same people that I have with me to this day, you know. people who wanted an opportunity but cared for me. So I took a guy from Red Bull, who always fought my corner, no matter how tough the situation was, he became my manager and then my trainer who's obviously been with me from the very beginning, so I created my network.” - High Performance.

But working on his driving was a very tough task because he couldn’t actually drive the car, so he did a lot of work at the simulator which made him understand a lot of things better. He wanted to do what it takes to get himself to be the best driver he can be and consequently put him in the best position.

On a professional level, he wanted to do the best job for the team to show that he was a valuable asset, not just for Red Bull but for every other team. So he wanted to make the car as quick as possible. 

Even though he was on the sidelines he was helping Checo get comfortable with the car and he was driver coaching Yuki Tsunoda who was one of the junior drivers at Alpha Tauri. “It was this weird thing because, for example with Yuki, I wanted to take his seat, he was a potential candidate that I could replace. But then I remember having that chat with Helmut Marko, he told me at the time ‘you need to driver coach this guy’ and I was like ‘I'm not going to, that's a potential seat’ and he said ‘no, no he's already signed like he's guaranteed’ so I was like okay fine.” - High Performance.  And clearly, his work paid off because Red Bull Racing won the 2021 driver world championship, albeit controversial. “I was listening to Max and Checo, I was there at the time, and obviously Checo was new, but Max drove the car last year and he was talking about how much better the rear felt, how much more stable it was and you're just like ah, you know it does hurt a little bit, but at the same point you're like okay that's great you know, i've i feel like i've contributed to that.” - Beyond the Grid 2022.

At the same time, Alex participated in 14 of 16 races of the 2021 Deutsche Tourenwagen Masters alongside Formula 2 Driver Liam Lawson for the Italian outfit AF Corse with the backing from Red Bull.

He won his maiden DTM race at the Nürburgring, becoming the first Thai driver to do so.. “Today, that was a really good day for my team and for myself,” Albon said after becoming the first DTM race winner from Thailand. “The team has been working hard overnight and that paid off. Today, we have made a step forward, we want to carry over this momentum.” - dtm.com.

For 2022 he regained a seat for Williams Racing. For this to happen one of his best friends, George Russell [to learn more about galex click here by @onadarklingplain] helped put a good word for him in the team, since he was a driver for them and was moving to Mercedes, and a spreadsheet he made comparing his results relative to Max and of the other two teammates the man had. 

“Alex is one of the most exciting young talents in motorsport, yet comes with a large amount of F1 experience from his time at Red Bull. His multiple podium finishes highlight his speed as a driver, and we know he will immediately feel at home with the team at Grove.” - Jost Capito, CEO of Williams Racing via williams.com.

Alex now feels much more comfortable since joining Williams and has learned a lot about different things, “I've got a very good team around me, you know, it's a core team now. It's maybe four of us at this point but they protect my best interest to heart. Like right now, for example, it's very hard for the team to get access to free time of mine or you know they want to come and see me in Monaco and film a piece with me or whatever, they're laughing behind the scenes. But it's true that I've got a good group around.

And the other thing is purely the wealth of knowledge that you get. It sounds silly to say because I've only been in Formula 1 for four years now, but I know what the car needs in terms of an engineer I think. I don't want to sound silly saying this, or arrogant saying this but I do think I could engineer a car to a decent level by myself, if I needed to, I wouldn't get everything right definitely, check how much fuel is in the car, but in terms of like General scientific point of view I understand it. And the final thing which is the biggest thing is I'm just not tense, I'm at one with the car, I know what the car's going to do before I go into the corner.” - High Performance.

#alex albon #formula 1 #f1 #m* #my god its been a long time since i did a research of something #i made sure that the links to the podcast are on the minute when he says the things 😭 #anyway sorry if there is any mistakes english is not my mother language and all that

[edenfenixblogs]

Spent the day with a friend and it was so fun. If every day could be like today, I’d stay where I currently live.

But even we very carefully avoided discussing המצב so it was still like we were living in different worlds.

The closest I got to bringing it up was when she complimented the Drawfee posters on my wall and I was like, “Thanks, I’m looking to replace them though.” It was a belated bday celebration for her from when I was out of town and had to miss her initial celebration. I didn’t want to be a downer, so I avoided bringing it up as much as possible and I def didn’t tell her I’m moving within the year.

She will easily be the person I’ll miss most here. She’s been the only person I can text about antisemitism any time, but I think even she may have muted me on here. Which I understand. But the people back home haven’t muted me. And I don’t have to pretend to be ok around them.

And ultimately, I’m living half a life here because I don’t want to beg people to care about me. And if my suffering is so great that they have to look away, then it should also be enough for them to check on me about proactively.

Hanging out with a friend and not talking about everything was so nice it was like breathing fresh air after being stuck in a musty cave. But she went home and I feel like I’m suffocating again.

It’s so overwhelming. The isolation is so impossibly overwhelming I cannot even begin to explain it to people who aren’t going thru it.

It’s the kind of thing that would make me ask myself, “Is it me?! Is it just that I’m bad to be around and that nobody likes me?” Except I know it’s not, because a whole group of people back home—both related to me and not related to me—do actually get it and check in on me. When the chips are down, I know they have my back more than anyone else. And so for me and for the future I’m building, I have to go back.

It’s such a brutal blow. But this friend? I will miss her more than anyone else in this whole state and I hope she doesn’t fall out of touch with me. So many emotions, dudes. It’s all so much. I keep wanting to actively unpack the trauma of it all but I can’t because it’s still happening.

One positive thing that comes from all this is that can move up my timeline of when I start trying to get pregnant, which is awesome. I’m ready for that part of my life. Even though I’m sure maternity leave in my new state will suck worse than it would here, financially and time wise. But at least I’ll have a lot of familial support when I’m back home, which I wouldn’t have here.

Now I just gotta pray I’m actually able to get home and that I’m actually able to get pregnant. 😬😬😬😬

#personal #trauma stuff #SMBC journey #some good stuff #some bad stuff #life and the future are complicated but very worth living

[hypergamiss]

What do you think is the reason that these celebrity 10/10 girls are getting cheated on? Do you think that is just the culture at that level? The place they live (hollywood) just has more promiscious men? Maybe they have bad self-esteem? What are your thoughts on why this keeps happening to them?

I think it is a horrible combination of things. The culture is definitely one of them. Hollywood breeds men who grow up thinking that women are dispensable and the double standards are also ridiculous. Even if they have good intentions and plan to be faithful, they don’t face any consequences or humiliation when they cheat so it’s almost as if they’re encouraged to do it at that point. Bad self-esteem could also be a part of it, sometimes you can tell the cheating had nothing to do with the woman they’re with and they have internal issues that they never addressed. The reason for me pointing out that 10/10 celebrities get cheated on is because if loyalty depending on looks alone, they would be bulletproof but that’s just not true. You have to choose a husband wisely and be able to offer more than your looks alone as a woman. When you compare Hollywood to the east coast or the south in the U.S. (for example), you have individuals who earn much more than the male celebrities and they do not cheat despite them having access to beautiful women. Mostly because their communities are in favor of loyalty and would refuse to do business with them or associate with them if they were to cheat on their wives. Marriages need this type of structure around them to thrive because it gives them more reasons to be faithful than to cheat, like can you imagine a man cheating and losing his family and he loses all his network to make money and his friends shun him out completely. Then he has to watch another much respectable man raise his children for him. In Hollywood people act upset at first but then practically praise them for being players and some how create a narrative to sympathize with them like “they were lonely” or “going through a hard time.” News flash, we all get lonely and face hard times but that isn’t an excuse to be a shitty human, especially if children are involved. Look at what happened with Jay-Z he was solid for a minute with Beyoncé but he screwed it up and even though they are well off financially, they want to earn more money the easy way but the wealthy men don’t trust him anymore so he’s doing suspicious businesses that may not be ethical (he might be trafficking surrogates in India). And why is Beyonce trying to act relatable on TikTok???

#hypergamous lifestyle #heaux advice #heaux tips #heauxheauxheaux #heauxlife #hypergamy #level up #spoiled heaux #spoiled gf #high maintenance

[poisonousquinzel]

Hey y'all, I really hate to be making a post like this, but in true 2020 2.0 fashion, life has been... rough.

I've been trying to get a job in my city since May, but I've been denied because of my health issues.

We also don't have a car. And our town is small so while we technically have a bus, it comes by near my house once per day and isn't reliable.

My mom can't work and my step dad's online work has been stretched dry recently so he's been making bare minimum for months.

I had been under the impression in the beginning of May that I would have the assistance of my parents in this, I've never done most of this before and they made it sound like my mom would help me.

However that wasn't really the case, personal stuff happened for them and I don't necessarily blame them for that, but then in June I got denied for a job because "I have too many health issues" and my step dad told me that we'd get back to it after my birthday. (Post 12th)

I've asked my step dad every morning when I wake up what we're going to do that day, because he had said he was going to be the one handling the job stuff when we started again.

And every day we've done whatever it is he said. We walked up to 7-11, turned in an application, looked up online jobs, etc.

We did the same on Wednesday and the only reason I didn't keep looking into more of them that afternoon was because I had a migraine. And when I have migraines they're not just headaches and they're not just migraines.

It's something I've been working through with my doctor about, because my previous long term doctor since childhood was completely incompetent at her job.

When I get migraines, it makes me nauseous. And being nauseated makes my heart slow down and I faint or collapse.

I can't sleep, it hurts to close my eyes or move them behind my eyelids. It feels like it's sparking against metal with every movement.

I've had to go to the hospital for it in the past when I collapsed into a pile of bags and was barely breathing, my previous doctor just... didn't look at the hospital's report on my visit. Like when I tell you in hindsight she really sucked, she really fucking sucked.

So, yeah, I slept a lot on Wednesday. I wasn't thrilled about it either.

And I told my step dad that I'd do all that stuff on Thursday.

My physical state was pretty visibly clear, I couldn't leave my extra darkened room without wearing sunglasses even though it was 8:30 at night.

But, then on Thursday instead I got into a really heated discussion with the two of them.

And... I am just very, very tired now.

I panic called my therapist 5 times in less than 10 minutes afterwards. It was a really bad day.

Thankfully I was able to get back to back emergency appointments with her and my doctor yesterday morning so dw emotionally wise. But I don't know how I'd be fairing if I hadn't been able to get those scheduled.

But Long Story Short:TLDR: we are a couple of weeks away from being on the streets.

Or in a shelter. We wouldn't be able to bring any of our cats. We would lose all of them.

I don't want to beg, but I suppose I am cause I'm terrified

We're behind on bills and next months are just around the corner, we've run out of local resources here that can help. I don't know all of the specifics, but I do know we're out of options.

If you're in a good financial situation and you feel like it, if you can, literally anything would help.

It'd mean the world. I don't want to end up on the streets or in a shelter, and I really don't want to lose my cats.

I can't.

They're the only thing keeping me going, so, please

PayPal •

[email protected]

Cashapp • $Poisonousquinzel

reblogs and signal boosting are also super appreciated!!

#signal boost #financial help #donations #rent assistance

[talesfromthebacklog]

Tales From The Backlog: Cult Of The Lamb

7/10

I bought this a few months back after I saw Mashed's very cute (and a little morbid) "Cult Of The Lamb" animation.

Cult Of The Lamb is an interesting franchise. It's so cute and yet has a great sense of crass humor. I put about 22 hours into this title and finished the game. (As well as got the DLC and finished some of the small side missions offered in game.)

It's a short romp but a good one nonetheless. Your own character motivation is very murky. You've been wronged, but have an opportunity to do a great deal of hurt in return. You're able to choose how benevolent (or malevolent) your cult becomes. I mostly stuck with the positive options because the villagers were ultimately so cute. (Though design wise I think the lamb is the cutest.)

The game is good but is financially broken quickly. Once you unlock the fishing ritual; kiss your money troubles goodbye. For a majority of my playthrough I wanted for nothing. This made the cult management part of the game a breeze which is a double edged sword. As I'm the kind of player where once I've started achieving things with too much ease I start to get bored. I don't want to struggle the whole game but I also broke it too quickly. (I picked up Rune Factory 3 Special in September which had a similar problem. I was 2/3rds through the game with $400,000 and had just finished year 1 summer in a few days. Not all games have to be long. I don't want this to be a long experience nor do I appreciate extending the game through empty grinding. I simply want the resources to be a touch more balanced.)

Don't get that complaint twisted, the cult management is fun. Though if they make any more of this game in the future I'd like to see some mechanics swapped for others. And maybe one or two more things to do. The villagers are great. I love how they defect, I like that they're dumb as rocks, it's cute you can customize each one. I kinda wish my marriage spouse had a special outfit to match you though. I want to see my spouse wear a special fleece or flower crown.

While it has good presentation I found the game likes to crash (and lag) a lot. Especially in-between transitions and loading screens. While those things aren't necessarily a game ruiner for me, I am surprised those problems haven't been patched out in the year-ish its been out. Its saving grace is its rigorous auto-save. Which does help make the problem more ignorable. But it is scary going through dungeons sometimes when that load screen takes jussssst a little too long and you're so close to the end with a bunch of good loot.

Okay? But what about the rogue-like portion of the game?:

You see a lot of bones of other games in Cult of The Lamb. Some I like. Some I don't. It mostly reminds me of The Binding of Isaac in terms of themes and gameplay. (A game I like aesthetically but don't like to play. Which in contrast I prefer Cult of The Lamb as it gives a break from its dungeon crawling and provides the dungeon crawling in shorter bursts. Binding is built well, but too long winded for my taste.) Also Stardew Valley. That fishing game was awfully familiar! Lol.

My main complaint is how I constantly seem to ONLY get my least favorite weapon of the game, the hammer. As a speedy player it's atrocious to play. Exiting/dying/finishing the dungeon and then coming back doesn't seem to fix my problem either. I keep getting the slow hammers. And I can play with them effectively... But they aren't fucking fun. Weapons just don't seem to have even distribution. I like the axe and the dagger damn it. It'd be less of a headache if weapon replacements appeared more frequently but the game seems to prefer ONLY giving me multiple curse/relic choices over multiple weapon choices. I've only ever seen the gloves appear two or three times in my playthrough and I was in the dungeons constantly.

I love how in a Cult of The Lamb dungeon romp the game gives you an option to play a dungeon as long or short as you like (Once you've beaten an area). The resource collecting is also fun and I like destroying the environments. And while I didn't use it, it was a nice touch that it allows players to turn off time progression in dungeons.

Other than that it's pretty standard fare. If you're good at these games you darn near don't need the curses and relics. Especially after you've racked up your tarot card deck. The tarot cards are arguably my favorite part of the dungeon sequences. They are small, decently substantial rewards for thoroughly exploring dungeons that give you some pretty fun boosts. Especially once you get multiple cards those boosts really start to add up and make you feel powerful. This paired with the "fleece" you choose to wear makes for a good time. The golden fleece was solidly my favorite of the lot.

The enemy variety is small but fun. I like the bosses. The fourth boss in particular I actually felt bad for to some degree. Learning more of the limited lore that is provided is satisfying. It's paced nicely too. And it is not lost on the game how hypocritical your own crusade is in your quest for freedom.

Overall this was a good experience and one I might come back to in a few years.

...

I am definitely getting some of their merch though the lamb is so stinking CUTE.

#cult of the lamb #tales from the backlog #narinder #devolver digital #gaming #gamer #video games #video game review #review #Nintendo switch #playstation #nintendo #playstation 5 #TFTB #the one who waits

[mamamittens]

Well, we have a game plan but the coming weeks will be quite illuminating about if we'll need to take out loans to consolidate pre existing debt.

The "Oh Shit Sale" is still ongoing btw, which basically means half off commissions and the chance to sponsor a chapter of a fic I haven't updated for $20 bucks (ABSOLUTELY A LAST RESORT FOR ME AND NOT IN ANY WAY GOING TO CONTINUE ONCE I FEEL COMFORTABLE IN MY CURRENT FINANCIAL STRIFE).

I will be very glad to announce the sale has ended but for the moment, it is still very much active.

Anyway, time for something less depressing! Like rambling about my new pokemon OC until I feel able to go to sleep!

So, I have a very definied look for Edna during work hours. Very... Althetic chic? Idk, she's wearing leggings and sleeveless mock turtleneck, it's very much A Look. So I was trying to figure out what her 'comfy' wear would be.

Personality wise it would make sense for her to prefer comfy, soft fabrics. She doesn't like conflict despite being very fit, as her workout routine is stress relief, which is why her normal outfit is so athletically inclined. My roomie suggested sweater dresses? But I'm not committed yet.

Whatever style it is, I want it to be cute and very... Soft? Like, cuddling would be so fucking amazing. Perhaps sweats and thick sweaters. Like a lazy librarian?

And her hair... It's already down for her main look, save random braids from her Pokemon friends. And that much hair would be heavy as shit so idk if she'd pull it up. Doubt she'd bother wearing her Togapi beanie though. Maybe one big braid with little braids throughout since she has time to let them actually do her whole hair. Just a thick, chunky braid lol

I also put some thought into how her job works. I doubt they'd be so slave driving she'd drop off a package and immediately return. She'd likely have a bulk delivery to a region she needs to complete in a certain time frame and as long as she's not late, it's fine. So in her off hours she'd likely be cleaning out whatever housing she owns in the area of her aunt's personal affects, saving them for her folks when it's sentimental or donating. I like to imagine her ordering local, sometimes with her most recent troublesome client as an apology for making her jump through hoops to deliver a package THEY ORDERED.

I imagine all of her aunt's properties are decked out for housing pokemon and eggs. So she's well prepared for the shenanigans her aunt's charm brings.

As for why she doesn't do pokemon breeding, well aside from ruining the egg gag if it's on purpose, she just doesn't have the eye for it. Edna really loves pokemon so she wouldn't have the heart to critically evaluate a Pokemon's worth the way her aunt did. She could absolutely do it if given time, but she'd just end up adopting all the 'failed' attempts, which isn't viable. She also wouldn't be able to stand people that would pay for such services as they'd likely be very dismissive of any perceived lack in a pokemon.

For sleeping arrangements, Yolky has preferential treatment as a rule. And also because they wind up as the smallest in her party, even by Togepi/Togetic/Togekiss standards, being slightly smaller than the smallest known measurement. (I may fudge numbers a bit cause it's infamously unclear how tf these professors are measuring these pokemon, so maybe Yolky's final form is measured by wingspan?) And Baby and Danny sleep nearby depending on where they are. For storms, Danny likes to keep watch with Helper (who never really sleeps to begin with, literally keeping ghostly vigil and watching over any eggs) and Baby likes to sleep on Edna's legs if Danny is present. Particularly once they evolve into an alpha Sylveon (as yet another joke on Yolky's expense, he's so mad about that).

Parcel has insomnia so they often stay up with Helper but do enjoy napping as they travel on trains and such. If they can manage, they like sleeping against Edna's back/hair.

As part of the universal weirdness concerning people casually carrying around incredibly heavy pokemon, there are many times where Edna doesn't even notice one of her Pokemon are asleep in her hair, using braids as footholds or securing points. Usually Yolky, especially once Danny starts braiding her hair with his poison spit to prevent frizz. Accidentally boosts all of their poison resistance with this stunt but he's not sorry, just embarrassed.

If it's Yolky in her hair, he's often mistaken for a massive bow, not helped by his unique, shiny-bred appearance.

Ah, for reference, Baby is a shiny Eevee that evolves into Sylveon. Danny (Cadenza) is a shiny Toxitricity. Parcel is a shiny Delibird (from work, she doesn't hatch or find this one). And Helper (Little Helper) is a shiny-bred Chandelure from her aunt that she inherited with many properties and a 'Happy Egg Charm' that unbeknownst to Edna, spawns increasingly rare eggs on top of determining viability of eggs, compatibility of two pokemon, and if an egg is shiny.

It's the main gag, it's a whole thing and I'm having a blast imagining it.

Edna usually gives the Pokemon or eggs to local professors, fueling a massive conspiracy in every region about how tf she gets these rare eggs. Only the professor from her home region knows the truth cause he's familiar with her family and aunt. But he just never seems to get the chance to explain. Whoops.

#mittens update #mittens rambles #pokemon oc

[practically-an-x-man]

Your OCs are awoken by a knock at the door. It's Hyun-Ki, he looks very disheveled and is somewhat delirious, mumbling something in a broken mishmash of English and Korean about "she's in my head". What do they do?

Oooh man! Intense!! Thank you! This situational asks really are fun

Rae: Immediately puts a mental shield over Hyun-Ki's mins, then herself's and Warren's just to be safe. With the stream of input cut off, he's able to break the last of the hypnosis, and gradually Rae is able to help him work through his anxiety. She offers him a place to stay until he can get a plan together for how to get rid of Jessi... though it's a few sleepless nights for Rae, racked with anxiety about Jessi breaking in and taking over her mind.

Robin: Her sonic abilities aren't quite the same as Jessi's, but she does her best to break the last of the hypnosis with her sonic manipulation. She then gets in touch with Charles, to see if he can pull any financial or telepathic strings to get Hyun-Ki a safe place to stay.

Madison: Debates on this one for a bit, but finally let's him in - albeit with the warning that if he tries any sort of tricks, he'll be gutted like a fish. But he gets a temporary room at the X-Mansion, and Charles takes a look at his mind, and Madison kinda keeps her distance.

Ophelia: I'm sure she's got some device but for breaking mind control, with how much tinkering she does and how many supervillains she fights, so she probably fiddles with it a little and tries it out. Is it wrong to say she'd been eager for a test subject?

Jasper: Tries to steady him with their empathic sense, enough to get more of a story out of him and figure out what's going on. After that... they don't have a clue, but he could at least borrow a phone to call his mom or his bandmates.

Kestrel: Sets him up in one of the spare rooms of the main house, or even an air mattress on the floor of their cabin. Either way, the preserve is magically hidden - they're really not sure how he ended up here at all, but that's a question for later - so he'll be safe and hidden from Jessi until he can get himself in order.

Katherine: Might actually recognize him from SoulSong - she'll listen to just about anything music-wise, and probably found a bit of morbid curiosity in all the sudden behavioral issues and things he's been going through - and once she gets over her initial shock, the realization of hypnosis makes a lot more sense than her own theories. She'll let him call his mom and crash on her couch, and maybe tries to reach out to the gods to see if they can help at all, but there's not much else she can do.

Quinn: I feel like she'd be a lot more sympathetic than people expect. Granted, she pretty much assumes he's going through some sort of psychosis rather than actual superhuman hypnosis, but she's had her own share of strong, hard-to-shake delusions and would probably show a bit of her softer side trying to ground him back to reality.

Eris: Doesn't do much about Hyun-Ki, leaves all the comforting to Rick, but manages to wheedle a name out of him eventually and slips out the door. They're back a few hours later, picking dried blood from under their fingernails, and calmly say "Problem solved. Get him out of our house. Do we have any more of those OxyClean pods?" (Hyun-Ki ends up staying two more days at Rick's insistence, since he's still barely coherent at the time, but Eris very begrudgingly tolerates it)

Nikoletta: Debates whether leaving this one for Abner would make things better or worse (he'd understand and empathize much more than she can, of course, but if he empathizes too much then she just ends up with two completely unraveling men to put back together instead of one). She ends up bringing Hyun-Ki inside and trying to calm him down, and eventually gets in touch with DuBois or another vigilante she knows to get Hyun-Ki a safe house until Jessi either loses interest or meets an unfortunate accident. Oh, and if she makes the mistake of coming to NOLA to look for him?... Well, she'll have the Queen of Belle Reve on her hands, and that's a threat that rarely surfaces anymore. What can she say? Hyun-Ki's grown on her. I wonder why.

#my friends!!! #answered asks #my ocs #jasper wilson #ophelia octavius #madison douglas #oc quinn/aces #oc kestrel #rae mckinney #robin cassidy #oc katherine johnson #nikoletta bordeaux #oc eris

[sweeterthanyou-blog]

read an incomplete fic crossover where blue and the raven boys join the foxes and i didn’t know it was something I needed till now so here are some of my thoughts because the fic hasn’t been updated in 2 years

The gangsey playing Exy in highschool.

Gansey is a pro because he started so young. He plays a dealer and has many opportunities lined up for college. (Edgar Allen Poe tried to recruit him in his senior year but this was when everything that occurred in aftg went down so it was obviously declined)

Ronan is actually extremely passionate about the sport (he won’t turn up to class but you bet he’s at every practice). The teachers and Gansey eventually have to use it as a punishment, if he gets kicked out of school he can’t play. He of course is a back liner

Adam is reluctant to play. Between working two jobs and maintaining his good grades to keep his scholarship, he doesn’t think he has the time, but the others rope him into it. He’s actually a natural at it. He plays a striker.

Blue plays at her school. There’s a competition between her team and Aglionby Academy where she first meets the boys. She’s angry because they clearly have more funds compared to the public school system. They’re stuck up private school boys who will a guaranteed to be recruited. She’s a goal keeper (sticking to the og fic) and is a pro, but knows she doesn’t have what it takes to go further both skill wise and financially.

Ronan is the one who catches Kevin and Neil’s eyes. He obviously fits the foxes profile, but Ronan only agrees on the condition the others can come too.

Wymack hesitates, Adam certainly fits the profile as well, and Blue, due to her social-economic state might just be able to make the cut. But Gansey? The son of a rich Republican who certainly doesn’t need the scholarship? No way. But Kevin and Neil insist that they can have Ronan and no one else.

Ronan insists that it’s all or nothing, even going as far as to tell wymack that Gansey does in fact fit his “stupid profile” (I mean come on the boy died twice)

Poor wymack gets flashbacks to Adrews all or nothing deal but eventually agrees and so blue and her raven boys become the only freshmen’s to join the foxes in Neil’s Sophomore year.

Some of the foxes are not too keen on Gansey (I mean you would be too with him screaming “privilege” - we still love you though Dick <3). Although there is some solidarity between Gansey and Allison.

Blue, Ronan and Adam protect him fiercely (they love their king) which obviously creates some tension between the original foxes and the Gangsey

But no one can deny their obvious talents.

Gansey of course begins looking into any potential ley lines in the area.

Adam and Neil get on quiet well though both Ronan and Andrew are hesitant with each other.

Blue and Renee become fast friends and go volunteer together at the local shelters regularly.

Kevin clings to Gansey due to his talent (he’d originally caught Kevin’s eye while recruiting but knew he wouldn’t fit the profile so had disappointedly discarded his file. This was actually what led him to find Ronan and so all in all it was a big win for Kevin). The two also become fast friends due to their mutual love for history (Gansey immediately tells him all about ley lines and his research into Glendower, and what he’s looking at now)

Theirs is an interesting dynamic for the reader because Gansey is basically who Kevin wouldve been had he grown in a more stable and healthy environment (both privileged boys with their obsessions towards history and exy)

The gangsey are very closed off at first about the events of their “The Raven King”. It’s not every day someone tells you they can pull things out of their dreams or die and come back

Also in this Noah is not forgotten and in fact makes regular appearances both in the dorms, in classes, at the court, etc. he comes to every game to support his friends

This freaks out the foxes of course. The Gangsey and Noah aren’t shy about the whole “he’s been dead for 7 8 years” but no one believes them

Takes some time and context but when they find out about Gansey dying twice the foxes all collectively are just like “oh” because yes that man right there IS a fox.

Blue and Adam both taking a massive sigh of relief because not only do their scholarships cover for everything but they get to stick with their boys :)

Blues dream of going pro might actually be realised (she’s taken under Renee’s belt and improves and eventually Andrew warms up to her that he’ll give her pointers)

Adam still loves exy but like Aaron he’s in it for the scholarship and university degree (on his way to be a lawyer) and they get on really well because of it

Ronan and Andrew bonding over tattoos and Ronan dreams up a permanent tattoo in the style of temporary tattoos that can be stuck on so Andrew doesn’t have a stranger tattooing him.

Okay Ronan is a bad influence and may or may not have gotten Andrew into the idea of car racing (which both Adam and Neil are NOT happy about that)

Someone making a joke that the real reason Gansey fits the fox profile is because he drives around in The Pig (probably Aaron or Nicky). Andrew hates the sight of it but Neil secretly loves it because it’s orange.

The og foxes all freaked out by Chainsaw at first but she quickly becomes an honorary fox. The press one time makes a bad joke involving a certain connection with the foxes having a pet Raven and their rivalry with Edgar Allen Poe so Ronan teachers her to say “fuck Edgar Allen Poe” on live tv. It goes viral.

Chaotic raven boys sharing a dorm. They all miss the comfort of Monmouth Manufacturing so their first order of business after arriving is moving the fridge into the bathroom (much to Blues disgust).

Blue getting some quality girl time with Dan, Allison and Renee

We all love the Kevin, Neil and Andrew pro dynamic now think about Blue, gansey and Ronan all on a pro team one day. Adam and Noah and Matthew and Declan and Helen and all the ladies and the grey man from 300 Fox Way come to all their games.

Idk about major plot points but just imagine the foxes and the Gangsey all following a new ley line story gansey found (with the help of Kevin).

Like seriously this combines 2 of my favourite things I could go on FOREVER I just love it so much.

#the dynamics would be *chefs kiss* #just quietly dying about this cause the more I think about it the more I love it #the raven cycle #the foxhole court #aftg

[gatekeeper-watchman]

Daily Devotionals for August 15, 2023

Proverbs: God's Wisdom for Daily Living

Devotional Scripture:

Proverbs 22:26-27 (KJV): 26 Be not thou one of them that strike hands, or of them that are sureties for debts. 27 If thou hast nothing to pay, why should he take away thy bed from under thee? Proverbs 22:26-27 (AMP): 26 Be not one of those who strike hands and pledge themselves, or of those who become security for another's debts. 27 If you have nothing to pay, why should he take your bed from under you?

Thought for the Day

Verse 26 - As we saw in Day 36, it is unwise to become surety for someone else's debt, or to co-sign someone else's loan. This verse speaks of "striking hands." Years ago in America, many people entered formal agreements merely by shaking hands. A handshake sealed a bargain, signifying that a person was giving his word to uphold his end of an agreement. Because most people were honorable, they carried out their part of the agreement; when they gave their word, they kept it. Today we still shake hands on an agreement, but only after we have signed papers that legally bind us to fulfill the conditions of the contracts that we have signed. We should take every agreement that we sign very seriously. Giving our word to do something is a severe thing before God and people. Even if we are not legally bound to do something, as God's children we must keep our word when we give it, though it may be inconvenient or damaging financially, socially, or in any other way. In Psalm 15:4 David, describing the characteristics of a godly man, said that he "...sweareth to his hurt, and changeth not." Often after telling someone that I would do something I have wished that I had not done so, for it became very difficult for me to keep my word. At times, we have all "sworn to our hurt," but God expects us to keep our word, just as He keeps His Word, even if it hurts to do so.

Verse 27 - Many people request loans to maintain an unaffordable lifestyle, rather than for emergency help. Often, it becomes too difficult for them to keep up the loan payments and the co-signer is held accountable. This not only creates a financial burden for the co-signer but jeopardizes his financial position if he is unable to assume the requirements of the loan. Depending on the laws involved, it might even lead to the loss of his house and furniture - his bed being taken from him. At the very least, it could damage his credit. Co-signing loans for those who have not learned Biblical financial principles is unkind. Ultimately, loans do not help them, and many later feel animosities toward those who helped them incur the debt by co-signing the loan.

Do these verses imply that we should never help those who ask us for financial help? Certainly not; but rather that we are wise in giving help. We must be careful to help those with genuine needs, but not necessarily by co-signing a loan for them. Perhaps the Lord would want us to give – instead of the loan - to them.

Prayer Devotional for the Day

Dear Father in heaven, I thank you for the good friends You have given me. Help Your people from all walks of life who are struggling with the threat of unrighteous relationships. Help them to live a life that is pleasing to You. Deliver them from the fear of men and give them the grace to cut all ties with those that would lead them into wickedness. Fill them with Your spirit so that they will have the holy boldness to take a stand for truth and righteousness. May we all treat the wicked that we encounter with compassion and kindness, yet be able to speak the truth in love, to help them, and not join them. I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen

From: Steven P. Miller @ParkermillerQ,  gatekeeperwatchman.org Founder of Gatekeeper-Watchman International Groups Monday, August 14, 2023, Jacksonville, Florida., Duval County, USA. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Sparkermiller.JAX.FL.USA, https://www.facebook.com/StevenParkerMillerQ Instagram: steven_parker_miller_1956, Twitter: @GatekeeperWatchman1, @ParkermillerQ, https://twitter.com/StevenPMiller6 Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/gatekeeperwatchman, https://www.tumblr.com/gatekeeper-watchman, https://www.pinterest.com/GatekeeperWatchman1/ #GWIG, #GWIN, #GWINGO, #Ephraim1, #IAM, #Sparkermiller, #Eldermiller1981

[literaticat]

Hi Jenn,

I’ve been writing and illustrating published books for couple of decades, and while I’ve been happy with how my career is progressing (bigger publishers now, more frequent contracts, royalties!), I’ve never been able to make a living wage as an author-illustrator. Some part of me wants to believe I still have it in me to be financially successful as a writer-artist but it’s hard after so long. So I’ve been interviewing for a full-time art teacher job which would pay somewhat well (better than the $20K I made last year!) and provide benefits. I’m afraid, though, that I won’t have time to make books anymore, or to really focus on my craft like I do now. Do any of your clients have full-time non-writing jobs and are still able to make books? I know this is such a case-by-case scenario but maybe you could shed some light on this subject. Some part of me is like “just hold out a little longer and you’ll make it over the hump! Keep throwing yourself into your book work and focus like a laser!” and another part of me says “you’re 45 years old with no savings!”

I hesitate to ever give, like, actual financial advice to strangers on here. Everyone's situation is different! So take this as more general thoughts, and if any of it resonates with you, great, and if not, ignore me. :-)

To address some of the not-actual-questions: Listen, a steady paycheck and benefits is nothing to sneeze at. I don't know about you, but we are of a similar age, and I went from having Nothing Wrong with me to having Everything Wrong with me, health-wise, VERY suddenly. If I didn't have insurance, I'd be screwed. I don't have benefits at my job and luckily I can afford the $900+ a month it costs me to stay alive with private insurance, but if I was still on a bookseller's salary or something, I honestly don't know what I would do. So... if you are American and a good insurance plan is not something you currently have, that is an important thing to think about, IMO, as you (gracefully!) age.

Can you re-frame the problem into something positive? Instead of thinking of this as "a day job will stall my creative ambitions" -- perhaps a day job will actually PROP UP your creative ambitions?

Thought experiment: You take this job, and you like it. It's a challenge, but it also feels good to know you are having a positive impact, and perhaps your students even give you a boost of creativity. You do absolutely still work on your books, but now it's a couple hours in the morning or at night on weekdays, and one weekend day. You KNOW you have a paycheck coming and you don't have to rely on sporadic book income to get by, and you know that god forbid should you need it, you have decent insurance. Perhaps you are even able to get by entirely or mostly on job-money and put all or most of your book-money after taxes into savings to start building a nest-egg.

How does that make you feel? Does thinking about that bit of financial freedom and the idea of actually saving for the future relieve some stress? If you are less stressed and don't have to worry about hustling quite so hard at the book stuff -- might you actually feel able to take more risks with your artistic work and try things that you might have never felt you were in a position to experiment with before? If you KNOW you have limited time to work on your book stuff, are you the type of person who could buckle down and do it and make it work, or no? Does the idea of having having more of a strict schedule make you feel safe, or panicky?

I don't know the answers to these questions, obviously, but I do think they are worth considering. And of course: Nothing has to be forever. If you get the job and decide to try it and realize a semester in that it's not for you... for whatever reason! -- you can always stop!

To answer your actual question: I do rep illustrators who also teach or have other kinds of demanding full or part-time jobs and/or tiny children at home, or who work freelance doing things like animation jobs or magazine work or merchandise or other illustration-adjacent things that aren't strictly books. (Authors, too, of course!) Some of these folks are still quite prolific, and some not so much -- I have to think this is just up to their individual priorities and time management skills. Nobody is "like Kate Messner" of course, but for what it's worth, Kate did teach middle school full time and have school-age kids of her own when she signed with me, and still managed to write and publish and promote dozens of books before she quit teaching! So, yes, absolutely, it physically CAN be done, it just might mean a shift in your schedule and mindset. And that might or might not be right for YOU.

(My most recent podcast episode is with the lovely illustrator Cindy Derby, who has an infant -- we talk about how her time-management landscape has changed! And I have spoken to Kate on the pod before too. Maybe it would be helpful to give those eps a listen if you haven't?)

GOOD LUCK!

[aroaceconfessions]

While healing from my first (so far, only) heartbreak after being turned down by my best friend, I kind of started to realize that maybe what I was feeling wasn't romantic attraction at all, but just recognizing that she and I both have needs that would be met if we were together. She was sad about being single, and we both wanted to move out from our family's houses but wouldn't be financially stable enough to do so without a roommate, and I didn't want to live with anyone unless I was as 100% comfortable with them as I am with her. I thought, hey, I could be her person, and we could live together, get married, and take care of each other, everything works out perfectly! I guess I was so attached to the idea of my plan, that I was blindsided by the fact that, while she did say that she liked me, she liked her current crush (now "boyfriend," ueeegghhhhh). Knowing that even if we were "together" together I would have been only her second choice still hurts even though I'm slowly coming to terms. But even now that I'm able to take a step back from my feelings it's just, what now, for me? Keep working my ass off pinching pennies so that maybe, one day, I could afford to share a shitty little apartment with a shitty little roommate? Of course we SAY we'll be best friends forever but obviously she'll never have time for me once she gets married and has some kids that run her ragged (just like everyone else in her family with kids that she always complains about to me) and become an empty husk of the person she used to be. But if that's what she wants it's what she wants I guess. I know I should be respectful of her choices, but it sounds worse than dying. I feel kind of cynical when I re-contextualize what I THOUGHT was my first love as simply an ideal choice for a practical living arrangement. But the way things are going in the world, financially-wise, everything just seems harder if you're NOT in a couple, something I never thought I wanted until her. Rent prices keep going up and up and up, finding a reliable roommate who wouldn't feel sketchy or be torture to live with is a task all on its own. There's very few people I feel comfortable letting my guard down around and she was one of them, I don't want to always have to feel ""on guard"" in the place that's supposed to be my home, i've had too many years of that already.

Sorry for rambling. This is an aro/ace post if that's not clear.

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroacespec #arose #amatonormativity

[proftsutsu]

AU's have overtaken my brain so have this whole thought out concept idea part 1: void switch,I’ll put it all under cut because it’s quite long lol ^^;

so put it simply; i was thinkin about void sora and then it spiraled into a whole au. The first thing i thought of was the voids and that i didn't want any of them to be related to the original kill order (sorta) so i ended up with *drum roll* syobai, setsuka, sora, yuki, and teruya. I didn't think much about the reasons for them, just that theyre people sora could be close to. So with our voids revealed i'll give their au stories first and then the kill order!

Syobai being first, his backstories mostly the same he was abandoned by his parents and was living on the streets but he didn't get into the broker business here, instead he pretty much was barely getting by everyday and was hardly living properly until utsuro happened upon him one day and blessed him with divine luck. Awhile after that he began collecting stuff off the street to try and sell and miraculously he was able to! And even at a higher price, because of this syobai eventually was able to get by much better and make a small name for himself until a business couple flew in from Japan one day, noticed him, and took him back home with them where he grew up learning how to do proper business dealings. He joined void mostly out of fear that if he loses his luck he'll go back to having nothing and having to scrape by along with the fear that if he can’t do business anymore than he’ll be worthless to his adopted parents. So he's almost as smart as his canon counterpart but with no black market knowledge and while still kinda sassy (especially when threatened or pissed) and kinda sloppy he's pretty chill and actually socializes more with the group. Instead of the ultimate broker he'd call himself the ultimate business man.

Setsuka's story is also kinda similar to canon but quickly diverges, when she was little she got into a car accident that fucked up the side of her head and her eye, they got a regular surgeon/doctor to try and help her in this au though but unfortunately they really couldn't find a way to do the surgery without possibly killing her but still made the attempt, during the procedure utsuro by chance happened upon the hospital, for what reason's up to interpretation but him being there blessed setsuka and her procedure miraculously was a success! Her skull was okay, and she got a false eye too though because of the divine luck it became a constant void eye (kinda like kinjo's its just constantly like that i think) so just like in canon setsuka has to keep it closed, less she be called creepy or bullied. That aside setsuka and her family left the hospital, awhile ( right before the tragedy) after the family got into financial trouble, setsuka wanting to help her parents tried to find a way to get money fast, and luckily found and entered a billiards competition and with the few lessons from her dad and divine luck she won and got a big cash prize! after that she started entering them more up until the tragedy started, and some time after that she joined void so she could stay financially stable along with y'know, keeping herself alive because divine luck is literally what saved her life. I don't think there'd be too much of a difference personality wise except maybe her being a bit more cocky about being "ultimate billiards player" and family being a lot more emphasized being important to her, plus maybe her playing up being carefree a lot more.

Sora is a bit more complicated as I haven't thought of her backstory too well as i got too distracted thinking of everything else ^^; But what comes to mind is that sora was born (as her own human person) with a defect, whether it be a mental illness, a physical defect, or something else it caused her family to shun her and while they didn't completely abandon her yet, she grew up the first seven years of her life being neglected, ridiculed, and mistreated by her own family up until they finally decided to throw her out, she was then found on the street and sent to an orphanage and while treated better she was still neglected and no one seemed to want her until utsuro came to the orphanage, sora happened to be outside at the time and actually got to very briefly talk with utsuro before he suddenly left but he did end up directly blessing sora with divine luck and a few hours later a rich family came in and adopted her where she was given all the attention and love she desired. Eventually sora decided she wanted to explore the world and experience and meet all kinds of new people and places and so that's what she did up until the tragedy. She joins void both out of fear that if she loses divine luck she'll be neglected and ignored again and to find utsuro and talk to him once more so she can finally have answers about the mysterious kid that apparently blessed her so long ago. Sora in this au i imagine being kinda very more talkative, you'd actively see her talking with the other cast members of course keeping her flirtatious side (not too much though) and she’d be very curious about the things around her. She probably wouldn't take being ignored very well though. Since sora wouldn’t have amnesia or be an ai in this au, I imagine with her backstory in mind she’d be called the ultimate traveler.

Yuki's backstory is pretty much the same up until 6.5 which changes completely, Yuki's kidnapped, put in a coma/life support, killing game happens. Big difference though yuki wakes up and escapes wherever tf he was before showing up in 6.5 briefly! Unfortunately though he's only completely fine because of utsuro's divine luck, he eventually figures out what happened to him and while understandably pissed with utsuro gone his regained freedom will inevitably begin to fade and he'll die or possibly worse to him suddenly go back into a coma he won't ever wake from, so he tries to find a way to restore divine luck before meeting and joining the other voids which he does grow to like. In this au's 6.5, rei is tasked with investigating the group void and finds one of their (nearly) abandoned hangout spots being an abandoned building now filled with some monokuma's, they cleaned out the place mostly but theres a few things here and there that allude to the members of void like littered old cigarettes (syobai's), red heels (setsuka's), crumbled up diary pages (sora's), and of course notes like the ones found in 6.5. When rei's done investigating before she leaves she gets a glimpse of yuki looking out one of the buildings windows not seeming to have left like the others yet (he was spying on her almost the whole time btw) he runs off before rei can get close to him and escapes through an emergency exit. Yuki would still be considered ultimate lucky student in this au and his personality is overall the same except a bit more suspicious of others because of what happened to him.

Teruya, oh boy. So everything in dra stays the same and so does teruya’s personality, in fact literally nothing about teruya changes up until a few years after the killing game where the divine luck starts to ware off and both him and rei notice tsurugi getting very Ill and in pain due to divine luck being used to save him back in dra chapter 5. Dr. Ando gives kinjo prescriptions to help with the pain but that’s not enough in teruya’s eyes so he decides to look into it to help tsurugi, upon confirming kinjos pain is because of divine luck fading he looks for some way to regain it because if luck fading is causing kinjo pain not only is that hurting his friend but what about the fact utsuro allowed them to leave all that time ago? Will something happen to him and rei too? This of course leads to the start of teruya’s villain arc. All these worries inevitably leads to him coming to the conclusion utsuro needs to be resurrected and then reluctantly comes up with the resurrection killing game plan, teruya isn’t the smartest so he doesn’t think about death orders or similar motives nothing like that he just knows he needs ultimate level talented people and yuki (who the kisaragi foundation has been looking for). Finding the cast is easy but for yuki and the other voids he happened to find them by chance and since there related to utsuro he figured he’d have a better chance with the resurrection with them plus they have yuki which he desperately (thinks he) needs for this to work, now for the final task of finding a way to do the killing game without actually killing anyone, because of course this is still the teruya we know and love so far, he doesn’t want to ACTUALLY hurt anyone, so he’s stumped on this for awhile until he (now with some luck from the voids) finds the human mikado sannoji who is working on the stuff he was in the original chapter zero minus kg and utsuro related stuff with kokoro, of course most important of note being virtual simulation tech, which teruya now having discovered it existing desperately wants, he buys it from mikado with his own money but when mikado finds out what teruya’s going to use it for he’s very vocally against it and demands his tech back which leads to teruya knocking him out hard and throwing him in the sim with everyone else along with kokoro. Teruya goes mentally down hill from here. Also while I think teruya would have void eyes I think they’d lead more to representing his descent into madness than relating to utsuro or luck.

Okay void backstories done now for kg order and mini (hopefully) explanations!

Syobai kills iroha (aha the sad, sad irony) He kills her by a simple literal stab in the back and then frames it as a suicide by luring someone (maybe yuri or hajime for canon reference) to the bell tower and dropping iroha’s already dead body off from the top. He explains he went after her solely cause she was weak and therefore an easy target plus it’s been awhile and no one killed yet so. Plus he was convinced that since it’s just a sim it doesn’t matter too much right? His execution is being tied in a coffin getting coins and money thrown brutally at him before being buried alive.

Setsuka kills hibiki (I’m sorry it was just the only option in my eyes .-.) Awhile after the melody rhythm concert she talks to hibiki in her dorm and hibiki somehow manages to correctly guess setsuka as a void and tries to encourage setsuka to switch sides before saying if she doesn’t she’ll out her to the group herself and that leads to setsuka knocking her out and killing her by snapping her neck, she breaks some of hibiki’s bones and puts hibiki’s body in the freezer then dumps her in front of the second island shrine. Setsuka unlike syobai seems very openly guilty for what she did and briefly mentions hoping she can apologize to hibiki later. Setsuka’s execution is being stuffed in one of the black pockets you’d see on a pool table and inevitably being crushed by a giant billiards ball.

Oh boy chapter 3 here we go. So uh this chapter goes very different, sora in nikei’s place defects from void at this point and teams up with this Au’s nikei (who is just a happy yet mildly pessimistic journal boi) teruya finds out about this and sets up a plan to be rid of nikei which leads him to setting up and planning out this whole thing. Motive video’s still happen but also sets it up where he added a warning of “oh yeah there’s another traitor among you” which makes everyone suspicious as hell to one another which leads to yoruko having a fight with shinji and accidentally killing him in the garage in satsuki land, teruya leads nikei over there and with nikei being a nice boy and wanting yoruko to not die instantly helps her cover up everything by discreetly moving shinji’s body making him an accomplice. Post trial teruya modifies the rules so accomplices also get killed so both nikei and yoruko get executed (look guys nikei gets screwed over by rules, again!) Yoruko and nikei get executed by being put on a conveyer belt and crushed multiple times before their remains are mixed into a smoothie. So chapter 4,,So putting it simply sora is just done with the killing game and wants to end it so makes an elaborate plan to murder and get away with it. Since I noticed a pattern of killing the og voids in reverse I’ll just commit to that, she kills Emma. I’m not sure on how, maybe she slits her throat then amputates the body like kanade did with setsuka and places each part around the island during night time so they can’t figure out where she was killed originally. I’m not sure on it though, sora is really acting out from grief unlike canon nikei acting out of spite. That aside during the trial she is just going along with it waiting for them to vote wrong and her desperation to get it over with leads her to acting kind of suspicious but not enough to be deemed a suspect, everyone’s about to vote despite kokoro and kanade sensing something off until teruya also speaks up and points out how odd sora’s acting and with that sora gets defensive and they gotta try and get her to confess or something like that but she continues to deny involvement until teruyer pulls the “you aren’t that kind of person” with sora and she just breaks down. They vote for her and she confesses while in tears and of course she gets executed. Sora’s execution is being put on a stage and having her limbs stabbed by strings being put onto her and then she’s flung into the sky and lands in a aquarium exhibit where she’s eaten alive by a bunch of carnivorous sea creatures.

chapter 5 is as hell as the canon one…But with a twist! So teruya sets up a neat lil trick and makes yuki kill, I never really said who would take teruya’s place and idk if mikado really counts considering how he ended up in the game so to mix things up, ryutaro is there instead, he came with rei just like teruya did in og timeline. Since teruya in this au when they were going in the sim was mysteriously missing till they saw him in the prologue ryutaro went with her in his place and now he’s stuck in the sim and poor boy is in for it. So yuki kills ryutaro following teruya’s very specific instructions so it would like teruya did it and given how chapter 5 goes it does actually work, the majority voted wrong and will be mass executed and as bonus that rule teruya implemented back in chapter 3 makes it so teruya doesn’t get executed along with them. So everyone except the remaining voids are dragged away; kokoro is strapped to a electric chair, kanade dragged by Monocrow’s on a stage to be decapitated, yuri running through a maze avoiding monocrows dressed as aliens, hajime strapped to a wall as a machine with a bunch of boxer gloves prepared to beat him to death, and mikado being tied to a cartoony looking rocket blasting off into the sun. Of course just like canon this mass execution gets interrupted.

Now chapter zero is very different from before, it taking right after this au’s prologue, rei just found out teruya is running a killing game albeit virtual but still, and he’s kidnapped ryutaro (didn’t hurt him at all in the prologue he just literally took him from rei and then kicked her out) So she reluctantly tells Tsurugi this and he’s pretty understandably upset, like they literally went through a killing game together and now teruya is flat out masterminding one. Of course he’s got a job to do so he orders rei to find out about the participants and try to help out however possible while he groups a team up to deal with the possible aftermath in the outside world. There’s also a lil flashback of mikado and kokoro working on the virtual world while discussing the business deal with teruya.

And finally chapter 6! So it starts the same everyone awakens in the virtual world in older forms (idk how old exactly everyone would be in this au so up for interpretation there) they explore the virtual world and we get some exposition such as teruya buying the virtual tech from kokoro, monocrow being yuri’s but instead of being made to help humans they were really just to help yuri how to make ai and robots and teruya decided to take ‘em along with yuri since Monocrow really did already look like a mascot here, mikado explaining why he and kokoro are in the killing game, the dead participant’s files, the monitor room that shows fun stuff like syobai smoking, hibiki rehearsing for the concert, nikei and sora’s meeting, and the whole murder of ryutaro. No more exposition for awhile until the survivor group meet up with rei and tsurugi who are just in the sim already (no re entering happens here) who go on to explain teruya’s relation to the kisaragi foundation and vaguely the past killing game, everyone proceeds to the trial room where yuki is looking super dead inside and teruya very unhinged and the trial starts soon after. It goes kinda the same as canon trial 6 but rei and tsurugi are much more talkative and a bit snappy because well teruya betrayal. The graduate or repeat stuff happens, but instead of putting everyone in sadness/despair teruya literally just rigged it so it would act as graduate no matter what so everyone freaks out when he reveals that but quickly are silenced as they except for yuki, rei, tsurugi, and mikado are sent into ideal worlds. Kokoro’s is just hanging out with mikado, kanade getting to prep for her own concert, yuri getting to go outside and take a walk, and hajime hanging out with everyone. Of course they break out of it and just in time to see teruya awaiting utsuro to resurrect through the dead inside yuki but…it doesn’t happen as y’see no alter ego utsuro was made which teruya never thought about and as rei goes on to explain along with kokoro apparently akane is the wielder of divine luck now and they have no clue where she is, so teruya essentially set up the killing game for nothing and as mikado adds he and kokoro never got to finalize the virtual world so everyone may or may not be permanently dead which hits teruya even more making him realize all the stuff he’s done and how insane he became throughout the whole thing and he breaks down. Everyone slowly leaves the same and the kisaragi foundation decide to just leave teruya in the sim as repentance for his actions.

Epilogue! Midori is grieving ryutaro and minako tries to comfort her while keisuke seems to be getting worse out of grief, Dr ando is trying to treat yuki since he was left extremely traumatized and still suffering from lack of luck, kokoro and yuri joined the foundation and kokoro was quick to start contributing by giving tsurugi therapy, and kanade, hajime, and mikado are wondering about trying to figure out what to do with themselves. Now finally we leave with rei doing her job but still upset about everything that transpired contemplating if things could’ve been different, she goes out for a break but is quick to run into a mysterious women (akane) and boom the end.

And now bonus notes:

In this au kanade is not a serial killer or anything like that, she’s just in desperate need of therapy, she has a complex relationship with hibiki and when she dies she starts to realize that she shouldn’t have let hibiki treat her that way not just for her own health but it was clearly not helping hibiki grow as a person either. The reason she hardly stood up though is because kanade in this au deals with really bad intrusive thoughts and was afraid of accidentally lashing out and hurting Hibiki, her poor mental health is shown through her small outbursts in the trials.

Kokoro I don’t see being related to mikako in this au, she’s just a psychologist who got into virtual tech, though I’d like to think they’d get along decently if they met. Also while she is good at reading people kokoro wouldn’t be super good like her canon counterpart.

Speaking of, I imagine kokoro as the protag of this au with yuri and kanade as her supports, mikado occasionally will join in too but he’s a bit outcasted.

For the reason how yoruko was able to overpower and kill shinji, the yoruko in this au is stronger than she looks, girl has felt with many bar fights and moody customers so she’s grown into being a fighter.

Mikado in the sim is like the ai counterpart at least somewhat, having blonde hair and being pretty static and hardly emoting. This is simply because that’s how mikado was as a teen in this au, he was a lover of style and theatrics and wanted to stand out but he had a lot of trouble showing his emotions a lot if the time so he figured getting into theater and such would help him out if his shell, it did help and older he is much better at expressing his emotions. Though because he was hit pretty hard when getting knocked out and having his memories tampered with in the sim he ended up getting full blown amnesia only being able to remember his name until way later but even then mikado only ends up recovering some of his memories and leaves the sim kind of a mix of his teen and older self.

The og voids backstories aren’t as severe as they are in canon, hajime did have a illness but it was treatable and his parents didn’t abandon him, emma was treated as a kid servant but not really physically harmed too much, iroha was decent at drawing enough to not be treated as harshly but she was still heavily neglected and kind of spoiled by her family staff, and nikei not really having a canon backstory (yet) is obsessed with journalism trying to make a name for himself in the career but failing he still tries though up to awhile after the age he’s in in the sim where he accidentally kills someone and it spirals him into killing for scoops so he’s kinda the serial killer of the cast in kanade’s place.

What happens to teruya after the killing game is that sense he was pretty much imprisoned in the simulation he decides to put himself in the ideal world state to cope with everything, though it’s not really healthy and if he were to leave the sim after he’d just despair and snap even more.

Akane is in fact not brain dead in this au, she does recover from her injuries and leaves the hospital she was put in, she has a whiteish gradient to her hair now but otherwise it’s mostly still the same color and she hasn’t changed too much sense the first game though she is a bit out of it.

#eclipse's ramblings #sdra2 au #voidswitch tag

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Life update! After almost a year of no update (but hey I'm back)

After almost a year of no update (and inconsistent updates... sorry); I'm finally back with new updates! First of all, I have a post prior to this one so check it out if you love k-dramas and have watched recent released k-dramas.

Here is the link to that k-drama review post!

Now unto the update; A lot has happened in the past and I'll be sharing the most recent things that happened, especially during the first half of 2023. If you are ready for the long update, click the Keep Reading and enjoy!

Adding a new group in my Ult List <3

From my previous posts, I have been vocal on stanning a 4th gen boy group which is Oneus then eventually adding Onewe (though onewe is not a boy group, rather its a boy band). Unfortunately, I moved the two in my stan list and became hiatus with kpop in general but still listens to girl groups.

Now just last month, June of 2023, I was able to discover a boy group's comeback which is Bite Me from their album Dark Blood due to the "issue" that this comeback has created. I've been seeing in the news that fans of this boy group have been sending a truck to the front of their building so that they would drop the female dancers in the official choreography and performance. Now I was curious which group was it and what does it look like (the dance); that curiosity lead me to their performances and after just one video, one video of watching that certain performance, youtube recommended me with their performances through shorts (and basically recommending their videos to me). I actually do know this group already prior to this situation and I've watched their early debut mv's (From Given-Taken to Fever in 2021) and even liked some of their songs (specifically Fever which omg I love).

With the female dancers as their partners, I would say that its not really big of a deal, its just that maybe its the first time that boy group had female dancers as partners and their skinship is no joke because of the nature of the performance; and that's why the fans are fuming about it. Either way I think its fine since they are just performing.

Going back to the topic at hand, I stanned Enhypen just last month! It's a really odd but happy feeling that after a long time I've added another group to my Ult list (Just for context, Stan List is my list of groups that I listen to but not I'm not a big fan, support-wise. Like casually listening to their music and not financial support whereas in Ult List, if I've added a group there, for example Monsta X, I would listen to all of their songs, watch all of their performances and shows, and financially support them through buying merch and watching their concerts) and I have another group that I'll be spending my time, energy, and money on. So far I've been genuinely happy with this group and that I'm seeing myself supporting them in the long run. My bias btw would be Heeseung, which is the oldest and closest to my age. I thought though that my bias would be Jake, because he was the first one that I knew and caught my attention but I ended up with Heeseung because of his charisma (and their Bite Me performance in Be Original and he literally gave me butterflies in my stomach :"> ). Hopefully I get to see them soon, live because I missed their 3-day concert here in my country because I was not their fan before ugh.

Coffee Shop + Books

During my break, I was able to breathe some fresh air and got out to unwind and treat myself. With a friend, I went into a book sale and bought some books. The books were a mixture of Fiction and Non-Fiction, and as for the fiction selection, I bought Lust by Roald Dahl because the cover is so minimalist and pretty. My friend also shared that they have other books of the same author, which are Madness and Fear, but was not a fan (they haven't read both yet), and mentioned books also have pretty covers! If I had extra money during the day of the booksale I would buy all of it (though I may not enjoy all of the selection so I think one might be enough for now). Other books that I've bought are Where Dreams Descend by Janella Angeles, which I just grabbed and bought impulsively because while we were walking we just passed by it and I'm like ooh I know this one, the story/theme is like Caraval and Night Circus (and I'm a fan of the former) and its affordable so why not (plus its hardcover); And Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo, third book in the Shadow and Bone trilogy, and I've been wanting to buy the trilogy for a long time but something just stops me from buying it (not sure what is it lol). Now I have the 3rd book and recently bought the 2nd one, leaving me searching for Shadow and Bone (the first book), almost done collecting it finally. For the non-fiction, I just bought a recipe book and a book called The Fast Diet by Michael Mosely and Mimi Spencer, because both are about food (cooking and dieting).

Days after the book sale, I've been into a cafe with the same friend. We arrived in the morning and left in the afternoon, not too many customers and we enjoyed our stay. The place is actually nice, the ambiance is great and we had a relaxing stay. The food was okay though, not too memorable but not bad. I'll probably go back there during my down times just to be in a different environment, though I hope more cafes open in our area so that there are plenty of options to unwind to and there are many places I can spend my money on, especially with cawfee.

Some Game Updates

Pulling my very first limited 5 star in Honkai: Star Rail

Another Hoyo Game that will rob my time and money.. i guess. So I've tried playing Honkai: Star Rail, since I am familiar with Honkai Impact 3rd (which is my very first Hoyo game) and I've spent some time with Genshin Impact, and all I can say is I'm not really invested into this game compared to Genshin Impact, and that GI has given me enough trauma that I can't stand grinding for resources and gacha. Since HSR has a similar formatting with Genshin, Imma not be addicted into this game, although its quite fun and laid back because of the auto / 2x speed, I won't spend my time with another game that has continuous timeline or story because I have other games to play. Either way, I do know their characters and I'm currently level 25 in the game which will stay that way until I don't know when really . My first official 5 star is Gepard but my first limited 5 star is Luocha. I was thinking if I'll pull for Jing Yuan since they said he was a solid DPS but I don't have enough to pull for him and then Luocha is a healer, dps-ish (haven't tried him ever since I pulled for him lol) and I need a solid healer along with Gepard who is a very good support.

I'd say HSR is a solid game but I won't be spending my time and energy into this game and stay with games that I truly enjoy. Will be sticking with Tears of Themis and Genshin Impact though I don't really enjoy Genshin Impact anymore and just a casual player who wants the new characters with the 4.0 update around the corner.

Anyway, I'm happy to get Luocha, another husbando worth pulling for. Though I just pulled him because he and Ayato have the same jap VA.

Tears of Themis 2nd Anniversary Pull Results~

Finally, it's Tears of Themis 2nd anniversary! That means new SSR for me to pull. During the first anniversary, I believe I got Artem at an early pity and then with the free tears from the activities and events, I got a bonus Luke card since I pulled for his card because he looks bulk in that card and I like it! Now it's the second anniversary and of course I need to pull for my best boy, Artem. Fortunately, I got him at around 30 pulls and at that rate I should've stopped right? Well ya girl can't just stop squealing over Vyn's card, because aside from Luke's, I think his card is 🌶️🌶️ so I did pull for it. The results were sad though, because after getting lucky with Artem, after three 10-pulls, I did get another SSR but it was Medieval Suspense (and not the anniversary card of Vyn), so I had to pull up until the 98th to get his anniversary card. It was painful because as a f2p, I used all my s-chips for his card now I'm broke. Well, at least I got that SSR and can move on into saving again for another event.

Going back to the Persona Universe!

Last thing to talk about that is game related is getting back into the Persona universe (not an official title but I would just like to call it like that) and being able to play Persona 5 Royal! 4 years ago I was introduced to Persona 3 Portable and played the game in PPSSPP and it became my favorite game of all time. I was aware that time that there's Persona 5 but it was just released on the PlayStation Console, which I don't have btw and it wasn't ported to the Windows PC until 2022. At the time of release on the PC, I've been wanting to play it but then its so expensive :< Thankfully, I have a friend in our class and she introduced me to the PC Game Pass from XBOX, and the selection of their games, Persona 3, Persona 4 Golden, and Persona 5 Royal are all included. I was able to play Persona 5 Royal for the first time and omg I haven't stopped till now. I was almost 60 hours into the game though my 3-Month subscription ended.

Anyway, my initial thoughts, its so grindy and the story is long compared to Persona 3 (which I wasn't able to finish as well due to academics; though I am planning to finish it of course, after P5R) BUT I am enjoying it and I'm looking forward into finishing the story. I'm sad that boys cannot be dated in P5R, because the lead is a boy but I'm enjoying the female characters, I've chosen Tae Takemi as the girl to date and be romantically involved with because she's cool, though if I have the chance to pick again, it would be Futaba or Makoto that I'm going to choose.

Well I hope that I'll be able to subscribe again to the Game Pass and continue playing this wonderful game (and finish the story).

And now, the playlist for this month:

July 2023 Playlist

Bills - ENHYPEN

Fine - NU'EST

Paradise - (G)I-DLE

Welcome to My World - aespa

SHOUT OUT - ENHYPEN

My update ends here. I hope you enjoy reading this long post hehe~

- ella