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#will leave all the bday wishes in a message but for now i just want to wish you the most wonderful day today!! 💓
gimmeurtmi · 1 year
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when are you coming home? — seungmin
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pairing: kim seungmin x fem!reader
tags: friends to lovers, situationship-ish, boys on tour, smut!!!🔞
warnings: swearing, sexting, dirty talk, undefined relationship status, lewds, a painfully obvious hand kink that is not a reflection on me in any way shape or form 🙃, alcohol, drunk!reader, phone calls, fingering, countless cockblocking, mention of toys.
inspo: 

hands.
wc — 4384
notes: this was supposed to be a short blurb. also ty to @lino-nyangi for giving me the confidence to finish this đŸ«¶đŸ»
you were a fool. a complete fool.
you just made out with your friend the night before he goes away for his world tour for a good few months. you just ruined your friendship, put yourself in a horrible situation that won’t be resolved until he comes home, risking the chance of him coming back and being too awkward to even talk to you.
you just made out with your friend the night before he goes away for his world tour for a good few months. you just ruined your friendship, put yourself in a horrible situation that won’t be resolved until he comes home, risking the chance of him coming back and being too awkward to even talk to you.
all because you were thinking with your heart (and maybe your pussy was making some good points too) and not your brain. your brain would’ve said to stop. it did say to stop.
but you chose to focus on kim seungmin’s lips instead.
it wasn’t like he didn’t kiss you back
 in fact, he was the one who grabbed your waist and pulled you onto his lap. he was the one who slid his tongue into your mouth. he was the one who said your name softly as you pulled away.
and you were the one with a cockblock of a roommate who had to call you at that exact moment to say they forgot their keys and they’re stuck outside in the cold.
looking down at seungmin’s puppy eyes made it near impossible to care about your friend’s wellbeing, but you snapped out of it and sighed.
“i need to go home,” you said, hands flat against seungmin’s chest.
he nodded at you, jaw clenched lightly before he sighed the tension away. then he smiled.
“do you need me to walk you?”
“no, it’s okay, they’re so desperate to get out of the cold that they’re calling me a taxi.”
“when’s it getting here?” he asked, and you noticed his hands were still firmly on your hips. they were warm, which made it impossible to miss just how much of your skin was covered by their warmth.
you looked down at your phone and the tracker map, the taxi was still seven minutes away.
“then come here,” he mumbled, snaking a hand onto your cheek and pulling you back to his lips.
his lips were so soft, and he tasted of the cupcakes you were eating when you watched that movie together—right now you couldn’t even remember the plot of it. all you could think about was the sweet coffee frosting and the way his tongue moved so skilfully against yours. all you could think about was his firm chest against your palms, the way you couldn’t quite tell who’s heart beat you were feeling underneath them.
and then your phone rang again and it was the driver and you grabbed your things and seungmin walked you outside and you wished him good luck on his tour and then you were gone and the next day he was gone and it’s been a week and not a single word from him.
when you finished all your work that day and retrieved your phone from where you were charging it you saw a few new messages.
seung: tour has been super busy so far i don’t think i’ve slept more than six hours this week
seung: if i dissociate hard enough does that count as a nap?
seung: also tell ur roommate they’re on my hit list now
you: why are they on ur hit list????
you: and please sleep minnie
seung: i can’t believe they ruined my one shot
you: wdym
seung: the thought of you kissing me won’t leave my head
seung: since chan’s bday party it’s all i wanted
seung: then i get that and you’re gone
you: you’re gone too mate you’re in fucking thailand
seung: and if i wasn’t in thailand?
you: what..?
seung: if i was home now. what would happen?
you take in a deep breath before you type your next words, a tingling sensation running through the tips of your fingers.
you: if it was up to me?
you: something something your fingers
seung: i don’t speak shy
you: you’re gonna make me say it??
seung: only if you want me to do it
you: kim seungmin
seung: no need to be so formal
you: if you were home now i think it would be nice if your fingers were inside me while we kissed some more
you: if that’s something you wanted ofc
seung: fuck
seung: yeah yeah that’s something i want
seung: that’s something i really really want
seung: i need to go soundcheck now fuck
seung: will be thinking of that forever thanks
you fell asleep with your phone still in your hand, trying to distract yourself with tiktoks until seungmin had another spare moment for you. but that moment only came at 5:47 am when he texted you saying he had no idea what to have for dinner. you asked him what he ended up getting to which he only replied ten hours later.
you were used to communicating like this with him. when he was on tour he was always busy, going from one place to the next and doing interviews and shows, and of course, timezones played a part too. but you noticed this time he was making more of an effort, always texting you random details about his day when he had the chance.
and you did the same for him in return, always snapping pictures of your lunch and sometimes of your outfits too.
before you kissed him, he’d just say normal things. friend things. like “that looks cute!” and “why are you wearing a hat it’s winter”.
now he’s a bit more forward. or maybe it was because you innocently snapped a picture that showed off your body pretty well, in an outfit that was meant to do the same.
seung: where are you going?
you: to the clubs!
seung: yeah you look hot like that
you: thanks
seung: you gonna shoot your shot?
you: i already did
seung: and how did that turn out?
you: got kissed and then abandoned :(
seung: who would do that
you: some guy who cares more about his fans than he cares about me
seung: that is so not true
seung: promise me something?
you: what
.
seung: don’t kiss anyone or flirt with anyone
seung: please
you: seung. what is that supposed to mean?
seung: that outfit is gonna drive me crazy
seung: ur body
seung: u could get anyone you wanted you know that?
you: way to avoid the question
seung: it’s all the media training :)
you: i’m not gonna promise anything if you don’t give me a reason
seung: goddamit you know the reason
seung: just
 please.
you: seungmin.
seung: i just don’t think it would be fair. i’m not there to beat the other people to it
you: what other people?
seung: i wanna be the only one
it was around two in the morning when you arrived home, the alcohol still rushing through your body and blurring your vision slightly. even though you didn’t make any promises to seungmin, there wasn’t any reason to. no one has been able to catch your attention ever since you first started developing a crush on him, and after kissing him (and the constant flirting since) it was obvious to you you didn’t want anyone else. but seungmin didn’t need to know that yet.
you texted him to tell him you were home, like he asked you too, and a few moments later an incoming facetime call drew your attention to your phone.
you quickly answered it.
“minnie!” you slurred, waving at the camera enthusiastically.
“drunk?” he chuckled.
“obviously,” you rolled your eyes.
it was then you noticed he was wearing his stage outfit, spotting his overalls and jewellery and in-ears.
“you look so good,” you groaned. he laughed. “when’s the show?”
“in like two hours,” he nodded, looking to the side to supposedly check the time. but all you saw was his jaw.
“woah,” you sighed, “god.”
“huh?”
“you’re so hot,”
“you’re still in that outfit,” he retorted.
“well, i can take it off if you really want,” you said before you could even register what you were thinking.
seungmin jumped in his seat, eyes wide and staring at you.
“if i take my shirt off will you give me something in return?”
“huh?” was all he managed.
“can you show me your hands?”
“yeah, yeah,” he stuttered, “anything you want. but—“
you crossed your arms in front of you, rolling the bottom of your shirt up your stomach before seungmin put his hand up as if saying stop. so you did.
“what is it?”
“you’re drunk and i shouldn’t let you.”
“you don’t wanna see my tits?” you grabbed them, drawing his undivided attention to your chest.
“god, how much i want that,” he grumbled. “but not like this. i wanna see you for the first time when i get home.”
you pouted at him, which sent even more of his blood rushing towards his dick. he clenched his jaw tightly.
“did you keep your promise?” he decided to change the subject.
you nodded quickly. “obviously. wouldn’t wanna fuck anyone that isn’t you.”
evidently, any filter you had had drowned in the alcohol and was now rendered useless.
seungmin gaped at you.
“you want us to fuck?”
“so bad,” you groaned, “like, if i was there and you just had two hours to chill i’d beg you to fuck me in your dressing room.”
“you’re trying to kill me,” seungmin mumbled.
“you know ever since chan’s party i think of you when i touch myself,” you said, casually.
so casually that seungmin was left to blink at you as the words registered in his brain.
“what do you think about?”
“i dunno,” you shrugged, bringing a finger to your collarbone subconsciously, “just
 being with you.”
“oh, like—“ but before seungmin could say anything else han walked into his room, speaking loudly about something to do with the food he found for lunch.
you said hello to jisung and talked to him for a few more minutes before felix came into the room as well.
you could see seungmin’s side eye at his members, and it made you giggle loudly, but neither of them focused on that too much when they realised you were just drunk.
after a catch up with felix you decided you were tired and went to bed.
seungmin couldn’t believe how bad his luck is.
seungmin’s wish to see you for the first time in person was quickly forgotten. the more times you asked him if he wanted to see you, the more he considered just how long it was gonna be before he came home. so when you suggested it again on one of your two am facetime calls, seungmin let out a breathy “please.”
he bit his lip, smiling cheekily at you as he watched you through the screen running your hands up and down your chest.
he brought his thumb to his lips, mumbling something as he clearly wasn’t focusing on your face.
“what was that?”
“you’re so beautiful,” he said, rolling his eyes in frustration. “i wish i was there.”
“only a few more weeks, minnie,” you reminded him, shifting around to show off a better angle of your body.
“i wanna touch you and hold you and kiss you and fuck you and—“ he groaned again, “—this is so unfair. why can’t you come out here?”
“because—“
“—i’ll pay for everything, we’ll book a room for you and whatever you need.”
“i can’t ask work to just let me go next week.”
“then the week after?”
“i need to ask like six months in advance,” you sighed.
“that’s such bullshit. quit your job and come on tour with us.”
“and you’ll pay my rent and my bills and my t—“
“i’ll pay for everything,” he repeated. and although it gave you butterflies you knew that wasn’t realistic. you couldn’t ask that of him, and besides, you didn’t want that. you did want to see him, but you also had your life. and that came first.
“whatever you say, minnie,” you dropped it quickly.
“okay,” he knew to drop it as well, blinking the bangs away from his eyes as his gaze settled back on your face.
“i do really miss you. regardless of all the things we’ve been talking about lately. i wanna hang out with you again.”
“yeah,” you smiled at him, “i miss you, too. when are you coming home?”
the tour was coming to an end, the last few shows left. you still talked to seungmin almost every day, about work and your life and his life and the tour and everything in between. and most nights it would end up with most of your clothes off in front of each other, whispering dirty things down the phone.
with only a couple weeks left, you were really starting to lose your patience. you felt a longing for seungmin, which wasn’t new, but with it being obvious that the only thing in your way now was distance it drove you insane. you dreamt about him and thought about him and wanted him.
you never thought your stupid kiss would lead to anything other than awkwardness, but making your feelings known to seungmin was all he needed to push him out of the pining phase and into the chasing the girl he liked phase.
as you were eating your breakfast you opened your social media and started scrolling aimlessly; until you gasped, finger hovering above your screen as you stopped on seungmin’s latest instagram post. you weren’t even sure if he was trying to take a picture of his face at all—when all anyone could see was his hands.
his really really beautiful hands.
without even thinking about it you opened your chat with him and typed out a quick message. before you could overthink it you switch back to the pictures, admiring them in their full glory.
you: kim seungmin.
seung: either you’re mad at something or you opened instagram
you: so it was an intentional attack i see
seung: yes
seung: planned and executed to perfection
you: and what might this attack be in retaliation too?
seung: had a dirty dream about you
seung: needed your attention
you: could’ve just asked????
seung: not as fun
you: what was your dream about?
next came a voice message. you squeezed your thighs without even realising it, anticipation crawling up your skin as you pressed play.
seungmin went into great detail about a date in one of the fancy restaurants he visited in japan recently, about how cute you looked and that felix was your waiter and there were only cupcakes on the menu.
and then he laughed, deep and slow, before he said, “and you just dragged me to the roof of that restaurant and begged me. you were on your knees and everything.”
you started typing, urging him to tell you more about this dream of his when another message came through.
“as soon as i touched you i woke up, which is ironic considering we keep getting cockblocked by someone.”
“felix would be a good waiter,” you recorded back, “but i wouldn’t trust him with a tower of cups.”
“is that your main takeaway?” he laughed loudly. you could almost picture him covering his smile with his hand.
“sucking you off on a roof would be cool,” you shrugged, even if he couldn’t see it.
his laughed echoed through your ears before he wished you a good day, and told you to eat lots of food.
you knew seungmin was back home when he called you through his normal number and not his apple id.
“what are your plans tonight?” he asked, before saying hello or anything else.
“i’m having dinner with my friends,” you said.
“do you want me to pick you up after?”
“no,” you let the silence stretch for a second or two before adding, “it’s close to yours so i’ll just come over after?”
“you had to be a little shit, huh?” you can hear his smirk. you’ve grown so used to only hearing him, and sometimes seeing him through your phone, your heart races at the idea of getting to see him in front of you.
it’s eight hours later when you knock on seungmin’s door.
he opened the door, your chest rising as you took in a deep breath. his hair looked much brighter in person, and he was a little more tan than the pictures showed. and he was smiling at you as he flicked his bangs away from his face.
“hello,” he said, formally, bowing at you.
you slapped his chest, pushing past him as you toed off your shoes and walked inside.
“you have no manners,” he tsked at you, as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you into his chest.
“i missed you,” you mumbled into his hoodie, locking your arms behind his back and squeezing him closer to you.
you could feel his chin resting against your head, his thumb rubbing against your shoulder.
and then his finger wrapped around your chin as he brought your face up to his, brushing your lips together.
he pulled away, ever so slightly, smiling softly down at you.
“hi,” he grinned.
“hi,” you sighed.
he brought his hand to your cheek, pulling you in closer, kissing you passionately. it was as if all those months apart was leading to this moment, to the what if you never had to leave that first night you kissed him.
somehow you got pinned against the kitchen counter, and then seungmin grabbed onto your thighs, mumbling a soft “up,” against your lips before he lifted you onto the cold marble.
he slotted himself easily between your legs, his arms caging your body from either side.
“wait,” you said, pushing at his shoulders. the pair of you caught your breaths, looking at each other with nothing but want. but as soon as you pushed him away seungmin straightened himself up, creating more distance between you.
“where are the boys?”
“out,” seungmin nodded, “i told them not to come back without warning.”
you laughed loudly at that. “so we’re not getting cockblocked this time?”
“we most definitely are,” he sighed dramatically, “but this time it won’t be seconds before i take my dick out.”
the memory from that one call in melbourne was still painful in your mind, hyunjin coming into seungmin’s room at the worst possible moment. but at least the pair of you could laugh about it now.
“let’s test that theory,” you grinned, running your hand down his shoulder and all the way to the band of his sweats. you gripped it as you pulled him closer to you.
seungmin’s eyes gaped at you, his jaw dropping slightly before he started laughing.
you locked eyes with him, silently asking him if you could keep going. the eager look in his eyes was enough to tell you to cup him through his sweats.
he brought his hands to your knees, gliding them upwards before he grabbed your thighs and pushed them open.
you captured his lips in yours, a small groan leaving his lips as you started palming him through the soft material, his cock hardening under your touch.
seungmin wasted no time in returning the favour, running his thumb up and down your core as the kiss got more passionate, more sloppy.
“bedroom?” he asked when you pulled away for air.
you practically jumped off the counter, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards his bedroom.
his suitcase still stood in the corner of the room but you didn’t say anything about it, mainly because seungmin lifted you up and placed you in the middle of the bed before you registered what was going on.
then his lips were on yours again, and so were his hips, and the pair of you moved against each other—small moans filling the room.
“god, i can’t believe this,” he mumbled against your skin, kissing your neck and jaw as his hand inched closer to your chest. “i waited so long for this.”
“me too, minnie,” you nodded, grabbing his hand and kissing his palm. “want your hands.”
“where do you want them?” he smirked, watching in awe as you started kissing his knuckles, his fingers, his wrist.
“anywhere,” you giggled, “everywhere.”
“like them that much?” he raised his eyebrows, grinding his hips into yours. the pressure was just right, a loud moan leaving your lips. seungmin repeated his actions, eyes locked on your lips as you kept kissing every part of his hand you could.
his other hand slid underneath your shirt, grabbing your chest as he rolled your nipple between his fingers.
you arched your back at the pleasure, neglecting your task of admiring his hand.
“y/n,” he called your attention, finger running against your lips, “focus, yeah?”
you nodded, kissing the tip of his finger. you weren’t sure what possessed you to do what you did next, but you slowly opened your mouth and let his finger fall against your tongue. then you sucked on it, giggling slightly at seungmin’s bewilderment.
he only started moving faster, urged on by your muffled moans, before he scrunched your shirt all the way up and started kissing your chest.
“seung,” you breathed, slipping your hand into his hair. you didn’t need to tell him anything else as he slowly wrapped his lips around your nipple, sucking and licking and smiling as you arched your back in response.
he planted more kisses against your chest and then your stomach and then over your leggings, where the wet patch was getting embarrassingly visible.
“want my fingers here, bubs?” he asked, carefully, running a light finger over the spot you seemed to enjoy the most.
you nodded eagerly.
he slipped his hand into your underwear, smirking at you as he slowly rubbed the tip of his finger around your entrance.
“wet
” he mumbled softly, “wet and warm.”
“minnie, please,” you bucked your hips up.
he clicked his tongue, shaking his head.
“i know what you want,” he kissed your cheek, “so just trust that i’ll give it to you.”
“but,” you sighed, “waited so long.”
“what’s another five minutes then?” he smiled, rubbing up and down your folds.
“you were gone for weeks,” you complained, but it fell short when his finger rubbed your clit softly and you gasped desperately.
“and i wanted you for months,” he said, face inches away from yours. “god, i’ve wanted you for ages. thought about you all the time, wishing i could have you.”
“then have me, seungmin, stop teasing,” you whined.
he clicked his tongue again. “payback and all.”
“how is it payback when i wanted you too?” you exclaimed, laughing airily.
“didn’t say anything,” he shrugs, “so i’m teaching you to use your words better. for next time.”
“next time?” you blinked.
“mhm,” he started circling your entrance again, pushing his finger in slowly, “next time.”
he sunk his finger all the way inside you, the length enough that you could feel a pressure in your stomach. and although seungmin really wanted to keep teasing you, the reaction he got was too good—and so he pushed his fingers in again and again and again until you were chanting at him not to stop.
and then you came all over his fingers.
seungmin softly kissed your shoulder as you caught your breath, brushing your hair out of your face. he slowly pulled his fingers away, delicately, and was about to grab a tissue from his nightstand before you grabbed his wrist.
he looked at you questioningly, his jaw dropping when you brought his fingers to your mouth again and licked them clean.
“holy fuck,” he chuckled. “i fucking—“
and then his phone rang. “oh, im gonna kill someone. yeah, im going to kill them.”
you chuckled at him when you looked over at his phone and spotted felix’s caller id.
seungmin answered, huffing out a sound as a greeting. “cool, thanks.”
he threw his phone into the pillow before he collapsed on top of you, burying his face in your chest. “they’re on the way back now.”
you soothed his grumbling, running your hands across his shoulder softly.
“that’s okay. do you wanna watch a movie now?”
after you cleaned yourself up the pair of you migrated to the living room, putting on a movie you both watched before as you snuggled closer to seungmin’s chest. he had his arm around your shoulder, his finger playing with your hair.
even though the movie was playing, and you were supposed to act normal, you still spent your time kissing his knuckles—unable to just not when his hands were so beautiful. seungmin laughed at you for it.
when the boys got back, jeongin made a comment at how he thought seungmin was actually getting some and that’s why they were asked to leave.
“thanks for that,” seungmin said, sarcastically. the boys didn’t notice how you buried yourself in the blanket as a blush crept up your neck.
the next day seungmin told you he was leaving again in two days for some fansign event for their album. it wasn’t an airplane away, but it was far, and he wouldn’t be back for a few days.
“but don’t worry, i got you something to make up for it.”
“you got me something?” you gasped. “no, you didn’t need to at all!”
“it’s for me too,” he smirked at you.
just then the waiter came around to ask for your orders.
“what does that mean?” you whispered after they left.
“you’ll see. it’s getting posted to yours.”
three days later, after sending seungmin a selfie on your walk home so he could see you were safe, you found a package by your door.
you quickly opened it, knowing it was seungmin’s gift as you didn’t order anything.
you felt your whole body tingle when you realised what it was. an app controlled vibrator.
you: kim seungmin.
seung <3: it isn’t my hands, but think you wanna use it?
you: yes!!!!! but only if you still send me mirror selfies.
seung <3: obvs. tell me when to turn it on babe
you: you’re gonna use this for evil, huh?
seung <3: don’t act like we’ve just met
you: ugh. menace
seung <3: your menace 😗
you: 

you: i hate you.
you: when are you coming home?
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luneshallshine · 2 years
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✂ txt as my favorite romance tropes
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hello! this is my first work, i had no idea it would take me so long to set everything up lolol. 
anywho! each txt member will have a fluffy trope and each will have their own confession scenario. (i totally went overboard w yeonjun’s and beomgyu’s)
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fluffy and cliche tropes, gn!reader, use of profanity 
჊ yeonjun, older sibling's friend/older childhood friend
♫ playing now : i wait by day6 & but you by ikon
yeonjun gives off that protective mentor type vibe
you and him would have grown up together
making his feelings seem 10x more awkward (in his eyes at least)
he went from thinking you were some little sibling to him, to an attractive person overnight it seems
he would never ever try anything until you were both adults, though even after you turned 18, he didn’t do jack shit
if you have an older sibling, they would’ve AUTOMATICALLY caught on once yeonjun and them got into high school
“ayo, why do you keep wanting to hang out at my house anyway?”
“... no comment..?”
naH because this man started giving you the cold shoulder when he hit high school
“why?”, you may ask
well because he was afraid if he saw you smile at him, he’d fall even deeper
at that point in his life, having you scowl at him was better
man was patient for a lifetime (to him at least)
he was always looking for a hint from you, just one hint!
the hint came to him on your 20th birthday
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 when it was your 20th birthday, guess who was the first to wish you happy bday at 12:00 am? ding ding, it was mr. choi yeonjun. it was a heartfelt message, one that felt more sentimental than past years, for whatever reason.
 “happy birthday y/n. you’re already 20, that’s insane. feels like just yesterday you were hiding behind me because the lights were off in your house. i hope i have been a good friend and role model to you this whole time. i’ll see you later today.
yeonjun :)”
 the reason why it felt so sad? yeonjun was giving up on you. you had given him no hints, and yeonjun had to accept that maybe it wasn’t meant to be. maybe your age gap was too large for you. 
 then it was time for your bday party, yeonjun wanted to go out with a bang. he wore a nice black shirt with fitting black jeans, he had recently dyed his hair an ashy gray, so his look was very low maintenance but effective. his heart pounded as he drove to your place with care, your presents secured in his passenger seat. even though he was a complete mess on the inside, a smile was plastered on his face, never leaving.
 then he saw you, all dolled and tidied up for your birthday party. you had opened the door for him, exclaiming that he was the first one there, he expected no less. your smile calmed his hyperventilating heart, your eyes that eagerly surveyed your presents in his hand seemed to hypnotize him. your sweet voice thanking him for coming repeated in his head long after greetings were done. he was totally whipped.
 he watched as you (cutely) scurried around, trying to make sure everything is absolutely perfect for your other guests. 
“you came so early, you know, i wasn’t ready!” you whined, a pout forming on your lips.
 he apologized with no real sincerity, he was glad only he could see you like this, all flustered and worried. when you felt fully satisfied, you walked back to him, he was sprawled on the couch, his phone holding his attention. he could feel your gaze on him almost instantly, and locked eyes with you, his phone not leaving his hands.
“all done?” yeonjun asked, sitting up fully.
“yeah, do you like it?” you replied, your eyes lighting up like stars.
 his eyes took a quick swipe of the living room, the decorations were in no way fancy or perfect, but it was just so you that he couldn’t help but love it. a smile crept onto his face, and he turned to you. he was about to compliment you when he was taken aback by the expecting look on your face. your eyes were wide and a small but noticeable smile was on that face he loved. he found himself stumbling over his words as he scratched the back of his neck.
“yeah uh, i like the decorations, they’re..um..very cute,” he said, looking away. 
 his face was heating up, god, the things you do to his heart. he heard you giggle in satisfaction, your warmth leaving his perimeter. 
this bday party was going to be so fucking dangerous. 
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 when it was time for you to open the presents, yeonjun stood off to the side, not wanting to get too close to the crowd, just incase anyone could hear his heart pound from anxiety. he drowned out everything but your voice, and he was just waiting for you to say his name.
“whose gift is this? oh! yeonjun!” 
 his ears perked up like a cat’s, and he peered over your guests’ shoulders, and he saw you unwrapping your gifts. he had gone all out, spending well over $70 for all your gifts. he really wanted to make sure you wouldn’t forget him. he swore he could’ve died happy when he saw the gigantic smile on your face, one that meant that he did a good job. 
 a sour taste erupted in his mouth, thoughts of you smiling for anyone other than him invaded his mind. however he knew he couldn’t think that way, you weren’t an object for him to own, but he just wanted to clip your wings so that you couldn’t fly away.
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 he doesn’t know how he got there, but he found himself standing alone outside your house, the party still raging on. he sat on the space in front of your door, thinking that this might be the last time he ever gets to do this. he always though that the sky looked prettier when he looked at it from your door. the front door was slightly ajar, just enough so yeonjun wouldn’t have to worry about being locked out. he heard the door slightly creak open, and he turned to see you peaking through the doorway.
“oh it’s just you, i was worried because the front door was open. what are you doing here all alone?” you asked, coming to sit down next to him. 
 words couldn’t form in his mouth, he just stared at your face. the face he had grown to love over the many years he’s known you, the face that he would wipe tears off of when someone had dared to hurt you, the face he would think of when he was stressed out, the face he loved so dearly. he wanted to respond to your question, but his throat choked up and he found himself tearing up.
“hey y/n?”
“yeah?”
“would you miss me if i moved away?”
“what kind of a question is that?! of course i would! you’re one of my closest friends.”
“friend..”
 now you were worried, he wasn’t thinking of actually moving right? he looked up at you and all he could see was your lips, he did want to go out with a bang. suddenly all you could hear was the beating of your hearts. 
“i like you, y/n. i’ve liked you for years now,” yeonjun said, looking into your eyes for a hint once more.
 you smiled and held his face.
“kiss me then.”
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჊ soobin, secret admirer (the simp who won)
♫ playing now : chocolate by day6
i definitely see soobin as a really attentive person
someone who will study the person he likes so he can make them the happiest if they were to date
he was your classmate in one of your classes, and you only talked to him because of a school project
but, let’s be honest, you probably thought he was cute even before that
because, LOOK AT HIM
after that school project, soobin probably fell hella hard
(sorry to my fellow lazy and shy folks) i feel like he would only fall for you if you were either someone who took initiative or who did your part well
i see him as someone who wants an independent but kind partner
BUT, let’s just say he fell for you no matter what you are
he would start to say good morning/afternoon to you everyday
and you also started getting presents on/in your desk or in your locker
he would listen to you talk to your friends and look at what snacks you would bring, just so he could buy things for you
he would get you a lot of sweets if you like them!
he’s really shy so i feel like he would doubt his abilities to win you over head-on :(
but he’s also not good at hiding shit
like he would give away so many hints without even knowing it
like atp everyone in the class knows, soobin can’t be slick to save his life
he would accidently drop the receipts for things he bought on the floor, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, and walk away like nothing happened
needless to say, you caught on quick :)
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 the bell rang, signaling that class was over, and you heard your classmates sigh in relief. you held a chocolate bar that you had found on your desk from your secret admirer and you felt it slowly melt from your hand’s heat. your classmates started to stand up as the teacher dismissed you all, your seatmate, soobin stood up rather fast; it looked like he was really eager to get home. as he stood up to leave, you saw something drop from his pant’s pocket, it was white and looked clumped up together. you left your seat to pick it up, your nosy self uncrumpled it to see what it was; only to see multiple receipts of things you recognized. chocolate bars, flowers, cards? you stared a bit harder before you realized. you chuckled, only soobin would be so clumsy as to expose himself.
“soobin! you dropped something,” you said, making his ears perk up.
 he turned around and you saw his face drop. you felt really bad as you could the panic from across the classroom.
“u-uh, thank you! i don’t need those anymore, i’m gonna go!” he yelled, running out of the classroom in a frenzy.
 you giggled slightly, standing up to see if you could catch him before he left the building. 
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 you managed to catch up to him before he left through the front doors, and grabbed his arm.
“soobin let’s talk-”
“no! i already know what you’re going to say, i...i’m not good enough for you,” soobin said, slight sniffles coming from him.
 you smiled, tugging his arm a bit harder. 
“you can’t put words in my mouth soobin,” you said, looking at him straight in the eye.
 he tried to stammer protests, but his body was jell-o the second you touched his arm. he could only helplessly follow you, like a moth to a flame. you stopped once you guys were somewhere where no one was around, you sighed as you watched him wipe his tears.
“were you the one giving me those gifts?” you asked.
 he looked away as he nodded shyly.
“i like you too soobin, so please look at me,” you said, smiling as he turned his head around quickly.
“really?!” he exclaimed, his eyes brightening.
 you nodded and got the wind absolutely knocked out of you as he hugged you vigorously, he definitely forgot he was a 6â€Č1â€Č’ giant. 
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჊ beomgyu, bringing strangers together because of a secret (think maid-sama)
♫ playing now : stereotype by stayc & after school by weeekly
ok so we know that beomgyu was in a band predebut
now what if we think of an au where he was in an underground rock band, like delinquent level
you and your classmates see him as that one guy who could potentially be considered a “quiet kid” with his long hair and all
for context i’m basing this off of lovesong!beomgyu
he ignored the teacher when asked to introduce himself on the first day so none of yall knew his name until the teacher called on him a week later
i know that beomgyu is extremely hyper, but let’s pretend he’s not bc he’s not comfortable w his classmates yet (well, gyu, you never WILL be if you don’t try but ok!)
you kinda forgot he was in your class ngl
mans does not talk at all 
one day you were hanging out with some friends after school and one of your friends suggested you try and sneak into a band’s show 
and of course you all loveeee bad ideas!
the band you guys chose was a rock band that had a guy on the cover of the poster
he had long messy hair and only the bottom half of his face was showing
he was smiling and his smile was hot to you so that’s why you chose it-
when you guys did manage to sneak in, you looked at the stage and immediately regretted your decision
was-
was that fucking beomgyu?!
the loner?!
the quiet kid?!
you wanted to nope out of there but most of your friends wanted to stay because they thought the band members were attractive
“noooo you don’t understand that’s my classm-”
you looked up and beomgyu was staring at you like (⊙o⊙)
“FUCKKKK”
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 the music was blaring as your friends tugged you through the crowd, getting closer to the stage. for some reason, your heart was fluttering as you heard a husky voice sing, it was beomgyu. his eyes never left you even as he sang, he smiled and all your friends started freaking out.
“omg omg, did you see that! he’s staring right at us!” 
 you felt your face going red as you quietly left your friends, you weaved through the sea of cheering people, making it to a bathroom. you opened the door and walked in, the band’s sound even made it to the bathroom but you could still make out some noises in the stalls. 
“no way.”
 people were actually fucking in the bathroom stalls. you booked it out of there so fast you could’ve beat usain bolt. you crouched down next to the door and put a hand over your chest to calm your nerves. this place does not fit me at all, how does he handle this?? you did deep breaths as you walked slowly back to the main stage, only to be stopped by a guy in a black hoodie. 
“hey you’re pretty cute, you come here often?” he said, inching closer to you.
 you shook your head as you tried to walk past him, only to feel his hand on your shoulder. he gripped your shoulder tightly and you were about to slap his hand away when suddenly you felt someone pull you away. you looked up to thank your savior and locked eyes with beomgyu. he looked at you and his eyes ran over your face to see any signs of injuries, when he found none he smiled and looked back at the guy who tried to hit on you.
“how about you don’t grab one of my fans?” beomgyu said, pushing the guy back. 
 i’m not even your fan but okay beomgyu. the guy put his hands up in defeat as he walked past the two of you, and you got the chance to be alone with beomgyu. his hands were still protectively wrapped around your shoulders.
“...please don’t tell anyone you saw me here,” beomgyu said, looking at you with pleading eyes.
“i didn’t even think of reporting you, don’t worry. i think it’s cool that you have a hobby like this, even though our school banned, you know, going to a club with alcohol,” you replied, watching as the tension released from his body.
“thank you, thank you so much y/n,” he bowed and then released his grip on you. 
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 for the next coming weeks, beomgyu started to talk to you. he would come up to you at lunch to ask you if you wanted to eat together, to which you always said “yes, but what do i get out of it?”. the decided deal was he would sing for you and you would eat with him. you grew to love his voice, and you always brought an extra water bottle for him just incase his throat got dry.
 one day he handed you a flyer for his band’s next show. the flyer had half of his face once again, and he was pointing at the camera with that same smile you had grown to admire.
“can you come by yourself..?” he asked, looking away.
“sure thing.”
“just make sure to come a little earlier than the time written down there. ok?”
 you nodded as he turned around and walked off, with a little bit more pep in his step. he was glad that he had finally made a friend. 
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 when you walked in, you handed the bouncer the flyer beomgyu had given you and the bouncer smiled at you knowingly. you gave the bouncer a confused look and they leaned into your ear.
“so you’re the person he keeps talking about!”
“..wha..?”
 the bouncer merely ushered you inside, and you were greeted with the sound of the band tuning their instruments. you walked up to the stage and beomgyu looked at you with surprise.
“what? you didn’t think i would come?” you asked.
“no! i never said that! you just look good that’s all,” he said, flustering you a bit.
“so i didn’t before?”
 he let out a groan before he put down his guitar and hopped the stage to talk to you face to face. 
“i hope you listen closely tonight.”
“why?”
 he smiled, more bright than he did at school, and put his hand on his neck.
“i just worked really hard is all.”
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 when the music began, beomgyu was already staring at you HARD. goddamn y/n, you sure are a looker. you sure aren’t dumb, i mean unless you are, but you could tell that this song was going to be for you. his mouth opened and all you could hear was him, him, and him. the crowd’s screams, his member’s voices and instruments, they all suddenly didn’t exist. 
 time sped by so fast, and you couldn’t believe it had already been an hour. the band bowed as the crowd applauded, and you waited for beomgyu to come to you. he leaped off the stage once more, and when he got close enough. you hugged him and your faces were closer than ever. 
“if you couldn’t tell, i like you,” beomgyu said.
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჊ taehyun, mr. oblivious/dense and his shy but persistent admirer
♫ playing now : some by soyou & 200% by akmu
taehyun sometimes has this clueless look on his face like
⊙0⊙ or ◉◡◉
that’s why i gave him the mr. oblivious trope
if you like him, i feel like you would have to tell him straight up
flirting or courting him won’t work
so this situation could be similar to nozaki-kun
like he is just so DENSE
you could get down on one knee with a ring, and he’d be like “get up the floor is dirty (✿◠‿◠)”
ok maybe not to that extent but you get the idea
this could go on for like MONTHS, everyone around you guys would be able to tell BUT HIM
he’d think that you’re just really nice!
you give him snacks and walk with him when you see him
you say good morning and good afternoon to him
you give him sprite when you have an extra 
yes it is totally because i bought extra and not because i bought it for you taehyun
it would be going on for sO LONG, like are you ok?? are you a masochist?
honestly i would snap after a while
however, since you’re still shy, this confuses taehyun
like why do you give him gifts and say good morning and such, without sticking around to have a conversation with him?
ngl he probably thinks you’re scared of him or smth
like- he thinks he’s unintentionally intimidating you into giving him gifts n shit LOL
he would start to pity you, he wants to talk to you but you always run away
 you’ve had the biggest crush on taehyun for what feels like eternity, and you have done everything you could to convey your feelings. however, being really shy, the words “i like you” are totally not in your vocabulary. every time you see him, you can only manage a simple greeting and gift before scurrying off. you don’t know how his face looks like when he sees you, as you can’t make eye contact with him. does he smile? is he weirded out? you wish you could look him in the eye and be confident enough to confess. 
 however, your defense began to crumble when taehyun decided to start trying to chase after you. after you said your greetings, taehyun would start to ask you about your day so far, how you were, etc. after he began doing that, you decided the only way to keep your heart from bursting, was to ignore him. no more random gifts, no more greetings, and no more interactions. you were fine admiring him from the sidelines, after all, you had been doing that all this time; what’s the difference? 
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 how did you end up in this situation? why was taehyun pinning you against the wall of a cafĂ© you decided to go to this morning? his left arm was above you, and his right hand was politely at his side. his eyes felt like they were staring into your soul. your face was heating up, it was getting hard to breathe. your heart could only thump-thump it’s life out, trying to keep you up-right so you wouldn’t faint.
“why have you been ignoring me?” taehyun asked.
 what?
“i-ignoring you?” you replied, feeling a bit dumb.
“yeah, you haven’t been saying hi to me at all for the past few weeks! what’s the deal?” he asked, his voice raising slightly in volume.
 you began to curl into yourself, hugging the wall for dear life. if you thought it’d be hard to look into his eyes before, it is basically a death sentence now. he sounded so irate, but so hot. 
“i..i’m sorry,” you uttered.
“sorry? no i don’t want a ‘sorry’, i want you to tell me that you’ll talk to me. am i scary or something?” he continued.
“n-no! you’ll never scare me, i just..assumed..,” you felt your throat seizing up.
 he was so close, you could feel his body heat radiating onto you. 
“assumed what, y/n, don’t blue-ball me now. tell me what i did, and we can work this out,” taehyun said, his voice softening when he realized you look smaller then when he first saw you today.
 you felt his concern, he was concerned, for you? why did he want to bother with you? why did he care so much, so much to the point of hunting you down? why? your mind was going a million places, when suddenly taehyun hugged your waist with his right hand, his heartbeat slowly becoming noticeable to you. you looked at him for the first time ever, and took a deep breath. 
“y-youstartedtryingtotalktomeallofasuddenandigotnervous!” you rambled, squeezing your eyes shut. 
“nervous of what y/n? did you think i was trying to hurt you? i could never hurt someone as cute as you, i mean look at you. you’re curled into yourself darling,” taehyun said, the sweetness dripping from his lips.
 he really had no idea how flirty he was being, did he? you heard him call his guy friends and girl friends ‘darling’ before, so you knew you weren’t special. 
“i was nervous that you would notice i -- !” you stopped yourself, sliding down the wall and balling yourself up.
“..lik...ou.”
 your butt was touching the floor now, then you heard taehyun shifting around until he was at the same level as you. you didn’t want to see his facial expression right now.
“what’d you say y/n? please tell me,” he asked.
“ilikeyou,” you whispered, just loud enough for him to hear, “now please leave me alone, i know you don’t like me b-”
 his hand touched the top of your head, and he giggled. 
“you’re so cute angel.” 
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“you have to look at me for me to kiss you angel.”
“i know i know, just give me a second.”
 it had been months since you two began dating, and you still didn’t have your first kiss due to your shyness. taehyun decided that on the 3-month mark, you had to let him kiss you (if you said no, then he wouldn’t pressure you, but thankfully you said yes to the plan). 
 now you were sitting on his bed, your head staring at the sheets as taehyun waited for you to look at him like a puppy. since dating him, you realized that taehyun’s love language was physical touch and that you being close to him was important for him to understand that you loved him. 
“take your time angel,” taehyun said, leaning back a tad bit.
 you slowly lifted your head, scanning his entire body, and finally resting on his face. his eyes were expecting you, he smiled as you finally made eye contact. he raised his left hand to caress your face, and he leaned a little closer. his eyes now staring at your lips.
“l-let’s stay like this for a little bit, my heart is pounding too much,” you said, feeling his right hand touch your lower back to bring you closer.
 he hummed in response, and rested his head on your right shoulder, his right hand drawing small circles. he let his left hand fall as he waited patiently, loving the feeling of your warm body touching his. you looked up at the ceiling and realized that you were lucky to find someone who could deal with your shyness, someone who would be okay with just holding hands, or you just sitting next to him. you smiled and tapped taehyun’s shoulder.
“do it.”
“finally.”
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჊ huening kai, class clown/social butterfly x student council member
♫ playing now : some by bol4 & attention by newjeans
finally we reached our cutie hyuka
now obviously i don’t know if he’s truly the class clown but his laugh... it RADIATES class clown energy
he IS that class disruption that people want to hate but can’t because he’s so damn cute
probably has students folding for him with his bubbly and humorous personality
but! you being a student council member, you are basically his enemy
someone who’s always trampling on his fun :(
you two probably grew up going to the same schools
he knows who you are and always wants to catch up with you
but you always give him the cold shoulder for whatever reason
you most likely liked him when yall were younger and when you hit high school you wanted to impress him by joining student council
but it backfired because the school needed you to keep up appearances
plus the pressure from your other members :((
yeah you never got the chance to talk to kai once yall began school
it makes him sad to look at you stressing out and losing the sparkle you had when you two were younger
so he tries extra hard to make the class environment happier so when you walk in, you won’t get negative vibes
probably sees you getting scolded by a fellow council member and decides to finally walk up to you and get you to have fun with him
“i asked you to do just one thing! why can’t you do anything right?! god y/n, it’s like you joined student council without getting an education first, why did we get such a dumbass?” 
“i hear what you’re saying, but this is completely inappropriate. if you have a problem with me personally, we can discuss this with our advisor, instead of berating me and embarrassing the entire student council in the public hallway. please go and compose yourself before accusing me of not doing my role.”
 your fellow member stormed off with an eye-roll, and you sighed before turning around to see kai standing there with his eyes wide open.
“wow! you were so cool y/n!” he exclaimed, a smile on his face.
i’m cool..? he thinks i’m cool..? 
“what do you need kai?” you asked, forcing a straight face.
“i just wanted to see if you were ok, i saw that person yelling at you,” kai replied, a pout replacing his smile. 
“well i’m fine, thank you. now please excuse me, i must go home now,” you said, nearing your breaking point.
 nothing seemed to be going right this week, first you fail to do a homework assignment on time, leading to you forgetting about the work your member asked you to do, then you got yelled at in front of multiple students and kai, it really was not your week. you walked into the bathrooms and started to stare at yourself. 
 you joined student council to look cool for kai, but now look at you. heavy eyebags, unkempt hair, lazy school clothes, and no life in your eyes. 
“kai would never want me now..,” you muttered to yourself, mindlessly fixing your wrinkled clothes. 
 you took one more look at yourself, and burst into tears. it was all too much for you. the pressure of keeping up an image, a false image, you wish you could be like kai. he was free and constantly expressing himself in ways you could never think of for yourself. you were jealous of him, you wanted to get the wings you were sure he was gifted. 
 you washed your face lightly and stepped out of the bathroom, and felt a giant force come from your right as someone hugged you with a ton of vigor.
“e-excuse me!” you yelled, looking at your attacker.
 kai merely glanced down at you with 10 peoples’ worth of pity. was..was he listening to you cry? 
“let’s go have fun, y/n, please?”
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 turns out his idea of “fun”, was dragging you to an arcade. the whole time, he was urging you to find a game you wanted to play together, but his eyes kept drifting to the stuffie claw game. after playing a few games of your choice, you walked over to the claw machine, staring intently at which one he would like.
“kai, choose one. i’ll try and get it for you,” you said. 
“choose one? i was going to ask you to choose one for yourself..i am the one who invited you after all, but if you insist!” he replied, proceeding to stick his face onto the glass.
 you giggled as he saw his nose sploosh against the glass as he stared at the stuffies with endless child-like curiosity. you knew damn well he would not be able to pick one, so you tapped his shoulder to get him out of his stuffie-drunk state.
“you’re not going to be able to pick just one, i know, let me just get one for you so we can go home,” you said, gently pushing him aside.
 kai pouted but nodded as he watched you get into position. he watched intently as the arm moved to the right, then to the left, and slowly..slowly went down, and grabbed a stuffie that looked just like you. 
“here,” you handed him the stuffie.
 he started to giggle slightly.
“it looks just like you! it has your angry eyes and your cute cheeks!” he said, poking the stuffie all over its face.
 he hugged the stuffie tightly. 
“you should just hug me then. i look just like it anyways,” you said, looking away in embarrassment. 
 a loud gasp came from him, and you got tackled, nearly crashing into the claw machine. 
“ahh i love you! you’re so cute when you talk to me!” kai squealed, hugging you like you were going to disappear.
“you love me?”
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 now after you two started dating, kai made an effort to be the most ANNOYING couple ever. 
random hallway tummy rubs?
check.
bursting into your classroom just to say he loves you?
check.
carrying you on his back when you slightly trip?
check. 
being extremely cheesy and cringy?
check, check, and check.
 have fun with this giant ass penguin who probably does not understand personal boundaries.
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...and we’re done! this is my first work, and it took me like 2 and a half weeks to finish. :// 
using the tag “  ჩ the lune sees all “ will show all my written works, please expect more from me!
almost none of my works will be proofread, since i am...really...really lazy.
჊ lune
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merrycrisis-if · 1 year
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allie hi omg i’m so late but i finally played the update and I LOVED IT SO MUCH like idek where to start because i played all the routes and they’re all so good. plus the 18+ scenes got me slutting out for real 😭😭
okok listen the added details in qiu’s first flashback literally drove me crazy like “you’re a hard person to catch alone” QIU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP IM IN LOVE WITH YOU 😭😭😭 and the new flashback!!!!!! like not to make it about me but it reminded me sm of the bday drabble you wrote me last year and let me tell you. a bitch (me) was giggling <3333 the bit where qiu wiped a bit of cheesecake off mc’s lips and mc teased them about making a move to kiss them was so fucking cute :((( and even taking them fishing and the dinner ugh just ALL OF IT!!! they really pulled all the romantic shit and even cut classes for mc and still couldn’t commit to a relationship smh
also nat

 when i say that steamy scene blindsided me and the way they did what they did underwater
 i lost my damn mind over that flashback 😼‍💹😼‍💹 but omg that phone call idk what i was expecting but it wasn’t a breakup conversation. when nat said “i need someone who’s here” and “i don’t want scraps when i’ve had all of you” 

. yeah i’m fine đŸ„Č when mc was like “i wish nat would say smth hurtful so i could hate them” i was like yeah same because nat is so nice and supportive and so spouse material it’s literally impossible not to fall in love with them
but also shay
. god their scenes were fucking insane i was BLUSHING 😭😭😭 there was just no way for me to play different variations of their scenes and stay normal like the little motorcycle bit if you skip the show and they pick you up at dinner was so cute but also the way they make eye contact with you the whole time at their gig
. “tell me why you’re leaving and why it is that we’re kissing on borrowed time” yeah i’m mentally ill. and when they kiss your forehead and your closed eyelids and was like “stop being cute all the time” and the scene in their apartment
. yeah shay’s fucking insane but also very hot but also the biggest sweetheart. i will never be normal after all that
this is so rambly now but i really genuinely enjoyed the demo. i keep saying it but the characters are all lovable even mc’s chaotic and prying relatives which make merry crisis all the more relatable and realistic. i hold this if so close to my heart thank you for writing it đŸ©·
AHHH!!!! Nikka you have no idea how excited I was to see this in my inbox, and the smile on my face just kept growing and growing as I read this message. It's been a while! I hope 2023 has been kind to you!
I loved writing that update, and I hold Merry Crisis very dear to my heart as well—so it always just hits me in the feels when people like it too/relate to it, ya know!
The Qiu flashback was 1000% inspired by the drabble I wrote for you last year, and I'm so glad I got to use it and expand on it in the game!! I am soooo happy that you liked the scenes, especially because I consider you a Qiu-authority at this point! And on Qiu doing literally everything except commit to a relationship.... yes. Exactly. I think this is what MC also cannot. believe.
Ahh omg. Heh. The Nat spicy scene at the beach was definitely... quite something to write. I wanted the call to really hit hard, but also offer some opportunity for redemption/hope (I wonder if you managed to get the scenes where MC does get a 'maybe' from Nat!)
Yeah, this last update was definitely one for the Shay fans—I packed in as much as I could in there, and writing the music/performance scene was fun, but so were the... bedroom / pillow talk scenes... especially for same-sex Shay!
Anyway, this message made me so so happy, so thank you so much for sending it. (It also makes me happy to know that the side characters / MC's family are also welcome and not simply an annoyance.)
Sending you a million hugs and all of my love!!
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zhuhongs · 1 year
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hhhhh so im on a ridiculously long ride home and just my phone so tumblr diary entry time lol. if you have my instagram this will make more sense but yk. anyways. so yesterday was the last day of the semester and i was tbh pretty normal abt it. but leading up to it i was a mess and tbh i think my stomach issues actually came more from the stress of knowing im leaving but the alcohol seemed plausible enough an explanation so i ran with it. but nah i was just. hhhh overwhelmed. bc anytime i was out with ppl it disappeared and as soon i was alone and not busy i was like. oh theres the stomach pain. LOL. but yea. so i decided my going away present to everyone would be a drawing of them plus a message bc like. i always said i liked art but never rlly showed my classmates my art so i was like. welp lets go out with a bang. and it felt good bc i really wanted to do smth like this sooner. my initial plan to make a good impression was to print stickers of my art and put my IG on it and get close to ppl that way. but i was just far too stressed and thought itd be weird. so i just. Didnt. and i regret not putting in enough effort at the beginning. but i also feel like its okay, especially given my upbringing. i needed that time to myself to figure it out, and now i really know that i can just. talk to ppl. and not be afraid. bc the ppl i got closest to were the one i swore would judge me most bc of my own preconceived notions, but i told the the parts of me i hid the most and they accepted it. and could at least sympathize and actually relate and i just. why was i so silly. why was i so mean to myself to be convinced that i was so unacceptable that no one except for those who already knew me could accept me and enjoy my presence? i was so silly. i wont do that again, but if i do, it will still be easier than doing it this time bc I'll recognize the patterns and quickly snap out of it.
in a way, i really do feel like i needed all this time alone to process myself and rlly look myself in the eye and recognize the ways ive lived that i can just stop doing now that i have the freedom to be free of my past. and part of me feels like I'm saying that as copium bc i didnt connect sooner and i possibly could have also had a better time with others and still have come to realize the same things and more through the help and company of others. but i also know that i cant live life always thinking so much. so i just need to live and let the regrets be what they are, and move forwards. but the regrets do indeed linger. like i made the decision not to stay in taiwan. bc of well A. money and B. i felt like if i had more time I'd just fucking waste it like i wasted the first 4 months. i might as well force myself into a corner and see if that would make me do things i was too scared to do otherwise. and like, it worked! i did say fuck it and rlly just let loose bc i was gonna leave but now its worked too well. and like i wish soooo bad that i had those 3 months to fully enjoy every chance working out. Part of me says that its best to leave with that hope. rather than have taken that chance and it fizzled out. the thing keeping me from extending the most was honestly knowing I'd have my birthday there. and i could not take the possibility of spending my birthday alone... i legit couldnt stomach it. in the past i used to spend every bday alone but in recent years ive had a mazing friends that actually made my bday special and i just. I'm so used to having that day be nice that i really couldnt take the possibility of it being awkward. but now i realize that it wouldn't have been like that. it couldve been wonderful. but thats okay, in another life. or maybe a few years. who knows. im considering doing smth like this again in like 2 years after I've worked a bit. i have nothing but time. but man. sometimes i just wonder yk.
and last night i had a rlly good one on one talk with my classmate and that was amazing, but i got home and checked IG like a dumbass and say another group of classmates partying til 3am and i was like.... man i should've done that. but like, logically no. i had a great night regardless and i partied with those classmates last week. ive had my fill, and i had things to do today that i needed to be coherent for. but i couldn't help but thinking what if. and i know its not so easy to kill that voice inside my head. its always gonna be there. its not just me, thats the devil of SNS like instagram. bc you see the best parts of everyone's lives at all times and feel like you're missing out but you're not. you only see a sliver of what it really was..but yea. its okay. I'm still so very young. and i just need to treasure now and take whatever chances i get to nourish the connections i have right now and put yourself out there to make new ones when the chances arise. its okay, there is not life that can be lived without saying goodbye. but damn, yesterday at the school gates two of my classmates hit me with the さよăȘら and that. man i felt it in that moment. theres so much i wish i couldve said in all that time we had to spend together but i just held my tongue bc i was scared. but this was really playing social interaction on hard mode, like the cultural differences, the language barrier, the introversion, the fact it was my first time on my own fr, just, there were soooo many factors working against me specifically. and fuck man, i still did it. and i am still so young, i really can do whatever i want. it feels so weird. ive only been here 6 months but in a way it feels like this is how its always been. like the fact that im going home feels so strange. like i havent been there in years, i honestly cant fully grasp that im gonna be in a place where i speak the language fluently and am fully aware and familiar with my surroundings. like, why does that feel so odd. it does, i legit dont even know how to feel besides strange. i just have a strange pit in my stomach. but its okay. it will pass as everything does. but these days will always live on inside me as everything does. even if i can't fully recall it. so i just have to keep going as always. god. life is trippy man. but yea. Yea. thats it. i think
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pondphuwin · 9 months
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MINT MY ONE AND ONLY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART đŸ’đŸ’–đŸ’“đŸ’—đŸ’đŸ’žđŸ’“đŸ’—đŸ’đŸ’žđŸŽ‚đŸ„łđŸŽ‰ I wish you to be healthy and happy, i hope beautiful beautiful things come your way, that you spend plenty of meaningful heartwarming moments with your loved ones, that people who come into your life appreciate you and treat you right <3 i hope you feel big and small happiness alike, that you find joy in the subtlest of sources 😊 be it silly shows, complex books, great paintings, quick doodles, grass breaking through two tiles on the street, the way someone's dress flows, the vibrant colour of buildings during sunset; see beauty the way you bring beauty - constantly and effortlessly đŸ©·
you're so kind and smart and fun, i wish when you have to meet the harsher parts of life that you handle them with grace and the attitude of a fighter, that you learn and evolve, that you heal with more ease each time đŸŒ± hope you laugh lots till your tummy's sore and smile brightly till your cheeks are too 😁
happy bday mint, have a great one đŸ„°đŸ’–
side note: I've been thinking bout your birthday recently and unsuccessfully searching for that one post I saw back when we started talking where you mentioned the date, I kept wondering whether it's a week after mine or at the end of the month so I apologise for not figuring it out on time <3
PETRI OH MY GOODNESS....... i had this sitting in my inbox all day bc i was just overwhelmed by the amount of care and detail that was put into this message, i will truly treasure it forever. i am so so grateful to have met a friend like you through our silly little bl posts, i'm happy to hype up all your amazing creations and listen to anything you want to ramble to me about — even when i don't always have the words to reply, your takes are always fascinating and fun to read. i don't know what i ever did to deserve such a lovely message in my askbox and to be seen in such a loving and beautiful way. [a million hearts and kisses to you!!!]
(also DID I MISS YOUR BIRTHDAY???? now i can never leave this website for long, i'm missing such IMPORTANT EVENTS. if i did miss it, i'm so sorry and happy belated birthday. i hope you had a beautiful day — as beautiful as this message was and as our friendship that i cherish so so much is!!!)
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tinnchan · 2 years
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I just rewatched the last scene of episode 8 (as a person who loves pain does lol) and I can’t help but notice that all the messages that seojoon sent jiwoo weren’t even a little bit mean. For a man that was left with a tiny little note, he still managed to make all the messages about jiwoo. Like, if he was ok, wishing him happy bday and a merry christmas etc. It just goes to show that seojoon always puts other peoples feelings before his. And because he’s used to people leaving, he automatically thinks that jiwoo left because he did something wrong. God it must be so sad living your whole life without feeling the love of someone and then when you do have it, boom, they leave. It’s always like that for him and I just want to hug him so tight. Now I’m sad.
IDK how you did it nonnie. I need to like...gif some angst scenes for some edits and stuff and I feel like I am not ready to screengrab those scenes yet. Choosing to live in the street-cheek-touch scene for some more time instead.
IKR?! You expect the messages to go more frantic and angry and resigned but they never do. It's just worry and care. Especially the birthday message about wanting Jiwoo to order food and not cook it himself for a day. He just wants Jiwoo to rest...this is??? WTF. That was so fcking unnecessary, show.
All Seojoon wants is for Jiwoo to be ok. There's so many layers to this. The main one is of course, that Seojoon will always put Jiwoo over his own feelings (for better or for worse, but that's another discussion).
Another layer is that this was also Seojoon's atittude vis-a-vis his parents from what we can gather in s1. He cannot resent them. All he feels for them is longing and pain. He is not angry. He is just crying over saffron risotto.
Finally, I think that Seojoon is also inherently a very empathetic person. He clocks people very easily and can recognize pain. Like we say this phrase easily for characters it's almost a cliche but he genuinely sees the best in people. You really have to fucking push him to the absolute limit for his more ruthless side to come through. This is what happened to his ex best friend-actor guy who was ready to let Seojoon take the fall for everything in s1. Seojoon had to be pushed to the very limit, kept giving him chances after chances before finally pulling the plug on that friendship.
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mirambles · 2 years
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Love All Play - Yuk Junghwan
I started Love All Play because I’m biased towards sports based dramas and movies. So I will watch irrespective of the cast. The leads I have seen in some dramas before , I knew their performance would be good if the script was good - but the one actor and character that has surprised me is Kim Moo Joon’s Yuk JungHwan.
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Let me clarify upfront, Yuk JungHwan is a snob and arrogant most times and I get why folks find him a spoilt brat and an a**hole. But what I don’t know yet is, if this behaviour of his is a defence mechanism to not let people know of his inner turmoil & vulnerability .
Yuk JungHwan clearly knows how good he is and I agree that he is a bit of an ass to his teammates and coaches, behaving like one prima donna. But at the same time he is also protective of his teammates - like the time he was not afraid to confront the national team coach for penalising his doubles partner, or being most empathetic to SeonSoo when he loses his first coach. He says to SeonSoo ‘His (coach) faith in your abilities is yours to keep forever’ - that’s all that SeonSoo needed to boost his falling confidence in that moment. Or when he doesn’t think twice to rush to get cake for SeonSoo’s bday and give him a piggyback ride to fulfill his wish. You see glimpses of his personality where he genuinely cares for his teammates.
His anger and hatred towards Taeyang is therefore not understandable, he seems a reasonable fellow but clearly one can get blind-sided if the person you loved has been hurt and your relationship borne the brunt of the incident. So the ability to self reflect, dissect logically goes out of the window and you only want someone to blame your misery on and Taeyang is an easy target for him. I hope the rest half of the drama will throw some insight into his attitude towards Taeyang and allow him redemption; he is not an evil person, he is just caught up in his own misery - and yes that’s not excuse to be a dick to Taeyang or others, but we have seen far worse leads being redeemed or hailed , so JungHwan’s redemption will come and is much needed.
But here are the things I do love about him and this is all credit to Kim Moo Joon’s cute face, his natural comic timing and his straight faced ability to deliver sarcastic retorts.
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I do love guys who are sarcastic with sharp comebacks and I enjoy seeing JungHwan in this element. Also at the same time he gets flustered easily , gets a taste of his own medicine a lot from TaeJun (cue Boys be Ambitious 😂) and Yumin (subtle threats to tame his arrogant behaviour even for now if it is just where it concerns her dad).
The way he fell when carrying the cake after taking a diss at Taejun and Taeyang for walking slow and both giving him back in same vein, instead of showing concern, is exactly how he needed to be dealt with and I loved, loved Kim Moo Joon’s priceless expression during those 2 whole minutes :)
He is definitely attracted to Yumin , but is unable to let go of his first love, which he should by now; honestly if she has ghosted you for 3 years and then drops a random message like nothing happened, isn’t that a clue to move on? I’m invested in his and Yumin’s relationship because she is confident where he stands in her life, it’s him being all flustered and awkward at the same time trying to act ĂŒber cool, which is most amusing to watch right now.
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But most of all I love his and TaeJun’s rivalry on court and off court. TaeJun leaves no stone unturned to piss off JungHwan, JungHwan also does despicable things (taking TaeJun’s racket was wrong on so many levels) in his hate to Taeyang and TaeJun. But TaeJun is neither in awe of him nor fears him like other teammates and doesn’t hesitate to show him the mirror. This is the kind of teammate and friend (which am hoping will happen in future) is what JungHwan needs right now. TaeJun is more sorted emotionally than JungHwan and JungHwan needs to mature emotionally. I enjoy their sparring battles and childish banters , but I’m waiting for them to turn buddies, if not best friends; then at least crackling teammates on court. I hope to see them have healthy respect for each other by the end of the drama and yes for JungHwan to find his happy ending with Yumin.
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Gif credits to @seawherethesunsets and @junghaesin
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bewby · 1 year
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hi seven, hi hi hi, i am slightly tipsy but i want to wish you a proper happy birthday.
you‘re so fun and funny and you‘re one of the sweetest people out here and i‘m so happy we‘re friends. i always get emotional at the end of the year but tbh this has been a really good year mostly bc i met you guys. you have such a great way to connect people, you are always worrying so much abt what everyone thinks but i don‘t think you need to bc just look at how many people love you!! it‘s SO many!!
you‘re smart AND you have empathy AND you try to treat people kindly AND you‘re opinionated in a way that feels wholly you. i know you worry also abt who you are and if it‘s enough but i please look at how everyone who sent you a happy birthday knew you and knew what you liked. you leave an impression and you love people a lot and it‘s so great to be here with you. you said you don‘t know if you deserve all the love and i‘m here to say: that‘s not important. people decide how much love they give you and so many people decided they wanted to give you love. i can‘t say about the future but that means that in this moment, you deserve it.
i really hope you‘re not too hard on yourself through all this (ur early 20s) and i hope you know that i‘m always here and ready to help you out if you need, ok? i believe in you and i‘m proud of you for trying so hard. i really hope this next year is good to you and i hope we can continue to go through it together and also here are like, the 4 hanjis i have saved on my phone 4 u
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I FINALLY HAVE TIME AND AM NOT DRUNK AND OFF THE SHITS . I AM SO FUCKING SORRY THISN TOOK SO LONG CHRIS. anyways. how do i even START. reading this all over again and i'm just sitting here like
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CHRIS. Chrisisisisijdjfkfhshsj. chris okay listen. i have never received a message on my bday as thoughtful and sweet as this like i'm literally. so thankful SO SO THANKFUL to have you in my life and for you being here. when i first read this like hours ago i was like insanely overwhelmed and i still tried to like answer you despite the atmosphere and everyone beinf loud making me like. feel like a cat with its fur goinf up like i was just. AHHBGBFJ. but. that's how much i appreciate you as my friend ... i TRIED TO PUSH THROUGH ... i'm sorry i failed but i'm here now lettinf you know that. not only am i so thankful for all of your help that you always give me and all your knowledge (as you have way more life experience than me) but also. iam more than anything thankful that you are my friend and someone i can joke with and feel comfortable with, i love your personality and i love the way you have opinions on things and how you try to make everyone feel loved and included like you literally keep the gc we have with mel emily and jace so alive and i appreciate this so much about you... you genuinely are so loving and i hope you know i love you lots too. you're the best ever and i'm so happy we're friends okay . FUCK YOUUUUKJJJHHU HOW DO I EVEN REPLY I SOUND SO SILLY. thank you So much. i will cry and die now â˜č
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amii-stuff · 2 years
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Happy birthday Amii! Just wanted to say that you've been a huge inspiration for my drawing style for quite some time now and your art is in a way..therapeutic?? Idrk how to describe it well but it always gave and it still gives me sm joy whenever I see your drawings! You're also one of the main motivations for the first times I started to pick up drawing so big thank you for that
Thank you so much for sticking around. You're an incredibly talented,kind,wholesome and overall a very cool person and I'm wishing you the best! happy bday once again!! 💗💗💗
Thank you so much for the message ;; I've said this a lot but it makes me really happy that i've been able to leave such a positive impact on people with my silly pictures, despite how often i've been insecure about my work at my low points, art has been an activity i legitimately enjoy doing and i've been motivated to continue doing it thanks to the wish of inspiring people, making them happy and be able to connect with people who share the same interests as me or looking for a specific niche of content like i am. So it really overjoys me to see i've been able to accomplish that and more with my art.
I've said this a whole lotta times now but i genuinely can't thank you guys enough for all the support i've gotten over the years, i still find it unbelievable (in a positive sense) that so many folks around the world enjoy my art and ideas and said work has been able to influence them positively. So while i've been on my downsides, i'll do my best to continue sticking around in here.
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failed221b-chill · 2 years
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So um. Nicola, my boss/tutor/mentor/friend, died. Suddenly. Like... she was expecting to have a meeting with me last week and then told me she was unwell and having tests so we needed to reschedule and wished me luck in my latest interview, and then instead of rescheduling once she was better, i woke up on friday to a department-wide email announcing that she'd died. And she was lovely and such a strong supporter of mine. For years. Way before she was my boss. She helped me on my undergrad dissertation and respected my skills and we got on well and kept in contact and she offered me a lil part time job before the pandemic and then again last december and then got me more hours and responsibilities and experiences to boost my applications for full time jobs elsewhere and she was just so great and kind. It was really nice working with her. And I just cannot handle the news that she's gone, especially in the same week that would have been my lil boy's 6th bday AND my friend jennifer's first chemo appointment. So I ran away (said fuck it to basically everything and got on a train) to stay with my parents and get looked after for a bit. At least there's someone else to cook for me here and make sure my stupid brain doesnt make stupid decisions.
I feel like i ought to send in some words about her or communicate with other people in the department and share that this loss is tragic and why to me so much and yet i just... brain blank. No words. And i should also find out what the fuck happens with the rest of my job, given it fully relied on Nicola's management and im on a contract that i have to pay them back if i dont complete all my contracted hours. I do at least know who to contact about those things. But the how is eluding me. How do i just message someone like oh its awful news that nicola died and i am not coping and she was xyz and im sorry for our loss as humans and as a department and i also cannot cope with anyone elses emotion atm bc i cant even cope with my own atm and so everything in my mind is on grief shock lockdown and im being looked after well enough that i can pretend to myself im okay until im alone again and inevitably at some point i will have to return to my house and ughhhh
I should also reply to jennifer's lovely voicenote update on her life and her first chemo appointment and how telling her kid the news went down, but i think my brain is tricking me into thinking if i dont reply with my own update news then maybe none of it can be real.
But now im also like... well i didnt get to tell Nicola that I got the internship i was being interviewed for that she wished me luck for in my last email from her and i didnt tell her bc i knew she was on sick leave and was waiting for her to get better and tell her in person bc she's been cheering me on through all my applications and also I was waiting until i felt the joy and pride of it bc it being Kip's birthday and Jennifer's cancer diagnosis and chemo stuff has made joy a lot harder a feeling to access so i like didnt feel inclined to celebrate it with Nicola and was jsut waiting a few more days to tell her in person.
And now i can't do that.
And now im even more scared about Jennifer and i just... im overwhelmed and past capacity. I think thats what it is. Its just too mcuh and then i spend a whole day with my parents and brother in a nature walk and then bingewatching tv and eating meals that i havent had to prepare myself and im like oh im fine actually this isnt bothering me at all.
And then i think about doing anything outside of those things and its jsut this big wall of CANT and thats too real and i want control over something and i think thats also why im being reluctant with posting my newest story chapter bc tbh i got this one written really quick in a month but thats probs bc its half of the length that they usually have been and i think im withholding it bc choosing whether to post it feels like the only thing i am capable of having control over atm.
I'm not even a year into missing Kip and i suddenly lost my supportive boss friend and my close study buddy daily zoom chats with jennifer have been interupted by her cancer and now im terrified of losing her too and its bringing back all the kip stuff bc the whole reason kip died was bc he had cancer pretty much all his life and during stem cell transplant which wasnt working he caught some infection that meant he couldnt live much longer and there was nothing else doctors could do. His reaction was rare and unexpected. And then jennifer tells me in her voicenote that her reaction to the chemo is also rare and unusual and unexpected and im just like... i need to chill but its so hard!!!
But at least kip was allowed home for a few days before he died/while he was dying i guess? and i got to visit him and stay in his house and read him stories and snuggle and chat to him even though his own capacity for speech had gone by then.
I am jsut... i am still not at all okay about losing my lil boy. And now on top of that. Losing Nicola so suddenly and without any chance for knowing it was coming in advance hurts so fucking much. And now im like... well i will feel awful if i dont talk to jennifer and i lose her, but also i cannot handle the idea of losing her and i also dont feel at all positive and dont want to bring my negative stuff onto her as well.
I will message her tomorrow. And i have said this for the last half of the week but i mean it this time. I will just message her tomorrow and say im overwhelmed but its lovely to hear from her and im glad telling her kid went smoothly and it all sucks and i miss her and im glad shes getting her vegetables and exercise where she can.
And then because im at my parents and i know both jennifer and nicola are about my mum's age... im looking at my mum with her cfs and im looking at how tired she is and im just. Terrified.
So yeah. Did i need to post this? Probs not. Have i done so anyway? Yeah bc at least its got it out of my head for a few seconds.
And ive just rememebred i have a counselling appt this week and i am booked into an understanding your bereavement zoom thingy with the charity cruse. So theyre helpful things to know i have as upcoming support. And of course im so glad i ran away to my family and recognised i needed that support and im going to try not to feel bad about not being able to handle it all by myself. I feel semi okay here and that doesnt mean that i shouldnt have come. It means that coming here is working to provide the support and food i need to get me through the next few days at least. There that's a warmer ending to the post. Yes i am overwhelmed. But yes i am also supported and also it is past midnight so i should try to sleep.
And also i dont need to have had a chance to tell Nicola that I got the internship to know she'd have been proud of me and pleased for me and would have said something very nice and encouraging and given me a glowing reference and a lovely confidence boost. Im sad i didnt get to read it/hear it from her, but i know it would have been very nice to read/hear so i can focus on that as i try and cope.
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doux-amer · 2 months
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This has been one of the shittiest days in a while and to top it all off, I go on social media for the first time today right before bed to relax and the first thing I see (well, second after my friend's response to a bday message to her) is a dongseng I haven't talked to much or seen in years dropping a post about his announcement with no comment whatsoever. The news wouldn't have been any easier, but to get that from someone who doesn't fucking understand how devastating it is even though she must know that it's sad is the worst possible thing. What the fuck am I supposed to do with you dropping that? I don't want to give you a response! I don't owe you a response! Get the fuck away from me! I don't care that you didn't want to upset me because what the HELL did you think would happen by doing that? I'll send some crying emojis and a broken heart and that's so goddamn empty, but I'm not performing this for you and this is actually upsetting me so bad????? But I wouldn't expect a casual fan of a club that will go unnamed to understand. This isn't just sports to me.
If I had to get this news, I wish I saw it from someone who loves JĂŒrgen as much as I do, whose life was irrevocably changed for the better because of him, who was here in the Before Klopp times, who never had a manager to love as much as we love him. And look at me managing to make myself tear up again.
I understand. After watching the clips on IG and that second one especially...he wants to leave while he's okay, he wants to leave on good terms and if possible on a high note instead of being kicked out after overstaying his welcome, he wants to enjoy life. And he so deserves that. He deserves to know what it's like to just be JĂŒrgen, to be with his loved ones, to do nothing but to simply live. I have so much respect for him that he's going out this way, that he didn't take this decision lightly when he felt differently before (that renewal he signed...), when it's not about how much he loves us. Or rather, it is because he wants to give us his best and his all and he feels that he can't anymore and he's listening to his body and his mind. And he's setting a good example by showing what's really important in the end and taking care of himself. To show there's more to life than this and to be grounded and be a normal guy like he remained throughout even as his life became very abnormal.
God. I love him like I've never loved any manager before. The ones I loved pale in comparison to him. He is and will forever be everything to me, not just for what he gave to the club on the pitch but everything off the pitch from the values he instilled and emphasized to his humor and honesty and big heart and humility and passion and everything, and I'm just so gutted right now thinking about how we had almost a decade with him and I never took it for granted, but I really thought we had a few more years with him. And I thought several years ago about how much I needed to return to Anfield to see how things changed, to experience JĂŒrgen's Liverpool on home ground, and how now that I had a job and steady income that I would be able to go to more matches or at least do it once before the end. And I didn't because of this stupid pandemic. All of that passed without a chance and just. I'm glad I got to at least watch them in person when they came to the U.S. even if it's not the same, but I feel like our time has been cut short and I really can't imagine a Liverpool without him. I never wanted to. I know that there will be because that's the nature of this sport and life and this sport has taught me there's always a beginning and always an end, but...nothing's going to be the same. Nothing's going to be like this. There will never be an era like the one we got under him. There will never be a manager like him.
#love how i was numb when i got that dm that will leave me angry for a long time#it's not even that person's fault but i feel so betrayed and bitter that that's how the news was broken to me#like it didn't mean anything#and then i watched him and i thought i understood his decision#i'm a big adult now. i understand what it's like to not have fuel in the tank and to get on with age#and understand what it means for people to get older...a concept you wrestle with over and over again once you reach adulthood#but then the second clip where he talked about how he's tired...how he wants to experience normal life#which he never had and just. that killed me because i want that for him too#i want nothing but the very best for him#and in that sense it's easier to let go#he's not being kicked out. he's leaving on his own terms. he wants to enjoy life#and with this pandemic more than ever i deeply understand how precious life is#he doesn't want to wake up when he's at the end of his life to start living it#but at the same time because that was so quintessential klopp#to understand what really matters and to say it with so much love#for the team the club the city and us#that was what ruined me more than anything in a way i can't possibly put to words#turns out that i'm not dead inside and i haven't gotten used to goodbyes even if they started coming one after another over the past decade#and the first ones were brutally sharp and painful#and some are still devastating (i'm thinking of tito which is the worst goodbye you can have because he didn't just#leave the game. he passed away) but god. turns out that even if you accept the cyclical nature of things#the turning of the page and the passage of time which stops for no one#you still never get used to this#i can't go to liverpool at the end of the season but god...i want to be there. so bad. SO bad#we love this man so much that we're going to give him his flowers#we'll be doing it throughout the season even if he asked us not to because it's about the team not just him#and we'll give him a celebration and we deserves a parade or something. i don't even know#i love him so much and he always sets an example and is someone to look up to and just#i think i understand now what my college classmate i befriended meant#when he said his role model was wenger and he loved him like a father
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seiwas · 5 months
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hi sel!
I’m so glad you enjoyed going back to the gym!!! And that you encouraged yourself to go!!! That’s amazing!!!(im currently setting off fireworks for you🎆)!!! I hope you were satisfied with your workout!!!đŸ«¶
and yeah psych has really peaked my interest since taking a psychology class in high school! I almost chose it as my major but I thought more deeply about it and I felt like I shouldn’t be trusted with the mentality of others lol💀 but that’s also why I have so much respect for those in the career tho!đŸ«¶
And I’m actually currently majoring in architecture!!! ♡
And I’m glad you get it😭 like I honestly would want to give it another chance but I hope that we would still have a fun compatibility with one another! but yes! IF our relationship could be sparked again somehow and we were still the same with one another, I would definitely think about trying it out haha!!
and! you really do paint such a good picture of you bf though😭 like it’s sweet the way you do it because it really does get the message across I feel like!!! ♡ and the teasing is honestly a plus in the relationship if it leaves you smiling afterward like awwwwđŸ„čđŸ’–đŸ«¶
and yeah the lecture was really interesting and I can’t wait for the next one! and thank you sel for listening about my day!đŸ„ș
and I’m sorry you didn’t feel satisfied with how your cookies turned out😭 but hey it’s cool that you still tried tinkering with it!!you tried to spice it up!!! there’s always some fun in that à«źê’°Ë¶á”” ᗜ ᔔ˶꒱ა˖âș‧₊˚ and now you know what probably works better when baking the cookies so I’m sure they’ll come out better next time, you go this!!!đŸ„ș💖 and thank you! some friends of mine want to throw like a mini Halloween dinner/party so we’re all dressing up and bringing different different things to the dinner! The things is tho!! I’m kinda better at baking than cooking lol!! so I’m gonna try making some Halloween themed ones (hopefully they don’t come out looking weird💀)!!!
And yes I started it hq again!!! I had watched a bit of season one I think when I was in middle school bc I remember some episodes lol, but I don’t remember why I didn’t continue to season 2đŸ€”
but I really am enjoying it now!!!!! and I’m loving the fact that only games are being lost and not lives😭 (it’s a good change of sceneryđŸ„Č)!!! and the fact that he’s cried twice because of how emotional it can be honestly has me more excited to continueđŸ„č like I love getting so immersed in their goals and relationshipsđŸ˜­đŸ«¶ and since I’m at the beginning!! I’m really liking kageyama and hinata!! especially because of how funny their bond is!! and daichi and suga!! and!!! oikawa and iwa!!!! I’m really loving them all individually but I also really love their friendships toođŸ„čđŸ«¶đŸ’–
and thank you selđŸ˜­đŸ«¶!! I loving coming over to talk with youđŸ„č and yes I really did want to come over and remind you that YOUR WRITING IS AMAZING!!!!đŸ’–đŸ«¶ I really have loved your recent additions!!! I feel like you add so many new layers of love on top of what you already putđŸ„ș (I don’t know if that makes sense lol!! but like!! I feel like you give each new addition another layer of care and love!! like your care for these stories just keeps growing!!!)
and thank you sel!! I was actually able to rest up for a bit this weekend!!! I hope you did too and that you enjoyed it!!!đŸ„ș I’m wishing you a wonderful week!!đŸ„čđŸ’–đŸ«¶
⭐ anon!
⭐ anon hello!! welcome back đŸ„ș
oh you're adorable setting fireworks for me đŸ„ș thank you!! the workout went great!!
i completely get what you mean omg but it's so cool that you decided to pursue architecture!! i hope you're enjoying and that it isn't giving you too much of a hard time 💗
you are so sweet coming in here to share these things w me!! and to update me on things like the lectures you're taking too!! of course i'll listen!! 💗đŸ„č
and you're so right with the cookies!! i kinda did just throw them together so maybe it was my bday too 😭 and your halloween party with your friends!! that's so cute, picking outfits and decorating!! making halloween themed food too!! aaaah i hope you have the best time!! 💗 i'm sure your treats will turn out great!!
omg i was the exact same!! i think i picked up around mid-hs? but then stopped after the first season too and dk why 😭 i'm so happy you're enjoying it now!! it rly is a good change of pace after watching jjk ngl 😭 keep me updated as you go!! who your faves end up being/which teams you end up rooting for đŸ„ș tobio was my first hq!! loves and still has a special place in my heart today!! (even tho i'm a full on seijoh girlie now sjhdbfhsj)
i think it's so sweet that you come into my lil mailbox for a chat like this đŸ„ș and even reassuring me/complimenting my writing again omg 😭 (am rlly bad at taking compliments...) but aaah thank u so much đŸ„ș it's so nice how you put it that way, love continually stacked upon one another!! i think the more i write for col the more i feel it becoming so so precious to me đŸ„ș the col couple truly are my babies shdbfhjsad i love them more and more so i'm glad that that's felt in the recent additions!!
wishing you a wonderful week too, nonie!! my weekend has been very restful thank you so much!!! 💗đŸ„č
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neerdle · 1 year
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so.. i had a friend. we were very close. but we're not those type that always go out together, see each other everyday or do things together. we were close in terms of supporting each other and telling each other our problems. we would find a day to go out and just have deep conversations. we have been doing for 5 years. i met her on 2017, then the next year she transferred school. i thought that would be the end of the friendship, but we stayed in contact. we always find time to meet and talk. i like the friendship that way.
but few months ago, which was around june, i kinda ghosted everyone. except my boyfriend. he was there for me physically almost everyday. he was helping me out with my father and handling my father's condition as he was having anger issues due to him being sick in the hospital. in fact, my whole family was involved and we were all so tired to deal with my father's behaviour at that time. i understand that the medicines made him that way, but again, i was tired. so i pushed everyone away except for my boyfriend. i didnt reply to anyone's messages and not even that friend of mine. and i didnt wish her on her bday that month too.
after a month later, i felt bad so i texted her saying how sorry i was for ghosting her. she didnt want to talk abt it and left me feeling... empty? idk how to explain the feeling. but i do know that i was left in a hole just like that.. wondering if we were still friends because she didnt text me at all after that. even when i had my basketball competition going on, i was still thinking of her.
so we didnt text at all.. until when i saw her posting on ws status that shes going to kl, i was devastated. my heart just dropped and the pieces scattered across the floor full of tears that ive cried. i couldnt bare the emotions, so i replied her status saying "why didnt i know abt this? why are u leaving without saying any words to me? or even wanting to meet me? u didnt even bother to tell me at least that ure going away?." and so on.
and until now, that pain is still here. im still hurt by her leaving me like that. i know that the friendship ends when she suddenly unfollowed me on ig, removed me, deleted my number etc. i dont know which emotion i shud feel at that moment. in fact, idk what to feel now.
she has helped me thru everything. she always knows the right words to say whenever i feel down. she has never once judged me nor invalidate my feelings. she has always been there for me even if she was far. our connection was so real, so strong, and i got so used to her way of comfort till i cant accept others' ways of comforting me. hers were the one that i crave for till this day. im so miserable without her.
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evilgenderywizard · 1 year
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tw cause im ab to talk ab a few deaths ive gone through
the last service i remember going to was for my grandpa. he was best friend in the world until then. he had bladder cancer and it had spread to his lungs and it was too late to do much about it. he had open heart surgery that he woke up from. he was barely even there but he let my mom and her mom know that he knew they were. shortly after waking up that day he had a heart attack that he did not survive. it was a wednesday just 3 days after i turned 9 when he died, and i had gotten to see him in the hospital on my bday and he gave me something that i cant even remember what it was. my dads mom told me that the surgery was successful but didnt say anything else. we went and picked up my mom from work and she sat with me in the back seat on the way home and told me he didnt make it. at the time i didnt know what i felt but i now know it was denial, she told me and i fake cried for a few minutes but otherwise i was all smiles. then the day of his memorial service came and i was unexpectedly asked to go up by his urn and say a few words, i had also gotten a ballon to release with a little note from myself tied to it. when i went up by the urn to put the rose by him i absolutely lost it. my face was soaked in tears of mourning and despair. i wish id have told him i loved him one last time. now anytime i leave a place where theres people that i love i have to tell them, just in case.
when i was 13/14 i was at walmart with my best friend at the time and we had gotten onto the topic of our old friend group from before i moved away. we'll call this girl K. me and K didnt talk as often as i wish we would have but she had met parts of my family before and somewhere i may even have a picture of her hiding in a tree while me her and another friend played hide and seek. my best friend at that time said she had died two years before the conversation. i stopped in my tracks. later that week i went online to find her obituary. she had overdosed because she couldnt handle being bullied at every school she'd been to. i always think about how easily that could have been me. we had some similarities especially with the ways we were bullied. some of the examples were people would make fun of our appearances or how we sang. she had the most angelic voice ive heard to this day. since i didnt know for two years i never got to go to the services. earlier in the year of her passing she had messaged me and we talked some. she told me she was in and out of psychiatric treatment centers. i wish i could have said goodbye and given her one last hug and had one last laugh. i always make sure to do that now.
my great aunt on my dads side passed in 2020 i never really knew the official cause. my dad had texted me one day that may and said she passed that morning. i called him and we talked. everyone knew it was coming just not when. he asked if i wanted him to pick me up to go to the funeral and i told him i wouldnt be able to handle it. i never went and i stayed at my friends house a couple more days so i could process my feelings. she was one of my favorite family members because she was always so kind, caring, and accepting of those around her or at least thats how i knew her. i grew up going to her house for almost every holiday. she had lost a leg a bit before her death due to health issues. i wouldnt say i regret not going to the funeral but i wouldnt say that i dont. she lit up any room she was in. i wish i could have visited her one last time.
today at my cousin's funeral was weird. seeing just vague parts of her through the crowd of people in front of me and out of everything i wish id have taken the time to know her and maybe then id know how im supposed to feel today.
Rest in Peace to all of my family members and friends and loved ones in the afterlife i wish i could have seen you one last time
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jooyeone · 3 years
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jimin: my charm is my cuteness ♡ (for @jiminslight) [cr. dwellingsouls, qdeoks]
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purgeshubble · 4 years
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sometimes,, sometimes family is Good
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