#wip:8gp

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober Day One, babeyyyyy

Prompt: Unconventional Restraints Word count: 567

~

“Back off,” Terri says, trying her hardest to keep her voice from shaking. She’s scared - fuck, of course she’s scared - but people are relying on her. She can’t afford to let them down.

Miles (well. It’s not Miles, not really. Something that looks like him, but not him) smiles. It doesn’t look right on his face, not the same bright, easy-going smile she’s used to.

“Come on,” he says, opening his arms towards her. “It’s me, Terri.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know what you are. But I know my friend.”

He - it - sighs. “I am your friend.”

It takes another step towards her (towards Ash, still cowering behind her), and she balls her hands into fists. “I told you to back off.”

“I wouldn’t hurt you,” it promises, giving her another smile that just looks wrong. “Have I ever hurt you?”

“I don’t know you,” she says, shaking her head. “You’re not my friend.”

“We’ve been through so much together.”

It takes another step closer and she throws her hands out, acting on instinct more than anything else. Vines whip out from the ground and block its way, stopping it from getting any closer.

“I’m warning you.”

It narrows its eyes. It’s only from knowing Miles so well that Terri can guess its next move, because while it is not him it's still in his body, and it moves the same way.

It launches itself into the air, wings flying out to steady it as it tries to get behind them, but Terri is already moving. A vine wraps around its ankle and yanks it back down to earth, hard enough that it slams into the ground.

Ash makes a small, choked off cry, and for a moment Terri freezes, terrified she’s killed her best friend.

He’s alive, though. At least, the creature puppetting his body is, and it tries to pull itself up to stand.

She wraps the vines around it, binding its wings to its back. It struggles, cursing her, and she looks away, catching her breath and making sure Ash is alright.

After a moment its curses turn to pleas, pleading with her to let it go. I thought we were friends, it says, in Miles’ voice. I thought I could trust you.

Ash is crying softly, and Terri wraps her arms around her. She shouldn’t be here, too young to have to see this, but they can’t send her back now. They’re all in too deep.

“Please,” the thing that isn’t Miles asks, and Ash pulls away from Terri to look at it.

“Shut up,” she snarls, the ground shaking for a moment.

Terri bites back a smile. Ash is so, so brave.

“It’s alright,” she says, putting a hand on Ash’s shoulder. “We need to go.”

Ash glances up at her and then over at Miles, still struggling in the vines. “We can’t leave him.”

Terri swallows, closing her eyes for a moment. “We have to.”

They can’t take him with them. He’s too dangerous, like this, and they have enough on their plate without having to keep him restrained. She doesn’t know how to help him.

Ash stares for a moment and then looks away, burying her face in Terri’s shoulder.

“He’ll be alright,” Terri tells her, and hopes it’s true.

Ash nods, quiet, and lets Terri lead her away. He shouts after them until they’re out of earshot.

#whumptober2022 #no.1 #unconventional restraints #oc #fic #oc:terri #oc:miles #oc:ash #wip:8gp #woooooo day one babeyyy #i spent several hours lamenting the fact i couldnt think of anything and then wrote the whole thing in about half an hours dkjfh #i dont write the terri/miles/ash dynamic enough #not that this counts given as miles is only present in the most technical sense but hey ho #they are important to me #where does this fit in the main story you ask #and to that i say #what are you a cop

[the-brit-with-the-words]

Conlangs in 8 Gold Pieces

before I start this nonsense waffle about how I made my language, I'm just gonna point out that I am not a linguist, have never studied linguistics, and am actually appallingly bad at languages.

anyway, here we go.

I never intended to actually create any languages for 8gp, let alone the 5-7 I'm currently trying to figure out (I'm only talking about one here, though), and when I finally decided 'hey, that might be important' I had no idea where to start.

so I started with a single language family tree I found on the internet.

This one, to be precise.

'huh,' I thought to myself, unaware of the rabbit hole I was about to descend into, 'cool'

So that's where I started. I drew a family tree for the languages I was going to be working on.

I like to think it came out pretty good.

(language names are mostly placeholder, as it stands)

'great,' i said, dusting my hands off and feeling good about myself, 'what next?'

An alphabet. Two alphabets, actually, since only three of the four modern languages in Order share an alphabet.

I thought about that, and thought 'where do alphabets come from.'

Preliminary symbols, as it turns out. (Or, the latin alphabet at least)

I printed this diagram off, spent some time being really angry about how some of the letters are related, and then moved on to creating my own alphabet, or at least Old Order, the first of many.

I like to think that came out pretty good too. (alas, also at a bit of a weird angle).

I then simplified that into a series of alphabets, as shown below:

And that was the alphabet. English equivalents may be jiggled around a bit in the future, but for now thats how they are (please pretend I know which order the alphabet is in)

And then I had to come up with a language.

I put this step off for several days. Languages suck. The other bits were fun.

I was not about to invent a whole entire language by myself because I am not mr. jirt and i have an attention span of approximately three seconds if whatever I'm working on is not particularly interesting, so i just came up with a set of rules for translating between English and what is currently called modern fire but will be called something different in future.

They're shown here.

And that was that. For now.

Next step is figuring out the other two languages which are very similar but not quite the same and then the other language which is also similar but different enough as to be distinct.

And this got long, so I will leave it here. I'm more than open to questions about anything I may have missed

Tagging @andiwriteunderthemoon (as promised, conlangs post)

#writing #wip: 8gp #conlangs #for those wondering why id bother with this #the other thing i have to do is write a prophecy #so uh #Fuck That #(i guess i could also write the actual story but who does that)

[jaysworlds]

[ID: three doodles of venom and my oc serin. venom is a little black pile of goop with white eyes and a zig-zag mouth, and serin is a blue puddle with black eyes and turquoise freckles.

one: venom is hesitantly poking at the puddle. he says ‘Eddie! What is this?’ Eddie, from off screen, replies ‘That’s a puddle, love.’ Venom says ‘it’s looking at me.’

two: serin moves across the puddle and opens his mouth. venom makes the questionable descion of putting a tendril inside his mouth.

three: venom has an exclamation mark above his head. he’s pulled his tendril out of the puddle fast enough that bits of goop have gone flying. he says ‘bit me, Eddie!” Serin is making the :3 expression. end ID]

(to the tune of two trucks) two goops. hanging out.

#serin can talk he just prefers to bite #and to be fair to him if youre going to put a hand into something's mouth expect to get chomped on #anyway i love them #oc:serin #venom #symbrock #(kinda?) #wip:8gp

[jaysworlds]

It’s been a few days since the fight with Trix, since Alexei died, and Freddie still isn’t used to having him gone. He still wakes up every morning and reaches out for him only to find him gone, the bed cold.

It hurts. Every time he looks for Alexei only to realise he’s gone it hurts. Some mornings he struggles to even get out of bed.

Today is particularly bad. He dreams about Alexei almost every night, but most nights it’s only nightmares, forced to watch him die over and over.

Last night was … different. He’d dreamt of Alexei alive, and happy, and the loneliness when he wakes is worse than usual.

He reaches for Alexei, as he always does, and as always there’s no one there.

It hurts more, having dreamt about him. Having had him right there, just to slip through his fingers.

The dream is already fading, but Freddie can still remember Alexei smiling, can still remember the sound of his laugh echoing in his ears.

He sits up, rubbing his eyes, and finds he’s already crying.

The others are probably already getting up, but he can’t bring himself to, not right now. Instead he buries his face in the shirt he’s been wearing for days (Alexei’s, a size too small) and tries to inhale as much of his familiar sea-salt smell as he can.

It’s already fading. He’s hardly been dead a week, and it’s already fading, as though he’d never worn it at all.

“I’m sorry,” Freddie whispers, absently twisting the thin gold band around his finger. Alexei’s is strung on the necklace around his neck, that he’d pressed into Freddie’s hands with shaking, bloody hands and whispered remember me.

As though Freddie could possibly forget.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, curling up under the weight of his grief. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

He lays back down again, rolling over to face the empty space in their tent where Alexei should be.

“I miss you,” he says, reaching out to rest his hand in Alexei’s space. If Alexei were here he would link their fingers together, and Freddie would smile, kissing his fingers, and tell him I love you.

“I love you,” he says, though Alexei isn’t here to hear it. “I love you. I miss you.”

He exhales slowly, squeezing his hand into a fist. There are tears slipping down his face and soaking into the pillow.

“I dreamt you were alive,” he whispers, closing his eyes and trying to hold on to what’s left of the dream. “And you were happy. I wish I could have made you happy.”

Alexei had been happy so rarely, when he’d still been here. Always carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and Freddie wishes now he’d done more to help. Wishes there had been anything he could do.

The happiest he’d ever seen Alexei had been their wedding, and even then they’d both known they had so little time.

And now Alexei’s gone.

Freddie misses him so much.

#febuwhump2022 #febuwhumpalt4 #olivia you said you wanted more frelexei content and here you are :) #something something monkey's paw #anyway i love them very much F to alexei #oc:freddie #oc:alexei #otp:frelexei #wip:8gp #writing #my writing #writeblr

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Nineteen

Magpie is pretty sure he’d been dying earlier. He’d definitely felt like he was dying, and there had been a lot of blood, and when he’d finally passed out he remembers having thought well, this is it.

Now, though, he is notably not dead.

He’s not exactly upset about not being dead, of course. He doesn’t want to be dead. Not being dead, under most circumstances, is the most favourable outcome.

However. Under this particular circumstance, he’s not entirely sure it’s a good thing.

He does his best to sit up, looking around the room. It’s dark, but his eyes adjust quickly. He’s not sure where he is, but there’s a bed and a window, the curtains pulled tightly closed. No sign of Clancy, but Magpie’s sure he’ll be back soon.

And then he’s going to have to explain why the hell Magpie isn’t dead.

Magpie’s not sure how long it is before the door finally creaks open and Clancy’s standing there, coat pulled close around himself.

He looks up, and their eyes meet.

“You’re awake,” Clancy says, and shrugs his coat off, hanging it over the back of the door and rushing over to kneel beside the bed.

“I am,” Magpie says, crossing his arms as Clancy tries to take his hand. “Why?”

“What do you mean?”

Magpie catches his eye, and he looks away. “You know what I mean. I should be dead.”

“Magpie,” Clancy says, pleading.

This is only confirmation of what Magpie already knew.

“I should be dead,” he says, again. They’ve talked about this before, Clancy knew he wanted to be allowed to die when it came to it. Even if it had happened earlier than he’d hoped.

“I’m sorry,” Clancy says, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. But I couldn’t lose you. I…”

“Shut up,” Magpie says, voice shaking. He’s walking a thin line between scared and angry, and he doesn’t need excuses. “Shut up. You knew I never wanted this.”

“You’d rather I let you die?”

“Yes!”

They’d talked about it. Extensively. Clancy had pleaded with him to let him turn him, saying I can’t lose you, please, Magpie, and Magpie had told him no over and over. No. I’m happy being human. I’m happy dying one day.

True, he hadn’t thought one day would be before he hit thirty, but he would still rather be dead than undead.

“I couldn’t,” Clancy says, quiet. “I know … and I’m sorry, but I couldn’t.”

“You could,” Magpie tells him. “You promised.”

“I love you.”

Magpie shakes his head. “If you loved me, you’d have done as I asked.”

Clancy flinches a little, at that. “Mags, you don’t…”

“I don’t what.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Then explain to me,” Magpie says coldly. “Explain why you couldn’t have respected my wishes.”

Clancy sighs, pulling away from the edge of the bed. “I’ve lost a lot of people,” he says, quietly. “I couldn’t lose you too.”

“You knew you’d lose me eventually.”

“I know. And I could have prepared myself. But … I’m not ready now. I love you.”

“You don’t love me,” Magpie tells him. “You only love yourself!”

Clancy flinches again. “That’s not true.”

“You told me I had a choice! You promised you’d respect that!”

“I would have. But I was panicking!”

“You told me I had a choice.”

Clancy gets a look in his eye that, when they’d first met, would probably have ended with Magpie beaten into unconsciousness. Now he just pulls himself to his feet and turns his back to Magpie, staring at the closed curtains. “I never had a choice.”

Fuck you, Magpie thinks, and doesn’t say. He’s still a little nervous of pushing his luck, despite how much Clancy has promised he will never, ever raise a hand to him.

Incidentally he also promised never to turn Magpie without his permission, and yet here they are.

“So you took mine as well?” he says, finally. It’s quiet. This battle was over before it even started, because Clancy can’t exactly undo what he’s done (except perhaps by killing him, and Magpie doesn’t think either of them could go through with that), but he isn’t even sorry.

He thinks he did the right thing. As usual.

“I didn’t mean to,” Clancy says. “I just couldn’t lose you.”

“And you don’t even care about what I wanted.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not.”

Clancy sighs. “I’m not sorry you’re alive.”

Magpie doesn’t know how to explain to him that’s not what he’s upset about. He likes being alive, even if this isn’t quite true life, and he didn’t want to die. But Clancy betrayed his trust, and Magpie never trusts easily.

“I trusted you,” he says, shrinking in on himself.

“I saved your life.”

“You promised you wouldn’t!”

His voice is wobbling a little, and he feels as though he’s going to cry. He hates, it, but there’s nothing he can do. At least Clancy isn’t looking at him.

But he can’t even have that, because Clancy turns and comes to stand by the bed.

“Mags,” he says, soft and sweet, and sits on the edge of the bed. “I didn’t mean to betray your trust.”

This time when he reaches out to take Magpie’s hand Magpie doesn’t try to stop him. Just lets Clancy link their fingers together, lift his hand to press his lips against his fingers.

“I love you,” he says, and Magpie looks away, trying to fight the tears. He’s upset, and angry still, but the urge to let Clancy comfort him is winning out over the urge to tell him to fuck off and die.

“I’m still mad at you,” he says, and Clancy sighs.

“I know.”

He gets into bed anyway, and Magpie curls up against him.

“We’ll work it out,” Clancy promises, and Magpie nods, quiet.

They’ll work it out. They’ll have to.

#whumptober2021 #no.19 #bitten #oc #fic #presidential alert: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGGGGG #i love these two idiots so much #they do work it out btw #enough that they get married #oc:magpie #oc:clancy #otp:vampire husbands #okay its not technically vampire husbands because theyre not husbands yet and theres no jasper here #but i dont have any other tag for them so #vampire husbands it is #wip:8gp #writing #writeblr #my writing

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Six

“Boy.” Joseph clicks his fingers, beckoning Alexei over. Perhaps another day Alexei would ignore him, stay where he is and force Joseph to get up, but not today. Today he’s still healing from the last beating he got, and he simply doesn’t have the energy.

Joseph seems surprised by his obedience, but he doesn’t mention it. Just grabs Alexei’s wrist to pull him closer.

He’s oddly gentle about it. It still hurts, because he’s never truly gentle, but it’s not quite so violent. One of those moods, then.

Alexei doesn’t fight when Joseph pulls him down onto the bed. It wouldn’t help, would only serve to piss him off and increase the chances of getting hurt.

It won’t take Joseph long to go to sleep. It never does, when they’re like this, and Alexei suspects it helps, having another warm body beside him.

Alexei doesn’t sleep. He never does.

He hates it. Hates being held more than the abuse, more than anything else. And he hates himself, for the way he almost craves it.

This is the only gentleness he gets. Lying here in someone else’s bed with Joseph’s arm across his stomach. His body doesn’t care that it’s a man he hates, it just needs someone to be gentle with it.

Perhaps if he were stronger he would get up and go back to his corner, but he’s so, so weak. He needs to be held, just for a little while. And this is his only option.

It doesn’t feel good, exactly. He can’t stand being touched anymore, by anyone, but he needs it, needs someone to hold him. Even if the contact makes him feel sick.

Joseph’s asleep by now. Alexei wishes he could sleep, if only because sleep would mean it would be over. He can’t, though, just has to lay there in the dark and listen to Joseph breathing.

He can’t even cry. He’s just so numb.

It feels like a sick fucking mockery of a relationship. As though Alexei would ever feel anything for him but hatred. As if he could ever treat Alexei like anything but property.

He wishes he could cry. Maybe it would make him feel better, maybe it would help with the horrible ache in his chest.

Maybe it would help if he had someone, anyone else to turn to. Someone who actually cared about him, in any real capacity. If he had any options, if he had anything.

But he doesn’t. He has nothing, and no one. This is all he has.

He closes his eyes as tight as he can and tries to pretend that the chest pressed to his back is someone else’s, but he can’t. He never can, because there is no one else.

He hates it. He can’t hate it.

He just feels sick. All he can really do is wait for it to be over.

A part of him doesn’t even want it to be over. A part of him, the small, damaged part, just wants to be able to enjoy being held, wants to pretend everything’s okay. It’s a part of him he’s tried so hard to kill and failed every time, because it’s still him. Still him that wants to be loved and held and cared for.

Joseph stirs in his sleep, pulling Alexei a little closer, and he curls in on himself, trying to minimise points of contact. Trying to … he doesn’t really know. Not quite trying to get away.

He just … has to accept it. Just has to close his eyes and try to sleep, despite knowing sleep isn’t going to come.

This is all he gets. He might as well just give in.

#whumptober2021 #no.6 #touch starved #oc #fic #abuse #slavery #forced intimacy #self hatred #yeah yeah this ones bad #no one look at this one (im kidding please look at it) #oc:alexei #oc:joseph #wip:8gp #writing #my writing #writeblr #alexei my beloved

[jaysworlds]

[ID: six images one: a black background and a tiny white moon right in the centre two: a fire spitting sparks everywhere. yellow text on the top reads ‘eight gold pieces’ three: raindrops on a black surface, illuminated from somewhere on the right four: the sky during a sunset. it’s blue-green at the top and red towards the bottom, with a few orange clouds. the sun is not visible, but somewhere off to the left. five: a yellow neon sign that reads ‘everything is connected’ against a completely black background. six: a forest covered in orange-tinted mist. the trees are pines and appear black against the mist. end ID]

WIP introduction // Eight Gold Pieces

Genres: Fantasy, Adult, LGBTQ+

POV: 3rd person

Status: 2nd draft

Synopsis:

Things rarely change, this side of the desert. It’s always hot, the days are always short, and the people are always too friendly. This is the only life Freddie’s ever known. He doesn’t know if he likes it, exactly, but it’s safe. Familar. Change comes fast, when it does come. It sweeps through the city like a summer storm and drags Freddie along with it. It’s his fault, in a way. He’d lied to protect a slave who’d almost burnt down the castle, and he’d been stupid to think his father wouldn’t find out. So now he’s on the run in unfamiliar territory with a slave who he’s pretty certain hates him; their only chance of survival to stick together. And it’s only going to get worse from there.

or

A rag-tag group of twenty-somethings (plus their local teenager and also a dragon) go on a quest to save the world through the power of magic, love, friendship, and extreme violence

the tag is wip:8gp

ask to be added to the taglist!

#writing #writeblr #wip introduction #wip:8gp #fantasy #lgbt #its finally here! #ive been saying im gonna make this for ages

[jaysworlds]

“Let’s get moving,” he said, clicking his tongue to encourage Kai to her feet. She snapped lazily at him, clearly not happy about having to get up, but she didn’t protest.

Alexei said something in his own tongue, sounding a little amused.

“What does that mean?” Freddie blurted out, before he could think about it, and Alexei blinked at him.

“It means like … are you upset? Are you angry?”

Freddie gave him a little smile. “Really?”

Alexei shrugged. “Well, she is. Aren’t you?”

He said the same thing again, and Kai just yawned. Alexei smiled, reaching out to scratch her jaw, and said something else.

Freddie didn’t ask this time, but Alexei glanced up and he must have seen the look on his face, because he answered anyway.

“It means lazy girl.”

Freddie huffed a faint laugh. “You’re mean to her.”

Alexei shook his head, a faint smile pulling at his lips. “She is a lazy girl. Aren’t you? Aren’t you lazy?”

Kai chirped at him, and she seemed to be intending to curl back up on the ground. Alexei shook his head, saying something else in his own tongue, and started walking again. She reluctantly drifted after him.

Freddie followed as well, stumbling a little in his haste to catch up. “Don’t be rude to her.”

“I am rude to her,” Alexei said, sounding completely unrepentant. “She deserves it.”

“She doesn’t,” Freddie insisted, putting a hand on Kai’s back. “She’s a good girl. You’re a good girl, ignore him.”

Alexei shook his head, saying something in his own tongue. “She’s lazy. I’m going to tell her she’s naughty.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Freddie told Kai, serious. “You’re a very good girl. You’ve been very helpful, helping us make it all this way.”

“She’d rather be sleeping,” Alexei told him.

“So would I,” Freddie pointed out, and that startled a laugh out of Alexei.

“Well, me too, I suppose.”

Freddie didn’t say anything for a long moment. He hadn’t heard Alexei laugh before, and it had taken him off guard. He had a nice laugh, and Freddie was delighted that he had managed to make him laugh.

He swallowed once, and again, biting his lip, and finally managed to speak. “Tell her she’s good,” he said, hoping to make Alexei smile.

It worked. Alexei smiled, just a little, and turned to Kai, saying something in his own tongue.

“Did you tell her?” Freddie asked, and Alexei nodded. “Good.”

“She doesn’t deserve it,” he said, light and a little teasing.

“She does,” Freddie insisted, and scratched her under the jaw. “She deserves to be told she’s a good girl and given little scritches.”

“You’re soft on her,” Alexei said, and Freddie huffed.

“Because she deserves it.”

“Does she?”

“She does,” Freddie said. “She’s come all this way with us, and she let us ride her for a while.”

“I suppose,” Alexei said, a smile pulling at his mouth. “Alright. I suppose she’s a good girl.”

He turned to her and spoke in his own tongue. Freddie tried to imagine what he was saying. You hear that? Maybe. You are a good girl.

“What did you tell her?” Freddie asked, and Alexei gave him a little half-smile.

“I told her I guess you’re alright.”

“That’s still mean,” Freddie pointed out, and Alexei only hummed.

“That’s nice.”

“You’re mean to her.”

“It’s because I love her,” Alexei told her. “She doesn’t mind.”

“I bet she does,” Freddie said. He was delighted Alexei was willing to have this long of a conversation with him, to be honest. Even if Freddie had technically asked him please talk to him. But all he’d really asked was for Alexei to talk, he’d never said they actually had to have a nice conversation.

“She doesn’t,” Alexei said. “She told me.”

“Did she?” Freddie said, somewhere between curious and disbelieving. He didn’t exactly believe that Alexei understood what Kai was saying, but also Alexei had said it very seriously, and Freddie supposed that maybe there was a chance.

“She did,” Alexei told him, not giving him any indication whether or not it was a joke. “She said Alexei, I know you love me, and I don’t mind if you’re a little bit mean sometimes.”

“Really?” Freddie said, genuine, and Alexei laughed, for the second time in one conversation.

“No, of course not. She’s a wyrm.”

“Oh,” Freddie said, rubbing the back of his neck a little awkwardly, but he couldn’t exactly be upset about it. Not when it had made Alexei laugh.

you know that post thats like. one person calls the cat a precious baby boy and the other swings him around and goes ‘stinky! stinky!’

yeah thats them

#my writing #oc:freddie #oc:alexei #oc:kai #wip:8gp

[jaysworlds]

i made one of those oc quizzes again

here it is please take it its really good i prommy

#my ocs #wip:8gp #sorry to everyone who doesnt know who the mechanisms are because there are THREE mechs questions #but you dont NEED to know who they are so its okay

[jaysworlds]

spent all day working on worldbuilding and i am NOT afraid to say that it FUCKS SEVERELY

#writing #writeblr #worldbuilding #wip:8gp #if someone asks me abt it i will love them forever <3

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Thirty-One

There are a lot of things they don’t talk about. A lot of things Alexei would happily take to his grave without ever having spoken aloud.

He’s not the only one, though. He knows there are things Freddie hasn’t told him, things that perhaps Freddie’s never going to tell him, and he’s alright with that.

He watches Freddie wince when it gets too loud and sit on his hands to stop himself from shifting around and cut himself off when he gets too excited. There’s nothing he can do to change the past, but he can whisper let’s get out of here and he can say no, go on and watch as Freddie’s face lights up as he talks. He’s so beautiful.

Freddie sees things in him, too. He knows that. Watches Alexei flinch when anyone raises a hand around him, sit just far enough away so they’re not touching, wake screaming from nightmares every night.

And he’s so good. Lets Alexei touch him on his own time, says it’s alright, when he doesn’t want to touch at all, whispers it’s alright, and you’re safe and I’ve got you when Alexei is shaking in the night.

And it helps. He makes Alexei feel safe.

They’re both a little fucked up, in their own way. They’re both a little broken, trying to fix the cracks in each other without really knowing how.

Alexei doesn’t know if it’s working. He doesn’t know if they’re going to come out of this a little better for having loved each other, or if when it’s all over they’re both going to crumble. He doesn’t think he really cares, because all that matters is here and now, and here and now he feels safe, and he feels loved.

It’s not going to be enough to fix them. That much he knows. They’re both too broken to be fixed by a kiss and a gentle whisper of I love you, but perhaps it’s a start. Perhaps it’s better than not being loved at all.

Freddie’s started singing, recently. Humming under his breath while he works, singing little tunes and little snatches of lyric. Alexei doesn’t know if he even realises he’s doing it, but he seems happy, smiling to himself as he sings little nonsense songs.

Alexei never mentions it to him, just watches, listening to him humming.

He hopes it means that he’s happy, that he’s comfortable. That Alexei makes him feel as safe as he makes Alexei.

Alexei thinks he’s happier, too. He looks up to find Freddie watching him, one morning, and when he asks Freddie just shrugs.

“You were smiling,” he says, and Alexei realises that he was. He isn’t entirely sure why, he just … is.

Maybe he’s happy.

Freddie shifts a little closer, and Alexei reaches out to take his hand, linking their fingers together. Everything’s a little easier here. Together.

Freddie smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners like they do when he’s happy, not just smiling because he feels as though he should, and Alexei leans in to kiss the crinkles. Because he can. Because he wants to.

It makes Freddie laugh, and Alexei’s so in love with him.

“I love you,” he says, and Freddie’s face softens into something else. Something fond.

“I love you too,” he says, and for once Alexei can believe him.

This feels good. It feels like … feeling better.

It feels like happy.

#whumptober2021 #no.31 #trauma #oc #fic #abuse #this is only a little whumpy #theyre in love #just dont think too hard about how this ends for them #oc:alexei #oc:freddie #otp:frelexei #wip:8gp #writing #writeblr #my writing

[jaysworlds]

“We must be in [earth] now,” he said, as they were settling down. Kai put her head in Freddie’s lap and refused to move.

Alexei just nodded.

Freddie sat quietly for a moment before he couldn’t help fidgeting, just a little. “It’s … a bit odd, isn’t it? I’ve never been out of [fire] on my own before.”

Alexei looked up at him, and Freddie could see he wasn’t impressed, even in the flickering half-light the flame cast. “Wow.”

Freddie picked at the sleeves of his coat. “It … I know it doesn’t sound very impressive. But it’s very new. To me, at least.”

He sort of expected Alexei to make fun of him, but he didn’t. Just shook his head. “Well, you’re not alone.”

alexei? being nice to freddie? its more likely than you think

#also the reason the place names are like that is because theyre placeholder #they dont have names yet #my writing #wip:8gp #oc:freddie #oc:alexei

[jaysworlds]

alexei: *is scared of dragons, heights, and having to be close to people*

alexei: i think we should fly on the back of this dragon which will require for us to sit extremely close so neither of us fall off

alexei: this plan is flawless

alexei five minutes later: *clinging to the back of a dragon and trying not to fall off or cry* i have discovered a flaw in this plan

#hes so stupid i love him #freddie meanwhile is having a great time #he loves flying and also dragons #oc:alexei #wip:8gp

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Twenty-Eight

Alexei has been restless for the past hour. He woke Freddie a while ago, because he’s always been a light sleeper and he wakes easily when Alexei starts shifting.

Freddie isn’t really sure what to do. He doesn’t know if Alexei’s having nightmares again or if he’s just not sleeping well, and he’s always so tired. Freddie doesn’t want to wake him for no reason.

For a while he just watches, sitting up in their bed and watching as Alexei shifts, tossing this way and that. Freddie wants to pull him into his arms, wants to stroke a hand through his hair and hush him until he settles again, but he knows that will only make it worse. If Alexei wakes in his arms he’ll panic, and Freddie knows from experience that best case scenario he gets an elbow to the ribs, worst case Alexei freezes up and is unresponsive for an hour or more.

So for now he’s just watching Alexei shift around in his sleep, eyelids fluttering.

At least until his shifting turns to thrashing, and he cries out, sobbing. He still doesn’t wake, though, and Freddie knows he struggles to wake up when he’s caught by the nightmares.

“Alexei,” Freddie murmurs, reaching out to touch his shoulder. Alexei must feel it in his sleep, because he flinches away, mumbling something inaudible.

“Alexei,” Freddie says again, a little louder, and shakes him gently.

He still doesn’t wake, just cries out again.

Freddie sits up a little more, rubbing sleep from his eyes, and shakes Alexei more firmly. Sometimes it takes some time to wake him up, but so far he’s never been so far under that Freddie didn’t manage at all.

“Come on,” Freddie murmurs, as Alexei sobs again and curls in on himself, flinching away from Freddie’s hand on his shoulder. The fact that he can feel Freddie is probably a good sign, but it still breaks Freddie’s heart to see him like this.

“It’s alright,” he says, though he has no idea if Alexei can even hear him. “It’s alright. You’re safe, I’ve got you. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

He would never say anything like that to Alexei if he were awake. He’d only roll his eyes, and Freddie knows he can’t protect Alexei from everything. He wishes he could, though, wishes he could say I won’t let anyone even touch you if you don’t want them to and mean it.

Alexei doesn’t wake as Freddie shakes him again, but Freddie likes to imagine his voice helps, just a little.

“It’s alright,” he says, for a third time. “You’re safe, love. It’s just me, I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. Not anymore. I love you.”

It feels … safe, saying it here, in the darkness, with no one but Kai and Alexei’s sleeping form to hear him. Alexei’s never said I love you to him in as many words, and Freddie tries not to say it too much for fear of overwhelming him. Still, he does love him.

Alexei sobs again, curling into a shaking ball, and Freddie does the thing he hates having to do and slaps him awake. Alexei’s told him to do it, said I’d rather be awake so many times, but that doesn’t mean Freddie likes hitting him.

It works, though. He wakes with a choked off scream and sits bolt upright, damp hair sticking to his forehead.

Freddie wants to reach out and pull him closer, but Alexei might not want that.

“Alexei,” he says, soft and sweet, and Alexei jerks around to look at him, eyes wide and glassy. “It’s just me.”

“Freddie,” Alexei says, half mumbled, and reaches out towards him. Freddie meets him halfway, pressing their palms together.

“Freddie,” Alexei says again, clearer this time, and then he’s in Freddie’s lap, pressing against his chest and tucking his face into the crook of his neck.

This is very, very rare, and Freddie treasures these moments. He wraps his arms around Alexei and buries his nose in his hair, inhaling slowly.

It won’t last, he knows that. Alexei’s tolerance for touch is generally lower than usual like this, when he wakes from nightmares.

For now, though, he’s letting Freddie hold him, and Freddie is going to treasure that as long as he can. He loves it when Alexei seeks comfort from him, actually feels useful for once, as much as he knows that backing off when Alexei needs him to is just as helpful.

He plays gently with Alexei’s hair, feels as his breathing slows again. He’s not quite brave enough to whisper it’s alright, I’ve got you, but he thinks it as hard as he can and hopes Alexei gets the message from how close Freddie holds him.

He moves away eventually, cuddles back down into the blankets, and Freddie lays down next to him, shifting onto his side so they’re facing each other.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” Alexei whispers, and Freddie shakes his head.

“I don’t mind.”

Alexei gives him the faint ghost of a smile. “Thank you for being patient with me.”

“It’s alright,” Freddie says, and reaches out, stopping just short of touching him. “You’re worth it.”

Alexei reaches out too, so just their pinkies are touching, and doesn’t say anything else. His eyelids are beginning to flutter closed again.

“Sleep,” Freddie whispers, and Alexei nods. He seems to already be drifting off again.

Freddie watches him until his chest is rising and falling evenly, breath just ghosting across their joined hands. He seems at peace, at least for now.

“I love you,” Freddie whispers, again, and closes his eyes.

#whumptober2021 #no.28 #nightmares #oc #fic #they are in love your honour #also i imagine alexei is actually awake right at the end and hes secretly like 'dkjsdfh he loves me :blushy:' #for someone who pretends to have no feelings hes extremely soft #and i love him #oc:alexei #oc:freddie #otp:frelexei #wip:8gp #writing #writeblr #my writing

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Eight

Alexei’s slipping again. He can feel it in the way the world starts to slip around him when he isn’t focusing, the way his head gets fuzzy when he focuses too much.

He doesn’t know what to do about it. He doesn’t know what he can do about it.

He hasn’t told the others, and nor does he intend to. They’ll only hover, ask awkward questions and try to help, and it will only make it worse. Alexei would rather just deal with it on his own.

Not that he’s dealing with it very well. He keeps losing time, closing his eyes for a moment and waking up hours later. The others don’t seem to have noticed, which is the only relief he has. He can’t let them know this is happening to him.

Freddie seems to know something’s wrong. He would, of course, because he sees Alexei so much. They spend most of their days together, and if anyone noticed it would be him.

It scares Alexei. He doesn’t know what’s happening to him, only that if it keeps happening he doesn’t know if he’s going to be able to stop himself from hurting someone, and he’s so, so afraid that it’s going to be Freddie.

Freddie doesn’t deserve that. Freddie deserves so much better than this, than him. He deserves someone who isn’t slowly losing control over his own mind.

Alexei doesn’t know how to tell him. Doesn’t think he can tell him, really. He needs Freddie, far more than he’d ever wanted to need anyone. Losing him would break him.

He tells Var. She’s noticed something’s off, and when he blacks out he often wakes up to her curling sadly around his legs. He’s not sure how she knows, but she does.

“I don’t know what’s happening,” he whispers to her, when Freddie’s asleep and it’s just him and her awake, lulled by the gentle back and forth of the ship. “I can’t control it.”

Var chirps quietly and licks his nose. He gives her a tiny smile, wrapping his arms around her neck. She can’t understand, but it helps that she’s here.

Freddie stirs behind him and Alexei rolls over to face him, watching him as he sleeps.

Var shifts so her head is on Alexei’s stomach, and he absently scratches her behind the jaw, eyes still on Freddie.

He exhales slowly in his sleep, shifts a little towards Alexei. It’s dark, just the moonlight coming in through the tiny window illuminating his face.

Alexei could reach out and touch him. He doesn’t, but he thinks about it. Thinks about brushing the hair from his face, leaning in to kiss the corner of his mouth. Thinks about snuggling closer, burying himself against Freddie’s chest and hoping that the closeness drives away the fog and the darkness hiding in the corners of his mind.

But he doesn’t. Just watches as Freddie shifts around in his sleep.

He doesn’t mean to fall asleep like that, but he does, and when he wakes up he’s standing on the deck, staring out at the black sea. It’s still, like glass, and he can barely feel the motion of the ship.

There’s no one around. No stars in the sky, no moons. Just endless darkness.

Maybe this is a dream. Maybe it isn’t. Alexei isn’t sure.

He stares out at the ocean, and sees things moving beneath the surface. Huge things, creatures he doesn’t even want to imagine.

It feels like a dream. A nightmare, maybe.

He doesn’t know if he’s alone. He doesn’t feel alone, really, but when he looks behind him there’s no one there. The ship is deserted.

He doesn’t know what he’d find if he explored. Maybe the others are here, maybe they aren’t. It doesn’t really matter, not right now.

He looks back at the sea, the still, glassy surface. He can feel it calling to him, but he’s afraid to reach out, afraid of what he’ll find.

Try it.

He doesn’t know who spoke. He’s alone here, but he knows they’re speaking to him.

“I don’t want to,” he says, but his body moves against his will, reaching a hand out over the ocean, bending it to his will.

It’s remarkably easy. He can feel it coursing through him and into the waves. The sea begins to churn, and he knows if he wanted to he could drag this whole ship down into the depths.

He feels … powerful.

It feels good.

Alexei drops his arm, lets the sea go back to being still and glassy. “Let me go.”

He doesn’t know who he’s speaking to. He doesn’t know if he’s speaking to anyone.

Don’t you want it? That power?

“Let me go.”

The voice laughs, echoing in his head and off the surface of the ocean.

You will.

Alexei clenches his fist, and the ocean begins to boil again. “Let me go!”

The voice laughs, and laughs, and laughs, but the dream begins to fade.

When he wakes he finds himself up on the deck of the real ship, with no recollection of how he got there.

It scares him.

#whumptober2021 #altno.1 #losing control #oc #fic #nightmares #unreality #this should probably have more tags but I Dont Know What #anyway enjoy this little chunk of alexei losing his mind #i would love to say it all works out fine but like #it doesnt </3 #also alexei's var is freddies kai just if thats confusing #oc:alexei #oc:freddie #oc:kai #oc:trix #(because he IS there) #otp:frelexei #wip:8gp #writing #my writing #writeblr

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Five

It’s been a few weeks since Alexei kissed him, and a few weeks minus a handful of days since he said it was nothing. Forget about it.

Freddie can’t forget about it. He keeps replying it in his head over and over. Alexei’s whispered do you trust me? His lips, soft and chapped against Freddie’s. Freddie had never kissed anyone before.

He doesn’t understand why Alexei did it, if it was nothing. He’d thought they were getting somewhere, thought they were at least friends, and now Alexei seems to have completely withdrawn again.

They can’t even talk about it. Freddie’s grateful to Terri and Miles, of course he’s grateful, but they haven’t had a moment to themselves since it happened.

Even if they were alone, Freddie thinks Alexei would find a way around talking about it. He seems to have almost been avoiding Freddie, and it hurts.

Freddie offered Alexei his heart and Alexei refused him. He doesn’t know what to do with himself now.

He’s doesn’t know if he’s in love with Alexei, exactly, but he’s never felt this way about anyone before. He could have dealt with it if Alexei had never given him hope, but now he just feels … lost. Adrift.

Maybe there’s something wrong with him. Maybe he should understand what’s going on, maybe to anyone else it would be glaringly obvious, but he doesn’t. He’s just confused.

Kai doesn’t offer much help, but she’s a comfort, at least. She cuddles up close to him when he curls up by himself away from the others and tries to cry quietly, licks away his tears.

“I don’t understand,” he whispers to her. The others are all asleep, and it’s just him and her, cuddled together by the embers of the dying fire.

She chirps and licks his cheeks. He’s sure she just likes the salt, but at least it feels like she’s trying to comfort him.

“He kissed me,” he tells her, like he has so many times by now. She must be sick of hearing it, but she doesn’t leave him alone. Just licks his face again. “I don’t understand why he’s trying to pretend it never happened.”

Maybe he regrets it. Maybe he just didn’t want to die never having kissed anyone (not that Freddie knows whether he’s ever kissed anyone before) and Freddie just happened to be the most convenient option.

Do you trust me? he’d said. Freddie did trust him. Still does, even despite everything. If he asked Freddie would kiss him again in a heartbeat.

He wants to kiss him again. Because he’s gone and fallen for someone who barely even seems to care about him at all.

It hurts, somewhere in his chest, when he thinks about it too hard. He’d heard the term broken heart before, of course, but he didn’t think it would actually feel like that. Didn’t think it would actually hurt.

He’s still holding on to some sort of hope, though. Sometimes he catches Alexei watching him across the fire, and then he looks away when he realises Freddie’s noticed. He doesn’t understand, but he can hope.

Hope is all he has, really.

#whumptober2021 #no.5 #misunderstanding #oc #fic #oc:freddie #oc:alexei #oc:kai #wip:8gp #this is the sequel to yesterday's fic #it does work out for them but it takes an awful lot of misunderstandings and dancing around talking about it #but to summerise alexei is mostly just nervous for various (reasonably justified) reasons #and also really shit at communicating #tomorrow we are back to our regularly scheduled alexei whump #my writing #writing #writeblr