#wiped off my makeup turned off thr lights started laughing without knowing why then i felt some of the tears inside my eyes force

[oatbugs]

its okay now im here now its okay now im here now

#wiped off my makeup turned off thr lights started laughing without knowing why then i felt some of the tears inside my eyes force #their way out any way they could . you have a million and one reasons to be afraid . scalpels will restructure your face soon #in the womb of the city you havent seen for a decade in the belly of a country you may never come back from . death is not the fear but the #pain before it is. a month or two of epistomological torture before i am either free or i am not. #you stare at a shattered identity and grab a needle and sew your teeth shut in case this repetition bores anyone. #shattered it all over a boy who wants to shatter a bottle of vodka every time he picks one up，which is quite often. #take to the skies alone for the city of art and canals and cats and tired teenagers and philosophy with a dime and a half. #they had your number and you still care for them and you pressed the button of no return because they wrecked your lungs. they still #have your number. they still have your number. they still have your number. academic values and an unacademic work ethic feels like #the most unfaithful act of all. maybe id like to kiss his collarbones or maybe id like to kiss him because he does what i may #lose everything to do. soon a room full of researchers creating brains from love and flying fingers and letters on a screen #and a beating quartz heart. what you are now is what you would have killed another human being in cold blood for. you stand up and walk out #and you say i am brokenhearted and they surround you before you fall and you would have covered yourself in your #life's worth of blood for this all. but look at me. look at your mind. look at us. remember you and A and all her gold in the kitchen #and remember the way she started crying and there was never a thought of her guards or her jewels or impeccable taste in perfumes. #you looked at her in the eyes and you held her and you said #its okay now . im here now. its okay now. #look at yourself in the eyes again. youre not okay. but im here now. its okay now. im here now. youre here now. were here now. youre not #okay but you live for the summer and spring. im here now. its okay now. #who would you like dead? #tomorrow you will wakeup early to feed her before we buy groceries. who would you like dead?