Making sense of love for love's sake: the game
Despite all the things i absolutely adore about how the plot unravels and expands in love by love's sake, upon first watch, there's some things i couldn't piece together, which @lurkingshan echoes in their post:
'The way the author was messing with Myungha and forcing cruel choices on him really does not track with a desire to help him find happiness.'
And to preface, this is not something i fully get yet either. I think i'll need a good month and a sizeable reading list of relevant resources to understand just what/who this author/sunbae is and what his role is and how he is associated with myungha. But as always with the best shows for meta (aka bad buddy), as a plot unfolds, you can always find a better understanding by looking backwards and re-contextualising what you've already seen. so i watched ep 1, specifically the scene between myungha and his sunbae at the bar. And i will talk about how everything said in this scene has a whole new meaning now we know the full story, but for now i wanna focus on that question that they keep coming back to; "Then... will you change it for him?".
When you watch the show for the first time, your brain follows the simplest, most obvious version of the story you're being told, one where myungha has been pulled into the world of his sunbae's novel that's being turned into a game and given the opportunity to fix the thing he didn't like about it; making yeowoon happy, and thus you just think the rules of the game are imposed by the author, and so when these cruel choices first come up, you see them as the difficult roadblocks that are nevertheless necessary to any kind of game, forcing the player to make an impossible choice so that the game can continue in a certain direction and its only after that you learn whether it was the right choice or not, or there is no right choice, it simply changes the game you are playing.
And when its revealed what this game actually is, at first i tried to interpret these cruel choices, namely the choice between yeonwoon and myungha's grandma, and at best i could come up with the concept of this being a choice between staying stuck to the past aka choosing his grandma, even though he knows that choice doesn't mean she's safe bc he knows the future where he loses here, its an inevitability, but thats the small happiness he knew before it was taken away and thus that happiness is known and safe, theres no risk, versus choosing to pursue a new happiness, a love of yeowoon and thus himself, which he doesn't know, he hasn't experienced yet, and could be risky. Its a happiness that isn't guaranteed like his grandma, but its a happiness that looks to the future and has hope in it that he can find a new happiness to pursue despite what has happened in his past.
And that fits nice, okayish. But then i watched ep 1 and heard that question "Then... will you change it for him?" And watching through the rest of the eps, we come back to this scene at the bar and each time we get a new run up to the author asking this question, either new dialogue is added or we hear a different piece of the conversation entirely. It starts at the beginning of ep 1 as:
"Because Cha Yeowoon is the only one who's miserable."
"It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that"
"The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile."
Then a bit later in ep 1 we go back and its expanded.
"It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that"
"The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile."
"Why? Do you think you'd write it differently?"
"Yes, definately. Someone like Cha Yeowoon, or someone like me with an awful life, can also be happy."
And then all the way on in ep 6, we get this new dialogue.
"I don't like talking about destiny."
"Why?"
"Because it means everything is predestined."
"Then do you not believe in fate?"
"Fate and destiny are the same. My grandma likes to say that. She said life is like a written book, and how you'll live and die are written in it. (...)I don't like things like this. Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying."
"Really? Then Myungha..."
And while we don't hear the author ask the same question, I feel like him getting cut off like that insinuates that the conversation leads to that same ending point. All that is to say, every time we hear this question being asked, its like we learn more and more about what this whole thing is, what the game is, what myungha is saying he will do by agreeing to do what the author asks. And every time, we see myungha being more defiant against the idea of yeowoon being resigned to his miserable ending. He starts off thinking that kind of life is destined, and while it's miserable, its not something he can fight. Then he says he'd want to write the story differently, bc yeowoon, or even him, could be happy. He challenges the idea that yeowoon, and thus himself, is fated to be miserable, and opens up the possibility for happiness for them both, but doesn't yet have the means or resolve to do it, its like he knows its possible on a fundamental level, but doesn't see it as something he can actually achieve. But then we circle back to the idea of destiny and books, both of which came up in the previous quote, and seems incredibly pertinent seen as this whole thing is about a novel this author has written. Myungha talks about how he hates the idea that life is a book where everything written is predestined to happen, from the moment you live to the moment you die. He says "Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." That vile way of life he described before that he said was destined, he is now saying it can be changed, and that possibility is now something he's holding onto, its what he sees hope in so that he can keep trying, bc now he finally is trying, he has the resolve, he's trying to realise this thing, this impossibility of rewriting the life he thought was destined through the way he loves yeowoon.
And coming back to those cruel choices, given this fresh context, it made me think. bc this isn't actually a game that myungha has been put into where the rules are dictated by an author completely separate from him. He said himself, he'd rewrite it, he'd change things for yeowoon. And when you start to think of it less as him fighting against a rigid, removed system and more like him being a character in a story he is trying to rewrite himself, that has both the author and his own limitations, or just his own if you're in the school of thought that the author is some figment or part of myungha himself or his conciousness, then you can start to see where these cruel choices might come from. They could be myungha, the author making edits to this new story, imposing his own doubts and limitations on himself. When he says he has to pick between Yeowoon and his grandma, what if that's the new author myungha seeing this story unfold and thinking no this isn't right, he can't have it all, i'm not deserving of this much happiness.
And what makes me like this idea even more is that when we get that second choice between ending after 14 days or getting 100 days back at the cost of resetting Yeowoon's affection to 0, that whole conversation happens in what I think the bar actually is which is this frozen moment in time where myungha is in the water with this extension of a voice in his head that is talking through these things. That conversation in itself needs its own post, but when you look at it both as a decision to break up or not or a decision to hold onto life or not, you can see how the author is just this soundboard relaying the decisions myungha is going through in his head. The author's voice is his own, weighing up his decisions. And if he is the author here, it only reinforces that the person making the rules of this game is him. You can even extend it further to the idea of the debuffs, where he puts in place this thing that makes it so he causes harm to yeowoon when he's around, and its only by garnering affection that he can prevent it. He gives himself a reason from the get go to stay away from yeowoon and reason it as him doing it for yeowoon's safety, when in fact the only way to make yeowoon safe is to increase his affection, which he can only do by being near him. Its a system that at first gives myungha a reason to stay away aka not like himself, but ultimately says the only way you're going to make yeowoon like you, or the only way you can like yourself, is if you accept risk. And that in itself screams to me of a myungha writing in these game systems that are trying to encourage his own-self love while falling at the hurdle of his own lack of self-worth.
The idea is still messy in my head even for me, but i just really like the idea that myungha could be trying to fix this thing both as a character and game master, and that both these versions of him have these flaws that manifest in their different ways to cause the events we see. It kinda is the definition of being your own worst enemy, the idea that in order to work towards loving yourself, the biggest obstacle you have to encounter is yourself, bc we are the ones holding ourselves back, making all these rules that make it harder to like ourselves and pursue our own happiness. The voices in our head telling us that we aren't good enough and aren't deserving are our own, and while the things that happen to us can inform what they say, we're the one's reinforcing those words. And what this show teaches us is that, if we're the one holding that pen all along, we can choose to change what those words are. If we make the rules, you don't have to create a game with concrete ultimatums, you can create a game where rules don't control you. Instead, you make the decisions, and you can make the ones that make you happy.
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Idk Kohga face HC or something [ He/They/it ]
Black hair ver.
| Idk I never really had a set face reveal design for this fat fuckass, he'd always look NOT the way I picture him- Even this isn't really that close to how I'd want him to be... But guess close enough I s'pose....
Also why does he deepthroat bananas so well in AoC Koei, how do you know thIS KOEI-
But potentially this may be the best design of him I'll do so... Yeah, genderfluid looking aa bish I still have a deep love for him that isn't going away and I am unhealthy with this obsession hhhhhh,,,, Since BotW ofc so he is definitely plaguing my life in a not good way..
... I love my wife- I miss my wife tails, I miss her a lot-
Anyways, not much has changed with him, he (imo Idc) is still a 20 something yr old (120-something in BotW/TotK) shortstack who gives major bitch vibes and is in fact a major bitch hh, is the most secretive lewd artist even to his clan, can't cook for shit and math isn't his strongsuit- But can do the math when it comes to his passion hhhh //cough Sheikah/Zonai neeeeeerd-
The way his pretty ugly ass looks is the only difference and that's it- hfhbf
.. He'll still forever be besties with Zelda after the events in AoC as they become nerds for Sheikah and eventually Zonai tech, and then go "harass" Purah and Robbie (mainly Robbie since Purah is def more chaotic than he is), also Koh loves getting on Impa's nerves since they both share a love interest who's also a grampa (//cough Sooga cuz at least before the DLC, I actually had a proper HC for the "Yiga hubs" that actually works BETTER for them. So I'm sticking to my guns and paying attention to how THEY met and got together,,, to which any 'o ya'll who are interested hmu or spam my inbox so I can get into detail, and no the AU I now scrapped no longer applies anymore so forget about shit ass childhood, scummy step family and killer sister... Well I'mean Koh still has a shit ass dad but this ain't about him so- Oh wait nvm, people never gave a shit before so why would they n o w )
DON'T FORGET TO MENTION ABOUT THE BINDER HE WEARS UNDER HIS UNIFORM SO HIS BIG NATURALS DON'T BOUNCE UP AND DOWN ALL IN HIS BABY FACE
-
Close ups:
White hair alt
Black hair alt
PERSONALLY. The Yiga still have their traditional Sheikah white hair, it's only ever a choice if they dye it black or not aaaaand- The floof on their uniform is just a head piece,,,,, otherwise Sooga has some stupid ass hair
...
I said what I said, you heard me... And I stand by that statement, the floofs on their heads is DECORATION!! It's just easier to call it hair for the "Creating a Champion" book! Also cuz duh, Eng translation!!
.... Anyways, as an avid lover of this loser, my self conscious, thicc ass scrunkly boy with the wide birthing hips since the BotW days,,, He is my wife, my girlfriend, my bestie, my husband, my boyfriend my enemy, my lover, my victim, my babygirl and my family.. All in one-
....
Shut the fuck u-
. Art © Me . DON’T RE-POST .
Also yeah changing my watermarks and @ 's again cuz my older one was kinda hard to see, so I kinda gave 'em more of a colourful design and ngl really liking it a lot!
I was gonna try getting Glaze and Nightshade to work for somewhat extra protection on my art but my laptop is too old and definitely on it's last legs for it to run the programs properly.. So the over watermarking and adding my overdoing my sig for my current OC refs and future art will be enough for now..
Anyways, I'll add OC refs to their bio posts at a later date til I got all of the current refs updated and touched up...
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MINI RANT INCOMING ; how . . . how the f*** do some folks in the tags have the impression that the s1 scene of Steve smashing Jonathan’s camera could have anything to do with him , Carol , and Tommy wanting to “humiliate Nancy” ? like . . . what ???
I’m . . . hmmm . . . alright .
I know that critical thinking isn’t one of the strong suits of the ST fandom as a whole ( and yes , this sounds mean , that is on purpose , btw ) but in what world can anybody believe that primarily Steve’s actions , but also Tommy being his usual helpful omega male self , were not even a little justified and - more importantly - largely served to PROTECT Nancy . Steve is still actively dating Nancy at this point , why the hell would he want to humiliate his girlfriend ?
I’m fully aware that the Duffers love to use certain means to build up a bias for or against characters . when we first meet Jonathan , he’s the caring , gentle older brother who’s a bit weird ( relatable for most of us ) and quiet and a touch shy ; a character one can easily sympathize with . at the same time , the first impression we get of Carol and Tommy , is via Barb , another sympathetic and lovable character , who personally doesn’t like the two and thus only hands us the perspective that they both , for no reason she ever actually mentions , are horrible people . we go into the first actual scenes with them somewhere around ep 2 , already believing they are awful and neither ever really gets a chance from the fandom after that point . now by the time Steve smashes Jonathan’s camera , people surely will have an idea of who the characters are ( and that Jonathan indeed is a sweet kid , but a little weird , while we simultaneously are to believe that Tommy and Carol are awful ) so I understand a certain wish for specific perspectives and outcomes , but come on !
hate on the alleged “ bullies ” as much as you want ( funnily enough neither of them are ever actually shown to bully anybody - I can write a whole other rant / hc on Tommy’s graffiti on the theatre , but oh well ) the one clearly in the wrong there is Jonathan and Steve & co have every right to be pissed at him . Steve most likely wants to save Nancy’s reputation by making sure that there are no photos of her in her underwear , first of all . besides that obvious point , what happened here is a clear violation of the privacy of all four of them . Steve , Tommy , and Carol seem a little blasé about the fact , sure , but consider that they are supposed to be the “ cool kids ” . all three of them would die without their carefully crafted reputations , so what do you do ? you keep discomfort under wraps - which , however , doesn’t mean they didn’t feel any . imagine you found out someone was hiding in the bushes by your house and took pictures of you without your consent or knowledge . . .
truth be told , for people who , allegedly , are so goddamn awful , their handling of the situation is remarkably benign . smashing Jonathan’s camera , pushing him around a little , ripping the pictures apart . . . it’s uncomfortable , but not horrible . we never see any further consequences for Jonathan , or , in fact , Nancy later on . neither Carol , nor Tommy , seemingly tell anyone that Jonathan , essentially , is a stalker . neither tell anyone that pictures of Nancy in her underwear exist(ed) . they had the chance to ruin both of them in the wake of this and didn’t . now before anyone screeches , this is not me saying meeting the basic , lowest standard of human etiquette automatically makes you a good person . . . this is me saying these two aren’t the irredeemable assholes the fandom likes to believe , and that some of the things they do , even though leaning on the mean scale , are justified .
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